Escapee Imam

HUMOR

By: Beenish Khurshid, Montreal, Quebec

This humor piece is based on the true and real events of an unnamed North American Imam. The story has been fictionalized to obfuscate the identity of the Escapee Imam.

It Was the evening before Jumu'ah, and states and provinces had just begun instituting lockdowns: no public gatherings over 250 people; universities and schools closed. Mosques too had joined in too.

*URGENT - Friday Prayer Notice* (March 12): Due to the COVID-19 coronavirus outbreak in **** Experts are recommending social distancing, Friday Prayer is canceled for this Friday (Mar. 13). It is suggested that you do not attend Friday prayer elsewhere due to the pandemic, and instead offer 4 rakat Zuhr prayer from where you ordinarily reside.

But Escapee Imam; he had a Faraid to fulfill. Here, we present his harrowing accounts:

Imam: My jumah got canceled…

Imam: And I couldn't go to any other Masjid because that would look bad Escapee Imam

Imam: So I fled the state

Imam: Went across the river to Abu

Imam: Since his got cancelled too

Imam: But we needed 2 other people

Imam: Then came cousin to the rescue

Imam: He grabbed a friend from work

Imam: Meaning he actually went to pick him up from his work

Imam: And alas we had our 10-minute jummah

Imam: While Ammi fried pakoras upstairs and baked the cake

Imam: But we stayed mostly in the basement and didn't go much upstairs to maintain some sort of isolation

Imam: semi-isolation

Imam: And tried to maintain a safe distance

Cousin: I went for the pakoras ... jumu'ah was a good bonus 😉

Imam: Dreading someone asks me what I did instead of leading Jumu'ah 😮

Imam: Technically I didn't really go against my own advice since my board advised it, not me

Cousin: You prayed at home, didn't you? 😮

Imam: Aha true!

Imam: Parents home is my home

Cousin: The khutbah was short and sweet (the way it should be)

Cousin: The pakoras' smell was distracting…

Imam: Even the sound of frying added a nice sound effect

Imam: Man Ammi put this big hot pepper 🌶️ in one of the pakoras

Imam: I was getting near that point of burning 🥵🥵🥵 my tongue, but alhamdulillah for the cake and juice

Escapee Imam out.

Image by Gordon Johnson from Pixabay