RELATIONSHIPS
Should “W You Be My Valentine? Research helps identify good and bad romantic relationships By Gary W. Lewandowski Jr.
34 ONYX MAGAZINE
ill you be my Valentine?” People across the country say those words in the run-up to February 14 and the Valentine’s Day holiday. Whether you’re asking a brand-new paramour or a long-term partner, the question can evoke feelings both of romantic uncertainty and possibility. But for the well-being of ourselves and our relationships, “Will you be my Valentine?” is the wrong question. Instead, the more important question to ask yourself is “Should you be my Valentine?” Relationships can be one of the most important sources of happiness in your life, with social connections serving as a key provider of happiness and meaningfulness. Not surprisingly, human beings have a very powerful drive to form and maintain relationships. After all, the future of humankind
depends on people coupling up to conceive and raise the next generation. Because forming relationships is such a powerful motivator, being in any relationship can seem better than being alone. A variety of factors can lull us into relationship complacency—compatibility, friendship, shared interests, inertia, fear of being single or low expectations. The drive to be paired off may lead you to settle for the relationship you have, instead of the relationship you deserve. Figuring out whether your relationship is thriving or merely surviving is daunting. In the hunt for “the one,” how can you know for sure if your partner is the type of person who’s best for you and your longterm happiness? Thankfully, scientists who study relationships know a lot about factors to consider when weighing whether