The Stranger Vol. 22, No. 40

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Study Guide Questions for The Stranger, Volume 22, Issue 40

1. In a two-page spread this week, BRITTANY KUSA, CIENNA MADRID, ANNA MINARD, MARY TRAVERSE, and EMILY NOKES use cartoons to explain how women should respond to street harassment. Street harassment is a real problem. Why do you think these women decided to use the information-light medium of comics to discuss it?

2. Several of the cartoons in the spread suggest the threat of physical violence (faceelbowing, eye-gouging, scrotum-slicing) as a response to street harassment.

(a) The authors aren’t seriously suggesting violence as a response to verbal harassment, right?

(b) Let’s say a female reader follows their advice and threatens physical violence to a drunken harasser. Who will pay that poor suggestible woman’s medical bills?

3. JEN GRAVES discusses an artist who is building a house in the Olympic Sculpture Park. Ms. Graves does not address the obvious issue of building a structure on public land for the intent of art in a city that does not provide enough shelter for its huge

homeless population. Will a homeless person be evicted if they try to live in this structure? Is that fair? Why or why not?

4. This week’s Stranger also contains an issue of A&P, the newish arts quarterly created by the art critics of The Stranger. When you open The Stranger to discover an issue of A&P, do you

(a) squeal with joy and toss The Stranger aside, digging into the new issue of A&P?

(b) put the issue of A&P on the back of the toilet in your bathroom with the honest intent to read it eventually, even though you never do?

(c) use A&P to line your birdcage because the glossy cover “wipes up real nice”?

(d) immediately recycle the issue of A&P, because who needs more dithering about artists, for God’s sake?

5. This issue of A&P features the Genius Award shortlist. Do you believe the whiteness of the vast majority of these shortlisters reflects

(a) the whiteness of Seattle?

(b) the whiteness of The Stranger’s staff?

(c) both of these things?

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LAST DAYS

The Week in Review BY

DAVID SCHMADER

MONDAY, MAY 27 Hello! This week of things, things, and things kicks off with a thing in Aragon, Spain, where today a 70-year-old woman made a fatal bid for Mother of the Year by eating the drugs her adult sons were allegedly hiding from police and then dropping dead. Details come from Spain’s the Local , which reports today’s maternal drama went down during a traffic stop, when the mother attempted to shield her sons—age 37 and 43—from a drug-trafficking arrest by gobbling down their alleged stash. “The officers noticed the woman was ‘slightly out of it’ and escorted her to a medical centre in Teruel,” reports the Local. “The woman was treated, and thanked the police officers and the doctor who treated her. However, she died of a heart attack shortly afterwards.” Even sadder, the mother’s sacrifice seems to have been in vain: “After the woman died, police determined that the son she was travelling [with] was a suspected drug trafficker, and that the drugs which had caused his mother’s death may have been destined for sale,” reports the Local. “Officers then returned to the homes of the two sons and found drugs there. The men were then detained in temporary custody for an alleged offence against public health.”

TUESDAY, MAY 28 In lighter news, the week continues in New Mexico, where early this morning a 25-year-old man found himself in jail following an alleged law-flouting blowout for the ages. Details come from the Albuquerque Journal , which identifies today’s subject as Luis Briones, an impressive multitasker who first caught the attention of bystanders by allegedly speeding down the street in a car in which he was having sexual

STOP STALKING ME, STUPID WIZARD

Dear mural painter: You know how sometimes pop songs grow on you? When they first come out, you’re not interested, but after repeated playings over and over, you end up enjoying the song? Visual art doesn’t work that way. That black-and-white wizard you’ve stuck on every fucking telephone pole on Capitol Hill is lame and unwanted. I’m a fan of guerrilla art, but what you’ve done is excessive. It’s not art—it’s trash that you’ve decided we all need to see every day, everywhere we go. Please clean up after yourself. Stick to murals that someone has asked you or (amazingly) paid you to paint. I can easily avoid those.

intercourse with a woman. Soon after, Briones allegedly ran a red light and crashed into another vehicle. “Witnesses told police Briones was clearly drunk when he got out of his car, and offi cers found a partially full bottle of vodka in the vehicle,” reports the Journal. “Briones’s female passenger was found naked outside the vehicle… Briones was found with one shoe on and his shorts on insideout, hiding in a cactus.” Booked into the Metropolitan Detention Center, Briones faces charges of aggravated DWI, reckless driving, and evading police.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 29 Speaking of people who are good at life, the week continues in Florida, where today a couple of old friends seeking to cross a few items off their “bucket list” wound up behind bars. Details come from a police report obtained by the Smoking Gun, in which investigators define a bucket list as “commonly a term used for a list of things to do before one dies,” and identify today’s protagonists as 38-year-old Jennifer Morrow and 36-year-old Andrea Mobley, who thought they’d celebrate their lifelong friendship by crossing a couple items off their list together. Top of the roster: stealing from a retail store , a goal which allegedly led the women to a Walmart in Ocala, where they were soon arrested for trying to steal bathing suits and beef jerky. “Cops say that Mobley stashed the bathing suits in her purse, while Morrow ate the beef jerky as she walked through the store,” reports the Smoking Gun. “The items were valued at $73.78.” After being booked on charges of misdemeanor theft, each woman was released on $250 bond.

THURSDAY, MAY 30 In better news, the week continues in Seattle, where today workers at dozens of fast-food restaurants carried out strike rallies to fight for better wages. “Beginning at 10:30 pm Pacific Time Wednesday, workers at dozens of Seattle fast food locations began striking, launching the nation’s seventh work stoppage by fast food employees in eight weeks,” reports the Nation. “Organizers expect workers from chains including McDonald’s, Burger King, Taco Bell, Subway, Arby’s, Chipotle, Qdoba, and Jack in the Box to participate in the walkout, which will last roughly twenty-four hours… Like recent fast food strikers in New York, Chicago, Milwaukee, St. Louis and Detroit, the Seattle strikers are holding a one-day walkout to demand a raise to $15 per hour and the right to form a union without intimidation.” In a heartening move, Mayor Mike McGinn released a statement in support of the strike: “Seattle believes in shared prosperity for all of our workers, including those in the fast food industry. Too many of them are being left behind even as Seattle’s economy thrives. I support their organizing effort because our neighbors who work these jobs deserve to earn a living wage that can support their families and help them join a strong middle class.” See page 9.

FRIDAY, MAY 31 In more bittersweet news, today brings an end to a beloved American life: Jean Stapleton, the character actress

Put on your Jams/grass skirt/tube top/banana hammock and come to the

NIGHT OF A BUNCH OF GENIUSES

Beach Party!

Beach Party!

Thursday, June 6

• The summer issue of A&P The Stranger’s arts quarterly—is out.*

• The sun is out.**

• The list of finalists for the 2013 Genius Awards is out.***

So…

BEACH PARTY! Join a bunch of past Genius Award winners and current Genius Award finalists—that is, our city’s greatest musicians, visual artists, filmmakers, writers, and performers—plus Stranger staff at the (fake) beach at 420 Pike Street, on the sunny (knock on wood!) evening of Thursday, June 6. We’ll enjoy a vintage beach video installation by Collide-O-Scope, fake tanning, a tiki lounge, beachwear everywhere, live music, Genius Juice (wine by the great Sparkman Cellars, labeled with Geniuses, supporting the Genius Awards), and the limbo. After buying Dina Martina a new bathing suit, all proceeds go toward The Stranger’s $25,000 in annual Genius Award grants to Seattle artists. YES.

• 420 East Pike Street, corner of Summit, 7 11 p.m. (Come after art walk!)

• $25 suggested (but if you’re really broke and still want to come, enter the code WillLimbo to get the special broke-person price of just $10); tickets at strangertickets.com

• Entry includes two free drinks plus snacks (including Spam Sliders from Marination Station!) until they run out. And the first 50 people to arrive are guaranteed to get lei’d.

* It’s in this very issue of The Stranger! Or online at seattleaandp.com.

** Depending on when you are reading this.

*** As featured in the summer A&P in this very issue! And the artists on it will be celebrated and interrogated all summer long—find information about Five Nights of Genius at the Frye Art Museum at strangertickets.com.

who’ll be forever remembered as All in the Family’s Edith Bunker, died today at age 90 in New York City. As the New York Times obituary put it, “[Stapleton’s] portrayal of a slowwitted, big-hearted and submissive—up to a point—housewife on the groundbreaking series All in the Family made her, along with Mary Tyler Moore and Bea Arthur, not only one of the foremost women in television comedy in the 1970s but a symbol of emergent feminism in American popular culture.” Even better, she was fucking brilliant, happily sublimating her natural grace, intelligence, and singing ability to bring the simple, shambling, squawking Edith to life. RIP, Jean Stapleton.

SATURDAY, JUNE 1 In worse news, the week continues in Oklahoma City, where residents and emergency officials spent the day recovering from and assessing the damage brought on by more deadly tornados that struck the region yesterday evening. “The National Weather

Service reported ‘several’ tornadoes rolled in from the prairie, terrifying towns along their paths,” reports the Associated Press. “The storm toppled cars and left commuters trapped on an interstate highway as it bore down during Friday’s evening rush hour near Oklahoma City.” It also killed nine people, including two children and three storm chasers, and wounded 75 others.

SUNDAY, JUNE 2 In lighter but still ridiculously awful news, the week ends in Florida, where early this morning a trio of bouncers working at the Ocala Entertainment Complex entertained themselves by razzing a fellow bouncer, 31-year-old Andrew Lobban. Driving the mockery: a videotape showing Lobban misfiring a gun at a shooting range, which Lobban’s coworkers had seen and relentlessly teased him about—until this morning, when, just after midnight, Lobban stopped the teasing by shooting his coworkers dead. “Andrew Joseph Lobban, 31, was held without bond on three felony counts of first-degree murder after he admitted having shot the three men,” reports NBC News. “According to an Ocala police statement, Lobban said he shot the men—identified as Benjamin Larz Howard, 23; Jerry Lamar Bynes Jr., 20; and Josue Santiago, 25—because they were laughing and teasing him over an embarrassing video.”

Send hot tips to lastdays@thestranger.com, and follow me on Twitter @davidschmader.

OH GOD, ANOTHER ONE

PSST! IN HERE!!

RIP, EDITH

Supersize My Salary Now!

Seattle Fast-Food Workers Join Nationwide Strike, Demanding Higher Wages and the Right to Organize

BY GOLDY

Additional reporting by Brendan Kiley, Anna Minard, and Ansel Herz

About 20 supporters and a couple of TV news cameras had gathered outside the Ballard Taco Bell the night of May 29 in anticipation of the kickoff to a one-day citywide

fast-food strike. But a half-hour later, the planned walkout had yet to materialize.

Inside the garishly lit, glass-walled building, the three late-shift workers and a labor organizer remained huddled in conversation as the crowd outside started to wonder if the strike would kick off with a fizzle instead of a bang. These are among America’s leastempowered workers, so it would have been no surprise had they lost their nerve for fear of losing their jobs.

Then, shortly before 11 p.m., a car pulled into the drive-through lane. “Everyone’s going on strike, apparently, but I can take your order,” a voice cheerfully offered from the order kiosk speaker. The crowd cheered and the cameras rolled as the car slowly backed away.

Hundreds of workers walked out in the country’s largest fast-food strike.

Minutes later, a triumphant Caroline Durocher emerged from the restaurant, the first of hundreds of Seattle fast-food workers to join the strike over the next 24 hours. “We fast-food workers can’t afford to lose our jobs,” explained 21-year-old Durocher, but “it’s the right thing to do, and that’s all it comes down to.” Within the hour, Durocher’s coworkers locked the doors, turned off the lights, and posted a sign that they shut down early “due to short staffing.”

Early the next morning, a Burger King in Lake City shut down after all its nonmanagement employees walked out. A few hours later, strike organizers reported that two Subways and a Chipotle on Capitol Hill had also locked their doors. Seattle’s strike was not only the latest in a rolling series of nationwide fastfood walkouts, it was proving to be the largest: By the end of the day, at least eight—and as

many as 14, by some counts—local fast-food restaurants had been forced to shut down, at least temporarily. Many other stores were left to operate shorthanded. As one striker put it: “When a manager has to make fries, that’s a victory, too.”

Their demands? A $15 an hour minimum wage and the right to organize without retaliation: “Supersize our salaries now!” the picketers chanted.

According to federal data, there are approximately 33,000 fast-food workers in the Seattle metro area, earning a median wage of $9.50 an hour, one of the lowest wages of any occupation in the region. But even that overstates the annual earnings of most fast-food workers, who managers typically limit to less than the “full time” 30 hours a week that qualifies for health care, vacation, and other benefits. “Exactly 29.75,” laughed striking Arby’s worker Amanda Larson when asked about her weekly hours.

At $9.50 an hour, a typical Seattle fast-food worker would earn less than $12,000 a year, with no health care, no vacation, and no paid sick leave. But thanks to Washington’s highest-in-the-nation

working at the University District Taco Del Mar, Fernando Cruz earns only $10.50 an hour. “I like this job,” Cruz said while picketing his employer. “I like talking to customers.”

But he still wants “a better salary, benefits, and, most importantly, respect.” “Sometimes I can’t afford to eat,” said one striking worker, a shocking admission for an industry that specializes in selling cheap calories. It wasn’t always this way. Had it merely

1960s, the minimum wage actually rose in step with productivity, not inflation, meaning that minimum-wage workers shared evenly in economic growth. Between 1948 and 1968, the real value of the minimum wage rose 170 percent. Had lawmakers continued to raise the minimum wage in step with productivity, Baker conservatively estimates that it would be at least $16.54 an hour today.

Merely indexing the minimum wage to inflation would improve a lot of lives, said Baker, but would still result in “an ever-growing gap between workers at McDonald’s and people in the rest of the economy.” Seventy percent of minimum-wage workers are adults, said Baker, while 40 percent have a kid at home. “This is not just spending money for middle-class teens.”

Organizers from Good Jobs Seattle—a campaign supported by OneAmerica, Washington Community Action Network, and labor-backed Working Washington—reached out to local fast-food workers and found them receptive, but once the strike started, it spread spontaneously, exceeding the organizers’ expectations. In one of the most poignant moments of the day, Spanish-speaking marchers from a late-afternoon rally walked into a nearby Subway, and after a few minutes of conversation, convinced the young employee named Sophia Garcia to leave the shop and lock the doors. The crowd went wild as she smilingly made her way into their midst. “I’m very happy that you’re doing this,” Garcia said in Spanish. “Si se puede!”

But what of the impact on the economy?

“The minute the minimum wage goes high, I tell you, the fast-food restaurants will collapse,” warned Hasan Zeer, the owner of eight Subway franchises in Seattle, including several that were shut down by the strike. Even Jim Spady, vice president of Dick’s, known for paying some the best wages and benefits in the fast-food industry, cautioned that a higher minimum wage would cost some workers their jobs.

Baker, the economist, said these fears are overblown. A moderate increase in the minimum wage to $12 or $13, phased in over a few years, would have “little or no effect on employment,” he said. That doesn’t mean that some firms wouldn’t hire fewer workers, but in the aggregate, he said, “the numbers are really small.” (Washington State appears to bear this out. Our minimum wage is 22 percent higher than neighboring Idaho, yet our minimum-wage jobs aren’t fleeing across the border.)

BY THE NUMBERS

Number of fast-food workers in the Seattle area: 33,000

Fast-food workers’ average weekly hours: 24

Average hourly wage in Seattle fast-food restaurant: $9.50

Current Washington State minimum hourly wage: $9.12

Hourly wage wanted by protesters: $15

McDonald’s CEO 2012 compensation: $13.75 million

Percentage of minimum-wage workers who are teens: 30 percent

Percentage of minimum-wage workers who are parents: 40 percent

Sources: US Census, US Bureau of Labor Statistics

$9.12 an hour minimum wage, workers here have it relatively good. At the federal minimum wage of only $7.25 an hour, a typical fast-food worker earns about $9,000 a year.

It is poverty wages like this that help make “dollar menus” possible. After five years of

kept up with inflation from its 1968 peak, the federal minimum wage would be $10.69 an hour today. But as economist Dean Baker of the DC-based Center for Economic and Policy Research points out, up until the late

But while the economics seem obvious, the politics are not. “In the fast-food industry, the real power is in the corporate brands,” said Service Employees International Union vice president David Rolf. Rather than bargaining with individual franchisees, Rolf said the goal is to disrupt the status quo.

The day after the strike, local elected officials including Seattle City Council member Mike O’Brien and state representative Gerry Pollet escorted strikers back to work and reminded their bosses of their legal rights. So far, no striker has been fired.

In the eight weeks since they began, the strikes have also taken place in New York, Chicago, Saint Louis, Milwaukee, Detroit, and DC. “This is a beginning,” said Rolf. “I think we have to see if we can build a movement.”

SHUT THEM DOWN Workers and supporters outside fast-food restaurants (above); Sophia Garcia, a striking worker, locks the door of Subway behind her (below).

KELLY O

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Why Is Albert Shen Running for City Council?

He’s

Got Plenty of Ambition and Lots of Cash, but Little Vision

BY DOMINIC HOLDEN

Albert Shen is a skilled political climber. He earned the governor’s appointment in 2009 to the Seattle Community Colleges board. Meanwhile, he has served as a board member for the Puget Sound Susan G. Komen Foundation, proving his loyalty to women’s issues, and last year, he joined the Obama campaign’s national finance committee, raising more than $100,000 for the president’s reelection and earning his stripes in the Democratic Party.

It seems natural that Shen, 46, would now run for election to city hall. “It’s what I want to do; it’s what I want to accomplish,” he says.

Although Shen initially planned to run for mayor, he’s settled on the Seattle City Council, taking on Mike O’Brien, one of four council members defending their seats this fall. O’Brien is the council’s most liberal member, a freshman who has sponsored successful, although controversial, bills to reform elections, ban plastic shopping bags, and create an opt-out registry for yellow pages (the yellow-pages companies sued the city, requiring the city to pay out a $50,000 settlement, but a registry was ultimately implemented). Still, Shen says, “It’s not about him,” adding there is “no particular reason” he ran against O’Brien.

last December in which he lamented that “streetcar construction sprawls throughout the city,” even though a scant few miles of track hug the urban core. He also blasted the city leaders for “finding solutions that beg for a problem to solve.” Hoping to find some air between him and the council, I ask Shen what he meant.

Shen cites the city’s decision to spend its affordable housing funds in South Lake Union, funds that will be gained by letting developers build taller towers in the neighborhood instead of less expensive areas like Rainier Valley and the International District where they “can build more affordable housing per dollar.”

While that’s a valid point, Shen couldn’t identify the counterargument—that affordable housing should be kept where the jobs

That line of defense makes it difficult to discern what Shen would do differently than his opponent.

When pressed on agenda specifics, Shen says he intends to bring his expertise managing storm-water runoff as an engineering consult to the council when it begins a cleanup of the polluted Duwamish River. (A virtuous goal—although O’Brien’s environmental bona fides as the former director of the state’s Sierra Club chapter suggest he would also be a strong advocate for river cleanup.)

Shen argues that Seattle needs him because the council is currently all white.

“The council has no ethnic diversity right now, and with my background as an Asian American… I want to bring that diverse perspective to the city council, and I think that’s been lost recently,” Shen says.

The council actually does have a member of color: Bruce Harrell, who is half Japanese and half African American. When I tell Shen, he says, “I stand corrected on that.”

That one slipup alone may not be worth reporting—everybody misspeaks from time to time, even if gaffes by aspiring politicians are magnified. But it’s worth mentioning because, for all Shen’s ambition and strategic ascent in politics, it seems characteristic of his candidacy. By the end of our hour-long interview, Shen showed he was unfamiliar with several pressing city issues and was unversed in policy debates before the council. Although Shen proclaims noble civic intentions “to serve the public in some capacity,” he still presents a mystery about what he would do if voters boost him higher up that political ladder.

Shen penned an op-ed in the Seattle Times

are, in South Lake Union.

In general, Shen’s politics vacillate between out of touch and impractical.

For instance, he opposes the legalization of marijuana. “I have personally seen the abuse of marijuana and what it has done to kids and families,” he says. (Seattle voted overwhelmingly for a state law to legalize marijuana last fall.)

Regarding bike lanes, a subject the city council has more influence over, Shen opposes nearly all of them: They get in the way of vehicles, particularly freight traffic, he says. He adds that they should be limited to streets where they can be separated from cars with pylons and locations where “it is safe for them.” It seems backward to build bike lanes only in places that it’s already safest for bikes while neglecting the roadways where they run a larger risk of getting hit.

Shen

laments bike lanes, streetcars, and legal pot.

Shen also says he is a “little wary” of a bill that would limit employers from asking applicants about their criminal history until they are tentatively hired, a measure with most of the council’s backing designed to reduce recidivism.

While Shen appears somewhat disengaged and conservatively out of step with Seattle’s council—and voters—he is flush with cash. The latest city records show he has raised $93,000, nearly double the $47,000 raised by O’Brien, meaning Shen may climb this ladder, too.

ALBERT SHEN Extremely eager.

KELLY O

Meet the Information Pit Bull

BY CIENNA MADRID

It’s a Thursday morning and around 20 people are milling about in the Seattle Center Armory’s cathedral-like food court. Jazz music streams from overhead speakers, and vendors hawking time-share condos call out to young mothers and a handful of early-bird tourists as they find seats, while on the far side of the room, two homeless men rest at tables with their backpacks carefully packed and propped on plastic chairs. Fifty-eightyear-old Howard Gale eyes up the scene, readjusts his baseball cap, and takes a table next to the table of homeless men.

The choice is deliberate: Gale is suing the Seattle Center and the City of Seattle for withholding public documents that he suspects will illustrate how the Seattle Center is trying to push homeless patrons out of the city-owned-and-operated Armory.

He’s already won one lawsuit—a judge recently ruled that the city violated state public-disclosure laws and withheld documents from Gale last year. “The City admits that [it] may have been inadequate by inadvertently failing to produce some responsive documents,” summarized King County Superior Court judge Theresa Doyle in a March 13, 2013, judgment.

But Gale is suing again, this time in appellate court, to recover a batch of still-missing documents and shine a light on the city’s troubling practice of flouting state law and withholding public information to suit its interests.

Gale contends that the Seattle Center staff has been working for the last year to “mitigate” its “homeless problem” (their words, not his) by turning off power to public outlets that homeless people use to charge their cell phones. Or else covering the outlets with locked covers.

It might seem like an obvious, even practical, business decision—a city-owned tourist destination discouraging homeless patrons

staff about the changes, they demurred.

So Gale filed a public-disclosure request with the Seattle Center for any documents that would prove that the city had, in fact, tried to “restrict or control the access of any particular group of people to space or services (including access to AC outlets) at Seattle Center.”

It’s a point of pride that Washington has one of the strongest public-disclosure acts in the country, which grant the public access to a wide range of documents—from handwritten notes to e-mails—pertaining to the conduct or performance of any state or local government agency. The government must then remit a copy of those documents in a timely manner.

Gale got his smoking gun when he received his first batch of documents on November 14, 2012. Among them was a February 3 e-mail from Seattle Center chief operating officer Mary Wideman-Williams that stated: “The topics that surfaced repeatedly as ‘biggies’ were: How to manage our resident transient population? (includes making decisions about power outlets in the atrium).” Other staff e-mails voiced concerns that the homeless “could drive away food service customers or vendors” and that the Seattle Center should work with the police and human services departments to mitigate “the potential displacement of transient population due to new [Armory] space use & amenities.”

Around city hall, Gale is known as a political gadfly who digs into issues—and doesn’t let go.

“I think it’s fair to call him big-brained and bullheaded,” said one city hall staffer who asked not to be identified. “As a city employee, you kind of cringe when a guy like Howard Gale zeroes in on your work. He has opinions on everything and he’s not shy about telling you how to do your job.”

from using its resources—and hardly worth the fight. But there are two issues at play: Seattle Center is public, like any park space, and homeless patrons have just as much right to use it as time-share-condo salesmen and clods of tourists from Missouri. And Gale says the implications of the city’s failure to fulfill his disclosure request are huge.

“They’re playing a shell game with public information,” he says. “If there are no consequences, why wouldn’t they do it again?

With you or with anyone else?” Indeed, the Seattle Times just settled out of court with the Seattle Police Department, another city

“As

cringe when a guy like Howard Gale zeroes in on your work.”

department that withheld a key document in a public-disclosure request relating to the 2012 May Day protests.

Back at the Seattle Center, Gale leans back in his chair and surveys the near-empty food court.

“There’s no other resource like this in the city,” says the experimental psychologist with a PhD from Harvard, who walks from his Queen Anne home to work three times a week or more. “It’s a space where anyone can come to relax, regroup, and charge their computers or cell phones, and its code of conduct is much different than at the library. It’s looser here.”

That is, until last September, when Gale noticed that the Armory’s accessibility was being discreetly cut off. Locked covers appeared on all of the available electrical outlets, and new behavior rules—rules that prohibited patrons from resting their heads on tables, for instance—were implemented and selectively enforced. When Gale asked Seattle Center

Although he uncovered some records that showed the city targeting homeless people, Gale says he knew that information was still missing because there was a five-month gap in notes culled from biweekly staff meetings. “Someone had to be giving orders,” Gale speculates.

The missing documents may violate the state’s Public Records Act. Over the next month, Gale says he played a game of hideand-seek with Seattle Center—one where he asked repeatedly, “Where’s the missing information?” To which they basically responded, “What information are you missing?”

Gale finally filed a lawsuit against the city and Seattle Center in King County Superior Court on December 3. He says his lawsuit soon highlighted another flaw in city transparency: The City Attorney’s Office had to fulfill the disclosure request while simultaneously defending the city against Gale’s lawsuit. Gale says the dichotomy amounted to a “violation of legal ethics. They can’t vociferously defend their client while filling my request.”

But city attorney spokeswoman Kimberly Mills calls this claim, at least, “meritless.”

She says that her office has three assistant city attorneys dedicated to honoring the Public Records Act by filling requests and training other city employees to fill requests. “Our office can defend the City against Mr. Gale’s lawsuit while simultaneously promoting transparency,” she says.

Since Gale filed his lawsuit, the city has released an additional 402 documents. Still, Gale contends more are missing. Gale is now mulling over the idea of building a nonprofit citizen action group dedicated to filing and fine-tooth-combing over large government projects.

“If these things are relegated to court battles and get tied up for months or years, the city’s won,” he says.

insurance to participate. If eligible, you will be compensated for time and travel.

Five Men Charged with Bloody Hate Crime on

Capitol Hill

Prosecutor Says It’s “Common” for Out-of-Towners to Target the Gay-Friendly Neighborhood

BY ANNA MINARD

On Wednesday, May 29, at around 9:45 p.m., five men who were visiting Seattle beat a young man bloody while yelling antigay and racist slurs, right on 10th Avenue and East Pike Street by the Comet Tavern, police say. Charging documents obtained this week by The Stranger describe details of the crime, which now has those men—all white, in their early 20s, and from out of state— facing charges of malicious harassment, the state’s hate-crime charge.

“Most disturbing about it is the number of people on one person,” says Mike Hogan, a senior deputy prosecuting attorney in charge of hate crime cases, when asked if there’s anything notable or unusual about this case. A witness said there were “actually up to six or seven” assailants, Hogan explains, but he could only identify the five who were charged.

Hogan also pointed out something surprising about the city’s most gay-friendly neighborhood: “It’s common to see people not from our area… go up to the Pike/Pine district and offend there.”

The group of men had been “hanging out on the street… calling people walking by derogatory hate speech names,” according to records filed in King County Superior Court on June 3. “One name they repeatedly called men passing by was ‘faggot.’” A witness quoted in the charging documents, a doorman at the Comet, described the crowd as

Who Will Rent Out Their Storefront?

Landlords May Have to Incriminate Themselves

BY BEN LIVINGSTON

Any entrepreneur who wants to open a pot business in Washington State will start with a fairly straightforward application process: submit fingerprints, disclose criminal history, share an operating plan that names financial backers, and promise that taxes are paid up. But then the draft rules issued by the Washington State Liquor Control Board last month list this unusual requirement: “a signed affidavit from the landlord acknowledging the leased premises will be used as a marijuana business.”

This last demand could be a problem if implemented by the liquor board. Critics say it amounts to landlords incriminating themselves, the sort of obstacle that could hamper many retail-pot business plans.

Seattle attorney Kurt Boehl, who specializes in defending marijuana cases, says that federal drug-forfeiture laws provide what is called an “innocent owner defense.” Any property used to facilitate a drug crime can

“angry, pissed off,” and ready to “fight with anyone they deemed a member of the offensive terms they were using.”

That’s when a 20-year-old black man walked past the group, when he too was called a faggot, and he “made some remarks back to the group,” the records explain. As the bouncer would tell police, “When that happened, the group… began repeatedly calling [the victim] a ‘faggot’ and a ‘nigger.’”

Then the group allegedly “swarmed” the young man. Charging papers describe one of the suspects grabbing the victim “around the neck” and “[taking] him to the ground,” where they allegedly punched and kicked him. He was able to flee eventually, as the crowd “continued yelling at him, still calling him a ‘faggot’ and a ‘nigger.’”

Police arrived, and the victim returned to the scene. “He was shaking, upset, crying and had a lot of blood bleeding from a cut on

A

bar bouncer identified the men to police.

his lip,” says the police record. The suspects were arrested on the scene after the bouncer identified them.

Hogan, the prosecutor, says “the thing that’s nice” about this case is that the witness was “proactive, vigilant, made the identifications. We’re really grateful that that happened… Somebody cared—a lot. He didn’t know the victim, but he cared enough to assist the police in identifying the perpetrators.”

As for picking Capitol Hill, the suspects “certainly didn’t select a very hospitable neighborhood for their idea of a good time, and I’m glad of that,” Hogan explains. “I don’t think they really understood the dynamics of the neighborhood.”

If convicted, the men face a standard sentencing range of three to nine months, depending on prior convictions, which Hogan says they’re likely to actually serve. “The judges take this really seriously.”

RECYCLE

be seized, but federal law allows a landlord to plead ignorance as an “affirmative defense” to such charges. “Unless they are partners, they are an innocent owner,” Boehl says.

But sign an affidavit saying you are fully aware of the federal law violations occurring on your leased property, and the story is different. “Requiring this would eliminate that defense completely,” Boehl says.

I spoke to a Seattle landlord, Pat—he asked that we use a fake name to protect his anonymity—who is interested in renting to legal pot businesses. Proposed zoning rules from the City of Seattle and regulations in Initiative 502 will make his property among the relatively few locations where pot shops can legally open, so he considers the possible profit worth the risk. But Pat has never heard of a landlord signing such an affidavit, and he hopes the liquor board will modify that requirement. “With the city shrinking the number of places that people can run these businesses, I’m expecting the property value of these types of places to go up.”

Boehl says federal prosecutors haven’t pursued landlords who were not “directly involved in the illegal activity.” Still, he suggests riskaverse landlords avoid attesting to federal law violations. “Arguably, it could make them complicit or a coconspirator in a federal Uniform Controlled Substances Act violation.”

Anonymous landlord Pat agrees: “This is not for the faint of heart.”

SOURCES SAY

• Carl Winter, the leader of the group Reasonable Density Seattle and a resident of Capitol Hill, has been campaigning to stop the construction of dozens of microhousing buildings—a style of housing that involves a shared kitchen and rents that are affordable to working-class tenants. Frustrated by the influx of renters and the lack of public notice about the projects, Winter told Reuters, “I’m living the nightmare.” Winter is officially the city’s biggest baby throwing the city’s most classist tantrum.

• Mike Hope, the retired-cop-turnedpersonal-trainer-slash-state-representative (R-Everett), has added another notch to his employment belt: actor Hope scored his own IMDb page (and YOW, what a page!) for being cast as the shirtless, hairless “Officer O’Connor” in the film Vampire Soul: Hidden in Plain Sight

The Republican lawmaker has been cast as the shirtless, hairless cop.

• Thanks to state senate Republicans’ refusal to fix a technical error in Washington State’s estate tax, the Department of Revenue will start processing $50 million in refunds this week to families who inherited non-farm estates worth more than $2 million. “Once we issue refunds, the state will not be able to recover that money even if the legislature passes an estate tax fix,” says DOR spokesman Mike Gowrylow. Total losses—all targeted to education spending—could exceed $160 million through 2015, making for some very happy rich people.

• On Monday, June 3, Mayor Mike McGinn announced his intentions to build a streetcar through downtown Seattle to connect the First Hill Streetcar to the South Lake Union Streetcar. By 2030, city officials estimate that transit will need to carry an additional 8,000 people per hour into downtown during morning commutes, which amounts to about 10 four-car streetcars or 150 new buses.

• Ten women’s and civil rights organizations, led by the ACLU of Washington, called on Governor Jay Inslee on May 31 to enact an immediate six-month moratorium on all proposed or pending Catholic hospital merger decisions in the state, mergers that could severely impact gay and lesbian patients and restrict access to abortion and end-of-life care. In response, Inslee’s office says that he “remains very concerned” about the issue and has asked his staff to look into “all available options—including a moratorium.”

• At the mayoral candidates’ forum on arts and culture at Town Hall on Monday night, neighborhood activist Kate Martin revealed her insane plan for what to do with KeyArena. “I do think the acoustics are really special at the Key,” Martin said, suggesting that we turn it into a dedicated world-class concert hall called “The Queen Anne.” Nowhere in the universe could the acoustics at Key Arena be considered “special” in a good way.

RAIN CITY

Street Harassment Two Can Play at This Game!

Some men think of creeping on women as a game. Here’s how to beat them at their favorite summer pastime.

BY CIENNA MADRID, ANNA MINARD, MARY TRAVERSE, AND EMILY NOKES

ART BY BRITTANY KUSA

Misogynists are a lot like trap-door spiders. You’re familiar with trap-door spiders, right? They don’t spin big, obvious webs like normal spiders; instead they specialize in sneak attacks on their prey. Which is how misogynists are like trap-door spiders: They may appear unassuming—they iron their clothes! They love their mothers!—but then a woman passes by and “asks for it” by making eye contact and BAM! She’s hit with “Nice tits” or “I’d tap that ass” or, worse, a criminal groping.

We colloquially call this street harassment, but it happens everywhere: at work, in the park, at bars, on the bus, at the dentist, in school, even at funerals. No public space is off-limits, and no woman is immune.

As women, it’s hard to convey the fear, shame, and inarticulate rage that these interactions provoke. It’s hard to explain to men what it feels like to be harassed by a stranger who is invariably larger and stronger than us, and who has just demonstrated his eagerness to play out the beginning of every rape fantasy we’ve never had—in public. Worse yet, it’s almost impossible to come up with a great response (or to dig out your cheese-turned-scrotal-grater) when you’ve just been sexually harassed. Not that women are encouraged to respond

THE

to street harassment—if anything, we’re trained to wordlessly swallow abuse or risk escalating a demeaning situation into a dangerous one.

But the idea that a woman’s selfrespect is the secret ingredient that turns a run-of-the-mill misogynist into a rapist is horseshit. Horseshit piled so high you couldn’t scale it all in a day—a Mount Rainier–sized pile of horseshit. Women aren’t the problem here. We don’t need any more advice on how to avoid or ignore street harassment. If anything, what we deserve are a few good revenge tactics.

Unless you’re physically harassed— like let’s say a stranger just up and grabs your boobs. That’s a crime, and you should call 911 right away. It’s no different than if someone walked up to you and slapped you in the face. Call 911 and say, “Some guy has just grabbed my boobs and I feel unsafe.”

What men need is a wake-up call: You’re the problem. If not you personally, then your best friend, a coworker, or that dude in your fantasy football league is. You’re making us feel unsafe every day, in a thousand different ways. To help you better identify your harassing behavior, we’ve illustrated the most common types of misogynists below—along with the comebacks from us you might not get, given the trap-door spideriness of your attacks, but which you certainly deserve.

SPACE INVADER

The guy who uses crowded public spaces as an excuse to grope you.

How Women Usually React

THE WORK LURKER

The guy who uses your service-industry job to trap you into interacting with him.

How Women Usually React

Here’s a Better Idea

THE WHISTLER

The guy who whistles at you like a dog to get your attention.

How Women Usually React

Here’s a Better Idea Bust out the ‘Serious Chicken’ move.

Here’s a Better Idea Respond by frothing at the mouth and barking loudly and aggressively.

THE AGGRESSIVE STARER

The guy who stares at you like you’re a hamburger in slut’s clothing.

Here’s a Better Idea Take off those headphones and call him out.

How Women Usually React

THE WOLF PACK

The pack of guys who just want to do whatever you’re doing.

How Women Usually React

Here’s a Better Idea

THE PERVY MIME

The guy who licks his lips or grabs his crotch while silently staring at you.

THE

How Women Usually React

THE DRIVE-BY

The guy who screams derogatory remarks out of the car windows and then speeds away.

How Women Usually React

Here’s a Better Idea

Call the nonemergency police hotline, 206-625-5011, and tell them you feel threatened. And anything else you want to tell them, too.

THE COMPLIMENTER

The guy who uses compliments to critique your femininity and hit on you.

Here’s a Better Idea Take out your phone, snap a pic of them, and post it to ihollaback.org

PEANUT

GALLERY

Guys who feel entitled to loudly discuss women within earshot.

How Women Usually React

Here’s a Better Idea

Here’s a Better Idea Burp in that asshole’s face.

How Women Usually React

In closing…

Ladies, as much as we all love scathing comebacks, chances are you’re not always going to be prepared with the perfect response while being harassed. But here’s something you can practice saying in front of a mirror: “Stop harassing me.” It’s simple, it’s straightforward, and it signals everyone within earshot—including your harasser—that you’re uncomfortable and you need help. And if the harassment doesn’t stop or you feel like you’re in any immediate danger, call 911 immediately.

And guys: We don’t want to hear any horseshit victim-blaming about women these days not knowing a compliment when it jumps out at them from a dark alley. Here’s a good litmus test for compliments: Would you say it to your mother or niece? No? Then don’t scream it at the woman who’s just trying to catch the number 8 bus. And if you find yourselves justifying any of the behaviors mentioned above, practice saying this in front of a mirror: “I’m a sad, delusional trap-door spider who repulses women with my words and actions.” And then knock it the fuck off.

Have you ever been harassed on the street? Comment at THESTRANGER.COM/FEATURES

Life After Death Facing Mortality

When You Least Expect It

by Tony Platt

We are in the final days of a summer vacation in London, my wife Cecilia and I, trying to cram in as many sights and scenes as possible. Tate Modern of course. A young woman I’ve never met before approaches me in the vast expanse of the Turbine Hall. Without any niceties, not even a hi or hello, she tells me in some detail how she nearly died from tuberculosis in Czechoslovakia when she was 12 years old. “I could see the pores open on my skin and suck in the air that saved me.” She sounds like a religious fanatic, but she’s not. She stretches out her arms, almost touching me, to show me where it happened. “Like an acid trip,” I offer. “Sort of, not really, and then I woke up in hospital alive,” she says.

I’m interested; I ask for more. So she tells me of a time when she was younger, being pulled out of a sudden deep pit of snow by somebody’s hand. Nearly suffocated. “Whose hand?” I ask. “Nobody’s, it just felt like a hand.”

I tell her my stories, how during the last five years, I’ve had terrifying car accidents. In one, a young guy ran a red light and sideswiped me, totaling the car. In the other, I skidded across an icy highway on a dark-black night, off the four-lane road into a void that turned out to be a gentle rise. Not a scratch on me. “I’ve been healthy all my life,” I say, “then two near misses.” I don’t mention the obvious hit—the death of my son—but it’s on my mind.

reality. “Much better, Dad,” he said wryly as he reviewed the two-page inventory, enough misery for eight people: loss of hearing, chronic pneumonia, apnea, ataxia, double vision, arthritis, gout, multiple fractures, and so on.

Now 70 years old, I’m hyperaware of how bodies, as Metamorphoses puts it, “can change to assume new shapes.” I try to stay in shape, work out three times a week at the

gym, erasing various aches and pains with the jock’s little helper, ibuprofen. “Never a day in hospital since I was a child,” I tell the Czech woman, “and just like that, two accidents over which I felt I had no control, and it could have been curtains.”

Coming to a pause in our stories, we shake hands there in the Tate Modern and part without saying good-bye. An intimate conversation between strangers is quickly

Daniel had four close calls in his fully lived half-life, all stemming from a brain tumor the size of a small orange discovered when he was a teenager. The fifth and final call, late at night six summers ago, was on target, capitalizing on its predecessors. His catastrophic illnesses and the catastrophic treatments that followed—surgeries, radiation, chemo, and a cabinet-load of experimental drugs—kept him alive but took a sorrowful toll on his body. “I feel like an old, old man,” he said just before his 40th birthday, four months before his death, as we reviewed his ailments together. One of my jobs was to keep the list updated, ready for visits to docs and hospitals. He had complained once when I abbreviated his medical history in order to spare us the depressing

It was during my daughter’s wedding, while eating a celebratory dinner on a sunbaked lawn in the luminous twilight, that Daniel chose to tell me what kind of funeral he wanted.

over, both of us willing participants in Tino Sehgal’s improvisational script about what it means to connect with others.

Later that evening, after dinner with friends, I begin to feel ill.

The next day, I’m shuffling between bed and toilet in our Fleet Street flat. I’m okay when I’m horizontal, but on my feet I’m a little dizzy. Could be flu or a bug or food poisoning. By the next evening, feeling a little worse, now easily tired, I search for fleet street doctors on the web and find the Fleet Street Clinic a hundred yards away.

Soon I’m reporting my symptoms to a young, extremely pleasant doctor from Germany. As I tell him my troubles, he googles. After he checks my heart rate and taps my stomach, he’s pretty sure I have a virus that

has penetrated my inner ear, and that unless it’s a rare chronic variety, I should be okay in a few days. He advises me that it would be better, however, if I didn’t travel back home the next day as planned. He prescribes me £12.50 ($20) worth of painkillers “just in case your stomach hurts” and sends me off with a printout about labyrinthitis and vestibular neuritis from patient.co.uk. My 15-minute consultation in a private clinic in London costs me £70 ($111), meds not included.

The next day, I insist that Cecilia take her flight back to the United States. “I’ll rest for a few days, get rid of this virus, and come home later. I’ll be okay. I know my way around England,” I reassure her. “I don’t feel like an outsider.”

I grew up in Manchester before leaving for the United States in 1963. I have relatives here. Moreover, two close friends from San Francisco have just arrived to spend the year in London. “Don’t worry,” I tell Cecilia, “Mark and Lydia will help me if I need them.”

Cecilia leaves at dawn. I get up, but the room is spinning. By now, as a later medical report notes, my stools have become decidedly offensive. I pop a couple of Imodium with a view to getting myself plugged up for the journey home. I don’t trust myself to take a shower without falling, and I no longer trust the private medical system to provide an inside track to recovery.

At my niece’s urging, I call the National Health System’s help line. A screener takes my details, and within an hour I’m being quizzed on the phone by a nurse who takes his time to get all the details right. Later that morning, accompanied by Mark and Lydia, I visit a local NHS clinic. A GP asks a few questions, puts her finger up my ass, and dismisses the diagnosis of inner-ear virus. “It’s melena, you’re bleeding in your stomach, you’re clinically anemic,” she says, sure of herself, and refers me to University College Hospital. “The medical team is waiting for you in Emergency.”

I crumple to the ground outside the clinic while Mark tries to run down a taxi. I feel like I have seen the future and it doesn’t work. During the short journey from clinic to hospital, I’m getting worse, more disoriented and physically incompetent than I have ever felt in my life. “I’ll always remember you at that moment,” Lydia will recall a few days later. “You suddenly looked old and frail. Like an old man.” She hesitates.

TONY PLATT is the author of 10 books, including most recently Grave Matters: Excavating California’s Buried Past, published by Heyday in 2011. He has taught at the University of Chicago and UC Berkeley, and is currently a visiting professor of justice studies at San Jose State University.

TONY PLATT

THE SITE OF A VIKING FUNERAL This is the spot where we said good-bye to my son Daniel, shortly after his 40th birthday.

Images: Photos by Robert Wade (left and middle), Photo by Nathaniel Willson (right)

“Something about the shape of your body, the way you bent over.”

By the time we arrive at the hospital, I’m out of it. Mark puts me in a wheelchair and zigzags me into the waiting room. “He’s deteriorating,” Lydia says to the receptionist. She’s scared. So am I, imagining the worst.

I’d imagined the worst about Daniel many times, given my involvement in his lifetime of medical care, as well as a familiarity with the vulnerabilities of his body. But we had more in common than grim visits to oncology and lung clinics, and hilarious Xrated consultations with urologists. We also shared a love of cooking, Frisbee marathons, and, literally, the same clothes. His humor, like mine, was dry and sly. His politics, like mine, were rooted in the leftist ’60s, with an affinity for Latin American revolutions. He celebrated his high-school graduation by witnessing the Sandinista revolution, and a few years later, he picked oranges on a work brigade in Cuba.

In January 2006, with time running out, I began to seriously address quality-of-life issues with Daniel. I consulted a specialist in palliative care. “It’s important for the whole extended family to know what you want for yourself,” I passed on to the patient. By way of reply, he bought himself a new bike that he rode around precariously, deaf to passing cars, a balancing act to behold. “I don’t want to tiptoe through life,” he told me. It was during my daughter’s wedding in an exclusive Napa resort five months later, while eating a celebratory dinner on a sunbaked lawn in the luminous twilight, that Daniel chose to tell me what kind of funeral he wanted. He had just had a weekend getaway at our family cabin in Big Lagoon, some 30 miles north of Eureka on California’s northwest coast, where even on a calm night, you can hear the kettledrum booming of waves hitting the shore. Before Daniel left Big Lagoon for the last time, he wrote in the cabin’s journal, describing his successful search for the black-green glint of rocks peculiar to the area: “The jade gods have been good to me.” But not all omens were propitious: “When my well-used body gives up, which I hope is not for a while, I’d like a Viking funeral…”

Six weeks later, he was gone, and the family gathered in Big Lagoon under a foggy, darkening sky to fulfill his request. His wife brought his physical remains, a few pounds of ashes in a cedar box. Together we all made a raft from long pieces of buoyant driftwood washed up on the shore, lashed together by strands of twine. At twilight, we built a small pyre to hold the cedar box on top of the driftwood. There were rose petals for us to scatter, and two bouquets of herbs to

accompany the ashes: rosemary, oregano, lavender, sage, yarrow, thyme, and a little bit of forget-me-not. “And we never will.”

We carried the three-tiered edifice to a promontory jutting into the lagoon, a sanctuary of calmness facing the ocean. The pyre lit up immediately and moved gradually offshore. Sooner than we expected, the section holding Daniel’s ashes separated from the raft, now ablaze too. But, inexplicably, both kept burning for 10 or more minutes, with the pyre moving further and further into the distant heart of the lagoon. “Just like Daniel,” somebody shouted as we watched his Viking self sail off into the lagoon, the fog lifting to reveal a crowded sky.

I’ve been back to Big Lagoon regularly since then, enough times to hone my rituals. I collect jade and walk along the western shore of the lagoon to pay my respects to Daniel’s launch site, now marked magically by three sentrylike limbs of a beached tree sprouting through the sand. I usually chat with Daniel here, not unlike the Native people, the Yurok, who lived here “since time immemorial” and used to visit nearby Nrgr’i-o-il (“As far as it comes”), where the cliffs and beach meet, the site of a spirit who helps you “if you go and talk to him.” On warm days, I sit by the lagoon, propped up against Daniel’s tree, and imagine the place where, according to the Yurok, disembodied souls pass through a lake into the underworld. But even when the weather is good, I keep an eye on the mutinous ocean.

AFor once in my life, I feel as vulnerable to the medical establishment as my son always did.

s for my sudden illness in London, a combination of events has put me at risk—my initial denial that it was blood down there, taking an over-the-counter drug that masked my symptoms, and the private doctor’s quickie misdiagnosis. For once in my life, I feel as vulnerable to the medical establishment as my son always did. The acute-medicine team at University College Hospital moves quickly on my case. A relay of doctors confirms that I’m suffering from bleeding ulcers, no other pathology, not the stomach or colon cancer I feared. The nursing staff surrounds me with care and compassion. “Not to worry, darling, you’ll be better soon.” And they are right. Three days later, seven pounds lighter, topped off with three liters of blood, I’m on the mend. Ibuprofen, I’m told, is the likely culprit. “Three weeks of omeprazole capsules and you should be fine,” says a doctor. The care I receive from the NHS in England is comparable to the care that I would have received from Kaiser, my HMO in California. Except a tourist from England with an acute problem would not have been admitted to Kaiser because it’s a members-only organization, linked for the most part to work-related health insurance. And if this same English tourist had staggered into another hospital in the United States, the first order of business would have been the matter of payment. But at University College Hospital in London, money is never discussed, and I rack up quite a bill: X-rays, an EKG, blood tests, gastroscopy, lab analysis, and ICU-like care for the first 24 hours.

Aside from £60 ($95) required by the Neaman Practice for their diagnosis and £25 ($40) for a big bundle of optional phone and telly services at the hospital, there’s no charge. It costs me about twice as much—a change fee—to rebook my flight home with United Airlines.

After I’m out of danger, I’m moved to a regular ward and am relieved to chitchat with my neighbors. The man in the next bed, Michael, is roughly the same age and class background as me. Both of us have been healthy all our lives, never in hospital since we were kids. Our politics are very different—I read the Guardian and New Statesman, he reads the Daily Mail and Spectator—but neither of us is interested in ideological combat. Bigger issues are on our minds.

After I’m discharged, I revel in the everyday, but I feel compelled to return, not as a patient but as a visitor to see Michael. “I had a pain in my stomach,” he says, “just like you did. Went to see some doctors, and they told me I had inoperable cancer. I said no to chemo, what’s the point.” The docs gave him about three months to live.

“How long ago was that?” I ask.

“Three months,” he replies, looking me in the eye. “It’s all over for me. I’m going to die very soon. Look,” he says, opening up his puny hospital gown to show me up close how the cancer has bloated his once lean and handsome body. He wants out of the hospital now, this minute. He craves his garden and the intergenerational household that he shares in London with his wife, daughter, and grandchildren.

“And you?” he asks. I tell him the dice rolled lucky for me this time.

My last day in London, we talk personally about our families. I tell him about the death of my son Daniel. Michael tells me how difficult it was to let his granddaughter know about his own looming death. I give him the piece of slick jade that I always carry with me on trips for good luck. “It’s from a place in Northern California called Big Lagoon. I found it on the beach. It keeps me grounded about what’s important,” I say to Michael. It’s difficult to say our good-byes, both of us teary. “I wish we had met under better circumstances,” concludes Michael. “Me, too,” I reply. When we shake hands, I feel the jade warm in his palm. “I’ll put a hole in it and wear it around my neck,” he says with a lovely smile.

A week later, Michael gets his dying wish and leaves the hospital to spend his last days with his family in a London hospice. I’m back home in Berkeley, short of breath but a glimmer of my old self.

Comment on this story at

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JANIS LEWIN

DANIEL IN 1984 To celebrate his high-school graduation, he went on a tour of Nicaragua to witness the Sandinista revolution.

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The Great Soviet & American Plutonium Disasters

(6/7) UW Science Now Ethan Ahler: What Cancer Eats & Why it Matters

(6/7) Jessica Wapner

A Mutant Gene and the Quest to Cure Cancer

(6/8) Thalia Symphony Orchestra Season Finale

(6/9) Byron Schenkman and Friends Schubertiade

(6/10) Christopher Wills

The Vital Balance of Humans & Nature

(6/11) Pharos Editions Debut

Sherman Alexie, Jess Walter & Jonathan Evison with Paul Constant

(6/11) JACK Quartet Featuring Joshua Roman

theSTRANGER SUGGESTS

Piano Starts Here: Music for the Baroness

MUSIC The Baroness Pannonica de Koenigswarter was a European aristocrat with a passion for jazz. Charlie Parker famously died in her Fifth Avenue apartment. She was often seen driving jazz musicians to shows in her RollsRoyce. Tonight’s show, which was organized by Wayne Horvitz and Tim Kennedy, features four Seattle pianists performing music that was composed for the baroness by jazz giants like Sonny Clark, Horace Silver, and Thelonious Monk. (The Royal Room, 5000 Rainier Ave S, theroyalroomseattle.com, 8 pm, $7 adv/$10 DOS, all ages) CHARLES MUDEDE

Klara Glosova ART

There is a dreamlike, almost impossible intimacy to Seattle artist Klara Glosova. She’s been known to precisely re-create a pair of children’s underwear in painted ceramic and leave them lying on the lawn, for instance. I (and maybe you too) have been in her shower, on her bed, in her children’s bedrooms, at her kitchen counter— Glosova runs NEPO House, where she hosts art events gleefully grafted onto her family’s domestic life. This new gallery show is her alone, in a set of ceramics, photography, and sketches that “connect here/now reality with her personal mythology, deeply buried beneath consciousness.” (Gallery4Culture, 101 Prefontaine Pl S, 4culture.org, 6–8 pm, free, through June 28) JEN GRAVES

‘The Twilight Zone: Live!’ STAGE

Blank Realm

During the 21 years Theater Schmeater has lived in its subterranean theater-bunker on Capitol Hill, it has regularly produced part-campy, part-sincere re-creations of Twilight Zone episodes. People love them: the fascination with the outer edges of science, the moral queasiness about our workaday existence, the cheap cocktails. This round has entertaining shorts about marooned astronauts, a tyrannical and psychic child, and a drunkass Santa Claus. Schmeater will have to relocate soon (due to real-estate issues), so enjoy this old bunker while it lasts. (Theater Schmeater, 1500 Summit Ave, schmeater.org, 8 pm, $18 adv/$23 DOS, through June 15) BRENDAN KILEY

‘Crystal Fairy’

SIFF

Seems like it’s been years—Superbad, maybe?—since we’ve seen Michael Cera in a movie with a truly dirty sense of humor. And we’ve never seen the Cera we meet in Crystal Fairy: In this Chilean comedy, Cera plays an asshole American tourist who’s in it for the South American drugs and not much else. He picks up a dirty hippie American who calls herself Crystal Fairy (Gaby Hoffman, brilliantly putting the manic pixie dream girl trope under harsh lights and letting the imperfections hang out), and the two head out on a quest to try some hallucinogenic cactus. This is uncomfortable Ugly American comedy at its sharpest. (SIFF Cinema Uptown, 511 Queen Anne Ave N, thestranger.com/siff, 5 pm, $12) PAUL CONSTANT

MUSIC

Blank Realm’s deceptively modest name belies one of the most exciting rock bands in Australia—no, make that the world. Their songs boast vocals, choruses, and fairly typical structures, but these familiar elements somehow cohere into scintillating, catchy songs devoid of corn. At a time when most rock is groaning on its deathbed, Blank Realm’s latest album, Go Easy, suggests that there’s still robust life in the old coot yet. Check the “Death Valley ’69”–like “Acting Strange” for proof. (Cairo, 507 E Mercer St, cairocollection.blogspot.com, 8 pm, all ages) DAVE SEGAL

‘Cockneys vs. Zombies’ SIFF

Just when you think the zombie movie is finally spent as a genre, along comes a shiny little low-budget comedy like Cockneys vs. Zombies to prove you wrong. A pair of East London kids robs a bank to help save their beloved grandpa’s nursing home from evil gentrifying real-estate developers, but then the zombie apocalypse gets in the way Cockneys isn’t as funny as Shaun of the Dead or as awesome as Attack the Block, but it’s got more than enough gory shocks and funny twists on zombie tropes to make for a primo midnight movie experience. (Egyptian Theater, 801 E Pine St, thestranger.com/siff, midnight, $12) PAUL CONSTANT

Play Hooky at Bar Sajor

CHOW Bar Sajor is lovely during the daytime, and maybe especially so in the spring. The huge windows look out on the newly leafy trees of cobblestone Occidental Park, onto the always dignified, old-timey buildings of Pioneer Square. Bar Sajor is not currently open on the weekends, so to experience the daytime greatness—it’s Matt Dillon’s new place, so what you will eat is also of springtime, of nearby and now—you have to come for weekday lunch, or for afternoon snacks and a bottle of wine. It is a very good way to play hooky, rain or shine. (Bar Sajor, 323 Occidental Ave S, 682-1117, 11 am–8 pm) BETHANY JEAN CLEMENT

Pharos Editions Debut

With the brand-new Pharos Editions, popular authors introduce new readers to lost classics. Pharos’s first wave features a juggernaut of local talent: Sherman Alexie sponsors Todd Walton’s basketball novel Inside Moves, Jonathan Evison chose McTeague by Frank Norris, and Jess Walter endorses Robert Cantwell’s 1935 Washington labor epic Land of Plenty. Tonight, Alexie, Evison, and Walter will appear in a panel discussion (moderated by me). They’ll explain why they picked these particular books and examine the possibility that they may one day be the semi-forgotten author who needs rescuing from the depths of obscurity. (Town Hall, 1119 Eighth Ave, townhallseattle.org, 7:30 pm, $5) PAUL CONSTANT

Jess Walter

LOOSE LIPS

• Seattle’s hardest-working showbiz star, Jerick Hoffer, best known to TV and Twitter fans as Jinkx Monsoon, got roaring standing ovation after roaring standing ovation on Sunday night at Cornish Playhouse for The Vaudevillians. It centers around yet another fucking brilliant drag creation of Hoffer’s: an old-time gal named Kitty Witless who’s recently been unfrozen from an accident involving an avalanche and a lot of cocaine. Much like the beloved and defunct New York City drag act Kiki & Herb, The Vaudevillians features hilarious reinterpretations of pop hits. Unlike Kiki & Herb, The Vaudevillians features Hoffer doing a handstand in the lap of an audience member. After the first of two shows in a single night, Hoffer was seen backstage hugging his brother, his mother, his aunt, and his grandmother and telling them, “I have to go to Akron, Ohio, in the morning”—it’s the start of the Absolut Drag Race Tour. After the tour, he’ll frantically race home to do a concert version of Hairspray at 5th Avenue Theater and Freedom Fantasia at the Triple Door before flying across the country again to make his New York City debut in a 17show run of The Vaudevillians

• Congratulations to Seattle filmmaker

Shawn Telford, whose debut feature BFE is one of six American films accepted into the Champs-Elysées Film Festival’s US in Progress program, wherein a handful of independent films in postproduction are screened by a judging panel of European buyers, distributors, and producers, with the winner given a full Euro-release fun-pack, including digital postproduction, subtitles, and promotion. Good luck, Shawn!

• First-year UW MFA student Rebecca Chernow is presenting a four-week investigation of systems of exchange in the lobby of the Henry Art Gallery. She’s been fabricating a fiat currency, accepting objects for barter, and gilding anything not nailed down. She’s also, incidentally, created a microeconomy that may or may not allow visitors to legally acquire cannabis

• At 8 p.m. last Sunday, the Capitol Hill branch of Half Price Books closed its doors for the very last time. In August, Spine and Crown Books on Pine Street will close. Twice Sold Tales—love ya, Jamie!—is the highest-profile used bookseller on Capitol Hill again. And still, Elliott Bay Book Company refuses to carry used books, because they apparently love leaving money on the table.

• Last week, a Los Angeles independent bookseller said he received a call from Amazon.com asking if he would consider selling Amazon’s Kindle e-readers. The bookseller politely refused. Now other independent booksellers (local and otherwise) have reported to The Stranger that they, too, have gotten calls from Amazon about selling e-readers in their stores. As always, Amazon refuses to comment one way or the other, but it’s hard to imagine what the online bookseller’s game plan would be: They’ve spent years marginalizing independent bookstores, and now they want indies to sell the very devices that many former booksellers claim put them out of business? Well, bless their little hearts.

ARTS

THEATER

The Virgin and the Slattern

Tony Kushner’s Homebody and a New Play About a Drunk, Slutty Clown

BY BRENDAN KILEY

Actor Hannah Victoria Franklin does her best work when she’s playing a specific strain of human viciousness—roaring, sneering, sarcastic, intoxicated, and destructively promiscuous. (Can someone organize an allfemale festival of Mamet plays for her to star in? That could be Franklin’s apotheosis.) She played that kind of sexy beast in Tommy Smith’s White Hot at West of Lenin in 2012 and is bringing the scary back for Tall Skinny Cruel Cruel Boys, a world premiere at Washington Ensemble Theater.

In Boys, Franklin plays Brandy, a successful children’s birthday party clown whose recreational activities would drive the mothers who hire her around the bend—she drinks heavily, serially screws off-limits guys (usually entertaining fathers and teenagers after she’s finished entertaining the tots), and gambles like a fiend. She lives as if the innocence of her day job is a stain that must be

archetype of the sad, drunk clown is a cliché, but Franklin’s combination of bile and smile—and a heartbreaking scene where she performs, under duress, a pantomime of her own arc of debasement—can be jarring. She’s like a marshmallow with a core of creosote. Even though her character’s reversal is sudden and not terribly well-explained, one still breathes a sigh of relief during the final fade to black when she laughs a real laugh—and not just a laugh that’s a thinly veiled snarl.

The title character of Tony Kushner’s monologue Homebody makes the opposite kind of transition. She begins as austere and almost ostentatiously sexless, sipping tea in her home and talking to us about her boring life—distant husband, antidepressants, a cartoonishly sterile middle-class life—juxtaposed with her fixation on the tumultuous and bloody history of Afghanistan. She talks in a precise but loopy manner, which she admits is difficult to listen to:

I speak… I can’t help myself. Elliptically. Discursively. I’ve read too many books, and that’s not boasting, for I haven’t read many books, but I’ve read too many, exceeding I think my capacity for syncresis—is that a word?—straying rather into synchisis, which is a word. So my diction, my syntax, well, it’s so irritating, I apologize, I do, it’s very hard, I know.

scrubbed away with broken glass and vomit.

The play, by Caroline V. McGraw, is heavy on clowning and puppetry to communicate its point. (It was directed by Jane Nichols, who has taught clowning at the Yale School of Drama.) Children are represented by Cabbage Patch–esque dolls, and Brandy’s inner demons are represented by a literal demon under her bed with big red claws that creep out at night to lovingly and menacingly scratch at her body. The metaphor is a little ham-fisted, as is the growing red scab on her chest, which begins to recede when she makes her latestage reversal back into a more moderate way of living.

REVIEW

Homebody

New City Theater Through June 22

The plot, moreover, is not particularly rich—she’s a train wreck, the train wreck gets worse, she turns over a new leaf—but thanks to the cast and Nichols’s direction, the characters are almost universally delightful to watch. Jay Myers plays Jack, a fresh-faced high-school student, with gleeful innocence, merrily tangling himself in Brandy’s poisonous web without realizing how awful things might get. And Samie Spring Detzer brings a more pugnacious innocence to the character of Tash, Jack’s high-school girlfriend—an Encyclopedia Brown–style youth-sleuth who figures out what’s going on and, unexpectedly, saves everyone from themselves.

Tall Skinny Cruel Cruel Boys

Washington Ensemble Theater Through June 24

Synchysis (the script spells it “synchisis”) has a few definitions, including a poetic structure favored by Latin poets, but she’s using it in the sense of “borderline incomprehensible.” Yet Homebody, played with an elegant and transfixing reserve by Mary Ewald, sells herself short. Her situation—a white woman fantasizing about exotic Afghanistan on the eve of its collision with US bombs—is only too clear, and strangely prescient. Homebody began as a monologue Kushner wrote for an actor he admired, and it grew into the lengthy play Homebody/Kabul. (Some say it didn’t grow so much as metastasize—I’ve never seen the full play, but several critics argue that the Homebody seed is much more successful than Homebody/Kabul.) Eerily, Homebody/Kabul was written before the 9/11 attacks and has become more eerie as time has lurched on. It’s a commentary about welleducated people sitting in well-appointed rooms thinking they understand Afghanistan (or any faraway place) because they’ve read a few books on the subject. We know now that our collective failure to recognize the limits of our own ignorance can have bloody consequences. (In an afterword to the published version of the play, Kushner writes that “eerily prescient” has been used so many times to describe it, his boyfriend began joking that it should become the playwright’s drag name: Eara Lee Prescient.)

But Boys belongs to Franklin, who plays Brandy with a level of knowing self-destruction that is, at times, frightening. The old

Homebody fantasizes from her prim world about this far-off land that has been conquered so many times in the past 5,000 years—and she wants it to conquer her. By the end, she’s telling us of an errand she ran to buy some festive Afghan-style hats for a party. She presumes the shopkeeper is from Afghanistan and notices that three of his fingers have been hacked off. She immediately sexualizes his mutilation, imagining herself making love to him beneath a tree in Kabul. Of course, there is nothing wrong with making

LARAE LOBDELL

TALL SKINNY CRUEL CRUEL BOYS Like a marshmallow with a core of creosote.

love to a mutilated Afghan man beneath a tree in Kabul, but Kushner ever so delicately reveals the grossness of a privileged woman erotizing the oppressed and brutalized as an antidote to her own neurosis and fear of the world. Sexualizing suffering—real-deal, historical suffering—is an especially pernicious strain of Orientalism. (In the full version of Homebody/Kabul, Homebody actually goes to Afghanistan and meets reality by coming to a grisly end.)

But Ewald’s performance is a thrilling exercise in hesitation and restraint (her talents are the opposite of Franklin’s). By the end of the monologue, we adore Homebody, sitting and prattling at her table, delicately stacking her Afghan hats, and glancing off to her left where a violent red light occasionally beams through the lath of a busted plaster wall. We feel intimate with her—not least because the play is performed in a very small room for only a handful of audience members—and her being torn between fantasy and reality. Or, as she puts it, her state of being “suspended in the Rhetorical Colloidal Forever that agglutinates between Might and Do.”

Fabricating Belief

A Father-Daughter

Discussion

BY JEN GRAVES

Late in the afternoon last Friday, after a long week of work, Heather Hart and Harry H. Hart III agree to sit down to talk. We meet at Green Leaf restaurant in the basement of the Labor Temple in Belltown, close to their construction site. Harry has been to the Labor Temple before, for a meeting of his carpenters’ union years ago. Now he’s retired, but using the same skills to help his daughter build art. On a weedy, sloping lawn at the Olympic Sculpture Park, they’re erecting a structure facing water and mountains and sky. It will look like a buried house with only the attic and roof sticking out. All summer, people will walk in it and on it, they will drum on its interior walls made of animal hides, and Donald Byrd will dance on the roof.

musicians—two generations of the band Harry H. Hart and the Virginians—and being black. Heather is mixed-race; she groans that her undergraduate art was “didactic, exotic hardwoods with things graffitied into them, my brother’s dreadlocks sandwiched between layers of resin.” The themes haven’t disappeared; they’re just less obvious.

PREVIEW

The Western Oracle: We Will Tear the Roof Off the Mother June 22–Oct 13, Olympic Sculpture Park

The wood-frame form is based on Heather’s childhood home in North Seattle, which Harry partly built. Harry the First constructed his own childhood home, too. Heather keeps rebuilding hers. In 2010, she made one at a sculpture park in Minnesota, then again last year at Brooklyn Museum. Details vary, but each house is attic and roof only, summitable and enterable. She calls them “oracles.”

This series stems from a lineage that culminates with Heather: 30s, dressed perpetually in no-nonsense overalls, and living

“You want to create this story for yourself that you can turn to when you lose control.”

in Brooklyn, where she moved a decade ago after graduating from Cornish College of the Arts. Her parents, Harry III and Sue, met in art college in Oakland. The most notable other characters are the first two Harry H. Harts, who stood out in the college town of Williamstown, Massachusetts, for being chefs, being

Over the course of two hours of sodas at Green Leaf, it becomes apparent that what father and daughter most want is to know more about each other. Heather first invited him to help her five years ago, on her gradschool thesis at Rutgers. They built a porch as an interactive installation inside a gallery. “We had music,” he remembers. “People came in and they danced. They went into the crawl space underneath. It was nice.”

But, Heather explains to her father all this time later, the dancing didn’t just happen spontaneously.

“I planted the dancers there,” she says. Every 15 minutes, dancers instructed to “invade the personal space” of the people on the porch raised the tension on the upper deck, sending people into the haven of the crawl space below, which had maybe previously seemed more dangerous and mysterious.

“It’s new to me to hear her talk about her art,” Harry says. “My favorite stuff is, I don’t know, I guess like Norman Rockwell, what he did for the Post. As a craftsperson, it’s something I can handle and not have to think about it so much.” He pauses and thinks, then says to Heather about his own small metal sculptures, “Remember the face I did looking up, and the hand?”

“Yeah,” Heather says. “There was a lot of modernist stuff you did, and abstract stuff, but later, really figurative.” She pauses and thinks, too, then says, dutifully, “I did pay my dues. I know how to paint.”

Each of them is building the bridge across a generation gap’s worth of differences in art. The year Heather got her MFA, she went to her first extended family reunion—flying both out into the art world and back into her family. When she got a travel grant from an art foundation, she used it “to find rooftops

my family lived under” in the East, South, and West. “Most people go abroad,” she laughs. She found an interview with Harry the First at the historical society in Williamstown—in it, he named the family’s African tribe. “I immediately go call my dad on the phone, and he says, ‘Well, but… you know he was a storyteller.’”

Harry looks on, smiling, saying nothing. He has the posture of a mountain.

“These oracles, they’re fabricated—it’s this fabricated belief system,” Heather continues. “You want to create this story for yourself that you can turn to when you lose control. And that’s like Great-Grandpa. He was a storyteller.”

Harry Hart the First did publish a book of a certain kind of stories. It’s a 1951 cookbook of recipes he developed for athletes at Williams, and it’s on Amazon, with a cover the color of a blue ribbon. Harry let Heather discover it for herself in her research, then pulled his copy off the shelf at home, so she could see the real thing.

BOOKS

The Resurrection Game

With Pharos Editions, Great Local Authors Revive Long-Dead Novels

BY PAUL CONSTANT

Let’s begin with an embarrassing admission: One of my predictions about the rise of e-books absolutely failed to come true. When Project Gutenberg and Google Books revived thousands of out-of-print books and made them freely available to anyone in the world with an internet connection, I thought a small-but-significant number of readers would become spelunkers of literature. I envisioned book-review blogs for novels that hadn’t been read in 120 years, book clubs

discussing feminist trends in freshly rediscovered prefeminist literature, and a small battalion of people flipping through .epub files the way record collectors dig through boxes of vinyl.

PREVIEW Pharos Editions Debut: Sherman Alexie, Jess Walter, and Jonathan Evison Tues June 11, Town Hall, 7:30 pm, $5

Obviously, that didn’t happen. It’s always embarrassing when a prediction completely fails to come true, of course, but that’s not what upsets me about all this. The worst part of my prediction not coming true is that all those books are still floating out there, unread and unloved, even though almost everyone has access to them. And worse, thousands upon thousands of books are still going out of print every year, with no one but the authors to bemoan their fate.

Turns out, Google can’t do everything. The organizations that are best suited to bring modern readers to long-out-of-print novels are the same organizations that put those novels to death in the first place: publishers. But just because a publisher launches a line of reissues doesn’t mean people are going to pay attention. You need some sort of a way to attract readers in a business where hundreds of new books are struggling for shelf space, too. You need—and this is ugly, but true—a gimmick.

Luckily, local publisher Dark Coast Press’s new imprint, Pharos Editions, has a great gimmick: Each book is sponsored by a popular author with a meaningful, emotional connection to the book. The author chooses an out-of-print book and writes the introduction to the reissue. This lashing of the dead to the living—like Weekend at Bernie’s for the publishing industry!—is smart stuff.

For the first wave of Pharos Editions, a high-profile lineup of Washington State writers did the choosing: Sherman Alexie, Jonathan Evison, and Jess Walter, with Simpsons creator Matt Groening selecting a fourth title. That’s a powerful starting bench— though it is, unfortunately, entirely male, and all the novels the authors chose were written by men, too. (Pharos Editions editor Jarret

LIKE DAUGHTER, LIKE FATHER, LIKE GREAT-GRANDPA, TOO Art and the Harts (Heather, left, and Harry H. III).

THE STRANGER

NW NEW WORKS FESTIVAL

JEN LANCASTER

The Tao of Martha (Penguin) Monday, June 10 at 7pm

Notoriously witty, bestselling author of many books, including Bitter is the New Black and Pretty in Plaid, is back with a new memoir chronicling her attempts to Martha Stewart-ize her life. TICKETS REQUIRED.

WENDY TREMAYNE

The Good Life Lab (Storey) Tuesday, June 11 at 7pm

This is the inspirational true story of how one couple ditched their high-powered careers and high-pressure life in New York City to move to rural New Mexico, where they made, built, invented, foraged, and grew all they needed to live self-sufficiently, discovering a new sense of abundance in the process.

RICHELLE MEAD

Gameboard of the Gods (Dutton) Wednesday, June 12 at 7pm

Mead, the bestselling author of the Vampire Academy Series, debuts the first novel in her Age of X series. In a futuristic world, Mead’s latest series centers around a bleak future in which organized religion is controlled by the government following the global incursion of a deadly disease.

17171 Bothell Way NE, Lake Forest Park, WA 98155 206.366.3333 • www.thirdplace books.com

Middleton promises that the next two yetto-be-announced Pharos titles were selected and written by female authors, “with more on the way.”)

Alexie is uncharacteristically tongue-tied about his selection, a 1978 novel from Todd Walton. “I can’t begin to tell you exactly how much Inside Moves means to me,” Alexie’s introduction reads, before he finally concludes that it “ranks with the very best sports novels ever written” and is “the Bull Durham of basketball, except with war injuries, amputees, prostitutes, radical surgery, and the lonesome, lonesome wails of hungry souls.”

And even this avowed sports-hater can confirm that Inside Moves is a great novel. It’s about a pair of basketball-loving, disabled Vietnam veterans, Roary and Jerry, who barely manage to scrape by at the very fringes of society. Good fortune finds Jerry, however, and he eventually makes his way to great success,

This lashing of the dead to the living—like Weekend at Bernie’s for the publishing industry!—is smart stuff.

which Roary watches with a complicated mixture of pleasure and apprehension. Alexie and Walton don’t speak with the same voice, but they sure do share a range: Inside Moves’ main characters could easily hang in the same social circles as some of Alexie’s seediest protagonists. Beneath the bruises and the booze, you’ll find a pair of piercing eyes staring you in the face and daring you to deny them their humanity. You can’t—you don’t want to—look away. Inside Moves is the only book that clearly made its mark on the author’s style, but the other books have their own charms. Groening picked Eric Knight’s You Play the Black and the Red Comes Up, a twisty Depression-era noir thriller. Evison’s selection, Frank Norris’s McTeague, is a dark and dangerous story of a dentist in 1890s San Francisco whose wife wins the lottery, beginning an inexorable slide to murder. Every romantic passage is followed by a slap to the reader’s face; every beautiful phrasing shares a page with something bleak and breathtaking.

Robert Cantwell’s Northwest labor epic Land of Plenty, Jess Walter’s selection, is the kind of lost classic that every author dreams of rediscovering. Cantwell, a favorite author of Ernest Hemingway and F. Scott Fitzgerald, wrote many short stories and two novels and then, for reasons out of his control (institutionalization) and within his control (he was an editor at Sports Illustrated for years) left the fiction business forever. Land of Plenty’s kaleidoscopic structure will appeal to modern

audiences, and its pro-worker message is just as important today as it was at the book’s publication in the middle of the Depression. It begins with a blackout in a factory, during which time the workers have a moment of quiet to stop and reflect on the absurdity of their exploitation. A marvelous book like this, with such a heartbreaking story behind it, is exactly why lost classics deserve to be found. And all that raw material is out there, floating just above our heads. Maybe Pharos Editions will finally inspire people to go looking for greatness on their own.

BOOKS

Location, Location, Location

Youth Is a City, and Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore

Used to Live There

BY PAUL CONSTANT

For many of us—the weird ones, the dissatisfied ones, the ones who get bored easily—young adulthood is less sketched out in events than in geographies. A memorably crazy fuck-buddy situation is inextricably tied to a shitty Pittsburgh apartment; a succession of humiliating jobs is lightened with the sun and sounds of San Diego. A new city can be a canvas on which the young and the angry get to experiment with themselves, to sketch out the boundaries of their personalities.

PREVIEW Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore, Amber Dawn Thurs June 6, Calamus Auditorium at Gay City, 6 pm, free

Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore’s whip-raw memoir The End of San Francisco (City Lights, $15.95) is all about that experience, the need to discover who you are by defining yourself in a place. She avoids the clichés of other angry young memoirs by sharing her protagonist role with San Francisco. It’s the story of how Sycamore transformed from a drug-addicted, angry gay man named Matthew into an influential queer activist. She partly makes that transformation thanks to San Francisco’s culture of tolerance, but it also happens partly out of spite in the

face of San Francisco’s gentrification and self-satisfaction.

Much of the comfort of moving to a city is finding other people who are just like you:

We were vicious and vibrant, we judged with a purity that can only be imagined when you’re really imagining. We held elaborate conversations, debates really, about when and where it was appropriate to shoplift. Some of us thought anywhere was okay, because the actual crime was the selling and marketing.

And some of the pleasure comes from identifying the people who are not like you:

Hipsters were the enemy—we all agreed about that. They were vapid culture vultures who didn’t have any politics. They

looked kind of like us, so we had to constantly draw the boundaries. We were always talking about how hipsters were taking over, soon there wouldn’t be anyone but hipsters in the Mission.

But when you love a city as much as Bernstein Sycamore did, you can’t ever really rest. You worry about it dying—cities always die when you’re not paying attention—and so you drink and you do drugs and you want to stay awake and watch the city forever through your bleary eyes, to make sure it never changes. You want to see the city remain a temple to your youth and your anger and your hope. And then everything changes, and you have to change, too. And when you leave a city like that, it hurts like hell, but it feels like emerging from a chrysalis, too, because what you’re really leaving behind is you.

GINA CARDUCCI

MATTILDA BERNSTEIN SYCAMORE Like San Francisco, she contains multitudes.

27. 532 1st Ave S, 374-8977.

GENIUS

Thurs 6/6

NIGHT OF A BUNCH OF GENIUSES

Party with past Stranger Geniuses and brand-new Genius nominees, and peep the summer issue of The Stranger’s arts quarterly A&P

It is beach-themed, with beachthemed drinking, and after buying Dina Martina a new bathing suit, all proceeds go toward our $25,000 in annual Genius grants to Seattle artists. Come! 420 E Pike strangertickets. com. $25. 7–11 pm.

ART

Gallery

Openings

4CULTURE

It’s Growing on Me : NEPO

House/5K Don’t Run organizer Klara Glosova shows the ceramic sculptures and digital photographs that are the product of her efforts to live in the moment. Free. Reception Thurs June 6, 6-8 pm. Mon-Fri. Through Jun 28. 101 Prefontaine Pl S

ABMEYER AND WOOD

William Morris: Sculptures of ritual vessels in glass and stone by the artist who was a glass celebrity. He went from being completely on fire to taking his earnings and chilling the fuck out, mostly retiring from the public eye. Smart one, that guy. Now he’s popping back up with pieces in the convenient price range of $85,000 to $350,000. Free. Tues-Sun. Through Jul 28. 1210 Second Ave S, 628-9501.

BHERD STU DIOS

2nd Amendment: A Visual Dialogue: Gun collectors, gun rejectors, and those who fall in the middle plead their cases in art. Free. Reception Fri June 7, 6-9:30 pm. Wed-Fri. Through Jul 3. 312 N 85th St, 234-8348.

BRIAN OHNO GALLERY

Metaphors of a Landscape : Research-based paintings inspired by study in Phnom Penh by Adrianne Smits. Free. Tues-Sat. Through Jun 29. 521 S. Main Street, 206 459 6857.

LINDA HODGES GALLERY

Andrea Joyce Heimer: Paintings of dark and funny suburban scenes. Free. Reception Thurs June 6, 6-8 pm. Tues-Sat. Through Jun 29. 316 First Ave S, 624-3034.

LXWXH

The Obsessive Unknown Origins of Grotesque Irregularity: A group of artists held together by their narrative acumen, penchant for ornament, and “obsessive processes.” Also, the “boundaries of clutter” will be pushed. Includes Casey Curran and Bette Burgoyne. Free. Reception Sat June 8, 6-9 pm. Jun 8- Jul 6. 6007 12th Ave S

OPEN STUDIO PROJECT

Restless: Paul Rucker debuts his temporary gallery space with an interactive installation, jewelry, and nightly performances, all from Rulon Brown. Free. Opening Thurs June 6, 5-9 pm. Jun 6-16. 301 Occidental Ave S

PAPER HAMMER

The Topography of Cracks: Work by Libby Gerber : Accordion books that lovingly render cracks in what appears to be 1:1 scale. Free. Mon-Sat. Through Jun 30. 1400 Second Ave, 682-3820.

PROGRAPHICA

The Landscape Evoked : Six artists consider the trickier aspects of depicting space in non-objective landscapes. Free. Reception Sat June 8, 2-4 pm. Wed-Sat. Through Jul 13. 3419 E Denny Way, 322-3851.

PRISM COLLECTIVE

Both Are: a compound love story : Seven artists present new pieces responding to J.D. Salinger’s Franny and Zoey Includes work from Sarah Stinson and Amelia Hooning. Free. Reception Sat June 8, 7-10 pm. Jun 8- Jul 29. 5208 Ballard Ave NW

ROQ LA RUE

Otherworld: Group invitational featuring 18 artists and counting. Free. Wed-Sat. Through Jul

SOIL

Octahedron: Eight artists, each making up one side of this show, which includes Jenny Heishman and Sean Gallagher. Latent Utility: Natural materials used in a “post-industrial context” from Allyce Wood. Free. Reception Thurs June 6, 6-8 pm. Wed-Sat. Through Jun 29. 112 Third Ave S, 264-8061.

Continuing Exhibitions

G. GIBSON GALLERY

Undertow : New work from Julie Blackmon, who returns to Seattle with her immaculately composed photographs of domestic life undergirded by sexuality, violence, and chaotic potential. Insert gushing here. Free. Tues-Sat. Through Jul 13. 300 S Washington St 587-4033.

GREG KUCERA GALLERY

Sherry Markovitz : This artist has been living in Seattle and making art for decades, and at this very moment she’s up for a Stranger Genius Award. Free. Reception Thurs June 6, 6-8 pm. Tues-Sat. Through Jun 29. Mark Calderon: Some of his sculptures are more than 12 feet tall, but the ones in this show are his (much) smaller ones, of snakes and turtles and other creatures in bronze and lead, including a man bent over and appearing to give himself a very happy time. Free. Thurs June 6, 6-8 pm. Tues-Sat. Through Jun 29. 212 Third Ave S 624-0770.

MIA GALLERY

Bruce Clarke, Battlegrounds: Clarke paints the human body in order to liberate it. Free. Reception Thurs June 6, 6-8 pm. Tues-Sat. Through Jun 29. 1203A 2nd Ave, 467-4927.

PLATFORM GALLERY

Everything Right and Anywhere Now: Peter Scherrer’s brushstrokes veer from controlled to feral. His landscapes contain kid jokes—there’s a doodled chipmunk—ensnared in gothic nests. Cartoon froggy eyes bug out of a claustrophobic thicket; a cutely sketched pocketknife rests on a tree whose gnarls block out all the sun in the world. When his oils are right at that point of being as clear as they are muddy, you can fall right in. Free.

Reception Thurs June 6, 6-8 pm. Wed-Sat. Through Jun 15. 114 Third Ave S, 323-2808.

SUYAMA SPACE

AXIS INDEX : Damien Gilley grafts blueprints of threedimensional extensions onto two-dimensional surfaces, resulting in a cross section gone crazy, with doorways leading to nowhere, overhangs floating in midair, staircases detached. The drawings extend beyond the walls onto tiered rows of foam-core boards, arranged so that if you stand precisely at the center of the room the shapes all line up (almost) perfectly to create an imaginary continuation of Second Avenue beyond the gallery walls. Free. Mon-Fri. Through Aug 9. 2324 Second Ave 256-0809.

Events

ARCADE LAUNCH PARTY

Sneak-peek the new Mad Art space (!) in South Lake Union while drinking to the release of the Science, Art and Inquiry issue guest-edited by Thaisa Way. Art on hand: Evan Blackwell’s breathing, decommissioned-weather-balloon installation Life Cycle MadArt 325 Westlake Ave N. $20 suggested donation. Thurs June 6, 5:30-7:30 pm.

GEORGETOWN ART ATTACK

Maybe you thought the Georgetown art walk was canceled because of the Georgetown Carnival but nuhuh. It’s on, baby. Georgetown, Georgetown neighborhood. Free. Sat June 8, 6-9 pm.

THE LOVE TRUST

Kat Larson performs her piece, The Love Trust as part of the Weird Sisters exhibition. Wine and live music accompanies her investigation of colonies, economies and “figurative life and death experiences.” Hedreen Gallery, Seattle University , 901 12th Ave, 296-2244. www.facebook.com/ events/358149554284768/. Free. Fri June 7, 5-8 pm.

QUEERING THE HISTORY MUSEUM SYMPOSIUM

An extended opportunity to explore issues of representation, queerness, and history. Museum of History and Industry, 860 Terry Ave N, 3241126. Free with admission. Sat June 8, 10 am - 5 pm.

SAM REMIX

SAM’s quarterly, after-hours party celebrates Minimalism as much as is possible when you have a gigantic list of activities and events crammed into one night. Seattle Art Museum 1300 First Ave, 625-8900. $25. Fri June 7, 8-midnight. visualart@thestranger.com

READINGS

Wed 6/5 AMY

Thurs 6/6 AMBER

6

SIREN SONGS: FINE

AND WRITING

, 624-

and Kenyon Brown are paired with fine wines. Hugo House, 1634 11th Ave, 322-7030. $15/$10 for Hugo House members. 7 pm. KATE BROWN One American city (in Washington State, as it happens) and one Russian city were the first two cities in the world to mine plutonium. Brown’s Plutopia: Nuclear Families, Atomic Cities, and the Great Soviet and American Plutonium Disasters is about what it was like to be in those towns at that time. Town Hall, 1119 Eighth Ave, 652-4255. $5. 7:30 pm. Fri 6/7

RIDLEY PEARSON

A security firm is hired to shut down a sweatshop that employs young girls in Pearson’s latest. Third Place Books , 17171 Bothell Way NE, 366-3333. Free. 6:30 pm.

ELLIOTT HOLT

Set in and after the Cold War, You Are One of Them is a novel about Russia. Elliott Bay Book Company, 1521 10th Ave, 6246600. Free. 7 pm.

STORY CHAIRS

LIVE READING

Artist Tina Hoggatt’s new installation features comfy chairs with concealed speakers that tell you stories when you sit on them. A small battalion of 32 musicians and authors wrote and recorded new work for this project, including Kathleen Alcalá, Levi Fuller, Alex GalloBrown, Moe Provencher, and Stranger Genius shortlister Ed Skoog. (Added bonus: Hoggatt designed the chairs with the help of Visual Art Genius Jeffrey Mitchell, who contributes a story to the project, too.) Jack Straw Productions, 4261 Roosevelt Way NE, 634-0919. Free. 7 pm.

MARY SZYBIST

The Portland poet presents her new book of poetry, Incarnadine Open Books, 2414 N 45th St, 633-0811. Free. 7:30 pm.

Mon 6/10

PHILIPP MEYER

The Son is a multi-generational epic novel set in Texas. It’s got a lot of what we in the biz call

“pre-pub buzz.” Elliott Bay Book Company, 1521 10th Ave, 624-6600. Free. 7 pm. Tues 6/11

LYNDA V. MAPES

Mapes’s densely reported book about a local river is titled Elwha: A River Reborn Seattle Public Library, 1000 Fourth Avenue, 386-4636. Free. 7 pm. SHER MAN ALEXIE, JONATHAN EVISON, JESS WALTER: PHAROS EDITIONS DEBUT See preview, page 29, and Stranger Suggests, page 25. Town Hall, 1119 Eighth Ave, 652-4255, $5. 7:30 pm. readings@thestranger.com

THEATER

Opening and Current

Runs

HOMEBODY See review, page 26. New City Theater, 1404 18th Ave, www.newcitytheater.org. $15$20. Fri-Sat at 8 pm. Through June 22.

NORTHWEST NEW WORKS

“The annual festival where On the Boards brings sizable snippets of new work to the stage. NWNW has incubated work by some of the better/weirder performing artists in our corner of the country: Zoe Scofield, Pat Graney, Amy O’Neal, Allen Johnson, Ellie Sandstrom, Salt Horse, Spencer Moody, Mark Haim, Mike Pham, Haruko Nishimura and Joshua Kohl, Cherdonna and Lou, and more. This year features Paul Budraitis, the Satori Group, Allie Hankins, Pony World Theater, the New Animals (Markeith Wiley’s dance company), and many others.” (Brendan Kiley) On the Boards 100 W Roy St, 217-9888. $14. Fri at 8 pm, Sat-Sun at 5 and 8 pm. Through June 16.

OTHER DESERT CITIES When Brooke Wyeth arrives at her parents’ Palm Springs mansion on Christmas Eve with a frighteningly revealing memoir in hand, she threatens to tear apart their powerful and prestigious Republican dynasty. In 2011, the New York Times called Jon Robin Baitz’s discomforting Tony and Pulitzer finalist the “best new play on Broadway.” Victor Pappas directs this Northwest premiere, featuring Pamela Reed (Parks and Recreation) as Polly Wyeth, Seattle performer Marya Sea Kaminski as her daughter Brooke, and Kevin Tighe (LOST) as the family patriarch. ACT Theater 700 E Union St, 2927676. $35-$60. Tues-Thurs at 7:30 pm, Sat at 2 and 8 pm, Sun at 2 and 7 pm. Through June 30. TALL SKINNY CRUEL CRUEL BOYS

See review, page 26. Washington Ensemble Theater 608 19th Ave E, 3255105. $15-$25. Thurs-Mon at 7:30 pm. Through June 24. THE TWILIGHT ZONE: LIVE! See Stranger Suggests, page 25. Theater Schmeater, 1500 Summit Ave, www.brownpapertickets.com. $18-$23. Thurs-Sat at 8 pm. Through June 15.

DAVID BOWIE’S PERV PANTS FROM LABYRINTH

Happening now, EMP’s Fantasy: Worlds of Myth and Magic exhibit has some great costume artifacts from 1986’s Labyrinth, a heavily puppeted fantasy film starring an adolescent Jennifer Connelly as Sarah and David Bowie as Jareth the Goblin King, who takes a certain fierce pleasure in menacing her. A couple of the masks extras wore in the ballroom scene are on display, though during the movie you probably overlooked them to watch Jareth instead. He was especially dolled up for the ball, with glimmering coral lipstick and glitter spilling down his jacket’s shoulders. In other on-screen moments, Jareth passed the time singing and prancing, tossing a baby

high, or simply just looking on wanly. “One feels that he has rather reluctantly inherited the position of being Goblin King, as though he’d really like to be, I don’t know, down in SoHo or something,” David Bowie says of his character in the documentary Inside the Labyrinth, though it’s obvious he’s actually talking about himself.

Jareth is a strange, thin man with alarmingly snug trousers, a taut backside, and a package so huge, it gets absurd. (Showcasing this ensemble, the EMP’s mannequin has a prominent form bubbling from the lower region, though it’s awkwardly placed and overly round. The effect both obscures accuracy and provides context.)

“Everyone always talks about Bowie’s perv pants, but there was a reason for it all,” says designer Brian Froud in Nick de Semlyen’s Empire magazine article. “He’s an amalgam of the inner fantasies of this girl.”

As Froud sees her, 15-year-old Sarah is blooming with adult needs, a flowing beauty, and a preoccupation with sexy rock stars, but she’s also still gripped by her childhood interests. Accordingly, Froud crammed Jareth’s costumes with all the style allusions a middle-aged man trajecting a teenage girl would ever go for. The silvery-purple leather jacket is embedded with carved skulls and rattlesnake tails, representing the “danger of a leather boy” alongside “the armor of a… German knight,” says Froud. Details recall Heathcliff of Wuthering Heights, he adds—perhaps the blousy top and high boots. And the pants “are a reference to ballet dancers.” They’re a midweight material, tremendously elastic, paler than you’d remembered, and texturized with a leopard-spot pattern too faint for movie cameras to pick up. Seeing them up close brings a mystical and intimate feeling. It’s like peering into dreams.

CHOW

The Glorious Union of Pie and Booze

Meet the Identical Twins Who Run Seattle’s Brand-New Pie Bar

BY SARAH GALVIN

It’s strange to eat pie while drinking, but it’s better than you’d expect. Even better than that, and even less expected: drinking a cocktail made of pie. Capitol Hill’s Pie Bar

specializes in such drinkable desserts. Pie Bar’s “pietinis” are like the middles of your favorite pies mixed with booze, served in martini glasses dipped in a butter, sugar, and pastry flour concoction that identical twin owners Lyss Lewis and Natalie Delucchi call “crack.” I sat at the bar—the place was packed, not a table to be had—where I had a view of the hydraulic pie press and a row of fresh pies cooling, grandma-style, on a windowsill. The bar’s flagstone walls and chandeliers create the atmosphere of a tiny pie castle. I drank a pumpkin pietini ($11) while eating a buttery, melty slice of marionberry/strawberry/apple “Desserted Island” pie à la mode ($8). Maybe it was the vodka, or being served by twins, but simultaneously eating pie and drinking a pie cocktail was slightly dizzying. I felt possibly on the verge of existential thoughts, and definitely of wanting more pie.

baseball and Mr. Bean, but seeing only baseball, I accepted with some disappointment that she meant she alternates between the two.

Lyss’s first business, Seattle Pie Company, was wildly successful. Her pie was featured in Food & Wine and voted

Pie Bar 1361 E Olive Way, 257-1459 piebarseattle.com

Seattle’s best pie by Seattle magazine in 2009. By the time she closed down in 2012, Lyss was producing up to 1,500 pies a day. “I was a little crazy during that time,” she says. Being approached to film a high-drama reality show, Life of Pie, about Seattle Pie Company and her family’s largely fictionalized life on a houseboat surely contributed to this craziness. “They were like,

The bar’s flagstone walls and chandeliers create the atmosphere of a tiny pie castle.

DRIMKING WITH CHARLSE MUDEDE

BY CHARLES MUDEDE

THE LAWS OF IMITATING DRINKERS

Fountain Wine Bar and Lounge 1400 Sixth Ave, 621-9000

There are not many humans in the US who have ever heard of the 19th-century sociologist Gabriel Tarde. But in his day, Tarde was famous in his country, France, and held a position at the prestigious Collège de France. Tarde’s main idea about human sociality is that it comes down to imitation. In his most celebrated book, The Laws of Imitation, he made this striking observation: When you visit a foreign country and everyone looks the same to you, this is actually a truer picture of things than the one in which, after some time has lapsed, you recognize the differences and idiosyncrasies of the individuals in the population.

Lyss, the former owner of Seattle Pie Company, showed me the pipe she designed to carry the aroma of pie from the bar’s oven to the street and the doorbell a neighbor installed in their pie pickup window. “We’ve both worked as general contractors,” she told me. “We did Pie Bar’s build-out ourselves. Check out the bathroom!” (Indeed, the bathroom is impressive—the smallest I have ever seen containing a chandelier.) I watched the bar’s flat-screen TV after Lyss told me she likes to play a mixture of

‘Can you make a pie that looks like a carousel? How about a football?’” she said. I watched the show’s pilot, in which she actually creates these items, as well as a pie taller than herself in the shape of the Space Needle. The Oprah network offered Lyss $15,000 an episode for the show, but she felt she didn’t have enough control over its content. Watching the pilot, she winced when her grandma said, “Cake is

for pansies!” “That was so scripted,” she lamented. She plans to create a similar show, on her own terms, in the future.

After Seattle Pie Company closed, Lyss took a long vacation in the San Juans, where she wrote a memoir called Piecology. Upon her return to Seattle, she joined forces with Natalie, who had been bartending in Arizona. Lyss baked pies, Natalie mixed drinks, and thus Pie Bar and the pietini were born. They had worked together before—as teenagers, they served milkshakes at Zeke’s Drive In in Gold Bar. The key-lime pietini, made with Licor 43, was both creamy and tart. My favorite was the Dutch apple pietini, which was like an adult version of a Caramel Apple Pop; someone else said it tasted like “a fire in a circus.” After scooping out the last drops of the drink with its apple wedge garnish, I asked Natalie what was in it. She replied, “Caramel and about seven kinds of booze. We’re going to get you schnockered!”

Lyss prepared slices of Pie Bar’s cottage pie ($13) and their farm savory tart ($12) while we discussed the pros and cons of spray-tanning. The farm savory tart was a golden, quichelike pastry, full of fluffy eggs and goat cheese; hidden pieces of sun-dried tomato made the process of eating it a treasure hunt. Though I was less impressed by the cottage pie—it lacked Pie Bar’s immaculate crust, and it should definitely contain peas—the puff of garlic mashed potatoes floating on its foundation of beef and carrots was everything potatoes should be. Both slices came with a good-sized arugula salad topped with goat cheese and shredded beets. So as not to neglect the cream pies, I ordered coconut custard pie, which was served hot, in a martini glass, covered in crunchy toasted coconut and whipped cream.

Lyss and Natalie seemed to be in every corner of the bar at once, dispensing multiple slices of pie, and to have known everybody who came in for years. When asked if people do strange things to pie when they’re drunk, Natalie told me about the bar’s pie-dough-sculpting competitions. “The winner gets a free slice of pie,” she said. “One guy made a really nice pie rose.”

Comment on pie-in-cocktail-form at THESTRANGER.COM/CHOW

The fountain was empty and its bar was closed. What to do?

I bring this up because something interesting happened when I recently visited the Sheraton’s Fountain Wine Bar and Lounge to see and drink by a sculpture by George Tsutakawa—a local mid-20th-century Japanese American artist who is famous in our city for the Fountain of Wisdom, the only thing that survived the demolition of the old library that Rem Koolhaas’s masterpiece replaced. What happened is this: When I arrived at the lounge to sit and drink by the fountain, I found, one, it was empty and, two, its bar was closed. You could sit by the fountain, but you couldn’t enjoy a glass of wine as you watched its water rise and fall about its spoonlike shapes. An inquiry at the main desk revealed that the bar was closed for maintenance purposes until the following day. What to do?

The Daily Grill, which is down the hall from the lounge, was open and had a bar. I went to the Grill’s bar and asked if I could buy a glass of wine there and take it to the fountain. The bartender saw nothing wrong with this—and with that, the problem was solved. As I sat in the empty lounge, drinking wine and thinking about the sculpture (so modern, so Seattle, so Japanese American), a middle-aged man approached and asked where and how I got a drink in the lounge? The answer was supplied; he thanked me and made a beeline to the Daily Grill. A moment later, two women walked into the lounge with drinks, sat at a table next to a wide window, and began talking about work. Apparently, they had seen me drinking, seen that the bar in the lounge was closed, but also seen that the Daily Grill is open, and put one, two, and three together. Now here is my point: You can either imitate by asking or, like the women, by inferring. But everything comes down to laws of imitation.

Comment on Drimking with Charlse at THESTRANGER.COM/CHOW

LIFE OF PIE Natalie Delucchi and Lyss Lewis, living the pie dream.

KELLY O

NOW OPEN

New Places for Stuffing Faces BY BETHANY JEAN CLEMENT AND EMILY KLEIN

• LOST LAKE • Capitol Hill: Finally, a place to eat on Capitol Hill that is open all day and all night (besides the iconic but less-than-delicious IHOP). After Basic Plumbing—the windowless, louche gay bathhouse on 10th and Pike—closed its clammy doors, David Meinert (5 Point/Big Mario’s) and Jason Lajeunesse (Neumos/Moe Bar/etc.) turned the space into a 24-hour diner (with an accidental, but hopefully cleansing, fire occurring during the process). They promise “the stiffest drinks on the Hill” (stiffest-er than the Crescent?! Lord help us) and “no pretentious deconstructed anything, just real food for real people at great prices.” The atmosphere is retro-Twin-Peaks-y, and there is pie. Early reviews are mixed. (1505 10th Ave, 3235678, lostlakecafe.com, $)

• DACKEL • Capitol Hill: Josh Nebe (the on-again, off-again, on-again chef of the Unicorn) makes probably great German food at Dackel, his pop-up every other Tuesday at teeny-tiny Kedai Makan. (“Dackel” is what German people call wiener dogs instead of the also-German “dachshund,” confusingly.) (1510 E Olive Way, 300-7432, $–$$)

“Dackel” is what German people call wiener dogs.

• LA COCINA OAXAQUENA • Capitol Hill: Filling the space of that pho place across from Machiavelli that was always sadly empty, La Cocina Oaxaquena is much less so, probably due to its reportedly good Oaxacan food and staying open until 2 a.m. While LCO is not officially connected with the famous/great La Carta Oaxaca/Mezcaleria Oaxaca—which (confusion!) is opening a second Mezcaleria Oaxaca on Capitol Hill—one of the owners used to be a manager there, and the menu is much the same, raising the question: Can you rip off an entire region? (1216 Pine St, 623-8226, lacocinaoaxaquena.com)

• COYLE’S BAKESHOP • Fremont: It’s a monthly pop-up bakery at the Book Larder with (nepotism!) culinary director Rachael Coyle’s cakes, pastries, etc. for sale. (4252 Fremont Ave N, facebook.com/ CoylesBakeshop, $)

• ABAY ETHIOPIAN • Capitol Hill: In the north Capitol Hill space formerly occupied by Cassis, and later by Skelly and the Bean, this family-run place is named after a river in Ethiopia. Owner Blen Mamo Teklu—whose family had a restaurant there—promises updated versions of Ethiopian classics. (2359 10th Ave E, 257-4778, $)

• BILLY BEACH SUSHI AND BAR • Ballard: Billy Beach (Gaba Sushi, Japonessa) finally opened a restaurant named after himself. The “and” in the name clarifies it has sushi and a bar, though it also has a sushi bar. (5463 Leary Ave NW, 257-4616, billybeachsushi.com, $$)

• LA BODEGA SEATTLE AT MONTANA • Capitol Hill: Every Sunday all summer long, great little bar Montana has a sidewalk barbecue with guest chef Manuel Alfau of La Bodega Seattle. (1506 E Olive Way, labodegaseattle.com, $)

CARNIVAL

6. A Masquerade Costume Shop Pinup Girl Lingerie 7. Revolver Vintage 8. NUPASA

Mid Corridor - Corson to Nebraska 9. Two Tartes Bakery & Cafe 10. American Pie 11. Waxing Impressions 12. Georgetown Atelier

Mary Tudor & Ferrell

goSolid 15 . Krab Jab Studio 16. Farewell Paperie 17. Roving Gallery

18.

Food Trucks 2. Sage Artistry 3. Cutting Board Japanese Cuisine 4. Stellar Pizza, Ale & Cocktails 5. Susan Wheeler Home

Games & Booths

After Hours Masquerade

• VOSTOK DUMPLING HOUSE • Capitol Hill: Located next to Marination Station—upstairs from the QFC at Broadway and Pike, where Little Shanghai used to be—Vostok Dumpling House serves Russian dumplings, soups, salads, and so forth. They say: “Change has arrived! Now we are not talking about political change. We are talking about a change to the dining experience. Your cravings are no longer limited to a tortilla or a bun. Vostok Dumpling House serves up a delicious variety of soviet inspired dumplings… paired with a proud collection of local microbrews the combination of flavors and experiences are bound to start a revolution!” The USSR propaganda poster on the wall asks: “Have you enlisted?” Early reviews are mixed. (1416 Harvard Ave, 604-2811, facebook.com/vostokdh, $)

Ezell’s new food truck might just bring their fried chicken directly to your mouth!

• BELLINI • Belltown: When Mamma Enza ran Sorrentino on Queen Anne (which became Enza Cucina Siciliana, then Polpetta, then closed), The Stranger’s Paul Constant described her as the “small Sicilian woman [who] micromanages the place, often kicking the chef out of his own kitchen to cook the particularly tetchy dishes.” At her casual Belltown space, she promises the “best Italian convenience food and drinks.” (2302 First Ave, 4414480, facebook.com/BelliniSeattle, $$)

• KAWAYAN GRILL • Columbia City: Owners Julieta Tuazon and Edwin Tablit want their mix of American and Filipino dishes to give you lutong bahay—a taste of home, whether it’s a tuna melt or oxtail kare-kare, “just like how grandma used to make it” (so maybe really good, depending on whose grandma they’re talking about). (5300 Rainier Ave S, 7236179, kawayangrill.com, $–$$)

• SOUND COFFEE AND MORSEL • University District: In the old Nook spot, from Nook’s former spacemates, it’s “food and coffee made by people who care.” Undaunted by Nook’s formidable biscuit reputation, they’re making their own, with the assurance that they’re “better than ever.” (4754 University Way NE, 268-0154, facebook.com/Souixchef, $)

NEW LOCATIONS OF EXISTING PLACES: 1HUNDRED BISTRO & BAR • South Lake Union: The original 1Hundred Bistro & Bar is in Bellevue; the second location is where Citrus—most noteworthy for a shooting in the parking lot in January 2012—used to be on South Lake Union • BARKING FROG MOBILE KITCHEN • on the road: The very pricey Willows Lodge restaurant goes downmarket with a food truck • EZELL’S EXPRESS • on the road: Ezell’s new food truck might just bring their fried chicken directly to your mouth! • HENRY’S 1ST AVENUE TAVERN • Sodo: It’s the third location of the Henry’s franchise from Restaurants Unlimited, the corporation behind Palomino, Palisade, and Cutters; try to contain your excitement • SLATE COFFEE • Ballard: Joining the Slate Airstream (often found in the Piecora’s parking lot) in an attempt “to give Seattle a ‘clean Slate’ in terms of a coffee experience,” it’s where Sun Cafe used to be • LA ISLA REDMOND • Redmond: The Stranger’s Megan Seling loves the Puerto Rican food at the original Ballard location.

MUSIC

SOUNDS World-class dub in beautiful, hand-printed packaging.

The Art of Dub Music

Portland’s BSI Records Returns as ZamZam Sounds

BY CHARLES MUDEDE

Back in the late ’90s, Portland became an unlikely node in the global circuit of dub music. For those not in the know, dub is a derivation of reggae that came into prominence in Jamaica in the

mid-’70s, whose key innovative feature at the time was the transformation of a recording studio into an instrument. Over the past four decades, dub (which strips a tune down to the bones of bass and drums, submerging these elements into a twilit sea of echoes) has gone through many mutations (the most recent of which is UK dubstep) and spread to the four corners of the world. The reason why Portland was one such corner is BSI Records, a label that was owned by Ezra Ereckson, Tracy Harrison, and Josh Derry. BSI not only housed and distributed some of the best dub in the business (Henry & Louis, Jah Warrior, Alpha & Omega), but also represented the Northwest’s only dub band, Systemwide, and its leading dubmeister, Alter Echo. Things fell apart in 2004 when the collapse of a European distributor left the label with thousands in unpaid debts. The death of the label was terrible news for dub in general and also for Portland, a city that at the time desperately needed more diversity in its music scene.

Late last year, the ghost of BSI rematerialized as ZamZam Sounds—a label run by pretty much the same people (Ereckson and Harrison) that distributes many of the same bands (Alter Echo, Alpha & Omega, Henry & Louis). But this time around, the label is much more of an art project than a straight dub distributor. BSI had the feel of a commercial project, whereas ZamZam has the feel of a gallery whose world-class dubs are packaged in some of the most beautiful covers out there. “At its simplest level,” Ereckson wrote to me recently, “ZamZam Sounds really grew out of my wife Tracy’s and my desire to make records

back to our roots in terms of how we thought about releasing music. We wanted to create a cohesive body of work that was broad sonically (while all being firmly dub-rooted), but very tight visually and physically.

WHAT'S CRAPPENING?

• Whoa! Cheap Trick will play the Puyallup Fair on September 11, CeeLo Green will be performing the following evening, with Carrie Underwood on the 13th, and Carly Rae Jepsen and Hot Chelle Rae on the 20th, closing with Kid Rock on the 22nd. How much money does the Puyallup Fair have? Can they get the Mark McGrath & Friends ’90s cruise back together?

• About midway through the Trashies’ humid set at Black Lodge on Friday, a group of dudes started slamming along to the gunk-rock, causing those who wished to remain unbruised to retreat to the back. One enthusiastic thrasher could not keep his elbows to himself, and eventually a beverage was playfully spit in his direction, after which the incensed punk looked up in shock and took out his iPhone to make sure it had not been harmed.

• SIFF’s music-documentary lineup has been fantastic this year (including Big Star: Nothing Can Hurt Me, A Band Called Death, and Twenty Feet from Stardom, the documentary on stellar backing vocalists). We caught one of ’em last week: Muscle Shoals, about the many legendary recording sessions cut in rural Alabama. It’s a moving and stimulating portrait of FAME Studios boss Rick Hall and his house band the Swampers, and the soul-music

again. Running BSI Records and doing all the art and design together in the late ’90s into the ’00s was a colossal amount of work, as in those days we were able to sometimes sell several thousand copies of a release on CD and vinyl.

With Josh Derry, aka Alter Echo (and partner Jason Lohr and publicist Ryan Michie), we were building something we actually thought we could make a living at. [When that didn’t happen]… it took many years to get over that, both financially and personally. We said many times that we would never get into the label game again.”

“We wanted to create a cohesive body of work that was broad sonically, but very tight visually.”

The reason why they came back? “We started to miss it, and more things started bubbling locally in terms of dub—with LoDubs, PDXindub, the VARIOUS party— and many in the scene never forgot BSI had, in a way, made Portland a real center of diasporic dub. I also have a BFA in printmaking and did loads of screen-printing in my art school days. Tracy also has a BFA, has a deep visual-art CV, and was BSI’s lead designer…

So when Tracy and I started talking about a new label, we knew right away that we wanted to do vinyl in very limited quantities, and we wanted to do hand-printing and have total control over the art and design—to take it

“So we settled on a consistent format: a single label design (black on silver, though the typography varies) and jackets designed by Tracy (as Polygon Press), tailored to the vibe of each specific release. We also did not want to take the kind of financial risks we did with BSI, so 7-inch vinyl felt prudent and also appealed to us deeply as reggae and dub lovers from way back, feeling passionate about helping to keep this foundation format alive and vital. Finally, we were also very clear that we didn’t want to deal with releasing music digitally. Our only concern would be physical, tangible, oldschool vinyl. This keeps our job a little simpler, and it also benefits the artists that we work with, as they are free to do as they wish with their releases on formats other than vinyl.”

A lot of the artists from the previous label returned. How did that happen? “We started by reaching out to BSI artists that we wanted to work with again, like Andy Scholes of Henry & Louis, Jah Warrior, and John Alpha & Christine Omega. We feel blessed that everyone we reached out to has responded enthusiastically; we were excited to reestablish these relationships, as well as to feature local dubbists like Strategy and help forward more recent crews like Xoki & Hieronymus, tapping into the ever-flowing waters of scenes like the one in Bristol.”

The name ZamZam Sounds? “It refers to the well of Zamzam in Arabia that, in Muslim tradition, saved the lives of Abraham’s lady Hagar and son Ishmael. Its waters still run today and are part of the hajj pilgrimage. We wanted a name that had that rootical, Old Testament heaviness, but as a Muslim, I wanted it to be grounded in my personal end of the larger Judeo/Christian/Islamic story. The symbol of a well just resonated perfectly with the kind of deep and hopefully timeless music we wanted to release, with the belief that humanity needs message music and that creativity springs from a source deeper than our incarnated selves.”

With that, Portland is once again plugged into the global circuits of dub music.

history—and, as a byproduct, the racial harmony—they created in that isolated part of America. Muscle Shoals also proved that it’s the dorkiest-looking white boys who are the funkiest.

• One of Seattle’s—nay, the country’s—best record stores, Wall of Sound, needs to move before July is over, as it occupies space in the Melrose Building that’s being repurposed (GRRRR). WOS owners Jeffery Taylor and Michael Ohlenroth hope to remain on Capitol Hill, but will consider other neighborhoods. If you see any available spaces in the 700-to-900-square-feet range that look indie-music-shop-friendly, let ’em know at wosound@qwestoffice.net.

• One could not help but notice at the Trash Fire and Eternal Summers show at the Sunset Tavern on Thursday that the weird red painting of blurry people in a bar (with paintings behind them! AH!) that long hung behind the stage has recently been replaced by fresh new “real-venuestyle” curtains. Seattle’s Trash Fire were charming and Virginia’s Eternal Summers were brutal, BTW.

• Hot tip: Check out the totally sick New York–based sixth-grade metal band called Unlocking the Truth. They are 11 YEARS OLD, can often be found playing out in Times Square, and have more shredibility than most grown-ass grown-ups.

ZAMZAM

Muscle Shoals

BY BUN E. CARLOS

POLYGON PRESS

ALBUM REVIEWS

Invisible Hands (Abduction)

Underground-music legend Alan Bishop isn’t opposed to frequenting a hot spot riddled with conflict. Over the last year and change, the ex–Sun City Girls bassist/vocalist and cohead of the Sublime Frequencies label has been spending a lot of time in Cairo. There he formed the group the Invisible Hands with Montreal psych-rock vet Sam Shalabi (oudist/guitarist for Shalabi Effect and others), plus guitarist Cherif El-Masri, vocalist Aya Hemeda, and drummer Magued Nagati. The new milieu and bandmates have benefited Bishop, who also records eccentric loner rock as Alvarius B.

Those expecting the Sun City Girls’ voracious genre subversions or excoriating psychedelia won’t be sated by the Invisible Hands’ debut LP The Invisible Hands— which was also recorded with Arabic lyrics—may be the most accessible release ever to bear Bishop and Shalabi credits. In contrast to his more extreme vocal approach in SCG (ranging from Allah-startling wails to snide muttering), Bishop sings with singersongwriter earnestness here. And it works, mostly. It’s tough to shake entrenched expectations of Bishop-esque tongue-in-cheekiness, but his sincerity enhances this album’s delicately wrought songs. The Invisible Hands excel at the morose, orchestral ballad that lifts you up as it takes you down, elegantly. Check out “Black Blood,” a Lee Hazlewood–esque bit of acoustic-guitar storytelling about a man who’s tortured, and “Dark Hall,” featuring Shalabi’s incredibly dexterous oud-plucking. Another standout is “Hitman Boy,” which carries a Barry Adamson/espionage-blues-rock vibe, augmented by El-Masri’s electric-guitar flare-ups. But the shocker is “Soma,” an ebullient orchestral-pop nugget whose chorus you can actually whistle. Strangely for someone of Bishop’s caustic, iconoclastic bent, the song could be a hit in a just world—a world that Bishop doubts will ever exist. DAVE SEGAL

RVIVR

The Beauty Between (Rumbletowne)

My RVIVR affair was love at first listen—in 2010, they made my heart leap with their Dirty Water EP , a quick five-song listen that included a spirit-strengthening cover of Shellshag’s “Resilient Bastard.” At the time, the band came off as an optimistic, scrappy punkrock outfit from Olympia—lovable for their infectious attitude more than anything else. Then came my introduction to their self-titled fulllength, a wickedly cathartic celebration of life. The optimistic, pepped-up punk songs are delivered with an honest-feeling, nonsloppy recklessness—as though it was recorded in a single take with their friends in the room because they’d planned to go inner-tubing after the record was done.

While their newest album, The Beauty Between, starts with the same relentless spirit the band has carried throughout its short career, it does, for the first time, take a more vulnerable turn. The lyrics seem most telling: During “The Hunger Suite 1. Go Away,” the chorus cries, “This pain is never gonna go away/My pain is never gonna go away,” and on “Party Queen,” the album’s closing anthem, a drum corps tenaciously beats as gang vocals sing, “The pain bears down right to my seam/The rain keeps pouring down over all our dreams/The beauty in between.”

The band has been celebrating all of life’s beautiful moments, and now, on The Beauty Between, they’re also recognizing the harder times that make those positive moments even more amazing.

All that said, there’s no need to overthink RVIVR—just get in the car, turn it up, roll down the windows, and scream your face off. It’ll feel perfect no matter what life’s currently throwing at you. MEGAN SELING

IJI

Soft Approach (Lost Sound Tapes)

To get you started out on the right foot with the band iji, it’s pronounced “ee-hee,” and yes, it’s stylized in lowercase. A name like iji is not trying to hit you over the head, not trying to grab your attention, not strutting into a spotlight of any kind, and the same could be said of the music itself—open and laid-back, music made for no reason other than that music is the best. Seattle's Zach Burba is iji, though the list of sometimes-members and assisting musicians is close to 30. At least eight of iji’s albums are readily available on the internet (though I know there are plenty more out there— Burba is DIY prolific), and they range from soft, bare-bones indie to dancey synthpop and rock. The latest album, Soft Approach, like the name hints, is a gentle collection of songs, and probably the most dub-dipped and tropical iji yet. Imagine drifting down a bubbling river of Fanta on an inflatable giraffe with your best friends—everyone is mellow, a dog wearing shades waves from the shore.

A dozen or so folks played with Burba on Soft Approach, and the effect is something like a groovy friend jam with instruments like trombone, violin, and flute swirled with sounds like operatic moans and enthusiastic woo!s. The lyrics occasionally take on a Daniel Johnston–esque stream-of-consciousness style; other times, it feels like he’s reading over a few hazy journal entries—hanging out with friends, pondering various physical and emotional landscapes. Burba’s voice is something that might take a minute to acclimate to—it’s airy and a little cartoonish, and words and notes are casually tossed into the air with unpredictable syncopation. But it’s just right for the overall vibe he’s got going on: uninhibited and original. My track picks right now are the gleeful Americana-rock of “Feeling This” and “Summer Projection”—a catchy, sunny song with fragile verses and buzzing choruses offset with a tinkling piano and group vocals, perfect for a low-key midnight porch-hang or dancing in your yard.

THURSDAY JUNE 6TH JK

6/28 Mark Farina • 6/29 RED The Men's Party of Pride • 7/5 The West • 7/6 Brothers From Another • 7/11 Kingdom Crumbs • 7/12 Oblivians • 7/13 Autopsy • 7/17 Rogue Wave • 7/23 The Cat

Blitzkreig w/ Andrew W.K. on Vocals

XXL ON SEATTLE HIPHOP

With the New New, XXL tries to spotlight burgeoning acts who we feel haven’t gotten the shine they deserve, but what makes this edition special is that we feel the entire city of Seattle hasn’t gotten the attention it deserves. —XXL

FRIDAY JUNE 7TH LENKA SATELLITE

SATURDAY JUNE 8TH SMALL BLACK HEAVENLY BEAT

TUESDAY JUNE 11TH YIRIM SECK

WEDNESDAY JUNE 12TH KHINGZ

SOUND

By the time you read this, XXL’s “The New New: 15 Seattle Rappers You Should Know” article will be a week and a half old, an eternity in 2013, but it will still be getting examined—in barbershops, in studios, on social media. These kinds of lists don’t intrinsically mean shit, but the change in how our city’s hiphop is being perceived does mean something, so it’s worth examining. First and foremost: The article in question—and a lot of other attention that this town’s hiphop is seeing right now—is purely because one of last year’s Freshmen went on to break sales records and become a full-stop pop phenomenon. Not saying that all of the shine Seattle rap is seeing right now is due to Macklemore & Ryan Lewis—there’s a solid, brilliant handful of artists from here working regularly on the national level at this point— but you’d have to be a dangerously delusional person to deny M&RL’s deep impact (no Elijah Wood) on the pop landscape at this moment in time. Which in turn makes even more people wonder what’s in the water over here, hence the list.

CREOLE +

THURSDAY JUNE 13TH SHY GIRLS

+ OTOW GANG COMING UP 6/14 Durge Fest 5 ft. Half Light • 6/15 Snowden • 6/16 Nguzunguzu • 6/17 Dust Moth • 6/19 Cayucas • 6/20 John Grant • 6/21 Colin Stetson • 6/22 TH3RDZ • 6/23 Frankmusik •  6/26 Giraffage + Mister Lies • 6/28 The Purrs • 6/29 The Glass Notes • 6/30 King Dude • 7/3 Juan MacLean • 7/10 Futurebirds • 7/14 Scorpion Child • 7/20 The Piniellas • 7/21 Tu B’av Fest • 7/25 Groundislava • 8/2 Conte • 8/3 Sebadoh • 8/20 Majical Cloudz • 8/22 Scout Niblett • 9/6 Bleeding Rainbow

That list, in alphabetical order: Avatar Darko, Black Stax, Brothers from Another, Champagne Champagne, Eighty4Fly, Fatal Lucciauno, Fresh Espresso, J. Pinder, Jarv Dee, Kung Foo Grip, Mack E, Nacho Picasso, Sam Lachow, Shelton Harris, Sol, and Thaddeus David. Of course there were folks they missed—huge omissions that I’ll leave you to fill in—but it’s apparent to me that the folks at the magazine tried to deliver a balanced and viable roll call of folks to be checking for in our scene. You got the whole spectrum, style, and age represented: from the fresh-faced college-kid stuff, to so-called hipster shit, to street shit (both original recipe gangsta shit and druggy demonry), to mainstream radio rap, to the soulful veterans, and every shade and degree in between. Let me tell you, that’s not easy for half the people who write about music in Seattle to pull off, let alone in New York. There are rappers I’ve fiercely advocated for in the face of local hate and indifference (Avatar and Fatal), there’s one I work with because I believe in his talents (Jarv Dee), there are folks I already pegged as sure to inherit some of the wind from Mack’s victory laps (Sol, Shelton Harris, and Sam Lachow). They even had a local rapper I’ve never heard of before, which, I’m sorry, is no mean feat: Mack E, the list’s “bonus pick.” I think I wrote about his group L.A.C.O.S.A. being on a show once in the last year, but I hadn’t heard any of his stuff, which you can peep at macke.bandcamp.com. Somebody close to me said it, so blame them for the hyperbole, but it stuck with me: I think it’s cool that we can have an Elvis, and a Miles, and whatever else we want, all rocking and coming out of a scene and a city our size—this is not something that makes me angry, this makes me incredibly excited. This is what we wanted, right?

HIPHOP YA DON'T STOP

BY LARRY MIZELL JR.

Mack E

THE ORB UK /DE

GOLD PANDA UK

WAX TAILOR FR

CAJMERE US

JETS US/DE

SHABAZZ PALACES US

AME DE KINK BG

CYRIL HAHN CH/CA

HELIO SEQUENCE US

PILLOWTALK US

OREN AMBARCHI AU

TEEBS US

SHIGETO US

MIDLAND UK

EJECA IE

LUSINE US

RYAN HEMSWORTH CA

PETER HOOK & THE LIGHT PERFORMING POWER CORRUPTION & LIES AND MOVEMENT UK

SPEEDY J NL

HENRIK SCHWARZ DE

OLAFUR ARNALDS IS NOSAJ THING UK

BLOCKHEAD US

KODE9 UK

MAXXI SOUNDSYSTEM UK

LITTLE PEOPLE CH/UK

PHAELAH UK

MACHINEDRUM US /DE

SLOW MAGIC US

TIGER AND WOODS IT

LAPALUX UK

BEN KLOCK DE

LITTLE BOOTS UK

XXYYXX US

THE MARTINEZ

BROTHERS US

HAUSCHKA WITH SAMULI KOSMINEN DE /IS

ACTRESS UK

DUSKY UK

JIMMY EDGAR US/DE

MATIAS AGUAYO CL /DE

MAX COOPER UK

NILS FRAHM DE

MOSCA UK

MANO LE TOUGH IE /DE

KYLE HALL US

JOHN TEJADA US

WAIFS & STRAYS UK

PEZZNER US

DJ RASHAD US

LUKE ABBOTT UK

ARCHIE PELAGO US

OLIVERAY DE /US

KID SMPL US

VOX MOD US

GIRAFFAGE US

TEEN DAZE CA

AMINE EDGE FR

BEACON US

DAUWD UK

ADULT. US

THEESATISFACTION US

YOUNG GALAXY CA

LIGHT ASYLUM US

TOMAS BARFOD DK

PETER BRODERICK US/DE

CHARLES MURDOCH AU

J. ALVAREZ US

D TIBERIO US

NICK MONACO US

MORRI$ US

SLAVES OF VENUS US + MORE

BY ANNA MINARD

Anna Minard claims to “know nothing about music.” For this column, we force her to listen to random records by artists considered to be important by music nerds.

THE WIPERS Is This Real?

(Park Avenue)

Well, it took four listens, but I think I like this. The Wipers are punk rockers—from Portland, it turns out. I didn’t even know that was possible. At first, I couldn’t tell the difference between this and every single second of punk I’ve ever heard, but then suddenly I could.

But punk, listen: We have to talk. What is with your vocal style? Why is it all the same like that? It’s always halfway between fauxBritish accent (acknowledged, sometimes that accent is real) and the sound you make right before you barf. British yell-barfing—that’s how I think of punk. You can even try it; I did. I made that comment to a friend, and then we practiced. Get a little bit British, then pretend to hurl—keep your voice kind of high and nasally, don’t get too low—and voilà! Punk vocals. If it’s not working, sound a little bit angrier at your parents and the state. This is not a great idea, guys. I thought this was all about rebellion! Let’s hope some other people have tried playing loud and fast and messy, but then they’ve decided to sing twangily, or they just happen to be a classically trained opera singer. Would you call that punk? Punk part deux, vocal redux—I want to hear it.

Back to the Wipers, who don’t deserve the full brunt of my frustration. Is This Real?, their first album, was a good sunny-day listen. The second track, “Mystery,” sounds like ’90s pop, like you and all your friends are living Clueless, the Sequel. Then the title track just asks its question “Is this real?” over and over, and lead singer Greg Sage sounds like he’s really wondering, like you might know the answer, like he really needs to know. This is some “David After Dentist” shit right here. Sage wails, “Sometimes I wish that you/Could break it to me/Is this real?” and “Then I realized/That all time stood still.” The post-anesthesia 7-year-old of YouTube fame wonders: “Is this real life?” and “Why is this happening to me? Is this going to be forever?” I, for one, think a mash-up is in order. Or at least someone should write a punk song with lyrics composed of David’s rambling—he even growls in the middle! Some of the moodier songs annoy me instead of inspiring. “D-7” is weird, though I get its repetitive four-syllable chants (“Re-ject, re-ject,” “De-fect, de-fect,” “Not straight, not straight”) stuck in my head pretty easily. I leave songs like “Potential Suicide” the fuck alone

Actually, I think the album kinda plods after the first half. The songs bleed together with mostly identical rhythms, and I lose my energy and patience. Hey, maybe it sounds better on dental drugs.

I give this a “don’t touch your stitches” out of 10.

THE MALDIVES’ LIVE SCORE FOR SILENT FILM THE WIND

This year’s SIFF features two showings of the 1928 silent film drama The Wind accompanied by live-score performances from Seattle’s plains-rolling seven-piece the Maldives. The film portrays the prairie-town strife of naive and deprived Letty Mason (played by striking silent-film sovereign Lillian Gish). Letty moves from her Virginia home to Sweet Water in the western prairies to live on the ranch of her cousin Beverly, his wife, Cora, and their three children. But Sweet Water, as it turns out, is not so sweet. Cora hates Letty (especially in the beefcarving scene), thinking Letty is there to steal her husband, and all the men are overbearing, overaggressive assholes. Then there’s The Wind, the incessant, somewhat demonic wind. Letty is isolated, beautiful, and pained. She’s also longing and pure, and you want good to befall her—all facets the Maldives’ sound conjures so well. The band’s Jason Dodson, Jesse Bonn, and Faustine Hudson broke down some of their scoring process.

How was The Wind chosen as the film to work with? Jason: SIFF asked us to choose a silent western, so I obliged and asked my friend Leo at Scarecrow Video if he had any ideas. He immediately thought of The Wind, and based on his enthusiasm, I implicitly trusted him. I always trust my gut and my friends.

How did y’all go about scoring the music? Jason: We watched the film first and looked for cues, mostly emotional transitions and character traits, then checked if any songs we’d already written would fit those themes. Then we watched the film again and argued a bunch as we played along to it. At some point, the whole thing jelled. Scoring requires work, and more work, and at least a few beers—or in my case, some white wine. We’re actually still creating it [laughs]. There’s no such thing as a finished product in music, as long as we’re playing the piece live. That said, we’re extremely intense and highly successful procrastinators.

Faustine: Imagine a seven-piece band, all circled up in the basement, turned the same way, looking at a 15-inch MacBook Pro screen. We watch, jam, chat about the vibe of the scene, and then go back and play it about five more times. J. Daddy Dodson is our band’s film nerd. Kevin [Barrans] had to be rewind guy.

How does scoring music for a film break you out of your normal mode of writing? Jason: It really doesn’t. The film, in some ways, reveals what already exists in our music. The scoring process gives us focus, so we actively listen to each other and decide what each scene requires.

The Maldives scored music for SIFF’s showing of Riders of the Purple Sage a couple years ago. How was it different this time around? Jason: We had more knowledge of what we were getting into this time, so those jitters weren’t really present. You really can’t score to plot, so in many cases, we score to action, at which point the plot becomes subsequent to what we are actually seeing on-screen, not what can be read in a plot synopsis. Film is

sound and vision, remember?

One of the main themes of the movie seems to be that men are creepy, overbearing assholes. Back off, dudes! How did you compose music for the creepy-men-getting-in-her-face scenes?

Faustine: Man, I noticed that. Most of the scenes that had Letty and a dude in them, the dude is looking/gawking/groping at her in some G- to R-rated way.

Jason: Lots of minor chords [laughs]. Those men may be creeps, but it is actually Cora who threatens to murder Lillian Gish.

“I think about that beard being some other land that a really small, magical colony lives in.”

This guy, Wirt—the cattle buyer who meets Letty on the train—he’s all up in her face. Dude needs to take his hands off her and back off. Faustine, what’s with all the creepy dudes? Faustine: I’m from the Mojave, and I’ve spent a lot of my life traveling through these small towns. The reality is that these dudes see a new lady and get a little… excited. And because of their lack of social skills, they come off as total CREEPERS—which they probably are in real life because they want to get laid—and this scene, and others, captures that. It’s like putting a woman on a fishing boat with a bunch of fishermen and sending it out to sea.

The character Cora seems to be a bit on the cold-hearted-bitch side of things. What’s her music like? The Rolling Stones’ “Bitch” perhaps? Or Paula Abdul’s “Cold Hearted”? ’Cause she don’t play by rules. Jason: Cora’s just protecting what she feels is hers in a harsh, unforgiving landscape. The film doesn’t really allow her any sympathy. I actually like her, but since she is a tool for violence, we

give her a violent score—heavy guitars and plodding rhythms.

Jesse: For Riders of the Purple Sage, we had music themes that represented character and action. In The Wind, the characters and actions are more complicated, and it seemed more appropriate to tailor the music to the mood.

Let’s get into the wind aspect. What does the wind represent? What is your wind sound? Faustine: The wind seems to be something that really bothers the gals. And Letty always seems to have the wind around when some sort of conflict is happening. We gave it something distinctive [laughs]. Jason: We’ve been approaching the wind as a kind of Lynchian mental state. It pervades Gish’s psyche and eventually takes over what is happening on-screen. Adam created a crazy industrial distortion on his keyboard for the wind. It is creepy, and cool.

When y’all disagree, how do you resolve it? Jason: Taking a time-out and talking about it usually resolves it. This is usually preceded by someone attempting to be louder than everyone else [laughs].

Jesse: Rock, paper, scissors.

Faustine: For the most part, we had similar ideas in regards to what worked. Whenever there was disagreement, we would just look to The Wind for the answers.

What’s with the crazy look the characters keep giving? That wide-eyed, oh-my-god-it’s-a-monster look?

Jesse: Reefer Madness

Jason: I’m pretty sure that’s just an antiquated acting style. Way before Marlon Brando brought the Method to the screen. Some people still act this way. Watch Amélie and you’ll see what I mean.

What do you use for the sound of Letty’s gunshot? What about the cyclone? Jason: We are not doing Foley here. So no gunshot sounds. The cyclone is a combo of heavily distorted electric guitars, percussion, and keyboards.

Faustine: The gunshot is a flag that comes out that says BANG

Jesse: The sound of the cyclone is distorted angry bees [laughs].

Does Letty really love Lige in the end? Jason: If she says so, then yes. The original ending had her wandering off to her own death in the desert. I suppose the movie producers thought that was too dark, so they decided to lighten it up a bit. Love rules.

“The wind can remove traces when a killing is justified” is one of the movie’s messages. What’s the tune like for that one? Jason: It’s triumphant, but immediately goes back to the minor chords of Cora’s theme, suggesting an underlying disease, and then the movie ends.

What are some film scores that you all think are effective? What should we check out? Jason: Anything by Ennio Morricone or Carter Burwell. Neil Young’s score for Dead Man. Nick Cave and Jonny Greenwood have been doing interesting work. If you haven’t heard David Wingo’s score for Mud, then you really need to get out to the movies.

Faustine: E.T.—the four-disc LP set. It came with a big poster of Michael Jackson and E.T. cuddling.

Jesse: The Master, Thunderball, Once Upon a Time in the West, and Star Wars

Did the fact that Smashing Pumpkins named their album after Lillian Gish affect any of your sonic decision-making? Are y’all Smashing Pumpkins fans?

Jesse: Yes, it did, and yes, we are Smashing Pumpkin fans. Gish and Siamese Dream were important albums in our youth. Smashing Pumpkins were great at weaving sound texture and distortion into pop-rock songs.

How many times during the scoring process did you look at Kevin Barrans’s beard and think, “God, it’s so abundant and silky, you could land a floatplane on it?” At least twice, right? Faustine: Every time I look at Kevin’s perfectly groomed, two-foot-long beard, my imagination runs wild. I think about that beard being some other land that a really small, magical colony lives in, with fairies and butterflies and little warriors like in the movie Willow—all living in that beard in an amazing tree house.

Comment on white wine and

SAT/JUNE 8 • 7:30PM

The Maldives

The Wind with the Maldives

UP&COMING

Lose your self-loathing pop-punk soundtrack every night this week!

For the full music calendar, see page 55 or visit thestranger.com/music For ticket on-sale announcements, follow twitter.com/seashows

Wednesday 6/5

Piano Starts Here: Music for the Baroness (Royal Room) See Stranger Suggests, page 25.

Chastity Belt, Needlecraft, Tele Novella, Bandolier (Heartland) See Underage, page 60.

oOoOO, Groundislava (El Corazón) See Data Breaker, page 59.

Roman Flügel, Tyler Morrison, Ctrl_Alt_Dlt (Re-bar) See Data Breaker, page 59.

Intronaut, Scale the Summit, Mouth of the Architect (Highline) Intronaut’s latest album, Habitual Levitations, is a progressive amalgam of tightly rendered melodic math metal and jazz-informed instrumentation, a sharp and polished affair that finds the LA quartet eschewing some of the more rugged features of their previous releases. Houston-based instrumental outfit Scale the Summit bring even more dazzle to the table, with Musicians Institute and Berklee degrees fueling their unrelenting, sweeping arpeggios and finger-tapped leads. One guitarist is even a luthier, bringing their fret-board awareness to new extremes. And now, the full disclosure: I filled in on bass for the recording of Mouth of the Architect’s second album as a last-minute favor. Though there were occasional odd time signa-

tures, unexpected turns, and detailed flourishes, my clumsy fingers were fortunate that MOTA’s brand of heaviness veers toward the colossal, as opposed to the nimbleness of their tourmates. BRIAN COOK

A Hawk and a Hacksaw

(Barboza) A Hawk and a Hacksaw serve as Albuquerque-based accordionist/drummer Jeremy Barnes and violinist Heather Trost’s vehicle for exploration of Eastern European and Turkish folk music. The duo often employs several guest musicians to help them manifest the creations of their restless imaginations. They’re sonic tourists, sure, but damn if they don’t capture the flamboyantly dramatic spirit of those cultures and put their own enthusiastic, respectful American spin on them. AHAAH’s latest album, You Have Already Gone to the Other World, homages Soviet director Sergei Parajanov’s cult 1964 film Shadows of Forgotten Ancestors. It’s a gorgeous, pensive work that could very well turn Barboza into a shrine. DAVE SEGAL

Junip, On an On, Barbarossa (Neumos) The Swedish trio Junip are practically a Platonic ideal for modern folk rock that doesn’t cloy: They’re a robustly rhythmic yet delicately melodic combo of Can and Nick Drake. For the apogee of this approach, check out “In Every Direction” from Junip’s 2010 album, Fields. José González’s understated, flower-petal-soft voice insinuates itself into your mind like a trusted confidante’s, and the music swells with an intimate grandeur. By contrast, Minneapolis’s On an On’s maudlin, electro-glazed indie pop sounds like a hack filmmaker’s idea of “what the kids want these days.” DAVE SEGAL

On JULY 3 The Stranger will produce a very special issue devoted to WHAT’S BEST in Seattle. Packed with curated suggestions from a discerning group of local luminaries and editors of The Stranger.

Don’t miss out on this opportunity to share your message in this highly anticipated summer guide!

Thursday 6/6

Hausu, the Numbs, FF (Black Lodge) See Underage, page 60.

Pocket Panda, the Bony King of Nowhere, the Douglas Firs, Thousands (Columbia City Theater) It’s a shame this show isn’t

happening in the middle of the woods, around the safety of a warm campfire, because England’s Douglas Firs sound like a band made up of the monsters that lurk in the shadows while you roast your marshmallows. You can feel them behind you—you can feel them circling you, but you can’t exactly tell what or where they are. It’s something a little sinister, it’s making your heart beat a little faster, but it probably won’t hurt you. Their latest full-length, The Furious Sound, makes me think of Kithkin’s

Metal Mother Saturday 6/8 at Comet

percussion-heavy, tribal sounds, but spookier and maybe a little warped. You should probably avoid dark corners during their set—who knows what’ll be hiding in there? MEGAN SELING

Broken Water, Haunted Horses, Jetman Jet Team

(Comet) A rock-solid night of solid rock here. Olympia’s Broken Water unleash a tough brand of shoegaze rock that has more GRRR in its DNA than la la la. Somehow they evoke both the Swirlies and Love Battery. Check out their front-to-back platter of heat, Tempest, on Hardly Art Records. Haunted Horses kick out rampaging, coal-black rock with lethal goth undertones. Truth be told, they’re Seattle’s Liars (every city needs at least one). As for Jetman Jet Team, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: They are one of Seattle’s most exciting live rock experiences, a kaleidoscopic krautgaze whirlwind of youthful abandon and nuanced melodymongering. Enter their Dreamachine-y domain.

DAVE SEGAL

Casey Veggies, Travi$ Scott, Dave B (Crocodile) LA’s Casey Veggies came up in the same lane as Tyler, the Creator and Odd Future, appearing all over the first Odd Future Tape (the first OF release ever) and even Tyler’s acclaimed debut, Bastard. Since then, Veggies has distinguished himself from the punk-rap anarchists with his smooth, easygoing delivery and positive outlook on life—displayed from his first mixtape, Sleeping in Class, to his most recent, Life Changes (his Tyler-produced, Earl/Hodgy/Domo–featuring banger, “PNCINTLOFWGKTA” shows he hasn’t burned any bridges, though). Travi$ Scott, whose name and Auto-Tuned voice have become more ubiquitous in the last several months, appears to be a sort of Kanye/Future–derivative hybrid (and possibly the newest servant of a dark illuminati agenda), judging from his “Quintana” video, in which he raps over a Young Chop–jacking beat and bursts into flames while wearing a strappy leather vest with a giant pentagram on the chest. Seattle’s Dave B made noise by winning this year’s EMP Sound Off! competition, but proved himself even further by going the fuck in during his KEXP Street Sounds in-studio last

Needlecraft

month. Show up early for this one. MIKE RAMOS

Friday 6/7

Blank Realm, Monopoly Child Star Searchers, Dreamsalon (Cairo) See Stranger Suggests, page 35.

Cut Hands, Black Rain (Chop Suey) See Data Breaker, page 59.

The Maldives (Triple Door) During a previous Seattle International Film Festival, the beloved alt-country band the Maldives supplied live accompaniment to the 1925 silent film Riders of the Purple Sage, and the results were so impressive that the band’s back for another round at this year’s SIFF. This time, the film is 1928’s The Wind, starring Lillian Gish as a poor young woman hungry for a new life and harboring a fear of wind. Expect audio-visual gorgeousness.

DAVID SCHMADER

Seattle School of Rock Presents: Beck’s Song Reader (Fremont Abbey) In the olden days, if you wanted to hear your favorite song, you’d get sheet music and play it yourself. Of course, in this age of Spotify/YouTube/iTunes/downloads/instant gratification/ overstimulation, that idea comes off as straightup radical. So when Beck wrote his latest album, Song Reader, and released it as a 108-page book of art and sheet music instead of an actual recording, he left a grand experiment for fans to attempt

6.6 Thursday (Jam / Reggae / Fusion) Nectar & The PBJ Present: HIGH CEILING Quantonium

8PM Doors, $5adv / $8 dos, 21+

6.7 Friday (DJ / Dance) WILD FOR THE NIGHT: ULTIMATE DANCE PARTY

Featuring DJ Swervewon, DJ BB, All the hits, 80’s, 90’s, 00’s, to present. 10pm, $5 before 11pm, $7 after 11pm 21+

6.8 Saturday (Hip Hop / Pop / Soul) PROJECT LIONHEART CD Release

Thick as Thieves, Sarah Christine Band $8 adv / $10 dos, 9:30pm, 21+

6.11 Tuesday (EVERY 2nd & 4th TUESDAY!) KARAOKEGRASS!!!

Karaoke Hits performed live in Bluegrass Style feat. Todd & Paisley Gray (of Pickled Okra) & friends... NO COVER, 7pm Doors, 21+

6.12 Wednesday (acoustic jam session) PATIO PICKIN’ TIME Pandi & Milly of The Gloria Darlings BRING ACOUSTIC INSTRUMENTS!!

to “cover” any of the 20 songs on the album. You can’t buy the record for Song Reader, but you can check out this show put on by the amazing School of Rock, who have taken on the challenge of arranging Beck’s compositions in their own style. Plus, all proceeds will go to benefit 826 Seattle. BREE MCKENNA

Roscoe Mitchell Performs Nonaah (Benaroya Hall) When modern jazz came to an end in the mid-’60s, the leading musicians of that movement had to make one of three choices: stick with modernism, which meant sticking with the past, or go forward with either jazz fusion (jazz and rock/ funk) or free jazz (jazz meets Schoenberg). Miles Davis famously chose jazz fusion, and John Coltrane chose free jazz. There were some musicians, however, who more or less began their jazz careers at this important historical point—the end of modern jazz. One such musician was Roscoe Mitchell, a talented saxophonist who in his mid-20s began the Roscoe Mitchell Sextet, which released a freejazz classic, Sound (1966), and later evolved into the Art Ensemble of Chicago (a group that produced one jazz celebrity, Lester Bowie). Tonight, Mitchell performs music from his strange and beautiful 1977 album, Nonaah CHARLES MUDEDE

Mikal Cronin, Shannon and the Clams, Dude York (Tractor) After listening to Mikal Cronin’s second album, MCII, I have decided you are going to like him. In fact, you, reader of this blurb, are going to like this whole show! Mikal Cronin is a thoughtful garage-rocker who sometimes plays with fellow Californian Ty Segall. Though buzzing riffs and fuzzed-out sound-walls occasionally hang in the background, Cronin’s solo musicianship is cleaner and bouncier than Segall’s more blown-out tendencies. Next we have Oakland sweeties Shannon and the Clams, who recently released an exquisitely packaged album called Dreams in the Rat House (you have got to get a load of the mystical golden-glitter explosion that is the cover!). Rat House is packed with dreamy, ’60s-ish surf grit and, of course, the voice of Shannon Shaw—a magical wail like none other, dipped in velvet, rolled in rhine-

stones. With the happening pop of Seattle’s Dude York. EMILY NOKES

Alkaline Trio, Bayside

(Showbox at the Market) Last week I verbally barfed on New Found Glory for enabling poppunk-loving man-boys of the early 2000s to refuse to grow the fuck up. I suppose I could (and probably should) chastise Alkaline Trio for similar reasons, but there’s something about the way Matt Skiba and co. get hopelessly dramatic that I actually love. It makes me revert back to my 17-year-old self to wallow in their morbid pop. Does that make me a hypocrite? Possibly. But that’s okay, because that’s just one more thing to add to my “Why Megan Sucks” list, and examining that (long, long) collection of horrible traits sounds so great with Alkaline Trio’s gothic, self-loathing pop-punk soundtrack.

MEGAN SELING

Saturday 6/8

B’Shnorkestra, Jherek Bischoff

(Columbia City Theater) Composer, arranger, multi-instrumentalist, and all-around nice guy

Jherek Bischoff is one of this year’s finalists for the Stranger Genius Award in the music category—and he shimmers with genius. His compositions are really compositions (not just rock or pop with some strings as icing) and have attracted collaborators including David Byrne and Mirah Zeitlyn. Bischoff was also recently commissioned to write an arrangement for a Stephen Sondheim song. He can scale his performances and the number of musicians to fit the venue, so he’s at home just about anywhere. Bischoff is great, but he’s just one member of an entrenched new-music community in Seattle. Composer Samantha Boshnack is another, and her new project B’Shnorkestra—featuring Alex Guy, Joshua Kohl, and other local talents—will also perform tonight to celebrate the release of their new CD. BRENDAN KILEY

Brent Amaker and the Rodeo, the Young Evils, Tilson XOXO (Neumos) Local cowboys Brent Amaker and the Ro-

deo aren’t holding back in the celebration of their new album, Year of the Dragon (out June 4 on Fin Records). Not only is a mural of the band currently standing two stories high on the Pike Street side of Neumos, but they’re also debuting their own wine from Proletariat Winery in Walla Walla. I had y’all pegged as whiskey-drinkin’ types, but wine’ll do fine, I suppose. The Rodeo wine (available in both red and white) will be available at tonight’s show, and all proceeds will go to Northwest Harvest. So go get drunk! Wear your cowboy boots! And be sure to arrive in time for the Young Evils and Tilson XOXO, who are opening the show and securing the evening’s “party” status. MEGAN SELING

Tempers, Metal Mother, Gold Wolf Galaxy

(Comet) Metal Mother—a darkwave white witch named Taara Tati from Oakland—doesn’t sound very metal. Tati makes heavily electronic avant-pop that’s highly organic. The San Francisco Bay Guardian recently called her “an acid-drenched wood nymph.” MTV’s Iggy website described her sophomore album, Ionika, as one that “reinvented metal aesthetics for the sake of dark, tribal folk pop.” Fans of Kate Bush, Björk, and Cocteau Twins won’t be disappointed (unless, of course, the Comet’s sound system totally sucks that night, and some of the regulars start throwing empty beer cans at the stage). KELLY O

Georgetown Carnival: Witchburn, Ghost Town Riot, Thaddillac, the Missionary Position

(The Mix) The Georgetown Carnival, now in its seventh year, is an all-day (noon ’til 8 p.m.) merriment buffet featuring art, music, and power-tool races. Performers from the Seattle Drum School will be there, as will the terrifying/hilarious Jackie Hell and all the burlesque, belly dancing, and acrobatics your eyeballs can handle. The 8–10 p.m. after-party (on the poster, it’s called the “After Hours Masquerade,”—I’m not sure if you really need to wear a mask, but I guess it can’t hurt, right?) will take place at the Mix and feature the bands Communist Eyes (just when you thought there couldn’t possible be more band names using the word “Eyes,” though this one’s a Germs refer-

ence—they’re self-described as “boogie punk rock ’n’ roll”), Rocket Surgery (their bio had me with “Estrogen Rock”), and snotty, fun, late-’70s-style pop-punkers Cute Lepers. EMILY NOKES

Sunday 6/9

Ceremony, Gag (Black Lodge) See Underage, page 60.

School of Rock Presents: The Wall by Pink Floyd (Triple Door) The Wall permeated my high-school years like a toxic airborne event. Man, did I get sick of hearing “Another Brick in the Wall, Pt. 2,” “Comfortably Numb” (a great work temporarily ruined by overexposure), and “Hey You.” But not “Run Like Hell”; that was one of our cross-country team’s anthems, and it’s still one of Pink Floyd’s best songs, a real nail-biting adrenaline-pumper. Anyway, yeah, for a while in America, you couldn’t escape The Wall, and surely classic-rock radio’s still caning those above-mentioned songs. But this concept album’s still a bloated canvas on which Roger Waters splattered his neuroses and self-pitying gripes. It’s an ambitious mixed bag, to put it lightly. If the School of Rock needed a real challenge and wanted to tackle a Pink Floyd double LP, though, they should’ve gone for Ummagumma. Next time? DAVE SEGAL

Monday 6/10

Give it a rest.

Tuesday 6/11

JACK Quartet featuring Joshua Roman (Town Hall): The string quartet that’s been called “viscerally exciting,” with works by Lutoslawski, Rodericus, and Brian Ferneyhough, marked by a world premiere, Quintet, by young composing sensation Jefferson Friedman (born 1974). New, new, new! JEN GRAVES

Music Box

SPOKEN-WORD SOUND COLLAGES

HIGHWAY 99 Seattle Soul, 8 pm, $7

JAZZ ALLEY Frank Vignola, Vinny Raniolo, 7:30 pm, $22.50

KELL’S Pat Buckley, Free THE KRAKEN BAR & LOUNGE Burn Burn Burn, Bogarts, the Know Nothingz, the Savage Henrys, $5

NECTAR Lucy Horton Band, Siv and Maddie, San Juan, $5

NEUMOS Junip, On an On, Barbarossa, 8 pm, $15

NEW ORLEANS Legacy Band, Clarence Acox

PINK DOOR Casey MacGill & the Blue 4 Trio, 8 pm a THE ROYAL ROOM

The Duke Evers Band, the Mongrel Jews, $5

a ECKSTEIN MIDDLE SCHOOL AUDITORIUM Ravenna String Orchestra, 8 pm, free a EL CORAZON oOoOO, Groundislava, guests, 8 pm, $10/$12

a HEARTLAND Chastity Belt, Needlecraft, Tele Novella, Bandolier , 8 pm

HIGHLINE Intronaut,

Scale the Summit, Mouth of the Architect, Grenades

Piano Starts Here: Music for the Baroness with Wayne Horvitz, Tim Kennedy, guests, $7/$10

SEAMONSTER The Unsinkable Heavies, Rippin Chicken, 10 pm, free

SKYLARK CAFE & CLUB

Open Mic: Guests a STUDIO SEVEN Rylei Franks, guests, 7 pm, $8 SUNSET TAVERN White Arrows, Black Nite Crash , Tokyoidaho, $10

NEIGHBOURS Undergrad: Guest DJs, 18+, $5/$8

Q NIGHTCLUB SIFF

Gay-La After Party: DJ Verse, Pezzner , Free

RE-BAR Hotwired!:

Roman Flügel, Tyler Morrison, Ctrl_Alt_Dlt

SEE SOUND LOUNGE Fade: DJ Chinkyeye, DJ Christyle, 10 pm

THURS 6/6

LIVE

2 BIT SALOON Devour the Unborn, Dilapidation, Vaginal Defecation, Binary Holocaust, $5

AQUA BY EL GAUCHO Ben Fleck, 6 pm

BARÇA Clark Gibson Trio, free

BLUE MOON TAVERN The Echo Echo Echoes , Lucarne , English Gardens, Goodbye Heart, $6

CAFE RACER Siv and Maddie, Sheryl Weiser

VITO’S RESTAURANT & LOUNGE The Michael Owcharuk Trio, Free DJ

BALTIC ROOM Reverb: DJ Rome, Rozzville, Zooty B, Antartic CENTURY BALLROOM DJ Alison

CONTOUR Rotation: Rotation Tryouts: Guests, guests, 10 pm, $5

THE EAGLE VJDJ Andy J

ELECTRIC TEA GARDEN Passage: Jayms Nylon, Joey Webb, guests

FOUNDATION Bar9, Aksion & MC Dre, Diamond Pistols, Press

HAVANA SoulShift: Peter Evans, Devlin Jenkins, Richard Everhard, $1

LAST SUPPER CLUB Vibe Wednesday: Jame$Ervin, DT, Contagious

LAVA LOUNGE Mod Fuck Explosion: DJ Deutscher Meister

MOE BAR The Hump: DJ Darwin, DJ Swervewon, guests, 10:30 pm, free

TRACTOR TAVERN Tom Brosseau, Sean Watkins, Darren Loucas & Friends, 8 pm, $8 a TRIPLE DOOR Andre Mehmari, 7:30 pm, $15 TULA’S Katie King, 7:30 pm, $10

SUBMISSION OF THE WEEK

This photo, sent in by Nicole from Michigan—of a man wearing only cowboy boots, gold underwear, and a gun belt on his lower half—needs a caption. The only thing Nicole had to say: “Look at this yump! This drunk yump.” What the hell is a yump?! I don’t know, but I really do want to understand. KELLY O

CAN CAN Vince Mira

a CHAPEL

PERFORMANCE SPACE

Leslie Ross a CHOP SUEY

Anamanaguchi, Chrome Sparks, Electric Children, $10

COLUMBIA CITY

THEATER Pocket Panda, the Bony King of Nowhere, Douglas Firs, Thousands, $6/$8

COMET Broken Water, Haunted Horses , Jetman

Jet Team

CONOR BYRNE Forrest Vantuyl, Joseph Demaree, $7

COPPER GATE Fu Kun Wu

Trio, 8 pm, free

a CROCODILE Casey Veggies, Travi$ Scott, Dave B, 8 pm, $18.50

DARRELL’S TAVERN Birth of the Cool Big Band, free

DISTRICT LOUNGE Cassia

DeMayo Quintet, 8 pm, free a EL CORAZON Red Line Chemistry, Gemini Syndrome, the Heyfields, guests, 7:30 pm, $10/$12 a HEARTLAND Neighbors, Blooper, Zebra Hunt , Plant Parenthood, 8 pm

HIGHWAY 99 Brian Lee & the Orbiters, 8 pm, $7

JAZZ ALLEY Jane Monheit, 9:30 pm, $28.50

KELL’S Pat Buckley, Free LO-FI Neuport, Mascara, Eugene Fauntleroy, Boentianak, Matty P, $7

LUCID The Hang: Caffeine, 9:30 pm, free

NECTAR High Ceiling, Quantonium, $5

NEUMOS Widower, 8 pm, $8

PINK DOOR Bric-a-Brac, 8 pm

RENDEZVOUS San Benedicto Rock Wren, Vapor Trails

THE ROYAL ROOM The Royal Ramble

SCARLET TREE How Now Brown Cow , 9:30 pm, free

SKYLARK CAFE & CLUB

Lady Justice, Patrick Henry, Hand in the Attic, 8 pm, $6

a SMOKIN’ PETE’S BBQ Cheri Adams, Free

THE STEPPING STONE PUB

Open Mic: Guests

a STUDIO SEVEN Perfect by Tomorrow, In the Pouch, guests, 7 pm, $8

SUNSET TAVERN Pablo Trucker, J Wong, Shannon Stephens, $6

a TRIPLE DOOR BLVD

Park , Yogoman Burning Band , 7:30 pm, $12/$15

TULA’S Frank Kohl Quartet, 7 pm, $10

VITO’S RESTAURANT & LOUNGE Brazil Novo, Free, Casey MacGill, 5:30 pm, Free

THE WHITE RABBIT Marmalade, $6

JENNINGS

DJ BALLROOM DJ Rob, free

BARBOZA JK Pop!: DJ Bishie, DJ HoJo, $3

CAPITOL CLUB Citrus: DJ Skiddle

CONTOUR Bottom Heavy: Covert Ops, guests, 10 pm, Free

THE EAGLE Nasty: DJ King of Pants, Nark

HAVANA Sophisticated Mama: DJ Sad Bastard, DJ Nitty Gritty

LAST SUPPER CLUB Open

House: Guests

LAVA LOUNGE Rock DJs: Guests

MOE BAR Chuch: Phospho, Mars One, Sosal, free

NEIGHBOURS Jet Set

Thursdays: Guest DJs

NEIGHBOURS UNDERGROUND The Lowdown: DJ Lightray, $3 OHANA Chill: DJ MS

Q NIGHTCLUB Sean Majors, Blue Eyed Soul, James Ervin, Astronomar, Free SEE SOUND LOUNGE Damn Son: DJ Flave, Sativa Sound System, Jameson Just, Tony Goods, $5 after 10:30 pm

TRINITY Space Thursdays: Rise Over Run, DJ Christyle, Johnny Fever, DJ Nicon, Sean Majors, B Geezy, guests, free FRI

6/7

LIVE

AQUA BY EL GAUCHO Ben Fleck, 6 pm

BARBOZA Lenka, Satellite, $13

a BLACK LODGE Gaytheist, Monogamy Party, Android Hero, Glose BLUE MOON TAVERN Big Wheel Stunt Show, the Dee Dees, City of Industry, 9:30 pm, $6

CAFE RACER Benefit for David Duet: Guests

a CAIRO Blank Realm, Monopoly Child Star Searches, Dream Salon, 8 pm

CHOP SUEY Cut Hands, Black Rain, $15

COLUMBIA CITY THEATER Niku, Fey Moth, Screens, $8/$10

COMET Kinski , Scriptures, Ozen Band, Elk Rider

CONOR BYRNE The Wood Beets, Dirty Thoughts, Zand Williams, House of Neptune, Ryan Cassady

a CROCODILE Pharoahe Monch, Xperience, Justis, Bruce Leroy, 8 pm, $15

DARRELL’S TAVERN Casey Ruff & the Mayors of Ballard, Countrycide, Caleb & Walter, $7

EGAN’S JAM HOUSE John Batdorf and Terry Holder, 7 pm, $10; Chip Parker, Victor Janusz, guests, 9 pm, $12 a FREMONT ABBEY Joy Kills Sorrow, Kye Alfred Hillig, $12/$15 a HEARTLAND Malaikat

Dan Singa, MTNS, Geist and the Sacred Ensemble, DJ Urine, 8 pm

HIGH DIVE Suction, Plaster , Endino’s Earthworm, Tyranny Theory, $8

HIGHLINE Lady Krishna’s Peppermint Lounge guests, $7

HIGHWAY 99 Curtis Hammond Band

JAZZ ALLEY Jane Monheit, 9:30 pm, $28.50

KELL’S Grafton Street, Free THE MIX 6 Minutes Till Midnight, Bel-Red, Haochi Waves a NEPTUNE THEATER School of Rock Seattle Performs Beck’s Song Reader, 7 pm, $12/$14

NEUMOS Don Carlos and Dub Vision, 8 pm, $20

RAVIOLI STATION TRAINWRECK Dizzy, guests a THE ROYAL ROOM

Limited Edition, Cliff Hines, Piano Royale, 5:30 pm

SEAMONSTER Funky 2 Death, 10 pm, free a SHOWBOX AT THE MARKET Alkaline Trio, Bayside, 7 pm

SKYLARK CAFE & CLUB

Gideon’s Daughter, Sourmash Stevedores, Buffalo Stagecoach, 8 pm, $7

SLIM’S LAST CHANCE Lucky Tubb & the Modern Day Troubadours a STUDIO SEVEN Billy the Fridge , Pme, NW

Choppers, Cassanova, NW Doughboi, Chasten tha Don, MTM, $9/$12

SUNSET TAVERN You May Die in the Desert, Armed with Legs, Invisible Shivers, $8

TRACTOR TAVERN Mikal Cronin, Shannon and the Clams, Dude York, $10/$12 a TRIPLE DOOR The Maldives , 9:30 pm, $16/$18

TULA’S Stephanie Porter Quartet, 7:30 pm, $15

VICTORY LOUNGE Big Trughk, Wasted USA THE WHITE RABBIT Afrocop , Luxe Canyon, Cabana, $6 DJ 95 SLIDE DJ Fever One

BALLROOM DJ Tamm of KISS fm

BALMAR Body Movin’ Fridays: DJ Ben Meadow, free BALTIC ROOM Bump Fridays: Guest DJs

BARBOZA Just Got Paid: 100proof, $5 after 11:30 pm

CAPITOL CLUB Blackout!: DJ Potatoes O’Brien, DJ Homonegro, 10 pm, free

CENTURY BALLROOM DJ Cebrina, DJ Mary

CONTOUR Afterhours, 2 am CUFF TGIF: C&W Dancing: DJ Harmonix, DJ Stacey, 7 pm, Guest DJs, 11 pm, $5 FOUNDATION Far Too Loud, Hirshee, Dr. Fever, Bgeezy, Marble

FUEL DJ Headache, guests

HAVANA Rotating DJs: DV One, Soul One, Curtis, Nostalgia B, Sean Cee, $5

LAST SUPPER CLUB Madness: Guests

LAVA LOUNGE DJ David James

NECTAR Wild For the Night: DJ Swervewon, BB, $5

NEIGHBOURS The Ultimate Dance Party: DJ Richard Dalton, DJ Skiddle

NEIGHBOURS UNDERGROUND Caliente

Celebra: DJ Polo, Efren

OHANA Back to the Day: DJ Estylz

PONY Beefcake: Beefcake: DJ Jack, Freddy King of Pants: DJ Jack, King of Pants

SCARLET TREE Oh So Fresh Fridays: Deejay Tone, DJ

BY ADRIAN RYAN

WEDNESDAY 6/5

GET YOUR GAY-LA ON Brace yourself! Some of the best of Pride is happening on the same day and/or evening or whatever—we’ve got a lot to cram in (tee-hee!). Indeed, our schedule is one big glorious clusterfuck from this moment through the end of Pride. (Kevin Kauer has set up THREE major and majorly famous-drag-star-packed Pride events that everyone needs to pay deep and penetrating attention to—get tickets immediately, or you shall miss everything and die of shame and sadness.) In the now, however, we’ve got tonight to worry about, and tonight is for the SIFF annual Gay-La (I know, I know… cringe… “Gay-la”). The film: basically Mean Girls, but gayer somehow. (Don’t ask me to

Buttnaked, guests

SEE SOUND LOUNGE Crush: Guest DJs, free

TRINITY Tyler, DJ Phase, DJ Nug, guests, $10

THE WOODS Deep/Funky/ Disco/House: Guest DJs

SAT 6/8

LIVE

AQUA BY EL GAUCHO Ben Fleck, 6 pm

BARBOZA Small Black, Heavenly Beat, 7 pm, $13

BLUE MOON TAVERN AllStar Springsteen Tribute: Matt Kinder, Ben Fisher, Ryan Devlin, Jonny Henningson, guests, $8

CAFE RACER Gardner and Mississippi Jones, the Lonely Mountain Lovers, the Drop Shadows

CHOP SUEY Christdriver, Great Falls, ThacO, Ardent Vein, $7

COLUMBIA CITY

THEATER B’shnorkestra, Jherek Bischoff, $10/$12

COMET Tempers, Metal Mother, Gold Wolf Galaxy

CONOR BYRNE Ball of Wax: The Foghorns Black Swedes, Levi Fuller & the Library, Pampa, GreenhornBluehorn , Robert Deeble 8:30 pm, $7

a CROCODILE Logic, Skizzy Mars, Castro, Quest, 8 pm, $12

DARRELL’S TAVERN Klaw, Pilot to Bombardier, December in Red, the Stereo Creeps, $7

EGAN’S JAM HOUSE Steve Carver, 7 pm; Carol LaMahr, David Arteaga, Hans Brehmer, Geoff Cooke, guests, 9 pm, $10

EL CORAZON The Cold Hard Cash Show, guests, 9 pm, $10/$12

ELECTRIC TEA GARDEN

Drop: Phil Western, Manos, Kadeejah Streets, Rhines, Night Train, $10 after 10:30

pm

a FIRST FREE METHODIST

CHURCH Seattle Metropolitan Chamber Orchestra, 8 pm, $10/$15 a GEORGETOWN

explain the impossible.) Popular girls befriend a gay kid for wicked purposes; hilarity ensues. It’s called G.B.F , which of course stands for “gay best friend.”

(The best part is that Luna Lovegood is in it! Swoon.) The gala: It happens immediately after the film at Q Nightclub (which I guess the organizers thought was a gay club—silly heads!). This event is always a booze-fueled, dancey good time, with occasional crudités! It’s the gayest night of SIFF; revel in it. Egyptian Theater, 7 pm, $12 film/$25 film and party at Q, 21+.

THURSDAY 6/6

Y-O-U, YOU WANNA

What the hell did poor old Madonna ever do to the Pony boys? I ask you. Tonight is Madgioplasty (tee-hee!), their new trashy Madonna… what? Tribute? Roast? Yup. Madonna clips and songs and costumes and special performances (secret!) and fabulously bad Madonna fan art. I just hope she doesn’t show up and murder us all. Pony, 9 pm, free, 21+.

J/K POPPIN’ WITH ALEKSA AND BISHIE Tonight is just stuffed with big gay goodness. This is a very special JK Pop—an all-out drag-queen throwdown benefit for Pride Asia, hosted by the charming and wondrous Aleksa Manila! DJ Bishie is on the decks, and the place will be occupied by the entire House of Manila army. Gaysiany! Barboza, 9 pm, $3, 21+.

G.B.F.

UNICORN STAMPEDE

Georgetown Carnival: Tom Price Desert Classic, Bonneville Power, Tamlin & Friends, the Gum, the Billy Joe Show, Deadman, guests, Sat, Jun 8, noon, free

a GORGE AMPHITHEATRE

KUBE 93 Summer Jam: T.I., Trey Songz, 2 Chainz, J. Cole, Wale, 12:30 pm, $49.75

HARD ROCK CAFE

Custom , Downside, Low Standard, $10/$13

a HEARTLAND Jason Anderson, Mega Bog, iji, Lexi Lee, 8 pm

HIGH DIVE Bad Love, Danny Newcomb, Big Dirt , $8

HIGHLINE A Benefit for Rick Powell: Narrows , Lesbian , Mercy Ties, Olde Ghost, $6 HIGHWAY 99 The Seattle Firefighters Pipes & Drums, the Muddy Sons, the Modern Relics, the Drummerboy AllStar Blues Band, 8 pm, $15

HILLARD’S BREWERY

Special Explosion, Levels , Lures, Seacats, Vividal, Lychee, Tangerine, Palisades , 2 pm, free

JAZZ ALLEY Jane Monheit, 9:30 pm, $28.50

KELL’S Grafton Street, Free

THE KRAKEN BAR & LOUNGE Moral Crux, the Bloodtypes, Smokejumper, $5 THE MIX Georgetown Carnival: Communist Eyes, Cute Lepers , Rocket Surgery, guests

NECTAR Project Lionheart, Thick as Thieves, Sarah Christine Band, 8 pm, $8

NEUMOS Brent Amaker and the Rodeo , the Young Evils, Tilson XOXO, 8 pm, $12

QUEEN CITY GRILL Faith Beattie, Bayly, Totusek, Guity, free

RE-BAR Gaudi, Darek Mazzone, Indubious, $15

RENDEZVOUS White Trash Whiplash, West Coast Improvement Company a THE ROYAL ROOM Ben Gilmer , James Apollo, Piano Royale, 6 pm

SEAMONSTER Felas Kooties,

10 pm, free

SKYLARK CAFE & CLUB

The Last Great Love, the Apostrophes, 8 pm, $8

SLIM’S LAST CHANCE The Tom Price Desert Classic, the Gallow Swings, Hook-Ups

a ST. MARK’S

CATHEDRAL Works by Benjamin Britten and Ola Gjeilo: Seattle Choral Company, 8 pm, $10/$20/$25

STUDIO SEVEN Beard and ’Stache Competition After Party: Hitchkick, Cottonwood Cutups, Lb!, Deathbed Confessions, 6 pm, $10

SUNSET TAVERN Strong Killings , Transmissionary, guests, $8 TRACTOR TAVERN Deception Past, Swearengens, Jackrabbit, $10

a TRIPLE DOOR BlueStreet Jazz Voices, 7:30 pm, $20

TULA’S Nathan Hale Jazz Choir and Jazz Combo, 4 pm, $10, Jay Thomas & the Canteloupes, 7:30 pm, $15

VITO’S RESTAURANT & LOUNGE Ruby Bishop, 6 pm; Johnny Astro, 9:30 pm, Free THE WHITE RABBIT

Cryptobebelem, Yevtushenko , Way South, Thee Skullets, $8 DJ

BALLROOM DJ Warren

BALTIC ROOM Good

Saturdays: Guest DJs

BARBOZA Inferno: Guests, 10:30 pm, free before 11:30 pm/$5 after

CAPITOL CLUB Get Physical: DJ Edis, DJ Paycheck, 10 pm, free CENTURY BALLROOM DJ Howard

CONTOUR Europa Night: Misha Grin, Gil

CUFF Sensorium: DJ Almond Brown

FOUNDATION Paul Van Dyk, Johnny Monsoon, Loch Stimpson, DJ Glo

HAVANA Rotating DJs: DV One, Soul One, Curtis, Nostalgia B, Sean Cee, $5 HEARTLAND CAFE

WEDNESDAY 6/5

& BENBOW ROOM

Candylandia: DJ Cotton Candy, DJ Christophett, DJ Deep Parris, free

LAVA LOUNGE DJ Matt

LO-FI Emerald City Soul Club: Kenny Mac, Gene Balk, Marc Muller, Alvin Mangosing, Mike Chrietzberg, Brian Everett, George Gell, Mike “Fart Noise” Nipper, 9 pm, $10

MOE BAR Panther Down: DJ N8, Anthony Diamond, free

NEIGHBOURS Powermix: DJ Randy Schlager

NEIGHBOURS UNDERGROUND Club Vogue: DJ Chance, DJ Eternal Darkness

OHANA Funk House: DJ Bean One

PONY Glitoris: Queen Mookie, Devil Eyes:

Q NIGHTCLUB Dana Dub, Almond Brown, 10 pm, $10

SEE SOUND LOUNGE Switch: Guest DJs

SHOWBOX AT THE MARKET A Tribute to Daft Punk: Sean Majors & Bgeezy, Tyler Brown, 8 pm, $15/$18

TRINITY ((SUB)): Guy, VSOP, Jason Lemaitre, guests, $15/free before 10 pm

VERMILLION Flux: DJ Res , guests, free THE WOODS Hiphop/R&B/ Funk/Soul/Disco: Guest DJs

SUN 6/9

LIVE

AQUA BY EL GAUCHO Ben Fleck, 6 pm a BLACK LODGE Ceremony, GAG

CAFE RACER The Racer Sessions

CHOP SUEY Hooves & Beak, Doe Eye, Debbie Neigher, the Thoughts , $5

CONOR BYRNE Open Mic: Guests, 8 pm

a CROCODILE Crystal Fighters, Alpine, 8 pm, $12

a EL CORAZON No Tide, the Harlequin State, Noise

BY DAVE SEGAL

ROMAN FLÜGEL TAKES TECHNO EIGHT MILES HIGH

Yes! On short notice, High & Tight promoters secured Roman Flügel, half of hugely clever rave-anthem machine Alter Ego, brain behind the ingenious IDM/ techno hybrids of Eight Miles High, and the mastermind of rampantly surging techno under his own name. (Check out his work as Soylent Green and Ro 70 for more electronic mischief-making.) No matter the alias, Flügel rüles. The notion that Germans make the planet’s most advanced techno is commonplace for a reason: It’s largely true. Flügel is yet another example of Deutschland’s mastery of the form. With Tyler Morrison and Ctrl_Alt_Dlt Re-bar, 9 pm, $10 adv/$15 DOS/$5 with student ID, 21+.

OOOOO’S GAUZY GOTH-HOP, GROUNDISLAVA’S EIGHT-BIT GLITCH TUNES

Not gonna lie: I’m still sore at oOoOO (San Francisco producer Christopher Greenspan) for walking off the Crocodile’s stage at the 2011 Decibel Festival about 30 minutes into his set. (Apparently he was miffed he couldn’t smoke in the building. Worst excuse for a tantrum ever.) But let’s let bygones be bygones— oOoOO’s music is too shiver inducing to hold a grudge against the cat forever. On releases like oOoOO and Our Love Is Hurting Us, oOoOO submerges triphop in a vat of molasses and then mists magic gothic atmospherics over the luxuriously leaden rhythms, with surplus beautifica-

Brigade, Elude, Deviance, 7:30 pm, $8/$10

HIGH DIVE Elk & Boar, Walking Spanish, Tiny Messengers, $7

JAI THAI BROADWAY Rock

Bottom Soundsystem, free JAZZ ALLEY Jane Monheit, 7:30 pm, $28.50

KELL’S Liam Gallagher

LITTLE RED HEN Open Mic

Acoustic Jam with Bodacious

Billy: Guests, 4 pm

PIES & PINTS Sunday Night

Folk Review: Guests, free

THE ROYAL ROOM

Thaddillac, Jet City Soul

a SKYLARK CAFE & CLUB

Quinn Johnson, Core, Tellez

Tha Formula, 3 pm, $5

SNOQUALMIE CASINO Boz

Scaggs, 7 pm, $45-$75

TIM’S TAVERN Burn Band, 8 pm, Free a TRIPLE DOOR School of Rock Presents: The Wall by Flink Floyd: Guests, 6 pm, $12/$15

TULA’S Jazz Police Big Band, 3 pm, $5, Jim Cutler Jazz Orchestra, 8 pm, $8

VITO’S RESTAURANT &

LOUNGE Ruby Bishop, 6 pm; the Ron Weinstein Trio, 9:30 pm

THE WHITE RABBIT Seattle Unplugged All-Stars, $5

DJ

BALTIC ROOM Mass:

Guest DJs

CAPITOL CLUB Island Style:

DJ Bookem, DJ Fentar

CONTOUR Broken Grooves:

DJ Venus, Rob Cravens, guests, free

THE EAGLE T-Bar/T-Dance:

Up Above, Fistfight, free

a FULL TILT ICE CREAM

Vinyl Appreciation Night:

Guest DJs, 7 pm

LAVA LOUNGE No Come

Down: Jimi Crash

MOE BAR Chocolate

Sundays: Sosa, MarsONE, Phosho, free

NEIGHBOURS Noche Latina: Guest DJs

PONY TeaDance: DJ El Toro, Freddy King of Pants, 4 pm

tion coming from the diaphanous female vocals by one Butterclock. For a lot of young people (and maybe even some middle-aged ones), these songs will trigger secksy impulses. Groundislava (LA beatmaker Jasper Patterson) creates bass-centric music that slants off of glitchhop and eight-bit into some dreamy and queasy paradisiacal realms. It’s as if Straight Outta Compton never existed. El Corazón, 8 pm, $10 adv/$12 DOS, all ages.

FRIDAY 6/7

CUT HANDS, BLACK RAIN: THE DARKEST DANCE MUSIC EVER?

Everyone who missed Cut Hands (English gentleman William Bennett, of extreme-chaos ranters White House) destroy at Decibel last year can make amends tonight. Don’t blow it. With Cut Hands, Bennett opts for a raw, brutalist rhythmic approach that borrows—some say too heavy-handedly—from vaudou and Central African sources and disperses scarifying textures over them. It’s some of the most harrowing, intense dance music going (imagine eight scare quotes around dance music). Opening are Black Rain, a New York City duo featuring Stuart Argabright of post-punk iconoclasts Ike Yard, hiphop mavericks Death Comet Crew, deviant disco unit Dominatrix, and other envelope-shredders. Now with Shinichi Shimokawa, Argabright takes Black Rain into postindustrial desolation and devastation that updates his Ike Yard sound. It’s apt that their label is Blackest Ever Black. With SH6RL6S6 and Actual Pain Chop Suey, 9 pm, $15 adv, 21+.

Happy Hour: 4-7 daily $2.75 domestic draft, $3.50 wells, $4 micros.

Monday Industry Night (20% off)

Tuesday Open

Classic Rock covers

6/15 JOHN WAYNE GUNS w/ YETUSHENKO 6/22 ALIVE, SHE CRIED (Doors Cover Band) 6/29 THE FARADAYS, CIVILIZED ANIMALS Folk-pop

ENJOY OUR PATIO REMODEL Smoked Ribs every Thursday! Pulled Pork sliders daily $2 Brat and a Beer $6 Fri/Sat $4.50 Fireball Fridays!

602 N.

THURSDAY, JUNE 6th - SATURDAY, JUNE 8th

issues, education, health care, labor unions, immigration, and hypocrisy within the media. Jason has been seen on Comedy Central and his albums can be heard on Sirius/XM Satellite and Pandora Radio.

Ihope this space on the Pike Street side of Neumos continues to feature gloriously oversize poster art from now on. This mural by Jeff Jacobson (weirdocult .com), from original art by Takashi Okazaki (creator of Afro Samurai), is an excellent start. AARON HUFFMAN

Brent Amaker and the Rodeo w/the Young Evils, Tilson XOXO Sat June 8, Neumos

Q NIGHTCLUB Revival: Riz Rollins, Chris Tower, 3 pm, free RE-BAR Flammable: DJ Wesley Holmes, 9 pm

SEE SOUND LOUNGE Salsa: DJ Nick

MON

6/10

Hereticon, Viking Funeral, 8 pm, $5 a CROCODILE Shepherd, Lanford Black, Devon Dennis, $5 a GALLERY 1412 Radere, Andrew Weathers, Widesky, Early Atoms, 8 pm, $5 - $15

JAZZ ALLEY Edmonds Woodway High School Jazz, 7:30 pm, $20

LIVE

2 BIT SALOON Judgment Hammer, Blood of Kings, Elks Blood, $7 AQUA BY EL GAUCHO Jerry Frank

BLUE MOON TAVERN Andy Coe Band, free COMET Reficul ,

KELL’S Liam Gallagher MAC’S TRIANGLE PUB Jazz and Blues Night: Guests, free NECTAR School of Rock Presents the Who, 4:30 pm, $10

NEW ORLEANS The New Orleans Quintet, 6:30 pm

THE ROYAL ROOM Dawn Clement Group, Greg Johnson

BY JACKSON HATHORN

WEDNESDAY 6/5

NEEDLECRAFT, TELE NOVELLA, CHASTITY BELT, BANDOLIER Missoula, Montana’s Needlecraft recall a bevy of girl groups (I hear the standardbearer sound of the Shangri-Las, the off-beatitude of the Shaggs, and the humor of the Roches) while adding some thoroughly modern zoinks to which we can all relate. On a recent self-titled album, Needlecraft are tied up on the phone, getting mixed signals from vague text messages. They have a song about a devastating dance move called the “Gunshot Victim” that’s sweeping the nation. They don’t sing about California girls or beaches, but they’ve fallen in love with the state’s Mexican food. Catch their playful garage-rock tapestry tonight, along with the local heroine-rock of Chastity Belt, and the fluttering, soul-crooning Bandolier Heartland, 8 pm.

THURSDAY 6/6

HAUSU, THE NUMBS, FF Seattle music prodigy Ben Funkhouser departed for school in Portland a few years back and formed Hausu. An early EP from the band showcased sparkling guitar pop, but by all accounts, their upcoming debut record for Hardly Art

will be a change of pace. “Leaning Mess,” a teaser track from Total, is a dissonant avalanche that evokes incredible excitement, abject despair, self-loathing, huge swells of arrogance, life doldrums, death of self, and catharsis. Or what’s otherwise known as “growing up.” With the Numbs and FF Black Lodge, 9 pm.

SUNDAY

CEREMONY, GAG

6/9

With last year’s Zoo, Bay Area punk band Ceremony made a record that, once and for all, has put their thrash-core roots in the rearview mirror. While the group had previously toyed with spoken-word sound collages, acoustic guitars, and singing about being sick of Black Flag, Zoo is a more comprehensive style shift. Biting, sinister, and jagged guitars summon the densely packed post-punk of Wire and the more volatile moments on the Pixies’ Surfer Rosa. Singer Ross Farrar’s latest beleaguered anthems take on a new dimension as he enters his late 20s and sees himself embodying some of the suburban flaws that he’s long railed against. Like many other hardcore bands before them, Ceremony have pushed themselves to get weirder on every new album and are now channeling their energy into punk at its highest execution. Black Lodge, 9 pm.

STORIES WE TELL Families: a pain in the ass, right?

Film Review Revue

Family Secrets, Solitary Confinement, Boys, Girls, and Guns

Stories We Tell dir. Sarah Polley

Sarah Polley has always been an exceptional actor. Part of why she's so compelling to watch is that, unlike most younger female actors, she’s willing to utilize her anger. As a director, Polley continues to be unafraid of anger as a tool; her outstanding Take This Waltz practically seethed with directorial outrage at the decisions the protagonist was making. Rage isn’t the only ingredient to her successes, of course; Polley displays great empathy and confidence as an actor and a director.

Polley demonstrates confidence with her first documentary, too, though perhaps some of that confidence stems from the fact that she’s working with such a familiar cast. Stories We Tell is made up of a series of interviews with Polley’s family and friends of her family about her mother, who died young and left behind many secrets, including the identity of Polley’s biological father. It’s a movie that slides easily between warmth and prickliness. I don’t want to tell too much, but trust me when I say that secrets are revealed and emotions run high, the way they do when families gather for Christmases, weddings, and funerals.

From the too-passive, highly inexact title on down, Polley spends a bit too much time explaining the power of stories when she already ably demonstrates the power of stories with her story. You can’t blame Polley for trying to reach for some cosmic truths as an excuse to lay bare her family history, but there’s more pleasure to be found in the

wry humor of her siblings, or her father’s twinkling spryness, than a dozen overcooked life lessons. But that’s a minor quibble: Ultimately, Stories We Tell is a moving, generous account of the kind of love and forgiveness that comes only from families, and the fact that Polley doesn’t always manage to disguise her anger at her family makes it feel like a daring bit of honesty, too. PAUL CONSTANT

Herman’s House dir. Angad Bhalla

Herman Wallace, a Southerner and a Black Panther, has been in prison longer than I—and maybe you—have been alive. He went in on a bank-robbery charge in the early 1970s, was later convicted of murdering a prison guard, and has spent the past 30 years in solitary confinement. That murder conviction is dubious: No fingerprints tie him to the scene, and the only “evidence” is questionable testimony from other prisoners. More importantly, solitary confinement is increasingly regarded as a form of torture with physiological, brain-changing effects—the United Nations, the International Red Cross, physicians, and US judges have come down against the practice.

Brooklyn artist Jackie Sumell struck up a friendship with Wallace more than a decade ago. They’ve been in close contact—writing, calling, visiting—ever since. At one point during their talks, she asked him what a man in solitary confinement would imagine for his dream home. He told her, in detail, and that

friendship and the process. Bhalla’s style as a director is effectively unostentatious—he hangs back with simple shots and straightforward interviews, gently letting us in on the gravity (and crazy hope) of the project, as well as the quiet and articulate dignity of the prisoner. Herman’s House is a gorgeous, humane, and surprising piece of work.

BRENDAN KILEY

The

Kings

of

Summer dir. Jordan Vogt-Roberts

The Kings of Summer is about two typical teenage boys—boys with parent troubles, girl troubles, friend troubles. But rather than work through their troubles in tried-and-true teen-movie fashion, Kings of Summer’s beleaguered protagonists grab a nerdy sidekick and take to the woods, determined to build a new life on their own terms.

became their project. He designed it, she put together architectural drawings and a model for gallery shows (along with a precise wood re-creation of his current cage), and now she’s looking for land in New Orleans to build it, where they hope it will become a youth center. Wallace’s dream house includes an enormous bedroom with African art and mirrored ceilings, a bright yellow kitchen, and a swimming pool with a Black Panther logo on the bottom. The man’s aesthetics froze the year he went to prison.

Herman’s House, a deceptively plain documentary by Angad Bhalla, documents the

Herman Wallace’s dream house includes a swimming pool with a Black Panther logo on the bottom.

Herman’s House

Joe (Nick Robinson), Patrick (Gabriel Basso), and token weirdo Biaggio (Moises Arias) think they’re being men, heading to live in the woods without a word to their families about where they’re going, cobbling together a crappy shack out of stolen twoby-fours and a scavenged porta-potty. But this retreat to the woods is really a last-ditch effort to keep adulthood at bay: They’re playing house, building a fort, keeping adult responsibilities at arm’s length for just a little bit longer.

The problem is that while the film’s Tshirt-clad protagonists could’ve waltzed out of Stand by Me, the let’s-build-a-house-withour-hands escapism reads like the daydream of a stressed-out adult who’s tired of waking up with his iPhone pressed against his cheek. It is not, in other words, a particularly plausible teenage adventure, nor a particularly compelling one.

The movie’s early scenes are brilliant, perfectly nailing interactions between these surly kids and their baffled, out-of-touch parents. And the adult cast of this film is so, so good: Nick Offerman plays one kid’s dad, Megan Mullally an overbearing mother, Alison Brie a sympathetic older sister. When Joe sabotages his dad’s board-game night, or Patrick grimly endures dinner with his gratingly peppy parents, Kings of Summer approaches teen-movie brilliance. Unfortunately, those dynamics are basically ditched after the film’s first act in favor of housebuilding montages. It made me wish for a more conventional coming-of-age story—one in which family friction is endured, rather than escaped. ALISON HALLETT

Violet & Daisy

dir. Geoffrey Fletcher

In Violet & Daisy, two “teenage” assassins (you’re not fooling anyone, Alexis Bledel) take on one last assignment before giving up the game entirely. But, quelle surprise, the gig goes horribly awry when the wouldbe victim (James Gandolfini) taps into the girls’ daddy issues. Maybe Violet & Daisy will appeal to a few people’s highly specific fetishes (teenage girls jumping up and down on corpses? Is that a thing?), but on balance, it’s a tawdry, shitty Tarantino knockoff that botches its cutesy-assassin shtick by failing to understand that giving a girl a nun costume and a gun doesn’t an interesting character make. ALISON HALLETT

FILM SHORTS

More reviews and movie times: thestranger.com/film

LIMITED RUN

BABY BOY

See Festive, this page. King’s Hardware, Mon June 10 at dusk.

BACK TO THE FUTURE TRILOGY

MARATHON

“Hey, Doc! Where you goin’ now? Back to the future?” Central Cinema, Tues June 11 at 7 pm.

CHARLIE AND ME

Gregg and his 12-year-old son Charlie are separated for the first time when Gregg travels to Europe, but soon find video chatting to be apt medium for conveying stories across the pond. Rendezvous, Tues June 11 at 7:30 pm.

AN EVENING WITH SCREENWRITER FRED

RICE AND DIRECTOR SAMEH ZAOBI

Fred and Sameh discuss their collaboration and then screen the fruits of their labor, 2010’s Man Without a Cell Phone Northwest Film Forum, Sun June 9 at 8 pm.

HERMAN’S HOUSE

See review, page 61. Grand Illusion, Fri 7, 9 pm, Sat-Sun 5, 7, 9 pm, Mon-Tues 7, 9 pm.

LEGEND

“She was so sweet, I could eat her brains like jam!” Central Cinema, Fri-Mon 7 pm.

MUSIC CRAFT: ESPERANZA SPALDING

Rare concert footage from the young Grammy-winning jazz artist’s recent tour of Spain. Northwest Film Forum, Fri June 7 at 7 pm.

ONE TRACK HEART: THE STORY OF KRISHNA

DAS

A documentary about the decision of the would-be lead singer of Blue Oyster Cult to pursue a spiritual quest to India and back. Northwest Film Forum, Fri 7, 9:15 pm, Sat-Sun 5, 7, 9:15 pm, Mon-Tues 7, 9:15 pm.

PHILADELPHIA

The 1993 Oscar-nominated drama in which Tom Hanks portrays a gay lawyer who is fired for having AIDS. Grand Illusion, Thurs June 6 at 6:45.

THE REVOLUTIONARY

This impressive documentary tracks the path of Sidney Rittenberg, an American who wound up in China as an interpreter for the US government at the end of WWII. He got caught up in the idealistic foment of the moment and became one of the only Americans—perhaps the only?—to watch the earthquake of the Chinese Revolution and the bloody tsunami of the Cultural Revolution from inside the lofty position of party leadership. And he spent 16 years in solitary confinement in Chinese prisons as a result. (B RENDAN KI LEY) Keystone Church, Fri June 7 at 6:30 pm.

R/EVOLVE

With marriage equality imminent, Lincoln is preparing to settle down with his fiancé, Lucas, when a chance encounter with an activist hitchhiker named Raccoon sends him on a different path. Northwest Film Forum, Thurs June 6 at 7 pm.

THE SPROCKET SOCIETY’S FIFTH ANNIVERSALODEON

Two different programs of rare 16 mm prints: the first billed as “the fun show” and the second as “the arty show.” Northwest Film Forum, Wed 7, 9 pm.

STARSHIP TROOPERS

“You’re some sort of big fat smart-bug, aren’t you?” Central Cinema, Fri-Mon 9:30 pm.

NOW PLAYING

AFTER EARTH

The Earth was polluted beyond repair, so humanity took to the stars. On a new world, we fought some aliens and won, but the aliens sent down these super-scary monsters who are only able to see us when we’re afraid of them. And

The second week of this monthlong celebration of the rapper, actor, entrepreneur, and pee-wee football coach Snoop Dogg (who recently changed his name to Snoop Lion) brings John Singleton’s Baby Boy. In this movie, you will see a scene that captures the essence of Snoop Dogg and, as a consequence, expresses the spirit of this retrospective (which also includes forthcoming screenings of the comedies Whiteboyz and Half Baked). The Baby Boy scene happens like this: A young woman, Yvette (Taraji P. Henson), walks into a candlelit living room and finds her ex-boyfriend Rodney (Snoop Dogg) blissfully smoking a blunt. An exasperated Yvette: “What up, nigga, who told you to light my candles? You trippin’.” Rodney, exhaling a thick cloud of ganja smoke: “Hush, mama, I’m trying to set the mode up in here.” She is not pleased with this response and blows out the candles. Though Rodney is a total bastard (in a different scene, he tries to rape Yvette in front of her son; in another, he tries to kill the father of Yvette’s son), we recognize that the man on that couch is not bad or good. He is just Snoop Dogg being Snoop Dogg. When, in another scene, Rodney jumps up from the couch and rages about how Yvette’s babydaddy, Jody (Tyrese Gibson), is disrespecting him, the man of the house, the man who is trying to get Yvette pregnant, the man who has done some hard time and can pop a nigga in the ass—the Snoop in this scene is definitely acting. The real Snoop would never get all worked up like that. The real Snoop would never jump up from a couch for anything.

The Man Behind the Smoke: A Snoop Dogg Retrospective runs Monday evenings through June 24 at King’s Hardware, 5225 Ballard Ave NW. (CHARLES MUDEDE)

Got a film festival you want us to write about? E-mail festive@thestranger.com.

What kind of house does a man who has been imprisoned in a six-foot-by-nine-foot cell for over 30 years dream of?

the biggest, baddest monster-hunter is Cypher Raige, who never shows any fear. Cypher’s son, Kitai, though, is full of fear. It’s your standard father-son movie smooshed together with a child-in-the-wild adventure yarn, tossed around with some interesting-looking tech. (PAUL CONSTANT)

FAST & FURIOUS 6

Goddamnit, I like this movie. I like that it never stops trying to entertain the pants off its audience. I like that the movie ends in such a way that it serves as a satisfying conclusion to both the second trilogy of F&F movies and to the whole franchise in general. I like Vin Diesel’s gravelly delivery, when it comes alongside his little twisted, self-aware smile. I like that The Rock gets called the Hulk, Captain America, and Thor by three different characters in the film, making him a one-man version of the Avengers. I like that the script hints at a concept for a Fast & Furious 7 that has me genuinely excited. I like that Fast & Furious 6 desperately wants me to leave the theater feeling like I saw a spectacle. For a guilty-pleasure popcorn movie, I think that’s a pretty okay deal. (PAUL CONSTANT)

THE GREAT GATSBY

Tobey Maguire stars as the creepy Nick Carraway, the passive voyeur who lives to tell the tale. He inserts himself into the relationship of Daisy Buchanan (Carey Mulligan) and Jay Gatsby (Leonardo DiCaprio) with aplomb. Daisy’s husband, Tom (Joel Edgerton), isn’t quite dumb enough to not notice that something’s going on. As in the book, terrible things happen. The one thing that Baz Luhrmann instinctually understands is that The Great Gatsby is packed with creepiness: Carraway leers on the outside, looking in; Gatsby treats Daisy like a human doll; Tom toys with the lives of the poor like a petulant, horny Greek god. If you resign yourself to the inevitable fact that not even half of the book’s intricacies survive the adaptation, you can relax and enjoy what did make it to the screen. And there’s a lot to enjoy. (PAUL CONSTANT)

IRON MAN 3

pilot their little motorboat to an empty island out on the big river, where they encounter a mysterious stranger named Mud (Matthew McConaughey) who is hiding from the law. Adventure, danger, and formative coming-of-age moments ensue. Despite a few contrived moments, Mud gets a lot right. At its heart, it’s a sad, sweet story about growing up and discovering that adults don’t hold all the answers. (NED LANNAMANN)

THE PREY

Now this is what you call a crime thriller! No fucking around. No stupid plot and music. No action for action’s sake. And when there is action, the film goes all the way—a chase in oncoming traffic, a fall from a fifth-floor window, a prostitute beating the crap out of an underworld boss, a leap onto the the top of a moving train, murder in a graveyard, a serial killer with a brilliant mind and a mad wife. You will love the film’s hero (a bank robber serving time) and hate the villain (he looks like an American tourist). You will be satisfied by this most excellent French crime thriller. (CHARLES MUDEDE)

SCATTER MY ASHES AT BERGDORF’S

thestranger.com/film

Cut with montages and jazzy beats and images of customers drifting among the shiny surfaces, the documentary Scatter My Ashes at Bergdorf’s brings a peek behind the closed doors of the legendary New York fashion emporium. Not much is there, it turns out—just some props, some stark white mannequins, and loads of vague facts concerning the store’s legacy, its architecture, its strategic merchandising of collections. Designers and businessmen weigh in, but they’re either too cloistered or too commercially motivated to have any really interesting stories, and style experts describe the allure of shopping. One unexpectedly lively segment profiles balking personal shopper Betty Halbreich: “That’s really terrible. But buy it, because it’s not as terrible as what you came in wearing,” she says to clients. But even she can’t save the film.

(MARTI JONJAK)

STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS

Tony Stark is suffering anxiety attacks after saving the world at the end of The Avengers, and his nervousness manifests as a lack of sleep, a compulsion for building dozens of new suits of armor, and an inability to be close with his girlfriend. Along the way, he faces off against a menacing terrorist called The Mandarin (Ben Kingsley) and a mysterious rash of American soldiers who have somehow been transformed into weapons of mass destruction. It is a showcase for writer-director Shane Black’s talents and Robert Downey Jr.’s ability to bring life and charm to the comic-bookiest of comic-book characters. (PAUL CONSTANT)

KON-TIKI

Five men and an accident-prone parrot take to the sea on a handmade raft in this almost ridiculously gorgeous retelling of Thor Heyerdahl’s 1947 expedition, in which he attempted to prove that ancient settlers sailed between Peru and Polynesia. The most expensive film in Norway’s history, this Oscar nominee has beauty to spare, with no shortage of sights aimed at making the viewer’s jaw rebound off of the theater floor. Unfortunately, the lack of any real character development causes the narrative to sputter out quickly, leaving a repetitive cycle of shark sightings and sweet beards. Which isn’t all that bad of a thing, really. (ANDREW WRIGHT)

MUD

Ellis and Neckbone are two Arkansas 14-year-olds living up a tributary of the Mississippi. Early one morning, they

Let’s start with the good news: With one unfortunate exception, the actors are all growing pleasantly into their roles. Some of them (Chris Pine as Kirk, Simon Pegg as Scotty) choose to riff on the performances of Star Trek: The Original Series actors while wisely not hewing to staid impersonations. And now for the bad news: There’s very little trekking in this Star Trek Outside of a pre-credits taste of interstellar adventure involving a dilemma around that classic Star Trek saw, the Prime Directive, way too much of this movie is set on Earth or is simply floating, semi-stationary, in outer space. This movie is too busy dwelling in darkness to remember that Star Trek should be about optimism and aspirations and fun, and that’s a goddamned shame.

(PAUL CONSTANT)

WHAT MAISIE KNEW

Emotionally honest but not always dramatically successful, this brilliantly cast update of Henry James’s 1897 novel illustrates just how much damage a pair of monstrously selfish parents can wreak on their doe-eyed poppet. Directing team Scott McGehee and David Siegel smartly skip the melodrama and cant everything to a child’s-eye view of profound family dysfunction. Julianne Moore is a fantastically appalling basket case of neurotic egotism. Steve Coogan raises the bar on understated, smarmy self-regard. And yet both are convincingly human. But it’s little Onata Aprile who’ll suck you in. The 7-year-old is a revelation of naive desperation. (JEFF MEYERS)

BY WM. TM STEVEN HUMPHREY

SMELL WHAT I’M COOKIN’!

Serious problem, guys! I am currently without a catchphrase. You know, the type of phrase that’s repeated to the point of annoyance, but which sears the speaker into the memories of his/her audience forever? For example: Fred Flintstone’s “Yabba-dabba-doo!” or Urkel’s “Did IIIIII dooooo thaaaaat?” or Ryan Seacrest’s “Seacrest OUT!” (which I tried to steal as my own, but I was stopped by an army of Seacrest’s lawyers)? Well… I don’t have one of those!!

I was reminded of my catchphrase-less problem thanks to The Rock (aka movie actor/former wrestler Dwayne Johnson), who has a new reality competition show debuting this week (which I’ll get to in a minute please hold your horses!) and still possesses one of the greatest catchphrases ever: “Can you SMELL what The Rock is COOKIN’?”

That is an amazing catchphrase. Primarily because it makes exactly ZERO sense. Can we smell what he’s cooking? No, because I have no idea what he’s cooking. I’m not in his kitchen. Is it spaghetti?

On the other hand, maybe we shouldn’t take The Rock’s catchphrase so literally—in which case, it’s TERRIFYING. Maybe it’s a threat… like he’s actually a serial killer and enjoys cooking human flesh. I DON’T KNOW! Maybe he wants to have sex with me, and he’s cooking up an erection I DON’T KNOW! Maybe his tummy is upset, or he’s got some sort of gastrointestinal distress going on, and he’s feeling insecure about flatulence, and… I DON’T KNOW! The point

is, he’s definitely cookin’ up something, and that’s why his catchphrase is so memorable!

But enough about other people’s catchphrases—let’s concentrate on what MY new catchphrase should be, as we learn about two must-watch TV shows debuting this week! Such as…

• The Greatest Event in Television History 2 (Adult Swim, Thurs June 6, midnight): Did you see the first Greatest Event in Television History, in which Parks and Recreation’s Adam Scott and Mad Men’s Jon Hamm did a shot-for-shot remake of the Simon & Simon opening credit sequence? Well, it was only The Greatest Event in Television History! Now it’s time for ANOTHER Greatest Event in Television History, in which Scott and simply delightful Parks costar Amy Poehler perform a shot-for-shot remake of the opener for the classic ’80s romantic detective show Hart to Hart! You know… Hart to Hart? Starring Robert Wagner and Stefanie Powers? NO? What are you, 17 years old? Learn some goddamn TV history, for Christ’s sake! You’re only missing out on The Greatest Event in Television History 2!

• The Hero (TNT, Thurs June 6, 8 pm): Here’s that show I mentioned earlier that you may already be able to smell… because The Rock is cookin’ it! The Hero is a reality competition in which 10 contestants perform all sorts of crazy, hair-raising challenges—while being morally tested as well—to find out who will be crowned America’s next great hero! (Ummm… I’m not sure The Rock gets to decide who our country’s next “great hero” will be. BUT! If The Rock is cookin’ it? I’M SMELLING IT!!)

Heyyyy… maybe that can be my new catchphrase! “I am SO smelling it!”

UNNNGHH! That’s terrible. How about: “I enjoy cooking human flesh!” DAMN IT! Go away, you’re no help at all!!

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY

BY ROB BREZSNY

For the Week of June 5

ARIES (March 21–April 19): The longest natural arch in the world is the Fairy Bridge in Guangxi Province, China. Made of limestone, this 400-foot-wide span crosses over the Buliu River. No one outside of China knew about it until 2009, when an American explorer spied it on Google Earth. Let’s make the Fairy Bridge your metaphor of the month, Aries. Judging by the astrological omens, I suspect there’s a good chance you will soon find something like a natural, previously hidden bridge. In other words, be alert for a link between things you didn’t know were connected.

TAURUS (April 20–May 20): I hope that in recent weeks you’ve made yourself a master of sticky and intricate details. I trust you’ve been working harder and smarter than you have in a long time. Have you, Taurus? Have you been grunting and sweating a lot, exerting yourself on behalf of good causes? Please tell me you have. And please say you’re willing to continue for a while longer. The way I see it, your demanding tasks aren’t quite finished. In fact, the full reward for your efforts may not become available unless you keep pushing beyond the point that you consider to be your fair share.

GEMINI (May 21–June 20): How free do you want to be, Gemini? A tiny bit free, hemmed in by comfortable complications that require you to rely on white lies? Or would you rather be moderately free in ways that aren’t too demanding—politely, sensibly free? Maybe you feel brave and strong enough to flirt with a breathtaking version of liberation—a pure, naked freedom that brings you close to the edge of wild abandon and asks you to exercise more responsibility than you’re used to. I’m not telling you which kind you should opt for, but I am suggesting that it’s best if you do make a conscious choice.

CANCER (June 21–July 22): In August of 1961, the Communist government of East Germany built the Berlin Wall. It was a thick concrete barrier designed to prevent the oppressed citizens of East Berlin from escaping to freedom in West Berlin. The barrier was eventually policed by armed guards. Traffic between the two Berlins became virtually impossible for the next 28 years. Then a miracle occurred: East German authorities relinquished their stranglehold. They tentatively allowed East Berliners to travel to West Berlin. Soon, the Mauerspechte, or “wall woodpeckers,” showed up. Armed with ham-

mers and chisels, these people began chipping away at the wall. Two years later, most of it had been demolished. I hereby assign you to be a wall woodpecker in your own sphere, Cancer. The time is right to demolish a barricade. It may take a while, but you’re ready to start.

LEO (July 23–Aug 22): The following slogan captures the spirit I bring to composing my horoscopes: “I live in the future so that you don’t have to.” But right now, this slogan doesn’t apply to you. From what I can tell, you are currently visiting the future as much as I do. Here’s what I wonder, though: Are you time traveling simply to run away from the dilemmas that face you in the present? Or are you taking advantage of your jaunts to acquire revelations that will help you solve those dilemmas once you return?

VIRGO (Aug 23–Sept 22): You know that there are different kinds of stress, right? Some varieties wear you out and demoralize you, while other kinds excite and motivate you. Some lead you away from your long-term goals, and others propel you closer. The coming weeks would be an excellent time for you to fine-tune your ability to distinguish between them. I suspect that the more you cultivate and seek out the good kind, the less susceptible you’ll be to the bad kind.

LIBRA (Sept 23–Oct 22): Studies show that people spend 87 percent of their time inside buildings and 6 percent in enclosed vehicles. In other words, they are roaming around outside enjoying the wind and sky and weather for only 7 percent of their lives. I think you’re going to have to do better than that in the coming week, Libra. To ensure your mental hygiene stays robust, you should try to expose yourself to the natural elements at least 9 percent of the time. If you manage to hike that rate up to 10 percent or higher, you stand a good chance of achieving a spiritual epiphany that will fuel you for months.

SCORPIO (Oct 23–Nov 21): Resurrection is the Scorpionic specialty. Better than any other sign of the zodiac, you can summon the power to be reborn. It is your birthright to reanimate dreams and feelings and experiences that have expired and make them live again in new forms. Your sacred totem is the mythical phoenix, which burns itself in a fire of its own creation and then regenerates itself from the ashes. Now here’s the big news headline, Scorpio: I have rarely seen you in possession of more skill to perform these rites than you have right now.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22–Dec 21): Octavio Paz spoke to a lover in his poem

“Counterparts”: “In my body you search the mountain for the sun buried in its forest. In your body I search for the boat adrift in the middle of the night.” What have you searched for in the bodies of

your lovers, Sagittarius? What mysteries and riddles have you explored while immersed in their depths? How has making love helped you to better understand the meaning of life? I invite you to ruminate on these uncanny joys. Remember the breakthroughs that have come your way thanks to sex. Exult in the spiritual education you have received through your dealings with lust and sensuality. And then go out and stir up some fresh epiphanies.

CAPRICORN (Dec 22–Jan 19): Do you know what minced oaths are? They’re rarely used anymore. If you went back a hundred years, though, you’d hear them regularly. They were sanitized swear words, basically—peculiar exclamations that would allow people the emotional release of profanities without causing a ruckus among those who were listening. “Bejabbers!” was one. So were “thunderation!” and “dad-blast!” and “consarn!” Here’s one of my favorite minced oaths: “By St. Booger and the saints at the backside door of purgatory!” I bring this up, Capricorn, because I suspect it’ll be a minced oath kind of week for you. What I mean is: You’ll have every right to get riled up, and you should express your feelings, but not in ways that create problems for you.

AQUARIUS (Jan 20–Feb 18): There’s only one correct way to spell the English word “beauty.” But that wasn’t true centuries ago. Before the advent of the printing press, orthographic anarchy prevailed for many words. Some of beauty’s variations included bewte, beaute, beaultye, beuaute, bealte, buute, bewtee, and beaultye. I bring this up, Aquarius, because I think it would be fun and healthy for you to take a respite from having to slavishly obey standardized rules. I’m talking about not just those that apply to spelling, but others, too. See what you can get away with.

PISCES (Feb 19–March 20): In the last chapter of Fyodor Dostoevsky’s novel The Brothers Karamazov, the lead character says the following: “There is nothing nobler, stronger, healthier, and more helpful in life than a good remembrance, particularly a remembrance from our childhood… A beautiful, holy memory preserved from childhood can be the single most important thing in our development.” I bring this up, Pisces, so as to get you in the right frame of mind for this week’s featured activity: remembrance. One of the greatest gifts you can give yourself is to reminisce about the old days and the old ways. To do so will enhance your physical health and purify your emotional hygiene.

Homework: I dare you to do something that you will remember with pride and passion until the end of your days. Testify at Freewillastrology.com.

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ADULT

HELP WANTED

ADULT ACTORS WANTED Make $200-$400/hr in Adult films. Seeking women whom represent Seattle. Punk hipster type unique women. Tattoos and piercings are welcome! 18+ only, serious inquires only. Gay and Lesbian Filmsseattletalentproductions@live.com.

APARTMENTS

KENMORE $1,200

2 Large 2 bedrooms & 1 bath completely rennovated washer/dryer in each unit. 4-plex in a greenbelt area. Carports. Top floor’s $1,300. Bottom floor’s $1,200. 206-919-1390.

QUEEN ANNE $1,000

Large 1 & 2BD’s. 1BD w/balcony, 2BD with views! Great location, DW, w/s/g included. $1000-$1600/mo. 1000 1st Ave. W. Call (206)286-9488

BEACON HILL NORTH- Huge remodeled 2 bedroom, 2 bath owner’s unit. ALL UTILITIES PAID, FREE COMMERCIAL WIFI, great mountain views. $1675. All new stainless kitchen appliances. Granite, quartz, hardwoods, tile, carpet, dishwasher, washer/dryer, parking, intercom, and mass storage. 206-618-5918.

ART STUDIO/CREATIVE

TRAP STUDIOS GEORGETOWN has two levels and over 2500 sq. ft for band/theater rehearsal, film and photo shoots, workshop and event space. $20/hour weekdays/nights. $50/hour Fri/Sat. Inquires to baxter@trapstudios. com. Your imagination is the limit.

WARM, BRIGHT AND light top floor office/art studio now available. $515 a month. Call Richard at 206-706 6606 to learn more or visit: www.ActivSpace.com.

OFFICE/COMMERCIAL

GO LUNA - Large office/workspace now available at

COUNSELING

ANGER

DEEP TISSUE AND Relaxation

Massage on Capitol Hill. $50.00. Jeff LMP 206-650-0542 swedish, sports, and deep tissue massage. Last minute appointments encouraged. www.broadwaymassage.com 14 years experience. All are welcome. Close to broadway ave. 7 days a week 11:00a.m.-9:00p.m.

LAURIE’S MASSAGE (206)919-2180

LIKE A JAPANESE Hot Springs - At The Gated Sanctuary you can soak naked outside among soaring cedar trees in jetted hot pools, dip in a cold plunge, and relax with therapeutic massage. Unwind in our eucalyptus steam room. (425)334-6277 www.TheGatedSanctuary.com

RELAXATION, SPORTS, DEEP

Tissue and Hot Stone Massage on Capitol hill. 10:00 a.m.-9:00 p.m. 7 days a week. www.broadwaymassage.

areas. John Runyan 206.324.0682. Www.bodyworkman. com. 10am-8pm. Cash/incalls only. Last minute encouraged.

LESSONS

SING WITH CONFIDENCE.

Beginners welcome. Breathing/Range

Dev. Sliding Scale. Call Rosy 782-9305 singwithconfidence.com

SING! JANET 206-781-5062

FreetheVoiceWithin.com

THE VOCALIST STUDIO

We Train Vocal Athletes www.thevocaliststudio.com

Scream technique, 5 Octave range. Eliminate Tension. Downtown Seattle studio. 425.444.5053

MUSICIANS AVAILABLE

AVANT-ROCK BAND SEEKING keyboardist to complete personnel.

Bass/Guitar/Violin/Cello/Voice. Swans, Glenn Branca, Godspeed You!Black Emperor, Zero 7, Jarboe, Live Skull, Saint Vitus, Black Sabbath, Painkiller. No drugs. We have a rehearsal space.

206.547.2615/omaritaylor@gmail. com www.myspace.com/branavinix/ www.branavinix.com

DRUMMER WANTED PLEASE

DRUMMER WANTED Please have transportation and drumkit. I have a space to play. Looking to jam 1 to 2 times a week.If you like to play heavy hard rock original music call me.(425)387-8291

GUITARIST SEEKING BAND Seeking band or individuals who wanna jam.No covers wanna play originals and create. Like all types of music ,i have transportation and gear.(425)387-8291

MUSIC INSTRUCTION & SERVICES

PIANIST AVAILABLE

I’m Richard Peterson, 64 year old composer, arranger, and pianist. I’m available to play parties, weddings, clubs, shows, etc. $200/gig. Covers and originals. Please call 206-325-5271, Thank You! CD available. Must have a piano.

SEATTLE VOCALIST/ SONGWRITER/ KEYBOARDS CALL MURPHY 206 860 3534

MUSICIANS WANTED

AVANT-ROCK BAND SEEKING female vocalist. We are currently drums, bass and guitar. We will be adding more instrumentation in time. Swans, My Bloody Valentine, Angels of Light, and traditional Spanish, Irish, Mediterranean, and Arabian music. No drugs. www.myspace.com/branavinix/206.547.2615

BASS, DRUMS NEEDED for a metal project in Seattle. Vicious in standard tuning. Old school thrash style. Fast as fuck. Glenn 206.331.6222 Songs at www.hevvytimerecords.com. Think “Ride the Lighting”-era Metallica, but as a black metal band.

BLOODSHOT BARRELS NEED drums TRAVEL.RECORD .SHOWS,BSBARRRELS@GMAIL. COM...206-328-2329

CHECK ME OUT I SING, I DANCE, TO ROCK OR ELECTRONICA, AND WRITE SONGS TOO. 206 860 3534

DRUMMER WANTED FOR experimental rock band. Swans, Big Black, Killing Joke, Black Flag, SPK, Neurosis, Tad, Live Skull, Die Kreuzen, Soriah, Savage Republic. No drugs. Material can be heard at www. rendingsinew.com. 206.547.2615/ omaritaylor@hotmail.com

I’m Richard Peterson, 64 year old composer, arranger, and pianist.

I’m available to play parties, weddings, clubs, shows, etc.

$200/gig.  Covers and originals.  PLEASE CALL 206-325-5271

Thank You!  CD available. Must have piano!

,/.

LEAD SINGER LOOKING for band that want to kick ass call me 206 7341715 let’s rock

LOOKING FOR A blues lead guitarist & bassist. Genre: Blues and Blues influenced rock. Age and gender is not a problem. Contact Wade at wadeb2@comcast.net or call 425-4228072. West Seattle based. Practice on Wednesday 6pm.

LOOKING FOR BASS player with backup or lead vocals - Lighthouse Xplozion. Contact Gary 425-268-7850 or Joe 206-407-7876

LOOKING FOR KEYBOARD player for metal/rock/punk band with established members from former bands. Distorted jon lord, heavy organ or electric piano. Keys provide low end and melodic high end. just keys and guitar. Wanna riff? thegodbeastband@ gmail.com

LOOKING FOR SOMEONE to permanently fill the drum throne, and have some fun recording and gigging. seangephardt@live.com

MAKE IT ELECTRONIC. Are you sitting at home alone programming and wishing you knew others who are doing the same? I sing/write/play keys, and am looking for electronica fans/ YouTube fans. Are you out there? murphy.thomas8@gmail.com

SEARCHING FOR FEMALE musicians. Bass, Drum/percussion, guitar, violin, Vocals a plus. To perform original and some cover music to hopefully set up a small west coast tour. No Drugs or Major Drama please. Age 25 to 50. Will accept guys too BUT Ladies first for this show. Please contact Kenn ASAP to get started. Looking forward to making some good noise.

SEEKING BASSIST AND Drummer. Must want to help book shows and write songs. If so we will change the name of the band. http://facebook.com/stevenmartinellimusic stevenmartinelli@ hotmail.com

RECORDING/REHEARSAL

BAND REHEARSAL SPACE 1

Shared Room @$210/month Incl. 36hrs/month & Private closet and Private Rooms @ $500/mo. Call 425445-9165 or Visit wildersoundstudios. com Located in SODO Seattle

THE HIVE RECORDING Studio: 206-249-8942 band and vocal recording, editing, mixing, and mastering. Work with experienced credited engineers/producers! Check us out at www.TheHiveRecordingStudio.com

REHEARSAL SPACE

1 Shared Room @$220/month Incl. 36hrs/month & Private closet Visit wildersoundstudios.com Located in SODO Seattle. Contact Samantha 425.445.9165 s.wilder@wildersoundstudios.com

Read bucketloads more (or place your own) online at www.thestranger.com/personals

CHIPOTLE ON 3RD 6/2

You sat behind me and you had a full moon on your black tshirt. think you’re incredibly sexy and regret not saying something. Can I buy you a drink? When: Sunday, June 2, 2013. Where: Chipotle. You: Man. Me: Woman. #919712

HR SWEET TOOTH.

You had cicadas on your left arm, and dark curly hair. I told you I hung posters and you told me about your graphic novel. wish you luck in finding an awesome artist. When: Saturday, June 1, 2013. Where: West lake tunnel rt 106. You: Man. Me: Woman. #919711

I HOPE YOU LIKE GELATOS!

You: Cute Hispanic(?) girl, necklace with tiny vial, across from me on the bus. Me: beard, tan shorts, blue bag. A crazy urge to invite you out for gelatos vanished. My courage is back. Join me for a frosty treat? When: Saturday, June 1, 2013. Where: On the #43 to Cap Hill. You: Woman. Me: Man. #919709

HEALEO/ELIZABETH SHUE/ MINI COOPER

We waited and exchanged glances. kept thinking how much you look like Elizabeth Shue and thought about telling you. The chance to hold the door for you was opportune. As was passing by you on Pine in your car.

When: Thursday, May 30, 2013. Where: Healeo on 15th. You: Woman. Me: Man. #919707

AMY ON ROUTE 2 BUS

Amy, when we met you had just got back from Guatamala. How’s it been, haven’t been on the bus lately. Get in touch, theres some interesting events coming up you may enjoy.

James When: Monday, March 11, 2013. Where: #2 bus. You: Woman. Me: Man. #919706

PARTNER IN CRIME LAST WEEKEND

We have a connection. Was flirting, hope you were too. Easy to spend time with you, want to get to know you a lot better. You’re adorable with killer smile. Said we should grab a drink, hope it’s something more. When: Sunday, May 26, 2013. Where: Sasquatch. You: Man. Me: Woman. #919705

RANDO AT EDMONDS PCC MARKET

You look amazing! I wish you’d keep wearing the Russian hat! You are so friendly and have an adorable smile. I’m going to take a wild guess you’re into groovy music. Want to talk about it over coffee? When: Saturday, May 25, 2013. Where: PCC Market, Edmonds. You: Man. Me: Man. #919704

CUTE CURLY BLONDE

CAPITOL HILL

Saw you two days in a row, late May. You were looking through the bus window, I was coming out of QFC, getting into my work van. Drove past you the second day near Rite Aid. You have great hair. When: Wednesday, May 29, 2013. Where: Capitol Hill. You: Woman. Me: Man. #919703

BEVERIDGE PLACE 5/29, FRECKLES

You- with friend for post-work drinks, shaved head, shirt with an “H” on it, freckled arms Me- lavender hair, wearing black, sitting by window Beer, food, game there sometime? You’re way adorable. When: Wednesday, May 29, 2013. Where: West Seattle. You: Man. Me: Woman. #919702

BAUHAUS BOY, ALWAYS LOOKIN

I’ve seen you three, maybe four times. You’re in that same spot, looking out those north facing windows. Today you were sitting with your laptop. We always make eye contact, but maybe it’s my imagination. Tea somewhere else sometime? When: Tuesday, May 28, 2013. Where:

C LINE TO WEST SEATTLE

into a little cup. I had headphones in and was wearing bright green pants. When: Tuesday, May 28, 2013. Where: C Line bus. You: Man. Me: Woman. #919698

CAFFE ZINGARO BEAUTY

I came in late morning and couldn’t keep my eyes off of you as you took my order & got me my coffee. You’re absolutely beautiful & seemed quite cool. I’d love a drink sometime... When: Sunday, May 26, 2013. Where: Caffe Zingaro. You: Woman. Me: Man. #919691

MYSTERIOUS TALL BLONDE AT CUFF You; Slender, very cute; hair shoulder length. Standing along the backwall of the dance floor; chatting with friend. Me; tall; blonde; also fit. Hair short though; tats; Talking with my gays to the left of the dance floor... Bevi sometime? When: Saturday, May 25, 2013. Where: The Cuff. You: Woman. Me: Woman. #919690

Sign Langage Girl — Yeti Yogurt

you work at yeti and I have visited a few times for some late night treats. We’ve chatted in ASL and I want to see if you’d like to hang out at a coffee shop and practice.

When: Friday, May 31, 2013. Where: Yeti Yogurt Queen Anne. You: Woman. Me: Man. #919710

MARILYN MONROE AT HAVANA You were wearing a Marilyn Monroe shirt I was wearing a lion shirt. We danced. I should have gotten your name. When: Tuesday, May 28, 2013. Where: Havana. You: Woman. Me: Woman. #919701

OUTSIDE SAMADHI YOGA MONDAY 5:45PM 12th & Pike. You: red/brown haired woman in your 30s crossing Pike and into Samadhi Yoga. Me: handsome guy wearing purple dress shirt/jeans climbing into gray Honda Fit. Blew you a kiss, you smiled; would love to meet you. When: Tuesday, May 28, 2013. Where:

FOLKLIFE FACE PAINTED

a guy named Alphonso. would love to share more sweet authenticity & presence with you. When: Sunday, May 26, 2013. Where: folklife mural amphitheater. You: Woman. Me: Man. #919695 YOUR COSY ARM WARMER you needed a ride 10 blocks and you were cold. would give you the ride and rubbed your arms. we enjoyed our cosy moment. you: female 5-27-13 after 2 am outside 2 Bit Saloon When: Monday, May 27, 2013. Where: Outside 2 Bit Saloon. You: Woman. Me: Man. #919694

MARY I served you and four of your friends on Sunday night. You were very nice to me and we had a lot of wonderful eye contact. am so damn shy while working... When: Sunday, May 26, 2013. Where: Ballard. You: Woman. Me:

ful and we should go out. When: Saturday, May 25, 2013. Where: Light Rail/Westlake Station. You: Woman. Me: Man. #919689

ARIEL: SHARED TAXI AFTER FOLKLIFE

We couldn’t catch the 16, so we shared a taxi. You mentioned the super-moon. You seem nice! We could people-watch together. When: Saturday, May 25, 2013. Where: Seattle Center. You: Woman. Me: Man. #919688

REDHEAD AT U-VILLAGE H&M In line behind me.... Caught my eye and you caught me on my double-take. You had great style, amazing red hair, and perfect eyes. I remember that last look you took when leaving. Best part of my day. When: Thursday, May 23, 2013. Where: U-Village H&M. You: Woman. Me: Man. #919687

Six Strawberries

Six Strawberries is Seattle’s first artisan ice-pops company. We create delicious and dairy-free pops using as many NW ingredients as possible, all handcrafted here in the 206. Find us in local farmers markets, in select stores, and on our mobile route by bicycle cart. Flavors include: Strawberry, Blueberry Lemonade, Fudge, Caffe Vita Latte, PB&J, and Strawberry Rhubarb Pie.

Four Artisan Ice-Pops ($12 Value) at Six Strawberries. Your Price: $6.

Willie’s Taste of Soul

For over 15 years, Willie’s Taste of Soul has been serving Seattle fantastic bar-b-que with all the fixins. Succulent ribs, beef, chicken, and our homemade hotlinks are all slow smoked right in back of the restaurant. Now serving fried chicken from the original founder of Ezzell’s!

$25 to Spend at Willie’s Taste of Soul. Your Price: $12.50.

Plum Market

Check out Plum’s newest menu and location inside the Armory building at Seattle Center. Plum Bistro is all vegan all the time, and offers a great selection of imaginative dishes ranging from deep fried to raw. There’s plenty to do in our new neighborhood here in the Seattle Center, so come grab a vegan wrap, sandwich, or panini and explore. Open seven days a week, week nights til 6pm and weekends til 8pm. Come and bring the whole family.

$25 to Spend at Plum Market (Seattle Center). Your Price: $12.50. RAINIER VALLEY! SEATTLE CENTER!

SAVAGE LOVE

Husbanding BY

DAN SAVAGE

I love my husband of 20 years, but sexual differences are putting a strain on our marriage. Ten years ago, he asked me to talk dirty to him about having sex with other men. It has progressed to him wanting to be a cuckold. I only want to be with him, but he presses the issue by verbalizing cuckold situations during sex. This makes me close my eyes and shut down. By the time he is done, I have no desire to orgasm because I no longer feel attractive. Worse, I feel like I am not enough for him. The only way he can get off is to talk about me having sex with other men. It makes me feel worthless as a sex partner—which is crazy, because I am attractive and open to a great deal of things (toys, games, dressing up, striptease, etc.). I long for him to touch me, kiss me, and look at me the way he used to. He is a good father and a good provider, and I love him. But this matter is crushing my self-esteem. I won’t stay much longer if this continues. Your advice?

Extremely Frustrated Female Experiencing Despair

Your husband was probably reading cuckolding blogs for years before he worked up the nerve to raise the subject, EFFED, and here’s what he’s gleaned from them: husband brings it up, wife shoots it down, husband whines, wife agrees to explore it as fantasy only, and then one day— after years of dirty talk—wife announces she wants to give it a try. She winds up loving it, and she says she regrets waiting so long. Reading so many cuckolding success stories—many likely fictitious—has left your husband convinced that if he just keeps at it, one day his wife will want to try it. (Some wives do try it and like it. I got a letter the same day yours arrived from a woman who’s angry that her husband—after years of dirty talk and a half-dozen cuckolding experiences—has decided that it isn’t for him after all. He doesn’t want her sleeping with other men; she doesn’t want to go back to sleeping with just him. Dr. Cuckenstein created a monster.)

My advice: Tell your husband in no uncertain terms that you don’t want to hear about cuckolding anymore. Period. He is free to think about whatever he wants to during sex—we all are—but he has to keep his cuckolding fantasies to himself. Wrap up the convo by informing him that from now on, your sex sessions end the moment the subject of you sleeping with other men is raised. No more closing your eyes and waiting for him to finish. (What kind of asshole can finish under those circumstances?) If he brings up other men, EFFED, get off the bed, get out of the bedroom, and go to the kitchen and have some ice cream.

Your husband needs to find a new erotic script that works for you both. The incentive for him: Since you are open to many things— toys, games, dressing up, striptease—a fantasy scenario that turns you on is likely to become a reality scenario pretty quickly.

Finally, EFFED, cuckolds don’t see their wives as unattractive. Cuckolds see their wives as so desirable—and themselves as so inadequate—that they’re incapable of giving their wives all of the sexual attention they deserve. But I can see why you’re upset. You want sex to be about the two of you, about the intimacy you share (or used to share), and your husband is always running his mouth about people who aren’t in the room. It’s understandable that you would feel like you’re not enough for him after 10 years of this bullshit. But your husband’s fantasies don’t mean he finds you unattractive—they mean the exact opposite.

I am a 28-year-old married straight male. I have a lot of confusion regarding my sexual orientation and gender identity, and I am

in therapy. My question for you is about my current self-pleasuring routine. I get high and watch “sissy self-hypnosis” videos. These videos consist of text, pictures, and subliminal suggestions aimed at hypnotizing straight males into “mind control” sex slavery. Some are about cuckolding and femdom; some are about being brainwashed into sucking cock. It’s done in an amateurish and (hopefully) ineffective way. Am I destroying my brain here?

Man Wondering About Hypnosis

I haven’t encountered any glassy-eyed straight guys wandering around my gay neighborhood offering to suck cock, so I’m thinking these videos are ineffective. They sound like a harmless way for an otherwise healthy, stable straight guy to fantasize about ceding his power and privilege to people the culture taught him to regard as weak and inferior, i.e., ladies and fags. That said, MWAH, it doesn’t sound like you’re an otherwise healthy, stable straight guy. You’re confused about your sexual orientation and gender identity, and you’re working on those issues with a shrink. That being the case, MWAH, best to avoid these videos for the time being.

I always told myself that I would forgive my husband if he cheated on me. Well, he had an affair for eight months. He also blew through our savings and racked up considerable credit-card debt. The college fund we started for our two children is gone. He spent all of the money on fancy dinners, expensive gifts, and incredible vacations for his girlfriend. I am so angry, I can’t imagine staying. My husband ended the affair and wants desperately to save our marriage. As much as it pains me to subject my kids to divorce, I don’t know if I can commit to him again. Is the best option to DTMFA?

Heartbroken

Sexual infidelity is one thing—and it’s a relatively common thing (so people should go into marriage prepared to work through it)—but we’re not talking about one thing here. We’re talking about a whole series of betrayals. Your husband betrayed you sexually and financially. He stole from you. He stole from his own children.

Now, I can understand thinking with your dick (because I have a dick), and we can all imagine a circumstance in which we might succumb to temptation (because we all experience temptation). But I cannot even begin to wrap my head around how someone could spend his own children’s college fund—in addition to his family’s savings (and taking on debt!)—on gifts, trips, and meals for his piece-of-shit on the side. (Not all “other women/men” are pieces of shit, but anyone who would allow her married lover to spend that kind of money on her in eight months is a flaming piece of shit.) DTMFA.

It’s advice, H, not binding arbitration. You are free to make up your own mind. And while I couldn’t see staying if I were in your shoes, I could see myself meeting with a marriage counselor a few times before pulling the plug—for the sake of the kids.

This week on the Savage Lovecast, Dan reveals the secret of how to get straight women to dive into casual sex, and Lindy West talks about men who think your vagina is disgusting: savagelovecast.com.

Dan’s new book— American Savage: Insights, Slights, and Fights on Faith, Sex, Love, and Politics —is available now.

mail@savagelove.net @fakedansavage on Twitter

JOE NEWTON

Ahh! Time to get *Ahh-thorized*

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Be an Egg Donor

Are you a healthy woman in your 20’s who loves to help others, or know someone who is?

We would love to talk with you! Generous compensation. Call: 206-515-0042 or email: DonorEggBank@pnwfertility.com

Blanchard Chapel

Weddings & Receptions:

Historic cathedral sanctuary, steeple bells, indoor & outdoor reception areas, gardens and countryside meadows.

We welcome all marriages! www.blanchardchapel.com - (360)766-6944

Donate Your Car, Truck or Motorcycle

Support Big Brothers Big Sisters of Puget Sound.

We offer free pickup of used vehicles in most cases running or not. Tax deductible. (206) 248-5982

Do you suffer from any of the following?

Facial Acne, Painful Menstrual Cramps, Migraine Headaches, or are you a female that has difficulty with orgasms? Seattle Health and Research is looking for eligible volunteers. Visit www.SeattleHealthandResearch.com to see a list of requirements to participate for each. Or call 206-522-3330 x2

Edward P. Lombardo, Attorney at Law Criminal Appeals & Defense

Former Deputy Prosecuting Attorney Years of Insider Experience Felonies-Misdemeanors-Homicide (206) 390-4140 (206) 218-6743

eplseattlelaw.com

Green Buddha Patient Co-Op now accepting new qualified patients and providers (206) 297-9640 www.greenbuddha.us

Get Strong and Live Long, Quantum Martial Arts! 964 Denny Way, Seattle. (206) 322-4799 Quantumseattle.org

HAPPY HAULER.com

Debris Removal

206-784-0313

Major credit cards accepted

HALLMARK TEMPS needs drivers

Class A & Class B 206-587-5360

NW Green Resource

The Pantry Raid~ Cooking Classes Simple Cooking, for Smart People.

Medical Cannabis Recommendation

Located on Capitol Hill 206-453-4181 www.nwgreenresource.com

PIANIST AVAILABLE

Clubs, Weddings, Parties

I’m Richard Peterson, 64 year old composer, arranger, and pianist. I’m available to play parties, weddings, clubs, shows, etc. $200/gig. Covers and originals. Please call 206-325-5271, Thank You! CD available. Must have piano!|

SEX OFFENDER REGISTRATION GOT YOU DOWN?

We may be able to help to remove that requirement. The Meryhew Law Group, PLLC (206)264-1590 www.meryhewlaw.com