E Q WORKBOOK
An interpretation and application guide to Emotional Intelligence and the EQ-i®
BY HILE RUTLEDGE
SELFPERCEPTION
STRESS MANAGEMENT SELFEXPRESSION INTERPERSONAL
DECISION MAKING
An interpretation and application guide to the
The EQ-i model of Emotional Intelligence is comprised of sixteen specifically defined components of your socio-emotional functioning, each of which plays a critical role in your personal and professional effectiveness. Rooted in extensive physiological and behavioral research, the EQ-i is a tool that enables you to quantify these behaviors, comparing yourself to a selected norm group and showing how your behavior differs from others around you.
Unlike many other assessments made up of right and wrong answers or that seek to measure skill and ability, the EQ-i’s results require interpretation and context. The result is a deep dive into a model and vocabulary for self-awareness that reveals potential strengths and growth opportunities. Whereas IQ and “personality” assessment scores tend to be unchanging, EQ-i results not only can change, but should, with maturity, development, and skill-building. That is where this workbook comes in.
OKA’s EQ Workbook introduces you to the 16 Elements of the EQ-i2.0 model of Emotional Intelligence, helps you fully understand and interpret your EQ-i results, and then pivots from the assessment to a tailored and specific action plan. OKA’s helps answer the pivotal questions, “So what,” and “Now what?”
HOW TO USE OKA'S EQ WORKBOOK:
TRAINERS
• One-by-one, introduce group to the EQ-i Elements, while participants self-assess (predict) their levels of EQ engagement using the foldout flap of this Workbook.
• Have participants draw from and add to the Workbook’s extensive list of suggested behaviors, tips and techniques to exercise and practice each Element.
• Instruct group members, upon receiving their EQ-i reports, use the Workbook to interpret scores and craft an action plan with detailed next steps.
COACHES
• Discuss with your client the EQ-i Elements while he selfassesses (predicts) his level of engagement with each using the fold-out flap of this Workbook.
• Give your client her EQ-i report, and use the Workbook to interpret scores and produce a tailored profile.
• With your client, use the over 150 suggested actions and exercises in this Workbook to craft an action plan with detailed next steps.
INDIVIDUALS
• Explore each EQ Element’s description in the Workbook, considering what too little, low, high, and too much all look and sound like.
• Self-assess your levels of EQ engagement using the foldout flap of this Workbook.
• After deciding upon the EQ Element most in need of development, select from the extensive list of suggested next steps and exercises to construct a focused and tailored action plan.
SELF-PERCEPTION
SELF-REGARD
the ability and the tendency for you — in full light of both your positive and negative qualities—to both like and have confidence in yourself
SELF-ACTUALIZATION
your ability and tendency to want to grow, to stretch and to strive — to see your potential, set meaningful goals and work toward your betterment and fulfillment
EMOTIONAL SELF-AWARENESS
the degree to which you are in touch with your feelings and emotions, are able to distinguish one emotion from another and understand why that emotion has resulted
INTERPERSONAL
INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS
your ability and tendency to give and receive trust and compassion and to establish and maintain mutually satisfying personal relationships
EMPATHY
your ability and willingness to take notice of and be sensitive to other people’s needs and feelings
SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY
your ability and tendency to cooperate and contribute to the welfare of a larger social system, to have and act in accordance with a social consciousness and to show concern for the group or the greater community
SELF-EXPRESSION
EMOTIONAL EXPRESSION
the degree to which you share, communicate and remain transparent with your feelings and emotions
ASSERTIVENESS
your ability to put your needs, thoughts and opinions out into the world—even when doing so invites opposition or conflict or causes you to take a stand
INDEPENDENCE
your ability and tendency to be self-directed in your thinking, feeling, and actions—to go it alone when needed
DECISION MAKING
PROBLEM SOLVING
your ability and tendency both to solve problems that involve emotions and to use emotions as an effective problem solving tool
REALITY TESTING
the ability and tendency for you to assess the here-andnow reality of any given moment or situation—what is actually going on—and compare that objectively to your fantasy of what is going on, thus avoiding being overcome by fantasies, daydreams and biases
IMPULSE CONTROL
the ability to resist or delay a drive or temptation to do or say something or to decide too quickly or rashly
STRESS MANAGEMENT
FLEXIBILITY
your ability and tendency to adjust your emotions, thoughts, and behavior to changing situations and conditions, to adapt—to take in new data and change your mind or approach
STRESS TOLERANCE
the ability to function well in the midst of challenging and stressful situations—to shoulder stress without getting overwhelmed
OPTIMISM
your ability and tendency to look at the brighter side of life and to maintain a positive attitude even in the face of adversity. Optimism gives you hope and enables you to see the future as a positive, inviting place
HAPPINESS
your ability and tendency to feel joy and satisfaction with the process of living—to be able to embrace all aspects of life with cheerfulness and enthusiasm
SELF - REGARD
the ability and the tendency for you — in full light of both your positive and negative qualities—to both like and have confidence in yourself
ROOTED IN SELF-REGARD: Self-esteem • Self-confidence • Pride • Dignity • Self-respect
LOW HIGH
With too little Self-Regard, you see yourself as inadequate and inferior— unworthy of nurturance and the positive things life has to offer. Too little SelfRegard yields feedback that you are:
bSelf-doubting
bSelf-critical
bDisrespecting of yourself
bUnhappy with or insecure about your contribution or abilities
bBurdened with thoughts of inferiority and inadequacy
bLacking self-esteem
An average level of SelfRegard finds someone with reasonable levels of selfconfidence—pleased with some aspects of his/her body, mind and life, but not others.
Active Self-Regard yields self-assurance, respect, and acceptance, self-esteem, confidence, and positive feelings about yourself— intellectually, physically and emotionally. You like and are proud of who you are.
Too much Self-Regard, however, can be a problem. Excessive SelfRegard can result in feedback that you are:
aArrogant
aVain and conceited
aNarcissistic
aOver-confident
aBurdensome with thoughts of superiority
The best way to correct for overdone Self-Regard is to activate/exercise those
EQ Elements that naturally balance Self-Regard:
• Interpersonal
Relationships
• Empathy
• Social Responsibility
ACTIONS THAT WOULD DEVELOP AND SUPPORT SELF-REGARD
• Decorate your physical space with artifacts and symbols of past success and evidence of your skill and personal power:
» Diplomas or Certificates
» Trophies and awards
» Photos of friends, family, and/or events that remind you of your worth and successes
» Books about topics you know a lot about
• As much as you can, surround yourself with positive people who know, support, and affirm your strengths—believe them when they remind you of your skill, worth, and value.
• Explore the uniqueness of your personality and personal communication or problemsolving style with a neutral to positive personal style assessment such as the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), Pearman Personality Integrator, Strength Deployment Inventory (SDI), or Pearson Marr Archetype Indicator (PMAI). Reframing and reintroducing yourself is a great way to mine for new gold and appreciate long overlooked gems within you.
• Think of where and when you are at your best and most powerful—at work, at the gym, in conversation, in helping others, in the kitchen, with a tool in your hand, in your own head solving a problem. Remember that you are this person—this masterful, in control person— even if you are feeling less than that now.
BEHAVIORS THAT WOULD EXERCISE SELF-REGARD IMMEDIATELY:
• Say (out loud so that you can hear yourself) positive statements about your qualities and/ or achievements. Compliment yourself.
• Set a goal—even (and perhaps especially) a relatively easy one, and attain it, and when you attain a goal (even an easy one) acknowledge it to yourself.
• Stand up/sit up straight.
• Establish and maintain eye contact with people around you—not staring at them, but intentionally NOT averting your eyes.
• Offer an opinion—whatever it truly is, and speak so that people can hear you.
WHAT OTHER SELF-REGARD ACTIONS OR ACTIVITIES CAN YOU THINK OF?
SELF - ACTUALIZATION
your ability and tendency to want to grow, stretch and strive — to see your potential, set meaningful goals and work toward your betterment and fulfillment
ROOTED IN SELF-ACTUALIZATION
Aspiration • Ambition • Passion • Yearning & Longing • Drive
With too little SelfActualization, you have an inability or unwillingness to set and achieve personal goals or improve your own performance. A deficit of Self-Actualization also may reflect a tendency to ignore your intellectual and/or emotional skills or to have no interest in their use or improvement. Too little Self-Actualization may well yield feedback that you are:
bUnambitious or underperforming
bLazy
bBored and uninspired
bIgnorant-closed to learning and development
bLacking confidence to change, grow, or rise to the occasion
With an average level of Self-Actualization, you—like most people— are at times interested in and open to learning, advancement, and development, but are unmotivated, bored, and complacent just as often.
• Flexibility LOW
Active Self-Actualization reflects a healthy drive toward self-improvement and the joyous pursuit of intellectual and emotional satisfaction through meaningful work and play.
Too much SelfActualization leads to feedback that you are:
aPerpetually dissatisfied with the status quo
aOverly goal driven—too intense
aOverly exuberant with your activities and points of passion
aSelf-centered—blind to the needs and interests of others
aUnwilling to do tasks that are not personally enriching
The best way to correct for overdone Self-Actualization is to activate/exercise those
EQ Elements that naturally balance Self-Actualization:
• Interpersonal Relationships
• Empathy
ACTIONS THAT WOULD DEVELOP AND SUPPORT SELF-ACTUALIZATION:
• Through reflection, prayer, journaling, meditation or conversation with a trusted friend or advisor, determine the values that give your life ballast and meaning (spiritual, personal, relational, civic, et cetera).
Determine how these values are supported by your activities (or could be). In the ways that you can, link your work and activities to your values to imbue them with meaning.
• Set some reasonably attainable goals, and drive toward them—avoiding the trap of setting the bar at an unattainable height that will keep you from experiencing any positive momentum toward Self-Actualization. You may want to get a promotion that earns more money, never be derailed by conflict or lose 50 pounds. However, better goals to slowly solidify movement and enable celebration of positive momentum would be:
» Finish your component of the project on time and under budget
» Address a point of contention with an important colleague
» Cut out sugary sodas and walk around the block four times this week
• Ask for a stretch project.
• Envision your next job, and talk about the opportunity out loud.
• Get a mentor, and engage with her/him in moving toward your future.
BEHAVIORS THAT WOULD EXERCISE SELF-ACTUALIZATION IMMEDIATELY:
• Derive and speak a goal—make a statement regarding wanting and moving toward an outcome.
• In the conversation or group process, consistently be the voice that drives the process, effort, or conversation forward.
• Engage in this EQ exploration and development process: determine an EQ element you want to develop and commit to an action that would exercise this element.
• Initiate a conversation or debate aimed at moving a task forward and/or solving a problem.
WHAT OTHER SELF-ACTUALIZATION ACTIONS OR ACTIVITIES CAN YOU THINK OF?
EMOTIONAL SELF-AWARENESS
the degree to which you are in touch with your feelings and emotions, are able to distinguish one emotion from another, and understand why that emotion has resulted
ROOTED IN EMOTIONAL SELF-AWARENESS
Mindfulness • Discernment & Perception • Self-consciousness • Self-Awareness • Reflection
LOW
Too little Emotional SelfAwareness leads to an inability or unwillingness to differentiate between your feelings and their logical sources. Too little Emotional Self-Awareness may well yield feedback that you are:
bEmotionally unaware or immature
bIgnorant of your emotional needs and motivations
bSurprised by others’ reactions and emotional states
bOften misunderstood and misunderstanding others
bIn denial of your own feelings
Average Emotional SelfAwareness means you pay about as much attention to your emotional state as most people do—average engagement here could suggest that when you consider it or pay attention, you generally know what you are feeling and why, but that you often don’t have the interest or take the time to consider your inner life.
Active Emotional SelfAwareness results in your understanding feedling, why you are feeling it, and an ability to differentiate one feeling from another.
Too much Emotional SelfAwareness, however, can work against you and lead to feedback that you are:
aSelf-consumed—seeing things unrelated to you only through your own emotional filters
aSelf-centered and selfindulgent
aHypersensitive to your own emotions
aInsensitive to the needs and concerns of others
The best way to correct for overdone Emotional SelfAwareness is to activate/ exercise those EQ Elements that naturally balance Emotional Self-Awareness:
• Empathy
• Social Responsibility
• Reality Testing
ACTIONS THAT DEVELOP AND SUPPORT EMOTIONAL SELF-AWARENESS:
• Become curious about your mood and feelings. Make a mental note with yourself at regular intervals (put it on your calendar to do so periodically throughout a meeting or the day) to objectively survey your emotional state. You are less likely to ignore what you task yourself to pay attention to.
• If writing appeals to you, keep a journal or log of quick entries that note your emotional states with the goal of seeing how one segues into another, forming natural emotional chords or strings. You can then tie or attribute these chords to specific events and interactions.
• Reflect upon and explore (get to know) your emotional triggers. In your next meeting, debate, or conversation, note the different feelings caused or triggered by each different person or topic. Knowing what and who triggers your emotions is the essence of deeper Emotional Self-Awareness.
• Expand and deepen your emotional vocabulary. Practice attaching an emotional adjective to what you are feeling.
BEHAVIORS THAT WOULD EXERCISE EMOTIONAL SELF-AWARENESS IMMEDIATELY:
• Make a concerted effort to reflect on what you are feeling at least three times during the upcoming exercise.
• Pay attention to words, expressions, people, and topics that trigger you—and what emotions do these things trigger?
• Before the conversation or group process, identify at least three things that could happen to make you feel happy, frustrated, and proud (three each).
• After the conversation or group process, identify at least three distinct feelings that you felt during the process, and identify the root cause of this feeling/emotion.
WHAT OTHER EMOTIONAL SELF-AWARENESS ACTIONS OR ACTIVITIES CAN YOU THINK OF?
EMOTIONAL EXPRESSION
the degree to which you share, communicate and remain transparent with your feelings and emotions
ROOTED IN EMOTIONAL EXPRESSION
Transparency • Authenticity • Openness • Disclosure • Sharing
With too little Emotional Expression, you tend not to communicate or share your emotions. Too little Emotional Expression may well yield feedback that you are:
bEmotionally unaware or immature
bDistrusting or isolated
bUncommunicative, detached and/or disconnected
bIn denial of your own feelings
• Empathy LOW
With average engagement with Emotional Expression, you are reasonably open and transparent—more in some circumstances and with some people than with others.
Active Emotional Expression reflects a personal openness and both a willingness and ability to share your emotions. You are authentic, transparent, and easy to read.
Too much Emotional Expression, however, can work against you and lead to feedback that you are:
aInjecting yourself or your emotional state into issues not related to you
aOverly transparent with a tendency to overshare
aEmotionally hijacking — making objective issues and events reasons to share personal data
aSelf-centered and selfindulgent
The best way to correct for overdone Emotional Expression is to activate/ exercise those EQ Elements that naturally balance Emotional Expression:
• Impulse Control
• Interpersonal Relationships
ACTIONS THAT WOULD DEVELOP AND SUPPORT EMOTIONAL EXPRESSION:
• Become curious about your mood and feelings. Make a mental note with yourself at regular intervals (put it on your calendar to do so periodically throughout a meeting or the day) to objectively survey your emotional state. You are less likely to ignore what you task yourself to pay attention to. Discuss these insights and findings with a friend or colleague.
• Find a trusted friend or family member and share your feelings about a given issue with him/her. Then branch out and do this with one other person, taking the skills you have exercised within a trusted relationship and applying them to someone else with whom you can then start to build a more trusting relationship.
• To get practice, talk about people you know and characters you come across in books, movies, and on TV, and share what you believe they are feeling at given times. Think about what you would be feeling if you were in the same situation, and discuss these insights and feelings with a trusted family member, colleague or friend.
BEHAVIORS THAT WOULD EXERCISE EMOTIONAL EXPRESSION IMMEDIATELY:
• Verbalize your feelings in conversation—
» “I’m excited about this project.”
» “I’m afraid this course of action is not going to work.”
» “I enjoy working with you.”
» “I’m irritated that I have to do this.”
Even when these statements are not asked for, they are true and playing a part in your behavior, so admit it overtly.
• Use non-verbals and body language to show visible engagement:
» Establish and maintain eye contact
» Use open and inviting gestures
» Present and maintain an open physical posture
» Lean in and reduce the distance between you and others
• Make sure when you are sharing or disclosing (talking about) your emotional state—that your tone and facial expressions communicate the same emotion you are claiming to have.
• Make a concerted effort to reflect your emotional state in your face (happy, nervous, frustrated, etc.
WHAT OTHER EMOTIONAL EXPRESSION ACTIONS OR ACTIVITIES CAN YOU THINK OF?
ASSERTIVENESS
your ability to put your needs, thoughts and opinions out into the world—even when doing so invites opposition or conflict or causes you to take a stand
ROOTED IN ASSERTIVENESS Force • Firmness • Strength • Argumentation & Debate • Self-defense
LOW HIGH
With too little Assertiveness, you tend to see yourself as either lacking anything important to share and contribute, or you believe yourself to be unable or unwilling to make your positions or contributions known. Too little Assertiveness tends to yield feedback that you are:
bBashful, shy, or softspoken
bWithholding
bUncommitted to the cause or issue
bWeak, a push-over, or a doormat—easy to convince, sway, or take advantage of
bInsubstantial—in intellect, skill, or value
Average Assertiveness results in a reasonable ability to voice many of your opinions—you voice your needs and beliefs clearly and boldly some of the time or consistently stand up for yourself and your views, but do so only mildly.
Active Assertiveness looks and sounds like straightforward, selfconfident speech and behavior, speaking your mind and both setting and maintaining clear boundaries.
Too much Assertiveness, of course, is as derailing as not having enough. Excessive Assertiveness can result in feedback that you are:
aAggressive
aAbusive
aMilitant or bossy
aSelf-centered (commanding the spotlight and excessive air-time)
The best way to correct for overdone Assertiveness is to activate/exercise those EQ Elements that naturally balance Assertiveness:
• Impulse Control
• Empathy
• Flexibility
ACTIONS THAT WOULD DEVELOP AND SUPPORT ASSERTIVENESS:
• Task yourself to express a position or idea in the next conversation or meeting you are in regardless of whether you are asked, whether the idea has already been expressed by someone else or whether the idea is likely to be harmoniously received.
• Actively plan to approach someone with whom you disagree on something to discuss the disagreement. You can approach the disagreement non-confrontationally, but clearly state your opposition.
• Identify your boundaries—or at least one of them—and practice setting and defending them. Start by saying, “No.” When someone asks you to commit to something you are not interested in doing, push yourself to say, “No.” You can do so nicely, but say, “No.”
• Practice asserting your feelings, thoughts or opinions in low risk situations. For example, if you did not receive the dinner you ordered, inform the waiter or restaurant manager. If you disagree with the opinion of the person you are talking to, let them know your views. If you don’t want to make that donation, say that you don’t want to.
• Learn and practice using assertive, yet sensitive communication:
» “I understand your position (assuming you do). I would like for you to understand mine.”
» “I hear you. From my perspective, however, things look a bit differently.”
» “I respect your views, but I don’t share them. To me, the best approach is...“
BEHAVIORS THAT WOULD EXERCISE ASSERTIVENESS IMMEDIATELY:
• Make a definitive statement about an opinion or point of view—making sure that everyone can hear you.
• Find a decision or statement with which you disagree, and state your disagreement.
• Take the initiative to start the group’s movement to task—whether you offer a direction or path forward, or, merely facilitate a process that yields one.
• Position yourself physically—where you sit and/or where you stand—to be at the center of the discussion or action.
WHAT OTHER ASSERTIVENESS ACTIONS OR ACTIVITIES CAN YOU THINK OF?
INDEPENDENCE
your ability and tendency to be self-directed in your thinking, feeling, and actions—to go it alone when needed
ROOTED IN INDEPENDENCE
Autonomy • Self-determination • Self-reliance • Self-sufficiency • Standing Alone
Too little Independence reflects an inability or unwillingness to stand on your own intellectually and make your own decisions, as well as a tendency toward clinging emotionally to others, relying on them to determine your emotional state and reactions. Not enough Independence tends to yield feedback that you are:
bEmotionally dependent
bClingy
bIntellectually lacking or weak-minded
bIndecisive
bUninformed
Average Independence reflects moderate or sporadic autonomy and self-sufficiency, suggesting someone who stands alone emotionally and intellectually as much as they do not.
High Independence yields self-sufficiency and autonomy
Too much Independence— an inability or refusal to connect, consult, and consider others—can work against you and lead to feedback that you are:
aEmotionally withholding
aDetached and uncollaborative
aIsolated
aCounter-dependent (you need authority to have something to push against)
The best way to correct for overdone Independence is to activate/exercise those EQ Elements that naturally balance Independence:
• Interpersonal Relationships
• Empathy
• Social Responsibility
ACTIONS THAT WOULD DEVELOP AND SUPPORT INDEPENDENCE:
• Engage in a project, effort, or endeavor— or make a decision—without first seeking affirmation, guidance, or permission from someone else. Share your work only after it is complete or well started.
• In a group or team endeavor, don’t wait to be asked or told to take an action to push the goal forward. Make your own decision and do something; don’t let formal leadership titles or the concept of perfection inhibit your getting started.
• Get a hobby or activity you pursue alone. Follow and/or develop a personal interest, skill, or talent that you have outside of your current relationships.
• Take the initiative to assume responsibility and accountability for a project — or even a small piece of one — agreeing to get it done by yourself.
• Mentor someone—a child, subordinate, or new hire — and help him/her with your seniority, experience, or knowledge.
• Identify decisions you tend to make with others and activities you usually do with a group, and task yourself to do these things by yourself. These can be low risk decisions and activities. For example, decide a restaurant you enjoy or a movie you want to see and go by yourself.
BEHAVIORS THAT WOULD EXERCISE INDEPENDENCE IMMEDIATELY:
• Note to yourself—at least three times if not continuously—how and where your ideas and opinions differ from others’ around you.
• If there is an opportunity for someone to work alone or make a solo contribution, volunteer for that assignment.
• Make a definitive statement about an opinion or point of view, making sure that everyone can hear you.
• Find a decision or statement with which you disagree, and state your disagreement.
WHAT OTHER INDEPENDENCE ACTIONS OR ACTIVITIES CAN YOU THINK OF:
INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS
your ability and tendency to give and receive trust and compassion and to establish and maintain mutually satisfying personal relationships
ROOTED IN INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS
Compassion & Trust • Vulnerability • Personal Connections & Networks • Familiarity • Rapport
With too little attention spent on Interpersonal Relationships, you isolate yourself, stripping yourself of outlets to give or receive affection, trust, and human interaction. Too little Interpersonal Relationships attention to yields feedback that you are:
bA loner
bSocially withdrawn
bCold and unfriendly
bHard to like or get to know
Average engagement with Interpersonal Relationships yields at least a small circle of friends and family within which you are reasonably approachable, warm, and trusted.
Energy devoted to Interpersonal Relationships yields an emphasis on connecting to others and being connected to by others—both giving and receiving trust, compassion, and warmth.
Over-engaged Interpersonal Relationships, however, can be a problem as debilitating as not having enough. Excessive attention to Interpersonal Relationships can result in feedback that you are:
aInappropriately familiar or intimate
aToo free or disclosing with personal data
aToo demanding or expectant of disclosure from others
aCo-dependent
aUnable or unwilling to be alone
The best way to correct for overdone Interpersonal Relationships is to activate/ exercise those EQ Elements that naturally balance
Interpersonal Relationships:
• Self-Regard
• Self-Actualization
• Independence
ACTIONS THAT WOULD DEVELOP AND SUPPORT INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS:
• Take one or two elements that contribute to a close personal relationship you already have (a close friend or family member), and experiment with applying this behavior to another relationship that has not yet developed real closeness but could (a colleague or more distant friend). A personal disclosure, listening with compassion, a warm smile—these are all relationship-building behaviors that you are likely using with a small, inner circle. Consider growing your circle OR exporting a couple of the behaviors to folks on the outside of your current ring of intimate acquaintances.
• Stop in and talk to people—invest time and exhibit concern in them, their interests, and their lives. Ask them about themselves, and actively listen to their responses. Remembering details from these exchanges (even if you have to write them down) to follow up on later is a great way to exhibit concern and build a meaningful connection. Schedule yourself to reach out to connect with (stopping by, calling, or even e-mailing) one friend or colleague a week.
• Consider giving a gift—nothing elaborate, just a token that reminds people that you were thinking about them. Birthday or anniversary cards, pastries, candy, or office treats—simple gestures that communicate you care about those with whom you work.
• Practice gratitude. Acknowledge and express appreciation for others, which will support and motivate, and in turn strengthen, your relationships.
BEHAVIORS THAT WOULD EXERCISE INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS IMMEDIATELY:
• Compliment at least three people around you for things they do to benefit you or the task at hand; be sure to be sincere, not making things up.
• Actively solicit input from group members who do not or have not offered input on their own, working for more group inclusion.
• Be engaging/approachable—smile and maintain eye contact and open body language, and remove physical barriers between you and others (computers, desks, doors, cell phones, books, etc).
• Ask someone if you can help them (and then do).
WHAT OTHER ACTIONS OR ACTIVITIES THAT IMPACT INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS CAN YOU THINK OF?
EMPATHY
your ability and willingness to take notice of and be sensitive to other people’s needs and feelings
ROOTED IN EMPATHY
Caring & Sensitivity • Personal Attention • Sympathy • Responsiveness • Relational Curiosity & Seeking to Understand
With too little Empathy, you have an inability or unwillingness to read other people and their emotional states and needs, or you show a lack of concern for the feeling you know to be there. Too little Empathy often yields feedback that you are:
bInattentive
bUncompassionate, unfeeling, or inhumane
bEmotionally detached or distant
bSelfish (You know what and why someone is feeling what he is feeling, but you are more concerned with yourself).
bSelf-centered (You are so self-consumed or self-focused that you can’t even think about anyone else’s needs).
Average Empathy means you give moderate or sporadic attention to others’ emotional states and needs and/or you tend toward careful, focused attention, but only on certain people.
Frequently engaged Empathy generally leads you to be aware of, concerned for, and sensitive to other people and their needs, resulting in both compassion and active listening.
Too much Empathy, however, can be a negative and lead to feedback that you are:
aEmotionally dependent
aUnable or unwilling to differentiate yourself and your emotional needs from others’
aDishonest—holding back the truth when it may hurt
aConflict avoidant
aDysfunctionally attached to others — so overwhelmed by others’ emotions that you can’t function
The best way to correct for overdone Empathy is to activate/exercise those
EQ Elements that naturally balance Empathy:
• Emotional SelfAwareness
• Emotional Expression
• Independence
ACTIONS THAT WOULD DEVELOP AND SUPPORT EMPATHY:
• To get practice, talk about people you know and characters you come across in books, movies, and on TV—and what you believe they are feeling at given times. Talk with others to compare your assessments with theirs. Also, think about what you would be feeling if you were in the same situation.
• One of the greatest ways to show connection and concern for other people is to express a curiosity about them—ask them what they are feeling and pay attention to their reply.
• Practice random acts of kindness. Look for spontaneous opportunities to spread kindness and/or schedule these moments. One small gesture can communicate your concern for the group or those around you.
• Reflect on the times you have been taken care of, served, or helped by others. Pay it forward.
• Ask yourself, “What have I done today, this week, this year, that has contributed to the betterment of the group (my team, my organization, my family, my community)?” What could you do to maintain or even expand this?
BEHAVIORS THAT WOULD EXERCISE EMPATHY IMMEDIATELY:
• Pay attention to each person around you, taking note of how each one of them feels—excited, amused, nervous, bored, self-confident, etc.
• Go beyond listening to words and pay attention to non-verbal communication and what emotional cues are being expressed:
» Eye contact (eye to eye or eyes averted)
» Gestures (nervous, fidgety, open)
» Posture (open, blocked, facing you, turned away)
» Tone of Voice (loud and aggressive, fearful, quiet and timid)
• Keep a particular person in your attention—the person to whom you are talking or someone in the group—and note what this person is doing and how he/she is acting. What would you be feeling if you were to act this way?
WHAT OTHER EMPATHY ACTIONS OR ACTIVITIES CAN YOU THINK OF?
SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY
your ability and tendency to cooperate and contribute to the welfare of a larger social system, to have and act in accordance with a social consciousness and to show concern for the group or the greater community
ROOTED IN SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY
Caregiving & Support • Sacrifice • Cooperation • Assistance & Service • Volunteerism & Contribution
LOW HIGH
With too little Social Responsibility, you would see yourself as unencumbered by rules, or group expectations, or the needs of others. Too little Social Responsibility can yield feedback that you are:
bInsensitive to others’ feelings or group needs
bSocially and/or environmentally irresponsible
bSelfish, paying little or no attention to community or environment
bNot showing respect or concern for others’ welfare and betterment
Average Social Responsibility manifests in either a moderate degree of thinking of and acting for the benefit of others, or, being quite motivated by others’ needs—but only select people, to the exclusion of others.
Active Social Responsibility yields selflessness and a care and concern for people, the community, and the environment.
Too much Social Responsibility, however, can be a problem as debilitating as not having enough. Excessive Social Responsibility can result in feedback that you are:
aA martyr—consistently putting group needs before your own
aOverly sensitive to others’ needs
aConcerned with others at the expense of yourself
aPreachy and selfrighteous—overly committed to social, community, or environmental causes
The best way to correct for overdone Social Responsibility is to activate/ exercise those EQ Elements that naturally balance Social Responsibility:
• Independence
• Self-Regard
• Self-Actualization
ACTIONS THAT WOULD DEVELOP AND SUPPORT SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY:
• Find one group or cause—local or global — and commit to help them with one project or effort, such as:
» Contribute money to a local school
» Serve food at a neighborhood shelter
» Contribute supplies to an animal hospital
» Work a phone bank for an environmental organization
• Develop a rule or new habit for a group you belong to—family, company, club—that engages that group in an effort to contribute to the larger community. Pick up trash at a public park, raise money for a needy group; help feed hungry citizens through a local aid group or place of worship.
• Think about the logical consequence of everyone taking the same action against or not in support of the social order—littering, cheating on your taxes, or wasting energy— things that when you do it alone, may arguably not have great consequences, but if critical mass were to do the same thing, results would be inconvenient at best and lethal at worst.
BEHAVIORS THAT WOULD EXERCISE SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY IMMEDIATELY:
• Volunteer for a task or job as the group moves towards its task.
• Give in or give up in an argument or clash of suggestions (even if you believe yourself to be right) for the sake of group harmony.
• Make “we” statements to reinforce the group’s sense of unity and cohesion—“We can do this,” “We are doing great,” or “We rock!”
• Initiate a conversation with the group about what the group members want as norms or collective goals.
WHAT OTHER SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY
ACTIONS OR ACTIVITIES CAN YOU THINK OF?
PROBLEM SOLVING
your ability and tendency both to solve problems that involve emotions and to use emotions as an effective problem-solving tool
ROOTED IN PROBLEM SOLVING
Collaboration & Compromise • Engagement • Discussion & Negotiation • Sharing • Difficult Conversation
LOW
With too little engagement of Problem Solving, you get overwhelmed by emotions and stuck solving problems poorly or not at all, which leads to feedback that you are:
bConflict and problem avoidant
bEmotionally ineffective
bUnpredictable in problem solving
bUnreliable
bA weak and/or ineffective leader
Average attention spent on Problem Solving reflects an often adequate, but not outstanding, tendency to engage the human and emotional side of conflict and problem solving.
Effective engagement with Problem Solving results in feedback that you solve problems readily and well, even when you are upset or are engaged in upsetting situations.
Too much emphasis on Problem Solving can work against you and lead to feedback that you:
aEngage problems too quickly, even when pause or reflection may be prudent
aMay well not engage conflict avoidance as a legitimate conflict approach, which at times it can be—not every conflict is yours to engage, nor is every problem yours to solve
The best way to correct for overdone Problem Solving is to activate/exercise those EQ Elements that naturally balance Problem Solving:
• Emotional SelfAwareness
• Stress Tolerance
• Flexibility
ACTIONS THAT WOULD DEVELOP AND SUPPORT PROBLEM SOLVING:
• In solving a problem, generate at least three possible solutions—even if the first one initially stands out as the best—playing out the logical outcome and the pros and cons of each. Having more data and options will give you more power in making an effective decision.
• Ask a friend, or colleague or group to which you are connected for support in sticking with a tough decision you have made to solve a challenging problem. Let them buttress your problem solving.
• Research the issue or problem you are contending with. In the past, what have others done when faced with the same issues or challenges and with what outcomes?
• Do a cost/benefit analysis of action and inaction? Consider—through journaling or discussions with others—the price of not acting or solving this problem. If avoidance or inaction is merely postponement of the issue, wouldn’t the easier action be to take action?
• Explore your own conflict style and those of the others around you — Strength Deployment Inventory (SDI), Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI), the Pearman Personality Integrator, and the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) Assessment are all effective self-awareness tools that focus on conflict effectively. Having an understanding of conflict and a suggested approach to engage it help boost Problem Solving.
BEHAVIORS THAT WOULD EXERCISE PROBLEM SOLVING IMMEDIATELY:
• When a clash of ideas or personalities presents itself (whether including you directly or not), step into the conflict, engaging it toward a solution.
• Summarize not only the objective ideas or positions that make up the various “sides”, but also note and acknowledge the feelings present within the conflict (including your own).
• Identify the emotions—yours and others’ — involved in the issues or problems that arrive and their various proposed solutions. When possible, separate emotions from the facts. Once separated, ask. “Where do the emotions really come from?”
• Note what emotions are present among the group’s members surrounding whatever issues or problems arise. Which of these emotions makes a good solution more likely, and which make open engagement less likely?
WHAT OTHER PROBLEM SOLVING ACTIONS OR ACTIVITIES CAN YOU THINK
OF?
REALITY TESTING
the ability and tendency for you to assess the here-and-now reality of any given moment or situation—what is actually going on—and compare that objectively to your fantasy of what is going on, thus avoiding being overcome by fantasies, daydreams and biases
ROOTED IN REALITY TESTING
Objectivity • Lack of Drama & Volatility • Rationality • Emotional Precision • Emotional Filter of Verifiable Facts
LOW HIGH
Too little Reality Testing leads to the tendency to construct narratives and subjectively collect data that reinforce your emotional state (as opposed to letting reality influence—and even drive your emotional state).
Too little Reality Testing leads to an inability or unwillingness to distinguish the reality of your situation from the fantasies you have created about it and the feelings within which you are sitting. Too little Reality Testing often leads to feedback that you are:
bUnrealistic and overly dramatic
bImpractical & untrustworthy
bDishonest — prone to exaggeration
bFlighty and/or airheaded
Average Reality Testing reflects the ability to access objective, real, here-and-now facts as points of verification for your narrative and emotional state, but it also suggests that this reality is not always consulted or considered.
Active Reality Testing tunes you into the world around you as it actually exists— using these realities as the basis for conclusions of how you feel, making you routinely look and sound practical and grounded.
Too much emphasis on Reality Testing, however, works against you and leads to feedback that you are:
aUnimaginative
aUnable to trust or connect with elements of life outside of verifiable facts—including loyalty, love, esprit de corps, and/or spirituality
aToo objective — unwilling or unable to connect with subjective, emotional elements of a situation
The best way to correct for overdone Reality Testing is to activate/exercise those EQ Elements that naturally balance Reality Testing:
• Stress Tolerance
• Flexibility
• Optimism
ACTIONS THAT WOULD DEVELOP AND SUPPORT REALITY TESTING:
• Verify your perceptions. Ask at least two other people to describe an event that you all shared or experienced together, noting the details common to all accounts.
• Think through the possible logical sequence of events to explain a happening that appears at first glance mysterious or unexplainable. Ask a friend or trusted colleague for another perspective if needed.
• When talking to people—in a meeting or conversation—check in with them regularly to ensure they are following your approach and logic –“Does that make sense?” “Are we on the same page?” “Is that clear?” These are all good check-in questions to use.
• The next time you find yourself in a daydream, consider the content of the fantasy for usable, practical content—can any of it be implemented or translated into reality? If so, how, when, and by whom? If not, refocus your attention to the task at hand.
• Consider using the ladder of inference model to reframe and make more realistic your perceptions.
BEHAVIORS THAT WOULD EXERCISE REALITY TESTING IMMEDIATELY:
• At least three times throughout the conversation, group meeting, or task, pause to consider the specific statements, exchanges, or events—the literal happenings, and consider the emotion that would most logically result from these specifics.
• Focus on your language and word choice, taking care to select words and descriptors that accurately reflect your ideas, observations and insights, without exaggerating, overstating, or being overly dramatic.
• In your next conversation or upcoming group process, speak deliberately without exaggerating any details, binding yourself to only specific, verifiable facts.
• Ask yourself—or ask the group—“What do we know?” “What can we prove?” “Of what facts are we sure?”
WHAT OTHER REALITY TESTING ACTIONS OR ACTIVITIES CAN YOU THINK OF?
IMPULSE CONTROL
the ability to resist or delay a drive or temptation to do or say something or to decide too quickly or rashly
ROOTED IN IMPULSE CONTROL
Restraint • Containment • Regulation • Caution • Filtration
With too little Impulse Control you have an inability or unwillingness to filter your reactions or delay your behavioral impulses. Too little Impulse Control generally leads to feedback that you are:
bLacking in self-control
bImpulsive
bExplosive
bOverly talkative— monopolizing conversations
bShort fused, quick to anger
Average Impulse Control reflects an ability—not always engaged or exercised—to hold back, filter responses, and decide against an initial impulse to act or speak.
Frequently engaged
Impulse Control generally leads you effectively to delay your impulses, which in turns allows for more carefully made and better decisions.
Too much Impulse Control, however, can lead to feedback that you are:
aUnexpressive
aEmotionally detached
aWithdrawn or withholding in conversation
aOverly structured or planned
The best way to correct for overdone Impulse Control is to activate/exercise those EQ Elements that naturally balance Impulse Control:
• Self-Actualization
• Emotional Expression
• Assertiveness
ACTIONS THAT WOULD DEVELOP AND SUPPORT IMPULSE CONTROL:
• Think about long term implications of your actions—what would expressing your thoughts and feelings, contribute to the situation and the relationships at hand?
• Keep a journal—and get in the habit of writing down your thoughts, feelings and reactions— come up with two other actions or decisions and the likely outcomes of each.
• Before reacting, discuss your options with a trusted advisor or colleague, asking for clarity and/or alternatives. Even if alternatives are not forthcoming, the delay will give you time to reflect.
• Commit yourself to waiting a designated amount of time (an hour or perhaps overnight) in meetings, discussions, or project efforts to delay action or closure. This allows time for reflection and further data gathering.
BEHAVIORS THAT WOULD EXERCISE IMPULSE CONTROL IMMEDIATELY:
• Resist the urge to be one of the first voices to jump in to share, engage, or offer a direction— hold back and let others talk first and/or take the lead.
• Work to keep your face, body, and gestures from communicating your feelings.
• When someone asks a question or asks for volunteers, count to ten (silently) to give someone else the chance (and even encouragement) to step up or speak up.
• If/when the conversation or group process becomes stressful, remove yourself from the conversation/situation. Take a break and step away. If you are unable to remove yourself, then breathe and count to ten to give yourself some time to slow down and reflect.
WHAT OTHER IMPULSE CONTROL ACTIONS OR ACTIVITIES CAN YOU THINK OF?
FLEXIBILITY
your ability and tendency to adjust your emotions, thoughts, and behavior to changing situations and conditions, to adapt—to take in new data and change your mind or approach
ROOTED IN FLEXIBILITY
Openness • Curiosity • Elasticity & Pliability • Change • Adaptability
With too little Flexibility, you have an inability or unwillingness to take in new data, to reassess or to change your mind or direction. A deficit of Flexibility yields feedback that you are:
bRigid in your thinking
bSet in your ways and opinions
bLacking curiosity
bChange-resistant
bSlow to start new projects or efforts
Average Flexibility suggests you are as curious, open-minded, and adaptable as the average person—able to take in new data and change your mind, but often neglecting to do so.
Effective engagement with Flexibility means that you flex to new conditions and are open to change, bringing an open-minded curiosity and adaptability to most interactions
Too much Flexibility, however, can work against you and lead to feedback that you are:
aProne to more starts than finishes
aReluctant to stick to a plan and come to closure
aUnwilling or unable to make or keep personal commitments or even hold your ground
aEasily bored with routine and predictability
The best way to correct for overdone Flexibility is to activate/exercise those EQ Elements that naturally balance Flexibility:
• Self-Actualization
• Empathy
• Problem Solving
ACTIONS THAT WOULD DEVELOP AND SUPPORT FLEXIBILITY:
• On an issue where your opinion is fixed, consider at least two other positions or points of view to the extent that you could argue that side of the argument in a debate.
• Reflect on what you would feel like if you were to change your mind on an important decision or even delay making a decision. Would it be fear, irritation, anxiety, and/or stress?
• Consider that your role in the organization or group would likely be best served by your being curious, open-minded, and able to change your mind.
• Disclose to a trusted friend or colleague that you are trying to engage your Flexibility more often and/or effectively, and ask that person to push you, argue with you, and challenge you to change, to flex and to consider new data. You may well want this push-back in the initial conversation and request, but realize that when they do follow-through and argue with you or push back against you: it may well come as an unwelcomed (but in the end, helpful) shock.
• Find a low-impact and easy to implement way of changing a long-held routine, such as:
» Drive a different way to or from work—noting at least three sites, landmarks or physical features of the trip.
» In cooking a meal, research at least two new recipes for making the same dish with alternate ingredients and try the new recipe instead.
» Have lunch at a restaurant you have never been to before (and consider going with a friend or colleague with whom you have never had lunch before).
BEHAVIORS THAT WOULD EXERCISE FLEXIBILITY IMMEDIATELY:
• Push yourself to generate and offer options to the conversation, task or meeting.
• Play a role you have not played before or push yourself to engage a behavior you tend not to engage.
• If the group is unsuccessful or finds itself struggling, ask a question designed to provoke the group toward more data such as, “What other action could we take?” What would happen if we took a different approach?” “What are our options aside from this one?”
• Actively listen to your colleagues, take in new data and/or a new perspective, and push yourself to change your mind about something.
WHAT OTHER FLEXIBILITY ACTIONS OR ACTIVITIES CAN YOU THINK OF?
STRESS TOLERANCE
the ability to function well in the midst of challenging and stressful situations—to shoulder stress without getting overwhelmed
ROOTED IN STRESS TOLERANCE
Work/Life Balance • Endurance • Recovery • Health • Resilience & Sustainment
LOW
With too little Stress Tolerance, you have an inadequate set of tools or approaches to stressful situations, and/or you lack confidence that you will be able to deal with the situations life throws at you.
Too little Stress Tolerance may well yield feedback that you are:
bStressed or anxious
bProcrastinating— delaying decisions due to fear or trepidation
bAgitated
bHelpless or hopeless, giving up too quickly or easily
bLacking self-confidence or a sense of personal control or power
Average Stress Tolerance suggests that you—like most people—are able adequately to manage life’s stressors much of the time, sometimes letting fear or anxiety get the better of your efforts.
Active Stress Tolerance reflects an effective array of tools and approaches to alleviate and shoulder stress as well as the selfconfidence that you will be able to address and solve problems that come at you in the future.
Too much Stress Tolerance, however, can work against you and lead to feedback that you are:
aBlind or ignorant to stressors and dangers that face you—you just don’t “get it”
aNot invested in the outcome or aware of the consequences
aEmotionally disconnected
aOver-confident or conceited
The best way to correct for overdone Stress Tolerance is to activate/exercise those EQ Elements that naturally balance Stress Tolerance:
• Emotional SelfAwareness
• Emotional Expression
• Empathy
ACTIONS THAT WOULD DEVELOP AND SUPPORT STRESS TOLERANCE:
• Connect with a group of people who perform the same job or are struggling with the same issues or pressures as you are. To get support and to share best practices and lessons learned—informal, intermittent contact builds a personal network while more structured, scheduled meetings makes this a support group.
• Schedule aerobic exercise (brisk walking, biking, running, swimming or group exercise classes) two or three times a week.
• Identify the activity, project, decision or conflict that your stress is rooted in, and ask for help in completing or engaging with this. Consider delegating, postponing or simply not doing non-essential tasks that are overly taxing or depleting.
• Engage in mindfulness practices such as yoga, meditation, or martial arts.
• Remember that you are most able to tolerate stress when you are healthy, well rested, fit and happy. Eating well, exercising, getting regular and sufficient sleep, and staying connected socially and interpersonally — the power of these tools in helping to relieve stress cannot be overstated and should not be underestimated.
BEHAVIORS THAT WOULD EXERCISE STRESS TOLERANCE IMMEDIATELY:
• Engage in a conversation or group endeavor even though it makes you nervous or afraid. Feel the fear, and engage the action anyway.
• When you start to feel nervous or anxious, stand up, stretch, and move around.
• Throughout the conversation and/or group activity, breathe deeply.
• If you are nervous or scared, ask your colleagues or friends for help, guidance, or support.
WHAT OTHER STRESS TOLERANCE ACTIONS OR ACTIVITIES CAN YOU THINK OF?
OPTIMISM
your ability and tendency to look at the brighter side of life and to maintain a positive attitude even in the face of adversity. Optimism gives you hope and enables you to see the future as a positive, inviting place
ROOTED IN OPTIMISM
Positive Outlook • Faith • Hopefulness • Enthusiasm • Expectation
LOW HIGH
With too little Optimism you are pessimistic, fatalistic, and/or depressed, which leads to feedback that you are:
bHelpless
bHopeless, prone to give up or give in too easily
bSelf-defeating or unmotivated
bNegative and worried— you tend to see the future as a place of negative challenge and defeat
Engaging Optimism to an average degree means that you are able to see positive possibilities in the future— However, while you can, at times you don’t, or the positive thoughts you have don’t last.
High engagement with Optimism results in your maintaining a consistent positive attitude — even in adversity
Too much emphasis on Optimism can work against you and lead to feedback that you are:
aBlind to reality and danger
aProne to viewing bright sides and opportunities that do not actually exist
aKnown to let an unrealistic belief in a positive outcome take the place of effort and hard work which might otherwise have secured the positive outcome
The best way to correct for overdone Optimism is to activate/exercise those EQ Elements that naturally balance Optimism:
• Empathy
• Problem Solving
• Reality Testing
ACTIONS THAT WOULD DEVELOP AND SUPPORT OPTIMISM:
• If you are feeling isolated, and you feel your future is bleak, reach out to connect to and partner with friends, colleagues, or groups that could offer help and/or support.
• If affiliation with a group or commitment to a given relationship is making you lose hope or motivation, consider pulling back from that commitment, contributing less, and relying more on yourself.
• Review—consider—what has actually happened in the past, and realize that the worst case scenario (the outcome you fear) has rarely, if ever, come to be.
• Ask a friend or colleague for help in seeing a positive way forward—reframing your situation or options or getting help in problem solving will help to make your future look brighter.
• Smile! The physical act of smiling impacts the brain, opening up the possibility for more Optimism.
• Make a gratitude list. How many things, people, accomplishments, events are you grateful for? List them. Make daily lists, and this becomes a Gratitude Journal. Challenge yourself to write more unique entries on any given day than you did the day before.
• Think about the future and what you want from it. What is the outcome that would best serve you and your goals? You must first picture it in your mind (and preferably even say it out loud to others) before it can ever come about in the world.
BEHAVIORS THAT WOULD EXERCISE OPTIMISM IMMEDIATELY:
• At least three times (each) reflect on the idea AND say out loud, “This is going to work. We are going to succeed.”
• Listen for other people saying positive, optimistic thoughts, and when you hear someone saying something hopeful, publicly agree with him/her, and tell the person you appreciate his/her saying it.
• Take an active and vocal part in setting your or the group’s goal or next step. Actively discuss the future.
WHAT OTHER
OPTIMISM ACTIONS
OR ACTIVITIES CAN YOU THINK OF?
HAPPINESS
your ability and tendency to feel joy and satisfaction with the process of living—to be able to embrace all aspects of life with cheerfulness and enthusiasm
ROOTED IN HAPPINESS
Emotional Intelligence • Joy • Satisfaction • State of Mind • Motivation
With too little Happiness you are dissatisfied and unfulfilled. Too little Happiness leads to feedback that you are:
bSad and depressed
bWoeful or gloomy
bWorried
bSocially withdrawn
bUnmotivated
Average Happiness suggests a degree of life satisfaction on par with most people’s—you are likely able to feel joy when life’s events and circumstances are mostly cooperating. More negative life experiences, disappointments, and struggles are likely seen as impediments to happiness.
High engagement with Happiness results in your pretty routinely and consistently enjoying and deriving pleasure from life’s activities.
Too much emphasis on Happiness in your life can work against you and lead to feedback that you are:
aAlienating to others with excessive cheer
aBlind to pain and unhappiness
aRefuse to connect with any task or person that does contribute to your happiness and joy
aNeglect tasks—even important ones—that are not fun
Happiness (General WellBeing) plays a unique role in the EQ-i model. Happiness both defines and contributes to Emotional Intelligence while it is also defined by it.
EQ-i Scores – Making Sense of the Numbers
The EQ-i is a popular tool that yields powerful and useful results. That said, a frequently made mistake is the over interpretation of the EQ-i’s scores. Believing that high scores are good and low scores are bad is an over-simplification that misses most of the insight and power that the EQ-i has to offer.
Scores are important, but they are only where the story starts. Development—learning more and getting better—should always be the end goal. Scores can be helpful data to this end. The following table offers a more nuanced (and accurate) approach to the EQ-i’s scores.
SCORE WHAT IT MEANS
Below 70 3rd percentile or lower (signifies unusually low engagement — low skills are likely).
70-89 the 25th percentile or lower (signifies low engagement—underdeveloped skills are possible). A score in this range could also indicate an element that has adequate development and skill - but one you are slow, reluctant, or overly selective about when, and with whom, to use it.
90-110
Average score, along with half of all respondents (scores in this range could reflect both adequately functioning EQ elements and room for growth and development).
Using your EQ-i Report Form, determine whether your scores are in the Low (below 90), Mid-range (90-110), or High (over 110) range, and highlight or circle that area of the table for each of the EQ-i’s 15 core elements. THE RESULTS WILL BE A TAILORED BEHAVIORAL PROFILE.
EQ ELEMENT LOW RANGE (BELOW 90)
Self-Regard
Self-Actualization
Emotional SelfAwareness
Emotional Expression
Assertiveness
• Self-doubting
• Self-critical
• Insecure
• Lazy
• Bored
• Uninspired
• Under-performer
• Emotionally unaware
• Limited, incomplete emotional vocabulary
• Disconnected
• Withholding
• Expression-less
• Indifferent
• Hard-to-read
• Bashful
• Weak
• Sneaky
• Push-over
Independence
• Clingy
• Follower
• Weak-minded
• Indecisive
Interpersonal Relationships
Empathy
Social Responsibility
Problem Solving
Reality Testing
Impulse Control
Flexibility
Stress Tolerance
Optimism
• Unfriendly
• Socially withdrawn
• Hard to connect or relate to
• Inattentive
• Insensitive
• Indifferent
• Selfish
• Insensitive
• Socially irresponsible
• Conflict-avoidant
• Easily overwhelmed
• Prone to drama and exaggeration
• Flighty
• Unrealistic
• Overly talkative
• Impulsive
• Unbending
• Rigid
• Change-resistant
• Anxious
• Uneasy
• Avoid challenging situations
• Pessimistic
• Easily defeated
MID-RANGE (90-110)
• Reasonable self-confidence
• Reasonably ambitious
• Reasonably aware of what you are feeling and why you are feeling it
• Generally transparent
• Willing to share
• Reasonably assertive
• Able to voice many of your opinions, needs
• Reasonably self-directed
• Usually able to stand alone
• Approachable
• Friendly and somewhat warm with trusted friends and colleagues
• Reasonably concerned for others
• Usually attentive to select people
• Reasonably concerned for the welfare of selected people and groups
• Open to solving problems even when emotions are high
• Reasonably objective and grounded
• Can resist and delay impulses to do or say something
• Open to adjusting thoughts, emotions, and behavior
• Reasonable ability to handle stress
• Reasonably optimistic and positive
Note: if your score is over 110 (High range), the passage in red should also be circled, as it can, and sometimes does, apply to you as well.
HIGH RANGE (ABOVE 110) OVERDONE
• Self-assured
• Self-accepting
• Confident
• Driven towards self-improvement
• Goal-driven
• Understand what you are feeling and why you are feeling it
• Able to differentiate one feeling from another
• Tendency to share
• Easy to read
• Disclosure of emotions is typical
• Straightforward
• Vocal
• Effectively set and maintain boundaries
• Autonomous
• Self-sufficient
• Ability to effectively connect to others and build relationships
• Friendly
• Warm
• Compassionate
• Concerned for others
• Effective listener
• Attentive
• Giving
• Selfless
• Caring and concerned
• Effectively resolve issues when emotions are high
• Able to use emotions as tools for improved resolutions
• Feelings flow from and are checked by here-and-now reality
• Objective
• Easily pause and reflect
• Temper reactions and responses
• Effectively flex to new conditions and information
• Open to change
• Confident and steady ability to effectively manage and shoulder stress
• Hopeful and positive about the future
• Faithful
• Arrogant
• Over-confident
• Overly goal-driven
• Perfectionist
• Self-indulgent
• Hypersensitive to emotions
• Overly transparent
• Tendency to over-share
• Self-centered
• Aggressive
• Bully-like
• Pushy
• Isolated
• Un-collaborative
• Touchy
• Inappropriately disclosing
• Too intimate
• Conflict avoidant
• Overly concerned
• Martyr-like
• Overly sensitive to others’ needs
• Self-righteous
• Engage problems too quickly
• Unable or unwilling to avoid conflicts
• Too objective
• Unimaginative
• Overly structured
• Inhibited
• Unexpressive
• Easily bored
• Don’t follow through
• More starts than finishes
• Can appear aloof and disconnected
• Blind to reality or danger
Balancing Overdone EQ Elements
It is very difficult (if even possible) to dial back or do LESS of an EQ Element. Instead, the goal for anyone who overuses an EQ Element is to activate and develop the Element within the EQ-i model that naturally balances the overdone behavior. The following worksheet lists all 15 of the core Elements of the EQ-i and offers three EQ Elements that—when activated and exercised—naturally balance or complement each one.
SELF-REGARD
Interpersonal Relationships
SELF-ACTUALIZATION EMOTIONAL SELF-AWARENESS
Interpersonal Relationships
Empathy Empathy
Social Responsibility Flexibility
EMOTIONAL EXPRESSION
Impulse Control
Empathy
Social Responsibility
Reality Testing
ASSERTIVENESS INDEPENDENCE
Impulse Control
Interpersonal Relationships
Interpersonal Relationships Empathy Empathy
Empathy Flexibility
INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIP EMPATHY
Self-Regard
Social Responsibility
SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY
Emotional Self-Awareness Independence
Self-Actualization Emotional Expression
Self-Regard Independence Independence
Self-Actualization
PROBLEM SOLVING REALITY TESTING IMPULSE CONTROL
Emotional Self-Awareness Stress Tolerance
Stress Tolerance Flexibility
Self-Actualization
Emotional Expression
Flexibility Optimism Assertiveness
FLEXIBILITY STRESS TOLERANCE OPTIMISM
Self-Actualization
Emotional Self-Awareness Empathy Empathy Emotional Expression Problem Solving Problem Solving Empathy Reality Testing
SELF-AWARENESS
To what 3 EQ Elements do you feel most connected and skilled in, and how does each contribute to your success—personal and/or professional?
EQ Elements/ Strengths How does/has this EQ Element helped or supported your success?
From what 3 EQ Elements are you most disconnected and with which do you most struggle, and how would engaging these behaviors better and more often benefit you?
EQ Elements/ Challenges How would engaging these behaviors better and more often benefit you?
NEXT STEPS
Select an EQ Element with which you struggle—one that would truly benefit you if practiced and developed. Using your EQ-i Report Form, this workbook, and your own ideas and insights, identify at least two actions you commit to take in order to practice and build skill with that chosen Element
Targeted EQ Element List at least 2 actions you will commit to take to exercise this EQ Element. Be specific—when, where, with whom, and how will you know you have been successful?
2nd Targeted EQ Element
List at least 2 actions you will commit to take to exercise this EQ Element. Be specific—when, where, with whom, and how will you know you have been successful?
ABOUT OKA
Since 1977, OKA has specialized in leadership, organization and team development for clients across the public and private sectors. OKA has particular expertise in using personality assessment instruments to help individuals achieve success through greater self-awareness and better self-management.
OKA consultants, authors and trainers are among the USA’s leading experts in the fields of Emotional Intelligence, Psychological Type, Generations and Narrative Intelligence and leadership and team development. They offer training, certification and support materials on over a dozen tools and development approaches.
OKA offers a variety of certifications, application classes, and support tools to help anyone interested in learning about and/or using Emotional Intelligence and the EQ-i.
• EQ-i and EQ360 Certification Workshop
• EQ-i and EQ360 Certification Workshop (Online)
• Insight to Action: Sharpening EQ Interpretation Skills (Online)
• EQ for Teams and Organizations (Online)