Meet Bob - How the hospice cares for families

We believe in being there for all the family

Meet Bob

People often ask what North Devon Hospice does and how we care for people who need our support. The truth is there is no typical person, or typical journey, because everyone is different. Our care is designed to suit the needs of the individual, and their family.

However, to give you an idea of how someone might need the many services offered by North Devon Hospice, meet Bob. He is a fictional character, but his journey demonstrates the care we offer to local people‌

Meet Bob. Bob is 33 years old. He likes Led Zeppelin and enjoys most sports.

He married Amy 10 years ago and they have 2 daughters. Bob absolutely adores his children.

Having been worried about his health, Bob was referred to the hospital for tests and a scan. When he and Amy were told he had a brain tumour, the bottom dropped out of their world and Bob is keen to discuss what happens next with his GP. The GP explains the support available from North Devon Hospice and recommends that he makes a referral for Bob and Amy to the hospice.

The first contact they have with the hospice is a phone call from Jackie, a hospice Nurse Specialist. She wants to know how they are doing and discuss what might be helpful to them. Together, they decide it would be good if Jackie visits them at home.

When Jackie arrives, she explains that she is there to provide support and expertise throughout Bob’s entire journey. She has specialist training and a wealth of experience looking after people with the same illness as Bob. She talks to Bob and his wife about the various types of care and support that is available from the hospice and other services.

Bob and Amy start to feel that there are people there for them and that they have a lot more options for support than they initially thought.

Although Bob and Amy are apprehensive about going to the hospice, they decide to go to an event for patients and families.

Bob is pleasantly surprised by how warm and welcoming everyone is; it is not the morbid and depressing place that he imagined. Bob is pleased that Jackie, his hospice nurse, popped in to say hello and see how he was.

Amy worries about leaving Bob on his own but does need time to herself. They decide that they would both benefit from coming to the hospice.

Coming to one of the day sessions at the hospice gives Bob a chance to relax away from home. He makes friends with other people who are going through the same thing and finds comfort in their company. It is also a chance to talk through his treatment with the hospice nursing team and enjoy a fantastic home cooked lunch (not that Bob would ever complain about his wife’s cooking!).

Although Bob is reasonably able, he knows this won’t always be the case and he knows he is going to die.

Talking about this with his family and friends isn’t easy, so being able to share his feelings and worries with Jackie is really important to him. One of Bob’s main worries is the girls, so Jackie arranges for him to meet Joan from the Supportive Care team. She says that Joan can support Bob and Amy to feel more confident about what to say to the children and how to help them. Joan also spends time with the girls at school; they paint pictures of their dad and talk about what’s happening.

Bob, Amy and the girls spend more time together making precious memories.

Bob and Amy are feeling stressed. They both benefit from having complementary therapy at the hospice. After a treatment, Bob says he feels more relaxed and is able to sleep better.

Amy has come to realise that the hospice is there for her, as much as it is for Bob. She joins the Carers’ Support Group. First of all, she just listens, and is amazed to hear people experiencing exactly the same emotions as her.

Bob can see that Amy is different when she comes back from her group. It’s helping her. He decides to join the Patients’ Support Group. He feels it is a safe space to say exactly what he feels, without worrying about upsetting anyone he loves.

Bob starts to experience more episodes of confusion and disorientation. His GP and Jackie, his hospice nurse, suggest a stay on the Bedded Unit at North Devon Hospice for his medication to be reviewed.

Because Bob has spent so much time at the hospice, the thought of staying on the Bedded Unit doesn’t scare him.

Once the doctors and nurses get his symptoms under control, he is discharged back home.

Jackie, along with the GP and District Nurses, continues to support Bob at home, helping to make him as comfortable as possible.

Bob’s condition is deteriorating and it is obvious that he is dying.

Jackie has already asked Bob where he wants to die. His wish is to be at home, with our Hospice to Home team. Other health professionals can be on hand to make sure they are all as supported as possible.

Bob dies with his wife and daughters next to him.

Jackie visits Amy and the girls at home and explains what happens next. She tells Amy that the hospice will be there for the whole family during their bereavement even though Bob has now died.

Bob’s daughters enjoyed painting pictures of their dad with Joan and every time they look at them it reminds them of Dad and the happy times they spent together.

But it is hard for them not to have their dad around. They both spend more time with Joan, often at their school. Everything they do with Joan is designed to help them cope with what has happened.

Their teachers are grateful for this support because it gives them confidence to help the girls and their friends.

Amy is invited to a Bereavement Support Group at the hospice.

Whilst at the hospice, Amy makes a donation to have Bob’s name engraved into the beautiful oak archway in the hospice gardens called ‘A Way To Remember.’ It is a lasting tribute to him. The family decide they will come back here once a year, on Bob’s birthday, to visit the gardens and see Bob’s name while sharing memories of the man they all loved.

For some time Amy comes to see Mandy for one-to-one sessions to talk about her grief. Two years later, Amy rings Mandy to arrange to see her again. She feels she needs some support because she has met someone and it’s brought up lots of confused feelings. After one session, Amy is clear about what she wants and realises that it is OK for her to live her life.

Many years after Bob was cared for by the hospice, the family have not forgotten the support they received. They decide to host a party in the local pub, for what would have been Bob’s 40th birthday. It is a celebration of his memory, the kind of party Bob would have loved. Amy and the girls started fundraising for the hospice, which they will donate in memory of Bob.

Illustration by Tom Johnson - hello@tom-johnson.me

Ask your GP for a referral to North Devon Hospice.

We can offer care and support for all the family from the moment they hear the news.

North Devon Hospice, Deer Park, Newport, Barnstaple, North Devon EX32 0HU. Tel 01271 344248

The Long House, Holsworthy Dobles Lane, Holsworthy, North Devon EX22 6GH. Tel 01271 344248

info@northdevonhospice.org.uk www.northdevonhospice.org.uk

Registered charity no: 286554