NOURRIR
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NOURRIR STAFF
FOUNDER AND CHIEF EDITOR
Freya Boulakbeche freya@nourrirmag.com CONTENT EDITOR
Justin Hickman media@nourrirmag.com
CONTRIBUTORS
Kelly Frankenberg, Kitty Aal, Alyssa Camara, Freya Manfred ON THE COVER
Kelly Frankeburg and Donna Nguyen SUBSCRIPTIONS
Media@nourrirmag.com
NOURRIR’S MISSION STATEMENT Nourrir, the French word meaning “to nourish” is a multi-media lifestyle magazine designed to feed all five of the senses - sight, sound, touch, smell and taste. We will feature food, fashion, travel, current events and women who inspire us. We don’t want to tell women how they are supposed to be, we want to give them information that will support their path, today. With commitment to responsive and insightful storytelling, and a keen and fresh editorial eye, Nourrir dares women to not only be good enough, but exceptional. We believe in you.
media@nourrirmag.com
facebook.com/nourrirmag
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@nourrir_mag
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NOURRIR CONTENTS
STAFF
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EDITOR’S LETTER
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CONTRIBUTORS
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NOURRIR LONDON
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TWO BUDGETS 8 NOURRIR POETRY
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LUSTS & MUSTS
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NOURRIR LOVE
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SPOTLIGHT
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NOURRIR MEMOIR
18
NOURRIR TABLE
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FINAL THOUGHTS
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EDITOR’S LETTER April is a most special month to me: April is my birth month, world wide Poetry month, the first official full month of spring in the northern hemisphere and, for Nourrir, the month of love. Or, Love. Love does not mean clinging. Love is change. Change is constant. So, Change is the Law of the Universe. April brings its’ share of change to Nourrir. My partner and friend, Grace, has decided to move on to pursue other projects. While she will be dramatically missed, mourned and loved, her imprint remains. Nourrir will continue to have change, conflict, growth, triumph and obstacles. At each, we will persevere. There is a Haitian proverb stating, “Behind mountains there are mountains.” Wow, no joke! When this challenge passes, so there will be another one. In gratitude and love, we move forward.
Love is the soul of the soul of the soul of the universe. Love is the beginning and the end. Love is eternal, infinite and everlasting. Love is the energizing elixir of the universe. Rumi
April includes exciting new contributors: Freya Manfred (my namesake and inspiration for the What’s in a Name? article), Alyssa Camara, our new London correspondant, Kelly Frankenburg, published author and Kitty Aal, photograher and writer living between Turkey and Portugal. We also have two more announcements: Justin Babak Hickman, a designer and photographer (www.justinbabak.com), has joined Nourrir as our Content Editor and Erin Smith as a Editor at Large/Staff Writer. I am personally thrilled to have them both on the team! Most magazines want to only show you the glossy side, the finished product, a pinterest worthy snapshot. They are afraid the mess and movement of creation will scare you away, (scare advertisers away). I believe that this messy dialog is what we long for; real connection, honesty and transparency. Space to be who we are with no fear of not being enough. Love opens that door and keeps it open. So, in celebration of change and our theme of “Love Blooms”, we discuss the forms love may take, from the conventional to the edible: marriage and weddings, poetry, friendship. April is also vulnerable month where we open ourselves again. I personally invite you to this dialog one more time. Embrace change. Embrace Shifting sands. Embrace Unconditionally Love.
Freya C h i e f E d i t o r, Fo u n d e r
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CONTRIBUTORS K E L LY F R A N K E N B E R G Kelly Frankenberg is an artist, writer, and teacher. She has illustrated several published children’s books and her first book, a memoir titled, “Diary of a Gay, Pregnant Bride,” came out in June 2015. Kelly also writes song lyrics, poems, comic books, screenplays, and fiction. Her writing has been published in Curve Magazine, Lavender Magazine, CurveMag.com and others. Her artwork has appeared on Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, Fox National News, Kare 11, Public Television, in short films, newspapers, on windows, walls, and mailboxes. She writes a weekly blog about wedding advice and other related topics at Pridezillas.com. You can view her other books, blogs, and artwork at www.kellyfrankenberg.com and www.diaryofagaypregnantbride.com. A LY S S A C A M A R A Alyssa has lived and worked in London since 2003. She graduated from UCLA with a BA in Economics and a BS in Applied Mathematics. After a career in Investment Banking in New York she went to Kellogg Business School where she graduated with an MBA in Finance, Marketing and International Business. Alyssa went on to do Institutional Equity Sales and headed up the marketing department at a European Hedge Fund. She has studied at the Lee Strasberg Theatre and Film Institute in New York and completed a writing program in the London School of Journalism in London. She currently writes a travel blog for a UK women’s online community and has written a number of short stories and travel articles. She is currently finishing her first novel. FRE YA MANFRED Freya Manfred’s sixth collection of poetry, Swimming With A Hundred Year Old Snapping Turtle, won the 2009 Midwest Bookseller’s Choice Award for Poetry. Her eighth collection is SPEAK, MOTHER, Red Dragonfly Press, 2015. A longtime Midwesterner who has lived on both coasts, her poetry has appeared in over 100 reviews and magazines and over 40 anthologies. Her memoir, Frederick Manfred: A Daughter Remembers, was nominated for a Minnesota Book Award and an Iowa Historical Society Award. Her new memoir is RAISING TWINS: A TRUE LIFE ADVENTURE from Nodin Press. www.freyamanfredwriter.com KITTY AAL Kitty Aal runs the photography and creative writing collective Leggenda and co-edits the Ankara Esoterica project. Director of Programming for the Cinema Revolution Society’s online cinematheque, she has also collaborated with the Carbon Arc Cinema, Ankara Cinema Association and Montreal’s ICPCE on experimental film screenings in Nova Scotia, Ankara & Istanbul. Based in Ankara, Turkey since 2012, she is currently flirting with the muse in Lisbon.
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NOURRIR LONDON Springtime BY A LYS S A C A M A R A
The first signs that winter is giving way to spring are subtle. Cherry blossoms bloom up next to white stucco front houses in Kensington, daylight lasts just that little bit longer, and the numerous parks around London slowly come to life as Londoners venture out for the first time in months. The London sky, which takes on a stubborn grey colour during winter months, turns clear as the first sunny days of spring arrive. London is a bustling metropolitan city, vast and spread out. Compared to other European capitals however it has a large number of parks and green spaces so that it never totally feels made out of concrete. Central London alone gives you the choice of Hyde Park, Holland Park, Green Park, St James’s Park, and Regents Park. All are beautifully maintained and offer a multitude of different activities ranging from horseback riding and tennis to boat rides and swimming. For families with young children there are numerous playgrounds
in each park. At the first sign of spring Londoners come out in hordes. They flock towards the various parks chattering excitedly, often not even wearing jackets despite the still chilly temperatures. The city literally comes alive. Restaurants start putting tables outside for the brave and pub-goers spill out onto the pavements in front of pubs. Spring in London is all about trying to be outdoors on any day that does not see rain. The inhabitants of London know that these first days of spring without rain are a precious commodity. Barbeques get dusted off and people enthusiastically plan their first garden square parties. London not only has a large number of public parks it has countless more garden squares. These private communal gardens range from small squares to the size of decent sized parks. You must live along the garden borders in order to obtain a key. Many communal gardens boast playgrounds where children run around and have designated spots to barbeque, an activity Londoners take as seriously as ex-pats.
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In spring Buckingham Palace, the London home of Queen Elizabeth, starts preparing for the summer when it opens up its gates to the public. The State Rooms are opened to visitors every year for eight weeks and give a glimpse of the Royal Family’s residence. There are nineteen rooms to visit and each year there is an exhibition that gives an insight into one aspect of royal life. The Royal Family has seen a resurgence of popularity both in the United Kingdom as well as abroad. The appeal of the Royal Family increased dramatically when Prince William married Kate Middleton - both are seen to be more accessible and have a modern approach to the Monarchy. It is even whispered in certain circles that the English prefer the Crown to go to Prince William as opposed to Prince Charles when Queen Elizabeth decides to step down. Buckingham Palace as well as the Palace Guards are an imposing sight and a must see when visiting London. Especially in springtime when yellow daffodils bloom in large numbers in St James’s park and Green park, the two parks next to the palace, making for a beautiful sight. Across the city spring signals the start of farmer markets taking place out on the streets of London, Portobello Market being the most famous one. Portobello Market, which takes place in Notting
Hill on Portobello Road, is rare as it remains open throughout the winter months and not only sells fresh produce but is also lined by a multitude of antique, clothing and jewellery shops all considered part of the market. Bute Street in South Kensington is another popular local destination known for its small but high quality farmers market that sells a variety of organic produce. One of the largest food markets is Borough Market in Southwark which brings together both British and International produce and has a number of delicious restaurants on site as well. Come spring London also gears itself up for the many festivals it hosts all the way until the following winter. There are art festivals, music festivals, food festivals and cultural festivals across the city. London is a true melting pot of cultures from around the world and as such is a city full of contrasts and energy. There is something interesting to do for everyone, young and old, English, ex-pats and visitors alike. Perhaps the most striking thing about spring in London is how people come together regardless of where they are from, full of expectation and eager to make the most of sunnier days and all the activities London has to offer. It is a season full of hope and inspiration after the cold, wet winter months.
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Photo Credit: Shadi Hijazi (bit.ly/1Y4fwXS)
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TWO BUDGETS: FRUGAL For the gal who has champagne tastes on a shoestring budget - looks for under $100 April’s theme: Love Blooms
Heart Shape Beaded Clutch, $23
Peach Floral Lace Bell Sleeve Dress, $45
Chase & Chloe Elaine Cutout Sandal, $27
SHOP YOUR CLOSET FOR MORE GREAT LOOKS
LAVENDER FLATS
ROSE GOLD BANGLES
FLORAL DRESS
BEADED CLUTCH
French Sole Jigsaw Ballet Flat, $99
Precious Pastels 15-Piece Bangles, $14
Chi Chi London Floral Midi Dress, $62
Vintage Styler Pastel Embellished Clutch, $50
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TWO BUDGETS: SPENDY For the woman who has capital to invest in a chic wardrobe - looks for under $1000
Needle & Thread Blush Enchanted Lace Dress, $600
BCBG Maxazria Lulu Light Ombre Crystal Clutch, $100
Rebecca Minkoff Georgina Sandal Shoes, $1250
SHOP YOUR CLOSET FOR MORE GREAT LOOKS
UNICRON PIN
SILVER SHORTS
PINK CARDIGAN
SLEEVLESS TEE
Swarovski Crystal Vintage, $265
Isabel Marant Silver Cotton, $375
Gianlucca Capannolo Cardingan, $430
Flora NYC Oversized Print Tee, $11
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NOURRIR POETRY Longing BY FRE YA MANFRED
I always had a great longing for love. Beyond family dinners, other’s food, father’s stories, Grandma’s jokes and tears: beyond fields and barns, The rolling prairie, moonlit walks among twisted oaks And lithe cottonwoods whistling their songs, Oh, such longing overtook me! I could fall in love with the arche of a foot, A tender, articulate hand, Eyes so wise I couldn’t bear to look into them. I could follow a man up a fire escape in the dark, Down an icy freeway in a blizzard, up a sacred mountain, Into the boiling sea or the back of a smoky car. I could enter the labyrinthic stories, All for the longing that flushed my cheeks, An ache that made me thrash all night in restless dreams, Summoned by a passion for touch and caring words. I longed for what brought me to the table hungry After I’d eaten: for children, a fellow traveler, a friend. Longing set me free from everything I’d been And everything I’d imagined I could never be. Longing turned me inside out, And let me swim in wishes and hope. Longing led me past what all humans face and fear: Death, disease, the loss of love. I’m grateful for my longing. It makes no rules, and never betrays me. My longing cannot lie.
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LUSTS & MUSTS Here are five things we’re obsessed with this month - don’t say we didn’t warn you.
BOOKS
Lady Chatterley’s Love, D.H. Lawrence This book was banned from circulation as it was deemed inapropriate. What was all the fuss about? A woman enjoying her sexual blossoming, of course! This subject matter still shocks many of us as we push our own limits on what it means to be a woman. As we shed the “good girl” limitations we become Women.
E V EN T S
Tribeca Film Festival, NYC April 13-24, From Indies to big names, come discover your new favorites...all under the bright lights of NYC. All the energy of an industry can be felt under DeNero’s guidance as we celebrate cinema in April.
MUSIC
G I F T S TO G I V E A PP S
BloomThat Send flowers to yourself (okay, fine, or anyone) from anywhere with a couple quick clips. You like the fancy pinterest paper and ribbons? They’ve got you covered. Handcrafted, curated and easy is their pick up line. Choose your zip code, delivery date and price. Deliveries start at $38 and the app is FREE!
Cheeky Knickers, Very Bossy by Naja These cotton cheeky panties will be your go to, any day of the week. Not only are they sexy, comfy and fun, but Naja helps empower women all over the world. Co-founder and CEO Catalina Girard is the founder of Underwear for Hope, an orgazniation that trains and employs at-risk women to sew. Now that is buying we can get behind, wink.
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Atamé by Amina Annabi This 1992 Tunisian ballad will leave you with chills, even if you do not speak arabic. 1991 Eurovision 1st place song contest winner, acress appearing in more than 16 movies, Amina will surely be a discovery you will share with your friends.
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NOURRIR LOVE BY JODIE ARNOLD
When you marry someone from another country or culture it is likely they may have their own traditions when it comes to something as important as weddings. Contemporary inter-cultural couples are finding a compromise by blending the traditions and fashions together in new ways to create a visually enchanting experience both for the participants and guests. A bit of history: Did you know the white wedding gown came from a white lace gown Queen Victoria wore? It’s obvious American brides enjoy expat influence on our fashion. But what does it meant when we want to create our own mix of cultures in our wedding, not just apparel but in decorations, food, and music? It’s not just black and white and red roses anymore. Wedding details are becoming personal. Here are a few fun examples! In Michigan a white heteronormative man was marrying a Hindi woman from India. One of the many elaborate traditions from an Indian wedding is for the groom to make his entrance riding on a beautifully decorated white horse. Unfortunately, this groom was allergic to horses! Since the tradition was important to the bride, the groom’s doctor recommended a Benadryl the day of the wedding. Success! As for me, my bride is Vietnamese who has lived in the U.S. for half of her life. Even though she has assimilated to American culture, I still wanted to represent her heritage in some meaningful way at our wedding. I planned a general “Asian” theme of paper cranes, cherry blossom chopsticks, fans, and an Asian-style mango cake, but it just didn’t seem specific enough to Vietnam. Traditional gowns of either country didn’t move us, but when she showed me what the traditional Vietnamese wedding gown looked like I knew I had found something that could work.
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The colorful and round Vietnamese bridal headpiece was the perfect cultural accent to our prom style wedding gowns. This day was personal, intimate, and represented our love for each other so representing her country of birth was important. And in that moment of coming together as one, from two opposite sides of the world, the headpiece was a poignant visual reminder. Though we only wore them for a photo, it is a symbol of our union and embracing each other’s differences. When a woman with ancestry from Sri Lanka and India married a Hmong woman they both wore their own traditional gowns. Many of their guests chose to dress up. The Indian bride, Shivanthi, said “it not only
transformed the day [but] made us feel that we and our guests were celebrating the union of our cultures in our marriage.” In Hinduism, a bride has 16 traditional adornments that are incorporated into her attire for her wedding day. The bride’s decided to incorporate many of these adornments into their attire for the day. One adornment they chose was henna designs drawn on their hands. Traditionally, the bride has her partner’s name incorporated into the designs and they both chose to do this. “It was fun to search for the names in the intricate drawings!” Shivanthi said.
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When a woman of Irish and German heritage got married, she wanted to represent her and her fiancé’s origin of lineage. Her brother read an Irish blessing at the ceremony and they performed a ritual with a German bridal cup. Traditionally the German bridal cup came from a story where a girl fell in love with a goldsmith and the father of the girl put him in prison. It did not stop their love so the father said he would free him and let his daughter marry the goldsmith if he could create a chalice that two could drink from at the same time without spilling a drop. The father was certain no one could perform the task. But the goldsmith proved him wrong and married the daughter. The cup symbolizes love, faithfulness, and good luck. This ritual they chose, drinking from the cup at the same time, added richness and personalization to the typical American wedding.
Some wear traditional outfits while others even fly to their home country to get married. No matter the reason you add personal cultural themes to your wedding, it makes for a meaningful and rich new tradition. Being proud enough to represent our multiple backgrounds in our unions speaks to the greater movement of not just personalization of wedding as a culture but to a movement of acceptance of self and a union of our differences as a society. Weddings are a blended union of our hearts and when we can blend our cultures during this union with flags, clothing, accessories, design, and rituals, we become united as a world-a world whose cultures aren’t fading away but staying with the next generation in a new and powerful, contemporary way.
When an American woman married a man with ancestry from Barbados and Venezuela, she hung the flags from those countries along with the United States flag to represent her country.
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NOURRIR SPOTLIGHT What’s in a Name? BY FRE YA BOUL AKBECHE
Names: What’s all the fuss about? Love Blooms in each one of us. How does our name, either the external meaning or the one we choose, impact how we see ourselves? On the surface, a first name is how we immediately identify ourselves. A middle name, might take the place of a first depending on the scenario. Arguably, our name is the single word we hear the most in our lives or at least are acutely aware of hearing. We respond to our name. By default, a groove in our synapses wears in over time and we may actually become our name. Or, do we? Many “traditional” cultures through time have given power to names and created elaborate rituals for naming. The purpose of these rituals varies almost as much as the people themselves. For many the process takes on a spiritual aspect revealing life’s higher goals for the child by the name, to the mundane, such as the day the child was born. For others, selecting a name is about assimilation to their home culture, such as a “saint day” name. Underneath each one is a driving desire to influence, to shape and define the future of the new human entrant to earth. Let’s take a short trip around the world together. In Iceland, in an effort to preserve Icelandic culture, partly due to dwindling birth rates, only names from the “official list” are accepted. To complicate the process further, Icelandic parents may wait until 6 months for a naming ceremony before they reveal the baby’s name. The traditional Norse naming convention for last names still applies. For example, if your father is named Gunder, the male child’s last name will be Gunderson and the female child’s last name Gundersdottir. If you are a non-Icelandic person living in Iceland, you may pick one non-Icelandic name, first or middle, for your child. Many First Nations, (Native American) tribes have “Spirit Names” which often may accompany a legal name influenced by Christian colonial influences. Spirit Names, “tell you about the person, their personality and mission in life”. For the Sioux, “Traditionally without family names, the Sioux (Lakota, Nakota and Dakota) have a complicated naming system with six classes of names: birth order, honor, special deed,
nicknames, secret and spirit names. The first name was given based on the gender and birth position of the child, and a person could have several names during his lifetime. Names were adapted to the individual at the time they were given to them. For example, it is said that Chief Sitting Bull was called “Jumping Badger” as a boy, but also nicknamed “Slow” because he took extra time to do things. It is common practice today to use kinship terms, such as uncle or grandfather, for people who are not related to show respect.” Via Sweet Grass Traditions On the African continent, there are too many cultures, languages and traditions to cover in one short article. In Nigeria, for example, a name may denote the circumstances of the birth such as “born during a holiday” Abegunde. In Ghana, Akan speakers have a naming ceremony seven days after the birth; the father chooses the name of a beloved relative so the child can grow up to be like the namesake. They also chose names like Kojo, which means born on a Monday. Some rituals can become almost obsessively complicated for someone not of the culture. In China, fear of evil spirits taking over a child are so real, that parents follow elaborate naming tricks to ward off the spirits; they may chose plain names so spirits will overlook the child or not name them until later, or use “ugly” names to refer to an unborn baby to trick the evil spirits. Greek naming conventions, just like their “nap hours” are very rigid. The eldest boy is usually named after the grandfather while the eldest girl after the paternal grandmother. If the patriarchy wasn’t invasive enough in selecting a name in Greece, the Greek Orthodox Church tentacles provide additional guidance: babies are often named after saints. Incidentally, the French, Spanish and Italians love to give their children saint’s names as well. Many middle eastern cultures dominated by patriarchy for the last two thousand years actually change the mother’s name when she births a son. She would be then referred to as “mother of Ali” if her son were named Ali.
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Some of us have “common” names; names like Jennifer, Katie, Mohammed, or Daniel that you share with 50% of your classmates in school. Names that when you try to open an email account it ends up being Katie36788942307@yahoo.com, or something like that. And, these names may or may not be accepted freely. These names may be like the words mom, dad, house or dog: “I love my yellow house, I feel safe there”, or :my mom makes me feel better when I am sad” This is another way a name becomes special, via the usage; who, what, when where and why, not because of the name itself. (Last names represent another completely different topic as they are inherited, mostly patriarchal inventions.) And, despite the worldwide cultural obsession with names: names to fit in, names to stand out, names to give power, names to represent submission, a name is what the owner wants it to be. So many lament a time of connection, a perfect past, a place where people knew their connection to the earth, their calling and had the resources in their communities to achieve that calling. However, if we ask a simple question, is it really true? What do we find? Perhaps, in the modern era, we are evolving to a state of mind where creation happens in a series of “Here-Now” moments, present moments one after the other linked. So, in that world, can there be a mission assigned to a soul in advance? Or rather, does that mission unfold in mystery as life unfolds? The former has weight, consequence and by default could cause distress to the owner should they not “fulfill” their mission. The latter is full of freedom and uncapped potential. What do you feel about your name? My personal journey with a name defines much of how I feel and have felt about my life. Freya is me. As a young girl, the name itself had no separate meaning; Freya simply meant me, a carefree child who loved to climb and kick balls as much as wearing perfectly pink dresses and patent red shoes. Since there were no other Freya’s anywhere near me this was an easy state to relax in; me, myself and I were quite comfortable as Freya, the one and only. Until, my mother told me the story of how I got my name. Never has “celebrity” interested me to a point where an action or desire could be fulfilled by emulating or knowing someone famous. Learning of my namesake, Freya Manfred, was no exception. I might be named after her, but I am still the original Freya. However, she
intrigued me; who was this woman, poet, American, red-head that so enthralled my mother that she would hold on to the name for years until my arrival? And, what was the importance of the word Freya? Then I found out. Calling me Freya was tantamount to naming me Aphrodite, just that only Scandinavians and Dungeons and Dragons enthusiasts would know. Freya is the Norse goddess of Love, War, Beauty, and Fertility. Some powerful character she is! Did I need to try to embody these amazing traits? Or, was my innate nature as a “freya” to already possess them in abundance greater than the average mortal? Thoughts like these can lead to a dissociation of self because the separate the individual from their individuality. Not only was Freya a mythological goddess, but there was a real living Freya that embodied qualities a young immigrant woman might want to posses but isn’t sure how. Freya Manfred was that inspiration to my mother at certain space in time, that influential phase better known as college in the 1960’s Freya Manfred was confident, outspoken and on the surface self-possessed. We know as we “grow up” that what we see on the surface is usually not the reality. And, each human shares in the same kinds of suffering and self-doubt until we choose to be awake. However, Freya M, not Freya of Vanir, left an imprint; my mother knew if she had a daughter, her name would be Freya. And, so it was decided, a decade before my arrival. I was to be Freya. Freya Manfred remained for me a legend, a myth, much in the same way as the Goddess herself. Every so often, I would imagine her somewhere in the universe, being brave, glorious, bejeweled and full of poetry. She gave me hope in dark times. My reverie really didn’t include a drive to meet the real Freya. Then, one rainy night, I decided to go to a reading. And, there she stood at the podium reciting poetry about her mother. That felt like enough and as we left, early to get my son to bed, I felt satisfied enough. Before walking out the door, my mother said, “Leave her a note. With your phone number. Sign it, Freya.” The poem in this edition is one my personal favorites. And, as an extra special treat, I am publishing a few delicious pages of the memoir, Raising Twins, a True Life Adventure, her story of bringing up two boys. Enjoy.
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Exerpt from “Raising Twins: A True Life Adventure”, by Freya Manfred Chapter 12:
Put downs, Perfectionism, and Persuasion There is no end. There is no beginining. There is only the infinite passion of life. - Federico Fellini Who is more energetic and changeable than a middle school adolsecent? How about twin middle school adolescents? As our twin sons flung themselves from one gagged, exaggerated state of mind to the next, making their way through the chaos and confusion between twelve and fifteen, they teased and cajoled, attached and retreated, ladled out sarcasm, swear-wrods, and put-downs, and tried their best to manipulate us into believing they’d lost their ab ility to hear us speak. Then, when it seemed as if they hadn’t heard a word we’d said for weeks, they’d initiate a sweet, empathetic, deeply serious conversation about the nature of the world. Although their volcanic ups and downs were often annoying and sometimes insulting, I enjoyed the rambunctious give and take, the repartee, of their middle school personalities. They were passionate, honest, dishonest, confused, wise, hilarious, and tragic - sometimes all at once. It was like living in a house full of South American poets: everything was flowering and dying, dramatice and deeply important, from the lowliest unacceptable t-shirt or wrong-colored socks to the most complicated questions about the true meaning of friendship or the ethical treatment of animals. Brash and terrified at the same instant, they related to us with a wild-eyed, uproarious, sly, innocent, not-so-innocent stance, asserting themselves just for the sake of hearing themselves, over and over again. This bring me to my main point, the difficult one of the immaturity of the adolescent. Mature adults must know about this and must believe in their own maturity as never before or after. - D.W. Winnicott, Playing and REality Since I didn’t always deal successfully with the demonstrable aggression and constant joking of our restless, writing, resident-alein twins, whose long arms gres longer almost as we watched, I was very thankful Tom was along for the ride. And luckily, perhaps because they were twins and had a ready-made butt for their jokes at home, our sons’ hyperbolic “put-downs” during these preteen years were mostly attachks upon each other, rather than ontheir parents. When they made fun of us, we usually laughed, ignored them, or told them we didn’t appreciate the comments. When they makd fun of other kids, sometimes we ignored them, and sometimes we’d ask, “How d’you think it feels to Lenny when you tell him he’s a dodo?” “Everyone says it!” B;y cried. “Lenny says it to us, I hope you know!” “I see your point. But be careful, because you can hurt someone’s feelings.” “I wouldn’t care! IF I did care, I’d bestupid. Just like Lenny!” “Bly!” “What?” “Try keeping your feelings about Lenny to yourself. Feel what you feel, but don’t talk about it. Or wait until you’re in the privacy of your room.” “What fun is that?” Bly asked, grinning. The whole idea that others had feelings made sense to our sons, but we still had to remind them over and over to be open-minded and kind. We didn’t expect them to completely stop saying or doing wha tthe rest of the kids said or did, but we tried to reason with them and hold them to some rules of etiquette- when we weren’t laughing because their preteen exchanges brought back memories of our own early teens. The fact that there were two preteens in the house made the process more intense, and also made it impossible to continually check their behavior. And maybe that was a good thing, because, as one school counselor said, “Your kids’ job is to be impossible at least two times a day, which means parents of twins face more than twenty-eight impossible situations a week. Don’t you wish you’d had triplets?” One adolsecent might have been more easily dominated, conditionned, or controlled by Tom and me., but two live-wire adolescents prevented us from overdoing our jobs as policemen and moral monitors. We tried to discuss everything they brought up as openly as possible, partly because two adolsecents the same age really have to be met head on, or they can become too rebellious. But, at strategic moments, we had to back off, close our bedroom door, and read. Let them insult everyone on the planet. Our sons were old enough now that Tom and I could sometimes give ourselves a break.
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NOURRIR TABLE Fernet Cookies RECIPE FROM KITTY AAL
Directions Whip the sugar and oil together until fluffy, then add the egg, molasses and Fernet Branca and whip for another 2-3 minutes. Mix the dry ingredients together, add to the wet ingredients and mix until combined. Chill for about 24 hours. Put the sugar into a bowl. Measure with a tablespoon and drop the dough into rounds, then roll them in the sugar and place them on a parchment-lined baking sheet. Bake at 350 degrees for 12 to 13 minutes.
Ingredients
2 cups flour 2 tsp. baking soda 1/2 tsp. salt 2/3 cup canola or coconut oil 1 cup granulated sugar 1 egg 1/3 cup molasses 1/3 cup Fernet Branca 1 tsp. cinnamon 1 tbsp. ginger powder 1 pinch ground clove Raw sugar for rolling
ART BY EMI RENZI, VIA BEHANCE
NOURRIR / ISSUE SIX
20 NOURRIR
FINAL THOUGHTS An Apartment without Curtains BY KITTY AAL
Last December, on a recent visit to Minneapolis, I ended up spending the night at my friends Roller & Shelby’s place. They live in one of those old brick buildings I’ve always felt good in – a sanctuary with tireless radiators and a sense that no matter what was happening outside one would be okay within its sturdy foundation. Sitting in their cozy living room that also served as their bedroom (a bold move that made a strong impression on me) we fell into a rhythm of easy conversation, sleazy jokes and comfortable silences. Moving from city to new city over the past few years has heightened my gratitude for such moments where you can let your guard down and just be. Around midnight, Roller, who is rumored to have lived off cereal in grad school, got up and started puttering in the kitchen. Due to her track record my expectations were low, so when she emerged 20 minutes later and in her matter-of-fact way announced that cookies were in the oven I was floored. “What kind of cookies Roller?” “Fernet” she said. Classy. I should add that both of us enjoy putting back peanut butter cheeseburgers from time to time to put the exquisite spirit-infused cookies into context. Roller let me smoke a cigarette inside while waiting for the cookies to bake and opened a couple windows. Dusty snow crystals kissed the screens as the night wind started to blow, but the oven kept us toasty inside. They were fostering another dog, this time a trembling Chihuahua named “Jess.” While I mesmerized myself with smoke, Shelby got up, pulled on a coat and Mukluks, grabbed a small leash and stepped out for a bit into the cold night attending to the needs of the small creature.
Later on, my camera came out of hiding and they indulged me by ignoring me as I stood in their hallway shooting their electric chemistry as they played around with makeup, putting it on themselves and each other. Something they never do when I’m not around. They barely even wear it to my knowledge, but that’s what I love about them. Very few (visible) hang-ups. Makeup? Ok. Why not? After the photos and the cookies we sat unwinding by their large windows – me on a big plush armchair, them luxuriating on their bed – it’s foot at the base of windows that overlook a Nicollet Avenue parking lot as though it were an ocean. Snow was glistening under the streetlamps. None of the windows in their apartment had curtains and being an inherently private person, I found the idea of sitting, sleeping, and waking in a space so open to the world exhilarating. The guestroom/study I slept in under a pile of old quilts gave me the soundest night of sleep I’d had in a while. I woke naturally to that sweet luminous glow that snow mixed with early sunlight makes pouring in through the windowpanes. I could smell coffee being made. Later, brunch was eaten, and then I went on my way. Now it is almost March and I’m sitting in my new apartment on a bustling street with outdoor shutters that can be pulled up or down, but no curtains anywhere in sight.
NOURRIR / ISSUE SIX
21 NOURRIR
Can’t get enough of Nourrir? Check out last month’s issue. It was a good one.
NOURRIR / ISSUE SIX