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ISSUE 24, VOLUME 45

YEARBOOK ISSUE

07 OCTOBER 2013


WES3582

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elcom sue Fo

contents

Editorial Team Editor Alix Higby editor@nexusmag.co.nz

Deputy Editors Louise Hutt & Jess Edmonds-Saunders louise@nexusmag.co.nz jess@nexusmag.co.nz Online Editor Alix Higby online@nexusmag.co.nz

Graphic Designer Haylie Gray design@nexusmag.co.nz

Managing Editor James Raffan james@nexusmag.co.nz

Advertising Advertising Manager Tony Arkell ads@nexusmag.co.nz

Contributors C-Ball, Kathlene Cook, Daniel Petersen, Matt Hicks, HP, Danyell Summers, Dr Richard Swainson, Jess Molina, Gil Denny, Amber, Tony Stevens, Liana Tere, Jackson MasonMackay, Suzanne Cunningham, Craig Burns, Rhiannon Bond, Nicola Potts, Zac Lyon and Aaron Letcher

Print Fusion Print

Nexus Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA). The views expressed in this publication are not necessarily the views of Nexus magazine, the WSU, Printers, the editor or any of our advertisers.

issue 24 / VOLUME 45 / 07 OCTOBER / 2013 [3] News in Review.

[6] Sports Thoughts.

[8] Events of the Year. [12] Huianga.

[13] Noho Marae

[14] Reviewers Top Ten of the Year. [16] Lettuce

[18] Double Puzzle Page!

[20] Nexus Out of Context [22] Shit we didn’t Do. [24] Nexus 2.0

[28] Club & Nexus Awards Night [29] 2014 Predictions

[30] Bored Report + Veeps [31] President’s Column

[32] Contributors Words of Wisdom [34] Best of Was This You? [35] Gig Guide

[36] Nexus Sign Off

Ground Floor, Student Union Building Gate One, University of Waikato Knighton Road, Hamilton online nexusmag.co.nz facebook.com/nexusmagNZ @waikatostudents

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Editorial

Editorial

Highlight Reel

BY ALIX HIGBY

this week in nexus // Pg: 03 This is the big one. This parting commentary is all you will have left of me for 2013. It’s been a whirlwind. It really has. It’s also been a heck of a lot of hard work and an intricate balancing act. But in the end, I think the numerous late nights of writers block and chasing up wayward contributors have been worth it. We managed to deliver 24 issues

Today, Louise managed to get 14 photographs and nobody told her we were shit. I’d like to think that this is for the most part thanks to our dedicated team of volunteer writers, Louise’s guerrilla photography tactics, and our talented designer Haylie who sometimes waits all day Thursday to receive this editorial. The rest of the thanks go to the driving

“We would spend hours trying to convince people that lending your face and name to Nexus would not be social suicide. Today, Louise managed to get 14 photographs and nobody told her we were shit.” of Nexus without failing papers (we’ll see) or destroying friendships (none that mattered anyway), and for the most part we’ve had positive feedback on the direction we’ve taken (I say it doesn’t count if you haven’t been a student in over three years). I’ve already dropped hints and then blatantly referenced my impending departure to the land of the free for the first half of 2014, so you’re going to have to get used to a different kind of editorial. Which kind, I don’t know because as of yet I don’t have a replacement… if you’d be keen to get involved in the production of this fine student publication then get in touch with me before I leave, at editor@nexusmag.co.nz! Seriously, if there is anything you’ve seen that you think you could do better, don’t just heckle me across Momento. Put your hand up and do it yourself. This is a student magazine for students run by students. It really needs all the input it can get, and as a student I feel it is your duty to make it representative of your time here. At the beginning of the year when I took on the role of Nexus Editor, our deputy Louise and I would attempt to stop people around campus and ask them questions for Random Profile or take their photo for our campus style section. We would spend hours trying to convince people that lending your face and name to Nexus would not be social suicide. 2

forces behind us; Managing Editor James Raffan, who is responsible for harassing us every week and covers our asses when we have huge 30% university assignments due, our “legal department” Pene and Dave, who ensure that the majority of our content won’t get us sued, and Tony who makes sure there is an actual physical magazine out on the stands every Monday.

News in Review All the news that 2013 saw fit to print.

// Pg: 32

Words of Wisdom Some handy hints to get you to the end of the year. // Pg: 14

Reviewers Top Ten It’s a big job putting together 40 pages of content every week, but because we love it so much it’s a ridiculously good time. We aim to be an independent student voice, which basically means we can say whatever we like, as long as you know, it doesn’t make life unreasonably harder for anyone. As always though, it could definitely be better and we could definitely use a few more pairs of hands and eyes. We have a fairly small team at the moment and quite a few are leaving next year following their graduation (lucky for some!). This is my final call for your input! I present to you a soapbox for your thoughts and opinions. It’s called Nexus magazine, and in 2014 it’ll be a near blank canvas for your creative talents. On that note, show those exams who’s boss and enjoy your summer break. We’ll see you in 2014 for a new year with a new Nexus. Alix

The best of the best of the best of the best reviews. // Pg: 18

Puzzle Page - Double Feature The puzzliest puzzle page ever.

// Pg: 20

Nexus out of Context Not that we make sense in context either.


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 The Blackjack Budget passed by National really screwed students (note: no more mature students in the graduation photo)

 An excavator digs amid rubble in Aleppo’s Fardous neighborhood, August 26, 2013. (Molhem Barakat / Courtesy Reuters)

 Reeva Steenkamp and the guy that killed her, Oscar Pistorius.

 The people’s Pope? Pope Francis.

 John Boehner effectively shut down the US government last week.

Gay marriage became legal in New Zealand this year.

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NEWS

NEWS

You can’t spell Cunliffe without in review C.U.N… “He is young, likeable, intelligent, and had a record of getting things done. In short David Shearer doesn’t stand a chance.”

We take a look back at the major news stories of the year and see if we left anything out.

Got a smoke man? Nexus News started the year off a little too libertarian for its own liking. Yes, we made fun of the Pope and a bunch of other things but at the same time we got a little too pissed off about the proposed changes to the campus smoking laws. Why? Because when you have a filter and a dash of menthol, the combination of tobacco, drain cleaner, and 600 types of chemicals is delicious. In our defence though it wasn’t really us being pro-smoking as much as it was us being anti-“the notion of unilaterally deciding something without any real understanding of impact, enforcement, or public relations.” But hey, the certificate that says we are a non-smoking campus supposedly has some sweet, hand-drawn calligraphy. We drew attention to the fact that the idea had some real challenges (as stated by independent reporting), and we got the Vice-Chancellor on record addressing those concerns without really doing much more than letting us know that it would be sorted by next year and they were on the case. So next year when you walk to the University, down the sidewalk, and along Knighton road passing 150 smokers coughing and spluttering at their designated smoking spots, remember to thank the University for thinking about your health… and for the smoke-free certificate with pretty calligraphy.

That was the verdict of the Nexus Managing Editor James Raffan when Alix sat down with Shearer in 2012, and true to form Labour self-destructed. The truth was that some of us had begun to develop a little crush on Shearer. When we first met him he was that rare combination of an idealist and a pragmatist. He looked like one of them but he talked like one of us. He even sat down to ten of the stupidest questions we had ever posed to anyone in 2012 and did it with a smile.

“My opponent is a smug condescending jerk. How do I know? I’m a smug condescending jerk.” For a list of the questions we tried to ask David Shearer, check out “Shit we couldn’t publish” in this issue.

John Key Visits (and only Alix wants to talk to him)

Current Prime Minister and Young Nats Unfortunately, sometime between our first Facebook pic model John Key stopped by interviews and Louise’s chat with him in the Nexus office on his “look at the destrucmid 2013, David Shearer changed. It wasn’t tion I have caused” tour. Super editor Alix his fault, he had already survived one Higby sat down with Mr Key in what we can leadership challenge and was on the ropes. only imagine was one of the most boring Louise spoke to him about education and interviews she has ever done. Mr Key then feeding hungry kids. She also spoke to other went on to address students collectively MP’s who were not as nice about our “silly at Level Zero and went so far as to state, little magazine.” She was then informed by “More people care about snapper than they a member of the press staff that our other do the GCSB.” What a nice guy. interview with Shearer was, “really funny satire but we really don’t want Mr Shearer to be answering that as he is a serious man.” A few weeks later, apparently on the advice of someone in his media team, Mr Shearer pulled out two snapper in the debating chamber and basically called time on his credibility. A few weeks later armed with only a cup of coffee and their 30 pieces of silver, Phil Goff and Grant Robertson went to get Shearer for his “press conference.” A day later Jacinda Ardern ruled herself out of contention for the leadership, after a stuff. co.nz poll named her a frontrunner. She probably made the right decision though, after all could anyone see Labour being led by a smart college-educated woman from the country’s heartland who had irrefutable links to the global community and specifically the international Labour and suffrage movements? I mean when was the last time that even happened. And so the race to smug forgone conclusion began with David Cunliffe, Grant Robertson

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and Shane “Hotel Porn” Jones. Inevitably Cunliffe became leader of the opposition and pitched himself against John Key in what we can only imagine is going to be the weirdest election debating ever...

Speaking of the GCSB, Charter Schools, Asset Sales , Student Loans, AntiProtesting and Simon Bridges

Hasn’t this been a billboard year for the government? Labour spent 90% of the year trying to figure out who was in charge and is still able to form a government on recent polling data. First there was the ongoing asset sales


NEWS

debacle. Starting with the assertion that the electoral victory gave them a mandate to pretty much do what they want, and ending this October with the decision to do a nonbinding postal referendum on asset sales so they can ignore it. Meanwhile, former WSU President Hekia Parata performed a bit of misdirection by feigning incompetence around school closure and sneaking Charter schools in under the radar. So that every cult or community has the chance to teach what they want without being burdened by standards, facts, or a grasp on reality. Students got their arses kicked in this year’s budget. Leave the country at your peril, because the moment you get back in, johnny law is going to be waiting for you with your student loan bill. Except of course, if you are over 45 because then the government will do everything in it’s power to make studying difficult in the first place. A graduated system of removing loans and entitlements for the middle-aged is just another wonderful gift from those who got free tertiary education. As the months wore on, Nexus scientifically determined the 50 people destroying your future. The winner was a surprising young upstart from the Tauranga region, Simon Bridges. Bridges had narrowly beaten out a stiff challenge from both Kim Jong Un and John Key, and set about proving he wasn’t simply the judges choice. Whether it was his controversial decision to push through legislation stopping people from protesting near oil drilling equipment because of safety concerns, or telling Labour they are a bunch of dancing Cossacks, Simon took douchebaggery to a brand new level. Then there’s the GCSB. For about 30 seconds we were all very happy that the GCSB had decided to answer our questions. After all they were at the root of the biggest issue of the year. People were protesting, the government was being asked to explain itself, and perhaps the most astonishing part of all of it was that Kim Dotcom was the hero. We say astonishing because he looks and acts like Spiderman nemesis Doc Oc. Yet the GCSB had agreed to an interview with us. It didn’t go well. For a list of the questions we tried to ask the GCSB, check out “Shit we couldn’t publish” in this issue.

Syria

If you’re sitting on the green or having a conversation before a lecture, and you want to have a little fun this week ask a friend if they understand what is going on in Syria. If they say they do, then you have our permission to punch them and immediately disassociate yourself from them because they lie to you.

used was “you know what would really piss America off...”

When we asked around, the most common thing we were told was, “it is a civil war.” Whilst that is right, it is also a gross oversimplification. Syria is a country that was founded in war and then really got a taste for it. So much so that three years after the country was founded it had its first (CIA assisted) coup where leadership was destabilised. Since then Syria has fallen into the category of strategically important in the Middle East, but also a political nightmare. One of the major reasons that gets a little overlooked is that contrary to popular belief, Syria is actually a nation of religious and ethnic pluralism. While Syria is made up of just under 60% Arab Suni there is also a large population of Arab Alawite, Kurdish Suni and Greek Orthodox Christian.

Stories that died or we can’t be bothered talking about in depth

The roots of this particular uprising though are the “Arab Spring” which has seen huge social change in other Middle Eastern countries, most notably Egypt and Iran. In 2011 (not a typo) a group of Syrian dissidents started to call for Al-Assad to leave office. Assad had succeeded his father who had been in power since 1973 and so the Syrian uprising was born. Since 2011 over 110,000 people have died in Syrian violence. To use the new international Standard, that works out to a 9/11 once a month for three years. Fuck! That number includes 1,000 government officials, 979 protesters and 29,000 soldiers and policeman. So why are people starting to care now? Well, America got involved again. As it turned out, using chemical weapons to kill your own citizens was a line they would not let Syria cross. Just to be clear - killing 106,000 without chemical weapons, that they were fine with. So they started what we all thought was countdown to yet another Mayan apocalypse. A move that wouldn’t have ended well for anyone, had it not been for the intervention of Former KGB spy, and professional Iron Man villain, Vladimir Putin. Apparently Putin picked up on a flippant remark made by UN Secretary of State John Kerry and convinced Syria to turn all of their chemical weapons over to Russia for disposal. We can only guess the tactic he

So there you go. Crisis averted. Putin is a hero. Well, Putin is a hero unless you happen to be gay, a minority, disabled, capitalist, female, a pacifist, a member of a punk band, a fan of shirts, or a figure skater, etc. etc.

NZUSA. Incompetence, mismanagement, an ego, and that was only from the people trying to fix it. Monckton. Climate change denier came to talk at the university and was challenged by the flat earth society and former Nexus Editor Joshua Drummond. The guy was a fucking moron. Chase Douglas. We briefly did this in short news and pointed out some online stuff. Chase Douglas was a Hillary Scholar and Opera singer who tried to get his assault conviction overturned. The conviction related to three separate attacks on his exgirlfriend, including one where he choked her. This one is a tragedy for everyone involved but mostly for the ex-girlfriend. Douglas was unsuccessful in his appeal and has now lost a lot of international opportunities. For what it’s worth we believe 100% that the legal system worked. It is disappointing for him but actions have consequences. Mayoral Elections: Ewan Wilson is 2% behind Julie Hardaker. Read the ‘Actions Have Consequences’ section above and consider it, before we give a guy with four counts of fraud the chequebook. Pope Frank: Cool with Atheists and thinks the church should calm down on abortion, gay marriage and other shit he thinks Jesus would be totally cool with. Gay Marriage: It’s been months and the world hasn’t caught on fire or exploded. Gareth Morgan: The pussy destroying, moustached lothario took North Korea by storm. Hamilton: It doesn’t really matter who is in power. We’re kinda screwed. Book writing Bogans... There is always a spot on our runsheet for a best selling author. 5


NEWS

SPORTS THOUGHTS 2013 Sport Wrap Up

2013 may well have been a horrible year if it weren’t for sport. You probably slept through too many classes, failed too many assignments, or maybe you realised you chose the wrong path in life and that you are wasting your time and money at university. Maybe you got herpes after you took that person home from the Outback, or your eardrums burst from the shit music at the Outback, or you’re bankrupt because you invested in the Outback. Who knows. But if life sucked for you this year, sport probably tried its best to cheer you up. One of the biggest stories of the year was SBW going to the Roosters and the NRL. I hate SBW, and the Roosters are miles over the salary cap. But they look fairly certain to take out the Premiership, and Williams despite being a cock has been rather sublime. His friends, the Chiefs, took out the Super 15 despite having a pretty flat looking line up, which goes to show it’s all about the heart of the dog or whatever that crap people say is. The Chiefs now want to play Toulon in a Club Championship. Good idea in my opinion. Team New Zealand lost the America’s Cup, but now taxpayers don’t have to foot the 6

bill for holding a regatta in Auckland. The Black Caps didn’t seem to do all too much noteworthy but Otago is currently going ham to tits in the Champions League. The BCCI – India’s Cricket governing body, are being the same greedy shit cunts as per usual, doing everything they can to ruin the great game and even electing Chief Executives who have son-in-laws facing courts for match fixing. Nice. Lebron James took the Miami Heat to a briefcase full of golden rings, and the Breakers stomped Australian clubs into the ground once more to win three titles on the trot. In Netball, nothing of note happened except some past Netball administrator or coach or something getting a real job and going to work for the Bulldogs in the NRL. Ironic – she kind of looks like a bulldog. Golf – who cares. Football – you can guess, the Phoenix sucked and the All Whites scored few goals and entertained even less people. 2013 – the end. Westside. C-Ball.


NEWS

rhythm & vines WAIOHIKA ESTATE, GISBORNE 29-31 dec 2013

rudimental (dJ set) / wiz khalifa empire of the sun / shapeshifter flux pavilion hospitality presents: camo & krooked / high contrast danny byrd / metrik / dynamite mc kill the noise / Julio bashmore hermitude / chet faker stanton warriors / ayah marar live wilkinson / dJ zinc / mightyfools dusky / soul clap / rustie wolf + lamb / kode9 the phoenix foundation / david dallas / @peace concord dawn / p-money / tahuna breaks tomorrow people / louis baker / weird together pleaseplease / benny tipene / the remains

tickets available now from rhythmandvines.co.nz #randv2013

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review 2013

A Review of Events on Campus Orientation activities were well supported with over 15,000 interactions with students recorded during the event. There was a great atmosphere on the Village Green with large numbers in attendance each day. The WSU gave away around 3,000 packs containing a free diary, wall planner and other essentials such as noodles and soup.

on 4th and 5th April, hosting of Lord Monkton to speak on climate change on 8th April, a free coffee giveaway on 10th May, and a clothes swap on 14th May. We also hosted a weekly Open Microphone activity at Level Zero on Friday afternoons throughout the semester, and put on an end of semester function at House Bar on 31st May.

Clubs contribute strongly towards campus culture. Clubs Day has been part of our Orientation festival for many years and has built a strong brand within that framework. The free buses into town were again very popular, attracting around 4,000 passengers over the course of the week.

There has also been strong demand for us to support student initiatives on the campus. We have supplied expertise and man-power to help students plan and run their own events, also supporting them with equipment. These events have included a flash mob, several Chiefs/ Waikato rugby team related activities, and a bake-sale.

Ori 2013 included a pool party, a Hypnotist show, a comedy event, an open-air movie night and a day at the beach. Working in partnership with U Leisure a team of 25 students went to Uni Games competing in Touch, Ultimate Frisbee and Women’s six-a-side hockey. Touch finished 4th, Ultimate Frisbee 5th and Hockey 3rd, giving us fourth place overall. Waikato had two players, Tom White & Annie Chen, named in the Ultimate Frisbee tournament team.

Events we have worked on: International Amazing Race Ori-2013 Re-Ori Open Mic Clothes Swap VC Tree Planting Day Q & A with Lord Monckton Generation Zero meetings x 2 PI Mixer WSU Elections Kingitanga Day Hakinakina x 2 Te Huinga Tauira Cook Island Conference Law Ball WSU Club events Noho Marae Prime Minister’s Visit City/Regional Council Election Forum Student Exchange programme with Nicky Buchanan

We have supported Student Job Search’s 30th birthday celebrations in May and the University’s Community Planting Day in June. We have aslo supported the “Amazing Race” event held in conjunction with the International Centre on 20th February, Careers Expo on 20th March, Hakinakina (Maori students sports tournament) held on 27th March, University Open Day on 17th May, and the Engineering Students Boat Race on 31st March. During Cultural Hour the WSU continued to provide regular barbeques and entertainment such as performances, games, competitions and market stalls both on the Green and in around Level Zero. Other activities we have provided include a Cultural Music performance on 3rd April, a campus-wide Easter egg hunt

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Review 2013

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EVENTS

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EVENTS

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oPINION

Huinga Ko Te Huinga Tauira e ngunguru nei! Hi, au, au, aue ha, Hi!!!! And just like that, at 1.00pm on Thursday 29 August 2013, with a rumble of chant, quiver of greenery and protrusion of eyeballs, 250 Maori students from across the nation had settled on the pavements of Te Kohinga Marama Marae. It the beginning of the hui and the genesis of Te Waiora’s influence at the University. If anyone was unsure as to who Te Waiora was, they were quick to learn as the wondrous events of Te Huinga Tauira unfolded over the 4 days. No such feat would have been possible at the hand of Te Waiora alone, so to our contributors, sponsors and any other form of assistance that came to manifest, mei kore koutou, tena ra koutou katoa. To our fellow TMA members, NTM, Manawatahi, TKT, Matatupu, NT, Te Akatoki, Te Awhioraki, TRM, we can’t wait to do it all again next year, wherever Te Huinga Tauira may take us. I leave you to ponder the famous words of this year’s conference, ‘hihi whakahitamo ngahae i te rangi’, and just like that of a great orator closing remarks, tena koutou, tena koutou, tena ra tatou katoa.

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OPINION

Noho Marae Despite the rain and freezing cold winds during our stay on Waipapa Marae it was great to see how excited the international students were as they listened to their first karanga and for many seeing a Marae for the first time. During the 24 hours at Kawhia we experienced a hangi, the boys learnt the haka whilst the girls learnt the poi and heard many stories about the Maori Culture. Thank you to all the international students that attended and made it so memorable. It was a fantastic event put on by the WSU with the grateful assistance from Te Waiora.

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entertainment & reviews

gig

Top 10 Gigs Wow, can’t believe I’m writing this already! Where did time go? I feel like it was only yesterday when I was writing my first columns for the year! But it really is true what they say… time flies when you’re having fun. And what fun it was. I leave you with the Top 10 gigs of the year explained in 10 words or less (because really, you should have read the full reviews every week).

FILM

Top 10: Movies 10. Stories We Tell - Documentary of the year.

10. Hamilton Night Market 3000 people came on the first night. Yummy in my tummy. 9. NZ Music Month This was a whole month of music. Needs more Hamilton!

CAFÉ

Top 10: CafÉs 10. Dora’s café – Personable and has loads of regulars.

9. The Place Beyond the Pines - I’m not ashamed to say, I’d do Ryan Gosling

8. The April Bashout Nothing like seeing a band play for the first time.

8. Elysium - Disappointing follow up to District 9, yet still great!

7. Auckland Art & Craft Fair The RnV of craft fairs. More for the ladies though!

7. The Way Way Back - The Dean (from Community) makes a movie!

6. Skint The high point of student life. Spend less get more.

7. Harlem - It is shut down now. Start appreciating things people!

5. Fashion Week Obviously only if you care about fashion. It was great.

6. Mr Milton’s Canteen - Hand delivered by the chef. Tasty morsels.

6. Monsters University - Pixar lite, yet still great. Better than Despicable Me 2 5. The Worlds End - Fitting end to the ‘Cornetto’ trilogy 4. Pacific Rim - Epic love letter to the Monster Movie 3. This is the End - Surprise comedy of the year. Hilarious 2. Mud - Matthew McConaughey can act!!! 1. Gravity - Not even out yet and I don’t care. It’s going to be amazing! Cheers, Daniel Petersen

4. Thursday Proof that there is still hope for Thursday nights in town. 3. Electro Static Still standing. Still Awesome. Still Static. See you this Saturday! 2. Soundscape It’s Hamilton’s only street party. Don’t miss out next year! 1. Netsky And my heart did come alive. I love you Netsky. Cheers, Jess Molina

Leaving town soon? Need storage?

8. Demi Urgos – Trendy and a table full of cool books.

5. Café five 45 - Big burgers. Say no more 4. Hazel Hayes - Yummo Bummo!! 3. Milk and Honey - Slices, salads, coffee, views, newspapers: business chic. 2. Urge Delicious and something a bit special. They care. 1. Jacks Coffee lounge - I want my home to be in this café. Kathlene Cook

SPECIALT STUDEN OFsFfiExeRd term

Call Shirley or Nigel for all the details: 3 month $200 Ph 846 6144 storeit4U@xtra.co.nz 176 Ellis St Frankton SAVE 14

9. French Tart café – It’s French: romantic.

SELF STORAGE

Safe, secure, affordable


entertainment & reviews

ALBUM

Top 10: ALBUMS 10. The Great Gatsby - Soundtrack So good it brought back an era and made me fall in love with Jack White again.

video games

Top 10: Video Games MARK ONE COMIC 10. Steamworld Dig (3DS) - Just beats Guacamelee as download king 9. Tomb Raider (PS3/Xbox360/PC) - She’s back and better than ever!

Top 10: Comics 10. Aquaman (DC) - We’ll miss you Geoff Johns!

8. Pikmin 3 (Wii-U) - Like a playable Pixar film, B-E-A-utiful!

9. Quantum and Woody (Valiant) - Buddy comedy of the year!

7. Ni no Kuni (PS3/Xbox360) - Like a playable Studio Ghibli film!

8. Daredevil (Marvel) - A constant joy to read. What every comic should be like!

6. Rayman Legends (PS3/Xbox360/Wii-U) - 2D Platformer of the decade! 5. Bio Shock Infinite (PS3/Xbox360/PC) - Epic 4. Pokemon X&Y (3DS) - Not even out yet, but come on! 3. Fire Emblem: Awakening (3DS) - Handheld game of the year, 10/10 2. The Last of Us (PS3) - Exclusive of the year. Breath-taking 1. GTA V (PS3/Xbox360) - I haven’t left home in over a week.

9. Like Clockwork - Queens Of The Stoneage A pretty solid follow up and entirely worth the wait.

7. East of West (Image) - Just beats Manhattan Projects for ‘Hickman’ of the year 6. Punk Rock Jesus (Vertigo) - Jesus makes one heck of an action hero! 5. Thor: God of Thunder (Marvel) - Marvel Now! Of the year. Epic. 4. Wonder Woman (DC) - Consistently brilliant. DC’s best! 3. Trillium (Vertigo) - Only two issues in and already a masterpiece 2. Hawkeye (Marvel) - It’s Hawkguy bro! Poor Grills :( 1. Saga - Read it! Now!

8. Sound City - Dave Grohl and Friends Dave Grohl, Writer, Actor, Documentarian. Did you know he also played music. 7. Magna Carta Holy Grail - Jay Z So much better than Yeezus. 6 The Electric Lady by Janelle Monáe If you haven’t heard of Janelle Monae yet then you’re a bad person and you should feel bad. 5 Random Access Memories - Daft Punk I want to have kids just so I can play them this album one day. 4. Amok - Atoms For Peace You had me at Thome Yorke and Flea. 3. The Next Day - David Bowie Because no one is cooler than Ziggy Stardust. 2. Modern Vampires of the City - Vampire Weekend What do you do when you have released two great albums. Produce a third that tackles some really heavy topics and messes with your sound. If you pull it off half as well as Vampire Weekend did, you will be guaranteed success. 1. Pure Heroine - Lorde It might seem cliche’d to put her here but fuck off she earned it.

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LETTUCE

LETTUCE TO THE EDITOR.

lucky enough to have an event like this provided, people that are here to learn from our teachers, our colleagues and our international visitors can do so. The moral of the story is, you, Tool Asshat McGhie, are an idiot. -Rachael Elliott

Nexus loves getting your letters. We also love it if they are funny, intelligent and well written. Mainly we will be happy if you keep them under 250 words, it saves us having to cut them down. Please remember to give us a real name when you send them in even if you want to write with an alias. Email us at Lettuce@nexusmag.co.nz or... facebook.com/nexusmagNZ

A disagreement in Hogwarts? Dear Editor, Following last week’s letter about matching law lecturers to Harry Potter professors, I would like to suggest some corrections: Trevor Daya-Winterbottom: Professor Binns, or Neville Longbottom Doug Tenant: Flitwick Cheryl Green: Horace Slughorn Juliet Chevalier Watts: Madame Hooch Sue Tappenden: McGonagall Joel: Mad-Eye Moody Barry Barton: Voldermort Brad Morse: Dumbledore Cats under the law block: Mrs Norris I’d like to say great job to last week’s contributor on allocating Hagrid and Trelawney so accurately. Sincerely, I wish this was Hogwarts.

Arguments without end. Dear Lettuce, Re: T.A. McGhie vs. Writer’s Without Borders As a creative writing student, the opportunity to listen in on a panel of authors having a discussion about their writing process during Writer’s Without Borders was invaluable. For our visiting authors to share from their published work as well as speak of the personal journeys, struggles, and triumphs during the development of those pieces was inspiring and encouraged me to reflect on my own writing practice. Even more inspiring was hearing our own teachers read from unpublished texts that they are currently working 16

#nexuslettuce.

on. The only thing that marred an otherwise incredibly successful evening was the behaviour of a tall weirdo in a grubby blue jacket who got drunk, loomed over people asking insane questions, and then insulted the panel. I can only assume that said weirdo was none other than Tool Asshat McGhie- and I’m pretty sure he’s off his meds. Tool Asshat McGhie attempted to patronise the panel during question time, waxing on about how their view that discipline is necessary to be a writer was flawed as Hemingway never had any (and also he knows everything about Hemingway and therefore writing because he read all three of the autobiographies you know). We were treated to a beautiful display of a classy American using her genius to cut an idiot down to size. It was so polite I’m not even sure if he realised that she was firmly putting him in his place. I find it interesting that he refers to the women on the panel as ‘Lady Professor, ‘the Lady’ and ‘the Authoress’. Tool McGhie, show some respect you misogynist. These people put their time and energy into putting on an event that everyone except you enjoyed and benefited from. You could at the very least learn the names of our own members of staff. It’s not difficult- the ‘Lady Professor’ is Catherine Chidgey, an internationally acclaimed author of several successful novels, who earlier this month won the Katherine Mansfield Literary Awards. The ‘lady’ is Dr Tracey Slaughter, winner of the same award in 2004 as well as a host of other prizes, also internationally published and celebrated. On that note, a woman less likely to have an agenda does not exist- ‘allowance was only made for a couple of questions’ because your display of extreme wankery used up most of the allotted question time. In future, please keep your mouth shut so that when we are

Best. Idea. Ever. To whom it may concern, I cannot fathom why a magazine would need a bartender, but regardless I would like to offer my services. I recently resigned as a duty manager at diggers bar for health reasons. I have nearly seven years experience in hospitality, mainly on a bar but also as a barista. I am quite proud of my product knowledge regarding beer and spirits. Wine can go die in a fire though. If this sounds like I met your requirements please don’t hesitate to contact and I will send through a CV and references. Regards Martin Thursby

Racist? Hamilton? Hey Nexus, I went to the New Zealand Breakers game on Tuesday and made a concerning observation. Other than the fact 99% of people there clearly knew nothing about basketball, they were also quite clearly really, really racist. Basically, when someone was subbed into the game, if the person was white, everyone would applaud. If the person wasn’t white, it would be deathly silent. That’s pretty fucked up guys. So Hamilton. Do me a favour and stop being racist. Because Black people are cool too. Peace and love and shit, Rainman

DISCLAIMER Letters published contain the opinion of the writer and the writer alone. Nexus publications take no responsibility for the content or opinions so expressed. By submitting your letter you give consent to its publication in Nexus and subsequent public scrutiny. Letters are the authors own work and Nexus will not edit to compensate for lack of intelligence or coherency. Nexus reserves the right to edit or refuse to publish any letter which breaches any law, is defamatory to any person, or contains threats of violence or hate speech.


LETTUCE

17


entertainment & reviews

Double Puzzle Page!

Digi-Search Find the hidden numbers - They may be horizontal or vertical. 01211, 04883, 05847, 08374, 10790, 13388, 18833, 18910, 24813, 43593, 54373, 59283, 67452, 69829, 92763, 98879.

Commonym Word Fit

SPILL STEEL TAXES VEINS 6 letter words ASYLUM LIKELY METRIC SCRIPT TYPIST URGENT

5 letter words CALLS ERROR LAYER LINER RANCH ROYAL RULES SIDES

7 letter words ARRIVAL EMOTION ENDORSE ENHANCE PADLOCK PARENTS REVOLVE RIDDLES SALIENT THEOREM

1. A Ball - A Fish - A Cold 2. A Ball - A Salad - A Coin 3. A Cork - A Question - A Balloon 4. A Bottle - A Baseball Player - A Mushroom 5. A Bell - Mouth - A Shoe 6. A Tug of War - The Nightly News - A Boat 7. Seventeen - Time - People 8. A Basketball Court - A Highway - A Bowling Alley 9. Fog - A Jack - A Body Builder 10. A Hockey Game - A Restaurant - A Bank

Phrase Scrambles Unscramble the tiles to reveal a message. LAT

IKE

YOU

OU’

OCO

NA

GET.

E I

RE

LIF

WHA

GON

BOX

S

A NE

18

OF ..

OW

ES.

KN

L

T

Example: A car - A tree - An elephant = trunks.

Y CH

VER


LIFESTYLE

Giant Crossword Across 1. Vegetable (7) 5. Blandished (9) 9. Titled peer (5) 13. Remember (9) 14. Units of time (5) 15. Escapade (9) 16. The study of insects (10) 18. Ship’s steering device (4) 19. Cautious (7) 22. Entourage (7) 23. Lands surrounded

by water (7) 24. Piece of furniture (5) 25. Rescued (5) 26. Mythical beast (7) 28. Olfactory organ (4) 29. Lets in (6) 31. Nipped (7) 33. Wrong (9) 35. Lower limit (7) 38. Skilful (5) 39. Up-to-date (6) 40. Fraudulence (6) 42. Ringlets (5) 45. Not paid on time (7) 47. Inventions (9) 49. Memory loss (7)

50. Phsically strong (6) 52. Grain store (4) 54. Candidate (7) 55. Cake topping (5) 57. Freight (5) 58. Reproduction (7) 59. Patron (7) 61. Irritated (7) 62. Tight (4) 64. Cut (10) 67. Held sacred (9) 69. Hoard (5) 70. Pragmatic (9) 72. Dig (5) 73. Accumulated (9) 74. Superimposed (7)

Down 1. Theft (7) 2. Implied (5) 3. Without bounds (9) 4. The night before (3) 5. Weariness (7) 6. Dull pain (4) 7. Cease-fire (5) 8. Similarity in appearance (11) 9. Month, in short (3) 10. Gained (9) 11. Equipoise (11) 12. Adolescents (9) 15. Dialects (7) 17. Lackadaisical (7) 20. Hazard (4) 21. Bills (8)

22. Income (7) 23. Disregard (6) 25. Female singing voice (7) 27. Insanely irresponsible (7) 30. Leave out (4) 32. Detested (5) 34. Perfidy (7) 36. Synthetic fabric (5) 37. Type of horse (7) 39. Security interest (4) 41. Tremendous (8) 43. Teller (7) 44. Part of a poem (6) 46. Abashed (11) 48. Conceited (11)

49. Wondrous (7) 50. Advocate (9) 51. Villain (9) 53. Hindered (7) 55. Immediately (9) 56. Quarry (4) 59. Exchanged (7) 60. Ignited (7) 63. Male relative (5) 65. Become liable to (5) 66. Dexterous (4) 68. Indicating maiden name (3) 71. Whole (3)

19


Feature

Nexus Out of Context Living Cheaper Matt Hicks

“...the pills only work when the user is aroused, if you want to have sex, you can and will - with the best darn erection you’ve ever had” “...I suggest in the most eloquent of ways ‘maybe we should fuck while wearing our onesies.’” “...I’m pretty sure all soldiers remove their hoodies when standing to attention.”

“..on another note, I get up really early every morning and it’s probably one of my biggest life struggles” “...if you’re confused; sexually or otherwise; just Google it” “ If you can be demeaned by a sandwich, then the terrorists have really won.” “...you look extremely fuckable today. A first year will probaby masterbate over you later”

“I sat in silence just staring the boer constrictor of penis’ directly in the eye.” “...on his return the young woman had magically disappeared leaving only her underwear - a modern day Cinderella”

Editorial Alix Higby

“Anyway I suggest donating a bit of your MANaise to the salad of society” “As far as potential fist fights over water go? He’s 75…” “... if you can somehow arrange to be a siamese twin imposter with a pretty boy or girl your chances of having a threesome after town improve tenfold.”

50 Shades of Gay Lezbi Honest

“Stop making us invisible, we’re far too well dressed for that!” “...The pansexual gods/goddesses were clearly smiling love down upon us...”

Alice & Anne

“...Auckland sucks”

Louise Hutt & Caitlin Ashworth

“I’ve created a perfume out of potatoes, it’s got a crisp scent.” “... drew inspiration for their designs from bikers, fetishists and prostitutes.” “...why do they not wear pants?! Can you imagine if you saw a middle aged man wandering around with just a sailor top/vicar’s collar on”

Mr Minty Fish xMMF

Slut DJ A Sluttly DJ?

20

“...if you can’t get laid in Hamilton, where can you get laid?”

“...This is an extra curricular that actually impacts on our communities and the future. It’s not some slap-on-your-cv time waster like Nexus (ah ha ha. I’m kidding. Please write for us)” “If you can wake up in the morning deliriously happy to stare at the sky despite the hail of responsibilities smacking you in the face, it could be the anxiety, or it could just be beautiful.”

YWRC Tony Stevens

“If you make a habit of turning down offers you might find when you need one it’s not there.” “Some staff members were asking the poor chap for oral sex….”

“I have a solid hour dedicated to nothing other than watching Vine videos about bitches and unicorns.” “If you’re the kind of guy that still gets excited to drive a Skyline, you need to sit the fuck down.”

President


feature

Column Aaron Letcher

scramble drunk through the undergrowth only to pop our heads up like meercats.” “...nobody just gets Slayer tattoos, they get Slayer carvings” “...never remove your metal shirts from your bodies, even to shower. The smell will only attract other Bogans”

“If you like the idea of late nights, slave labour, minimal pay, and having your name dragged through the mud - throw your name in the hat.” “...perhaps I’m just out of touch.” “... often found creeping around the university area picking up first years…”

Ask Amber Amber Cardale

“... sometimes people don’t want you to solve their problems…” “... ‘I shall reward myself with a Big Mac combo and a refreshing cider,’ says Amber all the time.” “... that is possibly the most depressing way to start a column…”

Boganology 101 Burton C. Bogan

“... just when you’re about to really mosh out, you have to stop to let the singer have a bit of a cry.” “I’ve lost count of the number of times that I and other Bogans have entered the grounds and gotten drunk, only to fall into the Japanese Garden’s hedge moat. Then we

“This move was later explained by my flatmates to look like I was “trying to initiate a threesome.”

Auditor Varied

Little Beer Corner Nathan Sweetman

“... squint your eyes at them, give them the fingers, and call them a dick.” “... don’t be afraid to get a gang together…”

Auteur

“... to which I can only conclude that the lecturer should probably be granted name suppression in case the Management School higher-ups read this and are promptly forced to fire him.” “... the only blowjob you’re likely to get is the way the content slowly, studiously sucks away your will to live.”

Cool Not Cool Guest Writer

Dr Richard Swainson

“... the physical decline of a woman in her mid 80s and the challenges this presents for her husband…” “To be fair to the younger Harris, he has a huge…”

Single Girl Daniel Farrell

“... when my flatmate enquired why I hadn’t got the poor guy’s number I had to admit, “...‘cause I bit him.”

Not cool: “People taking my fucking vegetarian potatoes. They are my potatoes, bitch.”

Lettuce Angry Students

“...fuck you mature students” “...when you say mature students are petulant and bratty, I don’t think you know what the fuck you’re talking about. Fuck you selfish little know-it-all-already pricks” “Not only does his bald-bowling ball-gleamingbright as a mirror head distract all the students sitting behind him...”

21


feature

Shit we couldn’t Print We knew the GCSB probably wouldn’t answer our questions but et tu Shearer? That one cut us deep.

GCSB A lot has been speculated in the last few weeks about a super secret government organisation known only as the GCSB or Government Communications Security Bureau. Thought to be simply a myth up until recent years Nexus decided to go for the scoop, a Nexposé to find something that would conclusively prove the existence of the GCSB. We started by calling directory service, itself a mythical and shadowy organisation unknown to people under the age of 25. They put us through to the GCSB who answered after 3 rings. Armed with all the trivial information wikipedia would give me I was ready to question whichever lunch lady or part time receptionist they had return my call. What I wasn’t prepared for was for the eventual voice on the other end of the line to be the bureau’s Strategic Communications Manager, Anthony Byers. Not only was Mr Byers helpful but he said that he was happy to take my questions. He did provide one caveat that I already knew. The GCSB would not comment on news stories, legal proceedings or policy. So t we were left with the age old choice for any student magazine, how do you interview the most newsworthy organisation of the last 12 months without talking about anything newsworthy? Do you go for the boring feature about who you are and what you do? Or do you throw caution to the wind realise that they are guys with guns and the ability to make it like 22

you never existed and ask them random and almost stupid satirical questions while trying to convince The Bureau’s Strategic Communications Manager that you aren’t just wasting their time and instead trying to bring a little levity and a human face to an otherwise dour and scary Orwellian fantasy. I think you know us well enough by now to know which way we went.. Nexus: So what is it that the GCSB does? Nexus: How many of you guys grew up wanting to be James Bond? Nexus: How does the GCSB recruit from University? Nexus: Let’s be honest though you have never recruited from the Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences, right? Nexus: Is it hard for you to find where you parked your Aston Martin amongst a sea of other identical Aston Martins? Nexus: The GCSB was founded in the midst of a cold war under the paranoid delusions of Sir Robert Muldoon. How much easier was it to be a spy when all you had to do was club hippies and look out for people who seemed vaguely Russian or had thick moustaches? Nexus: On a scale of 1 to 10 where 1 is awesome and 10 is excellent how would you describe the first time you waterboarded someone? Nexus: I imagine trust building exercises must be a fucking nightmare at your work? Nexus: I’m not saying you guys do assassinations, but two bullets, 4 X factor judges, and Dominic Bowden - who would you target and what would it cost me? Nexus: Follow up question. How hard would it have been to blame the death of a beloved national icon on pirates? Nexus: How hard is it to start an extradition process? The University’s Vice-Chancellor still refuses an interview (don’t worry, he’s Irish not German) Nexus: This whole spying thing, you are not

looking into the average University students web browsing and pornography history right? What about your average Nexus writer? Nexus: Not really a question, but you should probably look into College Hall. First years get up to some strange shit.

17 Questions with David Shearer 1. The last time we sat down together Nexus asked you, “Who will be the Labour leader in 2014?” Then we followed up with, “No seriously, who?” - So Mr Shearer, who will be the labour leader in 2014? 2. No, seriously who? 3. At the time of writing this you are 30% behind John Key in the One News Colmar Brunton Preferred Prime Minister stakes. How is that even possible? 4. Do you think it will be easier to get the public to hate him more or begin to like you? 5. Some people have suggested that you have been really negative, pessimistic and mean. Do you want to tell us why you think those people should go run in front of a bus and die? 6. Whenever the day-to-day grind of being an opposition leader gets you down, do you think about David Cunliffe and smile? 7. Did you take a victory lap? 8. Do you think that Labour can win the next election? And if so how come the Greens didn’t win the election when they first ran on all those policy platforms two years ago? 10. Do you think the secret to not getting rolled as leader after a poor election result is wearing a bow tie? Because they decided it was literally easier to get rid of the party than get rid of Peter Dunne. 12. Can you name the Labour Deputy Leader? We just asked 15 people on campus and none of them could. Ten were lecturers. 13. Strategy to win the student vote: Legalise it, Tax it, Grab your guitar and come play Marley covers in Re-O Week. Thoughts? 14. Recent polling suggests more New Zealanders feel that you are a man of integrity than ever before. That’s good news, but in our own similar poll conducted just on the integrity of famous New Zealand Davids, you were found to be ahead of Cunlifffe, Tua and Bain but slightly behind Lange and Kirk. Any comment?


feature

23


feature

The Nexus Plan for next year. As we approach the end of the year here at Nexus we like to do our own introspective walk of shame, look back at the last year like it was a hazy one night stand, and say, “What the fuck did we just do?” We had a pretty even split of surveys saying they loved what we have done and others saying they hated everything we did. One even went so far as to say they had hated us for the last 8 years.

a little introspective, but the ones that say what is going on in the world and creates a serious and mostly sober discussion telling you why you should give a fuck. You still want us to be funny, and you still want random pictures of drunk people being drunk and stupid but you want us to also actually be useful. A lot of you still want a puzzle page and no colouring in pictures, and to continue with awesome cartoons.

We wanted to respond and make two things clear: 1) We love what our contributors delivered this year and it was them and the editorial staff as always that set the tone. We want to thank them for their hard work. 2) It’s time we reevaluated the whole thing, took a real look at what a student magazine needs to be in this generation, and build something that is true to the legacy of Nexus. So we thought we would give you some insight into some of the things we are looking to do next year in the hope that you excitedly rush to a computer and email editor@ nexusmag.co.nz, and tell Alix that you want to be part in creating something for the entire student body (maybe even Law students). Tone - The one thing that came through loud and clear is that you wanted a student magazine to say things again. Not our little digs at religion, or columns that are at times

24

Most importantly, you want free shit. Giveaways on Facebook and cool concerts. Come help us deliver that. Contributors - Alix has decided to stalk Katy Perry for six months under the guise of an exchange programme so we will be looking to fill a part-time editor position for semester A, and we will be looking to surround them with a team of volunteers including a second Deputy Editor, an Online Editor, and most importantly - a Sub Editor. Along with that, a whole new roster of columnists, reviewers, feature writers and news writers from both Waikato and Wintec. We only have two criteria: you have to be able to write and you have to have something to say. We will also be running online only articles, playing around with digital media and creating a Facebook lettuce area. Our friends Floris and the Bucket Boy Crew will also be building Nexus TV into something great next year so if you want to get involved let us know.


feature

Objections or Suggestions? As part of getting our shit together next year we have already started planning the magazine. One of the first things we did was allocate themes to every issue. We are hoping this will result in better content that will be entertaining and useful to students. None of them are locked in yet but at least we have an idea... ORI14 FLATTING EDUCATION ENVIRONMENT CULTURE TRON RECESS LOVE / SEX MUSIC IDENTITY DIY PARTY STUDY BREAK

CONT. ART & DESIGN WELLNESS & SPIRITUALITY SPORT TRAVEL ELECTION FILM RECESS GAME ISSUE CAREER POP CULTURE POLITICS AFTER LIFE SUMMER

25


nexus

Creative Contributors This year we have featured the work of a different local artist every week. All together that is twenty three pages of creative Hamilton goodness. Next year we hope to continue to collaborate with these talented people and hopefully many more. If you illustrate, paint, design, model, sew or photograph, your work could be printed in our pages. For next years magazine we are looking to work with creatives to plan and produce a more original, relevant and unique art direction. If you’re interested please email design@nexusmag.co.nz.

26


WSU

NEXUS 2014 “Sometimes it is so crude, like you are just saying this stuff to sound cool”

“All things considered, it’s pretty good”

“Too much hipster crap. Too much alcohol/drugs.”

“It is a very good magazine and I enjoy it’s current format :)”

We have collected all the survey information and now it’s time to get to work. Next year will be a brand new Nexus. redesigned from ground up with new columns, new features, a new layout and apparently a lot less douchebaggery.

Alix is going to be on sabbatical in Africa helping people learn to use twitter during Semester A. so we will be looking for a new Editor, Sub Editors, Columnists, Puzzle Page creators, prize getters, social media managers and bartenders. If you want to be involved in the new Nexus then email Editor@nexusmag.co.nz

27


Lifestyle

WSU Club & Nexus Awards Night This year Clubs and Nexus combined in what must have seemed like an awkward one night stand for all.The clubs were there to honour some of the people and groups that make up the over 40 clubs on campus. Nexus was there because there was cheap drinks to be had and we wanted to make sure that our contributors and Alix really got near blackout drunk.The Ceremony was held at House this year because they’re GCs and for some reason they keep letting us come back.. thanks guys. We will more than likely see you next year.


LIFESTYLE

2014 Predictions Roy Crawford starts eating lunch with actual people instead of alone at Momento.

A lack of a communications degree sends the Waikato Management School in a downward spiral to the point where it becomes a post apocalyptic hellscape with people fighting to the death for photocopier usage.

YouTube ads will last longer than YouTube clips.

Ben Affleck will be a pretty good Batman.

The Waikato Times will try being a newspaper.

The Bucket Boy Crew will be elected the new WSU President.

Aaron... still a cunt.

Computing lecturers will chill the fuck out.

Alix will become an anorexic coke head and be back from her exchange by February to be Nexus Editor before O-Week.

One Direction, One Mass Suicide.

Hillary Scholars will have 100% less assault convictions but Hamilton Mayor’s will have 400% more fraud convictions.

@lovethetron is unmasked. Instant regret by all Hamiltonians as the city is once again dull and uncomplicated.

Miley Cyrus to ... - Do a sex tape - Rehab - Have a baby. - Date a black man

Six more changes of leadership from the Labour Party.

The world will end.

There will still be war in that middle eastern country, the one with the war.

29


wsu

Bored Report

Final Veeps

A Look Back at the 2013 Directors

What. A. Year.

The 2013 Board of Directors has been one of the most diverse executives in recent years with male and female, gay and straight, tall and short all being represented. We have also had a good mixture of cultures, and at least one board member from each faculty including the rare and elusive engineering school. While many would see this diversity as a real challenge to be overcome or a mismatch of personalities, we have collectively viewed it it as a real strength and an asset in our decision making processes – and there have certainly been some big decisions. Think O’week, NZUSA, and Uleisure. They are a light hearted bunch that you have all been very fortunate to have as your representatives. In the absence of a real review, please find below each directors three most memorable achievements both fictional and real: Brennan Chappell Pushed strongly for an independent valuation of Uleisure. Investigated the feasibility of a free shuttle service to town. Finally found a girlfriend who wasn’t completely crazy. Courtney Quinn Shouted loudly about needing a bigger and better O’week. Organized a full mental health week programme (THIS WEEK!) Set the WSU record for most raw vegetables consumed in a meeting. Loren Corbett Managed to end up on the board without facing an election. Conducted and implemented a disability review. Stood tall in the face of adversity.

Almost achieved a promised 100% attendance at meetings. Achieved a huge increase in campus culture through events. Always managed to get to the point, eventually, sometimes.

Being the Veep for 2013 has actually been a life-changing experience. Throughout this year I have had the opportunity to work with an incredible board who entertain and keep me honest with their smart-ass comments and constant banter. I have so enjoyed working with such a diverse group of people that choose to have fun no matter how different they are.

Roy Maz Focussed on the real issues, like singleply toilet paper. Completed the Live Below the Line Challenge most weeks. Designed and implemented and international “buddy” system. Mark Savage Launched a “sneans” fashion revolution on campus. Delivered solid and reliable representation to the Halls of Residence. Attended all the meetings.

As a board, we have had the opportunity to make some really significant changes in the life of the WSU. We’ve also spent a lot of time in consultation with you guys, which was one of my highest priorities from the beginning of the year. I have loved hearing what you think about what we do and how we could better meet your needs and I look forward to seeing how next year’s board integrates this new information into their decision making for 2014. As many of you may know, this is also my final year at university altogether so I thought I’d leave you with a few pearls of wisdom from my short three years here.

Logan Reynolds Initiated a ‘soon to be completed’ LBGT review. Provided effective-ish opposition to the VRWC. Completed most work while avoiding the office like the plague.

“It’s not about what you know, it’s about who you know,” which essentially means decide who you want to know and learn how to be a suck-up. Don’t get offended too easily. If you would like to speed up your development in this area, get to know Aaron Letcher.

Daniel Farrell Successfully doubled contact FM’s listenership from 2 to 4. Organized two highly attended local body politics debates on campus. Successfully defended his Irish Dancing national title for the 5th consecutive year.

Get things done on time. Procrastination only sets you up for unnecessary crazy last-minute stress. This is a lesson that I haven’t actually seemed to master yet – but I’m getting there. I have so enjoyed this year; it has been full of invaluable lessons and such good times. Thanks for all of the support and feedback. Good luck with exams and have an incredible summer! God Bless, Your Veep Danyell Summers

Regan Johnson


wsu

President’s Column My Friday Morning Column.

It’s 9:49pm on Thursday October 3rd. My column is already four days late, naturally, and it is beginning to dawn on me that this is actually the last time I have to painfully spin out 400 words of yarn this year. It’s a peculiar feeling. It seems like it was only yesterday that I was telling you what a prick Peter North from Hart Road was/probably still is, and how NZUSA should start lobbying or move to a basement in Huntly. Actually, that last one was yesterday, which explains a lot. This year has been one of change both for the organization and myself personally. Now when I say change I mean real change. Not the overhyped Barrack Obama rhetoric kind, but the kind that can buy you a McDonalds cheeseburger at 4am in the morning when you’re drunk – the kind of change that matters to students. The Waikato Students’ Union once again split with long-term “on again off again” girlfriend NZUSA, initially telling them we were keeping their CD collection. Couples

counselling looked promising, but we won’t be getting back together until they learn to treat us right, and improve their ‘performance’ where it matters. As anticipated by every socialist/greenie/activist/doomsday predictor/ student we have finally gained AGM approval to sell an asset, which is a term I use loosely as liability is probably closer to the truth. The money this could generate will allow us to look at other investments, upgrade our aging technology, and potentially buy a minibus to shuttle you all too and from town on weekends. My only regret is that we weren’t paid in beer, and we didn’t sell it to the Chinese. Thank you to the Waikato Students’ Union board for all of their hard work and efforts. Its

not easy studying full time and holding down a real job while giving up 10 hours a week to drive drunk students to town or hand out free sausages. Many won’t appreciate the effort, but I sincerely do. A special thanks needs to go to my outstanding Vice-President Danyell Summers who I have no doubt would have provided a shoulder to cry on had it been needed, and my partner in crime Brennan Chappell who never really wanted the job but recognized that we needed somebody who actually understood numbers. On a final note, thank you to all of our hard working staff that go the extra mile to help students, and congratulations to our General Manager David West on a much deserved Life Membership of the organization in recognition of his contributions over and above what is expected. Aaron Letcher

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lifestyle

Contributors Words of Wisdom. 2013 was neither the best of times nor the worst of times. However at Nexus we view things a little differently. Each year the magazine goes through a metamorphosis and changes from a drug addled caterpillar into a fully rehabbed butterfly. The problem with being a student magazine is that you only get a writer for one or two years before the inevitably take off to be replaced by a new class. Right now, today, we can’t tell you who is coming back next year. So we asked everyone to put together some words of wisdom to remember the year as it was and to let history record the Nexus Magazine Class of 2013. If you aren’t sure that what you are doing at University is your passion, then leave. Come back in a few years when you aren’t going to waste your time and money doing something you won’t want anything to do with in a few years. And be kind to the homeless – there are going to be a lot more soon.

When considering either singledom or finding a partner always remember to pick the one that gives you the most laughs and fun times. YOLO make the most of it and if life doesn’t work the way you want it to #getasafetywife because they’ll love you even if you get fat. - Single Girl

- C-Ball Learn before you leap!! Party like a rockstar, study like a scholar.

Learn from UNI CAB !

If in doubt, dance.

- Citizens Advice Bureau

5 wise men once told me that, “tonight let’s get some and live while we’re young.” YOLO responsibly.

Politics is important, you can ignore it, but it won’t ignore you.

Blog it out.

- Zanian Steele

The two rules to success: 1. Never reveal everything you know 2. Remember Jess loves you. - Jess Molina

And my wisdom is “Life is too short to stay at a shit party. If the first hour is shit, you can blame Awkward Hour. If Awkward Hour becomes Awkward 3 Hours, then it’s no longer awkward. You’re just at a shit party.” Mr Minty Fish

Accepting a job without first getting an employment agreement is like owning a Aston Martin without taking insurance - if you crash or if someone crashes into you the shit hits the fan. - Tony from YWRC 32

Oscar Wilde once said we are all in the gutter but some of us look up to the stars. Unfortunately none of those people wrote for Nexus this year. So we really doubled down on gutter. We are holding out hope for 2014. - Raffy

Floss. Women’s unscented deodorant is better than men’s scented. Wear cologne. If you’re angry – go for a run. If you’re still angry – then you haven’t run fast enough. Most depression and anxiety can be cured by exercise. Drink more water – westerners are chronically dehydrated. Eat less sugar, it’ll mean you get less acne, lose weight and will stop your mood swings. Abs take months of dedication and dieting to achieve, they do not happen in a month as the mens mags say. Own a suit


Lifestyle

– wear it. Don’t shower for a weekend and you’ll realise that no-one actually cares about what anyone else looks like – so stop looking in the mirror. Say “Hi” to a random stranger, see how you didn’t get rejected? Now try doing it to someone you find attractive – same result. In relationship terms girls like humour and brains, however, first impressions count. So if you’re funny, smart and fat you’re still fat – so sort your shit. Failure is an important part of life – you will learn more when recovering than you’ll ever learn from winning. Most drugs aren’t as bad as you think but all alcohol is worse than you think. If anything makes you vomit or feel sick then your body is telling you that you shouldn’t do it again. Rock bottom means you’ve found strong foundations to build on. Respect is important but don’t ever be a pushover. Do not spend your money on things you don’t really need to impress people you don’t really like. Save money, you will one day want to buy a house. Celebrate your friends and your family. Use protection. Never ever tell people who you’ve slept with. Smile more. Walk with your back straight and your head up – it exudes confidence. Say sorry if you’re wrong – sometimes say it if you know you’re not. Don’t get angry when your friends change because of relationships, they still want you around and they’ll make time for you soon. Learn to be alone. Do what makes you happy and cut off what doesn’t. Never get love and lust confused. Being smart is the sexiest thing you can be. Remember how big the world was when you were a child? It’s still huge – it’s just your ego that’s gotten bigger.

Explore. Remember your childhood and you’ll never grow old. - Slut DJ

You might have to sell one or both of your kidneys to survive on minimum wage all summer, but remember to visit the beach at least once, enjoy the banality of a job instead of the constant influx of assignments and when February rolls around and you want to tell your boss where to stick it, remind yourself that’s why you’re coming back for another year. Lather, rinse and repeat bitches. - Louise.

Work harder and play harder and enjoy harder and just to do more of everything! Rest is for the dead. Even shitty busy times are better than pooey boring times. And be nice to people. People are just people, and no one is better than anybody else and everybody has the same feelings so just be awesome to everyone.

your account for a strawberry sundae and small chips from maccas, and demolishing an entire Hell dessert pizza by yourself. Soooo my advice in a taco shell: eat. - Caitlin Ashworth

Dye your hair purple and everyone thinks you’ve had a personality transplant and girls no longer trust you with their boyfriends. Maybe this is me in my true form. Maybe I have a purple soul. Or as Blair Waldorf, the queen herself, said, “Maybe I am a total bitch. Did you ever think about that?” Basically what I’m trying to say is, no matter what people say, be yourself. It’s so much more fun. - Alix

Don’t worry, there will always be at least one person worse off than you. If you’re the bottom of the barrel then once again don’t worry, that means the only way you can go is up. - Floris

- Kathlene

I can’t tell you the key to success but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.

Don’t be ashamed of your story, it will inspire others. - Amber

- Ed Sheeran/Haylie

It’s the little things, I reckon – extra butter on your toast, stealing the last bit of your Dad’s chocolate, finding you have just enough in

umm... Order your curry medium but your rock and roll hot! - HP

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Lifestyle

Was This You? Best Town Photos of the Year.


SHIT you LIFESTYLE

Wednesday October 9th

Saturday October 19th

Footnote Dance tours its last season! The Meteor, 8pm. Made in NZ 2013 is part of the Hamilton Fringe Festival, showing at the Meteor this Wednesday. This will be the final season for the company, with choreographer Sarah Foster-Sproull presenting the collaborative work COLT.

Atomic Fest Classics Museum, 10am-3pm. Retro, retro, retro. Situated appropriately next to the Jukebox Diner, this market is for the pin-up girls and petrol-heads. Atomic fest 2013 features workshops, classic cars, and everything handmade and rockabilly. Bring your best Marilyn Monroe and James Dean get-ups.

“COLT could be a gun. It could be a horse. It could be a toy gun pointed at a horse. Held by a dancer in a neutral coloured costume.”

Saturday October 12th Gordonton Country Market Hukanui Park Gordonton Road in the Village. 8.30am-1pm. Food - Produce - Crafts What else is there to do on a sunny Saturday morning? Pop down to the Gordonton Country Market and sample some of the local produce - edible or not. Oktoberfest at the Bank The Bank, 2pm $25 Stein. Free BBQ all day. Dancing, Germans, beer, Germans, food, Germans. Miss Cadaver 2013 The Meteor, 8pm. The first undead beauty pageant to hit Hamilton, Miss Cadaver is a different kind of beauty show. Tickets are $10, or $5 on concession. “Die-monds are a ghoul’s best friend,” and with such great play on words there, Hamilton Fringe Fest, we feel we must attend. This also serves as the finale for Fringe Fest 2013.

Sunday October 13th Diwali Celebration 2013 Gallagher Academy of Performing Arts 6-9pm, Free admission. Organised by the Indian Students Club, here is a night jam packed with culture. This Diwali celebration features all the flavours of Indian dance, drama, and music.

House Oktoberfest House, 2pm $30 tickets (including 1L Stein, fill + BBQ feast) Another week of dancing, Germans, beer, Germans, food, Germans.

Sunday November 3rd Roller Derby Open Day 12.30pm If the Atomic Fest or Miss Cadaver didn’t quite do it for you, throw on your fishnets and get down to the Melville skate rink to give Roller Derby a whirl. The Hamilton Roller Ghouls will help you out.

Sunday November 17th New Zealand Home Loans Round the Bridges 6 or 12 km run/walk for a measly $26 entry fee. Round the Bridges needs no introduction if you’re a Hamilton local. If you need a fitness goal to work towards, or you’re looking to earn that 3pm cinnamon roll, sign up and get along. It’s the most scenic route Hamilton has on offer. Entries are open until midnight November 14th.

New Years Deciding where to ring in the New Year is the toughest decision of any young kiwi’s life. We’ve compiled a quick list of some options - although you really should’ve been planning this since at least July if you have any idea how much preparation and dolla goes into one kick ass NYE. Raglan If you want to get out of town, but not too far out of town, then it’s pretty neat out at the

Yacht Club in Raglan. Or you could just load the Mitzi with beer, blankets and a guitar and sit on the beach. Gisborne Rhythm and Vines, Waiohika Estate If you don’t know RnV, you don’t know anything. It’s not a rite of passage or anything, but it’s pretty famous in NZ. Famous for its attendees not remembering anything, and yet proclaiming it was the best and filthiest 4 days of their lives. Gisborne locals typically move out over the New Year period for this very reason. Whitianga Coro Gold Sorry, kids. It’s a snow day for the coromandel. They’re sitting 2014 out, but should be back next year. Maybe go fishing instead?

Auckland Highlife, Stonyridge Vineyard Spend your NYE out on Waiheke Island. But, only if you’re 22 or older. Sorry freshers, this event is for the big kids. They even have a “summer chic” dress code in place. “We are not asking you to deck yourself out in Versace, but just put in an effort into dressing up a bit to reflect this quality event we are creating.” Britomart Beach Party, Britomart Inner City 14hr music fest. 4 tonnes of sand and a range of musical varieties to suit your tastes. Why get away to the beach when the city does it so well? Martinborough La De Da, Daisybank Farm No one in the Nexus office has been, but the impression we get is that this is the place for your super above average hipster New Year gig. Brought to you by the same cool kids who put on the Laneway Festival, so you get the vibe. The Mount Mount Vibes, Mount Maunganui Brought to you by Flava Fm, the Mount is the place to be if you wanna kick back. Unless you’re one of the super rich kids in your parents’ waterfront beach villa, camping will do you fine. This is the place to just mellow.

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nexus

ings in many th h it w d blesse rocket, I’ve been a damn e ik l m r – an a and the this life python e s e m r e a Bu -Ball a dick lik tist. - C n ie c s g a fuckin mind of

I’m sorry, what was the question? - Caitlin Ashworth

Summe

MMF: “Tatted up, mini skirt, with my Jays on” -Tupac

rtime = wine sun + + beac boys + h + happin partie e s s + s - Sin dinner gle Gir l

“We ca n’t st op, we stop”. won’t Catch you on flipsid the e peep s! - je ss m

A good year Nexus thanks for your support -UNI CAB

‘SnowForge sounds I am so fucking sick of talking about deadlines! - Raffy

signs off

like the kind of Youtube channel I’d subscribe to’

Apathy is a killer. It was a good year,

”I spent far too long trying to come up with so mething clever to say but all I can come up with is - PEACE” - Tony (YWRC)

a good experience and with sadness I part the team to take up my role as a WSU Director. - zanian

a g is gan tle thin it l y r e v “Cause e or 2013. e Cook r Veep f u Kathlen o y g .” t in h ved be be alrig little f: I’ve lo n put a a c “Sign of u o y over l t uni is - Danyel Now tha The more you lo r real!’ o f e if l ve your in your summer own decisions, th e less you need other peop “I don’t want to get ma le to love rried, I want them. - Haylie to stay single, and let my hair flow in the wind, as I ride thr ough the glen, firing arrows int o the sunset” ...and by that I mean see you next n fly ird so I ca b yea a r! e Lou m ise e Hu tt , mak ty “Dear God here” - Ka m o r f y a far aw far, far, “Its only illegal if you get Perry

caught.” - MATT HICKS

“I lost my mood ring. I don’t know how I feel about this..” - Amber Advocate 36

“Till next time you little por monkeys, ch keep safe and keep Good nigh eating. t San Dieg o.” - Zac Lyon


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SCHOOL’S IN FOR SUMMER Papers are open for enrolment. Don’t miss out – enrol now!

0800 WAIKATO | www.waikato.ac.nz/go/summerstudy

Nexus, Issue 24, 2013