Kate 2022

Kate 2022 is an edition entirely composed of (hu)manifestos. Manifestos as affirmations of the human condition Manifestos as radical expressions of pain and anger. Manifestos They often forget that expertise is relative. We are all experts of our own conditions But change rarely is based on the voices of those that , it iss being made for (or against) They do not ask the oppressed - they do not ask when they laws - make directly impact our \ lived realitiesi"Y\c.. laws they make often make our condition morse. TheGod complex has °Y'O human world. we can only understand the human lives t-NA\ we lives.

To our staff, to our submitters, , to our Otterbein community continue to speak your human truth. live with each other equals, and treat our animal siblings \,.l\W\ the respect thatwill our keep species in existence. This is a space to be all emotions complex that comewith the rational human brain. This a place to be authentically and beautifully you This is a space for processing and for progressing This is a space to speak your heart without fear OE hurt or demand or reciprocity • C.

In Solidarity,

Smolder Manifesto

A manifesto on how a manifesto should be read.

I Ignite

The first rm-apologies of a manifesto are the quick snap of a match against sandpaper. The manifesto does not follow the traditional steel-cut politeness and constant citing and reciting of an academic paper. It possesses its own voice, one allowed to exist outside of double-spaced Times New Roman with one-inch margins. It breathes. It has life, vitality, humanity. We respond to pieces that breathe. This breath is the spark, the hook.

II Blaze

Fires, at their highest blaze , are surprisingly loud--they crackle and spit, even growl as they encounter their kindling and the wind. The manifesto is unapologetically loud, brazen, controversial, evolving drastically from the first set of ancient manifestos meant to be wooden preachings of moral standard.

The manifesto does not make apologies for its existence. It is perfectly comfortable taking up space-in fact, it demands it. The manifesto digs out a spot for new thought to be planted, refusing to be shoved-feet welded in place, stance strong. It has a proud mouth, superhuman lungs; it swears, it cries, it screams. The manifesto celebrates and condemns, all without losing its breath.

The manifesto tackles disillusionment rage, anxiety. deep depression. oppression, even persecution, across deeply-rooted social and political systems. It sinks its teeth into the unspoken and spits out fire that sets the open and hungry reader ablaze. Let the heat wash over you. The burn you feel while reading is normal-it means you are reading the manifesto as closely and effectively as it is meant to be read.

III. SMOLDER

The flames are turned to a smolder as soon as the page is flipped and the book is shut. The quickness and ferocity is over-it is time for the reader to feel exposed, even lost, among this new infonnation.

When one feels exposed, it is common for them to want to retreat back to the safety of familiarity, to forget the fire the manifesto lit under them in favor of nonconfrontation . No one likes to have their implicit biases unearthed and presented to them. We as humans do not like when our wrongs, even if committed innocently and unknowingly, are called to attention. Alternatively, reading a manifesto in which society's oppressions are laid out may lead the reader down a road of hopelessness or depression, believing that the world is too much to be fixed.

However, we must fight these thoughts. The only way to make real change is to acknowledge that we are not omniscient, to be willing to confront our wrong assumptions and learn from others . To amplify marginalized voices, not speak over them. We must remember we have an obligation and a duty to the information. Knowledge truly is power, and it is a resource whose sharing is a necessity. This is something we must commit to .

The only way to make real change is to constantly stay angry. This is not to say we must stay constantly in a state of rage-this tires the soul and causes burnout. We do not want burnout , we aim for a smolder. A smolder is an even presence of general anger and distaste for the systems at hand. The only way to make real change is to apply this knowledge to our daily lives. It is imperative that we welcome the smoldering, the constant remembrance of the information and the spinning of an activist mind, but never let them fully extinguish

This is how one half-lit cigarette can cause the fiery demolition of a forest. Do not be afraidof the heat This is how we make change.

GENDER

If you wan+

I wanted to discuss this ridiculous idea that youhave to be j us t one thing. You can't t have multiple interests or identities, you have to fit ·, into who box you'rete stuffed into . whatever This j bullshit Humans are inherently multi-faceted. No one is only interested in one thing, no one only \ · wears Or'"\e thing or listens to one thing or is part of one thing. That's not how life works. And iif this is how I ife wo rks , then why -\he- fuck do I have to look or act a certain way if I identify as gay, straight, trans, or cis? If I is today, say that my favorite color yellow why can't I change my mind later and say that i it'a The i dea that people can '+ Change and can only stick i into w ha tever niche society puts them in, is also bullshit. If you re. a gay man, you don't have to be flamboyant or loud If you're a lesbian, you c:k,n have to be stand-offish or wear a fucking flannel ! don't even care i f you own a flannel. ( But real ding this a n d you don't ow n a , if you're fl annel \ you should one, they're . incredibly comfortable)

youyourself o-Y- society puts a Just because shoves you into a specific label on you and box doesn't mean you can't have different i something omterests or even identities with or as else in the future. Humans evolve, the world changes, and just because e,oMe th i ng m a kes sense now doesn't mean it willI\ in 10 or 20 years.

to what I was saying earlier Going back about sexual\ ·, identity and gender espression

The ways people associate sexuality with n"e. While in some gender perform an ce is bizzare cases there are more masculine lesbians and all of .\-n i s i s relative, . more feminine 'l. gay men and you can never make generalizations about i for that matter. queer people; or anyone

- Let us dis cuss on the next page wh this logic is bullshit.

note: I'm °'- white 20 year o \ d cis woman who identifies as a lesbian. These examples that I'm about to list are coming from a cisgender perspective, as I don't + think it's my place to speak on trans or non-binary issues.

If you're woman who '(Y'c("e., masculine, presents than you can 0 NL Y be e>- lesbian. • There's no way you're straight because:

• You act like a man •

• You're not pretty enough .

• You don't.. +- smile often enough •

If you're a woman who presents more a lesbian femme, than you can't be because : You're wearing ·, a dress .

• You're not nearly masculine enough.

• You're too pretty •

• You're too nice

If you go through the world using this i , you're categorize people YY!.- going to lose. logic to Your shit when you meet a bisexual \ human.

B i sex ual\ s might as vJe\ \ be as el\usive as the clit or the loch ness monster.

If you've made i it this far in life and still don't know what /where the clit is, please pick up a book or a mirror or something You got this. Here's a handy diagram i f you don't + know how to go about this S, ide quest+.

It baffles me that even in margnalized communities like the LGBTQ+ community, there are still conflicts and socialdivides. rampant bi-phobia and transphobia is ridiculous We should all be advocating for love and acceptance.

THE TITS

By Lily Cowie

Where does one even begin when it comes to the tits? The breasts, the boobies, the bazonkas, the honkers, the jugs, the rack; where do we start? Well, might as well start with the nipple. It's a perky pink bud in the center of a tit, and the size of the areola can vary across bodies. Functionally, it's a built-in, traveling, personal gourmet for a fucking infant. In the simplest of terms, it's a means of providing nourishment to newborns. But this tit, this literal organ, is also an accessory for a filthy slut. The cleavage is the ultimate tease according to many and if that cleavage is visible, it means you want people to look at it. Of course, this doesn't consider that some individuals have huge tits that physically can't be hidden because they're just too damn big, but I digress; the tits are the mark of a whore and are a primal object of lust and horniness. That's the way things are, right? No. Not even the slightest. The sexualization of tits is not a universal phenomenon. Nipples are not new. We all have them. During the summer, you might even see a nipple or two on a shirtless male jogger. It's hot out, so it's understandable to undress. Nobody bats an eye when a man takes off his shirt. We all know what happens. Do not be confused, this is not a declaration of war on bras. Why, bras support my glorious fat tits. That shit hurts when I walk down the stairs braless. If anything, bras might be our greatest allies as they recognize the existence of our tits. Boobs are not a mythical object; they are a simple extension of our flesh. A symbol of provision, life, power, beauty, and grace! They are their own entity, not some object nor some accessory to be ogled. Give them the respect they deserve.

PORN

As a blossoming teenage fag, I was ecstatic to learn that porn existed. And I could watch it for FREE. I could look up whatever I wanted, and I would find porn of it! So, naturally, as someone curious about her budding interests in women, I looked up "girls kissing." And that was the beginning of the end. Honestly, it was only mouths and tongues that interested me as a teenager, nothing else. So, when the videos I watched started to escalate past kissing, I just restarted the video so I could watch the kissing parts again. I noticed how in these videos; the women would play with each other's breast's majority of the porno, clearly supposed to be the highlight or "showstopper" of the film. All it took to make her partner cum was to squeeze or massage the tit real hard. Watching these, I'd grab my own tits and become perplexed. "Why didn't it feel good? Isn't this supposed to be the peak of pleasure? Aren't I supposed to moan or something?" Don't even get me started on the fingering parts, faster does NOT mean better. Whatever. So, when regular girl-on-girl porn didn't work, I moved on to something different: hentai. For anyone who doesn't know what hentai is, it's literally just the Japanese word for "pervert," but also serves as a noun for Japanese cartoon-porn in general. This was a new ballgame entirely. A disgusting game that revolted me. Hentai is almost exclusively about TWO things: assault and tits. These two things stay consistent across the entire catalogue of hentai, whether it be lesbian, gay, or hetero. If a woman is involved, she'll be raped or assaulted, and her body will "say yes when she says no." That's despicable, no excuses. A lot of lesbian hentai has two anime girls rubbing their bouncy and oversized tits together and boom! That brings them to climax. The big buildup of the entire porn is them cumming by rubbing their tits together. This

is, of course, catering to the male gaze. But not only is it a disgusting fetishization of sexual assault as well as lesbianism, it's setting an unrealistic standard for female pleasure. Gross.

CLEAVAGE

High school fucking sucks. You'd think a place designed to prepare teenagers for adulthood wouldn't be such a toxic environment, but it is. It's practically a prison. And for young women? It's an unsafe, unallied, and unsupportive hellscape. The strongest piece of evidence for this misogynistic claim is the concept of "the dress-code." Women (mostly minors) are fucking policed for their clothing choice, humiliated for skirt length or collar depth by their teachers, and shamed for their bodies. Ask anyone over 50 and they'll defend the dress code, explaining it's to reduce distractions and AGAIN, I return to the counterargument that it's literally our skin, fleshsuit, organs WHATEVER, and the objectification of said body is not our fault but the eyes of the beholder! Does NOBODY see the flaw in the dress code? It's a means of controlling women, their bodies, and their choices, (which for some reason, society is obsessed with doing), and anyone that says "well, if they're showing off so much skin, they want people to look," is gross. Who cares if they're showing off their skin? They got a right to show off, to flaunt their gorgeous bodies WITHOUT being sexualized. It's just a body and it's just skin. YOU are the problem. You staring, being "distracted" by their tits, isn't their problem. You got ADTD, "attention-deficittiddie-disorder." Covering up the cleavage doesn't make it go away, it doesn't solve the problem. The problem isn't our bodies, we can't control the shape or figure of our bodies and even if we COULD, why should we adhere to you and your bullshit reasoning? Distracting my ass. It's a tit; an organ that has been scientifically PROVEN to be societally programmed as a sex object. Research shows that breasts are only attractive to typically Western societies, not indigenous

groups. The only thing that is universally sexually arousing is the act of pleasure by "downtown" touching or contact. Breasts were once an object of beauty, of reverence, something to be admired and recreated in art! It doesn't exist for your pleasure.

BREAST-FEEDING

This shouldn't even need to be in here, this should NOT be a problem. I swear, this makes me physically sick. Picture this: a mother, with her infant child, is sitting out in public. The child begins to cry, and the mother opens her shirt to breastfeed. The child, now content, has stopped crying having gotten what it wanted. People are staring though, staring at this mother feeding her child. Someone comes up to the mother and asks her to stop because it's making them "uncomfortable." The number of dimwits I've heard say "breastfeeding is gross," like what? That's why tits exist? The entire reason you have nipples is to possibly breastfeed a child if you are physically able to have one (by the way, it's not a tit-havers obligation to have children just because they have tits, but I shouldn't have to tell you that). I just? Don't? Understand? The? Logic? It's laughable. You want this mother to stop feeding her child? To go somewhere private so no one can see her? To lock herself away, somewhere dark where nobody can see the disgusting display of her breastfeeding? Is that what you want? Why do you REALLY want her to stop? Is it making you uncomfortable because tits are a societal object of sex and watching a baby suck on a nipple is confusing, maybe even arousing, to you? Do you see the irony here? We are more okay with sexualizing breasts than we are with having people breast-feed in public. People only want to see tits when it's "convenient" for them. And I swear if I hear ONE person pull that "it's just nature" shit, you are so wrong it's not even funny. That bullshit is called "the naturalistic fallacy," and this isn't even an appropriate example! Breasts aren't sexualized in the

animal kingdom; the only recognition breasts get in the animal kingdom is that they feed infants. The concept of sexualizing tits is a completely human concept and honestly that's the most disappointing part. We made this happen! We started this tsunami of shame, objectification, and twisted sexualization. What could have been beautiful is now ugly.

THE CHALLENGE

I propose a new world. A world where we all cover up our chests. You understand; it's to keep things fair! If you see a cis man running shirtless you whistle at him, call him a tease, or shout any number of vile comments at him. Extend the same gesture to my male counterparts as they do to me. It's only fair. Or, alternatively, (and much simpler) we stop giving a shit about tits. Simple as that. Let them exist, let them be big or small, let them sag or perk, let them be uneven, stretched, let them exist in all their beauty, just let them be. They don't need our attention to be glorious. Water doesn't need someone to tell it how wet it is, just as our tits don't need rank construction workers to yell how nice our tits are. We don't need to hear it, nor do we want to hear it. So just pipe down. It's a body and it's mine. I'm not telling you to stop sexualizing tits all together, I'm telling you to stop shaming people for having them, for something they can't control. It's not that hard. Keep that shit in your pants and in your brain. We have tits all the time, not just during pornos. We're not your wildest, sexual fantasies walking around on two legs, we're people. It is not our obligation to cover up, to be more "modest," to appease you, all because you're too horny to keep it in the bedroom. When it's time to get down and dirty, go ahead! Twist their nipples, squeeze those tits, lick 'em, do whatever you want (consensually, obviously)! If you're into it, the bedroom is the perfect place to sexualize, degrade and shame your partner/(s). But I ask that you extend that same consensual sexualization to all tit-havers,

who are just living their lives. All I ask is that you let us, and our tits, exist. I'm not asking for much. There's a time and a place for getting nasty, and it's not our job to cover up our bodies because you're a creep. We have tiddies and we're proud of them, and we'll dress 'em up however we want.

Fearful

Women live in fear every day. Participating in daily activities is completely different for men than it is for women. Women carry pepper spray and sharp objects outside of the house in case they must defend themselves. Women are told not to get gas at night because it is not safe. Women are told to watch their drinks carefully in public settings in case a male attempts to roofie them. Women are told they should not drink in public because it may make them less aware of their surroundings. Women are catcalled, groped, assaulted, raped, and killed every day. Women are angry, tired, and fed-up with living in fear of males every day. Despite all of these examples, almost nothing is being done to exterminate rape culture. This vile behavior is still extremely prevalent within society.

As a woman, seeing continued injustice placed upon the female sex is traumatizing. Assault, both sexual and otherwise, has become so prevalent that they barely make the news. Only what the public may deem truly horrific is seen in the media. Most assaults are handled quietly. Why is this done? The normal response is the desire to keep the perpetrator's reputation clean. This is alarmingly true for young men who exhibit the promise of a strong future. On the same hand, many celebrities, athletes, and college students who have been accused of assault, end up having their allegations brushed under the rug so that their hopeful future is not destroyed. This allows them to continue with their lives, facing little to no repercussions for their actions.

There are a plethora of quotes which justify rape culture that have been spoken by men in extreme power. For example, in 2005 former President Donald Trump stated, "When you're a star, they let you do it. You can do anything," as he was discussing groping women in a nonconsensual manner ("These Awful Comments Made About Rape and Sexual Assault Were Actually Said Out Loud"). Trump's other disgustingly famous comment, "Grab 'em by the pussy," continues to show how men of authority believe they can do absolutely anything they want to a woman, without facing any consequences. Donald Trump was our fucking president. This person ran our country. He is incredibly wealthy, lives lavishly. To this day, his victims who he maliciously assaulted and raped are forced to witness him receive no punishment for his actions.

However, it is not just men with status that are constantly getting away with harming women. A man named Roger Rivard, a Wisconsin lawmaker, was quoted with stating "Some girls, they rape so easily," during the rape trial of an underage girl ("These Awful Comments Made About Rape and Sexual Assault Were Actually Said Out Loud"). In addition, during the 2013 sentencing of a fourteen-year-old rape victim, the judge supervising the case, Todd Baugh, claimed that the girl was " ... as much in control of the situation ... ," as the rapist, and acted " ... older than her chronological age," ("These Awful Comments Made About Rape and Sexual Assault Were Actually Said Out Loud"). These types of pro-rape comments are why women fear for their safety on the daily.

One of the hardest things a woman who has experienced trauma can do is bring their story of assault to light. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, "Nearly 1

in 5 women have experienced completed or attempted rape in their lifetime," ("Sexual Violence is Preventable"). This statistic amounts to a total of approximately twenty percent of women around the world. Twenty percent of women are forced to suffer at some point in their lifetime because a man 'couldn't help himself'. A portion of the male population believes that making comments which sympathize with assailants and rapists is a validated behavior. Examples of these comments include: "She was asking for it," and, "Look at how she was dressed, obviously she wanted it." If the woman in question explicitly states that she wants it, then she wants it. If she is intoxicated, she does not want it. If she is unconscious, she does not want it. If she is saying 'No ' , 'I don't know', or 'Maybe,' she does not want it. Many women do not feel as though they can come forward and name their abuser after an assault due to the emotional instability it is likely to ignite within them. It takes many women a long time before they are truly able to accept the fact that they were assaulted, and are unable do anything to change the experience. Before a woman is even able to think about bringing her assailant into the public eye, she normally has to work to emotionally understand the trauma that has been inflicted by the assailant.

As a female college student, the aspect of rape culture is absolutely terrifying. There are sickening amount of rape and assault cases which occur on college campuses. How many stories have been released regarding rape cases within fraternities? Too many. Brock Turner, a Stanford student, raped a female student behind a dumpster on campus in 2015 (Shapiro). Despite this repulsive act, he only spent three months in jail (Shapiro). On the other hand, the victim, Chanel Miller, has to live her entire life with the memory of this assault. How do you justify three months in prison for the destruction of a life? How do I know that there is not a Brock Turner on

Otterbein's campus? I don't. This type of men are why I must take so many precautions to protect myself, my friends, and any other female I may encounter on campus.

I know way too many women who have been assaulted by men. I am sick and tired of the male race dictating how we live our lives due to the fear they instill in us. Within recent history, many men have been recording exclaiming that, "It's not all men." I agree that it is not all men. However, while it may not be all men, how do we know which men are which? How can we, as women, afford to make the judgement as to who is and is not likely to harm us? Men saying it's not all men is pointless because unfortunately, it is all women who need to be concerned. How many more women must suffer before society starts caring enough to protect women, and to call out their abusers? All women can do is fight for our own rights, and protect oneself and others.

I do not have a single female friend that can truthfully say that they have not been made to feel uncomfortable by a man at some point in their life. Each of them have stories of instances where they were spoken to, touched by, or stared at in a threatening, non-consensual way by a member of the opposite sex. There have been countless times in which I attended a party or sat at a bar, and men have spoken to me in ways that are vulgar, and in ways which I did not appreciate. As someone who is quiet and typically unconfrontational, I normally suffer through these situations that I do not want to be in.

I fear each and every day for my female friends and family. I fear each and every day that something terrible is going to happen to someone that I love at the hands of a man. Too many of my friends have confided in me regarding an assault from their past. They tell me about

how it has fucked them up emotionally, and that it does get better, but the trauma is always there. They tell me how therapy helps, but will never make them forget the experience. They tell me how they wish they could have done something to not put themselves in that situation. They tell me how they hope that no other women will have to experience this in her lifetime.

What compels men to treat women like this? Men just seem to believe they can do absolutely anything they want to women with no repercussions. Why? Because the majority of them can. This is proven, as many rapists and assailants have merely received a slap on the wrist for being found guilty of committing a heinous crime against a woman. How can we change our society to be safer for women? Honestly, I do not know. Activists and feminists worldwide are fighting for a safer world for women. While they are doing incredible work to aid females everywhere , the amount of pain, both physically and emotionally, that women continue to feel is not decreasing. If anything, it is increasing.

I am sad, angry, disappointed, scared, anxious, and depressed for the future of all women in our society if we are unable to eradicate the violence against them. Women cannot keep living like this All society has done to protect us is tell us how to protect ourselves. Society has not tried to diminish the threat of men; instead, they have only attempted increase the awareness of women. I want to live in a world where I do not have to carry pepper spray or some type of selfdefense device on me. I want to live in a world where I can wear any type of clothing I want, and not have to worry about being catcalled or groped. I want to live in a world where I do not fear that my drink has been roofied. I want women to be able to live like men. Fearless. Instead, I live fearfully.

Sing, Sing the Song of Resistance

For years we've lived in this society in which we are undervalued, overworked, and frankly mistreated. We being women, the patriarchy being the source of our affliction. I am angry. No, I am outraged- I am done with the bullshit, with the patriarchal systems that reign over this nation. This system was created by white men for white men and has assumed the throne for far too long. It is unwelcomed here. The patriarchy is of course happily married to capitalism, a prime facet of this great nation. The duality of these two forces is a powerful oppressor to marginalized groups like women and people of color. Capitalism forces excessive amounts of work upon all people as a function of livelihood- according to America, people are not worthy of living based only on the fact that they are alive. Oh no. if you want to stay alive , if you want to be something, if you want to be able to have pride in yourself- you better be working at least 40 hours a week. The expectations of capitalism are improbable for women because the system also expects and demands them to be homemakers. So we degrade women to the extent of picking their life plan for them and criminalizing them if they don't follow the blueprint that the patriarchy and capitalism so thoughtfully contrasted just for them just so men could sit on their asses doing nothing. Women do the household chores, raise the children, and pamper their husbands, you know because all women have these things because all women are straight mothers. They do all this invisible work and yet they amount to nothing because they don't do 9 to 5 jobs. Oh wait, yeah, they do. I almost forgot these systems make women do twice the work for half the pay. That's right. If you thought we could get through this paper without highlighting the wage gap then you were sadly mistaken. All of these inequalities combine to create a society in which men are placed on pedestals while women build said pedestals. Women

do the work to make men presentable and capable of performing simple daily tasks like getting dressed, eating, bathing, and hygiene routines. These struggles are commonplace among women and have been addressed in many forms: politically, socially, and verbally. I will critically examine a pushback against capitalistic patriarchal ideals as manifested through popular music from the 21 st century.

Music as a form of protest and activism has become an inspiring and behavior altering aspect of my life this year. Music is an oasis for the oppressed. It is expressive when voices are silenced. Despite being capitalized as all things have been, I view music in and of itself as anticapital. Music is art, and art transcends profit. Music defies both capitalism and the patriarchy because it exists to foster connection and breed emotion. Within a system that idolizes notions of independence and positions feeling as weakness- music encourages us to stop for a moment and feel something. And it reminds us that others are feeling things, too. That we are not merely cogs in a machine; not just extensions of our fathers, not just objects for men to reach out and grab. Instead, we are worthy, valued entities, whose feelings are worthy of being heard. When I am singing in the car with my friends, I feel alive. I feel free of those forces that want so desperately to silence me. When we uplift feminist voices through their music we are engaging in resistance. We are deciding which narrative gets to be at the forefront - which voices will go down in history.

A major contender in my journey of intertwining music with feminism is the queen themself: Halsey. Through their artistry, Halsey expresses deep remorse for the ancient systems of oppression curated by the patriarchal foundation of America. Halsey's most recent album, released August 2021, is entitled "If I Can't Have Love, I Want Power" and power does indeed radiate throughout every track. Written throughout her pregnancy, this album and the short film which accompanies it is revolutionary in its examination of the pregnancy journey for a nonbinary individual. Both Halsey's lyrical and visual approach arc bold acts of resistance against patriarchal conceptions of gender. The featured track on this album, entitled "I am not a woman, I'm a god" is a monumental manifesto in and of itself. Both the patriarchy and capitalism use religion as ammunition to relegate and delegate power. By declaring themself as a god, Halsey is combatting the narrow, Western perspective that the higher power is necessarily male, and monotheistic. She is naming herself as energy, as light, as everything-she is reclaiming everything that the patriarchy told them they could never be.

The chorus declares "I am not a martyr, I'm a problem." As a woman, I consistently find myself taking the role of the martyr. We arc told that being a woman, and a mother specifically, is about sacrifice. The devious union between capitalism and the patriarchy tells us that we must be strong enough to bare the emotional and laborious

weight of our households while also remaining calm and composed. That we should do everything but arc worth nothing. This lyric shatters that expectation and gives birth to a world where women and nonbinary folks do not have to embody sacrifice, but can instead be the problem-the disruption, the change. That is empowerment. In the same piece, Halsey sings "everyday I've got a smile where my frown goes." Both capitalism and the patriarchy strip us of our inner emotionality and instill a smiling complacency with the present moment. When we go to work, when we raise our children, when we attend to the men in our life, even when our hearts are aching and our souls frowning, we place a smile where our frown goes.

Halsey's perspective as a queer artist acts to resist hcteronormativity, as she uses both she/her and he/him pronouns to address romantic and sexual partners throughout the album. The short film by the same name shows intimacy between Halsey and several feminine presenting people, and her song "Honey" is a soundtrack to feminine love. As a mainstream pop artist, Halsey is defying capitalist and heteronormative expectations when she displays their queerness. Capitalism tells us that our end goal should always be profit; that Halsey should hide the parts of herself that might displease the majority, and therefore lose their monetary support. Instead of number of downloads, Halsey's declaration of queer intimacy prioritizes authenticity and representation.

As wen as romantic female intimacy, "If I Can't Have Love, I Want Power'' is also a testament to the power of the divine feminine community. The film showcases

Halsey's pregnancy and birth story, culminating in a number of women assisting Halsey through the birth of her child. This scene is a gorgeously striking contrast to the capitalist notion that pregnancy and birth should be experienced alone, in the confines of a hospital; it contrasts the patriarchal notion that the father should determine the course of the pregnancy; it shows that family and community can look more than one way. Ifl can't have love, I want power. And if I can have love, I still want my fucking power. Halsey's words bring my power to the forefront.

Another monumental feminine moment in music this year has been the release of Red (Taylor's Version). The album itself is the culmination of Taylor Swift's journey towards reclamation. When Scooter Braun became head of Swift's label, Big Machine Records, Swift left the record due to Braun's manipulating and controlling behavior. Despite leaving, Braun continues to have the rights to Swift's music, and she is unable to profit from the streams of her original six albums. In order to reclaim power over the artistry that was stolen from her, Taylor has begun rerecording her albums, including both the tracks that had made it to her original six albums and the songs that her album did not allow her to include. Swift's decision to produce her Taylor's Versions are her directly grabbing the patriarchy and capitalism by the throat and telling them she is the only person that gets to own her words. By including the "from the vault tracks" that Big Machine did

not deem profitable enough to originally include on the albums, Tay l or is prioritizing her artistry and voice over capitalist values of monetization.

One such vault track is "All Too Well (10 Minute Version) (Taylor 's Version) (From the Vault)." This song has recently broken the record for the longest number one hit in Hot 100 chart history. Similar to Halsey's "If I Can't Have Love, I Want Power" short film, Swift wrote, directed, and produced "All Too Well: T he Short Film" to accompany the 10-minute power ballad. The song is full of unabashed passion and raging emotionality, and it is a call of anger to actor Jake Gyllenhaa.l, who Swift dated when she was 20 and he was 29. As well as shouting out "Fuck the patriarchy!" in the song, the lyrics also call out the power imbalance which occurred due to the relational age gap. The short film features actress Sadie Sink playing 20-year-old Swift. Sink is shown here sobbing uncontroUably- an image that patriarchal society deems and unnecessary. Seeing these bold and natural displays of pain and passion is validating to me as a woman who has repeatedly been emotiona.lly manipulated to feel that my words and feelings are not worth feeling. By releasing this song 11 years after the relationship ended, Swift is standing up for her younger self; the version of herself who was gaslighted into staying silent about the emotional manipulation that she endured at the hands of this older man. Her line "I get older, but your lovers stay my age" also acts to support the young, vulnerable women who Gyllenhaal has continued to manipulate- and call out the entire patriarchal system that allows such imbalances to be normalized.

Music is a sweet resistance; it has empowered me to feel my rage through art rather t han bowing down to the systems which tell me to put a smile where my frown goes. It is the i n visible string that bounds together silenced voices; the amplifier that cuts through the ever-present dark noise that is the capitalistic patriarchy. Music represents change and individuality- it is creation and reclamation. Halsey and Taylor Swift are two powerful creatures whose words have inspired these ones that I speak today. So, sing, sing the song of resistance. Sing it even when your voice shakes; scream it in the silence that is the pain of being unequal. Sing so that the little girls and queer folks that come after you can be born into a wor1d where your voice exists. For our art is something that they can never dream of talcing away.

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205 PLASTIC

LET ME RAGE

THERE IS A QUOTE BY LAURE HALSE ANDERSON THAT GOES "SHAME, TURNED INSIDE OUT, IS RAGE." WOMEN AND GIRLS IN TODAY'S SOCIETY ARE EXPECTED TO BOTTLE UP THEIR ANGER; TO BE "DOOD LITTLE GIRLS" IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE FUCKED-UP PATRIARCHY THAT HAS RULED OVER OUR EXISTENCE FOR FAR LONGER THAN IT DESERVES. THERE IS SUCH A HEAVY EMPHASIS PUT ON THE WOMAN AS BEING OBEDIENT TO AUTHORITY THAT THERE IS LITTLE ATTENTION PAID TO HER DESPERATE CRIES FOR HELP; THE BITTER WORDS FALLING OFF HER TONGUE; AND EVENTUALLY HER FATEFUL GIVING-IN TO THE CRUEL DESTINY OF THIS WORLD. BECAUSE "GOODLITTLE GIRLS" AREN'T SUPPOSED TO SPEAK UP, CHALLENGE THE NORMS, OR RESIST EVERY PRESSING OPPOSITION AGAINST THEM. THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE PASSIVE, UNOBTRUSIVE, SUFFERING IN SLENCE. AND I KNOW THAT I HAVE SUFFERED IN SILENCE FOR TOO LONG_ I wAS A "GOOD-GIRL" AND A "GOODYTWO SHOES. TO ALL MY FRIENDS AND ACQUAINTANCES IN MY HIGH SCHOOL YEARS. I WAS EXPECTED TO BE THERE AT THEIR BECK AND CALL; TO HAND OFF MY HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENTS TO THE JOCKS THAT DIDN'T CARE TO DOIT THE NIGHT BEFORE; TO SAY YES ANO "I'MSORRY" WHENEVER SOMEONE WOULD ASK ME TO MOVE TO A WNCH TABLE IN THE CORNER; TO PRETEND THAT I WANTED THE ALL-AS HONORS STUDENT STATUS THAT WAS STAMPED

INTO MY IDENTITY FROM A YOUNG AGE. I WAS SUPPOSED TO TAKE rr ALL WITHNO OBJECTIONS, JUST A PASSIVE OBJECT THAT PEOPLE ACTED UPON. AND I DID, BECAUSE AT THE TIME I DIDN'T WANT TO MAKE ANYONE UPSET. AND SO EVEN AS I COULD FEEL A FLAME START TO CATCH IN MY HEAD, EVEN IF I WANTED TO CUSS OUT MY GUIDANCE COUNSELOR AND SOME OTHER SPECIFIC MEMBERS OF THE FACULTY, EVEN If I WANTED TO RUN TO THE BATHROOM TO CRY; I HID IT ALL WITH WARM SMILES, BULLSHITTINGMY WAY THROUGH A SCHOLARSHIP INTERVEW WHERE I TOLD THE SCHOOL BOARD I WOULD LIKE TO COME BACK HERE TO CARDINGTON AND BE AN ENGLISH TEACHER (FUCK I WOULD NOT); AND LETTING MY ANGRY WORDS AND HOT TEARS COLLECT ANO LUMPIN MY THROAT WHENEVER I WOULDN'T IE AILE TO STAND UP TO SOMEBODY. THIS WAS MY LIFE FOR FOUR YEARS. NOW I'M IN COLLEGE, AND I'M STARTING TO SAY "FUCKTHAr TO THE THINGS I ONCE BELIEVED. I AM BEGINNING TO VOICE MY OPINIONS, TO EXPRESS MY ANGER, AND YET PEOPLE STILLDISMISS ME. PHRASES UKE -YHIS ISN'T YOU"AND "DOESN'T THIS MATTER TO YOU?". FIRST OFF, WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TO TELL ME WHO I AM? SECOND, NO, AS A MATTER OF FACT, SHIT LIKE HONORS STATUS, BEING OVERLY NICE TO THE POINT OF BEING A DOORMAT AND KISSING UP TO TEACHERS AND FACULTY ISN'T VERY APPEALING TO ME ANYMORE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. A LOT OF THESE PEOPLE WHO QUESTION ME ARE MEN, AND THAT JUST MAKES MY BLOOD BOILEVEN HOTTER. I COULD BLOW UP ON THEM. SHOW THEM rM NOT SOMEONE TO FUCK WITH, BUT THEN I'DPROBABLY IE LABELED A "CRAZY BITCH."BUT MAYSE I'DRATHER IE A "CRAZYBITCH."WHO ISN'T AFRAID TO IE VOCAL AND OUTSPOKEN EVEN IN A WORLD THAT ATTEMPTS TO SUBDUE MY OUTCRES. so, I'M CALLING OUT TO ALL MY "CRAZYBITCHES." OUT THERE. DON'T LET THE SHAME IMPOSED ON YOU SY OTHERS SWALLOW UP YOUR VOICE. THOSE WHO IMPOSE SHAME ON YOU DON'T KNOW THAT IT CAN NOT ONLY IE USED TO IRING SOMEONE DOWN, IT CAN ALSO IE USED TO HELP SOMEONE RISE UP IN ANGER, UNABASHED AND UNAFRAID.

-MARLO YOUNG

pen letterI Elliot

To men. To white men. To straight men. To cisgender men. To men with power and men with wealth and men with privi1ege. I have a request no, a demand.

Shut up!

No, seriously. Shut the fuck up. You talk so much. Sports, politics, girls, you seem to have an opinion on everything, including things you have 110 idea about, and I swear half the time you're speaking just to hear yourself talk. Why do you all seem to think that everything you have to say is so goddamn important?

Okay. Let's take a step back. Did those accusations make you uncomfortable? Did they feel demeaning? Disrespectful'? Good. Hold onto that feeling. Let it really sink in. Now imagine, if you can, it c1inging to you, every day of your life. Congratst Yon have just experienced a small fraction of what women have to deal with all the time. Now, I'm aware most of you (men) don't actually verbally tell us (women) to shut up in your daily life. (Hopefully). But trust me, you teach us to be quiet anyway. Yon talk over us, you interrupt us, you ignore us. You take our ideas and present them as your own. You call us "bossy", "rude", or "bitchy" when we express anger or frustr·ation. You devalue our voices by praising our silence. If your response to these statements is "I never do that!" or "I've never seen that happen", I ask you - are you sure? How often do you have conversations in class, at work, or at home, that inc1nde a woman or women? Can you honestly say that you're always aware of female voices, both when they speak and when they are silent? If, for example, a friend of yours interrnpts a woman while she's speaking, do you shut that down? Every time? If a woman gets upset in a conversation, do you assume that because she's crying or displaying her emotions in 1 Note: I am in fact non-binary However , I was assigned and raised female , and I am rnost often mistaken for a els woman For those reasons I am including myselfIf and my experiences alongside those of women.

that you know more than someone else about a certain topic because you you are a man? Are you even aware that these things happen, and often? Somehow I doubt it. And unfortunately, there is no neutral stance here. You're encouraging us to speak or, even unintentionally, you're telling us to he silent.

So, the first step to successfully shutting up: become aware that you talk too much and listen too little, and maybe don't know as much as you think you do. The second step: get over yourself. Yes, I'm serious about this one too. If you are afraid that making space for women and uplifting their voices will make you a target of the oppression they face, you have to move past that. Tbinking only about yourself helps no one and inhibits you from making real change. You need to realize that what you might deal with is just a fraction of what we experience, and you need to get comfortable with·.

your own discomfo1t. Let me say that again. You have to, somehow, learn to sit with the . .. discomfort that comes with doing the right thing. You have lo wrestle with it, understand it, and do the things that make you uncomfortable anyways. You have to face the backlash you are going to get from your fe11ow men, and figure out how to help us shut them up as well, because we are all tired of trying and failing.

Despite the regularity of individual men devaluing women's voices, this problem is more than a simple personal failing. It's systemic, and it's taught to yon when you 're ve1y young. It's perpetuated by those in power, as demonstrated by the fact that they keep making important decisions about gender and sex and abortion and women's rights without including us ! What is up witl1 that? Why do you make decisions that affect people's lives in a vacuum , and never ask the people you're affecting what they tl1i11k? When you do let a woman into the room, why do you let her words go unheard by

the majority? And why do you insist we censor ourselves in order to be listened to? Trust me, we keep trying. We tone down our anger for your own comfort, we make ourselves small so you can handle us, but it doesn't work. Our silence will never be loud enough for you, we cannot gently make you see injustice when you refuse to look, and so we must shout for you to pay attention. Thus, my demand. Shut. Up. Open your eyes and ears to our experiences, overcome the discomfort that comes with advocating for women (yes, even against your fellow men) givens an equal (at least!) spot during impo1tant conversations and decision making, and shut your goddamn mouth. Maybe you'll learn something in the silence.

Respectfully, Isabel

The Earth as a Caretaker: A Manifesto for Mother Nature

by Hanna Getreu

"When we consider general references to mother earth we perceive 'her' to be a woman, we personify her and we take note of her 'fragilities' as we do human mothers. We also acknowledge all that 'sh e ' does in nurturing us with her various qualities. This normalizes motherhood within the parameters of fecundity, care, resource/provision, sacrifice, submission " -Tinashe Miwere

Motherhood as a Subscription.

A mother is deemed a caretaker the moment her child is born-perhaps even before. She had been a caretaker of herself, a caretaker of her family, a caretaker of a potential partner, and perhaps for the first time by her own choice, the caretaker of her child. It is regarded as' natural" for this woman to step into

her caretaker role as she subscribes to a life of "motherhood." But by taking on the title of "mother" in Western society, a woman does not ask for the fine print of the subscription that details how she is never to consider her own needs, or to think in any way of motherhood as a constraint instead of a blessing. The mother "chooses" these things, and thus should feel content in all that the title brings for her. To feel otherwise would to be mentally ill.

Nature as a Mother.

What are we to make of a mother that did not choose these things? What if motherhood has been inscribed into you instead of subscribed to? For the mother that did not choose her label, and thus did not ask for the responsibility it bears, I tum to the most blatant example of all time· Mother Nature.

The Earth a Caretaker.

She is a force to be reckoned with. The ultimate Matriarch. She has provided us the tools for survival and as a result, we have used them to stab her in the back.

What would happen if we regarded the Earth as a Patriarch? Would we respect him? Honor him? Would we do nothing to disgrace what he has provided for us? Could we treating him the same way we treat our Mother?

"Motherhood" as a Convenience.

We are allowed to treat our Mother this way, not because she asked us to, but because{; were told we could Why do we call her Mother Nature? Is it because we think of her fondly as something to be regarded as beautifulcrafty and strong - comparative to the mothers who brought our own lives to fruition? No. It seems to be exactly the opposite.

Calling her a mother was creating convenience. It is convenient to take take from someone whom

you feel you owe nothing in return. Mothers are owed nothing for the services they provide, and as such, labeling the Earth a Mother requires us to feel no guilt for the troubles we have put her through, as she would be out of place to complain. That is, ifwe allowed her a voice at all.

A system of patriarchy that regards women as useful only for what they provide men, can now see Mother Nature as useful only for what she can provide mankind. So, we mine her bones, dump toxins into her veins, profit off the pains of her labor, because we are told that we canfShe is our Mother. If us, she will continue to provide for us until she can no longer. And at the point where she has given all she has to the children that will never be grateful, she will not ask us to join her as she heals the wounds we have made, but she will suffer in silence as we parade her goods across her b ody in mockery because that it was a mother is meant todo Anda Mother she is. A Mother we are told, sheE:}

We take her kindness towards us as a given. Just as we do not consider the autonomy of a mother to act selfishly in the face of her child, Mother Nature is held to the same constraints No autonomy has been

given to her when her body has been destroyed in capitalistic pursuits- ravaged by those she had given life to, only to ungratefully demand more than they could reasonably consume.

Dominating the Feminine.

Just as capitalism and the patriarchy go hand in hand in the abuse and neglect of the women we call mothers, it serves the same purpose in the destruction of The Mother. In deciding the Earth to be did not prize her for the amazing feats she had accomplished by creating such beauty that allows mankind to survive and thrive, but instead saw her beauty as something to be manipulated. Exploited. Conquered. Dominated.

In her original form, the patriarchy set out to fix her. To take her innate egalitarianism and create something efficient, economic and inequitable. She had no right to determine how things would be. That right was taken from her the minute mankind decided her feminine fate. A mother's fairness had determined a path of equity for her children---one that would insure all the right to her life. If Mother Nature is fair, then what is to become of the child who exploits her fairness as weakness?

Capitalism as a Pest.

That child can be named The Capitalist. The avaricious, vexing pest that in his conquest to conquer all

The Mother could give ended up poisoning her instead. His venom seeped down deep into her veins, and as such, diseased her with the seeds of our own self-destruction. The greed of the few issued the demise of the many.

The Capitalist was the malaria-filled mosquito that determined our fate by pissing off our Mother. As we see her now-weakened, used, and abused-do we dare to ask her what we can do to fix it? Is it too little , too late? Are we bold in thinking we have a right to ask her for one final mercy as the consequences of

our own actions settle in ? Does she not deserve the ri g ht to te a ch a les s on to th e chi ldr e n who h ave been gu i ded by The Capitalist to take part in her destruction ? Or are they perhaps all v ictims o f Th e Cap ital is t,

brui sed and beaten by the system that seeks their exploitation , just as it had their Mother ?

Greed as a Demise .

Under t he patriarchy, we have seen the Earth as a Mother. Under capitalism , her femininity was mistaken for a willingness to take part in her own assault. The Capitalist wreaked havoc on our Mother. We stoo d by and watched Some of usfparticipated. )

It was hostile , hellish , and heinous . The ultimate crime . She cried and we did not hear her: her tears spill into the streets of our cities now and we beg her for forgiveness be ore her floods swallow us whole Her heart burned , yet we did not feel it until it consumed the trees that The Capitalist left bare and broken . Her bo ne s quake from the very nutrients he stole from her soul , yet we turned a blind eye until the nutrients he stol e were the very ones that gave us life Poison, pollute, procure profit... rinse and repeat. The Capitalist has no regard for your life-his greed renders him incapable of such.

The Cap italist did not care for your life when he exploited our Mother He could not even be bothered to care for hers. He did not bite the hand that fed him, he consum e d it whol e a s pr e pared in whateve r lavi sh spices his money could buy. ( )

A Mother's Wrath.

M other Nature did not ask for this child. She did no t ask fo r an ungrateful, unruly, unequitabl e ro gu e tha t woul d sh ow no mercy in his callous treatment of her and her children. As she stands now-her l ifefor c e

dr a i ned , her longevity diminished-what are we to say? In the state he has left her in, are we res ponsibl e t o enact punishment for her? As the dutiful child , what i s our ro le in protecting our mot h e r fr om th e c h il d that has caused her harm?

st as he was brought into this world, he shall be taken out. To cut the can cer out from where it grows as a lesion on her skin before it spreads furtber--deeper- draining the life force

The death of our Mother, is the death of us all. If we are not to stand by her side, we are no differen t than

The Capitalist that wishes our Mother dead. A betrayal. If for nothing more than selfish reasons , we m u st

--

cut The Capitalist out. We must act in her defense To embody her rage as our own. A mother ' s wra th as carried out by her children.

Her Children: The

Have You Ever Noticed?

Madison Dunbar

Have you ever noticed when women get excited, they say, "girl?" When women are disappointed or upset, they say, "man."

What is up with that?

Have you ever noticed that men and women, although sometimes given "equal" rights or opportunities, are still not being treated equally or fairly?

What is up with that?

Have you ever noticed that equality and justice do not equate to the same outcomes?

What is up with that?

Have you ever noticed that a man's voice is the loudest in the room?

What is up with that?

Have you ever noticed that patriarchy is a social system , created by men for men?

What is up with that?

Have you ever noticed that feminism tries to dismantle the patriarchy? Are the feminists successful? Not if we still live in a man's world.

What is up with that?

Have you ever noticed patriarchy uses misogyny as a tool for the destruction of women? This then turns into internalized misogyny for women to project sexist ideas on others and even themselves.

What is up with that?

Have you ever noticed that only the powerful are allowed to use their own anger as a source of power, leaving the voiceless in a vulnerable state of objectiveness?

What is up with that?

Have you ever noticed that power does not like complexity?

What is up with that?

Have you ever noticed that no matter what we do to survive as women, our odds remain the same as men continue to dehumanize us?

What is up with that?

Have YOU Ever Noticed?

by Melissa Gilbert •

WHAT follows is Afeminist birdstocking manifesto IN the form Of A captioned photo essay I share the images Of the birds WHO have shown me HOW TO reimagine OUR lives THROUGH the seasons Of fllGHT AND song

These resilient creatures soar, cache, lAUGH, MOURN. sing, bathe, AND love deeply AND fOR Alifetime they care for one another, sharing Aforest A small creek bed MY BACKYARD. AND the sky

If NOT for the CHAOS Of 2020 1MAY never have experienced the profound connection l NOW share WITH birds. It has been ASTUDY launched BY restlessness, scaffolded BY sunflower seeds. AND witnessed BY lONGING.

The genius Of their existence remains AN illusion TO me, BUT their freedom from isolation AND their ABlllTY TO forge relationships is real

HNO the light

Bluebirds often are the first to wake in the morning, hunting for insects in the mist of the morning light.

Be agile

House Finches are strict vegetarians, getting their bright red color from the carotenoid pigments found in seeds, buds, fruit, and foliage, but they switch up their foraging to insects to feed their babies in the spring.

NORTHERN CARDIN Al

Cardinals have multiple calls and songs, the most well-known being the question, "What-cheer? What-cheer?"

USE YOUR VOICE AND apmlify others

The Meadowlark's song is made up of flutelike whistles. They change their tune depending on the circumstance, and often make a sharp "dzert" call when threatened.

Never forget Take AWAL K

American Crow

As one of the most intelligent animals on the planet, with social skills that rival humans, these corvids can recognize and respond to our faces!

Lean ON a friend for support

MALLARD DUCK

Usually you would find a mallard swimming and dabbling in the water, b ut in Ohio they skate on the ice becaus e they are here all year . FACE ADVERSITY

MOURNING DOVE

Doves stay close to one another throughout the day , always perching, feeding , cuddling , and grooming each other .

TUFTED TITM OUSE

The Titmouse has a tricky "ghost ca ll" when faced w ith danger that fades , making predators think they are moving away into the distance

Setyour sites PROTECTYOUR ON CHANGE COMMUNITY

BLUEJAY

The jay lets their community know The mature Coopers Hawk has when danger is approaching by exceptional depth perception and is sounding an "alarm call," a loud non­ easily identified by its ruby red eye and musical jeer or screech. sleek grey cap.

Find a perch with a view

Red-Winged Blackbird Great Blue Heron

Female red-winged blackbirds are often The heron will stand tall and still in the seen perching on cattails, gathering water by the shoreline, deliberately and nesting materials and checking out patiently waiting for breakfast. their territory.

Get a leg UP

BAlTIM ORE ORIO LE

When orioles migrate through Ohio they look for fresh fruit that resembles the sources found in their South Amer i can winter home

Stay IN MOHON

Ruby-Throated Hummingbird

Hummers are the only birds that can fly like a helicopter, varying directions at speeds of 25-30 mph with 53 beats of the wing per second .

Study your prospects

This secretive raptor will perch high on branches to spot their prey and then take off for the chase

Cedar Waxwing

The waxwing is known for the drop of red on their secondary feathers that resembles a drop of wax .

feedEACH

Sing YOUR song

Northern Cardinal Carolina Wren

Northern Cardinals will study what The wren's song is a sophisticated blend of their friends like to eat, forage, and notes, "wheat-eater, wheat-eater, wheatthen feed them their favorites. eater, wheat." They have a repertoire of nearly a dozen son variations.

CALL ON The WISDOM BE BOLD Of YOUR ancestors

Barred Owl

This calico colored over-sized sparrow, Owls are thought to be wise, and forages in the undergrowth and has a were often associated with the strong conical beak to break open goddess of wisdom because of their seeds. keen senses and ability to see through the darkness.

BRING A

Help others find

Carolina Chickadees

Chickadees winter in mixed flocks, usually found with titmice, whitebreasted nuthatches, and brown creepers.

bathe

Flocks travel together to help one another stick to the migration pathway, provide safety in numbers, and find food sources.

upcycle

Northern CARDIN Al

Birds love baths in the summer to cool off, but they also need to clean their disheveled feathers for flight . Baths also help birds reduce anxiety .

AM ERICAN Robin

Each species builds their nest out of specific materials found in their nesting area Robins love dried grass and twigs; Bluebirds prefer hair and feathers . Crafty!

Let YOUR PRESENCE

HND APEACEFUL BE KNOWN PLACE TOTHINK

Northern Cardinal Pileated Woodpecker

Birds often sit quietly and stare off into Each species of woodpecker has its own the woods , perhaps to clear their minds drumming rhythm that lets their friends of the daily clutter . (and birders!) know that they are close.

Invite everybody SHOW YOUR to the table COLORS

Cardinal AND Finches Northern Flicker

Wh i le we often think "birds of a feather There ore two flickers, the red- and stick together," most flocks host yellow-shafted. We can't identify them multiple bird species . until they spread their wings .

Burn It Down

By Lukas Patel, 2022

'Burn It Down' is a commentary on the state of gender politics in the modem West. Transness has been politicized. Conservatives try to justify being anti-trans by claiming "biology," as if sex isn't a spectrum. As if gender is determined by sex and not the other way around. Liberals, at least in America, use us as tokens, as things they can point to and say "well, I support this so cannot possibly be a bigot!" Let me be the first to say that you, liberal American, can indeed be a bigot. Saying that shit is bigoted. I'm a living, breathing person. This is just one facet of my identity-an important one, sure, but this is not everything. This is why I say, "burn it down." Gender and sex are both social constructs. In order for real sexual and gender liberation, these social constructs have to be burned to the ground. Forget trans and cis. Gender must burn. Sex must bum. It all must bum before any true change can occur.

SEX & SEXUAllTY

Liberating our Anger

Brittany Boyd

I am tired

I am tired of people telling me I'm rubbing it in their face.

I am tired of people telling me "Why can't we just have straight shows anymore" as if I didn't grow up watching the same straight relationship plot line on every show or movie.

I am tired of people saying that a gay relationship in media is "ina pp opriat for children " as if we didn't watch a prince kiss an unconscious woman in multiple Disney movies and call it "romantic".

I am tired of people saying that it isn't homophobia, it's " religious freedom ". It's "freedom of speech" as if my freedom isn't being stripped away piece by piece.

I am tired of the people in charge using their religion to dictate what I can do.

I am so tired

Actually, no.

I am not tired . I am ANGRY ! LIVID ! I am a-thesaurus-does-not-contain-enough-synonyms-forwhat-I-feel kind of angry

I am fucking PISSED.

I want to scream when I am told that being open is rubbing it in their face .

I want to throw something when somebody says that when WE finally getting one fucking movie with a gay character that means there are just "no straight shows anymore". As if I didn't grow up watching every fucking show and movie with straight people doing straight things.

I want to punch somebody when they say showing gay people in media is inappropriate.

Oh, but they were perfectly fme with their kids watching a man kiss an UNCONSCIOUS woman in a fucking DISNEY MOVIE, and then make that disgusting trope something for kids to WANT and DREAM ABOUT !

I am mad that my cousin can claim " religious freedom " when I tell her that her homophobic remarks hurt me. I am mad that being gaslighted by family is just a fucking way of life now. I'm livid that lesbians are not even considered gay, they're just a man's favorite kink.

Masturbating to a picture of two girls kissing, getting themselves off, imaging those girls fucking, never mind the fight those girls went through to even be allowed to fuck in the first place.

And I'm mad that men are getting to argue and make decisions about my reproductive rights. I'm mad that men get to have the final say over my uterus.

As women, a man's individual religious beliefs are more important than our health . The religious beliefs of the few in power determine the laws that govern the many. Separation of church and state? That is a load of bullshit. If we actually had a separation between church and state then the supreme court wouldn't currently be debating whether or not an abortion is okay. The supreme court wouldn't get a say in who marries whom. The supreme court wouldn't get to cite re ligion as an excuse to be homophobic , racist, misogynistic , etc.

A professor once told me that mytea were not worthy of the people who are going against me. She said that those people would take my tears and abuse them and speak down to me like a child. She told me to be angry. And she told me that anger is a good thing .

I listened to that professor. I took my tea and turned them into a revolution .

on other than happiness is wrong and unladylike . Except As women, we are told that any for sadness. No, we are allowed to be sad, but oh don't be sad in public. No, in public you must be happ . Smile, with teeth. WAIT TOO MUCH TEETH! Now you look crazy. Okay perfect, now your smile can show the world that you are a true feminine woman. Good job girl l ti , especially anger If you are angry, you are automatically a God forbid you experience bitch. And if you're a bitch, you aren't ladylike . You must always be ladylike.

I am reclaiming my bitch self. For all women. I am reclaiming my pussy for myself. For all women. I am reclaiming my sexual identity For all women. I am reclaiming my CHOICE over MY OWN BODY. For all women .

Bi the way, I am enough

Feminist Manifesto: Bisexuality is not a middle ground

Hannah Wied/ebacher

Bi women, ah yes, what a foreign creature sitting there with its only purpose in life being to be sexualized. For what other reason would bisexual people exist but to be sexualized or demeaned? To be asked "well, have you been with the same gender before?" or my personal favorite "yeah, but like are you more into women or men?" Please don't forget though, these people, typically white straight cis men, are the root of all evil so why continue to bitch about the way a man views bisexual? Because not a single person who is bisexual walks up to a straight man and asks what way they swing, nor do we ask who they have been with. Maybe let's start though. Maybe a straight cis man's inability to accept that a woman wants to be with men and women derives from the man's inability to satisfy. Or maybe the man's inability to have any form of compassion and recognizing my sexuality actually has NOTHING to do with you.

As a bisexual woman I am hyper-sexualized, but you already knew that. If you have ever seen or HEARD of porn, I am sure you've heard of the three-way trope that is so often fantasized about. The IDEAL form of sex for so many men; what else could be better than two women and a man in bed together? Oh right, since that is the way we view sex as being the hottest thing when it's some "girl on girl action" when maybe ... and I would say I

would hate to be the one to break it to you, but I am satisfied doing so, the girl-on-girl action means that a man is not necessary. However, in this little fantasy men can't help but dream of, it sexualizes two girls kissing. When two drunk girls kiss, the men can't help but stare. So, this creates the never-ending loop of a woman being sexualized because she is with a woman. It is simple math really, if you are a woman, anything you do? HOT, SEXY, RIP HER CLOTHES OFF. So, let's double that, which is how many women are in a monogamous relationship, that equals an extremely heightened among of sexualization. Might I add for no literal reason. No one who kisses the same gender and identifies as bisexual is kissing them to turn you on, hate to break it to you.

If I have a significant other that identifies as a man, I am no longer seen as bisexual. I am as straight as they come and even most men believe kissing another girl is not a form of cheating (which is crazy because kissing another man absolutely would be cheating to the same man). If I am with a woman, our relationship is fetishized. It is something men want to watch and manipulate themselves to. In that case, I am seen as one of two things: a full-bl'own lesbian or a curious woman who doesn't mind being watched by the male gaze as I pursue my attraction for a woman. Whi le speaking purely as a bisexual woman, this happens to bisexual men too.

To the white straight cis male, get your fucking shit together. Bisexuals deal with enough bulilshit as we are not always openly accepted by everyone. Even in their own community, bisexuals are thrown to the side slightly below gay/lesbians, above transgender people though since even the LGBTQ community is ranked because of this god forsaken society. Being bisexual is something that can be extremely hard to identify within oneself. Before coming out, I know I was open 1ly discussing how pretty women were and how I would date a woman,

but because the thought of sex with a woman was a fearful thought, I never even assumed I was bisexual. I don't know if I just woke up one day or was around enough bisexual people to realize, bisexuality, Just like every sexuality, has a spectrum. Bei,ng bisexual does not mean you are 50/50. It does not mean you want to date both genders and pursue both genders. Being bisexual is so unique to every single one of us. I have a friend who identifies as bisexual and she pursues men for sex, but never wants to date or marry a man. She whole heartedly wants to be with a woman for the rest of her life. This spectrum of bisexuality has so many crosses and curves that it is hard to even say bisexuality is just one name because it is a HUGE thing. When we hold our weekly meetings for bi's unite, we discussed how difficult it is to picture the future. The future of a straight person is pretty easy, you just exist until you find your mate. Bisexuality means you could end up with anyone. Obviously, we hold the standard of needing a solid soul mate who can provide us with emotional and mental support in our everyday lives, but when we picture our wedding days, if we picture one, we don't know who is at the end. We could marry a man, a woman, someone who is non-binary, the options are endless. However, it is hard on some of us to not know. Being bisexual at times feels like a middle ground because so many of us have been force fed this ideology that bi.sexuality is what you are in your transition. It is only a temporary thing, and no one can permanently be bisexual because once again when viewed by our straight society if you are with someone of the same gender you are gay or a lesbian and if you are with the opposite gender, you are straight. I don't know if people are dumb, ignorant or both. The answer is definitely both, but I

still like to pose the question. To all the straights out there or ignorant assholes who can't comprehend this, let me break it down as simply as I can. Have you ever been attracted to someone who was blonde? Have you ever been attracted to someone who was brunette? Have you ever been attracted to someone with brown eyes? Or blue eyes? Or that was tall? Or that was short? Yeah, you don't choose a person based on these physical attributes because it doesn't REALLY matter if they have black hair or blue hair. You also don't care what color their eyes are, they could just be a bonus feature. When you are with a person, you are attracted to them for who they are and how they act. Bisexual people feel the same way. If I find that person attractive and that other person attractive, but they look nothing alike, that doesn't mean I didn't actually like one or the other. They are on an equal playing field. Bisexuals just are so expansive that we don't care what gender you have or how you identify because we like you for you. We don't prefer her because she has a vagina and him for having a penis. They are all on equal playing fields, for the most part.

However, do you know what is not on equal playing fields? All bisexuality is not treated equally. Bisexual women are purely sexualized by the male gaze for a man's pleasure. Bisexual men are seen as secretly closeted gay men who are sexualizing all straight men. {As if straight men who think like this are even attractive though.) Bisexual men are seen as extra feminine which is seen as a negative since our patriarchal society tells us that femininity is a

weakness. Bisexual women are seen as more masculine which intimidates men more than you would expect. Bisexual men are seen more as gay men than bisexual woman are seen as lesbians. This double standard to bisexuality derives from how our society is built (it needs to be torn down and burned, but that is for another time.) Femininity, of course, seen as a weakness in this society so if you are identifying as anything out of the "ordinary" which leans more feminine than societally expected you are criminalized in whatever way they can imagine. This, for bisexual men, results in bisexual men being seen as these feminine characters in this simulation of a life we live in.

When talking with my friend who identifies as a bisexual man, he sa ,id, "I don't like the label of gay nor do I really like the label of bisexual but it's just something to be used as a place holder to know how I'm feeling or what I've discovered about myself." So many of the people I have discussed sexuality with, who identify as bisexual, feel this way. Bisexuality is an umbrella for all of us. Bisexuality is a spectrum that we all go back and forth on, whether it is every minute, hour, day, week, month or year. We never stay one certain way because sexuality is fluid. This umbrella so many of us live under, so many of us don't identify as. We just fall1under the category, and it is easier to fall into line sometimes than to constantly have to explain to people your sexual orientation in depth. Saying "I'm bisexual" is just the easiest way sometimes for us to explain to you that we are more complicated than "I like this and not that". Plus, the number of times bisexual people are asked to identify what their percentage of gay to straight is pretty fucking alarming. Newsflash, we are not gay or straight, we are in one fluid motion through sexuality that honest to God is hard for us to understand let alone get asked by every bozo trying to get off thinking about us or wondering if they are being sexualized how they sexualize everyone else.

Bisexuality is also something that never is offered in the media, unless used for (let's say it all together) SEXUAL RELIEF FOR THE MALE GAZE. Maybe so many of us are unable to understand what bisexuality entails, inside and outside of the community because we are only shown cis straight characters or IMMENSELY stereotyped gay "icons". I will go so far as to say we NEVER see bi representation in any media. There were two characters in the show "Glee" according to my friend, but the one was seen as a whore throughout the show so, is it really fair representation? This goes back to the inability to accept "middle grounds" as so many people could see it. People have an immense difficulty understanding someone as bisexual just like they are incapable of viewing transgender people as whatever fuckinggender they identify as. WE ARE HOW WE IDENTIFY AND YOU CANNOT CHANGE US EVEN IF YOU ARE TOO IGNORANTTO UNDERSTAND US . Bisexuality is all around you whether you have the basic mental capacity to acknowledge it or not.

"An asexual person is a person who does not experience sexual attraction ," Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN)

I first came across this definition and website when I was a senior in high school, and I felt unbelievably validated and seen. Finally I had a term for what I had been feeling my entire life (or rather, what I had not been feeling) . I had never felt sexual attraction, and I literally thought sexual attraction was a joke. This definition immediately became my identity.

The term asexual caused me to realize two important things:

l) that sexual attraction is real, and that most people experience it (people who do experience sexual attraction are called allosexual), and that's okay!

2) that I do not experience sexual attraction, so I am asexual, and that's okay!

compulsory sexuality

"Compulsory sexuality describes the assumption that all people are sexual and to describe the social norms and practices that both marginalize various forms of nonsexuality and compel people to experience themselves as desiring subjects, take up sexual identities , and engage in sexual activity." (University of Chicago Press)

Basically, compulsory sexuality assumes that everyone experiences sexual attraction and wants to act on that attraction.

Compulsory sexuality is extremely damaging to ace people , because it makes us think something is wrong with us We wonder why we don't experience sexual attraction , when we're told it's the norm.

When I tell people I'm asexual, their first reaction is, "Oh, that must be so easy." They assume that if I ' m not sexually attracted to people, I automatically have fewer distractions and less drama.

Well, I'm here to tell you that asexuality is NOT easy.

But before I get into that, I want to say that I am very proud to be asexual, and I'm happy with my identity.

Being happy with my identity, though, doesn't mean that things are all sunshine and rainbows.

sexualization of women

The main reason why asexuality is so difficult is because of how sexualized everything is in our culture. And by everything, I mean mainly women's bodies.

Women are supposed to desire AND be desirable. We are supposed to be attracted to men, and we are supposed attract men.

I often struggle with my identity as an asexual woman. I don't desire men sexually, nor do I particularly want them to desire me. But I often feel like I should want these things.

I reject the male gaze, but sometimes, I don't know who I am without it.

A lot of people assume that being asexual automatically makes you aromantic as well. Aromantic people do not desire romantic relationships.

While a lot of asexual people do identify as aromantic as well, the two do not always overlap. Sexual and romantic identities are not the same thing

For a while , I did identify as aromantic, and I did not desire a romantic relationship. However, within the past year, I now identify as asexual and biromantic.

Side note: having a fluid identity is totally valid! Giving myself space to experiment is the best way to find an identity that makes sense .

Asexual Spectrum

ROMANTIC

ORIENTATION column OREIENTATION

SEXUAi , you need one from each

\SEXU \L AROMANTIC

GREYSEXUAL GREYROMANTIC

DEMISEXLAL DEMIROMANTIC

Asexuality and celibacy seem like similar ideas, as both can lead to a lack of sex, but they are actually very different.

Celibacy is a religious idea-a conscious decision to postpone or avoid sex in order to maintain purity. A lot of celibate people save themselves for marriage because they believe sex is a sacred act for married couples.

As someone who grew up in church, I was always taught celibacy. For a while , I wondered if my asexuality was a result of purity culture-a result of nurture rather than nature.

After a while, though, I realized that my friends who were celibate struggled with their lack of sex, and wanted to have sex. They talked about temptations that I had never experienced. For me, not having sex was easy.

As someone who now identifies as asexual and Christian, I've had to learn that my sexuality is not a result of my religion, and my religion is not a result of my sexuality. The two identities can coexist, and they do not cancel each other out.

what does a relationship without sex look like?

Another reason why asexuality can be so difficult is because of I often struggle with knowing I often sabotage rela tionships the overlap between romantic when to bring my asexuality up before they get to the point and sexual relationships. Although with someone I'm seeing. No time where I need to come out. I'm most people understand having a ever feels like the right t ime, scared to develop romantic sexual relationship without because I don't think anyone will feelings for someone and then romance, having a romant ic truly want to be with me once have to explain to them why I'm relationship without sex is much they know I'm asexual. not developing sexual feelings. harder to understand.

So the answer to the question at Being asexual feels like being the top? I'm not sure, because I've compatible with no one. never been in one. It's something I would like to find out. though.

"you just

haven't met

the right

person yet"

A lot of people assume that asexual people don't masturbate, because people view masturbation as an inherently sexual act.

For me, though, masturbation isn't sexual. It's purely physical. It's all about the energy and feeling, and about being with myself.

Masturbation has improved my relationship with my body and helped me understand myself better.

Okay?? And??

Maybe I will feel sexual attraction to someone one day.

Maybe I am actually demisexual, and I just haven 't loved anyone enough to be sexually

attracted to them .

Maybe one day I will change my identity and no longer identify as ace.

BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN MY CURRENT IDENTITY ISN 'T VALID !!!!!!

I CAN BE OPEN TO CHANGE AND STILL LOVE WHO I AM RIGHT NOW !!!!!!

ACE by Angela Chen

This book is amazing and made me feel so validated.

The dedication of the book reads, "For everyone who has wanted to want more."

For a long time, I wanted to want more. I wanted to be allosexual because I was scared I was missing out on a fundamental part of the human experience.

Now I know that my feelings of not wanting sex are just as valid as other people's feelings of wanting to. Instead of comparing my desires to those of other people, I am now trusting my body and letting it guide me.

What

ASEXUALITY

REVEALS About DESIRE, SOCIET and the

Listen to asexual people! Let us explain our sexuality to you without interruption or invalidation.

I know asexuality can sound weird to allosexuals, but remember this: your sexual attraction seems just as weird to me as my lack does to you.

Ask questions! We would love to educate you if you genuinely want to learn.

Thank you for reading <33

Gray Matters

By Paige Skaff

The following is a manifesto addressing gray matters. By gray matters I mean the dangerously underrepresented and discussed idea of gray sex. Gray sex, unsexy sex, gray rape - all terms for the performance of sexual acts done in only partial contempt; a sex that is not said "no" to but that is not entirely consensual, not entirely wanted. Gray sex can be performed when an individual does not decline sex verbally but does not want to engage in sexual acts with that person and in that moment, possibly declining sex with non-verbal cues: not kissing back, pushing away, being non-responsive to the situation they would rather not be in. Gray rape then grows from this definition in the interpretation of the situation as a reluctant "yes" may be given in fear of the physical repercussions that could come from saying "no," including forced sexual activities anyway, by force, fully without consent, rape. For ifwe do not say yes authentically, we say yes resentfully, and that can lead to far more problems than ifwe would have said no in the first place.

The idea of gray sex, while often not confronted by the large majority of society, has been written about various times by highly acclaimed scholars: professors, phycologists, social phycologists, feminists. It is an uncomfortable conversation; it complicates the idea of consent and desirable sex. Even when this perpetual issue is confronted, it has solely been done so in a palatable form : why it is difficult to say "no." Plenty of pieces talk upon this idea of the difficulty to say "no," all in varying levels of challenging thought, but they all neglect the most challenging conversation of them all in these gray matters: why there may be a difficulty to say "yes."

It is time we have this more difficult conversation. This is a vitality for encouraging, enacting healthy sexual lives and healthy recovery for healing survivors of sexual violence. There is a common misconception that 'consensual' sex, including that of gray sex, is all good, beneficial, wanted, enjoyed. Gray sex is not synonymous with bad sex; however, it can be just that. Other societal standards such as the male drive discourse - that proclaims that men should always want to have sex and that it is the driving force in their emotional and intimate lives - and the emphasis put on "the first time," the social construction of virginity, and the idea of sex being the peak of a romantic encounter or relationship has blossomed the idea that sex should be wanted, and enjoyed when it is given, received, or shared. These factors have done a further disservice to the idea of consent. It has constructed the notion that sex should be something one wants, and therefore something that should be said "yes" to, unless there is a clear no given.

So why might we struggle to say "yes," just as much, sometimes even more so, than saying "no"? It must be known that in this text, sex is not following the coital imperative - the "norm" of sex that invo Ives a penis and vagina and insertion - but rather any act that is sexual in nature. It does not neglect any sexual relationship whether that be heterosexual, homosexual, or polyamorous, and it takes into account both established romantic-intimate relationships and what is commonly referred to as "hook-up" culture and "one-night stands." Encompassing all of these

realms, this manifesto addresses this unspoken, pressing issue from two different standpoints: (1) from the view of survivors of sexual violence - sexual harassment and sexual assault in all and any form - and (2) from the view of those who have not encountered any form of sexual violence. Let us enlighten ourselves on why this gray matters:

History of Sexual Violence

Sex is an inherently complex act in itself, before adding the similarly complicated realm of consent. Once a history of sexual violence is added to this equation, difficulties and confusion only heighten. Sexual violence to any degree can have permanent effects on the sex life of the individual and on the individual(s) with whom they have sexual encounters and sexual relationships with.

This section of the manifesto addresses common complications that can occur within the sexual lives of survivors of sexual violence. That is not to say that these complications can not be experienced in the lives of others that have not experienced sexual violence, rather that these are more prevalent and that these individuals are more susceptible to some of these roadblocks.

This list is not all comprehensive to these individuals either. Some survivors of sexual assault may never encounter these complications in their sexual lives. These people may also progress to having relatively or entirely "normal" sexual lives. This sort of a sexual life is more examined under the section 2. No History of Sexual Violence. Survivors can have healthy and happy sexual lives; however, we must also not neglect the fact that they may encounter further complications because of their experiences.

Trauma

Acts of sexual violence are often seen as and labeled traumatic events. An added layer of trauma to an already difficult situation -a sexual one - can further exasperate the notion of consent. While it may be more obvious as to why a survivor could say "no" - fear being a large one - it is little acknowledged why a survivor may want to say "yes" and why there may be an added level of difficulty to doing so.

A common symptom of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) or Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD), which are both highly prevalent in survivors of sexual violence, is an increased sense of bodily and emotional feeling. The feeling of intense emotions can trigger a trauma response especially if feeling nothing was used as a way to cope with trauma. Sex is a performance of emotion, even if that emotion is simply a pleasure satisfactory in a nonrelationship based sexual encounter. This being noted, sex can often be an overstimulation to the emotional system of the survivor. With this overload of emotion, there is higher probability for involuntary response, a trauma response, to occur.

Disassociation and depersonalization are involuntary bodily response in which the individual may feel numb, detached, unreal, and floaty. The survivor may feel outside of their body, looking down on what is happening in an unconscious yet conscious sense. This may have been something that the body originally initiated during the sexual violence event so disassociating can be familiar in another traumatic sense. Experiencing responses to a voluntary situation that were first experienced in an involuntary, unwanted, traumatic situation is another layer of challenge. Having this fear of not being present in a sexual act can make it difficult to say "yes." There is initially no control over this response so it can be a significant barrier to overcome when engaging in sex. Will I be here with my partner?

Will my partner realize when I am not here? Will that establish guilt to my partner for triggering it? Will they believe they have done something wrong to remind me of my past? Was my pamer imagining the assault while we were having sex? / Did they forget who I was and imagine me as the perpetrator? Why can I not control this and just enjoy sex? Not knowing the 'why' behind the trauma response can be extremely hard on the survivor and their relationships. It is a questioning of the unconscious.

There may be similar involuntary responses that occur within and outside of sexual acts. While that does not neglect the fact that disassociation and depersonalization can not occur outside of sex, it is to take note that these two require triggers. The following list - flashbacks and hallucinations - often do not require specific triggers and will likely arise from seemingly nowhere. Flashbacks of the event can perpetuate the fear of the event being reciprocated even in consensual experiences. A replay of the trauma can stall the healing of it. How can we say "yes" when we fear our choice will be used against us? Hallucinations can play in direct correlation to flashbacks. Visual, auditory, and tactical hallucinations can be caused by traumatic events. Visual: seeing images of the event, the perpetrator(s), images of the places associated with the trauma. Auditory: hearing the voice of the perpetrator, the sounds your body involuntarily made, the commotion or the calm of it all. Tactical: feeling sensations that were felt in the event, warmth on places where body parts met, contractions of muscles from unwanted pleasure or pain. The constant reminder of the events outside of sexual realms never allows the survivor's body or mind to take a break from the traumatic experience. There is a fatigue that comes with this. Even if sex is wanted, saying "yes" in this tiredness is a struggle. Will there be guilt that allows a continuation for these feelings? Will there be a presence of these feelings during sexual acts? Again, a questioning of the unconscious.

Accepting oneself as a sexual object is already a complicated task in society, for females even more so. Claiming yourself to be a sexual object and allowing yourself to be viewed by others as sexual objects after sexual violence can feel wrong. There is an uncomfortability in doing so, in allowing yourself to have that type of vulnerability to a partner, to society at large, and most importantly to yourself. Feeling sexy is difficult, which can complicate the "yes" as there is a correlation between being enthusiastic about sex and feeling at least content in your body. One does not have to feel great about their body, however, saying "yes" is aided by at least claiming one's body as their own and embracing the fact that it is theirs to control and consent with.

Sexual Encounters with Others

Sex after experiences of sexual violence are not only complicated for the survivor but for all parties involved in the sexual activity.

There is an increased amount of safety and consideration put into engaging in sexual acts after an assault most of the time. There are cases in which hypersexuality will result, however, these symptoms following will pertain more to those that face difficulty with sex after sexual violence.

Often times some of the actions that were done physically during the assault will be present in safe and consensual sexual encounters. There may be a fear of saying "yes" to acts that portray these actions for some of the previously listed involuntary responses that may occur.

When survivors are eventually able to be intimate, there may be a lack of feeling pleasure from it. It may be difficult to say "yes" when you know that you will more or less just be going through the motions. Even if there is a love and passion felt in the mind, there can be a disconnect from feeling it in the body. This can be further complicated when there is an obligation felt to perform sexual acts on your partner because you still want them to feel pleasure and satisfaction even if you are unable to. Sometimes a survivor will determine their sexual worth based on their partner. There may be a struggle to say "yes" then if they believe that the manifestation of their past in their present will create something disappointing, unsatisfying, or below the expectation of their partner.

Wanting and Enjoying Sex

After experiencing sexual violence, all things sexual may feel intimidating. Whether a survivor experiences a disgust to sex or hypersexuality afterward, there are still factors that may complicate their ability and want to say "yes" to sex.

If there is a disgust to sex following sexual violence:

The survivor may feel dirty in wanting to engage in sexual activities. They may begin to view sex as something that is wrong and that should not be enjoyed. Therefore, when they want sex or when they do engage I in sex and enjoy it, they may be overtaken by self-disgust and potential guilt or regret for doing so, In the mindbody disconnect, minds may be left in disgust even as they body starts to crave sexual attention again. It can be difficult to say "yes" when a you view sex as a disgusting act mentally, but your body still wants it physically.

If there is hypersexuality following sexual violence:

Hypersexuality is the less common reaction to sex after sexual violence, however, it can not be neglected in the discussion of wanting and enjoying sex. Obviously, the definition of hypersexuality contains within it the want for or at least the frequent engaging in sex. This sex may be enjoyed or not enjoyed. After sexual violence, engaging in sex may be used as an unhealthy coping mechanism to reclaim the body or as a means of self-destruction. When a conscious and rational mindset is introduced while engaging in sexual activities, the "yes" can be complicated and challenged.

Following so closely to an experience of sexual violence, engaging in sex will be a gray area even for those that have hypersexuality. Upon saying "yes" and further enjoying the sex that they have, survivors may face guilt in taking pleasure in what was used against them in a form of violence. This continuous and unresolved guilt can hinder even those that have strong desires for more sexual engagements to say "yes."

Foreplay , Fetish , and Kink

The addition of kink, fetish, and foreplay in the discussion of sex after sexual violence may seem odd and almost disrespectful, however, the parameters surrounding the three areas may actually be intensified for survivors.

Foreplay may be even more needed for survivors. Foreplay creates an enhancement of connection to the body - to the survivor and their body and to the survivor and their partner. Foreplay increases the chances of feeling pleasure in sexual acts, that is why it is often said to be

so important for the male orgasm intensity and the probability of the female orgasm. When proper foreplay is being neglected, saying "yes" may be more difficult as there is a lack of connection and therefore a lack of genuine, deep pleasure. Saying "yes" to further sexual acts may also be delayed and distorted as foreplay can cause premature trauma responses before sex is had; though this does not neglect the sexual nature that foreplay can and often, though not exclusively, takes the form of.

A fetish is something that must be present for someone to reach and maintain sexual arousal. Unusual fetishes may arise after experiencing sexual violence; both unhealthy - violence and abusive acts - and healthy fetishes may exist. While fetishes already play a large role in sex for those that have them, survivors have greater chance of reaching any form of sexual arousal without them. If the needs of the fetish are not being met, saying "yes" may be harder with the lack of arousal. If a partner requires a fetish to engage in sex and the survivor is unable to provide it for any reason, saying "yes " may be clouded by guilt for being unable to perform or by disgust to the fetish itself.

Kink has been shown to heal the nervous system. Increasingly, it is becoming more common to incorporate kink into the sexual atmosphere for survivors of sexual violence. Kink can take away from the reality of the sexual situation by introducing role play and imagination into se x . This may be beneficial in avoiding triggers and trauma responses. If kink is the only or most comfortable route for a survivor to have sex and if this request is met with refusal from a partner, a "yes" may be more heavily contemplated with the risks that could accompany it. Contrary, if kink creates an environment of anxiety and hesitancy, a persistent request for it from a partner may dominant the contemplation of saying "yes" to that form of sex.

Moaning and Orgasm

Involuntary bodily sounds may be met with more confusion and questioning after experiencing sexual violence. If your body responded during the assault it was not a choice as it was not consent, however, that does not negate the fact that in having sex you may encounter the sounds from that event. Moaning and orgasm are both actions that the body can produce from pleasurable stimulation. When this act has been tarnished with traumatic memories, this pleasure and involuntary presentation of it may be triggering. Hearing yourself make noises associated with the trauma can be uncomfortable. This adds another layer to the struggle to allowing, accepting, and embracing the pleasure that can be associated with sex. These reactions to pleasure are acts of vulnerability and are not under the control of the survivor. After trauma,

there may be a desire for increased control as it was stripped away from the individual in those moments. This fear of loss of control again can create a fear to say "yes" to sex.

The "Yes"

Saying "yes" to sex can further be complicated after experiencing sexual violence. Survivors may be presented with new fears and hesitations surrounding engaging in sexual acts again after the traumatic event. While all of the above sections refer to various factors that can heighten the struggle to say "yes" to sex, it is vital to also address that survivors may have an increased urge to say "yes" from a people pleaser mindset. Sex may become an obligation to the survivor. Once this reactionary habit is recognized, saying "yes" may further be difficult to decipher. The survivor must deliberate if they are making the choice for themselves - for healing purposes or pleasure - or if they are acting on obligation or desire to provide pleasure to their partner.

When a survivor is confronted with the option of saying "yes" and has made the conscious decision to do so and to at least attempt sex, the "yes" may not be full and enthusiastic. The consenting response does not have to be an enthusiastic "yes," especially in the beginning. A "yes" of openness and receptivity, a tentative "yes" to begin exploring, a "yes" that is valid in all forms.

Previously discussed was the exasperated struggle for survivors to connect their mind and body. The struggle to feel as if they exist and have control over their body, their body that was wrongfully stripped from them in that act of sexual violence. Sufficiently being in tune with yourself and your body can transform a hesitant, even scared "yes" into a more enthusiastic "yes" or at least a more confident "yes" for trying something. Saying "yes" is then transformed from simple consent to the other person over your body to consent to you over your body as well. Saying "yes" to sex is as if you are saying "yes" to yourself deserving of love, "yes" to yourself as deserving of pleasure "Yes" to yourself to build relationships or explore pleasure with as many people as you wish. Most importantly a "yes" to sex, to yourself is a "yes" to healing.

No

History of Sexual Violence

This section works in direct correlation with section 1. History of Sexual Violence. Though this is a section that examines the difficulty of saying "yes" in the sexual lives of those who have never experienced sexual violence, that does not exempt these individuals from having some of the complications that survivors do. This section, however, specifically addresses some of the difficulties under the terms of a "normal" sexual life.

Viewing Oneself as a Sexual Object

The proclamation of yourself as a sexual object is often not received well in society , especially for those who identify as female. Females who hold their sexuality as a large and vocal part of their identity are often labeled in derogatory terms - slut, whore, hoe, skank, easy, loose. A female embracing her sexual side, even without engaging in 'abnormal' or 'excessive' sexual acts, is progressively said to be perpetuating the natural image of women as sexual objects to men. A double standard is thus created in the sexuality of females.

This is not to neglect the fact that those who identify as males may not face discrimination for their sexuality or lack thereof, but rather to say that females are more at the receiving end of the ridicule. Males are less treated in negative ways for engaging in sex and labeling themselves as sexual objects, receiving more negative reactions for not being sexualfrigid, prude, gay, homosexual, faggot. A double standard is thus created in the sexuality of males.

The mutual double standard that is created in labeling oneself as a sexual object, or choosing to reject the label of sexual object , clouds the ability to say "yes" to sex. Females may struggle more in saying "yes" in fear of coming across as 'too sexual,' 'too easy,' 'too available' for having sex. Males may struggle more in saying "yes" when they may have no sexual desires to do so in fear of other believing that there is something 'wrong' with them as a male for not wanting sex.

Wanting and Enjoying Sex

Wanting and enjoying sex faces many of the same complications that the label of a sexual object faces. Similarly, females and males can both encounter issues in this realm, however , females disproportionately face more problems with wanting and enjoying sex.

Females, much with labeling themselves as sexual objects, may face further ridicule when they openly express their want for sex. Those that actively seek out sex will acquire the same labels of slut, whore, hoe, skank, easy, and loose. Males, while their sexuality is often more embraced than ridiculed, may face some negative reactions when the male is seeking sex with multiple,

'too many' sexual partners. In this case, labels such as player may be given. The fear that accompanies these labels may hinder individuals from having as much sex as they would truly desire, making them resist saying "yes" as much as they may want to.

In terms of enjoying sex, many of the same roadblocks are encountered. Despite the amount of sex that one is having, if they are enjoying it they may still be viewed in negative terms. Especially when 'abnormal' forms of sex are enjoyed - those that incorporate fetish or kink which will be discussed in the following section - that 'abnormal' label may be transferred to the person. Being made to feel wrong for enjoying the sex that you are having and having it in ways that make you feel good can make saying "yes" feel dirty and not okay to do,

Foreplay, Fetish, and Kink

Foreplay needs are commonly neglected in sexual situations. Foreplay is not vital to sex, though it has been shown to increase levels of arousal and satisfaction during sex, especially in the climatic points including orgasm. There may be hesitance to say "yes" because a partner is not being receptive to the foreplay needs of the other.

Fetish and kink are strongly stigmatized as 'weird' and 'abnormal' in society. Refusal for satisfaction of a fetish, what one wants or requires for sexual arousal, makes it difficult to say "yes" as 'the mood' is not achieved. The communication of the word kink has been corrupted to mean something that is either viewed as disgusting or further sexual appealing and attracting. There has been a pervasion from males toward females who have a desire for and find enjoyment in kinky sexual activities. Being made to feel wrong or dirty for wanting kink can make saying "yes" to such sex more of a struggle.

Moaning and Orgasm

Moaning and orgasm, two highly desired and highly sexualized aspects of sex. Both are acts that manifest from the body experiencing pleasure from the sexual acts being performed. Both are involuntary acts that may not be displayed in all sexual encounters, even if they are pleasurable.

Moaning is a common outcome of sexual activities even when orgasms are not achieved. Moaning has been oversexualized by society and has been labeled as essential to convey pleasure being felt in sex, however sex can be pleasurable even if noises are not produced. A "yes" may not want to be given if the sexualization of moaning is not comfortable during sex for the individual. Saying "yes" may not be desired if there is no desire to experience involuntary moaning in a voluntary sexual act.

Orgasms are seen as the epitome of the climate of pleasure experienced during sex and of the sex itself. Males are known to be able to achieve orgasm easier and at faster rates than females; females are also known to need higher levels of stimulation to possibly achieve an orgasm. Saying "yes" to sex may be difficult because you may not want to experience an orgasm. Saying "yes" to sex may be difficult because you know you may not be pleasured in the way you desire or in ways that will allow the achievement of an orgasm. There may be a hesitation to say "yes" to more sex even if you want to orgasm because the sex you are receiving is not enjoyable.

The "Yes"

The "yes" in terms of entirely 'normal' sex void of the history of sexual violence is still faced with complications. The struggle to say "yes" to sex is distorted by societal expectations and gender norms that establish the sexual nature and habits of the 'normal' individual given their demographics. There may be further difficulties to saying "yes" despite societal norms when the wants of a person are not being met in terms of foreplay, fetish, and kink. The achievement and desires for pleasure, even if moaning and orgasm are not factored in, can be major turning points in whether someone wants to say "yes" to engaging in sexual activities. Even when there is no history of trauma from sexual violence to factor into the "yes," there is still a long list of factors that are vital to consider in the deliberation of agreeing to pursue sex. Simply existing as a human who has bodily autonomy that uniquely forms sexual wants and desires, or lack thereof, further complicates the discussion of consent, the question of whether or not to say "yes."

The struggles that surround the notion of consent - to say "yes" or to say "no" - have created an uncomfortable sexual environment for all parties. Being sexually active despite the past is

Disassociation, depersonalization, flashbacks, and hallucinations are all a disconnect of the mind and body. Integrating the mind and body is essential for a happy, healthy sex life. Saying "yes" feels impossible when we feel that it is not us saying the "yes" to what our bodies that do not feel like our will experience. Sexual violence can strip away a person's sense of self and bodily autonomy: the key component of genuine consent. Survivors have had a part of what they believed to be theirs' involuntarily stripped from them. Traumatic events alter the flight or fight response in the body, keeping the survivor's body in a constant state of defense, especially in sexual realms. There is a difficulty to feel safe, secure, and connected let alone feel pleasure. There is a struggle to say "yes" when we may just be going through the motions and obtaining no pleasure from it. There is a difficulty to "yes" because what ifwe do feel pleasure, do we deserve it? The mind body disconnect also brings with it a level of guilt to reconnection. Patterns of connection are replaced with patterns of protection.

Trauma complicates a "yes." It keeps survivors in a constant state of question. The body and mind work unconsciously to complicate consent. Something that was not the choice of the individual - sexual violence - remains a barrier and a burden to something that is their choicesafe, secure, and symbiotic sex lives.

Viewing Oneself as a Sexual Object

In order to engage in sex, you do not have to view yourself as a sexual object - whether that be as someone who could and should engage in sex or accepting and embracing others viewing in a sexualized way. To hold both as a part of your identity can be more complicated for those who have experienced sexual violence. There is a struggle to feel connected with your body after experiencing assault. When you realize your body is your own, you are then constantly reminded that it has been forcefully taken away from you.

shadowed by gray clouds of questioning over the body, the partner, and the place of all entities in the sexual activity. Consent itself is a series of questioning, not just one simple question with a simple "yes" or "no" answer. The disparities that are faced in the conversation of consent have manifested sex that is not always wanted, sex that is performed in obligation, sex that is formed in fear. These gray matters that haunt a disproportionate amount of sexual lives in society is being overlooked, feared, and neglected to be discussed. In the current sexual atmosphere, it is easier understood the struggles to say "no" than the struggles to say "yes." There is an isolation within this idea of consent. It does a disservice to these gray matters. To progress as a society to have happy , healthy sexual lives, we must understand that this gray matters and not fear to step into the darkness to bring it more light.

Fucking Manifesto

Daria Johansen

PRE-FUCK

Before any fucking can occur, there is usually (hopefully) some type of foreplay that takes place. You'd like to think it would be something that would arouse both consenting parties . However, in a heterosexual dynamic, men want the attention. Their foreplay is a hand job or a blow job. God forbid, they finger their girlfriend. Or even worse, give her head!

Men desire control. They feel entitled to pleasure and they feel no need to give it back to a woman.

Society has taught them that women are there to please them. They were taught that we were created for them.

I mean, we came from Adam's rib, didn 't we?

That's what they want you to believe

The pre-fuck is the place for men to assert their need for attention, power, and control. And FUCK,

They have a major issue with attention and control.

THE FUCK

In a heterosexual dynamic, what does it mean to fuck?

What does it mean to be fucked?

What does it mean to do the fucking?

Society wants you to think that men have the power. Society tells you that men do the fucking. Society tells you that men take your virginity As if virginity isn't fucking made up in the first place. Society tells you that men own you, that they control you.

And so, society wants that dynamic to continue into the bedroom. Fuck that. Fuck them. Fuck men.

Everything starts with sex. So, take the power back. It should have been yours to begin with.

Men like to joke that pussy have teeth.

So, show them teeth.

Bite their dicks off when they act like they control you. They are nothing without it (not saying that they're much with it either) . Never apologize for their blue balls if they didn't earn the privilege of your body.

Society says that the act of sex is complete when the man cums. Once he has reached climax there is no point for sex to continue. Why would the woman need pleasure? When society sees her as nothing more than a walking flashlight or a talking sex doll.

As women we can take the power back.

Rip the power from them.

Refuse to fake it. Tell them that they can 't make you cum

Imagine a world where sex was completed when the woman came. A society where men are nothing but living dildos and sperm banks.

Picture a world where men were left unsatisfied

We deserve a world where men please us too. We deserve a world where our pleasure is desired. Where men yearn to make us cum. This is a world that we need to demand.

POST FUCK

Men fuck with the desire to control. They feel entitled to our bodies in every way they wish. This desire to control us continues after the fucking is completed. As women we know this all too well.

Rich, old, white men in ugly suits feel as though they have the right to force women to carry a

fetus for nine months.

These men desire to fuck women over, after the fucking has been completed.

These men think that when some man's sperm enters a woman, the woman is the one that loses the right to choose.

That man gave up his sperm.

Released it

Released his claim to it.

It is no longer his. It is no longer attached to him.

He has NO right to decide what happens after that.

The woman is the one whose egg would get fertilized.

Her egg would remain in her body.

The body that only SHE controls.

That egg would become a zygote, then an embryo, then a fetus, and so on.

Inside HER body.

Fuck these men.

Fuck their sperm.

Fuck their disgusting and despicable desire to control us.

We will NEVER back down.

We will only get stronger and will fucking fight until it kills us.

We can't forget that these men are weak. They are breakable and they are small. That's why they try so hard to act like a dick. To fool us into forgetting how pathetic they are.

They are pathetic.

Middle finger by Ryohei Ka

RACE

Is black a blessing?

· na owler

ledge about an entire community your skin

et e mani e

cestors still fighting for justice and your future hy are we still fl II this time?

are balanciri'tlife: s your identitywhile putting others mfortability beforey is has become you , you try not to overstep any boundaries u are going through ge r uma. but they are not ready for that nversation

me may lau at our • ut 1t is your honest opinion u are everyo appropriation, wanting all that you have, but none of who you truly are

You are the star, asteroid

But you should never ave to apologize for being who are You don't have to give into them because they ask you to, say no Be strong, be you, and don't forget to put yourself first Drown the world with your resilience and intelligence, show them black excellence!

The Marginalization of Black Women in American Media:

Why the Lack/Negative Representation of Black Women in Media is Damaging

Hanna Gutala

Consuming media has such an effect on us starting at a young age. Through reading books, watching movies, and listening to music, media has created a way for us to see and understand different types of people. Not only that, but media also has a way of being an outlet to for people to escape harsh realities. Relating to characters and their stories, people use media do see themselves in ways that real-life people not. Now imagine this, at a young age you have always loved reading and watching of movies. However, through your consumption different books and movies, you come to find that a lot of the books and movies you are reading and watching is mostly about white people and their experience. As a Black girl, you try to relate to some elements of the white main characters and their story however you have never felt truly seen within those storylines. Therefore, you try to branch out, find stories that center around black womanhood. Through this, you come to find that a lot of books and movies don't have stories that center on Black women, the Black women in the stories are usually side characters who are there to just further the white women's story lines. Furthermore, the small number of media that does center on Black women contains stereotypical and inaccurate representation.

Therefore, you can't relate or see yourself in any type of media, because of the absence and maccuracy.

As a Black woman that scenario was too relatable, by not seeing myself in media I must separate my representation into two groups. If I wanted to read or watch about a woman navigating life then I would have to read or watch about a white woman. If I wanted to read or watch about a Black person and their story, the main character would more than likely be a man. Why do I have to separate my experience? Why is Hollywood or the publishing industry not considering that both representations don't have to be separated? Intersectionality most of the time is never taken into account in media, and when it is it's always an addition, that Black women need women's representation and race representation, it is never considered t h at the best representation is both. Also, if there is a Black girl in media, she isn't the main character, she is always the side character who helps further the white women's story. Think about it, in a lot of shows and movies that center around a white woman, what does her best friend look like. Most of the time the best friend is usually Black. They are deemed the token diverse character who barely if any has a storyline. If a story does follow a Black woman, it is always of the "stereotypical Black girl". These stereotypes include "the angry Black women", "the single parent", "and the overly sexual, exotic character". These are damaging because they perpetuate negative assumptions of Black women, and with the media being so influential, it can influence how people view Black women in real life, especially during child development when the media is such a heavy influence. While

representation is important, correct representation is even more important. That is why this is my call to Hollywood, the publishing industry, and any type of media outlet: wake up, expand your content, and diversify your media to have accurate representation.

One of my favorite genres to read and watch at a young age was coming of age stories. Books and movies where the main character is a flawed, funny, quirky girl who is growing up and experiencing significant adolescent events for the first time. Currently, as a 22-year-old, I love reading and watching about unhinged, struggling women in their twenties who are navigating adulthood. One of my favorite shows is Fleabag which is a show that follows Fleabag as she navigates living in south London being a happy yet sad, sexually active, confused woman. One of my favorite books is Normal People by Sally Rooney which is a story that follows Marianne and Connell 's relationship as they are navigating adulthood in college and the miscommunication and excitement that can occur within a young relationship. I, alongside a lot of women my age love consuming these types of media because it's relatable watching twenty-year-old women figuring out life in their adulthood through sex, living alone for the first time, and mental illnesses.

With that being said, a similarity between both these stories is that the main characters are white. Female coming-of-age stories most of the time focus on the white narrative. There isn't a lot of representation of Black woman and their coming-of-age experience and if it is they do not receive as much hype as their white counterpart. Why is that? Why aren't our stories important enough to be talked about too? I don't think media outlets realize how in demand these

types of stories are, and the audience they would gain if they created a female coming-of-age story that centers around a Black woman. Coming of age stories are important especially during the child developmental stages because adolescents can see characters their age going through the same struggles as them. Imagine Black girls watching and reading these stories and seeing themselves and relating to these stories. I want to see more coming-of-age stories that center around Black women. There's no excuse especially in 2022, for why there are little to no Black woman-centered stories in media.

Why are Hollywood films and publishing companies not making an effort to release diverse content? They talk about the importance of inclusion and diverse representation, but their actions have not matched their claims. As I said earlier, I don't think the film and publishing industry realizes the audience and money you gain when representing more groups because you are bringing in more of an audience to watch your movies or read your books. Therefore, a Black woman should be the main character in stories and the story should follow around them. However, they are always excluded.

With that being said, Black women should be the main character without perpetuating negative stereotypes. These stereotypes have created a way for Black women who explain their frustrations with life to just be seen as an "angry Black woman". However, if a white woman states her frustrations she is seen as a confident woman. A Black woman should be able to express their feelings without being stereotyped, especially in media. Furthermore, the media

needs to start appreciating and positively promoting Black woman's physical appearance and bodies. Only a few stereotypically beautiful Black women are represented and appreciated in media and that is because they are accepted by the white audience. Furthermore, because of the absence of Black women in media, the physical characteristics of Black women are only appreciated by other races, but not Black women. This is quite honestly ridiculous to think about. Black woman's physical characteristics are appreciated in the media, but not on them? How does that make sense?

Do I think representation in media is getting better? Sure. Do I think there is more of an effort to be inclusive? A little. Do I think it is enough? No. Because diverse representation is still not receiving as much hype as their white counterpart. Also, there are still stereotypes of Black women being promoted in the media that is negatively portraying them. We need to prioritize telling stories with Black women as the lead and stop using them as the token side character to further the white main character's story. Furthermore, we need to start thinking about intersectionality as an identity and not separating the experience of people with multiple identities. This could then lead to more Black woman stories in the media. When looking at fixing the stereotypes still being promoted on media. Google is free, researching is easy. There is no reason for these negative images of Black women to still be promoted. Maybe when telling stories of Black women, make sure the cast and crew members can draw their experiences to positively influence

the story but also for the story to be authentic. Good stories can exist, representation can happen, and Black girls deserve to see good stories with the main character who looks like them.

MENTAl HEAlTH

Contradictory Notions of Depression

is simultaneously stigmatized and romanticized

The romanticization in media has always been prevalent, yet reaches on a larger scale wt medium of social media

Why, at fucking thirteen, was I exposed to bloody porcelain bathtubs with the implication of selfmutilation and text posts detailing suicide on aesthetically pleasing backgrounds on social media?

Messages of:

Depression is pretty.

It is being mysterious and interesting.

It is smoking cigarettes at night and having deep, insightful th

It is a slightly disheveled look that is still conventionally attractive.

Impressionable young people can go down the rabbit hole with this exposure

Not only does this exposure fundamentally misrepresent depression, presentations of depression that are not consistent with these representations.

IT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU WANT. THESE ARE NOT FEELINGS TO BE DESIRED OR ROMANTICIZED.

Descriptions

-An omnipresent shadow, depression is always looming

Even if lam functioning well, 1 can feel it pulling me

I feel that I have dealt with clinical depression for such a prolonged time, there are aspects of my behavior that I do not even consciously attribute to depression any longer

Some people don't feel a nagging sense to stay in bed every clay or feel a deep need to withdraw?

I do not remember what it is like to not have to force myself to get out o f bed (e ven if it is something I should be looking forward to)

-Changes can set off depression

I feel that l am functioning well today and my mood is not horrible. then

I accidentally take a nap 5-9PM

1am and now I feel hopeless and depressed

This is why schedules are always so heavily emphasized in therapy

-I think I am preoccupied with thoughts of depression.

Introspection is important to me, but I would love if my brain would allow me to think abo u t it le ss

There arc things I want to be able to do without them impacting my depression as they are important to me.

It's very important to me not to ignore things that are uncomfortable lo learn abo u t or dn

I want to be able to do my volunteer work without being severely affected

I want to be able to study unpleasant things without experiencing such mood drops

-I fucking hate the winter. I fucking hate it

I have spent almost an entire week watching tv and missing my classes

Then subsequently feeling horrible and crying quite a bit about lack of functioning

I have only left the house to go to the store very briefly

Leaving the house in the ice and snow

I cannot do it I have to clean off my car it is another step in leaving

I want to curl up in to myself

While there is a push for breaking the stigma regarding mental illness, there is still little representation or the "unattractive" depression. when depression manifests in ANY decrease or lack of functioning, affecting work or classattendance or not having left the house in thtee days or failing to keep up with laundry or cleaning or spending time in an inpatient facility for suicidal ideation or behavior you are met with implications:

worry worry worry every time I have to send a message explaining how clinical depression will impact my ability to do certainthings or that it is why I need to~ from cthing to prioritize my mental health have to emphasize that it is deeply frustrating for me to be limited in such ways have to validate that it is probablyunderstandthe debilitating nature of clinical Iv hard to u depression from an outside perspective.

I do not want these to e ression to be the sole defining characteristics for which l limitations due amknown

since beginning college I have had few negative responses in an academic setting. yet, this does not detract from the fact that in many settings, depression, and other mental health issues that impact functioning is stigmatized and poorly responded to.

in middle and high school from those with full awareness of my struggling wilh mental health

-"we are not seeing work turned in. you have the ability to access these assignments why are we not seeing work turned in?"

- "you are consistently late to class"

" .... 1 am late to class because I have trouble getting out of bed in the morning"

"That is not an excuse''

- "your parents did not pick up the work you re9uested (during a time I was hospitalized). that is disrespectful to those who spent time gathering work for you to complete"

& still more recently

If I need to take a break from working to focus on academics and my wellbeing, 1 am sure hard to keep up with.

"I think professors are too generous with their permitted absences for disabilities" ?!?!?!

Internalization of these messages is difficult to avert, especially if you are an adolescent who does not yet fully grasp the extent of what depression is and/ or have not yet learned the brain chemistry abnormalities associated with depression.

Comments as described ref1ecL a pattern of responding to depression that is all too com.man.

Whether this stems from a lack of empathy or a lack of understanding of the true nature of mental illness, it conveys to those struggling with their mental health that their mental illness is invalid

Depression is one of the most common mental illnesses, across social locations, impacting all races, genders, and ages

If this is so common, why does the stigma and shame surround it prevail?

The discomfort associated with discussing these topics is NOT AN EXCUSE TO AVOID THEM OR INAPPROPRIATELY RESPO ND

IT COMPOUNDS HARM

We cannot simply ignore things that are uncomfortable in nature

In fact, having these conversations as opposed to ignoring them will case the discomfort Stigma and shame surrounding mental disorders will not disappear on their own

We must better respond to the needs of mental health and acknowledge the validity, the full severity and debilitating nature, of such mental disorders

On The 5150: Our Fucked Up I dea of a Mental Healthcare Syste m

How dare you save my life?

How dare you shove tubes. needle,. and wires into me. taking my finally free ,oul and trapping ii back into my lifeless frame? How dare you grasp my last appeal from hell and snatch il from me. sprinkling additional hellish trauma into the mix? My life feels like drowning in slow-motion. Every piece of my identity is another weight. pulling me funher down. All while a million eyes watch me. expecting me 10 swim. Each pair of eyes is an additional weight. suffocating me with their worry Death sound, like the most appealing thing that could happen lo me- 1he only chance to breathe. & yet. even that. I don't get. Not only that. but dying or expressing to anyone that I want to die is absolulely unacceptable. Because God forbid I be sad! Not to mention the guilt I feel for being sad, because the state I am in is so incredibly uncomfortable and inconvenient for nol only myself, but for anyone that my existence touches. God forbid I bring any attention 10 the waves that keep causing me and countless others to drown. God forbid I bring attention 10 the fact that many of us were never given boats. much less taught to swim. How do I explain away my sadness to you when so much of it is ambiguous to myself? It extends so far beyond myself_ with roots threaded into everything existence touches, every aspect of humankind. The ocean is far too big for me to comprehend. So instead, I have to use --.hatever is left of what little mental energy I have to put on a facade. Be the passive puppet r wasalways meant to be' & God have I gouen so good al it! The revelation that we·re all just walking shitshows with masks on makes life feel all the more unappealing. Don't turn away from my pleas for help and then stare at me like I'm crazy for feeling the way I do. I'm tired of the ··you look better!" and "there must be some pan of you that wants

Don't stamp a diagnosis on me. hand me a prescription, and tell me I'm belier. Spoiler alert: I'm not. Having to take my happiness in pill fonn is the most fucking depressing thing l 've ever heard of. Don't stick a security guard in front of me, criminalizing me for wanting to die. Don't cage me up for a week on a lifeboat and then drop me back into the world, expecting me to float. You can teach me to swim but the sharks will always remam. & don't gel me started on the "lifeboat" you have created. No psychiatric facility is equipped with the tools to heal hurt so deeply embedded into our existence. Rather, we are stripped of what few rights we had. handed another set of trauma. and kicked out a, soon as weare deemed to no longer be a "threat to ourselves or others ." I'm exhausted of the side effects, the Tridiuum self-assessments. the mantra.,. the meal plans. the ambulances the coloring pages, the breathing exercises, the counting while peeing. the suicide hotlines. the cutting off my swealpant strings, the Ensures, the scars, the waiting rooms. the pain. But despite all the pain. I defy the urge that every ounce of me aches to comply and succumb to. ext to mountains of pain. an anthill of reason, to live must serve me. So I pull up my mask. and let a bubble of dissociation encircle me. I cry in bathrooms and into pillows. I smile when I'm smiled at and reply when I'm spoken to. I tell my therapist enough to not worry her or enough to not cage me up. I turn in my assignments and I work ovenime. In this manner. I move through the motions- I try lo swim. Are you happy now? Is this what you want from me?

THE SElF

Self-Searching

JG

I feel like a background character in life. In my mind, I am no one's favorite, no one notices me unless I make myself noticeable, no one will love me unless I love them first. But even then, I am not brave enough to make myself noticeable. If I did fall in love, which sometimes I doubt I can even do, I would never be able to initiate it, say it first. That kind of thing is reserved for the main character.

I don't even really like the word character. Life isn't a play or a movie or a book in the process of being written. Life is life, whether it's predetermined by a higher power or simply happening as it depends on us doesn't matter. I don't know what side I believe. Sometimes I say that whatever is meant to happen will happen but is that even true? If there isn't a path laid out for us, then how does anything happen? Does questioning it take away time from the present that we should be enjoying? Does it even matter?

I'm writing this after watching an ayydubs video on YouTube, titled "heartbreak ... " where she just talks. I love her listening to her voice, but most of all I love hearing what she has to say. She's the kind of person I wish I could be, spiritual enough to have an understanding of maybe how the world works, but most of all I wish I could change myself the way she does. She figures out what is the source of her unhappiness and fixes it. She doesn't sugarcoat it, telling us it will be easy, but I take a lot of inspiration from her.

In this moment after watching that video I thought that maybe I have been changing myself. I've been trying less to seek validation from other people and make my own view of myself, make my own way. So many things have happened in my life that have made me realize that I have to do things for myself without worrying about what other people will think about it, what the people in my life will think about me. I've walked out onto limbs and hoped that I would land in a safety net, only to find that it leads to another tree with more limbs to walk out on. And for the first time in my life, I'm okay with that. In fact, in this moment, I can say that I've never been happier with myself.

Of course, that's not always entirely true. Sometimes just thinking about my life is disappointing to me because I know that there's still so much I haven't done that most people have already done at my age. Sometimes it's a conscious choice on my part that I'm proud of, but that doesn't mean I don't have moments of not weakness, but shame. I feel ashamed that I'm not like other people, daring to do something just because I can.

My life experience has been rather boring, I feel. I've never been drunk, or high, or intimate with anyone. I'm bi but I don't have any real queer experiences. I spend a lot of time alone. Sometimes I feel like my friends forget about me. Because of my lack of life.

I have to constantly remind myself that I am someone's favorite. My parents, my grandparents, my aunts. I am someone's best friend. I'm going to be the maid of honor in my best friend's wedding when she gets married. I've joined a community that has made me part of them, and they are learning to love me too. I am not forgotten.

I want so badly to be able to tack on the end of that sentence that no one is forgotten. I think the fucked-up reality is that people are forgotten sometimes. They slip through the cracks in whatever sense you want to imagine- didn't get the diagnosis and/

or treatment they deserved, the world can't accommodate them, they're ostracized because they're different. No one deserves to be forgotten, but it happens and that makes me angry and sad.

I'm getting used to being more political. I never used to be, I stayed out of those types of arguments or claimed that I didn't have an opinion- leave it to the person to decide what they want to do. I've come to realize that I do have opinions. I care about things, about people and how they're treated, and the state of the world. The next step is overcoming my feeling of uselessness, helplessness, feeling like I can't do anything about the things I care about. Because there are nearly endless ways for me to help, it's just a matter of finding them and picking out the right way for me.

No one told me I had to accept being a background character. And even if I am one, then who said I had to be two-dimensional? I am allowed to change, and I have the means to do it. All right inside me, waiting for their time to shine. It won't be easy but that's okay because I welcome the challenge; I crave it.

My Dearest Self Manifesto

Aishat Lawal

Introduction

From all the manifestos, I have read I realize that there was no manifesto that was about apologizing to self for being in this kind of world we live in , the internal misogyny we have learned and had to unlearn, the continuous need for an apology to keep the peace , to have to continuously put yourself last, to think we need to be in the same path or direction as everyone else , to think there is something wrong with you for not following to those paths , to think you need to act certain ways to passive as your assigned gender.

You are not responsible for You can't be there for everyone everyone !

You need to refuse and learn not I am sorry for not loving you to give in because you believe enough and believing in you there is no other solution for yourself

Message to Myself

sorry for putting everyone before I am sorry for not celebrating your accomplishments "'

I am sorry for always criticizing you for I am sorry for thinking it is your not being perfect obligation to save everyone

It is called love, but I call it unreasonable expectations.

A daughter is expected to be sweet and kind , however you are not sweet and kind as they want you to be.

A daughter is expected to have nothing to say even when there is something to say, however you always have something to say

A daughter is expected to care for her father like a mother does, however you refuse to take on a role that is not yours.

Expectation of a Daughter

You are raised to know how to cook and to cook at expected time, however you want to cook at your convenience

You are raised to accept disrespectful comments from people, however you refuse to be disrespected by anyone

You are raised to cover up, but you choose to dress however you want

You are raised to be the most perfect being, yet you refuse to act perfect

Exp ect ation of a Dau ght er

You are raised , to kee p the p eace in the house ye f you choose to be outspoken •

You are expected to be patient however you are not patient enough

You are ex ected to be silent yet you are loud

Yo are ex ected take care of everyone else but yourself and yet you choose to be care for yourself

You e raised to abide by the rules and yet you chose to question the rules •

To my Rebellious Self

• You are a rebel feminist that your family needed.

• You are expected to be so many things however you are acting and living to who you really are and there is nothing wrong with that.

• You have been in living in the fantasy and expectations that was expected of you, and you choosing your path is normal

• You are not weird for choosing to live outside of these expectations

• You are not a bad person for speaking your mind

• You are not incharge of everyone happiness

I am not Sorry

• I am not sorry for speaking my goddamn mind

• I am not sorry for choosing myself first

• I am not sorry for being myself

• I am not sorry for living outside the expectations that are expected from me

• I am not sorry for not feeling bad when I am expected to

• I am not sorry for not making everyone happy

• I am not fucking sorry not being nurturing enough

I am not sorry for being I am not sorry for not wanting to rebellious get married

I am not sorry for refusing to live in fantasy dreams for happyI am not sorry for not wanting children ending

I choose Violence

• • • I refuse to give in (

I refuse to live in fear 11 l • ••• I will continue to challenge and question the gender stereotypes .

• I will continue to be the voice for women that have been silenced by the society. This manifesto means alot to me and I believe to many women in the world. We have been raised and conditioned to always apologize for ever thing. We are raised feel sor for thin s that are not even in our con ol well this is a message to society, we are not sorry, I am not sorry, and I refuse to be sorry.

I am Who I am

As a woman, I have been raised to act and live a certain way and I refuse. It is painful that I have to apologize for being myself, being a daughter, being a woman, being outspoken. I am not sorry for being who I am meant to be. We are treated like sexual objects to some men, expected to be perfect mothers, expected to meet the standard for feminine. And Yet we are not even allowed to be ourselves, since it is a threat to the patriarchal system. On behalf of all women, WE ARE NOT FUCKING SORRY!!!

Disabled by Nameless

I a Disabled It has taken me a long time to feel comfortable claiming that word. Everyday of , my Ii e is affected by my disabilities, yet I do not wish to be given spec ial treatment , healed, or prayed for_. Some days I struggle a lot more than other days and I get angry with myself. Why won 't my body and mind cooperate? I am allowed to be frustrated, angry, and confused I am also allowed to embrace my disabilities and talk about them if I want to.

I do not wish to be any other way

Humans have a common habit of d nci around words make us uncomfortable. For example, instead of referring to d1sa led eop e as "disabled," it is common for able bodied people to replace the word with something else, like "special needs" or "differently abled." This switch leads to further stigmatization of disability. -

As a disabled person in the disability communit , the eneral preference is to be called "disabled". By calling us anythin else, it is removing he disability rom our identit when in reality, every aspect of our identity is shaped and/or affected by our disabilities.

On top of incorrect labels, the disabled community has been historically met with a bl.eism, bullying, inaccessible spaces, and discrimination. Just look at the separation of "Speci al Education" classes. Accessible and accommodated lessons are important for disabled people , butlnot "special." There is aahuge difference in the educational material taught to disab,led children in "special education" classes versus the material taught to able-bodied children. One of the most concerning differences is the lack of sex education in the supported classes. Disabled people can and do have sex, and all people deserve equal access and opportunity to a proper education about their bodies and the world.

Another example of discrimination is the carceral practice of institutionalization. While hospitalization can be very important and vital to a person's well-being, there is a point in which it can make a person worsefrhen the hospital makes you worse , how can you ever leave? This is how disabled people get stuck in the cycle of hospitals, keeping them separate and isolated from the rest of the world.

It is time t he system. and start lifting the voices of disabled

There are many aspects and challenges that come with being disabled. But that does not mean disability is bad, scary, or sad. Challenge yourself to step out of your comfort zone. Instead of shying around words like "Autistic," "Deaf," or "Disabled," use them properly and in the right context.

I'm Allowed to be Human

by Taylor Miller

It took me a couple years to come to terms with what this makeup actually represented for me. It actually took being in WGSS to understand why I needed to do this makeup. When I was 17, I was in a horrible relationship. I never realized how bad the relationship was until I got out of it and I'm still learning more and more about it. This makeup represents the pain I went through in that relationship. Red being most painful, then , then blue The outlines and little details represent that I'm still human : even behind all the hurt and the pain, I'm still me .

Fuck the Floral Closet Manifesto

Weight (noun), a body's relative mass or the quantity of matter contained by it, giving rise to a downward force; the heaviness of a person or thing. When will it stop? Eight-year-old me asked myself in the mirror. Eight years old wondering what is wrong with me. When people describe me when I walk in the room why am I described as the "heavier set girl?" Why is this how people describe me? I wish the fucking mirror would talk back to me and tell me to stop. Stop hating the place I call home, stop hating the body that lets me dance, that lets me hold the people I love, the body that carries every memory I have ever made. Value (noun) the regard that something is held to deserve; the importance, worth, or usefulness of something. When weight increases, the value decreases. The value you hold in society suddenly fizzles in front of the eyes you've known your whole life. The desks in classrooms squeeze my hips and squeeze my stomach and I sit silently knowing few people if any in the room are experiencing the same

internal embarrassment. The rollercoasters with the seatbelts that will not reach around my stomach remind me of the measuring tape the dance teacher would sigh when she put around me before the group costumes were chosen. It makes me remember the talk my dance teacher had with me about removing me from the dance, not because I could not keep up, but because "I did

Conner2

st Why the not fit the style," and the style she meant was not the dance, but the two-piece co ume.

fuck am I getting penalized for my body? My mother is built like a Pixar mom character, she is built like a person from the cover of a magazine, but I am not, and I will never be. In almost every fight we get into, I am reminded of all the ways she wishes I was like her. In order for me to get my ears pierced as a child, my mom gave me an ultimatum: if you lose fifty pounds, you can get your ears pierced. I remember walking on vacation in NYC when I was 17 and a homeless man walked over to me and asked if he could sign me a song. Without my consent, he sang to me, "Babygirl, you need to hit the gym". Why is my happiness dependent on my weight and body? Why is a number dependent on the value I hold to others and the value I hold in society?

My favorite quote from a show called Euphoria is from a character named Kat who says, nothing is more powerful than a fat girl that doesn't give a fuck." But how do I learn to not give a fuck when society has taught me that the only thing, I am worthy of is my body. How would you feel if you were so excited to get a dress for prom and they did not carry your size in a store? How would you feel if you were fourteen years old and your mother made you weigh yourself at Weight Watchers every Tuesday after school? How would you feel if you struggled to fit in the social normality of trends if you cannot accessibly find your size in any store? How would you feel if you were asked out on a date as a dare because of your size? My whole life has been about the way I look and not who I am. The prisoner inside of me weeps bittersweet symphonies that nobody will hear. This manifesto is for the people who lack opportunity and a chance to be taken seriously, just like me.

accessibility is. Jnclusive clothing is not limited in size, it expands to gender affirmative options in stores. Storesshould not be split into sections where we feel like we have to do the walk of shame; to the plus-size section that is tucked far away in the back dark corner with three bland shirt options, or left and right that have flashy signs with arrows that say, "men's clothing" and Conner 5

"women's clothing" here. Clothing is an article, an accessory, an accentuation of a sense of self. Clothing is not something that should make people feel like prisoners to their own bodies. Clothing can be a gender-affirming experience, but it can also be a sensitive aspect that many people struggle with. Clothing is material, the material comes in many forms, but if you look at companies or even Etsy accounts, people sell plus-size clothing more expensive than other sizes. This is a form of oppressing bodies through monetary value. Access is scare enough but taxing clothing and making it more expensive based on the sizing can lead to money issues. People cannot afford to special order every single article of clothing in their closet. Not only can clothing be hard to find, but clothing for job opportunities and special occasions can be hard to find on quick hand. It is difficult to find plus-size clothing on short notice without ordering it beforehand, or if able to find it in stores, nothing is ever business casual enough to be taken \ seriously. Not only are clothing options limited in stores and forced more to online users but think of all the limited experiences plus size people are missing out on. Job opportunities, trying on traditional wedding dresses in stores with loved ones, children forced to pick different formal wear for school events, all of these are emotionally damaging and could be put to an end if clothing brands listened to its consumers.

Body positivity is a movement that is necessary for the world we live in today. Many different social media platforms result in comparing the bodies of others for views and

Liberation for people who do not fit the scale that society has created for them in terms of person is greeted in public on different levels of Th ,Jr, e way a tolerance and respect must change.

th · body mass Whether or not a stranger d b ased on eir · friendliness should not be accentuate decides to treat people that look like me kindly or with a gruesome stare, must change. Inclusive Conner4 sizing in clothing industries is overlooked and forgotten about. There are few stores that carry clothing sizes for all different body types and the ones that do carry the bare minimum.

Accessibility for clothing for fat people is scarce enough, but to be only offered floral patterns and cartoons on at-shirt as an adult is simply humiliating Clothing is a basic necessity that a functional human being needs, and self-expression plays a large role in one's mental health. I have always criticized myself and said, "if I was skinny, I would want to dress like that," but

why should I have to be thin to express who I want to be? The hard truth is, you only have

<f'> options to dress the way you want based on what is available to you and even if you do express yourself, you will be shamed for doing so. Being shamed for walking in an American Eagle that is supposed to be size inclusive, and the worker saying, "we actually do not carry your size in store anymore, check online" when you walk in, without asking them. Was my size being sold in store because the company wanted to profit and look good on social media? Absolutely fuc · yes. They wanted the reputation of being "size inclusive," but once they got that and they grew in monetary value, in store clothing became limited. My experience shopping in a mall should not be like this.

The liberation of inclusive sizing is a movement that is upcoming and will break so many people. Many children are struggling to fit in and are getting bullied barriers for many suffering and shamed for the way they are forced out of trending clothing. Trends are not the issue.

la · f t Everyone is born having a body, and everyone will die having one, so popu tion o an accoun what do we lack in the middle? Respect. Body positivity is respecting all people, NOT just people you wish to look like, people you are attracted to, or people who are social media famous from other's sexualizing them. I bad a person I live with on campus walk into my room out of Conner6

seven others they could have chosen and asked me if they "looked fat," I was deeply hurt. I was deeply hurt that someone with zero percent of fat on them decided to walk into my safe space and ask me what I thought of their body because they sure as hell had it in their head what I thought of my own. I am not here to boost your own body positivity when you are feeling insecure, and my body will not be used as a comparison to make you feel better. Let me remind you, fat does not mean ugly. Fat is used as a negative connotation that people use when they are feeling insecure, but nobody acknowledges the beauty that is held in plus size people.

Despite the stance of fucked up beauty standards, inclusivity is hard to find easily. After reading this manifesto, I hope every reader looks at the clothing industries differently. I hope you can look at chain stores and see the issues they hold. The power they hold to brand plus size clothing as 'plus size' and then only carry an extra-large is fucked up and wrong. Toe 'online only' option must go. I should be able to walk in a store other than Torrid or Old Navy and see a model on the wall that represents people who look like me and I should be able to effortlessly find clothing to fit me. The options must extend from the cartoons on cotton t-shirts and the floral shirt with long sleeves. Fuck the floral shirt and fuck the clothing industry.

In the space between our bodies and the tender earth, nopales sprout from our heads like royalty

We have fled one unforgiving country to the next, the beautiful tragedy of our home ringing in our ears Too afraid to look back and stand as a pillar of salt at the sight of another lost thing

At the border of one home to the next, it is important to not forget even after a hundred years of tending to a wound inflicted from one conquistador sword to the next

The testament you leave behind will be sealed into the creases of your hands

Where resistance kisses the familiar lines of your ancestors and not even law can separate the knowledge of love from one mother to the next

What is my Worth?

By: Elaina Tiemann

What i my worth? -

I think back to family reunions, talking to people who I haven't seen in months or years. We don't have much to talk about so we mostly sit in silence. One of them always speaks up though. It could be an aunt, uncle, grandma, grandpa, it doesn't matter. The question is always the same. "Do you have a boyfriend yet? You're so pretty and young the boys must flock to you! Oh, come on don't be modest, who's the lucky guy?' I normally respond with some form of 'I'm focusing on myself' or 'I've been trying to put my energy into my college.' I think that's a valid response, however, I always seem to get the same sigh of disapproval. 'Oh, well I'm sure you'll find a nice guy soon.' Somehow my worth is always equated to the man in my life. Is being with a man what defines me?

I like to change the way I dress. Somedays I dress more feminine, wearing dresses and skirts. I do my makeup and straighten my hair. I get compliments these days. This is a rarity though. I normally dress more masculine. Whether it's by compressing my chest or wearing men's clothes, I feel most comfortable this way. It is these days where the compliments stop. I am praised for adhering to gender roles. As long as I dress in a way that is preferable to the men around me, I am doing the right thing. Is my physical attractiveness what defines me? , /,J

What is my worth? 7

From a young age, I have been seen as a people-pleaser. I would often lower my voice so that those around me could be heard clearly. This came at the cost of myself. Nobody knew what my opinions were, what goals I had, or what I felt. Even though I felt suppressed, I got many compliments on my demeanor. I got along great with others and was a great team player. How is it that I was a team player without ever having given my opinion? One day I decide to speak up and take charge. I share what I know and feel confident in my speech. Instead of being met with the same praise, I'm met with glares. Now, I'm not seen as a leader, I'm seen as a problem. Is being silent what defines me?

What is my worth?

Women are devalued in society. This is magnified when said women are people of color, disabled, low-income, etc. We are often looked down upon in most aspects of life. and are made to deal with discrimination as a result. While living in a patriarchal society, we are constantl

told that our worth is lesser than our male counterparts. We are told that we have specific roles and we dare not stray from them. This is bullshit. Our worth does not come from the views of men. It does not come from the views of anyone else for that matter. As a woman your worth is defined by you and only you. Value should be found in attributes you are proud of.

I am kind. I help those in need.

I am a hard worker. I fight for the rights of others. I am receptive.

I respect those around me. I am entirely me.

Silent Suffering

Anonymous

My Story

2019

Shaking in left hand.

2020

Shaking intensifies in my left hand.

People asking "Are you okay? Do you need anything?" "Did you get into an accident is that why your hands shaking?" "I am praying for you."

Sadness worsens, embarrassment and humiliating increases.

2021

Shaking starts now in my right hand and my back hunching back while walking.

Social anxiety, depression, embarrassment all rising.

Doctors everywhere poking and prodding.

Sees a neurologist.

"Sarah I am worried it is Juvenile Parkinson's Disease"

Takes medicine that treats Parkinson's.

Symptoms of tremors and gait disappear.

Realization kicks in .... anger and sadness increases.

2022

I am angry, sad, confused

This is my silent suffering .

No one knows how incredibly hard it is coming to terms with potentially having live with a disease 1

I am angry because as a 22-year-old I wish I could feel normal and be able to perform the tasks I could do just a few years ago. It is progressing, and I am scared.

I fear my future because in America people suffer from disabilities like these are put to the side.

I have not been diagnosed yet, but just the thought of having a disabling disease for the rest of my life makes me angry and scared for my future in America. We all know how people with disabilities are treated poorly. I do not want to be seen as not capable of exceeding based on my tremors because it is only a limitation, . I will fight, kick, and scream to prove that I am more than just my tremors and that they DO NOT limit my abilities in life. America likes to preach freedom for all, but we all know the truth. Women are raped and do not receive proper justice, innocent black men and women are being shot and killed by police and receive no justice . How would one think the disabled would receive justice too? People need to start rejecting that people with disabilities are weak and incompetent. Not all disabilities look alike and should not be judged. I am not paralyzed nor do I suffer more extremes, so that means my suffering isn't any less. I have no control over what is happening to me. I did not ask to display symptoms of Parkinson's Disease. I will not let this bring me down and I promise myself no matter how or angry I am, I will prove that I am more than just my tremors and gait. The fight for human rights is not over and those who are oppressed in society will continue to combat for equity, no matter what.

The Bold Brown Manifesto Isbah Premjee

Note: This is a short collection of poetry that encapsulates the frustrating elements of my four month journey in United States.

A Battle of Colors

My bones were trained to not be fragile

My heart was taught to not sink even if death was right there; Even if death was staring at me in a male bodv It stared; It gawked; It taunted; It yelled; It abused; I covered myself in this golden skin every morning.

After all, there is no ice that the sun is incapable of melting.

They call me exotic!

I ask why when my heart knows the answer.

"You are beautiful", he responds.

My face contorts with confusion.

"You are exotic", he tries to clarify my confusion. I am no exotic.

Mv melanin scares you: It threatens you. It disrupts your conception of normalcy: It challenges your paleness;

I pity you.

I pity you;

Your whiteness;

Your maleness:

Your ignorant femaleness;

Your undeserved privilege;

Your deliberate unawareness;

Your blissful bubble of America.

I pity you;

Your superiority complex;

Your non-existent culture; Your inability to comprehend diversity around you ;

Your incapability to speak beyond English;

Your believe that l need saying;

Your naivety that believes tlie world revolves around you.

I pity you.

Raped:

Shattered·

Distorted ·

Dumped;

Murdered;

Abused for wearing hijabs;

Harassed for being in jeans;

Beaten because the food served was cold; (!)fj}

Groped because I decided to take the bus .

They talk about evervone. but us.

Our stories remain buried.

Our brownness is buried every day.

Our sacrifice is not unearthed 1ike others.

Our coffins are ignored.

Not anymore.

It is time to excavate our bruised brown corpses.

Let ANGER Roar

"Why do you have that look on your face? Everything okay? You mad or something? "

"I swear you have a big anger problem."

"Yelling and being mad isn't going to get you anywhere."

"You think you can tone down your yelling. People are starting to think something is wrong. "

"I don't like it when you yell at me or when you are anger with me "

Common words said by people who doesn't want to deal with anyone's anger. Because you hear these statements, you turn into a people pleaser. Wanting to make sure that everyone in your life, or everyone in you circle is happy, no matter how upset this makes you. Honestly .STOP THAT CRAPI There is no pleasing everyone, only yourself. For too long, anger was a thing that people tried to keep under control so things are at bay and, again, they do not have to deal with it

So why do people try and satisfy everyone? Or better yet why is there no satisfaction within yourself? There should be hardly any fear when you no that you will feel relieved after the fact. When you are the killjoy. Your anger wi ll be that fire for you, that spark. The key to this is to know when to always use it and who to use it w ith. Why aren't others in this situation? Why don't other release their anger? It would make them feel a bit better, right? Well a lot easier said than done. You have to show and prove that anger is the thing that will release that weight. You have to show them that anger brings that happiness to themselves. I mean I should everyone care what everyone else thinks. I am a black woman in America that could give two shits what anyone says about me, my family, or even black women. As this black woman, to get people to know who I am and to understand I am strong, fearless, confident, and unapologetic, anger will be my first option. Being told since I was a child that my anger would be my downfall was a b ig middle finger in my face. It took until my twenties for me to express my anger, let roar to people who were not only doing me wrong, but needed to get the clear message.

Anger, I find it to be a beautiful thing if it's used well. Anger can feel amazing when you let it all out to everyone, regardless on whether they want to hear or not. Anger. Anger is power. it is that fire that literally everyone needs. The ultimate killjoy. Killjoys honestly do NOT care what anyone say, do, and maintain the satisfaction for themselves. Being that killjoy for yourself shows the strength that you have.

"You act like a child when you are angry." Like honestly, do I? And how? From my knowledge a child has temper tantrums and does things irrationally When child throw temper tantrums, there isn't a thinking to get something across. It's just "I'm mad!" or "I want that!" and so on. Don't compare me to a child. A child would not put you in your place when you make a wrong move. A ch ild would not through the situation back you to also show you flaws. There are many things that distant me from a child Now children have some of the best anger because isn't fresh, they have to be directed into the clear message box. Make sure that you continue to use the anger for your pleasure and to teach others that it's okay. It's okay to possess it and let it out. That's what the issue is here. Anger isn't taught, but it's created. Why can't there by both? Let a person create their anger and there is a source that they can go to that they can learn from constantly starting at a young age. You know, target them young and they can grow to be strong people. Start them late and the chance it of that isn't as high. In a child, we should let the anger roar, but not let it turn into tantrums.

Overall, just know that anger has never been a dreadful thing. Just know that the control of anger, but not control, seems to be the way to go. Anger is going to be the core of who you are , if you just let it. Not letting it in wil l just do you a disservice Not using it to the best of your ability will show weakness that we cannot have. Hell with anger you must shout, blog, broadcast, protest, etc., just know that you have to get it out some how to everyone so they can fully and truly know and understand you.

-NaTaysia Edmonds

RADICAl THOUGHT

Playing Nice

Abi Sinclair

the Oppressors see us who are "other" as animals to be

Controlled

amed

Displayed

ith collars engraved with 1'Token" to show that we are well taken care of in their system designed to cull difference

if you dare complain about the restriction of the collar they put you in a cage labeled

Radical

Delusional Dangerous

if you dare speak against their system of oppression you are Ignored Muzzled

Killed

many would argue to be

Polite

Quiet

Calm

if they want to treat us like beasts, let us show them our Ferocity at all times to get a seat at the table

but I say

Embrace the animality they force on us

Fight tooth and claw for change

Free

yourself and others from the collar

·-·· Spew

By Mitzi Cuaxico

I've been silent for way too long. I have remained still as many laugh behind their backs. I have not spoken for those who could not even form words. I have remained as still as corpses with words desperately begging to bloom out of my lips. Yet, they remain inside by the invisible force of pressure that stuffs them behind my gritted teeth. My words did not matter. How could they? Everyone said that didn't. Just to please them, I have wrangled my personality and buried - \' it under expectations Their fantasies became my reality and still, I did not utter a word. Yet, I see the pain and bear witness to injustice Injustice that happens to me, , ' to • my sister, my mother, my best friend. I'm tired oflowering my gaze. I'm tired of laughing off the harassment of men as old as my father. I'm tired of ignoring the eyes looking me up and down, judging every lump of my body. I'm tired of the nervous response blocking my anger. So, fuck that! I want to let my anger .•_ out and never witness again the smirk some men hold after they have spewed their venom. I want to see their satisfaction destroyed with my honesty, my own brand of venom: I want to finally I entrap the tears that bubble in my eyes and transformthem into words that punch, kick, and scream that indignant feeling. I want ro act rather than imagine the repercussions for hurting me or hurting other people.

The news report another missing woman, another tragic ending to the life of a human. _. Social media once spreads the smiling face of another child that never returned home. Another ' . An.other.Another. I see that every child, woman; human being missing will never .grow up, never achieve happiness, and never get to release their anger at the injustice of loss. -, ·1 want to protest, ,, to destroy hierarchies and shitty systems. For me, for them, for everyone at risk of loss, pain, assault. But I cannot stand alone. Social psychologists tell us that in order to dismantle • oppressive systems, we must unify. So, I ask of you, will you continue to be silent? Are you

ready to destroy and let that anger transform? Are you ready for the iawness and burning o f pain?Do it! I'm fueled and ready to fuck things up. I'm ready to destroy machismo in my · culture. I'm ready to destroy the glares from people because of my race and/or my sexuality. I'm · tired of being an object and so should you! Rise up! Be ready to punch, kick, and spew your r you! And never doubt for a second that you're not deserving venom. Do it for all ofus! Do .it fo_ ; . , of respect. Let your lips bloom venoni that erodes oppression. Those lips will no longer be corpses. They will speak for the millions of bodies who can never utter another word I . I '

Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda, Didn't. and Won't

Erin Kibby

I've come to believe that there are few things more toxic in life than SHOULDS.

There is too much power behind the word SHOULD

When you SHOULD do something, for whom SHOULD you do it? Who told you that this is what you SHOULD do?

That's not your voice. It is always someone else's voice that's telling you what you SHOULD and SHOULDN'T do.

It is the language used to hold power over you; to control your actions; to make you palatable for other people and easier to deal with.

SHOULD carries so much societal expectation and pressure to act within the 'acceptable' norm.

There is no norm.

There is no correct way to do things. There is no correct path to take in your life. There is only your path.

No one and no-thing has the right to define your life.

So own it [everything, every part of yourself, every decision you've made, every disastrous mistake] and don't let anybody shame you for it.

SHOULDS produce shame and guilt and doubt that have no place in your life

Do not let the poison of SHOULD seep into your heart and mind.

When you don't just do what you think you SHOULD , you are then free to do what you want.

You are the creator of your own story, so do whatever the hell you want.

Manifesto for Activist Rest

By Madison Newman

"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare." -Audre Larde

Sooner or later, we will be hit with the realization that the world is already working hard to cut us down to size, to sink its teeth into us. This society and culture in which we live wants us to think the only way to fight back, to be loud and visible, is to throw ourselves headfirst into 24/7 activism with the notion that activists must never rest, as rest is something we must sacrifice in order to devote ourselves to change. This is a notion we must abandon completely. This way of thinking is designed to exhaust (and therefore to dilute and conquer) the activist.

REST IS RADICAL. SELF-CARE IS SUBVERSIVE.

If we are not in the physical shape or mindset to help ourselves, we will not be able to help and/or advocate for others to the best of our ability. Resting your mind, body, and spirit as an activist is a form of defiance; it can be weaponized. Our best revolt is the preservation and protection of our and our communities' right to rest in all its forms.

The capitalist society in which we live attempts to convince us that a moment of rest is a moment of unproductiveness, and that moment of unproductiveness is equivalent to a moment of worthlessness. This culture works hard to convince us that, without constant and bottomless contribution, we are useless. We must fight this way of thinking with the knowledge that the system seeks to exhaust us to the point of passivity, and rest is an activist's tool to stay energized and awake.

If a voice shouts nonstop, it is bound to go hoarse much quicker than if we take the time to rest it. Rest results in the ability for a longer, stronger disruption. This is what injustice fears-fierce, vocal, and (most importantly) consistent pushback. Movements that are explosions-piercingly hot and loud, yet short-lived-are much easier to overlook. In order to keep a steady fire lit under a movement, we must keep feeding it kindling. The activist's kindling is rest. Rest is a message sent to a society that thrives when its injustices are endured silently. That message is that it will not succeed in exhausting our voices.

Kate Staff 2022

Co-Editors: Paige Skaff and Lukas Patel

Editing Staff:

Lily Cowie

Madison Dunbar

NaTaysia Edmonds

Emily Kreachbaum

Emma Linehan

Jackie Lipnos

Emma Mierzejewski

Madison Newman

Jennifer Odiri

Linsey Orlovsky

Alexis Sheets

Shania Turner

Special Thanks to Emily Laughman for formatting this zine