Nexus Issue 09, 2013

ISSUE 09, VOLUME 45

C-Ball Takes on Netball (again) He still really hates the team names

bLIND DATE IT WAS KIND OF A SUCCESS...........

Nexus loves the tron FROM STREET ART TO GARDEN PLACE WE ARE BIG FANS OF hAMILTON

06 MAY 2013

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contents

issue 09 / VOLUME 45 / 06 MAY / 2013

elcom sue Ni

Editorial Team Editor Alix Higby editor@nexusmag.co.nz

Deputy Editors Louise Hutt & Jess Edmonds-Saunders louise@nexusmag.co.nz jess@nexusmag.co.nz News Editor zanian steele news@nexusmag.co.nz Online Editor Alix Higby online@nexusmag.co.nz

Graphic Designer Haylie Gray design@nexusmag.co.nz

Managing Editor James Raffan james@nexusmag.co.nz

Advertising Advertising Manager Tony Arkell ads@nexusmag.co.nz

Contributors C-Ball, Kathlene Cook, Daniel Petersen, Matt Hicks, Morgahna Godwin, HP, Danyell Summers, Dr Richard Swainson, Dr Burton C Bogan, Jess Molina, Jess Tuakeu, Caitlin Ashworth, Kelsey Weld, Kylie Zinsli, Gil Denny, Amber, Nathan Sweetman, Patrick Ryan, Brook Miller, Ali Brady, Declan SpoonerKnight, Ashley Carmicheal, Kelly Brock, Christie Shaw, Lauren Barnard, Marianne Coleman and Aaron Letcher

Print Fusion Print

Nexus Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA). The views expressed in this publication are not necessarily the views of Nexus magazine, the WSU, Printers, the editor or any of our advertisers.

Ground Floor, Student Union Building Gate One, University of Waikato Knighton Road, Hamilton online nexusmag.co.nz facebook.com/nexusmagNZ @waikatostudents

News

[3] News.

[5] University news.

[6] Sports thoughts.

[7] Left vs Right.

[8] Not News.

Opinion

[10] Third Degree + Guest Rant [11] Random Profile Top 10.

[12] Lettuce to the Editor.

Entertainment and Reviews [14] Film, Gig & CafĂŠ review.

Horoscopes [15] Book, Comic & Album review.

Horoscopes [16] @Honest_Matt Meets...

Gig Guide.

[17] Eight Ball.

Cool vs Not Cool.

[18] Puzzles [19] Blind Date [24] Feature - Love the Tron [26] Feature - Fucked Up Student Finance [26] Feature - Art in Hamilton

Lifestyle

[28] Autuer + Auditor [29] Google This + Work Stories [30] Living on the Cheap + 50 Shades of Gay + Mr Minty Fish [32] Alice and Anne + Trendspotting [31] Arts - Patrick Ryan

WSU

[34] President’s Column.

Veeps.

[36] Ask Amber + Citizens Advice Bureau + YWRC

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Editorial

Editorial

Highlight Reel

By Alix Higby

this week in nexus // Pg: 06

SPORT THOUGHTS

There’s nothing wrong with enjoying where you are right now. Your physical location is not a representation of your being. Our casual little city may be just what you need while this life is complicated and loud and go go go. Hamilton doesn’t force anything on you.

She doesn’t leave you feeling underdressed, undereducated or small. She lingers, stage left, as you decide how brightly you wish to shine. She may not set out a silver tray of opportunities at breakfast, but if you asked,

with the crash and burn nature of it all doesn’t mean you’ll languish here forever, and it doesn’t mean you’re lacking in ambition.

It simply means that you’re happy in this moment, beyond the past and regardless of the future. If you can wake up in the morning deliriously happy to stare at the sky despite the hail of responsibilities smacking you in the face, it could be the anxiety, or it could just be beautiful. Lie in the glittering dregs of red financial statements and live in a revolving

“This is a city that waits for you to figure it out, with an occasional nudge, or wink across the bar.” she would show you where they are kept.

This is a city that waits for you to figure it out, with an occasional nudge, or wink across the bar. There are secrets patiently anticipating your gaze, between her riverbed and city streets. She knows where to find the best coffee, which cinema shows the best films, which end of town features the most thoughtprovoking art. All of which, you may or may not ever discover. Hamilton, for the most part, leaves that up to you. This is your story, and yours only; she is a manic pixie dream girl of a city, albeit diluted and pared back.

There’s also nothing wrong with pleasantly loitering in emotional “where to from here?” limbo, even if the path leading out is disjointed and currently resembles more of a cul-de-sac than a state highway. This is Hamilton’s old friend, student life, and if he shows you consistency or calls you the next morning, you probably haven’t enrolled yet.

He has a bevy of students to pick and screw, and he’s only interested in you as long as you’re interested in him. Being comfortable

2

door of curious people. Hamilton, our good lady, is there to take you by the hand and show you all you have been missing.

We live in a lovely little place, in a reasonably uncertain period of our lives, and that’s the big adventure. So don’t skim read our town, like you skim read tutorial notes.

Love, Alix

C-Ball really hates Netball. He has been saying that since he started writing. His annual Netball Hate rant is here this week! // Pg: 19

BLIND DATE The Blind Date kinda...sorta...almost worked this week. He wants a second date with her.... // Pg: 24

STREET ART Street Art is ilegal and we in no way endorse it but if we did endorse it we would do it here // Pg: 30

Brook james miller From Bar 101 to Melbourne. We check in with Brook James Miller photographer.

// Pg: 34

PRESIDENTS COLUMN El Presidente improves our relationships down south and wins a gold rock for tact.

NEWS

NEWS In tribute to a Gentle Giant Tributes have poured in from both sides of the political spectrum following the death of long serving Labour MP Parekura Horomia . Mr Horomia had served as a Labour MP representing the Maori electorate of Ikaroa Rawhiti from 1999 to 2013 and as Minister of Maori Affairs from 2000-2008 under Helen Clark.

During his time as Minister Mr Horomia promoted Te Reo and Tikanga Maori, encouraging national events like Matariki

“He leaves a legacy of fighting for inclusiveness, equality and solidarity...”

Waikato University: We may not be great at research but we are doing a lot of it.

The 2012 Performance Based Research Funding Statistics are in and guess what, we like to research. In fact 90% of our current academic staff is actively engaged in research and receiving funding to an A, B or C level. For those of you asking “what is PBRF and why should I care?” think of it like street cred for academics. Research funding is being granted to academics and institutions based on the quality of the research they put out and publish.

PBRF is a report that highlights the level at which the research is done using a system of A, B and C (or Cne for new research) then University PR departments spaz out trying to justify how great they are and what they have achieved since the last PBRF was done.

If you are looking for a great example check out this: (http://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=vt_K33S8pdk) In the video Deputy Vice-Chancellor Alistair Jones congratulates the University on having gained 54% in the top two boxes for PBRF. Technically the Deputy VC is 100 percent correct but at the same time it seems a

little like getting an A and four B’s on your end of semester report card and saying I got all A’s and B’s. The fact is that 8.8% got A’s and 45.7% got B ratings. If you ignore the newly created category of C(NE) then the numbers could also be spun to suggest that we got 81.3% in the bottom two boxes.

PBRF give you the means to say whatever the hell you want and have some pointless stats to back it up.

PBRF is the government’s pet science project to give a false KPI to the managers of institutions. It is bullshit stat gathering for the sake of it and the figures gathered change every year.

For the purpose of summary though: 1. The area we performed best in based

on our faculty groupings (Law) we

still sat about 5th in the country for.

2.

We did better than Massey.

3. Over 90% of our eligible faculty are

engaged in the research process

which means they will be better

equipped to teach you the skills

you will one day need in your profes

sion. Everything else is just hype.

as a means of celebrating New Zealand’s nationhood and cultural identity; he was also a tireless campaigner of Maori broadcasting. Mr Horomia worked as a labourer and shearer before rising through the ranks of the public service. In his maiden speech to Parliament, he recounted walking the five kilometres to school while a near empty bus drove past to pick up the local Pakeha kids.

From humble beginnings he went on to rise to a position of reverence and respect.

On campus his loss was felt by Young Labour, with Regional Representative Jade McLeod commenting, “[We are] saddened to hear about the passing of our party’s Matua.

Parekura served as an inspiration for many of our young activists. He leaves a legacy of fighting for inclusiveness, equality and solidarity not only for the Maori community, but all New Zealanders. He will be missed.”

It is clear that the loss of this gentle giant has been felt by all New Zealanders.

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NEWS

SJS Still Getting the Job Done SJS has helped place 404 students in employment since the tear begun, generating a total $1,232,021 in wages. While this number is down 14% on last year’s employment placing for the same month, a WSU source commented that the organisation is “[still] applauded as a practical and relevant source.”

SJS which is turning 30 this month is a non-profit incorporated society that is owned by a collective of student unions around New Zealand and generates an

estimated $4,000,000 a year in student income for the Waikato alone. SJS enjoys widespread support with 80% of users commenting that they were satisfied or very satisfied in research conducted by Colmar Brunton. Additionally, 90% of students stated that they would recommend SJS to others.

The 14% decrease in job placements this month is likely due to the decrease in the number of enrolled students this year.

Variations in the labour market also have an impact on the number of students employed and although the service and the residual effects of the recession have taken their toll on the organisation, it still serves as one of the largest employment placement organisations for students and is the nation’s only such service that is free.

Lone Star Ladies Night Out A cocktail evening in support of Waikato women’s rugby.

A not-for-profit cocktail evening has been organised to raise awareness for women’s rugby in the Waikato. On May 17th Go 2 Events, a group of Waikato Management Communications students, are hosting an evening with Guest Speakers Coral Pitcher

“A not-for-profit cocktail evening has been organised to raise awareness for women’s rugby in the Waikato.” and H2J at Lone Star Hamilton. The evening will include two guest speakers, tapas, ticket draws, and great entertainment for all those who have purchased a ticket. Tickets are $20 and the night kicks off at 7pm.

For more information or to purchase tickets please contact patrick.go2events@gmail. com or go to http://www.facebook.com/ gotoevents

Waikato University – generating more money than Mighty River Power New research indicates that the University of Waikato and its student population generated $791 million in the regional economy last year.

Former Waikato Lecturer, Dr Warren Hughes concluded the university generated around $860 million in the National economy and that for every dollar invested, there was a flow on benefit of $1.22 for the rest of the Region.

Hamilton, which has a university student base of close to 13,000 gained $138 million from students by way of accommodation and living expenses in addition to course fees.

Wide reaching benefits were also found in the Bay of Plenty. Tauranga gained an additional $5.4 million from student expenses and the Tauranga campus of Waikato University has created 63 jobs.

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NEWS

UNI NEWS

MAOrI STuDENT LEADErSHIP HuI – 14 MAy This is an opportunity for all students to connect and learn more about the various Maori Student Groups on campus, including reps from WSU, and how they complement one another from a Maori perspective.

The Hui will be held on 14 May from 9.30am–12.30pm at the Te Kohinga Marama Marae and will be facilitated by Professor Linda Smith. Lunch will be provided.

RSVP to Maria Huata on 838 4363 or at mhuata@waikato.ac.nz

STuDENT buSINESS EXPErIMENT NATIONAL SCIENCE LIbrAry TuTOrIALS CHALLENGES We are looking for our next group of business experimenters!

Each semester, U Leisure and the University offer a 15m² retail space to a student or student group wishing to trial a business idea. Last year, two young entrepreneurs ran a successful second hand and repurposed clothing store named “Alice & Anne” while another student started a business mentoring/ accelerator programme called “INCSTA”.

Email Nick Barton for more information at nick@uleisure.co.nz

Sir Peter Gluckman, Chief Science Adviser to the Prime Minister, will be on campus this Friday to deliver a short presentation about the National Science Challenges. This follows the announcement by the government on Wednesday last week. This is a very important step forward in reshaping New Zealand’s public science system.

The presentation will be held from 2–2.30pm, Friday 10 May in MSB1.01. Sir Peter and accompanying Ministry of Business, Innovation & Employment staff, will answer questions following the presentation.

The Library runs tutorials for students throughout the year. These tutorials focus on study and research methods and how to best utilise the resources available through the Library. Sign up online or request tutorials from www.waikato. ac.nz/library/study/teaching/ Semester A: Week 11 Monday 6 May, 1.10–2pm APA for Electronic Resources Tuesday 7 May, 11–11.50am APA Referencing Wednesday 8 May, 9–11am EndNote X6, Mac laptops (Graduates) Thursday 9 May, 10am–12noon Word 2010 for thesis writing (Graduates)

INTErNATIONAL STuDENTS: WIN PrIZES LGbTQ TAbLETALK Tabletalk is Christian worship space for LGBTQ. The University Chaplain, Rev Sue Burns, is creating a place where all people are accepted and can explore faith together. Thursdays from 5.30pm for food, worship from 6pm.

This is your chance to tell us what you have enjoyed so far about your University of Waikato experience, and where you think we could enhance this. The 2013 International Student Barometer is an online survey that takes only 5 minutes to complete. We have sent eligible students an email with the survey link – so check your inbox. For more information on the survey and the prizes, visit www.waikato.ac.nz/ students/international/barometer-survey or email student_survey@list.waikato.ac.nz

A 5

NEWS

SPORTS THOUGHTS God Defend New Zealand... from Netball.

TOP 5 WORST ANZ NETBALL TEAM NAMES ADELAIDE THUNDERBIRDS Thunderbirds, a show still on television in Invercargill. Provided you have phonophobia and are therefore scared of loud noises, the Thunderbirds will make you shit your pants.

They’re simply the boom before the real, devastating shit happens. Your coma from watching them.

QUEENSLAND FIREBIRDS

It’s 2013 which means we’re in for another year of terrorist attacks, media sensationalism, starvation and famine, and of course, the ANZ Netball Championship.

Never has there ever been a competition more piss poor pathetic for entertainment value. This week some team with a moronic name will score 30 odd points, each one as uncreative as the last. Then, fans will slap their inflatable batons together in sheer adoration for the sport which has contributed to more coma’s than

it was already ruined. But suits dragged money towards the sport while it kicked and screamed and begged for a quick and merciful death, attracting television rights that are always sealed months in advance because the figure doesn’t change. Nothing changes in Netball. If you had Netball and I had Old Kent Road I wouldn’t even fucking swap you because I can at least up the rent.

Kind of stole Adelaide’s thunder, but doused it in gasoline and lit it on fire. What’s with this obsession with flying mythical creatures.

None of your players leave the ground or move rapidly.

CENTRAL PULSE A nice reminder of what you will no longer have if you get stuck in a room with them on the television.

Someone told me there is going to be an international match in Invercargill, probably the only place you can actually take a

“In saying that, I’d rather take a punch into the concrete than watch a game of Netball, which is tough when Sky Sport seems dead set on clogging their chan- NORTHERN MYSTICS The Northern Mystics need a hair follicle from nels with such mediocrity.” what Jesse Ryder’s assault-accused said was the ensuing fall from a punch into the concrete.

In saying that, I’d rather take a punch into the concrete than watch a game of Netball, which is tough when Sky Sport seems dead set on clogging their channels with such mediocrity. Some say when sport became professional it was ruined, and Netball is living proof, if you ignore the fact that 6

game of Netball and get supporters filling the stadium. After all, they say the town is 30 years behind everyone else, so taste is naturally still evolving. Down there, they are yet to learn there are other ball sports which actually require skill and involve someone devoting their life to reaching the peak of physical perfection. Yahew.

By C-Ball.

LBJ, because they’re last equal. Pollyjuice potions won’t work because witchcraft isn’t real, unless of course your spells were intended to cause sleep. Because damn, you’re good at that.

CHRISTCHURCH TACTIX The Tactix spelt their name wrong firstly, and then decided to play with none of such a thing.

They’re last equal, they’re horrible, and hail from the town where people assault famous cricketers for no reason.

vs

Left

Left vs Right THIS WEEK’S TOPIC: New Zealand Power

NEWS

Asset Sales is going ahead. The battle is all but lost. Now however, the left have regrouped and in a united move both Labour and the Green have announced a policy that would benefit all New Zealanders. The reduction of power prices by $230-$330 per household will be achieved by the establishment of NZ Power.

This state owned company will buy power from generators like Might River Power at a fixed Price and sell it to retailers for a fixed price in order to keep prices down.

While I acknowledge that this policy release has been poorly timed, directed to impact the upcoming Might River Power sale I would also say this, if it were not released now while the momentum is right and the public eye is fixed on power then it would be starved of media attention. It’s a simple fact that with uncertainty over the nature of Mighty River Power’s value and the insecurity of the share market that most ‘mum and dad investors’ would be better served by a left wing Government. Even if you were to buy $5,000 of MRP shares, the dividend yield after tax would likely be less than the reduction of your power bill under a Labour Led Government.

“Hey Clint” gaffe, indicating that the opposition is gleeful over the damage it has caused to National’s policy, it is equally true that the timing factor has been overplayed.

National is at its lowest point in the polls for quite some time and the issues surrounding Tewai Point and Solid Energy have done a great deal to reduce investor confidence in asset sales. The damage that this policy announcement has done has been overplayed. The policy is good and with its focus on industrial as well as commercial power prices it shows that Labour is attempting to win the favour of small business people, disenfranchised the National government.

The opposition is on the offensive in defensive of your rights.

Labour has left a legacy of social security, a legacy that our present opposition is not keen to set aside. Labour and the Greens have come out of the dark and laid a solid blow against a policy that is not (and never has been) supported by the majority of New Zealanders. This is a step in the right direction and part of the legacy that the left have strived so hard to build.

Before I even address the Labour-Greens policy, it needs to be noted that the policy has been released at the optimal time to damage National’s partial asset sales. This move by what constitutes the core of the opposition is a punitive action aimed at derailing the sale of Mighty River Power shares by putting doubts into investors’ minds about whether or not the Company would be drastically affected by the establishment of New Zealand Power. One investment firm predicted that the share price could fall as much as 28% under a Left Coalition, and furthermore suggested that this has now become a risking investment. This risk is manufactured. It is not due to market factors or external pressures it is simply the brainchild of an opposition that is intent of inflicting as much damage to the asset sales agenda as possible.

Not only is the proposal ill timed, it is one that seeks to intervene in what is otherwise a reasonably efficient market.

Yes power prices have risen, but at only 0.5% per year in the last three years, it would seem that the price of power is now increasing at a much lower rate than most

RIGHT

While many have criticized Gareth Hughes

other necessities. In reality the problem doesn’t require the drastic intervention that the opposition has suggested. Direct intervention in the market will lead to a decrease in investment and may well lead job losses as firms struggle to compete at the prices dictated by the newly created NZ Power.

after the Mighty River Power share float because as it stands this policy will lead to lower government returns on the sales. This will make the opposition look good. This will give the opposition ammunition. It is not however good for the majority of New Zealanders.

The policy is not without some merits.

Not only does it target residential power prices but it also aims to reduce the cost of industrial and commercial power usage, evidence that the opposition is at least attempting to connect with the business community. Additionally, many NZers struggle to pay their power bill and with up to $330 off the bill for each household, this proposal could lead to real gains for some of our nation’s poorest residents.

Regardless, the opposition has gone about this suggestion in the wrong way, an ideological response that glosses over some more practical solutions. The 10% average cut in power costs can be achieved through the existing system, without the need for the government to establish NZ Power, a further drain on resources. Furthermore, this policy ought to have been released

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NEWS

NOT NEWS Samurai Ninja Priest Mormon Asskicker!

An American Mormon Bishop was woken up by his son at 4am when he heard his neighbour screaming. Apparently she was being assaulted by an ex-partner who had been stalking her. The Bishop’s response was to grab a decorative Samurai sword from his bedroom and chase the man to his car. The man was so panicked by the even he left chapstick at the scene. Prompting the Bishop to yell now I have your DNA and your license plate number. Not the most intimidating of threats but he is Mormon and he was carrying a Samurai Sword. The Bishop has trained extensively in four types of martial arts and has a variety of weapons in his house and if you think this story couldn’t get cooler you’re wrong. His actual name is Bishop Hendrix. You can’t make this up. There is literally no joke to be made here Mormonism wins.

No insurance against Hypocrisy Jacobite Cruises a Scottish luxury liner business has recently insured all of its ships against the Loch Ness monster. Apparently if Nessie decides to attach and causes any damage the ship’s owner Freda Newton will receive a six figure cheque. When asked if they would commit to the same sort of thing a Hamilton based insurance company said ”No. We are not in the business of insuring against the acts of fictitious characters and mythology that is ridiculous” They went on to say the lightning hitting my flat was an act of God.

Does Anyone Know Where A Cop Can Get Some Weed?

A Washington Judge has ordered two policemen to return a small amount of weed they had confiscated from a middle aged man after recent changes to the law. It appears that that the man was legally entitled to carry around the weed because it was deemed “not an excessive amount.”When the cops were asked they said it could take a few weeks to find the man’s pot in the evidence locker. A statement that would have seemed more credible had they not been giggling the whole time and sitting next to three empty boxes of dunkin donuts, and some of those deep fried bananas from Dominos.

MTV’s Next Hit? An Englishman appeared in a Welsh court and plead guilty to two charges of racially aggravated disorderly conduct after calling an off duty cop a Sheep Shagger during a holiday. Which is just a complete fallacy. As someone who watched the entire season of the valleys I can tell you they shagged each other, random strangers, the drunk, bar owners, a few taxi drivers and a kebab shop owner and what we think was a scarecrow but never a sheep. Even they have some restraint.

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NEWS

Fox News Apologises

CELEBRITY QUOTES OF THE WEEK

Fox News has apologised after one of its affiliate news programmes incorrectly identified one of the Boston Bombers as 19 year old Zooey Deschanel. We looked on IMDB and it turns out that the “New Girl” star (which airs on Fox in the US) turned 33 in January. Wrong again Fox!

“All my bitches love me & I love all my bitches” - Miley Cyrus

University MEME OF THE WEEK Redacted Gossip

“@katyperry errm I wasn’t! Lol! #miaminights howeverrrrr....I’ll still let you spank me!”

- Rihanna (to Katy Perry)

“Breaking News: talking on your cell phone at the urinal is not OK.” - Zach Braff

At a recent meeting to discuss ideas for the University Open Day afjfksa afsklafj asflsa staff were found to be struggling to come up with ideas.....

“The last scene of Grease is still the best piece of cinematic genius I have ever seen.”

- Harry Styles

“We could sfdsa afsf fasf fasf the kids would never forget that.”

“I napped at work and dreamed a new word: grunch. Grunch is a brunch where all the diners grow emotionally over the course of the meal.”

- Lena Dunham

“Yeah but the message there is less come to our university and more we believe in acts of torture and rendition” said kasfjkas aksdfjas

“some of the rumors about me....where do people even get this stuff. whatever...back to the music” - Justin Bieber

“On the bright side we would get more kids enrolling from Te Aroha than ever before” added dsafas afdsf

“I buzzed half my head like @cassie! No more old photos! This is the new me! I love it!” - Amanda Bynes

“We could introduce them to Waikato Management staff?”

“No. We can’t afford the Busses to Massey”

trivial facts

“We need something that says we are cooler than other universities and that by enrolling here you won’t be made to feel like you are being controlled every minute of every day.”

By the time we die, most of us will have spent a quarter of a century asleep, of which six years or more will have been spent dreaming.

“My friend sadfas fassfas who lives in sfa May St sells afssdf by the ounce. How many ounces will we need for the entire open day?”

One in five adults have admitted to urinating in swimming pools. Nearly 70% say they do not shower before taking a dip.

“There is never anyone from FASS around when you need them.”

U.S. chocolate manufacturers use about 3.5 million pounds of whole milk every day to make milk chocolate.

“Can’t we just play some music and put on sausages for them like we do every year?

Sixty to 70% of North Korean defectors who enter China are women, and 70-80% of them become victims of human trafficking.

In the film Psycho (1960), Alfred Hitchcock used Bosco chocolate syrup for blood in the famous shower scene.

The southernmost state in the United States is Hawaii.

Wedding rings are worn on the fourth finger of your left hand people believe that the vein in this finger goes directly to your heart.

Step outside and smell the roses. On a daily average you will inhale 1 liter of others anal gasses.

Wine is 99% grape. The rest is insects, dust, dirt and whatever. So much for fine wining and dining.

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oPINION

THIRD DEGREE GUEST RANT Questions 01_ What feeling do you get when you think of your student

Kim Forlong talks Forlongs and the Frankton Markets.

loan?

02_ What’s your favourite thing about Hamilton?

03_ What NZ band are you listening to the moment?

Carl 18, BMS.

01_ Burdened.

02_ The amazing scenery...

03_ @Peace.

Daniel 20, BMS

Forlongs have been in retail serving customers in Frankton for 66 years, we understand that if our customers cannot get what they want easily then they will simply shop elsewhere. This is why it is so important for us to free up the access ways to our shop.

Forlongs have been vigorously pursuing a compromise which would keep the unique Frankton market operating yet not drive our customers away. We have been in talks for over 4 years, trying to reach a solution, offering the use of 2 hectares of our land near the railway to help solve the car parking issues and ease the congestion.

We understand that when Frankton is strong Forlongs is boosted by this.

01_ Dread.

02_ The lake and maybe the

How can a retail company balance their desire to be accessible, and inviting to customers and yet keep the character and interest of a market place within Frankton? The simple answer is space. Both parties need space to run their own interests without stepping on each others toes.

gardens (yet I don’t go to either).

03_ Ruby Frost.

Ashleigh 18, Theatre Studies

01_ Worry.

02_ The people.

03_ Six60

10

To be clear Forlongs do not want the market closed or to leave Frankton; but we do want the space between the market stalls and Forlongs shop frontage on Saturday, and to open up Commerce street,and Kent street for traffic and car parking. Our customers have voiced their frustration over restricted access to our shop, and difficulty finding a park

This has been our dilemma do we slowly watch the decline of our business and the frustration of our customers or do we speak up and try to make Frankton a more shopper friendly environment where people can park close to where they shop and have easy access through the doorways.

Kim Forlong Waikato University BMS student and employee at Forlongs.

OPINION

RANDOM PROFILE

TOP TEN Top Ten Reasons Hamilton is Better than Your Town.

10_

Geographically close to Auckland but with 100% less Aucklanders.

09_ Hamilton inexplicably looks better when it is gray and overcast. No other town in New Zealand is like that.

Sarah Williams

08_ You can open up a bar anywhere

Enactus President

and within a month someone will have built one across the road.

What’s your name and what are you studying at university?

Sarah Williams, BMS (Honours) majoring in Marketing

What do you hope to do once you graduate?

Land a job overseas or one that allows me to travel.

How long have you been a part of Enactus, and what is your role there?

I joined just over a year ago, thinking it would be my final year at uni. Turns out that working with an awesome team committed to using the power of entrepreneurial action to help those in need and shape a better more sustainable world is enough to keep me here an extra semester. Currently, I am the President but I started in the Marketing team and was part of the team who competed at the World Cup in Washington DC last year.

If you could holiday anywhere, where would you like to go?

Europe for sure! But it would have to be a VERY long holiday....

Who would win in a fight, Spiderman or Batman?

Batman- obviously.

Favourite YouTube animal video (cats or sloths)?

Neither, I would rather watch TED Talks (nerd alert!)

Which is your favourite paper this semester?

International Tourism and Hospitality Marketing If you could meet anyone (dead or alive) who would it be and what’s one question would you ask?

Dr Kevin Roberts (CEO Saatchi & Saatchi Worldwide)- Oh you’d like to hire me....

When do I start?

What was the last book you read?

Life of Pi What’s the most expensive thing you’ve ever bought?

My car

What are three things you can’t live without?

My camera to record memories, my car to take me on adventures and my laptop for everything else.

What posters did you have in your bedroom when you were growing up?

Disney channel stars and Home & Away hotties.

If you could end world hunger, or create world peace - which would you choose?

That is such a tough question, don’t make me choose! Enactus teams around the world are working on both.

If you’re interested in joining Enactus, check out their website or Facebook page http://www.enactuswaikato.org/ https://www.facebook.com/ enactuswaikato

07_ For a brief period the guy who wrote the Rocky Horror Picture Show lived here but you probably wouldn’t know that because we don’t go on about it at all.

06_ Conveniently, if you were born anywhere in the country then there is a good chance your grandparents now live in Cambridge because that is where all grandparents go.

05_ Wizards and one way systems are lame.

04_ Because we are awesome at coming up with city slogans. So awesome we do it every two years or so (“Hamilton, where it’s happening”, “Hamilton, more than you expect’, “Hamilton, City of the Future”, Hamilton: Fountain City)

03_ We don’t need a lame DEKA sign or Novelty bottle we have a statue of a cow on ulster street that no one actually understands or knows the reason for.

02_ Sonny Bill Williams lived here for like four months.

01_

We have the Country’s 5th best University according to the latest PBRF results. Suck it Massey!

Coffee or tea?

Tea 11

OPINION

LETTUCE TO THE EDITOR. Nexus loves getting your letters. We also love it if they are funny, intelligent and well written. Mainly we will be happy if you keep them under 250 words, it saves us having to cut them down. Please remember to give us a real name when you send them in even if you want to write with an alias. Email us at Lettuce@nexusmag.co.nz or... facebook.com/nexusmagNZ

Maybe we’re racist Dear Nexus, I am writing to express my disgust that Simon Bridges was ranked as the number one person destroying my future. While I agree he is destroying many things, such as New Zealand’s coastline, much of Green Peace’s validity, and half of Tauranga’s teenage pussy – my future is not included. If anything he’s only destroying our futures to build brighter ones. Do you even read billboards? Anyway, I think this whole article stinks of tall poppy syndrome. A brown face climbs too high on the ladder, and the white man slaps him back down. Yes, he’s Maori. Surprise, you’re racist.

#nexuslettuce.

There are also other perfectly proper reasons why staff may not be in their offices at any given time. They have staff meetings with colleagues, they are entitled to annual leave and, on occasion, they fall sick.

It’s a good reminder for students, though, that, if you need to see a staff member, a good plan is to email first to make an appointment. Then you won’t miss them and be disappointed.

David Lumsden Acting Dean, Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences

A successful brown face

I need a Friend.

Response to alumnus

Hey Nexus,

Dear Nexus I read a contribution to the Lettuce section of Nexus (Issue 08, Volume 45) from an alumnus, Rod Young. He called on four academics in FASS on a Friday afternoon and found none of them in. He was clearly very disappointed and jumped to the conclusion that they were cutting academia for an early start to the holiday break. He suggested (perhaps tongue in cheek) that I should call them in and reprimand them.

I think I can clear up one or two misconceptions here. Not all academics whose names appear on doors are full time employees.

Some work part- time and some have retired and are research associates. In fact that applies to three of the people named. Also, from time to time, staff take research trips, sometimes overseas. That happens to be the case for the fourth.

12

The Don, our on campus pub would consider screening Back Benches (the awesome pub politics show on Prime where a small panel of MPs get grilled about current news events etc) on Wednesday nights if there are enough people interested in coming along to watch it.

The show starts at 10.30pm so it would mean The Don staying open especially for it! They have 4 high def tvs to watch it on!

If you study,IR, policy or pretty much anything else this is for you! Come along at 10:20 on the 8th of May to The Don at gate 3, next the cricket nets!

W. Peters

Green Terror Hey Nexus,

Just writing to point out the glaring hole in your list of people destroying my future, the fucking Green Party. I know they are technically called the ‘opposition’ but I think they’ve taken it a little too far. They’re opposed to offshore drilling, onshore drilling, asset sales, foreign investment, the entire nation of China, and basically anything that could actually create a viable job. Did I mention they are opposed to smoking, yet support gay marriage? Oh the irony that in 10 years it may be illegal to smoke a fag but perfectly fine to marry one. This letter becomes even more ironic when you realize I actually supported marriage equality and just wanted to use that punch line. Sorry for the offence, but the Green Teleban just really grind my gears.

Somebody who actually wants a job

In Defence of Humor Jesus turned water to wine, probably for a reason. If he were to come back and had to suffer through the conservative ranting of Colin Craig and Brian Tamaki he would need it.

The two letters berating Nexus for their ‘reimagined story of Easter’ indicate that some people can’t take a joke. I consider myself a liberal Christian. I don’t hate the gays, the woman or the heathens. That is because I am a sensible person who can appreciate context.

The fool who criticized the magazine for joking about Jesus stated that if they made such jokes were made about Islam a Fatwa would probably be issued against them. Did I read that right? Congrats jackass you just managed to insult a faith whilst trying to complain about the insulting of yours. Take a leaf out of Maurice Williamson’s book and be ye not afraid. Humor is healthy.

Bob Mckoskie

DISCLAIMER Letters published contain the opinion of the writer and the writer alone. Nexus publications take no responsibility for the content or opinions so expressed. By submitting your letter you give consent to its publication in Nexus and subsequent public scrutiny. Letters are the authors own work and Nexus will not edit to compensate for lack of intelligence or coherency. Nexus reserves the right to edit or refuse to publish any letter which breaches any law, is defamatory to any person, or contains threats of violence or hate speech.

OPINION t

WES3582

Students get deals worth screaming about at WestďŹ eld Chartwell.

westfield.co.nz/chartwell

13

entertainment & reviews

pay & cafÉ

THE WISE CICADA LIDO CINEMA film

Rating:

IRON MAN 3

This café isn’t in Hamilton but I really feel the need to tell people about it because it is so amazing.

Rating: If you’ve seen the extended trailer, you’ll know that the people behind Iron Man have an excellent sense of humour. Times that by a thousand and you have the tone of the entire movie. It was the kind of movie that had you on the edge of your seat, and then kicked the back of it.

I’ve seen enough action-comedies to have them pretty well figured out. Or even Iron Man movies, as a matter of fact. Tony Stark thinks he knows everything, villain provides situation for him to overcome, he saves the day and he and Pepper live happily ever after (until the next movie). But in this case, they turn action movie tropes on their head. Just when you go “and this is the perfect set up for them to save the day” the opposite happens. I’m not saying it doesn’t end happily ever after, but it just takes a while to get there (Avengers 2 is coming out in 2015, remember).

GIG

NZ MUSIC MONTH Rating: This week’s gig review is just a little bit different. A pre-gig gig review even.

Aside from the fact that I love hearing Justin Timberlake sing “It’s gonna be may”, I do love May (the month) for this reason: NZ Music Month! I don’t know about you, but music is a major of my life. What better way to immerse in music than to have a month dedicated for it?

The Wise Cicada on Crowhurst St in New Market, Auckland caters to raw food lovers.

Eating raw is a way of life for some. Eating raw means no cooked food in the diet and a lot of fresh fruit and vege. I always thought ‘how could anyone eat like that?’ but then I stepped into the Wise Cicada and instantly felt in touch with my inner hippy.

The cabinet was full with about ten different salads and for $8 you could get three different salads. The lovely staff piled my plate high so I settled down to eat my mountain of nutrition.

It is during this month that a lot of exciting gigs and events happen, starting with last week’s Waikato Music Expo and Waikato Music Show. As it is celebrated all over the country, there are gigs happening almost every day. One of the highlights of last year’s Music Month was having the Adventure Artists drop by in the good old Tron. Let’s all go to House on a Tuesday and enjoy a beverage while watching some of the best Hamilton bands perform, you say? Why aren’t Tuesday nights like this every week?

Honestly, even for a person who usually would say fried chips are her favourite go to dish, these salads were amazing! They were so full of yummy flavours that I had never tasted before because I am very limited in my knowledge of beans, peas and various seeds: limiting myself to the standard lettuce tomato and maybe a fancy red onion every once and a while. I also am not such a fan of lettuce and think it is bitter and pointless as a food, but these salads were so much more than the average lettuce and on top of the amazing flavour they filled me up even so much so that I was not too interested in dinner of any sort.

As a lady who usually has a constant craving for food, I was astonished.

This is one movie not to miss this year.

So go listen to that Six60 track again, pop in your local DJ’s latest mix, and go to a random gig somewhere different. This is what this month is all about.

I highly recommend anyone who is planning a trip to Auckland soon for a gig or shopping to check out this amazing café/health shop and experience the salad gods for yourself.

By Louise Hutt

Sidenote: Shout out to Sinead. Rock on, girl!

By Kathlene Cook

ARIES

taurus

gemini

(21 mar - 20 apr)

(21 apr - 21 may)

(22 may - 21 june)

Relax. Even if they felt something was wrong no one can prove that it wasn’t a tee shirt making sweatshop before you rented it.

It’s time to stop smoking pot. Now Justin Beiber has been caught with a joint it is officially uncool.

Beware of people having lunch this week. All of history’s greatest monsters have had lunch at some point and look how they turned out.

The usual cast was excellent, and it was nice to see they hadn’t needed to replace any other reoccurring characters (unlike the Terrance Howard/Don Cheadle switch between the first two). It was based on the Extremis plotline from the Warren Ellis graphic novels and was certainly a better narrative than the previous film. The scope and the scale of the film far outstrip anything the Iron Man franchise has done, to date.

HOROSCOPES

14

entertainment & reviews

MARC ONE COMIC

PUNK ROCK JESUS book

SOULLESS

By GAIL CARRIGER Rating: Soulless is book one of the Parasol Protectorate series, and is set in a version of Victorian London where supernatural beings are an accepted part of mainstream society.

Alexia, is dark, 26 years old and half Italian, and as such, is widely considered an ugly old spinster. She also has no soul. Consequently, she is not creative, and has the ability to negate the powers of supernatural beings by touching them.

When attacked by a vampire at a party, Alexia kills him, using her parasol. Formal investigations into the incident reveal a series of disappearances among the supernatural community. And, oh the scandal, a new club just for scientists opens!

This was labelled as a Fantasy/Horror, but it’s actually a Paranormal Romance, with much the story dedicated to the relationship between Alexia and a werewolf, but not to worry, this heroine is just as likely to whack him over the head with her parasol as… anything else.

Soulless is a little bit Steampunk, and has a lot of details regarding fashion. It’s definitely not for everyone, but it is worth a giggle and does have an actual storyline which, lets face it, is not always a given with romances.

album

BLOOD BECOMES FIRE

SEAN MURPHY

BEASTWARS

Rating:

Rating:

Sean Murphy is a talented guy. Writing and illustrating your own stuff isn’t unheard of, but when your writing’s better than most writers and your illustrations make even the best comic artists cry... well, you’re something special.

Little tranquil Godzone has a deep and proud history of hard rock and Metal music. We’ve managed to take a lot of the best influences from Scandinavia along with the industrial sounds of Europe and more mainstream metal from American heavy weights like Metallica and produce some absolute classic metal albums; Beastwar’s new album continues that legacy with honours.

Punk Rock Jesus has a crazy hook that actually works. In the near future, the Turin Shroud is used to clone Jesus Christ. The clone is born naturally, via the insemination of a virgin, and the entire thing is broadcast live on a reality TV show. What happens when a child (who is supposed to be the saviour of all mankind) is raised under the intense watch of the entire world? Crazy Christian protestors, an ex-terrorist out for redemption, a polar bear and of course one very ‘punk rock’ Jesus.

I won’t spoil thing anymore, but I will say that the art here is to die for. I’ll warn you now; it’s all in black and white (I know it’s not for everyone) but the gorgeous illustrations and the way the characters are so wonderfully rendered actually justifies the lack of colour, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Printing in black and white also makes it cheap. This book is insanely cheap (I got mine at MK1 for 25 bucks), and if you already purchased the six issues this book collects, it’s still worth a look as it adds 10 new pages which fleshes out what was initially a slightly rushed finale.

By Daniel Petersen

The opener, Dune, is a thunder strike of intense drumming, guttural guitars and the distinct growl of lead singer Matt Hyde. It burns along, building intensity through a sonic soundscape rather than through speed. But don’t think this is a slow or sleepy album; it can alternate between the grinding splendour of influences like Mastodon and the high charged whirring of Iron Maiden with different elements of songs and exploring the different skills of the members of the band. The second track Imperium is able to move within these sounds with a driving and commanding force.

A recent interview with Beastwars revealed that metal (or to be specific Sludge Metal) is how they have been labelled, but their influences vary between Kyuss, who they’ve opened for, to Soundgarden and Sonic Youth.

And you can hear that variety in the spinning and screeching guitar work in Tower of Skulls and the beautiful intro to Rivermen. But metal fans rejoice, this is a home grown triumph and solid follow up to their stunning first album. Download it for less than a tenner at bandcamp.com.

By Erin Doyle

http://www.mk1.co.nz/ www.facebook.com/Mark1Comics

By Hp

cancer

leo

virgo

(22 june - 23 july)

(24 july - 23 aug)

(24 aug - 23 sep)

Try to get through the week without making fun of anyone’s religion. Trust the stars, it’s harder than it looks.

Mature student is more an age category than a behavioural instruction. Hit up Bar101, the 18 year olds love it when you tag along.

Just remember those who were too afraid of failure never succeeded. But those who let their parents hand everything to them and inherited the family business also succeeded.

Try to do the later it is much easier.

15

entertainment & reviews

@Honest_Matt Meets...

gig guide Your weekly installment of the Nexus gig guide. I swear, if we hear another “there’s nothing going on in Hamilton” comment... Flick us an email at gigs@nexusmag.co.nz If you’ve got a gig you want us to include, dude!

Wednesday 8th May Skint House Bar, 6-9 pm Let’s be honest, we would rather spend our hard earned student money on booze than eat a decent meal. Take both.

2 for 1 Cocktails Grand Central Hotel, All day You stay classy, Hamilton!

Matt Hicks has a chat to Wallace Chapman about the return of political pub show ‘Back Benches’, his career to date, David Bain, radio and also MP’s he’s fond (and not so fond) of.

You’ve just joined twitter ? You took ages to jump on the bandwagon. Why the delay? (@wallacelchapman for those interested) Have always been a late developer. Even at Uni I didn’t discover Twin Peaks the series until years later. I always say what’s the rush with things.

How does an average day go for Wallace Chapman? Talk us through it.

It’s always a lot of reading in the morning. I will read the paper. Radio Live Sunday show, where there are about 15 interviews a week (!) all take time to prepare for. And then I do public speaking so I’m often preparing notes to speak. I’m an early riser now, but I used to be a huge night owl. Breakfast is always Bircher and strong coffee, and I always look forward to a beer a couple of times a week.

considered myself anything else, as actually my background is in advertising. I don’t see myself as a journalist.

I understand that this year’s Back Benches is a unique production in terms of being produced by one network and broadcast by another. Can you explain the situation to us?

It’s quite unique. Actually it has never been done before. It was quite a complex negotiation, as TVNZ owned the rights but didn’t necessarily see a fit for it on ONE, but SKY said, yep – it’s built a cult watch – we can see a space for it. So TVNZ clip the ticket and is produced by them, but funded by NZ on Air for PRIME. So Back Benches used to be a TVNZ7 show, and now it is a PRME show.

Thursday 9th May Thursday nights with Dj StuE Agenda Badass to be raging on a “school night”!

Teknique Thursdays Static Let Tayluxxx and Snead Place Project take you to a new level.

Friday 10th May 1814 NZ Relax Tour Altitude Reggae at its’ finest. If only we could go back to summer!

Saturday 11th May Electro Static Static Gold coin entry to the hottest gig in Hamilton?

Yes.

How do you describe your profession? Are you a broadcaster? Journalist? Political commentator?

I always call myself a broadcaster. I’ve never

Matt Hicks SouNZgood.co.nz facebook.com/souNZgoodnz twitter.com/souNZgood youtube.com/souNZgood

libra

scorpio

sagittarius

(24 sep - 23 oct)

(24 oct - 22 nov)

(23 nov - 21 dec)

Writers block? “That vodka really hurt my creative process,” said no one ever.

I have been thinking about what you said and I think the two of you should live together.

I’m sure the WSU used to give out free soup.

Soup is awesome.

16

The Pink Floyd Experience Founders Theatre No words for this.

08 entertainment & reviews

COOL VS NOT COOL

eight ball

tHREE THINGS THAT ARE AWESOME RIGHT NOW AND THREE THINGS THAT AREN’T SO MUCH. COOL Pork riblet sandwiches from Momento.

They might cost an arm and a leg, but they’re worth it.

Welcome to the 8 ball. In the depths of my gooey black ass I will answer the secrets OF THE universe. You may not like MY answerS but lets be honest who else is going to tell you the truth, ugly.

If politicians can use brain fade as an excuse, can I use it on my test?

Of course you can, stupid question.

University lakes.

They’re looking and smelling so much nicer now.

How many times should I use “Scientology” as the reasoning for the dent in my car?

As many times as you want. Blame Scientology for everything. Such things that one may place blame upon Scientology might include: bad phone reception, failing ACCT 101, getting arrested, Brian Tamaki, Amanda Bynes, B.O from that smelly guy sitting in front of you, and your monobrow.

So the world was supposed to end last year, tell me what am I here for?

Get money, fuck bitches.

Friendly bus drivers.

They definitely make public transport so much nicer.

Will I ever make it to Hollywood?

No. You’re dreams will die in a flaming pit of oblivion.

NOT COOL

Waiting on grades.

Especially when the turn around is supposed to be two weeks.

Flat inspections.

48 hours notice is definitely not enough time.

Will firing fireworks into my partying neighbours yard really make them stop?

Depends. ‘Fireworks’ can be a very ambiguous word. I mean flare guns could essentially be fireworks. The power is in your hands.

Is Amber the Advocacy Pixie real? single?

Yes. I just talked to her. She left a note for you, it reads: ‘Hey I don’t know you, and this is crazy, but here’s my number, so call me maybe?

022 645 778X’ . I left the last number blank so you can get creative you’re welcome.

Will weed ever be legal in nz?

Why are you even at university?

Are there any long term effects hitting on too many women?

There aren’t many ‘women’ in Hamilton, so I would seriously reevaluate who you’ve been hitting on. Sorry, someone had to tell you.

Unfortunately you will NEVER be Gaz from Geordie Shore.

Unreliable internet providers.

All were asking for is unlimited internet 24/7.

capricorn

aquarius

pisces

(22 dec - 20 jan)

(21 jan - 19 feb)

(20 feb - 20 mar)

The answer you seek isn’t in the stars. It is in the eyes of a loved one, or a brothel. We always get those two confused.

Don’t listen to those people who tell you to look inside yourself for the answers. It’s mainly ribs, blood and intestine. No real answers, unless you are a biology student.

The stars have nothing for you at this time.

You should try tarot, that is totally legit and not in any way full of shit.

17

H B D

entertainment & reviews

Puzzle Page Complete the puzzle page, be the first to bring it in and show us, and you’ll win stuff!

Syllacrostic Fill in the answers to the clues by selecting the correct syllables from the list below. Each syllable can only be used once and the number of syllables to be used is shown in brackets. When the correct words are filled in, the first and last letters reading down will reveal a proverb.

AD, BA, BE, BER, CI, DEL, HI, IN, KA, LA, LAI, LI, MID, MO, NATE, NE, NISH, O, PHI, RA, ROUS, SOR, TED, TI. 1. Burdensome (3) 2. Freed (4) 3. Site of the Temple of Apollo

(2)

4. Sleep during winter

(3)

5. Reprove (3) 6. Stringed instrument

(4)

7. Tooth (3) 8. Shy and cautious

(2)

Wuzzle 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Sudoku ~ Easy

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6.

Across 1. Concern (5) 4. Maxim (5) 7. Fruit (3) 8. Responded (7) 9. Chess piece (4) 10. Writer (6) 13. Sagacity (6) 14. Leave out (4) 17. Decorate food (7) 19. Beverage (3) 20. Stitched (5) 21. Travesty (5)

Down 1. Thin biscuit (5) 2. Areas (7) 3. Tall story (4) 4. Counting device (6) 5. Perform (3) 6. Duck (5) 11. Short-tailed burrowing rodent (7) 12. Aped (6) 13. Earnings (5) 15. Search and find (5) 16. Professional cook (4) 18. Uncooked (3)

Hub Words How many words can you make from the letters in the wheel? Each word must contain the hub letter R. Can you find a 9-letter word and at least 20 other words of four letters or more avoiding proper nouns?

HOUSE BLIND DATE House Blind Date

Kind of a success... Maybe ...

HERS

5.30pm Alright I admit it I’ve taken two vodka shots already

5.45.pm Arrggghhh The Edge has arrived to pick me up, I’m slightly freaking out. My flat mate signed me up for this so if things don’t go well there’s going to be trouble haha. What have I got myself into…

6.00pm We arrive to pick up my date, one of the first things he tells me and our driver is he grows things in glass houses. I think I like this guy already…

6.05pm We arrive at House and are seated we order a starter and a few drinks and get chatting. He seems like a really nice guy, I mean he doesn’t seem like a stalker or anything hahaha.

6.05pm – 8.30pm We continue to chat and order a few more drinks, dinner and dessert.

Things are going well and we discover we both share a love of red wine so he offers to take me down to Gothenburg for a final drink, who am I to complain haha.

8.30pm We arrive at Gothenburg and he orders us 2 glasses of wine that goes for $53 a bottle - Faaaarkk 8.30pm-9.00pm After finishing our wines we say our goodbyes and my friend comes to pick me up, it’s been a good night out.

The verdict: The food and drink were great and the Pizza Bites from House were my fave!

My date was a really nice guy; thanks for the experience.

lifestyle feature

HIS

Ruthless.

It’s amazing to see how far a bar tab at house can get you.

I could describe in detail about the date.

About how she actually had something interesting to say. About how my date was, well straight up, she was model material, probably explains a lot when it turned out she was. But because she is probably going to do that in her write up, I want to write about the things that my date said and did during the date, so as I was walking away from making sure she had a safe ride home (P.S.A. Guys it ain’t hard.) after saying goodnight, I was left thinking: what a Good Bitch.

Makes & Breaks.

There are certain things that make me, me.

It’s what makes us all different but also defines really if people can date, either common interest or loathing.

This is really interesting for all daters and gets better with rounds of Vodka and Jagermeister shots, chased by cocktails or Sol.

First. Do you like music?

Second. Do you know who the RHCP are?

Third. Do you enjoy your food? (This was more spur of the moment rather than a proper make or break moment. I wasn’t that hungry as it was early but wanted the steak. So if ordered then I definitely would get my steak.)

Her answers.

First. A list of concerts ranging from Calvin Harris at R&V through to Netsky at Claudelands. Btw for my date reading this now The Prodigy and Nero, BDO ’09 and ’11.

You Mad? Second. Yes, but prefer their old music more like the songs off the Californication album.

Third. She’s bulking bro. Fuck knows where it is going. (Bonus point for ordering dinner as I got my steak which really speaks for itself) Last Words.

Motivation and determination. A girl who is doing what she wants to achieve her goals, its admirable and pretty cool. As I said at the beginning, what a Good Bitch.

Looking forward to round 2. Oh, I said I would do this for her. #SWAG #YOLO #FTP

We can’t promise you’ll hit it off... But we can promise the hits!

THEEDGE HITMUSICNOW

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Feature

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feature

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feature

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feature

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feature

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feature

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LIFESTYLE

Auteur Daniel Day-Lewis and the Academy Award.

When Daniel Day-Lewis won his third Academy Award for Best Actor in February he broke records. Day-Lewis’ achievement surpassed that of a slew of other performers who had twice been honoured in that

decade’s time, or will his name serve as little more than the answer to a near impossible pub quiz question?

That said, one aspect of Day-Lewis’ career to date that does intrigue me is the ratio of movies made to awards won. Discounting shorts, documentaries and television appearances, Lewis has acted in only 21 films for his 3 Oscars. In other words, he wins on average once every 7 films.

In terms of other performers who have won multiple Academy Awards Day-Lewis’ record is equalled only by the now 103 year old Luise Rainer. Rainer won back-to-back Best Actress

“Day-Lewis is by any standards a fine actor, but having three golden statues on his mantle does not automatically confer the title of ‘the greatest.’” category: Spencer Tracy, Fredric March, Gary Cooper, Marlon Brando, Dustin Hoffman, Tom Hanks, Jack Nicholson and Sean Penn. On paper at least the Lincoln actor ranks ahead of genuine legends who won Oscar but once - Charles Laughton, James Cagney, James Stewart, Laurence Olivier, Humphrey Bogart, Alec Guinness, John Wayne, Henry Fonda,

Robert Duvall and Paul Newman - as well as those strangely overlooked entirely: Charles Chaplin, Buster Keaton, Harold Lloyd, Groucho Marx, WC Fields, Edward G Robinson, William Powell, Cary Grant, Orson Welles, Kirk Douglas, James Mason, Robert Mitchum and Montgomery Clift.

It would be ridiculous to read too much into these statistics. Day-Lewis is by any standards a fine actor, but having three golden statues on his mantle does not automatically confer the title of “the greatest”. As the lists prove, awards are a fickle and flawed measure, subject to politics, sentiment, luck and timing. Many who have won have subsequently sunk back into obscurity.

Outside of a handful of aficionados who today remembers the likes of Warner Baxter, Paul Lukas or F. Murray Abraham? Will last year’s winner Jean Dujardin be readily recalled in a 26

Awards in 1936 and 1937 then only made 8 more films. Her entire career consists of no more than 14 features spread over 65 years.

The next best ratio is that of Vivien Leigh.

Known for her trademark roles as Scarlett O’Hara and Blanche DuBois, Leigh only made 17 other films, none of which were anywhere

near as memorable as ‘Gone With the Wind’ or ‘A Streetcar Named Desire.’

Two other legendary actresses who established themselves in the 1930s come next on the list. Helen Hayes was known as “the first lady of the American theatre”, a title which indicates how few films she made.

Outside of winning Best Actress in 1931 and Best Supporting Actress 39 years later, Hayes’ features numbered just 16. Four time Oscar recipient Katharine Hepburn made 43 theatrical films in 62 years, winning an award on average once every 10.75 movies (though seldom for her best work).

In terms of male performers, Day-Lewis’ closest rival is Marlon Brando, by common consent the medium’s most influential actor.

Brando made 39 films and won Best Actor twice.

By Richard Swainson

Boganology 101 Hair of the Dog.

I’ve always struggled with my hair. Not the stuff on my face, that’s always been a natural gift. My power is denoted from my goatee.

It’s the hair on my head. I have been thwarted at every turn. Originally when I was twelve years old I wanted to be like my Thrash Metal idols. I wanted long hair that I could whip around while head banging. Who cared about how good you were at guitar, the hair would hide or distract people from that fact. I always admired metal bands where the guitarists, bassist, and vocalist would all windmill headbang in unison. It was amazing. However when my hair grew out it grew up. I could grow an afro no problem. The rest of me said

“I looked the Bogan part too, mowing my grandma’s lawn in a Metallica shirt and black jeans.” metal, my head said reggae. I spose I could’ve tied on a head-band, worn some tie dye clothing and tried to be Hendrix. But at my school a dude in tie dye would not last five minutes.

While currently the Far North is a hippy haven for “artists”, up there in the 80s that shit was not cool. Instead I tried to trim down the top but still refusing to give up the longish hair. In other words, I could do a mullet no problem.

My naturally curly hair meant that the Shlong (short on top and long at the back) was easy.

It was a compromise to my lack of Thrash credentials. I thought it was pretty sweet. I still do, I miss the mullet. I looked the Bogan part too, mowing my grandma’s lawn in a Metallica shirt and black jeans. The long hair slicked back with engine grease and sweat.

I was a GQ nightmare. Just before moving to Hamilton I cut it off. Not because I was ashamed of it, I was proud. But more because it became more grease than hair: one dread hanging off the back of my head like a daggy sheep’s tail.

Rest in Peace you hairy little mongrel – maybe one day you’ll be back.

Stay Bogan \m/

By Burton C Bogan

LIFESTYLE

Living on the Cheap Awesome Laundry Detergent.

It’s so simple, that if you have time to make a cup of tea, you’ve got time to make this detergent.

Here is the basic recipe: 3 tablespoons of washing soda (NOT baking soda) 3 tablespoons of borax 2 tablespoons of any dishwashing liquid you have around the house.

That’s it! You can source borax and washing soda from Trade Me. Last lot I bought (1kg of each + postage cost me only $10.20 – From which I will get over 20 litres of laundry

Work Stories Hospo Whores.

I work with a bunch of whored up hospo workers. [pause] No. I am not exaggerating. The place is at once a festering cesspit of late night infidelity and next morning nonchalance. It’s unbelievable, the number of simultaneous sexual relationships that take place without kickback.

You watch any popular sitcom that deals with office romance, and undesired consequence always follows the cliffhanger. Always. You work in hospitality and people have lost enough faith in humanity to sleep with everyone they clock in next to, and yet nothing ever comes of it. Boyfriends don’t find out, wives accept what comes with chef territory, the boss knows everything and gives you a promotion because the potential drama is too thrilling… for once, art does not imitate life.

The sitcoms have got it wrong.

detergent. So you do the math!)

All you do is put the ingredients together in a bowl, and add a few cups of boiling water to melt the powders. Stir until dissolved. Let cool and place in a 2-litre bottle. Top the bottle up with water. It will foam a little as you are filling up the bottle. Just ignore that and fill to the top. Shake to combine.

Use 1 cup per regular load, or ½ cup for a small load. For a particularly dirty wash – or those smelly socks that have been sitting on your floor for a month, it’s best to use 1½ cups.

Be aware that this will not foam like bought detergents – however; foam does not equate to cleanliness! It won’t make your clothes smell of dishwash either. If you are truly concerned, you could add a couple of drops of essential oil per bottle.

Google This Things you should know about on the internet.

Every Recipe http://www.everyrecipe.co.nz Finding recipies online can suck sometimes, especially when they’re all in ounces and pounds... Every Recipe is an excellent New Zealand based cooking website, with local ingredients and everything in the right units.

Tone Matrix http://tonematrix.audiotool.com

So that is the laundry taken care of… Fabric softener?

Easy… That white vinegar you bought to make last weeks formula? Simply add 1 cup to the final rinse. Again, not to worry, your clothing will not end up smelling of vinegar.

If you screw the wait crew, you don’t have to commit or deal with awkward conversation the next day. You pick up your pants and rock up to work hungover and beyond reprimand.

Sex with co-workers here is untouchable. It’s never spoken of, unless either party is incredibly drunk or suddenly filled with remorse.

This doesn’t happen as often as you would think, considering the latent human ability to overthink a situation. It’s remarkable. It’s unthinkable. Until I thought about it…

A week later, and I’m still thinking about it.

Surely, inconsequential no-string-attached sex is an idea thought up by those who are “mature” enough to be best friends with their ex and forgive high school rivals. Am I “mature” enough to handle this? Or do I just need to be good at pretending? Could it really be so simple? …Do I really want to try and find another job if this goes wrong?

I guess it all comes down to how hot he/she is, and how comfortable you are with your GP - long live hospitality and it’s rapid turnover rate.

Want to procrastinate your assignments and remind yourself you could totally be a music genius? Tone Matrix lets you make sweet, sweet sounds by clicking on squares in their grid then playing it back to you.

Rookie http://rookiemag.com A magazine for girls, written by girls, without any commercial imperatives? What is this blasphemy. They also have really good DIYs.

Drop http://drop.notch.net How well can you type? Well I thought I could pretty good, and then I spent an half an hour trying to get past 50 letters. Enter at your own risk.

Memrise http://www.memrise.com Remember when you actually enjoyed learning things? Memrise has courses on languages, arts, literature, maths and science and has modern learning tools to make all that knowledge stick.

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lifestyle

Slut DJ The hole damn game.

After a few more drinks and more toasts to the legalization of gay marriage -which all of them said they never actually wanted to partake in – the half pissed writer and editor asked for a ride home to have some more drinks then head into the gig I was playing.

I happily obliged.

On the night the final reading of the Marriage Equality Bill I was having a beer at a late night diner on Ponsonby Road in Auckland.

It was one of those hipster joints where they had minimalist recreations of famous record sleeves on the walls and all of the bar staff had handle bar moustaches and wore suspenders – thanks Mad Men. Auckland is quite a lot different to Hamilton and it gets a lot of shit but really it is the best city in New Zealand, it has more culture, better clubs, diverse shopping – you name it, they’ve got it.

Hell, they’ve even got our river – in the form of drinking water atleast. They also have a lot of tolerance, which is something the Waikato seems to be lacking. Many a time I’ve walked down Victoria St to a gig and some stereotype has tried to pick a fight with a member of my group calling the guys “homos” or the girls “bitches” or “sluts”. It’s shameful and it’s Waikato.

In Auckland it’s different.

At their home they racked up some shit coke and we smoked some decent weed before heading into Auckland town where they decided that it’d be a good idea to have a tequila bar crawl. So, with the goal of making bad decisions in the name of good fun we made our way across the city taking shots in the mouth.

Once the drinks kicked in the lads started acting in a similar fashion to their heterosexual counterparts – they got sleazy as fuck.

Every guy, gay or straight, suddenly become a goal and unfortunately I somehow ended up on the same field drawn into a game I did not want to play. I quickly and quietly slipped away while Editor was making a pass on a drunk Texan.

An hour later and it’s 2am. I’m at yet another Mad Men inspired bar, where I’m DJ-ing, and I received a call from the Editor.

Massively different.

“Where are you? Lets hang out.”

I relish the chance to jump in the car and head over the Bombays for the night and on that Wednesday I

I politely decline – then it begins.

3.12am – Missed phone call from Editor

“Oi, faggot – come party with some real homos”

3.13am – Text “Where are you? I’m driunk”

I turned around ready to launch into a tirade only to see a bunch of quite famous, er. “real homos” who I’ve known for years.

4.27am – Text “Call me”

One was a writer friend, another the editor of one of New Zealands most popular gossip columns and the other two were famous actors (only one of whom had been outed). It was a table full of enough colourful people to make up the entire colour spectrum of the gay pride flag.

4.29am – Text “Call me in the mourn sexy”

I sat down with the lads and had a few beers, avoiding the cocktails inspired by grand phallic symbols. They shared stories of how hard it had been growing up gay in New Zealand and the difficulties in coming out to family.

I’d heard similar stories before – one of my closest friends is gay and has yet to come out properly – and they still make me ashamed to have made fun of people’s sexuality when I was younger.

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4.28am – Missed phone call from Editor

The next day he rang and apologised – something that I’ve had to do many times before – and I obviously accepted, mocking him the whole time.

It was weird though, it took for me to be relentlessly hit on by a gay friend to make me realise how shit it is for girls when guys drunk text them.

From now on – when the drink is on, the phone is off.

Unless, I’m drinking with the Editor again then I may need to send an SOS.

Mr Minty Fish 8 Simple Rules.

Hey you. I see you’re wearing Federation trackies with a Stolen Girlfriend’s tee, oversized cardi, Kathmandu puffer jacket, burgundy Vans and your RPM beanie. I call it being “bangably comfortable”. You look homeless, but the kind of homeless that actually isn’t homeless and instead is from the North Shore and eats brunch. Wtf am I talking about...

Just as you’re only nice to an RA after you’ve been snapped with an open vessel in the corridor, life has certain rules. I want to prepare you for life; so here are your rules: Girls, you can never be one of the boys. Why? Because guys don’t give a shit and bitches are crazy.

When going to town with a potential gf or bf, don’t judge their character by how they treat you; judge it by how they treat the hospo staff while you’re out.

If you txt someone to come over after 1am and there is a winky face in there then you are verbally obligated to at least consider having sex with them.

If you’re a single girl, there is no legitimate excuse – barring some afternoon delight – to continually text a guy all day.

If you’re a single guy and want to bang a girl but you also have been banging ALL of the other girls, you have no excuse when she doesn’t want your monkey dick all up in her banana pouch.

Once you hit a homerun with him/her, it’s a home-run every time, you can’t go backwards a base.

If you throw up, you clean it up. If your friend cleans your vomit you owe them taxi money for a month, a bottle of vodka and your first born.

Do your uni work. You’ll have a lot more money for substance abuse after you’ve got a degree.

lifestyle

I hope you stopped bluffin’ with your muffin long enough for these guidelines to sink in. I like you, even you at the back of L block wearing the warehouse trackies.

fruity sauv or even a bold, earth shiraz. With this is mind why wouldn’t it make sense for a lady to tuck into a crisp and zesty pilsner or a malty, flavoursome IPA?

Love you lots @mrmintyfish xxx.MMF

There are so many different styles and types of beer available these days that you’re sure to find something that suits. Flavour is the name of the game and brewers all over New Zealand are searching for ways to get more taste into their brews.

mmf@nexusmag.co.nz P.S. Htown street cats. Fuckin’ wanna roll eh?

Little Beer Corner Girls can drink beer too.

Plenty of people think that beer is a mans drink. Whether it’s because our dads drank DB Draught or Rheineck as we grew up or that most TV commercials tell us this is the

Maybe some girls stay away from beer because they think it’s fattening. Beer is no more fattening than wine or mixed spirit drinks. In fact a standard beer has less calories then a standard glass of wine. There might be something in the fact that beer is weaker then wine so you have to drink more of it to get the same amount of alcohol – my answer to this is to drink better beer. There are plenty of stronger and tastier beers out there, you’ve just got to hunt them out.

Will boys think I’m weird of I drink beer?

No. Of course not. These days as craft beer becomes more popular it’s also available in more places. You can buy good beer at your local bottle store and supermarket as well as more of the pubs and bars you visit. The only reason this is happening is that people

“Maybe some girls stay away from beer because they think it’s fattening. Beer is no more fattening than wine or mixed spirit drinks.” case I’m not sure. Thinking along these lines I’d like to challenge that thought and say that girls should drink more beer.

Why?

To start with I think it’s a flavour thing.

Members of the fairer sex are often pegged as wine drinkers. This is a massive simplification I know but I’ll get to the point soon.

When a group of ladies get together for a ‘few wines and a natter’ I’m sure they’re not looking for any old thing to drink. They’ll be looking for a big oaky chardonnay; a crisp,

are searching for better products with more flavour. If craft beer wasn’t ‘cooler’ then it would be so easy to buy. Today’s hint is that if you want to be ahead of the curve you should be hunting out fines ales, drinking them and

telling your mates. That way they’ll think your trendy and clever.

So. Drinking better, craftier beers will not make you fat but they will make you a better person.

C-Ball Vs The Banks C-Ball takes a break from Sports to Bitch about Banks.

Did you know on November the 10th 2012, HSBC - Britain’s multinational banking and financial service, suddenly highlighted one of the scariest and ultimately grievous flaws in our monetary system?

You probably don’t. Everyone has heard about the Federal Reserve, about there being more debt in circulation than real money today.

Some decide maybe things aren’t right, others carry on and look down on you for even thinking change might be beneficial. But on that day back in November 2012, HSBC proved that the justice system has two tiers, banks are completely above the law.

Federal investigators found that HSBC had been laundering money for criminals around the world, moving tainted cash for Mexican drug cartels and even terrorist groups in the Middle East, with a number of high level officials involved. The US Justice Department responded by choosing not to criminally prosecute them, basically arguing they are ‘too influential’. In fact, not prosecuting them was meant to be for our collective good, because where would we be without HSBC? Thank God for the two tier justice system.

HSBC said they were ‘profoundly sorry’, and received a $1.9 billion fine, which equates to but a scratch when the bank already earned pre-tax $21.9 billion in 2011. Not only does this moment in our monetary system’s history show banks are above the law, they are basically unregulated. They are free to do whatever they want, provided they are instrumental, and can be rest assured criminally prosecuting them for anything is nigh impossible unless a country or the world wishes economic collapse. Meanwhile, HSBC’s money laundering for drug cartels went unpunished while some poor fella on the streets got caught selling a pound of blueberry yum-yum to his mates and probably went for jail for life.

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Lifestyle

Brook James Brook Miller was a freelance photographer in Hamilton, shooting anything from nightlife to weddings. Currently living in Melbourne, you can see more of his work here: - facebook.com/brookjamesphotographer - brookjames.tumblr.com/

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LIFESTYLE lifestyle

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ALICE & A Lifestyle

Alice & Anne

By ALICE & ANNE

What is Real Beauty?

Dove has released another “real beauty” advertisement, this time focusing on how women see themselves. It’s available on our Facebook page but if you haven’t seen it, the premise of the video is simple: several women arrive at a building where they talk to a stranger who they cannot see and describe in their own words what their faces look like.

The stranger is a forensic artist who creates a portrait based solely on their description. The artist then creates another drawing based on the description of the woman, but this time from a stranger’s description. The two images are very different and the women featured in the video agree they’re more beautiful than they think.

On YouTube alone the video has had 27 million views since it was uploaded on April 15th and I can’t speak for all women, but I know I’m certainly my harshest critic. It is important to remember that we should look past our own perceived flaws, but Dove doesn’t do anything to discredit the cause of low self esteem. The words that were chosen to portray negative or positive features reinforce social standards.

“Fat”, “freckles”, “crows feet”, “moles” and “scars” were all deemed negatives. Thin was featured several times as a positive descriptor. Of the main participants featured in the video, all of them are thin and white. Three quarters have blonde hair and blue eyes, and

Trend Spotting

By ALICE AND ANNE

Campus Trends

The Hellmilton Roller Ghouls

are all relatively young. There were at least three black women in the project but not as main participants. Two are shown describing themselves in what Dove makes out to be a negative light and are not shown being talked about in a positive light. In 6:36 of footage, people of colour are on screen for less than ten seconds. If you don’t think lack of diversity is an problem, might I just point out that the first black model to feature on a September issue of American Vogue was in 1989, and it has only happened once since then.

There was very little about the video that confronted social norms. There are real women who look like the “negative” pictures, so what is Dove saying about them? Thin, fair and young is only one definition of beauty, and if Dove wanted to be truly revolutionary they’d show us there is a much broader definition of beauty than they’re showing. Yes, they’ve pointed out the impossible nature of using Photoshop, but have been accused of digital manipulation themselves. They centre their campaigns around fair skinned models and sell skin bleaching products. And in this latest video, they’re simply telling us we’re probably more conventionally attractive than we think.

SLIGHTLY STONED SLIGHTLY STONED CHEF PANCAKES 32

Stay beautiful (on your own terms), Anne.

Gather 1 cup of plain flour, 1 cup of milk, 2 eggs, ¼ cup sugar (for sweet pancakes), 1 pinch of salt (for savoury pancakes).

Nothing makes you stand out quite like a pair of roller skates and if you’re interested in getting your own pair, The Hellmilton Roller Ghouls have an open day. First Sunday of every month, 12.30pm at the Roller Skate Rink.

Throw all the ingredients in a bowl. Whisk until mixed and has no lumps. If mixture is too thick add more milk or water.

lifestyle

Arts King of Cute Patrick ‘The King Of Cute’ Ryan is an illustrator and blogger with a cuteness malady. From the moment he tapdanced out of his mother’s womb simultaneously twirling a cane and brandishing a top hat, he’s been obsessed with cuteness. One might say it’s the Higgs boson of his existence. True fact! If a mad-scientist dissected his body they would discover strands of rainbow coloured DNA and vital organs with Asian emoticon faces. Being a creature born of cuteness, it was his destiny to assume the throne of the ‘Cute Kingdom’. He rules over his subjects with benevolence and frivolity and they absolutely idolize him.

FYI this is propaganda! He’s actually a tyrant, running a totalitarian state, which manufactures nuclear warheads, filled with toxic cancer-inducing candy…Sorry guys, the other writer had to take a wee break, so let’s get back to the praise! Well, Patrick is a multi-talented figure with a love for fashion, music and design with a cute flavour.

He’s totally amazing and I really want his babies! Btw his design aesthetic is basically ‘Make everything cute and shiny’. You should probably follow his blog because it’s quite the enthralling read. Well his mum thinks so anyway…also, one more thing, all you basic bitches are easy breezy, and I’m Japaneezy!” kingofcute.co.nz

Put a dollop of butter into a frying pan unitl it sizzles. Put a ladle of the mix in. Swirl the pan until you have a thin circle.

Flip the pancake when golden brown and fry on other side.

For sweet pancakes serve with lemon and sugar or ice cream. For savoury pancakes serve with ham cheese or tomato. Enjoy!

33

WSU

President’s Column An open letter to OUSA.

Veeps Sometimes it’s Okay to do Nothing.

If you’re anything like me, or any other university student, you’ll be all too familiar with the frustrating habit that is procrastination. Some forms of procrastination are useless like eating, watching TV, or going on facebook, but some are incredibly productive like procrasticleaning and procrasti-baking. The problem is that no matter how productive your procrastination may seem, or how well justified you may think it is, that assignment still isn’t going to do itself.

Ironically, I was reading an article on Linked-in about procrastination while procrastinating writing this article, and figured it would be great to write about. Apparently there’s a book called Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength by Roy Baumeister and John Tierney that suggests the “nothing alternative” to procrastination. That is, if you want to get yourself to do something, make the alternative to that task to do nothing. I know it doesn’t quite sound right, but it does make sense. The rule was inspired by a writer named Raymond Chandler who would set aside at least four hours each day to write. He wouldn’t force himself to stay on task, but he simply wouldn’t allow himself to do anything else. The idea is that boredom and longing to do something else will eventually drive us to finish that assignment or whatever task it may be that we are putting off.

It probably won’t work for everybody, but I think it’s worth a shot. If it doesn’t work for you and your habit is procrasti-baking, I will happily help you out by procrasti-eating – you know where the Student Union Building is.

Happy studying!

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So the jury is back, and the verdict is guilty.

The tribe has returned from University Games 2013 in Dunedin and it would appear the event was the flop to accompany David Bennett’s flip in the Marriage Equality debate. One could be forgiven for thinking that OUSA, a student association that frequently reminds everyone how rich they are, would have been able to put on a half decent event. If you did think that, you were wrong. The event was drier than drought ridden rural Waikato.

Now I’m not usually one to complain, especially about an event I didn’t even attend myself, but our student athletes pay a lot of money to attend these events, just like the WSU pays a lot of money to be a member of University Sport New Zealand. I don’t feel either of us got value for money. Word on the street is most of the sports had amateur referees, many of whom held a heavy bias in favour of the home side. Now I don’t mean to offend, but if our students wanted to sink piss and play a backyard sport they would have done it at their flats for free. They came to compete, and were denied this opportunity.

Even the teams that won didn’t really win – there were no medals. In lieu of medals they were awarded painted rocks. Yes, you heard me right. PAINTED ROCKS. There wasn’t even a rock-giving ceremony they were given to the

‘winners’ in plastic bags. Congratulations, you even fail at being environmentally friendly.

Based on this analysis I would say it’s fair to assume OUSA couldn’t organize a piss up in a student bar, like the one they said they were going to build and didn’t – or the one AUSA managed to run into the ground. They came along to New Zealand’s oldest student institution when they weren’t even a member, offered to host an iconic sports event, and then pissed all over it laughing. Did I mention they virtually brought the rights to host it, and then skipped on most of the bill? Now get ready for the punchline: OUSA is now attempting to host winter games. Somehow, I don’t think so.

In recognition of the amazing job OUSA has done in hosting the 2013 University Games I would like to present them with the Annual Aaron Letcher gold rock for putting the final nail in the coffin of student sport at a social level in New Zealand.

Aaron

WSU

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WSU

Ask Amber Sh#t has hit the fan and I have fallen behind in my studies, what can I do?

As a student it is unlikely that you will not go through a rough patch in your life. Although that is possibly the most depressing way to actually start a column, you have to come to the realisation that we are all human and go through stages where we find ourselves not coping. Whatever the situation is there are usually always ways around it… just like coming to seek support from an advocate at the Waikato Students Union, go figure!

Citizens Advice Bureau Contract OUT! Do you understand what a contract is? It is a binding document which if you sign it there is no legal way of getting out of it!

So please read any contract you are given very carefully - don’t sign immediately; think about it and if necessary seek advice.

Some of the contracts which are causing problems: Fixed term rental contracts - there is an excess of rental housing in Hamilton at the moment (and will be for some time) so you 36

Now I am no counselor; I am not going to be able to emotional support you when you break up with your boyfriend. What I can do is support and guide you through processes such as Special Consideration if something like a family situation came up and prevented you from studying or giving your one hundred percent.

There are specific guidelines around applying for something like Special Consideration, for example: how long ago did this situation happen, did this happen during your internal assessments or is it happening over the time your exams period? As student advocate I will be able to help you through making sure you apply for Special Consideration properly and / or similar processes.

If you feel like you are going through a similar situation or have a general inquiry about something then email Amber on advocacy@ wsu.org.nz or text 0272065011

don’t need a fixed term contract to get a good rental.

Mobile phone contracts - do you really need a 2 year contract? If you break it you can be charged a large sum of money.

Gym contracts - you can’t get out of a gym contract if you change your mind.

Extended warranty contracts - you do NOT need these! The Consumer Guarantees Act covers all you need to protect your purchase.

There are many other types of contract, some necessary like an employment contract. Same rules apply: read them carefully and seek advice if needed.

The Citizens Advice Bureau has a lot of information on contracts. They can give you information about this or other inquiries you might have. Visit them at the Village Green

by Waikato Print 11am – 1pm, Mon – Fri or phone 0800FORCAB

Young Workers Resource Centre What is the Employment relations Act Amendment Bill about?

The answer to this question depends what perception you have. Either way if passed this bill will eventually change our workforce.

BusinessNZ Chief Executive Mr O’Reilly said “Overall, these changes will allow more flexibility and certainty for businesses, allowing for more growth and job creation,” I wonder where the certainty for employees comes in.

Business may say ‘when business is certain employment is certain.’ However the very nature of employment as we know it may change.

Let us think back to the port of Auckland dispute. The workers were fighting for working arrangements that were flexible but also enable a worker to plan time with family. The Port had to come to an agreement because of the law - what would have happened to those families if they didn’t have to come to an agreement - like the new proposed law will allow.

Let’s think of the cleaners here at the University who probably are on a lowish wage all ready. The University has its budget cut and naturally when your income is cut one looks at ways to make up the difference. The cleaning bill looks high and the contract is coming up for tender. The business with the lowest tender wins. Currently there are protections put in place for these workers so they will not have the choice between same work less pay or now work no pay. This law will impact them and their family. These people do not deserve to be punished for working hard.

How do you look at policies- It can be useful to think how the outcomes will impact the people of your/our community.

WSU

Was This You? Bar 101.

Was this you out on the town last weekend?

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