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Leppard Sieve Clark I,


frage~ brings on fhe

heartbreak lor Shellield superstars

• DEF LEPPARD guitarist Steve

Clark, aged 30, was found dead at his flat in Chelsea, London on January 8. He was discovered by his 'girlfriend, who summoned medical assistance. Official reports state that Clark appeared to have died sometime during the early hours of the morning of January 8. Though the cause of death is not as yet known - the inquest into Clark's death has been postponed until February 6 - police say that there were no suspicious circumstances. That Clark had been battling for some time with a drink , problem was hardly a secret and fears that his death was's result of his continuing alcoholism may well be born out once the

results of the postmortem are announced. Steven Maynard Clark was born in the poor Hillsborough section of Sheffield on April 23 1960, the son of a hard-working cab driver and a typically houseproud mother. ,At school, he did well without excelling. Lessons bored him. When he was 11, he talked his • parents into giving him a guitar they acquiesced only after Steve agreed to take classical guit~r _


• US ROCKERS Mr Big have completed work on their second album, titled 'Lean Into W, due through Atlantic on April 1. Produced by Kevin Elson (famed for his work with Journey), Mr Big guitarist Paul Gilbert described the album to Mayhem as: "Very diversified. It's different to your standard Heavy Rock record." Among the tracks set for inclusion are: 'Daddy, Brother Etc' (the album's opener, in which Gilbert and bassist Billy Sheehan both play their instruments with drills!), 'A Little Too Loose', 'Alive And Kicking', 'Voodoo Kiss' (which Gilbert describes as "an unstoppable Cajun groove"), 'To Be With You' ("which is has a sort of 'Hey Jude' groove to It"), 'The Road To Ruin', 'Never Say Never' (co-written by Sheehan, vocalist Eric Martin and Bryan AdamslAerosmlth songsmith Jim Vallance), 'Green Tinted Sixties Mind' and 'Just Take My Heart'. Commenting on the album, Gilbert continued: "Why I'm so happy about It is that every song on there is so cool live. Everything sounds real human, a philosophy we've carried forward from our first record." The band plan a comprehensive tour to coincide with the release, and are likely to make their UK concert debut with dates in April. "We're really looking forward to coming," says Gilbert. "It's a privilege that we have people in the UK who've bought our record without ever having seen us play, and we won't forget It."

Dedicated foLizzy ••• • SEMINAL IRISH rockers Thin Lizzy have a greatest hits album, 'Dedication - The Very Best Of Thin Lizzy', released through Phonogram on February 4. It features the following tracks: Side One; 'Whisky In The Jar', 'The Rocker', 'Jailbreak', 'The Boys Are Back In Town', 'Don't Believe A Word', 'Dancing In THe Moonlight', 'Rosalie (Live)'. Side Two; 'Waiting For An Alibi', '00 Anything You Want To', 'Sarah', 'Parisienne Walkways', 'Killer On The Loose', 'Out In The Fields', 'Dedication' (the current single, an old Phil Lynott demo with contemporary guitar tracks by Scott Gorham and drums by Brian Downey). The CD and cassette versions add 'Bad Reputation', 'Still In Love With You (Live)', 'Emerald (Live)' and 'Chinatown' .

Produced by Michael Rosen, it features the following tracks: Side One; 'In This Life', 'The Strain', 'High Potency', 'Window', 'Esse Quam Videri'. Side Two; 'A Beginning', 'Falling Away', 'Killing Time',

'Downtown', Than Life'.



• DUMPY'S RUSTY Nuts celebrate their recent tour with Status Quo by releasing a single, 'Run, Run, Run' - a cover of the

old Jo Jo Gunne hit - through A Side Records on January 14. It's backed with 'Rock City'. • MOT0RHEAD RELEASE their long awaited new album, '1916', through Epic on January 21.

• MEGADETH AXEMEISTER Marty Friedman has his early works re-released by Roadrunner on February 11. The re-release features two Cacophony albums, 'Speed Metal Symphony' and 'Go Off', plus fellow guitarist Jason Becker's solo album 'Dragon's Kiss'. Cacophony teamed Friedman with Becker, who went on to contribute to David Lee Roth's new 'A Little Ain't Enough' opus . • UK DEATH Metallers Bloody Corpse have begun work on their debut album, 'Goremania', due through Facemelt in February. Production will be handled by Tommy 'TNT' Tossal (who has worked with Virus and Necrosanct), and among the tracks set for inclusion are: 'Bloody Hell', 'Death By The Bloody Axe', 'Dripping Blood', 'Orgy Of Blood', 'Bloody Gravestone', 'Into The Crypt Of Blood', 'Flesh Stripped From My Back', 'Syphillitic Membranes', 'Nailed To The Inverted Cross', 'Dead, Dead, Dead'. Guitarist Metallion reckoned: "This album will be the ultimate in Gore MetaL" Bassist Thunderclap added: "It's scary." • WARFARE RELEASE a mini-album, 'Deathcharge Live', through Hammer Film Music on February 4. Recorded live in MiddJesbrough, it features the following tracks: Side One; 'Deathcharge', 'Elite Forces', 'Fear Zone'. Side Two; 'Scream Of The Vampire', 'Baron Frankenstein', 'Burn Down The King's Road', 'Blown To Bits' . • BAY AREA Funk Thrash sextet Mordred have completed work on their second album, 'In This Life', due through Noise International on January 28. 5

'Love And Happiness'. Look out to for a new one hour Living Colour documentary video called 'Time Tunnel'. • BLACK CROWES release a 12" picture disc of their current 'Twice As Hard' single through Phonogram this week. It's backed with live versions of 'Jealous Again' and 'Could Have Been So Blind'. • KATMANDU, THE outfit put together by former Fastway frontman Dave King, release their eponymous debut album through Epic on January 21.

NoSweaf wIt;p IIte;r Wallsouf


• IRISH ROCKERS No Sweat release a new single, 'Tear Down The Walls', through London on January 21. Produced by Keith Olsen, it's backed with 'On The Edge' and 'Sweet Nothing Blues'. A limited edition white vinyl live EP features the single, plus 'Lean On Me', 'Diamond Rough' and 'Ball And Chain'.

Slce(LiHle} Angelsge'a Bo~eya"" 011 • UK ROCK quintet Little Angels release a new single, 'Boneyard', through Polydor on January 21. Produced by Jimbo Barton and Andy Paul and mixed by the Thompson/Barbiero team, it's backed with a cover of Creedence Clearwater Revival's 'Fortunate Son'. The 12" version adds 'Sweet Love Sedation', and the CD this and an extended mix of 'Boneyard'. The single is taken from the band's forthcoming album, 'Spitfire', due on February 18, which will feature the following tracks: Side One; 'Back Door Man', 'Boneyard', 'Young Gods (Stand Up, Stand Up)', 'I Ain't Gonna


Cry', 'The W,ildside Of Life', 'Product Of The Working Class'. Side Two; 'That's My Kind Of Life', 'Juvenile Offender', 'Love Is A Gun', 'Sweet Love Sedation', 'Smoke In My Eyes', 'Natural Born Fighter', 'Feels Like The World Has Come Undone'. The band have lined up a low key show at Nottingham Rock City January 18. This is to enable them to warm up for their appearance at the BPI Awards Great British Music Weekend at Wembley Arena January 20. Little Angels will undertake a world tour in March, beginning in Europe. UK shows have yet to be confirmed. • LIVING COLOUR release a new single, 'Love Rears Its Ugly Head', through Epic on January 21. It's backed with an alternative mix of the A·side, while the 12" version adds a cover of AI Green's

To coincide with the release, the band have lined up a comprehensive tour. They play Harlesden Mean Fiddler January 30, Glasgow Mayfair February 1, Edinburgh Venue 2, Aberdeen Caesar's Palace 3, Newcastle Riverside 4, Redcar Bowl 5, Buckley Tivoli 7, Bradford Queens Hall 8, Sheffield University 9, Leeds Polytechnic 10, Coventry Tic Toc 11, Burslem Queen's Theatre 13, Leicester University 14, Manchester International II 15, Peterborough The Cresset 17, Bristol Bierkeller 18, Norwich Waterfront 20, Milton Keynes Woughton Centre 22, Walsall Junction 23, London Marquee

• JAGGED EDGE will support David Lee Roth at the following UK shows: Glasgow SECC February 22, Whitley Bay Ice Rink 23, Belfast Kings Hall 25, Dublin Point Theatre 26. For the rest of the tourShepton Mallet Showering Pavilion 28, Wembley Arena March 1, Birmingham NEC 4 and 5 - Diamond Dave's special guests will be Warrant.

• US ROCK gods Winger have announced details of a headline UK tour to follow-up their current support slot with the

Scorpions. They play the following shows:

• • • •

Bristol BlerkellerJanuary 28 Manchester International 129 Nottingham Rock City 30 London Marquee 31

Support on all shows comes from new UK AOR outfit



30 YEAR OLD single male, tall, slim, dark haired, would like to write to female pen pals. I am into most rock music and any other original material. I'm very easy going, broad minded and would love to hear from genuine female friends who are fun, friendly and free. Photo welcome and returned. Drop me a line: Geoff Simon, 15 Vincent Road, Sutton Coldfield, West Midlands 875 6AT. 14 YEAR OLD female Mosher into Metallica, GN'R, Iron Maiden, Faith No More and loads more. Seeks females and (especially) males to write/meet. Should be aged 13-plus, all Lars Ulrich lookalikes welcome. All letters answered. Helen, 8 Coronation Walk, Gedling, Nottingham NG44AQ. FEMALE, 16, SEEKS males aged 17-22 (preferably with long hair) into Poison, Motley CrOe, Love/Hate, Bon Jovi, Skid Row, Thunder, Slaughter and most HM, for gigs, pubs, friendships, etc. Contact: Vicki, 10 Well Close, Northway, Tewkesbury, Glos GL208RS. MY NAME is Stephanie, I'm 19 years old. I live in France and I'm into Poison, Motley CrOe, GN'R. Stephanie Lentz, 6 Rue Turenne, 33000 Bordeaux, France. TWO INSANE lads known as 'The Baylster' and 'Hitman Tony' seek insane girls who must be into Helloween, W.A.S.P., Running Wild, ZZ TOp, Vixen, Guns N' Roses, Def Leppard, Cuddly Toy, Set Of Saucepans, Canteen Of Cutlery •.. in fact any HM bands. So waste no time, put pen to paper and contact: Hitman Tony, 7 High View Way, Glyncoch, Pontypridd, Mid Glam, South Wales CF39 8PW or Baylster, 57 Pretoria Road, Tonyrefail, Mid Glam, South Wales CF39 8PW. LONELY, SHY female (20), into Guns N' Roses, Def Leppard, Bon Jovi, Poison, Whitesnake and Cinderella, would like to correspond with anyone aged 20plus with similar musical interests. All letter will get a reply. Write to: Dawn, 2 Kite Hill, Eaglestone, Milton Keynes, Bucks MK6 5BL. I OIG Steven Tyler and I'm always !QQking out for a lookalike. When gigs I keep my. eyes open ... J,Mt't found one yet. I'm a tall I:)JY..~ with long legs and a good

, m

Z~cr:~ H0KKOIt1l(ift:

Lynda so O'Connell, 17Wicklow figure, all you hunks write to me: Close, Shepshed, Loughborough, Lelcs LE12 9BJ. ZANY FEMALE model (17) seeks long-haired hunks into GN'R, Motley CrOe, AC/DC, White Lion, Cinderella and everything except Thrash. Interested? Then send a photo and scribble to: Laura, 16 Nunns Croft, Purston, Featherstone, Yorks WF7 5H5.

WANTED: REAL Metalheads who live in Sussex for friendship. I am of the male variety and like GN'R, Iron Maiden, Metallica, Slayer, Flotsam And Jetsam etc. Please send bits of ink-splattered paper to: James 'Mega Metalhead' Pusey, Weavers, Church 51, Rudgwick, Nr Horsham, Sussex RH12 3DA. LONELY, SHORT-HAIRED male, 26, looking for female companion. Looks unimportant as it's the person who counts (I'm no baboon's behind, though). Also want penpals (any sex, age, location) for tape/poster/cuttings swapping. Taste in music from Survivor to Thin Uzzy, IQ to Crimson Glory. Write to: Derek, 109 Heol Frank, Penlan, Swansea, WestGJam SA5 7AH. MALE, 19, SEEKS fun-loving unattached females in NW England to write to/nights out etc. Into Ozzy, Dio, Thunder, Dogs D'Amour and fast cars. Write if interested to: Gazza, 5 Teasel Walk, Westgate, Morecambe, Lancashire LA33QQ.

GLASGOW ROCKER, male aged 26 (and you can see me pictured above) is Rose Tattoo's number one fan. I am also heavily into Angry Anderson, Horse (London), Queen, AC/DC, Cheetah, Kings Of The Sun, Dirty White Boy, Johnny Crash, Guns N' Roses, Show-Ya, Robin Beck, Joanna Dean, Magnum, Aerosmith, Black Crowes and many more Metal bands. I want to hear from any females with the same interests (looks aren't important), so get writing to me, with photos if possible: John Shearer, 30 Chancellor Street, Partick, Glasgow G11 5RL, Scotland.

'Prisoner Cell Block H' watchers could miss vital episodes this week. Economise by making dirty phone calls from work. ARIES (Mar 21-Apr 20) Wow, man! Your base animal passions really turn people on this week. The only problem (for attached Aries) is that you are so loyal to your partner, you cannot act on your basic instincts. Despite this, you will discover that your lover has been shagging behind your back. Stay positive: David Lee Roth is in the charts and your VD test result is due this week. TAURUS (Apr 21-May 21)This week sees all you star-struck bulls take up singing! You will really enjoy this activity. It is important to remember, though, that CC DeVille is a Taurean, meaning that your sign has little or no artistic ability. You are also very irritating for other musicians to work with. Stick to collecting bus tickets. GEMINI (May 22-Jun 21) You are so two-faced, you are even inclined to gossip about yourself! You amaze everyone when you blab to your partner about the affair you are having with his/her best mate. This will have bad results, leaving you (as the saying goes) laughing on the other side of your face. CANCER (Jun 22-JuI23) You've been a crabby bugger these last few weeks, although Cancerians are generally shit people anyway. You have been thinking life has got your pincers in a twist. Try not walking sideways so much and/or giving up vast quantities of alcohol/coffee. Incidentally, watch out for a terminal illness. LEO (Jul 24-Aug 23) Leos get a lot of their inspiration while they are on the toilet. Musicians among you may even go as far as playing their instrument whilst on the 'throne'. Your recent weight increase, and long spells on the 100, will cause your 'bog' to collapse and flood your bathroom. A new and exciting partner will be at your place at a time when you are playing the Nelson album. You will end the relationship out of embarrassment.

LIBRA (Sep 24-0ct 23) Highlight of your week willibe your mum killing a fly during an emotional bit of 'EastEnders'. You will suffer a 'funny turn' and swap all your Iron Maiden albums for The Shakin' Stevens Greatest Hits' CD box set. You realise at a later date that you may have done a very stupid thing, as you don't possess a CD player. SCORPIO (Oct 24-Nov 22) The moon in Scorpio will cause you to suffer red eyes and severe paranoia in public places. Family occasions and Love/Hate gigs should be avoided while you are in this state. On the bright side, your sex life is getting freakier, so at least you will still have a smile on your face as they carry you away. SAGITTARIUS (Nov 23-Dee 21) Someone once said, 'life is a bad trip - then you die'. Fortunately, that wasn't you - you love to party! Unfortunately, you are the type to blame your lack of tolerance for alcohol on the proverbial 'bad pint'. This excuse will not wash when you vomit on your partner's head whilst listening to Carcass. CAPRICORN (Dee 22-Jan 20) Capricorns are generally animal lovers. A new person will enter your life who will prove this point admirably. Judging by your planets, this will be a week of acne, diarrhoea and intermittent halitosis. Slash lookalikes will get their hair cut to show everybody how ugly they are. AQUARIUS (Jan 21-Feb 19) A new career opportunity shines brightly in your constellations. Your interview for this potential job will, however, prove to be a disaster. You will break wind loudly at an inopportune time during the meeting. Resign yourself to life on the dole listening to old Black Sabbath albums.

VIRGO (Aug 24-Sep 23) It is very common for male Virgos (especially macho Heavy Metal types) to dress up in women's clothes. Fortunately, female Virgos get turned on by this as they often have lesbian tendencies.

'lYAlli:oN "'lon • 'PaWS



) •


Now Album 'INNUENDO'



The rlfth annual issue of Kerrallgl Ko"",1d%- the magazine for Heavy Metal fans, written by Heavy Metal fans - is due at the end of March. As usual, we want YOUthe Kerrallg! reader to have YOURsay! So write now on these or any other HM-related subiects to: Kerrallgl Ko""'ld%, Ludgate House, 245 Blackfriars Road, London SE19UZ.



Do Timotei Twins Matthew and Gunnar Nelson deserve inclusion in Kerrallgl1 Are they peroxide prats? Are they too wimpy for their own good? Or can they be regarded as true AOR supremos?


Jon Bon Jovi vs Sebastian Bach ••• W AxI Rose vs Vince Neil ••• is all this HM in-fighting becoming tenninally tiresome? Should the rockers concerned grow up and concellt.ate on the music? Or can this aggression be iustified?

IRONMAIDEJ Did they get a rough deal from Radio One when 'Bring Your Daughter To The Slaughter' hit the top spot? What - if anything - can be done to get more HM played on the ailWaves?


AC/DC have been confirmed as bill-toppers for the 1991 festival ••• but who most deserves the opening slot? Wolfsbane? LiHleAngels? Love/Hate? Or someone else? Tell us who you'd like to see kick off the festivities!

DEF I.EPPARD Following the tragic death of Steve Clark and with no new LPon the horizon, what does the future hold for the Leps? Should they carry on? Or should they call it a day?


"Nothing more can be done with Heavy Metal," quoth Love/Hate's SkicI in Kerrallgl issue 322. Is Skid-baby right? Has straight-down-the-line HM reached the end of its lifespan? Or is there life in the old dog yet?


As more stars grow older and balder, so the use of Syrups (Syrup Of Figswigs) has increased. Should these Koiak krazies wake up to the fad that they can't remain teenagers forever and adopt Bobby Charlton hairstyles?

plus PENPAI.Z Send in your brief (and decent!) requests along with hunky/horny/hideous photos. If you wanna find a new friend with the same musical tastes as yerseH or if True Lurve is what you're after ••• then Kerrallgl Ko"",1d% is the place!

MorORHEAO '1916' (Epic EPC4674811)


AT LAST, the Motorhead album that I and countless other fans have been waiting for since the glory days of 'Ace Of Spades' and 'Iron Fist'. For whatever reason, even though the four-piece line-up of Motorhead has been consistently strong as a live unit, the two studio albums and fistful of other studio cuts recorded by this regime have failed to capture the magic of the classic 'Head era. But now Lemmy and the boys have finally done it. Having thrown off their legal and



management hassles once and for all, and been given a proper budget and schedule, the band have come up with an album that's not only a superb chapter in the Motorhead saga, but probably one of the best rock 'n' roll albums you'll hear this year. Guitars roar at full power, Philthy Taylor's drums smack with authority and muscle, and the Lemster hasn't sounded this gnarly in ages as the band steam into the opening cut, 'The One To Sing The Blues'. From there on, it's non-stop action for the next three cuts: 'I'm So Bad' is all drunken swagger; 'Voices In The Sky' balances a subtle melody line atop a jackhammer rhythm; and 'Going To Brazil' is a barroom brawl and

get-down rave-up all contained in two minutes and 28 seconds of bravado and back-room piano. 'Nightmare' ends Side One on an eerie note, Lemmy plying cryptic, half-whispered messages backwards and forwards over a warped, sluggish crawl, then we flip over to Side Two for the real surprise - an out-and-out grab-your-hankies ballad! 'Love Me Forever' isn't gonna shoot to the peak of the Top 40 radio charts in America. With that voice and those crashing chords on the refrain, it won't get past late-night rotation on the most adventurous rock stations. But it's a ballad on Motorhead's terms, and it works because it stays true to the band's identity.

The rest of Side Two is more pedal-to-the-bottle 'Head high -jinks - 'Angel City', 'Make My Day', a lunatic tribute simply called 'Ramones' and 'Shut You Down' (anyone remember 'Shut Ya Down' off 'Iron Fist'? I guess Lem doesn'I...). Then there's one last surprise: the title-track, just Lemmy in a cracked, lost voice, a plaintive keyboard behind him, detailing the last moments of a soldier's short life and framing an ugly truth in a stark and haunting musical vignette. It's little surprises like this, plus all the expected Motorheadisms operating at full whack, that make '1916' a joy for the devoted. I knew you had it in ya, lads. DONKAYE

(Wiinel, Lemmy, Philthy, Phil Campbell): one of the best rock 'n' ro/l albums you'/I hear this year

KROKUS 'Stampede' (Phonag P1060)

13 THE KROKUS press release crows, 'The Stampede is on'. Of course, Krokus are Spinal Tap. The death of astonishingly permed vocalist and king birder Marc Storace in a bizarre gardening accident just means that Peter 'Stumpy Joe' Tanner can become lukewarm water, while Fernando Von Arb remains heavily sedated. And, of course, this ponderous, pretentious collection can be reviewed in two words; 'Stampede shit'. But on what day did the Lord create Krokus, and couldn't he have rested on that day? With 'Street Love' and 'She Drives Me Crazy', Krokus are treading water in a sea of retarded sexuality. Never have sex with a member of Krokus. But at least they impress with their punctuality. There is, after all, such a fine line between clever and stupid. Unfortunately, Krokus are on the same side as Baldrick and Jeremy Beadle. F**kwits. However, if the record company are behind it, they can doubtless ram 'Stampede' right down our throats. We'd love to stick around for it, boys, but we have to go down to the lobby and wait for the limo. But hey, enough of my yakkin'. Let's boogie. JON HOTTEN

COUNTRAVEN 'Storm Warning' (Active CD ATV 16)

13131313 LOOKING BACK over the last six years or so at this music I like to call doom 'n' gloom' Metal, myoid mates Celtic Frost have a lot to answer for. Tom Warrior really does seem to have set a trend with his renowned DEATH GRUNTS and simple but effective RIFFING, which seem to crop up again and again on many a DEATH ALBUM. And that neatly brings us to Swedish Death Metal merchants Count Raven, who also nick more than the odd riff from Mr Warrior. But enough of this 'DEATH' waffle, let's concentrate on Count Raven, whom it must be said took me completely by surprise. What we have here is vintage Black Sabbath mixed up with early Celtic Frost. Sounds bizarre, but believe me, it works a treat. Since ex-Shades man Dave Constable relocated to Sweden, he seems to have turned it into the Doom capital of the world, with the already established Candlemass hailing

from there as well! But I must tip my 1a-gallon hat to Igor for bringing us Count Raven - they really are a much needed breath of 'foul' air. 'Storm Warning' opens on an eerie if slightly predictable note, with the usual rain effects, ravens making a right 01' racket and a poor gal sobbing as she's being whipped - it could be something out of 'Twin Peaks'! However, the mood soon changes on 'Inam Naudemina' which is tres Black Sabbath, especially with Christian Linderson's vocal delivery - it's Ozzy to a t! And the riffs definitely have a Celtic Frost tinge to them. 'True Revelation' follows, and is basically 'Iron Man' re-arranged. A good doomy riffer nonetheless, which really gets going towards the end. It's not all 'DOOM 'N' GLOOM' though, and it's refreshing to see that Count Raven have a sense of humour - check out the extremely tacky 'In The Name Of Rock 'N' Roil'. It's basically a dig at the Glam scene, and I quote these immortal lines (delivered in Ozzy style, of course!): 'Won't you listen all you pretty boys in magazines/ You look like plastic toysl Superstars of rock you just pretend/A blasphemy that never seems to end'. Ackshully, when you think about it, there's a lot of truth in that statement. Other high points include 'How Can It Be' and 'Social Warfare'; both gems, delivered in true Black Sabs style, but with a definite '90s feel- and that's what I like about Count Raven! XAVIER RUSSELL

NAPALM 'Back To Zero' (SPVOOB-76221)

131313 OBLIVEON 'From This Day Forward' (Active A TV14)

13m 2 BAD 'Idiot Tree' (Full Circle FULL 003)

13131313 WHAT WOULD you expect from a band with a name like Napalm? No doubt pretty much the same as I expected - a bunch of talentless, unimaginative geeks attempting to copy Napalm Death. This being the case, you'd be, as I was, very wrong. The New York four-piece obviously have no interest in anything the Grindcore boys might

have to offer and instead are influenced by, or should I say obsessed with, Metallica and Faith No More. Strange as it may seem, this obsession has paid off, and what Napalm have come up with, albeit accidentally, is quite a decent album. With the exception of the dreadfully wishy-washy 'The Other Side Feels Grey', 'Back To Zero' is a commendable effort - so don't be put off by the ill-fitting handle. An average guitarist plays crappy riffs while a crappy singer recites even worse lyrics. Obliveon are crap and probably always will be, which is why we should be thankful for the likes of 2 Bad. Following their apparently much acclaimed debut 'Get Fat And Die', 2 Bad sneer their way into '91 with a sarcastic and angry aberration that positively boils over with originality. Every tune on 'Idiot Tree' taunts and provokes like the bad kid at the back of the class who eventually got expelled, and leaves me wondering if 2 Bad weren't put together by that very same disruptive child. 2 Bad get no gold stars for arse licking to teacher, but they are still top of the form. MORAT

TEGENHART 'Noise Underground' (TH101)

13 TOXODfTH 'Mysteries About Life And Death' (Wild Rags WRG/903-1)

13m BELIEVE ME, I've heard some pretty dire bands in my time, but offhand I really can't remember ever hearing anything quite as sickeningly execrable as Tegen Hart. God only knows what possessed these four Italians to waste time recording this limp-wristed offal, but the fact is, they did - and I think it's only fair that they should be held fully responsible for it. I can't deny Tegen Hart are reasonable musicians, but just because they've been classically trained doesn't mean they are fit to make an album. You've gotta put some soul into it, guys; y'know, give it some bollocks! It's no good wan king around with 10-minute songs unless you happen to be in Pink Floyd, in which case you'd be rich enough not to have your album sponsored by a Cornish brewery. A piss poor record by a piss poor band, which only leaves me feeling very sorry for Toxodeth.

I'm not an entirely heartless bastard, you see (Oh yes you are, you entirely heartless bastard!Rest Of Staff), and reading Toxodeth's press release you really can't help feeling that they deserve to be dealt a better hand. Formed in 1984 by Raul Guzman, Toxodeth were the only Thrash band in the whole of North Mexico. As if that wasn't a big enough handicap in itself, the band has had four different names and about 18 different band members since then, and most of the music is played by the same diehards who formed the band. Much as I hate to put these people down, it remains sadly true that 'Mysteries About Life And Death' is atrocious, and I will never play it again. Life's a bitch and then you die, but I wish them luck anyhow. MORAT

DWARVES 'Blood, Guts & Pussy' (Sub Pop SP67 import)

13131313 PUNK ROCK - the birth, death and resu rrection in just about 13 minutes. The Dwarves, four Mid Westerners relocated to San Francisco, are perhaps the most desperate, and certainly the funniest of institutions that should never have happened. Hypersonic rape rock, guitar scuzz as well intentioned and messy as an '82 Misfits gig, lasting longer than a GG Allin blood and faeces extravaganza, f**ked up, drugged out and viciously proud of themselves. Bustin' heads and bashin' chords is the order of the day as frontman Blag Jesus leads his pack of socially irresponsible bumsters through a non-stop volley of paeans to senseless misogyny and total destruction. 'Let's F**k' is a riff-mangle of epic proportions. At half the speed it'd be a fuggin' anthem. 'Drug Store' and 'Back Seat Of My Car' reek of primo Misfits damage blitzkrieging stuff a 19-year-old Glenn Danzig would be proud to cali his own. 'Cept the Dwarves are considerably faster and a lot less musical. White noise blasts by so fast you might miss the surly lyrical content (most of which concerns violence, rape and wanton drug use), though the Mike Lavine cover shot of naked and blood splattered teenage girls, midgets and bunnies should suffice. Should be enough to make the positive punks run in terror.




BACKSEA T DRIVER 'Blackout' (Rear Entrance REROO1)


THE NEW Age backlash starts here. The end of equal opportunities in bed. The end of safe sex. The end of free love. The end of the compulsory orgasm and the end of a woman's right to rape. The end of mutual masturbation as a viable . substitute - and Backseat Driver refuse to be gentle. 'I'm the kinda guy your mama told you about/Bend over bitch I wanna make you shout' ('Worst Nightmare'). Gentlemen, we are now officially back in the Stone Age. We are back inside the rapist's mask. The awful, blank lust of sleaze rock on a short fuse. The, frankly, purist pursuit of groupie abuse and strap-on penis . extensions. Trouser-snakes are on red alert and panty hose are worried as Backseat Driver dribble over submissive females. It is, after all, a thin line between clever and stupid, and Backseat Driver are way over the horizon with 1a-foot erections. 'Lick the tip, lick the tip, kneel down and take a sip/Lick the tip, lick the tip, give me more tongue and lip' ('Lick The Tip'). Backseat Driver are, of course, American. New Jersey. So much for Bon Jovi's pledge to the work ethic. Backseat Driver's simpleton grunge is redundant in the face of such fantastic hatred of women. It must be a scary world inside mainman Dean Richards' head and, oh God, they really do have guitarist called Gypsy Rose. It's a morbid, snuff-induced dementia. There are mental retards taking over the asylum. Woman as an object of torture, degradation, humiliation and domination. I swear this must be the limit. 'You know I'm eager, stuff the beaver/Feel my heater, stuff the beaver ... ' (,Stuff The Beaver'). The sleeve is black. None more black. Backseat Driver are seriously into this trip. Death by stupid abuse. Coma of our souls (sic). Evil, midget virgins with 1a-ton guitars strapped to their legs and your place is on their face. Yeah, but you should've seen the lyrics they wanted to use ... ! CHRIS WATTS

RAGE 'Reflections Of A Shadow' (Noise International N 0160-1)


THIS IS the first Rage LP I've ever heard, and it's their fifth. Clearly, I've missed out on some serious talent, as 'Reflections Of A Shadow' proves that these three Germans rank among the finest examples of European, melodic Metal. The tape's been on a number of journeys with my Walkman and 1three-hour train rides, tubes, buses 24

Thegreat Kat' KATMANDU 'Katmandu' (Epic EPC467323)


WHEN THE quality controller in the house of Metal steps forward to do his stamping thang, he never has to worry about sealing product with any mark denoting originality. All he has to do is issue the edict which confirms that what's in the package is up to scratch. Which should suit the needs of Katmandu down to the ground. After all, when erstwhile Fastway vocalist Dave King teamed up with former KrokuslAsia guitarist Mandy Meyer in this not-very-super supergroup, don't imagine they had any plans to break down the barriers of musical progression. F**k, these boys just wanted to make some noise! Closest they could come to raising the odd eyebrow was in covering U2's 'God Part II', giving a pretty clinical Metal feel to what will always be a great song. But no worries, on the finished album they make sure they don't cause too much consternation by preceding said cover with opening track 'The Way You Make Me Feel' - typical Zep fodder about sticking it in and jiggling it about. Safe in a slightly cheeky way. Decibels in a Durex, maybe, and saved by the fact that Dave King has a voice that everyone should recognise and many a pretender would die for! This boy will be a star, however else this crazy world spins! With Meyer, bassist Caine Carruthers and drummer Mike Alonso, King has a very potent hard rock line-up assembled.


There's nothing particularly clever about where Katmandu are operating, but where they're at is a warm and willing place that quite often borders on the wonderful. The mellow verses of 'Love Hurts' are real nice, 'Medicine Man' cuts to the quick with total ease and 'Heart And Soul' is another in the Zeppelin line. Living proofthat you don't always have to be biting the heads off bats and nuzzling in a giant pair of mammaries to be a real rock band! In fact, I have to admit that Katmandu, for all the monicker-inspired hints of massive and grandiose, sound far more comfortable when they're taking the foot off the gas, being a bit drippy hippy and letting their obvious musicianship take over from categorisation. 'Sometime Again' rides along without any overdrive push and causes a real emotional stir, especially when Meyer pulls out a deceptively Page-ish understated solo. Never would Krokus have allowed such blatant sensitivity! On the second side things are a bit up and down, with a couple of fillers marring the progress, but I have to confess that I can forgive anything for the might of 'When The Rain Comes'. Imagine Janis Joplin jamming with Zeppelin and pulling out a true monster of discordant trouble. Truly magnificent! Katmandu have it in them to be really big news. All they need is a little more of a unique identity, a willingness to spread out more with their music, and there will be great, great things ahead!


with Dave King (seated) in fighting spirit

- and each of the album's nine tunes (strong accent on that wo are firmly embedded in my brain. Throw me a song-title and I'll r the corresponding refrain(s). No problem. Choruses are obviously Rage's thing, and despite the occasional corny tinge that many tuneful German acts seem unable to avoid, they deliver some gems on this disc. 'True Face In Everyone', a quite wonderful cut, boasts a big chorus with vocals and intricate guitar running side by side in perfect synchronization. It's MTV-bound, and understandably so. Nimble guitars flash everywhe on this album, with twisted, squealing riff notes, heavy chord well-considered lead breaks and subtle, softer string brushes flying all over the place. Innovation's th name of the game here, and you'll have heard very few of these riffs before. Bassist Peavey's singing could well alienate the majority, howev as he's definitely a screamer at heart. His voice reaches insane heights, often verging on the ridiculous, but I've become accustomed to it, and you may follow suit. Just be warned. Tracks like the powerfully silke 'Flowers That Fade In My Hand', the rubber-burning 'Can't Get 0 and 'Waiting ForThe Moon', with its lashing six-string mania, ensur that 'ROAS' perches a mere stone's throwaway from the Big Five Ks. Perhaps my preferred Noise International album of '91 so far.


SARCAFAGO 'Roning' (Under One Flag CDFLAG52)

EI FIRST OF all, can we dispense with the silly narnes? Handles lik Gerald Incubus and Wagner Antichrist went out of vogue a fe years back, although drummer M Joker rnay have the right idea. S this three-piece are from Brazil, you have to forgive them for bei behind the times, I guess. I can't forgive Under One Flag for releasing this record, though. Now the rush is on, in the wake Sepultura, to sign everything that moves and strums a guitar in the jungles of Brazil, the labels don't seem to realize that much of the Brazilian Metal is bad; most of poor guys have the enthusiasm, but intelligence, talent and skill often severely underdeveloped. 'Rotting' is primitive Thrashl Death, hyperspeed drumming alternating with slower, doomier stuff, but there's never any bal or sense of dynamics between two extremes. The production is straight out of a tin can, the v come off as second-hand Obi Death, and the riffs are the s reheats we hear time and again. Completists will no doubt w this. I got it for free, but you'll to pay money. I don't know if a good idea... DOli

""e great rock and 6a" swind'e SAXON 'Solid Ball Of Rock' (AVUVirgin International LPVIR4)

SAXON (Bi" in full NWOBHM regalia): one lump or two? .

:S ~ ~ ~ .!::! Q.;

131313 IF SAXON ever needed a slice 0' noise with a hole in its centre to leave 'em exacUy where they already are in everybody's estimation, then 'Solid Ball Of Rock' coukI just be the one! What can one say? It's .ef.esIWJgIy un-rad, doesn't even poke a stick at funk an' sounds piss-aB like everybody's walk, talk, sing 'n' play this way faves Aerosmith. Bugger me, but I think it's ... what's that dumb 01'term again, Melvin? Ah, yes - 'Ewy Me'ull. Dynamically dumb, cataclysmically cliched, steamrollin' down that join-the-dotted-line between Man-a-Tap 'n' Spmal War. Good 01' Biff! Defender of the NWOBHM (there, I said it!) faith! In the same way parents are a necessary evil, Barnsley's high priest of dodgy dress-sense is a necessary bozo. You wish he'd just piss off, and yet you also have a sneakin' regard for the old duffer cos he's that painful yet sniggerinducin' reminder of yer old logo riddled denims 'n' yer dandruff infested greasy centre-partin'.


GOLGOTHA 'Unmaker Of Worlds' (Communique CMGLP 003)

13m KARL FOSTER, the multiinstrumentalist behind 'Unmaker Of Worlds', had obviously set out to do so much here: Unite classical and rock music, present epic songs and make it all sound massive. Unfortunately, this was not to be. The man's musical ability is apparent during the four lengthy tracks ('Unmaker..: runs for 46 minutes), and this certainly is one involved album, but it really fails to be both deep and meaningful. The music's good 01' rock, laden with synthesized and often medieval-sounding parps for that rather dated feel. The drums hit home nicely, despite sounding synthesized themselves, and the guitar strolls back and forth between serenity (' Raining On Still Waters') and surprising muscle ('Another Sunny Christmas'). Nevertheless, the flag-carrier of Neo Classical Metal that Foster

Noble. Proud. I sincerely believe that Biff 'believes'. Our man really, honestly and truly, cross me ticker an' hope to come to a sticky end, means it when his lungs cough up such gems as, 'Still they play our music all around the world, blasting through the air-waves to the stars' ('Requiem') and, 'Can you hear the thunder roaring somewhere in the night' ('Baptism Of Fire'). This is a lost f"kin' art! And yeah, in a perverse, deranged and twisted kinda way I respect Saxon for stickin' to their guns ... Natch, I'd respect 'em even more if they actually loaded 'em ... It really isn't worth probin' 'SBOR' too thoroughly -I think you've read the film, worn the book 'n' the seen the T-shirt. You've also heard titles like 'Altar Of The Gods' and 'Lights In The Sky' (hey, Biff, I've seen 'em too!), with a soundtrack of either pummelin' Maiden-esque riwums or a sub-epic plod. Yet more important, my newfound respect for Sir Biff makes me wonder about that pic View From The Bar ran last year of the great man drinkin' a cup 0' rosie lee as he watched his missus, with one arm in plaster, clean the car. Like, maybe we sold the star short when we questioned his chivalry ... he coulda made the tea!

surely envisioned often ends up with its many tentacles in an awkward tangle, as if the planned fusion just refused to completely occur. The recording budget sounds low, the mix confused, and the compositions largely fail to hang together as songs. Foster's voice, I'm sorry to say, sounds decidedly uncomfortable on the uptempo numbers, but does tend to settle down in the softer sections, taking a rather Fish-like approach which seems better. Classical and rock always sound like potentially cosy bed partners to me, and the rays of inspiring light that often shine through the grandiose muddle suggest that Foster has what it takes to bring them together effectively. Now all we need from him is something enjoyable.


SAMHAIN 'Final Descent' (Plan 9 PL MC1D)

1]131313 WHILE GLENN Danzig is best known for his uncanny knack of wrenching brilliance out of simplicity (the Misfits' blustery pop to Danzig's AC/DC cum mid-period Damned-isms), it was within Samhain's dark grooves that some of his best ideas lurked. Less a total band effort than a playground for Glenn's morbid excesses, Samhain were ultimately a harder, less immediate first listen. Yet it was a damn good idea, better encompassing his tendencies toward passion and violence than anything he's done to date. Which brings us to 'Final Descent', a posthumous to-track

LP: half surfaced three years before with the 'Hain's jarring, cathartic 'Unholy Passion' EP; half is completely new, with Danzig guitarist John Christ handling lead guitar chores. Essentially, what we've got here is the de-facto Danzig, a moodier, more adventurous offering than Glenn's namesake's overt trad-trappings. From 'Night Chill's instrumental creepy-crawl through the tumultuous melodies of 'Lords Of The Left Hand' and 'The Birthing', this is the sort of eerie immediacy missing from Danzig's work for years. Production is suitably raw and choppy, centering itself around Glenn's vocals and blending the four-year gap between sides seamlessly. On Side Two, 'Unholy Passion' and 'I Am Misery' still rattle the tombs as furiously as they first did when Glenn would don mexican wrestling masks and Eerie would hobble onstage dressed as 'Star Trek's Mr Spock! And you thought they had no sense of humour. MIKE GITTER


HAVE.lAKEN OVfK Imagine what would happen if Barbie wore eight-inch.w the B52s while on a bad trip to Mars. If you can get ~ve then you've dreamt of the LUNACHICKS. IINo, we donto CHRIS WAns. And YlXen don'~.:1




LUNACHICKS spend their. interview with the Marquee Visitors' Book. On a blank page iritended for signatures and messages of goodwill, the five girls have drawn an aliensthree-breasted creature taking a crap on a shape that looks suspiciously like North America. 'Love, The Lunachicks!' the caption reads. Vocalist Theo explains away the past four years in five seconds. She doesn't look up from the Visitors' Book in her lap. "We came together for a


joke. We were friends first. Yes, it's hard being an all-girl band. No, we don't get respected a whole lot. No, we don't sound like the Bangles. No, we don't look like Vixen." She giggles. A squiffy mind is on sharp form. "Anyway, Vixen are all about 37 years old!" Back home in New York Theo cleans toilets for a living. In the pull-out poster booklet attached to copies of the band's debut album the singer is photographed in eight inch wedge-heels with her knickers outside Jurid tights and one finger up her nose. Drummer Becky Wreck is marginally more proud of the band than she is of her job as a baker and is in the

NFACT the L credentials are imp On the inner sleeve 0 'Babysitters On Acid' the name-checks are impressive: Sonic Youth's Kim Gordon and Thurston Moore (who brought the band to Blast First's attention), DinosaurJr (who they last supported in the


• y'know? We don't do it to be entertaining. We figure if we .• like it then it's gotta be good! a to write an album ve in my


"We have a few groupies. They take their clothes offwhen we play and shake their willies at us!" - THEO


"The other night they may as well have had the safety nets out cos they were just getting u on stage and rolling into audience. It's supposed to a spontaneous act of . ergy, y'know? You don't king plan it! Like, hey! Look at me! Get your own

f**king band together if you want to be a star, y'know?" Rhythm guitarist Sindi B comments almost apologetically: "It's like the stage is my space and you're welcome to share, y'know, but just don't ... just don't f**k with me! Don't f**k me up!"

Theo looks up from her three-breasted creation with an animal grin . "The best thing is when they jump off and everyone moves out the way and they hit the floor! That's really good!" She's also less than impressed with the Lunachicks' growing group of admirers. "We have a few groupies. Not many, really, except for the really annoying ones. They take their clothes off when we play and shake their willies at us! I mean, please!" Becky Wreck wrinkles her nose. On the inner sleeve there are badly-drawn pictures of a turkey crapping and a chicken skewered with a vibrator. Becky's art.


er!" wns. "I'd like to ne play drums as me and bake as good , and that's all that counts!" She adds another f**k! for good measure and admits that the Lunachicks are indeed in awe of the English punk explosion. It's no secret.


HE SHOW that night is hot and chaotic, a riot of vomit and hardcore wonaer-f**k. The band look like five stringy rat-bag slag-dolls in toyland. And they are wonderful indeed. Not surprisingly Sydney Silver objects to the honourable intentions of the capacity London audience. "What's really funny over here are the stage-divers," she shouts.

HE LUNACHICKS are filthy and proud and starving and 'stupit!'. Gabba-gabba-bitch! Furious schlock maidens not about to beg from anyone. What would you say to Jon BonJovi? "Hi, can you lend me $1000 to go shopping because I know you can afford it!" Sydney Silver replies in a flash. "If people see a photograph of us next to a photograph of Jon BonJovi, they're gonna know who's more fun to go and see. And it's not him! "The main thing is to be able to make enough money not to have to work shit jobs. We don'tlive in the lap of luxury, y'know? F**k that! "But I don't want to be a f**king waitress for the rest of my life!" Theo's three-breasted creature is finished. So are the tuna sandwiches. "You speak for yourself! I'm quite happy to clean toilets, thank you!" The Lunachicks are welcome. Any time.


DAVE'S FAVOURITE thing is girls - except for cashing cheques

• VOCALIST AND BASSIST required by young Marillion! Royd-influenced band. Call 071-243 0980. • VOCALIST REQUIRED by Danish drummer and guitarist (ex-Harlot). London-based, GianV Winger-influenced band. Call Mike or Morton on 071-735 4886. • VOCALIST REQUIRED by young HR band. Aged 15-19, Wantage/Oxford area. Call Neil on (023559) 253. • GOING FOR THE 2 Yes fanzine for fans of Yes and related bands has issue 16 now available priced £1.50 from: Tiz Hay, 44 Oswald Close, Leatherhead, Surrey KT229UG. • lEGION seek Thrash bassisVvocalist. Dedication and attitude essential. Call Woody on (0977) 646773. • FROM THE FIRE are currently in los Angeles recording their debut album with producer Jean Beauvoir. It's due through Metropolis later this year. • VOCALIST REQUIRED by AerosmilhlLA Guns-influenced band. London/Surrey area. Must have 'voice, image and charisma'. Call Dave on (0344) 774158. • EMERALD

• TIN PAN AllEY US GN'R-inspired rockers, have a free demo/info pack available by writing to: 167 Burlington Street, Woburn, Massachussetts 01801, USA. • BANDS REQUIRED by Lendaneer Music. Send tapelbio for further details to: 27 Middlefield Road, Falkirk, Stirlingshire, Scotland FK2 9HP. • WASTED IN LACE formerly known as the Apartment, seek a drummer willing to turn professional. They also have a demo available, priced £2. Contact: Darron Bunting, 78 Newstead Street, Chanterlands Avenue, Hull, North Humberside HU5 3NQ. • THE SHARKS seek pro-minded frontman and second guitarist to complete line-up. Power Sleaze/rock 'n' roll band. Call Phil on 051-7344204. • GUN METAL BLUE seek vocalist. Call Adie on (0522) 528509. • PUTRID CORPSE fanzine seeks Death/Grindcore bands for guaranteed inclusion in issue one. Contact: D Dinsdale, 82 Park Road, Bingley, West Yorkshire BD16 4EJ. • GUITARIST REQUIRED to complete band line-up. Must have image. Contact (02993) 78451.

VISION HR band, have a two track demo available priced £1 .75 from: Angus, 46 VereBoad, Peterborough PEl 3EA.

• BASSIST REQUIRED also drummer, by ex-Neon Splilz guitarists and bassist Mark Savage. Skid Row/Slaughter-influenced. Contact Mark on (0532) 509555.

• OBNOXIOUS Midlands Thrashers have a three track demo available priced £2 from: Andrew Flowers, 29 Holden Road, Wednesbury, West Midlands WS 10 ODB.

• INDECENT EXPOSURE fanzine issue one is now available priced £2 from: Laura Whittle, 52 Brook Park, Briggswath, Sleights, North Yorkshire Y021 1RT. Bands wishing to be included should contact the above address.

a Bowie-influenced

• ARMY OFTHE IMMORTALS is the new official Manowar fan club. For details send SAE to: 68 Sutherland Avenue, Roundhay, Leeds LS81BZ. PHRENZY fanzine issue one is now available priced £1 plus SAE from: Jenny Harper, 18 Lyppiatt Road, Redfield, Bristol BSS 9HS. H features AC/DC, ZZ Top, 'ilunder, Electric Boys etc. SJlCKYSWEET laan-llla543d Glamsters, have parted with guitarist Kay Marshall. seek a replacement. Send • . to: Mike Stevenz, 220 Road, Heme Hill, London SE24.

• WITCHIN a New York band, have a new four-track demo available priced $5US from: PO Box 3113, Ridgewood, New York 11386, USA.

• HAllUCINATION NOISE SENSATION a Hull-based, Jane's Addiction! Hendrix-influenced band seek vocalist. Call Matt on (0482) 666418. For free band info send SAE to: 35 Randsfield Avenue, Brough, Hull HU151BE. • VOCALIST REQUIRED by Midlands band. Influences Tyler/Bon JovilNeil etc. Call Rik on (0602) 329655. • MORAY FIRTH RADIO 'Headbangers Show' has moved to a new slot every Wednesday 8-1 Opm. DJ is Jim Gellatly. • DC KICKS release their debut single, 'Any1hing At All', in January. An album, 'Who's Laughing Now', will follow. • JADED ANGEL seek male drummer, East Sussexbased. Send bio/pic to: Karen Blackman, F/F Flat, 3 Maze Hill, St Leonards, Sussex. • SINGER/SONGWRITER required for original band. Influences rock/rap/soul. Call Scott on (0533) 606542. • VALENTINE'S SUICIDE seek vocalist and bassist to complete Cinderella/Ratt·influenced line-up. Call Andy on (0532) 677997. • BANDS REQUIRED by college magazine. Send bio/pic to: Anna, 10 Town Street, Holbrook, Derbyshire DE5 OTA. • HELL RIDER seek guitarist, bassist and drummer to complete line-up. Contact: Jeni, 152 Headley Drive, New Addington, Croydon, Surrey CRO 000. .HITT have just completed work on their debut album. They seek managemenVagency . Call 081-459 0897. They kick off their 1991 live schedule at Walthamstow r;!oyal Standard February 14.

BANDS SEEKING GIGS in Hampshire area should contact: Forearm Smash, 38 Toronto Road, Buckland, Portsmouth, Hants P02 7QE. ROCK HARD WILLY a three-piece Norfolk-based band, play Wells-Next- The-Sea Ark Royal February 22. HARLAN THE JESTER play Brierley Hill Rock Tavem January 20, Birmingham Edwards 21, Birmingham Barrel Organ 28, Dudley JB's February 18. WANDERING CRUTCHlEES play Kingston Grey Horse January 19, Croydon Cartoon 25. GAlAHAD play Walthamstow Royal Standard February 8 (supporting A Geoff Mann Band). The band have completed work on a new album, titled 'Room With A View', due through the Avalon label soon. PRETTY TAME play Pontypool Globe Hotel January 15, l=Iereford Old Harp 18, Kidderminster Market Tavern 19, Slough Wheatsheaf 20, Boumemouth Hot House 21, Walthamstow Royal Standard 22, Faversham Ship 23, Dover Louis Armstrong 25, Ipswich Old TImes 26, Gravesend Prince Of Wales 27, Bedford Angel 28, Letchworth Three Horseshoes 30. The band have parted company with bassist Davey Kenz and vocalist Billy Kane, but are continuing with temporary replacements . HOLY TRINITY play Dudley JB's January 14, Manchester Swinging Sporran 25. TOXIC TRUTH play Stockwell Old Queens Head January 16. PICCADillY COMEDY BAR hosts a rock night between 7-11 pm every Wednesday. OUTRAGE play Manchester 15.

fliifth Avenue January

CRY HADES play Stourbridge Wordsley Youth Club January 19, Chipping Norton Theatre ~ebruary 4, Gloucester Steam Rock Cafe 12, Evesham Roxannes 19, Newbury Clock Tower March 3.

THERE'S SOMETHING about Rudy Schenker, standing stage-front and spotlit, leather-gloved right hand whirlwinding his Flying V guitar, that still cuts a rock 'n' roll dash. He's getting on a bit, of course (aren't they a"?), but the sharply chiselled Teutonic features are wearing we". The baseball-capped Matthias Jabs and the leather-capped Klaus Meine, meanwhile, have reached the stage where vanity demands that the receding hairlines be hidden from public gaze. They may have lost some of their youthfulness, but they're still the only German rock band to lay claim to international stardom, and have lost little of their appeal over the years. They've done it by doggedly sticking to what they know: a damn good hard rock song when they hear one, put onto vinyl with workmanlike performances and meticulous attention to detail- and performed live with the same, unswerving approach. Nothing, yOL feel, is left to the unpredictable hands of spontaneity and chance. The Scorpions put on a great show. The stage set - stepped, angular and aglow with white light - remains classic; the dancing lighting is probably as expensive as it is impressive; the choice of songs and running order is ~ probably the result of lengthy ;:0, deliberation and weu-learnec ~ strategy; the performance is as ~ slick as need be. )( The opening is powerful, with the it new and as yet unfamiliar 'Teaze

Me' and 'Lust Or Love' like a killer barging through the door with a wild-eyed glare and an itchy trigger finger. After that they're on relative auto-pilot, sewing together new and old material with no visible joins, striking their familiar shapes and poses under the multicoloured girders of Varilite beams, and playing with no less energy and gusto then they ever did. Klaus Meine's distinctive vocals are accurate and powerful; Schenker and Jabs alternate between fierce riffing and delicate melodic arches, and the rhythm section does precisely what it should. Naturally, the selection of favourites elicit the best crowd responses, and the likes of 'Blackout' and 'Can't Live Without You', both reeled out at an amphetamined pace, are short, to the point and stunningly effective. 'Holiday' is the big singalong, and created a genuinely vibrant atmosphere in the SEC to close the show ... without a drum solo! The first encore, 'Big City Nights', has a big chorus, big lights and big singalong. It's followed by 'Still Loving You', with bigger lights and bigger cheers ... just bigger overall, really. The encore's pacing, leading up to the parting shot with 'Hurricane', is impeccable: calm the savage beast (that's us), then kill it stone dead with a hammer-blow to the temple. The Scorpions are the sort of band who, with rock currently in a state of flux and sucking in more outside influences in the past couple of years then in its entire history, may have a tough job to win new friends in large numbers. But their unchanging yet enduring nature will also make sure they don't lose many of the ones they've already got. PAUL HENDERSON

BALAAM AND THEANGEL Junction 10, Walsall

1990 WAS a bit of a weird one as far as yer favourite four-piece were concerned. Downside (maybe!)? Salaam finally got the push from Virgin the only push they evergot from that label was the Sig E! Upside? The band finally came of heavy rock age by writing some of the finest new material I heard all year, and stomping through a series of sweat-sodden, rock-laden club gigs that made everyone wonder what the f**k they had to do to get a major to give 'em a real shot. 1991 will be distinctly brighter for Salaam And The Angel, rest assured, and a hometown hoedown was a fitting way of thanking a loyal puntership for continued support. Salaam gigs are dependable yet never expendable, always a damning reminder of how scurrilous and fickle an industry this is; they always turn in top-hole performances wherever there's a stage. There's an anger and intensity that rattles around the hall as soon as the band pump up the jams, and 'Next to Me', all stomp, swagger and dirty rifferama, opens the show with a muscle-flexing bravado that proves what I've been saying all along: Salaam are not rock puppies, but the full beefy complement. Mark Morris still looks like the rock icon he undoubtedly is, and he's handling vocal duties with a sophisticated cool that nods far more to Paul Rodgers than James Hetfield. It complements the fearsome riffs perfectly and rams home the point that Salaam are songsmiths in an often boneheaded world. Tunes like 'What Love Is', 'She Knows' and 'New Kind Of Love' don't just grow on every heavy rock tree, but Salaam And The Angel pick 'em outta the air with total ease. With guitarists Jim Morris and Ian McKean gelling better than ever before, and drumming Morris brother Des as solid and sturdy as he ever was, the band are still gritting teeth and getting the chops down. Not even other-worldly tuning problems and a booming bass for the first two or three numbers could take away from Salaam's confident, sure-fire attack - but then again, nothing could tear the soul from the slap in the face that is hypnotic new number 'Shame On You'. The bottom line is this: you never give up on a good thing, and if you don't finally get behind Salaam to prove that there is genuine heavy rock talent in the UK, then maybe you never did deserve a band like this in the first place! HOWARD JOHNSON

KIP WINGER only wears half a T-shirt, Unfortunately, his band fail to maintain this altruistic vision of, as it were, giving of oneself. So much so that they seem to forget just where they are, go the whole hog and convince themselves that this is Hicksville, Nantucket and the kids are simply bound to love it. That Winger have two albums' worth of sensuous if somewhat overly indulgent material is without question. That this isn't an audience of prime MTV force-fed fodder is. Kip's infrequent and somewhat hysterical 'Heyl's and 'Yol's are feebly lost on a bunch who aren't without a little feeling for something a trifle more human. Everyone knows that Winger have

every nuance covered to reach Platinum status; it's simply less than beguiling to watch them assume it instantly and frequently. For most people this was the first opportunity to witness the Winger thrall that has flipped America on its back and beaten its commercial face bloody. More people than_ can possibly know have or have had access to at least one of their records, and as such expected more from each. Which is wheI8 Winger, quite simply, fail8d_ support set of 40 minutes thent really isn't time to indulge in a brow-beating expose of musicianship. Where has expressed that a numbingly drum solo and a guitar spot are the finer points of introducing yourself to a audience? It's comparable attending a blind dale attempting to goose lie in question over her Subtlety is not their Those detractions

GETTHOSElungs ready for screaming, those /ips ~p:~~:~ toss that hair back and get ready SLA:UGHTEe . bouffant boys wonder stick it to ya tn Nottmgha'!' (Wednesday), Cardiff (Thursdt,~a,;t"t;t::t::~~~~~ Saturday) when they support , and stay up all nightl





071.921 5900 Q&R ORGANISATION







MORE路N路MORE ex-Mammoth

FRIDAY 18th JANUARY Doors 8.30pm


Remember - Happy Hour til9.30pm Jugs of beer, Slammers, J.D. etc BandsiAgentslEnqs Borderline.


Richard 0717222829 St. Off Charing

X Rd, WC2



1 Blackhorse La, Walthamstow, Tel: 081 5271966 Friday






GANGLAND + ORIGINAL SIN Adm £3.50 Saturday

19th Jan




20th Jan





. I

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21st Jan




24th Jan




Adm £2.00 Thursday

23rd Jan


22nd Jan

Adm £2.50


live music 7 nights-open 8till12pm. No entry after 11pm. Buses: 58, 123, 158, 230. Tube: Opposite Blackhorse Ad, Victoria line + B.R. All enquiries to Cliff on 081 5030700.


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White Hart, Hampton Wick (opp. Kingston Bridge), Kingston-upon- Thames WEST LONDON'S NEWEST LIVE ROCK VENUE


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Although only around 2,000 people in the UK have seen the GALACTIC COWBOYS (supporting King's X at the Astoria iust before Christmas) the band have alreacly made a big impression. They share management with King's X, have a forthcoming debut on GeRen, and have been variously described as 'the Partridge Family on acid', 'ugly' and 'four distressingly down-to-earth individuals blessed with a perverse, yet cunningly delightful musical vision'. PHIL WILDING meets them to ask why, as someone else said:

HE GALACTIC Cowboys are four distressingly down-to-earth individuals blessed with a perverse, yet cunningly delightful musical vision. They were drawn from Louisiana, Dallas, Phoenix and Missouri to Houston by way of separate musical ventures - except vocalist/guitarist Ben Huggins, who spent about six months shoeing horses ... In 1988, the 'Cowboys rhythm section (drummer Alan Doss and bassist Monty Colvin) were earning a pretty good living on Houston's live circuit in a band called the Awful Truth. They rose to some kind of brief infamy after the band's demise when Metal Blade took the option on their demo and pressed it up as a short-lived album. At their zenith, the Awful Truth drew a pair of future bandmates to their shows. "I was such a fan of the Awful Truth," admits Galactic Cowboys lead guitarist Dane Sonnier. "Fused to go home after the shows and pray for a rhythm section to play with like that." His fond enthusiasm is mirrored brilliantly by Huggins. "We'd go to every show. It was such dark music, but these two guys as a rhythm section, they just drove the whole thing to a different level. Monty'd be up there acting crazy on stage ... " (Monty Colvin, for his part, suppresses a grin) " ...which didn't really fit! "But that was what was so neat about it. You had all these influences, this moodiness, but the bottom end Wa S so ... " He stares, exasperated . ..Driven! " UT DRIVEN, sadly, to distraction; finally splintering into decay. And so. in early '89, came the 54

Galactic Cowboys - a band of such diversity and depth that the Sam Taylor, best known for his managerial and production work with King's X, took up the option on the band after hearing the first practice room demo. Colvin: "That demo was a lot like what you heard at the Astoria show. A lot of those songs we did were on that demo." He remains impassive to the real weight of this statement. It seems the most natural of occurrences to him that four people could play sheer Heavy Metal interspersed with fragile acoustic passages, all with an unerring car for harmony and melody. But there is a startling individuality to their style. I can recall no other musical instance that sounds like the Galactic Cowboys. Dane Sonnier is bewilderingly calm: "Well, we all came from different musical backgrounds and scenes and everybody just expressed themselves in one song." Colvin nods lazily: "Yeah, I guess that's so. Maybe I'd come up with a part and everyone would add a flavour. We just wanted to try it to see ifitwould work. "It was like Ben just mentioning one day at practice that he had a harmonica, and we were like, 'Hey! Let's put that here!'." HEIR GEFFEN deal carne about as part of some kind oflucky mistake le-ssthan six months after they'd formed. Dane smiles benevolently: "The Masters Of Reality split lip halfway through their support slot on the King's X tour in '89, and Sam said to liS - and we'd been together for

about three months at this point - 'If you want to go, you can!' "So we took off along the East Coast in a station wagon, finally ending up in New j crscy whcrc a couple of record companies saw us and started asking about us. "Sam set up a showcase and 14 companies showed up, which shocked us. Geffen had actually come to see us the night before in a practice room about this big ... " (He indicates a cardboard box filled with videos at his side). Alan Doss, eyeing him sceptically, observes: "It wasn't that big ..." Though it was roomy enough to endear them to the company and provide a firm base to set out again as guests to King's X in an attempt to establish some kind of profile in an American market. Huggins: "We have this sort of underground network thing there where people have heard ofus, but if they haven't seen us live they certainly won't have heard us. We were never at that stage where we were passing out demos to everyone. " Doss: "Somebody in the States said we had the essence of the Partridge Family ..." " ...The Partridge Family on acid," interjects Huggins, eyebrows suddenly arched. Colvin: "Some people come up after the show and go ..." (He suddenly adopts a vaguely threatening guttural roar). " 'Man, you guys Thrash!' - in that voice usually. Then you get the others who love the harmonics, the melodies ... I haven't seen people walk out, but I supposc some do." "Like the girl from Memphis ...", Huggins leaves the statement hanging there, eyes roving quickly around the room. Alan Doss snatches it

"Whenever someone comes up and asks us to describe our music, we still get lost trying to figure it out"- ALAN DOSS

away from him: "Some girl at the show there walked up to Doug (PinnickKing's X) and said, 'Oh, I loved your band, but I hated that ugly support band'. So Doug leans over and goes, 'Really? This is the drummer'. She starts apologising, and I'm like, 'That's fine, you made a decision'. "But whatever people say, whenever someone comes up and asks us to describe our music, we still get lost trying to figure it out." HE GALACTIC Cowboys have yet to release their first album. That event is earmarked for early April. Possible titles thus far include 'Ranch On Mars', and, rather improbably, 'We Have A Good Time All The Time'. What is definite is, as those who have seen their live show will testify, that it will be a performance distinctive in its originality and creative aspiration. Colvin: "There will be songs that we've been playing live on there. 'Captain Crude', which is based loosely around the fact that we live down by Galveston and there's like an oil spill there every week, going into the ocean. "The funk jam thing, 'Pump Up The Space Suit', is another thing ... " Doss: "Another reason why that'll be on the record is as part of a medley offour or five songs. 'Galactic Cowboys Reprise' will come right after that. The medley's about 20-30 minutes, and our songs arc usually about six or seven minutes long. 'Speak To Me', which is around 11 rnmutes in length, is our longest individual song. Sonnier: "Sometimes, it's like the songs don't even belong to us, as long as they flow well ... Like when I'm listening to our songs I can't tell how long they are because sometimes I wish they'd go on even longer." Doss: "Then there's one


their premises into a new drum shop, called DrumStop. Since nearby shops like Rose-Morris and Allbang & Strummit stopped doing acoustic percussion, and FD&H in Charing

• IN CENTRAL London's Denmark Street, popularly known as 'Tin Pan Alley', leading hi-tech and keyboard retailers Argent's have converted a major part of


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Cross Road closed, London's West End has, with the exception of Foote's in Golden Square, been without a real drum store. Consequently DrumStop is in a great.position. Says Argent's boss Chris Sherwin: "Even before we thought about doing DrumStop, customers would come in asking if we stocked drums, so there was obviously demand in the area. Now that DrumStop is open and we have percussion as part of the window display, the reaction's been amazing. "We also have major rock venues like the Marquee, Astoria and Dominion close by, so we're in the perfect location to service the needs of pro players when they're gigging in central London." Though space is fairly limited, Orurnstop's equipment coverage is comprehensive without feeling overcrowded. Kits from Pearl and Remo take pride of place, though the shop can supply nearly all the leading brands; cymbals include Zildjian, Meinl and Istanbul (with Sabian soon to arrive); and there's an excellent selection of Latin percussion - primarily LP and Meinl- plus the usual accessories. In addition to placing initial emphasis on low to mid-price kits and on Latin percussion, DrumStop are building up a wide range of snare drums, video and audio tutors, and merchandising and leisurewear items. DrumStop won't just cater for the acoustic player - on a separate floor, an area devoted to electronic percussion is currently being kitted out, featuring the latest by Kat, Simmons, Dynacord and Roland. Chris Sherwin: "The close relationship between DrumStop and Argent's keyboard and MIDI

experts means a unique platform Will be provided for electronic drums, sampling, and the expanding world of MIDI percussion too. What's more, it's all under one roof." Manager Mike Fox, formerly of North London drum slore Talking Drums, concludes: "This will be the happening drum store of the '90s, whether customers want to buy a pair of branded swealpants, watch Steve Gadd's storming tribute to Buddy Rich on our video monitors, locate that hard-to-find hi-hat nut, or simply plunge in to buy the kit of their dreams." More info from Mike at: DrumStop, 20 Denmark Street, London WC2H 8NA. Tel: 071-379 6690.

NECK STANDS • A NEW name in low-cost instrument and equipment stands is Giraffe Structures, offering a choice of seven different stands and extensions, all in black-satin finish tubular or box-section steel. The range includes three sizes of keyboard scissor stands (with single and double-tier extensions available for the largest), a foldable guitar stand and an adjustable height combo-amp stand. This last one looks particularly useful, not least because it eliminates having to hunt around for a suitable chair or beer crate every time you turn up to a gig! Giraffe are currently running a promotion with the shops, so expect keen prices. More info from them on (0204) ,


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0719215900 PERSONAL ELY MALE longhair seeks female for gigs, fun and romance. idlands area. Box No K2739 SMAU MALE rocker 5'0 seeks small female into AC/DC, W.A.S.P., Scorpions etc for laughs and a good time. SE London area. Box No K2740 23 YR OLD female CHRISTIAN

METALHEAD - shy, intelligent, learnin~ guitar - seeks m/f friends In North London (N14). Box No K2741 LONG HAIRED MALE (22), just moved to Edinburgh, into Guns N Roses, Quireboys, most HM/HR, seeks similar girl for gigs, clubs, pubs. Write to: Andy, 14 Corstorphine Hill Avenue, Edinburgh, EH12 6LE LYNYRD SKYNYRD fan, Christian, 24, attractive, tall, well built, long hair, seeks attractive, slim, tallish Christian female to write to/meet. South Down a real anywhere. Box No K2742 HANDSOME caring outgoing MALE into Aerosmith seeks smart, attractive, FEMALE rocker, AGE UNIMPORTANT for FUN, FRIENDSHIP and ROMANCE. Photo please. Box No K2743 LONG HAIRED MALE 31 seeks female into Thunder, Poison, Cinderella, Crowes, Plant not thrash for gigs, clubs, pubs and good times. Herts/London area, photo appreciated. Box No K2744


FOR SALE METAL MERCHANDISE t-shirts, patches, badges, jeans, etc. LOW PRICES. SAE MM(K), 9 DUNDAS ROAD, STIRLING, FK9 5QS. Telephone 0786 70033

THRASH speed hardcore zines, t-shirts, albums. Large SAE: The Motivator, 7 Staniforth Court, Sheffield 9 AEROSMITH TOUR JACKET ROCKS TOUR '76 £60. John Watroba, 96 Nightingale Vale, Woolwich, SE18

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AC/DC, METALLlCA, GN' Roses, B Jovi, Aerosmith, T Lizzy, D Leppard, Helloween, thousands of rare/unique recordings, you name it ... we goddit! £1 (refundable) for complete catalogue: B Deal, 48 Upr Mount s-, D2 Ireland

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ROCK/alternative clothing inc gloss pvc, denim + leather, custom STAGE GEAR to your own designs. The Rock Exchange, 100 Derby Street, Bolton, BL3 6HG, 0204 382962

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RECORDS FOR SALE A BARGAIN Pot Luck Assortme (our selection). Send £24 for 5 used 7" singles or £17 for 100 LPs and 12" singles. (Postage included.) Music and Video Exchange, 28 Pembridge Rd, London Wll (071-727 4185) MEGA LIST of heavy metal and rock records, cassettes and CD's. Send SAE for list: Powerpla Records (Dept K). 262 Winsford Avenue, Allesley Park, Coventry, CV59NB ROCK METAL LATEST IMPORTS. Albums - CD's - singles - 12 rarities etc. SAE for lists to: Grazelda Records, PO Box 731, London SW18 4RD or phone 08 870 5388 CATALOGUE of all available titles on CD, vinyl, tape, video. Imports, promos, pic discs, promo posters, tour shirts, metalware, jewellery and much more. Large SAEl2 IRC's: Disques (K), Northbridge Centre, Elm Street, Burnley, Lancashire BB10 lPD, tel: 028258844

MUSICIANS WANTED BASSIST WANTED for fast trashy Hanoi/Lords influenced Glam Punk band. Image and dedication essential. (081) 444 4827 AMATEUR rhythm guitarist, 21, looking for AMATEUR bass, lead guitarists, drummer to form non serious band. No fancy stuff please! Influences Cult, Metallica, Hendrix, Quo, must live in Merseyside area. Box No K2745





PRIVATE ADVERTISERS DISPLAY ADS cost £ 11.00 per single column cm (minimum ad 3cm deep) This size


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PLEASENOfE -ALL ADS MUST II PREPAID. CHEQUES OR POSTAl; ACCEPTED. ADS GIVEN BY 'PHONE CANIiOT BE ACCEPTED. Allads must anive., ftrst post TIISday 10 appear in •••••••••• HEADING •••••••••••• &1••••••••••• "'1 ••••••••••••••• 0.. ••••••••••••• INuRTlONS "" No of wonIsat a8pi35p ••••••••••••.••••• __ No of wonts (bold) al48p ••.. _..._... NAME ••.-....... ••'••••. _•. '_' ' 111_11'' _ ADDRESS ••••.., •••••••••.... 1 ._•••••••_11_••• _•••••••_•••••••_11I•••••• _•• __

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FOR SALE 2K PA with amps, Dodge Van with P.A. £2300 offers! Can sell separately, contact Julian 0487 831411 anytime



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VOCAUST required for Yorkbased band, gigs/studio waiting.

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DRUMMERS - LARS ULRICH is one of the fastest bass drum players in the world. GIVEN UP trying to playas fast? How about playing EVEN FASTER?! Try VRUK - THE INCREDIBLE NEW BASS DRUM ATTACHMENT, which has AMAZED many top professionals. Phone for free, yes FREE VIDEO (returnable). Talk to Mr Vruk, 081 6982694. Vruk International. PO Box 392, London, SE6

FANZINES PARASITE issue 3 out now features SADISTIC INTENT, THE ATOM SEED, SCANXION. Send 50p plus A5 SAE to: PO Box 103, Romford, RM6 6JW. ISSUES 1 AND 2 AVAILABLE


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WANTED LEAD GUITARIST BASS and VOCALS required by pro minded Death Metal band. Ability and attitude essential. Herts area -o nlv. Phone Vynce on 0442 874825 BASSIST wanted for innovative fusion band, phone Steve (0993) 775730, Oxon

MUSICIANS AVAILABLE LEAD guitarist experienced blues, Van Halen, Vai, influences seeks HR/M band, send your tape/letter Inax, 15A Kingdon Road, W Hampstead, London NW6 1PJ BASS PLAYER, gear, ability, touring experience seeks pro name band. Halen, DLR 0222 862781

WANTED clippings,

CONCERT PROGRAMMES Good prices paid, send lists to: Concert Programmes, 43 Crantock Road, Perry Barr, Birmingham, S143

RECORDS WANTED BUY, SELL & EXCHANGE all your records, tapes, CD's, videos and books - also All Hi-Fl. musical instruments, computers and cameras - NONE REFUSED!! Bring ANY quantity in ANY condition to Music and Video Exchange, 38 Notting Hill Gate, London W11 (Open 7 days lOam8pm. Tel: 071-221 1075). Or send them by post with SAE for cash. Quantities collected ANYWHERE ...

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M625 KISS - Band . £9.95 M607 TEXAS CHAINSAW - Heart Of The South £9.95 M605 AEROSMITH - Boston .. £9.95 M609 SADUS-Swallowed In Black £9.95 USA219THE FRONT -Photos • . £11.95

& '11tud" ~


BOULEVARD #12 - interviews with Magnum, Nelson, Styx, Gregg Giuffria, Blue Tears, Steelheart and more! Fully professionally printed with glossy cover. Available from your local import supplier on request (distributed through Greyhound) or for £1.25 (payable to Boulevard) from: Unit 23, Empress Industrial Estate, Ince, Wigan, Lancashire, WN2 2BG

WrlU·]rl·JZ'lrt. MEDWAY - GILLINGHAM. Sunday 20th Jan. Freemasons Hall, ,Balmoral Rd, Gillingham, Kent. Open 10-4pm. Adm £1, to book stall tel: 081-659 7065. 24-hour answer service available KINGSTON SAT 19TH JAN. Richard Mayo Hall, Town Centre, 10-3pm. P&J Fairs

MILTON KEYNES SUN 27TH JAN - Woughton Leisure Centre - Leadenhall-10-4pm. P&J Fairs

FAN CLUBS KISS CRAZY UK Fan Club approved by KISS. Annual membership £8 (UK). £10 (overseas). Cheques to: Kiss Crazy, Dept K, 41 North Road, London N7 9DP, England

EY SAID it couldn't be done. They said there was No Other Way. An yup, drummer Vikki FoXJ( of Dey-Gk: New Age Metal hippies Enuff Z"Nuff is UNABLE to take the warpaint off. (Pause for respectful-type silence and to watch the Max Factor share price begin a recover once more). So despite rumours that it had to stop, that the band had to move on to a new New Thing, and had (natch) got tired of lookin' like ~ buncha . glf1s-an" here's the picture to prove it (anyway you groove It): they sflll do! HARGH! HARGH! HARGH! So why are we running it? Well, put it this way, would you have . preferred a giant sized pic of ing breakfast? Er, you would? Yeah, come to ihink of it, \so would we ... \


• 'ALLO BOOZERS! You're early - you've caught us sharpenin' our pencils. Ready with the chainsaw Morat? Kick-start that mutha! MMMRRRUNNNNNGGG! Way to go, Mo'! Not a shabby job either on that point, that oughta slice a rock stars miserable hide good 'n' proper. But, erm, couldja maybe make it a touch more jagged ... after we penetrate the flesh we like to give it a good hearty twist - an' we find a rougher edge to be the most effective. MMRRUNGG-UNGG-UNGGGG! Lemme see it now. Hmmm ... ouch! Ooh yeah. Lovely. By the way, boozin' ones, unless it's under strict supervision and professional guidance, we do not recommend you attempt this in the privacy of your own abode ... (stabbin' yer tender pinky with a pencil that is) ...the risk of lead poisonin' is nothin' to be sneezed at. Just look at Micky Wall: he may look perfectly normal (Say what?Confused 'Bar Ed) but when he was a little five-year-old he had to have a pencil surgically removed from his ear! A very nasty business indeed. Which could explain both his behaviour ever since and his taste in music. HARGH! • LET'S MAKE one thing clear right from the start, boozers. If any of you have tuned in to read the filthy FACTS on what happened on New Year's Eve in Tokyo between Bon Jovi and Skid Row - as promised last week - er, you're gonna be disappointed. Because we, er... lied. That's us boozers, complete and utter bastards. HARGH! We'll tell you one day soon, though, and until then here's some dirty laundry ... • JIZZV'S KNICKERS! NO, it's not the new name for Marathon, but the exclamated, loved 'n' hated, sealed 'n' fated, jailed 'n' baited, radiated, imaginated, master ... (That's enough with the rhyming already! - Like It Mean, But Keep It Clean 'Bar Ed) intro to this, urn, 'brief piece. It seeeeeeeems, thus it's a knicker elasticated FAAAAAACT, that Love/Hate frontman Jizzy 'Whiteout In The Wash Room' Pearl has his very own Q undergarment roadie! Yush, oh ~ yush, oh soddin' bleedin' yush! -:; Seen, spied 'n' observed (let's be ii thorough if we're gonna bother) ~ backstage at the band's reshent ii:: Nottingham 'Detroit Eatcha Heart

Out' Rock City show was said roadcrew member, who claimed her name was Taryn, feed in' Jizzy's loathsome lingerie into a washin'machine! But, sayeth we, us and thou; just panties- NO SOCKS!? We-e-ell sippin' siblings, on further, nosey 01' bastard 'Bar type investimigation, we discover the, earth-shatterin' FACTthat Uncle Jizzo - somethin' to do with the odour bein' cool Karma - only washes his footie rags once a month! "So?" as Krusher so biologically pointed out. "What's so strange about that?!" • YET WHAT could be contrived as strange, was the incident that took place onstage that nutty Nottingham night. (Which, incidently, was bein' recorded for a future Radio One 'In Concert') As for some strange reason, known only to the strange and the people who knew, the crowd took it upon their-dear-sweet-selves to chant the band member's individual names. Drummer Joey had already led the way. Bassist Skid slapped his grotty little visage In total disbelief, unhinged his guitar, and in way of salute stagedived into the crazed masses. Jizzy followed suit, but the smart money was sayin' that guitarist Jon E Love was just too fuggin' cool to take part in the frolics, man. Y'know what we're sayin'? Just too open-the-refridgerator-door -an'watch-me-tan cool! Yet fear not, boozers, cos after some hecklin' from his team maters the Fonz-like one finally relented. He handed his six-string thing to a roadie as Skid, bein' the wotta guy kinda guy that he is, took the ciggie from Jon's mouth. Unfortunately, as Mr Love prepared to boldly go - Skid accidentally shoved the fag in the axeman's mince-pie! So poor 01'Jon E-boy nearly blacked-out with a red eye

rockin' 45 to sensationally gatecrash the Numero Uno chart position, but tee-bleedin'-hee - it's also the first Number One smash to pass the censors with ... an erect penis in its cover artwork! Whaddaya mean 'erect penis?!' Don't be coy, boy - you know what we're talkin' about; a hard-on, a boner, a stonkin' big stiffy! And, yush, it's there all right, as plain as the arm on Moral's tattoos! Loud an' most definitely proud (although obviously more apparent on the ... whistle-whistle ... 12"!) to the right of the cover on what could only be described as a, urn, horny little devil!

(Aren't we perhaps overdoing lhesestoopid Love/Hate album title telaledjokes?Enuff's Enuff 'Bar Ed) as he catapulted his bod into the audience! SIiI. ilcoulda been worse, Skid couIdashoved it up his arse an' sent himno orbit! HARGH!HARGH! HARGH! AND ON Ihe shubject of


encounters of the it was a case of SpalThe Hal (axI isn't it nice to have choice!) with axidenlallcind.


(er-:-.a.iiNR!) bISiI-titan Bruce 'FencIng"s DodcIe But Table Soccer"s !' DickInson at

Capitol RldDreshenIIy. Da story goes thai: our man Neil Jeffrieswho mal up with Brucie at the station for a Get Rock On The Radiowaves ranI- was

casually walkin' down a corridor with the chart topper and Blaze Bayley impersonator when the conspicuously juttin' corner of a crotch-level table loomed forebodingly. "Bruce was looking elsewhere and was saying something integrally fascinating when I spotted the table - so I didn't want to interrupt the great man," explained Neil, as he continued positively, "and I thought; he's seen it, no he hasn't, yes he has, no he ... oops!" And 01' Bruce-on-the-Ioose hit his orchestra stalls full-force on the protuberance in question! But, Neil, was this fatal blow perhaps cushioned? Was the master of the lIashin' blade wearin' one of his infamous designer jockstraps? "I couldn't telL .. but it did look a

teensy bit on the painful side. "Hey-y-y!" exclaimed the Deputy Ed of all Deputy Eds, as a premonitionallight flickered in his baby-blues, "I hope you're not considering any of this material for use in those wretched View From The Bar pages!" Well, put it this way, Neil-baby, loose lips sink ships, and you, my friend, dive at fivel HARGH! • SO, TO the story Bruce was actually telling at the time of his, er. .. accident: Got your copy of 'Bring Your Daughter To The Slaughter' handy? Good, now check out the front of the sleeve - just to the right of the Eddie poster on da wall. The quicker amongst you will instantly notice that not only is it the first air-punchin', balls-to-theta ... urn, 'wall'(!), legitimately 'evvy

• SOME HIT 'n' run (no) fun with our old mates the Quireboys in Japan followin' the New Year Bon Jovi gig ... Comparin' notes on this one it appears keyboardist an' Ken Of The Week star Chris Johnstone was actin' like a bit of a pop star outside some club, signin' autographs 'n' stuff, when some fruitcake in a car takes it upon 'imself to propel his vehicle kamikaze-style at Chris! Luckily, Chris escaped with just a painfully busted leg (So what passes for unlucky these days?lWincing 'Bar Ed) and the pilot of the car is safely behind bars. Young Chris is evidently doin' F-I-N-E in hospital. Get well soon, mate, an' don't put too much strain on yer ivory tinklin' pinkies pullin' at them grapes, peelin' them bananas an' gropin' them ... pairs! • HAPPINESS IS a free plug. Nooo, not the kinda girlie delight on Wiggy Reynold's hapless boat when he buys a new hairdryer an' discovers he don't gotta bother whippin' out his screwdriver! We're talkin' freebie publicity! A name check! As in the reshent New York Times piece on the high priestess of baggy fishnets - the Great Kat. While referrin' to Chris 'Why Can't We Have A Live-Gig Rating Below 'Dead'?' Watts' acclaimed Kat feature, the NYT quite accurately described the Big K' as an English Heavy Metal rock magazine, yet considered young Christopher a " ...willing but quickly bemused and abused journalist". Did they say 'journalist'? HARGH! • WELL CURIOUS, don'tcha think, how the reported tentative plans of both Black Sabbath 'n' Sir Ozzy 'imself to work with noted knob twiddler Rick Rubin fell through. Rumour has it, boozin' brethren, that Ricky the Rube would only work with the artists as a single entity: that is as the original Sabs line-up. Out-fuggin'-rageous or what? And man-oh-man ... just wet yer lips an' ponder the mind-fryin' possibilities! • SEE YA 'round, but never square, boozers. An' remember it's only fun until ya break somethin' ...







Kerrang Issue 324  

Courtesy of the web's favourite Classic Rock & Metal Podcast - The 70s, 80s & NOW Subscribe to the show and acc...

Kerrang Issue 324  

Courtesy of the web's favourite Classic Rock & Metal Podcast - The 70s, 80s & NOW Subscribe to the show and acc...