NYU’s Daily Student Newspaper
W A S HI NG TON SQUARE NEWS Vol. 41, No. 86
THURSDAY, OCTOBER 31, 2013
nyunews.com
Bloomberg enters bid for eternal mayor of New York City
University shuts down, villagers pose threat By FRED JONES
NYU announced it is completely shutting down effective Oct. 31 because the collective debt of the university’s students has crossed the $1 billion threshold. Administrators and faculty will meet this afternoon to discuss how to curb student debt and reopen the university. This comes at a time of heightened concern over the impending zombie apocalypse. Key services that will be affected include the distribution of financial aid and scholarships, campus security, academic resources, nearly all dining services and funding for clubs. Unaffected by the shutdown are salaries, loans for administrators and Burger Studio. Funding for NYU 2031 — the university’s plan for expansion in the Village — will not be used to alleviate the crisis as construction plans continue. Students living in residence halls were encouraged by the university to keep their doors locked tonight
SHUTDOWN cont’d on PG. 3
By VELMA DINKLEY
GRAPHIC BY JONATHAN TAN
Werewolf Organization of Lycanthropy Facilitation protests Movember As No-Shave November approaches, the official werewolf organization on campus says the annual movement ignores their year-long excess of hair. They are petitioning Movember in Washington Square Park.
STORY ON PAGE 3
New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg held a press conference yesterday that has shocked the city. “To promote transparency within this city, I need to be completely honest about who I am and who I am becoming,” Bloomberg said at the conference. “I am a vampire.” Bloomberg said he could not keep his secret any longer, but focused on the positives and the changes that will come. He announced the creation of the Transformation to Vampirization campaign, which will begin immediately. “As my TTV campaign launches Oct. 31, it is important that the city starts to accept what’s to come,” Bloomberg said. The first phase of TTV will be a series of subway posters promoting
BLOOMBERG cont’d on PG. 3
Football team zombies Oscars to liven up show with ‘Saw’ traps haunt university By THACKERY BINX
By DEWEY RILEY
John Francis “Chick” Meehan coached the NYU football team for seven successful seasons from 1925 to 1931, ushering in the Golden Age of NYU football. Under his leadership, the Violets won 49 games, drew four and suffered only 15 losses. Knute Rockne of Notre Dame called Meehan “the best football coach in America.” But for Meehan, athletic culture at NYU has suffered ever since the sport was discontinued in 1953 by thenChancellor Henry T. Heald. This Halloween, Meehan, to-
gether with his former players halfback Ken Strong and running back Ed Smith, has risen from the dead with the goal of reviving the NYU football program. There have been multiple reports of the players throwing the ball around in Washington Square Park and terrorizing people in the park between the hours of midnight and 4 a.m. “Ehgrehuhgurrrur,” Strong grunted when asked for a comment about the accusations. In the 60 years since the football team was disbanded,
FOOTBALL continued on PG. 8
If you think the Oscars couldn’t sink lower than having Seth MacFarlane host last year, think again. Next year, as an attempt to bolster struggling ratings, the 86th Academy Awards will have its nominees in all categories — including acting, directing, writing and the visual categories — participate in a fight for survival reminiscent of the “Saw” film series, to be broadcast on live television, Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences spokesperson Tim Burt revealed exclusively to WSN. “After Seth MacFarlane failed to bring the ratings success we had been hoping for, we knew we had to do something especially
groundbreaking,” Burt said. “And the ‘Saw’ movies were popular a few years ago, which is typically how we choose our themes.” The Oscar ceremony will take place on Sunday, March 2, at which point nominees will awaken to find themselves trapped in what Burt described as “a house of horrors, where every step you take could be your last.” Traps are expected to include a chair made of knives, a pit of botox needles and a deadly pendulum. Unlike the fictitious “Hunger Games” competition, the Oscars are allowing for the possibility of multiple winners, depending on who can still hold on to their lives after enduring all of the deadly obstacles. However, Burt warned
that the possibility of nominees killing each other is “not out of the question,” such as a trap that involves “stabbing a man to death so they can find the key hidden in his stomach.” Nominee hopefuls have expressed their excitement over the change in the ceremony’s structure. “I’ve been nominated three times and have never won, so I was starting to think the Oscar voters hated me,” said Leonardo DiCaprio, who critics anticipate being nominated for Martin Scorsese’s “The Wolf of Wall Street.” “But now that they’re just going to throw me in a pit of
OSCARS continued on PG. 5
2
WASHINGTON SQUARE NEWS | THURSDAY, OCTOBER 31, 2013 | NYUNEWS.COM
ON THE SIDE
COMPILED BY THE
WSN STAFF
WASHINGTON SQUARE NEWS
HAPPY HALLOWEEN FROM THE WSN STAFF
Editor-in-Chief DEAN WINCHESTER Managing Editor
SAM WINCHESTER Web Managing Editor
LUNA LOVEGOOD Creative Director
PHOEBE HALLIWELL Blog Editor
___ Special Issues Director
JACK SKELLINGTON
SENIOR STAFF
news VELMA DINKLEY, DAPHNE BLAKE,
FRED JONES, JR. arts THACKERY BINX features THE HASH-SLINGING SLASHER sports CHUCKY multimedia PUGSLEY ADDAMS copy NOSFERATU social media BUFFY SUMMERS senior editors WILLOW ROSENBERG, XANDER HARRIS, SPIKE, CORDELIA CHASE, HANNIBAL LECTER, ANYA, DRUSILLA
DEPUTY STAFF
news SHAGGY ROGERS, SCRAPPY-DOO,
SCOOBY-DOO books/theater GRAND HIGH WITCH film NORMAN BATES entertainment CARRIE WHITE music MILEY CYRUS the highlighter blog SABRINA SPELLMAN features JANINE MELNITZ beauty & style HECATE dining JASON VORHEES sports LEATHERFACE multimedia STAY PUFT MARSHMALLOW MAN, ZUUL video FREDDY KRUEGER copy THOMAS DEVIL-IN social media SYMONE WILLIAMS
OPINION PAGE opinion editor
ROCKY deputy opinion editors
EDWARD SCISSORHANDS, JACK TORRANCE
ADVERTISING BUSINESS MANAGER
GOMEZ ADDAMS
CIRCULATION MANAGER
WEDNESDAY ADDAMS SALES MANAGER
MORTICIA GOMEZ PROMOTIONS MANAGER
JACK SKELLINGTON UNIVERSITY AND ALUMNI COORDINATOR
GRANDMAMA WEDNESDAY SALES REPRESENTATIVES
HECATE, LURCH ADDAMS
ADVISING DIRECTOR OF OPERATIONS
NANCI HEALY EDITORS-AT-LARGE
RON WEASLEY, HERMIONE GRANGER,HARRY POTTER, OOGEY BOOGEY
CORRECTION In the Wednesday, Oct. 30 print edition, an ad incorrectly ran on the front page advertising the NYU World Tour at the Kimmel Center for University Life as occuring yesterday. In fact, the ad was intended for today, as the event is scheduled for Oct. 31. WSN regrets this error.
GOT AN EVENT? EMAIL US AT AGENDA@NYUNEWS.COM OR TWEET US @NYUNEWS. GOT SOMETHING TO SHARE? EMAIL US AT TIPS@NYUNEWS.COM.
About WSN: Washington Square News (ISSN 15499389) is the student newspaper of New York University. WSN is published Monday through Thursday during NYU’s academic year, except for university holidays, vacations and exam periods. Corrections: WSN is committed to accurate reporting. When we make errors, we do our best to correct them as quickly as possible. If you believe we have erred, contact managing editor Jordan Melendrez at managing@nyunews.com or at 212.998.4302.
NYUNEWS.COM
NYUNEWS.COM | THURSDAY, OCTOBER 31, 2013 | WASHINGTON SQUARE NEWS
BLOOMBERG continued from PG. 1
Bloomberg announces sanguine vampire campaign, re-election vampire acceptance and awareness. The slogans include “No reflection doesn’t mean no soul” and “[Blood] Red is the new Black.” “I think these new posters are the only way to help ease the stigmatization that comes with vampires,” CAS junior Nancy Drew said. “Blood is blood, and people need to get over it.” The second phase of TTV has more long-term implications for the city. Bloomberg announced that he is abolishing term limits and is entering the mayoral race as a third-party candidate on Nov. 5. “What this city needs is consistency,” Bloomberg said. “If I am mayor for a fourth term, I can continue my campaigns and implement 60 more. This is what New Yorkers need. This is what I can provide.” Democratic mayoral candidate and Public Advocate Bill de Blasio
GRAPHIC BY JONATHAN TAN
Despite late entry, Bloomberg is a frontrunner in the election.
held a press conference yesterday evening in which he defended the campaigning he has done so far and the personal impact of Bloomberg’s announcement. “I came home for lunch and my son Dante had shaved his afro in protest of Bloomberg’s campaign,” de Blasio said. “We have been on this campaign trail for months, and we will not give up. It is time for a true leader that is in tune with the people. Bloomberg isn’t even a person.” Republican mayoral candidate and former Metropolitan Transportation Authority chairman Lhota was unavailable for comment, as he was hospitalized for unexplained blood loss. As of press time, Bloomberg was leading the polls. Professor of politics Buffy Summers said this lead is not only unprecedented, but the quick shift was almost supernatural. “Bloomberg’s rise in the polls over the past 24 hours is remarkable,” Summers said. “Whatever force he has driving him whether it’s voters, the political machine, a vampire coalition is quite powerful. I wouldn’t be surprised to see him occupy the office for another 40 or 50 years at least.” Bloomberg’s new campaign video features his family, his fangs and his promise to serve the city forever. Velma Dinkley is the brain of Mystery, Inc. Email her at news@nyunews.com.
SHUTDOWN continued from PG. 1
NYU will not divert funds, students developing cabin fever
as a safety precaution. NYU released a safety alert to students that warned of rowdy Manhattanites attending the Village Halloween parade. “Students are advised to not open up their doors to werewolves, vampires, zombies or Miley Cyrus impersonators,” university spokesperson C.J. Cregg said in an email to students. “Without campus security, it is imperative that students take safety into their own hands. Because of hostility between local residents and the NYU community, there are legitimate reasons to fear for your lives.” There is also growing concern that Greenwich Village residents will team up with the zombies to storm the university. “We have to get them while they’re down,” said Amelia Pickles, the leader of the newly formed Greenwich Residents Against Virtually Everything, which was 400 members strong as of press time. “At midnight on Halloween, we will march on NYU. Bring your pitchforks and your torches.” CAS senior Connor Young fled his room in Second Street resi-
dence hall and is staying with a friend in Gramercy Green residence hall to avoid the fray. They have barricaded themselves in the friend’s room on the 13th floor, but Young said the boredom was starting to drive him insane. “I did not leave the south side [of campus] for this,” Young said. “My friend is in Gallatin, and he keeps talking about his concentration in art from the Antarctic, metaphysical poetry, and the concept of universality with a sub-focus in women’s business studies. I might just join GRAVE at this point.” NYU politics professor Selena Del Monte said the chances of the university reopening were slim. “We’d be better off with Speaker John Boehner negotiating this issue,” Del Monte said. “The administrators will not abandon expansion in favor of reducing student costs. For now, I recommend students try to enjoy the second consecutive Halloween where NYU is effectively shut down, and avoid the undead mob at their doorsteps.” Fred Jones leads Mystery, Inc. Email him at news@nyunews.com.
3
WOLF finds No-Shave November offensive, plans full-moon protest By DEAN WINCHESTER
As another No-Shave November approaches and men around NYU prepare to let their facial hair grow for the entire month, a student organization is howling with anger over how it makes a mockery of their lifestyle. The NYU chapter of the Worldwide Organization of Lycanthropy Facilitation is protesting the annual event to raise awareness for men’s health, saying the movement neglects that werewolves are hairy year-round. “It’s despicable, like they forget we have to go through this every month,” CAS sophomore Scott Howard said. WOLF members said they would be demonstrating in Washington Square Park under the next full moon to inform passersby about the struggles of
lycanthropy. WOLF leader and Stern super senior Larry Talbot said this might be the start of several demonstrations. “The WOLF pack is ready to make this a regular thing,” Talbot said. “Signs have already been made saying ‘Give us a paw’ and ‘Hair is here to stay.’” Talbot did not say how the organization will be able to hold the signs once in wolf form. “It’s a matter of principle, man,” said Tisch junior Daniel Osbourne, a self-proclaimed “wolfer,” as WOLF members prefer to be called. “If they really cared about men’s health they’d try to find a cure for werewolfism,” he said. “Those Movember guys voluntarily attract attention because of their facial hair. We aren’t so lucky.” Howard, who was a star basketball player in high school, said he has endured frequent mockery while
attempting to play as a lycanthrope. “People barely treat us as humans now,” Howard said. “We’re only wolves for a couple days a month. We put on our pants one out of four legs at a time, just like anyone else.” The wolfers meet weekly to discuss ways to combat lycanthropy. However, several non-wolfers have said the meetings do little to dispel werewolf myths. “The food table is always full of raw meat, and the meetings tend to devolve into vampire-bashing sessions,” CAS freshman Xander Harris said. “At the end of the day, it’s all to educate the masses about how, underneath our beautiful manes, we’re just misunderstood,” Talbot said. “And really hungry.” Dean Winchester is one of the best demon hunters in town. Email him at news@nyunews.com.
Ghost whispering concentration inspires Gallatin scholarship By DAPHNE BLAKE
A scholarship fund will be added to the Gallatin School of Individualized Study, aiding students who want to concentrate in ghost whispering. Gallatin alumnus Gordon Melinda donated $666 million and a shovel to create the fund, known as the Whisper Money, after speaking with students about their experiences ghost whispering with the thousands of bodies buried under Washington Square Park. “Gallatin has really neglected a great opportunity by not allowing these students to become ghost
whisperers,” Melinda said. “So much can be learned from the dead.” Melinda added that the shovel is meant to help students dig up corpses if they are inclined to put angered spirits to rest. Bones and gravestones are still being discovered under the park whenever construction occurs. Gallatin sophomore Hillary Casper said her favorite spot in the the park is the Hangman’s Elm tree. “I can really sense the forgotten spirits when I sit under the tree,” Casper said. “I plan to hear all their stories.” The tree is over 300 years old, and over 1,000 spirits have com-
GRAPHIC BY KALEEL MUNROE
The House of Death allows students to directly connect to spirits.
municated with visitors in the area surrounding the tree. The fund will allow Gallatin to rent space in The House of Death on 10th Street for new classes dedicated to ghost whispering. Gallatin professor Frank Stein said he is thrilled to be able to teach in this historic building, known for its phantoms. “I’ve heard that the 22 spirits of those who died there haunt the house,” Stein said. “What better place to teach students how to communicate with the dead?” LS freshman Lizzie McBorden said she wants to transfer to Gallatin so she can take classes in the building. “I know Mark Twain is among the spirits haunting that building,” Borden said. “I would love to be able to communicate with him.” Other students hope to encounter the spirit of Edgar Allan Poe, who is said to haunt Greenwich Village. “I could learn so much from Eddie,” Casper said. “I’m planning to read ‘The Raven’ under the arch tonight in the hopes his spirit will visit.” Daphne Blake is a stylish, red-headed detective with a knack for getting into danger. Email her at news@nyunews.com.
Student sent home for NSA costume By HANNIBAL LECTER Randolph Clayton, a six-year-old living in Brooklyn, was sent home by elementary school administrators for wearing a halloween costume that the school
claimed was “too scary.” Clayton entered the elementary school, Brooklyn Ordained Only, dressed as the NSA. Fellow pupils stated that they found this unnerving and provoked considerable distress in
the faculty. “I was talking to my friend Sarah, and I suddenly thought, [Clayton is] probably listening to our conversation right now,” said Tina Fay, a fellow student in Clayton’s class.
President Barack Obama has denied any knowledge of the costume. Hannibal Lecter likes fava beans with a nice chianti. Email him at news@ nyunews.com.
4
WASHINGTON SQUARE NEWS | THURSDAY, OCTOBER 31, 2013 | NYUNEWS.COM
CHARMS
EDITED BY THE HASH-SLINGING SLASHER FEATURES@NYUNEWS.COM
Student film reveals aliens are currently attacking NYC
By THE HASH-SLINGING SLASHER
Making student films, especia-lly for classes in the Tisch School of the Arts, can be daunting. For Tisch sophomore James Weaver, who submitted a short film of aliens landing on Earth and declaring war, it invoked real terror because the events in his film actually occurred. According to news outlets, social media and anyone looking out the window, it is apparent that alien invaders are conquering New York City and will likely continue on to the rest of the planet, dooming us all.
On Oct. 22, Weaver turned in a video to his Sight and Sound class of himself witnessing an unidentified flying object landing by the Hudson River. A number of tall, dark figures with what appeared to be tusks and webbed hands subsequently chased him through the streets while making vuvuzela-like sounds. The film received high praise from his classmates and professor, who ignored Weaver’s repeated cries of “This isn’t a project!” and “Aliens are invading!” “He seemed really upset about something, even though he got nothing but kind words from the professor,” Tisch sophomore
GRAPHIC BY JONATHAN TAN
Tisch students film alien ships flying over the Hudson River.
Costumes to wear before everyone else By THE GRADY TWINS
For an NYU student, being a cliché is one of the biggest fashion faux pas one can make, even when it comes to Halloween costumes. The best kind of costume is the type no one can identify. Instead of referencing a mainstream pop culture character, recognizable animal or object, dismantle the patriarchy and defy capitalist ideals by sporting the most underground get-ups this holiday.
Man on the Street As you walk home from your Post-Socialist Metaphilosophy class, stop someone you pass on the street for a chat. Attain a deep understanding of their personal history and mode of thinking, then recreate their outfit. When people ask about your costume, explain to them the importance of connecting with the inner beauty of fellow New Yorkers. Be careful not to choose anyone who has been featured by “Humans of New York” — they’re far too well-known. Glass of Ice Water — before it was cool Sometimes the most admired concepts are the ones you experience every day, such as a glass of water. Everyone loves a cool glass
of ice water with their kale salad for lunch, but show your depth by dressing as the water before it was cool. Wear entirely light blue apparel, and be sure to omit any representation of ice cubes.
A Modest Mouse Forget the revealing cat, dog and Walter White costumes your friends are wearing. Be a modest mouse instead. Pair mouse ears with a convent-appropriate grey turtleneck and maxi skirt or pants. Draw a mouse nose and whiskers onto your face, but keep the co-lor palette muted to avoid a burlesque feel. Refrain from any sexual or otherwise illicit activity throughout the festivities. Jimmy Fellini Almost nobody knows about Jimmy Fellini, the vastly underappreciated and talented brother of actor Riccardo and Federico, who is known even to those outside of arts and humanities majors as the director of such influential films as “La Dolce Vita.” Jimmy, however, directed the cult classics, “Il Pesce di Tristezza” and “Amo Ravioli.” Impress your film friends by donning his trademark white shirt and black pants. The Grady Twins are waiting in the Overlook Hotel. Email them at features@nyunews.com.
Grace Bishop said as extraterrestrial blaster fire destroyed the windows behind her, revealing the flashing lights and destruction the aliens were leaving in their wake. “I was pretty mad at first, since not all of us can afford to put such fancy special effects in our films. Come on James, don’t show off.” Bishop admitted she probably owed Weaver something of an apology right before the walls and roof above shook thunderously, leading to a quick evacuation. Professor of film studies Veronica Lambert was disappointed to see Weaver did not complete the assignment properly, despite his pleas that she wasn’t listening and there were more important matters to think about, such as the impending invasion. “We have high standards at the film department here at NYU,” Lambert said. “And it seems very clear to me now that James didn’t make a fiction film, which was the assignment. He simply recorded something ‘cool’ that he saw…” Lambert was unable to finish her sentence as a white light washed over the park bench where she was sitting, lifting her into the air and up into an alien spacecraft.
Weaver, unavailable for comment, was last seen filming a sequel to his film, which involved a towering monster released by the aliens — a horrific half-man and half-goat beast, with a gaping jaw like that of a whale and slender hands ending in long, clawed
talons. Weaver’s classmates are reportedly excited to see the movie if the footage is ever found. The Hash-Slinging Slasher is the subject of a ghost story in “Spongebob Squarepants.” Email him at features@nyunews.com.
NYUNEWS.COM | THURSDAY, OCTOBER 31, 2013 | WASHINGTON SQUARE NEWS
EDITED BY THACKERY BINX ARTS@NYUNEWS.COM
DEFENSE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS
‘Homeland’ star casts spell on audience, career trajectory By CARRIE WHITE
Multi-Emmy and Golden Globe winner. Native New Yorker. Mother. Wife. These are just a few of actress Claire Danes’ many titles. But for the attendees at last night’s 2013 Elle Women in Hollywood gala, this list excludes an essential label — witch. Last night at the Beverly Hills Four Seasons, Danes stood in front of the gala’s many honorees and claimed her success is partially connected to her genes. “My father’s a warlock. So, yeah, I guess you could say that I’m a witch,” she said. The crowd was in a state of utter shock — though to be fair, they were already mesmerized by the brilliance of Danes’ dress she inherited from her grandmother on her father’s side, Glinda Danes. Danes noticed the lasting effect of her dress on the audience and commented on the false impression she’s left on the fashion world. “Sorry guys, I forgot I already put you under a hex so that I could get an ‘A-plus’ in the red-carpet section of The Hollywood Reporter,” Danes
5
said. “I promise, I’m trying to stop.” To the outraged women in the room, Danes tried to appeal. “Talent and luck can only go so far,” she said. “Back in 1995, I left things to chance, and that didn’t get me anywhere.” An audience member wondered what the ramifications of Danes’ confession would be for the current season of “Homeland.” “You won’t remember this by Sunday,” Danes answered with a laugh. “I’ll make sure of it.” But is there any hope for Danes to head back to basics, relying on her talent alone? Apparently not. Danes’ so-called magical life now revolves around breaking impossible awards records and being the best dressed person to have ever attended an Ivy League university. “That Kerry Washington is hot,” Danes exclaimed. “But there is no way I am letting her stand in my way of three consecutive Emmy wins.” When asked about her weekend plans, Danes said she is planning a quiet family vacation for herself, husband Hugh Dancy and their son Cyrus.
“I’m just sick of dragging my broomstick to Salem all the time,” she said. “It’s so historical. Plus, Cyrus needs to learn how to control his powers in a sheltered, loving environment. I’m thinking we’ll actually go to Washington, D.C., for a while. It looks nice on that show I conjured. Plus, I need to feed Mandy Patinkin.” Carrie White is prom queen. Email her at entertainment@nyunews.com.
OSCAR continued from PG. 1
2014 Academy Awards to mix ‘Saw,’ ‘Hunger Games’ into telecast
acid or something, I realize that I actually have a shot.” But not all celebrities are as optimistic about DiCaprio’s survival, including Jennifer Lawrence, who won an Oscar last year for “Silver Linings Playbook” and is predicted to be nominated for David O. Russell’s “American Hustle.” “Leo is so cute, thinking he actually has a shot,” Lawrence said. “If he couldn’t survive ‘Titanic,’ what
makes him think he’ll survive this?” When asked whether she is nervous about the horrors that could await her on the night of the ceremony, Lawrence shrugged. “Nothing is scarier than watching Anne Hathaway and James Franco try to host the Oscars,” she said. Thackery Binx is a talking black cat who is alive for all of eternity. Email him at film@nyunews.com.
GRAPHIC BY JONATHAN TAN
Danes uses witchcraft to charm as Carrie Mathison. GRAPHIC BY JONATHAN TAN
The introduction of numerous “Saw”-style traps are intended to boost ratings for next year’s Academy Awards.
Student film details horrors of Brooklyn By NORMAN BATES
The case of three missing Tisch sophomore film students who mysteriously vanished in 2011 resurfaced today, taking a surprising turn when a videotape recorded by the survivors was found in a cemetery in Bushwick. Upon watching the tape, authorities learned that the Tisch sophomores, Jeff Jefferson, Kelly Kellyson and Bob Bobson, went missing after traveling to Brooklyn for a film project for their Sight and Sound studio class. “I’ve never been to Brooklyn before,” Jefferson said at the beginning of the tape. “But I bet the setting is going to make for, like, a totally creepy movie. Like Kubrick, you know?” Although authorities offered few details, the videotape allegedly documents the three students becoming trapped in a cycle of horrific events. “Oh my God. What the hell is that?” Kellyson screamed upon the sight of the short G train. The three students became noticeably distressed while trying to navigate a series of lettered avenues. Forty-five minutes into the
film, Bobson angrily threw the tripod and lighting equipment into the Gowanus Canal. However, the most horrifying moment for the students was when they realized that they were walking in a loop, encountering the same bearded, skinny jean-toting man and thick glassesdonning girl 100 times in a row. At one point, the students stumbled upon the Polytechnic Institute of NYU. “What is this place?” Kellyson shrieked before all three ran away in horror. About 60 minutes into the videotape, a sobbing Kellyson turned to the camera and said, “I want to apologize to my parents, and Jeff’s parents, and Bob’s parents. If we knew that this is what a $60,000 tuition and film degree entailed, we would’ve just skipped college entirely.” Authorities commented that they didn’t finish watching the film; not because it was scary, but because “the shaky cam style was making us throw up.” Norman Bates is the creepy owner of Bates Motel. Email him at film@nyunews.com.
6
WASHINGTON SQUARE NEWS | THURSDAY, OCTOBER 31, 2013 | NYUNEWS.COM
THE STORIES MAY BE FAKE, BUT THE ADS ARE REAL! HAPPY HALLOWEEN FROM WSN
The New York Times Syndication Sales Corporation 620 Eighth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10018 For Information Call: 1-800-972-3550 For Release Thursday, October 31, 2013
THE NEW YORK TIMES CROSSWORD & DAILY SUDOKU Crossword ACROSS 1 It has a red stripe in pool 5 A gross 10 50% 14 Modern pentathlon event 15 Fuming 16 Potential solution 17 Blue-eyed pet 19 Former carfinancing co. 20 It sticks out in some joints 21 Neat 23 See 18-Down 25 Not obvious 26 Earned 28 “Slow Churned” brand 31 “___ durn tootin’!” 32 With 29-Down, “golden treasure” in a Bilbo Baggins riddle 33 Wild scenes 35 Bob in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame
39 Neatnik’s opposite 41 Instrument that hints at the missing parts of certain answers in this puzzle 43 ___ Fayed, last romantic partner of Princess Diana 44 Kind of sax 46 Down Under climber 48 Certain shoe shade 49 Cutesy-wutesy affection 51 Oil container 52 Texter’s exclamation 53 Part of the British Isles, poetically 56 Thickness measures 58 Darth Vader locale 61 Dance reminiscent of a horse’s gait 64 Business opening?
ANSWER TO PREVIOUS PUZZLE E T H A N S
B O T T O M L A N A D E N S O D
L I N E
B R O N C O
I M A X
T H R U
T I D E O P E R W A T E D E B S R U M E S O A D G R A M N T S A E D T A B O T E R S E R E N I A D E D
S S R A P T T E S U P B I T O E J H A I N D O
A I R S U P P L Y D A R T S
S M E A R
S E C R E T
S U G E A S L E I D T E R S I
A L O U
I D O L
B U S S E R V I C E
S P K E I N E N A M O R
L A K E
T O T E M S
65 Play that was the basis for “Cabaret” 67 Caroling time 68 “30 Rock” character, or the first name of his portrayer 69 Look intently 70 Sailors’ domain 71 Like a die 72 Fin DOWN 1 Annual Car and Driver list 2 “… baked in ___” 3 Using for support 4 Car that leaves you with a sour taste? 5 Slam 6 Some tram loads 7 Galifianakis of “The Hangover” 8 Amazon business 9 Take-home 10 Colleges and universities, informally 11 Marketing pro 12 Vaulted 13 Acid-burned Bat-villain 18 With 23-Across, sign, as a contract 22 Marie et Thérèse: Abbr. 24 Like much of Horace’s poetry 26 Popular women’s shoe seller 27 Check out 29 See 32-Across 30 Left the bench, say 34 Appendectomy memento
Edited by Will Shortz 1
2
3
4
5
14
7
8
9
10
15
17
28
32 40
44
29
30
53
37
38
62
63
31 34
41 45
49
36
25
33
39
13
22
24
27
12
19 21
23
11
16
18
20
26
6
No. 0926
35 42
46 50
54
47
48
51
52
55
58
43
56 59
60
57 61
64
65
66
67
68
69
70
71
72
PUZZLE BY TOM PEPPER AND VICTOR BAROCAS
36 Drift off 37 Cheese with a red coat 38 Like some circuses 40 Western party wear 42 Model/TV host Heidi
45 “Whither thou goest, I will go” speaker 47 Guadalajara girlfriend 50 Calls on 53 Transition 54 Head nurse on “Scrubs” 55 Creator of Asteroids
57 Lanterns, e.g. 58 Length of a Beatles “week” 59 In ___ rush 60 Hustle 62 Twistable treat 63 Like barbershop harmony 66 Dancer Charisse
For answers, call 1-900-285-5656, $1.49 a minute; or, with a credit card, 1-800-814-5554. Annual subscriptions are available for the best of Sunday crosswords from the last 50 years: 1-888-7-ACROSS. AT&T users: Text NYTX to 386 to download puzzles, or visit nytimes.com/mobilexword for more information. Online subscriptions: Today’s puzzle and more than 2,000 past puzzles, nytimes.com/crosswords ($39.95 a year). Share tips: nytimes.com/wordplay. Crosswords for young solvers: nytimes.com/learning/xwords.
NYUNEWS.COM | THURSDAY, OCTOBER 31, 2013 | WASHINGTON SQUARE NEWS
DIVINATION
EDITED BY ROCKY OPINION@NYUNEWS.COM
TRICK
Tea Party film shows frightful side of government By JACK TORRANCE Yesterday, the Tea Party became the first political caucus to produce, write and direct their own feature length film. One faction within one house within one branch of government took it upon themselves to release “Obamascare: The Wave of Socialist Terror that Will Destroy America.” They have proved how productive the Tea Party can actually be when they’re not distracted by the pesky job of being elected representatives. Despite its lofty ambitions, the film met a somewhat hesitant reception at the box office, and is expected to only appeal to an increasingly smaller proportion of the country. Perhaps the film was a little too intense for the politically responsible. Admittedly, the film’s plot can be confusing at points. The opening shot is a panoramic view of a devastated and burning structure built on sand — a place the audience will later come to know as The People’s Hospital. The camera descends through layers of fogs to the hospital’s entrance where doctors beg in the hallways with signs reading, “I might as well be unemployed now,” and “I didn’t
go to medical school for this.” Around the corner, illuminated by neon signs, is the epicenter of the films horror — President Barack Obama’s infamous death panels. Some critics did take some umbridge with the fictitious aspects of the two-hour horror show. Both The New York Times and The Guardian used the adjective “offensive,” in reference to scenes of patients being examined by a larger-than-life, malevolent looking Uncle Sam snapping on rubber gloves and playing with a specula. Moreover, some have suggested that scenes in which Obama signs mandates to carry out federally funded abortions, or images of the elderly being subjected to mandatory euthanasia, are slightly exaggerated and perhaps a little disingenuous. Halfway through the film, The People’s Hospital slowly starts to sink into the sand. Patients run in terror
away from the Uncle Sam doctors, as the structure’s foundations begin to snap. The camera zooms in on a small group of people dressed in old coats, loose trousers and straw hats decorated with dangling tea bags. The second part of the film follows this group of men and women as they descend into Washington, D.C. The nation’s capital has become overrun with the tyranny of social welfare programs and raised taxes. Critics questioned, as the camera centers in on a flagpole, why the stars on the American flag were replaced with a hammer and sickle. But they felt it was better to accept it as part of an altogether surreal cinematic experience. Film enthusiasts will leave their neighborhood cinemas this weekend with a few questions. Why do they think Obama is a Muslim? Why do they keep talking about his birth certificate? There is no way they think he’s neo-Leninist, right? One thing remains for sure though. The film was terrifying. Jack Torrance is an alcoholic who goes crazy while maintaining the Overlook Hotel in Colorado. Email him at opinion@nyunews.com.
TREAT
Americans have lost sight of Halloween meaning By ROCKY
Americans have lost sight of the true meaning of Halloween. Today, Halloween evokes images of costumes and candy, haunted houses and hayrides, friends and fun. With $2.6 billion expected to be spent on costumes and $2.08 billion on candy for the holiday, it is clear Americans have lost sight of the true meaning of All Hallow’s Eve — worshiping the dead. A recent Pew poll reveals 93 percent of children ages 5 to 10 believe Halloween is about having fun and eating candy with their friends. That statistic is heartbreaking. It seems that an increasing number of kids have not been taught that Halloween is really about venerating the dead, glorifying their evil spirits and then performing a witch ceremony to incur black magic and other demonic powers. The report cited that 80 percent of toddlers consider Halloween their favorite holiday. But when asked what the witching hour was, only 1 percent of respondents knew it is the time in which spawns of the dead feed off hu-
SUBMITTING TO
7
man flesh and offer a blood sacrifice to demons. This kind of secularization of Halloween as just a so-called fun holiday for dressing up is the direct result of two distinct societal failures. The first of these failures falls on modern day parents, who have not educated their children about the traditions of Hallow’s eve. A Gallup survey last week revealed 92 percent of children did not know that the purpose of wearing costumes is to appease the undead. Responses such as “because it’s fun” show a perpetuating ignorance in the United States about the celebration of Halloween. It used to be about getting together with your tribe or clan, huddling around a bonfire and performing witchcraft in the hopes of exalting lost souls from their graves. It used
to be about what really mattered. This tight-knit idolization of the dead has been virtually erased in modern American culture. And that is because of a second failure I mentioned, which is the mass media’s commodification of Halloween. For too long television and online programming have reduced ghosts and goblins to mere decor pieces for a Halloween party, rather than apparitions who roam the Earth at midnight after a hard-won hundred of years of evil-praising incantations. This Halloween, take a moment and ask a friend what the holiday means to them. I can almost guarantee they won’t mention anything about certain ethnic groups coming together to celebrate the dead, evoking phantom spirits and using mystical powers to raise the souls of evil forces. Halloween must return to a time of dead-worship. How much longer will we let it remain a secular holiday where kids go out with their friends and families to have fun? Rocky is Dr. Frank N. Furter’s creation. Email her at opinion@nyunews.com.
STAFF EDITORIAL
Halloween 2013 cannot beat last year’s fright
The WSN Council of Editors has sadly come to realize that this year’s Halloween will not match the frightfulness of last year’s. Despite valiant efforts on the part of students who try every year to outdo previous Halloween celebrations, last year blew everyone out of the water when a hurricane ripped through the Eastern seaboard, damaging billions of dollars worth of infrastructure and displacing thousands from their homes. Today, the NYU campus is stormy — but not in a meteorological sense. A desperate student was seen today screaming at a cloudless sky. CAS junior Noah Fisher commented, “Unless the entire lower half of Manhattan is blacked out for at least two weeks this year, Halloween won’t be as scary. It just won’t be the same.” Stern sophomore Diana Moses reiterated the sentiment. “This year, I’m wearing a blindfold and my friend is carrying around an industrial fan and buckets of water to dump on me while I go trick or treating, just so I can feel as scared,” she said. Misguided attempts by NYU students to change the weather won’t amount to anything. Just months ago, U.S. News and World Report ranked NYU students first in the nation for their “ability to generate a ruckus about issues they are wholly unqualified to diagnose.” No matter how many times they fill up their bathtubs with water, the most terrifying Halloween isn’t coming back. Sleeping on the floor of the Kimmel Center for Student Life will not have the same appeal this year, and neither will taking cold showers in the Palladium Athletic Facility. Unfortunately, it will be almost impossible to relive the fear of walking 17 blocks, in the almost pitch black, with no traffic signals. NYU students should also not expect random strangers to open up their homes, electrical outlets and toilet facilities. Huddling inside a local Starbucks for Wi-Fi also will not occur this year — or possibly ever again. With the subways up and running, electricity mostly restored and water flowing underground, this year’s Halloween will not be as chilling. While we encourage NYU students to make the most of the mild breeze and possible drizzle today, we also warn them to lower their expectations for a frightening night. This year, the terror won’t come to you from across the Atlantic, so you’ll have to make do.
Email the WSN Council of Editors at editboard@nyunews.com. EDITORIAL BOARD: Rocky (Chair), Edward Scissorhands (Co-chair), Jack Torrance (Co-chair), Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde, Bride of Frankenstein, Frankenstein’s Monster, Dracula, The Invisible Man
Send mail to: 838 Broadway, Fifth Floor New York, N.Y. 10003 or email: opinion@nyunews.com WSN welcomes letters to the editor, opinion pieces and articles relevant to the NYU community, or in response to articles. Letters should be less than 450 words. All submissions must be typed or emailed and must include the author’s name, address and phone number. Members of the NYU community must include a year and school or job title.
WSN does not print unsigned letters or editorials. WSN reserves the right to reject any submission and edit accepted submissions in any and all ways. With the exception of the staff editorial, opinions expressed on the editorial pages are not necessarily those of WSN, and our publication of opinions is not an endorsement of them.
8
NYUNEWS.COM | THURSDAY, OCTOBER 31, 2013 | WASHINGTON SQUARE NEWS
QUIDDITCH
EDITED BY CHUCKY SPORTS@NYUNEWS.COM
FOOTBALL continued from PG. 1
Football zombies plan to return program to former prominence in university
varsity sports have slipped off the radar. These days, academics before athletics is a phrase often heard bouncing off the walls of the Coles Sports Center. In its heyday, NYU teams played to full-capacity crowds in Yankee Stadium and were famous for gaudy uniforms, precision drills and military huddles. According to Meehan’s New York Times obituary, to promote additional color he had cannons shot off after every NYU score. “No football,” Meehan said. “NYU no strong.” The NYU football program ground to a halt in 1942 when the football season was suspended because of the economic pressure and loss of personnel caused by the United States’ entry into World War II. When the program started again in 1944, it was an uphill battle to regain the power and prestige the program once had. “We sad when program stop,” Strong said.
Smith was drafted in the third round of the 1936 NFL Draft and played for the Boston Redskins and Green Bay Packers. During the 1935 football season, Smith posed for the Heisman Trophy study with the nowiconic straight arm. He died in 1998. Meehan, Strong and Smith have declared they will not eternally rest until their onceproud program has returned to prominence. They will continue to haunt the students of NYU and the administration, especially athletic director Chris Bledsoe, as they still blame the athletic department for the loss of their team. They have also demanded for the university to schedule a football game where the deceased players will perform Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” dance at halftime. “Me want ‘Thriller,’” Smith said. There is no telling how he knows of the song. Dewey Riley is deputy sheriff of Woodsboro. Email him at sports@nyunews.com.
INFORMING YOU FIRST
NYUNEWS.COM