The Stranger February 2026 Issue

TABLE OF CONTENTS

I Saw U

Covered Head to Toe in Tattoos, Polar Plunging in West Seattle, and Watching Nightmare Before Christmas at Kangaroo & Kiwi

All the Reasons to Abolish ICE You May Have Missed in January

For right-wing activists, birth control methods that don’t work are a feature, not a bug.

PUBLISHER

Tracey Cataldo

Editorial

EDITOR IN CHIEF

Hannah Murphy Winter

MANAGING EDITOR

Megan Seling

ARTS EDITOR

Emily Nokes

NEWS EDITOR

Vivian McCall

SENIOR STAFF WRITER

Charles Mudede STAFF WRITERS

Julianne Bell, Nathalie Graham, Audrey Vann, Micah Yip

PHOTO DIRECTOR

Billie Winter

COPY EDITORS

Fox Allison, Dave Segal

Advertising

SENIOR ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES Ben Demar, Katie Phoenix

REGIONAL

Marketing

MARKETING MANAGER Evanne Hall

EMAIL MARKETING LEAD Andi Carmichael

EMAIL

& Production

Even Autocracy Can’t Stop Y’all from Fucking (in Parks, on Ferries, Even at Archie McPhee) and We Love You for That

Talking Valentines, Heated Rivalry, and Sexy Fish Scaling with Author Olivia Waite

Ann Leda Shapiro’s Long, Uncompromising Practice Finally Comes Into View

Business

Noisy Productions

Noisy Podcasts

EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR Patrick Kearney

EXECUTIVE PRODUCER Nancy Hartunian

Love is in the air!

Oh, shit, no, that’s pepper spray.

This is our first print issue in the new year, and 2026 came at us all hard. It took three days for the Trump administration to invade another country, bomb them, and capture their president. It took seven days for immigration enforcement to kill someone on the street. And that was only the first time. As we close this issue, this year has been a scary, infuriating, galvanizing 29 days.

Meanwhile, we still have some beloved February traditions. Every year, we send out a survey to our readers, asking them to tell us everything we want to know (and they want to tell) about their sex lives. And we invite you to send us your valentines, to publicly declare your love for, well, anyone. It’s our annual love letter to all you horny freaks out there.

But this year, we wondered, could Seattleites find that loving feeling through the rage of this past year? Are people still fucking in an autocracy?

Thousands of you answered our sex survey (p. 18), and we’re thrilled to report that yes, you all are still fucking. You’re fucking on ferries. You’re fucking in (several) Taco Del Mar

bathrooms. You’re fucking at Archie McPhee. Those of you that definitely didn’t vote for Trump even report being pretty satisfied with how much you’re fucking (the Republicans weren’t so lucky). Your kinks have stayed steady—uninfected by the chaos around us—and blessedly few of you are trying to fuck ChatGPT. We salute you.

And then when we asked if you might want to write a little love letter of your own, hundreds of readers sent us valentines. To your tumblr mutuals-turned-lover. The fiancé you met at someone’s divorce party. Your pets. Your friends. Your crush on the Route 60 bus. The person you’d quit your job for all over again.

We still have a touch of Trump in our Love & Sex Issue, courtesy of the MAHA mission to convince women that hormonal birth control is poison, and that tracking their cycles is their best option for managing their fertility (p. 11). (It’s not. But it is a very good way to push their “we need more babies” agenda.)

But, really, this issue is about everything that we are in spite of them: the dirty little freaks they’re so afraid of.

Love, The Stranger

This Issue Brought to You By….

All of MoPOP’s many folds

The Mountain Goats’ 2002 song

“No Children,” specifically the line, “You are coming down with me / Hand in unlovable hand.”

Pet axolotls named Warp and Weft

Connor Storrie’s Russian accent

ICE being brought down by none other than ice

Fighting the urge to doomscroll by spending 25 hours cross-stitching

an oversized can of Diet Coke

Megan Carter punching Britta Curl in the face

Neighborhood cats

Being mistaken for a top

Jerking off to Mike Solan’s resignation

The cystic pimple that I have had for two-plus months that still has not gone away

The furious screams of Barbs everywhere

Your mom, who sends her regards after our night of raucous lovemaking

Your dad, who watched

The word “raucous” Pony sweat

A Zoom call I didn’t know how to end, so I’ve been here for 57 hours now

Anthony Fucking Keo

Love, but make it practical

Learn how to teach, talk, and support sexual health with confidence and care.

Explore these Seattle-based programs

MA in Education, Sexuality Education Concentration Certificate in Sexuality Education Certificate in Sex Therapy

RECORD SHOWNorthwest

SUNDAY, March 8th, 2026 10:00am – 5:00pm

Over 50 tables of records, LPs, 45s and CDs!!!

Cost: $3 or $2 if a can of food is brought to benefit Northwest Harvest. Early Admission at 8:00am: $15 Seattle Center Armory (On

Please help Northwest Harvest collect food for local food banks.

Project Manager: Sellery, Inc. in Bellevue, WA;

Duties: Manage brand live-streaming projects and client relationships; coordinate with cross-functional teams, monitor progress, and analyze data to improve outcomes.

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I Saw U…

Covered Head to Toe in Tattoos, Polar Plunging in West Seattle, and Watching Nightmare Before Christmas at Kangaroo & Kiwi

ILLUSTRATIONS BY ESMERALDA VASQUEZ

Did you recently share a ~*moment*~ with someone while riding the bus, dancing at the club, or standing in line at the supermarket? Do you want to try to reconnect? Submit your own I Saw U at thestranger.com/ isawu, and maybe we’ll include it in the next roundup! Look for a new batch of I Saw U messages every week on thestranger.com.

Small Paul NYE Show at Add-a-Ball

You (dirty blonde, glasses) with your friends, saw me (bald, goatee) all by myself at 12AM... you offered a hug. Very kind. Catch a show sometime?

horse romantasy book @ ophelia’s 1/5 Joking about a horse romantasy book with Ophelias’ staff when I saw you...brunette w/ tortoiseshell glasses & northface shoes. Can I buy you a coffee?

we smiled and made eyes but went unrecognized me, Natalie. Natalie, tres bien ensemblé. I was red rain coat on 11th and pine new years day. see you same place Sunday morning? maybe fix your sink?

Covered head to toe in tattoos and a cream coat at elliot bay I didn’t find salmon shanties but I found a new crush

Diller Room, a decade ago

You had a swim membership and your Mom lived in an unusual abode. I will never forget the way it felt talking with you, standing next to barstool.

Pike Place Market - Stoll my Heart Fur lined parka, the color of muddy banks. Low slung backpack, the colors of nevermind. Hakama plaid pants, the color of a PNW sky. I like your style.

Me: Pink raincoat You: Bruce Harrell Standing in the doorway of the US Bank Center, on the phone, in your Columbo-ass raincoat (he wore it better). Blocking a doorway, on the phone, presumably avoiding the rain (it had stopped raining). Typical Brucie Baby, unaware of others and being in the way.

Cutie at the Cloud Nothings / Burst Show

I regret taking off before getting your number. Your excitement was infectious. Would love to flail around or shoot Unberberg you again sometime.

Kangaroo & Kiwi one Saturday afternoon

U: a Cali girl. Me: a Guinness girl. U put Nightmare Before Christmas on the TV. I asked a lame question about beer just to talk to u. Hang sometime?

12/13/2025 Cherry Disco

You blue sequence hair up. Me dark hair and clothing. Thought you had awesome pants. Coffee?

Broadway Complementary

You stopped me by Dick’s to effusively compliment my earrings and eyeliner. I fully failed to return the favor. Gimme an opportunity to call you cute?

Weird bus guy (Thursday 1/8) shared a moment (only us and driver? on bus), guy wanted in on bus from street, both kinda felt bad but was also a bit funny, coffee?

Bag-clutching beau on the D Nov 30 1 PM. You: dark-haired gent, Chucks, tucked up front, holding fast to your bag. Me: Snow White by the door, with bag. Several glances. Coffee?

Polar Plunge W. Seattle

Fuzzy jokers. Hugging and laughing. Reflecting eyes. Energized hearts, full of Intent. Natural Delight. Lasting ‘til next we meet. Thank you

Generalized Eigenvalue Problems

Had a great NYE with you at the Hideout. We talked about math, physics, swimming and art - and listened to Doti! Would love to see you.

Is it a match? Follow The Stranger on Instagram and leave a comment on our weekly I Saw U posts to connect!

I, Anonymous Readers’ Rants and Confessions

ILLUSTRATION BY STEVE WEISSMAN

I’ve been delivering food on a bike for over a year and a half. After being assaulted by some chud in Belltown today, I need to get some shit off my chest that isn’t just that guy’s hand.

Y’all motherfuckers who complain about the music I crank must’ve forgotten what city you’re in. Fuck off to the suburbs, NIMBY scum.

Dumbfucks occupying the bike lanes when the sidewalk is literally just a few feet to the side, you’re one of the main reasons I crank loud music, and even that’s not enough to overpower your earbuds, you fucking bollards. Double fuck you to you brainlets who park your cars in the bike lanes, which is illegal, BTW. Y’all create the danger you then blame us for, just like a good Republican.

Clones who jokingly or sincerely try to trick me into giving you someone else’s order, you’re just fucking boring and unoriginal.

To the white men (yes, it’s always white men) who actually get hostile and try to pick fights with me while I’m on the clock, like the one who did today, you call me things like a loser and a bitch, and yet you are only projecting the reality about yourself. Funny how you run away when one of the locals comes to defend me, since doing so myself would cost my job. You have to be a real massive piece of shit to pick a fight with someone doing their job. Oh, and blaming me for your violence is textbook abuser behavior. What was that about a

male loneliness epidemic? Y’all are actually pathetic, and maybe the government should look into disarming you instead of trans people.

I was raised by and around military, cops, and other various authoritarian types. I’ve lived on and off the streets since becoming an adult a couple decades ago, and I’ve wrecked a couple Nazis and even an infamous Proud Boy. I’ve been stabbed in the chest by a tweaker with a screwdriver, who I then proceeded to remove from the bus myself. Afterwards, I clocked in, completed a shift, and then went to get a tetanus shot. I like to put metal rods in my urethra for pleasure. I’m not scared of any of you. Although, in general, I get a lot more love from folks who understand and appreciate the hazards involved than I do hate from people who clearly need a psychedelic enema, and it means the world to me.

Double thank you to folks who tip well.

Love, The Psycho Bike Ho

Do you need to get something off your chest? Submit an I, Anonymous, and maybe we’ll illustrate it! Send your unsigned rant, love letter, confession, or accusation to ianonymous@thestranger.com. Please remember to change the names of the innocent and the guilty. Read more I, Anonymous letters every week at thestranger.com.

Last Month This Month is a recap of all the previous month’s news, featuring headlines from Slog AM. Find it in every issue of The Stranger! * * *

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Pullout Politics

For right-wing activists, birth control methods that don’t work are a feature, not a bug.

BY MEGAN BURBANK

Earlier this year, a company called Natural Cycles introduced their new wristband. For just $129.99, the wristband would sync with their app and offer the wearer “digital birth control,” tracking people’s fertility based on their body temperature and cycle.

Sound too good to be true? It was. The app, and the animating principle behind it— quit hormonal birth control! there’s a better, easier way!—is part of a slate of high-risk, low-reward family planning methods that have lately taken on a new sheen in the eyes of the federal government. After shutting down the department that supervises federal family planning funding and setting the conditions to erode abortion and pregnancy care nationwide, the Trump administration is now evangelizing a single type of birth control: fertility awareness methods, which include everything from cycle-tracking to digital apps.

Cycle-tracking has been around for a long time, largely for people trying to conceive. If you’re struggling to get pregnant, doctors might encourage you to track the window in your menstrual cycle when you’re most likely to be fertile. But as birth control, fertility awareness is much more likely than other methods to result in unintended pregnancy, and that may be precisely the point: Given the right wing’s pronatalist agenda and ongoing obsession with the birth rate, a birth control method that doesn’t work is a feature, not a bug.

Because fertility awareness methods rely on accurate cycle tracking, says Prager, and “if somebody has irregular cycles, these methods can’t be used.” Available research also suggests that fertility awareness methods just don’t work as well as other forms of birth control.

All birth control methods have two rates of failure: one with typical use (how most people use the method), and one with perfect use (how the Pleasures to Have in Class do). For some set-it-and-forget-it methods, like IUDs or the subdermal implant, these

Fertility awareness methods work so poorly that they’ve been a source of scandal even in the politically secular Femtech world. In 2018, Olivia Sudjic chronicled at the Guardian her experience using Natural Cycles, which touted itself as 93 percent effective with typical use. Despite following the instructions, Sudjic was one of many users who ended up pregnant. She had an abortion, realizing much too late that “the ideal Cycler is a narrow, rather old-fashioned category of person”—someone in a committed relationship, with a

Right-wing activists—most recently in the New York Times —claim that fertility awareness methods are a reasonable alternative to gold-standard birth control methods like the IUD or the subdermal implant, because, as one proponent put it, women “don’t need to put these extra chemicals and devices into their bodies to figure out what’s going on. They can do it in a natural way.”

This is, in a medical sense, terrible advice. “Fertility awareness” refers to several approaches that require users to do things like monitor their body temperature and cervical mucus thickness to estimate when their most fertile windows are, and to avoid sex during those times or use a barrier method like condoms. When used with barrier methods, says Sarah Prager, professor of obstetrics and gynecology at the University of Washington, this can work. But for most people, fertility tracking is “difficult and impractical,” she says.

numbers are virtually identical: It’s hard to take your birth control incorrectly when it’s embedded in your bicep tissue. Fertility awareness methods, on the other hand,

“Shift-workers, world-travellers, the sickly, the stressed, insomniacs, and sluts be advised.”

have the biggest gap between perfect and typical use, and, by their sheer complexity, provide users many chances for things to go sideways. Prager puts it this way: “They’re just not reliable when used by the majority of people, because most people cannot use them reliably.”

stable routine that allows for assiduous cycle-tracking: “Shift-workers, world-travellers, the sickly, the stressed, insomniacs and sluts be advised.”

Even some proponents of fertility awareness methods acknowledge this tension. Samantha Kopy, a fertility awareness method instructor quoted extensively in the New York Times piece, said these methods are challenging to use “if you have pretty flippant reasons for avoiding pregnancy—just like, ‘Oh, we kind of want to travel,’ or, ‘We’d like to save for a better car.’”

But even setting aside the judgment in this statement (any reason to not want to get pregnant is a good one), it seems the difficulty is the point. After all, Kopy’s class is organized by Whole Mission, a religious family planning organization whose managing director is a moral theology teacher at a Catholic high school. Not someone I’d turn to as an authority on reproductive health.

As it so often does, in pushing fertility awareness methods, the right is also exploiting very real concerns within reproductive health care: frustration with the side effects of birth control. If you’re a sexually active person with the capacity to get pregnant, by the time you’re on the off-ramp from your fertile years, you will likely have spent an enormous chunk of your life with some combination of a rod in your arm, a cheerfully named IUD in your uterus, an alarm on your phone reminding you to take your teeny-tiny pink pill, a shot in your lower back, a NuvaRing in your refrigerator, a box of condoms under your bed, or something else entirely.

Reliable, long-acting birth control is a miracle of modern medicine, but the burden of Not Getting Pregnant can be a maximalist odyssey, one that makes you feel like you’re living in thrall to the whims of your own reproductive system. It’s natural to look for an out to the Groundhog Day rigamarole that is having a uterus and not wanting a baby to show up in it. But it won’t come from an agenda that’s designed to fail.

After all, no one tastes the rainbow of synthetic progesterone because they want to “figure out what’s going on” or understand the beauty of their fertility. They do it for two reasons: because it’s medically indicated or because they don’t want to get pregnant.

The good news is that unlike most of the modalities pushed by MAHA grifters like Olivia Nuzzi’s sexting buddy, hormonal birth control has been rigorously studied, and is safe and effective. That’s the signal Prager hopes her patients will hear within the noise of medical misinformation.

Studies have examined the overall mortality rates for people with uteruses, comparing people who’ve never used hormonal birth control and people who’ve used it. “Mortality is actually lower for people who have ever used hormonal contraception,” says Prager. This is likely because of the major health risks that come with every pregnancy, whether wanted or not.

The scientific truth is that it’s always much safer to be on birth control than to be pregnant—especially in a country with wide health disparities and increasingly fewer pregnancy care providers as the fallout of losing Roe carries on. No amount of fearmongering about birth control can change that. ■

TIM SILBAUGH

Love Is Alive

Hundreds of Valentines From Stranger Readers to... You?

♥ PRÍNCIPE DE PERSIL Some things arrive early so you’ll recognize them later. (read that again) love, your girlfriend from the future

♥ DJ OF THE REVOLUTION Openminded, kind, playful, and strong. Connected to the world and your place within it. Your dreads are sexy, but your smile really wins it for me <3

♥ TO BOO FROM POOK

♥ SRI SRI IVY GEE Still miss you.

♥ MY SWEET MAX BEAR I love you and miss you every day.

♥ BOO BOO Happy valentines, boo boo. Pook pook loves you. Nubbins says, “nub nub lub lub.”

♥ MY DARLING JESS I love you Every version, every evolution, every gender It’s always you I’m so incredibly lucky you are my beloved 100yrs Baby

♥ BESTFRIEND Every time we laugh together, I look at you and can see myself laughing with you until we’re old and gray. I look forward to it!

♥ LONGING FOR YOU Be mine <3 (how long til our coworkers catch on?)

Beau is not afraid

Honey, I love you! You are an excellent husband, father, and partner in this terrifying shit show America. I am the luckiest bastard alive. --Stevie

♥ COSMO’S MOON

Aimee, When I met you everything started to make sense. Let’s continue doing crosswords at the bar, kiss in photobooths, and have fun together. Rheese

♥ MAXIMILIAN; you are the sexiest silliest sweetest human i know and i’m so grateful to share this life with you <3 xx j

♥ RUN IT BACK Yes im still in love with you and everytime you dap me up I want more, I don’t know if you read the stranger but I hope so

♥ WE’RE A TEAM Happy Valentines Day my love! You make me the happiest I’ve ever been, and I’m looking forward to plenty more to come :) I love you!

♥ 10 YEARS LATER... Once internet strangers to tumblr mutuals, to skype calls and mailed letters. After all this time, now together, I’m so lucky you’re mine forever.

♥ DEAR PJ Thanks for all the games and jokes and incredible times. Excited for more with you this year! Let’s listen to Mingus together soon. Yours truly, Neb

♥ COMPLI’KATE’D LOVE I hope you’re having a wonderful Taxes Day, Sweetie <3 Know that no matter how complicated our relationship is right now, I still love you.

♥ QUEEN OF KINDNESS Kendall, your generous and understanding approach to life never ceases to amaze me. You make this world- and my world- so much better. I love you! - F

♥ TO MY LEBANESE LOVER Thank you for being so good to me. I love you, baby.

N i c k

Nothing cozier than my bear, I cherish all the warmth you share, Concerts, laughs, and skies we roam, Know with you I’m always home.

Love you, Forever

D- Thank you for being the very best partner in ways I never knew I needed. I’ll love you forever. -C

I adore you, GR <3

You’re my world. I love being with you, from dining to talking to watching cheetahs. Whenever I see you I feel a thrill. You truly are perfect for me!

♥ FOR OLD TIMES SAKE Remember SU Parking lot (“swoon”)? Edmonds? Perecheno? DC hotel? Suncadia? Our spouses travel. No one will know/get hurt. Why not?

♥ TO MY TIME TRAVELER Another year, another haiku: You’re the best playmate / For exploring space and time. / I love you, JP … Thank you for making these travels special.

♥ LOVE YOU MORE Janelle, thanks for these 32 (I think, I’m not good with numbers) Valentines Days with me. Looking forward to at least as many more. Love, J.

♥ N I C K Nothing cozier than my bear, I cherish all the warmth you share, Concerts, laughs, and skies we roam, Know with you I’m always home.

♥ 2 MORE DECADES PLZ? I’ve moved 1,500 miles and quit my job twice for you. When I see you smile, I know I would do it again in a heartbeat. I love you.

♥ LAST TIME IN LOVE I DJed a 90’s/2000’s dance party at Tractor Tavern on Valentine’s Day 2025. You were on the dance floor. I’ll never forget our love for the last time.

♥ INFINITE YEARNING ian, I love you more than I love maple bars <3

♥ CRINKLY SMILE Every time I can squeeze a smile out of you, I feel like a kid that got everything he wanted for. Hopefully that feeling lasts forever :)

♥ MR ROGERS dating apps helped us realize we were neighbors and now we can’t get enough of each other. I can’t imagine doing life without you. my sweet boy!<3

♥ MY THEY/THEMPEROR From romance forged under tear gas and liberation to the happiest family imaginable, you are my sun, my moon, and all the stars beyond in the universe

♥ BE GLOOPY WITH ME J-loving you is easy. I love you in your softness and your vulnerability. Keep peeling your onion with me baby, I’m keeping you. MWAH!

♥ HEY BABY DADDY Can you believe we are about to be responsible for a human? I could do it with no one but you. Happy V-Day. I love you to the moon! XO - Alex

♥ B U B S ! ! Thank you for always taking such great care of this couch gremlin. I promise to always keep the fridge full and the counter covered with snacks. ❤

♥ HAIK-ILU Bright light on dark days She’s the spark to my hearts flame Love you Julia

♥ YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE! I love you, Daniel! I’ll wash your back and you wash mine... Let’s keep taking care of each other. Life is hard but loving you is easy.

♥ HANA Hana, I love you so much. I’m so happy we’re getting married this year, and even happier we got together at that divorce party. Love you, littles!

♥ SOON TO BE ITALIAN Sophia, you’re my favorite person ever. I can’t wait to marry you in a few months (even if your hair isn’t red). I love you so damn much -Squish

♥ LOVE YOU TOO, MOVIE Dear Abby, you are the star of my movie. Together let’s make a romance movie, or a thousand movies.

♥ I LOVE YOU JUJIE! Happy 5th Time’s to my beautiful wife. You are the only one for me, forever!

Go M! <3 Rachael C

♥ DIRE STRAIGHTS Our friends tried to set us up, but timing wasn’t right. It’s a shot in the dark, us nothing more than ships in the night, yet still hope to meet you.

♥ THE REMIX 10/2016 - forever, I hope. 12/14 (twice), 1/6, 1/5, but still in it. More Than This and Strangely Magic. Who doesn’t love a good encore?

♥ HEY T-BONE I love you sideways 8!

♥ MY LOVE, COLBI No matter what, I’ll love you forever. ❤ Reba

♥ BE MY PULQUE DATES? You guys. I want to night-swim in Greenlake, eat mangos with tajin, make tshirts, eat fish tacos, disco roller skate, play castle gigs with you 4ever!

♥ TO MY IMZADI In this ridiculous world where people’s behavior is often baffling, I know I can rely on you. I want your loving wholesome chaos every day, forever.

♥ DEAR J Love won’t always win But I’ll still be your sunshine If you’ll be my valentine (not quite a haiku)

♥ REMARKABLE ANGEL Dear spouse, every day I demand you give me kiss and every day you bless my dry and forgotten lips. I love you endlessly & forever. Love, your spouse.

♥ HI GRACIE! I love the awkwardness of removing our glasses before making out & how we still start each text with “Hi Gracie!” or “Hi Jessie!” I feel so lucky <3

♥ MIDNIGHT MENNONITE You’re my favorite cartoon and main gnomie. Here’s to a bright new year, nacho fiend, even if you’re in sock hell right now. Okie dokie!

♥ LOVE AT TACO BELL From DriveThru to Forever: A Love Story Served Late Night. Fate decides two lives collide and Brandon + Cassandra celebrate 10 Valentine’s together.

♥ U R MY HOME Those seven minutes between your alarms, when we spoon and cuddle, is the coziest I’ve ever been. Can’t wait to be cheek 2 cheek with u again.

♥ SCOTT + VESPER = <3 Scott, you are the love of my life and the best thing I ever found on the internet. Thanks for being my ultimate partner and companion. Love, Vesper

♥ THE DREAM OF MY LIFE You’ve made my life the best it’s ever been, more than I can imagine and it’s just getting started. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you

♥ LOVE U MY FRIENDS Love getting donuts Kat & Matt. Love our Sunday coffee walks Sara. Love movie nite Kayla & Caroline. Love dancing at the Rose Sj, Emma, & Natalie.

♥ MOLLY! Just want to say I love and appreciate you alwayshappy Valentine’s Day <3 xoxo Sydney

♥ MUDDY BUTTIES I love you in the mud & dirt. I love you when you rip my shirt. I love you singing Kim & Cam, and making me wet before we catch some clams <3 Mud Slut

♥ AL MIO AGRIMENSORE. I recognize you. So nice to know you again. Duty will always call for us both, but I think we can keep our balance this time. One step... xo xo

♥ WHAT A GAL Smoke me a kipper, I’ll be back for breakfast because I can’t imagine my mornings without you. Let’s keep the good times rolling for another 15 years!

♥ TO MY CUTIES! junk and jonny i love youuuuu i want youuuu i need youuuuu, here’s to forever babes, let’s make it count <3

♥ LIEVE MARK, happy almost-one-year-anniversary!

<3 You are amazing and I adore you so very much. I’m excited to see what our future holds. Ik hou van jou!!!

♥ OH DARLING! I love you from your soccer cleat feet to your Patti Smith hair. Life is better next to you. Honey, kick off your pants, we’re living in the future!

♥ HEY SUGAR PANTS Want to be my jet girl?

♥ Our first date was the best I’ve ever had. You held my hand, kissed me gently, and became my forever. Two years later, eu te amo more every day, Ryan.

♥ LABYRINTH OF LOVE Another year of searching & finding each other’s whispers of love. Here’s to new words, new stories, new visions—for loving you. Ever mine valentine!

♥ EASTLAKE LOVEBIRDS Celebrating our first valentines married! Love you, Petey! Thank you for being my life partner. <3 Kat

♥ YOU MAKE GREAT PETS Dani & Sean are the cutest pets a themlin could ever dream of! Your butts are delicious to chomp & I am ever grateful that you let me <3 Mercryptid

♥ WAHIKI BUNBUN 44 Valentines Days. Walking in the rain on Broadway. Camping at the ocean. Dancing. Hands held through all that life has brought to us. Love always

♥ MY DARLING You brighten my world and bring so much joy to my life. Every day spend with you is so happy and fulfilling. Can’t wait for the rest of them.

♥ MY EVERYTHING Michael, u r my everything. u r my dream guy. No one could ever replace u. We have a deep soul connection. U r my bestfriend. I love u forever buddy.

♥ TO MY #1 CAT DADDY My heart and farts are yours 4ever! Thx for loving me at my best and my worst. Let’s do BRs on the leather bed while our cats fight like a-holes! I ❤ U

♥ VALENTINE ALPHABET C is for Clara who rocked in the bay F is for Fanny who floated my way Q is for Cabin perched high on a peak D is for Donna whose kiss makes me weak

♥ SWEET BABY PRINCE Jose, sweet prince, I love you 1 million x infinity. The vodka to my soda, the red to my bull, the mon to my chichi. Happy Valentine’s Day <3 <3 <3 <3

♥ FOREVER MY YES Five kids, countless memories, and a new season just for us. 28 years married, deeply in love.

♥ TO MY DARLING COWBOY Happy Valentine’s day! I love you so much and I am so happy to be your partner. I cannot wait to smooch your face and get nasty!

♥ GARDEN STATE TEAR I kept a list of your favorites & important things you’ve said since we met, because there was always something about you. I did & still love you, KC.

♥ LOVE YOU, FOREVER D- Thank you for being the very best partner in ways I never knew I needed. I’ll love you forever. -C

♥ HOME IS WHERE WE ARE As we move to our seventh city together, I can’t wait to keep having adventures with you. And, I promise to keep you warm. <3 <3 <3

♥ SWEET HOME MN It’s 852 miles to Minneapolis, we got a full tank of gas, two pairs of double-gloves, it’s dark times, and we’re driving a giant opossum. ❤

♥ TO MY SNOOT Hi oski I love you so much!

♥ RATGIRL TO JP The way you say Chicago is wrong but it’s too cute to correct. And the way you brushed crumbs off my face = <3! I adore you and miss you still!

♥ GET ME PIZZA HILLARY GET ME A SLICE OF PAGLIACCI IF U CARE ABOUT ME!!

♥ CUTE SHIT- GROSS! Samuel, You got me writing cute shit and stuff. I’m one of those people now thanks to you! You make me feel like a child again and for that i love u!

♥ ALEXANDRA-BROWN BEAR I’ve loved you for years, I would love a chance to make you feel the way you make me feel when I’m with you. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to try?

♥ ANOTHER LOVELY YEAR! Hi lovebug, glad I’m still head over heels for you! Your performance as Mrs. Potts in a choir rendition of “Be Our Guest”? Incredible. Truly the best.

♥ O’NEILL WITH 2LS Hey booboo. What a silly little life we have made together. Love you forever

♥ THE DJ OF MY HEART Whether we alphabetize by first name or last name, any way is right as long as my records are all mixed up with yours. I love you, sweet angel xoxo

♥ SUNNY BOY I liked marrying you on the longest day of the year. Life is shiny and bright with. This thing we’ve got must something to do with the stars

♥ DON’T GO LOVE. Dear America, It has been a long road to get us to this moment. I love you with a passion and will not give up. Please, do not give up on us. xoxo

♥ MYCAPTAIN GIRLFRIEND I love you and I choose you. I will hold your pocket as long as you let me. I never lose when you’re on my team. Co captains forever. Love, Denzel

♥ FULL KOALA. to my valentine Lillie, my clingy love, my koala, my tamer of Godzilla mondays. Let’s make it official this year... will you be my fiancée next? Jenn.

♥ STILL MY #1 TOP! Even though we let those other two work themselves into our ground bed pile parties you are still my top top. Always and forever like I promised.

♥ A YEAR LATER… SV, I ❤ U!!! XOXO TD

♥ LINDA :) Man I loved clapping you up at Hotel Warwick. We need to do it again soon. (Different hotel though,,,) what a fantastic fuck you are xxoo

♥ DAMN FINE LOVE Like coffee, you’re damn fine. Even Maximo knows my love for you runs deep. The truth is out there, and it’s you. I believe in us, always.

Love B

♥ MY BELOVED ROOMIES- Love is band practice on each floor, a knock on the bedroom door. Sharing a crossword at the table, warm hugsreminders to be stable. I love yous! <3 ♥ CW LOVES CW This

♥ FOR REGGIE Love you little, love you big, love you like a little pig. Ok bye. Cliiiick.

♥ PUPPY LOVE Will- Thank you for spending the last four years with me. Your endless patience, caring, and acceptance means the world. I love you so much. -Payton

♥ TO GABBY, MY LOVE gab! i love you more than anything! i can’t believe we swiped right 5 years ago this month <3 happy anniversary my dear - love, spoons

♥ TO MY GOMEZ For the last 10 years you’ve been the love of my life. I don’t want to be without you ever again. Happy Valentine’s Day from your Morticia

♥ TEAM FISH FILET Honey bunny! Happiest first heart day! Thanks for being a part of Team Fish Filet and for being the best Duggie dad MUAH!

♥ ¡CR! How do you get more lovable every day? It’s a miracle!

<3

♥ WEENER STUFF Oh handsome ween, I love you to bikini bottom and back. Love Jean <3

♥ JILLIAN, MI AMOR!<3 You are my calm in every storm and my sunshine in every season. I cherish you, our family, and the love we share— now and always. Yours forever, JG<3

♥ SNOGS FOR THE SLOG Jacob, Hoping you still love me as much as you love the SLOG AM. Happy 4th Valentine’s Day my love. Xoxo Sarah

♥ ROUTE 60 BUS CRUSH You’re easily the most interesting part of my commute! With your long hair and my pixie cut, I think we could be cute. Say hi next time please?!

♥ TO MY BOO Thanks for spending Valentine’s Day with my family. You are simply the best. I love you and can’t wait to celebrate, just the two of us, next weekend!

♥ U+ME+CELINE @TJS When you touch me like this And I kiss you like that I just have to admit I love being that couple making out by the snacks Smooch in aisle 4(ever)?

♥ MY DEAREST SWEETIE Warm shouldn’t be the very best thing to be, but it is, and the glow you cast over us lets the warmth all the way in. Hub sand, sweet baby dawg.

♥ MOM & T You are the best wife and son in the entire universe! I love you so much. - Dad P.S. T, did you just fluffy?

♥ BUTEO, You rock my world, bring light to my life, and make me smile and laugh every single day. You sparkle across time and distance. Love, Tigerlily

♥ BEAST IN BISTRO Candie, I love the life we’re building, and I love building it with you. Thx for being my calm in the chaos. You’re the Valentine of my NSFW dreams.

♥ ISAACSON I think you’re really cute. You’re quiet in class, and we never talk, but your smile is very endearing. Text me!

♥ I CHAIRISH YOU To new beginnings with our best bud moose. There’s no one else I’d rather argue about furniture with. Be my Valentine?

♥ PSYDUCK LOVES KITTY Hello Kitty! Psyduck loves you more now than ever. XOXOX

Happy Valentine’s Day to the Hot Chef who ran out of meatballs on the night we met but managed to steal my heart! We love you so much!

EASY PEASY SQUEEZY Lins! My main gal, my best boo, my always numba one! You have the biggest heart, the best sense of humor and the plumpest butt. I love you

Sweet Jane, meeting you was the one best event of the past 2 years for me. I cherish you, thank you, and hold you close in my heart. Yours, Henry MY MUSTACHED QT Paolo, I knew I loved you the moment you showed up for our bike ride in leopard print shorts. TIC. OY. WCBA. Forever yours, Bianca

DADDY’S LITTLE DADDY To Alex my sweet cat daddy, my board gaming partner in crime, my love: you are a joy and privilege to love. I love all of your toppings but the spicy ones are my favorite. You make me the luckiest girl in the world. BPC

♥ KITTY KAT It’s been a blessing to have such a soft sweetly sapphic connection come into my life. I adore you and can’t wait to see how we develop. <3 H

♥ ILU SWEETEST BEAR! No one is kinder or sweeter, you show me your heart over and over again with your thoughtfulness and effort. Love you forever and always! <3 Lil Bear

♥ EMOTIONALSPACEHEATER To Sean: For showing up steady through gray skies, strong coffee, and hard conversations. You make this city, and my life, feel warmer. I adore you!

♥ I’M SO LUCKY Katelyn! I’m so glad you’re my friend and my lover - I could talk to you for hours and hours and I’m glad we’ve done that for so long. Bugs and slime!

♥ I! LOVE! MY! GOBLIN! 15 years ago, life filled with color. I have never known love like yours, Fae. You delightful little creature, you sweet scamp.

♥ RAIN OR SHINE MY QQ To my Wife My Love Kay, Life will you is BEYOND anything I can imagine, 7.17 will always hold a special place in my heart. I Love you for LIFE #TeamP

♥ CUPID’S ARROW Love struck me dumb and I never knew, despite all the love songs and poetry, how in love I could be. You make me happy, Justin. I love you!

♥ SURF AND SMURF Kaia, go back with us to the beaches of San Pancho (permanently?) where Smurfs rule the TV, pulque rules our glasses, and pterodactyls rule the skies.

♥ OVER THE MOON V: N is over the moon for you. Everything you do is wonderful and incredible. Dunno how I got so lucky.

♥ SOFIA, MY STAR So fortunate to be in your circle, to get to see you shine. What an endless joy to uplift your sparkle. Thank you for uplifting mine. - Adrian <3

♥ YOU’RE MY ONE AND ON You are my everything You’re the one that brings me to bliss The one that I keep thinking about, especially when missed.

In London, NYC, Boston, and “this crummy town”; together and on separate continents—I’m with you. We’re not doppelgangers descended from the first immortals. Our bond is much stronger because, everyday, we make a choice. And I’ll always choose you.

♥ MX.ROROVONFANCYPANTS You evoke strength and glamour like well worn leather, you have graceful poise, & elegance of a diamond necklace. I’m yours! 89 more years of BLISS <3

♥ I LOVE YOU FOREVER To my love Kevin, Luca and Louie: Happy Valentine’s Day and every day. You are my sun, my moon, my star. I am so lucky to have you three love me.

♥ TALL!PAUL NEWMAN Happy Valentine’s Day! Never have I been more grateful for Hinge, political organizing, the Sounders, and anime. To many more movie marathons, R

♥ LITTLE FOX, BELOVED My life will never be the same. We rescued each other, and I cannot wait to see how every minute, day, month, and year goes, for the rest of our lives

♥ SWEETEST DAVID I’m rapidly falling head over heels and savoring the ride. I can’t get enough of you. All the smooches - Lina

♥ MY POOKIE MAMACITA! MATEO

Happy Valentine’s Day my love! Thank you for the most amazing year together, and I look forward to a lifetime more with you. I love you always<3

♥ YOU ARE THE TREASURE “You are the treasure You are the dream” I didn’t think I would cry so hard on my wedding day when you picked this special song, it hits every time.

♥ BREAD MAN @ CAP HILL German Bakery man at the Sunday market - you always compliment my fits + have kind & secure energy. If you’re single and into women, flirt harder.

♥ HALF J, you’re all I think about even on days where I know you’re not thinking of me. Half my life chasing half a life. Maybe this time it’s not a dream -E

♥ MY SPANIEL WIFE Here’s to a lovely, busy, fulfilling first year of marriage. I know you’ll keep winning my heart. Love, your Rough Collie.

♥ 15YRS OF HOT LOVE After all these years I still want to smash your face in with my love. I want to bite your lips off & save them in a jar forever. I love you too much.

♥ R+C FOREVER While our life isn’t as crazy as it was 10 years ago, it’s still the best thing ever. Thanks for being my ride or die on this awesome journey. XX

♥ TO BETTY’S FATHER Honey boo bear. Thank you for being the love of my life, the listener of all my rants and ravings, the cleaner of my 17 pans after dinner. xoxoxoxoxo

♥ DEAREST SHAWTY haiku for u: you fish very good i like how you think and talk hot like godzilla do u wanna go out on valentine’s? say yes <3

♥ TIED TO YOU FOREVER It seems nothing short of all-out nuclear war will come between us. I will be yours to the end.

♥ DEAR PACO You have perfect timing, whether it’s a punchline or a slap to the ass. Let’s bounce. Love, Ted

♥ DARLING BEHWAH You hung the moon and I love you for it! “But I’m always true to you, darlin’, in my fashion Yes, I’m always true to you, darlin’, in my way”

♥ YOU ACCEPTED INVITE, Gail, it hasn’t happened yet and I wish it had, and wish it will. Perhaps sooner than later? At least more than our 10 minute bus ride.....J

♥ WILL YOU BE MY GUY? My darling Jo, thank you for sharing three years of your life with me. There’s nobody I’d rather spend the rest of my years with. I love you <3

♥ ALMOST 10 YEARS! Boo, from your brown thumb with a broken ankle I love you so much. Thanks for the last decade, you were the best part.

Happy first year of marriage!

Let’s make a baby!

♥ KONNORONHKWA Let’s be like two otters, holding hands as we calmly sleep on the undulating ocean of our love

♥ STRANGER FAM Miss you all already - good luck, be smart, and whenever you have the opportunity, punch harder. Anytime you want coffee, you know how to find me - TC

♥ TO MY SWEET JONNY Every day I fall in love with you more, and I still get butterflies when we kiss after all these years. You will always be my muse and my light

♥ PLEASE CHEAT? Single, you slept around. But we got together & you wanted monogamy. It’s the only thing I don’t love about us. Cheat! I’ll love you even more.

♥ SPACE & SHAN-ANIGANS Jace!

Thank you for always being my yes-man, even if I cause your anxiety to skyrocket, there’s no one else more perfect for me than you! xoxo-Shannon

♥ BARLEYCORN FOREVER Dearest Winkle WeiWei, May you please be my forever lover?! Love, your home game hunny P. S. Sleeping is overrated, but you’re not.

♥ I ADORE YOU, GR <3 You’re my world. I love being with you, from dining to talking to watching cheetahs. Whenever I see you I feel a thrill. You truly are perfect for me!

♥ BOBBY LAWRENCE I get it now: real love sets you free. Finally I feel like I’m letting myself imagine what that can be like with you. Thank you for not giving up <3

♥ LIZARD BOYFRIEND We met this year, but I waited many for you. You hold me tight, tell stories

♥ FOR MY SUNFLOWER L, During this season you’re sole reason I don’t mind the gray so I wanted to say: Happy Valentines, Love the sun is waiting above. -B

♥ ME YOU AND CHAOS You are my most favorite human. Thanks for re wiring my brain. We are going to have an amazing time together, just hold on babe. Off we go.

♥ -S&M- My love- you’re my person&world baby. I’m so lucky to have met&been able to share this life with you. I love you so much. Forever&always yours- M

♥ TO MY HUSBAND(!!) To the handsome man at Lighthouse Roasters, wearing a cozy sweater and drinking an oat cortado:

go, even when you’re being a bro. <3

♥ HAIKU FOR MY BOO Happy V day, Nat! I love you for all you are: funny, sexy, smart.

♥ ACE2ARO Astrology is total bullshit, except the part where Aquarius-Aquarius friendships are captivating and powerful. I love being captivated by you

♥ EAT KHOLE PUSSY and other new experiences i wish to have with you, until the end of time. thank you for always being my favorite adventure and my truest home.

♥ ALL OUR INSIDE JOKES Daddy’s always right. No meat juices wasted. Frack. You always say that. Oh shit, Veccna! You make my life more fun, thank you bb.

♥ HACHIHACHIHACHIHACHI は ちみつすきですね。 --The Daruma

♥ MY SILLY LIZARD Parker, Thank you so much for a year of the best love I have ever felt, I’m beyond excited for our freaky, loving, lesbian future together.

-Watson

♥ 33 YEARS + COUNTING Who new back in 1993 that we would still be going strong at 33 years?

Love you bushels, KDS. Your honey, AS

♥ GOLD STAR FOR KAT Our love is a mad potentiator A beacon of resistance, crazy-style So looking forward to so much more <3

♥ YOU STOLE MY HEART 7 years ago I was warned to stay away from you, I’m so glad that I didn’t. You have been a shining light in my life. Thank you Boo. #NOA

♥ E$ E$ E$ Youre my gal & Im your guy. Almost 5 years in lets keep giving it a try. I didn’t get you flowers because they only die.

Happy Capitalist Hallmark day

♥ TO SAMYAZA Since I have met you my entire field of view has been turned around. You are so kind and patient with me; I

am endlessly lucky to have you. Love, MM

♥ <3 MRS LIZ <3 While our 21st anniversary comes later this summer, but I want to remind you now that I love you and appreciate all you do for our family. -Love Matt

♥ BEAU IS NOT AFRAID Honey, I love you! You are an excellent husband, father, and partner in this terrifying shitshow America. I am the luckiest bastard alive.

--Stevie

♥ THE BIG 3 Penn 3 years down, forever to go! You are the goofiest, most true to yourself, warm-hearted soul. So lucky to love you & be loved by you. <3 boo bear

♥ DEAR MR TUMS You are the cutest and the sweetest and I love you very, very much! Mr Bums is pretty awesome too.

♥ THANKS FOR LOVING ME You make me feel like I am easy to love. I can’t imagine my life without your glee about cats and 8 ball. I love you. Happy Valentine’s Day, micah

♥ JDOGGIE RHODODENDRON 37 yr

4 month w u in the last frontier of a settler breeder nitemare witness to the endless suffering of all the lovely earth creatures and destructio

♥ LONG DISTANCE LOVE Chuck, Sorry I fell in love with Seattle almost as quickly and deeply as I fell in love with you. My love, I can’t wait for you to join me here. Rhi

♥ FOR JILLIAN Happy Valentine’s Day, baby! I’m so thankful to spend yet another V-Day with you. You’re so beautiful, inside and out. I love you so much. - Z

♥ TO JARVY, FROM DAYJ hi, my love. four valentines later and i’m still positively in love with you!!!! THANK YOU for being my favorite slutty they/them I’ve ever romanced!

♥ CAPTAIN MY CAPTAIN You had my heart in knots from the first, salty second, we met. You fill my sheets and keep my winches well lubricated. Here’s to anchoring with you.

♥ TO MY HONEYBEAR six years later and the sex only gets better <3 i love you and am so lucky to be loved by you! i’m so excited for this next chapter of our lives :)

♥ FOR MY SOULMATE <3 I love you so much! Looking forward to being your valentine for the rest of my life. Smooches! Xoxo S

♥ TO MY LOVELY LOVE I love you more than life Bubs! You’re the brightest part of every day and I adore the shit out of you. Thank you for being such a wonderful husband!

♥ TO MY BOYS: Happy Valentine’s Day, Brett (and Lowell!)! I love you both so much. Allie

♥ DUCKY DIVORCE :( even though you broke my heart and shattered any hope i had in love ….. i still love u ok ? ok. fuck u though fr. i love u so much it hurts. ur evil..

♥ SATURN’S RINGS Saturn’s 15 rings only scratch the surface of our love and I can’t wait to add more. Its dedication means the world to me. With deepest love, Daddy

♥ MY B I think we’re pretty much killin it at this whole marriage thing. Happy 22 years! Yeah we’re old & I love growing old with you & your butt <3

♥ ERIC LOVEY POO Your curiosity and enthusiasm help me to not be such a cranky ol hag. You are my love .Thanks for choosing to hang out with me for the past 18 years

♥ TO MY HOTTIE HOT BOY Hi hottie hot. 3 years of a slow burn both as friends and lovers. U da best. <3 <3 <3 love you!

♥ MY DEAR CAMERON….. You are a better partner than I ever could have dreamed of. Your sensitivity, beauty, compassion and intelligence has changed my life for the better.

♥ SOUNDSIDE!! What can I say, working with you nerds is the absolute best. I truly look forward to being in the trenches with you all, THANKS for being so great!

♥ I LOVE FISH i love fish, but i love you more. i love you a lot more. glub glub

♥ BLUE BEAR! Three years ago, we got berry coffee cake and sat in the park. Now, we get morning buns and sit in the park. Crazy! You’re my best friend forever XOXO

♥ HOT FOR COWORKER To my ethically non-monogamous fluid bound fun feedback loop parter, I love you, I love you, I love you.

♥ FAIR ARETH SUZANNE Who is the greatest farter of them all. Yours so silent and sometimes blasty, mine so stanky and ever nasty. We dine, we feast, we wait, we fear!

♥ I LOVE YOU AYMAN! Happy Valentine’s day to my sweet guy! I love you!! xoxo

♥ WE MET SLEAZY 2000 Casey I’ve loved you since the 2nd night I knew you. You make me feel safe & loved. I hope I do the same for you - Jenny

♥ IN LOVE WITH A DJ Afterlife may have died last year but my heart is very much still alive & spinning for you on Capitol Hill… MIIJU will you be my Valentine? :3 <3

♥ YEAR OF SEX In 2026 I want to try new sex scenes with you. Anal, puppy play, shibari, etc. Let’s feel like we are in lust with each other like we just met

♥ HONEYBEAR You are my favorite person. Let’s never stop adventuring or staying home. Your Snickerdoodle, always

♥ WHEEEEEL!! paper hug from me waiting in the sweet between some strange religion - love, glowbug <3

♥ BEACH LIME DREAM From an island, across an ocean. Steady presence, quiet warmth. Trade winds energy. 8am soccer game sometime?

♥ SWEET LOVER BIRD “Skin talks,” eh? Damn, it’s true. Let’s kayak camp, find mushrooms, dance, sleep in, & make brunch. Discover how slutty I am. I love you. Your Bird.

♥ GUESS WHAT? I love you coco Meeow meow meeeooowww xoxo Bun bun

♥ HEY GO KART RACER Race on over to NYC, there’s a lot more fun to be had.

♥ MY LOVELY LI The closest to my heart, one and only shweetums. I couldn’t yearn for a more beautiful dream sequence of a person than you. Mwah

♥ GOOBER! I love you more than cheese!

about Raul the Raccoon, always down to play a game. I love you sweet <3

♥ WE TEAM Darling Dearest I am so proud of all you are. I’m grateful for our family and the team we continue to build together. I love you. Your Pocket Wife

♥ I L<3VE YOU BESTIE! Britt my girl, happy Valentine’s day! I wish I could celebrate with you but here’s my love letter! From DC to Seattle! I hope you have an amazing day!

♥ GINGER FWB Chains go ‘cling’, my cheeks go pink. You barely touch and I can barely think. You’re pretty great, as FWBs

♥ IT’S OFFICIALLY LOVE We officially did it!!! We are each others till the cold hand of death decides to take us. I will always LOVE YOU. -To the most caring woman I know

♥ SWEET BEAN My Sweetimus Beanimus, Thank you for making every day smilier, softer, and sweeter. I can’t wait to marry you!

♥ LOVING YOU LOVING ME A, I love the way you love me. I feel so supported and so seen. I hope to make you feel every day the way you make feel about myself.

Yours, C

♥ BRAHMS’S DADDY You are nessa, please. I will take what’s mine&you will eat my chocolate chip. Thank you for loving me, even though my people are both sad and Nordic.

♥ I LOVE YOU, BB SNAIL Being w. you is important/special & I’m excited/ afraid but let’s grow together. Cook, kiss, read, watch, travel, laugh, cry, bone, barnacle w. me?

♥ A PUP’S LEATHER MAN My love, in our day to day you appear more pup & I appear more leather; I adore that it is you who holds me, & that I gladly snuggles up to you.

♥ FROM THE GRUMBLE, If we had thumbs and computer access, we would send you peeps a nice Valentine to thank u for all the snuggles & treats, but we don’t, so we didn’t

♥ VERY UN-SAD I can’t wait to save you from alien abductions every night for the rest of our lives! I love you!

♥ OF COURSE IT’S NESSA Darling, thank you for your endless love and support over the past year and decade. Hoping I can show up for you the way you have for me. Love forever

♥ A MEMORY TO TREASURE Zehra, every moment I have spent with you in this new city, so far from home, has been truly magical. Happy birthday & valentine’s day, to the loml <3

♥ Q+A= <3 A, I’ve been crushing big time! I think you are really cute and sweet. So what d you say? Be mine? ;) -Q

♥ Chains go ‘cling’, my cheeks go pink. You barely touch and I can barely think. You’re pretty great, as FWBs go, even when you’re being a bro. <3

♥ MY ISLAND LOVE Whidbey Carla, my Island love, my everlasting sweet and hot beautiful girl - love that we are doing life together.

♥ EXCELLENT BUTT I love you, and so many things about you. One such thing is your butt, it’s perfect, not just to touch or look at, but also to warm my toes at night.

♥ MY BEST FRIEND Honestly Mr. G, it’s annoying how much I love and adore you. Every second of everyday, forevermore. Mrs. G

♥ LOVER Happy Valentine’s Day to my one and only LOVER. I love

you so much I had it tattooed on my body. You’re simply the best

♥ MOLLY ILU BBY LUV your eyes are hazel and they make me craze-el, your ass is fantastic and it makes me bombastic, your heart is pure and i’m all yours <3 happy v-day

♥ FOR MON CHERI, JOSHY Happy anniversary, my love :) 3 years in, all yours Smitten and helplessly yours Yours yours yours yours yours xoxo, Your Cherry Blossom PS. i <3 u

♥ HOT MAMA JB Woodlands- We love you and wish you a lovely day! XO Kelp & Cheech

♥ I CHOOSE YOU Even after I broke up w/u, I still choose you. I’m not sure that I will ever NOT choose you, I’m sorry. I’m thankful that u still choose me back, B

♥ HI BABY KITTEN Cutie Pants, There is nothing quite like getting my claws into your tattered pants and ripping them to shreds before tossing them right out the window

♥ SAFE WORD: CARE To the PNW Sex Therapy Collective: For doing the brave, messy work in a city built on rain and resistance. Seattle is better because you’re here!

♥ A KISS WITH WORDS Adrian -my talented, creative, compassionate boyfriend, I love you, when I’m with you my heart finds it’s rhythm. - Your DJ Grrrl

♥ TURKEY! Devin, What an absolute wild ride we’ve had from college friends to almost engaged. There’s no one i’d rather carry a dog out to poop with than you <3

♥ BESTIE FOR LIFE Dearest Goose, So happy I took the train that fateful day, so that we can spend every night giggling in bed. Love you endlessly, Swan

♥ MY VALENTINE, MB You’ve set my entire understanding of love ablaze! May we be lucky enough to fan the flames and bask in the glow for all our days. Yours, VB

♥ MY SWEET BOY Happy Valentine’s Day, my love. You make life lighter, funnier, and better than I ever expected. I’m so happy that I get to share my life with you.

♥ FROM TOMIO I’m asexual, but I want you to know that I love you. Survive, human <3

♥ FRIENDS TO LOVERS red, loving you is one of the easiest things I’ve ever done. I’m glad I confessed even though I was terrified. you’ve taught me a new way of loving.

♥ BAKE!!! Spencer, thanks for being my official taste tester for the last 10 years. May we have many more years of cakes,

cookies, pies and tarts. XX <3 tina

♥ OH WIFE OF MINE Getting

married is the best decision we have ever made. My love for you grows every day. Spending time with you makes me happy. I love you carrot cake

♥ ATTENTION AUSTIN!!! you are the light of my life, the axis which i revolve, the stars in my sky, the breath in my lungs. i love you ceaselessly.

♥ MY DANISH PRINCE We met at a record store themed bar in CH, 4 days of laughing + kissing, I thought it was goodbye, but here you are! Laughing + kissing me in SEA.

♥ MY STRANGELOVER Save a spot for me in your mineshaft and I’ll bring my bikini and heels. Love you beyond the end of the world.

♥ 10 YEARS!! MORE PLS Through the thick of it you have been the sparkle in my life, my best friend, my fave lemon pudding :0~~ HUGS {{ }} AND KISSES ~~ me

♥ TWO ADOPTEES IN LOVE Our ancestors must be proud, two adoptees, together at last, with ties to the same country. How’d we get so lucky to find each other in this life? <3

♥ I’M LOOKING FOR SNOW And I’m finding a well tended garden, rows turned with confidence, green buds growing. The climate is changing, but my admiration is constant. love u

♥ ONE DAY One day I will heal from my vaginismus and I’m going to let you fuck me so hard. Until then, cuddles (and fingers) (and tongues!) and gratitude.

♥ MY SONGBIRD Treye, everyday I come home hearing your song is a gift. I am so in awe of the beautiful music you put into the world. I love you!

♥ MY CRICKET As impossible as it seems, I keep loving you more and more. Somehow we haven’t reached the bottom of it. I don’t think we ever will.

♥ SHARING STARDUST On the water taxi, a Cinderella moment— beetles watching us kiss. In every multiverse, the first date knew. From notes into mornings. Alex, I love you

♥ MAHAL KITA, TABBY! we’re crazy cat lady lovers and i wouldn’t have it any other way. i can’t wait to travel the world with you. happy valentine’s & early birthday! <3 -h

♥ TO AKOLY Happy Valentine’s day to my partner in crime! Thank you for always making us try new things together and I can’t wait for everything we do this year.

♥ DEAREST POOKERINO Hi pookie ooker bear, I love love LOVE

you so so much. I’m so thankful for you everyday and so glad I sucked on your cheeto dust fingers. #Grippy<3xo

♥ HOLD ONTO YOUR BUTTS have a Sweetie, Honey, Baby, or Dear To be with them across the years And not to insult their pet names But you, Butt, are my endgame (‿ˠ‿)

♥ SPATCHCOCK Happy Birthday DJ Thackeray! Let’s win the lotto so we can BL, rescue dogs & adventure all the days! -E

♥ ANOTHER YEAR OF GUY you for being my Guy for another year. I fall more in love with you each day.

♥ ISABEL, MY LOVE The sun on the earth, the banks of my river; how do you get prettier every year? Marry me again and again and again.

♥ 8 YEARS SINCE WE MET knew you were my forever from the moment I saw you eight years ago today. I love you more every year. Here’s to eighty more! Love, Emma

♥ DADDY VIBES Alejandro, you were already my zaddy— but this year, you are also now a daddy. Happy valentines from me and the baby bug, you sexy man you.

♥ MY LOVING EVIL EX Dear Grady, Roses are red, we swore we were done, then New Year’s Eve slid into my DMs. Maybe 2026 is the sequel we didn’t plan but kinda want?

♥ TWO FROGS IN LOVE

Here’s to another frog filled year of love and joy.

I’m looking forward to our new froggy abode <3 please let me paint the walls yellow

♥ NO BETTER SHREDDER You turned my disdain for mountain bikers into adoration. Almost exclusively just for you, though. You’re amazing. Thanks for liking me and being rad.

♥ AUTUMN YOU ARE A GEM Sometimes I’ll look at you when you’re not aware and see you reading a book or doing the crossword and all I can think, is how lucky I am to have you.

♥ YOU ARE MY KERRYGOLD Everything you touch is better and everything we make is delicious. Be mine forever, Jenny Page.

♥ O + F Will you do me, your secret admirer (of five Valentines)… the honor… of being my Valentine? (I am putting you on the spot in front of our new city!)

♥ ANGIE BUBBY Who said a Taurus and a Gemini couldn’t work out? Happy Valentine’s Day Bub! You’re iconic and I am so privileged to be the one by your side.

♥ FOR MON CHERI, JOSHY Happy anniversary, my love :) 3 years in, all yours Smitten and helplessly yours Yours yours yours yours yours xoxo, Your Cherry Blossom

PS. i <3 u

♥ PRECIOUS MOONFLOWER, Roses are red, Violets are blue, This Elven Queen bows to one & I am grateful to share my throne with you. Forevermore, Your darling moonbeam

♥ TO MY TIME TRAVELER Another year, another haiku: You’re the best playmate / For exploring space and time. / I love you, JP … Thank you for making these travels special.

♥ MISTERREES OF LOVE Sometimes a wind blows & you and I float in love & kiss forever in a darkness & the mysteries of love come clear

♥ TO MY CABLE LOVER meeting & falling in love with you was the highlight of my 2025 - love you 4evr my sweet eagle scout warehouse king <3

♥ NOT THAT DESPERATE roses is red violets’s blue I gots ta get Laid! me balls’s bright blue! jk! I’d say more of a Pinkish hue. happy VD? (we prefer Silvery Foxes).

♥ TO MY MOST PRECIOUS You are the love of my life and the light in my dark heart. I hope we get to keep casting shade forever.

♥ OH MAGDALENA What a journey we’re on. Just one year into knowing each other, and only a few months of truly getting close, but there’s lots to look forward to.

♥ P<3A<3N<3D<3A Eighteen years together. You thrill me and I adore you. I feel your love for me too.

♥ NO SAFE WORDS Your wit leaves marks, your love leaves me undone. You’re my favorite trouble, safest place, and best decision I never planned. Helplessly yours.

♥ BOOMBAVALENTINA my sweet boomba. u melt my heart like the sweet slushees from our new slushee machine. i love u so much (even when u drive me crazy)! xoxo <3 boombie

♥ PANTHER <3 RHINO!! Rhino, you continue to be the best thing that has ever happened to me. For the 20th year: will you be my Valentine? I love you forever. XOXO, Panther

♥ BUN & BUTTON 4 EVA My sweet Bun! I love the life we’ve built, the bread you bake, and nuzzling into your back. Can’t wait to have adorable babies with you someday! <3

♥ EXTRA PEANUT SAUCE!! Dear Araya’s Place, I could spend the rest of my life eating your fresh rolls and tofu satay...Just don’t forget the extra peanut sauce.

♥ BEST BIG BAE TY for being a kind and patient BB in these unprecedented times lol Love you and like you <3 xoxo LB and the good bois

♥ TO MARK. LOVE, MAY Rawr.

♥ YOU ARE A SURPRISE This isn’t what I expected from an ad on Feeld but here I am, with these feels, that make me want to hold you and kiss you all time...as one does ;)

♥ I WANNA BE YR COOKIE Sometimes you talk in yr sleep + say shit like “I’m always ready for a cookie.” I think you’re cute as hell.

♥ HOWLIN’ FOR COYOTE Conor, my love! These last 4 years have been made much more delicious thanks to you. Your cock makes me stupid & I love being stupid for you. <3

♥ HANSEL & GRETEL Lovebirds, seeing your lifetime Romance evolve is something to cherish! Your love inspires me to find my own Forever Sweetie!! XOXOXO Magic Bunny

♥ MY SWEETS!!! I love you to the ends of the earth. Thanks for always being my biggest cheerleader. Can’t wait to slip n slide all the days of our lives! E <3 B

♥ HUBBY WIFE WIFE 2 love someone is 2 attend 1000 births of the person they’re becoming. I’m grateful I get front row to every version of u. I’d choose u every time. Xo

♥ SNACK HOARDER To my desk neighbor: I see you smuggling string cheese and crackers. I respect the hustle. Your secret snack drawer is safe with me.

♥ KAYLA, QUINN, SIL My best and sweetest gals! Thank you for your love. So lucky to have you. I LOVE YOU!!!

♥ MR. PONCE DE LEÓN you asked me to marry you when you were sick, on your birthday, with tláloc, and i can’t imagine a life without you now te amo mi amol

♥ JORDAN & WALTER BOY To my honey Jordan and Walter boy! Happy Valentine’s Day to my favorite man-and-dog duo. More movies, games, snacks & love you always. Year 2.

♥ HANGOVER HOMIES Thanks for holding my hair, bringing me Gatorade, and never speaking of what I said at karaoke. Ride or die.

♥ SNACK ATTACK Jess - You’re the cheese to my crackers, the salsa to my chips, the person who doesn’t judge me for eating dinner at 4pm. Love you endlessly!

♥ SINEADO POTATO You make coming home through shuttle-intensive traffic worth it. I will forever be the greek yogurt and salsa to your baked sweet potato. Love, Will

Sex Survey Results Are In!

Even Autocracy Can’t Stop Y’all from Fucking (in Parks, on Ferries, Even at Archie McPhee) and We Love You for That

BY MEGAN SELING

ILLUSTRATIONS BY JAMES YATES

Ifelt a ball of anxiety in the pit of my stomach when we launched The Stranger ’s annual sex survey last month. Twenty-twenty-five was a bad year for a lot of people. Trump returned to the White House, and from then onward, our newsfeeds were filled with decidedly unsexy headlines that captured our not-so-slow descent into a real-life Idiocracy. “Unemployment Rate Hits Four-Year High,” “Trump Deploys National Guard to US Cities,” “Erika Kirk Takes Stage at Husband’s Memorial Service to Music and Pyrotechnics,” “ICE Detains 5-Year-Old,”

“Man Throws Subway Sandwich at Federal Officer” … actually, the last one is kind of hot. Anyway! I don’t have to list it out for you. You were there. It was stupid. And I worried Seattle was going to scoff at our sex survey after a full year of being too anxious, too broke, and too sad to find time for or comfort in life’s carnal pleasures. But I was wrong! Not only did thousands of you still participate in our survey—thank

you!—but y’all are having as much sex as before and more than half of you (66 percent) are still at least somewhat satisfied with the amount of sex you’re having. We’re so happy to hear it!

Even more exciting: When you break down those satisfaction numbers politically (because of course I had to break it down politically), it’s the Republicans who appear to be suffering the most. About 35 percent of Democrats and Socialists are “dissatisfied” or “very dissatisfied” with how much they’re getting laid (about the same as last year), while 50 percent of Republicans are unhappy. Up from last year’s 44 percent! And of the three (yes, just three) self-proclaimed MAGA survey takers, two are “very dissatisfied” with the amount of sex they’re having, too. You love to see it!

When we asked you about the sexiest thing you did in 2025, you wrote back, “drank wine from the mouth of a beautiful man,” “[went] to some incredibly sexy all trans and nonbinary orgies,” and

“gave head while my partner was watching Nathan Fielder learn about airplanes.” Great work!

Sexy means something different to everyone, of course. One of you published a book! Books are totally sexy! Another one of you left a shitty partner! Advocating for yourself and your safety is sexy as hell! And more than a few of you simply responded with some form of “survive” and “stay alive.” And you know what? Staying alive is the sexiest thing ever. You did that. We’re proud of you.

Sure, last year was awful. And this year keeps sucking. But we just want you to be happy, as much as you can, anyway. We want you to have as much hot sex as you want to have (or don’t want to have—we see you, our 2 percent of asexual survey takers!), despite our ever-quickening spiral into fascism and/or extinction. So now that we’ve established y’all are still horny and willing to spill the beans, let’s all dig even deeper into the sex lives of Seattleites.

WHO ARE YOU? (WHO? WHO? WHO? WHO?)

Before we start to crunch too many numbers, let’s go over the very basics of who took our sex survey.

Lots of you are straight, it turns out. Thirty-seven percent of respondents, in fact, say they’re straight, while 21 percent are bisexual, 14 percent are queer, 9 percent are gay, 8 percent are pansexual/ omnisexual, 6 percent are lesbian, 2 percent are asexual, and 1 percent identify as “other.” That’s fairly in line with the people who took the survey last year, too. Also, 41 percent of you are cis men, 38 percent are cis women, 10 percent are nonbinary, 4 percent are genderqueer, 3 percent are trans women, 2 percent are trans men, and a few of you are also twospirit or intersex.

Where things start to shift, though, is when broken down by age group. The older the group, the larger the percentage of straighties. Almost a third of those between 26 and 45 years old are straight, 55 percent of 46-to-65-yearolds, and 62 percent of 66-or-older folks. Whereas the younger the survey taker, the less likely they are to be straight. In fact, only 17 percent of those who are 25 or under claimed that label on their survey! Instead, they’re bi (27 percent), queer (19 percent), lesbian (16 percent), gay (7 percent), pansexual/omnisexual (7 percent), asexual (3 percent), questioning (2 percent), and other (1 percent).

The future is queer!

DEM DEARTH

Age plays a big role in which political party y’all identify with, too. Forty-five percent of those who are 25 or under are Socialists, whereas 57 percent of folks 46 and older claim to be Democrats.

And because the majority of survey takers this year are 45 or under (hello, fellow kids!), Dems’ numbers overall took a dip. It’s still the top political party among all survey takers combined, but just barely, sitting at 40 percent compared to last year’s 48 percent. Socialists are on the rise, however, up from 29 percent to 36 percent overall.

Surprised? Don’t be. After all, a socialist candidate did win the mayoral election.

Another fun fact: Remember when I told you the Dems are more satisfied in the sack than the Republicans who took our survey? Well, socialists are the happiest of them all! Sixty-four percent of all socialists are at least somewhat satisfied with the amount of sex they’re having.

YOU’RE PROUD OF YOUR KINKS

I am pleased to report that the majority of you are proud of and open with your kinks and desires with your sex partners. A whole 63 percent, which is about the same as last year. And what those kinks are hasn’t changed much either. The top three remain submissiveness, nipple

This year, we introduced a new category: Best hole. Best hole to fuck? Best hole to be fucked? Dealer’s choice! And the results are in. By far, the best hole among our survey takers is the pussy, racking up 66 percent of the votes. Mouth came in (lol) second with 16 percent, followed by ass (14 percent), and, finally, “other, please specify.” That 4 percent of y’all were either indecisive and wrote in more than one hole for your answer (“don’t make me choose!”), or you offered up some alternatives, including but not limited to: pie, doughnut, Hole Hound from Super Lesbian Animal RPG, bagel, foot, a goalie’s five-hole, pee hole, and ears (“like a Ferengi”).

play, and spanking. The bottom three (still getting votes! Just not very many) were ASFR (robots), scat (poo-poo), and acrotomophilia/apotemnophilia (ampu-

the board. Last year, 23 percent of you reported finding sex partners through Tinder; this year, just 17 percent do. Last year, Grindr was working for 13 percent of you; this year, it’s down to 10 percent. Bumble, Hinge, OkCupid—they’re all down, too. Related: Fewer folks claim to subscribe to sex-work sites like OnlyFans or ManyVids.

Maybe there’s something to that antitech, screen-free trend all the lifestyle outlets keep talking about?

BISEXUALS LOVE NATHAN FIELDER

On a scale of 1–10, how horny are you for Nathan Fielder? This question caused quite a stir in The Stranger’s offices. Our editorial team debated—at length—about whether or not Seattle would be horny for Nathan Fielder, the hilarious, quirky Canadian comedian who created the massively popular HBO series The Rehearsal Surely people would be turned on by his talent, his odd sense of humor, and the fact that he’s handsome to boot, right?

tees). And a special shoutout to the Instagram commenter who said after taking our survey: “you guys win for having the first kink survey i’ve taken where 1. i didn’t select the entire list and 2. where i had to look up what some of the terms meant. impressive.”

We didn’t see many shake-ups in the toy world this time around, either. The top three are, once again, vibrators (which are in 77 percent of y’all’s homes!), lube, and a dildo. Elsewhere, strap-ons saw a little bit of a jump (28 percent of you have one, last year it was 26), anal toys went down a smidge (from being in 51 percent of households to being in 48 percent). Interest in cock rings went down a tad, but just by 1 percent.

DATING APPS ARE TAKING A DIVE

Just as in previous years, by and large, our survey takers tend to meet sex partners through friends (60 percent of you), parties (32 percent), or a bar or a club (28 percent). Interestingly, though, the use of dating apps appears to be down across

Alas, Seattle as a whole is not horny for Nathan—the average horniness level came in around 3.5. Oof.

Interestingly, a lot of the numbers were either very low or very high. People who are horny for Nathan Fielder are ALL-IN HORNY FOR NATHAN FIELDER. The largest population of those who rated their horniness at an 8 or higher were bisexuals, with cis women also coming in on top.

Want even more specifics? How’s this: Nathan Fielder is very popular with bisexual cis women between the ages of 26 and 35 who are employed Socialists who live on Capitol Hill and masturbate twice a week or more. (I’ll send you the invoice for that audience research, HBO.)

Learn the Ties That Bind

SeattleShibari.com

The majority of you say you are at least mostly (if not very!) satisfied with the amount of sex you’re having, and we love to hear it. But I also wanted to have a little fun with the numbers to find out which Seattle neighborhood is feeling most fulfilled. And that honor goes to… drumroll… Capitol Hill! At least 17 percent of survey takers who said they are satisfied live on the Hill. No surprise there—there are no fewer than three sex clubs in the Pike/Pine corridor alone. The gayborhood fucks. That means, if we break that down a little further by residential percentage, 73 percent of respondents who live on Capitol Hill say they are either somewhat satisfied or very satisfied. Way to go, Capitol Hill! The next happiest ’hoods are the Central District and West Seattle, where 63 and 62 percent of residents are pleased with their current rate of romps, respectively.

AI WILL STEAL YOUR JOB, BUT NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND (YET)

More and more, we’ve read stories about people turning to AI and ChatGPT for companionship, including romantic relationships, so for people to use this (honestly terrifying) technology for sex and/or pleasure is inevitable. But, while Seattle is nothing if not tech-forward, it appears that the majority of you are very much not interested in ChatGPT… at least not like that. The large majority of survey takers—71 percent!—say they have not, nor will they ever use ChatGPT for sex/pleasure. Twenty-one percent haven’t used it (but haven’t ruled it out), while 3 percent have used it but “felt awful and never will again.” That leaves just

5 percent of respondents currently and happily benefiting from ChatGPT’s sexual awakening.

Breaking that number down further, for science: 60 percent of those who have used ChatGPT to get off are cis

men, 12 percent are cis women, and 10 percent are nonbinary. And a few more random factoids about ChatGPT lovers that I looked up for funsies: Nearly half of them are millennials, 74 percent of them are childless, and 98 percent of them have also fucked in a car. I wonder if it was with ChatGPT???

BED ROCK

This is always my favorite part of the survey, because I am both a music snob and a judgmental asshole. I love getting a peek at what kind of music people listen to under any circumstance, and it is especially revealing to learn about the music that gets people’s blood pumping. (Temple of the Dog? Seriously???)

As usual, this year’s responses to “If you listen to music during sex, what’s your go-to song?” were full of shoutouts for Rihanna, Portishead, Nine Inch Nails, Sade, the Weeknd, and Cigarettes After Sex, all of whom have been sex survey mainstays since we introduced this question in 2023. Here are some other standouts, should you want to make your own Stranger -reader-inspired playlist for the next time you’re setting the mood. For better or worse.

The first half of “Tigermilk” by Belle and Sebastian Massive Attack’s Mezzanine start to finish

“Persuasive” by Doechii

“Pink + White” by Frank Ocean

“Ankles” by Lucy Dacus

I lost my virginity to Purity Ring, so I have a sacrilegious Pavlovian relationship with them.

“Wind of Change” by Scorpions

“Friends in Low Places” by Garth Brooks Some slow doom/sludge surprisingly does it

“The Battle Hymn of the Republic”

(Dr. Strangelove version)

“Camel Walk” by Southern Culture on the Skids

It’s a playlist called Boner Jams

“Someday Is Tonight” by Janet Jackson

Janelle Monáe, The Age of Pleasure

Anything by the Grateful Dead “ALPHAPUSSY” by Pixel Grip D’Angelo is a good move

Anything that might be found in a Gregg Araki film

I did have a crazy orgasm getting fingered in the car while listening to “Epizootics!” by Scott Walker

DJ Riz/KEXP

SEX ON THE BEACH… AND IN THE PARK AND AT ARCHIE MCPHEE

We always ask our survey-takers whether or not they’ve had sex in public, but this year, we asked for details. We are nosy! We wanted to know where exactly, and y’all did not disappoint. As expected, there were several shoutouts to porn theaters, sex clubs, parked cars, bar bathrooms, and pretty much every park in the city (Volunteer, Cal Anderson, Seward, Discovery, Green Lake, the list goes on). But there were a lot of surprising locales, too. Archie McPhee? And not just one, but “several” Taco Del Mar bathrooms? Was it someone’s personal goal to hit every location at least once? There are at least 16 in the Puget Sound region! I have questions! Anyway, the lesson I learned while reading through these responses is that there is a high likelihood that once we leave the comfort of our homes, there are strangers fucking, all around us, at all times, no matter where we are. Here is just a small sample of where folks have gotten busy in public:

Lakeview Cemetery, of course.

In the car in line for the Mukilteo Ferry.

Oral sex on the ferry. Up against a car by the Old Spaghetti Factory.

At the cash machine in front of Wells Fargo on Broad Street across the street from 7-Eleven, near Seattle Center.

Had some hair-pulling in a Blockbuster Video once.

It’s not Seattle, but please give me credit for having sex in the library at WWU.

Goin’ Places

When it comes to having sex in modes of transportation, a whopping 98 percent of you have fucked in a car. The second most popular option is in or on boats, but it’s not even close. That’s where 28 percent of you have gotten busy. This year, we added one more option to the list, with surprising results. Turns out 5 percent of survey takers have fucked on a Washington State Ferry! And confidential to the five of you who claimed to have gotten laid on the Seattle Monorail: That’s a 90-second ride, my friends. That’s not the brag you think it is.

Several Taco Del Mar bathrooms. Every woman’s restroom in every bar in town, 2011–2019.

Central Library restroom with a total stranger. One of those connections where you see him and know you need him inside you.

The Woodland Park Zoo during the Christmas lights show.

Banana Republic dressing room in U Village lol. Once accidentally on a baby grave. In Lake Washington (while swimming).

A beloved pool spot with great sandwiches downtown. Kurt’s bench.

The top of the Space Needle. Near trash bins behind 76 in cap hill. In the bushes at the Seattle Center during Folklife.

The balcony of the Paramount Theatre during the Stranger Genius Awards.

[Editor's Note: Uh, they were at the Moore.] Behind the dumpster at Dick’s on Broadway. Concert hand jobs all the time—Neumos, Nectar Lounge, Neptune…

The Seattle Great Wheel. Archie McPhee

Lost my virginity in the bathroom of the Barnes and Noble at Pacific Place (RIP).

A SAD, STUPID, BUT ALSO SEXY YEAR

What a fool I was for thinking Seattle wasn’t gonna be horny just because some fascist-loving wannabe dictator was crashing the party. I’m beaming with pride reading that so many of you were able to find plenty of time for a good time in spite of—or maybe especially because of???—the otherwise abysmal conditions.

As for the hottest things survey-takers did this year, fisting, double penetration, and spit-roasting got lots of mentions. As did reaching personal milestones with sex partners (“finally tried anal!”) and exploring kinks you’ve been curious about (“Started watching queer porn after I came out to myself”). It would appear there was a lot of public sex, too, in places like the bathroom at the zoo, the Showbox, Kremwerk, the library parking lot, and multiple parks and trails.

For some of you, though, the hottest thing you did this year wasn’t even sex

itself; it was about finding yourself or feeling yourself. “I got a tattoo that says ‘DYKE’ in bold black gothic lettering across my chest,” wrote one respondent. “[I] broke up with my boyfriend, cut all my hair off, bought a dildo, and the sexiest lingerie I could manage, and fell in love with myself again,” wrote another.

There were several mentions of participating in sexy or boudoir photoshoots, starting hormone replacement therapy, getting married or divorced, giving birth, going back to school, and one of you even “created sex comics.” (Send some to The Stranger ! We’re curious!)

Here’s a sample of other things y’all got into in 2025:

AI chatbot girlfriend, she plays dominant.

(Rope) Suspension sex while wearing a rubber suit.

Got in my full leather daddy outfit and all at once had one boy sucking my cock, another making out with me, and the last worshipping my nipples.

Ate an apple with no hands while being tied to a big cross and cropped at Kremwerk.

Psychedelic medicine retreat! Helped open me up to love.

Got fisted and blown simultaneously. Ker-sploosh!

Sucked prosthetic cock listening to Belle and Sebastian.

Ate a stranger’s asshole in a park 90 minutes into our first date

Sapphic strap-on tentacle spit roast, AND making out all day with the one who got away (now caught).

Set up a glory hole to give back to the local community.

Bought a new hoodie? idk.

STRANGE SEXTING

It’s funny, when asked what kind of pictures you prefer to send when sexting, more than 33 percent of you—the largest swath—said, “I don’t send dirty pics, slut!” But when asked what pictures you prefer

AND HERE’S WHAT NEXT

While 2026 isn’t shaping up to be much better than last year, at least not as far as, you know, human rights are concerned, people are still making room for fantasies. And why not? The world you build in your head can be a lot more fun than the dumpster fire outside your door. So when we asked people for their ultimate sexual fantasies, they did not hold back. Thank you for sharing your deepest and darkest with us—we’re honored. Here are just some of the things folks hope to do before the cold hand of death reaches for them:

Catacombs fuck. Perhaps Seattle Underground could do in a pinch.

Orgasm solely from earlobe stimulation. It was initially sex on an airplane, but this questionnaire has made me aware of the Monorail….

to receive, the inverse was true, with 35 percent of y’all wanting to see “everything all at once.” Just 22 percent of you still insisted that you! do! not! send! dirty! pics! Hmm. The next most popular bits to receive via sext are dicks (16 percent), chest (14 percent), and butt (7 percent). Vulva only got 4 percent, which is weird, seeing as how the vast majority of y’all looooooove pussy, as proven in the Best Hole question. Make up your minds!

Have one person pleasing each body part all at once (nine total: ears, feet, hands, mouth, ass, dick).

Get enough experience with flogging to teach a class on it.

Marriage.

N/A—here to represent those on the asexual spectrum.

An old-fashioned in space. I want someone to fuck me so good my mental illness goes away.

Sex at the top of the Space Needle against those benches that lean back over the void.

I want to sound a guy. I want to be collared, and I want someone to make me sleep at the foot of their bed, on the floor.

Jizz on JD Vance’s grave.

I wanna visit the Eiffel Tower... not in France. I’d like to squirt-drown my babe so wildly while face-sitting that I have to administer CPR.

Idk, last year was a banger. I would like to have robot tentacle appendages to fuck around with, though.

Fist a bottom past the elbow. Only made it halfway up the forearm so far.

Now that you mention it, sex on the ferry. Sex in a blimp, shooting for the stars here. At my age, I’m more nostalgic for the athletic positions I’ve left behind. I don’t think my knees could support them. ■

Hosted by Marcus Harrison Green

Romancing the Tome

Talking Valentines, Heated Rivalry, and Sexy Fish Scaling with Author Olivia Waite

BY JULIANNE BELL

Olivia Waite is a Seattle-based romance, sci-fi, and fantasy author, New York Times romance columnist, Jeopardy! champion, and accomplished fiber artist. I was introduced to her via her novel The Lady’s Guide to Celestial Mechanics, which is not only a beguiling sapphic love story, but also a brilliant ode to the art of science and the science of art. Her latest book, Murder by Memory , a cozy sci-fi mystery set aboard an interstellar passenger liner and the first installment in her Dorothy Gentleman series, came out last March, and the sequel Nobody’s Baby comes out next month. (She’s also currently working on releasing a knitting pattern for the fern shawl that makes a cameo in Murder by Memory.) The Stranger caught up with her about Heated Rivalry , falling in love at karaoke, and how fishscaling can be surprisingly romantic.

How did you first fall in love with the romance genre?

I stole my first romance novel from my mom when I was 5. It was a Johanna Lindsey sci-fi romance, so imagine Jupiter Ascending , but with orgasms, and my mom took it away, because nobody wants to explain that kind of thing to a toddler. I picked it up because the cover looked like Star Wars , which also tracks—the whole slave Leia bikini thing was absolutely in the marketing. And I wanted to see how it ended, so as soon as I was old enough to get a library card, I tracked down a copy and managed to finish it. I’ve been hooked ever since. It’s funny, because that’s both the first romance and the first sci-fi novel that I read.

As a romance author, what is it like to witness the Heated Rivalry craze erupt into the mainstream right now?

The audience reaction has been really gratifying, and then the nonstop bad takes have been deeply irritating. I’ve read the book [series Game Changers by Rachel Reid, from which the show is adapted] before, and I was also a fan of [director Jacob Tierney’s previous show] Letterkenny, so in that slim little Venn diagram of those two things, there were, like, five of us, and we were all so excited. People [were] like, romance adaptations are never good, and I’m like, No, you don’t understand this! Man will point a camera at a dude in a flannel shirt, and you have 18 feelings about it! I think one of the best things about it is that a lot of the conversations, even the difficult ones, have been very productive. People in very closeted industries who can’t come out

are finding ways to talk about that with people that they know.

What adaptations would you like to see follow in the wake of its success?

I want the Alyssa Cole and Beverly Jenkins books, American historical romances specifically set around the experience of Black Americans. Beverly Jenkins has one called Forbidden that is set in a mining town where the machinery never stops whirring, and the hero is a Black man who can pass as white, which means he has access to bank accounts, so he’s helping the Black residents of the town gain credit and build up savings in a way that the bank wouldn’t let them. But in order to live as the authentic Black man he actually is, he has to give that up, and decide whether the job he’s doing is more important than his need to be acknowledged as someone with a family connection, rather than just a good ally. There’s part of himself

negative. I’ve read too much about romance history to pretend it’s all sunshine and rainbows. You get a lot of people saying, well, romance is by women, for women, therefore it’s automatically feminist, and, no. There are terrible and repressive romances being written, and it’s silly to pretend that’s not happening. But the thing that keeps me coming back to this genre as a source of optimism and strength and resilience is that sense that it’s an optimistic genre at its heart—it assumes that the world is improvable, and people can learn. People are worth keeping. They can learn better. Love is possible, and it just might not look like what you intended.

What is one romance book you think everyone should read?

After Hours at Dooryard Books by Cat Sebastian. It’s set in New York, 1968. It’s about a used bookstore owner and a down-onhis-luck mystery man. It’s also about the protests that are happening in the Civil Rights Movement and labor issues and queer issues in New York, and it’s an entire book list on its own. It is so sad and so good. It feels like somebody wrote you a love letter from 60 years ago to tell you it’s okay and we’ve been through this before.

that he’s had to keep very locked down. It’s gorgeous. There’s an old-timey baseball game, and there’s the heroine carrying her stove as she treks across the desert. It’s the book that made me say, God, fish-scaling is

“Romance is an optimistic genre at its heart—it assumes that the world is improvable.”

so romantic! And no, it’s not. Beverly Jenkins, what witchcraft is this?! I would love a big, splashy, Yellowstone-level adaptation.

What lessons can romance teach us during this difficult time in history?

Romance has lessons both positive and

You mentioned over email that you’ve submitted some Stranger valentines in the past; can you tell us about that? They were actually for the man I ended up marrying. I can confirm that I met him singing Peter Gabriel in an Irish dive bar in Fremont. It was this absolute karaoke romance, and this guy gets up and starts screaming, and I go, “There he is. That’s what I’ve been waiting for.” We were dating about three months after that, and then we were engaged within the year. Then we spent like two and a half years planning the wedding. For those two and a half years, when I was still in that little Fremont apartment and just about to graduate from grad school and going to this karaoke bar down the corner every Monday night, February would come around, and we would send each other little notes in The Stranger and it was fantastic.

Nobody’s Baby is out March 10 on Tor Publishing.

Waite stole her first romance novel from her mom when she was 5.

CHARLES COX

BY AMANDA MANITACH

PHOTOS BY BILLIE WINTER

Somewhere in Manhattan, sometime in the mid 1980s: a friend invited Ann Leda Shapiro to a clandestine gathering of nameless, faceless women at an artist’s loft. “Come to this meeting,” she was told. “We’re pissed off. We’re going to do something.” It turned out to be the beginning of the Guerrilla Girls.

Shapiro kept the secret of her involvement for 40 years; she will still only say so much. But there is one story about the time The Washington Post was sending

people up to conduct a photoshoot. This posed a problem, as one of the primary commitments of the group was anonymity. Shapiro, taking notes for their meeting, was scribbling down ideas as fast as they came, when she committed a misspelling that would make art history: instead of guerrilla, she wrote gorilla . It was an a-ha moment, and their solution— the now-iconic gorilla mask—was born. Shapiro’s journey through the art world is a storied one, her intersection with the Guerilla Girls just one of many tantalizing

She would continue to paint, but she would not be censored, nor self-censor.

threads that could be spun into a volume. As she (selectively) spills the lore, our conversation is lubricated by multiple cups of

coffee served in the artist’s Vashon Island living room. It’s a well-loved and lived-in house just up the road from a rocky slip of beach. Sun glitters off the face of the water, flooding the space with dappled light that dances across the ceiling with each break in the clouds. An acupuncturist’s table— not an easel or drawing desk—takes primary place in the room.

She’s lived here for 30 years, tucked away from the limelight.

Like the majority of female artists who achieve renown, it’s only been later in life

that she’s been getting her flowers. (Shapiro turns 80 this August, though age feels like a preposterous abstraction here; she moves and speaks with the vivacity of someone 80 going on 18.) Last spring her solo exhibit, Interconnected Worlds debuted in Antwerp. Another solo, Body Is Landscape, is currently hanging in Hong Kong. This January, Shapiro received the Betty Bowen Award—one of the region’s most coveted— which comes with a hefty cash prize and an exhibition at Seattle Art Museum. (Hers is scheduled for 2027.)

Categorizing Shapiro’s work is no easy feat. Watercolor and gouache paintings with an energetic, illustrative quality that plumb the esoteric, autobiographical, cosmic cartographies of the body. The body is ever-present in her work. Bodies that serve as landscapes. Bodies that swim in celestial storms and electric seas. Bodies as fine as stardust. Bodies that turn into trees that turn into something much deeper and primal. Detail so minute it seems physically impossible. Humor that is by turns brash, vulnerable, and grotesque mingles with sacred rage throughout earlier work; later imagery unfolds labyrinthine (self)portraiture that could keep a psychoanalyst busy for years. It’s the kind of work the world is hungry for now. But it wasn’t always like this. Shapiro grew up a “red diaper baby,” the daughter of card-carrying, working-class Communist parents who lived in a housing project in Queens. They were “neglectful, but had fabulous values,” she notes. Shapiro’s mother encouraged her artistic tendencies (which included being allowed to paint on the walls). On Saturdays, they took the train into the city so Shapiro could take classes at the MoMA’s art school, where she learned to “paint with sponges and throw paint at paper.” When the family eventually relocated to Manhattan, they moved into an apartment directly across from the American Museum of Natural History—a proximity that contributed to the development of Shapiro’s approach to close observation of the natural world. There was never going to be any other way but art for Shapiro; in her free time after high school she haunted the museum across the street, filling sketchbooks with intricate drawings of its curiosities while inquisitive museum guards looked on.

After high school, Shapiro rented a walk-up on the Lower East Side—the kind with a bathtub in the kitchen and a toilet down the hall. She worked at a library, then an advertising agency (where, to assuage boredom, she typed out entire chapters of Moby Dick, one page at a time). She saved enough cash to catch a hippie bus to San Francisco, where she rented a room under a staircase and enrolled in the San Francisco Art Institute. She modeled and painted murals for money. She marched with Allen Ginsberg and made low-tech, psychedelic oil-and-paint visuals for the first Kool-Aid Acid Test concert (Shapiro was perhaps the only person present not tripping on drugs).

She attended the University of California, Davis, for grad school, where the critiques were performed exclusively by mustached men. When they brought her to tears during her first review (her paintings were too “primitive,” they berated),

Shapiro resolved to never let such a thing happen again. At the next review, she arrived with a rubber penis strapped to her face. She nearly asphyxiated (she forgot to poke holes in the tip), but the stunt was so off-putting it worked; from that day on, the mustaches kept mum and she earned an MFA without further incident.

After graduating, Shapiro traded oil paints for watercolors, scaling to a more intimate style that reflected the inspirations of her youth: Little Lulu comics and the delicate nature drawings of her museum sketchbooks. When a curator from the Whitney Museum of American Art paid Shapiro a studio visit, they

female astronaut in a NASA spacesuit; three American flag patches placed across the uniform reveal slits through which breasts and a penis protrude. Across the inky void in the background, a fleet of tiny airplanes skywrites: one needs a cock to get by

“I was just asking questions innocently, like, what is male and what is female? ” says Shapiro. “There was no multiplicity of pronouns then, or anything like that. I was asking, do you have to be male—or act like a male—to be able to move ahead in the world, to be visible?”

The Whitney wasn’t having it.

Happily, Two Sides of Self and Woman Landing on Man in the Moon were both

offered her a solo show of works on paper— an honor for any artist, let alone a recent graduate. But when the exhibit opened in the fall of 1973, Shapiro was appalled to find they had pulled three of her best paintings at the last minute. “I was shocked,” she says. “I had no idea I was doing anything that was controversial.”

The censored works in question—three watercolors completed in 1971—seem disparate at first glance, but each is threaded with the same provocative humor as Shapiro’s rubber dick that doubled as a mask. One of the paintings, Two Sides of Self, depicts a pair of hermaphroditic mermaids whose bodies appear to conjoin at the breasts, lips, and (male) genitalia. The central figure in Woman Landing on Man in the Moon is a

spent the next two decades as a self-described “academic vagabond woman.” She taught criticism and art at universities across the country. She spent a semester in a boat sailing the world. In her six years of undergrad and graduate school, Shapiro had never had a woman teacher, not once; while teaching, she found herself the sole woman in every department. The token female academic, with a strap-on cock for a nose. Or a gorilla mask. It was around this time that Shapiro found herself amid a group of like-minded artists who were pissed. It was also around this time that a close friend was diagnosed with AIDS, an event that would indirectly shift the trajectory of her life. Shapiro took up volunteering at a clinic in Austin that treated people with the disease. The clinic happened to specialize in acupuncture.

“When I started reading about the theory and history and philosophy of Chinese medicine, it was like falling in love,” she says. The definition of qi is not merely energy , Shapiro explains: “It is matter on the verge

At the next review, she arrived with a rubber penis strapped to her face.

of becoming. It’s that moment when you’re living and dying simultaneously. And that’s what I’m trying to paint about, the dichotomies—that things aren’t in opposition, but they’re in interconnectivity.”

Shapiro left her university job to study acupuncture in Seattle. Just for a year (she thought). She fell for the practice as much as the theory—and she was really good at it.

eventually acquired by the Seattle Art Museum in 2015—part of the Deed of Gift spearheaded by artist Matthew Offenbacher and his partner Jennifer Nemhauser after he won the Neddy Artist Award. Offenbacher used around $20,000 of the award funds to purchase works by women and queer artists, which were then gifted to SAM as a gesture of solidarity to the community and an attempt to help rectify the dearth of work by minorities in the museum’s collection.

That would be far in the future, however.

Following the ’73 exhibit, Shapiro withdrew from the art world. She would continue to paint, but she would not be censored, nor self-censor. Going forward, she exhibited only in underground spaces and

To say Shapiro’s work/life amounts to something approximating Gesamtkunstwerk—a total work of art, in which everything merges into a cohesive whole—is far from a stretch, as art and acupuncture melded on the island she made home. During this time she published multiple books, including a picture book about Vashon, My Island , and a graphic novel, Art Notes of an Acupuncturist. In the latter, she outlines a pictorial history of the synaesthetic cosmologies contained within the human body. With bursts of grotesque humor and poetic wit, Shapiro illustrates the interconnections at play in orifices and organs, tracing the invisible threads between elements and colors, emotions and smells. It reads like a legend to unlock the symbolism of her later work.

Because the demand for Shapiro’s art has increased, there’s less time for acupuncture lately; almost all her hours are committed to the studio, where she’s currently working on six pieces for her upcoming exhibit at SAM. As she leads the way into her workspace—a standalone building behind her house, where soft island light pours through skylights—she explains a piece she is working on, about the ginkgo trees she recently encountered in Japan. “They’re the oldest trees in existence, living fossils,” Shapiro muses. “They survived the Hiroshima atomic bomb.”

But, of course, it’s about more than just that. If you look closely, you can trace the nervous system of the universe in the wood and roots of those trees. ■

The body is ever-present in Shapiro’s work, which often includes detail so minute it seems physically impossible.

The X Factor

Xian Zhang Is Ushering the 123-Year-Old Seattle Symphony Into the Future of Classical Music

BY MEG VAN HUYGEN

Xian Zhang is the Seattle Symphony’s first-ever woman and POC conductor. She’s a total foodie, too.

“

Seattle has better Chinese food than New York, anyway,” Xian Zhang quips from the couch in her new office, overlooking Second Avenue. “Well, in New York, it’s mainly Cantonese food. But I find Chinese food from the north actually better here. I’m from the north, so I like the handmade dumplings and hand-pulled noodles, that kind of thing. Seattle does it better.”

Before she even landed, word was already on the street that the Seattle Symphony’s new music director is a massive foodie. Sure enough, it’s only a few minutes before she’s comparing our restaurants to those in her home of the last decade.

Zhang is still pulling double duty between Seattle and the New Jersey Symphony, where she’s been the resident music director since 2016. “My son, it’s his junior year,” she explains, “and it’s too late for him to change schools, so he’s finishing high school there. I don’t wanna mess up his life!” But since accepting a five-year contract in Seattle last year, she admits, she’s been feeling a little more at ease out here.

“I grew up in a climate just like this— cold, a little humid and windy,” Zhang says, motioning toward the window. “And we had lots of shellfish,” she grins, bringing it back to food. “That’s my thing—my favorite! So Seattle is perfect for me, actually.”

It’s mutual, babe. Scoring Zhang is a monumental win for Seattle, and not only for her enormous talent and fiery

vivacity. Alongside having no music director at all following Thomas Dausgaard’s sudden email ragequit in 2020, the Seattle Symphony’s had 17 conductors in its 123 years, and they all looked more or less the same—white and presumed male—until Zhang. It brings a li’l tear to the eye of this former Cornish piano major, who could only find one female American conductor to look up to in the late ’90s (the legendary Marin Alsop). Down around Benaroya Hall, when you see all the colorful media paraphernalia heralding Zhang’s arrival—there are vinyl stickers glued to the actual sidewalk, reading XIAN! —it seems like overkill at first.

slender slice. There’s Zhang and there’s Alsop, who’s the laureate director of the Baltimore Symphony, and the Atlanta Symphony has Nathalie Stutzmann at the wheel. But when it comes to symphonies in major American cities, these three women pretty much make up the whole scene.

“There also just aren’t that many of us conductors,” Zhang points out, “women or men. It’s a numbers problem. Because it’s a hard job! Not so many people can do it.”

performance under Lingfen Wu, herself a pioneering female conductor.

Zhang was dropped into conducting somewhat against her will when, one day, Wu sent her 20-year-old student to sub at a rehearsal at the China National Opera. “I’d just finished learning The Marriage of Figaro from her—but I’d never conducted anything in my life! It was a four-and-a-half-hour production, with professional musicians. My teacher called in the day before and said, ‘Um, I don’t feel well, but I’m gonna send my student to conduct tomorrow. If she does a bad job at rehearsal, I will try to come in at intermission and take over.’

It’s sincerely thrilling to see the fiery, sizzling energy that Zhang brings on board.

But then you’re like: You know what? Let them cook. This is the Seattle Symphony’s Cinderella moment.

Even today, the game’s still heavily dominated by men in the United States, with women and nonbinary people making up just 29.4 percent of American symphony conductors. It’s much worse outside the US, with a 2023 study reporting that just 11.2 percent of conductors are women worldwide. As well, 66.9 percent of American symphony conductors are white. No figures are currently available on how many of the remaining 33.1 percent are female or non-male, but one can imagine it’s a

She said a mouthful there, because to watch this woman conduct an orchestra is electric . Armed with her baton, this mini maestro seems 10 feet tall, commanding her musical battalion with real joy and absolute authority. Even from the nosebleed seats, you can feel the crackle in the air. Few people can do that job, indeed.

Xian Zhang (“shyen jong”) was born in 1973 in Dandong, near the North Korean border, to a music teacher mom and a luthier dad. When Western instruments were scarce in Cultural Revolution-era China, her father built a piano for her from scratch. She began piano lessons at age 3 and was practicing eight hours a day by elementary school. At 11, she was sent to the Central Conservatory of Music in Beijing to study piano

“The director of the opera was very mad at my teacher that morning,” Zhang laughs. “‘How can you do this to us? And send a little girl?’ I was very short, very tiny. I remember sitting on the bus with the other musicians going to the opera house, thinking, I’m gonna DIE today. I’m gonna mess this up and be so embarrassed, and I will die.” But she did it anyway, and when her teacher called at intermission to check in, she was told, “Well, she actually seems to be doing okay? She’s almost done with the second act.”

“And my teacher was like ‘Uh, okay, I still don’t feel good! Let her finish the show.’ The next day, she kept saying she was sick. So yeah, she gave me two shows with the China National Opera when I was 20. That was my first public conducting job.”

Zhang didn’t forget it, and today, she goes out of her way to pay it forward and support female orchestral musicians,

JAMES HOLT/THE SEATTLE SYMPHONY

along with those from other underrepresented groups. She points to a recent Benaroya performance of composer Michael Abels’s Delights and Dances performed by laureate winners of the Sphinx Competition, which is open to young Black and Latino string players in Detroit and endeavors to address systemic obstacles within their communities. “The quartet was all students who’d won a competition for young, less-privileged players. I really, really feel strongly about supporting this kind of program.”

Since leaving China in 1998 to pursue her doctorate in Cincinnati, Zhang’s led orchestras in Milan, Montréal, Amsterdam, Melbourne, Cardiff, Singapore, London, and dozens of US cities. As well as back home in Beijing—in addition to her current roles in Seattle and New Jersey, she’s also the principal guest conductor at the China National Opera this season. True to brand, only a month after her introductory gala at Benaroya Hall in September, she jetted off to Helsinki for the rest of 2025, where she’d already signed up to direct Tosca before saying yes to Seattle.

and erhu with a Western-style orchestra, as solo vocalists sing in both Western and Chinese operatic styles. The suite describes the story of Iris, the Greek goddess of the rainbow, employing texture and color to

ny’s second annual Lunar New Year Gala. Benaroya Hall’s lobby will be decked out for the holiday, tickets include a multi-course authentic Chinese dinner, and there’ll be performances by select artists from Iris

Now that she’s picked the reins back up in Seattle, Zhang is super pumped for the February 15 production of Iris Unveiled (originally Iris dévoilée). In a Peking operastyle concert suite that Zhang says is very special to her personally, Chinese-born French composer Qigang Chen mashes up Chinese stringed instruments like the pipa

describe various facets of divine femininity: coyness, jealousy, voluptuousness, lust.

As the central figure, soprano Meng Meng wears traditional Chinese makeup and a kuitou (头), an elaborate headdress loaded with pearls and tassels and pompoms.

The production’s timing is pinned to the Lunar New Year and the Seattle Sympho-

Unveiled’s cast. “I’m so excited, yes!” Zhang says. “The story is based on old Chinese poems, and there’s some really authentic Chinese art involved in the program. And I find the music just strikingly beautiful.” The show, she adds, will be a great way for her to begin engaging with the Asian community here in Seattle, as a fresh start for the new year.

Zhang isn’t new to Seattle, for what it’s worth, having first guest-conducted the Seattle Symphony in 2008. “I’ve always liked Seattle! To me, Seattle has come up as one of the most vibrant cities in America nowadays. I like the people. They’re different from the East Coast— slightly laid-back, and they’re not as edgy. And also, I like the diversity of the community. I feel comfortable here, you know, as an Asian person.

“And I like the food here too!” she says, splitting off to enthusiastically recommend a hot pot restaurant off Aurora. “It’s like a shabu-shabu place. I know the name in Chinese but not in English!” She goes on to rave about the meat combo, as passionately as she spoke about Iris Unveiled. After playing 20 Questions, we realize it’s No.9 Alley Hot Pot in Bitter Lake.

Despite our rep as one of the nation’s most progressive cities, Seattle’s classical music scene has been kind of a musty old ghost ship over the last few years, with nobody at the helm. So it’s sincerely thrilling to see the fiery, sizzling energy that Zhang brings on board. Right out of the gate, she’s going out of her way to platform women, POC, and other underrepresented musicians, along with youth orchestras, local composers, and hell, the restaurant scene, too. Seattle’s classical community has needed this delicious zap in the butt since 1903. No amount of vinyl sidewalk stickers with her name on them is enough. ■

JAMES HOLT/THE SEATTLE SYMPHONY

See Zhang in action for Iris Unveiled, a Peking opera-style concert suite, at Benaroya Hall February 12–15.

Chill Seekers

NYC Ambient Trio Purelink Maintain the Bliss

BY DAVE SEGAL

It’s never not surprising when artists create adventurous, instrumental electronic music that breaks through to a wider audience. In an era of formulaic, innocuous mega-streamers, challenging sounds snaring major mindshare is rare and precious. Recently, we’ve seen that phenomenon with Oneohtrix Point Never, Mica Levi, and Robert A.A. Lowe scoring films funded by millionaires.

On a slightly smaller scale, we’re witnessing this scenario play out with Purelink, a NYC-via-Chicago trio who have risen to notoriety with critically acclaimed, deeply blissful albums Signs (2023) and Faith (2025) for the tiny indie label Peak Oil. Few ambient-dub outfits with nary a vocal hook in earshot (save for guest Loraine James’s understated one on “Rookie”), let alone big budgets, end up notching six-figure streams and earning opening slots for popular artists such as Tirzah and Astrid Sonne. Sure looks like Purelink are the latest anointed ones.

Certainly, there are dozens of musicians working in Purelink’s chill zone. Yet the media and the listening public have bestowed more love and attention than most on the peace-inducing work of Tommy Paslaski, Akeem Asani, and Ben Paulson. Rightfully so, although unexpected, given that Signs abounds with Loscil-like ambient drifts and gentle, undanceable beats to which your infant can nap. Standout cut “4k Murmurs” harks back to the amniotic, beatific nature of Aphex Twin’s Selected Ambient Works 85–92 . It’s the kind of stuff that KEXP DJ Alex Ruder plays on the early Sunday morning show Pacific Notions but doesn’t air during prime-time hours.

infectious, allowing you to express even more.

“While I understand why it may be helpful for others, it feels quite trivial to preconceive what the music’s purpose is; in the end it’s up to the listener to give their own personal meaning. Though I do believe music can have therapeutic qualities, and if people get that from our music, that’s great. But I’m not really thinking about the listener when creating. Maybe after it’s released I would, but it doesn’t help me make better music.”

The aforementioned Chain Reaction–styled “Doppler-effected metallic ripple as rhythmic accent” thing was revelatory for Purelink. “I really loved the concept of doing so much with so little—working within an inspiring palette of sounds and creating environments that capture the imagination,” Paslaski says. “Having experienced those tracks like 20 years after they came out, I definitely benefited from naïveté and a lot of excitement. It got me thinking about what could be possible and how we could blend other elements of music that we love into that type of electronic context.”

Purelink’s latest album, Faith , offers profound calm and balm in sonic form. The sound’s super minimal, but its emotional support system is maximal. An aquatic placidity predominates, although some beats skitter on the down-low. On the etiolated, acoustic-guitar-bolstered “First Iota,” poet Angelina Nonaj intones, “Not everything beautiful has to be real,” and it sounds like a band ethos. “Circle of Dust” tranquilly ripples with submerged, Chain Reaction–esque rhythms amid gorgeous, pastel synth vapor; it’s dub techno as evanescent and consoling as the memory of a beautiful dream.

On 2022’s Purelink EP, tropical-paradise ambience quivers with understated hand

percussion, making you feel as if you’re on the choicest SSRIs. “Fine Pink Mist (Low Flung Version)” is Balearic, sundown-shiver gold, while “Dozen Sunbeams (Nice Girl Version)” is house music distilled to an unfathomable blissfulness. That three cats from polar-vortex-suffering Chicago created this is somewhat miraculous. That same year’s Puredub peddles ambient dub honed to a wisp. “Cricket Dub” is the greatest track that the Orb never recorded; “Depression Dub” is chillout-room Meat Beat Manifesto. Purelink have moved away from this style, but let’s hope not forever. Similarly, the atmospheric, hall-of-mirrors drum and bass of 2021’s “Head on a Swivel” appears to have been abandoned, but maybe only temporarily.

Purelink’s ascent makes one wonder: When’s the last time we had a prominent (non-EDM) electronic-music group with three members? The setup’s unusual, so I’m wondering how Purelink manage to realize their ideas in any given track, given how minimalist they are. “To Rococo Rot is the group we often cite as the  prominent electronic trio,” Asani says in an email interview conducted with all members. “And not solely electronic, but

Saint Etienne is another three-piece I come back to, as well.

“Each track comes about in its own unique way—we all have our hands on each part and take turns shaping each sound to make sure it fits. I am a drummer, so I tend to focus on drums, but that doesn’t mean I’m the only

“The sound’s super minimal, but its emotional support system is maximal.”

one making drum parts. When we start a new jam session, everyone is welcome to bring any ideas to the table and we all have to agree on it to stay in the final version.”

Listening to Purelink, you can imagine massage therapists using it to relax clients. But they don’t think of their music in functional terms. “We often are motivated by creating sounds that conjure up some sort of feeling or emotion that sticks with us beyond the recording session,” Paulson says. “The proud feeling of pulling off a new writing or production technique is also

For Purelink’s Seattle show, they’ll likely focus on tracks from Signs and Faith. Paulson says, “We also will include songs that are still being developed. We tend to use dub-style mixing techniques to blend stems together, while leaving room for some improvisations. Often taking the tracks our listeners may know into something hopefully new and exciting.”

It’s interesting that Purelink’s profile has risen significantly after their music started to lean more into ambience and de-emphasize rhythm. Perhaps we’re in a golden age for ambient music, due in part to the ultra-stressful state of the world and the need for relaxing sounds. Paulson’s not really buying that theory. “It’s tough to get a clear picture why anyone listens to anything, lol. I think we all feel proud of the last two records and their minor successes. We’ve been more and more motivated to create something that synthesizes different kinds of music, so maybe there’s something to connecting ideas from different communities? There’s plenty of great music being made all along the spectrum of sound and genre that inspires us every day.”

Purelink perform February 10 at Substation with ‘nohup’ and Hünter.

Purelink: Masters of crafting profund calm and balm in sonic form.

PHOTO BY RAPHAËL GAULTIER

How to Date Like an Asian We Gotta Get Those Asian Birth Rates Up

BY MICHAEL WONG

ILLUSTRATION BY JOSH POWERS

After a decade of media dominance, the world finally must admit: Asians got swag. And somehow we are still facing an Asian birthrate crisis (to the specific chagrin of my mother). So given the circumstances, and with Valentine’s Day on the way, let me show you how to go on a date like an Asian person, in Seattle. Let me know how it goes!

Pregame at Costco

Getting your date kicked off by flexing membership at an exclusive club is never a bad idea. And if you don’t know, Asian people feel the same way about Costco that white people feel about Trader Joe’s and Hispanic moms feel about Ross. It’s our mini Disneyland. It delights us.

Take a stroll and reacclimate to being around people after a long week working from home. Costco also gives you a chance to flex your financial prowess early by starting things off with a $1.50 hot dog combo, aka the Kirkland Signature aphrodisiac. This move will also save you both money on future eating opportunities—big-brain moment.

Find Gems at Uwajimaya and Kinokuniya

Bookstore

Imagine if Barnes and Noble were an otaku, in a good way. That’s Kinokuniya, the bookstore at Uwajimaya in the CID. You’ll have a blast walking between the shelves, pointing at things you both like. This is also a great way to determine if your date can read.

The major play alert is the magazine section. The racks are teeming with more special interests than a community college catalog, like: POPEYE (for Japanese “city boy” fashion), Brutus (for culture and home inspo), or the Japan Railfan Magazine (for train lovers, plainly). Japanese magazines are a different breed, and while you probably can’t read them, you’ll still find a lot of inspiration and delight inside the pages. Browsing here is a concise way to learn more about your date’s interests, and for them to learn more about you, too. Look behind the counter for magazines that come with cool niche-interest gifts, like Sanrio or even Bape accessories.

Hing Hay Park. It’s a tucked-away pocket of the CID with lots of seating, ornate pagodas, and plenty of characters. It’s the ideal home base to spread out your treasures, share some snacks and stories, and appreciate the energy of the neighborhood together.

Plus, if you’re feeling recently inspired by Marty Supreme, you could play each other at one of the public ping-pong tables, or embarrass yourself by playing against one of the Chinese grinders ready for a new victim.

Browse the CID Shops

Let the CID trinket observation commence.

Check out Trichome, a longtime alt hot spot and gift shop for the indie streetwear kids and the psychedelic-interested among us, and not totally in the Spencer’s Gifts sort of way. Ask about the Lexco cases and the refrigerator behind the counter.

Before heading out, pick out a couple snacks with your date at Uwajimaya, perhaps from the deli. Try a Mogu Mogu bottled drink if you haven’t yet—nata jellies (those translucent, chewy cubes made from fermented coconut water) are like a fidget spinner for your mouth.

Picnic in the CID Hing Hay Park

The next move is to head up the block to

Other nearby stores you won’t want to miss include Shishido Zakka-Ya, a shop full of kawaii wares made by local Seattle AANHPI artists, Mam’s Books for the best selection of Asian authors and warm vibes, and Pink Gorilla, where your childhood video game nostalgia comes to life in vibrant tactile glory.

Walk the Jose Rizal Bridge

One of Seattle’s best viewpoints is the bridge that carries 12th Avenue South over

the freeway. When it’s time to wrap up in the CID, take a short drive up to Jose Rizal Bridge. Park on the Beacon Hill side, near the Tower of Terror–looking building, then walk the bridge back towards the CID, enjoying the view together.

Not only is it a great place to snap pics of one another, catch a sunset, and appreciate the city, it’s also a great opportunity to flex your knowledge about Filipino explorer Jose Rizal, which I expect you to brush up on before this leg.

Try on Fits at Break Away Vintage on Pike

In the big 2026, we are saving money on clothes by shopping secondhand. No better place in Seattle to take in-store fit pics than at Break Away Vintage Market in Capitol Hill (formerly Late Night Vintage Market).

This spot, IMHO, is holding down the neighborhood, run by a group of fellas who in kind remind me that Seattle still has flavor. It’s laid out similar to the Winchester Mystery House, with hallways and stairs that lead you to unexpected places. Pick through racks and find items your date would find amusing, plus trying on the wildest things for a mini fashion show is never a miss.

Small Bites at Tamari Bar

By now it’s time for a proper meal. In this area—right down the street from Break Away—you have to go to Tamari Bar.

This spot feels casual by design, but the necessity of reservations signals the quality of the meal you’re about to enjoy. I also highly rate their inventiveness, and I’m sure your date will, too. Throw a dart at the menu and you will be thrilled, but don’t miss the famous “206 curry” in any iteration, the mazemen with Parmigiano Reggiano, or the bara-chirashi bowl.

Sip Highballs at Shibuya HiFi

To cap off this date, I suggest one of the coolest places in the city. Shibuya HiFi in Ballard is a vinyl bar and lounge inspired by Tokyo’s legendary jazz kissa (listening cafes). You initially enter through the “Living Room”—a swank, intimate space covered floor-to-ceiling with cedar planks and cozy furniture. Enjoy a highball at the bar, or perhaps a Pink Rabbits (made with Japanese Haku vodka and lychee).

When you’re reset, head back to the reservations-only HiFi Room, which feels like the living room of the world’s biggest audiophile. You’ll have to remove your shoes and leave your drink behind before entering and settling into the plush sofas or vintage Benaroya Hall seats.

Get enveloped in the album (that you’ll listen to start to finish), and if you get carried away by the ambience and realization that life doesn’t get better than this, my suggestion is to look over at your date, smile, and just let it happen. ■

THE LAST WORD

The Live and Let Dry at Lady Jaye

An Herbaceous Mocktail Made from Caffeinated Leaves, Iris Roots, and Almonds

BY MEG VAN HUYGEN

ART BY JAYA NICELY

Although I didn’t observe Dry January myself, I absolutely respect the game, just as I understand that the liver wants what it wants (and doesn’t what it doesn’t). I’m also always nosy about what drinks my friends order, even if they’re teetotal. So at West Seattle’s Lady Jaye last month, when my NA pal was raving about their tasty mango shrub, I did something I normally wouldn’t. I took a peek at the mocktails. Er, fauxtails. Foxtails. Whatever we’re calling them now.

One drink had three things I love and one I’d never even heard of. The Live and Let Dry consists of Three Spirit Livener, Lyre’s Amaretti, lime, ginger, and Casamara Club Alta. I’m an old friend and lover of the Casamara pantheon, so that was enough by itself to make the sale, frankly. But what in the fuck is Three Spirit Livener? Plus ginger AND amaretti? “If you want, I can add gin to it,” bartender Nick consoled me as he put the drink together. “It’s really good both ways.” Tempting, but I had him hold off. Let’s taste it in its purest form first.

that grows along the Calabrian coast—as well as allspice berries, mandarin, lemon, clove, anise, juniper, and orris root, which is the root of the Dalmatian iris. Warm spice, sharp citrus. It’s like piney Christmas lemonade.

Then there’s a drop of virgin amaretto from UK-based Lyre’s, which styles their booze-free version as “amaretti,” after the cookie. It’s peachy-vanilla, toasty and nutty, kind of marzipan-tastical. Lyre’s is less sweet than the boozy stuff, too (and it’s lovely over ice cream, by the way).

If you don’t know the Casamara Club line of botanical sodas, they’re all very leafy and horticultural-flavored, like drinking trees. These alcohol-free takes on

Warm spice, sharp citrus—it’s like piney Christmas lemonade.

amari-based cocktails come in six different flaves, and while there’s one that tastes exactly like the smell of the hand soap in my mom’s bathroom, the Alta soda is fuckin’ elite. Inspired by the Negroni cocktail, it’s made of chinotto—a bitter orange

Finally, the dark horse: the Livener by Three Spirit. Its base is the dried leaves of the ilex guayusa , a caffeinated tree that grows in the Amazon rainforest; a strong guayusa tea is served at South American convivencias (social gatherings) as a pickme-up. To this, Three Spirit adds watermelon, pomegranate, and schisandra berries, which are distantly related to star anise. This elixir also packs some heat, from both ginger and cayenne, and astringent tartness from hibiscus extract. They add extra caffeine to it, too, and a little punch of apple cider vinegar. It’s super complex and bright and reminds me a little bit of those fruit teas from boba shops, but with chili and extra herbs, and without the big sugary slap in the face.

Lady Jaye owner Sara Rosales says she was eager to work with this stuff specifically for its mood-enhancing ingredients. “In theory,” she says, “this cocktail actually makes you feel revived!” Damn, it’s like the opposite of a cocktail—in more ways than one.

The effect is at once delicious and fascinating. In the end, I drank up the whole glass before I remembered to ask Nick to add gin, then came back later to try the ginned-up version. Both ways are fabulous, of course. I’ll try it with bourbon next time. ■

SPOTLIT IN SEATTLE

Purple Lemonade Collective

This Local Performance Troupe Radiates Joy and Ass-Shaking Confidence

BY NICO SWENSON

The world is full of lemons, but thank god there’s Purple Lemonade. This performance collective has taken over the city with their charisma, cross-genre dance, and scantily clad performances. As they strut the stage, you might see elements of hip-hop, reggaeton, flavors of camp—a whole glorious blend of street, club, and contemporary movement that refuses to be boxed into a singular style. From nightlife venues to theater spaces, their acts fill any venue with an ass-shaking confidence that radiates their mission of promoting playful self-expression.

The troupe was cofounded by Ronnie Gatsby and Kristen Puckhaber in 2016. The name pays homage to two of Gatsby’s big artistic influences: Prince and Beyoncé. “Lemonade,” a nod to Beyoncé’s 2016 album, “was Beyoncé taking a shitty experience and making something great,” says Gatsby. “The thing people used to ridicule me for, being flamboyant, is what has made me a place in the world. I turned that shit into lemonade.”

The collective has taken many forms in the past 10 years, but has always centered around a tight-knit, collaborative friendship. “What we value the most is being able to create cool shit together,” says Gatsby. “We love each other. We get to do what we love with friends.” That core value has stayed true as Gatsby passed the role of artistic director to Carlos Vidal.

Vidal joined Purple Lemonade two years ago. “It changed my life,” says Vidal. One of the things he found empowering was the expansive inclusion of styles. “As a performer, you can do whatever you want to do, just be you and show people how talented you are.” That mindset is why the group has expanded into other areas

of entertainment, including drag shows, burlesque, and performing at major venues like the Seattle Art Museum, Seattle Rep, and Pacific Northwest Ballet. Last summer, they performed at halftime with the cast of Tush for Seattle Reign’s Pride Match at Lumen Field. As regulars in local drag shows, they frequently work with local icons like Betty Wetter. “Collaborating with Purple Lemonade is a dream,” says Wetter. “They’ve created an environment full of love and support, so everyone shines when it’s showtime.”

When asked what people can expect to see, Vidal says “ass out.” The collective’s

“They’ve created an environment full of love and support.”

magnetism sends audiences into a frenzy. For Vidal, the inspiration it ignites in others is a highlight of the work. “Whether that’s a feeling of ‘I’m going to be braver, I can be more expressive, I’m going to show more ass.’ You can make people feel confident, that’s the best part.”

The group creates in a very joint-effort way, with both the founders still part of the family and process. That connective energy will help them tackle a full and exciting year ahead. J’Adore at the Triple Door in February, Live Nude Mammals at Queer/Bar in March, and Hotel Gatsby at Intiman Theater in April are among upcoming events. “We want to be queer everywhere,” says Vidal. “With everything happening right now, we want to bring joy to people and have fun.” ■

OLIVIA GREEN

The name pays homage to two of the greatest to ever do it: Prince and Beyoncé.

säje

FEB 26–MARCH 1

The jazz-vocal quartet säje (rhymes with “beige”), took home two Grammys between 2023 and 2025. They consist of Sara Gazarek, Seattle native and graduate of Roosevelt High’s mighty jazz program; Amanda Taylor, also of our fair city; Johnaye Kendrick, a San Diego native who moved north to teach at Cornish College of the Arts; and Erin Bentlage, who came out from Vermont to teach in Los Angeles. They blend jazz, soul, blues, pop, folk, and Gazarek’s ever-evolving experimental edge, into an elaborate mix emphasizing complex chords and braided vocal parts. They solve problems neatly, too—stuck without a recording studio during the pandemic, they rented an Airbnb and dragged their own gear into it. That’s how they clocked their first Grammy. Excelsior! (Jazz Alley, 7:30 and 9:30 pm, all ages) ANDREW HAMLIN

MUSIC

Jade: That’s Showbiz

Baby! Tour

FEB 6

I constantly annoy everyone I know by bragging that I was three years early to knowing about Chappell Roan, so I need you to believe me when I say that former Little Mix singer Jade Thirlwall is going to be a main pop girlie within the next couple of years. She’s already big in the UK and steadily gaining popularity stateside. No one else out there is doing it like her—I mean, who drops a fully art-directed visual album for their solo debut?? There are no skips, either. You can hear touches of all the great pop divas, like Gaga, Madonna, Kylie Minogue, and Diana Ross. The opener, “Angel of My Dreams,” about Jade’s ambivalent relationship to fame, is dreamy, celestial pop goodness reminiscent of “Lucky” by Britney Spears. I also love the track “Before You Break My Heart,” which samples a recording of Jade singing the Supremes’ “Stop! In the Name of Love” as a little girl, and which she says is written from the POV of her “younger self, begging me not to forget her and how far we’ve come.” (Paramount Theatre, 8 pm, all ages) JULIANNE BELL

Robyn Hitchcock

FEB 6

There is only one musician alive who could write a song titled “Tropical Flesh Mandala,” and that magus is 72-year-old Englishman in Nashville Robyn Hitchcock. A veteran psychedelic-rock court jester whom you should take very seriously, he continues to rock unorthodoxly and spin surrealistic yarns of deep mirth and poignancy at an age when most of his peers have declined creatively or dropped out of the game. Had the man with the lightbulb head only released those Soft Boys records—especially 1980’s jangly, neo-retro-psych classic Underwater Moonlight—he’d still be a hall-of-famer. But, of course, Hitchcock’s also built a prolific solo career studded with idiosyncratic gems that extrapolate on the brain-tickling elements of sonic soul mates Syd Barrett and John Lennon. Recent albums such as the earworm-intensive Shufflemania! and the acoustic-guitar-heavy, instrumental Life After Infinity prove that Robyn’s noggin’s still teeming with great, weird ideas. You never quite know which gaggle of tunes you’ll get at a Hitch gig, but you’re always guaranteed transport to more fascinating headspaces—particularly if he dips into 1981’s Black Snake Diamond Röle (hint, hint). (Neptune Theatre, 8 pm, all ages) DAVE SEGAL

Blood Cultures

FEB 11

They’re an anonymous, experimental indie-pop band who rock out on chillwave in hoods. What more do you need? I’m all about bands wearing disguises, and with the Residents out of commission for the moment (sigh), a quartet that tinks and reverbs and chirps along to videos of themselves (or somebody in hoods) lifting weights, shooting guns, making a mess with Chinese takeout, and turning themselves into scarecrows, just might fill dat gap. That was the gist of their video for the “Set It on Fire” single from their 2021 album LUNO, at least. What they’ll do in concert, I have no idea whatsoever, but it’s got to be conceptual. (Neumos, 7 pm, 21+) ANDREW HAMLIN

GZA

FEB 11

The fact that “Does GZA have a degree in physics?” pops up as the top GZA-related query on Google is a fitting testament to the scientific rhymes of the Wu-Tang cofounder and eldest statesman. Though he has appeared as a guest lecturer at Harvard and several other lauded institutions of learning (mostly about the field of life rather than the official study

of physics), GZA—aka the Genius—keeps his most heralded published material on wax. His current tour is in celebration of the 30th anniversary of the release of his classic RZA-produced sophomore album, Liquid Swords. The album is an important document in the Wu catalog as it captured the essential Wu formula in amber—RZA’s developing cinematic, hardknocking East Coast beats, heavy kung-fu samples, stacked guest verses from bandmates—while the group was in the process of taking over the rap world. Seeing a legendary artist perform a classic album, especially with a live band, is always a great opportunity to shout your favorite lines with a bunch

of rowdy fans, and who knows, maybe he’ll give us a taste of his long-awaited Dark Matter project. (Nectar Lounge, 8 pm, 21+) TODD HAMM

Ghostface Killah

FEB 15

Four days after his brother in Wu, GZA, touches the stage at Nectar, Ghostface Killah—he of many names and statement furs—plays the Crocodile. The silver-tongued storyteller is perhaps the greatest yarn-spinner in rap history; his extensive catalog stretches, of course, back to the Staten Island genesis

Cécile McLorin Salvant

FEB 12–13 & 15

Cécile McLorin Salvant has the most exciting voice in contemporary jazz. It’s not just her pitch-perfect voice, which reaches the heights of Edith Piaf, Ella Fitzgerald, Eartha Kitt, and Kate Bush, but the inventiveness with which she flexes her vocals. On her most recent album, Oh Snap, the threetime Grammy Award winner and MacArthur Fellow croons through a dozen short, intimate original songs (plus an a cappella cover of the Commodores’ “Brick House”) that she never intended to see the light of day. Setting out on a personal creative quest to place spontaneity and joy at the heart of her writing process, Salvant tinkered with home recording programs to craft personal songs inspired by the music that soundtracked her childhood in 1990s Miami, from grunge and pop boy bands to classical and folk music. The result of the album is a delightfully chaotic audio journal that will please traditional jazz fans as well as genre rulebreakers like Erykah Badu and Solange. (Jazz Alley, 7:30 pm, all ages) AUDREY VANN

of Wu-Tang Clan, and with very few breaks, extends to this past summer’s Supreme Clientele 2, which arrived complete with the typically preposterous skits, dicey slang, and tall tales of street corner business ethics you’d expect. It does pay to mention that not all Ghost’s exploits have aged well, and recent reports of homophobia and paternal negligence in relation to his queer son, who happens to be the rapper/singer Infinite Coles, show that he may have carried some of the uglier side of ’90s rap with him into the current day. Here’s hoping he makes an effort to clear things up by showtime. (Crocodile, 7 pm, 21+) TODD HAMM

Julianna Barwick & Mary Lattimore with Tiny Vipers

FEB 17

After touring together for several years, ambient musician/vocalist Julianna Barwick and experimental harpist Mary Lattimore developed a “musical telepathy” that became the basis for their newly released collaborative album, Tragic Magic. The result sounds like what would have been if there were synthesizers in the 18th century, thanks in part to their access to the Philharmonie de Paris’ Musée de la Musique’s instrument collection while recording the album. The duo miraculously recorded the album over just nine days, shortly after the 2025 LA wildfires, and poured their emotions from the tragedy into this meditation on the healing power of improvisation and shared experiences. They will support the album alongside Seattle-based experimental folk musician Tiny Vipers. (Crocodile, 8 pm, 21+) AUDREY VANN

Bitchin Bajas, Geologist

FEB 22

Don’t be deceived by Chicago trio Bitchin Bajas’ goofy name: They’re one of the world’s headiest groups. Evolving out of neo-krautrockers Cave, BB synthesists Cooper Crain and Dan Quinlivan and saxophonist Rob Frye have been enhancing their melodic chops, creating majestic tracks that would sound righteous filling Europe’s most ornate cathedrals. This past October at Neptune Theatre, they outshone their much more celebrated headliners Stereolab in a set that made me feel as if I were on five hits of Owsley. Animal Collective member Geologist (aka Brian Weitz) just released Can I Get a Pack of Camel Lights?, the follow-up to last year’s arcane, abstracted Americana LP, A Shaw Deal, with Sleepy Doug Shaw. The new hurdy-gurdy-powered album’s a mystical avant-rock trip that I dig more than anything his parent group have done. (Sunset Tavern, 8 pm, 21+) DAVE SEGAL

Patty Griffin, Rickie Lee Jones

FEB 26

Patty Griffin is one of the of the most consistently underrated American singer/songwriters in recent decades, boasting shotgun pipes and writing chops that have led Emmylou Harris, Ellis Paul, Kelly Clarkson, Rory Block, Dave Hause, Sugarland, Bette Midler and the Chicks, to cover her. And if you don’t believe them, take the word of Robert Plant, who installed her in his Band of Joy and still comes around to sing backups, notably on her latest album Crown of Roses, a tribute to her late mother. Rickie Lee Jones has a new live album out, Way Up High (Live Boston ’89); she’s looking to consolidate her longer-running

position in the firmament. Not that it needs much consolidation—she had a hit on the singles chart with “Chuck E.’s in Love” back in 1979, and in 2012 she sang “Sympathy for the Devil” in the matter-of-fact scratchy diction of Mr. Scratch himself. Not even Jagger managed that. (Moore Theatre, 7:30 pm) ANDREW HAMLIN

Jackie O Motherfucker, Abronia, Von Wildenhaus

FEB 27

Way back in the ’00s, Pacific Northwest psychonauts Jackie O Motherfucker were standard-bearers for what venerable British mag The Wire termed “New Weird America”—a hazy axis of US musicians who infused folk and rock with a lysergic looseness and who mutated songforms into third-eye-punching jams. At their best, JOMF boast the opiated tunefulness of Relatively Clean Rivers and the organic, free-range rock sprawl of Amon Düül I. Leader and sole constant Tom Greenwood keeps changing the design of JOMF’s freak flag (as well as personnel), but the colors always astound. Portland’s Abronia have been steadily rising in the underground with five albums of peyote-spiked, Popol Vuh-like soundtrack grandeur, including the new Shapes Unravel (out 2/20 on Cardinal Fuzz/Feeding Tube). Listen to songs such as “Cauldron’s Gold,” “Smoke Fingers,” and “Walker’s Dead Birds,” and feel mountain-sized. Tacoma’s Von Wildenhaus are unpredictable eclecticists whose songs range from chamber-jazz torch songs sung by the alluring vocalist Billie Bloom to anthemic, Grandaddy-esque indie rock to Middle Eastern–inflected electronic pop to the most gorgeous song ever about ketamine. (Add-a-Ball, 8 pm, 21+) DAVE SEGAL

cupcakKe

FEB 27

Get your loved one what they really want this Valentine’s Day: tickets to see cupcakKe. I was introduced to the Chicago rapper in 2018 when she released Ephorize, and was immediately obsessed with the icy percussion that is just as frosty as her blue metallic lipstick on the cover. It belongs in the holy trinity of winter albums alongside Björk’s Vespertine and Whitney Houston’s My Love Is Your Love. On her newest album, The BakKery, cupcakKe serves up a fresh batch of witty, pearl-clutching poetry with memorable tracks like “One of My Bedbugs Ate My Pussy” and the very romantic “Fist Me.” As always, cupcakKe’s magic lies in her ability to pair the most random topics and references with unexpected production styles, such as the silky-smooth “Akeelah,” a city-pop-inspired breakup song with references to the 2006 film Akeelah and the Bee. (Showbox, 8:30 pm, all ages) AUDREY VANN

Esther Rose

MAR 3

I discovered Esther Rose in 2017 when she released her debut, This Time Last Night, an intimate country/ folk album that feels like she’s playing for you around a campfire. Now on her fifth studio album, Want, the New Orleans native defies the expectations of what an Esther Rose album can be with bold indie rock arrangements and fuzzed-out guitars. As it’s depicted on the album’s cover, with Rose in a gauzy white cotton dress beside a Rose in a black pleather catsuit,

clipping.

FEB 25

clipping. have let it be known that they spend a lot of time thinking about what space sounds like, but it’s their creative process that may capture the idea best: Aside from a few notable exceptions, they use no samples, no presets—they make every sound from scratch. In short, they create in a vacuum. Space also permeates their lyrics and concepts. Octavia Butler and Samuel R. Delany pop up in verses; they have entire albums billed as Afrofuturist space operas. But it’s important to remember the three humanoids amidst the sci-fi poetry: vocalist Daveed Diggs (whom you may remember as ol’ Tommie Jefferson in the original cast of Hamilton), and producers William Hutson and Jonathan Snipes. Hutson and Snipes graft jagged power electronics to the cyberpunk quilt, bold and discordant by design, while Diggs pens horrorcore anthems that he unleashes breathlessly. The result is like a cleaner, more theatrical Death Grips—both of which are equally beautiful and terrifying. Tonight’s show opener, Open Mike Eagle, is also not to be missed. (Showbox, 8 pm, all ages) TODD HAMM

the album balances hard and soft, juxtaposing songs like the Liz Phair–esque track “Ketamine” with the stripped-down piano ballad “Color Wheel.” The album also includes “Scars,” a duet with Seattle-based troubadour Dean Johnson—we love to see it! For this local date, Rose will be joined by fellow New Orleans singer-songwriter Thomas Dollbaum. (Sunset Tavern, 8 pm, 21+) AUDREY VANN

More

The Wayne Horvitz Ensemble Feb 2, 9, 16, 23 and March 2 & 9, Royal Room, 7:30 and 8:30 pm, all ages until 10 pm

The Stylistics Feb 5–8, Jazz Alley, times vary, all ages

Purelink, 'no hup,' Hünter Feb 10, Substation, 7 pm, 21+ (see pg. 31)

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah Feb 11, Woodlawn Hall, 7:30 pm, all ages

Iris Unveiled Feb 12–15, Benaroya Hall, times vary, all ages (see pg. 28)

Biblioteka, TeZATalks, Acapulco Lips Feb 12, Neumos, 7 pm, 21+

Sudan Archives Feb 14, Neptune Theatre, 8 pm, all ages

Christopher Owens Feb 17, Tractor Tavern, 8 pm, 21+

The Pains of Being Pure at Heart, Living Hour Feb 16, Vera Project, 7 pm, all ages

Cat Power Feb 20, Paramount Theatre, 8 pm, all ages

Lola Kirke Feb 21, Fremont Abbey, 8 pm, all ages

SRJO Presents: The Music of Jimmy Smith and Oliver Nelson Feb 21–22, Benaroya Hall, times vary, all ages

Cardi B: Little Miss Drama Tour Feb 22, Climate Pledge Arena, 7:30 pm, all ages

Joan Shelley Feb 22, Ballard Homestead, 7:30 pm, all ages

Suzanne Vega Feb 22, Neptune Theatre, 7:30 pm, all ages

Neko Case Feb 27, Edmonds Center for the Arts, 7:30 pm, all ages

Early Warnings

St. Vincent Mar 5, Town Hall Seattle, 8 pm, all ages Toody Cole, Semisoft Mar 6, Tractor Tavern, 8:30 pm, 21+

Blackwater Holylight, Som, Muñeca Mar 10, Neumos, 7 pm, 21+

DANIEL TOPETE

LORNE THOMSON/REDFERNS/GETTY IMAGES

Esther Rose Mar 3, Sunset Tavern

Indigo De Souza Mar 10, Showbox, 8 pm, all ages

Mt Fog, iroiro, DJ Martin Douglas Mar 12, Tractor Tavern, 8 pm, 21+

Peaches Mar 14, Showbox, 8:30 pm, 21+

Aimee Mann: 22 ½ Lost in Space Anniversary Mar 15, Neptune Theatre, 8 pm, all ages

Conan Gray Mar 16, Climate Pledge Arena, 8 pm

Dirty Three Mar 21, Neumos, 7 pm, 21+

Marissa Nadler Mar 26, Tractor Tavern, 8 pm, 21+

Skullcrusher Mar 30, Barboza, 7 pm, 21+

Eliza McLamb Mar 31, Neumos, 7 pm, all ages

Raye: This Tour May Contain New Music Apr 3, WAMU Theater, 8 pm, all ages

Cass McCombs, Hand Habits Apr 4, Tractor Tavern, 8:30 pm, 21+

Waxahatchee, MJ Lenderman May 3, Paramount Theatre, 7:30 pm, all ages

Florence + the Machine May 12, Climate Pledge Arena, 7:30 pm, all ages

The Last Dinner Party May 22–23, Showbox SoDo, 8 pm, all ages

VISUAL ART

Scent Lending Library

THROUGH MARCH

What does God’s sweat smell like? Or the anoxic cold of Eau De Space? Smell for yourself out at the Scent Lending Library, an olfactory exhibition that arrived at Fogue after its five-month run at Olfactory Art Keller in New York. While determining the base note of divine perspiration may involve a smidge of poetic license, NASA did actually work with chemists in 2008 to recreate the smell of the

void (as relayed by space-walking astronauts), and Australian-born documentary filmmaker turned olfactory artist Donna Lipowitz has bottled these distillations for your sniffing pleasure. There are over 100 scents to explore (70 of which are available to check out for two weeks at a time), including delightful nose poems like Old Luggage, Bermuda Triangle, and American Psycho, as well as more classic fare, including the oldest continuously produced perfume, Guerlain’s 1889 Jicky. The sensory excursion to the world right under our nose is the perfect antidote to algorithm purgatory. (Fogue Studios & Gallery ) AMANDA MANITACH

Samantha Yun Wall: What We Leave Behind

FEB 5–OCT 4

Overlapping figures of female bodies emerge and dissolve in Samantha Yun Wall’s velvet monochrome worlds. The Portland-based artist (and winner of the 2024 Betty Bowen Award) is a master of rendering images in ink and conté, where layers of shadow intertwine with stark black silhouettes. Wall’s imagery reflects the artist’s multi-ethnic background, blending Korean folk stories with elements from Eurocentric mythology to create scenes that seem plucked from an untold fairy tale. Her solo at Seattle Art Museum features new works haunted by the iconography of the pasqueflower, a motif throughout Korean lore, which Wall has entwined with the memory of a lost grandmother. While there, pause for Song Cycle, a newly installed kinetic sculpture by Chris Kallmyer, which uses vintage train-station signage to generate ever-revolving cascades of poetic fragments—words clacking and flipping through a mechanical stream of consciousness. (Seattle Art Museum) AMANDA MANITACH

Timothy Siciliano: The Lunch Before the Détente

THROUGH FEB 28

It’s kinky, it’s neon, it’s fascism. Timothy Siciliano spent the past three years creating a suite of paintings that hold a mirror to our times—a campy hot take on corruption and carnival rendered in luscious hypercolor. His war generals and dominatrix figures populate a sadomasochistic fever dream with echoes of The Night Porter, while other moments harken to Weimer-era artists like Otto Dix, who painted the grotesqueries of their zeitgeist with unflinching color and a dash of gallows humor. You’ll want to linger with cacophonic compositions dripping bullet shells and blossoms, gender-ambiguous bulges, leather, chains, and ruby pearls of blood. But don’t fret: He doesn’t gild the fascist lily with all sugar and sex. There are plenty of flies swirling around literal shit. Siciliano proves that in trying times, clowning the bad guys can be a pleasure. (studio e) AMANDA MANITACH

ONCE REMOVED 01:

Art in Vacant Spaces

FEB 21

It’s the first installment of what is whispered to be a recurring event (yes, please) granting artists free rein in a transitional site slated for demolition—in this case, a house in Greenwood. The project was conceived by Sammy Skidmore and Zoë Hensley, two gallerists with day jobs at commercial galleries wanting to expand into unconventional spaces while showcasing work too large, too experimental, or too existential for the white cube. Artists for the inaugural edition (probing themes of sex, power, and the poetics of space) include Nadia Ahmed, Rachael Comer, Jenikka Cruz, Gaeun Kim, and Ali Meyer. The free, all-ages party starts at 6 p.m. and goes late, with music by DJ spicy-

cherrypop and Friends of the Road Ensemble. (DM @ once__removed for address) AMANDA MANITACH

More

Excellence in Fibers X Through Feb 14, Schack Art Center, free Welldweller: New Works by KEMC Through Feb 14, Specialist Gallery, free Dan Webb: Yespalier Through Feb 21, Greg Kucera Gallery, free

Aisha Harrison: Porous Body Through Feb 22, Bainbridge Island Museum of Art, free Black History Month Exhibition Through Feb 26, M. Rosetta Hunter Art Gallery, free Austin Lewis Through Feb 28, James Harris Gallery, free

Samantha Yun Wall Feb 5–Oct 4, Seattle Art Museum

MARIO GALLUCCI

COURTESY OF STUDIO E

Crystalline Lens - Curated by Allyce Wood Through Feb 28, SOIL, free

Group Show: Landscapes Through Feb 28, Winston Wächter, free

Kandis Susol Through Feb 28, Winston Wächter, free New Nordic: Cuisine, Aesthetics, and Place Through Mar 8, National Nordic Museum

Susan Meiselas: Crossings Through Mar 22, Photographic Center Northwest, free

The One-Two Punch: 100 Years of Robert Colescott Through Mar 29, Tacoma Art Museum

Boren Banner Series: Camille Trautman Through Apr 12, Frye Art Museum, free

Priscilla Dobler Dzul: Water Carries the Stories of Our Stars Through Apr 19, Frye Art Museum, free Jonathan Lasker: Drawings and Studies Through Sept 27, Frye Art Museum, free

A Room for Animal Intelligence Through Nov 1, Seattle Art Museum

Ten Thousand Things Through Spring 2027, Wing Luke Museum

Ash-Glazed Ceramics from Korea and Japan Through July 12, 2027, Seattle Art Museum

Ai Weiwei: Circle of Animals/Zodiac Heads (Bronze) Through Oct 2027, Olympic Sculpture Park, free Chris Kallmyer: Song Cycle Ongoing, Seattle Art Museum

Gossip: Between Us Ongoing, Tacoma Art Museum

Haunted Ongoing, Tacoma Art Museum

Qiu Zhijie: Map of the History of Science and Technology Ongoing, Olympic Sculpture Park, free Indira Allegra: The Book of Zero Opens Feb 4, Jacob Lawrence Gallery, free

Susan Bennerstrom: The Light Is Never the Same Twice Opens Feb 5, Patricia Rovzar Gallery, free Worlds Seen and Unseen: Paintings by Gary Faigin Opens Feb 5, Harris Harvey Gallery, free Wallflowers Opens Feb 7, Frye Art Museum, free Legacy: Highlights from the Permanent Collection Opens Feb 14, Tacoma Art Museum

Project NW: Ralph Pugay Opens Feb 14, Tacoma Art Museum

Early Warnings

Beyond Mysticism: The Modern Northwest Opens Mar 5, Seattle Art Museum

Actualize AiR and SOIL Collaboration: Imprints and Echoes - Curated by Julia Anderson Opens Mar 5, SOIL, free

Aimee Lee: Tethered Opens Mar 6, Bainbridge Island Museum of Art

Crafting Futures: Emerging Artists Invitational Opens Mar 6, Bainbridge Island Museum of Art

George & David Lewis: Deeply Rooted Opens Mar 6, Bainbridge Island Museum of Art

Interwoven Narratives Opens Mar 9, M. Rosetta

Hunter Art Gallery, free

Water Ways: Healing the Circle of Water and Life Opens Mar 26, Schack Art Center, free Boren Banner Series: Chloe King Opens Apr 15, Frye Art Museum, free Monochrome: Calder and Tara Donovan Opens May 13, Seattle Art Museum

Tom Lloyd Opens May 16, Frye Art Museum, free

LITERATURE

Mark Z. Danielewski

FEB 4

Mark Z. Danielewski is most well known for his debut novel and postmodern horror cult classic House of Leaves, which famously requires active participation (including turning the book upside down at times) from the reader to decipher its multiple nonlinear narratives, cryptic text, and copious footnotes. Reading it feels like a descent into madness and will have you glancing around to make sure no one (or nothing) else is in the room with you. He’s now embarking on a tour to promote his longest novel to date, Tom’s Crossing, which came out last October and clocks in at 1,200 pages. It’s a dark, epic Western/ horror hybrid that required 10 drafts and which Danielewski has said he considers the “pinnacle” of his work. Here’s a chance to catch a living horror legend in the flesh. (Elliott Bay Book Company, 7 pm, all ages, free) JULIANNE BELL

‘Document’ by Amelia Rosselli with Translator Deborah Woodard with Rachel Karyo

FEB 4

A newly translated collection of 1970s anti-fascist poetry by a female poet? I’m listening! Italian poet Amelia Rosselli’s last collection to be translated into English, Document, explores how poetry can document our contemporary experiences through the lens of classical models. Rosselli was long obsessed with classical sonnets, particularly Petrarchan sonnets, in which meaning is conveyed through sequence and structure. Through the collection of 175 poems, Rosselli speaks to her experiences in postwar Italy, meditating on violence, class struggle, religion, consumerism, and capitalism, all topics that unfortunately still resonate 50 years after they were written. For this Q&A and book signing, Document translator Deborah Woodard will be joined by poet Rachel Karyo. (Third Place Books Ravenna, 7 pm, all ages, free) AUDREY VANN

Nicola Griffith

FEB 17

Seattle-based author and self-described “queer cripple with a PhD” Nicola Griffith has received countless honors, including two Washington State Book Awards and six Lambda Literary Awards, and was inducted into MOPOP’s Science Fiction and Fantasy Hall of Fame in 2024. Her novels Hild Spear, and Menewood explore the medieval era through a queer perspective, and she also cofounded the #CripLit movement with the late activist Alice Wong. Her latest work, She Is Here, is a new installment in PM Press’s Outspoken Authors series, in which “today’s edgiest

Chuck Klosterman

FEB 4

Chuck Klosterman bucked himself up from tiny-town obscurity all the way to toast of Manhattan and staff position at the Gray Lady itself (though he’s since moved to Portland). Music scribing put him on top, but he’s branched out into broader cultural criticism, plus the occasional novel; now he’s tackling “America’s game” in time for Super Bowl weekend. His new book, Football , approaches the mighty gridiron as a “hyperobject” so massive in time/space that its true contours can’t be mapped. As an honest effort, though, he essays the six-man variant (silly me, I only knew about eight-man), the myth of the Great Man Theory (or at least Great Jock Theory), the sport’s seamless melding with television, and the morality of potentially crippling violence as public spectacle. No word on whether he’ll tackle arena football (Washington Wolfpack and Seattle Sabercats represent!), women’s football (we’ve got the Majestics, the Spartans, and the Thunder), fantasy football (I vote ecchh), and/or video games (scratch Madden, I’m sticking with Atari). Want to know more? Ask the answer man himself. ( Town Hall, 7:30 pm, all ages ) ANDREW HAMLIN

fiction writers showcase their most provocative and politically challenging stories.” Griffith’s contribution combines fiction, nonfiction, poetry, and artwork to discuss topics ranging from disability justice to the distinction between love and ownership. (Third Place Books Ravenna, 7 pm, all ages, free) JULIANNE BELL

More

Aja Monet Feb 5, Town Hall Seattle, 7:30 pm

Emily Nemens Feb 11, Elliott Bay Book Company, 7 pm

Roddy Bottum Feb 13, Elliott Bay Book Company, 7 pm

Nick Offerman Feb 15, Moore Theatre, 7 pm, all ages

Cristina Rivera Garza & Javier Zamora Feb 24, Town Hall Seattle, 7:30 pm

Early Warnings

James McBride March 3, Town Hall Seattle, 7:30 pm

Stephen Graham Jones March 30, Town Hall Seattle, 7:30 pm

George Saunders: Vigil: A Novel Apr 7, Town Hall Seattle, 7:30 pm

Patrick Radden Keefe April 22, Town Hall Seattle, 7:30 pm

Marlon James May 6, Town Hall Seattle, 7:30 pm

Emily Wilson May 12, Town Hall Seattle, 7:30 pm

Tommy Orange May 21, Town Hall Seattle, 7:30 pm

STEPHEN LOVEKIN/GETTY IMAGES

Susan Bennerstrom Opens Feb 5, Patricia Rovzar Gallery

COURTESY OF PATRICIA ROVZAR GALLERY

PERFORMANCE

Next Exit

FEB 6–21

Meet j. chavez, a Seattle theatre maven who won the KCACTF (Kennedy Center American College Theater Festival)’s National Undergraduate Playwriting Award (whew), for their opus how to clean your room (and remember all your trauma). Their new play Next Exit deals passionately, yet sympathetically, with a man named Miguel trapped on a highway (sans car, I think), who is communing with and deriving philosophical companionship from a dead possum called Orlando. Some deer come out, and a Lady In Yellow, and a sinister force that threatens to eat up anyone and anything lingering too long by the sizzling side of I-5. I’m not clear on how this all flows together. But you should indubitably find out. (Annex Theatre, times vary, all ages) ANDREW HAMLIN

Young Dragon: A Bruce Lee Story

FEB 19–MAR 15

Keiko Green is a playwright, screenwriter, and performer who splits her time between Seattle and LA, and has written for TV shows like Hulu’s Interior Chinatown and the upcoming Apple TV series

Margo’s Got Money Troubles. Last fall, Seattle hosted productions of two of her plays: Exotic Deadly: Or the MSG Play, a wacky time-traveling comedy set in 1999, and Hells Canyon, a chilling horror thriller. Now, there’s another opportunity to glimpse even more of Green’s impressive range with the Seattle Children’s Theatre premiere of her play Young Dragon which shows Bruce Lee as an ambitious young man finding his place in the world in Seattle. I’m willing to bet audience members of all ages will be moved by Bruce’s journey to becoming a “flexible, fluid, and flowing master.” Seattle Children’s Theatre recently made the difficult decision to pull a two-week April run of Young Dragon from the Kennedy Center due to the impact of the Trump administration, which makes it even more important to support local productions like this one. (Seattle Children’s Theatre, times vary)

JULIANNE BELL

Jimmy O. Yang

FEB 27 & 28

Hilarious Asian-Millennial perspectives spill forth from Jimmy O. Yang at a rapid pace in his stand-up performances. Sure, the actor and former strip-joint DJ covers some familiar ground: relationships, parentchild interactions, the importance of friendships, how different cultures talk about money, media representation of his people—and the pressure he

feels as a high-profile Asian to do his tribe proud. But the Chinese American comic also tackles some less common subjects, such as the feet etiquette of different cultures, the limited options for Halloween costumes among Asians (“I was Bruce Lee for six years.”), whether it’s okay for Asians to say the N-word when singing along to rap songs, as well as an advanced lesson on how to tell Asians apart by the sound they make when they’re disappointed. He also does the best tai chi joke I’ve ever heard. With his acting chops honed in TV comedy shows such as Silicon Valley and Space Force and the movie Crazy Rich Asians, Yang has become an efficient and super-expressive joke machine. (Paramount Theatre, 7 pm, all ages) DAVE SEGAL

More

Topdog/Underdog Feb 4–Mar 1, ArtsWest, times vary Bridge Project 2025 with DaeZhane Day, kelly langeslay, and No Girls No Masters Feb 6–8, Velocity, times vary

Bosco Presents: GRINDHAUS Feb 7, Crocodile, 10:30 pm, 21+

The Wiz Feb 10–15, Paramount Theatre, times vary, all ages

The Serpent Sisters Tour: Nymphia Wind and Plastique Tiara Feb 15, Neptune Theatre, 8 pm, all ages

Rose Jarboe’s Rose: You Are Who You Eat Feb 19–21, On the Boards, 8 pm

Fellow Travelers Feb 21–Mar 1, McCaw Hall, times vary

Early Warnings

Amy O’Neal: Again, There Is No Other (The Remix) Mar 26–28, On the Boards, 8 pm

Pacific Northwest Ballet Presents: Giselle Apr 10–19, McCaw Hall, times vary, all ages

Jonathan Van Ness Apr 24, Moore Theatre, 8 pm, all ages

Margaret Cho Apr 19, Moore Theatre, 7 pm, all ages

Seattle Opera: Carmen May 2–17, McCaw Hall, times vary

Fauxnique: How Do I Look? May 7–9, On the Boards, 8 pm

FILM

The Pacific Northwestern

TUESDAYS THROUGH FEB 24

Despite the Western genre being associated with images of cowboys in dusty deserts, there are, surprisingly, a large number of Western films set in the lush Pacific Northwest, and SIFF’s Pacific Northwestern series is bringing these gorgeous movies to the big screen. The series kicked off last month, but there is still so much great programming to come, like 1959’s The Hanging Tree, starring Gary Cooper as a doctor in a Montana gold rush town (but filmed entirely in Yakima), Kelly Reichardt’s First Cow, following a cook and a Chinese immigrant as they team up to steal milk from a prized cow in Oregon Country, and, my personal favorite, McCabe & Mrs. Miller Robert Altman’s snowbound Western starring Warren Beatty and soundtracked by Leonard Cohen. (SIFF Film Center, 6:30 pm) AUDREY VANN

The Mysterious Gaze of the Flamingo

FEB 5–8

Set in the Chilean desert in the early ‘80s, director Diego Céspedes’s feature debut follows Lidia, an 11-year-old who was abandoned as a baby and raised by a fiercely loving queer found family. Their ragtag clan is ostracized by their sleepy mining town, blamed for a mysterious plague that is believed to be trans-

HUMP! Film Fest

FEB 26–APRIL 30

Look, HUMP! is always good. You already know that this indie porn festival is nothing like the 5-minute clips you watch while bathed in the cold, blue, loveless light of your laptop. They’re creative and silly and usually feel like a friend is sharing their new, naked, art project with you. But if the trailer for this year is any indication, this year’s spring lineup isn't one to miss. It has stop-motion praying mantises, pottery, a sexy Bop It, and the Starfish Sex Beetle. One person managed to weave in sanitation workers and labor solidarity into their submission. Another clearly knows what it’s like to bomb on stage as a standup comedian, and used the power of porn to reimagine it. This festival only happens twice a year, and it’s never the same. Don’t miss this one. (Various locations) HANNAH MURPHY WINTER

mitted by a single gaze when two people fall in love. Lidia sets out to defend her loved ones and determine whether the rumor is true or not. The surreal Western explores AIDS panic, transphobia, violence, revenge, marginalization, and prejudice, mixing folktale vibes with the scrappy tenderness of Hirokazu Kore-eda’s Shoplifters. (Northwest Film Forum, times vary) JULIANNE BELL

More

Truth to Fiction: Black Is… Black Ain’t Feb 5, Northwest Film Forum, 7 pm Fools’ Paradise (lost?) Feb 6–7, SIFF Film Center, 7 pm

Resurrection Feb 6–8, Northwest Film Forum, times vary

A Void in the Cosmos and From There You Sing: Early Pasolini Feb 8–Mar 5, Beacon, times vary Friday the 13th Feb 13, Beacon, 10 pm

The Bridges of Madison County Feb 14, Beacon, 7 pm

In the Mood for Love Feb 14, Beacon, 10 pm 2026 Sakinah Film Festival Feb 14–15, Northwest Film Forum, 3 pm

Daisies (with Velocity Dance Center) Feb 18–19, Northwest Film Forum, 7:30 pm Star 80 Feb 22 & 25, Beacon, times vary

Martin Scorsese: Maestro of Cinema Wednesdays Feb 25–Apr 29, SIFF Cinema Uptown, 7:30 pm

FOOD & DRINK

Polina Chesnakova, ‘Chesnok’

FEB 5

Local author (and former Book Larder culinary director) Polina Chesnakova returns with her third and latest cookbook Chesnok: Cooking from My Corner of the Diaspora: Recipes from Eastern Europe, the Caucasus, and Central Asia, a love letter to the food of the Soviet diaspora. Chesnakova, who was born in

DANE TASHIMA

Ukraine to Russian and Armenian parents from Georgia, has painstakingly documented over 110 regional recipes ranging from Ukrainian varenyky (dumplings) to medovik (honey cake), alongside essays and stories of her childhood memories of cooking and eating. (Book Larder, 6:30 pm) JULIANNE BELL

Naoko Takei Moore, ‘Simply Donabe’

FEB 9

Meals cooked in a donabe (a traditional Japanese earthenware pot) are the original one-pot meals. Besides being energy-efficient and having even heat distribution thanks to their porous material, they’ve also given rise to “nabe o kakomu” (“surrounding the pot”), a culture of communal meals centered around the donabe. Naoko Takei Moore’s new cookbook

Simply Donabe demonstrates how you can recreate some of this comforting, nourishing magic in your own kitchen, with recipes like sour minced pork hotpot and miso-simmered ramen, plus side dishes like quick-

pickled Napa cabbage and desserts like matcha ice cream. (Book Larder, 6:30 pm) JULIANNE BELL

Nicki Sizemore, ‘Mind, Body, Spirit, Food’

FEB 9

Trained chef, professional recipe developer, and cookbook author Nicki Sizemore has nearly 20 years of experience in the food industry, but she hasn’t always had an easy relationship with food. She’s shared her journey of overcoming diet culture and health issues on her Substack newsletter and podcast Mind, Body, Spirit, FOOD and offers recipes paired with mindfulness techniques, as well as interviews with guests on their relationships with food. Her newest book, also called Mind, Body, Spirit, Food, contains 51 recipes (that just so happen to be free of gluten, due to her medical necessity) alongside mindfulness prompts that invite home cooks to slow down, invoke the five senses, and enjoy the process. (Book Larder, 6:30 pm)

JULIANNE BELL

More

Ballard Farmers Market Every Sunday, Ballard Ave, 9 am–noon, free

Capitol Hill Farmers Market Every Sunday, E Denny Way and Nagle Pl, 11 am–3 pm, free West Seattle Farmers Market Every Sunday, Alaska Junction, 10 am–2 pm, free

Fremont Sunday Market Every Sunday, Evanston Ave N and N 34th St, 10 am–4 pm, free

Strong And Dark Beer Festival Feb 7, Figurehead

Brewing Magnolia, noon–5 pm

Hops & Props Feb 21, Museum of Flight, 7–10 pm, 21+

Tacoma Beer Week Feb 27–March 8, various locations across Tacoma

Early Warnings

Taste Washington March 21–22, various locations, 21+

THIS &THAT

T t in Seattle

FEB 14–15

Gallop into the Year of the Horse with the Tế t Festival, a free, family-friendly event hosted at Seattle Center as part of the Festal World Cultural Program. Browse vendors and health-related booths with free screenings and services, check out lion dances and other performances, enter some eating competitions if you’re feeling bold, and watch a fashion show with traditional Vietnamese garments. Don’t forget to wear red and yellow or gold for good luck! (Seattle Center, 11 am–6 pm, all ages, free) JULIANNE BELL

Babylon Death Party

FEB 27

The intimate Rabbit Box Theatre will host this evening of witchcraft, led by the psychic, medium, and

ceremonial artist Mugga Rose (formerly KOOK Teflon), who recently returned to Seattle. Shamanic arts throat singer Soriah will cultivate otherworldly vibrations, followed by an occult performance by storyteller and psychic Doña Macabra. Meagan Angus, Hannah Haddix, and Gabriela of All Gates Within will impart stories and spoken word, Mugga Rose will read from her book, and Jessica Henry and CURRĄŊ will curate a market full of “unique, peculiar, one-of-akind creations” from artists. The night is also in part a tribute to the late “fire-tongued, spell-bright, never forgotten” witch Jaguar Bullet. (Rabbit Box Theatre, 7–10 pm, all ages) JULIANNE BELL

More

The Real Twin Peaks Various locations across Snoqualmie Valley, Feb 19–22

Riding Together: 135 Years of Cycling in Seattle Through Apr 26, Museum of History & Industry

Early Warnings

Isaac Mizrahi April 9, Triple Door, 7:30 pm

Depths of Wikipedia Live

FEB 12

These days, there are only a handful of accounts that keep me from deleting Instagram altogether: Flamenco diva Charo (whom regularly gives life advice with a massive glass of wine), Our Lord and Savior Britney Spears (who I honestly just need to check on once a week to make sure she’s okay), and, of course, Depths of Wikipedia. Run by journalist and comedian Annie Rauwerda, Depths of Wikipedia scours the deep, dark depths of the free online encyclopedia for the site's most obscure, magical, and bizarre entries. Some memorable examples include a moth species named Freak, a medieval tradition called Feast of the Ass, and the Japanese concept of “hatsuyume,” referring to the first dream one has in the New Year. Rauwerda is bringing her live show of comedy and research back to Seattle to answer all your burning questions, like “When was ciabatta invented?” and “Why is there anything at all?” (Neptune Theatre, 7 pm, all ages) AUDREY VANN

DYLAN JENI

CZECH

ACROSS

1. Op-___ (newspaper columns)

4. Hard work

9. Grindr and Scruff, for two

13. Vulcan mind ___

15. “Fingers crossed!”

16. Miss Scarlet’s game

17. Off-Broadway award

18. Lounges around

19. It might be pitched

20. “Come here and let’s get it on!”

23. Focal point of “I Like Big Butts” and “Bootylicious”

24. “___ Funny Feeling” (song from “Skirts Ahoy!”)

25. Identity-concealing name

27. Annual Dan Savagefounded event where amateurs get it on

33. Dom’s counterpart

36. Object of worship

37. Most populous continent

38. United ___ Emirates

40. Liven (up)

43. Areola, for one

44. Initialism for a summary before a lengthy email

45. Midday snoozes

47. Hi-___ image

48. Get it on, slangily

53. Prints of Marilyn Monroe and Campbell’s Soup Cans

55. “I beg to differ!”

59. “___ you finished?”

60. * Get it on, in a quick and anonymous way

64. “Swell!”

66. Come from behind

67. Oodles

68. International defense org. with a phonetic alphabet

69. “Set Fire to the Rain” singer

70. iPhone assistant

71. In need of lotion

72. Bare minimum

73. See 42-Down DOWN

1. Eggplant or Peach

2. Fix, as a computer program

3. Gooey stuff

4. Floral symbol of purity

5. “Moby Dick” captain

6. Classic clown name

7. ChatGPT creator

8. Put back on the market

9. Perform, like in the opening “plot” of a porn

10. Sub’s earnest request, perhaps

11. Plays on words, like in the drag names Farrah Moan and Tia Kofi

12. Hardens

14. Profundity

21. Second-largest Hawaiian island

22. Word before card or City

26. Way off in the distance

28. Physicians, for short

29. ___ one’s cherry

30. Brief tryst

31. Wavy trig function

32. Identifies in an Instagram photo

33. Pulled up a chair

34. Web address

35. Major turn-off, for many

39. “Dude! Come onnnnn!”

41. Low-___

42. With 73-Across, device to treat anaphylactic shock

46. Transmit, like a sext

49. Floor-cleaning tool

50. Involving more than one

51. Built in America

52. Coke and Pepsi

53. “If you ___ be my lover ...”

54. Neighborhoods

56. Dutch blooms

57. Gooey campfire treat

58. Choose to participate

61. Desperate request

62. “___ fair in love and war”

63. No, from Ilya Rozanov

65. Dildo, for example

♥ MR. PONCE DE LEÓN you asked me to marry you when you were sick, on your birthday, with tláloc, and i can’t imagine a life without you now te amo mi amol

♥ JORDAN & WALTER BOY To my honey Jordan and Walter boy! Happy Valentine’s Day to my favorite man-and-dog duo. More movies, games, snacks & love you always.

Year 2.

♥ SINEADO POTATO You make coming home through shuttle-intensive traffic worth it. I will forever be the greek yogurt and salsa to your baked sweet potato. Love, Will

“_ump Start” Your Sex Life BY NATE CARDIN

LISA