NEWS
SPORTS THOUGHTS God Defend New Zealand... from Netball.
TOP 5 WORST ANZ NETBALL TEAM NAMES ADELAIDE THUNDERBIRDS Thunderbirds, a show still on television in Invercargill. Provided you have phonophobia and are therefore scared of loud noises, the Thunderbirds will make you shit your pants. They’re simply the boom before the real, devastating shit happens. Your coma from watching them.
QUEENSLAND FIREBIRDS
It’s 2013 which means we’re in for another year of terrorist attacks, media sensationalism, starvation and famine, and of course, the ANZ Netball Championship. Never has there ever been a competition more piss poor pathetic for entertainment value. This week some team with a moronic name will score 30 odd points, each one as uncreative as the last. Then, fans will slap their inflatable batons together in sheer adoration for the sport which has contributed to more coma’s than
it was already ruined. But suits dragged money towards the sport while it kicked and screamed and begged for a quick and merciful death, attracting television rights that are always sealed months in advance because the figure doesn’t change. Nothing changes in Netball. If you had Netball and I had Old Kent Road I wouldn’t even fucking swap you because I can at least up the rent.
Kind of stole Adelaide’s thunder, but doused it in gasoline and lit it on fire. What’s with this obsession with flying mythical creatures. None of your players leave the ground or move rapidly.
CENTRAL PULSE A nice reminder of what you will no longer have if you get stuck in a room with them on the television.
Someone told me there is going to be an international match in Invercargill, probably the only place you can actually take a
“In saying that, I’d rather take a punch into the concrete than watch a game of Netball, which is tough when Sky Sport seems dead set on clogging their chan- NORTHERN MYSTICS The Northern Mystics need a hair follicle from nels with such mediocrity.” what Jesse Ryder’s assault-accused said was the ensuing fall from a punch into the concrete. In saying that, I’d rather take a punch into the concrete than watch a game of Netball, which is tough when Sky Sport seems dead set on clogging their channels with such mediocrity. Some say when sport became professional it was ruined, and Netball is living proof, if you ignore the fact that 6
game of Netball and get supporters filling the stadium. After all, they say the town is 30 years behind everyone else, so taste is naturally still evolving. Down there, they are yet to learn there are other ball sports which actually require skill and involve someone devoting their life to reaching the peak of physical perfection. Yahew. By C-Ball.
LBJ, because they’re last equal. Pollyjuice potions won’t work because witchcraft isn’t real, unless of course your spells were intended to cause sleep. Because damn, you’re good at that.
CHRISTCHURCH TACTIX The Tactix spelt their name wrong firstly, and then decided to play with none of such a thing. They’re last equal, they’re horrible, and hail from the town where people assault famous cricketers for no reason.