May 2020

Virtual School Page 8

Telemedicine Visits Page 7

Is Your Teenager Really Listening?

Page 18

Summer Camp Guide Sports • Academics • Music • Outdoors & More!

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But we would prefer you stay healthy and don’t need us. So whether it’s flu, cold or coronavirus/ COVID-19, wash your hands — and take your time. To keep from rushing, choose a 20-second song.

Whether you sing the happy birthday song twice, or another favorite (try our version of Row, Row, Row Your Boat), make sure you’re scrubbing for at least 20 seconds.

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Practical Tools for Every Parent Sign up for the Triple P Online Course Learn about parenting strategies to support your child with: • • • •

Bedtime Routines Tantrums Misbehavior And more!

Now inc lud guide fo es r parentin g during COVID19!

Find the strategies that work best for you and your family.

L e a r n m o r e a n d s i g n u p a t L a n e T r i p l e P. o r g Triple P Online is free for families with OHP! • Tr iple P es ta d is pon ible en e s p a ño l .

O R E G O N F A M I LY. C O M • M A Y 2 0 2 0

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may IN THIS ISSUE

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TIPS FOR VIRTUAL Doctor Visits

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FINISHING THE SCHOOL Year at Home

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ASK-A-DOC Vaping and Lung Health

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FAMILY MOVIE REVIEWS For kids: Trolls World Tour For adults: All Who Wonder

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EARTHTALK Pets and Coronavirus

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DISCOVERY BOX Oregon’s Giant Salmon

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DAD’S EYE VIEW Principals of Parenting

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PARENTING NOW! Communication During Stressful Times

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TEENS Are Your Teens Listening?

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SUMMER CAMPS! Lane County’s #1 Summer Camp Directory

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PET RESCUE SPOTLIGHT Doggie - Meet Mason Kittie - Super Cooper

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Reassuring kids and parents, every step of the way.

David Dorsa, M.D., has a heart for kids. Sincere and engaging, he believes that the best medical care happens when families and their pediatrician work together as a team. In addition to providing a listening ear, Dr. Dorsa educates families and encourages parents to become their child’s best advocate.

To schedule an appointment, call 541-HUG-KIDS. 995 Willagillespie Road, Suite 100 • 541-484-5437 • www.EugenePeds.com O R E G O N F A M I LY. C O M • M A Y 2 0 2 0

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From the Editor An Imperfect Time

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his is a difficult time, with so many emotions. There is fear, anger, sadness, uncertainty, skepticism, helplessness… but there are also positive ones: hopefulness, love, encouragement, insight, gratitude and compassion. How this manifests is different for everyone, so all I can really offer is my own limited perspective, which may (or may not) be relatable…

At the time of this writing, number projections were… “if we continue staying home, by some time in May, we will have reduced our (Lane County) cases by 62%”.

That’s fantastic!! I hope the projections were right. If so, we cannot forget these were hard-fought gains, earned at the great cost of staying disciplined and maintaining our social distance.

At this point, it might be easy to think the hard part is behind us – and let off the gas… bend the rules… ease up. Please don’t. There’s too much at stake, and every cumulative step of easing up gives future negative potential better odds. (They’re already talking about the “the Fall spike”— yes, it’s a real thing).

My youngest son started running high school x-country last year… (I also ran in college). This was new to him, and I was (to say the least) proud and excited for him.

In sports, they teach us to be strong, both mentally and physically. We learn how to work hard, not only for personal bests, but also for the team as a whole. Sports teach us that our actions have consequences, and how to be humble. They teach us how to face challenges, and how to follow directions. Above all, they teach us to never quit, no matter how tough it gets. There’re so many lessons, but (for me) the most important (and the one I can be found screaming near the end of my son’s races), was FINISH STRONG!! No matter how exhausted you think you are – you still have a little more to give. Dig deep.

So, what are some of my take-aways during this time? For starters… turns out, I don’t like running that much! But my son is running with me – and that’s invaluable.

Also, my hair is much greyer than I realized. Nuff said. I’m also better at DIY than I realized (just don’t put me in charge of ladders).

For me this time to slow down and reflect has been healthy in many ways. As I said, this is a difficult time, but keep in mind it is temporary. We’ll get there, but things will be a little different for a while still. If we’re not learning, we’re not growing, and (sorry— one more sports cliché) it’s the hard times that teach us the most.

Sandy Kauten Stay Strong…. Stay Healthy… (and wash your hands)!

Editor in Chief

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27 YEARS

Oregon Family Magazine is distributed through Eugene, Springfield, Veneta, Elmira, Creswell and Junction City elementary and middle schools, most area private schools, and over 275 high-traffic commercial locations throughout Lane County.

PUBLISHER Pacific Parents Publishing EDITOR Sandy Kauten CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Pilar Bradshaw, M.D., F.A.A.P. Rick Epstein Bonnie L. Harris Janeen Lewis Cheryl Maguire Andrea Willingham GRAPHIC DESIGN/LAYOUT Springer Design & Illustration ADVERTISING Christi Kessler • 541.484.0434 christi@oregonfamily.com Sandy Kauten • 541.683.7452 sandy@oregonfamily.com OREGON FAMILY MAGAZINE P.O. Box 21732 Eugene, OR 97402 541.683.7452 Email: info@oregonfamily.com Web: www.oregonfamily.com Facebook: www.facebook.com/OregonFamily

FAMILY OWNED AND OPERATED SINCE 1993 Opinions expressed by contributors or advertisers are not necessarily the opinions of this publication. © 2020 Pacific Parents Publishing. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be copied or reproduced without prior expressed written permission from Pacific Parents Publishing.

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Tips for a Successful Virtual Visit with Your Doctor

by Pilar Bradshaw, M.D., F.A.A.P. Eugene Pediatric Associates

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he unprecedented health crisis we’re experiencing has led many physician offices to embrace “telemedicine visits.” These virtual appointments allow your child to see a health care provider via a secure, HIPAA-compliant internet connection from your computer, tablet or phone, while remaining safe in the comfort of your home.

TO AVOID EXCESSIVE background noise and distraction, corral pets in another room or put them outside and plan activities for other children in your household to do during your virtual visit.

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that your adolescent can have some privacy to talk with their provider one on one. This is an important milestone for your child, and it empowers them to be an advocate for their health as they grow into adulthood.

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A successful virtual visit with your provider requires some preparation:

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PRIOR TO YOUR virtual appointment, test the link that your provider sent to be sure you can connect to the virtual waiting room. Your first telemedicine visit may require that you complete consent forms online ahead of time. If you need help, call your doctor’s office for assistance, so that you don’t miss your appointment when the time arrives.

WRITE DOWN A list of your questions and concerns ahead of time to help ensure you don’t forget anything during your visit.

INCLUDE THE CHILD who is being seen, so that your medical provider can talk to and interact with them directly.

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DRESS YOUR CHILD in clothes that are easy to remove – your doctor may ask to observe them breathing, examine their skin, or do some other type of visual exam.

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IF YOUR CHILD being seen is 12 years or older, be willing to leave the room when requested (and no eavesdropping), so

BE SURE TO find out when the doctor wants your child to be seen next and clarify whether it will be in-person or via another virtual visit.

As a health care provider, if I see a child who is having a concerning issue, I can refer that family to see someone at our clinic in person.

We can use telemedicine for routine visits, as well as a triage tool to decide whether additional steps should be taken.

Telemedicine is a new way of communicating and requires some effort, both from the doctor and the patient. However, we believe it’s helping us meet the important health care needs of your family, while easing your safety concerns during this time of social distancing.

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Ending the School Year

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Virtually

10 WAYS TO HELP YOUR CHILD FINISH STRONG

by Janeen Lewis

t’s an unusual ending to the school year. Instead of yearbook signings, field days and end-of- the-year parties, kids are at home waiting to catch glimpses of their friends on Zoom. It’s a tough time for kids and keeping them motivated to finish the school year strong is tough for parents. Here are 10 tips to keep your child on the path to the finish line.

1

Send the message that school is a priority. Communicate to children that school is important, even if it isn’t occurring at the school building. Continue to read together, check in with them on their assignments, and take an interest in what they are learning.

Research one of their school topics or check out your local library digitally to find online access to learning tools and books.

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Set a goal. Help your child set an academic goal they can achieve during the last weeks of school. Maybe they want to turn a B into an A, learn all their multiplication tables or read a thousand pages.

If they meet their goal, reward them with something simple like ice cream or a new school supply or book.

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Stay on Schedule. Kids crave structure like to know what to expect, especially when times are tough. Try to keep routines like homework time, dinner time, and bed time. Make a conscious effort to keep the same schedule you had before virtual schooling began.

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Replace supplies. By now your child’s notebooks, folders, pencils and crayons probably look worn out. Replacing these inexpensive and having them delivered to your house can be a quick pick-me-up that motivates your child.

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Set up an outdoor classroom. Sometimes changing location gives a child that second wind they need to make it to the finish line. Let children have outdoor class time on the patio. When math problems are completed correctly, they can take a walk or ride bikes. Let them read in a hammock, in a lawn chair or in an outside tent. When they reach their goal, they can pass the football or shoot hoops. Plant a family garden as a science project and let the kids make observations when they are taking a break from their schoolwork.

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Hold an end of the year countdown. There are many ways to count down the days until the end of the school year.

Mark off days on a calendar or put Popsicle sticks or marbles in a jar and remove one each day, or share a special treat. For each child in your house, fill a container with Hershey’s kisses that match the number of days left. “Kiss” the last days of school goodbye with one countdown chocolate each day when kids finish their school work.

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Thank the teacher virtually. Teachers work hard, even when they are teaching virtually. Make a video or a take a picture of your child holding a sign with a message for his or her teacher. Then email it or use the teacher’s digital platform to send it to him or her. Your child could also decorate a card and write an encouraging note and give it to the teacher when school resumes in the fall.

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Plan a virtual recess. Kids crave social time with their friends, so this is the hardest part of them being out of school.

Schedule a structured social time each day or week for your child to Face Time, Zoom, Skype or email a friend.

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Make virtual sports or arts part of school. An important part of school is physical activity and the arts. Is your baseball player down because he misses throwing his curve ball? Maybe your martial arts lover is itching to practice her kicks. Why not sign up for virtual lessons? If you don’t have the right equipment it can easily be purchased on line, and many instructors are setting up virtual venues for lessons. There are many virtual art classes, and lots of “how to draw” lessons free on YouTube.

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Celebrate. Have a dance party in the den, a luau in the living room or arrange a Zoom party to celebrate the last day of school. If you’re in doubt about what to do, ask the kids. Even when they have to find a virtual way to have a party, kids are clever and will find a creative way to celebrate!

Janeen Lewis is a freelance journalist, teacher and mom to Andrew and Gracie.

She loves to finish the school year strong with her students and family.

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Family Health

Q&A w i t h Tr i c i a S c h ro f f n e r, N P

Q.

I recently found out that my son is vaping and I’m really concerned.

He tells me I’m overreacting and assures me it’s not dangerous for his health or as addictive as regular cigarettes. What’s the latest research on this?

A.

I hear this a lot from students in my schoolbased health centers—that vaping is different from smoking. In some ways, it is. When vaping first became popular, we noted that there were fewer toxic chemicals than in traditional cigarettes, which may have given the impression that vaping was less harmful. There’s still a lot we don’t know about vaping, but I caution my patients about several clear dangers.

First, nicotine is the primary agent in e-cigarettes, and we know a lot about nicotine. It increases blood pressure and pulse, leading to cardiovascular problems, and—contrary to what your son tells you— is highly addictive, likely as addictive as heroin and cocaine. This is particularly concerning in adolescents, whose active brain development increases their risk of addiction.

Second, since the summer of 2019 we have seen a dramatic increase in hospitalizations and deaths due to a newly recognized problem known as EVALI, short for e-cigarette or vaping product use associated lung injury. Research is ongoing but has already identified two substances in some vaping products that are strongly linked to EVALI risk: Vitamin E used as a thickener and tetrahydrocannabinol (THC), the primary psychoactive ingredient in marijuana. Researchers are also studying additives like humectants, flavoring products like diacetyl (which we know can cause “popcorn lung” in popcorn factory workers) and the effect of toxic inhalation of heavy metals due to the decomposition of heating coils in refillable cartridges.

Finally, we know that e-cigarettes—while no longer easily available in kid-friendly flavors, thanks to an FDA ban—are more appealing to young people because they tend to be less expensive per use and easier to conceal from parents and

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school staff. According to the 2019 Oregon Healthy Teens Survey, more than 20 percent of 11th-graders and more than 10 percent of 8th-graders reported having vaped within the past 30 days, an increase from 2017. Among non-smoking teens, more than eight percent reported that they would “definitely” or “probably” vape if one of their best friends offered it to them. Once started, researchers have linked vaping with future smoking of traditional cigarettes.

We’ve heard from past generations that they just didn’t know how bad cigarettes were. It took many years and studies to definitively confirm the dangers of smoking to every organ in our body. As a medical provider in these times, I worry about history repeating itself. We need to make sure our young people today have the information they need to make healthy choices. It’s important that we have honest and nonjudgmental conversations moving forward. We should encourage our youth to research vaping for themselves on reputable websites like the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention— and to ask questions of trusted adults.

Tricia Schroffner, NP Tricia Schroffner is a PeaceHealth Medical Group nurse practitioner who divides her time between the 4J Student Health Centers at Churchill and North Eugene high schools.

Queen Poppy and Branch.

Movie Time for Stay-at-Home Streaming!

by Bonnie L. Harris

Harmony Makes Us Strong DreamWorks Animation Rated: PG Now available streaming

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re a mwor k s c a l l s t he i r ne we s t Tro l l s e q ue l a “jukebox musical film,” which really doesn’t do justice to this giddy, over the top, completely silly animated romp that bounces through ever y g e n re o f m u s i c imaginable. Dubbed Trolls World Tour, it’s a whirlwind story of musical tolerance with lots of quirky humor, the original cast of

Trolls plus many new faces, and a bizarre rock ‘n roll villain who takes grunge to new heights. It’s fun, it’s frivolous, and at $19.99 for a 2-day rental, it’s setting new records for digital streaming. But

since we’re all at home trying not to go bonkers, it’s a toe-tapping bargain for entertaining the littlest viewers.

Queen Poppy, who takes her new job as monarch very seriously, is shocked to learn that her kingdom is only one of six ancient civilizations centered around music. But the Queen of Rock, aptly named Barb, is determined to steal a relic from each k ingdom to assemble a demonic guitar that will turn all music into the ultimate rock song.

It’s up to Poppy and her loyal friend, Branch, to warn the other leaders about Barb’s evil plan. Along the way, Poppy discovers dark secrets about the

FOR THE PARENTS All Who Wander All the Bright Places Demarest Media, Rated: PG-13.

Streaming on Netflix

F

rom the opening scenes of All the Bright Places, it’s clear that this teen drama will be tough to watch, but worth the effort. It’s a story about two teenagers coping with emotional trauma told with honest passion and sincere grace. Based on the best-selling novel, the film centers on Violet Markey, who mourns the loss of her older sister, and her relationship with outcast Theodore Finch. Together, they undertake an unusual geography assignment to research and visit oddball local sites.

Outgoing Finch shocks introvert Violet with his zany view of the world, and their prickly friendship quickly turns into young love. Slowly,

Not quite friends yet.

Troll forefathers who decided to separate the strings of music for the good of all Trolls. When Barb finally finishes her guitar and destroys the colorful glitter of variety, Poppy listens for the first time to the real heartbeat of music. And you guessed it, from there it’s an outrageous dance-and-sing finale as Poppy regenerates music from her beloved pop to country, funk, jazz, reggae, K-pop and classical.

Even Barb, the rock ‘n roll rebel, joins her fellow Trolls. We learn that differences can work in harmony, a smart Queen listens to good advice, and above all, Trolls just gotta have fun.

Violet recovers under Finch’s protection, but his unpredictable moods due to bipolar disorder eventually put their romance on edge. Director Brett Haley veers away from the darkest parts of the novel to focus on the positive, healing influence of friends and family. It’s a film that could spark healthy conversations with teens about suicide and loss, and it offers parents a glimpse inside the mind of teens at risk. Be warned, there are a few F-bombs, which pushes a little past PG-13 territory. But as Finch says, “There is always good.

You just have to look for it.”

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Were currently closed to help curb the spread of COVID-19 We look forward to reopening and continuing our 33 years of serving the Greater Springfield area.

Stay Safe, Stay Healthy !

747-3181 • www.eastgatekenpo.com • 4404 Main St, Spfld.

The City of Eugene Rental Housing Code helps ensure that all rental properties in Eugene have safe and sanitary plumbing that’s free of defects, leaks and obstructions. If you’re a renter in Eugene and are experiencing plumbing problems, we can help.

Visit EugeneRentalCode.org or call 541-682-8282.

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otcbsa.org/join 541-485-4433

from the Editors of “E” the Environmental Magazine

PHOTO: MUHANNAD ALATAWI, PEXELS.

Earthtalk

Dear EarthTalk: Can our pets get sick from the coronavirus too, and can they pass it along to people?

— J.M., Bridgeport, CT A few dogs and cats tested positive for Covid-19 in Hong Kong, but experts don’t think these animals can spread it to humans.

G

iven that Covid-19 probably originated in bats means that it’s no surprise that the dreaded virus can pass between animals and humans. But when a four-year-old Malayan tiger at the Bronx Zoo tested positive for Coronavirus recently (and six of his peers showed similar s y mptoms), i t s ent sho ck waves across the United States, especially in the two-thirds of American households with pets.

Zoo officials report that the tiger started getting sick on March 27 after exposure to a human handler who later tested positive for Covid-19. (The zoo has been closed to the public since March 16.) While the sick tigers are expected to recover fully, the spread of the infection beyond humans is worrisome to not only pet owners but also to those of us concerned about the health of the planet’s wildlife and biodiversity, which is already teetering on the ropes given the

one-two punch of habitat loss and climate change.

And if tigers can get it, what about house cats? What about dogs? “There have been reports outside the U.S. of pet dogs or cats becoming infected after close contact with contagious people, including a Hong Kong dog that tested positive for a low level of the pathogen in Februar y and early March,” reports Jennifer Peltz for the Associated Press. “Hong Kong agriculture authorities concluded that pet dogs and cats couldn’t pass the virus to human beings but could test positive if exposed by their owner.”

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) concurs that it’s not our pets we should be worrying about, as the pandemic is spreading as a result of humanto-human transmission thanks to our coughing, sneezing and even just talking. “There is no reason to think that any animals

or pets in the United States might be a source of infection with this novel coronavirus.”

But CDC nevertheless recommends staying out of contact with pets if you have contracted the virus (or if you suspect you have it). “Although there have been no reports of pets becoming sick with COVID-19 in the United States, it is still recommended that people sick with COVID-19 limit contact with animals until more information is known about the virus,” warns CDC. “This can help ensure both you and your animals stay healthy.”

If you are sick, CDC recommends tr ying to get other people to take care of your animals until you’re all better. And if that’s not possible, minimize contact with your pets (especially petting, snuggling, kissing or licking, and sharing food) and wash your hands before and after your interactions.

“If pets go out and have contact with an infected person, they have the chance to get infected,” reports Li Lanjuan, an epidemiologist with China’s National Health Commission, adding that a pet who has been exposed to Covid-19 should be isolated just like any human who has shown symptoms or tested positive. “In addition to people, we should be careful with other mammals especially pets.”

CONTACTS: “Can Dogs Get Coronavirus,” akc.org/expert-advice/ news/can-dogs-get-coronavirus/; Coronavirus and pets: How COVID-19 affects cats and dogs, cnet.com/ how-to/coronavirus-and-pets-howcovid-19-affects-cats-and-dogs/; CDC’s “If You Have Animals,” cdc.gov/ coronavirus/2019-ncov/daily-lifecoping/animals.html.

EarthTalk® is produced by Roddy Scheer & Doug Moss for the 501(c)3 nonprofit EarthTalk. See more at https://emagazine.com. To donate, visit https://earthtalk.org. Send questions to: question@earthtalk.org.

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Discovery Box

by Andrea Willingham, the UO Museum of Natural and Cultural History

Fish Tales

The Evolving Mystery of Oregon’s Giant Salmon

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hat comes to mind when you think of ancient animals? You might think of big dinosaurs, massive mammoths, or giant ground sloths.

It’s no secret that many of these now-extinct species were bigger than their relatives today, and salmon were no exception. In fact, the salmon that swam in Oregon waters millions of years ago were over seven feet long and weighed over 400 pounds. Imagine a fish that big jumping up a waterfall during spawning season!

Scientists learn about these ancient fish by looking at fossils, but sometimes the fossil record can be challenging to read, making it difficult to piece together the story of the past. In the case of the giant salmon, we originally got the story wrong.

In 1964, researchers first uncovered giant salmon fossils at a quarry near Madras,

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Oregon. They were amazed not only by the size of these animals, but also by their large, fang-like teeth, which appeared to point downward from the fish’s upper jaw.

Scientists used these first fossils to define the species, naming it the “sabertooth salmon.”

But in 2014 Museum of Natural and Cultural History paleontologist Edward Davis made a groundbreaking discovery: After uncovering two more giant salmon skulls from the same Madras quarry, he noticed that the so-called saber teeth didn’t point downward at all.

“In these newly uncovered fossils, which are the first to be found with their teeth still attached to the skulls, the ‘fangs’ are actually pointing sideways out of the jaw,” Davis said.

“And this isn’t just one unusual individual; we have two skulls showing the same pattern.”

So why did we originally think this fish had downward-pointing fangs like a sabertooth cat? It turns out that first fossil had been misshapen—crushed by rock and sediment over millions of years—which pushed the teeth downward.

With this new understanding about the true form of the species, we renamed it the “spiketooth salmon” and began to develop a clearer picture of how it behaved. We now believe that this salmon used its spike-like teeth to

fight with other fish during spawning season, competing for the best spot in the stream to lay their eggs. They also likely used these spikes for gentler actions, like digging in the gravel to build their nests.

The spike-toothed salmon teaches us that the process of scientific discovery is not always as simple as it seems. New discoveries can reveal new evidence, showing us that we were wrong about something for decades!

But that’s what makes science so exciting: it’s a lifelong learning process, and every new generation of scientists can pick up where the last ones left off.

The Museum of Natural and Cultural History is temporarily closed to help slow the spread of COVID-19, but you can join us online to learn more about spike-toothed salmon—and modern salmon species— starting May 8 on our new Explore from Home web page (mnch.uoregon. edu/explorehome). And be sure to check back each Friday for new, family-friendly crafts and activities exploring a variety of fascinating science and culture topics!

A Dad’s Eye View Humor by Rick Epstein

Betsy’s Way 7 Principles of Parenting I

had put in a long day of intensive tot wrangling and it was time for a small treat I’d been promising myself – a quick trip to the post office ALONE. But I made the mistake of mentioning my destination.

“I’m going with you,” announced 3-year-old Sally. She went outside and climbed into the car, then sat expectantly in her car seat. A year earlier the postmaster had given her a few jelly beans, so Sally never missed a chance to go back there just in case he’d feed her some more someday.

I could probably pry her out with a tire iron, but there would be talk. So I quietly abandoned my errand and went back into the house.

My wife, Betsy, read the situation and said, “Lure her out with a cookie.”

A bribe? I wouldn’t! But Betsy hadn’t said “bribe”; she’d said “lure.” I got a cookie and wordlessly showed it to Sally. Once her eyes had locked onto it, I put the cookie on our front porch. Sally climbed out and made for the cookie. I jumped into the car and drove away. I looked back to see Sally sitting happily on the stoop eating the cookie. A bribe? A deal? Or just proof that an animal will follow food?

You decide, but it is typical of my wife’s technique.

That was almost 20 years ago, back when I was just starting to understand that my wife was much more than the college girl who had looked so delectable wrapped in a mint-green bedsheet. (We met at a toga party.)

By paying close attention and by occasionally ignoring her advice,

I’ve been able to distill her wisdom into Betsy’s Seven Principles for presentation here as an exquisitely practical Mother’s Day gift.

1. Sidestep a head-on collision of wills. The cookie out-pulls the crow bar. Offer choices and enticements instead of challenges.

2. When you say “no,” make it stick. You’re in the check-out lane.

Junior wants candy. You say “no.” Junior argues and cries. Then he yells, “You’re the meanest mommy in the world!” Everyone is looking at the two of you with disgust. This is the moment when you must not teach Junior that “no” really means “convince me.”

3. Be realistic. Understand the limitations of 2-year-olds and teenagers. When you tell a tot, “Stop that and come here,” he truly can’t. Go get him. When you ask a teenager, “Have you done your homework?” she will respond as if you had wondered, “Are you ready to go out with unsuitable companions and look for trouble?” Her answer will be, “Yes, and thanks for asking.”

4. Each child is unique. When Thomas Jefferson wrote, “All men are created equal,” he was thinking about human rights for white people – not report cards, talent, honesty, thrift, and who will live up to promises regarding the care and feeding of kittens.

5. Keep your ears open.

There’s a fine line between listening and spying. A carload of chatty girls can tell you a lot after they’ve forgotten you are at the wheel. So will a kid roaming around the house talking into a phone. My wife wouldn’t read a daughter’s diary, but she would (and did) recruit a stooge who can get her an occasional look at a daughter’s Instagram postings.

(Listening works better with girls. They tend to talk more – to friends and to parents. Boys are less communicative.

But luckily, when a son is a teenager, his father already knows what’s on a boy’s mind 58 minutes out of each hour, awake or dreaming.)

6. Save anger as a weapon of last resort. If you scream about every little thing, there’ll be a lot of screaming. Save it for the big stuff. A lion tamer has a whip, a chair and a revolver. The best ones know better than to shoot the lion every time they want to emphasize a point. Of course, a child is not a lion, so you probably shouldn’t use the whip or chair either.

7. Love them. Just like the way Las Vegas runs on money, a home runs on love. It makes the whole thing hum and click. Without it, everybody might as well sober up and leave.

Rick can be reached at RickEpstein@yahoo.com. But be advised, he’s only listening to encouraging words this month.

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Communicating with Your Child DURING TIMES OF STRESS

by Parenting Now!

A

s many parents’ balance working from home, helping their children with distance learning, and trying to meet everyone’s basic needs, communication skills can sometimes suffer under the weight of managing it all.

It’s important—especially during times of stress—to give special attention to how we communicate with our children.

Here, there, everywhere!

There are a lot of important things demanding your attention right now. You may have virtual work meetings or deadlines; multiple children with their own virtual class meetings; a fussy baby; maybe your partner is also working from home, creating another level of chaos in the home. The constant barrage of demands can make you feel shorttempered and irritable.

But children are perceptive and can be sensitive to the stress levels of their caregivers.

They notice when we are distracted, short with them, or sound irritated.

If you are struggling to communicate with patience and understanding, tr y incorporating a few stress-management

skills, such as mindfulness (Stop, Pause, Focus. Take a deep breath in and notice how it feels), deep breathing, and exercise into your day. And don’t forget to take care of yourself through eating a balanced diet and getting adequate sleep. When you are well rested and relaxed, you are better able to handle what life throws at you—or what possibly your toddler (literally) throws at you!

Keep the lines of communication open Children process their stress, worry, and grief in different ways and at different times. Your child may suddenly come to you saddened by the thought of not seeing his classmates until next fall. When these moments happen, try to drop what you’re doing and be available to listen. Lend a supportive ear and reassure your child that it’s healthy and normal to have feelings of fear, anxiety, anger, or sadness. Research from ACEs Connection shows that what creates positive childhood experiences is when children feel safe in their families to talk about emotions and difficult topics, as well as feeling supported during challenging times.

Communication through more than just words Not all of us are born with the gift of gab and may struggle to open up when it comes to our emotions. This can also be true for children. Allow your child to express themselves through a variety of outlets, including art, storytelling, imaginative play, dance, etc.

You don’t have to wait until your child comes to you to talk about feelings. You and your child might benefit from end-of-the-day chats to reflect on how the day went (the ups and downs), anything that is worrying your child, plans for conquering the next day, etc.

You can also use these chats to get in some extra snuggles, handholds, and one-on-one time—all which communicate to your child love, safety, and support.

Parenting Now! is a private, non-profit organization that provides parenting education and support to families with young children.

O R E G O N F A M I LY. C O M • M A Y 2 0 2 0

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How to Make Sure

Teenagers Hear You

by Cheryl Maguire

T

he moment my voice emits sound I can see my twin teens’ eyes glaze over. Sometimes they must register at least one word I said (or maybe it’s just a Pavlovian response) because they use the dreaded eye-roll.

As a parent of a teenager, it can feel frustrating when you are speaking only to realize your teen isn’t listening to you.

Experts agree it is important to have a strong relationship with your teenager which involves communication.

“An important predictor of how well your teen will listen to you is the strength of your

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M A Y 2 0 2 0 • O R E G O N F A M I LY. C O M

relationship with them. The amount of time we spend building a relationship without expectations will increase the likelihood that they will listen,” said Dr. Mona Delahooke, pediatric psychologist, and author of, Beyond Behaviors: Using Brain Science and Compassion to Understand and Solve Children’s Behavioral Challenges.

According to the experts some ways you can make sure teenagers hear you are:

Connect Before You Direct Dr. Laura Markham, clinical psychologist

and author of, Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting, suggested that parents should notice what their teen is doing or find some other way to make a warm connection before speaking to them. She also recommended sitting next to teenagers instead of yelling across the room, “Please clean your room.”

Listen If you want teenagers to listen to you then you must also listen to them. Make sure when you listen to them that they feel understood.

Dr. Jennifer Salerno, nurse practitioner and author of, “Teen Speak: A guide to understanding and communicating with your teen,” said, “It’s all about modeling the behavior that you’d like them to reciprocate.

Setting the stage for a positive discussion by actively listening causes them to feel respected and heard.”

Remain Calm Dr. Markham said, “The most important thing is calmness. When you yell, you increase your teen’s stress level and they shut you out and lose the desire to cooperate.

Never talk with your teen while you are angry.”

Pay Attention Dr. Delahooke recommended that parents pay attention to their emotional state and body language. She said, “When you sit next to your teen, make sure you are providing a message of trust in them.”

Establish Routines If teenagers have a routine of what they are expected to do every day at that time of day, they are more likely to do it. These routines are also a good time to talk to them and be heard. Dr. Salerno said, “Activities like cooking together, walking the dog, and riding alone in the car are ideal times for an important topic to be discussed.”

Clarify Your Role Teenagers are more likely to listen and follow your suggestions and requests if you clarify your role.

“Explain to your teen that the rules and boundaries you are trying to establish are there to help guide and protect them.,” says Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg, a physician at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia and cofounder of the Center for Parent and Teen Communication. “When you clarify your role in this way your teen will more likely understand the purpose behind the rule -- big or small.”

Dr. Ginsburg explained that if your teen doesn’t take an action you’d hoped for, make sure when you discuss it with them, be clear it is about their behavior -- not the person.

Dr. Ginsburg stressed the importance of avoiding nagging. He said, “It’s easy to fall into a cycle of nagging that can lead to frustration on both sides. When teens sense your annoyance, they may become defensive.

When you make requests in an accusatory tone, they become ineffective.”

Provide Options If there are chores that teenagers need to do then offer them the option of selecting one of three chores. Dr. Salerno said, “Teens

feel respected when they are given options, not directives, which ultimately lowers their resistance.” You can also give them a choice of what time they want to complete their chores.

Cheryl Maguire holds a Master of Counseling Psychology degree. She is married and is the mother of twins and a daughter. Her writing has been published in The New York Times, Parents Magazine, AARP, Chicken Soup for the Soul: Count Your Blessing, Your Teen Magazine and many other publications. You can find her at Twitter @ CherylMaguire05

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Safe Kids West Oregon cancels the 6th Annual Family Safety Fair

Safe Kids West Oregon and the sponsors of the annual Family Safety Fair are sorry to announce that they will not hold this year’s Safety Fair, which had been scheduled for Saturday, May 9 at the Willamalane Bob Keefer Center in Springfield.

“After careful thought, we decided that skipping the fair this year would be the best course of action due to the rising number of confirmed cases of novel coronavirus (COVID-19), reluctance by exhibitors to commit to the event and uncertainty about turnout to a large indoor gathering that attracts hundreds of children,” says Angela Zallen, MD. and April Burton, CNA, co-chairs of Safe Kids West Oregon, a nonprofit coalition focused on keeping children safe. Dr. Zallen is a pediatric hospitalist and Burton is pediatrics patient liaison at PeaceHealth Sacred Heart Medical Center at RiverBend.

We encourage everyone to visit peacehealth.org/safetyfair for information and videos about injury prevention and hope to see you back next year.