NYU’s Daily Student Newspaper
W A S HI NG TON SQUARE NEWS Vol. 41, No. 86
THURSDAY, OCTOBER 31, 2013
nyunews.com
Bloomberg enters bid for eternal mayor of New York City
University shuts down, villagers pose threat By FRED JONES
NYU announced it is completely shutting down effective Oct. 31 because the collective debt of the university’s students has crossed the $1 billion threshold. Administrators and faculty will meet this afternoon to discuss how to curb student debt and reopen the university. This comes at a time of heightened concern over the impending zombie apocalypse. Key services that will be affected include the distribution of financial aid and scholarships, campus security, academic resources, nearly all dining services and funding for clubs. Unaffected by the shutdown are salaries, loans for administrators and Burger Studio. Funding for NYU 2031 — the university’s plan for expansion in the Village — will not be used to alleviate the crisis as construction plans continue. Students living in residence halls were encouraged by the university to keep their doors locked tonight
SHUTDOWN cont’d on PG. 3
By VELMA DINKLEY
GRAPHIC BY JONATHAN TAN
Werewolf Organization of Lycanthropy Facilitation protests Movember As No-Shave November approaches, the official werewolf organization on campus says the annual movement ignores their year-long excess of hair. They are petitioning Movember in Washington Square Park.
STORY ON PAGE 3
New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg held a press conference yesterday that has shocked the city. “To promote transparency within this city, I need to be completely honest about who I am and who I am becoming,” Bloomberg said at the conference. “I am a vampire.” Bloomberg said he could not keep his secret any longer, but focused on the positives and the changes that will come. He announced the creation of the Transformation to Vampirization campaign, which will begin immediately. “As my TTV campaign launches Oct. 31, it is important that the city starts to accept what’s to come,” Bloomberg said. The first phase of TTV will be a series of subway posters promoting
BLOOMBERG cont’d on PG. 3
Football team zombies Oscars to liven up show with ‘Saw’ traps haunt university By THACKERY BINX
By DEWEY RILEY
John Francis “Chick” Meehan coached the NYU football team for seven successful seasons from 1925 to 1931, ushering in the Golden Age of NYU football. Under his leadership, the Violets won 49 games, drew four and suffered only 15 losses. Knute Rockne of Notre Dame called Meehan “the best football coach in America.” But for Meehan, athletic culture at NYU has suffered ever since the sport was discontinued in 1953 by thenChancellor Henry T. Heald. This Halloween, Meehan, to-
gether with his former players halfback Ken Strong and running back Ed Smith, has risen from the dead with the goal of reviving the NYU football program. There have been multiple reports of the players throwing the ball around in Washington Square Park and terrorizing people in the park between the hours of midnight and 4 a.m. “Ehgrehuhgurrrur,” Strong grunted when asked for a comment about the accusations. In the 60 years since the football team was disbanded,
FOOTBALL continued on PG. 8
If you think the Oscars couldn’t sink lower than having Seth MacFarlane host last year, think again. Next year, as an attempt to bolster struggling ratings, the 86th Academy Awards will have its nominees in all categories — including acting, directing, writing and the visual categories — participate in a fight for survival reminiscent of the “Saw” film series, to be broadcast on live television, Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences spokesperson Tim Burt revealed exclusively to WSN. “After Seth MacFarlane failed to bring the ratings success we had been hoping for, we knew we had to do something especially
groundbreaking,” Burt said. “And the ‘Saw’ movies were popular a few years ago, which is typically how we choose our themes.” The Oscar ceremony will take place on Sunday, March 2, at which point nominees will awaken to find themselves trapped in what Burt described as “a house of horrors, where every step you take could be your last.” Traps are expected to include a chair made of knives, a pit of botox needles and a deadly pendulum. Unlike the fictitious “Hunger Games” competition, the Oscars are allowing for the possibility of multiple winners, depending on who can still hold on to their lives after enduring all of the deadly obstacles. However, Burt warned
that the possibility of nominees killing each other is “not out of the question,” such as a trap that involves “stabbing a man to death so they can find the key hidden in his stomach.” Nominee hopefuls have expressed their excitement over the change in the ceremony’s structure. “I’ve been nominated three times and have never won, so I was starting to think the Oscar voters hated me,” said Leonardo DiCaprio, who critics anticipate being nominated for Martin Scorsese’s “The Wolf of Wall Street.” “But now that they’re just going to throw me in a pit of
OSCARS continued on PG. 5