The Last Visit

OPS PHOTOGRA PHY

Magazine ISSUE: 1 / VOL: 1 Oct ober, 20 18

THE LAST VISIT

"LIFE IS WORTH LIVING"

FA CES A ND PLA CES " THEI R STORI ES"

WORLD-WIDE PHOTOGRAPHY & PUBLICATION SERVICES

Edit ed by: Kat hleen E. Car ey

Pr in t s m ay be pu r ch ased at w w w.opsph ot ogr aph y.com At times, we use models for the storyline to allow anonymity of our clients.

The images and content are copyright (c) by John M. Houldin. Therefore, any attempt to copy, download or alter without the written permission of the owner will result in legal action under U.S. federal, state and local laws.

JA K E

LIFE IS WORTH LIVING!

The struggles of acceptance, expectations and appearance made me go to a place where I could manage it all, or so I thought.

The inner struggles to become the perfect son, the responsible friend and the most likable kid among family, community and peers all of which overwhelmed me to a point of mental and physical exhaustion and the slow decline of SELF.

MYSTIC FIELDS

My family had a phrase - "Get ready for church" - which had multiple meanings with many prompts, to execute within minutes. A clean shave, pressed pants and a smile to include, no matter the mood. It was always a frantic and intense moment to put it altogether before we praise the lord. We would walk inside the church to find a pew and together we would find a spot to settle for the next hour. Most of it, I daydreamed with an occasional look around as to appear in the moment of praise. After church we'd head to breakfast, which consisted of seeing the same people from church, not to mention wearing clothes which constricted me therefore, suppressed my appetite.

Mostly, the breakfast was a social gathering as people from the church would approach the table to make several comments of how great we all looked. A table full of smiles and kind gestures made a blissful moment or so it appeared.

TWO WORLDS, ONE BRIDGE!

THE SWARM

Abruptly, I woke up to the annoying sound of the alarm clock. I wanted to relax for a few more minutes. However, within seconds there would be a knock on my bedroom door, followed by a shout, "Get ready for school" and the door placed ajar, as if I was not awake already. I reached under my pillow and grabbed my phone and noticed countless unanswered text messages and a few FaceTime alerts. I stared at the screen for a minute to decide if I wanted to respond. Then, I cleared the screen and got ready for school. My typical morning. Mom left me breakfast along with a twenty-dollar bill for the day. I poured a glass of orange juice and sat down and I took a bite of the warm eggs when suddenly a text message with the words, "When do you want to hang?" excited me. I paused for a moment, however, then responded, "Soon ." And, I left for school. Immediately upon my arrival, a swarm of classmates surrounded me with high-fives, slaps on my ass from teammates and shouts of nonsense from others. I acknowledged them all with a smile and returned a few high-fives. I could not help to notice in the distance the friend who had sent me the text earlier. I, however, moved along with the swarm to class. I walked in the classroom and was immediately greeted by my teacher. Classmates walked around me as the teacher continued to praise the good job I did on my essay. The class started with a lecture at which time, my mind drifted away to a place where I could escape.

ALONG THE WAY

A sp ecial p lace w here I could roam t he f ields, ob serve t he w ildlif e an d b rin g an yon e ot her t han t he sw arm . Alt hough, it w as m ost ly t o escap e t he over p rot ect iven ess f rom f am ily an d, esp ecially f rom t he sw arm . A p lace w hich allow ed m e t o exp lore m y n eeds, m y p assion s an d m y dream s. The p lace f or m e t o b e m yself , a p lace I called hom e.

THEY WAIT FOR ME

Wit h m y f avorit e b ook I w alk t o m y sp ecial p lace an d read a chap t er w it h each visit . Af t er several p ages, I p ause t o t ext a f ew f rien ds out side t he sw arm .

These f rien ds I rarely saw as t hey w ere n ot in m y circle.

How ever, t hey are sp ecial t o m e f or all t he right reason s I con sider f rien dship .

Over t he years, I lost con t act w it h m ost of t hem due t o t he sw arm . A f ew w ould t ext m e in t erm it t en t ly, w it h lit t le sub st an ce t o t heir w ords. I t b ot hered m e, t hough I could n ot b lam e t hem f or our dist an t an d f ract ured f rien dship . Even t hough,t he t ext s w ere less f requen t , t hey st ill m ade m e sm ile, laugh, an d at t im es, aroused.

There is nothing more exciting in life than to attain success through personal achievements and goals.

However, I realized overtime, this is only a piece of the pie of life's offering of happiness and individuality. Through sports, I discovered discipline, commitment, and the meaning of self-sacrifice. Through family, I found security, religion and family-beliefs. However, I never found individuality of who I am as a person. As I look into the past, I tried to figure out how I never had individuality or maybe I had it and lost it along the way with all my focus on sports, family obligations and the countless attention from the swarm of friends. Yet they were not the friends that I felt completed me. I did not notice enough or acknowledge the friends who supported me during my darkest moments, who guided me through my deepest desires and who acknowledged my passions as an individual. Somehow, I lost the importance of friendships that were there for me. Friends who share and friends who care was all I really needed to rebuild my life circle. The family appearance of normality, the sports wins, the popularity and the social pressures put me on a continuous path with building forward momentum of appearance, success, and fame. After time, it leads to nowhere, with no substance to individuality. The key is to first define and embrace your individuality and control.

How I shifted from my close friends to the swarm was the connections of sports and the constant expectations from teachers, coaches and teammates and their persistent oversight and direction. The endless text messages from the swarm with schedules, meetings, daily hangouts and updates of who was dating whom or if a teammate had not been seen throughout the day, The countless text messages from family especially if I was not where I was suppose to be on the phone tracker, requiring a paragraph reply to justify my location. My brain subconsciously trained to react and respond to family, academics and to the swarm, leaving me no room to find my individuality - therefore, my identity.

Less than a year to graduate, I had no idea of who I was other than a perfect son, an average athlete and student, resulting in countless followers on social media. I am the perfect teenager in society's norm. However, more than ever, I feel abandoned, alone, hollow and, most of all, lost. I found a special place to escape it all. The place where I can eat a hot dog instead of steak, have a hot chocolate instead of a latte, and read instead of family night of On Demand movies and popcorn. And, most of all, no swarm. It's a place once visited with a few childhood friends as we shared stories, played with much laughter and even tasted my very first kiss . Now... now... I visit alone.

It was 12:30 in the morning as my phone blew up with text message alerts. Laying in bed, I scrolled through them and found most were praising the win from the game earlier till I noticed a message. "I miss our friendship."

I already knew who it was from.

Laying in bed, I stared at the message for a while to decide if and how I wanted to respond. I was excited about the text.

However, it had been a long -time since we chatted or even hanged out, which was my fault.

With mixed feelings of guilt, along with such a time lapse, made it hard to respond with meaningful words. I decided to skip the message and review the others more in detail to find most were stupid and annoying. I put the phone under my pillow and rest a while. However, I could not stop thinking about the text.

I got up out of bed and put on a pair of sweats and vans. I grabbed a book along with a flashlight and I started to walk to my special place. On my walk ,I could not help to think of my friend's text - "I miss our friendship" - which upset me more, a moment which defined what I became and not what I wanted to be. I was not sure why now I felt this way. I reached my place and sat on the bench and stared at the water 's reflection of the stars and at the ducks floating on the water with calm. Suddenly, I noticed one duckling that was astray and floating on its own.

He was the only duck that stared at me. I could not help to stare back as if we had something in common, maybe.

TWO LI V ES ONE DESTI NY

I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone only to stare at the text message. Again, the excitement to receive a text from a once close - now distant shocked me. This time, it seemed to hit me more emotionally. I had no idea why. It was not sadness as I thought about it, t felt more like a void within me. After an hour I text my friend. "How are you?" Ten minutes passed with no response. So, I decided to resend the message and again, no response. I figured as much as I did not respond timely to his or, most likely, him being asleep as it was 130 in the morning. For some reason, I chuckled as to think to myself, "What am I doing?" And, I decided to get up to head home. As I stood up the ducks started to quack which startled me and I dropped my phone in the dark. With panic, I tried to feel around

for the phone with no luck due to the high thick grass making it difficult to finger through. I sat on the moist grass to calm down and to think of what to do. Suddenly, a bright light shined a few feet away from me. It was my phone. I quickly reached out and grabbed it.

When I was wiping the phone against my sweats, I noticed it was my friend."I am fine," he responded, "And how about you?" I replied "I am fine". "That is great," he replied, and then, conversation ended. I sat on the bench in hopes of getting a message however, nothing came. I stared at the phone for a few more minutes and out of nowhere I text my friend. "I am not okay." Within seconds, I received a message asking if I was at my special place. I responded, "YES."

I LOOK BACK TO A PLACE WHERE I M UST RETURN

A few minutes passed with no response from my friend so I decided to take a moment before I left to watch the ducks float around the pond. I gathered my thoughts as I told myself I was being over reactive. "So what?" my parents and the swarm would say to me. I put my phone in my pocket and decided to lay down on the bench and think about my schedule for the day ahead.

Tomorrow starts with the knock on my door, being hovered by the swarm, taking several tests throughout the day and then, going to practice followed by locker room shenanigans; then straight home for supper with the family. My thoughts were interrupted by the loud quacking by the lone duckling. I quickly looked at my phone to see it was 2:45 a.m. I had to get back home.

I looked one last time to see if my

friend had responded. No such luck. I remembered the days we would hang out between classes or anytime we had a chance to pal-around. We would share stories of our personal issues, school headaches and life's adventures and try and solve them together. Or, we'd just have endless conversations at our special place. Two years later, I still visited because I wanted to keep it special - or maybe It was in hopes that I see my friend again. I sat up to get ready to leave when suddenly, I felt two arms wrapped around my shoulders.

Immediately, my eyes filled with tears, followed by an unexpected calmness within me. It was then, I knew, this was my last visit and this would be the last chapter I read.

JAKE

Thank you to our model Jake who betrayed the original teenager of the story.

Jake worked effortlessly to display and preserve the emotions and character of the original subject and his message. A JOB-WELL-DONE!

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