2019 HORIZON, Number 3, Summer

Summer 2019 www.nrvc.net | Volume 44, Number 3

Refining ourselves & our ministry 2

Updates

3

Dear vocation minister

By Sister Marcia Allen, C.S.J.

7

Exploring motives for celibacy

By Brother John Mark Falkenhain, O.S.B.

13 What vocation directors can learn from the youth synod Interview with Sister Nathalie Becquart, X.M.C.J.

17 The inner journey of accepted applicants

By Sister Jane Becker, O.S.B.

22 Seeking more authentic community

By Sister Connie Bach, P.H.J.C. 26 Feed your spirit

Rise Up Rooted Like Trees

By Ranier Maria Rilke 27 Film notes

Secular films evoke sacred themes

By Carol Schuck Scheiber

Spring 2019 | HORIZON | 1

Institute of Religious Formation Empowering formation leaders for a global Church. ctu.edu

The Institute of Religious Formation (IRF) at Catholic Theological Union in Chicago provides a unique, holistic program for diocesan and religious formation directors.

With 35 years of experience and more than 1,700 graduates, IRF is a trusted source in Formation preparation.

Learn more online at: ctu.edul/RF

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A GRADUATE SCHOOL OF THEOLOGY AND MINISTRY

Editor’s Note HORIZON Editor Carol Schuck Scheiber Proofreaders Sister Mary Ann Hamer, O.S.F.; Virginia Piecuch Page Designer Patrice J. Tuohy © 2019, National Religious Vocation Conference.

HORIZON is published quarterly by TrueQuest Communications on behalf of the National Religious Vocation Conference, 5401 South Cornell Avenue, Suite 207, Chicago, IL 60615-5664.

773-363-5454 | nrvc@nrvc.net | nrvc.net Facebook: Horizon vocation journal Twitter: @HORIZONvocation SUBSCRIPTIONS Additional subscriptions are $50 each for NRVC members; $125 each for non-members. Single copies are $25 each. Subscribe online at www.nrvc.net/ signup_horizon. Please direct subscription inquiries to Marge Argyelan at the NRVC office at 773-363-5454 or margyelan@nrvc.net.

POSTMASTER Send address changes to HORIZON, 5401 S. Cornell Ave., Suite 207, Chicago, IL 60615-5664. Periodicals postage paid at Chicago, IL and Toledo, OH. ISSN 1042-8461, Pub. # 744-850.

REPRINTS, ARCHIVES, ELECTRONIC EDITIONS Permission is granted to distribute no more than 50 copies of HORIZON articles for noncommercial use. Please use the following credit line: Reprinted with permission from HORIZON, nrvc.net. For other types of reprints, please contact the editor at cscheiber@nrvc.net. HORIZON archives, including files for mobile readers, can be accessed by subscribers at nrvc.net.

EDITORIAL INQUIRIES & ADVERTISING All editorial inquiries should be directed to the editor: Carol Schuck Scheiber, cscheiber@nrvc.net. For advertising rates and deadlines, see nrvc.net or contact the editor.

THE NATIONAL RELIGIOUS VOCATION CONFERENCE is a catalyst for vocation discernment and the full flourishing of religious life as sisters, brothers, and priests for the ongoing transformation of the world.

Always refining “I’M STILL EVOLVING” an old friend of mine used to say often. She sounded a little New Agey to me then, but her point is well taken. Whether we want to call it refining, evolving, developing or something else, anyone seeking depth in life—particularly in a faith life—needs to keep growing to maintain vitality. We hope this edition of HORIZON delivers ideas, both practical and lofty, to keep you on the path of refinement.

On another note, we learned recently that one of our articles from the Winter 2017 edition lacked proper attributions, something HORIZON takes seriously. In keeping with the highest standards in publishing, we revised the original: “How the pope’s Jesuit roots affect his ministry,” by Father Thomas Rosica, C.S.B. The updated article is in the archives at nrvc.net, along with the original, which is now flagged. EBSCO has also incorporated the revised material into its archives. All the parties involved have expressed satisfaction with this resolution. HORIZON and NRVC remain committed to publishing excellence.

—Carol Schuck Scheiber, cscheiber@nrvc.net POEM PAGE 26 “Wenn etwas mir vom Fenster fallt.../How surely gravity’s law” by Rainer Maria Rilke; from RILKE’S BOOK OF HOURS: LOVE POEMS TO GOD by Rainer Maria Rilke, translated by Anita Barrows and Joanna Macy, translation copyright © 1996 by Anita Barrows and Joanna Macy. Used by permission of Riverhead, an imprint of Penguin Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House LLC. All rights reserved.

HORIZON is an award-winning journal for vocation ministers and those who support a robust future for religious life.

It is published quarterly by TrueQuest Communications on behalf of the National Religious Vocation Conference.

NATIONAL RELIGIOUS VOCATION CONFERENCE BOARD Sister Kristin Matthes, S.N.D.deN., Board chair Sister Gayle Lwanga Crumbley, R.G.S. Sister Anna Marie Espinosa, I.W.B.S. Sister Virginia Herbers, A.S.C.J. Father Charles Johnson, O.P. Sister Lisa Laguna, D.C.

Father Adam MacDonald, S.V.D. Sister Belinda Monahan, O.S.B. Sister Priscilla Moreno, R.S.M. Sister Anita Quigley, S.H.C.J. Mr. Len Uhal Sister Mindy Welding, I.H.M.

Summer 2019 | HORIZON | 1

Updates

Press Association. HORIZON’s article “Talking about and inviting to brotherhood” by Brother Herman Johnson, O.P. won a best essay award. VISION earned honors for best reporting on vocations, best story and photo package, and best Spanish language interview.

Religious asked to be present to youth

NRVC workshops emphasize lively participation and interaction.

Register now for fall workshops The National Religious Vocation Conference (NRVC) offers four workshops at its Fall Institute, to take place at the Marillac Center in Leavenworth, Kansas, October 8-23. Details and registration are at nrvc.net.

Behavioral Assessment 2

October 8-9

Behavioral Assessment 1

October 11-13

Orientation Program for New Vocation Directors

October 15-19

The Art of Accompaniment and Discernment

October 21-23

HORIZON and VISION earn accolades In keeping with their long-standing tradition of earning annual editorial awards, NRVC’s signature publications, VISION Vocation Guide and HORIZON, recently received four awards from the Catholic 2 | Summer 2019 | HORIZON

Religious are being invited to minister to Catholic teenagers attending the National Catholic Youth Conference November 21-23 in Indianapolis. They may attend in one of three ways: as a volunteer, an exhibitor, or as an attendee with a group of young people.

This conference is a high-energy biennial gathering of engaged teens, youth ministers, and parent-chaperones. Religious are encouraged to be present to serve and give witness to their way of life. NRVC is sponsoring Inspiration Nook, an inviting, vocation-themed gathering place for conversations with young people.

Every participating adult, with no exceptions, must complete an online safe environment training. Details about attending as a vocation minister may be found on nrvc.net; additional event information is at ncyc.info.

Brothers gear up for April symposium A Religious Brothers Symposium, open to all, will take place at Boston College on April 4, 2020 with a theme of “The Prophetic Call of the Brother in the Church.” The event is co-sponsored by NRVC, the Religious Brothers Conference, Conference of Major Superiors of Men, and Religious Formation Conference.

Brother Guy Consolmagno, S.J., director of the Vatican Observatory, will be the keynote speaker.

Cardinal Sean O’Malley, O.F.M. Cap. will preside at Mass, and optional trips will be available. Details: religiousbrothers.org/events/symposium. n Updates

Photo by Freddy Castro on Unsplash

I hope you will appreciate yourself and your work more deeply, with all of the awe, humility, and gratitude it deserves.

Dear vocation minister

W

HAT I REALLY WANT YOU, the vocation minister, to know is how you dispatch with passion the sacred work entrusted to you. The word passion is what first occurred to me as I pondered my message, and I arrive at that word from decades of observations—from a member’s and community leader’s point of view.

In order to better describe passion, I am using Dorothy Sayers’ description. She writes in The Mind of the Maker from the point of view of the artist who images the Divine Artist. It seems to me that your work is one to which many words can be attached at any given time: feeling, thought, toil, trouble, difficulty, choice, triumph! And sometimes even that last word is real. But always, all of these are captured in the one word: passion. You image through your efforts the Divine Artist, at work with passion for the expression of God’s desire in so many and various human expressions!

This is a letter of sorts to you who are vocation ministers—you who are in ministry to vocation. I address it particularly to you because of the Allen | Dear Vocation Minister

By Sister Marcia Allen, C.S.J. Sister Marcia Allen, C.S.J. , a Sister of St. Joseph of Concordia, Kansas, holds a doctor of ministry degree in spirituality and lives and works at Manna House of Prayer, a center for spiritual renewal and material resources for those in need in Concordia. She is former president of her community and teaches in her community’s formation program.

Summer 2019 | HORIZON | 3

three whom I know. I observe them, listen to them, and frequently interact with them, and I gratefully accept those they point my way as potential candidates and members. Thank you, Dian, Pat and Lorren! You represent for me the hundreds of women and men just like you who go about almost invisibly with admirable persistence, dogged patience, hard-won wisdom, and a lot of good humor of course. You go about the Artist’s work with the energy of your own vocation, the passion for God’s desire, that makes it all possible.

A mirror, to relish your ministry Since there is little, perhaps nothing, that I can say to you that you don’t already know, let me simply hold up for you a mirror in order that you can appreciate yourself and your work more deeply, with all of the awe, humility, and gratitude it deserves. The mirror that suggested itself in my contemplation of your lives and work seemed to form itself around three citations that I paraphrase here: 1. “Live out your whole life with one desire only, that is to be what God desires for you . . .” (from maxim #73 of Jean-Pierre Médaille’s Maxims of the Little Institute).

2. Go gently and courageously about your life: live as a pilgrim making your way from shrine to shrine (from Parker Palmer’s book On The Brink of Everything).

3. Be willing to cut your life to the bone in order to survive what your heart desires (from an author and book long forgotten).

These three, it seems to me, describe in so many words the journey of the vocation minister who accompanies the seeker into the way of life that is to be hers or his. They point the way so that both you and the seeker “should grow in every way into him who is the head, Christ…” (Eph. 4:15).

4 | Summer 2019 | HORIZON

Let me conceptualize these points and your work.

Potential candidates are seekers. Very often they are completely oblivious of the inner journey except for a vague uncertainty about their own search for meaning.

Or, perhaps, seekers already have tried multiple paths and are still feeling rudderless. They have experimented with or explored other religious traditions, atheism, marriage, other religious communities, drugs, alcohol, sex, binge buying or traveling, various professions—and come to naught. Some are too young to have been tried by life or have been tried at too young an age. Some are older, well advanced in age, and have seen and done it all—and now suffer some persistent desire they cannot name. Some are suffering what we have called the proverbial mid-life crisis, induced by some tragedy or simply the boredom of life. At any rate, you encounter these seekers mostly by accident, some mysterious happenstance. You are surprised, amazed, and then possessed by the deepest question of all: How can I truly encounter this person where she or he harbors the truth or the reality of this profound desire?

Where are you on your own path?

That’s the context for the seeker’s quest. What is yours?

Yours, like theirs, is buried in the contemporary culture on the one hand, but it is deeply personal on the other.

Your personal development is couched in past experience and your resources at hand. What is your life experience so far? How well do you know your own story?

Is your self-knowledge up to date? What’s your take on your own pilgrim life? What do you really desire? What resources do you have at hand, what reservoir of inner and outer strength? Here are some areas in your life you might continuously consider: • • • • • • • • •

personal spiritual director experiences of seeking without finding recognition and experience of consolation recognition, understanding, and experience of real desolation and how you deal with it hospitality to questions, doubts, conundrums, paradoxes, failure, setbacks, the unknown, risks, mystery experiences of dark nights understanding of the spiritual journey in theory, observation, and personal experience reflection on your own life experience so far, what you’ve learned and integrated comfort with ambiguity Allen | Dear Vocation Minister

Redemptorist Renewal Center

• flexibility, patience, versatility, generosity, hospitality • ability to wait—and wait • sense of humor • continued study of the culture, age cohorts, ethnic groups, the spiritual life, theology, spirituality, the classic and contemporary authors of fact and fiction • fidelity to prayer • openness to the ways God changes in your life and your responses Perhaps there is more that you can add to this list.

But what all this bespeaks is a real person well conversant with the real world because you live there, thrive there, welcome there, find God there, incarnate the Christ there, and are always alert to learn there.

You are in the here and now of the awesome and awful daily from which a disciple does not desire to flee but rather desires to immerse him or herself more deeply in order to be more radically transformed, more radically effective as a human being.

You are always becoming more and more real so as to meet more effectively real people who search for meaning in a rapidly changing world, a chaotic and dangerous world, a plastic culture that is alluring but meaningless. You, the vocation minister, are yourself attractive because you represent an oasis in what can be a desert of consumerism, a rock of stability in a world in flux, a treasure in the midst of what might be an insipid, cheapened existence, promised communion in the lonely crowd, something worthwhile to be worked toward, the promise of something new emerging and unfolding, a light in darkness.

All this you have seen and experienced as a vocation minister. Your life is often filled with the consolation, disillusionment, idealism, optimism, crushed expectations, and the bone-weary work that signifies your real hope. Your own personal journey work to which you must be faithful happens in the midst of this as you continue real encounter with others, each of whom is dramatically different from one another and from you.

How do you manage?! Let me return to the mirror.

“Live out your whole life with one desire only.” There is one answer that responds: “The sound of my lover! My lover, peeking through the lattice says to me, ‘Arise my beloved, my friend, my beautiful one and come! For see, the winter is past; the rains are over and gone’” (Song 2:8-11). This is all God desires, that you reAllen | Dear Vocation Minister

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RECOMMENDED BY THE AUTHOR Thank You for Being Late: An Optimist’s Guide for Thriving in the Age of Acceleration, by Thomas L Friedman, 2016 The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry,

by Rachel Joyce, 2012 “Cursing, Swearing, Blaspheming, Going to Hell…”

by Michael Kirwan; October, 2018 issue of The Way. Wayne Teasdale’s “interspirituality” concept found in his book The Mystic Heart: Discovering a Universal Spirituality in the World’s Religions, 1999 and 2001.

“The Second Axial Age” by Matthew Wright, a YouTube presentation

alize that you are God’s beloved in whatever human way is available to you. You, the authentic beloved and lover, are the message the seeker finds and follows. And God directs the rest as you pilgrim together, listening to one another, carefully alert, directing and following. You hold the journey lightly, following Love’s invitations, not your own egoic demands and commands. Love teaches you indifference, the vocation minister’s virtue: Not what I want, but what You, Love, invite us, both of us, to.

“Go gently . . . live as a pilgrim moving from shrine to shrine . . . .” You seek a gentle, reverent pace; you contemplate how most effectively to companion this person and seek openness to this person’s influence on you and the journey. This is a ministry of personal presence. How do you meet and accompany the prospective candidate except from the depths of your two pilgrim journeys? How else can you consider this individual’s life—and yours—except as a pilgrimage? You, the two pilgrims, embark on pilgrimage. You move from story to story, each a sacred shrine, a stopping place where you take joy in God who is encountered, recognized, reverenced. From unveiling to unveiling, every start and stop becomes a sacred moment where wisdom is revealed, learned at heart as you journey along.

The Way becomes mutual: two together, traversing 6 | Summer 2019 | HORIZON

and exploring foreign land, crossing delicately dangerous terrain, bridging great gaps of misunderstandings and over-enthusiastic judgments. You provide one another with direction, assistance, rest time and sustenance. And you, the vocation minister, turning loose of hopes, expectations, numbers, victory in one new member gained, community dreams—you give it all up in favor of the other’s search for meaning, for real life, for effective and truly affective existence. You leave your own safety and security, control, need for affirmation and success. You go to the core of your own existence.

“Be willing to cut your life to the bone” as you together search for what God desires. You pare away your egoic desire for consolations, for the false or pre-emptive victory. You recognize that a foreshortened journey will not accomplish anything but your own satisfaction. You realize that it will not endure; therefore, you will do all that you can to keep from the false joy of a triumph too soon arrived at. You know in your bones that the other’s life-saving discovery of true meaning and peace—whatever, however, that might turn out to be—is your only true goal. Bone deep you realize that total self-gift for the sake of the other is the only real meaning for you and your work as vocation minister.

In the end you have grown up yet again into Christ.

And more importantly, so has the person with whom you journeyed. Together, the two of you, in the consolation of the pilgrimage itself, have shucked off your old selves and have come to know how you have revealed Christ, the true light and life to one another. This transformation is the real victory, arrived at through feeling, thought, toil, trouble, difficulty, choice, triumph—that is to say: passion!

It sometimes happens that the person journeys on without you but better capable for having met you. And sometimes your journeys do converge in some indissoluble way and she or he continues with you and your community. In whatever way it turns out, each of you has become more the real person you’re called to be, the one, the beloved, the friend whom God desires.

And all of this occurs over and over again because of the passion with which you arise each morning, put on your shoes and make one more phone call, one more visit, one more self-gift. You, vocation minister, your passion for God, for an individual’s integral life and for your community’s charism, you are a stunning example of commitment, dedicated service, and self-given love.

And, I humbly thank you. n Allen | Dear Vocation Minister

Photo by Domo307 on Flickr

Exploring motives for celibacy Not many professionals can claim expertise in the Catholic vow of celibacy, but psychologist Brother John Mark Falkenhain, O.S.B. is one who can. His latest effort on the topic is the book How We Love: A Formation for the Celibate Life (Liturgical Press), scheduled to publish in August 2019. HORIZON is proud to present this excerpt from the book, published with permission, all rights reserved.

A

S WE LOOK AT MOTIVES, let’s begin with two questions for reflection. Spend a minute or two on the first one, and don’t read any further until you have answered it: 1. Why did you decide to become a (priest/sister/religious brother)?

Now that you have an answer to the first question, spend a minute or two answering the second: 2. Why did you decide to become a celibate?

Which question did you find easier to answer? With every group I have worked with—priests, seminarians, monks, religious women, reliFalkenhain | Motives for Celibacy

By Brother John Mark Falkenhain, O.S.B. Brother John Mark Falkenhain, O.S.B. is vocation director and assistant formation director for his Benedictine community at Saint Meinrad Archabbey in Indiana. He is a licensed psychologist with experience in research, writing, and teaching in the areas of celibacy formation, formation for priestly and religious life, and clergy child sexual abuse. He lectures nationally and internationally and serves on the faculty at Saint Meinrad Seminary.

Summer 2019 | HORIZON | 7

gious men—the consensus is always that the first question—why we chose to become a priest, sister, brother, etc.—is much easier to answer than the second. We get a little stuck with the second question: Why did you decide to become a celibate?

The most common answer I hear is: “I guess I decided to become a celibate because it came with the territory of priesthood or religious life.” Funny, isn’t it?

We spend great amounts of time, energy, and prayer We spend great discerning our religious or amounts of time, priestly vocation, but relaenergy, and prayer tively little time and energy discerning our religious discerning celibacy!

The primary quesor priestly vocation, tion is: What landed you but relatively little time in the celibacy box? Or in and energy discerning other words: Why did you celibacy! choose to become a celibate?

The following leans fairly heavily on the work of Sister Sandra Schneiders, I.H.M. who has written nicely on motives for celibacy in her book Selling All: Commitment, Consecrated Celibacy, and Community in Catholic Religious Life (Paulist Press 2001). In her treatment, Sister Schneiders points out the potential plurality of our motives for celibacy (i.e., that we may be motivated by more than one thing) and emphasizes the importance of examining the “validity” of a person’s motives for celibacy. Below, we will spend more time examining the health and validity of our potential motives for celibacy and underscore the importance of developing healthy, sustaining motives for celibacy as part of the initial or ongoing formation process.

Motives as multiple and as multivalent When exploring our motives for celibacy, we begin by acknowledging that for many, if not most, people, the primary reason for becoming celibate is that a vow or promise of celibacy simply came with the territory of priesthood or religious life. But it’s probably not that simple. In truth, our motives are rarely pure, and we are most often motivated by several factors when making significant life decisions. Our motives are usually multiple or “plural,” to use Sister Schneider’s terminology.

True, you may have chosen celibacy primarily because it was part of religious life or priesthood, but it may also 8 | Summer 2019 | HORIZON

be possible that you didn’t feel called to marriage. Or you may not have thought that marriage was possible for you for one reason or another.

In addition to having multiple reasons for choosing celibacy, it is also likely that those reasons will change or evolve over time. This is true for any vocation. You may have heard one of your parents say, “You know, the reasons I married your father are very different from the reasons we stayed married.” People change, relationships change, and our understanding of our relationships change over time. Doesn’t it follow that our motives for staying in those relationships would also evolve?

And if an individual’s motives for celibacy are multiple, then we also have to acknowledge that our motives or reasons for choosing celibacy might also be multivalent—meaning that some of them might be consciously known to us, while others may be subconscious or hidden from our awareness, at least for some time. Let’s illustrate some of these ideas with an example.

Kim grows up in an emotionally chaotic family. Her parents divorce when she is eight years old, following several years of intense fighting and argument. Even after their separation, Kim continues to feel caught in the middle, especially when her parents express their dissatisfaction with one another either in front of her or to her directly. A year after the divorce, Kim’s father remarries and starts a new family with a woman who is not very affectionate toward Kim and seems to compete with Kim for her father’s attention. The result is more fighting—this time between Kim’s father and his new wife.

Following the divorce, Kim’s mother becomes involved in a series of relationships, none of which last very long, and Kim moves in and out of various homes and schools each time her mother moves in with a new boyfriend. Kim grows up too fast and acts more like an adult than her mother, who leans on Kim for company and emotional support each time a relationship fails. By the time she reaches adolescence, Kim has a pretty low estimation of men, not to mention romance.

After Kim graduates from eighth grade, she asks if she can live with her grandparents so she can go to one school and live in one place. While living with her grandparents, Kim goes to church with them and attends high school at a local Catholic girls academy. Kim looks up to a couple of the sisters who teach in the school and who show a particular interest in her. Kim admires what she sees of their life in the convent, which seems ordered, predictable, grounded in charity, and free from drama. She expresses an interest in religious life to one of the sisters and agrees Falkenhain | Motives for Celibacy

NEW: Practical Guidebook for Celibate Formation “This lucid and practical guide will be extremely useful in both seminaries and formation programs of religious men and women.”

Cardinal Joseph W. Tobin, CSsR Archdiocese of Newark, New Jersey “Brother John Mark has created a model of formation that pulls together all the varied pieces needed to prepare someone for a life of celibacy. From his experience in working with numerous religious communities and in the seminary, he gives practical advice for addressing the full gamut of challenges to celibate living.”

Sr. Jane Becker, OSB, PhD Monastery Immaculate Conception, Ferdinand, Indiana “How We Love offers young men and women a guide for pursuing celibate chastity and is an excellent resource for formators, vocation directors, and spiritual directors to ensure the quality of Catholic vocations today.”

David Songy, OFM Cap President of Saint Luke Institute 978-0-8146-8796-3 Paperback, 248 pp., $29.95 eBook also available.

Available August 2019

LITURGICAL PRESS

to stay in touch once she graduates.

After high school, Kim attends a local community college, earns an associate’s degree, and decides to enter the community of sisters that taught her in high school. In her interview with the vocation director, she is asked what she thinks about celibacy. Kim replies: “Well, I’ve never been really interested in dating, so I think celibacy will not be all that hard for me. Sometimes I think about whether or not I would want to have children, but I think I’d be okay not having a family of my own.”

What are Kim’s motives for choosing celibacy? It’s safe to assume that Kim has not given much thought to celibacy and why she wants to be celibate. We might also assume that one of her primary motives is simply that she wants to be a sister and celibacy comes with the territory of religious life. But are there other possible reasons?

It is possible that Kim’s unpleasant childhood experiences of love and marriage have left her with little interest in romance and maybe even a desire to avoid the messiness of romantic relationships in her own life. It may also be that Kim fears getting close to men, particularly if she has grown up hearing her mother complain that Falkenhain | Motives for Celibacy

litpress.org | 800-858-5450

“men will always disappoint you” or that “men just aren’t worth it!” At some point, Kim may have sworn to herself that she would grow up to be independent and never as emotionally needy as her mother had been.

Are these experiences influencing Kim’s decision to pursue celibacy?

If they are, it may be at a subconscious level. Kim is probably not consciously saying to herself, “I think I will be celibate to avoid the messiness of marriage and risk becoming too dependent on men.” When she is asked why celibacy might be a good choice for her, she is more likely to say that she wants to be a sister and celibacy is part of religious life than to say that she wishes to avoid the possibility of being hurt all over again by relationships and marriages that never seem to work out.

Kim’s story highlights the potential for multiple motives and the possibility of subconscious versus conscious reasons for choosing celibacy. It also stirs in us some concern about the quality or appropriateness of Kim’s motives for wanting to be a celibate. In her treatment of motives for celibacy, Sister Schneiders raises the question of the “validity” of a person’s motives and goes on to describe the possibility that a person may have reasons Summer 2019 | HORIZON | 9

Photo by Gerardo Villalobos on Flickr

or because they need someone to control.

There are just as many unhealthy reasons for choosing celibacy. Here is a list, though not necessarily an exhaustive one: • • • • • • • • •

Our family environment and the kinds of attitudes our families taught us about relationships and sexuality have plenty to do with underlying, frequently unconscious, motives for choosing celibacy.

for celibacy that are not only not valid, but also may be rooted in poor psychosexual health. Let’s proceed in the sections ahead to explore these two ideas—validity of motives and health of motives—separately in order to facilitate an honest examination of motives as part of our initial or ongoing formation for the celibate life. While there will be some overlap between these two ways of categorizing motives (health and validity), we will also see that just because some motives are not rooted in psychosocial or psychosexual (i.e., unhealthy) concerns doesn’t mean they are going to be helpful in sustaining and directing a life of celibate chastity toward the theological and spiritual ends for which it is intended.

Evaluating motives: healthy versus unhealthy If there are a variety of possible motives for choosing the celibate life, then we would be wise to begin sorting them out in terms of whether they are healthy or unhealthy. We have all known, either in real life or in films or novels, people who have gotten married for “all the wrong” (i.e., unhealthy) reasons: in order to get away from or to please their parents; because they are overly dependent and need to be with someone to feel valuable; 10 | Summer 2019 | HORIZON

sexual or emotional naiveté or underdevelopment fear of marriage or sex fear of relating to people of the opposite sex fear of intimacy and getting hurt desire to avoid dealing with one’s sexual orientation desire to avoid dealing with a history of being sexually abused or assaulted attempt by someone with same-sex attraction to find a potential partner or mate attempt to control sexually compulsive or harmful behaviors belief that sexuality is unholy or disgusting

If you were a vocation director and a candidate gave you any of these reasons for choosing a life of celibacy, you would probably put on the brakes. We already have one illustration of unhealthy motives in the case of Kim, but let’s add another.

Kyle lives with his mother, who is a single parent. His mother married very young, at 17, after getting pregnant with Kyle. The marriage lasted only three years—long enough for Kyle and his sister, Amy, to be born. Kyle has no memory of his father, who has been out of the picture since his parents divorced. Kyle’s mother dropped out of high school upon getting pregnant with Kyle, and although she was able to get her GED, she did not go to college as she had always planned. Instead, she found a job in a furniture factory and worked hard to support herself and her children. She never remarried or even dated, believing that her sole responsibility was to care for her children. Kyle’s mother has always been very determined that her children “will not make the same mistakes I made,” and she lectures them often about the importance of abstinence and the dangers of sex. She tells Kyle and Amy that they should finish their education and get their lives settled before they start dating. “There will be plenty of time for romance and sex,” she reminds them. “Sex can ruin everything!”

Growing up, Kyle was a very devout and compliant child who was eager to please his mother. Each Sunday at church, his mother would introduce Kyle to her friends and to the parish priest as “Kyle, our little priest.” She would often say in front of her son, “I really think he’s going to be a priest one day!”

In high school, Kyle does not date and takes seriously Falkenhain | Motives for Celibacy

the suggestion from his mother and others that he would make an excellent priest. In his senior year of high school, Kyle makes contact with the vocation director of his diocese and applies to college seminary. When interviewed by the psychologist about why he thinks celibacy will be a good fit for him, Kyle responds: “I’ve known I was going to be a priest since I was ten. I’ve never really seen any point in dating, since dating can easily lead to sex and that could be dangerous to my vocation. I’ve seen lots of kids already mess up their lives by having sex. That’s the problem with our society—everything is about sex—and I want to show that there is something more to life than sex.”

Kyle’s motives for celibacy are complex. They do Sometimes the not scream psychopathology and they may not be enchoice for celibacy tirely unhealthy. However, is motivated by the Kyle’s choice to be celibate impression that it may be influenced, whether will help an individual he recognizes it or not, escape or control by fairly negative views of dangerous, compulsive, sexuality, by a possible fear or even illegal sexual of sexuality, and by a cerbehaviors. tain naiveté about himself as a sexual person. Kyle is young, just barely 18 when he enters college seminary, and he risks prematurely deciding on his identity as a sexual person based on limited knowledge and a negatively skewed notion of romance and sexuality. These are not the healthiest motivations for choosing celibacy.

Sometimes the choice for celibacy is motivated by the impression that it will help an individual escape or control dangerous, compulsive, or even illegal sexual behaviors (e.g., child pornography, serial anonymous encounters, attraction to minors). Vocation directors sometimes receive inquiries from individuals, for example, who wish to enter a religious community or seminary because they believe that the requirement of celibacy will help deliver them from temptations and provide the support and external controls needed to live more sexually virtuous lives. As a vocation director myself, I have often had to explain to candidates that people’s sexual histories, temptations, limitations, and proclivities follow them into the convent, seminary, or monastery. Consequently, candidates must have already achieved a certain degree of internal discipline and proven ability to resist temptation and curb sexual impulses prior to entering religious life or seminary.

Falkenhain | Motives for Celibacy

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While it is true that in some traditions, celibacy has been conceived of as an ascetical practice aimed at doing penance for past sins, its adoption in the context of religious life or priesthood is never intended to be a treatment for sexual compulsions or a means of controlling deviant sexual behaviors.

A young man or woman who hopes to avoid dealing with difficult sexual issues (e.g., same-sex attraction) or a painful sexual history (e.g., sexual abuse or assault) might also be choosing celibacy for unhealthy reasons. We must always remember that in the context of the priesthood or religious life, celibacy represents a movement toward a theological and spiritual good, not a movement away from a perceived threat or danger.

Evaluating motives: valid versus invalid When discussing the validity of a person’s motives for celibacy, it is probably safe to say that unhealthy motives for celibacy (as discussed above) are almost always invalid motives. But it is also possible to have motives that, Summer 2019 | HORIZON | 11

Photo by Sister Deborah Borneman, SS.C.M.

been or maybe even continues to be the view that it was “part of the deal” of their chosen vocation. Still, it is possible that an opportunity lies before them— that is, the opportunity to delve more deeply into the richness of the church’s tradition and teaching in order to inspire (perhaps for the first time) a deeper call to intimacy with God and the rest of his creation.

Initial versus ultimate motives A final distinction in sorting out motives is the difference between a person’s initial motives and ultimate motives for Ongoing formation in sexuality and celibacy can promote a healthiness in religious.

Pictured here are participants in a workshop sponsored by National Religious choosing to be a celibate. We will use the Vocation Conference. term “initial motives” to refer to those reasons that moved a person initially—in other words: What has landed you in the celibacy box to while not pathological or unhealthy, are still not “valid” begin with? These we will distinguish from the motives in the sense that they are not consistent with the pura person has at the time of ordination or final vows, pose for which celibacy as a religious and spiritual disciwhen he or she is expected to make a permanent or lifepline is intended. The obvious example, of course, is one long commitment to celibate chastity. we have mentioned a number of times: “I chose celibacy This distinction between initial and ultimate motives because it came along with priesthood/religious life.” is important because it allows for the possibility that a There is nothing pathological or dysfunctional here. But person may initially choose to pursue the celibate life if this is the only motive underpinning a lifelong pursuit for invalid or even unhealthy reasons, but in the course of celibacy, perseverance could be a real struggle. And of formation may adopt or grow into healthier, stronger, even if individuals should manage to persevere in a life and more promising motives. Formation should help of celibacy with this limited motive alone, they are likely candidates identify and evaluate the health and validity to find little meaning, joy, or spiritual growth in the sacof their initial motives for celibacy, then assist them in rifice they have made. exploring healthy and valid reasons that may eventually In her discussion of motives for a freely chosen life form the basis for their ultimate or final profession of of celibacy, Sister Schneiders reminds us that our vows or celibacy. promises (including celibacy) are characterized by three Older generations of priests and religious, many of dimensions: unitive, communitarian, and ministerial. whom received minimal initial formation for celibacy, When assessing the validity of a person’s motives for celimay recognize that even after several decades of priestbacy, the primary concern is spiritual and theological in hood or religious life there is still lot of work to do with nature. In other words, does the individual have motives respect to clarifying their initial and current motives that are capable of sustaining, inspiring, and informing a for celibacy. That work may result in a little uneasiness, life of celibate chastity, ultimately aimed at increasing his especially if it leads to the recognition that their lifelong or her capacity for love—love of God and love of neighchoice of celibacy was and perhaps continues to be mobor? tivated by mostly unexamined or undeveloped reasons.

I have spoken with many older priests and religious Although we would certainly advocate for the bulk of whose formation for celibacy was very limited and who, this work to be done in initial formation, it is never too to this point, have engaged in minimal examination of late to develop insight into the motives behind one of our their motives for choosing celibacy. It would be wrong most important life decisions and hopefully to discover to say that their gift of self as celibate men and women the potential for greater inspiration and deeper meaning has been meaningless, ill-founded, or invalid simply in the life we are already living. n because their primary motive for choosing celibacy had 12 | Summer 2019 | HORIZON

Falkenhain | Motives for Celibacy

Photos in this feature courtesy of Sister Nathalie Becquart, X.M.C.J.

The exuberance of the young people who took part in the 2018 synod injected it with energy and a positive spirit.

What vocation directors can learn from the youth synod

S

ISTER NATHALIE BECQUART, X.M.C.J. lived and breathed last year’s synod on youth, faith, and vocational discernment. First she was a coordinator of the pre-synod, the March 2018 gathering of 300 young adults from around the world who gave input on synod themes. Then Becquart was an observer at the synod itself.

Becquart didn’t just show up one day in Rome. She knows all about staying up late with young people, ditching plans because a youth needs her to listen, and even giving retreats aboard sailboats to teach young people discernment skills (see her article on this at VISION’s vocationnetwork.org).

Becquart spent 10 years in her native France with the National Service for Youth Evangelization and Vocations at the French bishops’ conference, the last six years as the organization’s first female director.

She met up with the HORIZON editor while in the U.S. on sabbatical in 2019. Shortly after this interview she learned she was selected by Pope Francis to be one of four women consultors to the general secretariat of the Synod of Bishops. They are the first women in this senior position.

Becquart Interview | Youth Synod

HORIZON interviews Sister Nathalie Becquart, X.M.C.J. Sister Nathalie Becquart, X.M.C.J. is a member of the Xavière Missionaries of Christ Jesus. The former director of the youth and vocation ministry arm of the French bishops’ conference, she was deeply involved in the 2018 synod on youth, faith, and vocation discernment. She is now beginning a licentiate in sacred theology at Boston College.

Summer 2019 | HORIZON | 13

What is the most important thing for vocation ministers to know about the synod?

I’d focus on two messages. First, one of the most important things that happened at the synod was involving young people in the process, and what they said they want is a relational church. They are seeking an experience, an encounter with Christ and with community. They want to be listened to and they are asking to be guided (especially in the steps of discernment). Since they want a relational church, the key thing is to develop good relationships. Get to know them. Walk with them where they are. Listen to young people. Accompany them. Form relationships with them.

Second, the most important thing discussed at the synod is that we cannot speak about vocation ministry without seeing it as youth pastoral ministry with vocation as an important aspect. And I’m talking about the broad view of vocation here, not just “vocation as ordained and consecrated life.”

Why the emphasis on a broad view of vocation?

Well the reason the synod was called was out of a desire to combine youth and vocation ministry as an answer to their main challenge, which is: how to make good choices in this global world that offers so many different ways of life and opportunities? The way to help people to grow spiritually is to accompany them as they discern. That means we have to have a broad view of vocation. That was a strong message from the synod—that we think of vocation as not only priestly or consecrated life but rather that we go to the root of vocation, seeing that every life, every person, has a vocation. When we speak about

A notable aspect of the 2018 synod on youth, faith, and vocation discernment was the way young adult participants were included and eagerly took part, freely interacting with church leaders and speaking to the full assembly.

14 | Summer 2019 | HORIZON

Becquart Interview | Youth Synod

vocation, we start with the human vocation to live for life and love. That is something common to all humans, not just the baptized!

In the church we the baptized are all called to be missionary disciples, and there are different ways to be missionary disciples. You can be a missionary disciple who is married, or you could be a sister, or a brother, or a priest, and so on.

But the emphasis should be on the style of life (missionary discipleship for all of us) instead of the more static state of life (married, vowed, single). The style of life is about committing our life to God through different concrete choices and commitments. It’s not a finished commitment but one that is dynamic. It can encompass choosing a university, thinking about the meaning of work, and so on. Work is a very important part of human beings, and we ministers can make those links to vocation and calling.

What is the role for religious, especially vocation ministers and those who support them?

We need to form relationships with young people. Then as that develops, we can accompany them through listening to them, spiritually guiding them, helping them to discover a path to happiness. We can help them to see that vocational discernment is a path to freedom, a path of liberation and transformation.

What was it like at a personal level to be part of the synod?

The synod was a wonderful experience. For me it was the most powerful church experience of my life—and I had a lot of good experiences before this one! We were working all together at the synod, as brothers and sisters; I could speak with bishops; I could speak with laity.

We had very good collaboration and we were listened to.

There was a spirit of joy. Of course there were different points of view on some topics. It’s not the same situation in the U.S. as it is in Sri Lanka or the Congo. But we had a strong sense of communion, of the Holy Spirit, of Jesus Christ being very close to each one of us.

The synod took place as many sexual abuse cases were making headlines around the world. How is that crisis affecting young Catholics and those who work with them?

Young people were very clear and frank about that topic at the pre-synod. They asked the church to face the Becquart Interview | Youth Synod

truth, recognize mistakes and cover-ups, and to be transparent. They want authenticity and coherence. They want the church to be better, not perfect or ideal, but authentic. They told us this very directly.

What messages concerning discernment came through from the synod process?

Maybe our most important role as vocation ministers is to teach young people to develop their consciences, to teach them discernment, how to discern what is right and also how to discover their own path, their own inner freedom. Discernment has to be our Christian lifestyle. It’s not easy or natural for a lot of people. It’s easier to be black and white about things, but the world is a very complex place and even though we have the Scriptures and tradition, it isn’t easy to know how to be a Christian. It’s also important that we not discern alone, that we be companions for each other.

There is a lot of talk within the church about “synodality.” What is meant by that term?

Synodality is a way of relating to each other in the church. It means walking together, discerning together.

It’s associated with listening; it’s less hierarchical, more of an inverted pyramid with an emphasis on the people of God, our common roots in baptism. In synodality we are all protagonists discerning and working together, in contrast to the priests and religious having the knowledge they give to all the rest who receive it passively.

Did the synod point toward any suggestions for vocation ministry?

If you really want to reach young people, to be with them, you need new styles, maybe new spaces for what you do. You need to be a very flexible person, and you have to be on a journey of transformation yourself.

One of the problems I see, in France anyway, is that in parishes you often have people who say we have always done it this way; we don’t want to change. And that attitude just doesn’t work.

It’s not a question that God is no longer calling young people to religious life or priesthood but that the Holy Spirit is calling them in new ways and for us to be with them in new ways. It’s a really big challenge because religious life can be very institutionalized and it’s not so easy to change and be open to new ideas and creativity.

Summer 2019 | HORIZON | 15

But if we receive the gift of youth, the church will be renewed, and that was exactly the experience of the synod. It was really beautiful. In the midst of the synod, the young people had so much energy and joy and hope.

cardinals were so happy we were there; they felt they needed women’s voices. They also liked working with the young people. The young adults gave the synod a new spirit because they are expressive and less formal.

This synod of bishops included a number of people who were not bishops or cardinals. Could you tell us about that?

Have the synod and your years in youth and vocation ministry changed you?

In total there were 49 observers or auditors; 35 were young people mainly from the pre-synod [a gathering of 300 global young people who provided input]; six were sisters from different continents, and the rest were priests and laypeople. We observers spoke with and worked with the synod fathers the same as everyone; we could deliver a four minute speech just like the bishops.

The only difference is that we did not vote on the final text. There were also experts, such as theologians; they didn’t speak during the synod but they helped write the final document.

It was the first time there were so many women at a synod of bishops; we represented 10 percent of the participants. [The voting participants totaled 268 churchmen, primarily bishops and cardinals.] The bishops and 16 | Summer 2019 | HORIZON

I never imagined before the synod how deeply it would transform me. I have been more deeply embodied in the Body of Christ, which is the church. The motto of my congregation, the Xavière Missionaries of Christ Jesus is “A passion for the world, a passion for Christ.” Now I’ve added to that a passion for the church.

All these experiences lead me to say the church is truly the body of Christ, a temple of the Holy Spirit, even in a kind of physical way that is difficult to explain. My ministry has not always been easy; I’ve had some suffering along the way, but I can say that Christ is truly alive in the church—that is, the People of God, everybody together. This is something very alive, not just theology.

It gives me a passion to continue to work more for the church, to work for reform for the purpose of the mission. n Becquart Interview | Youth Synod

Photo by Erik McClean, Unsplash

Surrendering a personal car can be one of the hardest parts of the transition into a religious community.

The months between acceptance and formation involve outward movement to be sure, but it can pale compared to what’s happening within.

The inner journey of accepted applicants

V

OCATION DIRECTORS may give a sigh of relief when the congregation’s decision to accept a candidate has at last been finalized. The tedious application procedures have resulted in an affirmative vote. Yet much can happen between the applicant’s official phone call or formal letter of acceptance and the actual date of entrance, probably still several months away.

Even more than before, the applicant may need support with discerning the meaning of new doubts and obstacles. I would like to address some of the dynamics at work during the interval between an applicant’s acceptance by a congregation and the date of entrance. What can the vocation director expect of the candidate’s resolve during this transition time?

A director’s ideal dream would be that a candidate is thrilled by the community’s acceptance, sets about preparations with great excitement, Becker | Transition Into Community

By Sister Jane Becker, O.S.B. Sister Jane Becker, O.S.B. recently completed six years in leadership for her community, the Sisters of St. Benedict in Ferdinand, Indiana.

She is a psychologist with many years of experience in seminaries and formation ministry.

Summer 2019 | HORIZON | 17

Photo by Seibert4, Flickr

purchase. “I should never have bought this coat. What was I thinking?” As soon as we have chosen one option, then the other side of our ambivalence, our desire for the other option, rears its head for a last gasp of protest.

Contemporary reflections on transition tell us much about the periods of major change in our lives. A life-changing event, such as acceptance for religious life, sets off a three-stage transition process.

Progression through these stages is so consistent across all types of change, that author William Bridges has spent his life teaching others about what happens to them when they are undergoing change.

I have used his theory to help novices understand their reactions during initial formation. The theory fits equally well for For many people joining a religious community feels like jumping off a cliff into water. the months prior to entrance.

Bridges’ description of transition is rooted in Arnold van Gennep’s work on rites of pasand feels a deep peace as he or she grows closer to ensage and liminal experiences in a text first published in trance into the lifestyle that has been so carefully disFrench in 1908. The word “liminal” refers to the lintel or cerned. But vocation personnel know that the road to sill of the door. Liminal experiences are those of moving entrance is rarely that smooth. from one reality through a doorway to another reality.

Stumbling blocks often arise for the candidate, as do The moment of standing in the threshold, the limen, is doubts about the decision. Complications surface—diftypically a dangerous time. One is no longer in the old ficulties with selling the car, increased family responfamiliar world, and one has not yet been integrated safely sibilities, or even new-found affection and love. The into the new world. Not until the individual has stepped individual feels torn and depressed. Perhaps religious life completely through the doorway, can one be securely needs to wait another year, or it was not a good idea at settled once again. all. “What was I thinking?”

Bridges labels the three stages of this liminal passage The vocation director is faced with discerning: as Endings, Neutral Zone, and Beginnings. I like the imShould this ambivalence be normalized and interpreted age of falling or jumping off a cliff, treading water, and as a predictable challenge on the spiritual journey? Or finding the other shore. Transition begins with a series of should it be read as a sign that something was amiss losses (Endings), progresses through a period of seemwith the original request for admission? Is it normal to ingly “going nowhere” (Neutral Zone), and ends when second-guess one’s decisions, or is this ambivalence a red one realizes again a sense of terra firma (Beginnings). flag signaling caution about the candidate’s suitability for Soon after applicants receive word that the congregareligious life? tion has accepted them, they begin to experience EndIn this article I would like to walk down both paths, ings. Slowly or in jolts, they realize what they will lose by first the understanding of transition turmoil as a normal walking through this doorway. development, and then the path of caution. Either can On the concrete, practical level they begin to settle cast light on what is happening, depending on the candiaffairs, packing and sorting. Which possessions will they date. store, take with them, sell or give away? Favorite pieces of furniture and articles of clothing (and pets)—not all will Transition: off the cliff and into the water fit through the threshold of religious life. What about the house or apartment? Whether it was their own or was Years ago psychological research demonstrated that we rented, they will be leaving it. And the vehicle, “my car,” often have a refractory period of doubt after making a 18 | Summer 2019 | HORIZON

Becker | Transition Into Community

may have to be left behind. Novices often report that giving up their own car was emotionally one of their heaviest losses.

There will be losses in relationships. Friends and family will not be as accessible in the future, especially if the move involves some geographic distance. Even without a distant relocation, the entrant’s availability will change. Regarding gifts and financial support that they have been providing to others, calculations have to be made as to how much longer they can give at the level to which they are accustomed; and this will change how one feels about oneself in those relationships.

On the internal, psychological level there are also losses. Identity as single, independent adult begins to erode. The security in being “like everybody else,” of following the road more traveled (toward career and marriage and family), will end. Any esteem that one receives from a job or career will be lost, at least for a time.

All of these losses constitute Endings. Grieving is an appropriate response. Applicants need help in naming the experience, the sense of loss. They can be invited to reflection: What does it mean to sell a car? It can mean loss of independence, loss of status, and loss of part of one’s identity. Candidates can be encouraged to notice how they are responding internally to their external preparations. As they experience loss of clarity about themselves, or anticipate loss of the availability of friends, they need to recognize their feelings of sadness, doubt, fear or resentment as the emotional price for any significant change. We do not make room for the new without letting go of the old.

Unless the vocation director can normalize this sense of loss as “part of the process,” candidates can begin to think that something is wrong with them—or wrong with their choice of religious life. We are always more confident of going forward if we are assured that we are not crazy and our feelings are part of the journey.

The Scriptures provide many images to appreciate these Endings in a faith context. “Go forth from the land of your kinfolk and from your father’s house.” “Go, sell what you have and give it to the poor; then come follow me.” “When I was a child, I thought as a child. Now I put aside childish things.” We leave our nets. We leave our boats for another shore. Praying one’s losses with figures in Scripture can bring spiritual consolation.

Treading water and finding land The second stage of transition is called the Neutral Zone. Applicants to religious life need a period of time Becker | Transition Into Community

Stages of transition Endings. Leaving a job, leaving friends, ending leases, divesting of a car and possessions. Marked by loss, grieving, disconnection from old identity. Helped by naming the losses, recognizing the normalcy, praying with Scripture stories of transition.

Neutral Zone. A pause in activity before new responsibilities start. Marked by internal angst and quiet growth. Helped by processing the emotions with another, embracing the opportunity for development, prayer that recognizes the potential in a dark night of the soul.

Beginnings. Yielding to authority, accommodating new personalities, taking on the identity of a public servant of the church, starting the formation program. Helped by giving oneself time to adjust, self disclosure to a spiritual director, remaining open to vocational discernment.

to settle affairs, and most congregations set a specific entrance date some months beyond the admission decision. No, we do not move immediately from the Endings to the new Beginnings. In between there is always a sea to navigate or a desert to cross before we get to the Promised Land. The Neutral Zone can involve deep waters, dark nights, wrestling with angels, and wrestling with the devil. It is also a time of growth and ripening.

Images of fallow ground and pregnancy apply well to the Neutral Zone.

Candidates need this in-between time, not only to settle external affairs, but also to ripen internally. They should be helped to explore this time of deepening. Not that the pain should be denied, but joy can be found in the growth experienced. Again, there is meaning in the struggle, which can be embraced in the context of a faith journey.

And what does the Promised Land look like? How do candidates know when they have touched solid ground, found the other shore and arrived at the new home? Ritually we would identify the day of entrance as the coming home, the completion of the passage over the lintel and through the door of transition. Psychologically the candidate may experience that “arrival” much sooner—in a growing peace about the decision, a sense of the Spirit’s confirmation, a sense of having been “brought back to one’s own land.” If the vocation director senses Summer 2019 | HORIZON | 19

that these are true confirmations, he or she can help the candidate recognize them as such and rejoice.

On another level, candidates may not find clear closure even on the day of entrance. While we mark this day, we know that the complete journey from lay state to perpetual religious commitment actually continues for a much longer period. Pre-novitiate, novitiate, and temporary profession are also parts of the trip. The discernment continues.

Confirmation or disconfirmation?

The transition process of Endings, Neutral Zone, and Beginnings explains the turmoil that some candidates experience as they separate from the old and wait for the new. For other candidates, disruptions may signal trouble. Let us walk down this path a ways. When is disruption not simply a part of transition dynamics?

In the last months before entrance, candidates are already beginning to experience some aspects of religious life. They are being identified with church (as least by their friends) and called upon to defend church practices or explain their vocation. They are self-disclosing regularly with a director, a practice that they will continue throughout formation if not throughout religious life.

They are accommodating and connecting to personalities (community members, fellow applicants) whom they would not have otherwise chosen as close friends. They are beginning to yield authority to another, submitting to norms of the congregation and decisions of vocation/ formation personnel. (“No, new members may not bring pets.” “Yes, it will be all right for you to fly home for your brother’s wedding scheduled during your novitiate.”)

This more tangent experience of religious life is giving the applicants new data on how the life fits their personality and spirituality. Turmoil following these experiences may actually signal “desolation,” a lack of the Spirit’s affirmation of the decision. Religious life may have been the wrong choice. Faced more vividly with real demands of religious life, they may have new and valid questions about whether this is the direction they should take.

My experience has been primarily with postulants (pre-novitiate), novices and diocesan seminarians. Many in these groups, whether they eventually left or stayed, have told me that they decided to give themselves at least a year in formation before reconsidering their vocation.

Those who then leave formation say that they gave it a fair try and now, after self-exploration and discernment, they know God’s call is elsewhere, that their deepest 20 | Summer 2019 | HORIZON

desire is to marry or to pursue a goal incompatible with the charism of the congregation. This approach speaks to seriousness in discernment.

An ambivalent applicant may need to make the same resolution. The time between acceptance and entrance is short. We would usually encourage an applicant who has already invested so much, to “give it a chance,” explaining that pre-novitiate’s purpose is to try on the lifestyle for good fit, to find out through experience how the choice feels.

On the other hand…

Vocation directors are aware, however, of the increased risk that an older candidate faces on entering religious life. The older candidate may have an established career position, complicated finances (including retirement funding), and children. Careers and retirement funds can often be put on hold for a year, but not for the five or more years of initial formation. If after several years in community, religious life is revealed to be the wrong choice, departure at that time can be very problematic financially. This risk reinforces the need for extended careful discernment before ever asking to enter.

Occasionally an applicant’s ambivalence comes from a relationship with a boyfriend/girlfriend or a new-found attraction. At a latter point in religious life we might acknowledge “falling in love” as a normal part of the celibate’s challenges. We would invite the religious to gratitude for friendship while asking such discernment questions as: Given this attraction, what do you still want most in life? Where is your deepest self calling you?

What do your commitments to God, others and self say about you?

While expecting our vows to be a challenge at times, I would be suspicious of an applicant who is finding separation from an old fling especially upsetting. What part of the old relationship has not been resolved? Or what unconscious yearnings have not been acknowledged?

Nor would I take lightly the candidate who has suddenly met Mister/Miss Right. Why now? Is this new love the perfect cover for a reluctance that could not be faced on the conscious level, e.g. because of guilt, parental expectations, an unconscious sense of obligation to give one’s life to God, or a need to prove oneself? Has this knight in shining armor arrived to rescue the maiden (or this princess arrived to rescue the prince) when one could not discern correctly on one’s own?

New love sends up a red flag for me. I might try to help applicants feel less guilty about a semi-conscious Becker | Transition Into Community

Photo courtesy of the IHM Sisters, Monroe, Michigan

Jane Aseltyne, who is in formation with the IHM Sisters of Monroe, Michigan, receives a blessing from the community.

wish to reverse course, and encourage them to put off religious life for now. Not that they should assume that this particular knight/princess is the one for life; but perhaps the land of love relationships needs to be explored more extensively.

The need to prove oneself Why do religious sometimes request a dispensation within months of perpetual vows? Or why do some priests leave the ministry within a year or two of ordination? One possibility (among many) is that they could not discern clearly until they had proven that they could “succeed,” could be found worthy for vows or ordination. This would be unconscious motivation, of course.

Unconscious fear of “failure” or an unrecognized need to “make the grade” may have been carrying these individuals farther down the religious road than was right for them. Unable to give themselves permission earlier to change direction, they have pushed on until they have enough distance from formation to look more deeply.

Similarly a new applicant may not have been able to face the signs of a wrong choice earlier. Now the success of being accepted frees one to see more clearly whether this is the right road. Another source of turmoil may be an individual’s general difficulties with long-term commitments. I would proceed with caution with an applicant whose history includes a chain of job changes, longterm dating without carry through to long-term commitment, or broken engagements. If the pattern has been to move toward life choices and then move away, keeping options open, this pattern itself needs to be explored.

One might encourage the applicant to confront the avoidance of commitment head on and to give religious Becker | Transition Into Community

life a chance. But this route may waste the congregation’s resources if the candidate opts out later.

In the end Every individual travels a fascinatingly unique vocation journey, and discernment continues long past the applicant’s acceptance letter and entrance date. The normal dynamics of transition can explain much of the turmoil a man or woman undergoes in the last months before entering the congregation. I have raised other concerns in this latter section because of our tendency to try too hard to believe in someone’s religious vocation. Like other formation directors, I have felt safer (and avoided guilt) when I have given a novice a more-than-fair chance, bent over backwards to see a good fit between her and the community, and gambled on the slightest hint that all would work out for her. But there are times when such an approach does disservice to the candidate, fellow applicants and the religious congregation.

In the end perhaps the vocation director can only be aware of transition dynamics, help candidates recognize the stages of transition at play in their own reactions, encourage guilt-free discussion of specific concerns that are surfacing, articulate the director’s own perceptions, and pray for the presence of the Spirit in the candidate’s final decision. n

Related article “Healthy transitions for new members, ministers, and the community,” by Sister Mercedes McCann, R.S.M., Fall 2010.

Summer 2019 | HORIZON | 21

All photos courtesy of the Poor Handmaids of Jesus Christ, Donaldson, Indiana

The Poor Handmaids of Jesus Christ have begun to consciously work on crafting authentic community. Here are their steps and why they took them.

Deliberate time together to pray and talk was part of the process of moving toward a more authentic communal life. From left to right, P.H.J.C. Sisters Kathleen Quinn, Nkechi Iwuoha, and Roberta Christianson enjoy a moment of laughter.

Seeking more authentic community

By Sister Connie Bach, P.H.J.C. Sister Connie Bach, P.H.J.C. serves on the Poor Handmaids of Jesus Christ Vocation Ministry Team and is codirector of the PHJC Volunteer Program.

A PHJC member since 1989, she served for 10 years as an elementary school teacher and 10 years as a principal.

She is also a music therapist, musician, composer, and songwriter and has participated in the creation of two religious music CDs.

22 | Summer 2019 | HORIZON

M

Y COMMUNITY’S path toward a deeper, richer communal life began with a difficult question: “Will we continue to invite women to consider religious life with us?” It had been nearly 20 years since a woman had journeyed and stayed to share life with the Poor Handmaids of Jesus Christ in Indiana. While it is true that we do a great service to women and the church by assisting with vocation discernment whether or not anyone joins, and while we wanted to remain open to the Spirit, we also recognized realities we had to face for the future. After a year of small and large group faith discussions and work with a facilitator, we came to a consensus that we would indeed continue to invite women to our way of life.

This soul searching was inspired by a workshop I took. Prior to our community discussions, I had the blessed opportunity to attend “Crafting Authentic Community,” presented by Sister Ruth Anne Harkins, I.H.M., a workshop sponsored by the National Religious Vocation Conference (NRVC). (See the Fall 2017 HORIZON for an article based on this workshop.) The wisdom and insights I gleaned inspired me to begin a two-year Bach | Seeking Community

Left: As they strengthened communal life, the P.H.J.C. community also worked at connecting with young people. Here Sister Florence Kuhn, P.H.J.C. plays cards with a young visitor. Right: During one retreat the community built and later tore down Styrofoam “walls” of things that block healthy community.

process in which the vocation ministry team engaged our community around three very important questions: 1. Would we continue to invite?

2. What we were inviting to?

3. How could we foster healthy, authentic community settings for those we welcomed?

Reaching out, while examining within As we worked our way toward the consensus to continue to invite, we began to take actions consistent with a desire for new members. We began the PHJC Volunteer Program through Catholic Volunteer Network under the From Service to Sisterhood grant. We’re immensely grateful that the Hilton Foundation made this grant possible. So far 29 wonderful women volunteers have blessed us with their powerful testimony, sharing in our ministry and community life.

We also increased our presence at events with young people and our participation in the Chicago Archdiocesan Vocation Association, the NRVC, Catholics on Call, and many other vocation efforts.

With the nearly unanimous decision to continue to invite, we next had to address the vital question: “If we Bach | Seeking Community

continue to invite, what are we actually inviting women to as a community? Again, through a process of several small and large group faith sharings, discussions, and community meetings led by our vocation ministry team, we engaged the entire province in naming for ourselves and boldly proclaiming who Poor Handmaids are today and how we choose to journey forward together in hope as religious life continues to evolve.

We also realized that if we are to receive women, we must have healthy, authentic community settings in which they can experience welcome, acceptance, personal and spiritual growth, and shared faith in community—all of which supports ministerial life. Thus we acknowledged our need for creative inspiration.

We turned to the lessons from Sister Ruth Anne Harkins’ presentation, and looked at other research in an effort to “craft authentic community” for ourselves and women who might join us today either as volunteers or members. I present here the details of our process and the underlying thought behind our actions.

Sister Ruth Anne reminded us that “Religious life, as a vocation in the church, is a call to live authentic community that is both counter-cultural and gospelcentered, closely resembling the early Christian community.…” In an effort to focus on living counter-cultural Summer 2019 | HORIZON | 23

and gospel-centered lives, we used the image of the basin members, practices we need to “re-member”—both and the towel from a song by that name written by Mithose that are natural and those that need to be nurtured chael Card to unravel the call to be community for one until they become natural, such as intentional respect for another: to make a daily commitment one another and the ability to disclose our to the work, discipline, care and acminds and hearts. As it says in Romans tion necessary for the task of learning, 12:5 “…we, though many, are one body in or perhaps relearning practical skills Christ and individually parts of one anCommunity is what of shared responsibility, mutuality, acother.” draws others to us. In countability, trust, and communication.

We sisters also spent a great deal of today’s world there We were beautifully reminded that time looking at the obstacles that keep us are so many options “in humility to take the vow, day after from authentic accountability and mutufor women. They can day, we must take up the basin and the ality. We literally built walls of different do the ministry we towel.” This helped us answer how we shapes of Styrofoam with phrases like: the do. They can pray the wanted to be together as we witness to absence of trust, fear of conflict, lack of way we pray.

But it is God’s unconditional love to one another commitment, avoidance, etc. We brought community that offers and to the world. to prayer our struggles and resistances We know that we are each formed through a litany of repentance using the sisterly solidarity. to give witness to the gospel and that a refrain, “Let us take up the basin and the life of holiness is rooted in prayer and in towel.” communion with Christ. Christ is one Lastly, we made a Wordle, a graphic with God and the Holy Spirit. He lived and moved with of words offered by a group, the most common words in his community of disciples. Christ sought out commularger type. We called out words that are essential ingrenity with Mary, Martha, and Lazarus. He shared a meal dients for authentic community, including self-awarewith Matthew and visited Zacchaeus in his home. ness, self-acceptance, self-disclosure, and self-donation.

If we live in healthy, authentic community, there is We discovered that we are in the business of “creating a space for all. We can come as we are, wounded, broken, new story for ourselves, one embedded in the big story, and vulnerable, to a space where we are accepted. Here the universe story, the story of the reign of God.” we grow the capacity to love and to mirror this love to The second retreat day focused on interpersonal one another and to the world. communication. Picking up on the themes from our first Community is what draws others to us. In today’s retreat day together and the use of “The Basin and the world there are so many options for women. They can Towel” by Michael Card, and the image of foot-washing, do the ministry we do. They can pray the way we pray. we turned our litany of repentance into a litany of gratiBut it is community that offers sisterly solidarity where tude with a response of “We are bathed in the Love of the we strive to be of one mind and one heart: “After they Lord.” In that love, we find that Jesus is the model exemprayed, the place where they were meeting was shaken. plar for good communication in community.

And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and spoke the word of God boldly. All the believers were one in Jesus as our model for communication heart and mind. No one claimed any of their possessions as their own, but they shared everything they had...”

Jesus communicated with each disciple by ritually and (Acts 4:31-32). meaningfully cleaning each one’s feet. For this no words were needed, but much communicating went on between Jesus and each disciple’s heart. Communication is Retreat topic: what holds us back? connection.

In order to help craft the healthy, authentic communiJesus communicated with his disciples by asking if ties we were seeking, the vocation ministry team put they understood the meaning of his servant-like action. together two different retreat days. The first centered on Jesus was engaging them, “Can you dig deeper in your sharing our own images of “community.” This diversity understanding of discipleship, can you let go of your of images was a challenge for all of us. preconceived notions of power and authority and be emWe explored topics of mutuality and accountability, powered by servanthood? Communication is revelation. the promises we make to one another as community Jesus communicated with Peter, in particular, when 24 | Summer 2019 | HORIZON

Bach | Seeking Community

this disciple would have nothing to do with this foot-washing relationship. Jesus looked him in the eye and said, “Peter, my friend, it’s this way or no way. We’re at a point in this relationship where you either trust my vision or we have to part ways.” Communication is intercession.

Jesus communicated with John when the beloved disciple used his intimacy with Jesus to unveil the possible betrayer in the group. Jesus was signaling John with the message, “Judas too is my ‘beloved,’ and my heart holds not only fear and anxiety for myself but also forgiveness for my betrayer.” Communication is disclosure.

Jesus communicated with Judas when he offered him the morsel of bread, which was considered a sign of friendship between a host and his Sister Deborah Davis, P.H.J.C. and Sister Connie Bach, P.H.J.C. provide music, guest. Jesus was communicating in a real and uran important element in the retreats that helped the community work on its gent way, “Stay at the table, Judas, for your sake. communal life.

This is where you truly belong.” Communication is invitation.

As noted earlier, sisters built symbolic Styrofoam But the primary and essential communication of walls together, and now we tore them down in a litany the scene in the room of the Passover meal is nonverbal, of solidarity. For each obstacle named that keeps others yet very pronounced and very real: there is room at the from our table, we prayed: “There is room at the table for table for everyone. There was room for the visionary, the everyone!” traitor, the hesitant, the unwilling, the trusted and all Each person named for herself what it was she was the others present. All had been invited and all had been taking away from these gatherings. Together we prayed included. And Jesus said, “Do this in memory of me.” We for a deep desire to let these affect our lives, our present ended this section of the retreat with the video, “Room at community living, and our commitment to our larger the Table” by Carrie Newcomer. community. Lastly, we were challenged to go out and As we planned and carried out these retreats, we disshare our new story with our lives, using the song by covered we needed to embrace a new vision of commuMarty Haugen, “You are Called to Tell the Story.” The nity to enlarge our horizons with a creative thrust. For to song expresses our goal, that it may come to pass that be community is to be so full of Christian qualities that “Christ will be known in all our singing, filling all with we have the strength to go out and give them to others. songs of love.”

There is no need for “creating” because we are commuWe are not yet finished with our deliberate work nity by virtue of the fact that community is the essence to foster a healthier, more authentic community, but at the heart of every created being. When we focus our already I have noted the community has a new and lives with intention, with skills and attention to detail, we improved spirit. And as we continue to welcome new treasure and nurture community and we are committed volunteers and discerners, we refine evermore deeply the to it. skills for forgiveness, trust, optimism and, as our tagline In this light, we are invited to the path of communireminds us “partnering in the work of the Spirit.” n cation that goes: • from hearing to listening, • from reacting to responding, • from attentiveness to empathy, • from solving to discovering, • from observing to perceiving, • from connecting to sharing intimacy, • from reticence to disclosure.

Bach | Seeking Community

Afterword from the author: Since preparing this article, our community celebrated 150 years of Poor Handmaid presence in America and the canonization of our foundress, Saint Katharine Kasper. Following those joyful events, we held our final, and toughest, retreat day together on conflict management. We continue to rely on the Spirit to breathe life into us that we might be witnesses.

Summer 2019 | HORIZON | 25

Feed your spirit

Rise Up Rooted Like Trees How surely gravity’s law, strong as an ocean current, takes hold of even the smallest thing and pulls it toward the heart of the world.

Each thing— each stone, blossom, child— is held in place.

Only we, in our arrogance, push out beyond what we each belong to for some empty freedom.

If we surrendered to earth’s intelligence we could rise up rooted, like trees.

Instead we entangle ourselves in knots of our own making and struggle, lonely and confused.

So, like children, we begin again to learn from the things, because they are in God’s heart; they have never left him.

This is what the things can teach us: to fall, patiently to trust our heaviness.

Even a bird has to do that before he can fly.

—Rainer Maria Rilke Reprinted with permission.

| Communion 26 Pellegrino | Summer 2019 | HORIZON

Spring 2019 | HORIZON | 26

Film notes Photo by Mary Cybulski, Š 2018, Courtesy of Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation

The writer in the film Can you ever forgive me? (Melissa McCarthy) has issues to work out about how she uses her gifts.

Secular movies evoke sacred themes

A

FTER MORE THAN TWO DECADES in the vocationpublishing world, I hone in on vocation themes in contemporary movies like a bee drawn to nectar. This theme in the movie world can be incredibly rich. Stories about discovering oneself, seeking purpose, unfolding gifts, and yearning for spiritual fullness can be compelling. While people of all ages love a good movie, younger generations are particularly apt to watch stories on film. Here are two very different secular films that shed light on aspects of vocation and might get wheels turning for a vocation director or discerner looking for a new way to come at the question of calling.

Can you ever forgive me?

Those who love books and gobble up the stories about the writers who create them will particularly love this acclaimed film about a hard-drinking, misanthropic writer on the outs (Melissa McCarthy) who stumbles into a scheme to kick up her cash flow. She’s broke, with an agent who has soured on her, when she finds an illicit way to earn cash: faking letters Scheiber | Film Notes

By Carol Schuck Scheiber Carol Schuck Scheiber is editor of HORIZON and Focus on Vocation Ministry and managing editor of VISION Vocation Guide, all publications of the National Religious Vocation Conference.

Summer 2019 | HORIZON | 27

by famous dead authors. She’s really good at it, which is saying something because taking on another writer’s voice is not easy. The movie unfolds with all sorts of interesting twists and turns and some very enjoyable laughs. It avoids pap moralizing when it draws to its inevitable end.

Based on a true story, this film provokes all sorts of vocation-related questions. How do you use God-given gifts? Is it enough to “follow your heart” even though no one needs that good or service? The protagonist, Lee Israel, has followed her calling as a writer (although you can only imagine the profane quip she’d make if she heard someone refer to her “calling”). She is behind on her rent but pouring precious unpaid time into a biography of 20th century performer Fanny Brice even though clearly there is no reading public for the topic. Could it be that God’s call is enmeshed with the world as it is, not a world we create in our heads? That our talents are best used to meet a true need in the world?

We learn in the credits that Israel writes her most successful book after she has confronted her own failings and started—we only get a glimpse—to work on becoming a more whole, healthy person. “Worldly” success is not necessarily the marker of a well-lived vocation, but the turn of events points to a kernel from Catholic spirituality: that part of finding a calling and living it well is to know oneself and develop oneself. “Calling” is not static. Israel has to work on her own demons before her vocation reaches any fullness. Likewise we all have an inner journey that, done in faith, leads us into the heart of God where our vocation gains clarity.

This well-made film also has other themes that resonate with Catholics—forgiveness, redemption, sin, community (and the lack thereof). Best of all for those of us in vocation ministry, it raises deep questions about vocation.

Free Solo This Academy Award-winning documentary follows the astonishing accomplishment of Alex Honnold in his obsessive mission to climb—without safety ropes—the Yosemite Park rock formation known as El Capitán.

Although we know the victorious outcome of the climb going in, that did not stop my heart from pounding during his perilous ascent. I could barely watch the footage.

But long before the climb is underway, this documentary captured my interest for its subtle exploration of motives, passion, sacrifice, and the debts we do or do 28 | Summer 2019 | HORIZON

not owe those who love us. It’s easy to dismiss as crazy a climber willing to take such unreasonable risks, but Honnold is a deep enough thinker to propose thoughtful arguments for his risk taking (along with the occasional platitude). Because he is literally risking his life on this climb, he is a 30-something who has thought a lot about what he lives for and what he would die for.

Those are core vocation questions. Vocation ministers will immediately recognize the documentary’s ongoing discussion about purpose, passion and mission as the front and center questions in their world. In fact, religious might even recognize the strong willed, singularfocus that grips Honnold as a driving force behind their own founders. How many who started religious orders or became saints were unreasonable, passionate, men and women who risked their lives for their vision?

As I watched this film and pondered it later, I couldn’t shake the sense that Honnold was articulating the principles of Catholic vocation, but something was missing. Like a good candidate for the vow of poverty, he is uninterested in material goods and comforts. At the start of this story, he lives in a van in the woods eating one-pan meals with a spatula. He is alone and satisfied.

According to this film, the warrior ethic that drives free solo climbers embraces a sort of celibacy for the sake of the sport. More parallels show up when Honnold discusses his rationale for conquering the dangerous El Capitán. My life might be shorter, but it will have meaning, and I know that this is what I was born to do, Honnold says in essence. I have to follow my own lights. I know people who love me will hurt if I die trying this, but I can’t not do it. I was reminded of missionaries I know who have stayed in harm’s way—lethal harm’s way—for the same reason.

To me there is a hint of the divine in Honnold’s expression of strong inner purpose, although he uses entirely secular language. Beyond the absence of any overt connection to God, the other important departure from a Christian sense of calling is the over-riding individualism. Honnold’s only obligation is to be true to himself, a self that appears remarkably disconnected from his small circle of family and friends. This can be a danger in the discernment of devout Christians, too: feeling an inner calling but not listening for God’s voice as it speaks through the community and its needs. Our strongly felt passion can go awry when we don’t look for signs and feedback about our calling from others.

Free Solo is an outstanding movie by many standards, as witnessed by its Academy award. At the same time, it can provide a lasting meditation on vocation. n Scheiber | Film Notes

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