Family Finance By Adedapo Conde, Lagos Nigeria
Research has shown that finance related problems are second only to sex as the major cause of tension and quarrels in marriages and if not appropriately managed, these problems could result in separation and perhaps divorce. The roots of finance disputes are often found in belief systems, lack of communication, lack of planning and trust... or more appropriately, the lack of it. As a first step in tackling the age long money palavers on the home front, some thought provoking questions must be asked - Who earns what? How is the family money kept? and How is the family money spent? The answers to these questions more often than not, help dredge up resentments that may have been gnawing at the hearts of spouses {not our aim} and hopefully steer them in the direction of a multifaceted recovery {Goal!}. Who Earns What? In today’s society… globally, homes where wives have equal or even more earning power than the husbands are becoming increasingly popular. In some cases, the wives are in fact the *breadwinners and have been for the past few years, making increasingly popular the turn of the century term “Stay at Home Dad”. This situation often results in tensions in these homes and has, in some cases, resulted in broken homes because both parties have been unable to pool their resources together and act as a team. Some would blame all of this on the decline in economic activities which has forced men who used to be proudly and gainfully employed out of the labour market while a second school of thought swear that it is the increase in tertiary education of the girl-child in the past 20 years- that has equipped a lot of women with skills that grant them access to high paying jobs, thereby increasing their income level relative to that of men. Whichever way one leans, this shift in income levels has created a Breadwinner vs Head of Family conundrum that challenges some of our traditional beliefs about marriage. For instance, culturally, there is a generally held notion, even
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among the womenfolk that “for a man to remain the ‘head’ of his family, he must earn more income than his wife”. This mindset is flawed as most religions and traditional institutions promulgate that the man is the head of the home irrespective of his level of education and income. While I am not an advocate for lazy men, there must be a reason divinity assigned leadership in the home to the man without hinging it on income or other criteria. Ladies who tend to base their respect for men on earning power could learn a thing or two from the omniscience ones and change their mental model. Qualities like self control, integrity, patience, ability to listen, open mindedness, courage, focus, adaptability, insight and foresight should be the ones that endear you to a man because they make or break effective leaders. In all of these the menfolk are not blameless. Some find it hard to come to terms with the notion that their wives can and do earn more than themselves. Somewhere in their hearts lurks the unfounded fear that they might be robbed of the needed authority to head the home successfully. It is so bad that some do not even allow their wives to take appointments that might result in more income while some wives in turn keep salary increasing promotions secret. Men should realize that as long as they are going to allow their wives to work, there is always the possibility that the wives might eventually out-earn them. It is pertinent that men deal with their pride and acquire skills that will help them manage and multiply this commonwealth. There is also always the option of seeking the help of financial and career experts for counsel on how to enhance their income earning ability. Finally, I would like to believe that a couple’s responsibility to each other transcends who earns what. The vows they made in the presence of God and witnesses; solemnly promising to live with each other according to God’s ordinance in the holy estate of matrimony; to love, comfort, honor, and keep each other in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, and through God’s grace promising to be faithful and devoted to each other as long as they both shall live also includes things such as respect, security (both physical and psychological) and trust irrespective of who butters the bread.
NUPS: Edition 1