Does your church have a wedding policy?
Every church congregation should meet and discern policies regarding use of church facilities for its context and ministry needs. While some churches have had policies in place for decades, others are just now seeing the need for them.
We offer a few tips for formulating a policy at your church. All items may not be applicable, and of course, more may be needed for your context. Churches should always follow the Book of Discipline for specific guidelines.
Who can get married at your church?
Does your church offer weddings only to members and their families?
Must couples undergo marriage counseling before the wedding?
Does your church choose to host same-sex weddings?
Who can perform wedding ceremonies at your church?
Do you require that only appointed clergy from your church perform weddings?
Are officiants from other UM churches allowed to perform wedding ceremonies?
Are officiants from other
denominations allowed to perform wedding ceremonies at your church?
Scheduling
When can weddings be scheduled at your church?
Are certain days (i.e., Sundays and holidays) not available for weddings?
Is there a person (wedding coordinator, scheduler, etc.) who is the contact for all weddings at your church?
How far in advance should
weddings be scheduled?
How many hours before and after the scheduled ceremony will participants have access to the church?
Are there additional scheduling needs for bridal portraits and/or a wedding rehearsal?
Amenities
Does your church provide A/V services? If so, what is included, and who is allowed to run it?
Does your church have musicians or
others available for the ceremony?
Does your church provide space for brides and/or grooms to get ready?
Do you offer a reception space on your property?
How much parking does your church provide?
Decorating
Does your congregation have a policy around holidays, like Christmas, when the sanctuary is typically heavily decorated?
Does your church have any rules regarding the use of tape, nails, pushpins, etc., when attaching decorations?
Who is responsible for relocating items (like lecterns, music stands, instruments, etc.), cleaning up, etc.?
Prohibitions
Is your church campus tobacco free? Also, be sure to include the prohibition of alcohol in your policy. Does your church allow or prevent the release of balloons, rice, or other items?
Fees
What fee do you charge for the use of your space?
Do you require a minimum honorarium for the officiating pastor?
Do you have a separate fee for a small, private wedding ceremony?
What are other line items that may incur fees (i.e., A/V staff, musician(s), damages, extra time, child care)?
Other Considerations
Does your church have a photography and/or videography policy?
Does your church have a floral policy?
Does your church provide child care for weddings?
Sample Wedding Policies
We scoured the Internet for UM churches whose wedding policies are online. We found a few to share with you as you work on your church’s policy.
Belmont UMC in Nashville, TN
Click here for a thorough wedding policy sample that includes multiple concerns, along with a link to a Wedding Procedures document.
First UMC in Clover, SC
Click here for an additional sample with a thorough explanation of policies and procedures.
Immanuel UMC in Lakeside Park, KY
Click here for a sample wedding policy that is restricted to opposite-sex unions.
Port Edwards UMC in Edwards, WI
Click here for a sample policy that is inclusive toward same sex couples.
Decorations are just one of many concerns congregations can address with a robust wedding policy. Photo via Depositphotos.
10 ways to deepen church-school connections
BY LAURA BUCHANAN
Local United Methodist churches can ensure students, teachers, administrators and families have a successful school year by providing more than pencils and notebooks. They can also offer love, peace and hope.
“Kids are at school half of their life, and if I want to be any kind of support to my students, I have to be involved in the schools. I have to be able to connect with their schools and know what’s going on if I want to understand their world,” says Emily Felgenhauer, Director of Youth Ministries at First United Methodist Church of Lakeland, Florida.
Here are ten ways your church can nurture relationships with area schools, teachers and families in order to build trust and make a difference:
Identify needs.
Retired teacher Sharon Lowe Hennis, member of Sedge Garden United Methodist Church, in Kernersville, North Carolina, suggests, “It’s important for the local church to know what schools are in your area. Have a contact group meet the principal and guidance counselor to ask what the needs are.” If your ministry is new, begin with just one nearby school.
School Advisory Council that includes parents, community leaders, students and educators. She says, “That’s been a great way for me to be involved and to learn about what’s going on academically, and also mental healthwise, not just with our students, but also with the educators. I can also
teacher appreciation meals or gifts, graduations, book drives or fundraisers. Offer to refresh the teachers’ break room or other spaces. Connect with the Parent Teacher Association. Felgenhauer shares that at their church’s partner elementary school, “Our youth serve by helping put flower beds in and doing upkeep.”
Go on a prayer walk. When Hennis was a teacher in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, members of a neighboring church would visit during teacher workday. They would walk through the halls, spend time in each classroom and touch every desk while they prayed for the upcoming school year. “It just stuck with me how much they cared,” Hennis remembers. “When a teacher or school knows that someone is praying for them it means a lot.” If you aren’t able to enter the school, ask for permission to walk the school grounds instead.
Deepen your understanding. Felgenhauer serves on a community
share things I hear from the students, like bullying, and then offer solutions or ways we can support.”
Volunteer.
Ask to serve at field day and the book fair. Be a reading buddy or a test proctor. Ask if the church can help with special programs,
Be present.
Felgenhauer spends time with students during their lunch period, asking how they are doing and how classes are going. If you can’t attend during the day, Hennis suggests, “My Sunday School class works concessions during school sporting events. We wear our church t-shirts
Rev. Pam Cottrill of Inola UMC prays with children over their backpacks at the schools’ Back to School Block Party. Submitted photo.
and the kids can see that the local church is present. It’s a good reminder.”
Provide special experiences.
Hennis’ Sunday School class also works with a nonprofit organization that supports unhoused students in the local school system. For ten years, the class has hosted a celebration meal for the program’s high school graduates. Each student receives a Bible, gift bag and framed cap and gown photo. Hennis shares, “We want them to know that we’ve noticed them. We hope they see Christ’s love for them through us.”
Make space for anxiety.
School hallways are increasingly stressful, not only because of academic and social pressures, but also because of the fear of potential violence. Churches should provide a safe space for people to discuss their fears. Take special care to avoid making anyone feel their faith is weak. Hennis says,
“It helps them feel their feelings are valid. Give the students a place to share without hearing, ‘You shouldn’t be afraid.’ That can be hurtful when someone is really struggling with anxiety.” You can also make sure each student connects with a trusted adult in their school who they can go to if they need support.
Encourage teachers.
Ask school principals if you can host a back-to-school lunch for teachers on their first day of work. Sedge Garden UMC held such an event in their decorated Fellowship Hall, where they distributed treat bags and the pastor offered an uplifting message. Felgenhauer reminds, “Encouragement is a big piece. What teacher just needs a hug? Teachers are dealing with their own personal ‘stuff,’ and then they’re dealing with emotional, educational and mental health, as well as students who have difficulties.”
Support families.
First UMC of Lakeland hosts monthly Parent Connect Nights to guide parents as their child goes through emotional, intellectual and physical changes. Programming has included mental health information, higher-education preparations, selfdefense classes and internet safety tips. Felgenhauer says, “It’s been really great because we have a lot of parents attend that aren’t involved in our church… they’re navigating a really scary world.”
Strengthen relationships.
Students in your church can greatly benefit from your time and effort teaching them relationshipbuilding and social skills they’ll take to school. Felgenhauer explains, “It’s the support of knowing they are not alone, because oftentimes we can feel isolated, especially with technology. I think kids are craving connection… they’re so used to not navigating relational communication. I think they really want to learn how to play. A lot of kids that are now in middle school, they missed some very fundamental developmental stages of socializing during COVID-19.”
Laura Buchanan works for UMC.org at United Methodist Communications.
Meadowcreek UMC provides backpacks for students in Collinsville schools. Some of the backpacks from last year are pictured here. Submitted photo.
Finding a Rhythm
Oklahomans welcoming Bishop Merrill across the state
Since her arrival in Oklahoma ten days ago, Bishop Laura Merrill has already been very busy finding a rhythm, meeting faithful leaders across the state, and learning about our diverse state and two sister conferences.
She has preached in a local church and at Oklahoma City University. She is preparing to make her way around the state with Communities Impacting Poverty events. She has dined with the conference staff and spent time exploring Oklahoma City.
She’s been interviewed for a television spot and recorded a podcast. And it’s just beginning!
Onboarding
She spent her first two full days with the cabinets of both conferences (Oklahoma Indian Missionary and Oklahoma) in a process called Onboarding. It was led by Rev. Kim Jenne, director of Connectional Ministry for the Missouri Conference.
Onboarding is a crucial step in
assisting Bishop Merrill integrate into these two conferences while maintaining her work in Arkansas.
During onboarding, participants respond to a number of questions that they would like answered as well as offer thoughts on priorities, vision, and working relationships. After a short break, the Bishop responded to these answers while asking her own questions.
Her experience in Arkansas led her to bring this process to Oklahoma. The United Methodist-style “onboarding” is the inspiration of lifelong church member Claire Bowen of Atlanta. As a human resources professional, she spent more than 30 years in the corporate world helping newly hired top executives connect with their staffs more quickly by honestly identifying mutual expectations, work-culture quirks and other details.
Retreat at Canyon Camp
The OKUMC Cabinet spent three days together in Canyon Camp as a part of the onboarding process. During this time, they worshipped together, led by Rev. Ginger and Wes Howl. Services included covenant renewal, baptismal remembrance and Holy Communion.
Much of the time was devoted to orienting Bishop Merrill to the changing demographics of the state of Oklahoma, where we have
Bishop Merrill, along with women leaders Rev. Valerie Steele, Rev. Kris Maberry, and Rev. Rebekah Belase, addresses over 200 clergy at the Orders and Fellowship Meeting at McFarlin UMC in Norman. Photo by Jinx Barber.
churches and where deserts of United Methodists exist. She learned about clergy statistics and discussed conference initiatives, including the Five Dreams guiding our strategic processes.
Orders and Fellowship Meeting
On Tuesday, September 10, over 200 elders, deacons and local pastors gathered at McFarlin UMC in Norman for the fall orders meeting, where they welcomed Bishop Merrill with a video and celebrated Holy Communion.
Preaching from Isaiah 65:17-19, she talked about the optimism of a new day and bright future of United Methodism by highlighting the welcoming and inclusive nature of the United Methodist Church and encouraging those leading churches throughout the state to partner with others in their community who share the message of “hope, grace and
justice.” She said that her hope for the future of the church lies in seeking the point where the power of that message touches those who need it.
“It lies in the hearts of our neighbors, the ones we don’t know yet — who don’t come to our church and who we have to cross the street to meet,” Bishop Merrill said. “They might be people whose interest could overlap with ours if we just use our
imagination a little bit. They might be people who are scrapping and scraping to try to meet the needs of their own community, which is not where we live so we don’t see it happen.”
She also lifted up the connectional nature of United Methodist churches throughout the state as a strength of the denomination and a sign of its health.
“My hope lies in the power of the connectional church that is not just a series of franchises with the same sign out front, but a living body where different parts can thrive, but cannot truly thrive, without each other,” she said.
Questions and Answers
In a more relaxed style Tuesday afternoon, Bishop Merrill answered
While passing through the Communications department to record a video and a podcast, Bishop Merrill takes a moment to check out the Star Wars-themed office/museum of communications director Carlos Ramirez.
Bishop Merrill addresses the staff at a welcome lunch at the conference center.
pre-submitted questions from clergy around the state. Chairs of the clergy orders moderated the discussion. Here are some of her quotes in various categories.
On what brings her passion: The missionary gene. Learning what I don’t know and being a bridge person. Finding the light in one another.
She further quoted roving listener De’Amon Harges, “God created us to fall in love with each other.”
On priorities: I spend my time where I think something good is going to happen, where my presence will make a difference and it is intentional. I ask, “What’s the thing only I can
do?”
On clergy: Take care of yourself. Walk, eat a vegetable, call a friend. When you feel disconnected, you aren’t the only one. We aren’t intended to do this work alone. Serve and love and lead your people to do the same. And remember, you are not an infinite resource.
The answer to one question brought much applause. “Who is your least favorite Calvinist theologian?” to which the Bishop replied, “All of them!”
As she concluded her time, she echoed Qoheleth, “This is a time to embrace. I’m grateful. I’m grateful to be here.”
OIMC Installation
On Saturday, the Oklahoma Indian Missionary Conference will host an installation service for Bishop Merrill. It begins at 1 p.m., at Lambuth Memorial UMC, 3823 South Shields. Doors open at 12 p.m. An installation for the Oklahoma Conference is being planned for early winter.
Bishop Merrill gets cozy with a sweet baby as she visits with mom Ja’lyn Betts (LEFT) and Rev. Dr. Bessie Hamilton.
Members of the cabinet pray over Bishop Merrill at the closing of the Cabinet Retreat.
Members of the Cabinet hiked up to the cross at sunset with Bishop Merrill during the retreat at Canyon Camp.
Along with a few visiting friends, Bishop Merrill poses for a group photo with the staff during a welcome lunch at the conference office. Photo by Kyla Powers.
Exciting news! A new system will make camp registration a breeze
OK Camps is thrilled to announce that we are transitioning to a new and improved camp registration system - Campwise! This change is part of our ongoing commitment to enhancing your experience when registering for our summer camps.
Key Benefits of the New System:
Real-Time Access: With your login credentials, you can see who from your church is registered and monitor their status instantly.
Financial Transparency: Easily
view any outstanding balances for your group and make online payments.
To help ensure a smooth transition, we need your updated contact information. Please take a moment to complete our Google Form as soon as possible.
Action Needed:
Fill out the Contact Information Form by September 15. This will allow us to set up your access and streamline the process for everyone.
EXPERIENCE LIFE AT ITS FINEST, EVERY DAY.
Life at Epworth Villa is all about freedom. Freedom from home maintenance and chores. Freedom from having to drive all over town. Freedom from worrying about future needs. And when you’re free to live your best life, it’s amazing the joy that each day brings. Experience the freedom you deserve and check out our spacious cottages and beautiful apartments at EpworthVilla.org.
Campers gathered around the campfire at Canyon Camp for Growin’ in Grace camp in 2022. Photo by Tabitha Beckman.
Retired Clergy Retreat
How do you spell "RELIEF"? - How about a 24-hour retreat in beautiful Canyon Camp near Hinton OK with friends from across the Conference?
Time for visiting, resting, & relaxing. Friends, fun, campfire, singing, learning.
Cost per person is $123 for a single, or $76.50 for a double (lodge & 2 meals). Contact Brian Bakeman, registrar, at brian405@prodigy.net with questions.
JOIN US SEPT. 30 - OCT. 1
Thomas Hoffman will speak on two topics:
• The 1921 Tulsa Race Massacre
• Pilgrimage to Camino de Santiago (The Way of St. James) in Spain
Call to Action
Register for a Communities Impacting Poverty Workshop.
• Enid (Christ UMC) - 3-7 pm, Sunday, Sept. 15
• Tulsa (University UMC) - 3-7 pm, Sunday, Sept. 22
• OKC (Lakeside UMC) - 10 am - 2 pm, Saturday, Oct. 5
• Weatherford - Sunday, 3-7 pm, Oct. 6
• McAlester (First UMC) - 10 am - 2 pm, Saturday, Oct. 12
• Lawton (Centenary UMC) - 3-7 pm, Sunday, Oct. 13
Click here to register.
Please Respond Today: New Camp Registration System!
We’re excited to announce our transition to a new camp registration system, Campwise, offering real-time access to your group’s registrations and financial transparency. To get started, please complete the contact information form as soon as possible to ensure smooth setup. For questions, feel free to reach out!
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