average joe
N It’s a new world Being a single dad is like nothing you’ve ever experienced
Alonzo Weston is a columnist and
reporter for the St. Joseph News-Press. The St. Joseph native has served on the News-Press staff for more than 20 years. He and his wife, Deanna, have two children and a dog. The St. Joseph native is also a sports junkie who doesn’t pick up after himself. If you’d like to suggest an idea for this column, contact Alonzo at alonzo.weston@ newspressnow.com.
28
July 2011
ow you’re a single dad. And you’ve no doubt by now found out that it isn’t the same as just being single or just being a dad. It’s about straddling the two worlds of dating and parenthood and finding a balance. You’re only a dad and you’re only as single as visitation allows. Not only that, but the dating game has changed quite a bit since you last roamed the range. There’s a whole ‘nother language like BFF, LMAO, LOL and other texting words you’ll now have to learn. No doubt the music has changed too since you last hit the clubs. No one in this crowd has ever heard of the Miami Sound Machine, Men at Work or the Pet Shop Boys. And those clothes. No one wears a pink T-shirt with a white designer sport jacket anymore nor does anyone wear a leather jacket, one glove and a Jheri-Curl either. You’ll have to get a whole new dating wardrobe. Even if you do get lucky and pick somebody up, it isn’t like the old single days when you could just bring anybody home. Now you have a son or daughter to worry about. Someone who was desirable at last call and 3 a.m. can easily turn undesirable at 9 a.m. sitting at the breakfast table in a camisole and smoking while the kiddies are eating their Cheerios. That will definitely make an impression on their little minds. And you can be sure they’ll go back and tell mommy. Even if they don’t, the ex will surely ask them about daddy’s friends. Kids also sometimes have an aptitude for seeing simple, inconsequential things in fantastical and exaggerated ways. To a small child, a heavily made up and perfumed woman may conjure up images of witches, evil stepmothers and other scary female characters they’ve seen in PG movies. Some ex-wives can conceptualize those same images, too. You don’t want to use your children to attract women. You don’t take them
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in the park for a walk like you would a cute dog so as to strike up a conversation with some babe in shorts walking her poodle. For one thing, it’s sleazy and women will see right through it. There is one occasion where it’s OK to sort of use your kids in a courtship situation. If you’ve been on a few dates with a woman and she seems like she might be the ideal mate, introduce her to your kids. If she shows an interest in your children and enjoys being around them, she might be a keeper. If you sense she is annoyed by them or feels they are a nuisance, drop her and right away. You’re a package deal now. If she doesn’t accept your kids, then she really doesn’t accept you. With that said, you really don’t just want to spring some new woman on your kids, either. Get them primed to meet your new “friend.” Explain to them that you need friendship, too. Finally, here’s some good advice from the AskMen.com website on being a single dad. They say simply embrace the single dad status. Tell women up front that you’re a single dad and how important your kids are in your life. In many cases, that will make a woman hot for you.
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