NYU’s Daily Student Newspaper
WASHINGTON SQUARE NEWS Vol. 41, No. 30
MONDAY, APRIL 1, 2013
Insomnia Cookies crumbled by Bloomberg By MAEBY FÜNKE
New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg announced his latest health campaign targeting the notorious freshman 15 weight gain among college students. The new legislation will restrict operating hours of Insomnia Cookies — a popular source of late-night snacking among NYU students — and prevent other stores from selling snacks to college students from 11 p.m. to 4 a.m. “The freshman 15 is a legitimate concern of this administration. We have many colleges in the area, and we need to make sure that they are aware of the health implications of their snacking habits,” Bloomberg said in a press conference on Monday. “We have an obligation to ban things that are not good for your health.” The mayor has recently identified several health hazards: large sodas, salt, cigarettes, hospital food and loud earphones. But some argue that this initiative most directly targets college students. “The mayor is simply looking out for the health and well-being of New Yorkers,” said Jo Frost, Bloomberg’s chief health adviser. Coupled with the recent initiative is a social media and poster campaign, paid for by $10 mil-
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Jennifer Lawrence announced as most adorable commencement speaker for class of 2013 By SETH COHEN
Following months of intense speculation, NYU spokesman CJ Cregg announced yesterday that Oscar-winning actress Jennifer Lawrence would be the speaker at commencement for the class of 2013. “It was an exhaustive selection process,” Cregg said in an official statement. “We narrowed down a list of several dozen nominees at the top of their fields, but we kept return-
ing to one name: J-Law. “And I mean, c’mon, she was adorable at the Oscars,” she said. Lawrence, known for her star-turning roles in the television series “Monk” and Mel Gibson’s feature film “The Beaver,” seemed like an obvious choice, according to a survey of every male member of the NYU community. “Clearly you would want a speaker of your age, someone who hasn’t had to go to college, to tell you how life really
is,” said Gallatin sophomore Dakota Fanning. Cregg also said Lawrence was not the university’s first choice. “We originally planned to have every possible option fight in Washington Square Park for the honor,” Cregg said. “Robert De Niro, a real New Yorker, was our first choice,” she said. “But, when we had the entire cast of ‘Silver Linings Playbook’ present to interview, and she shot
LAWRENCE continued on PG. 3
BOBSTer Egg Hunt reveals true NYU expansion plans
GRAPHIC BY BEYONCÉ KNOWLES/WSN
Lawrence promised to giggle at least twice in her speech.
CHUCK KUAN/WSN
With Information provided only by an anonymous Facebook page, the first annual BOBSTer Egg Hunt took a turn for the strange. The eggs, which were presumably filled with candy, turned out to actually contain full, comprehensive plans for NYU President John Sexton’s 2031 plan.
COOKIES continued on PG. 3
INSIDE THIS ISSUE: STRUGGLES WITH SECESSION:
After impatience during a vote of no confidence, the Stern School of Business plans to secede from NYU. COURTESY OF NYU
SECEDE on PG. 4
NO CONFIDENCE IN EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
In a mutinous statement, the editorial board reveals reasons behind the WSN no-confidence vote. HOUSE on PG. 7
Sexton replaces Leno on ‘Tonight Show’ By MALCOLM REYNOLDS
NYU President John Sexton has been selected from a highly competitive field of candidates to replace Jay Leno on “The Tonight Show,” NBC announced today. “The problem with Leno is that much of America sees him as a conceited and rapidly aging irrelevant celebrity who is costing far more money than he is worth,” an NBC spokesperson said. “We’re convinced that Sexton’s youth and reputation for financial restraint make him a perfect replacement.” However, the move hasn’t been met with the same level of adulation by others at NBC. One NBC
executive, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, took a far less rosy view of Sexton’s appointment. “We shot a screen test with him, and it was a disaster,” the executive said. “It was like he had to hug everyone in the room before he could even begin his opening monologue. And then the monologue began, and he just started rambling on about baseball. He still wasn’t done 20 minutes later.” Sexton’s plans to change the form of “The Tonight Show” have also been met with criticism. The host plans to turn the show into a global franchise at enormous cost to shareholders, starting with “The Tonight Show Abu Dhabi,”
premiering this September. Early projections indicate the program will draw in literally a dozen viewers, making it one of NBC’s top-rated programs. Sexton spoke in defense of the scheme at a press conference this morning. “It’s important that we keep moving forward and make sure that we can adapt to a rapidly changing world,” he said. Sexton then disappeared before anyone could ask him what his statement meant. Malcolm Reynolds is captain of the Serenity. Email him at arts@nyunews.com.
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WASHINGTON SQUARE NEWS | MONDAY, APRIL 1, 2013 | NYUNEWS.COM
ON THE SIDE HAPPY APRIL FOOL’S FROM THE WSN STAFF
COMPILED BY THE
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WHITNEY CUMMINGS, JUANITA LOPEZ, OLIVIA POPE, ZACHARY MORRIS, BLAIR WALDORF, THE DOCTOR About WSN: Washington Square News (ISSN 15499389) is the student newspaper of New York University. WSN is published Monday through Thursday during NYU’s academic year, except for university holidays, vacations and exam periods. Corrections: WSN is committed to accurate reporting. When we make errors, we do our best to correct them as quickly as possible. If you believe we have erred, contact managing editor Amy Zhang at managing@nyunews.com or at 212.998.4302.
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COOKIES continued from PG. 1
For freshman 15 prevention, late-night snacks banned
lion of the mayor’s personal funds, to inform students of the dangers of their late-night snacking. Posters include before and after photos of college freshmen with quotes such as “Insomnia should not result in cookies” and “You don’t need pizza to fuel your studying.” The posters will be placed in subway stations near college campuses. Tisch sophomore Hannah Horvath said the posters were extremely offensive and has started a petition to block the legislation. “Not all college students gain weight during college,” Horvath said. “There are ways to encourage healthy eating and exercise without such a restrictive ban and stigmatizing poster campaign.” CAS freshman Edmundo Villaro was upset that he might no longer be able to order Insomnia Cookies for late-night study sessions with friends,
something he viewed as a social activity rather than a health concern. “Late-night snacking is not the biggest problem in New York City,” Villaro. “Health is important, but I’m not sure why the mayor is spending so much time and money on this specific issue.” Part of Bloomberg’s legislation will require NYU students caught with late-night goodies to give them away to homeless people, as a response to criticism over the mayor’s homeless shelter policies. The New York Police Department has hinted at plans to use the stop-andfrisk policy to enforce this ban. The bill will be presented to the New York City Council on Monday and a vote will take place this week. Maeby Fünke is a cousin/film producer. Email her at cstate@nyunews.com.
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NYU seeks South Pole campus By PENELOPE GARCIA
On Friday, March 29, NYU President John Sexton announced plans to place the next NYU portal campus in Antarctica. With the completion of this campus, NYU will have locations on every continent. “It has been my goal to expand throughout the whole world,” Sexton said in a press release. “Now we will be able to say we are present on all seven continents.” The campus will be located in the Australian-owned region of Antarc-
Class of 2017 looks forward to living like ‘Girls’ characters By KENNETH PARCELL
New legislation has stemmed from serious concerns over the freshman 15.
tica, as the United States does not own a region of the continent. Prime Minister of Australia Julia Gillard expressed the country’s approval of the NYU expansion plan. “With the success of NYU Sydney, we are pleased to work with NYU again to welcome students to Antarctica,” Gillard said in a press release. The campus is intended to open for the fall semester of 2015, with the application process opening in 2014. Students will have the option to study abroad in Antarctica for a semester or a full year. While the weather may concern
GRAPHIC BY BEYONCÉ KNOWLES/WSN
NYU Antarctica anticipates a warm welcome in the South Pole.
some students, NYU spokesman John Beckman assured students that the campus will provide all necessities to live safely in such a cold environment. “The campus will be similar to the scientific bases that are occupied year round,” Beckman said. “Additionally, the summer in Antarctica occurs between November and April.” The fall semester would start just before the Antarctic summer and the spring semester would end right after. Professor of environmental studies Jennifer Jacquet recognized the research opportunities that Antarctica offers. “Students studying marine biology, geology, climatology or other related fields should strongly consider advancing their research at this location,” Jacquet said. Critics of the NYU Global Network University question how the university can afford to put a campus in Antarctica. “Sexton has not made it clear how NYU will pay for another campus,” said Rebecca Karl, an associate professor of East Asian studies and history. “We cannot keep expanding when we still have problems to fix here in New York City.” Tisch sophomore Hannah Horvath is also skeptical of the reasoning behind building the campus. “I think this is simply a pride booster for Sexton,” Horvath said. “He just wants to say he has conquered the whole world.” However, Gallatin freshman Sarah Bell said the Antarctic campus would offer a unique experience. “Antarctica is vastly different from any of the other abroad locations,” Bell said. “Where else can you live alongside penguins?” Penelope Garcia is a technical analyst. Email her at investigative@nyunews.com.
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NYU sent acceptance letters to the potential members of the class of 2017 last week. The newly accepted students — among them Disney Channel stars, ruthless business impresarios and those claiming to be “the next Ang Lee or at least the next M. Night Shyamalan” — will have until May 1 to decide whether they will be attending NYU in the fall. “I’m still waiting for the details of my financial aid to be finalized before making a decision,” said Justin Spears, who was accepted to the Stern School of Business. “The university’s historic generosity has made me optimistic.” Other high school seniors have already made the decision to attend NYU in the fall. “I applied to the Gallatin School of Individualized Study because it’s the only school I could think of that would allow me to pursue my wide variety of interests,” said incoming freshman Mark Markson. “So when I was accepted instead into the Liberal Studies Program, I thought, ‘This definitely makes sense.’ The decision process was a breeze.” An unprecedented number of the accepted students expressed their desire to opt out of freshman housing. Eva Morales, who was accepted to the Tisch School of the Arts, will live in Brooklyn. “From what I hear, NYU is basically like ‘Girls,’ so I’ll be living in Greenpoint,” Morales said. “I’ll still have a meal plan because of the
Hayden dining hall cookies and Palladium brunches.” Some admitted students revealed their excitement over the academic options the university offers. “I know I’ll take Writing the Essay linked with Texts and Ideas for first semester,” said Pedro Juanes, who was recently admitted to the College of Arts and Science. “Thankfully, I have no AP credits transferring, so I will be able to take all of the courses in the Morse Academic Plan.” Members of the class of 2017 are aware of the recent news about the no-confidence vote concerning NYU President John Sexton and the lack of transparency in university governance. “Like most American universities, NYU is coming under fire for sketchy governance, shoddy plans to take over a geographic area and financial misconduct,” Markson said. “But I don’t really see any reason to complain. All press is good press, and I certainly don’t see Columbia University in the news for anything other than Nutella.” “I won’t even be living in the Village, so I could care less about what NYU builds there,” Morales said. “I assume that, by 2031, NYU and Columbia’s expansions will have met somewhere around Times Square, and the two universities will fuse, which will only increase the value of my degree.” Kenneth Parcell is an NBC page. Email him at university@nyunews.com.
LAWRENCE continued from PG. 1
Lawrence graduation choice unites NYU like never before
up from her seat to exclaim ‘I volunteer as speaker,’ there really was no other choice.” When reached for comment, Lawrence would only giggle to a WSN reporter for 10 minutes on the phone. Her response delighted the writer to such an extent that he failed to ask a follow-up question. NYU students took to Facebook to create a new “Jennifer Lawrence for NYU” fan page, which has since garnered over 20,000 likes. As the university’s most popular student-made Facebook page, it has been used as a gathering place for students to make Lawrence-related graduation plans. “Students from the costume design department are planning to wear Mystique-
like prosthetics,” said Tisch sophomore Hannah Horvath. The page’s most popular post is a growing list of students planning to ask Lawrence out on a date as they receive their diplomas. The word “No” is expected to be said by Lawrence at least 20,000 times on graduation day. Seth Cohen is an emo teenager who is from the O.C. Email him at editor@nyunews.com.
I’M SO EXCITED, LOL
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WASHINGTON SQUARE NEWS | MONDAY, APRIL 1, 2013 | NYUNEWS.COM
FEATURES
EDITED BY PAM BEASLEY FEATURES@NYUNEWS.COM
Stern to secede from NYU, professors unite accounting prowess By TROY BARNES
After approximately 10 minutes of heated debate between faculty members, the Stern School of Business has decided to secede from NYU in a manner similar to the secession of the Wharton School of Business from the University of Pennsylvania. “Originally, it was just going to be a vote of no confidence for NYU President John Sexton,” said Stern board member Chase Sachs. “But then right as we were about to vote, I just went right out and said, ‘Ok, is there anyone here who actually wants to do this?’ I heard groans from the board. Then I said, ‘Let’s not waste any-
one’s time then, who wants to secede?’ and everyone cheered.” The secession is effective immediately. Stern professors are encouraging students to turn their accounting skills into powerful weapons for the separation from NYU. Sexton was alerted to the decision after a mysterious package was delivered to his home. Enclosed in the stiff manila folder was a USB drive containing a detailed Powerpoint presentation about NYU’s projected revenue in the coming decade once the secession is complete. “We decided to go all out in making it a truly threatening PowerPoint,” said Morgan Lynch, professor of finance at Stern. “For our final graph, we made the pro-
COURTESY OF NYU
Stern plans to secede from NYU and sever economic connections.
jected revenue axis red, and the time axis a bold jet black. It sends a message.” The biggest difficulty so far, according to a survey of professors, has been convincing the Stern undergraduate population to actually cooperate with each other. “With the Stern curve driving so many of them to fight tooth and nail against each other, it’s really a new concept for them to work together for the first time,” said Stanley Goldman, assistant professor of marketing. Without any of the creative minds in the Tisch School of the Arts to assist them, the best slogan Stern have come up with so far is “We mean business,” which beat the second-place choice, “We are very Stern about leaving this institution.” Despite these difficulties, members of the Stern community remain confident about the secession, stating that whatever happens over the next few months, they can probably afford it. “I’m really glad this is finally happening,” said Stern senior Alex Jones. “I’d always had this feeling that we were just better than everyone else, so it’s nice to see it finally turn into a reality.” Troy Barnes is a former football star and current Trobed member. Email him at features@nyunews.com.
WHAT’S IN YOUR CLOSET, JOAN TORCH? By BAY KENNISH CAS senior Joan Torch is like any NYU student: she eats mediocre dining hall food, waits impatiently for the elevators at the Silver Center and writes her essays the night before the deadline. But when it comes to her sense of style, she is far from normal. As she peels off her cream-colored Gap cardigan, the unique fashionista shares the special pieces in her closet. Torch first boasts of her burnt orange cable knit sweater. “I absolutely love this one,” she said. “I got it at a Black Friday sale at Old Navy. It goes so well with my blue skinny jeans from Urban Outfitters. Urban is probably where I shop the most now.” Torch is most certainly a risk-taker — she can often be seen wearing a big, cozy sweater over a flannel shirt. Torch also spilled the contents of her unique, eye-catching bag, a patterned tote from Forever 21. She frequently carries cherry-flavored chapstick, along with a black Moleskine notebook she uses as a planner. A set of black, blue and red BIC pens, keys to her apartment, her NYU ID and a Hello Kitty wallet from Target all describe the fantastic, innovative style of this psychology major. In addition to being an important trend-setter, Torch is an active member
of the NYU community. “I frequently post on the NYU Secrets Facebook page,” Torch said. “I’m on it several times a day, and send in submissions almost weekly. It makes me feel good that I can contribute to the community of our university.” Be on the lookout for this eccentric, stylish individual. She will continue to mesmerize our campus this spring — a season Torch plans to rock in her red Converse sneakers and unconventional floral print dress from H&M. Bay Kennish was switched at birth. Email her at bstyle@nyunews.com.
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Torch chooses clothing that makes her stand out from the crowd.
Upscale dining coming to Weinstein, Rubin By DONNA MEAGLE
Proving again to be the utmost innovator, CampusDish unveiled two new dining developments: the opening of a rooftop buffet service atop Weinstein residence hall called the Weinstein Bistro (Roofstein), and the demolition of Rubin dining hall whose space will be replaced with student favorites Panda Express, Jamba Juice, brunch catering services from The Waldorf Astoria Hotel’s Peacock Alley and Le Bernardin. Weinstein residence hall is already home to the Weinstein dining hall and food court, which serve up concoctions by Quiznos and Chick-fil-A as well as healthy salads and frozen yogurt. Bistro menu items will include dishes such as butternut squash gnocchi and foie gras torchon. The décor of the dining space reflects that of a homey and earthy garden; terracotta pots will line the outdoor space, and students will be seated at candlelit wicker tables after sunset. Students will also have the opportunity to experience diverse dishes in the newly renovated dining space in Rubin Hall — delectable items such as fruit smoothies from Jamba Juice and orange chicken from Panda Express will be within easy reach. Sumptuous Sunday brunch from Peacock Alley
COURTESY OF THE PALM
Students will enjoy fine dining at new facilities. will also be catered in this new space, and students can browse the omelete, smoked fish, caviar and carving stations. Owen Moore, director of dining services, has been an integral figure in this project. “Students should be able to sample the most incredible cuisines with a single meal swipe,” he said. “These dining hall additions are truly inspiring to the stomach and to the mind.” Tisch sophomore Hannah Horvath said in the press release, “The only reason I came to NYU was because of the fivestar dining experience.” Donna Meagle wants you to treat yo’ self. Email her at dining@nyunews.com.
CAS freshman’s Tumblr is anything but typical By JUNE COLBURN
CAS freshman Danny Blake is unique. After moving to New York City from his suburban home in Greenwich, Conn., Blake was struck by the passion, vibrancy and frenetic energy the city has to offer. His blog, dannyblake.tumblr.com, serves as a catalog of his thoughts, feelings and musings on being a little student in a big city. Blake’s inspiration for the blog came while he was sitting alone in Washington Square Park eating a bagel before his next class started, when he suddenly remembered a conversation with his roommate from that morning. “He was talking about how excited he was that ‘Game of Thrones’ was going to air soon, and he was making it sound really cool, so I decided to watch it,” Blake said. Blake loved the show and wanted to share his feelings about it with his friends, but he didn’t know how to do so until he discovered Tumblr. “I started the blog to just kind of, you know, talk about how hot Daenerys is and post funny articles that I read,” Blake said. Since starting the blog last month,
Blake has accumulated a stunning 20 followers, mostly consisting of friends from his class and his dorm. In addition to his thoughts on HBO shows and the food at the Palladium food court, Blake likes to spice things up by sharing gifs — brief animations of pictures or scenes that repeat in a loop — of his favorite animal: cats. “I think cats are just hilarious,” Blake said. “My mom has a cat, and he’s always doing crazy stuff like walking on my keyboard and getting distracted by balls of string, so whenever I see a cat doing something funny on the Internet I put it on my blog.” “I had no idea how to feel about television or cute animals until I read Danny’s blog,” said Steinhardt freshman Mindy Jacobs, a friend of Blake. “I was really on the fence about the whole dog-cat rivalry, and then Danny posted this amazing video of a cat meowing that sounded like ‘hello,’ and I was convinced.” In a sea of boring Twitter accounts and Facebook updates, Blake’s blog truly stands out in the crowd. June Colburn is living with a terrible roommate in apartment 23. Email her at features@nyunews.com.
NYUNEWS.COM | MONDAY, APRIL 1, 2013 | WASHINGTON SQUARE NEWS
ARTS
EDITED BY STRINGER BELL ARTS@NYUNEWS.COM
Mirror exhibit brings selfieback
NYU hosts Bad Band Name Awards By ABED NADIR
NYU’s Clive Davis Institute of Recorded Music held the first annual Bad Band Name Awards on Saturday. The winner of the Hoobastank Award for Worst Band Name was awarded to Detroit indie-pop group Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr. “What makes this band name special is the second Jr.,” said Clive Davis, the host of the ceremony. “Without it, it’s just a bad band name, but with it, it is among the worst band names ever.” Frontman Joshua Epstein’s acceptance speech was met with thunderous applause and raucous laughter. “You know, I’m not a perfect person, but I always knew our band name was a special kind of bad,” Epstein said. “Thanks, NYU.” “The reason is you,” one audience member yelled. At least 43 Hoobastank jokes were told, as Hoobastank is undoubtedly the worst band name in the history of music. In addition to the Hoobastank Award, many other prizes were handed out. Chuck Cleaver, member of the bands Wussy and Ass Ponys, won the Lifetime Achievement award for a career of terrible band names. Cleaver did not thank the audience, but instead flipped them off and threw his award on the ground.
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The pop-punk genre had its own set of awards, since poppunk is to bad band names what Duke University is to obnoxious basketball players. In a tight race, Cute Is What We Aim For earned the top prize, beating out the likes of The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus and Bowling For Soup. Panic! At The Disco won the award for Worst Name Flip-Flop due to their constant removing and readding of the obnoxious exclamation point in their name. The emo group was also nominated for the Most Irritating Use of Punctuation Award, but they lost out to …And You Will Know Us by the Trail Of Dead. Also in the running was post-rock band Godspeed You! Black Emperor. “Who’s going to panic now?” said frontman Conrad Keely to even more laughter. Puns were big at the Bad Band Name Awards. “Oh, and godspeed to you other bands,” Keely continued. Overall, the Bad Band Name Awards was a huge success. Pundits are already looking ahead to next year’s ceremony. “I see big things for the future of these awards,” Davis said. “And NYU is the perfect place to have it. Hooray irony.” Abed Nadir co-hosts a morring talk show. Cool cool cool. Email him at arts@nyunews.com.
By BRITTA PERRY
VIA FLICKR.COM
tUnE-yArDs and Toad the Wet Sprocket lost at this year’s awards.
Tyler Perry Tyler Perry Tyler Perry Tyler Perry Tyler Perry By STRINGER BELL
Tyler Perry’s new film, “Tyler Perry Presents Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor,” produced by Tyler Perry, is a big joke. Audiences were shocked when the steamy, PG-13 erotic thriller promised in the film’s trailers turned out to be only 12 minutes long and consisted of Tyler Perry pointing and laughing at viewers. The actor-director-writer-astronaut-celebrity chef also reportedly gives the audience the middle finger while striking the Heisman pose in the film’s opening credits. “I can’t believe you all paid to see this movie!” Tyler Perry exclaimed. The trailer for “Tyler Perry Presents Temptation,” which is based on the novel “Tyler Perry Presents: Tyler Perry as Tyler Perry,” written by Tyler Perry, demonstrates Tyler Perry’s deft knowledge of how to navigate a modern romantic relationship. One scene depicts a man yelling “Touchdown!” rather than paying attention to his wife, which, as Perry’s book says, means he’s a terrible person. Tyler Perry’s exquisite and sophisticated writing style likely drew audiences to the film. In the trailer, a particular exchange serves as the focal point of Perry’s talent. “I don’t really dream anymore,” says Lead Actress. “What do you dream about?” (Eleven-second pause.) “You,” says Lead Actor. This is definitely a conversation people would have in real life.
Reportedly, every one of the actors knew about the ruse, except for one — Kim Kardashian. “You really thought I’d put Kim Kardashian in a movie,” Tyler Perry asks while in hysterics. “She is freaking terrible!” While audiences may have been shocked, critics loved the film. It currently holds a 99 percent approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Most critics are praising Tyler Perry’s performance as Tyler Perry as “incredibly brave, bold and other-adjectives-that-shouldnot-be-used-to-describe-actors.” The one holdout is Armond White, who is definitely not a deliberate contrarian. White wrote in his review that he wished Tyler Perry did another film like “Tyler Perry’s Why Did I Get Married Too?” “You see, it’s funny because the ‘too’ means ‘as well,’ and the number two! It works on so many levels,” White said. “Tyler Perry Presents Temptation” did, however, end on a serious note. “But seriously, you guys,” Tyler Perry says solemnly. “Be sure to check out my upcoming movie ‘Tyler Perry Presents: Marriage is Terrible and Men Dressed as Women Are Hysterical.’” Perry spends the remaining 47 seconds laughing and shouting “Tyler Perry!” before leaving the set, an armchair and cutouts of various Perry characters. Stringer Bell is Maryland’s top drug dealer. Email him at arts@nyunews.com.
Visual artist Patrick Specchio has transformed a Brooklyn condominium into a place for self-exploration. The exhibit is titled “Art in Translation: Selfie, The 20/20 Experience.” Visitors access the exhibit by entering the apartment lobby and taking the elevator one flight down to the basement. When the doors open, viewers directly face a full-body mirror. There is a small pointand-shoot camera in front of the mirror, which is connected to a laptop a few feet away. “Visitors engage with individuality through the camera by taking photos of themselves facing the mirror,” Specchio said. “It really boosts confidence and makes people feel sexy.” Specchio is presenting this exhibit in conjunction with the Museum of Modern Art. He landed the project after presenting an exceptional photography exhibit at NYU’s Grey Art Gallery last year. “This gallery plays with the reverse concept of my exhibition from last year,” Specchio said. “Instead of showcasing photography of myself and
other individuals, I’m drawing the audience in to participate.” “[‘Selfie’] really opened my eyes to the world of art,” said Tisch sophomore Hannah Horvath, who visited the exhibit. “It is the most innovative work I have seen in a long time.” Those who visit the exhibit have the option to upload their photos to Facebook. All uploaded photos will be added to an online gallery titled “Born This Way.” “Art in Translation: Selfie, The 20/20 Experience” will be on display through April 1. Britta Perry is a fake, unprofessional therapist. Email her at features@nyunews.com.
BEYONCÉ KNOWLES/WSN
You can snap a pic of youself at the ‘Selfie’ display.
Franco opens celebrity exclusive school at NYU
By SCOOBY-DOO
Ever wonder why you hardly see NYU students like Emma Watson or Dakota Fanning walking around campus in between classes? The reason may be the exclusive classes that only allow celebrity students. As part of the university’s latest growth projects, NYU plans to launch an entire school reserved for celebrities in upcoming months. Plans for the Franco Celebrity School of Riches and Fame are currently being finalized. Construction will begin in mid-April and will be completed in time for the fall 2013 semester. “We are extremely excited to usher in the next generation of celebrities,” said Salvador Smith, a NYU spokesperson. “At NYU, we pride ourselves on being a school that attracts the rich and famous, mostly because they can pay tuition without taking loans,” The idea is the brainchild of actor James Franco and NYU President John Sexton. Franco will contribute $7 million to the project to construct two extra buildings on the Washington
Square campus. “James Franco loves having NYU in his life, whether it be the school he attends, where he teaches or the subject of his lawsuits,” said Maria Sherpleton, a spokesperson for Franco. “He could not be happier to make this longtime dream
GRAPHIC BY BEYONCÉ KNOWLES/WSN
The Franco School unveiled its new emblem. of John Sexton’s a reality.” Actor and Tisch alumnus Alec Baldwin has pledged an undisclosed amount of money for the new school. Baldwin maintains a close friendship with Sexton and visited students after Hurri-
cane Sandy caused students to relocate to the Kimmel Center for University Life. The school will feature a curriculum tailored toward celebrity education, including classes on how to get the most money for a public appearance, the right ways to party after an award show and how to host the Academy Awards while under the influence. The faculty will be handpicked by Franco to ensure that the professors are sensitive toward celebrity needs and won’t punish the students for behaviors such as skipping class. However, some students think the heightened celebrity presence will distract other students from learning. “I don’t think [the Franco school] is a good idea because the paparazzi will disturb the peaceful quiet on campus,” Tisch sophomore Hannah Horvath said. “How will we go to school and learn when some students will be skipping class to camp outside the celebrity classrooms?” Scooby-Doo is a dog. Email him at university@nyunews.com.
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WASHINGTON SQUARE NEWS | MONDAY, APRIL 1, 2013 | NYUNEWS.COM
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HAPPY APRIL FOOLS FROM THE WSN STAFF
THE STORIES MAY BE FAKE, BUT THE ADS ARE REAL
The New York Times Syndication Sales Corporation THE NEW YORK TIMES CROSSWORD & DAILY SUDOKU 620 Eighth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10018 For Information Call: 1-800-972-3550 For Release Monday, April 1, 2013
Crossword Across
1 ___ one’s time (waits patiently) 6 Open-air rooms 11 Slippery, as winter roads 14 Perfect 15 Chili ingredients 16 This instant 17 Iced tea brand 19 Mom’s forte, in brief 20 Greets the Red Sox at Yankee Stadium, say 21 Young’s partner in accounting 22 “Cheers” actress Perlman 23 Canadian capital 25 Spine-tingling 27 Observance prescribed in the Book of Esther 32 Provide with guns 35 An “A” in N.C.A.A.: Abbr. 36 Old-time actress Dolores
37 Where an
ocean and a continent meet 39 BlackBerry or iPod Touch, for short 41 Toots of a horn 42 “… better left ___” 44 Ye ___ Shoppe 46 Baseball bat wood 47 It’s headquartered at Naval Station Pearl Harbor 50 Al of auto racing 51 Actor Brendan of “Journey to the Center of the Earth” 55 Leave at the altar, say 57 ___ cuisine 60 The “I” of F.Y.I., for short 61 Israeli-made weapon 62 Country singer with the 2012 #1 hit “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together”
ANSWER TO PREVIOUS PUZZLE
L I T T E R E R S
M E T R O S E X U A L
S I N E A D O C O N N O R
R A N D R Y
O M N E S
S E O N N E S S E T T O A P E
A D S T E U E L A D E S O T A R S S A P S E N E T P L I T S E L L I K N O I T E T U N E D T E S I W E R Y W I S T M A S T E A C H
R A F T S
S M A R T E C R E R S K I I N N N T E E R
S T A P L E S C E N T E R
S T A K E H O L D E R
I T S N O T F A R
64 Imus of “Imus
Edited by Will Shortz
in the Morning”
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much used by O. Henry
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65 Literary device 66 “Imus in the
Morning” medium 67 Poem of praise 68 Ferber and Krabappel 69 Look of disdain
Down
1 ___ Baggins of “The Hobbit” 2 Birdbrain 3 Commercial word after Home or Office 4 Persistently aggravates 5 ___-mo (instant replay technique) 6 E.g., e.g. 7 Slender shorebird 8 Lifted 9 As an alternative 10 “Don’t ___, don’t tell” (bygone military policy) 11 Close by 12 Singer Nat King ___ 13 Service org. for females 18 Gets closer 22 Remington product 24 Hypotheticals 26 Hearty-flavored brew 28 Clairvoyant’s skill, for short 29 “It’s the ___ the world …” 30 Small tastes 31 Peter of reggae 32 Smallish bra size 33 Author Jaffe
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puzzle by angela olson halsted
34 Like a he-man 52 Nasty, as a remark 38 Matthew, Mark,
Luke or John 40 Every last one 43 Blockbuster Bruce Willis movie 45 Put off until later 48 Kid’s coloring implement 49 Taipei’s land
53 “The Hunger
Games” chaperon
54 Helicopter
blade
55 Cousin of
karate
56 Shirt brand
that once had a crocodile symbol
58 Humerus
neighbor
59 Santa’s bagful 62 Make a knot in 63 Former jrs.
For answers, call 1-900-285-5656, $1.49 a minute; or, with a credit card, 1-800-814-5554. Annual subscriptions are available for the best of Sunday crosswords from the last 50 years: 1-888-7-ACROSS. AT&T users: Text NYTX to 386 to download puzzles, or visit nytimes.com/mobilexword for more information. Online subscriptions: Today’s puzzle and more than 2,000 past puzzles, nytimes.com/crosswords ($39.95 a year). Share tips: nytimes.com/wordplay. Crosswords for young solvers: nytimes.com/learning/xwords.
NYUNEWS.COM | MONDAY, APRIL 1, 2013 | WASHINGTON SQUARE NEWS
OPINION
EDITED BY BARNEY STINSON OPINION@NYUNEWS.COM
GOVERNMENT
Congress needs to prank president By IAN MARKY MARK The Senate has been deadlocked in negotiations for days over their annual April Fool’s Day prank on President Obama. Although the prank is usually ceremonial, Senate Republicans have been pushing for more elaborate pranks to “make it clear to the American people how seriously we take this sort of thing,” as Speaker John Boehner said in a press release Sunday. Resolution of this issue is paramount to national security — failure to prank our own leader would be taken as a sign of weakness by our enemies, particularly North Korea, which has succeeded for years in clever pranks such as having people pretend to die of starvation en masse. Senate Democrats have refused to make any compromises, insisting that the Senate do no more than place a whoopee cushion in the Oval Office. “We are against any sort of food-related or liquidbased prank,” Sen. Elizabeth Warren stated at a press conference Saturday. “We also object to
the inclusion of Malia, Natasha or Bo in any joke.” Notable pranks from yesteryear include the 1941 Senate’s unscrewing of the hinges on FDR’s wheelchair, the sneakshaving of half of Teddy Roosevelt’s famous mustache and the tragic surprise tiger that led to the death of President William Henry Harrison. President Obama does not fear a similar result, and has invited the Republicans to do their worst: “I won’t be intimidated by parlor tricks or other attacks on my office. After all, I have drones that roam the skies. I think I’ll see it coming.” Public interest in the coming prank has waned in re-
cent years. When the tradition first began with Speaker of the House Henry Clay hiding a Native American in President Andrew Jackson’s private bathroom, the public loved it. However, many Joe Six-Packs have complained that the intense debate over the prank has distracted from more serious issues. The Senate has tabled discussions on the economy, North Korea and the right of the president to murder American citizens without a trial, in order to focus on which brand of whoopee cushion would produce the loudest fart noise. The Senate must put differences aside and find a way to prank the Commander-inChief. Failing to do so would encourage our enemies and dishearten the public. We cannot continue to call ourselves the freest country in the world if we cannot even get our own leader to slip on a banana peel. Ian Marky Mark is a former member of the Funky Bunch. Email him at opinion@nyunews.com.
LOVE AND MARRIAGE
‘They go together like a horse and carriage’ By CARRIE MATHISON
Last week the Defense of Gay Marriage Act, or DOGMA, was introduced in the House of Representatives, restricting federal marriage benefits and interstate marriage recognition to only same-sex marriages in the United States. The law, if passed, would no longer recognize opposite-sex marriages for all federal purposes, including insurance benefits for government employees, Social Security survivors’ benefits and the filing of joint tax returns. This law has garnered a huge backlash, and rightfully so. People are protesting on Capitol Hill, holding signs that say, “Straight people are people, too,” and “Love is for everyone.” In response to DOGMA, opponents have formed their own social group, referred to as “S,” as in straight. The S community’s unofficial leader and spokesman, Sen. Rand Paul, spoke to the cham-
SUBMITTING TO
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ber on filibustering the law: “We are straight Americans, and we deserve the same constitutional rights as members of the LGBT community. As Hebrews 13:4 reads, ‘Let marriage be held in honor among all.’” Meanwhile, DOGMA supporters held signs like “Stick to your own kind!” and “We must escape the straitjacket!” One gay man held up a sign, “Bros before hoes,” while another sign read “It would completely harm my life and religious faith if a man and a woman married each other.” New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg, who has not remarried since his divorce in 1993,
is particularly outspoken in his support for DOGMA. “We are dangerously overpopulated in the United States, so we need LGBT adults to adopt kids in foster care and homeless shelters now,” Bloomberg said. “Procreation is just irresponsible for the economy. Passing DOGMA is the economically and morally right thing to do.” The Defense of Gay Marriage Act is predicated on a bias against straight Americans. It is unfair for only gay people to receive marriage benefits under U.S. federal law. The S community represents a significant part of the American population and should be treated equally. Our representatives in Congress must filibuster DOGMA because the government should never restrict your right to marry the person you love. Carrie Mathison is a member of the CIA. Email her at opinion@nyunews.com.
STAFF EDITORIAL
WSN has no confidence in editor-in-chief
NYU Local, America’s most trusted news source after the New York Post, recently reported a story that shocked many students and the WSN Editorial Board. The article revealed that Jonathon Dornbush, the editor-in-chief of WSN, has been receiving exorbitant perks while in power, including but not limited to a 1991 Super Nintendo, a semi-comfortable taupe cot that he sometimes sleeps on and unlimited access to the notorious sweatshop otherwise known as NYU Phonathon, which is located on the same floor as the WSN office. In response to the growing uproar and other significant injustices committed by our formerly esteemed leader, the WSN Editorial Board has cast a unanimous vote of no confidence against Dornbush. This is our extensive, though incomplete, list of grievances against Dornbush: 1. Suspicions have grown over his constant presence at the WSN office. He is reportedly always at his desk and on the computer. On multiple occasions, WSN staffers have seen Dornbush at the office at four or five in the morning, with his trusty sidekick and managing editor Amy Zhang. So far, the staff has not thought of any plausible reason for why he is always at WSN headquarters so late. 2. Dornbush claims he never has time to hang out, but he is always at the office. Obviously he is available to hang out on many days and nights. 3. Furthermore, Dornbush’s name is spelled incorrectly — it is supposed to be Jonathan with an “a,” not Jonathon with an “o” — and he never lets us call him Jon. The WSN Editorial Board suspects that the misspelling and insistence on the use of his full name indicate that it may be an alias. 4. He allows dogs in the office, irritating anyone who hates cute, puffy Pomeranians. 5. Sometimes he does this high-pitched voice effect that sounds like Jigglypuff from Pokémon. 6. Dornbush refuses to see “Spring Breakers” with us. If he spends so much time in the office doing who-knows-what, he can probably spare two hours to watch some girls from the Disney Channel run around in bikinis. He stooped so low as to make up some excuse that dubstep and strobe lights give him a headache. Readers might wonder why these concerns took so long to be voiced. It has become obvious that Dornbush’s theatrically professional behavior has been camouflaging his true persona — one of notable sincerity and character. We at the WSN Editorial Board have nothing but disdain for these types of leaders and feel confident that this vote will have as much impact as NYU’s Faculty of Arts and Science vote had — that is to say, none.
Email the WSN Editorial Board at editboard@nyunews.com. EDITORIAL BOARD: Barney Stinson (Chair), Waquel Woofwoof (Co–Chair), Shaniqua Rad (Co–Chair), Nick-so-slick Sethi, Matt Luau, Nina Goldshan, Ian Marky Mark, Jessie Pinkman, Chico
Send mail to: 838 Broadway, Fifth Floor New York, N.Y. 10003 or email: opinion@nyunews.com WSN welcomes letters to the editor, opinion pieces and articles relevant to the NYU community, or in response to articles. Letters should be less than 450 words. All submissions must be typed or emailed and must include the author’s name, address and phone number. Members of the NYU community must include a year and school or job title.
WSN does not print unsigned letters or editorials. WSN reserves the right to reject any submission and edit accepted submissions in any and all ways. With the exception of the staff editorial, opinions expressed on the editorial pages are not necessarily those of WSN, and our publication of opinions is not an endorsement of them.
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NYUNEWS.COM | MONDAY, APRIL 1, 2013 | WASHINGTON SQUARE NEWS
SPORTS
EDITED BY LYLA GARRITY SPORTS@NYUNEWS.COM
NYU students admit to lack of any sports knowledge By CASEY MCCALL
While conducting a student poll about this year’s March Madness basketball tournament, WSN learned that no one on the NYU campus even knows what basketball is. “Wait, what?” said many a disinterested student when asked about the annual tournament. WSN asked about specific details concerning this year’s March Madness, such as Florida Gulf Coast University’s miracle run to the Sweet 16. “Florida Gulf Coast? Yeah I’ve heard of them,” said Tisch sophomore Hannah Horvath. “They’re an awesome band. I think they just got Best New Music on Pitchfork.” “Actually, they got a 7.9,” said Hipster McBrooklyn, a Tisch junior. “You need at least an 8.0 to get a BNM.” “Yeah, well, I think they’re pretty good,” said Horvath, while McBrooklyn muttered words like “whatever” and “overrated” under her breath. Even students at Coles Sports Center had not heard of the tournament. WSN went to Coles and interviewed a group of undergrads who were sitting in a circle while drinking beer and trying to play Vampire Weekend songs on an acoustic guitar.
When asked about March Madness, nobody in the group had any answers. “Yeah, we have no idea what you’re talking about, man,” replied Areal Chilldude, a Gallatin senior. When asked about the baskets around the court, Chilldude said they were for “PBR Ball.” “Yeah, it’s this game where we throw our empty PBR [Pabst Blue Ribbon] cans into the basket,” he said, pointing to the large pile of beer cans underneath one of the baskets. “It’s pretty chill, man, we don’t get too competitive. The loser just has to go out and buy more cheap beer.” WSN passed around a March Madness bracket to see if any of the students recognized it. “Oh, I’ve seen this before,” Chilldude said. “Except the one I saw determined the best Nickelodeon cartoon from the ‘90s. Man, the ’90s were awesome.” WSN finally went to speak with the NYU men’s and women’s basketball teams. Surprisingly, they did not know about basketball, either — or about sports in general. “This is just a thing I do so they’ll pay part of my tuition,” said Violets point guard Player Number One. When asked about how he could be
a part of the basketball team while knowing nothing about basketball, One just shrugged his shoulders. “I mean, I know about sports as a ‘concept,’” he said while making air quotes. “Really, I’m just trying to save money so I can get a subscription to HBO Go,” One admitted. “My roommate won’t let me use his password anymore.” Casey McCall is a sportscaster on “Sports Night.” Email him at sports@nyunews.com.
GRAPHIC BY BEYONCÉ KNOWLES/WSN
NYU students are clueless about basketball and sports in general.
‘42’ actor Harrison Ford hired as coach By LYLA GARRITY and JASON STREET
In an effort to boost interest in its fledgling sports teams, NYU has hired actor Harrison Ford as head coach of the men’s basketball team. Ford’s experience as a coach in the movie “42” makes him an instrumental addition to the team, said dean I. Actalot of the Tisch School of the Arts. “I saw him in a trailer for ‘42’ and thought, ‘That’s our guy,’” Actalot said. “I mean the guy coached Jackie Robinson, and Jackie was really good.” Students are thrilled with the decision. “Han Solo is coaching basketball? Awesome,” said Tisch sophomore Hannah Horvath. “I might even go to games now. Where’s Coles again?” When asked about his new coaching position, Ford said, “I don’t understand, I’m just an actor.” Al Pacino, coach of the Miami Sharks in the movie “Any Given Sunday,” was disappointed he did not get the position. “I am very angry. This is a game of inches,” Pacino said. Also joining Ford’s coaching staff in the upcoming season will be several of the Monstars, including Null, Zilch and Void, from the 1996 basketball movie “Space Jam.” The Monstars will be able to share some on-court knowledge with NYU’s squad. Zilch said he would like to see the feared home court advantage return to Coles. “Look, this place may not be Moron Mountain, but we can still make opponents fear coming to play here,” he said. Lyla Garrity is a former Panthers cheerleader. Jason Street is a former Panthers quaterback. Email them at sports@nyunews.com.
BobCat, Housie fight over who is better school mascot By RON SWANSON
In an attempt to resolve the long-standing feud between Inter-Residence Hall Council representative Housie Maguire and the sports team mascot BobCat, NYU Athletics Department director Christopher Bledsoe sponsored a triathlon to put the two to the test. This simple competition to decide mascot dominance, which took place on Saturday, took a turn for the worse, ending in a storm of broken beer bottles and drunken rage later that night. The friendly triathlon pit the two mascots in a classical run, bike and swim test of athleticism. “Housie was at an obvious disadvantage,” said Weinstein residence hall director Josh Hartman. “This was obviously set up for BobCat to win. Houses aren’t made for physical competition.” After BobCat beat Maguire by more than an hour, Maguire demanded that another event be added to shift the momentum his way — a boxing match. Maguire defeated BobCat one minute into the first round, using his sheer weight to pin BobCat. Despite this victory, Maguire did not rack up enough points overall to win. BobCat was handed a trophy as he shook hands with Bledsoe and Maguire. The two mascots went home, seemingly at a truce.
Tisch sophomore Hannah Horvath recalls a shouting match between BobCat and Macguire before last call at the Bitter End, a popular bar on Bleecker Street. After boasting of his victory over Maguire, BobCat reportedly bought a round of shots for everyone but his rival, a sign of disrespect. “Forget you, dude. I’m way more popular than you’ve ever been,” Maguire retorted, referring to his online popularity. “Check out all my Facebook likes and my tweets. Just Google me.” Moments later a brawl broke out between the two mascots.
“Maguire broke his bottle of Yuengling over the bar and tried to attack Bobcat, but some of his friends held him back,” Horvath said. Other witnesses said Bobcat approached Maguire and began insulting him. Maguire then threw a punch that knocked out Bobcat, who was subsequently carried out by his friends. Bledsoe called it “a dark day for the NYU community indeed.” Ron Swanson is a disgruntled government employee. Email him at sports@nyunews.com.
GRAPHIC BY BEYONCÉ KNOWLES/WSN
Housie defeated BobCat in a short but thrilling boxing match.