6 minute read
What is Financial Abuse?
By Beenish Khurshid, San Francisco, California
CHARACTER STARTS AT HOME
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Character starts at home is a seven parts series started to address common abuses around our society . Some of it is slowly passed down the generations silently, while some of them are widely used as Islamic way of life. This series tends to address the difference between what Allah has permitted and what is out of bound from the get go. The first of this series addresses Financial Abuse.
PART 1: FINANCIAL ABUSE!
A common proverb in the English language is that charity starts at home. In this article, I argue that it is not just charity that starts at home, but leadership, and character itself. In fact, Hadith from the Prophet SAW corroborate this approach to life and family:
Abu Hurayrah related that “The best among the believers is he whose character is the best. And the best among you is the one who is best to his wife (Imam Tirmidhi)
The Muslim world today is in political turmoil, which in more simple terms is a crisis of leadership. We have people who call themselves leaders, but abuse their people, while people who are of good character are not in positions of leadership. I am also going to posit in this article that this crisis of leadership also starts at home. In the Muslim world today, we have homes led by men who abuse their families, and families in which there are good men who do not have the courage to lead their families.
It has been narrated on the authority of Ibn ‘Umar that the Holy Prophet (SAW) said: “Beware, every one of you is a shepherd and every one is answerable with regard to his flock. The Caliph is a shepherd over the people and shall be questioned about his subjects. A man is a guardian over the members of his family and shall be questioned about them. A woman is a guardian over the household of her husband and his children, and shall be questioned about them. A slave is a guardian over the property of his master and shall be questioned about it. Beware, every one of you is a guardian and every one of you shall be questioned with regard to his trust.” (Muslim)
The questioning here will not be about how those under our care performed. Rather, the questioning will be about how we treated, served, and rendered our trusts to those over whom we are guardians. This perspective is thus the foundation of the Islamic principle of “servant leadership”. A leader is not judged in the eyes of God by his level of might or authority – we can see how Allah rendered Firaun’s might. Rather, a leader is one who humbly and sincerely looks after the interests of those under him.
So to help us on our journey to become better shepherd’s – better guardians of our families and our households – I’ve put together a questionnaire that may help us identify ways in which we may be drifting away from the ideal of a shepherd into the dystopia of a Pharoah, and what we can do to correct our attitudes and actions to bring ourselves more in line with the humility and character that God demands of us. Are you Firaun, or are you a good shepherd?
Financial Abuse
1. I have children from a prior relationship. I don’t provide for (any/all) my children’s financial needs.
2. I have a wife and child. My wife wants to work, so I expect her to provide for half the expenses.
3. I have multiple wives. One of the wives works and she takes care of herself. The other I provide for financially to meet only her basic needs. My third wife lives in my mansion.
4. I live with my parents and provide for the household expenses. My mother doesn’t like that my wife <xyz> and so I have prevented my wife from buying <xyz>
5. I am very well off and make a comfortable living. When my wife asks to purchase something, I say no because it is frivolous. I recently bought an Audi for myself.
6. My husband earns just enough to pay our expenses. He has given me a credit card, and I use it liberally without regard to how much expense my husband can afford.
All of the above are (taking into account that these are very simplistic), examples of what can be characterized as financial abuse. Financial abuse is when one party afflicts hardship, suffering, or inequality on another party via financial means.
In Islam, a man is obliged to provide for all of his offspring financially – regardless of whether the child’s mother is currently in a relationship with the father. This is also regardless of whether the courts have granted visitation rights to the father or not, or whether the mother earns or not or earns more than the father.
A man is also obliged to provide all living expenses for his wife, and should in no way expect his wife to cover all or part of the expenses. Even if the wife is charitable and contributes, he should nonetheless strive for and feel an obligation to provide for his wife’s needs.
In the case of multiple marriages or multiple children through those marriages, the husband is obliged to treat the wives and children equally – giving each according to their needs, and equally beyond that – to the best of his ability.
On the other hand, a wife owes her husband trust with regards to his property. Spending or demanding beyond his means (in the case where a husband is diligently working to earn and fulfill needs to the best of his ability but Allah has not enriched him), is also a form of financial abuse. On the flip-side, withholding provision from your wife, and not providing for her according to your ability (within reason and equitably), is also a form of financial abuse.
Woe to every scorner and mocker. Who collects wealth and [continuously] counts it. He thinks that his wealth will make him immortal. — Saheeh International (104: 1-3)
Photo by micheile dot com on Unsplash
