Special Parent, Westchester & Rockland - Spring 2021

WESTCHESTER & ROCKLAND

SpecialParent NYMETROPARENTS.COM

SPRING 2021

Focusing on Abilities

In an effort to better help parents of children with special needs, we present the Spring 2021 issue of Special Parent!

It’s full of advice and services for your child—all geared toward the specific needs of your family, including tips to avoid comparing your child to others, common stereotypes of ausim that just aren’t true, the benefits of having a pet, why “me” time is important for parents, and resources for individuals with special needs.

For even more great advice to help you make better decisions for your kids, from what to do with your children today, tomorrow, and next week to choosing the best after-school program to local news, visit nymetroparents.com.

And stay up to date on all the best family fun in your area by signing up for The Scoop newsletter at nymetroparents.com/register!

Katelin Walling Editorial Director

Helping Parents Make Better Decisions

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inside

4 Autism Myths You Should Ignore Here are the five biggest misconceptions about autism spectrum disorder.

10 Avoiding Comparison

Here’s what you can do to limit comparing your child to others.

14 Taking Care of Your Needs Why ‘me’ time is so important for parents of children with special needs, plus ideas for self-care 18 The Benefits of Pets 7 ways a child with special needs can benefit from having a pet.

20 Special Needs Resources 21 Advertisers’ Index

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Autism Myths You Should Ignore

There are a lot of stereotypes about autism spectrum disorder that just aren’t true—here are the five biggest misconceptions.

By Katelin Walling

Despite what many people may think, individuals diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder do like spending time with peers. In fact, interacting with people on the spectrum is the best way to battle these misconceptions.

W

hile the awareness of autism spectrum disorder has grown due to social media, increased research, Autism Awareness Month, and more, there are still many misconceptions about ASD, from its causes to the characteristics and abilities of those on the spectrum.

As its name denotes, autism is a spectrum, meaning not everyone diagnosed with autism displays the same traits, exhibits the same behaviors, or has the same abilities— just like you or me. Applying blanket statements to those on the spectrum would be like saying girls can’t throw or boys don’t cry.

We spoke to experts about stereotypes of ASD and uncovered the truth behind five big misconceptions about the disorder and those diagnosed with it.

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Myth 1: Vaccines cause autism.

Unfortunately, we do still hear the misconception that autism is related to vaccinations, commonly the measles, mumps, rubella vaccination, says Sarah Kuriakose, Ph.D., BCBA-D, statewide director of psychology services at NYS Office of Mental Health. “Not only was the initial study that showed that a fraudulent study, but follow-up studies have debunked that many times,” she explains.

There are other concerns that autism is caused by “various environmental factors that a pregnant mother may be exposed to,” says John Pfeifer, assistant executive director at Life’s WORC, a Long Island nonprofit that supports people with developmental disabilities and autism. “There’s still ongoing research about the expansion of electromagnetic technology and various environmental chemicals and such that may be at play, but not knowing everything in the environment that may be affecting a fetus, either seen or unseen, makes it hard to decipher that.”

“What we do know about autism is there seems to be a genetic component, and about 10- to 20-percent of cases with ASD are linked to an identified genetic disorder,” Dr. Kuriakose says. “We anticipate that that number will go up with more genetics research. But even in identical twins, the concordance rate is not 100-percent, so we know there is some factor that is not genetic as well.”

Myth 2: People on the spectrum are anti-social and don’t have feelings.

Dr. Kuriakose says parents, teachers, and even doctors will tell her things like, “that child can’t have autism because…he’s affectionate, …she makes eye contact, or …he’s interested in other kids.”

“So what can end up happening is people have this very black-and-white picture that a person with autism is someone who is anti-social and isn’t interested in other people,” she says. “We know that those aren’t necessarily true.” Yet thanks to this persistent myth, a child who does have autism might not be given a diagnosis—his parents may be hanging on to the fact that their child is affectionate though he is struggling in other ways.

“It is often thought that people with autism don’t have feelings, which is a very sad misconception and very far from the truth,” adds Janet Koch, CEO of Life’s WORC.

Myth 3: People with autism exhibit challenging and/or maladaptive behaviors.

“It’s not fair to say that challenging behaviors are inherent in the diagnosis,” Pfeifer says. “They are often a byproduct of ineffective treatment of some of the things that are 6

Spring 2021 | nymetroparents.com

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SpecialParent

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inherent in the diagnosis, which are communication and socialization difficulties.” These behaviors could include flapping hands, rocking, or other self-stimulatory behaviors.

“We still, unfortunately, have the misconception from previous media portrayals that kids with autism are nonverbal, are going to sit in the corner, and just rock or flap their hands,” Dr. Kuriakose says.

As society becomes more educated about autism, people are learning about adapting communication efforts. “It could actually help a person [on the spectrum] to not escalate to such a significant behavior because they’ll be able to communicate more easily with people who have been taught how to communicate with them,” Koch says.

Myth 4: Those on the spectrum are savants and/or are fixated on one topic.

The media commonly portrays those with autism as being savants or having restricted interest in a singular subject: Sam Gardner in Netflix’s Atypical and Shaun Murphy in ABC’s The Good Doctor are two recent portrayals. “Certainly, we have kids and adults with autism who have an amazing depth of knowledge in a particular area, incredible memory, incredible pattern recognition skills, things like that that are going to set them up for a particular career,” Dr. Kuriakose says, but not all individuals with ASD show these characteristics.

In fact, the most recent criteria for an autism diagnosis from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders fall into two categories: social communication and restricted, repetitive behaviors (RRB). There are four traits that fall under the RRB category—repetitive speech or behavior/mannerisms, restricted interest, sensory challenges, and difficulty with transitions or insistence on sameness—and a person needs to only exhibit two of those traits (and meet criteria from the social communication category) to receive a diagnosis of autism, according to Dr. Kuriakose.

“So, you could have a kid who has some sensory challenges and insistence on sameness without any restricted interest at all and you could still have the diagnosis,” she says.

Myth 5: People with ASD can’t go to college, have jobs, or get married.

Because some people with autism may struggle with social situations, have communication challenges, and have difficulty with flexibility, there’s the misconception that they will not be able to attend higher education, have a job, or get married and have kids. “There are lots of examples of folks with autism who do successfully do those 8

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things, and the big thing that’s important is it’s all about the supports the environment can provide,” Dr. Kuriakose says.

When working with a patient who is looking at colleges or employment opportunities, Dr. Kuriakose looks for a setting that is supportive of that patient’s strengths and challenges. In fact, “a lot of individuals with autism are actually really great, dedicated, passionate employees, but it has to be a setting that can understand that they might process information and interact in ways that are slightly different from typical.”

In terms of getting married, Dr. Kuriakose says there are quite a few instances where she’s diagnosed a child with autism, and a few months later their parent will observe that they’re seeing some of the same characteristics in themselves or another family member. “And these are all people who had families,” she says.

So how can we continue to combat these and other myths about people on the spectrum? “Just like with any other group, you shed your misconceptions when you have more close relationships with people in that group,” Dr. Kuriakose says. “I really would encourage people to engage with lots of individuals with autism.”

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Avoiding Comparison While it’s normal to sometimes compare your child to others, it’s important to try to limit it. Here’s what you can do.

By Linda DiProperzio

S

ocial media has given us a bird’s eye view into everyone’s life, with parents posting about their kids’ achievements, milestones, celebrations, and more. For any parent, the instinct to compare their children to others can be hard to resist.

And for a parent of a child with special needs, it can bring another level of stress and anxiety into the fold.

“Comparison is natural and learning not to compare your child with a disability to others takes effort, but it will get easier with practice and time,” explains Melanie Musson, with LifeInsurancePost.com. Musson is also the parent of a child with special needs. “While you’ll always see differences between your child and their typical peers, you can train your mind not to focus on that.”

Not sure where to start? Follow these simple steps to help you get off the comparison train.

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Realize it is normal.

All parents compare their kids to other children from time to time, so it isn’t something to feel guilty about. Engaging in the behavior doesn’t mean you don’t love your child, so give yourself a break, points out Joy Gandell, a parenting, critical life skills, and learning coach.

Admit it’s a waste of time.

Comparing two different people to one another will only lead to unhappiness, negativity, and a whole lot of stress. As parents in general, you should always keep this in mind. Once you remind yourself of this, you’ll soon find yourself doing it less often and eventually stop altogether, notes Jessica Robinson of The Speaking Polymath.

Look at the positive.

All the magic lies in our perception, Robinson says. “If you can see the positive traits in

Why Can’t My Child Learn?

With expertise and a soft touch, Monica Mandell, LMSW, helps families navigate through the special education system. As an experienced bilingual social worker, Monica is able to diagnose and understand the causes of your child’s learning problems. Working together, she will map an advocacy plan to ensure your child’s access to the tools needed for success in school.

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your child, you’ll naturally stop comparing him/her with anyone. So, you should try to look for at least one new positive trait in your child on a daily basis.”

Celebrate your child’s uniqueness.

Although it can be hard not to think about the things your child can’t do, try to focus on their strengths and what makes them unique, recommends Marissa Labuz, founder of TeachingLittles.com and a pediatric occupational therapist who works with children with special needs. “Their uniqueness is what will set them apart as they get older, and they may even have special abilities or talents that they wouldn’t otherwise have.”

Verbalize those strengths.

There is a tendency to discuss weaknesses as those things are thought about, talked about, written, printed, and talked about again in many meetings. Let’s do the same thing with strengths, says Janelle Vargo, Director of Education for Wonder Media, an animation production company that creates content to educate children in an entertaining and positive way. If there aren’t a lot of strengths listed or required in your meetings, you’ll have to do this part on your own. And don’t be afraid to remind teachers, administrators, therapists, and doctors of all of the wonderful things your child has accomplished throughout the year.

It can also be helpful to have your child focus on their abilities rather than their disabilities, especially when they’re feeling discouraged by something. For 6 steps to help your child (and you!) focus on their abilities, visit nymetroparents.com/abilities.

See the reality.

Remind yourself that what you see from other children is often a highlight reel much like what we see on social media, says Kathy Heath, an autism awareness advocate behind TheAutismEdit.com and mom of three children, including one on the autism spectrum.

Remember, no child is perfect, and no parent has it easy.

Join a good support group.

Find fellow parents of kids with special needs. They’ll understand your struggles and help you feel like you’re not alone, Musson says.

Linda DiProperzio has written extensively on parenting issues for Parents, American Baby, Parenting, and Family Circle, among others. She lives in New York with her husband and two sons.

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Penny Resnick-Graulich, D.M.D Emelie Preis, D.D.S. Danya Mermelstein, D.M.D. Fatina Shtivelman, D.D.S. MAIN STREET PEDIATRIC DENTISTRY 115 Main Street, Suite 302, Tuckahoe (914)633-4440 www.mainstreetpediatricdentistry.com

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Taking Care of Your Needs Why ‘me’ time is so important for parents of children with special needs, plus ideas for self-care

By Linda DiProperzio

B

eing a parent is hard work, and for moms and dads who have a child with special needs, the day-to-day can be especially taxing on your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. That’s why selfcare for parents of children with special needs is especially important—and luckily, taking care of yourself doesn’t have to be expensive or even leisurely.

“Self-care is any purposeful action that improves your physical, mental, or emotional well-being,” explains Stacy Spensley, a certified holistic health coach and founder of The Semi-Crunchy Mama Club. “Making sure that parents stay healthy can make caregiving easier on everyone.”

In fact, did you know scheduling 15-20 minutes a date of “me” time can reduce stress, prevent caregiver burnout, and help you be a better, more present parent?

If you’re ready, here are some easy ways to show yourself some love.

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Anne Cunningham Educational Advocate

empowers parents & children to have a better quality of life through education & social acceptance Advocates for students in school districts in Westchester County, Putnam County, Orange County, Manhattan, parts of Connecticut State Interacts with the school district, attends meetings Understands and interprets evaluation scores Supports the educational rights and needs of students diagnosed with: ASD, ED, Dyslexia, Specific Learning Disability, mental health concerns, Intellectual Disabilities, comorbid diagnoses, Other Health Impaired, ADHD, and others Has a Team of professionals to assist with supporting the students and families Check out Anne’s website to learn more about her and her services and GET A FREE CONSULTATION

www.advocate4students.com

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Ask for help.

Find someone you trust to watch your kids when you need a break. “It’s essential to line up dependable help who can assist and care for children with special needs while parents take care of their emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual needs to reset and refresh their well-being,” explains Karen Aronian, Ed.D., a parenting and education expert.

Get outside.

Let the beauty of nature feed your soul, suggests Dana Humphrey, a life coach based in Queens. Walking has been shown to be valuable in improving mental health, particularly depression, so try to walk daily.

Reward yourself each day.

This isn’t about going out and spending money on designer clothes. It can be as simple as sitting alone on the porch looking at the sky for 10 minutes, taking an extra-long shower, texting someone you haven’t spoken with in a long time, buying a bouquet of flowers for yourself, etc., says Sarah Farmer, M.A., a special needs parent advocate and the mom of a daughter with special needs.

Schedule your “me” time.

Make sure any special time for yourself—whether it’s working out, having lunch with friends, or getting a manicure—is in your calendar or it will likely get pushed aside to take care of someone else’s needs.

Join an online group.

Farmer suggests finding an online support group for parents of children with special needs that will serve as a safe space to vent, share ideas, mourn, share successes and failures, and more. “It’s a forum where you can be totally honest and not be judged,” she says. “These parents will ‘get’ you in a way no other set of parents will.

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Just say no.

This can be one of the hardest things to do, but it’s an absolute necessity for your overall well-being. Creating boundaries and learning to say no also helps to bring your goals into sharper focus, Humphrey notes.

Green Chimneys School

See a professional (if needed).

If you are feeling overwhelmed to the point of depression, have thoughts of self-harm, or feel anger with your child or yourself, find a professional who understands your situation and can give you tools for making life easier at home. If you aren’t functioning well mentally, it’s tough to parent a child with special needs, Farmer points out.

Be kind to yourself.

Yes, the situation can be hard, but you are doing it. Give yourself some credit, some selfcompassion, and some kindness!

Linda DiProperzio has written extensively on parenting issues for Parents, American Baby, Parenting, and Family Circle, among others. She lives in New York with her husband and two sons.

Green Chimneys School Therapeutic Day Program • Residential Treatment Center Special education programming for students who have been unsuccessful in traditional environments.

• Innovative nature-based approach • Focus on individual needs and abilities • Certified special education professionals • High staff-to-student ratio • On-site clinical services and therapeutic support Campuses in Brewster and Carmel, NY Grades K-12 NY State-approved School district and private referrals accepted

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greenchimneys.org SpecialParent 17

The Benefits of Pets

7 ways a child with special needs can benefit from having a pet—cat, dog, or other

By Linda DiProperzio

T

he happiness that a pet can bring to a home is immeasurable. For a family with a child with special needs, a beloved furry friend can offer an even wider variety of benefits.

“Gifting a kid with special needs a pet is one of the best things you can possibly do, says Sara Ochoa, D.V.M., veterinary writer at WeLoveDoodles.com. “Animals inherently possess an unbiased view of all living beings and can be incredibly empathetic, which is exactly why they make the perfect companions for children with special needs.”

In fact, Dr. Ochoa says that any pet can offer therapeutic benefits to kids with special needs. Here are some ways bringing a pet into your home can improve your child’s life and health.

Companionship Pets offer a bond for kids who could be struggling to make connections with their peers, which can leave them feeling lonely and isolated, says Sherry Morgan of 18

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Petsolino. “Dogs and even cats are innocent creatures that can be a very good support system. They are non-judgmental, good listeners, stress-relievers, and can give you nice and warm cuddles!”

Stress Relief There’s no denying we are living in a stressful time, and kids with special needs can often feel that anxiety on another level. “The calm demeanor and loving presence of dogs can cause a perceived reduction in stress and cortisol levels in children,” says Danielle Mühlenberg, a dog behaviorist.

Physical Activity Getting active can be a stress reliever, as well as a mood booster. Pets encourage children to en-gage in physical activity and spend time outdoors, which is beneficial for healthy lifestyle habits, notes Rachel Barrack, D.V.M., of Animal Acupuncture in NYC.

Social Skills Research has shown that animals increase social behaviors in children on the spectrum.

“Children with autism were more likely to talk, smile, laugh, and make physical contact with others when they had real pets, rather than toys,” reveals Joanna Woodnutt, B.V.M, B.V.S., BVMedSci, MRCVS, and a team member at Breed Advisor.

Responsibility Taking care of their pets will help a child with special needs create their own schedule, including when to feed or bathe the pet, and even when it’s time for some fun. Morgan points out that this daily routine helps create better habits, such as the ability to make plans, then focus and stick to it.

Daily Tasks Animals can be trained to grab objects, open doors, and guide people with limited mobility or physical impairments, Dr. Barrack notes.

Well-being A fully trained support dog can be taught behaviors such as applying pressure to help with a panic attack or sounding the alarm if self-harming behaviors are happening. Dr. Woodnutt notes that there are even charities that train dogs for a child’s particular needs.

Linda DiProperzio has written extensively on parenting issues for Parents, American Baby, Parenting, and Family Circle, among others. She lives in New York with her husband and two sons.

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Special Needs resources ROCKLAND Camp Venture Summer Camp

58 Oak Colony Road, Stony Point 845-624-3860 venturerockland.org/programs/summer-camp Camp Venture is proud to offer a summer day camp for special kids…or kids who just like to feel special. Our 1- to 7-week integrated camp is a fun, nurturing place for Rockland children with intellectual/developmental disabilities.

Activities include swimming, art, and non-competitive sports.

Morning and afternoon programs available.

WESTCHESTER Anne Cunningham, Educational Advocate

203-417-6004 advocate4students.com/contact-us annec@advocate4students.com Anne Cunningham, Educational Advocate (advocate4students. com) has been successfully supporting students for almost 10 years in Westchester, Putnam, and Orange counties, parts of Connecticut, and Manhattan. She interacts on behalf of students with all disabilities or educational concerns. Anne can be reached at annec@advocate4students.com.

Easter Seals Project Explore

70 Columbus Ave., Valhalla 914-328-1578 easterseals.com/newyork We serve children with and without disabilities in inclusive, integrated, small classrooms. We offer high-quality full- and part-time programs, school year and year-round, for children ages 18 months to 5 years, from 8:30am-2:30pm. Vacation clubs during school breaks and summer camp are available.

Green Chimneys

400 Doansburg Road, Brewster 845-279-2995 33 Clearpool Road, Carmel 845-225-8226 greenchimneys.org Green Chimneys School is an accredited special education program for students in kindergarten to 12th grades who benefit from a highly structured and supportive setting. An 20

Spring 2021 | nymetroparents.com

enriched curriculum for individualized academic, behavioral, and emotional support features an innovative, naturebased approach that integrates animal-assisted activities, horticulture, and outdoor exploration into therapeutic treatment and education programs.

Main Street Pediatric Dentistry Dr. Penny Resnick-Graulich

115 Main St., Suite 302, Tuckahoe 914-633-4440 mainstreetpediatricdentistry.com drpennydds@aol.com Main Street Pediatric Dentistry’s experienced staff has specialized training to work with patients with special needs and those with disabilities. They focus on behavior management, working closely with the patient and their families to make the experience as comfortable as possible.

Patients of all ages are welcome.

MLM Advocacy

914-308-0751 mlmadvocacy.com The mission of MLM Advocacy is to help families understand and access all the special education services their child is entitled to. With expertise, compassion, and knowledge of educational law, Monica Mandell helps to navigate this process. The goal is to develop the framework for a master plan for academic success.

Monster Mini Golf: Yonkers Ridge Hill Mall

221 Market St., Unit 2950, Second Floor, Yonkers 914 346-5072 monsterminigolf.com/yonkers yonkers@monsterminigolf.com Monster Mini Golf is an indoor fun, affordable, upbeat experience for individuals with special needs of all ages.

Our 18-hole, monster-themed, glow-in-the-dark mini golf experience is wheelchair accessible and climate controlled, with interactive team members. For more excitement, we have an on-course DJ, arcade games, bowling, and Private Party rooms!

Pied Piper Pony Rides

914-763-6925 piedpiperponyrides.com partygals@piedpiperponyrides.com Everyone will love petting, feeding, and hugging all the animals and riding our beautiful pony! Individuals with special needs welcome! Private hour-long visits just for you under the tent by our historic barns. USDA-licensed and insured. Masks, hand washing, social distancing, and everything sanitized before you arrive.

Steffi Nossen School of Dance

216 Central Park Ave., White Plains 914-328-1900 steffinossen.org We offer high-quality, developmentally appropriate dance instruction and performance opportunities. Adaptive dance classes and camps for students of all abilities (wheelchair and stand up) are part of our preschool through pre-professional classes. Students have the opportunity to learn modern, ballet, jazz, tap, hip-hop, composition, and creative movement.

The Westchester School

45 Park Ave., Yonkers 914-376-4300 westchesterschool.org jremeny@westchesterschool.org With the new addition of our North Salem Campus, the Westchester School provides educational and therapeutic services to more than 300 students from Long Island to Eldred.

The program provides occupational therapy, physical therapy, speech and language therapy, and psychological counseling in accordance with each student’s Individualized Education Plan.

index Activities Monster Mini Golf....................................................... 3 Pied Piper Pony......................................................... 15

Advocacy Anne Cunningham, Educational Advocate................. 15 MLM Advocacy......................................................... 11

Camp Camp Venture.............................................. 7

Classes Steffi Nossen School of Dance......................13

Doctors & Therapies Main Street Pediatric Dentistry.................................. 13

Education Easter Seals NY........................................................... 7 Green Chimneys........................................................ 17 The Westchester School.............................................. 5 Winston Preparatory - Connecticut Campus................ 9 NYMetroParents.com features more than 20,000 businesses serving the NY metropolitan area!

Winston Preparatory School

Various locations throughout the greater NYC area 631-779-2400 winstonprep.edu/our-campuses/li liadmissions@winstonprep.edu Winston Preparatory School is a network of six campuses offering students with learning differences a highly individualized and responsive education. Our unique model serves students through 12th grade. Winston Online now allows students to learn from anywhere in the country. Visit instonprep.edu/apply-now to sign up for a virtual open house.

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