Nikah Khutbah (A Profound Marriage Advise)

By Shaista Khurshid, Calgary Alberta

(A Profound Marriage Advice)

Dress, flowers, venues, dholki, cakes and mehndi - it is wedding season. Weddings are probably the most common tradition every culture shares. Every culture has its own way to do it.

There are diverse ways to do a Nikah and a wedding. But there are few things prescribed by Allah to initiate a bond between the two genders.

1.Mahar (or dowry- a gift from the groom to the bride) - an obligation of the groom without which the marriage is considered as Zina

a. Side note: Mehar is not a competition on who gets what. It is just a gift given with heart from the groom to his bride who is entering with him in a bond of marriage. It can be anything, including money. There is no fixed amount, and it should be (ma'roof) good, favourable, and fair for both parties - not burdening anyone or any side.

2. The offer and Acceptance: The groom and bride should be ready to enter this marriage on their own free will without any pressure or force from outside or inside

3.Witness: There should be two witnesses from each side but having more people as witnesses is better.

4. Maturity: For a Muslim marriage both bride and groom should be adults. A Muslim should physically, mentally, emotionally, physiologically and psychologically be an adult when marrying. As it is a great responsibility which can make or break our dunya and Akhira. A person without this ability should refrain from marrying until he or she reaches that maturity and mental fitness.

5. Wali: Presence of wali or guardian for a never married before woman. Previously married women do not need a wali present.

6. Commitment of permanency: A nikah entered upon with the intention of it being temporary is not considered a valid Nikah in Sunni Islam (Shia fiqh has a difference of opinion on this condition). Nikah’s must be made with the intention of lasting permanently, if Allah wills.

7. Announcement: A nikah needs to be made public and announced to the community. This is so that the community knows that the couple is legitimate. There is no such thing as secret nikahs in Islam.

8.Valima: It is the sunnah of Rasullulah SAW to celebrate a marriage with a wedding feast after the couple has been married.

While there is no required readings at a Nikah, there are usually three Ayahs commonly recited at Nikah ceremony. You might find various other versions too, but I will discuss only what I know

يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱتَّقُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُم مِّن نَّفْسٍ وَٰحِدَةٍ وَخَلَقَ مِنْهَا زَوْجَهَا وَبَثَّ مِنْهُمَا رِجَالًا كَثِيرًا وَنِسَآءً ۚ وَٱتَّقُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ ٱلَّذِى تَسَآءَلُونَ بِهِۦ وَٱلْأَرْحَامَ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ عَلَيْكُمْ رَقِيبًا

O mankind, fear your Lord, Who created you from one soul and created from it its mate and dispersed from both of them many men and women. And fear Allāh, through Whom you ask one another, and the wombs (fear Allāh in regard to relations of kinship). Indeed Allāh is ever,over you, an Observer. [Surah AlNisa’ 4:1]

يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ ٱتَّقُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ حَقَّ تُقَاتِهِۦ وَلَا تَمُوتُنَّ إِلَّا وَأَنتُم مُّسْلِمُونَ

O believers! Be mindful of Allah in the way He deserves,1 and do not die except in ˹a state of full˺ submission ˹to Him˺ [Surah Ali ‘Imran 3:102]

يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ ٱتَّقُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ وَقُولُوا۟ قَوْلًۭا سَدِيدًۭا

يُصْلِحْ لَكُمْ أَعْمَـٰلَكُمْ وَيَغْفِرْ لَكُمْ ذُنُوبَكُمْ ۗ وَمَن يُطِعِ ٱللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُۥ فَقَدْ فَازَ فَوْزًا عَظِيمًا٧١

O you who have believed, fear Allāh and speak words of appropriate justice. He will [then] amend for you your deeds and forgive you your sins. And whoever obeys Allāh and His Messenger has certainly attained a great attainment. [SurahAl Ahzab 33:70-71]

There are few points to take here. The first one is that the system of having two genders is Allah’s creation. He could have made us into something else and a totally different set of species. He created us from one and created us into men and women. Allah has given us viable relationships, like parents, children, siblings, spouses and more. We could have been born like apples or corn, but He decided to make us into a human, someone with intellect, who walks upright and has a free will. Thus marriage between men and women and its requirements is also given by Allah.

In the above ayah Allah is reminding us to be mindful of Him and understand that this bond should not be taken lightly. When Allah says ‘ And fear Allāh, through Whom you ask one another, and the wombs (fear Allāh in regard to relations of kinship)’, this should remind us that our all relationships start with a womb. This womb is the one implanted into a woman by Allah. When we complain about our spouses or anyone, we should be understanding that if this womb didn’t exist we all would not have existed the way we are now. So, respect the creator who has created the womb and the one who carries it and its nuances without complaining and be nice to each other. (This is especially important for those who think that men are above or greater than women. Women are given the pain and process of birth and menstruation, and the decision of having a womb in a woman, is Allah’s, as are the pain and nuances of birth. It is narcissistic and arrogant to think that one is above other, but disrespecting Allah’s design and creation is next level.) Furthermore, marrying a woman will produce more relationships which will be connected to you by the womb which is not your mother’s womb, it’s your wife’s. We as humans have to respect all relationships created for us either through our mother’s womb or any other women's womb thus respecting the carrier of the womb - women.

The next lesson is that, We have to be careful about what we say, what we think and how we act.These all contribute towards either having a messy painful relationship or towards tranquil relationships. When Allah says “O you who have believed, fear Allāh and speak words of appropriate justice”, this doesn’t become a guideline, instead it becomes an obligation to speak what is correct, right, fair and just. The word سَدِيدًۭا is translate as straight, right, good, just,or correct, which in all meaning says that Allah wants us to be fair in speech and conduct, instead of lying or being manipulative.

وَمِنْ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦٓ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَٰجًۭا لِّتَسْكُنُوٓا۟ إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةًۭ وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِى ذَٰلِكَ لَـَٔايَـٰتٍۢ لِّقَوْمٍۢ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ

And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for people who give thought. — Saheeh International

The nikah or marriage is the way to unite two souls into a household where they both unite with each other in harmony to make one solid household based on fear of Allah, fairness, love, justice and mercy which in general is needed to make this world a better place.

Photo by Alexis Antoine on Unsplash