MAXIM Australia September 2014

ISSUE 38 SEPTEMBER 2014

Irina Shayk

FREE

GIANT POSTERS

Ronaldo’s girl does Hercules

THE ECONOMICS OF CRIME THE CRAZIEST LAMBO YET

HOW TO SURVIVE ANYTHING

MARK WAHLBERG

YES, EVEN GETTING BITTEN IN THE HEAD

BY A BEAR

ALLIGATOR WRESTLING HILLTOP HOODS

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BASE JUMPERS ON TRIAL RIGGING UNDERWATER EXPLOSIVES

Contents

SEPT 2014 # 38

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THE BEGINNING Teen Wolf’s flamehaired fox, a new craze called crossboarding, a basic belter of a cocktail, and the tale of the Aussie skate champ who came crashing down.

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THE JAWS OF DEATH What’s it like to go toe-to-toe with one of nature’s most fearsome predators: those modern-day dinosaurs we call alligators? MAXIM went deep into the swamps of Florida to find out.

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MAXIM MOUTH Movie star/TV star/writer/singersongwriter/puppet wrangler Jason Segel talks celebrity, the joy of smoking, and the greater joy of filming Sex Tape with Cameron Diaz.

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NO GUNS, NO GORY The surprising results of John Howard’s 1996/97 gun buyback scheme and a look at the ripple effect crime has on the community.

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IRINA SHAYK Our cover star is one of the most successful supermodels in the universe – a globetrotting goddess whose boyfriend just

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happens to be one of the world’s most celebrated athletes.

Now, with Hercules hitting the big screen, Irina stakes her claim as the ultimate screen siren.

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HOW TO SURVIVE ANYTHING Kidnapped, lost at sea, shipwrecked, stranded in the Outback, attacked by a bear, attacked by a shark, in the midst of a hostage crisis – we’ll help you get out of all those pickles.

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FOOD We take you behindthe-scenes of popular Paris bistro The Beef Club, so you can see how high-end chefs handle their meat.

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A LEAP OF FAITH When three daredevils snuck into the new World Trade Center tower and jumped off, they were looking for adventure, excitement, and the freedom of flight. Instead, they may lose their freedom altogether.

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RATED Hilltop Hoods humour our childish acrostic idea, Aussie musos share their party playlists, and the director of The Armstrong Lie reveals his feelings about the subject of his doco.

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HEALTH + FITNESS Aussie rally driver Chris Atkinson reveals the physical work that goes into being able to handle all those highspeed hairpins.

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THE END Mark Wahlberg has...

24 hours to live.

MAXIM AUSTRALIA PHONE +612-7900-6786 MAIL PO Box 230, Double Bay NSW 1360 EMAIL maxim@maxim.com.au WEB www.maxim.com.au FACEBOOK maximau TWITTER maxim_AUs INSTAGRAM maxim_aus YOUTUBE maximaustralia

COVER PHOTO: RUSSELL JAMES

STUFF THAT KEPT US SANE THIS MONTH...

Birthday, Beer Pong, and bye-byes for Dan.

Santi Pintado and Gabi Grecko rock the red carpet at our Third Birthday party. See page 12 for more.

ASK THE GRILL TEAM

Our favourite Gold Logie winner, Scott Cam, talks Beer Pong tactics before challenging our ad girl Lisa.

Associate Editor, Daniel Steiner, sadly says farewell to MAXIM. Brittni & Emmi miss you already!

THIS MONTH: GIVEN THIS EDITION’S COVER GIRL, WHO IS YOUR FAVOURITE WAG AND WHY?

The trio from Triple M’s Grill Team in Sydney – Matty Johns, Mark Geyer, and Gus Worland – answer a tough topic each month

GUS: Candice Falzon. She’s such a great bird. She comes into the studio a lot, she’s really good fun, she’s sexy-as, and she seems to have turned around Dave Warner’s life. And we need Dave Warner batting well for Australia. Anything that helps this cause is great.

MG: The great Steffi Graf is the ultimate WAG to an unbelievable tennis player in Andre Agassi. He is definitely one of my all-time favourites and seeing the both of them together with their kids, and stuff , really makes my heart warm. Awww.

MATTY: I’m going with Aussie surfer and all-round top chick, Sally Fitzgibbons.

She goes out with (St George Illawarra player) Trent Merrin, clearly not the best looking bloke in the NRL. It’s one thing is to be charitable but this is going too far. Still, good to know everyone has a chance!

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CZECH REPUBLIC Jan Stepanek

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SWITZERLAND Boris Etter

UNITED STATES Dan Bova

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GERMANY Boris Etter

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EDITORIAL EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Santi Pintado (spintado@nuclear.com.au) ASSOCIATE EDITOR Daniel Steiner (dsteiner@nuclear.com.au) ART DIRECTOR Luke Shaddock (lshaddock@nuclear.com.au) GROOMING EDITOR Shonagh Walker MOTORING Bill Varetimidis GAMING & TECH Chris Stead STAFF PHOTOGRAPHER Wayne Daniels CONTRIBUTORS Adam Briggs, Bert Cason, Tom Crago, Ian Daly, Pete Ehemann, Scott Keenan, Nick Leftley, Adam Linehan, Stephanie Radvan, Ashley Ross, Myles Sgammotta, Dale Talde PHOTOGRAPHERS Nicolaas De Bruin, Russell James, Sam Kaplan, Michele Luarita, James Macari, Angel Riley Photography, Harper Smith ILLUSTRATORS Eamo, Andy MacGregor ADVERTISING NATIONAL ADVERTISING MANAGER Drew Haywood (dhaywood@nuclear.com.au) ACCOUNT MANAGER Lisa Sheerin (lsheerin@nuclear.com.au)

NUCLEAR MEDIA MANAGING DIRECTOR: Michael Downs MARKETING DIRECTOR: Natalie Downs © 2014 Maxim Inc. The name "MAXIM" and the MAXIM logo are registered trademarks of Maxim Media Inc., and used under license by Nuclear Media. All rights reserved. The United States edition of Maxim is published monthly

by Maxim Inc. 415 Madison Avenue, New York, NY 10017. For international publishing or licensing inquiries: maximworld@maxim.com.

CHAIRMAN AND CEO, BIGLARI HOLDINGS INC.: Mr. Sardar Biglari PRESIDENT, MAXIM INC.: Mr. Ben Madden MAXIM WORLD WIDE BRAND LICENSING INTERNATIONAL PUBLISHING MANAGER: Stephanie Marino INTERNATIONAL EDITORIAL DIRECTOR: Simon Clays SENIOR INTERNATIONAL OPERATIONS MANAGER: Pauline Lam INTERNATIONAL RIGHTS CO-ORDINATOR: Catherine Baxter

Third Birthday Party Casablanca Bar in Sydney’s Double Bay was pumping with over 400 VIP guests celebrating MAXIM Australia magazine’s third birthday. The action kicked off on the red carpet as regular punters rubbed shoulders with famous faces including our birthday issue cover girl, and Geoffrey Edelsten’s partner, Gabi Grecko, reigning Gold Logie winner Scotty Cam, Wallabies star Quade Cooper, boxer Lauryn Eagle, Kyle Sandilands’ squeeze Imogen Anthony, Hi-5 hottie Lauren Brant, and MAXIM cover girls Renee Somerfield, Sheridyn Fisher and Kahili Blundell. With the beer, wine, cocktails, and Patron ice luge flowing freely, the Beer Pong room went off, as the MAXIM girls rocked their red jumpsuits and a plethora of gorgeous girls took over the dancefloor.

Big thanks again to Patrón Tequila Australia, Dream Drives Sydney, Australian Brewery, Redds Cups, Security, and Treasury Wine Estates for your support.

THE MAXIM TEAM IN A RARE SOBER MOMENT

MAXIM GIRLS SHARE A SHINY DISCO BALL

IMOGEN ANTHONY

LAURYN EAGLE & SOME CREEP

SPECIAL GUEST GABI GRECKO TAKES OVER THE SPEECHES

THANKS FOR THE MERCEDES SLS, DREAM DRIVES SYDNEY

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MAXIM MD MICHAEL ENJOYS A LAURYN/LAUREN SANDWICH

SCOTTY CAM WORKS HIS MAGIC ON THE RED CARPET

Hi-5’s LAUREN BRANT ARRIVES IN STYLE

MAXIM AUSTRALIAN SWIMWEAR MODEL OF THE YEAR LAURA BRUNSKILL

MAXIM TV’S JAMES KERLEY

MAXIM COVER GIRLS SHERIDYN FISHER & RENEE SOMERFIELD

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Bewitched

As Teen Wolf’s resident object of lust, Holland Roden has a few tips for her male fans. Rule 1: No pairing Speedos with sneakers. by Julian Stern Photos: Harper Smith

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olland roden sighs an apology. “i had the most boring college life.” Here we are on the garden patio of a quiet espresso shop, a stone’s throw from her alma mater, UCLA, but the 27-year-old actress has zero stories to tell from her undergraduate years. “It was such a sad existence. I was doing nursing school in the evening, I worked at a restaurant three nights a week, I was commuting every single day, and that was my life.” But Roden, who plays high school queen bee (and banshee) Lydia Martin on FOX8’s Teen Wolf, has certainly made up for it since.

If you can take your eyes off her shocking-red hair, hazel eyes, and otherworldly eye­lashes, the true takeaway from a conversation with her is, well, the conversation. Wanna talk finance? The selfproclaimed Wall Street nerd just finished reading Michael Lewis’s Flash Boys. She’s a huge fan. How about music? She knows that Sweden and Iceland are having their moment right now, but France is where it’s at. (Next time you’re there, she suggests Le Sans Souci, this great little dive in the Ninth Arrondissement.) Interested in global affairs? Roden’s account of her recent trip to Africa will have you so engrossed that 45 minutes pass before you realise you haven’t even asked her about her MAXIM shoot...

So, how did the shoot go?

Well, I had malaria.

Wait, what?!

Yeah. I’d just gotten back from travelling to Ghana. I didn’t find out till afterward that I had it. They test for only the most common strain, and there’s, like, five different ones.

But it’s fine! You just take the pills, and it goes away.

Being that you’re so well-travelled, what are your preferences in terms of the men of the world?

Oh, French. The whole fluidity-of-sexuality thing is sexy. Men being able to admit, “Oh, that’s an attractive guy.” Also, they’re great dressers, and it’s not considered

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I used to date older for a very long time, and now I’m dating a guy who’s much younger than me, but I always liked the professor thing. metrosexual. It’s considered just dressing.

That’s a really cool thing, I think, when you find guys that take pride in what they look like.

After three years on Teen Wolf, is that enough to make up for your abysmal college experience?

We filmed our first season in Atlanta, and there was a lot of partying. And there were a lot of gay men who worked on our show, so I would go to this male strip club,

Swinging Richards. The dancers wore only Speedos and sneakers, and let me give your readers a tip – Speedos and sneakers? No. Never. Those do not ever, in any sort of capacity, go together.

Then what type of guy do you look for?

Everybody loves the hot nerd. It’s in vogue right now. I used to date older for a very long time, and now I’m dating a guy who’s much younger than me, but I always liked the professor thing.

STYLING: LAUREN CAMPANILE/ CELESTINEAGENCY. COM; HAIR: DAVEN/ CELESTINEAGENCY. COM; MAKE-UP: LAUREN LANCASTER/ CELESTINEAGENCY.COM; MANICURE: TRACEY SUTTER/CLOUTIER REMIX

Dream Drives Sydney

DR EA M D RI V ES SYDNEY

What could be better than taking the wheel and cruising

220 O’Riordan Street Mascot NSW 2020

country roads for the day in one of six stunning pieces

Bookings: Tel: (+61 2) 8030 5650 info@dreamdrivessydney.com.au www.dreamdrivessydney.com.au activity: Luxury sports car drive day Number of people: Maximum 12 people price range: $1100 per driver, $400 per passenger Duration: 8 hours indoor: No outdoor: Yes Weather affected: Extreme conditions only Goals outcomes: Just for fun, group activity, skills development, leadership activity transport: Yes onsite Dining: Yes catering available: Yes Beverages: Yes alcohol: No Byo: No Disabled access: No toilets: Yes opening Hours:Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm

of motor engineering? A Sports Car Drive Day is the perfect way to award achievement, or as an incredible gift to business associates or clients.

Picture yourself in a convoy of an incredible six out-of-this-world sports cars just begging to be driven to the max.

The day begins at the Sydney showroom with a guided tour of every function and feature of each of your six beautiful vehicles. Navigators and drivers are then paired off and you’re allotted your dream car for the first leg of your very own Sports Car Drive Day. But don’t worry, you’ll experience the power and prestige of every performance vehicle you’ve ever dreamt of throughout the day as drivers and navigators are swapped between cars.

Throw in a delicious Devonshire morning tea and magnificent lunch and you have a day that will not be topped.

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S poRtS CA R D RIVE DAY f EAtuRES • Cars include Aston Martins, Lambourghinis, Ferraris, Porsches, BMWs and Mercedes • Fees are $1100 per driver and $400 per passenger • Hire fee includes morning tea, lunch and fuel • Running from 9am to 5pm, distance covered is approximately 250 km • Held during the week, weather permitting • Drivers must be aged 25 years with a valid driving license. Others, underage or unlicensed, are welcome as a passenger

AM pM Night

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decisions

8/7/2014 3:30:59 PM

Serve Up Victory NICK BOLLETTIERI, the legendary tennis coach whose IMG Academy has trained everyone from Andre Agassi to Maria Sharapova, dishes up three superior shots

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THE DROP SHOT “When you see your opponent playing six-to-eight feet [around 2m] behind the baseline, you know this: he doesn’t want to come in to the net. So hit a drop shot. The key?

Disguise. Use the same emotion, the same expression, the same swing you have for a baseline shot, and at the very last second just cut a drop shot over the net.”

THE SWINGING VOLLEY “Back in the ’80s people said I couldn’t teach a volley. So I said to Andre, ‘F–k it, swing at the goddamn ball.’ Make sure the ball is a little above shoulder height. Swing at the same level of the ball with your hand slightly behind the racquet. Use a big follow-through, around to your left shoulder, and finish at the same height you started.”

THE SECOND SERVE “Most people have a good first serve. But any decent player will attack a shitty second serve. So change it.

Aggression is the key. You’re going to have some double faults, but it’s worth it. Use some force and employ a more continental grip. That strong serve will win you a lot of points.”

How to Three the Hard Way

If waiting around as a “mixol­ogist” adds an unending barrage of frou-frou ingredients to your drink doesn’t sound like a good time, you’re not alone.

Barrel Proof in New Orleans is getting back to boozy basics by only serving libations containing three ingredients or less. “At a certain point, throwing many things into something that’s five liquid ounces [150mL] gets to be a mess,” says Barrel Proof bartender Liam Deegan.

“A drink made for someone else should serve them, not the bartender’s need to feel like an artist.”

MIZUWARI, A.K.A. THE JAPANESE HIGHBALL In a collins glass: ● Add 60mL Hakushu 12-year-old Japanese whisky ● Fill with large ice cubes ● Top with a splash of sparkling water (whatever quality your wallet allows) ● Give a quick stir

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Get Your Rocks Off How to improve your ice game at home.

Size matters if you’re serious about cocktail ice. Bigger cubes melt slower and thus are less likely to water down your favourite aged bourbon or perfectly proportioned Negroni. And visually, well, hell, they just look cooler.

If you’re not in walking distance of Barrel Proof, check out cocktailkingdom .com for high-quality trays that make large cubes for lowballs and long spears for tall drinks.

Use filtered tap or bottled water when possible to avoid imperfect flavours.

PHOTO: MAREN CARUSO; FOOD STYLING: KIM KISSLING

When it comes to today’s best cocktails, less is more.

Feeling cross

BY SEAN IRELAND

Get to know Cross Boarding, the new product from Maxt Sports (Maximum Technology Sports), as explained by creator Dave “Max” Elphick

“Where we’re going we don’t need roads.”

WHY? “In 1986, snowboarding was just talk in South Australia [Dave is based in Adelaide], with only the odd surf mag report on it.

It wasn’t a moment or idea – the inspiration was: I just had to do it. Like any hyper kid at 18, I went to the shed to make my own physical interpretation of snowboarding, with no formal training or academics.”

INITIAL DESIGNS AND PROTOTYPE “Rough as guts, with only small signs of potential. Naïve perseverance and trial and error (mostly error) led to the concept organically evolving into a ride-style similar to that of surfing and skateboarding.”

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FOR MORE INFO: CROSSBOARD.CO

HOW IT CAME TO BE USED AT MT BULLER, VICTORIA “The basic concept was first discovered at Falls Creek [Victoria] in 1988, working under the guidance of Gebi [of Gebi’s Falls Creek resort and retail site] and his Austrian ski technicians. A great deal of 3D CAD [computer-aided design] modelling and engineering followed from 2010 to 2012. In 2012,

We Rode It! George of George’s Ski Hire [in Mt Buller], an independent operator and friend of Gebi, helped me with free workshop use and tech assistance. George offered to hire the Cross Board through his operation. The rest is history in progress and lots of fun.”

AND HERE ARE OUR FINDINGS…

● Easier for learners, due to the pivot of blades, which reduces the likelihood of catching edges – it’s more forgiving than a snowboard. ● Great for icier conditions because of its extra height – there’s more pressure on the leading edge.

● Good for surf● We tested the style turning. beginner model but Max says longer boards are available ● Hard to get used to doing tricks on, for differing as the board is small conditions. and loops out easily ● The mix of surf, [other types of Cross skate, and snow Board may differ]. influences gives ● Unlikely to a flowing ride replace snowboards for those not but it’s a good interested in hitting addition and up the park. stepping stone for learners.

What Goes Up Must Come Down In the late-Nineties, Melbourne brothers Tas and Ben Pappas were ranked as the number one and two, respectively, vert skaters in the world. But drugs and a lack of impulse control led to a dark free fall that involved jail and death. In the new doco All This Mayhem, Tas candidly tells the tale; here, he explains how the film came about

WHAT WAS IT LIKE BEATING TONY HAWK, WHO YOU AND BEN HAD AN ADVERSARIAL RELATIONSHIP WITH, AT THE 1996 HARD ROCK CAFE SKATEBOARDING WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS? Mate, I was on top of the world.

But as soon as it was over I tried to find some coke.

I couldn’t find any, but I got offered ice, and that was the first time I tried it. It was pretty much straight after the comp. Went back to the hotel, chopped up a big, fat line, then went drinking all night. It didn’t really register that I’d won the comp. It was like, “Yeah, won another one.

Where’s the shit at?”

WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON HAWK NOW?

ALL THIS MAYHEM IS OUT ON DVD & DIGITAL HD SEPTEMBER 10

HOW DID YOU GET INVOLVED WITH THIS DOCO? I was doing a doco with this bloke and he was swept up with it being a story like “The Chopper of Skateboarding”.

And I was like, “Mate, that is not what it is at all.” We were just skaters who lost the plot.

Me and my brother went through a lot growing up: I used to get bashed

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by my babysitter and was sexually abused as a child.

I had these issues, so it wasn’t like some Chopper kind of story – there was mental illness and other issues involved. I wanted the story told right; not some sensationalised bullshit. When I was told I couldn’t

see the cuts… I actually had a few mates from jail saying they could handle it for me.

I was half-keen to go that route but I was reading the Bible at the time and decided to trust in God – maybe this would give me some more evidence He was up there

watching over things. That first doco ended up getting shut down.

Then Eddie [Martin, director] showed up. He told me who he was, and brought on the same team that did Senna and Exit Through the Gift Shop, and I was like, “Alright, you’re real. Let’s do it.”

I think he’s a very unforgiving person.

When I first got out [of prison, in 2012] they wanted me to do a demo at the Big Day Out but Hawk told them no. Luckily, Jeremy [Gordon, festival director] insisted that I was doing it – thanks, mate! – but Hawk made it so me and my family couldn’t be at the ramp area while he and his crew were there. I was trippin’, man. I’m like, “Mate, I just got out of jail, I’m with my family, I’m on parole – what the f–k do you think I’m gonna do?!” Must’ve made a real impression on him.

WHAT MESSAGE DO YOU WANT PEOPLE TO TAKE AWAY FROM THE DOCO? If you can, stay away from partying too hard. My dad told me to read the Bible not long before he died – and I did – and it made me want to do things right. I was blessed, mate, and pulled myself out of the shit. But you’ve gotta keep a check on yourself.

It’s easy to get comfortable, then go backwards. I’m just trying my best to do my best.

WHAT WOULD YOU TELL THE 1996 VERSION OF YOU? It wouldn’t matter; I wouldn’t listen. Sometimes it takes a lot of tragedy to wake you up, and I’ve experienced a lot of that.

Drew Haywood

Jaws of

What’s it like to go toe-to-toe with one of nature’s most fearsome predators: those modern-day dinosaurs we call alligators?

MAXIM went deep into the swamps of Florida to find out. by Nick Leftley

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“Watch the head!” warns Paul Bedard as he pulls down the tailgate on his pickup truck to reveal an enormous alligator, said head haphazardly wrapped in an old towel. “The mouth’s taped up, but it’s still like getting hit with a baseball bat. You’re talking about an animal with pretty much a solid-bone head – if your leg is planted on the ground and he hits you, he can snap your femur.

Or your neck.” Paul pauses as we both stare at the gator, then looks at me.

“So, you ready to help carry this thing?”

It’s early in the morning on a cold, drizzly day in Homestead, Florida as we stand in the parking lot of the Everglades Alligator Farm and regard the scaly monster. Going by appearances alone, an alligator is a mean son of a bitch: it’s a dinosaur crossed with a tank; a killing machine with the eyes of a street-corner pimp. As a species, human beings have an innate (and utterly justified) fear of the beasts, but – as always in nature – there are exceptions, and two of them happen to be standing next to me.

“I caught this gator with my girlfriend last night in a culvert pipe at a golf course,” says exception number one, better known as Paul Bedard, an endurance athlete with a wicked sense of humour and a starring role on Animal Planet’s Gator Boys. As half of the tag team, Paul gets tasked with going into the water to capture “nuisance gators” – that is, those who’ve taken up residence in someone’s pond or lake – and fishing them out. If you’re picturing him going about this job outfitted with a suit of waterproof armour and a poison-tipped harpoon, think again: Paul uses nothing but fins, a wetsuit, a noose on a pole, and balls the size of Texas watermelons.

“Wild alligators don’t normally get this heavy,” murmurs Jimmy Riffle. “This thing’s 300 pounds [136kg]. That’s the biggest eight-foot [2.4m] alligator I’ve ever seen come out of the wild.” Jimmy is exception number two. A kid who grew up wrestling gators on the Seminole Indian Reservation in Hollywood, Florida – even though he isn’t Seminole – he’s the more reserved of the pair, but it’s his job to take over when Paul hauls the nuisance gator out of the water. Barefoot, wearing a wide-brimmed

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hat, with no tools to speak of, Jimmy will circle the hissing, snapping gator, looking for his moment. When he spots it, he’ll leap onto the creature’s back, lock his feet under its front legs, and slam its giant jaws together so it can be safely taped up and readied for transport. Like Paul, he’s animalcrazy. Also like Paul, he’s apparently just regular-crazy, too.

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here is something typically all-American about alligator wrestling. Consider this: when the ancient Egyptians first encountered the Nile crocodile, they named it Sobek and worshipped it as a god. When Americans discovered the gator, they chose to go to war with it. It’s a tradition, a display of manhood that goes back hundreds of years among the Seminole.

According to legend, Chief Cufcowellax, under the protection of the Great Spirit, spent months fighting the man-eating bull gator that had been terrorising his tribe.

Even Muhammad Ali boasted of having wrestled one. Jimmy’s been doing it since he was 11, though, and he knows the practicalities inside out, the all-important differences between what works for a show and what works simply to restrain a bad-tempered animal. All that dancing around and making it whip its head and tail about? That’s not showmanship; that’s a necessary precaution. “Can you pull a gator out of the water and get right on top of it?

Yes – but the reason we don’t is because we want to tire that alligator out so we can safely transport it,” he explains. It’s just logic – or as close as you can get to logic when you’re talking to two guys who’ve decided to tangle with armoured bitemonsters for a living.

Now that Paul has removed the gator from the culvert and brought it to the farm, it’s time to transfer it to the breeding pond out back. The two pull the beast into what is essentially a golf cart with a flatbed, then Jimmy beckons to me to climb in the back and help sit on the gator. He assures me that it’s perfectly safe, although whether he means for me or the gator is unclear.

“Those paws are just for digging,” says Paul as I eye the large claws that tip each leg. “The claws are the last thing you’ve

got to worry about – you need to worry about the head, the teeth, and that big, fat tail.” Jimmy nods. “Getting hit with the tail is like getting hit by a very big belt,” he says, grinning, as we bump along through the farm. “The end is like getting hit by a belt,” argues Paul from the relative comfort of the front seat. “The middle of it is like somebody kicking you… ” The tail becomes a pressing concern as we reach the pond and I learn that it’s my job to help carry the creature through the double metal fence and into the pond that contains 250 more alligators. As Jimmy grabs the gator around its neck, I wrap my arms around the thick base of its truly enormous tail, right behind those claws that Paul assured me were nothing to worry about. Designed for digging they may be, but when you’re staggering under the weight of a 300-pound animal that doesn’t want to be carried, and one of those shovel-size paws is kicking at the air two inches from your crotch, I defy the bravest man not to be at least a little nervous.

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hree hundred pounds may not sound like a lot for two men to carry (the largest gators grow to just over 4m in length and tip the scales at around 450kg), but alligators are exceptionally strong – and the parts that aren’t bone or armour are solid muscle.

As soon as we start trying to walk with the reptile, it thrashes mercilessly, twisting its head and tail, nearly knocking us off our feet. I feel my back being wrenched and yelp in pain – if it weren’t for the surefooted Jimmy keeping us upright, I would find myself flattened under the leathery mass of an angry dinosaur with a bone to pick. As it is, Jimmy heaves us both forward and we stumble our way to the edge of the pond. “OK, drop it!” he shouts. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t mean it literally, but the second I loosen my grip, the gator twists out of my grasp and thuds down onto the sand. I break a world record for Farthest Distance Leaped Backward from a Standing Start, but Jimmy calmly hops onto its back and removes the towel. By now, several dozen pairs of cold, black eyes have broken the pond’s surface just feet from the shore to see what the ruckus is about.

Getting bit by an alligator, it’s the equivalent of taking a car door, welding big spikes on it, and having your best friend kick it shut on your hand and then drive away.

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How to Survive Being Bitten by a Gator PRO TIP: DON’T PISS HIM OFF IN THE FIRST PLACE

Scream and Punch “Just yell very loud,” says Jimmy. “Fight with whatever you’ve got,” adds Paul.

“Grab him and keep dropping thunder on his nose – big, hard punches and elbows.”

Step 2

Jimmy Riffle shows off a gator’s bonecrushing jaws, filled with about 80 teeth

I continue backing up, but Jimmy beckons me over and asks if I want to try wrestling: it sounds like an offer I can’t refuse.

“Just hang on,” advises Jimmy. “Once you’re committed, you’re committed – there is no way out of that. Paul has this thing he says, that in alligator wrestling, there is no tap out, and it’s true.” Paul nods in agreement. “Especially if there’s no tape on the mouth,” he grins. In deference to the professionals, I have to acknowledge that what I’m doing is not even close to what they do when capturing a wild gator – this animal is tired, cold, and flanked by two experts, one of whom is holding it by the tip of its taped-up mouth. Paul or Jimmy would probably take a nap in my situation, but for the uninitiated it’s intimidating to climb onto the back of one of the world’s most efficient predators, grasp its jaws with your suddenly very fragile-seeming fingers, and feel the sheer power of the beast underneath you. Even with the teeth out of play, it’s not like it’s defenceless.

“One of the reasons you want to wear him out before jumping on him is so he doesn’t go into a death roll,” warns Paul.

The death roll is exactly what it sounds like – a move usually performed underwater that’s designed to drown prey (or simply tear off chunks of it) by grabbing the victim and spinning rapidly. It’s not unheard-of for a gator to attempt the lethal manoeuvre on

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land. “I know a guy, Justin, who got caught in a roll while doing a show, and he got his biceps ripped off,” says Paul.

“It just reached up and tore it right off!”

So how do you avoid a death roll? “If you hook the rear leg over your ankle, that stops him from rolling,” Paul says. “During the death roll, his legs are tucked in, so if you keep his leg out, he’d have to break his own leg to roll, and he won’t do it.” It sounds like a solid plan, but I have an even better one –getting the hell off this animal’s back and leaving it to the pros.

I clamber, wobbly-kneed, to one side, and the Gator Boys team up to take the critter to the water. Paul grabs its snout and removes the tape; then Jimmy picks up the tail, and they drag the animal to the water’s edge. Without so much as a “See you later”, the alligator slithers its way into the safety of the pond and disappears from sight. fter a quick tour of the swamp, we’re off to Jimmy Riffle’s Old Florida Bar-B-Q for an epic lunch and a few war stories.

“I’ve been bitten more than 30 times,” shrugs Paul. “I think.

I stopped counting at 25.” “Seven for me,” says Jimmy. “Getting bit by an alligator, it’s the equivalent of taking a car door, welding big spikes on it, and having your best friend kick it shut on your hand and then drive

A

The Eyes Have It “We usually say you can’t get out by gouging the eyes,” says Paul.

“But there are guys who’ve gone two knuckles deep in an eyeball. The gator is blind but, hey, it’s either he goes blind or you die.”

Step 3

Secure the Mouth “If you get bitten in the hand, hold its mouth shut, so he doesn’t get a better grip,” says Paul. “It sounds crazy, but you want to control him, so if he starts shaking, you can grab his jaws.”

Step 4

Check Your Head “When I get bitten in the head, it’s often a tooth through each temple,” says Paul.

“That’s right where the muscles and tendons go through your jaw muscles, so you can’t eat solid food for a week.”

away. I had a gator bite me once and hold on for eight minutes. Because of all the adrenalin, I felt the pressure, but I didn’t actually feel the pain until after we’d got a crowbar and pried him off.”

If you’re surprised a person’s hand wouldn’t be snapped off by a bite like that, you’re not alone. “It’s not the bite that does the damage,” explains Jimmy. “It’s when he tears, shakes, or rolls.” “The teeth aren’t designed like sharks’ teeth, which cut all the way across,” agrees Paul. “A gator’s mouth, it’s more like a pair of pliers.” Jimmy nods. “You have three options when a gator bites you: best case is a quick pop, where he’ll just crunch and you’ll have teeth marks. Second, he’ll shake you, but then let go – that’s bad. Third, he bites, shakes, and then rolls. That’s the worst-case scenario.”

With all that said, are gators really as mean as most people think? The boys think not. “I literally have gators I can pet,” says Paul, laughing. “I’m not under the illusion that they’re in love with me or that I’m their buddy, but they tolerate me.”

“Alligators are just like people,” says Jimmy, in summation. “People have different personalities – if I pushed you, you might walk away. Or you might punch me. Alligators are that way. There are alligators you can kiss on the side of the face. But then you try that with another alligator, he’ll rip your face off.”

PHOTO: TIM SOTER

Step 1

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The Icon

Jason Segel THE MOVIE STAR/TV STAR/WRITER/ SINGER-SONGWRITER/PUPPET WRANGLER TALKS CELEBRITY, THE JOYS OF SMOKING, AND THE GREATER JOY OF FILMING SEX TAPE WITH CAMERON DIAZ

Our director was sensitive to the fact that we were both totally nude.

Were you more sick of saying “bromance” after shilling for I Love You, Man or “keeping the spark alive” while talking Sex Tape?

This is my second interview for Sex Tape, so I still love saying “keeping the spark alive”!

The characters you and Cameron play duplicate every move in The Joy of Sex over a span of three hours – how is that physically possible?

There are a lot of pauses, and lots of hydration. It’s not three hours of continuous action. We try to show – no pun intended –the ins and outs of making a sex tape.

Did you notice how unattractive the 1972 models from the book were?

They are all artists’ renderings – so they tried to make them look as appealing as possible. When you see how hairy they are, you realise that was the look at the time.

That was a choice. The Joy of Sex is very

impractical. Most of it is clearly not for pleasure, just showing off.

“Honestly? Don’t ever play this for anyone, ever.”

Is there ever a time when filming a sex scene is actually fun?

The standard trope is true – there is definitely nothing sexy about it. Our director, Jake Kasdan, was sensitive to the fact that we were both totally nude. Most of the sex tape, it was just me, Cameron, and Jake actually operating the camera.

But it still ended up in the movie.

The hard thing about writing a romantic comedy is that you know how it’s going to end: the guy on the poster gets the girl on the poster. I thought of two things when writing that script: one was that if I open that movie with the main dude doing fullfrontal nudity in a dramatic scene, it will force viewers to submit to the notion that they have no idea what’s going to happen next. The second: I end the movie with a Dracula puppet musical.

You dropped a lot of weight for the role. What’s your secret?

There is no mystery: eat healthy and exercise and then trick your brain into thinking you like it. I gained a bunch of weight for the movie I just finished – The End of the Tour – and I was reminded of how shitty I felt. When you exercise every day, you wake up feeling really sprightly. When you are doing the opposite? Every day feels like that Thanksgiving-afternoon haze.

Your assistant took a photo of you in New Orleans, passed out and covered in Taco Bell wrappers. Did she present it to you as a laugh or a wake-up call?

She gave it to me in a very sombre, “pull it together, man” way.

What’s worse: a sex tape or sexting?

Sex tape. You don’t look as good as you think you do when you make all the faces.

The Dracula musical subplot in Forgetting Sarah Marshall is based on an actual script you worked on after Freaks and Geeks was cancelled.

Was it always supposed to be a drama, like in the movie?

I didn’t put any labels on it. I was out of work, and then I hit this period where I was too tall to play a kid anymore and too young to play a doctor. I got really weird, and I honestly thought that I would resuscitate my career by doing a lavish Dracula puppet musical. I played a few songs for Judd Apatow, and he said,

You’re an unabashed smoker in an industry full of people who hide it.

Have you quit?

I do my best. I’ve gone through periods of not smoking, or using the gum.

Occasionally I’ll have to smoke in something – and the thing about cigarettes? They’re very, very addictive!

It’s not like being addicted to chocolate or something. Every time I smoke, I realise it’s got me again.

You suffered from night terrors as a child. Did you ever sleepwalk?

No, I just had recurring nightmares. One was about Dracula, and one was about witches eating my toes. I’m still terrified of witches eating my toes.

Out of all the songs you’ve written, is there a favourite?

Probably “Inside of You” for Russell Brand [in Sarah Marshall]. We were both trying to think: what is the worst song that you can hear your ex-girlfriend’s new boyfriend sing in front of you? I was listening to Dave Matthews Band’s “Crash Into Me”, and it’s just such a thinly veiled metaphor.

“Crash into me.” So then I thought, ‘Why not push it just one step further and remove the veil?’

Bill Schulz Sex Tape is out now

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No Guns, No Gory IN THE ECONOMICS OF JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING: THE

HIDDEN REASONS FOR OUR CURIOUS CHOICES AND SURPRISING SUCCESSES , ANDREW LEIGH EXAMINES, WELL, THE TITLE EXPLAINS IT QUITE WELL. READ ON TO SEE SOME OF HIS SURPRISING FINDINGS ABOUT JOHN HOWARD’S 1996 GUN BUYBACK SCHEME

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From mid-1996 to mid-1997, anyone could take a gun to their local police station, and the police would pay its fair value. In total, nearly 650,000 weapons were handed in to police. In the Northern Territory, police even paid compensation for a set of World War II aircraft cannons!

But did the buyback save lives? The public debate seemed frustratingly simplistic. Some anti-gun campaigners described firearms owners as ‘gun nuts’,

PHOTO: PETER YANG/AUGUST

and seemed to have difficulty understanding how anyone could enjoy gun collecting, target shooting, or hunting. Conversely, gun-rights advocates would say things like ‘guns don’t kill people, people do’, which doesn’t take the debate very far, given that the same can be said for fragmentation grenades, poison gas, and surface-to-air missiles...

With Christine Neill, an expatriate Australian now living in Canada, I set about analysing data on the buyback. One result was rock solid. In the decade before the gun buyback, Australia averaged more than one mass shooting [where five or more people are killed] per year. Between 1987 and 1996, a total of 94 victims were killed in mass shootings.

In the decade after the laws were changed, there was not a single mass shooting in Australia. The chance of this change being due to luck alone is less than 1 in 100.

Judged by whether it prevented mass shootings, the Australian gun buyback was an unmitigated success. Yet impressive though this is, the number of people killed in mass shootings has never been particularly large. Even during the worst period for gun massacres, the odds of being killed in a mass shooting were about as large as the chances of being killed by a lightning strike.

Neill and I then set about looking at other types of gun deaths. We learnt that the person most likely to kill you with a gun is yourself. The next most likely person to kill you with a gun is your spouse. The next most likely people to kill you are household members, relatives, and acquaintances. You are least likely to be killed by a complete stranger. So we decided to look at the impact of the gun buyback on the overall firearm homicide and firearm suicide rates.

We approached the question in two ways. First, we looked at national trends.

We found that – notwithstanding the mass shootings – gun homicide and gun suicide rates had been steadily falling for nearly two decades before the buyback. Some fancy statistical analysis seemed to suggest that the buyback had caused the firearm homicide and suicide rates to fall a little faster, but it was difficult to be sure, so we tried another approach.

In some states, the number of firearms per person that were bought back was larger than in other parts of Australia. We asked the question a little differently: did places with more gun buybacks experience a larger drop in gun homicide and suicide?

The answer turned out to be a resounding yes. For example, in the case of firearm

The value of a statistical life most commonly used by Australian policy-makers is $2.5 million. suicide, the greatest reduction in weapons occurred in Tasmania, which was also the jurisdiction that saw the biggest drop in firearm suicide. Meanwhile, the smallest reduction in firearms per person was in Canberra, which also had the smallest drop in the firearm suicide rate. We did not find evidence of a corresponding increase in other forms of homicide (such as knife killings) or suicide (such as self-poisoning).

Overall, we estimated that the Australian gun buyback saved at least 200 lives per year – mostly suicides.

But the buyback had been expensive.

Around half a billion dollars in compensation was paid to gun owners.

Was it worth it or would Australia have been better off putting the money into other life-saving measures, such as safer roads or better hospitals? To answer this question, we need a way of valuing gun deaths in monetary terms. For noneconomists, this is sometimes regarded as a ghastly exercise: how can we put a dollar figure on a life? But for economists, having an estimate of the value of a statistical life helps us decide when a life-saving measure is cost-effective. By looking at how much people are willing to pay for health care and safety measures, economists are able to come up with a figure for the value of a ‘statistical life’.

The value of a statistical life most commonly used by Australian policy-makers is $2.5 million. On this basis, the economic value of saving 200 lives a year is around half a billion dollars, so the economic value of the gun buyback every year is about the same as the one-off cost paid in 1996-97.

Since it was implemented, the buyback has paid for itself more than 10 times over. And the vast bulk of the benefit came not from reduced mass shootings, but from an unexpected source: fewer gun suicides.

While relatively few people die from mass shootings, the fear generated by the Port Arthur massacre should not be ignored. It is true that Australia probably lost as many people to road accidents in the week after the Port Arthur massacre as died on that tragic Sunday. But that simple analysis ignores the fact that fear of crime imposes a real cost on the community.

It was the 19th Century philosopher Jeremy Bentham who first argued that

crime might have an impact on non-victims.

A violent crime, Bentham suggested, did a ‘primary mischief’ to its victim, but it also caused a ‘secondary mischief’. As reports circulated, people would go out of their way to avoid the spot where it happened.

Some might spend money to protect themselves. Others could be too scared to leave their homes at all. Bentham reminded us that the ripples of crime spread out well beyond the event itself.

Fear of crime isn’t always proportional to the risk of crime. For example, women tend to be most fearful of violent crime, yet men are most at risk. Perhaps because people’s worries don’t always match the true danger, the economics of crime has largely ignored fear.

To help fill the research gap, I carried out a study with British economist Francesca Cornaglia and US economist Naomi Feldman. In essence, we aimed to test Bentham’s theory in Australia. Matching up surveys of mental wellbeing with data on police crime reports, we found that an increase in crime was associated with lower levels of mental wellbeing for people who were not victims of any crime. When crime surged, people in the neighbourhood who hadn’t been victims tended to experience more emotional problems, nervousness, and depression. Moreover, we found media reports of crime act as a ‘multiplier’ – causing crime to have an even larger negative impact on mental wellbeing.

This finding suggests crime is more serious than we might have thought. As a community, we’ve always known we need to cut crime to protect the man who might be assaulted, the family whose house might be broken into, and the woman whose car may be stolen. We also know now that we need to cut crime so families can continue to let their children walk to school, women can go jogging at dusk, and older people can feel safe catching the train.

This is an edited extract from The Economics of Just About Everything: The hidden reasons for our curious choices and surprising successes

by Andrew Leigh, published by Allen & Unwin. RRP: $26.99, available now.

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Dive Hard Hugh O’Brien went from Navy Clearance Diver to the Special Forces counterterrorism unit, and then, after leaving in 2007, he took things down a notch and moved into private security. In his first book, Undaunted: From Clearance Diver to Mercenary, he details his punishing, perilous adventures, albeit in a laidback style. This edited extract details Hugh’s experiences with explosive ordnance disposal

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Sun Tzu’s The Art of War tells us, “Know thyself, know thy enemy.” Well, I’ve read that cryptic f—king book four times and I reckon Sun, a revered military strategist who died over 2,500 years ago, was onto something. The book is really hard to understand but there’s a lot of brilliance in it.

Two things in that quote strike me as absolutely true. You are the enemy. Also, I think old Sun might be suggesting that your weaknesses are the enemy’s strengths – and vice versa – but your own inner turmoil or lack of confidence can be far more damaging than anything.

Little by little, the course was whittling away these tendencies of mine. I may never be fully rid of self-doubt but the clearance diver (CD) course sure drills it out of you. By the end of my Shoalwater Bay experience, I would certainly ‘know myself ’ and then some.

The best way out is through.

– ROBERT FROST

There’s a turning point on the CD course designed specifically for the purposes of finishing off the weak, and I was acutely aware that the three-week EOD (explosive ordnance disposal) phase was it. It was to be held on the imaginatively named Triangular Island, a small dot in the otherwise vast military training area of Shoalwater Bay, off the coast of Rockhampton, Queensland. It is used specifically by clearance divers for underwater demolitions and large-scale EOD. At only about 3.5km across at its longest point, it is tiny, but it is an excellent training environment.

Although every bloody thing about the basic course was a giant test, if blokes were going to crack and decide the life aquatic was not for them, then this would be the time and place they would do so.

For BCD 53 [Basic Clearance

Diver course #53 – each one is assigned a number], the signs were good. All the lads were fusing together into a solid contingent of divers.

Our course had been doing well; we had a good rep with the instructors and we were feeling capable and confident heading into EOD phase. I was glad. As so many of us were from different backgrounds and areas of the navy, it was imperative we gel prior to this phase. If there’s one place you don’t want to come unstuck and have a domestic with your classmates, it’s during underwater demolitions.

Before we even set foot on the island, aspects of our upcoming training endeavour were becoming evident. For instance, we knew that two fully laden semi-trailer loads of ordnance and explosives were awaiting our arrival. It looked like every day would be filled with scenario-based mission profiles emulating those in

which a CD might find himself.

I overheard a particularly obtuse instructor saying that if there were any mistakes with this stuff, then “Goodnight, the fox”. Thanks very much; that said it all, really.

In this area of the world there are massive tides, and each time Poseidon pulled back the waves, a giant plateau of mud would be revealed. It extended 2km and surrounded the island in a halo of hardship.

The area was perfect for conducting underwater demolition and quite often we trainees would spend the morning hauling and manhandling a symphony of ordnance out into the mudfields. Then, when the waters rose, we’d dive the ‘problem’ as if we had just found it.

One of the hairiest experiences of my career happened in this place. For the exercise in question, [fellow CD] Salty and I spent a good part of the day shifting and stacking depth-charges – 11, to be exact – into a pyramid shape. They were heavy bastards – about 40kg each – and had no fusing system. Essentially, they were just each a lump of bang; remember that a single one of these suckers can take out a submarine!

We carefully primed each one with two sticks of plastic explosive (PE), drew the whole thing together by securing the tails of the det cord sticking out of the PE, and were ready to see the fruits of our labour – the whole thing being blown to smithereens – later in the afternoon.

As we had set it up, Salty and I were afforded the luxury of going out in the boat with the assistant instructors to ‘put fire on’ – in other words, to light the

fuse. We would then head 2km away to witness the explosion, while the rest of the course and remaining instructors waited patiently in the bunker for our confirmation of detonation and the all-clear.

I swam over and initiated the fusing system, got back in the boat, and awaited the roar of the outboard motor, expecting to be whisked away to safety.

Putt, putt, putt, sputterrrrrrr!

The bloody thing cut out about 100m or so from our pyramid of death!

‘Shit,’ I thought.

Salty started the heavy donk and we surged on.

Putt, putt, putt, splurttttt! Shit, shit, and double shit! The motor stopped again, and we were a mere 400m from where I’d lit the fuse.

Taking in the cool demeanour of the assistant instructors, I thought, ‘They’ll know what to do; they always do.’

After pumping the gas a little and giving her full-throttle, we finally began to gain some distance on the angering beast.

“Um, bro,” I said, “How far away do we need to be from this thing?” A perfectly reasonable question, no?

The instructor gave me a sidelong glance, continued playing with the motor as it spluttered and struggled to maintain momentum, then mumbled, “’Bout two K.” “Right then. I guess we had better get going then, eh?”

The meandering pace we were setting with our painfully sick donk definitely wasn’t going to cut it. We needed

to get a wriggle on. At 1.5m out, and with 45 seconds to go before our pyramid did its thing, Salty looked across at me and I could see he was a little worried. My blind faith in the CD on the boat remained unwavering, until he turned around and I detected a hint of concern creeping across his face.

“Right, boys, jump in; wait for the blast to rip through the water. When you feel it on your legs, hold your breath and get under the boat. Not before, as your lungs might implode! Oh, yeah, and don’t come up until you hear all the shrapnel finish.”

‘You can’t be serious!’ I thought. ‘Was that part of the bloody drill? What the f–k!’

But before we had a chance to discuss it further or even jump out of the boat, BANG! A plume of water rose over 30m, a shockwave rippled through the water around us, and we watched as giant black shards of shrapnel whistled through the air.

Bloody hell, what a show – it was exhilarating! When I looked down I could see flickers disturbing the water, as shapes appeared to tumble toward us. These, I’m told, were pieces of fist-sized steel slicing horizontally through the water with the ease of a skimming stone on a pond. Imagine what they could do to your face! They were a terrifying spectacle. A couple of chunks landed around us but nothing hit the boat.

We looked at each other in silence as calm slowly returned to our surroundings and the water settled.

“Mmm, that was a bit close,” muttered the instructor. You don’t say!

So you wanna be a CD HUGH CAN DO IT, BUT CAN YOU? A lot of people apply but don’t make it into the elite few who qualify as Clearance Divers, let alone for the counterterrorism Tactical Assault Group. Just how gruelling is the training, both physically and mentally?

The selection process is literally the hardest thing you will ever go through, but it needs to be, in order to prepare you for the real thing. It can be brutal, cruel even – it really can – but that’s how you get the right candidates.

It has an 80 per cent failure rate, sometimes higher. It doesn’t matter how you perform when you’re happy and comfortable, it matters how you behave when faced with a challenge and you’re cold, wet, tired, and hungry. That’s when you see the real person inside. Show me a bloke at his worst and I’ll show you the man.

Undaunted: From Clearance Diver to Mercenary by Hugh O’Brien is out now through Random House.

RRP: $34.99.

For more info, visit randomhouse. com.au

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Shayk

IT UP

Irina Shayk photographed exclusively for MAXIM at Elizabeth Harbor Sandbar, Great Exuma, Bahamas.

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She’s one of the most successful supermodels on Earth – a globetrotting goddess whose boyfriend just happens to be one of the world’s most celebrated athletes. Now, with Hercules out at the movies, Irina Shayk stakes her claim as the ultimate screen siren.

BY

LOGAN HILL

PHOTOS:

RUSSELL JAMES

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T oday I’m just easy-breezy,” says Irina Shayk, with impossibly full lips and a thick Russian accent to rival that of any Bond girl. “No make-up, no hair: I don’t want to look like a model when I’m in New York City.”

Of course, that doesn’t stop everyone in the Bowery Hotel’s sunny backyard garden from rubbernecking as she plops down on a wicker couch, fresh from Pilates class, tendrils of dark hair trailing in the wind, her endless legs extended in skintight yoga pants. Most New York models are so freakishly thin, they appear to be stretched funhouse mirror reflections of pretty people. Shayk, who just arrived from Brazil and flies off to China in two days, is an old school, unapologetic bombshell – one with a chip on her shoulder.

“People don’t realise that models are not just size-zero clothes hangers,” she says, gesturing to the curves of her hips and noting that the meangirl roommates of her youth told her she’d never make it in the business.

“I’m not a size zero. Thank God,

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because that’s how I got my West Village apartment!”

Being able to afford that condo is more than a matter of pride. “A lot of girls say, ‘I was seven years old; I wanted to dress up,’” Shayk notes, affecting a baby voice. “My story is different because we had nothing to eat!”

Shayk’s father, a coal miner, died when she was 14 , which left her music teacher mother to provide for the family on $25 a week, in Yemanzhelinsk, Russia. A few years later, a bus stop ad led Shayk and her sister to beauty school, where Irina was discovered by a local scout; then she hustled her way from Miss Chelyabinsk 2004 to high-fashion Parisian model to Sports Illustrated swimsuit babe in just three years.

She made the cover in 2011, the first Russian to do so.

“For me, it’s business, not a hobby, like, ‘Oh, I got $20,000 and I’m going to spend it on shoes,’” she says confidently, all eye contact, no hiding behind her hair, no cutesy flirtation. “What’s the part I enjoy the most? The financial part.

The independence.”

Sure, Shayk says, the international travel and glamorous parties can be fun, but all that dressing up is gruelling. She skips red carpet movie premieres because it’s “so much work getting dressed up”. She avoids hanging out with models because “fashion is the last thing I want to talk about”. She prefers events like the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, where she can mingle with politicians, writers, and TV stars from her favourite show, Scandal – anyone but the people she’s surrounded by every day.

“A lot of models go cuckoo: they cry, they have breakdowns and talk about what they had for lunch, how many pictures they took. And I just

want to kill myself! I see it as my work: once it’s done, it’s done.”

Shayk’s screen debut is opposite Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson in Brett Ratner’s Hercules, out now.

“Every time I get a script, it’s, like, bartender… stripper… And I don’t think I would make a bad bartender or stripper, you know?” She sashays a little in her seat. “But Greek mythology! Irina is a Greek name, so I think: maybe it’s destiny?”

In real life, Shayk is half of an even more mythic couple. She dates the frequently shirtless, underwearmodelling soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo, who is averaging a goal per game this year with Real Madrid, and is the reigning FIFA world player of the year. Ronaldo once said: “Because I am rich, handsome, and a great player, people are envious of me.” Another woman might fade into the background, but Shayk is nobody’s arm candy. “I never take the backseat,” she says. “Maybe if you’re lucky, you can have a front seat, too.”

Shayk says she and Ronaldo, the son of a Portuguese cook and gardener, are strivers who share the same drive to achieve. “He’s very competitive; I’m definitely very competitive,” she explains. “I’m not a person who cares about people’s opinions, and neither is he. Some people like you; some people hate you. You have to be strong.”

I don’t care about people’s opinions, and neither does Cristiano. Some people like you; some people hate you.

You have to be strong.

Bikini bottom, PilyQ Barcelona; cuff, Isharya.

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Bikini top, Heidi Klein; bikini bottom, Tori Praver; sunglasses, Alexander McQueen; bracelet, J.Crew.

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Bikini, Lenny Neimeyer; cuff, Pluma Jewelry; rings, A.V. Maxx.

I’m not a size zero.

Thank God, because that’s how I got my West Village apartment!”

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STYLIST: ANITA PATRICKSON/ THE WALL GROUP; HAIR: JEN ATKIN AT THE WALL GROUP FOR CLEAR SCALP & HAIR THERAPY; MAKE-UP: WALTER OBAL AT ATELIER MANAGEMENT FOR MAKE UP FOR EVER USING FACE AND BODY FOUNDATION; PRODUCTION: HG PRODUCERS

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(this page) Bikini, PilyQ Barcelona. (opposite page) Bikini, Aquarella; lapis ring and bracelet, Isharya; gold-chain bracelets, Melinda Maria.

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1

The Supercar That Truly Stands Out The 559kW Lamborghini Veneno gives new meaning to the word exclusive

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2

Built for the company’s 50th anniversary and titled after a famed bull that gored a matador to death in the early 20th Century, the $6 million Lamborghini Veneno is an exercise in just-because: a carbon-fibre sexpot stripped of every extraneous gram intended to make even those half-million-dollar supercars outside

the casino in Monaco seem like Honda Civics by comparison.

Consider this: the 6.5L V12 hits 100km/h in 2.8 seconds.

But it’s all about that body. The Veneno’s chassis is so wild, it bears no resemblance to its already outrageous inspiration, the Lamborghini

Aventador.

If hypercars from McLaren and Ferrari are superheroes, then the Veneno, Lambo’s fastestever creation, is their nemesis.

Every inch has been sharpened, stretched, and vented to an exaggerated

perfection.

Sure, all three of the Venenos produced for the public have been snatched up. But that’s just fine: seeing this car on the road should be a rare thing.

3

1. AN UNDERBODY THAT INHALES Tucked underneath the Veneno’s post-apocalyptic bodywork is a smooth underbelly designed to suck air – and the car – toward Earth, creating maximum downforce and stability.

3. POWER FOR THE PEOPLE While the standard Aventador churns out 700 horsepower, the Veneno’s V12 screams with 750, thanks to huge air

intakes and a tweaked exhaust system.

4. A SOUPED-UP SHARK FIN The Veneno’s fin-like rear ridge meets a massive, adjustable wing, which helps offer stability when the car’s carbonceramic brakes are engaged.

WORDS: BASEM WASEF

4

2. LIGHT, DONE RIGHT The Veneno weighs a full 125kg less than the Aventador, thanks in part to a special “CarbonSkin” woven carbon-fibre material that lines the cockpit.

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Machines 2014 VOLVO S60 POLESTAR

SPEC CHECK ENGINE

Thanks to the second iteration of the Volvo S60 Polestar, the stereotypes may finally begin to fade; the 2014 version is a worthy update of an already exciting car. Yes, folks, that’s ‘exciting’ and ‘Volvo’ in the same sentence! To coincide with Volvo’s racing debut at the 2014 Australian V8 Supercars Championship, the company launched the 2014 version of the road car to much shock and success. The Polestar gets the same high-end goodies the T6 R-Design model carries, such as Sensus navigation, traffic alert, and adaptive cruise control with pedestrian and cyclist detection – with no increase to its $109,950 price tag. That’s a good thing, as that’s already lot of coin for a Volvo. With its list of competitors including weapons like the Audi S4, BMW 435i, Mercedes-Benz CLA 45 AMG, HSV GTS, and even the Porsche Cayman, it’s either a sign of the auto world gone mad or how quality this machine really is.

3.0L SIX-CYLINDER TURBO TRANSMISSION

SIX-SPEED AUTOMATIC POWER

257KW TOP SPEED

250KM/H 0-100KM/H

4.9 SECONDS FUEL CONSUMPTION

10.2L/100KM

109,950

NEWS FLASH

Goldstein Industrial (Gi) revises time-honoured coach-building techniques using classic cars finished with state of the art mod cons. Their flagship model, the Gi06 Mustang ’67, is due for low-volume public release in September, after four years in the making. Within its classic exterior are a dazzling array of tech touches, a 302ci motor capable of 0–60mph in 5.5 seconds, and a fullcomplement of safety features – basically, a bespoke supercar, minus the exorbitant price. For more: facebook.com/GiPerformance

In terms of energy efficiency, hybrid vehicles have come a long way. Created by Brazilian designer Eduardo Galvani, this all-terrain 4WD electric minibus concept sees a future for those energy-conscious wanderlusters who also want to travel in style. The Nimbus concept not only runs on a 130kW electrical engine lithiumion battery that works with a micro-combustion generator, but there are solar photovoltaic cells on the roof that generate yet more energy; a regenerative brake mechanism conserves kinetic energy. Oh, and there’s also an onboard micro-generator for backup battery-pack charging. The bulbous body is made with carbon fibre, titanium, and aluminium – all chosen for this project for their (surprise!) low energy consumption. Also included is a 7” tablet located in the centre console, which controls the car’s audio, lighting, temperature, and navigation.

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WORDS: BILL BILL VARETIMIDIS VARETIMIDIS WORDS:

NIMBUS E-CAR CONCEPT

Machines 2014 YAMAHA STRYKER

SPEC CHECK ENGINE

It’s no secret the Japanese rarely place form over function, and for the Stryker, Yamaha engineers stayed true to this custom.

As such, they opted for a six-degree offset angle and 34-degree caster angle to give the Stryker 109mm of trail – that means it’s way more rider-friendly. Most of the massive engine has an air-cool look thanks to faux cooling fins, while the two-into-two exhaust system gets the blacked-out treatment to achieve a mean mood. Hit the starter button and this two-wheeled terror really gets into beast mode, as it comes to life with an evil, don’t-mess-with-me bellow. Every beat of every cylinder is felt, though your hind parts won’t complain, thanks to the heavily cushioned one-piece seat.

It’s a comfy, cold-blooded cruiser.

1,304CC, LIQUID-COOLED, SOHC, FOUR-STROKE, V-TWIN

TRANSMISSION FIVE-SPEED BELT FUEL ECONOMY

5.2L/100KM WET WEIGHT

293KG

SEAT HEIGHT

670MM

FUEL CAPACITY

15L

$15,299 (MATTE GREY); $14,999 (MIDNIGHT BLACK)

Once known as The Motor Company, Harley Davidson has decided to shock (sorry) the motoring world by making its current release (woops) electric, in order to spark sales (OK, we’re done). Very few of the major manufacturers have electrics in their lineups – the notable exceptions being BMW with the C Evolution scooter and KTM with their Freeride E-Light Enduro. But Harley is playing it different, allowing consumers to ride LiveWire project prototypes and give feedback as a way of becoming part of the production process – much like they did with the Project Rushmore touring models. With its low seat height, it seems 7/8 scale when compared to the Ducati Monster, while its straight line performance is on par when up against the peppy Zero SR. The three-phase AC motor gets its go from the battery lithium-ion unit, which takes 3.5 hours to charge – but, surprisingly, this doesn’t happen silently.

There is a distinct whiny sound that comes from the gear that shifts the motor’s output 90 degrees and sends it to the belt drive – echoing the shift Harley is making with this model.

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WORDS: BILL VARETIMIDIS

2014 HARLEY DAVIDSON LIVEWIRE

How To

SURVIVE JUST ABOUT ANYTHING B Y

A D A M

L I N E H A N

The Survival Brain Trust Joel Lambert

Former U.S. Navy SEAL and the star of Discovery Channel’s Lone Target.

Mack Easty

Former U.S. Army emergency medicine physician who served multiple tours in both Iraq and Afghanistan.

Joseph Teti

Former Force Recon Marine and U.S. Army Special Forces Operator. He is on Discovery Channel’s Dual Survival.

Derek Hutchison

Former Marine and winner of MAXIM’s Maximum Warrior 4 competition, where 10 of America’s most elite military operators face off in a series of brutal challenges.

Shane Hobel

Founder of Mountain Scout Survival School in New York and a member of the elite Tracker Search & Forensic Investigation team.

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The Survival Kit Fire News flash: food’s better (and safer) when cooked, and life’s better when you’re not freezing, so pack multiple fire-starters.

“I’d carry a BlastMatch, as well as a magnesium block with flint,” says Lambert.

Water Contaminated water can land you in a world of pain, so don’t skimp on a filter and bottle, says Hobel. “Make sure it’s durable – that you can drop it and it’s not going to break.”

Food “Pack fishhooks and a little bit of line,” says Lambert, “and also some wire for snaring small animals.” A pot is an added bonus for cooking up, say, possum stew.

Shelter “Pack 550 parachute cord to lash things together and build a shelter,” says Hutchison.

“And a little saw is good for cutting logs.” A heavy-duty trash bag provides moisture protection.

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MAN OVERBOARD LONG ISLAND, NEW YORK, 2013 The night that commercial fisherman John Aldridge went overboard 64km off the tip of Long Island, his two crewmates were asleep below deck. It was 3:30AM as he watched his boat recede into the distance and realised that to survive, he would need to figure out how to stay afloat for a long, long time. Help, he knew, would not be coming soon. So he slipped off his thick rubber boots, flipped them upside down to fill them with air, and tucked them under his armpits. He then turned his attention to finding something to hold on to, eventually spotting a buoy. Hours later, he saw Coast Guard helicopters circling in the distance and, with what little remaining energy he had, used his knife to cut the rope that held the buoy in place, wrapped it around his wrist, and swam toward what he reckoned to be the search zone. He eventually reached another buoy, and waited. Twelve hours after he went

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overboard, a helicopter finally spotted Aldridge and hoisted him out of the water.

“There’s no better entity than the US Coast Guard to come save your ass when you’re on the water,” he later told The New York Times. “But I felt I did my part.”

THE EXPERTS’ TAKE: Former SEAL Joel Lambert sees a parallel between Aldridge’s approach to survival and the mentality required to get through the infamously brutal Basic Underwater Demolition/SEAL training course (BUD/S). “He thought through every decision, and he didn’t allow the circumstances to overwhelm his emotions,” he says. “There is no way to get through BUD/S if you think about everything you have to do and the entire

length of training you have to go through.

Aldridge set small goals: stay afloat until sunrise, then find a buoy. Instead of thinking about his misery, he was focused on a goal.” Aldridge’s survival can also be attributed to his ingenuity, though he may have benefited from a little Marine Corps wisdom, says reigning Maximum Warrior champ Derek Hutchison. “I was taught to take off your trousers,” he says, “and tie together the part where your ankles would be, grab it by the waist, and wave it back and forth to fill it with air. You’ll be able to float forever.” Founder of Mountain Scout Survival School Shane Hobel recommends a similar technique but also advises you to be mindful of the clothes you select when on the water. “The pants I wear will be able to hold air. Wool and silk are your friends.

Even when wet, they’re still insulating.”

FREE FALLING WYOMING, 2011

Lauren McLean had nearly completed a difficult 550m ascent in Wyoming’s Death Canyon when one of her rock-climbing partners accidentally released McLean’s auto-locking belay device, causing her to fall 10m onto a slender rock ledge barely large enough to support her body. With two broken legs, a broken pelvis, and a fractured vertebra, the 25-year-old climber was completely incapacitated, trapped on the side of a cliff 275m above the canyon floor. After calling 911, one of her partners rappelled down to the ledge and remained by her side. As storm clouds gathered and daylight faded, the chances of rescue grew increasingly bleak: safety regulations prohibit helicopters from flying in the canyon after dark, meaning there was a possibility that the rescue would have

With two broken legs, a broken pelvis, and a fractured vertebra, the 25-year-old climber was completely incapacitated. to be postponed until dawn. Fortunately, the experienced and swift-to-respond search and rescue team stationed in Grand Teton National Park was on the case. When the rescue helicopter descended, McLean had been on the ledge for several hours.

With night falling, the park medic jumped into action, stabilising McLean’s badly mangled foot before strapping her into a full-body harness and hoisting her off the rock just as the last rays of light receded.

Despite the extensiveness of her injuries, and the doctor’s initial assessment that her foot might need to be amputated, McLean

managed to make a near-full recovery and continues climbing to this day.

THE EXPERTS’ TAKE: Rock climbing is an inherently risky sport, but that’s a big part of its appeal. “This is just one of those accidents that happen,” says Lambert. “They got rescue forces inbound, and she had somebody with her who kept up her morale. There’s not a whole lot they could do. When you engage in sports like this, shit happens.

They took risks, and they were prepared to deal with the consequences.”

SHIPWRECKED NIGERIA, 2013

Harrison Okene was working as a cook on a tugboat when it capsized just off the coast of Nigeria. As the boat began to sink, Okene was swept into a bathroom, where he remained as the vessel descended some 30m to the ocean floor. “I was dazed, and everywhere was dark, as I was thrown from one end of the cubicle to the other,” he later recalled. By some miracle, Okene found an air pocket. Without food, potable water, or light – and with the temperature dropping and Okene’s oxygen supply dwindling – the 29-year-old was certain that he was doomed. But 60 hours after the boat capsized, a rescue diver discovered Okene and moved him into a decompression chamber, where he spent an additional 60 hours before being taken to the surface.

THE EXPERTS’ TAKE: “I don’t know if I would’ve waited there for three days,” says Hutchison. “I don’t think that’s the right answer. I would’ve taken a big breath, found my way out, and gone to the surface.” Why? Because a person can remain in an enclosed place for just a limited amount of time before the CO2 content becomes toxic. But heading for the surface comes with its own risks, namely the bends. “It would be pretty dangerous from 100 feet [30m] down to take a breath and shoot to the surface,” says emergency medicine physician Mack Easty. “The way they avoided that was by bringing him to the surface in diving gear under the limitations of proper surfacing, and then putting him in a decompression chamber.”

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LOST IN THE WILD AUSTRALIAN OUTBACK, 2014

This past March, German backpacker Daniel Dudzisz was on a solo trek through the Outback when he found himself marooned on a grassy spit of land between two flooded river channels for 10 days. It didn’t take long for the insulin-dependent diabetic to deplete his food supply, at which point he resorted to eating protein-rich flies to stay alive. An extensive air-and-land search operation, launched a week after his disappearance, failed to locate the 26-yearold. It wasn’t until the flood waters subsided that he was able to return to civilisation… nearly three weeks from the day he set off. After refusing medical attention and a chance to sleep in a hotel, Dudzisz – who allegedly once fought a kangaroo with his bare hands – disappeared back into the bush. A friend who encountered the mysterious vagabond at one point along

his journey told reporters: “You wouldn’t see a dead animal with so many flies on it.” Moral of the story: if flies are on the menu, it helps to be really, really dirty.

THE EXPERTS’ TAKE: “In terms of survival, sure, bugs are a source of protein,” says Hobel. “But the common generalisation is that bright insects are poisonous.” As far as staying hydrated, Hobel offers this wisdom: “Never assume that any body of water is safe. I’d rather go for a fast-flowing stream than, say, a pond. If I wipe my hand along the stream and it has a wonderful clay content, I’m stoked. Grab a stick and start digging into the stream bank, way off to the side. Dig down until you hit the water

CRASH LANDING FLORIDA EVERGLADES, 2013

Daniel Lawrence had been a student pilot for less than a year when he was forced to land a malfunctioning single-engine plane in the Florida Everglades. While flying solo from Key West to Sarasota, Lawrence felt an unusual vibration in the plane’s engine.

After performing a quick troubleshoot, he realised that the plane was losing power, and, spotting a semi-flat strip of marsh, he decided to attempt an emergency landing.

When the US Coast Guard arrived to rescue him, Lawrence was standing on the wing of the aircraft awaiting them.

THE EXPERTS’ TAKE: Surviving shit-scary situations typically boils down to your ability to keep cool and act decisively. Lawrence knew what he had to do, but could he do it? “There are three responses to fear,” says Lambert. “There’s fight, flight, and freeze.

But with training, conditioning, and proper preparation, there’s also a fourth option: focus. That response will quicken your heart rate, flood you with adrenalin, and focus your vision – and you will become better equipped to deal with the threat.”

Once on the ground, Lawrence played it smart by staying with the plane and waiting for help. “The last thing you want to do is take off into some random direction and end up getting lost. Undue haste makes waste,” says Hutchison.

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table, and then let the water filter through the clay. Let the water settle. The top layer is going to be clean, because all the sediment will now be settled.” Hobel says that, in addition to highly durable gear, heavy-duty garbage bags – the kind contractors use – are a must. “I can slice one open and lay it on the ground as that first preventive cloth against the dew.

Throw a bunch of leaves on top of it and lie down. You can drape another one on top of a shelter. And you can also make a solar still with that.” If Dudzisz had a trash bag, Hobel believes he could have liberated himself from that patch of grass sooner. “Throw everything in here – backpack, shoes, clothing, everything – tie it off, slowly climb on top of it, and float your ass across the stream.”

GRIZZLY BEAR ATTACK BRITISH COLUMBIA, CANADA, 2008 Fifty-three-year-old Brent Case was working as a surveyor in the Canadian wilderness when he turned to discover a giant grizzly charging him. With only a second to react, Case went into the fetal position. The grizzly sank its teeth into his head and shook him violently. “The pain was so excruciating that I don’t know why I didn’t yell or scream,” Case told reporters. “I just said, ‘I have to play dead.’” The 408kg beast moved from his head to his arms, tearing deep into the muscle and nearly severing a major artery.

When the grizzly lost interest, Case crept to his truck and managed the 24km drive to the nearest gas station, where he told an attendant to call 911. He survived, but the

bear did not: a game warden tracked it down and shot it dead.

THE EXPERTS’ TAKE: If you’re unlucky enough to find yourself squaring off with an angry bear, “stand your ground and get as big as you possibly can”, says Lambert.

“With any large predator, don’t turn and run, because then you turn into prey.”

Bears – even 400kg grizzlies – are probably more afraid of you than you are of them. When getting big doesn’t work, Lambert says, “the best thing to do is play dead and let it lose interest in you. We are not on the menu – berries and salmon

are. Wait until the bear moves off, because he’s probably not looking at you as dinner; he’s looking at you as a threat”. Hobel offers this additional advice: “If you’re going through bear country, there are two methods. Either be super-quiet, paying attention to the wind as if you were a hunter and being mindful not to make noise, or make yourself known and startle them ahead of time.” Hutchison suggests bringing along a few key supplies. “I’ll have a bear bell, so they hear me coming,” he says. “Bear spray is also good, and I’m always a fan of a large-calibre pistol – a .44 mag or a .357 – as a last resort.”

If you’re unlucky enough to find yourself squaring off with an angry bear, “stand your ground and get as big as you possibly can”.

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KIDNAPPED SOMALIA, 2008 – 2009

On August 23, 2008, 27-year-old aspiring journalist Amanda Lindhout and her colleague, photographer Nigel Brennan, were abducted by Islamist extremists while exploring the outskirts of Mogadishu for potential stories. After six weeks of being whisked across war-torn Somalia, the pair were moved into a concrete building where they would remain for the duration of their captivity. “Nigel and I lived like a twoperson family, doing what we could to fight off depression, to distract ourselves from the gnawing hunger,” wrote Lindhout.

“Nigel fashioned a small backgammon game, crafting playing pieces from Q-tips.”

They played as much as they could, remaining mentally active to preserve their sanity. They also attempted to humanise themselves to their captors, regularly engaging them in conversation and even telling them that they wished to convert to Islam. The strategy worked, to an extent, but the pair became convinced that they’d be killed after they were moved into separate cells and the Somalis with whom they had been abducted mysteriously disappeared. They conspired to escape by tunnelling through the wall of the bathroom they shared and eventually succeeded in doing so, although they were immediately tracked down by their captors. “We made it out but not truly out,” Lindhout wrote of the failed escape attempt. “Everything that followed would be aftermath, punishment.”

Lindhout and Brennan remained hostages

for another 10 months until their families were finally able to raise the $1 million to pay their ransom. They were freed on November 25, 2009, 460 days after they had been taken.

THE EXPERTS’ TAKE: From the moment you’re abducted, survival hinges on your ability to read and manipulate your captors, says Teti. “Try to ascertain why you’ve been abducted. There are a variety of motivations, from sexual assault to ransom demands to political leverage,” he says.

“How you interact with your captors and whether you risk an escape attempt should depend partly on those motivations. If somebody is holding you for ransom or to negotiate the release of prisoners, you’re most likely worth a lot more to them alive than dead.” Regardless of what is

motivating your captors, and no matter how vile they may be, staying on their good side should be a priority from the start. “Keep your dignity,” says Teti. “It’s generally harder for a person to kill you or harm you if you humanise yourself. Don’t grovel, don’t beg, don’t become hysterical, and, if possible, don’t even cry. And be a good listener. Care about what they’re saying to you. Don’t patronise them – they’ll feel more comfortable around you and more benevolent toward you if you’re a good listener. But you need to watch out for warning signs. If they suddenly stop feeding you or they start treating you more harshly – they start dehumanising you – or if they suddenly seem desperate or frightened, or if other hostages are being taken away and not being brought back, you may want to think about escape.”

From the moment you’re abducted, survival hinges on your ability to read and manipulate your captors.

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SHARK ATTACK BIG ISLAND, HAWAII, 2013

HOSTAGE CRISIS ALGERIA, 2013

January of last year, an Al Qaeda-affiliated group of heavily armed militants stormed a gas plant in Algeria and rounded up all the foreign workers they could, executing some on-the-spot and strapping others with explosive collars. As news of the attack spread, workers scrambled to hide. But when the militants announced that they intended to blow up the plant, many decided to flee. One was a French nurse, identified only as Murielle. “There was a very solemn announcement over the radio by the terrorists saying they would put all the expats inside the plant and blow it up,” she later recounted. “We were the nearest building to the plant. I wanted to leave; two other expats preferred to stay, saying it was too dangerous. Thank goodness, we persuaded them.” Amid gunfire and explosions, the group agreed to wait until morning so the Algerian military wouldn’t mistake them for militants in the dark. At sunrise, donning work uniforms to blend in, they cut through the barbed-wire fences surrounding the compound and slipped into the desert, where they were picked up by the Algerian military. Back at the compound, the militants continued their hunt for foreigners, dragging them from their hiding places and shooting those who tried to flee. When Algerian forces

eventually launched an assault on the compound, a massive battle erupted.

After the dust finally settled, at least 38 hostages had lost their lives.

THE EXPERTS’ TAKE: If you ever find yourself unarmed and under siege, get the hell outta there, advises former Force Recon Marine Joseph Teti. “How are you going to fight back against guys with AK-47s? It’s just not going to happen,” he says. “For one, you don’t want to stay there if you have no way to protect yourself.

You could hide, but once you back yourself into a corner or hide in a room, you have nowhere to go. They open the door and you’re going to be standing there, caught with your pants down. And you can’t hope these guys are going to listen to reason if you’re like, ‘Please don’t shoot me.’ These guys were on a mission. So my advice would be to get out of the area as fast as you can. There’s a saying where I come from: Get off the X. These people were on the X.” Getting off the X is, of course, no cakewalk. “You can make a run for it and maybe you get past the bad guys,” says Hutchison, “but then there is an outer ring of local police force. They see someone running out of there like a crazy person and there is a chance of friendly fire.”

When you’re attacked by a shark, you typically have two choices: get eaten alive or fight the motherf—ker. Sixteen-year-old Jimmy “Ulu Boi” Napeahi decided on the latter option when he was blindsided while surfing off the coast of Hawaii’s Big Island.

As the shark tore into his legs, Napeahi countered with a flurry of punches and one solid kick to the mouth, stunning it long enough for Napeahi to make a break for the shore. “It hit me so fast, I didn’t know what was going on,” he later said. Once he was on land, a buddy used a surfboard leash to tourniquet Napeahi’s leg before paramedics arrived.

Fortunately, he survived with limbs intact to ride another day.

THE EXPERTS’ TAKE: Playing dead during a shark attack is not advised. “A shark is an eating machine,” says Hobel. “It’s very good at what it does. Don’t try to swim from it. Clearly, you’re not going to win.

Turn toward it and literally try to push off the nose. Even if it’s coming in hard and fast and the jaws are going, you still have a stiff arm, and a fight on your hands. I’m going to hold my breath and do my best to stay above water, but constantly putting my face back into the water and looking for the shark.” As far as treating the wounds inflicted by the shark, Napeahi’s pal probably saved his life by improvising the tourniquet. “If the leg is spurting blood and you have to stop it with what you’ve got, you have to take into consideration the whole tourniquet principle,” says Easty.

“If you apply direct pressure to a wound and you can’t contain the blood, then your direct pressure is not efficient enough.

You can use an article of clothing or something you’re carrying.”

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BEEF CLUB T H E

B Y

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R U L E

O F

( E X T R A C T E D F R O M B E E F C L U B O L I V I E R B O N , P I E R R E - C H A R L E S C R O S , A N D R O M É E D E G O R I A I N O F F )

We’re breaking it, by taking you behind-thescenes of popular Paris bistro The Beef Club, so you can see how high-end chefs handle their meat 62

F I R S T

Butchery And Ageing Of The Meat WE MATURE OUR BEEF FOR AT LEAST 20 DAYS IN ORDER TO GIVE IT THE BEST FLAVOUR. AFTER SLAUGHTER, THE MEAT IS HUNG IN A COLD ROOM, WHERE THE TEMPERATURE IS MAINTAINED AT BETWEEN 0 – 2°C; THE HANGING PERIOD DEPENDS ON THE BREED, CUT, AND HOW WE INTEND TO COOK THE BEEF. AT THE BEEF CLUB… It is normal for a traditional butcher to allow the meat to rest for at least a few days after slaughter. At The Beef Club we have chosen to hang the meat ourselves.

been aged for the required amount of time, the butcher meticulously trims away the crust, resulting in a reduction of around 30 per cent of the weight.

If you have a caption, send it to maxim@maxim. com.au

... AND AT HOME? FROM THE FARM TO OUR COLD ROOM Our meat comes directly from The Ginger Pig farm [in North Yorkshire, UK]. Tim, who is a butcher as well as a farmer, slaughters and stores the beef in a cold room in order to start the dry-ageing process, which we continue after it has been delivered to us.

Tim knows that our needs change depending on how busy we are and always keeps a ‘buffer’ stock for when our demand increases. Our meat is usually delivered to us by Tim himself, but if not he sends a member of his team. When Tim comes to Paris he often brings us other English artisanal products, such as cheeses, and takes home French produce, which he sells in his Ginger Pig shops. While he’s here he also casts an expert eye over our beef during the dry-ageing process.

CUTTING Once or twice a week, a butcher will come to prepare the different cuts of meat – ribs, rib-eye, rump steaks, etc – for us from our matured beef. This is a big job and takes several hours. Here at The Beef Club we grill our meat, and the most suitable cuts for this are taken from the hind-end of the animal, where the muscles have worked moderately during the animal’s life. In contrast, the fore-end is very muscular, and the cuts taken from here are more suitable for long, slow cooking. The cuts from the middle of the beef are the most tender, as the muscles here have done very little work, so the meat can be cooked quickly and kept very rare.

DRY-AGEING AT THE RESTAURANT...

The meat is kept at a constant temperature in a protected environment – our purposebuilt cold room. During the maturing process the moisture evaporates from the beef and it develops an outer crust, which helps to tenderise and concentrate the flavour of the meat. Once the beef has

Dry-ageing meat is a craft and should only be done by experienced professionals – not at home. Although cooking destroys most bacteria, if the meat isn’t carefully monitored it can still present risks. Dividing the meat into the various different cuts also requires great skill. So, to enjoy well-aged beef, buy it from a butcher who matures his meat for at least 28 days, or eat at a restaurant that serves it. Thanks to our close ties with Tim and the butchers we use, and our careful dry-ageing process, we serve choice cuts that have been aged for four-to-six weeks. For some customers we even extend the maturing period to 90 days. All this is what gives our beef an incomparable flavour.

The Beef AFTER AGEING AND CUTTING, COOKING IS THE KEY STAGE IN PREPARING MEAT. AT THE BEEF CLUB WE USE A WOOD OVEN, WHICH ALLOWS US TO ACHIEVE VERY HIGH COOKING TEMPERATURES, FOR PERFECTLY SEARED MEAT. SO, WHO IS JOSPER? Our trademark is cooking over charcoal.

We use a Josper oven (a Spanish brand), which is an oven and barbecue grill combined. It doesn’t run on electricity but is instead fired entirely by charcoal. We cook the meat over the hot coals once the flames have died down. There is an

adjustable vent system that allows air inside and circulates the smoke, giving us greater control over the temperature, with highs of up to 400°C. This is ideal for searing and caramelising the meat on the outside, while keeping it very rare inside. You can cook everything on it, including vegetables, fish, and shellfish. This traditional cooking method, using modern equipment, gives our food a truly unique flavour, while retaining its natural qualities.

AT HOME With domestic equipment, whether cooking in the oven or on the barbecue, just as much care must be taken as in a professional kitchen.

COOKING ACCORDING TO CUT At the restaurant, we cook our beef on the barbecue. You should do the same at home whenever possible, otherwise it is best to use a cast iron griddle pan or frying pan on the stove top, or cook it in the oven. It is important to adapt how you cook the meat according to the cut you are using, ensuring it is ‘nourished’ either by its own fat or by adding fat or liquid to ensure it doesn’t dry out. The natural flavour of the beef should be respected, but can be subtly enhanced or even spiced up with herbs, spices, and condiments. Your butcher will be able to advise you on what is the best age and cut of meat to get for how you intend to cook it. There is no such thing as the perfect cut of meat: the most tender will be the least tasty and the tastier ones will have a firmer bite. It is also a matter of personal preference. There are meats for the trendy, for the snob, for the wise, for cowboys… It’s up to you to try them and find your own favourite cuts of beef. The cuts shown on the next pages are mainly intended for short, rapid cooking, and are at their best served rare…

CORE TEMPERATURES OF THE MEAT: ● ● ● ●

For For For For

very rare meat: 50°C. rare meat: 55°C. medium meat: 60°C. well-done meat: 70 – 75°C.

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Cooking According to the Cut Fillet This cut is highly prized because it comes from a muscle that works little and therefore produces a very tender meat.

Because it is not fatty it has the reputation of being a lady’s steak. It is delicious rare, served with a tasty sauce such as stilton.

THE CUT

The fillet comes from the back of the animal, level with the lumbar vertebrae.

THE BUTCHER’S CHOICE

A cut that has little fat and delicate fibres, elegant with a sweet flavour: use 180 – 220g per fillet.

THE BEEF CLUB’S ADVICE

Mature the fillet in order to give it a stronger flavour.

Ask your butcher to do this for you.

Royal This is the king, and yet it is not very well known! Indeed the name relates mainly to a very little-known cut applied to precious, tasty areas of the rump. A royal cut needs royal cooking. This rare cut needs a cook as skilful as the butcher who trims it. It deserves a fine accompaniment, such as well-buttered spinach, as it is rather lean.

THE CUT

It comes from the area between the sirloin and the rump. It’s a thick slice of sirloin that has had its covering of fat completely removed, along with any gristle.

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THE BUTCHER’S CHOICE

A nicely marbled royal, tender and flavoursome: use 600 – 800g, then cut into 200 – 400g pieces.

THE BEEF CLUB’S ADVICE

It must be watched closely, as it’s a cut that requires special attention during cooking.

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Rib Of Beef As its name suggests, the rib comes from the fore-end of the animal. It is a cut that is suitable for roasting, as it contains a layer of fat to ‘nourish’ it well during cooking.

This fat, and the fact that it is cooked on the bone, give it a lot of flavour… Of course, the rib is also perfect for the barbecue.

THE CUT

The rib of beef is towards the back of the fore-end of the animal, between the neck and the sirloin.

THE BUTCHER’S CHOICE

A well-marbled rib: 1kg serves two people.

THE BEEF CLUB’S ADVICE

The rib should be tender, juicy and fatty, with a more powerful flavour close to the bone. It is the cut that offers the broadest flavour palette.

Take care to take the rib out of the fridge one hour before cooking, so as not to shock the meat.

Picanha/Rump-Cap Picanha, more commonly known as the rump cap, is a Brazilian or Argentinian cut. Taken from the upper base of the tail, it is a tender and marbled cut, which is best suited for cooking on a barbecue, as it brings out the flavours of the meat. It is also used in steak tartare.

THE CUT

Taken from the top of the rump, with its layer of fat left on and cut against the grain of the fibre.

THE BUTCHER’S CHOICE

A picanha with a high muscle-to-fat ratio, cut from a well-aged animal: use 220 – 300g per picanha.

THE BEEF CLUB’S ADVICE

A cut for real meat-lovers!

Rump

Spider Steak

The steak for the real steak-lover: full of flavour, with a nice firm bite. It is taken from the rump of the animal. It must be aged well. It is best fairly thick (5cm), cooked relatively quickly on a very powerful heat source and cut into fine strips.

A popular cut in France, this is our name for a 300 – 400g cut with a web of marbled fat. Not particularly attractive to look at – but delicious – they remind us of what French butchers call araignée (one piece of the animal’s groin, formed from one main piece and eight long, spider-like pieces – hence the name).

Tender and tasty, these cuts are grilled rare and eaten with a sauce and a garnish that is not too elaborate.

THE CUT

From the rear of the animal, between the sirloin and the rump; it carries little fat and has long fibres.

THE BUTCHER’S CHOICE

A nice thick rump steak is a very juicy cut with a powerful flavour: use 180 – 220g per rump steak, 3 – 4 cm (1¼–1¾ in) thick.

THE BEEF CLUB’S ADVICE

Retain the covering of fat.

Sirloin Another lean cut – nice and tender – with tight fibres, the texture of which must be respected by quick cooking.

THE CUT

The sirloin is between the ribs and the rump.

It is one of the superior cuts.

THE BUTCHER’S CHOICE

A juicy, tender sirloin, slightly marbled with fat: 250 – 350g per sirloin, 2 –2.5cm thick.

THE BEEF CLUB’S ADVICE

Remove the gristle but leave the covering of fat.

THE CUT

Langue de chat, which is in the rump – a small, very juicy muscle with a firm texture; the ‘tail’ of the fillet, which is the pointed end of the tenderloin; the side strap or chain of the tenderloin or fillet – this is a fibrous muscle on the fillet.

Top Rump Yet another of this group of really tasty steaks, this is a very tender cut, low in fat.

It is firmer in the mouth than a fillet steak but also has more flavour. Serve with a Béarnaise sauce and potato wedges, of course.

THE CUT

It is close to the rump, separated by gristle.

THE BUTCHER’S CHOICE

A lean cut: use 180 – 220g per medallion, 3 – 4cm thick.

THE BEEF CLUB’S ADVICE

Cut into thick medallions.

Images and text extracted from Beef Club by Olivier Bon, Pierre-Charles Cros, and Romée de Goriainoff, published

by Hardie Grant, RRP: $45.00. Available in stores nationally from September 1

Rib-Eye Steak This is not really from in between the ribs, yet is the same cut as the rib, but deboned. So it has the same kind of properties: fairly tender (as it comes from muscles that work only moderately in the lifetime of the animal) and fairly marbled (although this depends on the farming practices). On the other hand, the absence of bone changes how you cook it, which makes it more an individual than a group cut (although, this again depends on the animal and on the butcher). Serve with a nice marrowbone stock.

THE CUT

Rib-eye is also from the fore part of the animal’s back, but without the bones.

THE BUTCHER’S CHOICE

A nicely marbled rib-eye, thick and squat so it can be cooked beautifully: use 250 – 300g per rib-eye 2 – 3cm thick.

THE BEEF CLUB’S ADVICE

Don’t hesitate to choose a fatty piece; the fat will feed moisture to the meat while it cooks.

BEEF CUTS C U T S V A R Y B Y B R E E D A N D C O U N T R Y O F S L A U G H T E R

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&

Dine What makes a good house party? Mates who understand what BYO means, bangers blasting in the background, and the hot intern from work showing up with friends from her modelling days.

Throw in some snacks and you’re set. Luckily, Aussie food truck pioneer Raph Rashid has got you all sorted

Bar Snacks:

Basil Chips, Chicken Skins, Chicken Ribs With Ancho Salt, And Fried Pickles SERVES 2 AS A SNACK

INGREDIENTS BASIL CHIPS ● Handful of basil leaves ● Sea salt CHICKEN RIBS ● 5 chicken ribs (about 150g) ● Sea salt ● Lemon juice, to taste CHICKEN SKINS ●S ea salt ●2 50g chicken skin (about five skins; see: Recipe notes) ●O il for deep-frying

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FRIED PICKLES ● Oil for deep-frying ● 50g self-raising flour ● 80 – 125mL soda water ● 1 gherkin, sliced into 5mm rounds ANCHO SALT ● 1 dried ancho chilli (see: Recipe notes) ● 1 small dried habanero chilli (see: Recipe notes) ● 2 tbsp sea salt

RECIPE NOTES: ● Dried ancho and habanero chillies: These can be purchased from South American food stores. ● Chicken skins: Ask your butcher for these.

METHOD ● To make the basil chips, preheat the oven to 220°C. Pat the leaves dry if there is any moisture on them.

Spread the leaves out on a baking tray lined with baking paper and lightly season with sea salt. Bake in the oven for five minutes, or until the leaves are crisp.

Be careful not to burn them. Remove from the oven and let cool. ● To make the ancho salt, heat a non-stick or cast-iron frying pan over a low-medium heat. Dry-toast the ancho chilli, turning

frequently, or until the chilli is fragrant and pliable. Remove from the heat and cut out and discard the stem.

Repeat the process with the dried habanero chilli. In a food processor or blender, blitz the chillies into a powder. Combine with the sea salt and mix well. ● To make the chicken skins, lightly sprinkle salt over them and let sit for 30 minutes.

Wipe down

the skins with paper towel to remove any moisture. Heat the oil in a small saucepan to 160°C, or until a cube of bread dropped into the oil turns golden brown in 25 seconds. Fry the

chicken skins for about five-to-seven minutes, or until crispy and golden brown. Drain on paper towel. ● To make the chicken ribs, heat a chargrill pan over medium-high heat.

Cook the chicken ribs, turning every minute or so, for five-toseven

minutes, or until the ribs are nicely charred. Sprinkle with ancho salt and squeeze over some lemon juice to taste. ● To make the fried pickles, heat the oil in a small saucepan over medium heat to 175 – 180°C, or until a cube of bread dropped into the oil turns golden brown in 15 seconds.

Meanwhile, combine the flour and 80mL of the soda water in a bowl to make a batter. If the batter is too thick, add more soda water – it should be the

consistency of pouring (single/light) cream. Pick up each gherkin slice with a toothpick (this is the best way I know to get the pickle into the oil) and carefully coat it in the batter. Fry for one minute, or until crispy, then drain on paper towel. Repeat with the remaining gherkin slices. ● Serve the beer snacks on a platter (with American Mustard, if desired).

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Fries SERVES 4

INGREDIENTS ● 1 kg potatoes (Russet Burbank, Kestrel, Sebago, or other white-fleshed potatoes are best), unpeeled

● 1½ tbsp vinegar ● 1 tbsp salt ● Oil for deepfrying ● Sea salt for sprinkling

METHOD ● Cut the potatoes into long shoestring fries. In a saucepan, combine the vinegar, salt, and 1.5L water and bring to the boil. Cook half of the shoestring fries for 10 minutes then drain and refresh under cool water. Spread them out on a tea towel to dry. ● Repeat with the remaining shoestring fries. ● Heat the oil in a deep-fryer, heavybased saucepan, or wok to 180°C, or until a cube of bread dropped into the oil turns golden brown in 15 seconds. Working in small batches, cook the fries for one minute, then remove and drain on paper towel. Repeat until you’ve done a first fry on all of

the shoestrings. ● Leave the fries to cool at room temperature for about 30 minutes.

At this point the fries can be bagged and frozen. Cooking frozen fries will give a fluffier inside, but if you are too hungry you can go straight for the final fry. ● Preheat the oven to 180°C. ● Bring the oil temperature back up to 180°C. ● Again working in small batches, fry the shoestrings for twoto-three minutes, or until golden brown.

Transfer the cooked fries to a wire rack in the oven to keep them hot and crisp.

Repeat with the remaining fries. ● Sprinkle with sea salt and serve.

Annie’s Tomato Relish SERVES 4 AS AN APPETISER

INGREDIENTS ● 1 kg ripe tomatoes ● 2 large brown onions, chopped ● 1 tbsp salt ●7 00mL malt vinegar ●½ tsp ground coriander ●½ tsp ground cumin ● ½ tsp ground turmeric ● 340g sugar

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● ¼ tsp ground fenugreek ● ¼ tsp ground fennel seed ● ¼ tsp ground cinnamon ● ¼ tsp freshly ground black pepper ● 2 tsp sago ● 2 kaffir lime leaves ● 2 tsp mustard powder

Images and recipes extracted from Hungry for That by Raph Rashid, published by Hardie Grant, RRP: $39.95. Available in stores nationally from September 1

METHOD ● To make Annie’s tomato relish, scald the tomatoes with boiling water, then put them under cold running water and rub off the skins. Chop the tomatoes and combine them with the onion in a bowl.

Sprinkle with the

salt and let stand overnight. The next day, drain the liquid. ● Transfer the drained tomato mixture to a saucepan. Add the malt vinegar and bring to the boil over medium heat. Cook for 15 minutes, then

add the remaining ingredients and boil for a further 45 minutes. ● Remove the saucepan from the heat and use a hand-held blender or a food processor to blitz the relish to your desired consistency. Bottle

in sterilised jars while the relish is hot. Let cool at room temperature, then refrigerate. *Recipe note: This recipe makes about 1L of Annie’s tomato relish. Keep any leftovers in the fridge to use later.

Spring Loaded

With the prettiest of the four seasons approaching, REDDS Cups provides you with four recipes that’ll have you feeling warm and fuzzy

There are four musthave home bar tools that, if you don’t own them already, you should go out and buy immediately:

1 x Boston Shaker 2 x strainers 1 x muddler 1 x nip pourer

You’ll also want to have a selection of different REDDS to be able to gain those occasion/ mood points and avoid having to wash up after you’ve slaved away making cocktails for all of your guests.

That’s it. These will be your bar staples forever.

SHOTS! NOW THAT YOU’VE IMPRESSED YOUR GUESTS WITH SOME FRESH SEASONAL COCKTAILS, IT’S TIME TO SEAL THE SOPHISTICATION DEAL WITH A SHOT THAT CAN BOTH BE ENJOYED BY EVERYONE AND LIFT THE VIBE.

Go Basil Your Gin LIKE A GARDEN PARTY, BUT WITH MORE GARDEN

INGREDIENTS

RECIPES: BEN, FROM THE CARRINGTON, SYDNEY

● 60mL gin ● 30mL lime juice ● 15mL sugar syrup ● 8-10 basil leaves ● 30mL cloudy apple juice

METHOD >Add all ingredients into a Boston Shaker and shake well with ice. >Double strain over fresh ice into a Blue REDDS Cup. >Garnish with a stalk of basil leaves.

The Cool Mexican With A Fiery Attitude ADDING BOLDNESS AND SUAVENESS TO THE TRADITIONAL MARGARITA

INGREDIENTS ● 45mL reposado tequila (ensure it is 100 per cent agave) ● 15mL Cointreau ● 15mL sugar syrup ● 30mL lime juice ● 2 slices of cucumber ● 5 slices of jalapeño

METHOD >Muddle the cucumber and jalapeño in a Boston Shaker, add the rest of the ingredients, then fill with ice and shake. >Salt the rim of a Red REDDS Cup (wet the rim of the cup with a lime wedge and then dab on a plate filled with salt). Fill your cup with fresh ice and double strain. >Garnish with cucumber and jalapeño on a cocktail stick.

Rave In An Orchard NOTHING SAYS SPRING LIKE RAVING AMONGST APPLE TREES.

Thriller In A Citrus Villa SERVES 5

INGREDIENTS

INGREDIENTS

●3 0mL absinthe ● 15mL vodka ● 30mL sugar syrup ● 45mL cloudy apple juice ● 30mL lime ● 4 mint leaves

● 75mL vodka ● 50mL Cointreau ● 30mL lemon juice ● 25mL Fragelico ● 25mL Malibu

METHOD >Pour all into a Boston Shaker, add ice, and shake. >Double strain and serve over fresh ice in a REDDS Mini.

METHOD >Pour ingredients into a Boston Shaker, fill with ice and shake. >Strain into REDDS Micros Shot Cups >Shoot!

MAKE SUGAR SYRUP BY ADDING BOILING WATER TO SUGAR AND STIRRING UNTIL DISSOLVED. USE AN EMPTY GLASS BOTTLE FOR STORAGE. IF YOU’RE LAZY, JUST USE A TEASPOON OF SUGAR.

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ONCE BITTEN, TWICE HOT!

When the moon hits your eye – and transforms you into a monster with a killer instinct – that’s a-werewolf!

Heel before the hottest wolfwoman on two (or four) legs,

Laura Vandervoort!

by JULIAN STERN photos: HARPER SMITH

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I’ve met fans with tattoos of my face.

Bra H&M Lace bottom Cosabella Cardigan Topshop Heels Manolo Blahnik

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L aura Vandervoort first soared into our homes in 2007 as Smallville’s smokin’ Kara Zor-El, aka Supergirl. That’s enough to secure anyone a spot in the geek hall of fame, but Laura sealed the deal in 2009 with the role of a smokin’ lizard princess invading Earth in the reboot of the ’80s cult classic V. With sci-fi chops like that, it’s no wonder she’s the lead licker in Bitten, a gritty TV take on werewolves, in which she plays the only female werewolf in the world.

(Who, coincidentally, is also smokin’.)

until the very end, and people were hugging me with blankets. They set up the camera, I ran out, dropped the blanket, and we shot.

Congrats on your first Maxim shoot! We heard it was pretty cold on set.

Ick. You get to kick some tail on the show. Did you have any prior fight training?

Thank you! We actually didn’t have to go outside

Could you tell us a little bit about Bitten?

I play Elena Michaels, the only female werewolf in existence. She’s the only female to survive the werewolf transformation, because it’s so excruciating. Your bones are breaking and snapping and contorting, and it’s just horrible.

I have a seconddegree black belt in Shotokan karate.

Got a go-to move?

No, but the bo staff is my favourite weapon. So we incorporated that into the finale. Our stunt co-ordinator said, “You’re gonna grab a weapon.”

And I said, “Well, I’d love for it to be a bo.”

Between your stints on Smallville, V, and now Bitten, you have a pretty devoted sci-fi fan base.

What’s the wildest fan experience you’ve had?

At Comic-Con I’ve met fans who have tattoos on their arms of my face as Supergirl. I signed one guy’s arm, and he came back an hour later and had gotten it tattooed.

What about embarrassing moments?

I did a morning show to promote V, and after talking about how I really wanted to be taken seriously as an actor, the V clip they showed was me taking off my clothes without speaking. I just put my head on the desk and said, “I honestly do speak on the show. I promise!”

With the Superman franchise rebooted on the big screen, what would you say if you got the call to don the Supergirl outfit again?

Yes! I get a lot of tweets ask­ing if I’m gonna be in them. I haven’t heard anything. There are lots of girls out there who I’m sure would also love to do it, but she’s very close to my heart.

You also dipped into comedy to work with Seth MacFarlane on Ted and Family Guy. How was that?

We did Ted in Boston, and Mark Wahlberg was actually my first crush growing up, so to work with him was pretty amazing. I was just trying to keep my shit together.

In the Bitten pilot, you very impressively devour a cinnamon roll.

Is the were­wolf appetite a recurring theme?

Yeah, the producers thought it was so great to show Elena constantly scarfing food down. We have this scene where the entire pack sits down to breakfast. We did so many takes where they wanted us scarfing everything down that by the end the guys had the meat sweats.

You’re from Toronto.

How much hockey knowledge must one have to impress a Canadian girl?

I can’t speak for every Cana­dian girl, but I’m a fan. I follow the Maple Leafs. But you don’t need knowledge. You just have to be a nice guy!

Since you play a female werewolf, got tips on dating one of those?

Just bring a slab of red meat and you’re good!

The show takes place partially in Toronto, and it seems like almost every person there is incredibly good-looking.

Is that really how it is in Canada?

Again, I can’t speak for every Canadian.

You can ask Justin Bieber.

He seems to like to speak for everyone.

Zing! The werewolves from Bitten, True Blood, Twilight, and the ’80s flick Teen Wolf meet in a dark alley. Who wins?

The werewolves from Bitten.

But Michael J. Fox would join our cast, and we’d kick ass.

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Bodysuit Beverly Hills Hosiery Heels Manolo Blahnik Bracelet Lillian Crowe

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I have a second-degree black belt in Shotokan karate.

STYLING: ZOE GLASSNER/CELESTINE AGENCY; HAIR AND MAKE-UP: GLENN NUTLEY

Blazer Blaque Label Heels Christian Louboutin Earrings Alexis Bittar Pyramid ring Like a City

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A

L E A P

O F

FAITH B Y

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D A V I D

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K U S H N E R

P H O T O G R A P H S

B Y

W I L L I A M S

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H I R A K A W A

BASE jumpers Andrew Rossig, Jimmy Brady, and Marko Markovich (from left) couldn’t resist the Freedom Tower’s call

When three daredevils snuck into the new World Trade Center tower and jumped off, they were looking for adventure, excitement, and the freedom of flight. Instead, they may lose their freedom altogether.

There are plenty of ways to jump off a building. But for Andrew Rossig, there was only one way to do it from the top of One World Trade Center. Backflip.

It was 3AM on September 30, 2013.

Andrew, a wiry 33-year-old carpenter with dark curly hair, puffed a Camel as he gazed 105 storeys down from the roof.

Lower Manhattan sparkled in a blanket of darkness far below.

“Thank the f—king dear Lord that we made it here this far,” he told the two guys standing beside him. “He’s going to watch out for us. He likes drunks and stupid people.”

Everything felt so peaceful up there, the air quiet and cool. As he leaned over the edge, Andrew could see that the West Side Highway barely had any cars. The Hudson River, to the left, flowed in a long ribbon of black. The tip of the Empire State Building glowed uptown. Andrew had waited a lifetime for this moment, and now all he had to do was jump.

He and his buddies – 32-year-old ironworker Jimmy Brady and 27-year-old skydiving instructor Marko Markovich – are BASE jumpers. Nicknamed for the four types of platform from which to hurl oneself – building, antenna, span, and Earth – the sport is known as the world’s deadliest for a reason. Adventure doesn’t get more extreme than this. Compared to skydiving, BASE jumping gives you way less time to properly deploy a parachute, and there’s also the risk of smashing against the object

you’re jumping from on the way down.

No wonder the sport has its own online database of fatalities and is banned in most parks and cities.

“Certain people are designed in certain ways,” says BASE-jumping legend Jeb Corliss, “and there’s a small group of people who just want to fly.”

Andrew, Jimmy, and Marko thrived in this outlaw underworld. They had logged more than 1,000 jumps among them. But on this autumn night, they had chosen the riskiest BASE of all, and not just because it was 541m high. They were about to plunge from the Freedom Tower – not yet completed but standing in the shadow of the two buildings destroyed, and 2,753 lives lost, on 9/11 – a structure Jimmy himself had been working on for the past decade and had always imagined jumping off.

“It was a dream from day one,” he says.

Now the three friends had to survive not only the fall but also the punishment potentially to follow for having snuck into the biggest terrorist target in America.

But at the moment, Andrew, who spent his days building movie sets in Manhattan, wasn’t worried about any of that. He was finally living his ultimate fantasy.

The time had come to begin the

It was a dream from day one,” says Jimmy, who had long imagined jumping off the Freedom Tower.

countdown: “Three, two, one.” And then he flew backward into the night.

ANDREW WANTED TO jump off the World Trade Center long before the Twin Towers fell.

“I saw those buildings,” he says, “and it pushed me to be a BASE jumper.”

A scrappy only child from Warwick, New York, he’d been a thrillseeker since he was a baby, his mother, Linda, recalls – flipping himself over his crib rail and bounding off his bike as it careened down the driveway.

“Amazingly, he’s never been hurt,” she says.

He had been skydiving since he was 18 but craved a greater thrill – and there seemed to be no greater rush than leaping from the WTC. He wouldn’t be the first to do it. In 1975, a World Trade Center construction worker, Owen Quinn, hit national fame when he parachuted off the Twin Towers – and was charged with trespassing, reckless endangerment, and disorderly conduct.

Though the Towers fell on September 11, 2001, that didn’t end Andrew’s dream.

Three years later, he snuck out with a buddy to a 305m transmitter tower in New Jersey for his first BASE jump. As he climbed the tower in the dead of night, he went over the procedures in his mind: how to get air off a fixed object so that he’d clear any obstacles, when to deploy his chute, what kind of glide ratio he was facing. There was science to BASE jumping: using a laser rangefinder to determine the height of an object; dropping a rock from the top, and counting the seconds until it hit the ground. But the moment he hit the air, he felt something spiritual, too.

“For me,” Andrew says, “it’s just an

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BASEJUMPING MECCAS THE WORLD’S PRE-EMINENT BASE JUMPER, JEB CORLISS, LISTS THE FIVE BEST PLACES TO FLY

PERRINE BRIDGE

acknowledgment to the universe that my time is not guaranteed here and I’m going to live it the way I want to live it. And faith is an action, and belief is an action.” After hundreds of jumps around the country, he knew religion when he found it.

“Jumping,” he says, “that’s my church.”

It wasn’t easy finding a place to worship in New York City, which passed a misdemeanour law against parachuting off buildings more than 50 feet [15m] tall in 2008, after attempts at the Empire State Building and the New York Times offices.

But last year, a friend introduced Andrew to someone who shared the same dream: Jimmy Brady. “He works on the Freedom Tower,” the friend said. “He’s an ironworker, and he’s a BASE jumper.”

The son of a sanitation worker on Long Island, Jimmy was a tough kid with a neck as thick as his accent. A high school track star, he dropped out of college to become an ironworker and spend his days scaling heights. When he was assigned to work on the new Freedom Tower in 2002, Jimmy, who describes himself as a “patriotic dude”, felt honoured. Beam by beam, the tower rose, and the higher it went, the prouder he felt. On June 14, 2012, he was among the workers selected to meet President Obama, who came to sign a beam that Jimmy himself later installed on the building.

Fayetteville, West Virginia “This place is where they’ve done Bridge Day since 1980, which is when 150,000 – 300,000 spectators come and watch about 600 BASE jumpers leap off that bridge for a six-hour period once a year. It’s the only national park that opens up for BASE jumpers annually and gives a permit.”

“We remember,” the president wrote on the steel. “We rebuild. We come back stronger!”

And, as Jimmy thought at the time, we jump. Like Andrew, Jimmy had been BASE jumping for years. Though he’d never leaped from a building, the prospect of tackling the Freedom Tower felt like the ultimate. “I thought about it every day,” Jimmy says. So when Andrew popped the question about the challenge, Jimmy didn’t flinch. “Yeah,” he later recalled, “I was cool with it.”

reputation for being a stickler and calling off jumps if the wind was blowing more than 8km/h. “I don’t want to be left scraping up somebody’s corpse because they made a stupid decision,” he says.

To get the most up-to-date reports on downtown Manhattan, he began making daily calls to the automated weatherobservation systems from the New York metro airports and cross-referencing them with weather sites. “As BASE jumpers and skydivers, we always watch the weather,” he explains. “It’s just like brushing your teeth.” Winds were in the sweet spot between five and eight kilometres per hour, and the conditions were calm and cool.

All the team had to do was keep checking to make sure nothing changed.

Next they had to assess the potential landing sites. According to their calculations, they would travel roughly one block if they deployed their parachutes after about six seconds of free fall. Booting up the satellite view on Google Maps, they could see that their options were limited.

There were buildings just to the north and, to the south, the 9/11 Memorial reflecting pools – and the Homeland Security police trailer. Scratch that. The only suitable direction was west, right onto the West Side Highway – one of the city’s busiest thoroughfares. They had to make sure to go when traffic was at its lightest.

How twisted would it be to survive the 105-storey fall only to get run over by a cab? They would jump in the wee hours of a Monday morning.

The last thing they had to figure out was how to get into the tower. Construction sites, they knew from experience, often change as work progresses, and so do the potential points of entry. “A lot of building jumping is kind of free form,” Andrew says.

“You make it up as you go.” Of course, for

WHEN JIMMY ASKED his old friend and fellow BASE jumper Marko if he, too, wanted to take on the Freedom Tower, Marko’s palms broke into a sweat. For the skydiving instructor, it wasn’t the height that was scary; it was the risk of getting busted.

“I didn’t want to go to jail,” he says. “I didn’t think it was worth it.” But in May 2013, after Jimmy helped erect the spire on top of the building, there was finally a roof from which to jump – and Marko couldn’t resist joining the team.

Before packing their gear, the three men had to do their research. This wasn’t just about the jump – it was about breaking into a national landmark, the tallest building in the Western Hemisphere.

First they had to make sure the weather would permit such a leap. Andrew had a

We didn’t know if the cops would shoot us in the back when we landed,” says Jimmy of the trio’s fear.

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NEW RIVER GORGE

Twin Falls, Idaho “This is one of the main training zones for novice BASE jumpers. It’s a 486foot [148m] bridge over water with a great landing area, and it’s 100 per cent legal, year-round, without permits. You can jump it all you want, as much as you want. Period.”

KJERAG MOUNTAIN

LAUTERBRUNNEN

WORLD WINGSUIT LEAGUE

Rogaland, Norway “Since the mid-’90s, jumpers started making the trek to that region of the world. It’s a 3,000-foot [914m] cliff at the end of a fjord. This is a training ground for people who are doing their first big cliff. It’s a little bit more dangerous.”

Switzerland “You actually need some skill and training to go to this place. It has come to be a training ground for intermediate jumpers who like jumping off cliffs between 1,200 and 1,600 feet [366m and 488m], with big, giant grassy landing areas. There’s tens of thousands of jumps done there every year.”

Hunan Province, China “This is for the advanced jumpers who’ve become really proficient and who’ve learned to fly wingsuits. It’s in a mountainous region of China that is absolutely beautiful. The 26 greatest wingsuit pilots in the world compete to see who is the fastest. It’s like Formula 1 in the sky.”

this jump they had an inside man. But while Jimmy knew the building’s layout, he had no sway with the security guards.

The trio would still have to sneak into the structure on their own.

So they cased the joint. Fences and large barriers surrounded the building, along with the surveillance cameras craning down from every street corner. The New York Police Department was said to have more than 200 officers protecting the area, along with cops and security guards from the Port Authority. But there seemed to be open spaces between the fence partitions here and there, and the building had no doors. Though the elevator was completed, they would take the stairs.

By the end of September, they had everything in place. When they searched the construction site, they found a tall barrier on the north side of the building with a gap between two parts of the fence – a gap just big enough for someone to squeeze through. Bingo! The weather forecast looked good, too. The time, at last, had come. Though Marko had been waffling, he made up his mind.

“Let’s just go do it,” he told Andrew and Jimmy, “as a team.”

the video. Given the outlaw nature of the sport, they didn’t do that for any BASE jumps. But they wanted to record the moment for themselves, and so they had GoPro cameras affixed to their helmets, too.

As they neared the fence, they kept their heads down, concealing their faces from the surveillance cameras. A few cops were milling around in the distance. The Homeland Security trailer sat across the way, in the light of the reflecting pools. As Marko began waffling yet again, Andrew and Jimmy ribbed him, half-jokingly.

“Shut up,” Andrew said. “Stop being a pussy.” Privately, though, they shared his trepidation. They weren’t idiots. They knew they were risking more than arrest: they were breaching the security of the World Trade Center site. If the men guarding it saw them, who knows how they might respond?

“We didn’t know if cops would shoot us in the back when we landed,” Jimmy says.

For all security knew, the three men might have been packing explosives.

“Is there going to be an overreaction to this if we do get caught?” Andrew thought.

“Are they going to just go, ‘Oh, my God, they’re terrorists’?”

If there was one thing that pushed the men through their fears, it was the jump.

They wanted more than anything to complete it. And they weren’t about to turn back now.

“We made a decision to go ahead with something, and we felt good about it,” Jimmy says. “And that was it. That’s a powerful thing; that’s how bad we wanted to do this.”

They waited in the pedestrian walkway near the fence, as people passed in both directions. Andrew bent down to tie his shoe. Marko rifled through his backpack.

Jimmy pretended he was taking a piss.

And then, in a flash, they slipped through the gap. They quickly took cover behind a construction trailer, scoping the area for guards. The only ones in sight were huddled in the security booth on the corner. “It’s f–ked up,” Marko whispered to the others. “We could have walked in here with bombs and taken the building down tonight.”

On three, they sprinted the 6m to the stairwell at the base of the building and, just like that, they were in.

One by one, they dashed up the steps, SWAT team-style, each taking a turn running up a flight, peeking around the corner, then signalling to the others to follow. Twenty minutes later, they were on the roof, gazing upon the most outlawed vista in America. The city sparkled below – the arches of the Brooklyn and Manhattan bridges, the Empire State Building, the patch of black where Central Park began.

They sat in silence, the red dots from the GoPro cameras flickering in the darkness.

“We were just sitting there on the edge,” Marko says, “taking it all in.”

After a few blissful hours, though, he found something new to worry about.

Around 2AM, as he was getting ready to jump, Marko pulled the rig out of his bag and examined the pilot chute, the one that pulls the main chute out during a jump.

That’s when he noticed the gash. The nylon must have ripped on the fence as he was bolting through the gap. He could still make the jump, but he would have to quickly deploy his main chute by hand – cutting into the free-fall time he had assigned himself. The sudden change of plans brought back all his anxiety. As he leaned over the edge, the fear hit him like a bolt of lightning.

But the time had come. Andrew said God

AT AROUND 10:30PM on September 29, Jimmy, Marko, and Andrew flipped the hoods on their matching black RAB jackets over their black helmets and walked, faces down, the last 10 blocks to the Freedom Tower. The three had met for pizza a couple of hours earlier and hydrated with water, and they were now making the final approach.

Authorities believe a friend of Jimmy’s, Kyle Hartwell, was also present as a lookout to check for cops and pedestrians – and to film the jump from below. The group had no intention of publicly releasing

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was watching over them. Marko quoted a favourite line from Talladega Nights: “Thank you, baby Jesus.” They exchanged bro hugs. “Well,” Marko went on, “hopefully we won’t be in the f—king Fifth Precinct tonight with a f–king felony charge.” He looked down at the distant highway below and exhaled deeply. “This is some f–king shit right here,” he said, puffing again.

“Oh, man. F–k me.”

“Go ahead, man,” Jimmy said, “you got this.”

“This is so f–ked,” Marko replied, staring down at the pavement until, at last, he got the nerve to leap. “F–k it,” he said. “Three, two, one.” And he jumped. Almost instantly, he tossed out his chute, which puffed open with air. He drifted down as the wind rustled around him, glancing back at the radiant tower he’d left behind. Floating over the highway, he fearfully scanned for cops.

Andrew and Jimmy felt relief the moment they saw Marko’s chute open. “Beautiful,” Andrew said. About 10 seconds later, it was Jimmy’s turn.

“You ready?” he said.

“Yep. Have a good one, brother.”

“You too, man.”

Jimmy sprinted for the edge and went

If convicted, Andrew, Marko, and Jimmy face up to seven years in prison

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airborne. As he dropped, the illuminated tower raced along at his feet as if he were surfing on a ribbon of lights. He deployed his chute. For a flash, he could see Andrew drifting alongside him. Andrew felt a completeness he’d never experienced before. More than a thrill, jumping the Freedom Tower felt like the most American quest of all. “That’s the greatest thing about our country,” he says. “You can pursue your dreams, even if they are illegal.”

“TURN ON THE TV.” It was Monday morning, mere hours after the jump, and Andrew was telling his mum, who lived with him, to check out the news. “At 3:07 this morning, two individuals apparently parachuted to the front of the Goldman Sachs building,” Police Commissioner Ray Kelly told the press. Security cameras had captured their descent but not their launch point.

“We’re not 100 per cent sure of the location, if they came out of an aircraft,” Kelly went on, “but they were seen walking away with the parachutes. What they came out of, we don’t know. They were wearing black suits and helmets, and they are believed to be men.”

Andrew’s mother already knew her son was one of them. He had not only spoken about jumping from the tower for years, but he’d also told her he’d succeeded when he’d returned home a few hours before. “We just sat around the kitchen giggling,” she recalls. She had long since stopped trying to talk her son out of his pastime because she knew he wouldn’t listen to her anyway. And because she had come to think it was pretty cool.

But while Andrew tried to keep calm, Marko got a knock on his door. It was a detective from the NYPD. The guy must have come to him, he guessed, because he’d recently been busted jumping off a building uptown. According to court documents, Marko denied being one of the Freedom Tower jumpers. “I was not in New York City when the jump occurred,” he stated. “I don’t know anything about the jump.”

“I was just being a smart-ass to them for an hour,” he later said. “I didn’t really give them anything.”

Jimmy? He was back at work within hours of the jump, standing on the Freedom Tower’s roof – trying to soak in what he’d done. “It was out of this world,”

he says.

And that, it seemed, was that.

Life resumed its course: work, home, a little BASE jumping outside the city. But then Andrew was on his way to a carpentry job on February 17 when his mum called.

“There are detectives at the front door,” she told him, “and they have a warrant.”

“Well,” he replied, “I guess you’d better let them in.” He came home to find eight NYPD officers and four state troopers inside. “Why don’t you just tell us what’s going on and make it easier on yourself?” one said.

“I’m going to call my attorney,” he replied, “and that’s my answer.”

On that same day, the authorities served search warrants to Marko and Jimmy (who, like Marko, denied involvement) and left with their computers.

But with the story not yet public, the three men and their lawyers couldn’t help wondering: why would the city want to call attention to the fact that the biggest terrorist target in America could be so easily breached? So easily, it turned out, that even a 16-year-old boy could do it. On March 16 at 4AM, Justin Casquejo slipped through another opening in the fence

That’s the greatest thing about our country. You can pursue your dreams, even if they are illegal. around the Freedom Tower, climbed the scaffolding, and took the elevator to the 88th floor. He had no connection to Andrew, Marko, or Jimmy. He took the steps the rest of the way, slipping past a snoozing guard to the roof, and shimmied to the top of the antenna. He soaked up the view of the most killer sunrise in town – only to be caught on the way out.

As news of the daredevil boy hit the press, the public reacted with outrage over the vulnerability of the Freedom Tower.

New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio called Casquejo’s break-in feat “shocking and troubling”. The boy faced misdemeanour trespassing charges. If the city was willing to make an example of him, just imagine what it might do to three grown men.

According to Corliss, jumpers have a long, distinguished history in New York City.

“The Statue of Liberty was BASE-jumped in, like, 1912, and people didn’t arrest the guy – they applauded,” he says. “Then he jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge. Times sure have changed.”

When the cops found the GoPro footage on the BASE jumpers’ computers, they weren’t amused. On March 24, on the advice of their lawyers, Andrew, Marko, and Jimmy went back downtown – this time to turn themselves in. “These arrests should send a message to anyone thinking about misusing a landmark this way,” New York’s new police commissioner, William Bratton, said. “Being a thrillseeker does not give immunity from the law.”

“WHERE WE GOING?” the cab driver asks.

“Freedom Tower,” Andrew replies.

One month after the arrests, Andrew, Marko, Jimmy, and I are heading to the scene of the crime.

The three haven’t returned to the site together since the morning they jumped, but in keeping with their decision to share their full story for the first time, they’ve agreed to take a trip down memory lane.

Charged with burglary, reckless endangerment, and jumping from a structure, they face up to seven years in prison (along with Hartwell, whose lawyers did not return calls for this story). Though it’s not uncommon for BASE jumpers to get arrested, a sentence that severe would be unprecedented. When Corliss got

busted trying to leap off the Empire State Building in 2006, he ended up with a few years’ probation and 100 hours of community service.

Already, Andrew, Marko, and Jimmy have become the most notorious BASE jumpers in the world. The videos of their feat, which they decided to release on YouTube, have racked up more than three million views and summoned calls from Hollywood.

The clips are, in fact, helping to raise money for the trio’s defence. In addition, they’re fuelling a heated debate over what the New York Daily News has lambasted as the “glaring security breach” of the site.

Among those who have voiced their concern is the leadership of the 9/11 Parents and Families of Firefighters and WTC Victims, which has come to the jumpers’ support.

“If these men were able to easily slip through a hole in the fence and encounter no security,” the group’s vice chair, Sally Regenhard, wrote to the New York Supreme Court judge, “then there is a huge problem at the WTC site, and no lessons were learned from the nearly 3,000 people who perished on 9/11, including our heroic sons. They should not be made scapegoats and, in our opinion, should be treated leniently.”

Whether the courts agree remains to be seen. Some in the BASE jumping community fear the three men will pay a steep price because of the intense interest the case has generated. The jumpers, for their part, have pleaded not guilty.

Despite promises by the city, it looks like the security at the Freedom Tower hasn’t improved much, although it was recently announced that the same firm that guards New York’s airports will now patrol the site.

Still, when we arrive at the building, we find yet another gap between the fences.

“If we wanted to, we could get in there right now,” Andrew says, as he takes a drag on a cigarette and shakes his head in disbelief.

If anything, he seems frustrated that he can’t take another run at the leap.

“To me, BASE jumping is a celebration of life and a celebration of freedom,” he says, gazing up at the tower. “I wish I could go again, during the day, and just watch it as I’m coming down.”

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Film NEWS FLASH ⊲

TEN Questions

LOTR, Star Wars, the Marvel Universe, Transformers, Harry Potter, The Godfather – what do these franchises have in common? That’s right, they’re all for nerdy losers who know nothing of the art of filmmaking. Our fave franchise, Step Up, has just added a fifth, 3D-enabled instalment – All In – to the saga and we’re feeling #Blessed.

The Same

We Always Ask

{} Plus a Few More

Joel McHale, who is far from his usual funny self in Deliver Us from Evil , opens up about… flying fish sperm sacs? Well, there’s a new one

Before we start, Scott Derrickson, the film’s writer-director, told us a riddle the FBI uses to profile serial killers, which can be answered several ways, but one specific answer gets you flagged as a potential murderer, demonstrating that you have no conscience. You answered the riddle with that exact answer when Scott asked you.

So, you’re basically a serial killer.

Yes, that’s why my wife married me. She loves that sort of personality. I don’t know why I thought like that. I just came up with that answer. I am not killing anyone currently. I’m not active... yet. A dormant serial killer.

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Joel McHale Alrighty, then! Onto the questions: What was the last thing you had to apologise for?

I had to apologise to my assistant. We were in Mexico and I was trying to check-in to a flight and they didn’t have my kids’ passport details. I was like, “Well, how did we get here?

Why don’t you have them?” And

I gave my assistant some shit about it. So later I was like, “I’m sorry.” That’s a terrible story…

Agreed. What’s your favourite curse word?

F—k. Pretty standard. F—k me. Not interesting, but very, very satisfying.

What’s the worst hangover you’ve ever had?

It was my baptism. I was out celebrating. There was a lot of peach schnapps. No. I find that, now that I’m older, it’s harder to recover from drinking, so I don’t drink as much as I used to. I have a collection of scotch and I drink a lot of it. I enjoy wine a lot, but it takes a bigger toll, I think. I have never puked from drinking. That doesn’t mean I don’t like drinking or that I haven’t had some serious headaches, though.

What was your first car?

It was a 1968 VW Bug that my dad bought for $200 and gave to my older brother and I. And it promptly worked – for one day. Then it had to be towed away. That was the end of that car. My dad realised that he would have to bite the bullet if he wanted us to drive around and not have him or my mum drive us everywhere, so then I think he spent $1,800 on a 1973 VW Bug, which was great. That was an amazing car. Which my brother totalled, and I was very mad at him.

What do you drive now?

I drive a Porsche 911 Turbo S. I like going fast – within reason.

I always dreamt of having a car like that, and when I was able to buy one, I was like, “I cannot believe my good fortune.”

You probably couldn’t fit a body in the trunk of a Porsche, though.

If you cut it up, you could.

Sorry, how daft of us. Do you have a scar that tells a story?

Yeah, I cut my penis off once.

And then the other time, it was just torn off. Wait, no, that’s a whole different story. I have a scar on one of my eyebrows – I can’t remember which – from when my brothers and I were playing tag when I was a very

Joel gets solemn alongside Eric Bana in the crime-horror flick

little kid, and I was running around a table wearing socks, on a linoleum floor, and my feet went out from under me. I hit the edge of a brick fireplace.

I was bleeding. Problem was that we were snowed in – there had been a snowstorm – and we could not get out. So an ambulance had to be called, and they came and got me and my dad out. The doctor told my dad to lie on top of me and hold my jaw, and he held me down while this guy stitched me up. I remember screaming.

I don’t remember the sound of me screaming, I just remember screaming. But then I got to ride home in a police car, and I was thrilled.

Do you have a party trick?

No. I’m not a nerd.

What’s the biggest thing you’ve ever put in your mouth?

Other than dicks? The biggest thing is when you take those X-rays at the dentist, and you have to bite down on that huge, weird, uncomfortable thing, then you put on the lead bib, which protects your chest, but it’s apparently fine to shoot it directly into your mouth.

That’s definitely one of the larger things I’ve had in my mouth. But I have had a flying fish sperm sac in there. That’s

probably the weirdest thing I have ever had in my mouth.

Was it good?

Terrific. I didn’t order it. I didn’t have a choice. It was breaded and deep-fried. It was like tempura. Good.

What’s the one thing to remember in a fight?

Try not to get into them. I’ve been in a number of them – all when I was younger. I probably had three fights, maybe four fights, by the time I was in eighth grade. For a while I didn’t have any, then, playing football, there were a number of scuffles, but that was on the

field, wearing pads, so you can’t really count them as big fist fights. Yes, guys are swinging at each other, and it’s dangerous, but you’re padded. So unless you can get somebody’s helmet off, it’s not like you can do a tonne of damage.

Who was the last person to see you naked?

Definitely my wife. Or [co-star] Eric Bana.

Finish this sentence: If I ruled the world for one day, I would…

Make everyone eat flying fish sperm sacs.

Steve Nash

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Music PARTY JAMS Rated

For a good time, download these playlists provided by four Aussie acts

The Faders Be Faithful

CROOKLYN CLAN FT. FATMAN SCOOP

This is our all-time ultimate party track. Every time we play it in the clubs, it goes off.

Guaranteed to take the party to the next level.

Sweet Dreams EURYTHMICS

Old school classic throwback! This song is so iconic.

Versace (Remix) MIGOS FT. DRAKE

Reminds us of some amazing times partying with friends in NYC. We could seriously listen to this song all day. It is always stuck in our head. Versace Versace Versace!!!

Jump Around HOUSE OF PAIN

We often start our DJ sets with this song to get the crowd pumped.

Epic hype track to make everyone “jump around”!

Bugatti ACE HOOD

Ultimate sing-along (or scream-along) song! Imagine jumping around yelling, “I woke up in a new Bugatti!”

Yep, that’s us with our mates…

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100% Pure Love CRYSTAL WATERS

One of the best dance songs from the ’90s.

So nostalgic.

We actually both remember making up a dance to this song when we were kids.

Man of the Year SCHOOLBOY Q

We LOVE Schoolboy Q. Jump on it! He’s the best.

Pour Some Sugar on Me DEF LEPPARD

Our DJ set wouldn’t be complete without a rock anthem.

This is definitely our favourite.

Paranoid (Remix)

TY DOLLA $IGN FT. TREY SONGZ, FRENCH MONTANA & DJ MUSTARD

We came together through our love of ’90s RnB and this is our favourite new RnB song. Another one that is always stuck in our heads and fun to dance to.

It’s Like That RUN-D.M.C.

One of the best songs of all-time.

RIP Jam Master Jay.

THE FADERS’ SECOND ALBUM, F.U.N 2, IS OUT SEPTEMBER 26.

FOLLOW THEM: @THEFADERSDJS

tyDi Blood

ARCHIS (DIA FRAMPTON)

Slice N Dice Dechorro DEORRO

An absolute go-to for our sets. Mega energy and a catchy drop – you can’t miss this one!

Mammoth!

DIMITRI VEGAS, LIKE MIKE & MOGUAI

Everyone sings along to this one – 100 per cent maximum impact on the drop.

Eat, Sleep, Rave, Repeat FATBOY SLIM, RIVA STARR & BEARDYMAN

Such a cool and funky tune. Lyrics are badass, too!

Everybody Is In the Place HARDWELL

Such a dope tune – this is one that always gets us jumping around!

We Like To Party SHOWTEK

The name says it all…

Lionhearted

PORTER ROBINSON (FT. URBAN CONE)

This is such a cool tune, with an awesome party vibe. We are really looking forward to this album.

Dirty Vibe SKRILLEX

Soooo sick! Makes anyone wanna turn up and get ratchet!

SOL REPUBLIC SAVIOURS OF SOUND, SLICE N DICE, WILL BE TOURING #MASKLIFE IN SEPTEMBER. IN THE MEANTIME, HERE’S THEIR SOUNDCLOUD: SOUNDCLOUD.COM/ WEARESLICENDICE

Pour it Up (RL Grime Remix) RIHANNA

Such a strip club song. Any time it plays, girls start twerking.

Party Monster

The new band

by Dia Frampton; this incredible girl featured on my new single, “Stay”. Dia is nothing short of perfect in every sense of the word.

Pursuit GESAFFELSTEIN

INTENSITY! This track makes me want to destroy things. It’s so damn cool! This French producer has a very edgy album called Aleph, and it’s one for the electronic purists.

KREWELLA

Daniel (Henry Saiz Remix)

BAT FOR LASHES

This song is just pure beauty: the lyrics capture my heart and take me to a place far away.

Henry’s remix gives the song a nice dance spin but keeps the emotion that makes this track so special.

Faded ZHU

Sex in a song. This is just stunning, deep, and haunting.

TYDI’S NEW ALBUM, REDEFINED, DROPS SEPTEMBER 30.

FOR MORE INFO: FACEBOOK.COM/ TYDIMUSIC

Gravity TYDI

Is it wrong for me to choose one of my own? I wrote this as more of an orchestra piece; it’s something I’m very proud of because it's different to anything else I’ve made before.

What Am I Doing Here? (Hyperbits Remix) CHICANE

A song that kind of reminds me of Imogen Heap. Great use of a vocoder.

I love dropping this one live!

“FREAKS” (FEATURING SAVAGE) IS OUT NOW. CHECK THE OFFICIAL SITE: TIMMYTRUMPET.COM

Trap and Hardstyle and some party anthem vocals make for a massive party starter.

Bounce Generation TJR & VINAI

Sure to make ’em bounce!

Keep your ears peeled for the monster remixes by our homies SCNDL and Uberjak’d coming out soon!

Timmy Trumpet Tremor

MARTIN GARRIX, DIMITRI VEGAS, LIKE MIKE

Everyone goes crazy when I drop this track. With its heavy bass and catchy tune, it’s an ultimate party starter.

The Buzz

TIMMY TRUMPET & NEW WORLD SOUND

It wouldn’t be a party if I didn't get my trumpet out!

Selfie CHAINSMOKERS (BOTNEK REMIX)

Botnek says what everyone is thinking then reworks the

drop to turn this track into an even bigger banger.

Freaks TIMMY TRUMPET

“Freaks” went viral recently, after a monkey was filmed raving to it.

Enough said.

Faded ZHU

If you’re lucky enough to have company after the party, Zhu’s deep vibes and sexy melody will end the night perfectly.

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The Acrostic Pressure from Hilltop Hoods spells a few things out for us

HOOD S

HIP-HOP IN AUSTRALIA I think hip-hop here, especially in the last couple of years, has blown up. It went through a growth spurt around a decade ago, which is also when we put out “The Nosebleed Section”. I think a few crews began to surface from the underground back then; now it’s pretty mainstream and could potentially take over. Back in the day we didn’t think we’d end up making a living off hip-hop.

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OUR NEW ALBUM A lot of people describe our sound to us, saying it’s a kind of throwback, boom bap, old school type of hiphop. I think that’s true to an extent but I’d add that it’s also sample-driven and clean, like in instances when we use session musicians and symphony. We make music that sounds how we want it to sound, and it’s also a reflection of us.

This is probably our most progressive album yet. As long as it resonates with people and we can keep touring and I can make a living off it, then I’m not too fussed.

OVERSEAS The worst thing about touring is the travel and the fatigue. Lobby call can f–k off. The best thing is visiting places I’ve never been and meeting new people. Also, selling out a show in a country where people aren’t native English speakers is crazy to me.

Switzerland, where we are right now, is up there in terms of favourite places.

Openair Festival, in Frauenfeld, is just awesome: you can see the Swiss Alps in the background, the rolling hills… man, there’s even cows here with bells around their necks – that’s how f–king cliché it is.

Such a beautiful place, man.

DECADE NUMBER TWO I always go through a period, just after we finish an album, where I obsess over it and listen to nothing but that.

Then, maybe a month or two later, I let it go and never listen to it again.

Other hip-hop tends to motivate me. I think it’s very important to stay in touch with your genre. We don’t want to sound 15 years old; we want it to sound like we’re in 2014.

SOME NOSTALGIA The first time I heard one of our songs in public, I was out at a local pub. I was like, “Holy f–k, man!

They’ve got our song on a jukebox!”

It was a bogan bar and they were putting on “The Nosebleed Section” – I was surprised they had it on the jukebox, let alone someone was playing it! It was a weird feeling and definitely takes time to get used to.

HILLTOP HOODS’ NEW ALBUM, WALKING UNDER STARS, IS OUT NOW. FOR MORE: FACEBOOK.COM/ HILLTOPHOODS

Back in the day we didn’t think we’d end up making a living off hip-hop.

Rated

Music

Vance on fire VANCE JOY TAKES THE SOCIAL MEDIA TROLLS IN HIS STRIDE What do you like about making music?

I like that you’re constantly engaged. I’m rarely bored; music is like a puzzle you’re constantly trying to solve.

Songwriting isn’t always fun but I always find it entertaining on a personal level.

What’s something you don’t like about it?

There are ups and downs.

Sometimes songwriting is frustrating but you kinda need that because it makes you feel good when you make a breakthrough. I was on tour with Bernard Fanning last year and he was saying that you hit obstacle after obstacle when you’re songwriting – but you’ve just gotta acknowledge them and push through.

When did you realise music was the thing you wanted to do?

I always had a passion for it.

But I wasn’t really sure until I saw a friend doing it, and he was doing well. I knew I had the skill set as a songwriter – it just took a couple of songs to make me realise it was a real possibility and not just a dream.

Did you have a backup plan or is that dangerous, as it

VANCE JOY’S DEBUT ALBUM, DREAM YOUR LIFE AWAY, IS OUT SEPTEMBER 5. FOR MORE: FACEBOOK. COM/VANCEJOY

means you won’t try as hard with music since there’s a safety net?

I’d done a Bachelor of Arts/ Bachelor of Law at Monash [University, in Melbourne] but I was pretty committed to music once I decided to pursue it. Once I finished the degree I chose to commit to songwriting and playing small gigs, just to see what eventuated.

You have over 115,000 fans on Facebook. Have you ever taken a moment to think about that? It’s, like, five stadiums’ worth, man.

I have thought about that.

Especially looking on YouTube and seeing how many views a song has had. Like, the MCG holds 90,000 people!

In the couple of days after “Mess Is Mine” was released I was watching social media quite closely. I’m not usually interested in that stuff but after releasing something I do pay attention. And I do laugh at certain comments. I find comments like: “This is actual shit” funny because, I mean, there’s stuff I think is shit and it’s totally subjective.

What’s the best advice you ever received?

The thing Bernard Fanning told me that I mentioned earlier was handy. And my parents were helpful in encouragingme to keep my head down and forge ahead.

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DVD

UNFORTUNATE SONS Sons of Anarchy ’s Ron Perlman talks tough tweets from fervent fans

Is Hamlet still the blueprint for what SoA is all about?

I think I’m starting to get a sense of the shape of this entire exercise, and the more I see, the more I think that [creator] Kurt Sutter is really doing an exploration of power – what it means and what it does to the holder of it; what he starts out being and aspiring to, then what it ultimately does, in terms of decaying him. And with Clay [Perlman’s character] you get to see the beginning of it, the middle of it, the end of it, and then the aftermath of it.

How do you think the fans feel about Clay Morrow?

Well, I am new to tweeting, so I now know more than I ever thought I would know, and way more than I would like to know, in terms of how the world feels about

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care of what he is charged to do, which is keep his family autonomous, independent, safe, and un-f—ked with.

Clay Morrow – and it’s pretty brutal, man. I’ve had to up my Klonopin [anti-anxiety medication] intake.

I’m taking more Xanax [another antianxiety medication] now than ever before. Valium [yet another anti-anxiety medication] to sleep, Dexedrine [a stimulant] to get up. It’s hell being Clay. But, you know, if we’re doing Hamlet, I signed on to be Claudius, as uncomfortable as that can be.

So many people say, “I want to see that mother—ker dead!” I see it, like, a hundred times a day or more, and probably for a hundred of those I see, one person will say, “It’s compelling to watch somebody as driven as that – it’s really interesting”, which is the way I’ve always tried to play it – not as a bad guy but as a guy who was driven, like most kings, to unequivocally take

You’ve had hardcore fans in the past, for TV series Beauty and the Beast and the Hellboy flicks. How does the reaction to Sons of Anarchy compare with previous fandom?

Sons of Anarchy is far and away the most dramatic game-changer in my life. Beauty and the Beast was really loved, but by a very small cult audience. Actually, Hellboy was as well; even though it was a big canvas, the movie was never a blockbuster – neither the first one, nor the second one.

Sons of Anarchy is a blockbuster, and everywhere I go in the world, people know me – and that’s never happened before.

People have really,

really passionate reactions to the show, and that’s never happened before. So, yeah, it’s been the most intense relationship with fandom that I’ve ever experienced, and now that I’m about to die in real-life, I’m glad I saw it.

SONS OF ANARCHY: S5 IS NOW AVAILABLE ON BLU-RAY AND DVD FROM 20TH CENTURY FOX HOME ENTERTAINMENT

Not pictured: pants on fire

throughout the year – what nobody else had, which was a look at how he presented and prosecuted that lie in real time.

Tour de Fraud ALEX GIBNEY, WRITERDIRECTOR OF DOCO THE ARMSTRONG LIE , LEARNT A LOT MORE ABOUT HIS SUBJECT THAN HE BARGAINED FOR

What initially attracted you to this project?

I was attracted by Armstrong’s will. Both the inspirational side of it – you know, the young guy coming back from a brush with death and, not only surviving, but being better than he was before – and also the kind of darker side of that will: the idea of “win at all costs”.

That interested me, in terms of athletes. For me, it was originally a story about an athlete.

THE ARMSTRONG LIE IS OUT NOW ON BLURAY AND DVD

Was it a challenge getting intimate access to him after the scandal broke?

It was a challenge because his lawyers really weren’t wild about him talking. But I think we made a good case that he owed it to us and also, I think he wanted to have influence over his story. For those two reasons he ultimately agreed, and so did his lawyers.

What is your opinion of him now?

I think people have to see him in two ways. I think we

can reckon with the idea that he was the best of a dirty era as an athlete – but his story became much bigger than that, and I think we miss the bigger picture by focusing on the doping. It was really the abuse of power that became the more reprehensible thing: the way he made so many others complicit in his lie and the way he went after people who tried to tell the truth. That’s really the damage that Armstrong did. As somebody says in the film, it’s not a story about doping; it’s a story about power and the abuse of power.

Harrison J. Pierce

allegations of doping and I always wondered whether he was coming back, in part, to try and put those allegations to bed. But the discussion of doping always had to be said in an oblique way, as a kind of a whisper or a suggestion.

Over time, as the granular detail emerged, Armstrong’s story was no longer at all believable and our film just seemed way too soft. So we knew that we had to dig deeper into the whole issue of the lie and, as it happens, we had – because we had been following him

How did the film change after Lance’s confession of doping?

There was always an element in the film that looked at the

RON PERLMAN INTERVIEW: SARAH LUCY MAY

CHECK THESE OUT BRICK MANSIONS

DRAFT DAY

Relax, this isn’t yet another reality show about couples crying and renovating and yelling and embracing. It’s a remake of another jacked-up actioner, the Parkourpioneering District 13, except this time it’s set in a dystopian, crimeriddled Detroit instead of Paris. Paul Walker’s final film, and a fittingly exhilarating one.

Kevin Costner would be cool to have a beer with – that’s the vibe we get, anyway – so we’re partial to any movie where he’s front and centre. Kev is general manager of NFL team the Cleveland Browns and is in a pickle in the form of how best to use the top pick in the draft. If you’re into sport and the burdens faced by managers (who isn’t?), give it a crack.

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Our Spidey Sense Is Tingling!

WE DEVELOPED A NEW LEVEL OF RESPECT FOR STUNT-PEOPLE WHEN WE WERE GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY TO RECREATE THREE STUNTS FROM THE AMAZING SPIER-MAN 2 When I was recently asked if I wanted to be the next Spider-Man I was initially reluctant, since the last time I agreed to be part of a radioactive experiment it left me feeling somewhat bloated and nauseous.

Then it was explained that I’d merely be re-enacting stunt sequences from The Amazing Spider-Man 2,

which I was down for. If you ever get the chance, I can’t recommend stunt work highly enough (as long as you have ace instructors, as I did; here’s the site for those legends: stuntactionconsultants. com).

HOT SALSA

WORLD SALSA AND SAMBA CHAMPION PASCALE SALSETTE EXPLAINS THE RIGOURS AND FAST-PACED FUN OF DANCE

CUBAN FURY IS OUT NOW ON DVD, BLU-RAY, AND ULTRAVIOLET >>> FOR MORE ABOUT PASCALE: FACEBOOK.COM/ PASCALESALSETTE

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An hour of (very basic) fight choreography and rig-assisted backflips and flying equates to a lot of sweat for the average person when you’re in a padded, synthetic Spidey suit. That dynamic hour also earns you a bunch

THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN 2 OUT NOW ON BLU-RAY, DVD, AND ULTRAVIOLET

of bumps, bruises, and bodily strain.

‘Cool story, bro, you really do sound like a sissy.’ That’s my point. Stunt work is tough – a cable got acquainted with my nuts and I’m pretty sure I could hear a village of sperm howling in collective pain – and, after just over 60 minutes, it becomes apparent:

How long have you been dancing?

I started when I was five. I did ballet, jazz, and contemporary quite intensely for about 10 years. That training has helped with Salsa but it’s also not so helpful, since Salsa is a street dance. When you have technique training, as I did, it helps with picking things up quickly, since there’s that kinaesthetic [learning by doing an activity] awareness, but Salsa is generally less formal, so you need to relax a bit more and go with the flow.

the people who do this for a living are the real heroes.

Oh, and SpiderMan. Who isn’t real, but the inspiration he generates is. #spideyinspires

What’s the hardest part of dancing?

Patience. It does take a while to get good at it.

People do dancing for different reasons, so you may just want a basic understanding, but it requires patience to get to a level where you’re comfortable enough to take it to a club and show off your repetoire.

Cuban Fury is about a dude learning Salsa to impress a chick.

It touches on the theme of dancing and masculinity, and how they seem to be

mutually exclusive.

There is that stigma.

People ask me if many guys do Salsa, and they do. Guys probably aren’t keen on ballet or jazz but Salsa is totally different. I’d actually say the number one reason guys join our classes is to pick-up.

It’s pretty easy to learn, too, compared to other dance styles. Salsa has a big community vibe and that social aspect makes you forget you’re exercising.

It’s the most popular Latin dance, so once you learn to lead and follow you can go just about anywhere and dance with anybody.

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PREFER A DIGITAL SUBSCRIPTION? SEARCH ‘MAXIM AUSTRALIA’ THROUGH ONE OF OUR DIGITAL PARTNERS. M A X I M . C O M . A U

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Ultra Street Fighter IV FORMAT: PS3,

360, PC For well over two decades, two foes have stomped around a screen and beat the mitochondria out of one another in Capcom’s legendary Street Fighter series. Even hardened fans, however, probably can’t keep up with all the spin-offs and semi-sequels. Street Fighter IV, originally released in 2008, is still being repackaged with extra features.

LONG STORY SHORT:

It is still awesome, though – not just reheated pizza. The 2D fighting is as tight as ever, while the cel-shaded visual style suits the iconic gameplay perfectly. The Ultra version adds five new characters – Rolento, Elena, Hugo, Poison, and Decapre – to the fray, plus six new stages and rebalanced fighting. Still well worth getting if you haven’t bought into this iconic slugfest yet.

RELEASE: Out now.

WHAT EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT ● GTA V is coming to next-gen formats and it looks shit-hot. ● Borderlands (yay!) and Aliens: Colonial Marines (boo!) dev Gearbox has announced first-person MOBA Battleborn. ● Nordic Games has bought the THQ name and is going to release new Red Faction and Darksiders games. ● Battlefield: Hardline has been delayed to 2015 ● An Uncharted movie has been locked-in for 2016

Modern Combat 5: Blackout iOS, Android

LONG STORY SHORT: There

is a whiff of Call of Duty in the title of this game, and the gameplay downright stinks of Activation’s blockbuster FPS. But that’s fine by us, given developer Gameloft has managed to bring that kind of action spectacle – including multiplayer modes – to mobile devices. If you don’t think much of mobile gaming, you’ll be left agape at the quality of the presentation on offer, with great visuals, cinematics, voiced characters, and cutscenes. The controls have been simplified from that of a full console game, but most of the gameplay you’d expect from a Call of Duty offering is certainly here, including the OTT action setpieces.

Only difference being, this works on your phone – kinda crazy, really.

RELEASE: Out now.

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ComingSoon SUPER SMASH BROS. U

Out on the Wii U

by Xmas, the extra power of Nintendo’s console ups the pace and brings visual flourishes to the fore. Team play looks like it will be in the mix, as well as the ability to fight using your own Mii character. Watching your mini-me beat the shit out of Mario should be a blast!

DOOM Legendary FPS founder id Software has officially unveiled the fourth entry in the series. It looks gorgeous at 1080p and 60fps, but damn, is it gory. Hulking horrors from hell, halfflesh and half-metal, threaten the space marines, so the response is to rip the demons’ skulls in half and chainsaw beasts into pieces. We do know multiplayer will play a large part, and you can get early access to the beta by picking up the recent Wolfenstein game.

WORDS: CHRIS STEAD

FORMAT:

● Epic Games is bringing back FPS classic Unreal Tournament.

FORMAT: XBO, PS4, PC DEVELOPER: 4A GAMES RELEASE: AUGUST 28 GENRE: FIRST-PERSON SHOOTER

Metro Redux

We go post-apocalyptic in one of the most atmospheric FPS games ever.

Things in the Ukraine aren’t so great at the moment, but if you were going to hunt for positives, you could do worse than pointing to developer 4A Games. Founded in 2005 by a number of ex-employees of the developer behind stunning survival shooter S.T.A.L.K.E.R., the studio has only released two games to date and they’re both crackers. Metro 2033 and Metro: Last Light are shining examples of the emotions narrative-driven first-person experiences can evoke and remain two of our favourite games from the last-generation of consoles. And if you missed them the first time around, they could very well become two of your favourite games of this generation in this HD double pack.

Based on the postapocalyptic Russian novel Metro 2033 by Dmitry

Glukhovsky, the original game sinks you into the dilapidated remnants of Moscow’s underground public transport system, where the survivors fight against themselves and unholy threats in the dark. As the 20-year-old Artyom, you must travel from your home station deep into the metro system, where Soviets and Fourth Reich Nazis battle each other, while mutants called the Dark Ones swarm through the dark. Technically a firstperson shooter, the games are also heavily influenced by stealth and survival-horror elements, especially the first game, Metro 2033.

With its thickly accented characters and Artyom’s vivid hallucinations leading the way, the Metro series is one that lives and breathes its atmosphere. Visually spectacular, the attention

to detail in its small but rich world absolutely absorbs you into the gritty reality of postapocalyptic life like few other titles. Sporadically visiting the snow-covered surface to crawl the ruins through a cracked gas mask – heavy breathing pounding through the speakers – before being thrust back down into the dark tunnels evokes a sense of claustrophobia that you’ll remember for years.

Hats off to 4A Games, too, that this HD pack is more than just a spit ’n’ polish. Of course, both games have been updated with new visuals and animations for next-gen, while running

at 60fps. But it’s great to see the gameplay improvements of Metro: Last Light – such as upgraded aiming and movement – retrofitted to 2033. New modes and all the DLC flesh out the experience, making this a no-brainer at the (bloody awesome) bargain price of $79.95 on Xbox One and PS4, and $49.95 on PC.

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Tech

KNOW YOUR ABCS ⊲

A = All About (what the hell is this thing?)

B = Bitchin' Because (why the hell do I want it?)

C = Cunning Linguist (how the hell do I sway my missus?)

Philips Airfryer XL HD9240 A: Yes, the XL stands for extra large, with the latest in the Philips Airfryer range boasting 50 per cent more space – capable of holding 1.2kg of food (a whole chicken, say). You can now pre-heat to 200°C, making cooking times faster, while an improved air filter prevents your house from smelling like BBQ chicken… wait, we actually kinda want that.

B: For the foodconscious the Airfryer is pretty darn awesome. It takes oil out of the equation, allowing you to fry things without adding in a heap of extra fat.

C: “I’m not saying you’re fat... But we can all be a bit tighter.”

PHILIPS.COM.AU

Samsung Galaxy Tab S

Nokia Lumia 930 A: A colourful, rich 5” screen greets Lumia 930 owners.

Underneath it packs plenty of oomph, thanks to a 2.2GHz snapdragon quadcore processor.

B: The 20MP camera includes some neat tricks, like the ability to add movement to static images, and four mics that pick up great sound.

Wireless charging is handy, too.

C: “Fun fact, babes: Microsoft owns Nokia now. #integration” NOKIA.COM

A: Is this the best Android tablet going around? We think so. The 10.5” HD Super AMOLED (2,560 x 1,600; 16:10) screen is truly delicious, outputting better-than-life imagery. Despite this, it remains one of the most space-efficient tabs we’ve seen, at only 6.6mm thick and just 465g. Eleven hours of battery life is welcomed, too.

B: Using Android 4.4 OS, the multi-window feature certainly makes multitasking easier, while Samsung’s suite of included apps grows more impressive with each iteration.

C: “It goes hand-in-hand with my Galaxy S5 phone! At least pretend you’re happy for me.”

SAMSUNG.COM.AU

Princeton Tec Sync Headlight A: The Sync stands out from the crowd with its nifty operation dial and sleek design, which still provides a Maxbright 90 lumen LED that delivers up to 200 hours of night time visibility.

B: We like how slim and comfy it is compared to normal head torches, but also how easy it is to turn on and flick between its various modes: spot beam, flood beam, dual-beam, and red LED. For some reason, this is usually tough to do with head torches.

C: “Now I can conquer my crippling fear of the dark!”

OUTDOORAGENCIES.COM.AU

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At just 150 million clicks away, the sun is the closest star to Earth.

WORDS: CHRIS STEAD

SkyWatcher Collapsible Dobsonian Telescope A: This is a serious bit of stargazing kit. If you understand the specs – 254mm/10” diameter, 1,200mm focal length, F/4.7, 508x practical power lens with 14.7 faintest stellar magnitude – you’re doing better than us.

Know this, though: you can totes view nebulae, the rings on Saturn, and plenty of other galactic details. Its collapsible design gives you flexibility to take it with you when you go bush.

B: Whether you’ve just watched an ep of Star Trek or want to find North Korea’s secret moon base, there are plenty of reasons to stare into the heavens and ponder.

C: “Only you can leave me truly starstruck, Darling Heart.”

TASCO.COM.AU

Parrot AR Drone 2.0 Elite Edition A: These drones – replicas of the UAVs used in warfare – have a HD camera on the front that streams footage back to an iOS or Android app that doubles as your controller. You can take photos and video footage, share online, or go to meet-ups and battle against other owners. The new rechargeable lithium-ion battery offers an extra 12 minutes of flight time, too.

B: The new Elite models come in three different flavours: sand, snow, and jungle. This isn’t just the shell, either, with two alternative propeller colours to call on for further visual customisation.

C: “I will play less Call of Duty if I can use a drone for real.”

PARROT.COM/AU

WORX Landroid – Robotic Mower A: Can R2D2 do this? You start by setting up the supplied boundary wire around the area you want the robot to take care of. You then put its charging station somewhere within those bounds, set a cut height between 20 and 60mm, and press go. It will mow the space and return back to its home once it’s done. You can even set it up so it does the job once a week!

B: Mowing the lawn sucks, so why not get a robot to do it?

You can get 1,000 square metres’ worth of grass, cut on a slope up to 35-degrees, from a single charge.

C: “The grass is greener if you embrace AI, Sugar Plum.”

WORX.COM M A X I M . C O M . A U

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CHRIS H E A LT H

&

F I T N E S S

A N AT O M Y O F

A N

AT H L E T E

ATKINSON

The Aussie rally superstar explains what goes into negotiating all those high-speed hairpins DRIVING I don’t get a lot of time in the car at the moment. Back in the day we had unlimited testing and we’d be in the car an awful lot.

Unfortunately, we’ve gone past that period; at the moment, there are limited test days, along with the races. It’s a hard and expensive sport, as every day you spend testing is a massive amount of financial investment for the team – all of which adds up to not much driving. I do some go karting to stay sharp, so at least I’m driving something! I lived in Monaco for a lot of years and there are some pretty great roads in the South of France that my friends and I would test out.

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MENTALITY Rallying is quite a different sport because it is such an endurance sport, though you’re sprinting every now and again, so you’ve got to pace yourself over the week. We basically start preparing on the Tuesday before, doing recci [where drivers go over the course slowly and prepare notes about it].

Before you start the race you’re visualising those notes and working with your co-driver, who is going to read those out to you and describe the road, while you’re trying to create a picture of the road in your mind. It’s not like a circuit, where you know where your braking points are and everything like that – you’ve got to trust those notes and basically visualise what’s coming up because you can’t see it over the crest or around a corner. It’s all pretty much blind.

You’re hearing these notes and you want to try and understand them in your mind.

The clearer you can be in conceptualising what’s coming up and working with your co-driver, the better you can prepare. We spend a lot of time checking the videos, and we record the stages, but you’re limited to how many times you can go over the stages – you’re only allowed two slow passes to check them. That’s probably the biggest thing, and even driving up to the stage, when you’re on the road section driving between stages, you’re mentally preparing and talking through the notes with your co-driver and getting your head as clear as possible.

I try and stay fairly calm – you don’t want to be too edgy. I find if I have too many cups of coffee, for example, I’ll get too sketchy and overreact a little bit, so you want to stay as calm as possible, in order to absorb the information from your co-driver. Quite often I listen to some music on the way to the stages, which helps me stay calm and relaxed.

The 2014 Coates Hire Rally Australia on the New South Wales Coffs Coast spans from September 11 – 14.

Tickets and information, including prices, maps, and the Special Stage timetable, are available at: rallyaustralia.com. au, mynrma.com.au/tix, and via Facebook and Twitter.

For more on Chris: atko.com. au/chris-atko-atkinson/

REFLEXES/FOCUS/VISION We do some specific reaction training in the gym and I try and do other sports requiring me to think the same, like go karting. We use reaction tools while training in the gym, with the aim being to activate the muscles and apply stress while still being able to react at the same time. This teaches your body be calm during similar pressure situations, even though your heart rate might be highly elevated.

Instinct and experience are massive in rallying: knowing when to push and when to take it easy; what risks you shouldn’t take and where the time is made. When you’re young and stupid you take some big risks and wreck some cars; you get a bit wiser as you get older and don’t wreck as many cars – but you still go as fast!

LOWER BODY I do a lot of cycling. I’ve trained a lot in Europe with some of the guys who raced in the Tour de France, like Aussies Matt Goss and Simon Gerrans, as well as some of the European guys. I’ve been lucky enough to train with them and also use some of their trainers. We combined a lot of single leg exercises, as when you’re braking it’s quite a heavy force on your leg – and you’re braking a lot. We’re racing for three days, so endurance leg training is important to prevent fatigue.

In the gym we do a lot of leg exercises, but more focused on involving the core e.g. single leg squats and lunges while holding weights (that locks in your core). With squats we don’t usually do them on a normal squat rack – we place a fit ball behind us to balance on, which involves more of the body and also acts as general reaction training.

You don’t need to be super-strong, but

you need to strong and light and reactive.

You don’t want be carrying around massive legs, either, because that’ll lead to a weight penalty in the car.

UPPER BODY Shoulders and back are important; chest, not so much. Back and core strength are really critical. A lot of the exercises are focused around locking in the core and engaging it while doing the exercise. You actually feel the road and the car through your backside – if you have a weak core or a sore back you don’t feel the road as well, you’ll start to fatigue, and your concentration will go.

We work lower back, upper back, and shoulders quite a bit, trying to incorporate grip strength at the same time. So you hold weights, say a 20kg plate, and basically act out moving the wheel in, say, a sit-up position. We look to involve the whole body without building too much size. We do a lot of low rep/high strength training at the start of the season to build up that base strength but then we cut that away because you don’t want to carry that extra mass into the season.

STAMINA/ENDURANCE I used to run a lot more but once I got involved in cycling I kind of fell in love with that. I ride as both a hobby and as training, so it’s quite easy for me to go out and knock out some kays to stay light and fit.

It’s beneficial to ride similar distances to [race] stages and/or reach a similar heart rate to stages and work in those zones.

When you’re in the car and your heart is beating at 155, if you’ve already trained an hour or two on the bike at that heart rate, then your body is more capable of handling those situations.

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Sex

Nikki is a qualified sexologist and relationship expert aiming to educate Australians about everything under the sheets. You can find her on The Morning Show, Sunrise, or her website: www.drnikkig.com.au Facebook: Dr Nikki Goldstein Twitter: @Dr_NikkiG

Check out these practical steps that you can take right now to get more from your sex life.

I’m not sure men would want anything else (maybe except for a girlfriend with a high sex drive and beer pouring from her nipples)...

1. CUDDLES AND KISSES. I know this might sound a little mushy but a recent study has found that cuddling, caressing, and kissing may be a way to achieve a better sex life and a closer relationship. Sometimes you need to just give a little to get a little (and hopefully a little more). And this is not just for the lead-up to sex but after, too. It has also been found that post-sex affection seems to translate into higher sexual satisfaction in general. That should be music to your ears – it’s not size, or that spot you are looking for, but a nice old cuddle that’ll keep her happy and wanting more.

2. SWITCH OFF SOCIAL MEDIA AND TECHNOLOGY. These can become distractions in a relationship and give each partner just another platform to compare themselves and their relationships to the false realities projected by others.

Turn off your phone and focus more on what’s going on in your own life and bedroom instead of others. It’s not about comparing your sex lives and relationships to a false level of normality but rather creating one that works for you.

3. COMMUNICATION. If you don’t tell your partner what you really want in the bedroom, how are they supposed to know? Instead of placing demands, try a communication exercise, like the Yes, No, Maybe List. It’s

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pretty self-explanatory: in the Yes column is everything you would do, under No is everything you wouldn’t, and Maybe are things you might want to try. Then compare your lists. This is a great way to introduce new activities and also find out if there are things she might want to try, too. Hopefully you will be pleasantly surprised.

4. GET RID OF THE GOAL AND GO WITH THE FLOW. Having a goal for sex can only limit pleasure. Is it over when ejaculation occurs? When one or both partners have orgasms? What if you could go longer? (I’m not talking about staying power but experiencing pleasure.) The entire body can feel good when it’s being touched, so why stop when your tank is empty?

5. WANT SEX WITH HER, NOT FROM HER. You might ask: sex is sex, right?

For women it’s the intent that counts sometimes. In order to make her feel desired and want to rip your clothes off as you walk in the door, try worshiping her sexually and making her feel that you want sex from her, not that you just sex in general.

If you turn her on, she will turn you on. Sometimes you need to think outside the box (no pun intended!!!) and deliver a bit of thought, intimacy, and communication in order to get more out of your sex life. It’s not rocket science – and just think of the benefits!!!

Having a goal for sex can only limit your pleasure.

IrishBrew

Gavin Dennett heads to Belfast in Northern Ireland and discovers a city giving peace a chance 106

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Over page: Mural honouring the civilians who broke the British Army-imposed curfew of July 1970 to bring food and supplies to locals.

1) A fortified Belfast pub with a cage covering the front door.

2) Mural in Falls Road neighbourhood honouring civilians killed by rubber bullets fired by police.

3) Mural honouring Kieran Nugent, the first IRA prisoner to refuse to wear a prison uniform when jailed in 1976.

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n 1983, U2’s classic hit “Sunday Bloody Sunday” addressed the tragic incident in Derry, Northern Ireland from 11 years earlier, when 14 unarmed men were slaughtered by the British Army during a civil rights march.

The song exposed to a wider global audience the ongoing conflict in the British-ruled country that decimated the region for three decades. Known as “The Troubles”, the entho-nationalist disputes raged from 1968-1998 between the Protestant pro-UK loyalists and the Catholic Irish nationalists hell-bent on separating from their British rulers and joining a united Ireland. The 30 years of violence ended with the declaration of peace under the Good Friday Agreement of 1998, making Northern Ireland a safer, stabler place. But while walking the streets or sinking beers in the pub has become less life-threatening in the capital, Belfast, you only have to scratch the surface over a long weekend in the city to realise all is not well.

THE TRUCE HURTS I arrive in Belfast from Liverpool, England by ferry across the Irish Sea. It’s a wild ride, as the stretch of water between England and Ireland gets seriously choppy. The wind on the bow would blow off a moustache and the journey

itself is an arse-numbing eight hours. Unless you’re taking a car to the Emerald Isle, you’re better off flying instead.

It’s a Friday evening and the streets of Belfast are pretty sleepy. For a city of half a million people, the end of the working week is surprisingly quiet. I can only assume everyone is already bunkered

down in boozers sinking pints of Guinness.

I check-in to my inner-city hostel and look out the window at the pub directly across the road. It looks a pretty rough joint and of note is the security cage enveloping the front door.

I see two punters standing behind the grill puffing on smokes and wonder if the cage is designed to keep bad eggs out or keep them in. Either way, it’s a scene I will get used to over the next few days.

First stop is the Crown Liquor Saloon, Belfast’s most famous pub. It’s a magnet for tourists and locals and packs a crowd every weekend. It’s located in the heart of town, opposite the Europa Hotel, which owns the dubious honour of “Europe’s most-bombed hotel”, thanks to being blown up a whopping 28 times during The Troubles.

Everyone is welcome at the Crown, unless you’re on a bucks night. Pissed-up mobs won’t make it through the front door.

While inside, I get talking to Siobhan, a local cop. Knowing the undercurrent of tension that still exists in Belfast between Catholics and Protestants, I know to limit the conversation topics to my Aussie accent and the taste of blood sausage.

But it isn’t long before she is volunteering info that delves into the psyche of a Northern Ireland local.

“It is extremely dangerous

telling strangers you’re a policewoman,” Siobhan explains as I wonder why she volunteers this perilous fact. “Although this place is officially peaceful, cops can still be targeted for violence.”

The Police Service of Northern Ireland is still largely Protestant and is a very public representative of British rule.

Cop shops in the country are heavily fortified and resemble NSW’s Long Bay jail.

“You bet tension between Catholics and Protestants still exists,” Siobhan continues, now on a roll. “In this city, you might meet someone in a pub, but you run a risk taking them home if they are Catholic and you’re Protestant, and vice versa. To bring the wrong religion into some homes can be dire.” Not only does this confirm I’ll be spending the night in my hostel alone, it proves Northern Ireland is a place where the truce is only surface deep.

BIG TROUBLES The next day I take a Black Cab Tour of west Belfast, a hotbed of Troubles history and an eyeopening experience. My guide is Conor, a sharp-tongued Catholic cabbie who takes me to the Falls Road and Shankill Road districts, where most of the city’s history of bloodshed

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is centred. Falls Road is an Irish Republican heartland, while Shankill Road is predominantly Loyalist. The two workingclass regions are separated by heavily reinforced peace lines.

Each area is a vivid reminder of a violent past, with colourful, politically charged murals adorning walls and commemorative plaques and gardens honouring the dead.

Each area is also awash with symbolism, mainly Celtic Football Club logos and Ireland flags in Falls Road; Union Jacks and Rangers Football Club logos in Shankill Road.

Being Catholic, Conor naturally takes me up Falls Road first and proceeds to give me his version of history.

Considering the undercurrent of tension I’ve already experienced in this city, I expect it to be a biased education.

He frequently refers to Loyalists as “those bastards” and his recounting of violent events is always their fault. But regardless of the blame game, his guided tour is one of the most fascinating things I’ve experienced.

Falls Road is a rough-andtumble neighbourhood that is a little intimidating for an outsider.

Youths eyeball you from street corners of rundown housing estates and, while you’re not likely to get shot crossing the street, you are more likely to have your wallet pinched.

“During The Troubles there was more order within the community, in terms of elders keeping troublemakers in check,” explains Conor. “Now there’s peace, things are safer here but there is less control of young, bored youths.”

While stopped to visit a mural dedicated to civilians killed by police rubber bullets – it’s a

1 1) Mural at entrance to Shankill Road.

2) Mural commemorating the Easter Rising in 1916 in Dublin, which partly led to Ireland’s independence.

3) Belfast’s legendary Crown Liquor Saloon pub.

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not-too-subtle protest against the police force, as each victim is described as ‘murdered’ – a man in his late-50s approaches us, sweating profusely. He’s in a real flap, and it’s quickly apparent he’s a Protestant who has strayed into the wrong area and is genuinely fearful for his safety. He stumbles and stammers his way through asking for directions before Conor points him in the direction of Shankill Road.

“Idiot,” blurts Conor as the panicking man runs off up the street. “He will get himself hurt just because he couldn’t keep things cool.” It’s a sobering encounter when a local man is in such a state simply because he has strayed too far from home. It doesn’t end there: 15 minutes later we drive up the main road and see him 3

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Giant steps zigzagging across the street, distressed and disoriented.

Conor reluctantly pulls over to help him. We hope he makes it home in one piece.

The region may not be so dangerous anymore but fear is clearly the biggest threat.

Around every corner is a stark reminder of battle scars from the past, including bombed pubs and shops; the headquarters of political party Sinn Féin, complete with mural honouring hunger striker Bobby Sands; the Divis Tower high-rise, of which the top three floors were occupied by the British Army until 2005; and houses near the openings in the peace walls with bricks instead of windows to protect from stray bullets. Heroes and victims are honoured with murals adorning walls, while current global political messages are also front and centre.

Throughout the tour we also venture into Loyalist territories – and the imagery is stark. I’m visiting during the “marching season”, just days before the annual Belfast Orange Walk.

Union Jacks and other British paraphernalia fill the streets, with pro-monarchy pride riding

A visit to Northern Ireland isn’t complete without a day trip to the UNESCO World Heritage Site of Giant’s Causeway.

Just 96km from Belfast, the natural wonder features 40,000 interlocking hexagonal basalt columns formed from an ancient volcanic eruption.

high. The Orange Walk parade will venture beyond the peace walls onto Republican turf, a fact that clearly riles Conor.

“They don’t have to walk through here, but they do… just to shove our noses in it,” he seethes.

If I chose a different Black Cab and received the proLoyalist tour, I would’ve gotten a different, but probably equally biased, history lesson. Either way, the reality of a violent past is there to see. However, there is a lot more to Belfast than The Troubles, including the shipyard where the Titanic was built, historical buildings, botanical gardens, and some of the friendliest people on Earth. But coming from the safety of Down Under, the Northern Ireland capital is most remembered as a place constantly battling against itself.

WORDS AND PHOTOS: GAVIN DENNETT. FOLLOW GAV ON TWITTER: @GAVINDENNETT

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Woman of the WORLD

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Stanley TIFFANY

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I make a mean batch of chocolate protein pancakes – I devised my own secret recipe!

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World

SHE SHAM-ROCKS OUR

HOMETOWN: London, England.

BIRTHDAY: January 9, 1988.

HOBBIES: “Kickboxing, yoga, shopping, movies, going to the beach, charity work/ volunteering, chilling with my pets, running, and hiking.”

PARTY TRICK: “This is kinda gross but I am double jointed in loads of

places... I can pop my hips and pop all my fingers fully out of their sockets.”

DOWN UNDER: “I’m told that Australians are a lot like the Irish: very down to earth, genuine types who keep it real. I’ve never been but I’m planning a trip next year. I can’t wait!

Everyone tells me how beautiful Australia is.”

British-born, Irish-bred TIFFANY STANLEY is a former Miss Universe finalist, studied Communications and Media at uni, and tends to get hit on a fair bit when she’s grocery shopping in her trackies. For everything else you need to know, please see below

HIDDEN TALENT: “I’m a pretty good cook. I don’t cook all that often, but when I do, I like to go all-out. I do a great roast beef, Irish stew, Spaghetti Bolognese, and garlic salmon.

I also like baking and make a mean batch of chocolate protein pancakes – I devised my own secret recipe!”

PHOTOS: BRIAN B HAYES

BEST ASSET: “I always get a lot of compliments on my booty! It was always very pert but I have been working out really hard at home using a Cirrus stability ball and other bits of home equipment.”

ASK HER OUT: “Right now I’m single.”

INSTAGRAM: @Tiffany_Stan MAKE-UP: EVELISS HAHN; SHOT ON LOCATION IN LAS VEGAS, NEVADA, USA.

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24 HOURS TO LIVE

Mark Wahlberg The hardestworking man in Hollywood and star of Transformers: Age of Extinction talks Ted, Entourage, dropping his dacks, and how he’d spend his final moments

So, how do you want to go?

Peacefully, surrounded by my family.

Now, give us the Michael Bay-directed, high-octane, explosion-packed version.

Saving the world by driving a purple Lamborghini off a skyscraper into an alien spaceship.

Do you think that’s enough to send you to hell, or will you be going to heaven?

Hopefully, I will have lived long enough to atone for my sins as a teenager and make it to heaven.

If you could take one Transformer with you, who would you take?

Optimus would be a great wingman.

You’re an avid golfer. If you make it to heaven, who would you most like to tee it up with

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in the afterlife?

My dad. Pretty sure Jesus has a low handicap, and I’m competitive.

Name one thing you’re glad you’ll never have to do again on Earth.

Drop my pants.

How would the Entourage crew fare in a Decepticon attack?

Drama would make them laugh long enough for everyone to escape. “Victory!!!!”

What’s the wildest thing you ever did while you were alive?

What happens on Ibiza stays on Ibiza.

What about your furry pal Ted? He’d insult them until they gave up.

What did you spend the most money on during your lifetime?

The house I built for my family.

How are you spending your last day?

At Wahlburgers [yes, it’s a burger restaurant – Ed] in Boston, hanging out with my family and friends.

If you could come back and spy on someone who’s still alive, who would it be?

Being the youngest of nine, I’d love to pull some pranks on my siblings.

What is your proudest accomplishment?

That I’ve turned my life around.

What is your biggest regret?

That I needed to turn it around.

Was there anyone on Earth you wanted to punch in the face?

No comment.

Got any last words?

Put in the work and anything is possible.

PHOTOGRAPH: IMAGE.NET

Do you have any deathbed confessions?

I watch reality TV.