The Bucket List

By: Shaista khurshid Calgary, Alberta

I have a bucket list. It is a strew of dreams I wish to accomplish in this life of mine. Why? I do not know; but it is a spirit inside me. When we were told to quarantine, I thought it a good idea to reignite this list and help myself to accomplish what I wished for a long time ago.

Are my wishes in that bucket list just dreams, tall-tales, or baseless desires, that cannot be accomplished? I doubt that, but nevertheless I feel like wishes and dreams are worth acting upon - whether or not they can be accomplished.

I feel like a child who wants to see the daffodils. Finally, his family goes for a vacation where there are loads and loads of daffodils. Yellow beautiful daffodils smiling in the sun. This child once saw a field of them from his window. He wanted to touch them, feel the beauty, and inhale their scent. But when he goes down to that field, he sees many butterflies, beautiful, colorful butterflies sputtering around the meadow. He gets so mesmerized that he forgets that he had a wish, a longing desire to see the daffodils and not butterflies. But at this moment,the butterflies seem especially appealing, charismatic, and mesmerizing. Though these butterflies are not new to him, and daffodils are, as he has only seen these daffodils in books or websites, but not in reality. However, these butterflies are in hoards, filling the air with their unique fluttering noise and moving from one flower to the other. His desire to see and feel the flowers is completely taken away by those butterflies.

I see myself as him, I make a huge bucket list, start many things I want to complete, and somehow other projects take away my breath, time and energy.

It’s like I start a new pursuit to get further through my bucket list, but whether I accomplish it,or accomplish nothing at all - that’s another story. Instead of feeling good about having started something, my heart feels upset, sore and miserable because I haven’t been able to cross it off my list. Instead of admiring the spontaneity of the task and the new experiences I gain, I feel like I am facing setbacks for the uncompleted tasks.

Is there a problem with not completing the tasks you start? Do we make lists just to cross them off and feel satisfied? What’s the purpose? What if I enjoy the spontaneity of the moment and enjoy its naturalness and beauty? Does it mean that I should just not make a bucket list ever? Probably not. Sure, I will make a list.

So if not to track completion, what rationale does the bucket list give me? It is probably a thinking process to imagine what is beyond the mundane chores of life; ponder about what is lying beyond and beneath the superficiality of this world. It gives me a reason, a purpose. But at the same time if my list is too rigid, too conformed, then I will not be able to explore past its in-elasticity.

What prevents me from seeing afar is that my mind and heart are kept focused on the drumroll I hear after concluding a task, a sense of worth after a demanding accomplishment. Instead of experiencing the depth of that journey, satisfied for its efficacy, it’s positive effects on life, I get mesmerized by its conclusion.

Is my purpose in this world is to create one list after another and keep running behind each? Or is my purpose is to walk the path of life with tranquility, dignity, and gratefulness. Pick flowers on my way, smell some roses, watch the birds and butterflies fluttering, enjoying each moment; clearing up the thorns in the path for myself and others who are coming behind me. Leave some flowers for others, plant some seeds of hope, love, care and gratitude. Someday there will be more flowers, lush green forests where birds will perch, animals will roam, which will provide shelter, food and shade to millions.

We might be there to enjoy that moment, and even if we aren’t there, yet still, it is an accomplishment on our part. So cross conclusion, crescendo, or triumph off the list and you are good to go..

Photo by coreyoconnell on Unsplash