Capstone Reflection Part 2 There is not enough time in each day when you are someone who cares. There will always be more work to do for class, another project to create for your community, more service to be done, more connections to make. With a big vision for change, and a big heart, the more invested I become in my goals, the harder it becomes to reach them. Time only makes the vision bigger, and helping only makes my heart wider. I've noticed over the last few years, that the people "who care", are the people who don't have enough time. The obvious solution is to make more students care about their education and responsibility to their communities. After I realized the power that I have as an individual person to help my community, it only seems rational to believe that the more people invested in creating change, the stronger the outcome will be. In the sixth grade, I remember wanting to help kids in Uganda escape genocide. I wanted to share the story to bring awareness of a problem that exists in a world where we all exist. I'd screen the documentaries to my classmates, try to bring speakers to my school, sport tshirts, and spend my time caring about people whose lives were at a complete disconnect from my own. My interest in world problems only grew throughout the years, but I was still oblivious to the systemic problems faced by my own country. I was under the guise that where I am from, was somehow better than the places with heartbreaking problems. And, in many ways it is, I will never forget my privilege, but I will not walk blindly in face of poverty, violence, and the negative structural impacts that our citizens face as well. Upon coming to college I knew I wanted to be a psychology major. I wanted to learn how to strengthen my understanding of people, their motivations and the way their life has made them who they are. Despite wanting to be in college and having a general idea of my interests, I spent the first semester struggling to care about school, while I recovered from gastric bypass surgery. I ended up dropping out of RU and I didn't know if I would come back. I did however, decide to come back a semester later because I wanted to try. I wasn't ever very interested in school, because I hadn't grasped how a person could enjoy learning. Most of my intelligence about people and life, I believed came through my experiences, and not from the classes I had taken. I always considered myself perceptive and empathetic, but after having surgery, that "gut" feeling strengthened despite the trauma to my actual gut. I felt like I could feel a deep sadness and anger for those who were suffering. It became hard to watch TV shows that I used to watch with so much violence and sadness. But it also became hard to look away from these problems in my world. It made my stomach sick literally to see things that before I felt previously numb to. I felt weaker, more emotional, but more passionate. I knew that I could fuel my compassion and energy with my empathy. I knew that I had to help people, because it hurt too much not to. An fundamental shift in my outlook occurred when I was taking philosophy class my sophomore year as general education requirement. Although, I'd always cared deeply for people, It took, for example, seeing children lining the sidewalks
of Guatemala, born into poverty and completely stuck, for me to realize that our lives are all a lottery, that no one deserves what they were or weren't born with. It took learning about corruption, and politics, and violence, to see it in my community. For the first time, I was learning about global and social issues in a classroom setting. For this reason, I finally began caring about my education. To care about your education is a powerful feeling and one that is not easily forgotten. I wanted to share that feeling with others, and help others achieve that feeling. I wanted others to achieve the type of satisfaction and appreciation that I was developing for learning for myself, and not because my parents or teachers were forcing me into it. Every class that I took after that point, became one that bolstered my new energy and my new world view. Women's Studies had a huge impact on me, similar to philosophy. Women's Studies encouraged me to take on more leadership on campus. I decided to pick up the minor, and become president of the club. This was the infancy of my leadership roles on campus. I began to care about women's issues, and this was the first branch between my course work and my civic life. I began to hold clothing drives for the victims of sexual assault in the New River Valley. The disparities of treatment between sexes upset me. I began seeking, and searching for justice between sexes, absorbing all that I could about how we are similar, instead of what is constantly thrown at us about how different we are. Each semester became a symbiotic unit of courses, feeding into each other. Upon realizing the connectedness of each discipline, I sought out another major, that could expand my perspective. I was very interested in gender issues, and philosophy, so naturally sociology clicked with me instantly. My education felt cohesive, and relevant. I would utilize concepts that I learned in one class, during class discussion in another class. My life felt like education. Working at a small pizza place in West End Radford, I would meet people who were addicts, poor, and completely stuck. I was learning about the lives of people in this community, witnessing violence in their lives, the utter hopelessness of a day when they couldn't afford food, while being completely controlled by their addiction, their poverty, and/or the systematic and cultural structure that they live in. Living in southwest Virginian rural poverty, is beyond their control. At this point, I was working in the community, finding my own educational path, and stepping into positions of leadership on campus. I was in a stable relationship as well. I had all of the ingredients: curiosity, energy, and support. These ingredients equated motivation for me. I am lucky for this motivation, because it was that motivation, that lead me to Scholar-Citizen Initiative. I remember the very first student forum in November 2012. An advertisement called for students who were interesting in sharing their perspective, about applying your education out of the classroom. At the time, I had no idea what "applied educational practices" were. I had no idea what social pedagogy was. I was like a foreigner who didn't know the language, but it sounded like it was vaguely describing a feeling that I was feeling. After meeting Dr. Webster-Garrett, I was
instantly enthralled by the vision of the program. I wanted to be a part of helping to change the culture of this campus. I felt like everything I was starting to see, was being organized into a program, and I was excited. I am happy for the impression that I left, because the following January, I obtained a position working for SCI which started on my 21st birthday. Over the last three years leading up to this point, I had lost 350 pounds, moved out on my own, found passion in education, worked hard to support myself, and learned a sense of place. I was ready for the responsibility of working for a position as important as SCI. Working for SCI and being a part of the program were two different things. Working for SCI I learned to create advertisements, send professional emails, create budgets, and collect data. I tinkered with the message, how to describe the vision, and mastered explaining to students and faculty exactly what SCI was, in the ten seconds I had their attention. The first year was a lot of foot work. I set up tables at fairs, and quest. I pinned up fliers, and passed out brochures. I scanned student IDs before events, and guest spoke in classes. I watched the organization and plan for SCI develop at steering committee meetings. And I was lucky enough to see those plans followed through in the following years. I founded the student club for SCI, and tried to get students involved, so I wouldn't be the only one anymore. SCI gave me the opportunity to have a voice, and to trust my voice as an example of what an RU student wanted. I remember brainstorming ideas toward what eventually would become the highlander in action awards. I remember sitting in rooms full of faculty, as the only student, able to speak freely when I thought my opinion was relevant. This all made me tremendously proud. I was proud because in High School, I was a natural leader, but never given the chance to lead. My classmates would listen to me, and follow me, but would never elect me to student government. In high school, I think I lead with humor, confidence and sensitivity, but in college I have lead with passion, motivation, and clarity. And now, I was having faculty encourage me. They encouraged me to sit on the Clubs Programming Committee. They encouraged me to bring films to campus, and hold discussions. And SCI encouraged me to never stop connecting my classes to one another, to never stop applying what I learned beyond the classroom, and to never stop reflecting on my experiences and be ever growing. Because of my involvement working for SCI, and as one of the first SCI students, it was challenging to be a student member of SCI, because of my role in paving the path for future SCI students. I wanted to be a part of a group of students that connected their coursework in their own way towards finding real-world solutions to real-world problems. But it is difficult to be a part of something, when you are actively trying to create that something. It was not instant success, and took a few semesters until I had regular club members attending regular meetings. I described before how much I wanted to bring together students, but it wasn't as easy to find students who were available or who had the motivation to commit to helping the community. I was constantly faced with apathy, and was often discouraged in my attempts. I felt disconnected from my peers,
when I would be teaching their class the importance of SCI. And, I felt judged by my classmates, when showing intense interest in the subject matter. I have always participated a lot in the discussion during class, often creating discussion with the professors, as I would connect so many ideas together. I am inquisitive, and I could tell that this was off-putting to some of my classmates. Some semesters I had to constantly remind myself during class to not speak too much. Citing in my head "don't raise your hand, don't respond unless completely necessary, I don't want to annoy my classmates or waste their time". But for a while, I didn't care, because the same characteristics that were off-putting to my classmates, were looked at favorably by the faculty that I was working closely with. My professors would encourage me through assessment of my coursework and attitude in class. The faculty members on campus were recommending me for more leadership roles and work opportunities. I was invited to work for career services on a project, dine with president Kyle at her house, sit on CPC and more. Professors who I had never met, emailed me, or met up with me in the halls, recommending their classes to me. Although I didn't want to feel separate from my peers, I also valued my autonomy, and my goals. I've been asked before what motivates me. And I have reflected on this at different times during my journey. Whether it be stress of future failure, love and support, or interest and passion, since overcoming the challenges of surgery, I learned the value of long-term goals. I realized that instant gratification is not going to get me the results that I will be grateful for. Motivation has not always come naturally though. Discouragement, insecurity and weakness have provided times of struggle. I have felt like there is no hope, and but eventually a new perspective or opportunity opens up to me, and my fear goes away. SCI created a support system for me to help me when I was struggling. And I think that if it weren't for SCI, the positive atmosphere or encouragement and scholarship, I don't know if I would have continued to remain so involved as my peers apathy drowned out my days. Besides constant support, as a member, I also got to participate in so many service opportunities, events, and projects. SCI's first annual day of service, lead me to meet the director or Radford Social Services, whom asked me to volunteer as a camp counselor for high-risk youth in the coming summer. SCI's third annual day of service lead me to help build the garden at Selu. Being a part of the club, helped me to create agendas and have a platform to practice leading discussions and create a community of like minded people. My SCI courses, Qualitative Research Methods, my Floyd County Practicum, my senior seminar in sociology, and my men and women in society class all provided invaluable skills in the real-world, as well as in critical thinking. My involvement with SCI helped me to realize my potential and master my skills of interviewing, talking with diverse groups of people, problem solving, conflict resolution through conversation, and group and individual conversation facilitation. Upon reaching my (second) junior year, I joined the Ask Big Questions campaign as my Tier 3 experience, and became an Ask Big Questions Fellow. I had witnessed so many students
utilize SCI's resources to fund their travel or research, and I was beyond grateful, when my time came. Ask Big Questions Campaign, is a international campus initiative to bring together diverse groups of people to engage in conversations centered around a "Big Question". These questions are ultimately subjective, and allow for perspective sharing. Allowing students to have a safe space to openly share their opinions, as well as learn about different perspectives is invaluable in helping students define their personal beliefs, and come to their own conclusions. Sometimes students hold on to bias or beliefs that they are unsure of the origin, but I have witnessed students open up and change when faced with diverse opinions of their peers. To be a part of this fellowship, I was sent to St. Louis in the summer of 2014 to receive training in facilitation. This training was extensive and taught me over the course of days, how to effectively lead conversation. As a part of the fellowship, I got to lead over 50 ABQ Conversations in the fall of 2014 and the spring of 2015. My favorite conversation that I lead was a part of the Consent Campaign and brought together around 75 members of Greek life, to talk about the idea of consent. These conversations were sometimes difficult. When students were not inclined to participate or open up, I had to think on my feet and try different strategies for getting students to open up. It was always exciting when I could sense the shift happening, and students would begin to open up. It was rewarding to have a conversation become successful. It was encouraging to see my skills improve and my confidence increase. There were certainly a few conversations where I walked in feeling completely nervous. ABQ and school and work took up most of my time for this year, and I gained another valuable experience. I had to learn to empty my bucket a little when I became overwhelmed with all of my responsibilities, so I could still benefit from my experiences. Its true what I said before, that there simply isn't enough time in the day. There isn't enough time, and then life gets in the way. During this year I went through a breakup from a 4 year relationship, and started seeing some health issues develop related to my surgery. I had to rebuild my life while keeping everything together in front of everyone. I tried to escape my anxiety through immersing myself in ABQ and my part-time work, but there were still days when I would go into a conversation, freaking out in my brain, knowing that I had to appear calm. I haven't always been able to control my emotions outwardly, which is a curse of being sensitive and empathetic. But having to deal with life's struggles, while in front of an audience taught me how to remain in control while in distress. And I think this will become valuable in the future in my chosen field. In conclusion, It would be impossible to discuss here all that I have learned, reflected upon, and realized during my time at RU and my time in SCI. I've always wondered if SCI can motivate, or if one must be a motivated student upon entering SCI. Because as I mentioned before, It seems that the students who step up and become leaders on this campus, are the ones that are already highly motivated, juggle a lot of responsibility, and
have passion. The vision for SCI has always been to lend the resources necessary for students to accomplish this drive toward their educational goals and realize their civic potential. And it is the ultimate goal, that RU's academic culture value these ideals. It is the ultimate goal that the pedagogy promoted by SCI will describe the attitudes held by all RU faculty and students. SCI has grown exponentially since its inception, and is having an impact on RU's campus, but for now. I still view SCI as a program that is for exceptional students.