2019 HORIZON, Number 4, Fall

Fall 2019 www.nrvc.net | Volume 44, Number 4

Healthy church, healthy vocations 2

Updates

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Four marks of a healthy church culture

By Sister Cynthia Nienhaus, C.S.A.

19 Fielding myths and questions about consecrated life

By Brother David Deradoorian, F.S.C. 24 10 questions parents ask

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What every vocation director should know about process addictions

By Christiana Ashabo

14 Reflections on habits and visibility

By Sister Donna Del Santo, S.S.J.

26 Feed your spirit

The life I touch

By Frederick Buechner 27 Book notes

A valuable guide for men in discernment

By Father Thomas Enneking, O.S.C.

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Editor’s Note HORIZON Editor Carol Schuck Scheiber Proofreaders Sister Mary Ann Hamer, O.S.F.; Virginia Piecuch Page Designer Patrice J. Tuohy © 2019, National Religious Vocation Conference.

HORIZON is published quarterly by TrueQuest Communications on behalf of the National Religious Vocation Conference, 5401 South Cornell Avenue, Suite 207, Chicago, IL 60615-5664.

773-363-5454 | nrvc@nrvc.net | nrvc.net Facebook: Horizon vocation journal Twitter: @HORIZONvocation Page 26 Photo by John Martin on Flickr.

SUBSCRIPTIONS Additional subscriptions are $50 each for NRVC members; $125 each for non-members. Single copies are $25 each. Subscribe online at www.nrvc.net/ signup_horizon. Please direct subscription inquiries to Marge Argyelan at the NRVC office at 773-363-5454 or margyelan@nrvc.net.

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THE NATIONAL RELIGIOUS VOCATION CONFERENCE is a catalyst for vocation discernment and the full flourishing of religious life as sisters, brothers, and priests for the ongoing transformation of the world.

Good health takes effort

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HIS PAST SPRING I was delighted when my peach tree began to grow leaves. But a few weeks later, I realized the fungus from the year before was back, deforming leaves and threatening fruit that hadn’t even started to form. Even worse, I learned after a little research, the time to address it had been the previous fall. My ignoring the problem had made it much worse.

My sick peach tree reminded me of something I already knew: healthiness requires vigilance and effort. While that is true for physical health, it applies equally to our living, growing church. We know that healthy vocations flow from a healthy church. The sexual abuse scandal has revealed unhealthy aspects of our Catholic culture, and healing and healthy development require vigilance and effort. With healing in mind, Sister Cynthia Nienhaus, C.S.A. provides ideas to steer us toward healthiness and authenticity at all levels of the church. Meanwhile, Christiana Ashabo provides guidance to religious communities on how to recognize and intervene when process addictions threaten to sicken communal life. Our remaining authors offer reflections and practical ideas on building up a robust religious life.

This fall I am prepared with an organic spray to fend off my peach tree fungus.

Achieving a healthy church—and in turn healthy vocations—will take a far bigger effort, but I believe HORIZON readers are ready for the challenge.

—Carol Schuck Scheiber, cscheiber@nrvc.net

HORIZON is an award-winning journal for vocation ministers and those who support a robust future for religious life.

It is published quarterly by TrueQuest Communications on behalf of the National Religious Vocation Conference.

NATIONAL RELIGIOUS VOCATION CONFERENCE BOARD Sister Kristin Matthes, S.N.D.deN., Board chair Sister Gayle Lwanga Crumbley, R.G.S. Sister Anna Marie Espinosa, I.W.B.S. Sister Virginia Herbers, A.S.C.J. Father Charles Johnson, O.P. Sister Lisa Laguna, D.C.

Father Adam MacDonald, S.V.D. Sister Belinda Monahan, O.S.B. Sister Priscilla Moreno, R.S.M. Sister Anita Quigley, S.H.C.J. Mr. Len Uhal Sister Mindy Welding, I.H.M.

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Updates

Coming soon: results of the NRVC study of newer religious NRVC is preparing to release in early 2020 the results of its study of newer members to religious institutes. The study, funded by the GHR Foundation and conducted by the Center for Applied Research in the Apostolate, will be based on a survey sent to every religious institute in the U.S. as well as on focus groups of 112 newer religious. The participation rate was strong, with 67 percent of major superiors participating in the study and 63 percent of newer religious taking part.

Publicize events on VISION calendar Any public event sponsored by a religious community may be posted for free on the VISION VocationNetwork.org online calendar. This calendar is ideal for promoting talks, prayer services, open houses, service opportunities, discernment events—any event that provides potential discerners with the opportunity to meet members of your community. Since some discerners prefer to get to know communities in a neutral setting, events do not have to be directly connected to vocations.

View the calendar and post your own event at vocationnetwork.org/events. Or email event information to Jennifer Tomshack: mail@vocationnetwork.org.

Eight communities receive grants for candidate education debt In the latest round of funding by the National Fund for Catholic Religious Vocations (NFCRV), eight religious communities—and a corresponding eight men and women entering religious life—were selected in September to receive help paying education debt. NFCRV funding will allow candidates to the following communities to avoid delaying their entrances in order to pay off student loans: NRVC staff with the 2020 convocation logo designed by TrueQuest.

Save the date: NRVC convocation 2020 All who support a vibrant future for religious life are encouraged to plan now to attend at the 2020 Convocation of NRVC, to be held in Spokane, Washington, October 30 - November 2, 2020. The theme will be “2020 Vision: Focus on Hope.” HORIZON and nrvc.net will carry details about the convocation as they become available.

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• Benedictine Sisters of Erie • Carmelite Sisters for the Aged & Infirm • Conventual Franciscans • Felician Sisters of North America • Institute of the Daughters of Mary Help of Christians, Salesian Sisters of St. John Bosco • Salesians of Don Bosco • Sisters of Christian Charity • Sisters of Providence Saint Mary-of-the-Woods Updates

Photo courtesy of Catholic Extension

In a healthy church both leaders and their followers are rooted in personal and communal prayer so they can see each person as a sister or brother.

As the Catholic Church works toward renewal in the wake of the sexual abuse crisis, here are four areas that help foster a healthy church where vocations can flourish.

Four marks of healthy church culture

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HOSE MINISTERING in vocation ministry today are doing so in interesting times. Stories of sexual abuse, cover ups, and bankruptcies have dominated the Catholic Church for decades. Yet, in the midst of all this turmoil, God continues to call men and women to consecrated life. How does the church need to reform itself so that its culture is one where vocations can flourish? This article focuses on church culture exhibiting four marks that lend themselves to both interior work and external action: tefillah (prayer), shalom (wholeness), kehilla (community), and malchut shamayyim (reign of God). It is my hope that vocation directors and their religious communities might embrace these concepts, make them part of their communities, and thereby model practices that can help heal the larger church.

Nienhaus | Healthy Church Culture

By Sister Cynthia Nienhaus, C.S.A. Sister Cynthia Nienhaus, C.S.A. belongs to the Congregation of Sisters of St. Agnes, serving as a general councilor-vocation liaison on the leadership team. She is also an associate professor of religious education at Marian University in Fond du Lac, Wisconsin.

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Photo by Mackenzie Harris, Faith in Public Life

In a church marked by shalom, Catholics will speak as one voice when a group is treated unjustly.

Tefillah: Prayer “I do believe. Help my unbelief!”—Mark 9:24 For church culture to be a healthy environment where vocations can flourish, all members—leaders and followers—must be rooted in both personal and communal prayer so that we can see each person as our sister and brother. Tefillah is a Hebrew word to describe prayer as opening our hearts to God for the sake of evaluating our relationships with God and with others. Tefillah requires us to examine honestly and daily how we are prayerful witnesses of the goodness of God to those around us, and to the world at-large. Dutch theologian Father Henri Nouwen said that “the heart is the place where we are most ourselves … if you enter deeper and deeper into that place, you not only meet God, but you meet the whole world there.”

When church culture is one that encourages this type of prayer for all its members, then any desire to maintain a powerful image to the world at the expense of those hurt and excluded from the church fades away, and a stronger desire to meet God and all God’s people and their experiences emerges. Church members, when practicing tefillah, can then join in with Samuel and recite his wholehearted, humble response to God: “Here I am” (1 Samuel 3:4), thereby casting aside any temptations for clericalism and dominance, silence, and control.

Enveloped by tefillah, church culture becomes less of the spirit of the world trapped in any real or perceived power and becomes more of the spirit of faith that is compassionate and caring of one another as brothers and sisters. As Pope Francis points out, “The spirit of the world is conquered with the spirit of faith: believing that God is really in the brother and sister who are close 4 | Fall 2019 | HORIZON

to me” (from a homily of Pope Francis paraphrased by Linda Borndoni on vaticannews.va). A church culture rooted in tefillah gives space and encouragement to those seeking to respond to God’s distinct call to them, including those who may hear a call to consecrated life.

Shalom: Wholeness “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free person, there is not male and female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”—Galatians 3:28 There is a crisis of trust in the Catholic Church today due to the experience of various types of abuse perpetuated by some of its leaders. Some members have lost trust in the ability of their leaders to look out for the well-being of the most vulnerable around us. People feel betrayed by the way they see leaders exercise power, rather than display true acts of service. Members feel their leaders have failed to live out what Peter encourages: “Tend the flock of God in your midst, [overseeing] not by constraint but willingly, as God would have it, not for shameful profit but eagerly. Do not lord it over those assigned to you, but be examples to the flock.” (1 Peter 5:2-3). For church culture to be healthy, then it must be about shalom. Shalom is concerned with wholeness and seeking restitution for what has been taken away. For church culture to be whole, it cannot give up on anyone due to their race, sexual orientation, economic background, or country of origin.

Instead church culture must be in tune with people’s life experiences, of service, of honesty, and of transparency. Followers and leaders in the Catholic Church must be shepherds who offer shalom to the outcasts of our Nienhaus | Healthy Church Culture

Redemptorist Renewal Center

church and society whose trust in them has been taken away. We must offer outcasts the relief only the love of God can provide. Followers and leaders must collaborate to speak as one voice when one group is unfairly targeted. Nobel Laureate and Holocaust survivor Elie Wiesel once said: “We must take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormenter, never the tormented.” Healthy church culture that embodies shalom is one that values the importance of encounter with the other, thereby diminishing any form of xenophobia.

No one has all the answers, and leaders and followers in the church must be able and willing to encounter one another and learn from one another so that the church can be whole. Those in vocation ministry can model this by how we interact with women and men interested in living the consecrated life. A healthy church culture allows followers and leaders to share one voice in speaking up against atrocities happening right now in our families and society, such as the ongoing anti-immigration rants.

We must speak as one voice when members of other religious traditions are violently attacked in their hometowns and in their places of worship. We must speak out together when people on the margins in society are unfairly treated and killed. Silence is complicity, and we live in an era where we, as Catholics, cannot remain silent and thus, broken. Not everyone will agree with us. It will be frightening. It will cost us. But it must be done. Shalom requires it of us.

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Kehilla: Community “As a body is one though it has many parts, and all the parts of the body, though many, are one body, so also Christ. For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body, whether Jews or Greeks, slaves or free persons, and we were all given to drink of one Spirit.”—1 Corinthians 12:12-14 The lives of the earliest Christians were centered around community (Acts 2:42-47). They held things in common, gave to those in need, prayed together, and ate together. Kehilla requires that we look out for one another and provide for people’s physical, spiritual, and communal needs. Doing so is not optional—it is an obligation. We need to be there for one another.

A healthy church culture allows followers and leaders to know what is going on in the world, the church, and the local community so that people know how to respond and care for one another, and so that we can become even better at kehilla for the sake of valuing each Nienhaus | Healthy Church Culture

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Fall 2019 | HORIZON | 5

person’s distinct call to holiness. It requires that Catholics understand the spiritual and physical development of the various generations under their care—from those who prefer to pray for an hour during eucharistic adoration to those who practice cyberspace spirituality.

The 16th century mystic Teresa of Avila reminds us that “prayer is nothing else than being on terms of friendship with God.” Within a healthy church culture, Catholics help and support one another Within a healthy church and share in the awe of culture, Catholics how people’s distinct help and support one friendships with God another and share in are lived out. A healthy church culture supports the awe of how people’s the idea that the church distinct friendships with needs both followers and God are lived out. leaders. However, a follower is not better than a leader, and a leader is not better than a follower.

All are members of the same Catholic Church community. External trappings, such as where we live, or what we wear to Mass, or arguments about who is right and wrong must be avoided when we understand and live the nature of kehilla.

The best service that leaders of the Catholic Church could provide followers, therefore, is to empower them to also lead, so that leaders may be with followers, seeing through their eyes what is entailed in good leadership. In this way, leaders reflect back to followers what is working well and what is not. For their part, the best followers will offer leaders their life experiences and help co-lead with them, participating in the realization of the overall vision of the Catholic Church, and reflecting back to leaders who will earnestly listen to them about what is working and what is not. Kehilla requires all people— leaders and followers—to be ego-less, thus to be centered on what is good for all people, especially those living every day on the margins, and those seeking their place within consecrated life.

desire to honor the will of God by killing his own son; without doubt, a very difficult decision to make, but one done from the heart. This is an example of malchut shamayyim, or submission to the reign of God within our hearts. Abraham committed to, and internalized, the commandments.

A healthy church culture does the same by providing the space where followers and leaders internalize the external religious beliefs fostered by the church, and thus live lives of submission to the will of God. Doing so clarifies our vocations and helps us live out our calls in ways that are compassionate and humane toward all people, especially those who are the most vulnerable and those living on the margins of society and the church. Thus, a culture of malchut shamayyim gives way for people to be who they truly are.

Twelfth century Benedictine Hildegard of Bingen encouraged people to embrace their true selves: “Dare to declare who you are. It is not far from the shores of silence to the boundaries of speech. The path is not long, but the way is deep. You must not only walk there, you must be prepared to leap.” A healthy church culture encourages people to be who they truly are as they submit their wills to God, and it welcomes into its loving embrace how they understand themselves. Healthy church culture empowers everyone, leaders and followers, to submit their wills to God and accept themselves as they are. It provides a supportive community to live with purpose and meaning. Therefore, the choices that followers and leaders make will be done out of a deep understanding of, and commitment to, the will of God, knowing well that some decisions may be very difficult to make.

•••• A healthy church culture, then, will not be steeped in clericalism, dishonesty, or mistrust. It will be well grounded in faith and prayer. It will be saturated with people eager to know the will of God for them. It will be an outward sign of God’s loving presence within each person’s hearts, especially when we are at the threshold of making the most challenging decisions for our lives and for the good of all people. n

Malchut shamayyim: Reign of God

Related reading

“Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as in heaven.”—Matthew 6:10 One of the earliest scripture passages about obedience is the story of God’s call to Abraham to sacrifice his son, Isaac (Genesis 22:1-18). Here we learn of Abraham’s

“What does a healthy church culture look like?” p. 17, Fall 2018 HORIZON.

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“Scripture insights for difficult days,” by Father Ronald Rolheiser, O.M.I., p. 7, Fall 2018 HORIZON. Nienhaus | Healthy Church Culture

Photo by Chris Liverani on Unsplash

Addictions to behaviors, such as gambling, cybersex, eating, etc., can wreak havoc on an individual and on a religious community. The compulsive need for the “high” of the behavior begins to destroy the addict’s life and relationships.

As process addictions continue to increase, it’s important for vocation directors to understand how they develop and how to recognize them.

What every vocation director should know about process addictions

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DDICTION IS NOTHING NEW. It has existed since the beginning of time, with a story of Noah exhibiting classic alcoholic behavior even recorded in the Book of Genesis (Genesis 9:20-24). Addiction has been viewed in a limited way for a long time, but in the last decade or two, the treatment community and the public have begun defining addiction more broadly. Addiction is the word we now use for troubling behaviors we now label as cybersex or Internet addiction, gambling addiction, etc.

These often hidden process addictions can manifest by themselves or in combination with drug or alcohol addiction. Process addictions can focus on a number of different areas, including spending, gambling, debt (these three are inter-related), Internet use, relationships, sex, hoarding, shoplifting, chaos, food, exercise, and computer games.

The number of people suffering from process addictions has grown alarmingly since the advent of the Internet, and today even young children display out-of-control use of devices with parents unable to set boundaries. A person can switch an addictive relationship from object to object or Ashabo | Process Addictions

By Christiana Ashabo Christiana Ashabo is a certified addiction therapist and a registered psychotherapist with more than 20 years of experience working with religious orders, individuals, and families in overcoming addictions as well as working through the after-effects of trauma and sexual abuse. She practices at Shining Through Therapy in Alliston, Ontario.

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PROCESS ADDICTION DEFINED Process addictions involve an activity or behavior that initially provides a rush of positive feelings—an intense excitement or high. Over time the behavior becomes compulsive and all-consuming, cloaked in secrecy and denial, and the pursuit of the behavior takes over a person’s life and well-being.

event to event. The same technology that has brought progress, joy, and excitement has also overwhelmingly taken over some people’s lives, resulting in broken relationships, loss of jobs or ministry, and legal and financial difficulties. Health issues, such as fatigue, headache, back pain, depression, and anxiety are linked to Internet or cybersex addictions. Regardless of the nature of the Internet activities the addicts engage in—such as sex, pornography, gaming, shopping, or relationships—the hook is so powerful that they become, in a sense, enslaved by the Web. The Internet is now an area in which addicts who would not otherwise act out their addiction feel safer to do so in the privacy of their home. The online venue allows and speeds the addictive process. This technology provides addicts with illusions of control and safety, while leading to out-of-control behavior.

Seek pleasure, avoid pain Addiction taps into the most fundamental human process. Regardless of the nature of the addiction, the drive for the addictive behavior, or how it is acted out, the addictive process can turn creative, life-giving energy into a destructive, demoralizing force.

Underlying most addictive behaviors is the desire to seek pleasure and avoid pain, especially the psychic pain that can accompany religious or priestly life, such as loneliness, helplessness, fatigue, anger, shame, or depression. External substances, such as alcohol, drugs, and sugar alter our subjective experiences. To the extent that a substance does so quickly and consistently, the greater its potential for being used in the development of an addictive disorder, such as alcoholism. Inhaling nicotine or snorting cocaine provides almost instantaneous and powerful stimulation, which contributes to the speed of developing an addiction to those substances as compared to others.

We now know that psychoactive drugs are not the 8 | Fall 2019 | HORIZON

only cause of shifts in our emotional state. Other human activities are capable of mediating this, such as the endogenous “high” long distance runners experience, along with withdrawal symptoms should they stop running.

The influence of repetitive behaviors—such as those seen in compulsive spending, gambling, Internet surfing, excessive sexual activity, and perhaps even compulsive work—appears to mediate the same neuroadaptive process. That is, they alter in a predictable and consistent way an individual’s subjective experience.

Process addictions (which involve an activity or behavior) often resemble chemical addictions and have similar characteristics. However, the major difference is that an addiction to chemicals entails a person putting a toxin directly into the system and, consequently, into the brain. The chemical, and the by-product of that chemical, damage the brain and alter brain chemistry, perhaps permanently. Process addiction, on the other hand, is purely behavioral and is less damaging to the body and the brain. However, it can also alter brain chemistry.

Research in the addiction field continues trying to fully understand the power of process addictions. It is not yet certain in what ways process and chemical addictions are alike and in what ways they are different. Clearly, however, there are many similarities, especially in the reactions of persons experiencing them, such as the initial positive and pleasurable mood changes and the out-of-control and aimless searching for wholeness, happiness, and peace through a relationship with an object or event.

Regardless of the addiction, every addict engages in a relationship with an object or event in order to produce a desired mood change, state of intoxication, or trancelike state. The end result for both chemically dependent and process addicts is that they become even more lonely and empty. Looking at the overall pattern of process addiction, it is best understood as the result of a matrix of various factors that represent past and present, environment and person, physiology and psychology, and personal processes of change that ultimately determine the course of the addiction. As an individual becomes more and more involved with an addictive behavior, it becomes a priority to seek opportunity to engage in the behavior.

Understanding sex addiction There are numerous types of process addictions, but in this article I’d like to specifically address two that are relatively well-known and well-understood: sex addiction and gambling. Sex addiction is complex due to the Ashabo | Process Addictions

Photo by Simon Hattinga Verschure on Unsplash

For many individuals the Internet has become an outlet for unresolved sexual difficulties and unfocused sexual energy.

As people become hooked on cybersex, they neglect their real-world relationships, moving in a downward spiral.

many ways it can be acted out. For example a person can be a sex addict and never have physical contact with anyone but engage in sexual thought patterns and behavior that become obsessive compulsive and out-ofcontrol. This understanding is important in giving the sex addict a framework for observing his or her internal experiences, behavior patterns, and personal constructs with some perspective. A position of increased understanding of the signs of sex addiction can pave the way for important shifts in the illusion the addict has created.

Sexual addiction is obsessive-compulsive sexual behavior which, if left unattended, will cause severe distress and despair for the individual, family, and community.

The sexual addict is unable to control his or her sexual behavior and lives with constant pain, alienation, and fear of discovery. The addiction progresses until sex becomes more important than friends, family, important relationships, or work.

Patrick Carnes, Ph.D., said the activities sex addicts choose may vary, whether it be pornography, endless affairs, one night stands, masturbation, exhibitionism, and so forth. In and of themselves, these behaviors are not an indication of sex addiction. What makes a behavior an addiction is an overwhelming preoccupation with it, a disregard for consequences, and the inability to stop.

A person is considered a sex addict if his or her sexual behaviors take up excessive amounts of time, energy, and resources or cause them to act in ways that go against their underlying values and beliefs. Sex addicts are often unable to keep commitments made to Ashabo | Process Addictions

themselves or others to stop or change their problematic sexual behaviors, and most have difficulty maintaining healthy, honest intimacy. It is important to know that sex addiction is not simply a problem of being too bored or lonely or not getting enough sex. Sex addicts use cruising, flirting, fantasy, intrigue, and the sex act itself in an attempt to manage seemingly intolerable life stressors, underlying emotional conflicts, and past trauma. Sex addicts seek sexual highs to substitute for the support and intimacy they really need but do not allow themselves.

Even when surrounded by friends, family, or supportive community, they turn to the isolating intensity of sex rather than reaching out to those close to them. Some sex addicts engage in an endless cycle of empty and unsatisfying intensity-based relationships, while others live in the isolation of compulsive masturbation and porn addiction.

Cybersex addictions on the rise Sexual addiction crosses all borders; the negative effects and risks of Internet porn and cybersex use are seen in the dramatic increase in the number of priests and religious with issues related to their online sexual activity. For many of these individuals the Internet has become an outlet for unresolved sexual difficulties and unfocused sexual energy, including the acting out or repetition of traumatic experiences. It is not uncommon for individuals who go online for their social and sexual needs to forsake, avoid, or neglect real world relationships. According to sex addiction experts Al Cooper Fall 2019 | HORIZON | 9

RED FLAGS FOR PROCESS ADDICTIONS Frequently what seem like innocuous behaviors could be indicators of a problem. Possible warning signs of a process addition include: • chronic lateness for assigned tasks • unaccountability for time away from the community • depression • recurrent forgetfulness • fabrication of stories • isolation • difficulty in relationships with community members • excessive financial concerns • sudden changes from normal behavior including loss of interest in work, ministry, or community events and activities

and Eric Griffin-Shelley, most sex addicts seem to find enough solace in their online lives that they lose the motivation to address dissatisfaction in their off-line lives and therefore neither address nor resolve their problems.

Cybersex addiction can enslave persons for years without intervention because of its potential to be kept secret. Al Cooper describes the psychological components of Internet addiction as the “triple A engine.” He suggests that three basic components attract individuals to the Internet; accessibility, anonymity, and affordability.

Cooper indicates that the combination of these three factors explains why the Internet is a powerful medium that attracts millions of users, including the cybersex compulsive.

As an addiction therapist who has worked with many clergy and religious, my experience proves Cooper’s statement accurate. Most of these clergy cybersex addicts reported that although they have had sexual fantasies over the years and would have liked to act on them either by buying porn, attending porn movies, or engaging in anonymous sex in a park, rest room, etc., the fear of being recognized and caught kept them from acting on their fantasies or urges. Some religious or clergy reported that the distance involved in obtaining the sexual activities was a factor for not acting out. Those who recall the advent of the Internet report that all they wanted or needed became available to them in the safety and privacy of their room, where they felt safe to explore their sexuality. Some rationalized that cybersex helped them 10 | Fall 2019 | HORIZON

to keep their vow of celibacy and to not cross professional boundaries. This illusion kept them hooked on the Web to the point of either getting caught with accessing porn or acting out in real life because of the addiction’s progressive need for a more intense “high.”

These cybersex addicts used the Internet to deal with unintegrated sexuality, to escape from problems or to relieve feelings of helplessness, guilt, anxiety or depression. Cybersex erodes personal freedom by keeping sexual desires inflamed in order to promote the industry.

Meanwhile cybersex addicts often feel their behavior is both harmless and victimless. Following is just one list of the very real consequences of this process addiction: depression and other emotional problems, social isolation, harm to primary relationships, ministry loss or decreased job performance, mismanagement of funds, frequent absenteeism from community events, deteriorating quality of decision making, frequent tardiness, low self-esteem, extreme loneliness, unexplained anxiety, legal problems because of child pornography (including arrest and jail time), extreme feelings of remorse and guilt. Any of the above factors should be a red flag for vocation ministers and should be taken seriously by further professional assessment.

Gambling turned compulsive Like sex addiction, pathological gambling is often a hidden addiction. It cannot be detected by a blood or breathalyzer test, and it does not leave needle marks. It is relatively easy for the compulsive gambler to hide lottery tickets, sport picks, visits to casinos, etc. from community members, friends, co-workers, and family. Gambling may be a means of escape from personal conflicts or problems in the community, at work, or with others.

Problem gambling is a catchall term that refers to patterns of gambling that compromise, disrupt, or damage personal, family, community, or vocational pursuits.

There are two types of pathological or compulsive gamblers: “action-seeking” gamblers and “escape seeking” gamblers. Both have the same predictable course of addiction and same outcome, but they have very different motivations.

The action seeker is most often male and enjoys the adrenaline rush that accompanies high risk, high stakes gambling. The escape-seeking gambler is more likely to be female with strong avoidant personality traits. She likely is experiencing difficulties with interpersonal relationships and seeking relief from painful emotional experiences. Escape gamblers are particularly drawn to the Ashabo | Process Addictions

numbing effects of repetitive play machines, especially video poker.

Regardless of whether they are seeking action or escape, pathological gamblers have difficulty coping with the details and stressors of everyday life, solving problems and engaging effectively in relationships with others. For them, gambling often represents a refuge where they can escape from day-today problems and alleviate psychological pain. Most of the time they believe they can influence, predict, or control the outcome of the game, giving them an illusion of control and a sense of security, at least for that moment.

Often pathological gamblers will describe feeling like “they have been in a trance” or “taken on another identity” or “were outside of themselves.” According to California behavioral scientist Durand Jacobs, when gamblers experience these dissociative feelings early in their gambling careers, it indicates a predisposition to becoming a compulsive or pathological gambler.

Signs of compulsive gambling include: large amounts of time spent gambling and little time for family, friends, community, or other interests; progressively larger and more frequent bets; borrowing money from different sources and increasing debt; repeated promises to cut back but inability to stop gambling; frequent high and low moods; depression, restlessness, or withdrawal when unable to gamble; lying about whereabouts; preference for gambling over important gatherings and events.

Although occasional visits to a casino do not indicate a problem, the risk of problems with gambling increases when gamblers are depressed, angry, rebellious, have a sense of entitlement, have an avoidant personality, or are workaholic or narcissistic.

Gambling in North America once was largely a male preserve. However, the expansion in gambling opportunities over the past decade has coincided with a greater acceptance of gambling among women. Women are now as likely as men to be classified as problem gamblers. This trend is evident among religious communities where women religious are emerging as the gender group most likely to experience gambling problems.

More and more women religious are gambling for several reasons. Besides the easy access, convenience, and opportunity to socialize, for some it is an inexpensive way to dress up, get out of their community, and avoid loneliness. It can be an expedient way to escape depression, anxiety, boredom, and isolation, or simply to reward themselves for a hard day’s work. I once met a woman religious who had won a brand new car worth $24,000. She traded it in for less than $2,000 so that she Ashabo | Process Addictions

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could stay longer at the casino. For this sister, gambling was not social recreation; nor was it about winning money. Rather she gambled for the excitement of the “action” and to escape from worries, depression, and pain.

Men and women religious with gambling problems are aware of the stigma that society attaches to priests and religious who are problem gamblers—especially in view of their chosen vocation. Sisters especially hold high expectations of themselves and face shame about their imperfections. While men and women religious have a strong sense of responsibility for others, often they tend to neglect their own needs; hence religious who are problem gamblers are often isolated from support.

The hidden nature of their gambling means the problem is not readily identified until it reaches the desperation phase when they can no longer finance their gambling.

They begin to experience hopelessness, emotional breakdowns, or even suicidal thoughts and attempts.

Effect on the addict and the community There is no doubt that process addiction—whether related to sex, gambling, shopping, food, exercise, etc.— can damage people’s lives and the lives of those around Fall 2019 | HORIZON | 11

them. All addictive behavior is motivated by positive intent. The motivation could represent a search for completeness, a desire to feel good, and a desire to feel at home with one’s self and with others. While addicted individuals long for wholeness, addictive behavior disconnects them from reality, from friends, family, and their religious communities. The result is that they feel even more lonely and empty. Hence social isolation and extreme feelings While addicted of loneliness lead the adindividuals long for dict to depression. The wholeness, addictive depression may well have predated the addiction, behavior disconnects but depression always them from reality, from results from the inability friends, family, and their to get out of the vicious religious communities. cycle of the addictive The result is that they behavior. Other effects feel even more lonely could be difficulty with and empty. studies or ministry; mismanagement of funds, leading to debt or theft from community funds; deterioration of the quality of work or decision-making; feelings of remorse, guilt, fear, anxiety, or paranoia.

When the addiction grows deeper, the addict becomes overwhelmed with intense shame. Addiction scholar Patrick Carnes, Ph.D. believes that shame is at the core of all addiction and that shame-based persons are particularly vulnerable to addiction. When ashamed of the hidden problem, the addict may rage against those around him or her in an effort to insulate the self against exposure and pain by transferring the shame onto others. Rage functions to keep others away so no one will suspect or question the addict’s behaviors. It also allows the addict to be enraged at others, creating a crisis rather than noticing his or her own feelings of shame. Another observable defense against the addict’s shame is contempt—contempt of others may be an attempt by the addict to bolster his or her feelings of low self-worth and self contempt caused by the burden of shame. In viewing others contemptuously, addicts no longer feel their own shame and pain. If the addict fails to stop the addiction, he or she may become preoccupied with perfection to make up for a sense of unworthiness. Over-moralizing, religious preoccupation, rigidity, and over-control regarding body functions, such as eating or exercise, may be manifestations of this defense.

The addict hopes to present an image to others of being 12 | Fall 2019 | HORIZON

perfect so no one suspects the hidden shame and out-ofcontrol behavior.

A spiritual deadening takes place. The longer the addiction goes on, the more spiritually isolated the person becomes—the saddest and most frightening aspect of addiction. Since addiction is a direct assault against the self, it is also a direct attack on the spirit or soul of the person suffering from any form of addiction. Since a chemical or behavior blocks the person’s ability to effectively connect with his or her own spirit, there is little chance to connect with the spirit of others or with the Spirit of God. The addict’s strange, observable behavior puts community members in the position of trying to figure out what might be going on with the addict, and this can sometimes lead to rumors in the community that may or may not be true. The religious community members are particularly affected by the lack of the addict’s connectedness with other community members, such as being absent from prayer time, meal time, and community activities and events. The addict will always come up with reasons or excuses when confronted, and this usually evokes anger and resentment from the community members toward the addicted person. The anger and resentment may or may not be expressed directly to the addict, but the community can become polluted with the unexpressed anger by the community members. The confusion and difficulty for the community members stems from not being able to put their hands on what is going on with the individual, due to the hidden nature of process addiction.

Tips for vocation ministers We live in a society with many people addicted to chemicals or behaviors. Candidates to religious life come from this very mix of people. Some of these candidates may be more at risk of developing some form of addiction than others, due to their predisposition to the addictive process. Vocation ministers face the task of screening candidates and encouraging ongoing assessment at different stages to determine each candidate’s level of functioning in the community. First and foremost, a thorough assessment by the vocation minister is critical. The interview questions that a vocation director asks need to be direct, but not leading, and they should be presented in a manner that makes the candidate feel comfortable and safe enough to answer honestly. Vocation ministers must always keep in mind that candidates are not going to feel comfortable discussing sexual Ashabo | Process Addictions

thoughts and behaviors or other types of process addictions during an interview, especially if the assessment is a one-time interview. The most effective assessment allows time for building a relationship between vocation ministers and candidates. In addition to the vocation director’s own interview, it is critical to have a professional psychological assessment done. A psychologist may be able to uncover many unconscious defenses and the anxiety behind them.

Clergy and religious who come from family backgrounds characterized by rigidity and dysfunction, with themes of abuse and neglect, may suffer early attachment disturbances. These disturbances appear to be a key root cause of both narcissism and sexual addiction. Compulsivity and obsession offer some relief from the pain and rage of the disrupted self in those who are too defended to find comfort in healthy intimacy.

These deep-set psychological wounds are themes that should emerge if a thorough psychological assessment is done. Combined with the vocation director’s own interview and experiences with candidates, inforAshabo | Process Addictions

mation about existing addictions or a predisposition to addiction is critical.

Problem drinking, drugs, or behavior can wreak havoc on an entire religious community. Yet, awareness brings the hope of recovery and healing. Vocation ministers may find themselves at the front lines of a battle with addiction, and their own pastoral and professional response can be the first step toward wholeness. A vocation minister’s early recognition of a process addiction gives the candidate the opportunity to step back and address his or her problem before pursuing the rigors of formation. n

Related reading “What every vocation minister should know about addictions,” by Kevin P. McClone, p. 29, Summer 2005 HORIZON. “Assessing candidates with mental health concerns,” by Father Raymond Carey, p. 3, Summer 2005 HORIZON. Fall 2019 | HORIZON | 13

Photo by Dave Esposito, courtesy of Sisters of St. Joseph of Rochester

The Sisters of St. Joseph wear a distinctive medallion. Pictured here is Sister Rachel Carey, S.S.J. (foreground) wearing the medallion she just received at her novitiate reception ceremony. Next to her is Sister Barbara Starapoli, S.S.J.

Reflections on habits and visibility

By Sister Donna Del Santo, S.S.J. Sister Donna Del Santo, S.S.J. has been a member of Sisters of St. Joseph of Rochester since 1992 and has served as her congregation’s director of vocations since 2003. Much of her work has focused on creating a culture of vocation in which it is easy to ask, “What does God want, and what do the church and the world need from me?”

14 | Fall 2019 | HORIZON

W

HEN I WAS A YOUNG CHILD I remember my teacher, Sister Mary Bernard, telling my class that she had feathers under her habit. I could only see her hands and face, and after all, wasn’t she someplace between human and angel? To this day I wonder how my mother never burst out laughing when I shared that news with her!

Today, gone is the illusion of feathers and the belief that sisters are someplace between humans and angels. Yet the significance of the habit is still being debated, and habits loom large in discussions about visibility.

Following are my reflections on religious garb and visibility, shaped largely by the experience of my own community, the Sisters of St. Joseph of Rochester, New York.

In her article, “The Politics of the Habit,” (on AliciaPatterson.org) Cheryl Reed, author of a book about sisters, states, “Sisters vastly differ on a number of issues including the Pope, sex and whether women should become priests. But in soul-baring interviews with more than 200 Sisters from the strictest, most tradition-bound cloisters to the most radical nuns jailed for protesting, the issue that evoked the most intense emotions was the habit.”

Del Santo | Habits and Visibility

religious orders, had marched. Their presence was a landmark event that would reverberate around the country. Never before had Catholic sisters been involved in a national public protest, let alone one covered by all the national media.

A lingering question for me is: “If the sisters hadn’t worn a habit would their presence have had the same impact?” Today we see sisters at a variety of marches—March for Life, March for Our Lives, etc. I notice What once was a dress sisters with habits right away, and those of freedom became, without a habit, I notice by the signs they over time, a dress carry.

Reed reports that sisters frequently harbor judgements and hurt feelings about being judged for wearing a habit or not wearing one. I see these arguments as unhelpful. Instead I wonder how we can create an atmosphere where understanding prevails and judgements dissolve. Our church and world need all sisters, whether in a habit or not, and perhaps knowing our history is a place to begin.

Taking on the habit

The founder of the Sisters of St. Joseph, Father Jean-Pierre Médaille, S.J., inof identification and structed our first sisters in 1650 France to eventual separation be “known by their manner and not by from the “neighbor” for Modifying the habit their clothing!” These women were not our sisters.

At the same time the civil rights movecalled to the cloister; instead they wished ment pushed for social change in the to combine holiness of life with apostolic U.S., Vatican II began ushering in activity. change in the Catholic Church. In 1965 In 17th century France a woman was the Second Vatican Council promulgated Perfectae Cariunable to move about freely without being accompatatis (Of Perfect Charity), which included the “Decree nied by a male relative; widows were the exception. The on the Adaptation and Renewal of Religious Life.” This widow’s dress distinguished her, allowing her to be out in stated that, “the religious habit, an outward mark of the community alone. With this clothing of freedom in consecration to God, should be simple and modest, poor mind, the first Sisters of Saint Joseph creatively adopted and at the same time becoming. In addition, it should the dress of the “poor widow” and were thus free to be meet the requirements of health and be suited to the one with their neighbors, not set apart, able to care for circumstances of time and place and to the needs of the orphans, the sick, the imprisoned, and others in need. ministry involved. The habits of both men and women During the French Revolution, thousands of relireligious which do not conform to these norms must gious, including our sisters, disbanded and returned to be changed.” A year later Pope Paul VI issued Ecclesis their family homes under the threat of imprisonment Sanctae (Holy Church) in which he reinforced the idea and the guillotine. When the revolution ended, religious of experimentation and provided guidelines for religious communities were reinstated, and this included the esrenewal. He encouraged sisters to go back to the “origitablishment of motherhouses and uniformity of dress or nal spirit” of their founders and to “purify” religious life “habits.” What once was a dress of freedom became, over of “alien elements” and those practices that were “obtime, a dress of identification and eventual separation solete.” With these documents the Vatican opened the from the “neighbor” for our sisters. door to broad interpretation regarding the habit.

As European congregations expanded their misAll of this led my community to ask: “Are we living sionary spirit to the United States, their practices and the vision and dreams of our first sisters, and are we beclothing migrated with them to serve various immigrant ing faithful to our original mission?” We re-discovered communities. Over time the American Sisters of St. Jothat we were founded to do “all that a woman is capable seph began serving in schools and hospitals among Afof doing” and to be “known by [our] manner and not rican Americans in Alabama. And when the civil rights by [our] clothing.” One of our former superiors shared movement emerged and our sisters became involved, our with me that the decision to change the habit was actuhabits became a public witness. ally made for the congregation and without community On March 9, 1965 the world saw hundreds of civil consultation (by a beloved Mother General). What the rights demonstrators attempt to march from Selma to community was consulted on was the choice of a modiMontgomery, Alabama, including six sisters in habits. fied habit.

When the march to Montgomery was completed later I asked our former superior whether our commuthat month, approximately 50 Sisters, representing 12 Del Santo | Habits and Visibility

Fall 2019 | HORIZON | 15

nity—knowing the original intent of Father Médaille— would have given up the habit if the pope hadn’t asked congregations to modify their dress? She was unsure of the answer. It seems that in many ways the baby was thrown out with the bath water. There was no road map, and maybe the interpretation of these documents overlooked the meaning of the habit, not as an antiquated garb, but rather an outward sign of one’s life commitment to God and God’s people. Post Vatican II was a confusing time for most religious communities, and the process of change was messy. Still congregations forged on, adapted, and eventually made the changes they felt were needed in good faith.

Interest in the habit among young women Over the years I have had conversations with young women who wondered if we would be open to them wearing some kind of a habit in our congregation. We have no rule against it, yet we only have one elderly sister in our Memory Unit who still wears a veil. When a woman discerning with us asks to wear a habit when essentially no one else does, I want to know more about why. I want to help her to articulate why she would choose this path, in this congregation, since she would be alone in the choice. One woman in vocation discernment wanted a habit for simplicity’s sake, and another wanted one to have an outward sign of her life choice. In both cases, I get it. I wear a uniform as a nurse because it offers me simplicity and identifies my role; I believe a habit could provide that too. At the same time, I would not want to be out of step with my sisters. Clearly for our community, the question of a habit is a balancing act that would require a lot of conversation to come to a peaceful conclusion.

Focusing on our visibility At the same time that perspectives on religious garb have become varied and even contentious, religious communities both in and out of habits have struggled to maintain their visibility. In the late ’90s our congregation created a strategic plan that looked at our ministries, our presence in the world, and our influence.

We held a number of focus groups, and some of our participants knew sisters as their teachers. Frequently our former students would say, “You have become invisible, gone are the days when we could easily recognize you by your habit.” At first this response felt a bit discouraging because we were not going back to wearing 16 | Fall 2019 | HORIZON

a habit. Yet … how were we to raise our visibility in our ministries, in the churches where we worshipped, in the grocery store, and so on?

During the strategic planning process one of our sisters suggested, “Why don’t we create a focus group of individuals who know us from our ministries for people in poverty? And we could have another focus group made up of young adults.” We did just that, and were we ever stunned by the feedback!

People who lived in poverty said, “The Sisters of Saint Joseph are everywhere! They are in soup kitchens, shelters, and clinics. Almost any place I go they are there.” The young adults said, “Sisters are our bridge to the church. They listen to us, they know our stories and the struggles we face, and they make us feel welcome.” In asking the youth, “Does it matter that we no longer wear a habit?” One young woman said, “You look more like me and are approachable; I don’t know if I would feel as comfortable with you if you did wear a habit.” Thus my community learned that the level of our visibility and the attitude toward our dress was different depending on which group we talked to.

For the last 15 years I have served as my congregation’s vocation director. One of my first actions was to go to Ferdinand, Indiana with our director of mission advancement and our communication director. At that time the Sisters of St. Benedict of Ferdinand sponsored a wonderful program that helped us to see ourselves as a team, rather than as separate silos, in order to promote visibility and extend invitations to become a sister, associate, donor, volunteer, or community friend. The program helped us to look at all aspects of our life and ask how we could better give public witness to our life.

As a congregation we didn’t have a common dress, cross, or symbol. The practice of wearing a 17th century brass-bound wooden profession cross had faded before I had entered. At the time of the Ferdinand program we were wearing a simple gold ring as a sign of our life commitment, nothing distinctive, which is in keeping with our founder’s intent. Yet as a vocation director I was asking how we could be easily seen and known.

We decided to ask an artist to render a new symbol for us, which we tested with sisters, partners in ministry, even our high school students. Eventually we adopted this symbol to wear and to use as a logo. We now place it on all our publications, social media, etc. as a means of “branding” ourselves. It is an ongoing challenge to get our sisters to wear this symbol and use the logo. I suspect this is a challenge for other communities who have developed new symbols.

Del Santo | Habits and Visibility

Photo courtesy of Sisters of St. Joseph of Rochester

Calling ourselves “Sister”

Another visibility challenge for us has been that not everyone in my community introduces herself as “Sister.” Again, I think we are not alone in this challenge. Sometimes in media interviews about a wonderful work a sister, brother, or priest is doing, neither the religious community member, nor the interviewer identify them as Sister, Brother or Father. It’s a lost opportunity for visibility indeed.

Someone once asked me, after I introduced myself as Sister Donna, whether I wanted to be called “Sister”? Actually, I don’t need to be addressed as Sister. I responded: “I just want you to know there is a sister in your Spending time with young people fosters visibility. Here SSJ sisters share a meal with midst. After all everyone needs a sister!” to SSJ Volunteer Corps participants. which the group nodded and smiled.

In fact in my work as a part-time jail nurse, when Smith’s Reverend Mother. Instead we strive to be like our administrative assistant introduces a new employee Susan Sarandon’s Sister Helen Prejean, C.S.J. from Dead to the staff, before I can even open my mouth, she will Man Walking. Often, before they leave us, volunteers are say, “This is Donna, she’s our nun. So if you need somesigning up to return the following year so they can “nun one to confess to or pray for you, she’s the one to see.” At it up!” as they like to say. which the new employee will look at me quizzically and Knowing I would be writing this article I asked a say, “Is she kidding?” That’s usually followed by, “I have group of 12 teens who were with us for the week, (some too many sins to confess!” To that I’ll add: “You are not for a second, third, and even fourth time), “How would alone, get in line behind me!” The precise role of “sister” you know that we are sisters if you had never met us might get a little muddled in this exchange, but the mesbefore?” Their responses were immediate, “You are passage comes through that a sister connects people to faith. sionate about what you believe in, such as God, people Visibility, then, has multiple dimensions: it takes who are poor, social justice.” Another spoke up, “You replace through clothing or symbols we wear and also how ally listen to us. You aren’t distracted by other things. You we verbally identify ourselves. It’s also related to where really care about us.” we minister. Our focus groups from years ago showed I pushed them a little, “But how did you know who that poor people and young people knew us because of we were before ever meeting us?” They told me: “The our ministries among them. For vocation ministry, conkids last year told us who you are and what you’re like, necting with young people has to be a community priorand they were right.” Sometimes others make us visible ity. For my community one form of connection has been and known to those who haven’t even met us yet. through the Sisters of St. Joseph Volunteer Corps. Since 1996 we have had over 1,000 youth live in community with us, serve in our ministries, and share, “How they A team for visibility and vocations made God look good” as they reflect on their day.

Five years ago our community initiated a Vocation The Volunteer Corps has been a great way for us to Think Tank. It is made up of 12 sisters, each of whom be visible among young people and aid them on their had come with me to a convocation of the National Revocation journey. Over the years we’ve had some youth ligious Vocation Conference. This group has become a arrive nervously because they had never met a sister, force for SSJ presence at all the colleges in our diocese. much less lived with sisters for a week. Their only noThese sisters, and others they invite, offer many ways tion of what a sister is usually came from their go-to to not only be visible but to actively minister to young reference, Sister Act. Quickly they realize we are neither people. Their outreach includes: Whoopi Goldberg’s Sister Mary Clarence nor Maggie Del Santo | Habits and Visibility

Fall 2019 | HORIZON | 17

• Volunteer experiences and mentoring at their ministry sites with the SSJ Volunteer Corps • Adoration and compline at our motherhouse and at area colleges • Spiritual direction for students • Presence at Sunday liturgies at local colleges • “Mass & a Meal” for college students • Spiritual guidance for Busy Person Retreats • Participation in college service trips • Sponsors of exam week pizza parties and distribution of exam week survival bags • Card parties and movie nights at our motherhouse with college women’s sports teams • Chaperones at National Catholic Youth Conference with our diocesan youth • Volunteer assistance to the diocesan youth director

In looking at the question of visibility from many angles, it is clearly multi-layered. I have one final reflection 18 | Fall 2019 | HORIZON

on the question of habits. Some say only sisters who wear habits are receiving vocations. However, during my tenure as vocation director in my non-habited community, we have had five women in their 20s and early 30s enter our congregation. Each woman had both volunteered and lived with us and knew us well. None of these women had an interest in wearing a habit, whereas all have a great desire to serve God and God’s people as a sister.

Perhaps it is time for religious congregations, including mine, to have thoughtful and courageous conversation about who they are called to be and how to most authentically express that. We can ask, “How are we welcoming young people and striving to be who we say we are?” For some the answer includes wearing some form of a habit; for others it includes wearing a particular cross or symbol as a congregational witness.

My community does not wear a habit, and our members are spotty about wearing a common symbol, but I hope we’ll up our game in naming ourselves and claiming the power and importance of our presence. We may no longer appear as the poor widow, yet my deep desire is that we be recognized as “women of great sacrifice and dedication,” to quote Martin Luther King who so described the sisters who joined civil rights marches back in 1965. n Del Santo | Habits and Visibility

Photo by Philip De Rita, courtesy of the Brothers of the Christian Schools

The author, Brother David Deradoorian, F.S.C., conducts class, ready at any moment to wrestle with questions from his students about faith or religious life.

Fielding myths and questions about consecrated life

I

N PREPARATION FOR MY SECOND YEAR of teaching, I hung up a metal street sign in my classroom. “God at Work,” it read. At the time I gave it little thought.

I have since come to appreciate this sign in a profound way.

I sometimes stare at it in the middle of a lesson or at the end of a long day. It is an important reminder. While my teacher training program taught me how to teach, and my Basic Skills Test scores proved I was competent to teach, my high school religion classes have slowly revealed to me the hearts of young people. This is where God has been at work, both in my own heart and the hearts of my students. In my high school religion classes, I have learned a great deal about attitude and approach in dealing with my students’ struggle for meaning and questions about faith. I’ve also learned how to respond to the myths and curiosities they hold about religious life. First, a few reflections on the opportunities that present themselves in a religion classroom and what I’ve learned about engaging with young people.

Deradoorian | Myths and Questions

Here’s how one teacher encourages conversations about faith and responds to questions about religious life.

By Brother David Deradoorian, F.S.C. Brother David Deradoorian, F.S.C. is a member of the Brothers of the Christian Schools. He is currently assigned to Philadelphia, where he teaches high school religion. He previously spent several years teaching high school religion in the Bronx.

Fall 2019 | HORIZON | 19

Although I trained at a state university as a Spanish teacher prior to entering religious life, I have spent my life as brother teaching high school religion. Teaching religion has helped me realize how much I am called to grow; it is in this engagement with faith that I realize how much I need to open myself up to unfolding mystery. Thankfully young people have a way of fostering humility and shortcircuiting our need to be If we are to be credible right and in control. They and authentic teachers, invite us out of ourselves. we will have to speak They beg us to be honest, honestly and from the authentic versions of ourheart. We become, selves. “A credible church bidden or not, public is one which is not afraid pray-ers. We become to allow itself be seen as public signs of God’s vulnerable,” wrote the presence in our world young people who gave input to the 2018 youth today. synod in their final document.

I am often inspired by the words of Saint Paul: “I handed on to you what I first received” (1 Cor. 11:23). My teaching of religion and the conversations about faith I have with young people are an extension of my own personal and communal prayer and faith experiences. The history and charism of my institute (Brothers of the Christian Schools) has always reflected a preference for teaching religion. In fact Pope Pius X officially named us “Apostles of the Catechism.” What a privilege it is to embrace this daily challenge!

Saint John Baptist de La Salle recognized the holiness of the classroom, and many teachers will attest that the classroom is indeed a sacred space. The young people who drafted the pre-synod document made it clear that parishes are sometimes no longer places of connection.

Faith exploration is happening increasingly with educators and friends.

In a unique way a religion classroom can be an honest, safe space for teenagers to encounter God. It is here, among other settings, that meaningful and necessary dialogue takes place. Young people grappling with their own self-worth, avowed atheists, seekers, young men and women of different faith traditions—all are able to challenge and support each other. John Baptist de La Salle encourages educators to do our part to build up the Kingdom of God in our students (Meditation 67.1).

20 | Fall 2019 | HORIZON

Letting them lead During my years at three distinct high school assignments, I have humbly learned that I could spend literally hours in lesson preparation. I could think of all the higher-level questions that students need for engagement. I could consider all possible weaknesses in a lesson’s flow. When least expected, and when the lesson seems (in my mind) to be going well, a hand in the back will rise. I get excited, because I think that this seemingly disinterested student is about to ask about the chapter vocabulary, opine on the in-class reading, or answer my lesson’s essential question for the day.

“Brother, as you get older, how has your faith in God changed?”

Close the textbook. Check the clock. Rustle papers.

Continue with the curriculum tomorrow. Is today’s lesson over? Or is it just starting? The textbook comprehension questions we were working on require little or no vulnerability—can’t we just stick with those?

The digression can take many forms, and it is to be expected at any time: an opinion about a church teaching, an insight, a spontaneous debate, an indirect request for affirmation, a public confession, an exposé of a family quarrel, or an honest and sincere wrestling with a personal issue or current event. As is true for any of us, but especially for adolescents, we want to be listened to and validated. A student recently shared with me the following insight about our class: “One thing I’m learning in this religion class is that God gives everlasting love.

I don’t even know how long I’ve been needing to hear those four words.” Young people today want to know that their struggles, insecurities, and doubts are not unfounded or unique. They want to know that when life has been overwhelming, they can find their way towards Home and, in the process, find God running toward them on an often lonely, dusty road. They want companions on their journey of faith—and the reassurance that the One who is the Way can become their way also.

Every profession has a hazard; perhaps this is ours: if we are to be credible and authentic teachers, we will have to speak honestly and from the heart. We become, bidden or not, public pray-ers. We become public signs of God’s presence in our world today. And we know that adolescents and young adults can easily detect frauds.

Whether they would overtly divulge it or not, teenagers and young adults are curious and interested in the lifestyle that the brothers and sisters at my school lead.

The counter-cultural dimension of sacrifice and the service of vowed women and men speaks to them. This Deradoorian | Myths and Questions

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counter-cultural fixation can lead to long-term service commitments, mission trips, flip-phone challenges (a dare to get by without a smart phone), and other somewhat radical choices. Young people want to be challenged, stand for something, and belong to something.

Now, if I were to structure a lesson on “consecrated life in the 21st century church,” there would be minimal interest. But when that topic emerges from my students’ own hearts, and when the timing seems right for them, the conversation is always rich, fruitful, and meaningful.

I’m basically saying the same thing I would say if I were to construct a lesson, but I’m allowing them to take the lead. This changes the dynamics of the conversation.

Bold, honest, authentic The young people who gathered to give input to the 2018 youth synod called for bold conversations in their final document: “The young have many questions about the faith, but desire answers which are not watered-down, or which utilize pre-fabricated formulations.” One brother with whom I was in formation would remind me that young people do not want “corporate tagline” responses to their questions. They want authenticity.

Deradoorian | Myths and Questions

Authenticity needs to shape our answers when they ask basic questions or state misconceptions about our lives. What are those questions and myths? Following are questions students repeatedly ask and how I try to authentically respond. These conversations and honest questions would not be possible without first fostering among the students in my class a sense of welcome and openness. I am conscious of continually reminding them that I, too, am journeying in faith.

The final document from the pre-synod meeting of young adults poses a striking question in its introduction: “How [can] we as the church best accompany … young people towards a deeper understanding of themselves and their place in the world?” This requires patience, faithfulness, and joy.

You always knew you wanted to be a brother Well, no. Life unfolds itself slowly to us, and for this, we should be grateful. I think it is crucial that young people understand the need for continual commitment and discernment. Discovering God’s call is not something we do for a season; it is a life-long mindset. I am struck by the words of a brother who once shared with his own classroom: God doesn’t necessarily call us to a specific Fall 2019 | HORIZON | 21

Photo by Philip De Rita, courtesy of the Brothers of the Christian Schools

Religious could invite people into their homes to witness their common life, a pursuit that requires plenty of cooperation and effort. Here the author, Brother David Deradoorian, F.S.C., cleans up after a meal with BrotherJoseph Juliano, F.S.C.

profession, avocation, or vocation. God calls us to a life of generosity. God calls us to give tirelessly of ourselves.

It is our job to determine which lifestyle will permit us to be most generous to our neighbor, to have mercy on our neighbor. We are then called to go and do likewise (Luke 10:37).

You must have no faith struggles. Somehow it is believed that, the moment I began wearing a black shirt and collar for a living, my personal faith struggles dissipated. I am grateful that this has not been the case! It is important that we are honest with young people—the more we share our struggles and our wrestling with faith, the more they can see us as credible human beings, making our way. I have often appreciated Flannery O’Connor’s insight, from Habit of Being, a collection of her letters: “When we get our spiritual house in order, we’ll be dead. This goes on. You arrive at enough certainty to be able to make your way, but it is making it in darkness. Don’t expect faith to clear things up for you. It is trust, not certainty.”

So you can’t really be yourself anymore. To many of my students, our lifestyle seems awfully constricting. I always find this question stems from much larger questions about our vows, our common life, and 22 | Fall 2019 | HORIZON

our commitment to Gospel values. It also is rooted in an adolescent’s opinion of what is fun. Our evangelical counsels do not restrict drinking or tattoos. We do not have a vow against fun. I am encouraged to travel to weddings, see my family, and have a healthy social life.

How can we allow young people to view our vowed commitments as actually liberating? My wardrobe generally baffles a young person, especially one caught up in the endless, exhausting pursuit of name brand belts, shoes, backpacks. They know I own several black robes and black shirts without logos. And it is equally as baffling when, chaperoning a dance, I am dressed like an everyday human being.

Somehow, as soon as you’ve established with a teenager that you do not own an XBox (or any gaming system for that matter), our lifestyle is immediately considered boring. What do you do with your free time if you don’t have video games or sleep for 12 hours a day? How can we foster the notion that, as a brother, I am called to fully be myself? I am called to bring who I am, with my strengths and limitations, as a gift to my community. I have read and re-read this statement from the pre-synod document: “An especially important quality in a mentor is acknowledgement of their humanity—that they are human beings who make mistakes: not perfect people but forgiven sinners.”

Deradoorian | Myths and Questions

Your life must be very lonely. Life, when lived out of balance, can be a lonely road. Not having the companionship and fulfillment of a spouse, we must work at creating spaces and avenues for love. It can be mind-blowing for students when I share that some of my married friends find themselves lonely on a Friday or Saturday evening, too, with them watching TV while a spouse is in another room scrolling through social media feeds. Regardless of our lifestyle, how do we seek to be present to the other in our midst? In his book Reaching Out, Henri Nouwen suggests that the first real movement of the spiritual life is from loneliness to solitude.

Religious should be sitting on the altar, not in the pew. It’s difficult for most Catholics (and even more difficult for non-Catholics) to understand the concept of a man who has given his life to the church but is not a priest. I believe it is important that young people understand, as Saint Paul reminds us, that there are a variety of gifts, but the same spirit; a variety of service, but the same Lord (1 Cor. 12). I have chosen a lay lifestyle, and tell them that by doing so, I actually have more in common with them than they realize.

Our baptism has called us to life as apostles; our religious consecration simply augments that. Sharing why religious profession is not its own sacrament helps to clarify this. My ministerial duties involve finding holiness in the ordinary. While I am not able to administer the sacraments, I have found that I am able to be present for many sacramental moments: talking a young person through their parent’s divorce, listening to someone’s self doubts, lending an ear to a co-worker speaking of her husband’s illness. God comes to us in these experiences as clearly as in the established sacraments.

Does everyone in your house get along? You cannot choose your family but you can choose your friends! We are assigned to a community that puts itself at the service of a ministry. Living together takes work, and living together in an authentic freedom takes even more work. It is vital that people are allowed into our communities and invited to share in our prayers and common life. Perhaps they will see that, indeed, men of different ethnicities, backgrounds, educational levels, political preferences, and preferences for dining room paint colors can get along. In fact living as a community is one of the ways we are called to grow, change, and humble ourselves. Our shared life must be built on cooperation, not competition. In some small way, I believe that our stone house with the cross above the side Deradoorian | Myths and Questions

door is a sign of the Kingdom of God, the world as God would have it. Jesus prays in his farewell discourse in John 17:21 that all may be one as he and the Father are one. Let it be so.

You’ve had to make a tremendous sacrifice.

Egocentrism can thrive throughout high school and into college. To live a life focused on other people (especially people we don’t even know) seems strange. In the eyes of many teenagers and young adults, if something doesn’t directly help them, why should they be interested in it? It is good for them to be exposed to a wide range of people, living a variety of lifestyles, who have chosen to live heroic, sacrificial lives. These might range from a parent working multiple jobs to pay tuition, a religious ministering to the marginalized and remaining faithful to his or her vowed life, a couple remaining together after an accident, a parent caring for a son or daughter with an addiction. These stories begin to open young people’s eyes to the prodigal love of God, which manifests itself in our prodigal love for each other, where a score isn’t kept or a tally maintained. It is OK that life demands sacrifices; it’s how egocentrism is slowly shaved away.

The sacrifice of my vows is just one of many types of sacrifices that holy men and women—single, married, ordained, consecrated—make each day.

•••• These myths and responses represent one way to begin the conversations called for during the 2018 youth synod. Here again are the words of young people who gathered prior to the synod to give input. In their final document, they wrote: “We have found that young people want authentic witnesses—men and women who vibrantly express their faith and relationship with Jesus while encouraging others to approach, meet, and fall in love with Jesus themselves.” Archbishop Oscar Romero urged his radio address listeners in 1977 to never tire of preaching love. His plea continues for each of us today.

Each evening, during prayer, I reflect on the blessing of the day. To paraphrase Father Henri Nouwen, journeying with teenagers gives me an opportunity to witness to young people the glimpses of God I’ve been able to catch.

“God at work.” Not that I even needed a reminder. n

Related reading “Equipping teens with tools for discernment,” by Sister Julia Walsh, F.S.P.A., HORIZON, Winter 2016.

Fall 2019 | HORIZON | 23

Photo courtesy of Christian Brothers University

Parents want the best for their children. That’s why they have plenty of questions when their offspring consider religious life.

10 QUESTIONS PARENTS ASK These days parents are frequently part of the conversation when a young adult is considering religious life. Here are ideas for responding to the questions parents ask. These questions and answers are from NRVC’s brochure, “10 questions parents ask,” available in packs of 100 for $20 ($30 non-members). Order them from the NRVC store at nrvc.net.

1. Are young people entering religious life today?

Yes, a sense of call, service, and prayer continue to attract young people to religious life. Most religious institutes have at least one person who has entered the community recently. The average age someone first considers religious life is 19 years old, so it’s not uncommon for high school students and young adults to ask questions about vocations. Every year in the United States, over 100 women and men become religious sisters, brothers, or priests (what we call fully professed). Similar to the vocation of marriage, 30 is the average age of entrance into religious life.

There are more than 1 million nuns, sisters, brothers, and priests in the world today.

2. Why are there so many different religious orders?

People have founded religious orders and societies of apostolic

24||Fall Fall2019 2019||HORIZON HORIZON 24

life throughout the centuries to focus on particular works of mercy to respond to unmet needs of people who are neglected, abandoned, or marginalized. Among the approximately 2,000 religious orders (or institutes) worldwide and 700 religious institutes in the United States, each has a unique spirituality, mission, and charism (or spirit) that defines the way members pray, live, and serve. Apostolic, cloistered, contemplative, evangelical, and monastic are common forms of consecrated life.

3. Isn’t religious life lonely, especially with so many elderly members?

When a person has a sense of being where God wants him or her to be, involved in vital ministries, making a difference, doing good, and enjoying diverse and fulfilling friendships, that person is not lonely. That being said, every human being has some lonely moments whether he or she is married, single, a priest, sister, or brother. That is part of the human condition and the restlessness we feel until we rest in God, as Saint Augustine described it. Living in community as a vowed celibate opens members to many life-giving experiences, including intercultural and intergenerational living. The oldest members in a community model commitment, perseverance, and wisdom and are often

Parent Questions

the biggest inspirations, advocates, and mentors for the newest members.

4. How often will my son or daughter be home for the holidays and family events?

Though each seminary and religious community has its own policies, all communities recognize that the support of loved ones is crucial for the seminarian or novice as well as vowed members of the community. The amount of communication that a daughter or son can have with their family often depends on their stage of formation (initiation period) and the religious community that they joined. When people enter a religious community, they are encouraged to invite family and friends to visit, and are provided opportunities to stay in contact with loved ones. During the holidays, spending time with the community is a priority, yet home visits are typically possible. Some communities are more restrictive than others, but almost all allow contact with immediate family, especially parents. Be creative. Write an oldfashioned letter!

5. Will my daughter or son use his or her education and talents as a sister, brother, or priest?

Absolutely. Education is a priority for women and men religious, with at least 70 percent having college degrees before entering religious life and many earning at least one graduate degree. A parent’s concern that their child is “throwing their life away” couldn’t be further from the truth. Men and women religious put their talents and gifts to use in service of others—something that gives them immeasurable joy. Who doesn’t want that for their child? Many communities provide opportunities for lifelong faith formation and professional development by way of workshops, conferences, retreats, and college courses.

6. Can’t my child be of service to the church as a volunteer or associate? Is taking vows and belonging to a religious community necessary?

Generosity of heart is required of all Christians, whether married, single, ordained, or consecrated. However, how that generosity is expressed is unique to each individual. All of us must answer the call we hear that we believe will give us the greatest sense of wholeness and purpose. For priests, sisters, or brothers, their total gift of the self to God and others demands the support of a community and a commitment to the vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience.

7. How restrictive are the vows?

Being consecrated to God through a public religious profession is a serious commitment, comparable to marriage vows.

How each religious institute lives out vowed communal life is determined by its Holy Rule or constitutions. Be upfront and ask professed members how they live vowed life. A candidate who enters religious life studies the vows and lives in the spirit of the vows for at least four years before making final profession.

This time of initial formation enables candidates to face both the challenges and joys of vowed life. Diocesan priests promise obedience to the bishop, while women and men religious pro-

Parent Questions

fess vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience. Some congregations profess variations of these vows or take additional vows.

A member who breaks a vow would take part in the sacrament of Reconciliation, which provides mercy and forgiveness, unless the person’s actions caused grave scandal, in which case he or she would be dismissed from the institute.

8. With the demands of ministry, how do religious communities face stress and avoid burn out?

Religious communities are built on maintaining a balanced lifestyle. In all forms of religious life, there are scheduled times for personal and communal prayer, meals, recreation, retreats, and celebrations. In addition, sisters, brothers, and priests are encouraged to form friendships, engage in exercise, and set aside time for being “off duty.” All of these activities, when done consistently, can prevent burnout and minimize stress. While the church is not looking for perfect people to lead, our dioceses and religious communities need people who are healthy, holy, and joyful.

9. How long does it take to become a religious sister, brother, or priest? Can people change their minds?

Generally, it takes six to nine years for a person to become a vowed member of a religious community. The formation program involves several stages. While these vary in name, length of time, and format by community, they all involve a time of inquiry, a one- or two-year period of novitiate training, and a time of living temporary vows one year at a time for several years.

Perpetual (lifelong) vows can be made three to nine years after temporary (year-to-year) vows. A man in a religious community studying for the priesthood must also undergo seminary training to earn a graduate degree in theology. Considering a vocation with a diocese or religious community (vocation discernment) does not mean your child is obligated to become a priest, brother, or sister. Vocation and formation directors help candidates discern whether or not a vocation fits. There is nothing shameful about trying out seminary or religious life, then determining that it is not the right vocation.

10. I support my child’s vocation, but my spouse doesn’t.

What should I do?

Sometimes, when a daughter or son opts for a way of life that parents are not expecting, a mother or father can experience a sense of loss. All parents have dreams for their child’s future.

Talk openly to your spouse about his or her thoughts and feelings. Help all family members to voice their concerns. Next, ask the vocation director for books or articles that might give concerned family members a deeper knowledge of your child’s chosen vocation. It may also be helpful to speak to other parents with similar concerns. A vocation director would be able to help connect you with other families.

Encouragement and support from family members are invaluable to a loved one considering life as a sister, brother or priest. Take time in prayer and ask God to give you the grace to accept your child’s decision and trust that God will provide you comfort and joy as your child fulfills his or her unique call. n

Fall 2019 | HORIZON | 25

Feed your spirit

The life I touch The life I touch for good or ill will touch another life, and in turn another, until who knows where the trembling stops or in what far place my touch will be felt. —Frederick Buechner, The Hungering Dark

Book notes

A valuable guide for men in discernment

A

S A MEMBER OF A LITURGICAL COMMUNITY of canons regular, I will always recall some of the most sage advice I received as a novice and community musician. A member of the community noticed my lack of sensitivity to some core principles of the liturgical reform of Vatican II in my service as a musician for our communal worship. One day he called me aside and told me how much he appreciated my efforts but that if I really wanted to grow in this ministry, I should read the “General Instructions” of the Roman Missal and the Liturgy of the Hours, along with the introduction to the lectionary. To this day I am grateful for this superb counsel, as reading these documents gave me firm grounding in the vision and principles of the liturgical reform of Vatican II. This experience came to mind as I read A Living Sacrifice: Guidance for Men Discerning Religious Life (Vianney Vocations, 2019). The book, by Fathers Benedict Croell and Andrew Hofer, both Dominican priests, stays rooted in the official church documents and teaching about the nature of religious life and the vows. The authors regularly reference Vatican II documents, the Code of Canon Law, the Catechism of the Catholic Church, and Vita Consecrata. As Dominicans, they draw heavily from their predecessor in the Dominican tradition, St. Thomas Aquinas.

Numerous times, as I read the book, I recalled my own discernment process and wished that such a compendium of the church’s vision and teaching about religious life and the vows had been available to me. (Of course, my discernment occurred in the late ’70s and early ’80s prior to the Enneking | Book Notes

By Father Thomas Enneking, O.S.C. Father Thomas Enneking, O.S.C., has been a member of the Crosier Fathers and Brothers since 1976. He served as vocation director from 1987-1993 and post-novitiate formation director from 1994-2001. He was recently elected the national superior of the 39 Crosiers in the U.S. under the title of conventual prior and is a member of Priory of the Holy Cross in Phoenix.

Fall 2019 | HORIZON | 27

publication of the new code, the new catechism, and Vita Consecrata!) Knowing how much a compendium could have helped me, it is good to see such a resource now available to men considering a call to religious life.

The title, A Living Sacrifice, provides the central image and understanding of religious life as the path that some are called to in following their baptismal call to holiness. This book does not sugarcoat religious life as heaven on earth, with only spiritual bliss to be experienced. The authors write from the perspective of having lived religious life in all of its richness and challenge and of having worked extensively in vocation and formation ministry. It is clear they have had to address the varied questions and trends among those seeking a vocation to religious life in our time. They want discerners to know that religious life entails a “living sacrifice” of their whole self to God through the vows and community life.

The book is organized into five major sections. “Part One: Getting Started” likely flows from their personal journals as they worked with different individuals. Chapter 1 uses stories of specific individuals to unveil “Ten Truths to Set You Free from Discernment Traps.” This is followed by two other chapters that explore 10 “do’s and don’ts” when considering religious life.

“Part Two: The Trinitarian Call to Religious Life” provides the theological underpinnings of religious life as a life lived in the image of the Trinity. The authors consistently emphasize the positive call entailed in religious life. While the life involves self sacrifice, the authors are able to situate this within the strong affirmation of the new life and deep joy to which God calls each of us through the grace of our baptism.

“Part Three: Religious Life’s Distinctiveness” gives helpful descriptions of the various ways men can live out the call to holiness in diocesan priesthood, religious brotherhood, and religious priesthood. This is one of the book’s best contributions to the many discernment resources that currently exist. The authors articulate well the distinctive character of religious priesthood in contrast to diocesan priesthood. I expect many discerners will find these descriptions and distinctions most enlightening in distinguishing their own path.

This section also provides a very fine definition of charism and a description of the range of charisms that exist in the church: monastic orders, orders of canons, orders of friars, societies of clerics regular, religious congregations in modern times, societies of apostolic life, secular institutes, and new communities. I was warmed by this incredible array of gifts inspired by the Holy Spirit to keep the gospel alive and proclaimed.

28 | Fall 2019 | HORIZON

“Part Four: Applying, Entering, and Expecting” negotiates the varied terrain of entrance processes for the many different communities and forms of religious life that exist. I admire the clarity of the basics that the authors present with a clear appreciation and respect for the differences that discerners can expect to encounter as they go through the application process. This is aided by remaining grounded in the vision and principles of Vatican II, the Code of Canon Law and the Catechism of the Catholic Church.

“Part Five: Hearing from Other Religious” consists of testimonies from religious of the past and present about the joys and challenges one can expect to encounter by embracing the path of religious life.

I highly recommend this book to vocation directors of men’s communities and men in discernment. Discerners will find most beneficial the vision of religious life, the principles underlying its organization, and the fundamental call to become a living sacrifice. The book provides natural points of conversation for meetings between vocation directors and discerners. Its comprehensive nature ensures that there are no significant gaps in the early stages of discernment regarding the nature of religious life and one’s motives for embracing such a path.

A Living Sacrifice, however, is not without controversy, as it emphasizes more than once an understanding of religious life as having “objective superiority”—a notion that comes from Vita Consecrata but one that not all religious embrace. I also include a couple of caveats along with my strong recommendation. In Chapter 6, “The Holy Spirit and the Holiness of Religious Life,” the authors quote a portion of #44 of Lumen Gentium.

I would have added this from #44 as it speaks of one purpose of religious life being to remind all members of the church of the call to holiness: “The evangelical counsels which lead to charity join their followers to the church and its mystery in a special way. Since this is so, the spiritual life of these people should then be devoted to the welfare of the whole Church. From this arises their duty of working to implant and strengthen the Kingdom of Christ in souls and to extend that Kingdom to every clime.” Secondly, while I appreciate that my community is mentioned as one of the orders of canons in the U.S., our correct name is: Canons Regular of the Order of the Holy Cross.

Regardless of these points, this book will be a most valuable resource to vocation directors and those discerning a call to make their lives a living sacrifice in this way of life. n Enneking | Book Notes

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