KAIPARA LIFESTYLER JANUARY 29 - 2013
A dog’s tale . . .
Givin’ Hermin a break
“Woohoo, tell yer wot Dog,” seda Boss as we stopped countin’ the hay bales wot Rex tha kontracta had done. An that remines me, why does a contracta drive a tracta? (Sorry, jus’ a dog qwestion.) Anyways, backta tha Boss. We was parked up aginst that watar tank ona ridge above tha farmhouse an tuckin’ inter the sanniches that Boss’s gerlfrend Sharlene had cut frum last nites roast. “Yep,” Boss went on. “Sum millinaire bloke in Wellingtin reckins we shud kill alla kats ina kountry, an’ save alla birds instead.” Well, tell yer readas, I prickt up me ears wen’ I heard that. Ya see, Sharlene’s gotta bluddy big ginja kat called Hermin, tha Jermin. Dunno why its corled that, but probly cos it’s a nasty bugga. I wen’ up ta it wen it wanded in frum a neighbors place which was a sharemilka that moved on in Jipsy Week an’ left it behind. No bluddy wonda too. That Hermin swiped me across me nose wen I hada sniff, an’ I’ve kept me distanse ever sinse. We gotta sort of stand-off tho. He duzzint bother CONTRACTING LTD me if I duzzint bother him eh? But if Boss no’s sum one what wantsta knock over blimmin’ kats, I woodint be too upset, so I ate another crust offa sannich and had a bit ofa lissin. “Yep,” seda Boss agin,” Sharlene’s fair spittin’ tacks about tha idea that we shud kill tha kats an’ save tha sparrers. Wel, they didint say sparrers. This bloke called Morgin reckins kats are killin’ native berds. He sez we got 1.6 million households in kiwi land wots home ta 1.4 million kats an’ he reckin’s they catch therteen things ina year. Thats a bluddy lotta prays, eh Dog?” Thena Boss hada lookit tha page ofa papa the sanniches was rapt in. Call now to discuss our competitive rates “Ah, hear it is Dog. Maybe that Morgin duzzin’t rilly meen • Digging • Silage we gotta shoot Hermin. It says hear that this blokes not about holesale slorter. Boss red it out, (an I kopied it down kerectly: • Earthmoving • Hay “A responsible cat owner will have the cat neutered, Limestone & metal supplies microchipped and keep it indoors. And when the cat dies •PHONE 021 953 010• I think people should consider not replacing it,” is wot Mr Morgin sed. So much fer bluddy Hermin getting’ SUZUKIfeSt tha chop I thort. But then Boss red a bit 2013 more offa papa. RM-Z450L3
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Hey Dog, this is getting a bit seryiss. That David Attenbro Tv fella rekins we hoomins are a bluddy plague ona earth. We gunna choke tha plannit! I dunno readas, too many kats, too many peeple. Get ridda them an we dogs got nuthin’ ta chase, no-one ta feed us. Cood turn inta a dogs life eh? Reckin I mite let Hermin hava left-over bita crackilin, nex’ time Sharlene cooks a roast. Cheers then, Billy
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