Shabbat of Love - Shabbat Dinner Guide

“More than the Jewish People have kept Shabbat, Shabbat has kept the Jews.”

- Ahad Ha’am

Shabbat Dinner Guide

Shabbat of Love Reflection Shabbat of Love aims to give Jewish people of all ages, backgrounds, and identities, the opportunity to feel uplifted, safe, and proud of their identity. Shabbat of Love looks to inspire people to come together with their communities and supportive neighbors to (re)engage with Jewish tradition, culture, and ritual, to center healing through togetherness and the sacred joy of Shabbat. The accompanying rituals in this Shabbat Guide are designed to encourage reflection and spark dialogue about what it means to celebrate Jewish light and love.

There is a concept in Judaism called Hiddur Mitzvah, “the beautification of a mitzvah”. This idea encourages us to observe a holiday or a mitzvah by taking pleasure in going above and beyond its minimum requirements: to discover what makes something special, beautiful, divine, to elevate our rituals, so they become celebrations of life. It’s why the intention you bring to this particular Shabbat of Love, as a host or a guest, is so important.

To relish in setting your table, to braiding your challah, to cooking a special meal, to bringing your guest your favorite bottle of wine, you will help create a beautiful time and space for being Jewish, as an antidote to forces around the world that threaten to strip away that joy.

As we enjoy a Friday night together, let us be guided by love.

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The Shabbat of Love was the brainchild of several different people – all sharing one common sentiment at this difficult time: That we needed a moment to love who we are, to love being Jewish (whatever that might mean to you), to be loved, and give love. To increase self-love, strength, and light at a time of immense pain and darkness. Exactly when it’s needed most.

Let’s be proud of who we are, without second-guessing it for a moment. Let’s love being Jewish far more than anyone might hate us for it. Let’s love and be loved.

That’s what this Shabbat experience celebrates – you’re good just the way you are – secular, religious, just Jewish, traditional, still figuring it out, Jewish adjacent – whatever it might be.

And we love you for it.

Shabbat Shalom Friends, The Jewish Federations of North America

P.S. This effort was created for those who have never celebrated Shabbat and for those who do so every week. If you have a question or need some help, don’t be shy email us at shabbatoflove@jewishfederations.org.

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About This Guide and Shabbat In Jewish tradition, the world is created in an evolution of seven days: six days of work that culminate in the seventh day, Shabbat, a day of rest. Shabbat is not a postscript, it is as important a part of bringing the world into being. Judaism teaches that we, human beings, are responsible for continuing the work of creation to make the world a better place, day after day, week after week. The essence of Shabbat isn’t what we can’t do on this one day, it’s what we can do on the other six if we take the time to end our week with intention.

In building community through the ritual of Shabbat dinner, Hachnasat Orchim, or welcoming guests, is one of the most important practices. Shabbat dinner is an opportunity to be in community and learn from one another.

If this is your first time hosting a Shabbat dinner, you don’t need to do every ritual or feel like the rituals you do explore have to be done in a particular way. Experimenting with and claiming ownership over these practices is part of what it means to be Jewish. There are many ways to enjoy Friday night dinners and Shabbat rituals. Use this guide as a starting point and do what feels right to you.

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Friday Night Rituals Light Officially end the workweek and welcome the weekend by lighting candles.

Sanctify Wine serves as a conduit to sanctify the seventh day of the week, the time of Shabbat, set apart from the other six days.

Cleanse A formal practice of washing hands that recalls an ancient practice during Temple times when Shabbat was accompanied by special offerings.

Nourish Breaking bread makes a meal, and Shabbat is a time to enjoy challah, a special braided bread.

Appreciate The ritual of grace after meals expresses gratitude for the food itself.

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Light (Candles) Create light to begin Shabbat.

In Jewish tradition, lighting candles at sundown on Friday is the last act of the workweek, the literal spark that carries us into the weekend.

While you will find no verse in the Torah instructing you to light two candles at dusk, the rabbinic sages over the centuries linked the practice to the concepts of shamor Shabbat and zachor Shabbat, the commandments to keep and remember Shabbat.

The beauty of Jewish tradition is not its certitude but its ambiguity; even the rabbis disagree on what exactly it means to keep and remember Shabbat. What might it mean for you?

Many Jewish celebrations begin with the lighting of candles to separate the holy from the mundane. By lighting candles, one is reminded of God’s first act of creation. Just as creation began with “let there be light” so does the celebration of Shabbat: together we honor Jewish light and love. This is the moment when Shabbat begins. By lighting the candles, we begin the transition from the week to Shabbat, from the mundane to the holy.

What You’ll Need Candles and Candlesticks

Safe Place To Let Them Burn

At least two, some folks like to light two candles per home, others light two per person.

Ideally your Shabbat candles will burn out on their own over the course of the evening, but do blow them out if you’re heading out after dinner.

Matches A lighter also works.

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Blessing Hebrew ‫ָּב רּוְך ַא ָּת ה ְיָי ֱא ֹלֵה ינּו ֶמ ֶל ְך ָה עֹוָל ם ֲא ֶׁש ר ִק ְּד ָׁש נּו ְּב ִמ ְצ ֹוָת יו ְוִצ ָּונּו ְל ַה ְד ִל יק ֵנר ֶׁש ל‬ ‫ַׁש ָּב ת‬ Transliteration Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha’olam asher kidshanu b’mitzvotav vitzivanu l’hadlik ner shel Shabbat.

Blessed are You, Lord our God, Ruler of the universe, who commands us to kindle the light of Shabbat.

Reflection On Shabbat, the light within everyone and everything is revealed.

We need only the will to see it. — Sfat Emet (1847-1905, Poland)

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Sanctify (Wine) Pour a glass of wine or grape juice and say the kiddush, the blessing over the wine, before drinking to sanctify Shabbat.

Almost all Jewish ceremonies and celebrations involve wine, and Shabbat dinner is no exception. Jews sweeten celebratory practices from births to weddings with wine because the wine helps set time apart, and make it special, holy, other. It’s not about the wine itself, it’s about what it has the power to do when we raise our glass with intention.

That’s the magic of kiddush, from the Hebrew word for holy, Kadosh.

By reciting the kiddush, we are able to demarcate time, to say that this Friday night, this Shabbat of Love, this exact moment, which has never occurred before and never will again, is special. We acknowledge two of God’s greatest gifts: creation of the world and the exodus from Egypt. Kiddush also creates a moment to express gratitude for Shabbat. It is composed of two blessings: to bless the wine and to sanctify the day. In Judaism, wine represents joy. By taking a moment to bless the wine, we acknowledge joy as a value unto itself.

One can also think of saying kiddush as similar to that of a modern ritual, a toast. Every language has a different word for cheers — in Hebrew it’s l’chaim, "to life" — and your guests will probably bring to the table some expertise in this regard. An approach to kiddush might be to explain its purpose and invite each guest to share one thing they did to bring more light into the world during the past week or maybe something they want to leave behind from the past week. At the end, you can raise your glasses and toast together, l’chaim.

What You’ll Need Tasty Beverage

Kiddush Cup

The traditional go-to is the fruit of the vine, wine or grape juice.

Your favorite cup, a cup reserved for this purpose, not your everyday cup.

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Blessing There are two main approaches to a traditional kiddush, one short and sweet and the other full and robust.

Short Version: Hebrew ‫ ָּב רּוְך ַא ָּת ה ְיָי ְמ ַק ֵּד ׁש‬.‫ָּב רּוְך ַא ָּת ה ְיָי ֱא ֹלֵה ינּו ֶמ ֶל ְך ָה עֹוָל ם ּב ֹוֵר א ְּפ ִר י ַה ָּגֶפ ן‬ ‫ַה ַׁש ָּב ת‬ Transliteration Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha’olam borei p’ri ha’gafen.

Baruch Atah Adonai m’kadesh ha’Shabbat.

Blessed are You, Lord our God, Ruler of the universe, Creator of the fruit of the vine. Blessed are You, Lord our God, Who sanctifies Shabbat.

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Blessing Full Version: Hebrew ‫ ַוְיַכל ֱא ֹלִה ים‬.‫ ַוְיֻכּלּו ַה ָּׁש ַמ ִים ְוָה ָא ֶר ץ ְוָכל ְצ ָב ָא ם‬.‫ַוְיִה י ֶע ֶר ב ַוְיִה י ֹבֶק ר יֹום ַה ִּׁש ִּׁש י‬ ‫ַּב יֹום ַה ְּׁש ִב יעי ְמ ַל אְכ ּת ֹו ֲא ֶׁש ר ָע ָׂש ה ַוִיְׁש ֹּבת ַּב ּיֹום ַה ְּׁש ִב יעי ִמ ָּכל ְמ ַל אְכ ּת ֹו ֲא ֶׁש ר‬ ‫ ַוְיָב ֶר ְך ֱא ֹלִה ים ֶא ת יֹום ַה ְּׁש ִב יעי ַוְיַק ֵּד ׁש ֹאתֹו ִּכ י בֹו ָׁש ַב ת ִמ ָּכל ְמ ַל אְכ ּת ֹו‬.‫ָע ָׂש ה‬ .‫ ָּב רּוְך ַא ָּת ה ְיָי ֱא ֹלֵה ינּו ֶמ ֶל ְך ָה עֹוָל ם ּב ֹוֵר א ְּפ ִר י ַה ָּגֶפ ן‬.‫ֲא ֶׁש ר ָּב ָר א ֱא ֹלקים ַל ֲעׂשֹות‬ ‫ָּב רּוְך ַא ָּת ה ְיָי ֱא ֹלֵה ינּו ֶמ ֶל ְך ָה עֹוָל ם ֲא ֶׁש ר ִק ְּד ָׁש נּו ְּב ִמ ְצ ֹוָת יו ְוַָר ָצ ה ָב נו ְוַׁש ָּב ת‬ ‫ ִּכ י הּוא יֹום ְּת ִח ָּל ה‬.‫ָק ְד ׁש ֹו ְּב ַא ֲה ָב ה ּוְב ָר צֹון ִה ְנִח יָל נּו ִזָּכרּון ְל ַמ ֲעֵׂש ה ְב ֵר ִׁש ית‬ ‫ ִּכ י ָב נּו ָב ַח ְר ָּת ְואֹוָת נּו ְק ַּד ְׁש ָּת ִמ ָּכל ָה ַע ִּמ ים‬.‫ְל ִמ ְק ָר ֵא י ֹקֶד ׁש ֵזֶכר ִל יִצ יַא ת ִמ ְצ ָר ִים‬ ‫ ָּב רּוְך ַא ָּת ה ְיָי ְמ ַק ֵּד ׁש ַה ַׁש ָּב ת‬.ּ‫ְוַׁש ָּב ת ָק ְד ְׁש ָך ְּב ַא ֲה ָב ה ּוְב ָר צֹון ִה ְנַח ְל ָּת נו‬ Transliteration Va’yihi erev va’yihi voker yom ha’shishi Va’yichulu ha’shamayim va’ha’aretz v’chol tziva’am. Va’yichol Elohim ba’yom ha’shivi’i milachto asher asah va’yishbot ba’yom ha’shivi’i mi’kol milachto asher asah. Va’yivarech Elohim et yom ha’shivi’i va’yikadesh oto ki vo shavat mi’kol melachto asher bara Elohim la’asot. Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha’olam borei p’ri ha’gafen. Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha’olam asher kidshanu b’mitzvotav v’ratzah vanu v’Shabbat kodsho b’ahahvah uv’ratzon hinchilanu zikaron l’ma’aseh v’reishit. Ki hu yom tehilah l’mikra’ei kodesh zeicher litziat Mitzrayim. Ki vanu vacharta v’otanu k’dashta mi’kol ha’amim v’Shabbat kodshicha b’ahavah uv’ratzon chinchaltanu. Baruch Atah Adonai mikadesh ha’Shabbat Reflection During the week ... we lose some of the light in our eyes; it is restored to us by the reflection of light in our kiddush cup. Talmud Bavli, Shabbat 113b All of creation comes closer to its origin on Shabbat. That moment, that movement, begins with kiddush. -Likutei Moharan 10

Cleanse (Hand Washing) Wash your hands before the meal.

There is an opportunity between the rituals of sanctification and nourishment, to invite your guests to get up. The practice of hand washing dates back to the time of the first and second Temple when the Israelites made special offerings on Shabbat. In order to make these offerings, they needed to cleanse their hands with fresh water then raise up their hands and recite a blessing.

Invite your guests to the kitchen sink. Fill your cup with fresh water from the tap. Take the cup in your left hand and cleanse your right hand with three splashes of water. Pass the cup directly to your right hand and cleanse your left hand with three splashes of water. Put the cup down, raise your hands up, and as the water trickles down recite the blessing. Dry off, you’re good to go.

You may notice that it gets quiet around the Shabbat dinner table around the time of ritual hand washing. This practice comes from the idea that you should not interrupt yourself between rituals. Because the cleansing of hands is understood as directly connected to the blessing of the bread, many have the custom of not speaking between hand washing and eating the first piece of challah to connect the two rituals as seamlessly as possible.

What You’ll Need Fresh Tap Water

A Cup for Washing

Head to the kitchen.

Ideally one with two handles, although any cup with a handle works.

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Blessing Hebrew ‫ָּב רּוְך ַא ָּת ה ְיָי ֱא ֹלֵה ינּו ֶמ ֶל ְך ָה עֹוָל ם ֲא ֶׁש ר ִק ְּד ָׁש נּו ְּב ִמ ְצ ֹוָת יו ְוִצ ָּונּו ַע ל ְנִט יַל ת ָיַד ִיים‬ Transliteration Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha’olam asher kidshanu b’mitzvotav vitzivanu al netilat yadayim.

Blessed are You, Lord our God, Ruler of the universe, Who sanctifies us with commandments and commands us to raise up our hands.

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Nourish (Bread) In the ancient near east, if there wasn’t bread on the table it wasn’t a meal, and as a result the Jewish sages viewed bread as the primary source of nourishment, both literally and spiritually. Challah, the slightly sweet braided bread many enjoy at modern Shabbat dinners, comes from a commandment in the Torah requiring the Israelites to set aside a portion of dough every week as an offering; that donation was called challah.

The practice of braiding the bread evolved over time, some with three strands, others six, each with their own referential symbolism to Temple times. On many tables you will find two loaves of challah rather than one. On Shabbat, we revel in possibility and abundance. We have a double portion of everything just as the Israelites received a double portion of manna on Shabbat during their forty years of wandering in the wilderness.

Why cover the bread? In general when faced with more than one food, Jewish tradition dictates that the first blessing offered should be on the species that comes first in the list of the Seven Species (wheat, barley, grapes, figs, pomegranates, olives, dates) mentioned in the Torah. As such, you would say the blessing on the bread (wheat) before wine (grapes). But since you say kiddush to sanctify Shabbat before blessing the bread, there is a dilemma of precedence. So, the sages (in the Jerusalem Talmud, redacted around ca. 400 CE) suggest covering the challah to hide it while we drink the wine first.

Once we uncover the challah, the blessing over the bread connects us to the process of work that has to happen in order for the challah to get to our table. The possibility and abundance of Shabbat comes with the responsibility to work to make a better world the other six days of the week. Pass it, rip it, cut it, tear into it! There’s no right or wrong, as long as the bread makes its way around the table.

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Nourish (Bread) It is common to add some salt to the pieces of challah before sharing them with your guests. While this practice has its roots in, you guessed it, Temple times (when offerings were accompanied by salt) it also has a more mystical explanation. According to Isaac Luria, the great 16th century Kabbalist, both bread ( ‫ )לחם‬and salt (‫ )מלח‬are representations of the divine; salt is divine severity and bread is divine kindness. We seek to overpower the severity of the salt with the kindness of the bread.

Therefore, when you salt your challah, do not sprinkle the salt on top of the bread, but instead touch the bread to the salt — kindness over severity.

What You’ll Need Bread

Challah Cover

Preferably challah because it’s delicious in every conceivable way.

Any kind of cover to place over your bread, from a napkin on short notice to an ornate embroidered cloth.

But don’t stress — any bread will do.

Two full loaves is ideal. Small crowd?

Waste not! Serve up two pitas or two dinner rolls. Whatever kind of bread you use, take it out of its packaging and place it on its own plate on the table.

Salt or Honey Celebrating something special like a birthday or a wedding? Skip the salt and add honey to your challah instead.

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Blessing Hebrew

‫ ַה ּמ ֹוִצ יא ֶלֶח ם ִמ ן ָה ָא ֶר ץ‬,‫ָּב רּוְך ַא ָּת ה ְיָי ֱא ֹלֵה ינּו ֶֽמֶל ְך ָה עֹוָל ם‬

Transliteration Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha’olam ha’motzi lechem min ha’aretz.

Blessed are You, Lord our God, Ruler of the universe, Who brings forth bread from the earth.

Reflection "On Shabbat, challah represents a taste of tikkun olam, the possibility of the world restored." - The Maharal of Prague

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Appreciate (Birkat) Many faiths and cultures have a grace before meals, not quite as many have a grace after meals. The blessing after the meal, or Birkat ha’Mazon in Hebrew, isn’t about expressing gratitude for food itself, but for food and a full feeling. To say grace therefore requires a sense of intention around the act of consumption, nourishment, and feeling good as a result.

The traditional grace after meals is long because the sages kept finding more and more things to be grateful for. Food, the earth, God, dinner hosts, parents, Shabbat, Torah, the exodus from Egypt, the list goes on.

There is a succinct grace after meals recorded in the Babylonian Talmud (Brachot 40b) that serves precisely the same purpose in seven words of beautiful second century Aramaic.

What You’ll Need All you need is the intention to end your Shabbat dinner with gratitude.

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Blessing Hebrew

‫ְּב ִר יְך ָר ֲח ַמ ָנא ַמ ְל ָכא ְד ַע ְל ָמ א ַמ ֵר יה ְד ַה אי ִפ יָת א‬

Transliteration Brich rachamana malka d’alma marei d’hai pita.

Blessed are You, Merciful One, Ruler of the universe, Who sustains life with bread.

Reflection Shabbat dinner doesn’t end when the food runs out or the drinks stop flowing. Shabbat dinner doesn’t even end with grace after meals. Shabbat dinner ends when you walk your guests to the door. It’s a last act of ritual hospitality, and one that makes hosting on Shabbat so deeply rooted in Jewish practice.

As Maimonides writes: “The reward you receive for accompanying guests on their way is greater than for all other mitzvot. Our sages teach that showing hospitality for guests is the greatest expression of gratitude, greater even than study or prayer. Accompanying guests on their way is greater still.”

Shabbat shalom.

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Table Topics / Discussion Prompts As we sit around the table on this special Shabbat of Love, here are two discussion questions to explore together: Shabbat of Love is about celebrating Jewish joy. What do you love about being Jewish?

Shabbat dinner provides us with the space and time to reflect over a meal. What are some ways in which you nourish your soul?

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A Spark of Joy in a Broken Heart In the spring of 1940, the Nazis invaded Norway, Denmark, Belgium and France and established the Auschwitz concentration camp in Poland. Even by the dismal standards of the Holocaust, this was a horrific time. It was against this bleak background that Rabbi Kalonymus Kalman Shapira, more commonly known as the Aish Kodesh (Holy Fire), taught of the obligation to find joy on the holiday of Purim. Writing from the Warsaw ghetto, he shared: “Just as fasting and repentance on Yom Kippur are mandated for everyone, not only for the person who wishes to observe them, so it is with the joy of Purim. The obligation to rejoice is not only for the person who is already happy, or merely for the individual who is in a potentially joyful situation. Rather, even if the person feels lonely and brokenhearted, with mind and spirit crushed, he must bring at least a spark of joy into his heart.”

The Aish Kodesh – teaches us that not only can we be deliberate about which of our fleeting feelings we want to invite into our hearts, we can proactively invite certain feelings into our heart, such as joy at Purim.

While Purim only comes once a year, this principle stands even on Shabbat, which comes every week as a day of joy. How can we rejoice on Shabbat when our hearts are pained, when we know that Jews are in pain and distress?

To deliberately find joy - on Purim, on Shabbat or at any other point - is not to deny the pain we experience, but to deny that pain sovereignty over our lives.

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Sadness will arise, as will fear, anger, lust, rage, hope and all the other feelings which make up the human experience. Oftentimes, we will be limited in our capacity to do anything other than let those feelings wash over us, in wave after wave.

But we are inheritors of a legacy that teaches us that even perhaps particularly - when we are in circumstances that crush our mind and spirit, as the Polish Jews of 1940 certainly were, we can inject love back into our broken hearts. We are not just our external circumstances, and we are not even the feelings that ebb and flow within us on a continual basis.

We’ve inherited the legacy of these spiritual warriors, who brought sparks of joy into their own hearts and the hearts of those around them. While it helps, we don’t even need a potentially joyful situation to bring that joy in. We only need what we already have - souls sensitive enough to discern the sparks of joy that can be found everywhere - even in 1940, even today.

– Rabbi Brent Chaim Spodek

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Acheinu: A Prayer for Freeing Captives

Hebrew

,‫ ַה ְּנתּוִנים ְּב ָצ ָר ה ּוַב ִּׁש ְב ָיה‬,‫ַא ֵח ינּו ָּכל ֵּב ית ִיְׂש ָר ֵא ל‬ ,‫ָה עֹוְמ ִד ים ֵּב ין ַּב ָּים ּוֵב ין ַּב ַּיָּב ָׁש ה‬ ,‫ ְויֹוִצ יֵא ם ִמ ָּצ ָר ה ִל ְר ָוָח ה‬,‫ַה ָּמ קֹום ְיַר ֵח ם ֲעֵליֶה ם‬ ,‫ ּוִמ ִּׁש ְע ּב ּוד ִל ְגֻא ָּל ה‬,‫ּוֵמ ֲא ֵפ ָל ה ְל אֹוָר ה‬ .‫ַה ְׁש ָּת א ַּב ֲעָגָל א ּוִב ְזַמ ן ָק ִר יב‬

Transliteration Aḥeinu kol beit yisrael, ha-n’tunim b’tzarah u-vashivyah, ha-omdim bein ba-yam u-vein ba-yabashah, ha-makom y’raḥeim aleihem, v’yotzi∙eim mi-tzarah lirvaḥah, u-mei∙afeilah l’orah, u-mi-shibud lig’ullah, hashta ba-agala u-vizman kariv, v’nomar amen.

For all our family, the whole the House of Israel, who face anguish and captivity, whether on sea or on land: May the Divine have compassion upon them, and bring them from distress to relief, from darkness to light, from subjugation to redemption, now, speedily, soon, and let us say: Amen

We hope our prayers will have been answered by Shabbat of Love on January 19, 2024, and all the hostages in Gaza will have been released.

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About Jewish Federations of North America Jewish Federations of North America (JFNA) is a pluralistic, nondenominational organization that consists of 146 Jewish Federations and dozens of Network communities which collectively raise and distribute more than $3 billion annually to support flourishing Jewish life and the needs of the Jewish people in North America and around the world. The Jewish Federation system, among the top 10 charities on the continent, leads the largest network of volunteer and professional leaders who build and sustain Jewish communities that are healthy, safe, caring, welcoming and inclusive, educated and engaged, involved in the broader community, and deeply connected to Israel and the global Jewish people.

OneTable OneTable, a Jewish nonprofit operating in the U.S. and Canada, is dedicated to building community through peer-led engagement. It creates meaningful change by inviting and supporting adults (21-39ish and 50-70ish) to host each other for Shabbat dinner with the goals of everyone becoming producers of their own practices and Shabbat dinners to become catalysts for creating connections. It also now offers its signature digital platform to other engagement-oriented organizations through Powered By OneTable, its software as a service (SaaS).

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This guide was designed for Jewish Federations of North America’s Shabbat of Love and was inspired by OneTable resources.