The beauy and the frustrations of Twitter dot com
ho would have ever thought that 140 characters could cause so much joy, grief, laughter, and hate. Twitter has been a staple in my life ever since I started punching those miniscule jokes/rants/thoughts into my Blackberry Bold. Back then everyone I knew had a handle, everyone had their own take on what was trending (usually just beef between the different cliques; it was high school, after all), and everyone was active on it. Flash forward to 2017, and my feed is filled with professional comedians, news publications, and only a few of those brave souls I actually know in real life that have held onto it for one reason or another. If I wasn’t an active part of the media, professionally, I probably would have
jumped ship a while ago as well. As much of a stake as I have in the app—sliding into my girlfriend’s DMs three years ago was definitely a highlight—I’ve found that it is usually the last social media square I’m clicking on while commencing my usual, brain-draining scroll. It may, of course, be me to blame. The people I’m following could be what’s bringing it down; maybe it seems as though everyone I actually know has “left” because they couldn’t put up with my own Twitter antics, and actually just blocked me; or possibly it’s just a silly app that shouldn’t have much thought given to it, let alone 400+ words in a student newspaper. Whatever the case, I know that I’m well and stuck in maintaining a presence with the bright blue bird. Twitter seems to have become a necessary app for journalists and
the like as a way to communicate, keep up to date, and post their own articles for the world to see. I generally just RT things I find humourous, but we all should know by now that I’m nowhere near perfect. On the surface, Twitter is amazing for what it is: Simple, quick, to the point. Where it fails is in the utter avalanche of opinions and ideas that come streaming out of it in a suffocating rush. It used to operate on a linear basis: things that were older were lower, and newer tweets were higher in the feed. Then it decided to pull a time-warp and place past tweets earlier, and “what you missed,” “things you might like,” and, the worst offender of all: Tweets from people I’m not following, but that have been liked by those that I am following. I mean come on, there’s an RT button for a reason. With all of these new changes to the
once-simple structure, the ever-updating nature of the app, and my own laziness as far as cleansing my following list goes, I am left with an onslaught of information that I barely ever have the time to wade through— meaning that most of the time I won’t even jump in. Which is too bad, because it was great in its prime. In all honesty, though, I’m probably the one that has gotten stale.
Cheers, Chandler Walter Editor-in-Chief
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OO IT help desk briefly overloaded OO Vancouver hosts final NDP leadership debate And more!
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Grand opening of park a success öö4.3 million spent on renovations to Rochester Park Colten Kamlade Staff Reporter
Rochester Park, in Coquitlam, was recently renovated. Other Press reporter Colten Kamlade attended the grand opening of the renovated park on September 12.
he noise of the city seems to fade to a dull hum inside the park perimeters. In the forested ravine birds sing and water trickles downhill, while in the playground above children laugh and play. Moments before, ribbons were cut and speeches were made, signifying the grand opening of the newly renovated Rochester Park. Children from Maillard Middle School, Rochester Elementary,
The project added “a zip-line, water play area, climbing wall, and a large slope slide.” and the Traditional Learning Academy all attended the event, and from their excited squeals it seems to have been a success. Andre Isakov, park planning and design manager for the City of Coquitlam, said he is also happy with the finished product. One of the most distinguishing features of the new park is the innovative playground, according to Isakov. Designed by a “consulting team with experience in landscape architecture, engineering, and architecture,” the wood log structure looks more like a tree fort than a playground. Other aspects of the park are also unique,
he said, noting that the terraced fields— connected by a large slide—and the climbing wall are all unusual sights for a city park. Surrounding these oddities is more common playground fare; swings, a spray park, and even a small skate park. During email correspondence with Isakov, he said that Rochester Park was chosen for renovation based on a review of “park service and amenity demands and needs” as well as “distribution of park services.” The project added “a zip-line, water play area, climbing wall, and a large slope slide.” Coquitlam does not intend
to stop at Rochester Park, however, but “has an ongoing plan to develop new parks and renovate existing parks.” Most of these parks are in Southwest Coquitlam. According to the Coquitlam Parks, Recreation, and Culture website, the program “will focus on twelve neighbourhood parks in the Burquitlam, Lougheed, and Central Coquitlam neighbourhoods.” The renovation of Rochester Park seemed to be a success with parents and children alike, but it does come at a price. The cost of renovations totalled $4.3 million, according to Isakov. On top of that, he said, the budget for the grand opening was four thousand dollars, spent on “healthy snacks, entertainment, active games, face painting, [and] rentals of equipment.”
Pattullo Bridge replacement still unfunded after budget update ööBridge tolls, prior to elimination, were expected to fund project Jake Wray News Editor
he future of the Pattullo Bridge replacement project is uncertain after the BC government eliminated bridge tolls, which were expected to fund most of the project, and neglected to allocate alternative funds in a recent provincial budget update. The 80-year-old bridge is in notoriously poor condition. A report issued to the TransLink board of directors by Sany Zein, TransLink’s acting vice president of infrastructure management, on September 8, 2016 said the bridge “may be vulnerable” during
an earthquake or extremely high wind. Replacing the bridge is a key priority in TransLink’s 10-Year Vision. Planning on the replacement project officially began in 2016 and construction was expected to begin early in 2019. The new bridge was supposed to be financed primarily with a loan, and tolls collected from the new bridge would pay off that debt, but the new provincial government’s stance on bridge tolls has eliminated that funding option, according to Jonathan Coté, chair of the TransLink Mayors’ Council funding strategy committee. Coté, mayor of New Westminster, said he is “cautiously optimistic” the NDP government will provide a
funding alternative for the Pattullo Bridge replacement project, adding that the Province recently promised to compensate TransLink for lost toll revenue from the Golden Ears Bridge. The Pattullo Bridge will only last for six or seven more years, but building a new bridge will take at least five years, so it’s important to lock in a replacement strategy soon, according to Coté. The TransLink Mayors’ Council discussed planning the replacement project without toll revenues at a meeting on July 27, according to minutes from the meeting, but Coté said they haven’t begun contingency planning for the possibility that the replacement project could fall through entirely.
“There hasn’t been detailed planning at this stage about if the bridge has to be decommissioned for a few years, or even permanently,” he said. “I would say we’ll know a year from now whether we’ll need to start having those conversations or not.” The government is “committed” to the replacement project, but needs more time to review a final business case for the project, according to an e-mail statement from the Ministry of Transportation and Infrastructure. TransLink is “working with the provincial government to discuss funding options” for the project, according to a bulletin on the TransLink website.
news // no. 4
IT help desk briefly overloaded ööNew IT security measures contributed to surge of calls, emails Jake Wray News Editor
he CEIT help desk was briefly overloaded with calls and emails early this month which prompted Douglas College to post a bulletin on its website on September 7 warning of help desk delays. The bulletin said the surge of calls and emails coincided with the start of the new semester, but the surge was bigger than usual this semester, according to Jason Dadswell, manager of client services for CEIT. “This year, things were a little bit more than we have had in the past and the reason for that is we’ve implemented some security measures,” Dadswell said in a
phone interview with the Other Press. Dadswell said one of the primary new security measures is that the passwords for some students’ online Douglas College accounts now expire more quickly. If the passwords remained unchanged for too long, Dadswell said, students must call the help desk to establish a new password. “We got a whole lot of password resets all at once,” he said, adding that other factors may also have contributed to the surge. “We’re trying to figure out all of the different factors that went into this.” Students can reset their password without calling the help desk, Dadswell said, but only if they have opted in to the self-service password reset tool. Instructions as to how to opt in can be found at douglascollege.ca/password.
“The bulletin said the surge of calls and emails coincided with the start of the new semester, but the surge was bigger than usual this semester.” -Jason Dadswell, manager of client services for CEIT. The IT department is taking steps to make sure the help desk doesn’t get overloaded again, according to Dadswell. “We took some steps in the moment to try to soothe things and then we’re going to be taking steps on a longer term basis,” he said. “[For example] people may have experienced the [voicemail] box being
full … So we’ve increased the cap on it.” The bulletin on the college website has now been removed and help desk service has returned to normal, according to Dadswell. “Things have settled down. We’ve caught up,” he said.
Analysis: New Speaker shifts the balance of power in British Columbia Greg Waldock Staff Writer
n a dramatic turn of events, BC Liberal caucus member Darryl Plecas accepted an offer to become Speaker on September 8, securing both the strength of the NDP-Green alliance and his own removal from the Liberal Party. The move came as a surprise to some of the opposition party’s top brass, particularly interim party leader Rich Coleman, who formally revoked Plecas’ membership with the Liberal Party. Plecas received harsh criticism from Coleman, but praise from leaders of the NDP-Green alliance. His popularity in his home riding in Abbotsford remains uncertain. This is not the first time Plecas has dissented against the Liberals. After the 2017 election, he threatened to resign from the Liberals if Christy Clark didn’t step down, making him one of the few in the party to speak out against party leadership. He emphasized his willingness to vote his conscience over party in an interview with The Province after his announcement to become Speaker, saying “It was the
right thing for me and it was the right thing to do.” He will likely find himself running as an independent in a Liberal stronghold riding next election, which he acknowledged as an acceptable consequence of his surprising actions. Coleman, however, called the act a “betrayal,” during a press conference, referencing an earlier promise by Plecas (and the rest of the Liberals) to refuse any offer to become Speaker. Plecas was voted out of the Liberal Party in a special meeting the day following the announcement, a rare occurrence for any political party in the province. Coleman also suggested Plecas could face a campaign to remove him from his office as MLA in Abbotsford for going against his voters’ wishes. The NDP and the Greens both expressed their support for Plecas, according to a report by the Times Colonist. Plecas was inaugurated as Speaker on the very day his acceptance was announced. According to Westminster tradition, Plecas acted reluctant to be given the role of Speaker, and was escorted to his new seat by Government and opposition house leaders Mike Farnworth and
Photo of Darryl Plecas via Straight.com
ööDrama sparks in Victoria as Darryl Plecas is sworn in as the new Speaker
Mike de Jung, according to a report by Postmedia Network. As Plecas concluded his first speech as Speaker, Coleman and the rest of the Liberal Party refused to stand, applaud, or congratulate him. Plecas’ ascension to the office of the Speaker marks a turning point in a turbulent political year, giving the NDPGreen alliance a slight majority in the House. Together with Christy Clark’s
resignation earlier this year, the seats are now at 41 for the Liberal Party, 41 for the NDP, and three for the Green Party. Because the alliance did not need to give up a seat to provide a Speaker, they now have the ability to pass legislation without needing a tiebreaker vote, effectively giving the alliance a majority government—provided they cooperate.
news // no. 5
issue 3// volume 44
Vancouver hosts final NDP leadership debate ööCandidates discuss numerous topics including climate, Indigenous issues Charlie Angus, Guy Caron and Jagmeet Singh by Darryl Dyck via The Canadian Press
Jerrison Oracion Senior Columnist The last debate in the NDP leadership race happened at the York Theatre in Vancouver on September 10. Other Press correspondent Jerrison Oracion attended the debate.
he theatre was so full that some people had to go to another building nearby to watch the debate. Before the debate began, Charlie Angus, Guy Caron, and Jagmeet Singh went to the lineup in front of the theater to see all of their supporters. Niki Ashton also participated in the debate but she appeared by video link from Ottawa The debate began with the candidates making opening statements that outlined what they would do if they were the leader of the NDP. The candidates answered questions on a variety of topics including climate change, NAFTA negotiations and pay equality. When the candidates were asked if Canada should use Ecuador’s model of decriminalizing drugs, all of them praised that system. But, Angus said he thinks that there should also be support programs to help people stop using drugs and Singh questioned him on that idea. Singh then restated that he thinks all drugs should be decriminalized. Singh challenged Angus again
and when Angus said there should be no means test for old age security. Ashton noted that Singh has registered a large number of NDP members but she suggested that those registrations came from only a handful of ridings. She asked whether Singh had plans to grow the party nationally. Angus also questioned Singh him on the topic of registrations later in the debate. The candidates discussed
decolonization and Indigenous rights. They talked about Justin Trudeau splitting the Ministry of Indigenous and Northern Affairs into two different departments and they all agreed that it is not a great idea. Caron asked Angus two questions about the party’s potential success in Quebec in the 2019 federal election in and Angus answered them in French although he could have answered them in English. The other candidates also talked
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about the party’s chances in 2019 and during this section, they mentioned Jack Layton several times. Before and after the debate, I talked to all of the candidates except Ashton and they all told me that they think that they will be the next leader of the NDP. I asked Singh if he thinks that he is the NDP’s version of Justin Trudeau. He responded, “I hope to be the NDP version of Jagmeet Singh.”
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OO ‘Nowhere to Go’ board game review OO Not a what but an ‘It’ OO An hour of free live music And more!
The 35th anniversary of ‘TRON’
ööHow the pioneering motion picture influenced CGI in television and film Clive Ramroop Contributor
reetings, programs!” On July 9, 1982, a motion picture crept into theatres, introducing audiences to a cyberspace adventure inside a computer. While TRON was only a minor hit overshadowed by E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial dominating the box office, its innovative 3D computer graphics became a launchpad for TV and film productions to spawn more creative milestones in those media. In The Making of TRON, a documentary on the movie’s DVD, storyboard artist and animator Bill Kroyer recalled the difficulty of using early computers for a movie: “There really was no software to make anything move … only software to describe where things sat. Let’s say you got an object like a light cycle. For every frame that it moves, it will need at least six numbers to describe its position; its X-, Y-, and Z-translations to show where it is in space. For 100 frames, you need 600 numbers of data—100 frames is 4 seconds. Then we gave these guys at the computer company these exposure sheets with six rows of numbers for every single frame, and they typed them in. There was no way to just download it. And the
“[TRON’s] innovative 3D computer graphics became a launchpad for TV and film productions to spawn more creative milestones in those media.“ very first time we would see it move ... we would stand there in front of this gigantic 70-mm screen, and they would run this film on a projector. That was our ‘pencil test,’” Kroyer said in the documentary. Director Steven Lisberger, in the documentary, described the movie as “highly experimental” and “cuttingedge,” but also added, “The Motion Picture Academy refused to nominate TRON for special effects, because they said we ‘cheated’ when we used computers, which, in light of what happened, is just mind-boggling.” Indeed, Pixar’s John Lasseter was inspired by TRON to be involved in computer-animated film: “Without TRON, there would be no Toy Story,” he said in the DVD feature. CGI would creep its way to greater prominence in audio-visual media, before venturing into full CGI productions. A quartet of British animators who made Dire Straits’ “Money for Nothing (1985),” the first
CGI music video, moved to Vancouver in the 1990s and created ReBoot: The first 100 per cent CGI cartoon series. In the ReBoot DVD special Alphanumeric: Looking Back at ReBoot, Gavin Blair’s experiences with his pioneering cocreators echoed those of TRON. “The first episode produced … took the best part of nine months. We had to build all the characters, all the sets, locations, props, everything. And work out how we were going to make the characters talk, develop the software to make the characters talk,” Blair said in the DVD special. “We were basically building the entire universe, and all the characters and working out ways to animate it, render it, get it to tape, edit it. We were answering every question as we went. We were doing something that no one had ever done. A lot of the people we were working with ... were from a traditional animation background; what we were doing was way more like live-action production.” Speaking of which, CGI’s evolution
gradually became photorealistic in liveaction environments. Among countless milestones since TRON, Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991) demonstrated realistic human motion with the liquidmetal T-1000, and Jurassic Park (1993) brought dinosaurs out of extinction with the first photorealistic CGI animals. Avatar (2009) would take CGI even further with performance capture technology to generate photorealistic characters that could interact in a photorealistic CGI world. And in The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002), Andy Serkis attracted worldwide attention (and awards) for his “virtual” performance as the digital character Gollum. Unfortunately, the Academy repeated its failure to understand computerized advancements in art, refusing Serkis a Best Supporting Actor nomination despite the performer interacting live with other actors on film sets. Leave it to Pixar to notch up one more significant CGI milestone: in 2009, Up would be the first CGI feature to be nominated for a Best Picture Oscar. If that final milestone of a computeranimated feature film winning Best Picture at the Oscars is ever achieved, perhaps it should consider mentioning TRON in its acceptance speech for building the first step that gained it that prize. “End of Line…”
Time’s arrow marches forward öö‘BoJack Horseman: Season four’ review Mercedes Deutscher Social Media Coordinator
Caution: This review contains minor spoilers.
etflix original BoJack Horseman released its fourth season on September 8, and as a massive fan of the show, I must say this is the strongest season yet. Season four delves into the beautiful yet haunting family past of our protagonist. With less interaction between BoJack (Will Arnett) and the other main characters, other storylines are allowed to thrive. New supporting characters, voiced by a star-studded cast, range from hilarious to heartbreaking. The season opener plays on a theme of political absurdity, one that no doubt resonates with an audience in 2017. Mr. Peanutbutter (Paul F. Tompkins), despite having no political experience whatsoever, has started a campaign to become the Governor of California, vying for the office held by Woodchuck (Andre Braugher). His wife, Diane Nyugen (Alison Brie), feigns support, despite sometimes opposite political stances and a rocky marriage. In what may become a historic television storyline, Todd Chavez (Aaron Paul) struggles with asexuality.
Yet, by far the strongest theme of the season is parenthood. We see it reflected through Princess Carolyn (Amy Sedaris) as she debates staring a family with her boyfriend, Ralph (Raúl Esparza.) We see it through the eyes of Beatrice Horseman (Wendie Malick) who inherits her poor parenting through her own parents and broken dreams. We see it through Hollyhock (Aparna Nancherla,) a new character who yearns to know where she came from, even with a loving home life. While the previous season experimented with storytelling with no dialogue, this season experiments with new styles of animation. Faces are scribbled out due to resentment or disappear along with memory. Edges and people become frantically drawn as BoJack spirals into his all-too-familiar depression. A cutand-paste style is even used during a flashback of Princess Carolyn’s. I have very few complaints over the new season, however one complaint is found in a certain tradition. It is tradition in BoJack Horseman that “fuck” is only spoken once. In past seasons, it is uttered in a serious and pivotal moment. Yet it slips out early in season four, and has been one that other fans have had to re-watch to notice. Of course, the significance of this f-bomb—quite different from its previous contexts—is revealed later on in the season. It’s forgettable, but
I would say that it’s forgivable given the strength of the season as a whole. Meanwhile, there are some episodes that seem like straight filler. I’m mainly referring to “Underground,” an episode where a campaign fundraiser goes horribly awry. While it has some comedic merits—and even then, it’s not the strongest for comedy—it stands out as an okay episode in an otherwise stellar season. Immediately following “Underground” is “The Judge.” While perhaps being slightly more relevant to the overarching story, this is my second pick for weakest episode. Although it touches on some strong themes of shallowness of celebrity culture and racism, it’s fairly forgettable, and its comedy feels forced. Having two weaker episodes right next to each other marks a dry spell in the season, but the following episodes more than make up for it. It’s difficult to choose a favourite episode. One runner-up includes “Ruthie,” which follows an abnormally awful day for Princess Carolyn. A terrible day where seemingly everything goes wrong is a story that everyone can relate to—even though they may not experience the same hardships Princess Carolyn faces. My other choice for runner-up is “Time’s Arrow.” It’s the 11th episode, which has always been the dark and emotional climax of the season. The episode is a flashback episode that
focuses on the previously mysterious upbringing of Beatrice Horseman, BoJack’s mother. It demonstrates hard decisions, and how we must live with the choices we make. But if I could only choose one episode as my favourite, it would be “The Old Sugarman Place.” It follows up on BoJack’s state after he seemingly runs away from all of his troubles in Hollywoo at the end of season three. It also focuses on a pivotal time in Beatrice’s young life. Despite probably 50 years taking place between these storylines, they parallel each other perfectly, sometimes even in the same screen. It tackles mental health and gender—once in a time where women were encouraged to keep their emotions to themselves, followed with how men are expected to show their emotions today. The music is dazzling, and leaves me humming along days after. It is not only one of the best episodes in BoJack Horseman as a whole, but perhaps one of the best episodes on television this year. I could probably fill this entire publication with praise over this show, but for brevity’s sake—just watch it. BoJack Horseman is so much more than another adult cartoon. It will make you smile, it will make you cry, and it will make you hurt. But you will love it all the more.
arts // no. 7
issue 3 // volume 44
The best time you’ll ever have screwing your friends over öö‘Ultimate Chicken Horse’ video game review
ltimate Chicken Horse (2016) is a competitive platformer where the players themselves build the stage as they play. Funded on Kickstarter, Ultimate Chicken Horse allows up to four people to play online or in local co-op. Local co-op is a requirement for most multiplayer games I play—growing up, there was nothing more fun than sitting down with friends or family to work together or destroy each other. Ultimate Chicken Horse delivers on both of these fronts. Also, you play as cute animals. There is a set starting point and goal in each of the game’s levels, and you want to be the first to reach the goal. Each finish
is worth a set amount of points, with other points being awarded for various endeavors. However, if the course you and your friends have made is too easy and you all finish it, no points are awarded to anyone. To make things difficult, the space between the start and finish gets filled in by the players with stationary and moving platforms as well as booby traps, including spikes, crossbows, flowers that punch you, and tennis ball launchers. If any trap touches you, you’re out for the round, so the goal is to set traps that will catch your friends so that you can beat them. You can also glue items together, creating moving deathtraps that make the stages even more unpredictable. The game has three modes: Party, Creative, and Free. Party mode is the primary game mode, as described above. In this mode, to build the level, players have a random assortment of five items to choose from, which they can place
anywhere in the level. This means no two games will be the same, because you’ll always be building with different items in different orders. Creative mode allows players to choose from any item to build the stages, and Free mode is essentially a level creator mode, and players can switch between designing the level and testing it at any time. This game is honestly one of the most fun multiplayer experiences I’ve had in a long time. The combination of working to screw your friends over while planning how you’ll make it past the litany of traps is exciting, and, unless one of your friends is incredibly competitive, dying in ridiculous ways can be almost as fun as getting to the end. The more you play the more you unlock, with new levels, characters, and outfits popping up as you go. You start with one simple level—a farm—but the levels become increasingly harder as you unlock them. The only
one I don’t like playing is the final level, which is disco-themed and has random black bars that obscure the obstacles. The game is also very versatile. Are your friends good at platformers? You can play later, tougher levels. Are you introducing someone who hasn’t played as many similar games? The starter levels are much simpler, while still being fun, and there’s no big-time investment necessary. If you have 30 minutes, you can get a few rounds in, or you can spend hours playing it without it feeling stale. Lastly, no matter what type of computer you have, you can most likely play it, as it is available on Windows, Linux, and Mac. If that doesn’t work for you, it will be released on the Xbox One, PS4, Wii U, and Nintendo Switch this fall. It’s only $16.99 on Steam, which is a fantastic deal for how much game time and social time you’ll get out of it.
Lots of laughs promised by local theatre company ööThe Royal Canadian Theatre Company fall line-up Rebecca Peterson Assistant Editor
f you value your life, keep away from the moor!” A well-known line from one of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s best-known and most adapted short stories, The Hound of the Baskervilles, the warning promises dire consequences should the heir to Baskerville Hall, Sir Henry Baskerville, return to his ancestral home. This, combined with the previous Lord Baskerville’s murder, is what spurs super sleuth Sherlock Holmes and his trusted companion, Doctor Watson, into action. It’s a straightforward, entertaining, yet sombre mystery for the ages. However, the Royal Canadian Theatre Company’s production of this classic is anything but straightforward. Or sombre. It’s absolutely entertaining, however. Adapted for theatre by playwrights Steve Canny and John Nicholson, this telling of The Hound of the Baskervilles features—among other wild additions—a pants-stealing fireplace, a steamy sauna sequence, and a fastpaced comedy style that promises to leave the audience breathless. The Other Press caught up with the production last weekend during one of their rehearsals. “I just love the silliness of it and sort of trying to ground a very big, ridiculous, farcical comedic performance in some form of reality,” said Johnathan Mason, who plays Sir Henry Baskerville in the show. “The struggle between those two things is really fun, and a great challenge.” This production is one of two produced by the Royal Canadian Theatre Company for this fall, the
other being a pantomime: Ellie King’s Sinbad, the Pirate and the Dinosaur, set to hit the stage in December. Ellie King herself is a well-known name in the local theatre community, largely famous for her annual pantomimes, which are known for sticking closely to traditional English pantomime stylings. A director, stage actor, and voice actor, Ellie King immigrated to British Columbia from England in 1982. She was the founder and artistic director of the Raymond Burr Performing Arts Centre in the early 2000s, as well as the current Royal Canadian Theatre Company. King is famous for her personality and dry sense of humour, as well as her dedication to perfection in her shows. When asked what sets the Royal Canadian Theatre Company apart from other companies, King simply stated, “We are brilliant.” After a laugh, King elaborated: “We have an open-door policy, and we are nondiscriminatory in any area—we offer blind casting so we will cast the person who is right for the role … Everything we do, we approach with our three watchwords: Respect, inclusiveness, and excellence, and we apply that to everything we do.” So what does the RCTC do? “We specialize in comedies, and we are very good at comedies,” said King. “We also like to scare people, but right now we are guaranteeing comedies for the next three, four years, because people want them and because the world is in a bit of a state right now.” In regard to this show in particular, King would like to warn the audience to “wear something to hold your ribs in please, and make sure your teeth are secured tightly.”
“It’s a very silly play … It’s very fastmoving, it’s very funny. For anybody who’s into theatre—like really into theatre— watching what’s happening on stage, it’s probably the most challenging thing I’ve ever directed in terms of just the staging. It’s very complex, but very funny.” King and two of the lead actors are actually veterans of this play in particular, as they’ve performed it before as part of an equity co-op. “[This show features] an insanely frenetic pace and utter precision in that,” said Steven Weller, the show’s Doctor John Watson. Weller and his co-star, Michael Charrois (Sherlock Holmes in the production), are reprising their roles from their co-op production. “It’s been a lot of fun,” said Charrois, of the rehearsal process this time around. “It’s been full of laughs; it’s been full of discoveries … It’s great to go back and revisit the lines and the characters and find more richness and more comedy.” “The good thing about this [show] too is, although it’s a spoof adaptation of the story, it actually steers quite close to the story itself, so you’ve got all the main elements in there,” said King. “So it’s really good for drama students, English students as well.” When asked if King had any advice for theatre majors looking for a career onstage, the industry veteran had plenty. “You have to be totally committed to what you’re going to do. It’s a very, very hard life. Grow a thick skin. You will be
Photo via The Royal Canadian Theatre Company
Lauren Kelly Contributor
turned down way more times than you will be booked. Be prepared to travel and be prepared to do without—I hope you like Kraft Dinner, because you’re going to be living on it a lot. Be prepared to take chances and to take risks.” “Learn your craft! When you go into an audition make sure you know what the play is about. If you can get a copy of it, research it. If you know who the director is and who the company is, research them so you know what kind of things they like and what they’re looking for in an actor. “Make sure that you treat yourself as a business. A lot of people don’t get that but you are your own business, you are a sole proprietorship, so look after that side of things too, otherwise you’re going to end up in trouble … Just take it seriously. It’s a serious, serious business, although we have a great deal of fun, and it’s a very, very tough life. So make sure you’re prepared for that. Understand that being a star in Hollywood does not make you an actor, but being an actor can make you a star in Hollywood.” The Hound of the Baskervilles opens October 5 at the Surrey Arts Centre, and will tour throughout the month. Sinbad, the Pirate and the Dinosaur opens December 15 at the Surrey Arts Centre mainstage. For more information on upcoming performances, check out the Royal Canadian Theatre Company’s Facebook page, or their website www.rctheatreco.com.
arts // no. 8
Image via Warner Bros
Not a what but an ‘It’ öö‘It’ (2017) film review Katie Czenczek Staff Writer
he film adaptation of what is arguably one of Stephen King’s best novels, the 2017 film It, has to grapple with the expectations of a long-awaited movie series—a feat that is even more challenging due to the novel’s hefty 1,134 pages. Granted, the film seems to have covered only half of the novel. Not only does the film deliver on surpassing the expectations laid out for It, but the film does so while also making a few key changes to the original content. The film follows the lives of several children who are outcasts within their community, and who are terrorized by a shapeshifting being who takes the
preferred form of Pennywise the Dancing Clown. These seven kids are all supposed to have fears that connect to the adults within their lives as the book describes. I would argue that the film only managed to portray Beverly’s and Eddie’s fear of the adults in their lives effectively. However, that is inevitable when adapting a novel with that many important characters. The predominantly child-filled cast manages to convey these characters meaningfully, with special nods to Jeremy Ray Taylor, Sophia Lillis, and Finn Wolfhard who played Ben, Beverly, and Richie, respectively. Taylor’s and Lillis’ portrayals had me rooting for Ben and Beverly throughout the entire movie, and their on-camera chemistry kept me hoping that they would end up together in the end. Wolfhard’s character was the perfect way to lighten the often-dark film, which allowed for
terrifying moments to be that much more horrifying because his goofiness enabled the viewer to temporarily forget that they were watching a horror film. It also made a risky change to the setting by having the story take place 30 years later than the book’s. The film adaptation was set in the 1980s, a change that impacted a part of the story that I would have liked to have seen discussed more in the film. The 1950s setting of the novel went more in depth about the racial tensions occurring in America at that time, whereas the 1980s setting almost completely overlooked this intriguing element to the novel. There was also a neat Easter egg for die-hard Stephen King fans who were awaiting Maturin, the cosmic turtle. The turtle is a mystical being who is said to have created the universe during a particularly bad stomach-
ache that caused him to throw up the universe. He is Pennywise’s nemesis and helps the children defeat It within the novel. Maturin is nodded to during the lake scene when the kids mention a turtle after cliff jumping, and when Bill brings Georgie’s Lego turtle into the basement after following Georgie’s muddy footprints. Although there were a few changes made to the story, It managed to convey what the book is all about. In changing some details, the film was not too overly complicated and therefore did not alienate new fans, but still managed to respect the fans that have been there since the novel was first published. I am looking forward to seeing where they take the sequel, in hopes that the film will do better than the miniseries in making the adult Loser Club just as dynamic as the children.
An hour of free live music every Thursday Caroline Ho Arts Editor
n Thursdays at 1 p.m., students and others can step out of their worldly worries for an hour to immerse themselves in a free concert by professional musicians. The Arts at One series is a set of concerts taking place most Thursdays at the Laura C. Muir Performing Arts Theatre, on the fourth floor of the New Westminster campus. Every week, a chamber group of professional musicians from the Lower Mainland— usually three to five people—puts on an afternoon show that is completely free and open to all audiences. According to Music Department Coordinator John van Deursen, who spoke to the Other Press for an interview, the show is almost “too good to be free,” considering the quality and musicianship of the performers. “It’s great that it’s free, but people should realize that it’s worth much more than that,” said van Deursen. Every week there’s a different show in a completely different style, with genres ranging from classical, contemporary, jazz, world, and more. The first show of the semester, titled Painting with Sound Evocative, took place on September 14. The concert featured works performed on saxophone, violin, cello, and piano, including a piece composed by saxophonist and Douglas instructor Colin MacDonald: “Betty Takes a Walk,” a gorgeous three-moment work
inspired by the paintings of Canadian artist Euphemia McNaught. Thursday’s show marked the first performance of MacDonald’s composition; according to van Deursen, usually three or four original pieces premier at Arts at One over the course of the season. Some of the upcoming concerts include performances by Douglas instructors, like last week’s show. Other concerts feature other artists in the community and from the Lower Mainland. The next show (September 21) will be an alumni concert, with performances by past students from the Music Department who have since gone on professionally. This concert will be one of the more stylistically diverse of the series, since these former students’ careers have taken them in a range of musical directions. Van Deursen told the Other Press that he can’t single out any one show that is especially worth watching—all of them will be similarly excellent in quality, and every viewer is bound to have their favourites based on personal taste. However, one noteworthy show will probably be the November 2 concert by Early Music Vancouver, an organization that promotes Renaissance and Baroque music. Early Music performs using remakes of historical instruments to reproduce the original sounds of centuries-old music. Arts at One will not hold shows on November 9 and 16 because the college’s Theatre productions take place in the Laura C. Muir Theatre during those two weeks. On November 23 and 30, Arts
Photo of Colin and Dave Branter by Barrie Barrington
ööQuality performances in diverse styles by music instructors and more
at One will return with two Student Showcase Concerts, featuring current music students who demonstrate highlevel performance. Over the next few weeks and months, the Music Department faculty will be noting which students are excelling and offering them the chance to display their skills in the Student Showcases, an opportunity that the students are usually eager to take. Attendance to all Arts at One concerts is mandatory for music students who are taking private lessons. According to van Deursen, it’s important that aspiring musicians are exposed to live, professional-quality performances—sometimes by their own instructors—much more directly than through watching a recorded video. The students get to witness
both the calibre of musicianship and the physicality of the performance. Of course, attending one of these concerts is a very rewarding experience for all audiences, even those of us who aren’t necessarily musicians. Arts at One gives us the rare opportunity to remove ourselves from daily distractions and concerns. “In our busy lives, we need moments of reflection,” said van Deursen. “We need a pause moment where you become absorbed in something that is not Facebook or your mobile phone ... Once you’ve got your mind focused, you’ve gone through that experience, when you come out the other end of a concert, you find that a lot of your stresses have been reduced.” With free admission cost, it’s certainly an hour well spent.
arts // no. 9
issue 3 // volume 44
Douglas alum releases second self-published novel Caroline Ho Arts Editor
eter Curson has one Business Management Diploma and two self-published novels under his belt. Curson recently finished his studies at Douglas in the spring of this year. He also released his second novel, Exile of Fenrir, this past July—which was written and edited in just a year, while also balancing coursework. Despite studying business, Curson’s passions and ambitions have long been in writing, and he filled his electives with Creative Writing courses. His favourite of these courses, he told the Other Press in an interview, was Speculative Fiction with Amber Dawn. Not coincidentally, both of his novels are in the genre of speculative fiction. Curson’s first book The Reign of Evil (2015) is a more traditional fantasy novel set in an original world entirely of his own creation. It’s like “Lord of the Rings, but a lot more toned-down,” said Curson to the Other Press. The Reign of Evil lacks Tolkien-style elves and orcs, but it does contain two men with mysterious birthmarks, powerful kingdoms, and epic wars, all in one standalone novel, although the author is currently working on a sequel. Exile of Fenrir takes place in a possibly more familiar, yet no less fantastical, setting: The world of Norse mythology and the gods of Asgard. The novel follows the shapeshifter Fenrir, son of Loki, on a series of adventures that are linked to traditional Norse
mythology, though the plot is original rather than simply a retelling of standard lore. Fenrir is almost always depicted as evil in stories, but Curson explores another side to well-known legends by portraying Odin, Thor, and the other gods of Asgard as the ones responsible for Fenrir’s actions. For readers who are familiar with Norse mythology, or with popular adaptations such as Marvel’s Thor movies, Exile of Fenrir casts characters in a completely different light. Although Curson’s novel contains his own new stories, he has also tried to stay true to the spirit of the traditional tales. When writing the book, he undertook a lot of research into both the mythological stories and the culture from which these stories arose, delving into the worldview of the Vikings and their own understandings of their gods. Exile of Fenrir captures this characteristic Viking brashness and humour, with a tone that Curson believes might appeal to fans of TV shows like Vikings and The Last Kingdom. Curson hopes to have Exile of Fenrir eventually published traditionally, through an agent and a publisher. For now, both of his novels are available online via Amazon or Chapters, in hardcover, paperback, and eBook versions. The process of self-publishing a book on Amazon, according to Curson, is actually a very simple one. Amazon has a free platform called CreateSpace where an author simply uploads their manuscript and cover, sets their pricing, and waits for the website to approve and put it up for sale. Every time a book is sold, Amazon takes a cut of the profit;
Photo of Peter Curson by Caroline Ho
öö‘Exile of Fenrir’ has original stories and a fresh take on Norse Mythology
there’s zero start-up cost to the author. “Anyone can write a novel. It doesn’t take a Creative Writing major,” said Curson, who wrote Reign of Evil in his first year out of high school. “It takes time, it takes commitment … But anyone can write one.” The commitment might be the real challenge, especially for someone also juggling school and other responsibilities. The trick, according to Curson, is to keep yourself inspired—in his case, through music (Viking metal), other books (especially J.R.R. Tolkien), and nice walks through nature. Still, Curson says he’s learned a lot and benefited hugely from the Creative
Writing courses he’s taken at Douglas. The biggest benefit of this, he’s found, has been having a writer’s community, a group of peers to read and critique each others’ work. Since the Creative Writing courses here are all workshop-based, they provide an excellent environment for this type of feedback and support. “Even if it’s just one friend that you can be vulnerable and share your work with and they’ll give you true and honest feedback on it, it honestly helps so much,” said Curson. For readers seeking a taste of Norse mythology and writing talent honed at Douglas, the first four chapters of Exile of Fenrir are available for free on Peter Curson’s website, www.petercurson.com.
Chairman of the Board: Catch me if you can Ed Appleby Contributor
here is a long line of pedigree when it comes to two-player games. From Mancala (c. 700) to Chess (c. 1475) to Checkers (c. 1150), simple mechanics have ruled the day. So how does a modern spy-themed game stack up? Nowhere to Go (2012) is a twoplayer strategy game designed by Hank Atkins and published by Educational Insights. In the game, two players square off by moving a playing piece around an interconnected hexagonal grid and then blocking off a route. Each player takes turns until one cannot move their piece because all escape routes have been closed off.
The game plays very similarly to Santorini (2017) and other grid blocking style games, but lacks the complexity necessary to be truly engaging. The extremely simple rules make this a great game for children or anyone looking to pick up a game and start playing it right away, without any hassle. The games run only about ten minutes, so they’re a great time waster to pull out when waiting for other games. Looking into the game’s development and the publisher’s reputation, I can tell that Nowhere to Go was developed in order to help the development of children with regard to spatial reasoning, which I wholeheartedly approve of. But with regards to being a two-player game, it lacks the depth of strategy that other games have done better. As an adult, I would give it a pass, unless you have someone younger to play with.
Illustration by Ed Appleby
ööNowhere to Go’ board game review
S ports Surprise, surprise!
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OO Rolling through the rough OO Out of the Blues OO Royals WSOC ready to bounce back And more!
Davie Wong Sports Editor
oing into the weekend, it’s safe to say the Royals were far from favourites against the league giant Capilano Blues. After a tough opening week, the Royals faced the challenge of bouncing back against the defending PACWEST Gold Medalists. However, the tight PACWEST schedule was to their advantage. Having to play both the Royals and the VIU Mariners, it’s pretty clear to see which team the Blues had been prepping for. The two teams came into the game cracking at the whip. A much improved Royals defense put on a display of their end, denying shot after shot. Goalkeeper Joel Webb only needed to make two saves to get out of the first half unscathed. On the other end, the Royals were having the same amount of luck the Blues were. Offensively, the team just couldn’t connect. Though credit to the Blues. They certainly didn’t make things easy for the Royals strikers in front of the net. After all that build up in the first half, the second half saw the result. An aggressive tackle in the box by Royals midfielder Diego Govantes Galindo earned him a yellow and gave Capilano a penalty kick. Blues’
Nicholas Morello stepped up to the mark and made no mistake, putting the ball right past Joel Webb. The goal was a kick to the gut for the Royals, but the team would eventually bounce back. A blast from controversial midfielder Quinn Dawson equalized the game for the Royals in the 71st minute. They didn’t stop there either. A foul just six minutes later earned the Royals a shot from the spot. Prolific goal scorer Race Williams stepped up to the spot for the team. Cool, calm, and collected, Williams looked like a man with ice in his veins as he slammed home the go ahead goal. Now, it was about holding the lead. Luckily for the Royals, a turn of fortune saw their opponents scrutinized by the game’s referee. Flagrant fouls eased the pressure on the Royals, as the team pushed for a third to close out the game. They wouldn’t end up getting it, but a red card issued to Blues’ defender Cooper Courvoisier at the 90th minute certainly helped the Royals close the doors. It was a controversial game to say the least. The referee was centre stage as he issued two penalties and one red card, directly influencing the match. However, the win improves the Royals record to 1-1-1, with four points on the season. The team remain tied for third and fourth with the Quest Kermodes, who they face next week.
Douglas College Student Services on Flickr
ööRoyals MSOC come up with huge result
A poor man’s Ultimate Jillian McMullen Staff Writer
round mid-August, I was trying to come up with something fun to do for an upcoming date. The forecast was hot and sunny, so my friend and I decided something we could enjoy outside would be most appropriate. This led him to suggest disc golfing. Having never been disc golfing—and not wanting to seem ignorant of potentially popular summer sports—I quickly agreed. Part of me assumed disc golf was the same thing as lawn bowling, but when the day came and I met my date at the course, I realized I was very, very mistaken. Disc golf, for those lucky people not already familiar with this questionablylabeled “sport,” is a mixture of a flying disc (i.e. a Frisbee) sport and golf. Players complete courses by throwing their disc from a concrete pad known as a tee towards a target, referred to as a basket. Similar to golf, courses are typically 9 to 18 baskets with the goal of getting the fewest amount of throws possible between tee and target. While my date began to explain to me the different discs and which types of throws were appropriate when using them, it became clear the technique of your disc release was the most important key to success. If you release too high, your disc will go flying upwards towards the sky and not cross the distance of the course; if you release too low, your disc won’t catch enough air to guide it forwards and will similarly drop close to your starting point. Unfortunately for me, I’ve never really developed that kind of precision, so we
spent most of our disc golfing time chasing after my neon pink disc as it flailed in the totally opposite direction of my target. I think everyone has played Ultimate Frisbee or, at least, has recreationally thrown a Frisbee around with friends. I remember being forced to play Ultimate during high school gym classes when the sun would decide to show itself again in the early spring. Although I was never a star player, the team-based game allows for more success because of its more “traditional sport” aspects. Teammates can compensate for poorly executed throws by chasing and receiving the disc so the game can continue. Furthermore, unlike the sedentary activity of throwing a disc at a target, Ultimate involves actual aerobic exercise. I was constantly reminded of these differences as I struggled to make baskets from even close distances. From what I could tell of the people playing the game on this course, however, exercise wasn’t the goal. Most people were in their forties and played recreationally as a way to get out of the house. After completing my embarrassing game, we saw the group of experienced disc golfers we had been trailing sit down by the pond to catch up over their brown-bagged lunches in the same way families gather for Sunday dinner. This sense of community seemed like its most “sporty” quality. Personally, I’m happy to stick to watching the experts do their thing. But, if you would like to try your hand at disc golf and form your own opinions, there is a good introductory course, according to online reviews, a short 15-minute drive from the Douglas College’s Coquitlam campus in Mundy Park.
Photo by Analyn Cuarto
ööWhat is disc golf and why is it a thing?
sports // no. 11
issue 3 // volume 44
Vancouver Whitecaps win 3-0 against Minnesota United Katie Czenczek Staff Writer
n a decisive match against Minnesota United on September 13, 2017, the Vancouver Whitecaps were able to secure first place in the Western Conference in the Major Soccer League (MLS). Although both the Whitecaps and the Portland Timbers are both tied for first place at 44 points each, the Whitecaps have two more league games to play before playoffs start, thus giving them more opportunities to remain in first place. The match between Minnesota United and Vancouver Whitecaps showed what the Whitecaps are truly capable of. They held onto possession for the majority of the match, and only gave Minnesota a decent chance at scoring once. Defence is what wins games, which is a concept the Whitecaps struggled with earlier in the season. In order for them to keep their position
as first in the west, they will need to continue to keep their defence unified and working as one unit. However, capitalizing on goal scoring opportunities is just as crucial to what makes a successful team and what does not. Though the Whitecaps do not appear to have an issue with scoring goals at the moment, they will need to keep up their form. Scoring three on Minnesota United, the Whitecaps demonstrated how easy it is to score a goal when forwards are set up properly. Marcel de Jong made a beautiful long pass from centre up to Yordy Reyna within the first five minutes of the match, setting up the tone of the entire game. Without both of these players capitalizing on a goal scoring opportunity, this goal would have not been able to happen. I guess that’s why most soccer teams are named something “United.” Be sure to check out more Whitecaps games as they try to secure first place position entering the playoffs!
photo by Aaron Lavinsky via Star Tribune
ööMove to top of Western Conference
Out of the Blues Davie Wong Sports Editor
erhaps I was a tad overconfident when I predicted the Royals to take a smashing result against the Capilano Blues. After all, this was the team that nearly ended the Royals’ playoff run early, taking them to extra time before falling. However, the Royals are a quality team, and that was on display early. Douglas struck early with captain Sam Kell ripping her third of the season into the back of the net off an assist from rookie Martina Pettenon. But it didn’t take long for the dream start to turn into a nightmare. Blues midfielder Dominika Page scored the equalizer just seven minutes later off a set piece gone awry. Three minutes later, the Blues struck again scoring off a blast from Adrianna Babinski. The flurry of action caught the Royals on the flatfoot. After the second goal, the team took some time to slow the game down and go back to the basics before heading into halftime. Now looking for the equalizer, the Royals struck out in the second half, playing clean aggressive football. The team would tally four shots in the second half, including a gorgeous opportunity by Martina Pettenon, but the Blues’ keeper Nikki Gerbrandt was
impossible to solve. And so it would be that the early goal from Babinski turned out to be the winner. The loss is a surprise for the Royals given the time they had to prepare for the game. However, the Blues seemed to have prepared for the Royals as well, given their tie result against VIU the next day. In an interview with the Other Press, Royals head coach Chris Laxton gave his insight into his team’s play. “We controlled the first half for maybe 10 minutes. We scored and then had a good surge. Unfortunately, Cap got back into the game and scored off a second phase of a set piece. We were really chasing the game for the majority of it.” While a loss like this is always a bitter pill to swallow, it’s the losses that help build a team. For coach Laxton and the Royals, it’s about building towards their results. “We learn from our early performances, win, draw, or loss, and get better. It is a steady climb to our peak and we are nowhere near it. This team has always dealt well with adversity and challenges. I don’t expect anything less this time around.” The result bumps the Royals into third place, trailing the tied leaders Capilano, and VIU by one point. It’s worth noting that the Mariners have a game in hand, and will still as they take on the Royals next week.
Photo by Sean Velasco
ööRoyals WSOC drop three points in surprise loss
Who are the Transit Police? Misconceptions and public perceptions By Rebecca Peterson, Assistant Editor For hundreds of thousands of people in the Lower Mainland, transit is a staple of everyday life. Whether by bus, by train, or even by boat, many of us rely on the system to get us to work, to school, to appointments, and home again safely. We also rely on a department of the BC police that deal specifically with criminal activity and safety concerns on our transit systems: The Transit Police. The Metro Vancouver Transit Police are one of a kind in Canada; no other province has a police department specifically tied to transit. They are multi-jurisdictional and cross many municipalities, and according to their website, “are proud to work in partnership with jurisdictional police, TransLink, and other transit community partners.” Reviews of Transit Police behaviour have run the gamut from positive to negative; however, the waters become muddied very quickly when you take into consideration the ease with which Transit Police can become confused with other figures of authority on TransLink-owned systems. Anne Drennan, spokesperson for the Metro Vancouver Transit Police, clarified who the Transit Police are and what their role is. Right from the top, Drennan was quick to point a common problem with how the media depicts Transit Police. “We are not ‘TransLink Police,’” she said in a phone interview
with the Other Press. “The majority of media get it mixed up all the time. It’s a police department that serves and protects our entire transit system. That includes all of the trains including the WestCoast Express, the SeaBus, and the buses. TransLink Security are not police officers—they don’t have powers of arrest, they don’t carry side arms, they aren’t trained at a police academy. They work specifically on and around buses, they don’t work on the train system, the SeaBus, anything like that, They’re specifically for buses. The uniforms look somewhat similar in that they’re both dark uniforms, but there are marked differences of course … If you look at them, their duty belts are very different in that they aren’t carrying side arms. “Transit Police officers are fully certified police officers that train with all other municipal police officers at the Justice Institute of BC Police Academy, so they have exactly the same training as police officers and all the same powers of arrest, just as municipal police officers do.” Many of the complaints received by our paper centered around fare disputes, so we asked if that’s part of a Transit Police officer’s job. “That is an occasional part of it,” Drennan said. “Sometimes on trains, not too often on the train itself … but the majority of their time is spent responding to calls on the system.” The questions asked on social media to collect stories from transit users specifically referred to Transit Police behaviour: However, because of the ease with which TransLink Security and SkyTrain Attendants can and have been confused for Transit Police, there is a possibility that some of the stories quoted in this article might be referring to people who were simply mistaken for Transit Police officers. “I have personally never seen the transit police do anything fishy or negative,” said New Westminster resident Rosie Forst, in a Facebook comment. “I’ve heard stories that about 10 years ago they were really bad.
Like cuffing people (my friend) for not having a ticket, etc. But honestly I haven’t encountered anything negative personally.” “I guess I’ve been lucky, but I’ve been consciously impressed with the calm professional manner I’ve seen Transit Police deal with some very belligerent and erratic people,” said another responder on Facebook, James Hussen. “I’ve called them before when I’ve felt unsafe because of other passengers’ behaviour and I wouldn’t hesitate to do it again.” Jeffrey Banggayan, President of the Douglas College Business Association, sent the Other Press feedback on Transit Police via e-mail. Banggayan said he felt that Transit Police are effective, to an extent. “Transit Police show up when the yellow strip is pushed (One instance was a drunk guy was … invading everyone’s personal space,
someone pressed the wire and a supervisor was at the next stop followed by the transit police). I don’t see them catch many people evading ticket fees. “I take the 319 to the SkyTrain pretty often and they are usually on that at least once a week. One experience that stands out is a guy tried tapping and his card didn’t have enough fare so he turned around and tried to leave. Before he got off the officer told him to load up the card at the station. Seems small, but it shows they are understanding and compassionate.” We shared these stories with Drennan to get her take on the situations. “Well, I’m glad to hear that some people feel that way,” said Drennan. “Our approach is to be as approachable as possible, we’re there to help people on the system in whatever way we can. We deal with a lot of persons on the system who have mental health issues, we deal with a lot of people who are drug users and suffering the effects of being high or withdrawing while using the system. And we deal with people on a daily basis from every walk of life, so again our focus is to help people whenever we can in whatever way we can.” However, not everyone we talked to have had positive experiences with Transit Police. “[I] literally watched a transit cop threaten to deport a young mother and separate her from her child,” said Emma van Tol, a former Douglas student, via Facebook. “He was very threatening and taunting. Obviously more aggressive than required for an unpaid fare.” “I don’t think they’re effective at all, and I don’t think they should exist,” said Miko Janzen, a Lower Mainland resident, via Twitter. “I don’t understand why TransLink requires what is basically a private police force to do nothing but make sure people aren’t committing under $5 worth of theft. And even more I don’t understand why they need to be equipped with body armor and weapons including firearms to do that. They already have security guards and all local police still have jurisdiction on platforms and stations. It comes off as intimidation, and the fact that these people are paid pretty substantial salaries to make sure you’ve payed $2.85 is a bit of a kick in the teeth.” Janzen also had a troubling story to tell from her own personal experience with the downside of Transit Police, which occurred a few years ago during her involvement with a local theatre group based in Vancouver. “I got a text saying a 14-yearold member (of the cast) had been removed by Transit Police off the SkyTrain because they hadn’t bought a ticket at StadiumChinatown,” said Janzen. “So I went out, because the idea of a 14-year-old, separated from the group they were travelling with, trapped downtown at 10 p.m. on a Saturday because they had no way to get home and no cellphone to call for a ride honestly scared the shit out of me. “Most of my interactions have been completely benign, but are always in the context of a much larger person in body armor with obvious weapons (why do they need guns) on their person hovering over me asking for proof I paid the $2.85 to be allowed on the train/ bus. I don’t feel [in danger] necessarily, but definitely not safe because I know that they aren’t there to protect
me, or keep transit safe. They’re there to make sure TransLink’s bottom line isn’t affected.” We asked Drennan’s opinion on these more negative instances. “Well, first of all, are you referring to incidents on buses?” asked Drennan. We explained that these were incidents that to our knowledge took place on SkyTrains and at SkyTrain stations. “I can tell you that all youths and minors are dealt with respect in regards to where they’re going, what they’re doing on the system, particularly if they’re alone, how they’re going to get home etc., so our general practice certainly is to assist those people when they have no other means of transportation. It isn’t a general practice to leave anybody that is a minor without means of transportation at any time, whether it be late at night or during the day.” We brought up van Tol’s account again, and how she had witnessed an officer threaten a woman with deportation, and asked if Transit Police often received complaints about these kinds of threats. “I’m not aware of that ever occurring—in fact, I find that very difficult to believe,” said Drennan. “We don’t ask people when we’re dealing with fare issues what their immigration status is. The only time we would ever get involved with that is if there’s a warrant on the system: An immigration warrant in the computer system indicating that they are arrest-able for an immigration offence, or if a person when we’re speaking to them gives us false information such as a false
name, etc., and continues to do that for a period of time. If we’re unable— after exhausting every possibility—to determine who the person actually is, we may call Canada Customs— CBSA, Canada Border Security—we may call them to see if they are aware of who this person is but it’s not to check for status. So I find that very difficult to believe.” We also asked Drennan how transit customers could make their concerns regarding Transit Police known. “With respect to Transit Police and any problems with a Transit Police officer they should call … the Professional Standards Unit, or PSU, which was formally Internal Affairs.” Drennan made it clear that Transit Police and TransLink affiliated security are two very different things—even if they are often mistaken for one another. “It’s the most common misconception, I think,” said Drennan. “And it makes it difficult sometimes because I’ll take a lot of calls with respect to something that’s happened on a bus, and they’ll be referring to a Transit Police officer. And when I check into it I find that the issue has arisen with a transit security officer, or even—and this one is always somewhat surprising to me—say, a SkyTrain attendant, or a Canada Line attendant. Now their uniforms are very different from police officers but people still see them as people, persons in authority … With respect to situations that are there, sometimes whatever the complaint is borders on the criminal—not very often, but occasionally—and we will be called in as police to investigate. But we are quite separate from what would be known as TransLink.”
Unfortunately, Drennan noted, the assumption that all authority personnel on public transit are Transit Police may have a negative impact on the public’s view of their work. “It is a lot of the time very frustrating, and I’m not suggesting for a second that transit security or any of the attendants on the various lines, etc.—that they are constantly involved in issues or problems, but with that number of people out there dealing with the public on a daily basis, millions of people a day, issues do arise and very often the issues do not involve us.” We also asked Drennan for a statement on behalf of the Transit Police, going out to those who spoke to the Other Press about their experiences. “I would like everyone to know that Transit Police officers are on the transit system to keep everyone who uses our system as safe as possible. There will be times where situations will arise that are criminally-based, and situations where people are made to feel very uncomfortable, where Transit Police officers are required to investigate,” she said. “Our focus is to keep you safe and to investigate as thoroughly as we can.” Drennan noted that anyone who needs to contact the Transit Police has the choice to do so without calling 9-1-1. “We have a text code: It’s 87.77.77. We have had this for approximately four years now and we find it’s an extremely successful way for anyone using any part of the transit system to get in touch with Transit Police in real time, in a very discrete manner. As you well know, people are texting all the time, so if something is
going on around you, if someone is bothering you specifically or bothering somebody else that you can see, somebody is drunk and disorderly, somebody is ill, whatever the situation might be whether it makes you feel uncomfortable, or it’s putting somebody … at risk, you can text us and nobody will know that you’re actually making direct, real-time contact with the police. This allows us to deploy our officers as quickly as possible to your next stop, whether you’re on a train or a bus, so we can deal with the issue as quickly as we can, and resolve the issue as quickly as possible, so nobody is continuing to be uncomfortable or at risk.” She also said that people can contact Transit Police for whatever issues they may be experiencing that are making them feel uncomfortable or unsafe—it does not have to be an
emergency. “I really want people to know that we’re there for them. There’s no call too small. If you get in touch with us we will deploy and investigate to the best of our ability. We will take you seriously when you tell us there’s a problem, and deal with it in the most professional manner we can.”
sports // no. 14
Rolling through the rough ööMSOC prepare for tough week ahead
ast week’s thrilling win over the Capilano Blues is still fresh in the minds of many. It may have been the spark that lights the a fire in the belly of many, or it could be the inspiration that complacency thrives off of. Week three of the PACWEST soccer season will help answer that question. For the most part, the Royals have been a pretty messy team. Their youth has definitely shown, and problems have been a common occurrence. But for their young team, those sorts of learning pains are good signs. Defensively, the line has begun to click. The back four, under the organization of captain Nawaf Binsaleh, has looked better and better each game. Against the PACWEST’s most potent one-two punch offence, they shined. Now they have the chance to face up against the PACWEST’s strongest overall offence in the VIU Mariners. Their role is vital if they want to beat the Mariners at home. Another factor for the Royals this weekend is Race Williams. After bagging his first goal of the season off a penalty against Capilano, Williams will be looking to turn the jets on. So far, he’s struggled to be the prolific goal scorer that his team has needed him to be. The “Sophomore Struggle” is a reason that comes to mind but I think it’s a bigger problem that alludes to a lack of leadership up top. Last year,
with Issac Kyei running the offence, Williams just had to be in the right position to shoot and the ball would get there to him. This year, he has no set-up man. It’ll be interesting to see if time will help the problem, or make it worse as the situation gets more and more frustrating. Looking on the other side, it’s easy to see how this week could be intimidating. The Quest Kermodes have been a mixed bag so far this season. When they’re good, they play a very possession heavy game that suffocates their opponent. When they’re bad, they get torn apart on the field. It’s really depends on which team shows up on Saturday. The VIU Mariners, on the other hand, have been the team to beat this season. Three straight dominant wins to start the season, including a 7-0 thrashing of the Langara Falcons, has been the story so far. Though they were just handed a 2-0 loss by the Capilano Blues, I can’t imagine it’s made them any softer. If anything, they’re going to be hungry to bounce back when they play the Royals on Sunday at 2:30 p.m. on Cunnings Field. It’s going to be a tight one. The Royals could finish the week with two hard earned points. They could end up with three. Or they could end up with zero in the worst situation. It’s actually too close to make an estimate. Guess you’ll have to come out and see what happens!
Photo by Davie Wong
Davie Wong Sports Editor
Déjà vu? ööRoyals WSOC ready to bounce back Davie Wong Sports Editor
WOMEN’S SOCCER INSTITUTION
MEN’S SOCCER INSTITUTION
he Douglas College Royals are set for a week one rematch when they take on the Quest Kermodes and the VIU Mariners in week three of PACWEST action. The Royals are just coming off of a tough loss to Capilano Blues, while their opponents are coming into the game with positive results under their belt. While the Royals did lose out to the Blues, they still looked good in a lot of areas. Certainly there will have to be some defensive tightening and some work done on the front end, but overall there is still a ton of quality on that roster. In particular, Mikayla Hamilton will be a player worth watching. Last year she struggled to get going early but exploded once she did. It’s a similar situation this year, and it’ll be interesting to see if she can find her form now that the first quarter of the season is over. Another player worth watching is Royals captain Samantha Kell. Kell is on a scoring bonanza, netting three in her last two games. If she can keep her form up, the Royals will be all the better for it. She will also have a very real shot of contesting for PACWEST’s top goal-scorer. . Switching gears, let’s take a look at the Royals’ opponents this week. The Quest
Kermodes have yet to pick up their first win of the season, tying two out three games for two points. They have a real chance to do it at home when they host the Royals on Saturday. Last time these two met, it fizzled into a 1-1 draw. This time around, the Royals will be hoping they can pick up three points,. bBut it wi’ll be against stiff competition. VIU have a record of 1-1-2 and have struggled much more than expected to start the year. Losing former head coach Anup Kang has really hit the team hard. Even when they did win, they managed to barely squeeze the victory, 3-2 against the Quest Kermodes. The last time the Royals played the Mariners, they blew them out at home 3-0. Now the Mariners will surely be looking to enact revenge and do the same to the Royals when the two clash on Sunday. It wi’ll be an interesting match, that’s for sure. The game kicks off at 12 p.m.PM on Sunday at Cunnings Field. Overall, it should be a 4-6 point4-6point weekend for the Royals with either matches possible go either way. If it’s a poor week, it could be a two- point weekend. Obviously the worse scenario is a zeropoint weekend, but I think the Royals are too good to let that happen. Either way, it’s going to be a good week of PACWEST soccer.
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Life & Style
Make me look like Rihanna
OO Ethical non-monogamy is complicating Tinder OO The iPhone X: Nothing New And more!
So you want to play ‘Magic: the Gathering’?
ööHaving a look at the new ‘Fenty Beauty’ Brittney MacDonald Life & Style Editor
ööA guide to participating in store events for new and old players
Lauren Kelly Contributor
Photo via thedailyflawless.com
f you’re a makeup lover, you’re probably aware of the recent launch of Fenty Beauty, a new high-end cosmetics line from pop super star, Rihanna. As of now, the line is fairly minimal and concentrated mostly on perfecting the base—i.e. your foundation and contouring—as opposed to eye shadows and other colour cosmetics. In a public release, Rihanna explained the reasoning for this. “These steps are key to starting your makeup, no matter the look you are going for.” One of the main selling features of this line is its inclusivity: The Pro Filt’r Soft Matte Longwear Foundation is available in a whopping 40 shades, with a spectrum that will cater to everyone from extremely fair individuals to people of colour with extremely deep-toned skin. As a longtime makeup hoarder and serial sample junkie I was eager to try out this line. That, and I had a secret hope that it might work miracles and somehow super impose Rihanna’s face onto my own. Sadly, that didn’t occur— but I can say with confidence what the hits and misses of this launch were. Starting at the very beginning, Fenty has the Pro Filt’r Instant Retouch Primer. This is meant to go on under the foundation, and it claims that it will prevent shine and reduce the look of pores. I can’t say that I’m a big fan of this primer. Honestly, it has more of a lotion consistency, and compared with other primers I have used it doesn’t diffuse the look of pores at all. As for the claim that it reduces shine, that’s hard to tell. I have combination skin, so I only get oily in certain areas, and while those areas remained matte throughout my day, I’m not sure if that was the work of the primer or the foundation. The primer is $32, so if you’re looking to save a couple of bucks I would say take a hard pass on this and try something else in the line. As I said before the Pro Filt’r Soft Matte Longwear Foundation comes in 40 shades, so colour-matching was pretty quick and painless. This foundation is a bit of a buyer beware—when they say matte, they mean MATTE! The foundation will literally dry down to an almost chalky finish. This makes it perfect for people who have oily skin, but not so great for people with dry skin. It also tends to settle into any fine lines and will crease around the eyes. Unfortunately, because it is so matte, using setting powder is an impossibility if you want to avoid cakeface. At $42 it is a bit expensive, but if you have a hard time colour-matching your skin, this might be a saving grace for you, and it does wear a long time before you have to touch up or reapply.
OO RPG hook: Going goblin
My favourite product of the line are the Match Stix, especially the Match Stix Trio, which comes with a cream highlight, contour, and blush. I am very pale, and I wear heavy eye makeup—because of this, I tend to go very minimal when it comes to my contour and blush, and these are perfect for that. I had no trouble blending them and they looked super natural, which I appreciate. In singles the Match Stix are $31, or you can get the trio for $67. Many people agree that the Killawatt Freestyle Highlighters are the prize of this line. As someone who likens herself more to Morticia and less to J.Lo, only two of the available highlighters were fitting to my aesthetic (not to mention my skin tone): The single pan Metal Moon, which is a stark silver, and the duo Mean Money/ Hu$tla Baby, which is more natural. Both were beautiful and blended perfectly. If you’re looking for a single item from Fenty to try out, definitely make it this one. Both the single pans and the duos are available for $42, expensive... but super worth it! There are a couple of items that I tried in store, but I didn’t buy. The Gloss Bomb Universal Lip Luminizer was pretty, but it’s not anything special. It is really similar to both the Smashbox and Buxom glosses, and the product is only 9 mL for $18. Similarly, the Invisimatte Blotting Powder works, but it’s no different than Urban Decay’s De-Slick Mattifying Powder. Both are $32, but the Urban Decay is 11g to Fenty’s 8.5g. All in all, there are some definite hits to be found in Fenty Beauty, but there are also some overall misses.
laying Magic: the Gathering (MtG) is incredibly rewarding, whether you do it casually with a group of friends, at stores to win prizes and be a part of the community, or competitively. In this article, I’m going to focus on playing at your local game store (LGS), and the kinds of events you can take part in. One of the easiest competitive formats of the game for players to access is called Standard. Magic cards are released in groups of thematicallytied sets called blocks, and Standard only allows players to use cards from the last few released blocks. This makes the power level of people’s decks limited, and prices to compete more reasonable. Right now is the perfect time to get into Standard, because with the launch of the new Ixalan set, the blocks Battle for Zendikar and Shadows over Innistrad will be leaving the format. This makes for a fresh format, with people creating new decks and leaving behind ones that relied on the four that are rotating out. Ixalan is also enticing in its own right. While the previous Standard block—Kaladesh—focused on artifacts, vehicles, and inventions, and the most recent block—Amonkhet—was Egyptian-themed, Ixalan features dinosaurs, pirates, and merfolk, among other tribes. This set is promising to be pretty out-there, with cards that have both a fun style and high power. It also means you can make dinosaurs drive trains and run your opponents over. Pretty cool. So how do you go about getting out and playing the game? If you’re interested in the new set, a week before each set releases there is a weekendlong event called Prerelease. In this case, Prerelease is running on the weekend of September 23–24. This event also features the Two-Headed Giant game variant, which involves two people entering as a team and playing cooperatively against other teams. If you have a friend who’s more experienced in the game, this is an easy and fun way to learn from them. To take part, players pay a $35–40 entry fee and receive a sealed Prerelease pack with 6 booster packs of 15 cards each, as well as a special Prerelease
promo card, which is always a foil rare or mythic rare. It also comes with a life counter die that is unique to the set. For this tournament, you use only the cards you receive to build a deck to compete with. This puts all competitors at roughly equal odds, which makes it a good way to try out the game without needing to invest in a constructed deck. However, make sure to prepare a bit before entering. Familiarize yourself with the rules and new set mechanics, and do some research into the new cards themselves so you know which ones are going to be strong, because it can be deceptive. If you do struggle at all, most people you will play in this format are patient, and will be willing to help you out. If you enjoy Prerelease, the next step is trying out the weekly Standard Showdown. This is a Standard format, of course, which means you have to bring your own pre-constructed decks. For a guide on how to make a serviceable deck, look online and observe others’ deck lists. Going this route will mean you will have to buy individual cards—don’t rely on boosters to build with, as these are a huge gamble. Some LGSs require a small entrance fee of five dollars, but that money goes towards the prize pool. Many other stores run them for free. Each store has six Standard Showdown packs to give out at each event, and most stores have different rules for who receives them. These packs contain two regular rares, a full art land, a foil non-rare, and a foil rare, giving these packs high value. However, many LGSs only have a group of about 8–12 players for Standard Showdown, so you don’t have to worry too much about placing low and not getting a pack. These events are often held on Saturdays, but check out the tournament schedules of the store you wish to go to on Google Maps ahead of time. When you first start attending events at an LGS you may feel uncomfortable at first. However, as you attend more events, you will get to know the players there better, and possibly make friends. It’s important to give things a chance, so if MtG is something you’d like to try playing, these events are the way to go. You may just find yourself a new hobby.
life & style // no. 16
RPG hook: Going goblin Davie Wong Sports Editor
nyone that has ever played an RPG game set in a medieval fantasy world has probably run into their fair share of goblins. Those green (or whatever colour you decide), creepy, humanoid creatures are staples in early-level adventures. But that’s where a lot of game masters leave them. As players grow more experienced and powerful, the mood tends to shift towards the bigger cousins of goblins, the ogres. However, that doesn’t always need to be the scenario. The biggest reason for moving away from goblins is their lack of threat. Goblins are usually inept, stupid, and pretty spineless. But that’s only as true as a game master will allow it to be. Normally it would take much more work than it’s worth to make goblins seem even moderately threatening. However, if the intent is there, it’s certainly possible to makeover our often-underwhelming friends. Goblins don’t have to be enemies. Naturally cunning and devious creatures, goblins have their own societal structures and hierarchies. Perhaps the party was hired to retrieve an item, only to find out
that the item they were supposed to be retrieving, they were actually fact stealing. Perhaps the item belongs to an influential goblin that the other goblin wants removed, and hopes that bringing the two parties into conflict will result in the death of his rival. Perhaps the party, on the way to another objective, is caught in between two warring factions of goblins. Their leaders might be clashing over petty things such as dibs on a fancy helm of some sort. The party is dragged into the conflict one way or another, and must navigate the “complicated” goblin hierarchy. In terms of power levels, not all goblins have to be weak. If goblins are well-armed or enhanced in some magical way, they can pack quite the punch. Speaking of magic! Although goblins are generally considered too dumb to use magic, some goblins might come across a magical item that grant them a high level of intelligence. A goblin able to cast spells, weave words of intrigue, and lead? Sounds like a good threat to me! There’s also the friendly kind of goblin. Like humanity, some goblins are born different. Instead of the need to kill and cause havoc, they just want to live peaceful and only moderately mischievous
Illustration by Ed Appleby
ööGoblins, goblins, and more goblins!
lives. But due to their poor physical stature, they can’t defend themselves too well and usually end up prey to roaming bandits. Perhaps the party goes out of their way to defend them. Or the ultimate twist—and challenge for a game master. Maybe one of the party members is a goblin. Homebrewing (when you make up a custom race, class, or feat outside of the rulebook) an entire race is no easy task, but it’s the most rewarding. A tip may be to take an existing race
as a template. For example, halflings or gnomes can be adjusted for goblins. Flip some of the characteristics and change some of the mods to better reflect how goblins are viewed and bam, you’ve got yourself a goblin! No matter what you do, just remember that goblins are sentient creatures, no matter how dumb they are. Don’t forget to diversify personality from goblin to goblin. It’s no fun when all the goblins act the exact same!
Attaining organizational bliss through ‘Bullet Journaling’ ööIf I can do it, anyone can! Sophie Isbister Contributor he new semester is upon us, and the dates, deadlines, and textbook chapters are piling up as fast as you can say “Reading break please!” We all know that the best way to stay on top of things is to write them down and then follow up. But who actually does that religiously, and all semester long? If you’re smart, you already have an agenda-book. Maybe you bought it at the Douglas College Bookstore, maybe you got it for free from the fine folks at the Douglas Students Union. Even if that is the case—if you’re like me, you still have no idea where to start. I’m clueless at planning, and moreover I’ve always found traditional agendas to be limiting for my needs as a busy student who holds two jobs and also tries to have a social life. My hectic schedule is what led me to “Bullet Journaling.” In a nutshell, a Bullet Journal (or BuJo) is a deconstructed agenda. It is typically a blank journal with a hard cover and pages that are dotted in a grid formation. Instead of having the days, weeks, and months laid out for you, your BuJo lets you make it up as you go along. The pages don’t take long to fill up: you can lay out your weekly spread on the day you typically plan out your week (I do mine on Sundays—or I play catch-up on Monday morning before class), and you
Photo by Analyn Cuarto
can create spreads for ongoing projects such as health and fitness goals, or a vacation you’re planning. You can take the long view with your BuJo. When you first set up your blank book, it’s recommended that you reserve the first few pages for something called your “Future Log,” which is where you write out the year in calendar form and record important dates like your registration time, or tuition due dates for the Winter 2018 semester. These are dates that you won’t record in your daily or weekly pages until they come up, but that you don’t want to forget. Bullet Journaling allows you the flexibility to use your agenda like a notebook, sketchbook, or a regular
agenda—wherever your creativity takes you. If you’re the type of person who stores all your assignments, important dates, and precious thoughts in a notebook in list-form, then you are probably already Bullet Journaling! I’ve latched onto the process pretty easily since I was always that person with important info scrawled on receipts that filled up my purse and backpack. With BuJo, I keep my frenzied ramblings—and even some of my school notes—all in one stylish place. The preferred hardware for pros who BuJo is the Leuchtturm 1917 (which sounds more like some kind of industrial machine than a notebook), but you can use anything: A Moleskin notebook, a wire-bound college-rule, a pad of graph
paper, or even a handful of printer paper. The point of the BuJo movement is not the medium you use or the content you create, but the process you use. I ended up investing in the Leuchtturm (found at Chapters for $24.00; official Bullet Journal version available for $33.00) because I like to doodle in Sharpie pens. If you’re thinking about starting a journal of your own, but you want the option to control how it looks, I recommend checking out the Bullet Journal tag on Instagram or Pinterest. You’ll be inspired, but don’t worry: If the beautifully designed BuJo examples online seem out of reach for you, you’re not alone. My BuJo is a hot mess, and it works just fine!
life & style // no. 17
issue 3 // volume 44
The iPhone X: Nothing New ööApple’s latest smart phone is a slightly uglier upgrade of all the other iPhones Greg Waldock Staff Writer
Illustration by Cara Seccafien
Swipe right ööEthical non-monogamy is complicating Tinder Ethical non-monogamy is an umbrella term that describes any intimate practice in which all parties involved are generally aware of and consent to having sexual relationships with more than one person.
Jillian McMullen Staff Writer
inder is arguably the most popular way for millennials to meet other singles in their area, and I, like most 23-year-old single women, casually use the app. According to their website, Tinder records 1.6 billion swipes a day, which result in 1.5 million dates a week. Most of these are planned in the “traditional” style, with one romantically unattached person meeting another romantically unattached person in the hopes that a connection can be formed. However, while trying my hand at scoring one of those 1.5 million dates, I’ve noticed an increase in “couples profiles.” Each time I come across one of these profiles, an identical chain of events usually occurs. The first picture is usually just of one attractive person. So, being intrigued, I swipe through the rest of their pictures. This is when I notice that person affectionately embracing another specific person in each of their other pictures. I consult their profile, finding the typical list of basic personal facts and interests: One guy is a data analyst that’s really into synth music and home-brewing; The would-be actor originally from the East coast thinks Kurt Vonnegut is pretty tight. However, at the end of their lists is an introduction of their partner and a disclaimer of their “ethical-non-monogamy.” Ethical non-monogamy is an
umbrella term that describes any intimate practice in which all parties involved are generally aware of and consent to having sexual relationships with more than one person. This can be something as simple as not being into commitment, to being in a committed relationship with one person, but one that allows for sexual experiences—both together and separate—with other people. It complicates Tinder mostly in the way that it has deterred people from using the app. Typically, people who don’t use the app abstain because they think it is simply for “one-night stand”style hookups. Which it, of course, is. Unfortunately, I’ve met several people who cite “not wanting to be a third” as their main reason for avoiding Tinder. I’ve also had some queer friends express their frustration at constantly finding people in heteronormative relationships come up in their feed despite their preference settings. However, approached without expectations and with clear personal boundaries, Tinder can establish a variety of different relationships. The app simply needs to respond to user input and adapt their algorithms to better suit all those varieties. In the same way that there is a preference setting for “male,” “female,” and “male and female,” the app should offer a similar setting for interested “singles” and “couples.” Hopefully with those type of changes, the quality of those 1.5 million weekly dates accredited to the app will increase.
he new iPhone X is out! Apple has officially entered the “randomly ignore numbers” game by skipping from the iPhone 8 straight to the Roman numeral for 10, putting them in fierce competition with Microsoft and their X-Box One. The new iPhone has few surprises—save one, the immediately noticeable black bar at the top of the screen holding the speaker and front-facing camera. Not at the top of the phone, by the way. It is actually at the direct top of the screen itself, cutting a notch out of it. It looks horribly obtrusive, and I feel bad for any app developer that needs to build around it. Everything from web browsing to video-watching just got a lot more awkward and terrible. But aside from that fairly major problem, it looks on the outside almost like any iPhone. Rounded edges, sleek black finish, and the tragic lack of a headphone jack. It does finally have a wall-to-wall screen with no buttons on the front, and a new sharper screen to display said lack of buttons. The insides are nothing shocking: iOS 11 as an operating
system, some neat facial recognition software, a very decent camera on both sides. It does support wireless charging, which is always cool, and has either 64 or 256gb of storage with a rumoured extended battery life. By and large, this is an all-around improvement… almost. The first major problem is the price, starting at a full thousand dollars in the US. This is simply not an affordable phone. Given how recent the iPhone 8 release was, this price is a touch surprising, though iPhones have never been geared towards the cheaper side. The second major problem is the black bar at the top. As I mentioned it’s enormously distracting, weird, and uniquely ugly. I can’t name a single smart phone that has ever covered a chunk of their screen like that, at least not successfully. It’s a bizarre choice that’s sure to turn people off. Aside from those major issues, this is an iPhone. If you want an iPhone better in specs than your current one, you’ll probably pick this up eventually, unless that black bar is a deal-breaker for you. If you currently have an Android phone, this won’t tempt you to the dark side. It’s a very functional entry to the historic iPhone brand.
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This week’s post is by @leanne_denise_campbell
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OO Is any utopia fundamentally flawed? OO When intimate, let go OO The New National And more!
Don’t be a dick to content creators
ööSocial media has given us the power to be massive assholes… but can we just not? Rebecca Peterson Assistant Editor
h, Twitter. There was a time where I had no idea what it was or how it worked. Now, I still don’t know how it works, but I’m all too aware of what it is, and what it can do. You see, social media has become this wonderful bridge that connects content creators with their fans. Gone are the days of writing hopeful fan mail (or hate mail, depending on how you felt about last week’s plot twist) to the writer of your choice and sending it off by snail mail to a generalized post box, knowing there would be several layers of filters for that letter to wade through before ever reaching the hands of its intended recipient. Now, in the space of a few quick taps on the keyboard and with 140 characters to play with, our every thought can be tossed out in the general direction of
our intended target with an “@” symbol or a hashtag. Please don’t take this as a “hurrdurr technology is bad and millennials are destroying the post office with their smartphones” think piece, because it’s not. I think it is fascinating that we have this power to connect with complete strangers so quickly and easily. What’s bothering me is what people are doing with it. See, what writing an angry letter gives you that writing an angry tweet doesn’t, is time. You have time while writing an angry letter by hand to consider whether telling someone that they’re a no-talent hack who doesn’t deserve to live over whether or not your favourite character got enough screen time is a worthy use of ink and paper. You have time walking from your house to the post box to think about the effort you’re putting in to letting someone who was
probably directed to write the thing you didn’t like by a producer who makes a lot more money than they do know that you think they’re a good-for-nothing jerk-off. You have time while that letter delivers, painfully slowly, to think about how petty your words might have been, how much of a non-issue this whole thing really is, how it’s a TV show, for christ sake, it’s a TV show, and maybe time to hope that the letter never actually reaches its intended target. Which, given how flooded well-known writers and content creators can get with feedback and fan mail, it might not. You don’t have that time on Twitter (or Facebook, or Instagram, or God help us, Tumblr). I’m not saying you shouldn’t criticize the media you consume—by all means, go for it. But you should be taking into consideration who you’re directing your criticism at, and how constructive it is. If you’re blasting an office PA on Twitter who happens to work for a show that’s taken a direction you don’t like by demanding them to tell the producers to screw themselves, you’re neither A) contributing in a meaningful way to a constructive conversation and providing valuable feedback or B) even talking to the right person. Oftentimes the person providing the “face” of the problem—writers, directors, etc.—aren’t the ones in charge of making these decisions. A writer for a show can’t control what the producer asks them to do, after all, and sometimes the writers are just as upset over what they’ve had to write for their paycheck as you are. It’s not like they’d be able to say that on social media while keeping their job, anyway. As someone with friends and family in the film industry, believe me, their social media is often carefully monitored for anything that
could harm the production or the company attached. Besides, a lot of the vitriol I see hurled at writers and, for the love of all things holy, actors—who genuinely have no control over story points, by-the-by—has nothing to do with what could be considered genuine criticism, and more to do with what the consumer wants from their show that they feel they’ve been cheated of. Do you want more Lance in Voltron: Legendary Defender? Fantastic. If you have to say anything, say that Lance is a character you really love and you can’t wait to see more of him. Sending the actor who plays Pidge in Voltron angry messages and tweets claiming that there’s a grand conspiracy to keep Lance out of the show and all the writers are talentless losers because of it is not going to help your case. At all. (Seriously, actors have literally no control over these decisions, what are you even trying to do??) At the end of the day, social media is just like any other tool—it can be used for good, or for pointless nonsense. If you’re going to use it to send pointless hate to the wrong people, you’re essentially doing the online equivalent of banging your head against a wall. If you’re lucky, the only person you’ll hurt is you. If you’re unlucky, you may find your favourite content creators aren’t quite so willing to connect with their audience online anymore. So maybe give yourself that time to think before sending an angry tweet. At the very least, take that time to look up who actually makes the creative decisions you’re upset about. (Hint: It’s literally never, ever the actors.) (Or the PAs.)
What can I get for you this morning? Jillian McMullen Staff Writer
aving spent the last two years serving humanity post-caffeine fix, I’ve dealt with every kind of unnecessary rudeness imaginable. I’ve had triple-shot, quarter-sweet, onepercent, no foam, 185-degree Caramel Macchiatos thrown at me because the drizzle “didn’t look right.” I’ve even had someone purposely urinate on the floor of the café because the line-up for the washrooms “was taking too long.” While these examples are exceptional, saying your average barista must deal with a lot over the course of a shift would be an understatement. So, what I am going to suggest is—simply—be nice to the brave soul who has somehow ended up between you and your morning vice. Baristas serve hundreds of people a day, most not even looking away from their phones to mumble their orders. We’re instructed to ask about grabbing you that blueberry muffin and we’re obligated to get a name for that cup. A polite “no thank you” and
some eye contact makes having to confront the next half-asleep patron much less intimidating. In fact, if you’re one of the few people who remember our names—not because they’re on our aprons, but because you’ve taken the time to learn something about the person who serves you every morning— and asks how our days are going, you will reap the benefits of being one amongst a very small group. These benefits can range from something as simple as having your drink waiting for you at the bar when you walk in, to letting you sample new drinks and food before they’re made available to the public, even to getting your lunch on the house if you’ve had a rough day. We want to make our customers as happy as possible. Making someone’s day is the best part of the job, and it makes dealing with the rude customers worth it. But everyone has their limits, so remember this: If you are the 164th random person to snap at us simply because you haven’t been caffeinated yet, there aren’t enough espresso shots in the world that can help you— because we will definitely decaf you.
Image via bluemaize.net
ööWhy you should be nice to your barista
opinions // no. 19
issue 3 // volume 44
North Korean conflict When intimate, let go ööWorld prepares for possibility of nuclear war Braeden Mandrusiak Contributor
ince the start of 2017, North Korea has been all over the headlines surrounding the continuation of its highly-criticized nuclear program, but the recent election of Donald Trump in the US has certainly caused a flare-up to an already contentious relationship between the two countries, bringing it to a potential breaking point. The North Korean government has launched a multitude of missiles this year, with some narrowly missing Japan. A recent UN security council vote has imposed a new set of sanctions on North Korea, which limits the country from receiving crude oil and petroleum imports; Russia and China went against their old ally to vote in favour of the sanctions to appease Trump, who has asked for more cooperation from those two countries. Based on recent North Korean nuclear threats directed towards the US, Trump said they will “face fire and fury like the world has never seen.” Kim Jong-un responded by releasing invasion plans for the US territory of Guam to quell the rhetoric coming from Trump. Joint US-South Korea military exercises against North Korea went ahead, even though Russia
and China proposed a halt to them to appease Pyongyang. The US and Japan are the primary targets of North Korean aggression, but Canada may be caught in the middle of a nuclear conflict if one does occur between the two countries. Officials in Canada have considered joining the US ballistic missile defense program to protect the country from a possible nuclear attack; however, the Liberal government vetoed such efforts to retain a previous judgment made in 2005 by former prime minister Paul Martin. “The extent of the US policy is not to defend Canada,” said Lt.Gen. Pierre St-Amand of NORAD during a parliamentary committee meeting. Although the threat of nuclear war is serious, it seems as if the US and North Korea need to settle their playground feud through diplomatic action. Diplomacy has been used in the past to resolve conflicts, and it seems like the best option that the world has. Military means will certainly bring about an unnecessary amount of grief for both sides, which will harm overall stability in a developing region of the world. The use of empty threats will not lead to a resolution, so a solution must be implemented by the major players if the world hopes to avoid total annihilation.
ööThe need for ego-less, sensual play Klara Woldenga Humour Editor
here is a deep need for releasing the ego while surrendering into sensual games with others. By ego, I mean our mental structure of ideas of who we want to be, or who we should be, based on certain expectations we hold for ourselves. These expectations arise from the narratives we blanket ourselves with. Those narratives can be constructed positively—if you have spent your entire life learning to be a doctor it makes sense to have the personal narrative that you are a doctor. Unfortunately, many narratives are based out of confirmation bias based from negative experiences, such as “I never win,” “No one cares for me,” or “If I do not finish this I will be worthless.” Positive narratives can also hold us back. For example, a person who tightly holds onto the previously mentioned doctor narrative for decades may emotionally crumble if they are forced to suddenly leave the practice, or eventually retire. To sensually play while releasing the egotistical idea of who we are, and who we should be, allows us to embrace the moment, ourselves and others. We are not able to be successfully present unless we let go of our expectations created by a future that does not exist yet, along with releasing who we should be based on shaky, bias memories. I believe we cannot fully physically enjoy ourselves, or another, without letting go of our attachments to the false
ideas of self-worth—the fake idea that we are simply the products we create; products that will simply never be good enough in the eyes of capitalism. If we let go of the idea that we must impress ourselves, or the partner we are with, we are finally able to let go and patiently enjoy who we are in this moment. We can’t deeply celebrate ourselves and others if we can’t release the egofueled idea that we are never good enough to be loved unless we do this or that. If we do not let go of this falseness we will always be unsuccessfully grasping onto others for unlikely validation instead of enjoying the present, physical moment. Being sexually connected while holding onto unrealistic expectations of yourself, or another, will always lead to disappointment simply because our desires will never fully equal reality based on our inability to perfectly control our environment. The orgasm and human body cannot become another impatient goal or product that reflects our own self-worth, as we will then rush to receive and create what should have been savored and explored without pressures, demands or expectations. It is when we calmly explore and communicate with ego-less, vulnerable enjoyment and curiosity that we truly connect with who we all are: An ever-shifting essence of being. Sensual play and love have no fixed narratives, paces, or ideas, and neither should we.
The refugee crisis is not just the east’s burden ööThe blame, and the solution, lies in the hands of partnering countries
ince 2001, the US, along with monetary support from oil rich gulf allies, has engaged in wars in countries like Afghanistan, Syria, Yemen, Libya, and Iraq. These wars have displaced the people of these countries and western countries have taken in refugees by the millions since the wars have started. However, the oil-rich Middle East has taken in very few. Their pursuit of bringing democracy to those parts of the world, which have a very different structure, has not worked. It is quite ironic that many oil rich Arab countries, which themselves are ruled by families are, through proxies, supporting the removal of Arab dictators in other countries. Also ironic is the fact that these countries do not give citizenship to immigrants, as they fear people from other countries could corrupt their culture. If western countries would have done the same, the cries of racism could be heard loud and clear by the established media in the west, yet they remain silent on the situation in the Arab countries. To the credit of the west, they have indeed welcomed in millions of refugees. But there is a limit to the extent of how many they can take in. In comparison, the oil rich Arab countries, which are similar to countries like Syria, Iraq and
Libya in terms of cultural and societal norms, have not taken in enough. Europe has also had strict guidelines on allowing in refugees. European countries have a strong identity, culture, food, as well as music and they expect people who come to settle there to integrate into their culture. Their point of view is that if you come into their country, then the responsibility is on you to adjust, not on them to make concessions to adjust you. This has at times created friction between people and led to a more nationalist-bent political discourse. The western countries have an economic interest for their involvement in the Middle East and that interest is oil. Gretchen Daily, professor of Environmental Science at Stanford University rightly posed this question about the situation in the Middle East— “do you suppose we’d be attacking Iraq if its most important export product were broccoli?” People often wonder why the US—which lectures the whole world on human rights—supports the oil-rich countries in the Middle East, which are often accused of human rights violations against their own people. The simple explanation for that is, in return for guaranteeing their security of these countries, they promised the US that they would sell their oil in US dollars, which benefits the US currency.
This is the fundamental underlying equation. It was only after Saddam Hussein started selling oil in Euro’s in 2003 that the US began attacking Iraq. To conclude, a solution to the refugee crisis will have to be one which is created in partnership by the US, Russia and the oil-rich Middle Eastern countries, as all of them share the blame in creating it.
Safe zones should be created in countries like Syria, Iraq, and Libya where the people are placed and protected until the war is stopped. A ceasefire agreement should be made between the countries involved and a gradual reduction in military personnel should follow, as the presence of a foreign military gives rise to negative sentiments, and rightly so.
Image via beliefnet.com
Sameer Siddiqui Contributor
opinions // no. 20
The New National: Appealing to Millennials?
Rosemary Barton, Andrew Chang, Adrienne Arsenault and Ian Hanomansing via CBC
ööNews show reaches out to younger demographic Jerrison Oracion Senior Columnist
or 30 years, Peter Mansbridge hosted The National, telling the news from a Canadian perspective. However, on September 4, 2016, he announced that he would be leaving the show. Some of the names that were thrown around as potential replacements for him were Wendy Mesley, Paul Hunter and Margaret Evans. During CBC Open House last year, people were talking about Adrienne Arsenault, Ian Hanomansing and even Terry Milewski possibly hosting The National. When Mansbridge left the show, it held auditions for his position and some of the people that hosted it during that time were Arsenault, Hanomansing, Andrew Chang, and Rosemary Barton. Last month, CBC
formally announced that they will all be the next hosts of The National. Some of the hosts of the show were likely candidates and some were unexpected. The new version of The National is an experiment, as the new hosts might be shortlisted for the show and when the audience decides who they like, that person will host it. Many people thought that Arsenault would host the show because she goes in the field and explains facts by the numbers. Hanomansing put a lot of innovation in the primetime editions of CBC News Now on CBC News Network with Steadicam shots of the newsroom and doing serious and fun interviews with a lot of famous public figures, and he will likely use that style when he hosts the show. Chang has a small role in The National doing breaking news and
when he hosts CBC News: Vancouver, he talks about top stories in depth. Barton will do the panels in the show, a position she’s well comfortable with as shown on her show Power and Politics, which airs on CBC’s cable news channel CBC News Network. Compared to Mansbridge when he hosted his trademark segment in the show At Issue—where he lets the journalists in the panel give their opinions on politics—Barton seems more likely to put the pressure on. The National will be restructured to try to appeal to a younger demographic. Some of these changes include more special reports on top stories and webexclusive material on the show’s website because they know a lot of people find news on the internet and mobile devices. However, this might cause older
viewers to stop watching, because it is their only way to watch the news. Also, a lot of reshuffling is happening at CBC News because of Hanomansing, Chang, and Barton leaving their respective shows. It is likely that Sarah Galashan will host the primetime editions of CBC News Now, Dan Buritt will host CBC News: Vancouver, and Evan Dyer will host Power and Politics. Arsenault and Hanomansing being the main hosts of The National is great because it is like in Japan where the main newscasts in the country have two hosts. If this experiment works, this might cause CTV to put Power Play host Don Martin as host of CTV News at 11 with Laflamme. All of this could set a new standard in Canadian news. The new National begins November 6 at 10:00 p.m. on CBC and 6:00 p.m. on CBC News Network.
Is any utopia fundamentally flawed? ööIain M. Banks explores perfection in his ‘The Culture’ series
hat is the end goal of Western civilization? That’s one hell of a question, but it is one that needs to be asked if we want to claim to have ideals and values. It is a question Iain M. Banks asks in his landmark The Culture series, which shows a civilization that has reached its end goal. The Culture is a stateless, totally egalitarian, hyperadvanced society with no money, racism, sexism, sexual taboos, hierarchy of power, scarcity, or nationalism. It has no flag or government, no religion, no laws. Humanity has spread across and beyond the galaxy, and simply chose to be better through technology. This is presented as the end-point of our
process obsessed society: Ultimate peace, near immortality, and the extinction of all forms of prejudice. So much of fiction examines our struggle to improve according to our ideals. In his books, Banks takes a completely different approach and instead asks, what happens when we win? What are humans when we make the perfect society, without struggle or hate or crime? We focus on our fight to improve the world so much that we can lose sight of what we’re fighting for. Banks aims to show a universe where the fight ends. And I think it says something important that most of us legitimately do not think humans can create a perfect world. Banks’ harshest criticism of The Culture, and by metaphor Western civilization, comes from its arrogance and condescension. The many alien
races of his universe see The Culture as insufferably perfect, having every answer to every problem and acting purely according to their own powerful sense of morality, leading them to meddle in places they shouldn’t be. This reflects a deeply uncomfortable aspect of the west and its technological progress: The dark side of that progress is “The White Man’s Burden,” the unthinkably condescending belief that we know best and everyone else is wrong, and it’s our tragic duty to drag them out of savagery. The Culture makes first contact with many planets, absorbing those new races into its fold. It is less forceful than our own history of colonization but it is no less reflective of a scary self-centeredness. Despite being about a utopia, The Culture series is not optimistic. Humans built computers smart enough to be self-aware, and humans were caring
enough to grant all sentient machines and aliens full citizenship into their society. But The Culture always, always encourages problems outside its borders and sees any moral failing as physically impossible. Despite being open and tolerant internally, they meddle externally, engaging in almost accidental and indirect wars, or refusing to acknowledge the violence they commit. The Culture, despite being the end-point of all scarcity and disease, is still human. Ultimately, Iain M. Banks leaves the morality of The Culture—and the west—up to the reader to decide. Does having limited resources keep us grounded, and aware of our crimes? Does inequality make us unique? Are all the problems in humanity necessary parts of our society? It is depressing, but important, to think about. ‘The Prologue and the Promise’ by Robert McCall
Greg Waldock Staff Writer
Have an idea for a story? firstname.lastname@example.org
OO Government ferry budgets OO Oncoming hipster swarm OO How to prepare for a nuclear strike And more!
David’s Tea co-owner finds himself in hot water Klara Woldenga Humour Editor
he customers and staff at the David’s Tea location in Kitsilano were given quite a surprise yesterday when the co-owner of the company, the titular David, arrived without notice to the location. According to witnesses, David entered the store late afternoon Tuesday, September 12, looking tired and agitated. “It was a huge surprise to see him in person, considering he lives in Montreal,” stated Brittany Wong, manager of the Kitsilano store location. But as Wong got a closer look at David, she noticed something was off. “He just looked like he had been up all night, or something, and had dark circles under his eyes.” According to witnesses, several customers who recognized David tried to take selfies with him, but quickly backed away as David became more agitated and refused. “It was really weird,” said Mark Jackson, self-identified tea leaf enthusiast. “I mean, who wouldn’t want a whole bunch of people mobbing them and asking for photos? We buy his dry leaves; he should allow us to take a photograph of him whenever we ask. It’s the law.” It is reported that, after rejecting the customer’s legal right to selfies, David began to run around the store in a panic, grabbing tins of tea from the customer’s hands while yelling “Give me back my tea! It’s mine! That’s why it’s called David’s Tea! They wouldn’t have called it that if it didn’t belong to me!” After taking as many tins and tiny samples as he could carry, witnesses report that David jumped over the counter, then began making a large pile of tea in the corner of the store while drinking all of his collected samples. Wong tried to calm David down, but was unsuccessful. “I tried to offer him a cup of our newest line of calming tea ‘Gentle
Precious Geisha Rose Petal’ to relax him, but the offer just seemed to make him angrier,” stated Wong. It was when David began to yell legal threats and wave around tea cozies that Wong decided to call the authorities, fearing for the safety of herself and the customers. “I didn’t want to call the cops on him, he’s technically my boss after all,” stated Wong. “But there are just some things tea can’t fix—don’t tell my supervisor I said that.” At approximately 4 p.m. the police arrived and arrested David for causing a disturbance. On Thursday, September 14, David held a press conference in Vancouver and issued the following public statement explaining his actions: “On Saturday, September 9, I came to Vancouver to visit family. That evening I was offered a drink I did not recognize. It was warm, black in colour and made from—sorry, let me check my notes. Beans? Who the hell makes drinks out of beans? Anyway, the drink, which I have been told is called ‘coffee,’ did not react well with my system. I wasn’t able to sleep for two and a half days. This lack of sleep caused my brain to misfire. On Tuesday, I headed to the nearest David’s Tea, hoping to grab some of our newest line of calming tea, ‘Gentle Precious Geisha Rose Petal,’ to help me relax. Unfortunately, once I arrived I was so disoriented, I completely forgot how commerce worked. I apologize for any disturbance I may have caused, but I will not apologize for my passion for tea.” David hopes to turn the substance, “coffee,” into a diluted tea-based drink, stating that “It’s an interesting substance, but way too powerful for human consumption in the raw state it’s in.” David will be returning to the Kitsilano David Tea location on Friday, September 22, between the hours of 12 p.m. and 5 p.m. to honour his legal obligation of taking selfies with the public.
Photo by Analyn Cuarto
ööKitsilano’s David Tea staff calls authorities after David makes scene
Photo by Analyn Cuarto
humour // no. 22
BC government budgets $210 million for newer, faster ferries
ööRight-wing pundits fly off the handle Jake Wray News Editor
ohn Horgan’s NDP government has set aside $210 million to build three new ships for BC Ferries, the premier announced at a press conference. The BC Ferries fleet is full of aging, cumbersome vessels, according to Horgan, who said his government plans to open bids to BC companies in order to bolster the province’s shipbuilding industry. One of the key features of the new ferries, Horgan said, is that they will be much faster.
“What could go wrong?” Horgan asked. “We are confident that the project will come in under budget.” Claire Trevena, minister of transportation and infrastructure, said at the press conference that faster ships will drastically reduce ferry wait times and “make life better” for British Columbians. “Nobody likes missing a sailing and being forced to wait five hours on the inhospitable ferry terminal tarmac,” she said. “We belong to a civilization that has a space station orbiting Earth. People have walked on the moon. It shouldn’t
take an entire two hours to sail from Vancouver to Victoria.” After the funding announcement, right-wing pundits and opposition politicians “totally lost their shit” according to sources. Over the next few hours they clamoured over one another, sometimes literally, to get in front of a camera or a microphone for a chance to decry the ferry funding announcement. “Fast ferries? FAST FERRIES?!” cried Todd Stone, a Liberal MLA and former minister of Transportation and Infrastructure. “By GOD, how could they forget the doom that always froths
in the wake of FAST FERRIES?!” Amy Bowl, a professor of Economics at Langara College, said she doubts $210 million will be enough to purchase three ferries. “That budget might have flown in the ’90s, but it’s a totally unfeasible projection in today’s markets,” she said. “Perhaps the government should consider outsourcing production of the ferries to Mexico, Yemen, India, or even Saudi Arabia.” Just before press time, sources said former BC Premier Gordon Campbell had fallen to his knees and began cursing the heavens.
Authorities warn public to watch out for oncoming hipster swarm öö‘We can’t afford to be caught off-guard this year’ says BC Wildlife Department Klara Woldenga Humour Editor
fter the massive amount of unexpected, unrepairable damage hipsters caused to the province last year, officials from the BC Wildlife Department have issued a statement urging the public to be aware and stay safe during the large, incoming swarm expected to arrive late September. “We do not want to leave anything to chance as September comes to a close,” stated Frank Greener, head of the department. “Last year we saw tens of thousands of dollars in damages. This year our biggest goals are to have both our homes and music tastes intact by the end of the hipsters’ seasonal migration.” The great Canadian hipster is known to make Vancouver its habitat all year around, but sightings of the majestic creature are much more common in the fall after the swarms return from “backpacking in a country you’ve never heard about and wouldn’t understand the culture of.” Hipsters are often recognized by their plaid clothing, beards (except for most females), and a deep, emotional emptiness. According to Greener, Hipsters are usually harmless in groups of two to five, but can become dangerous when they rise above that number. “In large swarms they’ve been known to destroy favourite restaurants and entire genres of music in a single
day,” stated Greener. “We are just making sure that the public can take the proper precautions to keep themselves and their personal tastes safe.” Along with a statement, Greener and his team hope to step up defences this year in a number ways, including banning the purchase of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer, except for those who are able to show a certificate proving they can use irony responsibly. “I am confident that with the proper precautions we can finally start to feel safer, not only in our homes, but also in our record stores and favourite greasy spoon diners. We urge all citizens to be aware and, like with all nature, you do not want to touch it—even though it is beautiful. Please keep your distance.” B.C. wildlife has offered these tips on how to be “Hipster Smart”: Stay alert and be aware of your surroundings. Watch for hipster signs: Empty CD and sweater racks at thrift stores, groups of people listening to static while claiming it’s “the newest genre,” and general loitering. Remember the calls hipsters use to establish their territory. Notify authorities if you hear them: “Yeah, they’re great, I guess.” “If you don’t listen to an album on an 8-track are you really even listening to it?” “This place was way better before everyone knew about it.” Avoid carrying things that may
attract hipsters such as cassette tapes, scarves, or unicycles. Be aware of any deep, unnecessary sarcasm used by people you meet. If someone tells you that the music
you showed them is the type that “everyone can enjoy,” be alert. If they fit any of the descriptions listed above step away and alert the authorities if you see more than three in a group.
humour // no. 23
issue 3 // volume 44
How to prepare for a nuclear strike
Death and destruction are synonymous with big cities—so your best bet is to avoid them completely.
ööWhere destruction and bad hairstyles meet Katie Czenczek Staff Writer
s tensions between North Korea and the United States grow over the race to total world annihilation, it almost becomes a matter of whose long-range missiles can last the longest before climaxing over some pretty little city. The totalitarian dictator with the best smile and more experience has recently revealed that he intends to target Guam; currently an American territory. In response to this, Trump promised that he would fight back with “fire and fury,” though it’s still unclear whether he intends to send Kim JongUn a plateful of the world’s spiciest foods in a sneaky ploy to keep him on a toilet while Trump decides on the real plan. The only problem with this tactic is that it would go against the US’s approval of the United Nation’s call to impose sanctions on North Korea, and we all know Trump isn’t one to contradict himself. For Canadians, this issue is particularly terrifying as, yet again, we are caught between the United States and their nemesis. First the USSR, and now North Korea; it’s almost as if history somehow keeps repeating itself. For those looking to survive the impending nuclear attack, here are some tips that can keep you, and your loved ones, safe: Become a hermit. If I’ve learned anything from watching postapocalyptic television shows and movies, it’s that death and destruction
are synonymous with big cities—so your best bet is to avoid them completely. What’s also great about this option is that you can escape Vancouver’s housing crisis at the same time. Convince Kim Jong-Un and Donald Trump that they are passionately in love. You know what they say: “With hate comes love.” Only problem with this one is that a bad breakup could bring upon consequences far more dire than a nasty Twitter fight. Move to Antarctica. This lines up with the whole “Become a hermit” tip, but keeps you safer, as you’ll be further away from the nuclear fallout. Not to repeat myself, but what’s also great about this option is that you can escape Vancouver’s housing crisis! Destroy the blueprints for all nuclear weapons. This concept was explored in Wonder Woman; however, Doctor Poison was ultimately still able to create her lethal poisons. This tip might not work out the way you hope it will. Move to Mars. The last, and most effective way to protect yourself from getting nuked is to pull a Matt Damon and become a Martian. What’s also great about this option, again, is that you can escape Vancouver’s housing crisis. The best two-for-one deal in the Cosmos. In all seriousness, the best way to keep safe during a nuclear strike is to run far away and never come back. But fear not, folks, Trump knows that the real danger to Americans is one that has already infiltrated the States: Illegal immigrant children.
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