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Nexus goes all myths and stereotypes

Issue Eighteen August 20th, 2012


Vox Pops T

his week we discuss and debunk a couple of myths. You’ve spent enough time here to know what this university is really about. Or at least you would have, had you not been in an eternal state of drunken stupor. The Greeks, the Mayans, the Incas, Jesus. They all had these little stories they told their friends about life and human existence and who they believed held all the cards. They had these supremely creative narratives that explored this human existence and connected the dots in a much-undiscovered world. Through these myths and millennia of story telling, they created their own individual understandings of how the world operated, and gave meaning to the big one, life. Universities kind of exist in this way too. We are but buildings of stone and glass without a bit of imagination and story telling. When people make the decision to study or teach here, they are buying into this self-created mythology. They don’t just look at one aspect of life here; they collect it all, and form their own perception of the university as a whole. What brought you to Waikato? Why was this your preferential choice for a tertiary education? Why was it not? Take a harder look at the ideas surrounding this university, what our strong points are, which ones we can work on, and see if the mythology surrounding the Waikato matches up to what it’s really like. There are a few long-standing myths about university life in general as well. Like the “freshman 15”, the idea that partying is essential to higher education, that the people you meet here will be your best friends for life, and that mature students have no common sense. There’s a bucket full of them. But it’s up to you to choose which ones you can be bothered with, and how your university career will shape up. Everyone is different, so needless to say, the college years are going to vary as well. Don’t measure yourself up against anyone else, at least not too harshly, and remember why you are here. If you are here to party, go for it. You’re only young once. But if you are here for other reasons, don’t feel the need to buy into all the rest of it. It’s all just a mythology and this can be interpreted any way you wish.

Questions 1. Before you were a student, what in five words or less was your biggest expectation? 2. After becoming a student, what in five words or less was the reality? 3. If you could make one student myth come true, what would it be? 4. Do you think you could do the Live Below the Line Challenge like Jonah Lomu and live on $2.25 a day? 5. If you could say one thing to pre-students thinking about studying what would it be? Nicholas Picknell, 20, Law 1. To become King of England 2. Couldn’t really be king 3. That you can drink every night – not affordable 4. No, I like smoking too much 5. Be a male model instead

Kuini Maniapoto,19, Cup Course 1. Not to get pregnant 2. I proved everyone wrong 3. That food at Uni isn’t so motherfucking dear 4. Nah I couldn’t – I’d be too hungry 5. Bring your lunch Chris Goodwin, 18, Computer Sciences 1. Interesting… 2. Laid back 3. That you’re able to do assignments the night before 4. I think I could probably do it for a few days before going insane 5. #YOLO Jasmine Retief, No, Law 1. Poor for four years 2. No fat cigars, just books 3. That your qualifications mean that employers will throw themselves at you when you finish 4. Others are forced to, so why wouldn’t I be able to. Food’s overrated. 5. Grow a personality and get experience Chloe Palmers, 24, Anthropology & Media 1. Interesting but hard work 2. Met some interesting people 3. That you’d see hung-over people throwing up in rubbish bins 4. Ideally yes, realistically, probably not 5. Come to Uni because you want to, not because you feel like you have to


Cover art by Hoss Aneece

20 The Mythology around University / 21 Generalisations 22 The Checklist / 24 Meet the WSU Candidates



Nexus Ground Floor Student Union Building Gate One University of Waikato Knighton Road Hamilton.

3 Editorial / 5 How Saph Sees It / 6 News / 10 Hot Fuzz / 12 Lettuce / 14 Mr. Minty Fish / 15 Auteur / 16 Off The Rack / 17 Interview with Grant Robertson / 18 8 Ball and Horoscopes / 19 Puzzles / 26 Reviews / 30 Election Information / 31 Lick That Spoon / 32 Gig Guide / 33 Gig Review / 34 Cereal and Verbiage / 35 Advocacy / 36 Secret Lives of First Years and Diary of a Hipster / 38 Hayden goes to the Movies / 39 Busted

Editors: Alix Higby and Sean Goulding / Managing Editor: James Raffan ( / Music Editor: HP / Feature Editor: Julia Gabel / Design: Katrina McIntosh ( / Illustration: Hoss Aneece ( / Design Intern: Gina Broom ( / Advertising: Tony Arkell ( Contributors: President Sapphire Gillard, Mr. Minty Fish, Dr Richard Swainson, Kylie from YWRC, HP, Julia Gabel, Alice and Anne, C-Ball, Something Hip, Skippy, Daniel Farrell, Nick Sickelmore, Pseudonym, Courtney Q, DC, Kevin Pryor, Hoory Yeldizian, Jess Molina, Amber the Advocate, Mackenzie McCarty (reporting for and the glorious indestructable 8 ball.

Election on now!

You’ll either be happy its holidays teaching recess and you get a break, or you’ll be kicking yourself because you’ve procrastinated all semester and now have a million assignments to complete. But, between either day dreaming about the snow or stressing about your assignments, I thought you might like to come hang out. We’ve got two very important things happening this week and you can be a part of both. Firstly, I want you to tell me what you think of the 2013 WSU candidates. You can do this by voting. See what I did there? I tried to convince you to vote but in a super lame way. Like when your Dad tried to dance at your cousins wedding. But unlike the unknown reason behind fathers being horrifically embarrising, at least there’s value in you having your say. It’s you having your voice heard and engaging with a democratic process. A value and ideal that we hold to dearly. Secondly, this is where you actually get to come hang out, we’d like to have your input and feedback. We’ve planned to have drop in sessions so you can come chat to us about where we’re going and what we should be doing. WSU does some fantastic stuff and we would like to have your input regarding how we can do it better. We have limited resource and want to ensure we’re using them on what you think is important. Come hang out! The 2012 WSU Board will be in the room across from Bennett’s each day this week between 10 – 12noon. And, just because I know how much effort it is to get out of bed during winter, I’m going to bake for you! Free morning tea for anyone who comes along Monday – Friday, 10:00am – 12:00noon, WSU Space Across from Bennett’s in the Student Centre

Make sure you get your vote in on 20th, 21st and 22nd at one of our polling booths.

Global premiere to screen at Waikato Museum By Mackenzie McCarty, reporting for Spark week spins to a close on Friday, but not without one final snap of cinematic excitement. The global premiere of Yaniv Saves the World shows in the Waikato Museum on the festival’s final day, with organisers expecting a full house. Produced by Wintec Media Arts tutor John Mandelberg, the camera follows the artistic growth of autistic artist Yaniv Janson, framing his life and the interactions he has with family and fans. Filming began when Yaniv was still at Hillcrest High School, in Hamilton, though jumps back in time with still shots of the artist as a child. Interviews with his extended family illuminate the artist’s character, though Yaniv is very much the star. Mandelberg says he chose to limit the amount of time spent dwelling on Yaniv’s autism while making the film, saying that Yaniv is an artist first and foremost.

Concentration: Yaniv at work. Photo: Shannon Rolfe

The success of Yaniv’s artwork is testament to his talent. His paintings have been sold around the world and he is regularly commissioned to create particular works.“Many of his paintings have been sold still wet,” says his mother, Annick Janson. Yaniv says his pieces are often inspired by social and environmental issues – a painting representing the social divide between rich and poor sold to a French buyer. For a chance to view the documentary, as well as meet Yaniv, his family, and John Mandelberg, head to the Waikato Museum.

Tornado Winds, painting by Yaniv.


Withdrawing from Semester B papers The deadline for withdrawing from a Semester B paper is Friday 24 August – there will be no refund of fees but a ‘Withdrawal’ note will show on your Academic Record. You can withdraw on iWaikato – go to the Common Tasks tab, select Re-Enrol/Change of Enrolment, then Apply to Change Enrolment, and follow the instructions. Call 0800 WAIKATO if you need help.

Adult Learners’ Week/ He Tangata Mātauranga

Winter Lecture Series

Student surveys If you’ve received an email invitation asking you to take part in the AUSSE or POSSE survey, please make sure you do so. Your response will make a difference to the learning experience at Waikato.

Interview skills workshop The Winter Lecture Series continues this week with An Evening with Warren Gatland. Waikato alumnus and Wales rugby coach Warren Gatland discusses everything from the highs and lows of rugby coaching to falling off ladders. 6pm Wednesday 22 August at the Gallagher Academy of Performing Arts.

Scrub up on your interview skills with the Careers Office. The next Interview Skills Workshop runs 11am Tuesday 21 August, in KG 09. Find out more at .nz /sasd /careers / events.shtml

Gallagher Great Race and Pōwhiri

The Series runs throughout August and features a wide range of discussions. For more info see events/lecture-series. Adult Learners’ Week takes place during Teaching Recess, 3-9 September. The nationwide celebrations aim to showcase the efforts, achievements and contributions of adult learners, while raising awareness of learning opportunities for adults. Adult learners (defined as students over the age of 25) make up 38% of the student body, and make a significant contribution to Waikato. The week will culminate in the Adult Learners’ Awards. Find out more at pathways/adultlearnersweek.

Are your details correct? You can easily check and update your contact details in iWaikato, under Personal Details – please make sure these are correct.

Teaching Excellence Awards nominations open

Do you know of a great lecturer or tutor who deserves some recognition? Nominations for the Teaching, Research Postgraduate Supervision and eLearning Awards are open. Find out more and nominate online at pod/nomination – it only takes a couple of minutes. Nominations close Friday 7 September.

Remember to come along to the banks of the Waikato River on Sunday 9 September to show your support for Waikato at the Gallagher Great Race. Our men’s and women’s crews will take on rowers from Sydney and Queensland universities. Before race day, the visiting crews will be welcomed to the University at Te Kohinga Mārama Marae on Thursday 6 September, 10:30am, and everyone is welcome to attend. See for more info.

Someone should Drop an A or H bomb on Merriam and Webster Dictionary producers Merriam-Webster have added another word to their increasing vocabulary. The word “F-bomb” is now officially recognised in their dictionary. This is the latest dick-move (not yet a word, fingers crossed 2013) by the same people who decided “aha moment” was a word. I am done with you messers Merriam and Webster, you are both you are both “D-bag C-faces.” Don’t know what those words mean? Look them up in your dictionary next year. Damn iPphones A 24 year old man was arrested in Pennsylvania after accidently calling the cops during a conversation about selling narcotics. No details on what the conversation was, but what we suspect is that like any good salesman, the man was sampling the product with a potential buyer. Twenty minutes later the dealer says “I’m starving, you want some BK, Burgers, onion RINGS BACON double cheeseburger” and the bitch Siri misheard and rung the cops. Such a narc. It could happen to anyone A Washington musician was shocked this week when he discovered that instead of the 39 inch television he had ordered from the package they actually delivered contained a Sig Sauer military-style assault rifle. Fortunately this was a case of mistaken delivery and not amazon telling him to “go the full Cobain.” The package was quickly swapped with the sporting goods store who were disappointed not to keep the new TV. This is not the first incident of mistaken delivery for online-retailers. A week ago one of the residents of Bryant Hall ordered two

law text books and a copy of Plato’s “The Republic”, and was similarly shocked to find 2 bottles of Johnny Walker Blue, five grams of coke and a hooker in the box. That’s his story and he is sticking to it until his R.A can prove otherwise. Pot Pourri? An American man is in court this week after stealing a small bag of pot from a police evidence room. When questioned by the police the man informed them that he stole the marijuana because he liked the smell of it. Isn’t that like saying I only drink whiskey for the taste? Having said that if the smell of marijuana is so enticing we are betting it will only be a matter of months before Starbucks figures out how to scent one of their lattés. “Hello Mr Smith will you be having the cinnamon roast today?” “No I’m feeling a little adventurous, give me a Pineapple express, soy, no foam and do you have any of the heroin flavored brownies?” MMA vs Jesus MTV Beatdown host and former MMA star Jason “Mayhem” Miller was detained by police after he was found naked in the Mission Hills church. While police are still questioning Mr Miller regarding the circumstances of the break in, no charges have been laid as yet. While this might look suspicious to an outsider, it is probably a simply case of mistaken identity. See, Mayhem is a guy who likes to play with his opponents a bit and throw down some psychological warfare. We are guessing he isn’t too bright either and when his manager emailed him to say his next fight was against a well known Mexican boxer named Jesus he just read and pronounced it wrong.




hocking events in the aftermath of the 2012 Olympics have led to Valarie Adams’ silver medal being upgraded to a gold, after the grown up version of that Two and a Half Men kid Jake Harper tested positive for performance enhancing drugs. I have also heard rumours the Belarusian - Nadzeya Ostapchuk, who was surely a massive gym buff, will also answer to the heinous crime of posting too much irrelevant shit on Facebook about lifting weights and getting cut for Rhythm and Vines. But since every dipshit online has finally figured out you only live once, Ostapchuk is going balls out to defend herself, stating that she was framed by her evil former head athletics coach. And after all, what has she got to lose in doing so? The bowl cut maybe, because it isn’t 1975 anymore and I’m assuming Ostapchuk’s mother doesn’t cut her hair. It turns out the former head athletics coach was a badass by the name of Anatoly Baduyev, who rolled around blackmailing coaches and athletes with threats of positive dope tests. Ostapchuk has even admitted, ironically now that she has tested positive to two banned substances, that Baduyev promised she would have problems with doping tests. Now, I’m not much of a scientist, but I think any common moron could decide that if a coach is going to make threats about sabotaging your drug tests, one would probably inform officials, or take tests leading up to the Olympics to avoid certain embarrassment. What is even more interesting is how leading up to the Olympics, Ostapchuk suddenly became able to throw in excess of

21metres regularly, creating whispers of doubt among the elite world shot put community. Considering Valarie Adams’ record throw stands at 21.24, many people were downright shocked when seemingly out of the blue, Ostapchuk hulked a massive 21.36 in just her third attempt. This throw all but promised the gold medal would be heading towards Belorussia, and influenced a number of people to

straight up call her a cheat. I’m not sure why British discus thrower Brett Morse has apologised after accusing Ostapchuk for doping, considering he was right. If anything, since he sucked big time at discuss, the man should be given a job at Scotland Yard and heralded as the next Nostradamus. On top of that, he wins the GC of the Week award for then tweeting “I’ve had a bad day but it could be worse - I could look like Ostapchuk.” Heard that, preach. This is where my whole talk about shot put in general ends, because I honestly just reached a point where I didn’t care what I was writing, and was no longer interested at all. Let’s be honest - none of us give two flaming logs about the sport, except for the fact that every international compeition usually brings with it some sort of bragging rights to New Zealand thanks to Valarie Adams. If a

competition isn’t on or nearby, the sport regresses to a state of nonexistence. So to break it down into a short, concise highlights reel of what has happened without causing you to miss too many valuable pointers in management classes like how you should treat your workers nicely - Ostapchuk took metenolone, tested positive, and now Valarie Adams is the rightful gold medal winner. That is the more than enough drama for such an uninteresting sport, one which must’ve been invented by two boorish jocks - one of which suddenly had the idea ‘hey, I bet I can push this rock up into the air further than you.’ If anything, a pat on the back should be given to the London Olympic effort, drug policies and tests the committee set in place. Any time a gold medal winner is caught with banned substances in his/her system is a victory in a sporting world that is fighting an increasingly tough war against performance enhancing drugs. Steroids are for bitches, and those dumb enough to get caught red handed deserve more of a bullet to the head than Ricky and Vicky off Geordie Shore. So to sum things up; don’t take steroids, don’t rock the bowl cut, don’t keep your evil coach’s threat to ruin your drug tests to yourself, don’t choose Manu Vatuvei as captain, don’t ever pay money to watch the movie Battleship, don’t pick BJ Watling as an opener, don’t watch shot put or talk about it unless Valarie Adams is involved and therefore most likely winning, and most importantly, don’t keep living in the past thinking the All Whites are anything other than terribly mediocre, if not worse. Peace out.

Occurences in Hamilton East from 17th July - 31st July

Key: Assaults


Unlawfully Takes Motor Vehicle


Information provided by New Zealand Police force

QUESTIONS OR CONCERNS ? If you have any questions, please contact the University Community Constable Nick Sickelmore. 07 858 2792

Nexus encourages debate and discussion on almost any topic and welcomes your letters. Relevant, intelligent and well-worded letters are preferable, and we also enjoy good humour. Right of reply will generally be accepted provided we have space. Letters should be kept to a maximum of 250 words. You may hide behind a nom-de-plume but you must tell us your real name (which will not be published unless requested). Letter of the week is picked on the basis of our feelings, not the persuasion of its content for which we don’t have opinions on. Disclaimer: letters published contain the opinion of the writer and the writer alone. Nexus publications take no responsibility for the content or opinions so expressed. By submitting your letter you give consent to its publication in Nexus and subsequent public scrutiny. Letters are the authors own work and Nexus will not edit to compensate for lack of intelligence or coherency. Nexus reserves the right to edit or refuse to publish any letter which breaches any law, is defamatory to any person, or contains threats of violence or hate speech. Send your lettuce through to Dear Lettuce I am proud of Valerie Adams and Nick Willis, John walker and haters can choke on his Olympic medal. Nick gave it his all, Walker should have understood as a former Olympian. But instead he criticised Willis, stealing Willis’ limelight. Your time has passed, you probably would never have won a medal if you were competing today, and yes Carl Lewis I’m talking to you too. Former champions acting like limelight fiends at American Idol auditions. Dave Currie you mucked up big time. How’d you forget Valerie’s entry, really? What your job for 4 years between Olympics? But to be honest he is a scapegoat for a poorly organised Administration. Anyways Valerie would have needed a personal best to beat the Belarusian, but Currie is being blamed for Valerie’s silver.

So much Olympic drama but we should focus on the fact that we got more gold, silver and bronze than Beijing, and equalled the highest medal total achieved 24 years ago. Let’s focus on the positives which clearly outweigh the negatives. Olympics have been entertaining, spandex and hot bods for both girls and guys to ogle. I actually got inspired to stop channel surfing to looking at actual surfing, to get rid of this winter hibernation fat suit I put on. Hopefully we can have a parade for our Olympians to show that we appreciate their hard work. We also need more funding for athletes not just those we expect to get gold, or else we might do another escort agency fundraiser. Regards, To be honest

Dear Nexus I’d just like to say a few things to ‘To Be Honest’, last week’s Lettuce of the Week. Firstly, New Zealand does not claim to be a Christian Nation in any way. At all. Are you serious? New Zealand is one of the most non-religious countries in the world, with around a third of people professing they have no religion. New Zealand has a ‘National Statement on Religious Diversity’, acknowledging the variety of beliefs that exist in our country; we have a separation of Church and State. Secondly, no, the next logical argument of legalising gay marriage is not that Churches will have to administer marriage ceremonies. Louisa Wall, the bill’s drafter, has explicitly stated that won’t be required. It’s up to the Churches themselves to decide if they will do that. Thirdly, you can’t really quote Mark 10:7-8 in defence of marriage, because that passage is relating to how divorce shouldn’t be allowed. So are you going to argue that divorce be made illegal? Because as you say, we can’t take elements of Christianity that we like, and rewrite the rest. So I suppose that also means pork is off the menu, right? Because that’s in the Bible. Also, the idea of marriage does not originate with Christianity. Biblical proof of that is how it’s mentioned in the Old Testament. Therefore, the Jews had it first. And people had it before them, too. But I digress. Marriage’s “sacred symbolic significance” isn’t being destroyed by gays. Straight guys, like good old Henry VIII did that for you. Also, don’t think I’m one of those people “against Christianity”. You believe what you want, that’s cool with me. But afford me the same please. In summary: New Zealand isn’t a Christian Nation, legalising gay marriage won’t force Churches to marry gays, and don’t talk about being hypocritical in regards to the Bible unless you yourself obey ALL its teachings. Kthx Luke (tehe look I have a Biblical name!)

Dear ‘To be honest’ In reply to your letter stating the New Zealand is a Christian nation and that therefore, marriage should

remain between a man and a woman, I respectively submit that you are wrong for three reasons: NZ is not a Christian nation. Christianity may be the biggest religion but NZ has no state religion (in fact our last two PMs have been agnostic) and 42% of the country claims to have no religious affiliation (2006 Census). Marriage is no long ‘a Christian thing’. It now occupies the legal sphere and hence, is bound by certain legal obligations. Chief among these is the s 19 Bill of Rights Act freedom from discrimination clause. The law cannot discriminate (without a demonstrably justifiable reason) against homosexuals. Despite what any God says marriage is no longer just a religious instrument but a legal one.

Dear “To be honest”, New Zealand does not call itself a Christian nation. Regards, To be accurate

In perhaps the greatest of ironies you state that the beliefs of others are coming before those of Christianity. This is a tired argument that reeks of hypocrisy. Just because you didn’t get your way you claim to be oppressed and ignored. Welcome to NZ, where there are a diverse range of people, views, cultures, and religions. Someone else’s views (or marriage) do not affect yours. For the overwhelming percentage of human history Christianity has reigned supreme and now it suddenly wonders why it does no longer. Reread your letter and maybe you’ll start to understand why. Regards Amen clear Uncle

Dear Nexus So this is my first and probably my last rant… I just have a few things to say about the upcoming WULSA elections. It is assumed that every High School, I mean, University presidential election will be won by the most (cough)

popular people. This years candidates have taken it to another level, all the candidates basically come from the same social group. This group can be summed up in about three words, obnoxious, loud and arrogant. They have been dominating law lectures since first year, allowing no one else to have a time to share their views or even their personalities. As if it wasn’t enough for law students to hear them throughout lecture, luckily for us we now have to put up with hearing from them as our (possible) elected body for a whole year. Take a stand; vote no confidence, because saying hi after three years of ignoring people outside your social group is not going to get you the vote! Just your average law student


510 Grey Street, Hamilton | Phone 07 834 3407 Email |


“It’s the thought that counts.” By that logic, I should disregard the fact that you actually went out and bought a present, and instead only count the fact that you thought it wise to get me a small notepad and those Student Life jandals we got shoved down our throats for free in 1st year.

I’M GOING TO FAIL/I’M SO LOST: said no one that actually failed or was genuinely lost, ever. SAID NO ONE, EVER: I overuse this like Pulse on the weekend. I took something beautiful and I done did broked it good.

Cliches. What a bunch of dicks.

Well; when I say clichés, I ultimately just mean: -stupid people -stupid things -stupid sayings -stupid feminists RARE YET NECESSARY DISCLAIMER: As always, these are MY opinions, not those of Nexus. If you get your 100% hemp underwear in a twist; that was not caused by sex as it ‘objectifies women;’ then take it up with me. Don’t cry to the editing team, they’re lovely, I’m not so much. oKk tanxx bbe.xx MOIST: “ERMERGERD MERST ERS THERE WERST WERD” How many people would dislike the word ‘moist’ if not for the subliminal reminder that they’re just supposed to? Fuck all. “I would. I hate that word. I always have.” Ermergerd you’re so hip and individual. We should give you a column. The word ‘moist’ isn’t disgusting, the paedophile your friends morph into whilst saying it, is. They start curling their lips back and imitating Gollum’s flamboyant cousin while they spit all over your face. They could be telling me I just won free Spawn for life, but fuck that. I ain’t taking no paedophiles candy. OH NOM NOM: Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooh child. This word is for cats on the internet and cute Asian kids only. Oh I’ve said it; say it even; but that’s because I’m wrong. Always. IT’S ALL GOOD: Any basic moral, religious, spiritual or social construct revolves around the exact opposite of this. Most of the time, a lot of ‘it’ is good; but don’t tell me this as I’m standing over the laptop I just dropped down the library steps.


MAKE PLAYS: -Usain Bolt ‘makes plays’. -Michael Phelps ‘makes plays’. -Ellen Degeneres ‘makes plays’. Finishing a bong, talking about banging that guy in 211, long boarding across the road or putting on mascara without a mirror does not qualify as ‘making a play.’ Nor does NOT doing any of those qualify as ‘making none.’

YOLO: Despite popular belief, I’m not entirely ‘for’ this 4 lettered movement. However the ‘for’ argument seems to go like this: -Why not? -Fuck it, let’s take the piss. -kjfldhjf druuuunk -Irony -It’s not affecting anyone. Whereas the arguments ‘against’ lean towards -So dumb. -I hate it cos’it’s dumb and yeah fuck yolo. -Stupid and stuff. -Yolo is so dumb oi. -It’s heaps shit and fuck yolo ‘cos bitches always saying it and its stupid because yolo is dumb. Those gosh darn yolo haters done seem to know educations and learning and stuffs. CRAZY ASS FEMINISTS: A fight for Women’s rights is an amazing thing. Where a select few of you get confused, is the bit where it shouldn’t be against women. I shave, I fake tan, I own push up bras, I get drunk, I get loose, I work, I have a male boss, I’m more likely; marginally; to vote for a man, I enjoy reality tv and I wear deodorant. Apparently this qualifies me as an “abomination to the female species. Women like [myself] are being oppressed and manipulated and [I’m] gagging for it to happen” Direct quote. I’d APA her but that’s a man’s system and I’d hate to oppress her. Also, don’t really want to. Fueling ignorance with formalities is how Mr.Tamaki got his own church. Come at me with your MENSA certification. Then we’ll talk. Side note/subject change: Campus is particularly good looking lately. I see what you’re all doing. I appreciate. I hold genuine love for each of you. #noproof MMF.x P.S. Thank you for those that don’t call me maybe, they just call me. #peachy P.P.S. @mrmintyfish Tweet at me, brisket P.P.PS. Your flat mate is currently stealing your food.


very ten years since 1952 the prestigious British journal Sight & Sound has conducted a survey of international opinion to ascertain which films are thought the best. This exercise is a long way from the superficial type of lists perpetually featured in the likes of Empire magazine or on IMDB. Critics of reputation and experience from around the entire world are canvassed and the results rigorously calibrated. For its 2012 survey Sight & Sound also quizzed a lot more industry players - “programmers, academics and distributors” bringing the number of voters up to 846. Much publicity has surrounded the fact that Citizen Kane, the movie which has topped the list for half a century, has been displaced by its nearest rival, Alfred Hitchcock’s Vertigo. Just as interesting for me are the results of a parallel survey conducted by the magazine in concert with the critics poll in which directors are asked to name their favourite 10 films. A comparison of the critic’s and director’s lists is revealing. For the filmmakers themselves the supreme winner is neither Kane nor Vertigo but Tokyo Story, Yasujiro Ozu’s deeply moving, humanistic study of the generation gap and post-war cultural change in Japan. Citizen Kane ties for second place with the Stanley Kubrick science fiction epic 2001: A Space Odyssey. In fourth place is the most predictable of choices for directors: Federico

Fellini’s personal meditation on the filmmaker’s inspiration and art, 8 1/2. Next come two more contemporary works: Martin Scorsese’s Taxi Driver and Francis Ford Coppola’s Apocalypse Now. Coppola’s The Godfather ties for 7th with Vertigo and the Top 10 is rounded out by Andrei Tarkovsky’s impenetrable Mirror and Vittorio De Sica’s Italian neo-realist classic Bicycle Thieves. The top four selections plus Vertigo all feature in the Critic’s List. Overall there is a greater bias toward recent movies, suggesting current filmmakers are either less familiar or less impressed by the silent era than those who formally write about or otherwise analyse the medium. Three of the critic’s selections are silent: FW Murnau’s lyrical romance Sunrise, Dziga Vertov’s visually stunning, impressionistic Soviet documentary Man with a Movie Camera and Carl Theodor Dreyer’s intense character study of religious martyrdom, The Passion of Joan of Arc. Another longtime Top 10 favourite, the montage heavy Battleship Potemkin, just misses out, coming in at number 11. Other trends are common across both lists. In terms of revered Japanese masters, Ozu has usurped both Akira Kurosawa and Kenji Mizoguchi. In the 2002 Director’s List two Kurosawa films tied for 9th place: Rashomon and Seven Samurai. In the 2002 Critics List three of Mizoguchi’s works graced the Top 50: The Story of the Late Chrysanthemums, Ugetsu

Monogatari and Sansho Dayo. All bar one of these titles are now gone from the equivalent 2012 lists. Some directors have retained their basic popularity but there has been a shift in opinion as to which is their best feature. For Scorsese this has meant his Raging Bull - sixth equal on the Director’s List in 2002 - is now overshadowed by Taxi Driver (5th on the Director’s List, 31st equal on the Critic’s). For Coppola, Apocalypse Now is now thought of more highly than either Godfather film (then considered to be one film, The Godfather and The Godfather Part II came in 2nd in the 2002 Director’s List). For Kubrick, 2001: A Space Odyssey might claim second place in 2012, but at the expense of Dr Strangelove (5th in 2002). Other directors have fallen out of favour entirely. British filmmakers are particularly slighted in the Critic’s List, with no UK film featuring in the Top 50. The trend is echoed in the Director’s List, with David Lean’s Lawrence of Arabia - 4th in 2002 dropping out of the Top 10. Martin Scorsese continues to champion his friend Michael Powell but too few of his colleagues concur with the estimation. Auteur House is proud to stock all of the titles alluded to above. Its proprietor can generate a few lists of his own. Maybe the 2022 voting papers are in the mail.

Flavour of the week for Nexus just so happens to be university myths – and boy do we have a good one for you. This one isn’t necessarily confined to university students, but it’s definitely found here on campus.

” t lu

s “ he


The girl who is promiscuous, sleeps around, dresses provocatively and gets ALL THE ATTENTION from all the boys, all the time. Oh how you look down your nose on her when you see her in her tight, tiny dress, and ridiculously high-heeled shoes while being out on the town! It’s just too easy to put two and two together when you look at the statistics about rape, and think “well clearly, if a girl is presenting herself in that way, surely she’s asking for sex?” It might come as a shock, but we know for certain we don’t dress for anyone but ourselves. Outfit choices don’t correspond to whether you’re “up for it”. If we look amazing, it’s because we want to feel amazing – and if that gets attention from other people, then so be it. With the high amount of sexualised images bombarding us every day, can we really look down on people who succumb to what their bodies naturally want? It doesn’t matter anyway – other people’s bodies, and what they do with them, is absolutely none of our business. Judging them to make ourselves feel better is simply saying more about us than it is about them. What we can’t do is assume that looking socially “unattractive” while you walk through the dark, scary park


is an adequate way of preventing rape. Common sense and statistics says otherwise. There is a magnificent photo floating around cyberspace which features a woman, wearing a hoodie, baggy jeans and a backpack holding a sign which says “this was what I was wearing – tell me I asked for it. I dare you”. Wearing a short skirt is not a non-verbal “yes” to any sexual advances, and what needs to be taught is how to “not rape”, not how to “dress to prevent rape” because the latter is not a sufficient protection. Rape is an act of opportunity, not an act of appearance. So when you see a girl who looks stunning in town, flaunting “what her mamma gave her”, feel thankful she felt like gracing you with her beauty, not shaming her for dressing how she wants. Respect victims of rape enough to not blame them for causing what their attacker did. And we hope we should not have to state the obvious – respect yourself and respect other people. Stay beautiful. Alice & Anne.

Nexus caught up with Labour’s Deputy Leader Grant Robertson last week so we thought we would ask him about the student allowance scheme and budget changes… N: At the budget, we had some changes, going to more student based issues, we had some changes with student allowances, particularly one of note is the reducing the length of time you can have the student allowance and the postgraduate issue there. What’s the Labour Party’s view on that? GR: I think the change to postgrad allowances, or the abolition of allowances for postgrads, because that’s actually what it is, is one of the most backwards steps I’ve seen in tertiary education in recent times. We want more people doing postgraduate study in New Zealand. That’s where the research, the innovation that everybody says they want comes from. And to say to people who have come from low and modest income backgrounds they are not going to be supported in those extra years of study I just think is completely the wrong way to look at it. We do need to look at the overall loan and allowance system in my view. I think that over time, you know, people have gamed the system, parents who had their money in a trust and the kids get the allowance and all that kind of thing so I would like to see some change but I don’t think taking allowances off postgrads is a sensible idea. And this argument “well you can just go and borrow it in the loan scheme, what’s the difference? Because you’re going to earn this fantastic amount of money just because you’ve got a postgrad qualification” doesn’t actually bear out for a lot of students. A lot of students aren’t automatically walking into big paying jobs. But also, upfront, Steven Joyce is just plain wrong. For a lot of students

it will be a significant reduction in the amount of money that they get. If they particularly, you know, have children, if they move from there to a student loan, they will actually be getting significantly less money. And I’ve certainly had cases come to me of people who are not going to be able to either complete postgrad, or even start it in some cases, because of this change. So, we think it’s wrong, it’s certainly not our policy. N: For most postgraduate students though, you’d have to see that the amount that you can get on the student loan for living costs would be able to meet what they’d be able to get with the allowance. GR: For some of them, yes. I mean that’s true that for some of them it’s a similar sort of money, but for some it’s not as well. I think the change is just, to me it doesn’t make any sense. It would only make sense if you applied that argument across the board and you just said no one should get allowances. At least then there’d be logical consistency in the argument. I still wouldn’t agree with it, but it would be logically consistent. At the moment, it’s just saying, “because I’ve decided”, Steven Joyce being ‘I’, he’s decided that you’re going to earn more if you do a postgraduate qualification, that’s the only actual justification, and actually that’s a very variable statement. N: With the student allowance, just generally bringing down the length of time you can get that?

people who saved up their 200 week entitlement to use up when they were postgrad students, and I’ve had several cases of people who have done that, who realised that their life experience was going to change and decided that they would hold on to their eligibility until they got to postgrad and now they’ve got nothing. But yeah, look I mean people in longer degrees, that’s really problematic, we’ve already seen examples of that. I also think that, I mean nobody wants people to come to university and muck around, but people will sometimes change course, change direction and for good reasons and I think it’s going to put a lot of pressure on people to stick to only do a course in the first thing that they’ve looked at doing even if it’s not the right thing for them to do. You’ve got to remember where people are coming from. In order to get allowances, you’re from a lower or modest income background, that’s the truth, apart from people who’s parents have got money in trusts. So, there is a lot of research around the barriers that initial costs put up. I’d be very concerned, and I do feel like there’s a direction that the Government’s going here which is to further and further restrict allowances. As I say, we want to have a big overview look at it and say what is the best policy that will support students to survive while they do their study. We also asked the RT Hon Mr Robertson about his views on gay marriage but, and there is no easy way to put this, the man can talk… so we are holding off on that till pride week after the teaching recess.

GR: I can see some problems emerging with that, we’ve also got


Entertainment I am the glorious and magnificent 8 ball. I am myth, I am legend, I am running really late today so if you don’t mind I am just going to hope that by now the whole “fear me and my evil wrath” thing has sunk in. I mean Christ, we have been doing this for the better part of a decade people. All of the time spent answering your questions, filling you in on my evil plans, deciding your fate. I never get any me time anymore to just hang out and watch Home and Away. Let’s do this….. 8 ball will this weather ever improve? Reply hazy ask again That depends on your definition of the word “better.” As someone who comes from a dimension of scorched earth and hell fire, I am really looking forward to the global apocalypse that begun with holes in the ozone and will end with teenagers killing each other over spf 15+ sunblock. Global Warming… something that people with a hard shell just don’t care about. Will my girlfriend come back if I get a job? Highly Unlikely If she said something so shallow, do you really want her back? Besides how many people have ever actually ended a relationship over an employment issue? No one. She left you because you weren’t satisfying her in the bedroom, you spent all your time on the xbox, or she never actually liked you and was using you until someone better came along. Pick one; they are infinitely more believable than not having a job. I counted like three references to Nickelback in Nexus. Will people ever stop taking the piss out of them? No. That is all.


Should Gay, Lesbian couples be able to get married? Yes I am the glorious and magnificent eight ball, conqueror of world and spreader of misery. If TV sitcoms have taught me anything since I have been trapped on your pitiful excuse for a planet, it is that nothing is more miserable than being married. I say let everyone do it.

Aries: CONTEMPLATIVE. Ponder this: If the Duck is the most noble creature, the bear is the strongest, and the Beaver is the most industrious, surely we are only a generation away from being enslaved by an army of mutant Platypus. Taurus: APATHETIC. Meh. Gemini: Excited. Don’t be. Mid semester breaks are like a stay of execution preparing you for the doubt and recrimination that comes with exams and the huge potential for total and epic failure that will leave you unfulfilled. Cancer: ANGRY. Of course you’re angry. The polar ice caps are melting, gay people want to get married, so pick either side of that issue and you’re a little pissed off. If you weren’t just a little angry we would start to ask questions. Leo: CONTENT. You’re happy with life at the moment. Why are you reading horoscopes, that shit is depressing. Virgo: BORED. You will find that inner peace isn’t all it is cracked up to be. You miss the drama, but that is still no reason to kill a homeless man. Libra: CONFUSED. This isn’t even your horoscope, you were born in November. Scorpio: STRESSED? Exams are just a few months away now. You should be stressed, but just remember no uptight person has ever started a sentence with “So I made this bong from an apple...” Sagittarius: IN LOVE. Enjoy it. It won’t last. It never does. But random, safe and consensual sex with strangers never fades or cheats on you with your sister. Capricorn: LAZY. You will find yourself failing to complete even the Aquarius: PARANOID. You should be. The next President of the WSU has a plan to control you. It starts with adding fluoride to the water. I have said too much already. Tell my wife and kids I loved them. Pisces: SAD. Think of things that make you smile, or kill a neighbour’s pet. Misery loves company.

Face of the week - make me into Dracula

Puzzles Complete the puzzle page, bring it and show us, and you’ll go in the draw to win some sweet free stuff!







Feature Waikato is one of the young ones when it comes to Universities. Our roots are not as deeply entrenched in Aotearoa’s history as say, the University of Auckland, or that old codger down south, Otago. Our back story then, is not as shrouded in historically inaccurate mystery and we don’t have as much unreliable fact on which to build a good, solid mythology or reputation. But New Zealand itself is still pretty fresh on the grand scale of things, so despite being the new-ish kid on the block, Waikato can still rustle up a few fantastical tales of mythical proportions. How do we explain our existence here as students and faculty members? There has to be a reason that you are here, right now, at this moment leafing through a hastily put together piece of Waikato student media. What brought you to this very second? You must have some kind of ideology surrounding this place of higher learning, in order for you to choose to be here. Explore now the fantasy world inside your head where the decision to study in Hamilton was apparently the right one. Because really, it’s all just in your head. We create the mythology that defines this university. Being a university native to New Zealand, this means you can forget about Greek mythology – there are no fraternities here. Our mythology is based on the ideas and presuppositions that the students bring to campus. That first impression you had of tertiary education and the young adult life it brought, that’s where our mythology starts. You create an idea of what the university should be, and from there it builds upon itself until you’ve created some kind of supernatural monster, complete with three heads and a nasty temper. PR can only get you so far.


The mythology of Waikato can vary from person to person, but for the majority there’s an unspoken agreement on how we view it. We still can’t crack that “top 100 universities in the world” nut, so we infer that we are second rate (what does a “leading” university even mean?!). Then we have the widely-accepted stereotype of the rural Waikato region shaping us into either hillbillies or bogans - even though we now have a Country Road. On a positive note, however, we have a pretty good mythology when it comes to our management school and we are consistently proud of what we achieve there. I guess it depends on what we buy into, and what attitude we decide to take. There’s a reason Cambridge and Harvard are always top of the list, and that’s because they have screeds and screeds of history and a massive reputation they continue to uphold. Waikato may hang around somewhere in the 300s, but we do share the same birth year as John Campbell and Russell Crowe – things can only get better. To foster a mythology likened to those of the Ivy Leagues, we should start here, at the student level. We already have some pretty good facilities, and the university is always up for renovations and improvements, so to really push the whole idea of what Waikato is all about, we should get on board and make it the place we want it to be. I will preach it again, get involved! Even if you are only here cos you’re too cheap for Auckland rent, or the South Island is too far away from home, you are your university. It really is what you make it. by Alix Higby

Getting involved: There are people that get involved, and then are people that don’t, at all. People that get involved in activities outside of the bare minimum are making the most of their University life. Whether it is a club, WSU, volunteering, part-time job, sports team or really anything instead of lectures and study. These are the kinds of people that understand the importance of time management; they are able to study, make the majority of their lectures, have their assignments in on time, go out and have fun and still get a few hours sleep. These are the kinds of people that have better work stories. Adult students: It took me a while to adapt to sharing a class with students the same age as my parents. Despite attempts to blend in with the multitude, there will always be a degree of separation between younger students and the adult demographic. These are the kinds of people that, typically, are always well presented. They never have the “hangover” face nor walk into people because they are texting. These are the kinds of

people that listen intently, without diverging from a complete state of concentration. These are the kinds of people that follow the library rules, the type that doesn’t blow smoke in your face or cut you off in a rush to class. These are the kinds of people that don’t listen to their Ipod so loud that you can hear every word. These are the easiest kind of people to talk to, best people to get notes from if you miss a class. Generally, adult students are not going to be your new drinking buddy, there are exceptions however. They are someone that knows about as much as you about the paper but a whole lot more about life, and for this reason, it would be beneficial to get to know them. Annoying drunks: One of these things is not like the other; it is so awkward when someone is a lot more intoxicated than anyone else. They slur, stumble, dance like a tape worm and laugh at everything, it is pretty funny. But, when they do that every weekend and you become the babysitter, then it becomes a drag. These kinds of people shout drinks for everyone like it’s the end of the world, fight with anyone who turns the music down and switch from happy to in-desperate-need-of-angermanagement in an instant. These are the kinds of people that haven’t actually had that much to drink but are verging on comatose. These are the kinds of people love hangovers. These are the kinds of people that are not scared of vomiting. These are the kinds of people that lose their conscious. These are the kinds of people that will stay out every weekend until the lights come on. There is an incredibly thin line between drunk and awesome and getting way too drunk for one’s mental capacity that it’s just annoying.

Way too loud: I suppose I can reserve the generalization for a small segment first years. By the time you get to second and third year, you cherish a quite place to study. In the library there is always someone who is talking so loud as to prove a point. These are the kinds of people that squeal so loud it scares everyone around them. These are the kinds of people that leave their phone on loud so we all hear that little beep the lecturer tries to ignore. These are the kinds of people that stroll through University as if it’s a catwalk. These are the kinds of people that spend every lecture on Facebook. These are the kinds of people that swear aloud to themselves. These are the kinds of people that everybody looks at. There are so many generalizations one can make, but, luckily we are not in high-school and the clash of cliques is no longer relevant. In a survival guide sense for the first years, don’t be the awkward overly-drunk person every weekend, get involved in something outside of study to give yourself a break and do not judge a student by their age. This way, your University experience will be as awesome as you are willing to make it. by Julia Gabel


The best thing about University is that it is nothing like high-school. No uniforms, no bells, no detentions and no school-yard hierarchies. The preshow university stunt, in the form of tertiary trips, career nights, shared experiences and the prospectus, is a way to harvest your excitement as you head out on your pursuit of freedom and, no doubt, a good time. Myths, propaganda and cold truths circulate alongside this anticipated freedom. Despite what we really do, what our parents think we do or what we tell our friends we do, University is a pool of new faces with different intentions but, who all made the same choice.

Always studying: Studying is a prerequisite for any success at University, no shit. There are some people that seem to be glued to their laptop, they are always studying. These are the people that get constant A+. These are the people that stay in and do readings when the rest of us go out. These are the people that are always focused. These are the people that seem to know everything. These are the people that can answer any question thrown at them in tutorials. These are people that make you feel guilty when you go out. These are the people that you do not understand in first year but will become in second year.


As a sheltered secondary school student, going to university can seem like going to the London Olympics, there’s rumoured to be a lot of drugs, sex and alcohol, but only the people there really know what it’s like. The American Pie films and other elaborate portrayals of university life encourage many first years to think that they’ll share a similarly raunchy and substance-fuelled experience at their chosen New Zealand university, however they soon realise that many of these myths are simply the by-product of American media consumption. So what actually happens at university? Is it really all it’s cracked up to be? And should you go to university if all you want to do is party up and see how many girls/ boys you can get in one night? It’s high time we quashed these university myths, and let people know what they should and shouldn’t believe from the movies. May the mythbusting begin.


Uni means I’m going to have endless fun in summer at pool parties with bikiniclad hotties? We do have the convenience of a lake right next to the village green, except that it’s filthy and probably contains a plague. The closest we get to a babe in the lake is a female scientist in overalls taking water samples. If Waikato University was rich like the ones in America I’m sure it wouldn’t take much student lobbying to get the lake transformed into a wicked student pool. Here’s hoping! The WSU tries to throw a pool party each O-Week at the university pool, but without alcohol and enough uni students it’s just another means of cheap day-care for the Hamilton locals. The mangare competition can provide some cheap entertainment, but at the end of the day, a sausage and a soft drink just doesn’t compare to the shenanigans Van Wilder Party Liason promised you last time you saw it. This myth...BUSTED.

spend three to five years banging loads of chicks; females: uni means I will

However passing your papers is not a certainty. I warn you of that rogue compulsory assessment that pounces on you very sneakily in the early weeks of the semester. This one thing can ruin an entire semester and $800, and you can then resign yourself to doing summer school or the wellrenowned ‘tidy-up’ semester. This myth...CONFIRMED.

spend two to three years

Uni means I will get to go

whittling down my options

on Springbreak and apply

before I latch on to a

the phrase “what happens

rich doctor.

on Springbreak stays on


Males: uni means I will

Springbreak”. Males: Depending on how much shit your willing to take from your mates and how many diseases you’re willing to spread, you can tally up the notches in your door without too much difficulty at university. However due to only a small number of students living on campus and disappointingly no on-campus pub (wtf; we need The Don like back in the good old days), the Waikato experience does not reach its full potential. As for females, Waikato University has no med school so abandon your plans of finding a rich doctor, unless you consider a psychologist a doctor...psych. Rather look to select a piss-sinking engineer, an articulate lawyer, or a boring accountant - any of those three should provide a secure future. Otherwise I suggest keeping your options open until you’re old enough to start thinking about being with one person for the rest of your existence. This myth...PLAUSIBLE.

Waikato University has no such thing as Springbreak, nothing that even comes close. Our best possibility for having a mint time among all unis - The Uni Games. However due to students having better things to do with their time than play sport and sink piss with other uni students(???) we only have ourselves to blame for not creating a decent Springbreak-like occasion to celebrate. A university-wide river float would be pretty epic but when it has been attempted the police have foiled the plan. It’s official, this myth....BUSTED.

liberty of choosing which

New Zealand university offers a different lifestyle to American college. Whatever we try to imitate, we’ll never be able to match the calibre of America. However for those who do feel they are missing out on the college experience, Waikato University offers a partner exchange with ASU (Arizona State University) who have a reputation in America for being one of the top party schools.

classes I attend and which

by Sean Goulding

Uni means I can take the

classes I skip, whilst still managing to pass. It’s true, as a pursuer of higher education you may decide if a nine o’clock lecture or a sleep-in is more important. You may also determine whether group meetings are optional or mandatory. You’re at university now, no one is going to tell you to go to class or speak nicely to the teacher - you are now in control of your own destiny.


Meet the WSU Candidates Aaron Letcher - Running for President My name is Aaron Letcher, and I’m a fourth year student studying towards a conjoint law and social sciences degree. Many of you may remember me as that guy who helped you get to town on the buses during O’week, hooked you up with a sweet French toast breakfast when you were hung over the next day, or a free sausage down on the Green. I was able to do all these things because for the past year I have been a director with the Waikato Student Union. I would love the opportunity to continue to represent you as President. Daniel Farrell - Running for President and Director I am a student strongly involved with the Waikato campus. I am involved with student media, both as a contributor to Nexus and as a host and committee member for Contact FM, the student radio station on campus. I am running for WSU President because I believe I have the skill and experience to push WSU into the future in difficult times. I also feel strongly about helping students, the WSU can and should do this - not just Hamilton students, but Tauranga students too. So help me to help you, the students. When you vote, tick Daniel Farrell. Mark Savage - Running for Vice President and Director My name is Mark Savage and I want to be your next Waikato Student’s Union Vice President. In only my first year of a BCMS at the University of Waikato, I have already: - Been class representative in 4 papers. - Attended 2 of 3 University Council meetings held this year. - Regularly attended WSU board meetings. Next year will be a period of consolidation for the WSU. It will be a year in which we, as members, must lay a foundation that will stand strong. That task starts now with YOUR vote. I know what is required. Vote SAVAGE! Courtney Quinn - Running for Vice President and Director I’m Courtney Quinn, 20 years old, third year at Waikato University, second year Bachelor of Teaching Early Childhood and I’m also studying Psychology on the side (it’s my mistress). I’m currently one of your WSU Directors, and you know what? I love you guys and the WSU so much that I want to put more time, effort and tender lovin’ care into student life and culture on campus all over again. Only this time bigger, better and more memorable!!! I know the WSU, I know you; the students, and you already know I’m a great director, and THE BEST candidate for WSU Vice President 2013!!! Courtney Quinn for WSU!! Danyell Summers - Running for Vice President and Director My name is Danyell Summers. I’m doing a Bachelor of Communication Studies, majoring in Management Communication and PR. My experience on the 2012 board of directors and my studies have given me insight into how the WSU works and I have ideas about how it can be improved. Everybody has something amazing to offer and it is important that the WSU increases it’s interactions with students; learning your wants and needs and then using this to provide you with opportunities to cultivate your strengths, improve your weaknesses and create a campus culture where you feel safe to do so.


Kat Dimes - Running for Vice President and Director My name is Kat and I am studying towards a Bachelor in Media and Creative Technologies. I’m a Student Rep for 2 of my papers and I’m running for the positions of Vice President/Director on the WSU 2013 Board of Directors. I’ve had the awesome opportunity of being on 2 Student boards before & have enjoyed every minute of it. I enjoy being a student voice and representing my class, faculty and entire student body. I believe in making the most out of my student experience and making every moment count- if you’re too slow you miss out!

Te Wairere Ngaia - Running for Vice President Māori and Director Kia ora! My name is Wai and I am currently completing my BCS Honours in management communications and Te Reo Maaori. If successful in the elections I will strive to ensure that all Maaori students voices get heard, yet also strive to foster and maintain relationships with all non-Maaori students as well. My ultimate goal would be to create an awareness of how kaupapa Māori within Waikato can positively influence all Waikato University members.

Kiriana Waru - Running for Vice President Māori and Director I am curently studying towards Bachelors of Arts majoring in Te Reo Māori me ona tikanga with a conjoint degree Bachelors of Teaching majoring in Music and Performing Arts among many. I have 3 main goals and aspirations for being here at the Waikato University: 1. To prepare a pathway to university for the up and coming generations 2. To advocate, liase and establish strategic plans to help parent students succeed 3. To holdfast the Māori language and customs of Waikato within the University My success does not come from my efforts alone, it comes from the efforts of many... Logan Reynolds - Running for Director Kia ora! My name is Logan Reynolds and I’m running for WSU. I’m currently in the second year of a secondary teaching degree, majoring in English. Broadlyspeaking, my vision for Waikato is a campus layered with culture, humour, support for struggling students, opportunities for personal and intellectual development, and a feeling of belonging. As Chairperson of the Hamilton Youth Council, I’m experienced in the area of representation and hope to use my event management skills to inject some extra life into the campus. He aha te mea nui o te ao? He tangata, he tangata, he tangata. Happy voting! Heman Kakai - Running for Director Hi, my name is Heman. I’m running to be on your 2013 WSU board of directors. I’m a fourth year BSocSC/LLB student. In these four years I’ve be able to gain an appreciation and understanding of issues that are important to students. The WSU is an ideal position to influence change and advocate for these issues. My message is clear, if elected, I will ensure that I contribute the time and effort necessary to be an effective board member who represents the interests of the student body. Come 20/August vote HEMAN! I would be privileged to represent you. Thank you. Brennan Chappell - Running for Director Hey everyone, my name is Brennan Chappell and I’m a third year engineering student here at the University of Waikato. I enjoy long walks on the beach, candle lit dinners, and the occasional foot rub. If you’re looking for a GC to represent you on the WSU board of directors, then I’m your man. I see a lot of potential on this campus to develop the kind of culture that other universities have, we just need the right team of people to help achieve it. I’d really appreciate your vote. Regan Johnston - Running for Director Hello. I am Regan Johnston. This is my third year studying a conjoint degree in Law and Social Sciences. Advocacy is sweet, I have been Class Rep for five papers each semester this year, and for most my papers from previous years too. Class Reps everywhere would get me when I say being Class Rep is an incredible burden to shoulder. Huge responsibility. Analogous to Atlas. Electing me would be electing a director who: (a) brushes his teeth every day (twice!); (b) has moxie / dapper know-how; (c) holds vague awareness that this blurb is in Nexus for a week minimum.



REVIEWS The Hamilton Farmer’s Market

River Road Carpark, 204 River Road, 8am-12noon, every Sunday (rain or shine) It was a dreary Sunday morning, grey and miserable, drizzling with rain. All I wanted was some colour, some vibrancy, a little bit of summer, that far off imaginary state of weather that seems to be but a distant memory... But I needed to get out of the house, get some fresh air and stretch my legs after a hard Saturday night of ‘studying’. So I grabbed my mum and off we went to the farmers market...Holy crap!!! I think I have stumbled upon my own little slice of heaven. Marquees, vans and trestles loaded with fresh and local produce! I think I got lost in a whirlwind of smells and sights for a while there, having completed two browsing loops before I made my

final buying round. It’s amazing what they have there. Fresh breads and pastries, a beautiful looking range of soft gluten free breads and slices, fresh honeys and olive oils, home-killed fresh meats, plants and seedlings for your own garden, and oodles and oodles of fruits and vegetables!! It’s such a great feeling buying local produce straight from the growers. You can chat to them about all their growing practices, they give you recipe ideas and best of all you get quality fresh foods (unlike the wilted dilapidated, frozen and unfrozen veges the local vege shop stocks) without the exuberant prices places like Nosh, Farro and Trader Jacks charge.

Unfortunately it is winter and the market currently has about a third of the stores it usually has in the peak of summer. But I can only imagine it at its peak.... Oh the choices!!! One thing’s for sure, I’ll be back this Sunday, and probably the Sunday after... and the one after that... Cambridge also has a farmers market in Victoria Square every Saturday from 8am - 12noon. But regardless of which market you go to, make sure you get in early so you can get the good goods.

Reviewed by Courtney Quinn


The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes Bill Watterson

Bill Watterson, is what we all want be. After spending four long years of his life Billy graduated college with a Bachelor in political science then said, “fuck it”* and got a job as a cartoonist. Despite Watterson’s most famous cartoon being the imaginary tiger and adventures of a six year old boy, that shit is deep. In amongst blanket forts, cardboard box space ships and time machines, snow fights and alter egos (the perfect childhood) Bill’s political degree didn’t go entirely to waste. Broad undercurrents run through most of his cartoons of environmentalism, public education and life in general. Backing up his political depth Calvin the six year old has a vocab that would rival most scientists at the water cooler. Not as surprising when you note that the two main characters were named after 16th century French theologian John Calvin and 17th century English political philosopher Thomas Hobbes.

If you think you’re too school for cartoons, you don’t understand them. Above all, I respect a dude who runs his own ship. On top of smudging the lines between cardboard time machines and political issues Bill draws everything himself, and although they are simplistic, they are sharp. Anyone who can make an almost unlimited range of facial expressions out of twelve lines is an artist in my book. Just to smack that nail in, Steven Spielberg approached Bill wanting to take Calvin and Hobbes to the silver screen. Bill told him to go fly a kite. I’m not sure if Steve owned a kite or not, but I’m sure he could have bought one out of the $8.5 billion his movies have grossed.

Despite being one of the most respected directors in Hollywood, this was Bill’s show and he didn’t want no-one else messing with it. Due to the sheer respect I have for this author’s skill and integrity, and enjoyment I get from these comics I can’t give it less than a perfect five. Read this on a lazy afternoon. *This may or may not be a factual quote, but it sums it up and is my life plan C.

Reviewed by DC

more confused. What a small, elderly Jewish intellectual had in common with a charismatic, white trash entertainer is anyone’s guess. It wasn’t until later when I found out the origin of this blockheaded metaphor was Bono that it all became clear. Anyway the topic of Chomsky’s lecture that day was American imperialism and hegemony, and he mumbled on about it for about an hour. ‘Occupy’ is his latest book and Chomsky remains fixated on the same ideas. His new release contains his reflections on the Occupy Movement, the worldwide anti-capitalist protest that spread to eightytwo countries – including New Zealand. Naturally the veteran leftist is in favour of the protests, and is not discouraged by their failure to generate a wider groundswell of support. Rather he sees the movement as positive in terms of getting its agenda into the mainstream media. In case you’ve been buried under a rock, the Occupy movement’s goal is to raise awareness of social and economic inequality. Specifically the way global corporations and the financial system disproportionately benefit a minority, undermine democracy and cause instability. From this analysis arose the slogan ‘we are the 99%.’ Chomsky’s book then is useful in terms of giving the movement legitimacy, and getting away from stereotypes of the protesters as a bunch of unemployed hippies. It’s a slim volume and is insubstantial compared to some of Chomsky’s other work (particularly Manufacturing Consent), although this does make it nice and accessible. But I’m still unconvinced that he’s an Elvis of academia – more like a Woody Allen – though without the sense of humour.

Reviewed by Kevin Pryor


By Noam Chomsky Noam Chomsky came to speak at Waikato University a fair while back and I went along to listen to him. His billing was as the ‘Elvis of academia,’ and they were even selling t-shirts to that effect outside the School of Management. I didn’t quite understand how someone can be an ‘Elvis of academia,’ and after listening to his lecture I was even

What a small, elderly Jewish intellectual had in common with a charismatic, white trash entertainer is anyone’s guess.

Sichuan Style Collingwood Street, Hamilton Central.

When it comes to Chinese restaurants, one cannot judge a good eatery from it’s appearance. Decorated in metallic cat pictures and somewhat authentic wall embellishments, my friend and I only found this place after recommendation. “Hot and Spicy” as well as a list of some of the menu’s most appetizing meals are printed on the window next to a slide-show of images. So, maybe authentic Sichuan style with a 21st century twist? This theme is continued inside with the menu which is an ipad. I really appreciate imagery when it comes to selecting exotic food. If the customers are any testimonial, the packed dinning room proves this place is a diamond in the rough. The tables surrounding us hold cauldrons full of chili peppers and divine vapors, large enough to bathe in. My

friend and I ordered a few things: I go for a seafood noodle dish, my friend ordered a spicy pork dish and sides of rice and steamed buns filled with pork and vegetables with green tea to drink. My meal hits the spot. With the perfect amount of heat and a delicious combination of seafood, the flavor of my first Sichuan Style dish will definately bring me back for more. There are dishes of chili pastes and sauces on the table, to add to heat to your meal if nessecary. Despite the chef’s recommendation board, I am happy with my choice over the tofu dish with ‘tongue-numbing sauce’. My friend’s array of pork goes down well. With the rice and steamed buns as well as our meals, we have a enough food for a long, slow dinner which we spend admiring other Sichuan creations and people-watching. It was a relaxing and fun night. Together the dinner cost $40; making the Chinese restaurant perfect for students.

The meals arrive promptly, not that we noticed, the activity going on around us was fascinating; some diners poked chop sticks into swamps of meats and vegetables, other groups are served raw meat to cook on little stove tops on their table, adding in spices and eating straight off the hot plate. The rising steam, hum of voices and hiss of cooking meat creates an pleasantly warm atmosphere. Sichuan Style is open from 12a.m. to 12p.m., 7 days a week and also does all meals take-away. It would be best to book a table if you were amongst a large group, especially on Saturdays. Yet, in saying that, a group of ten walked in for dinner and was seated immediately. The cheap prices, delicious food, ability to seat large groups comfortably, late night hours and the extensive menu with images makes Sichuan Style a perfect for students. Try it out!

Reviewed by Julia Gabel

ANNUAL GENERAL MEETING Pursuant to rule 9.1 of the constitution of the Waikato Students’ Union Incorporated, notice is hereby given that the Annual General Meeting of members shall be held on:

Wednesday 26th September 2012 at 1pm

Business to be conducted includes: Presentation of the annual report Presentation of the audited accounts Presentation of the annual plan and budget Approval of membership fees and directors honoraria Appointment of the auditor and the solicitor

Any member wishing to have a matter considered for inclusion on the agenda should submit it to the WSU no later than 4.00pm on Friday 24th August 2011.

LICK THAT SPOON with Hoory Yeldizian

Waikato Tribesets setsthe the challenge Waikato Tribe challenge NEW WAIKATO NEW WAIKATOINVITATIONAL INVITATIONAL Date: Friday Date: Friday28 28September September Venue: At our home Venue: At our hometurf turf » » » » » » » »

9 sports 9 sports Professionally organised Professionally organised Best buzz Best buzz Lots of prizes

Lots of prizes

Register by Tuesday 17 September

Register by Tuesday 17 September

Follow us on Facebook: www.facebook/waikatoinvitational

Follow us on Facebook: www.facebook /waikatoinvitational

I have a constant fear when I look at a menu in a cute cosy restaurant that I will leave the place either unsatisfied or my stomach would still be crying out to be filled. And obviously, a soup order is far from my mind. My stomach will usually be yearning for something more substantial than a watery slimy concoction that usually tastes like hospital food. I never thought soups were a glamorous dish either. To me, they seem boring and one dimensional. Oh, how wrong was I to assume such things. A foodie such as myself should be ashamed to have cast the notion of soups into the lame bucket of food to not explore. And somehow, a soup miracle came to meRoasted Tomato and Leek soup. Gone the days of boring soups. The combinations of flavours are divine and guaranteed to fill up your stomachs. Happy licking everybody!

There’s no stopping you E kore e taea te aukati i a koe

There’s no stopping you E kore e taea te aukati i a koe

Roasted Tomato & Leek Soup

For more information phone 07 838 4463, email or visit

For more information phone 07 838 4463, email or visit

2012 Wallace Corporation Universit y of Waikato Blues AWARDING EXCELLENCE IN SPORT, AND CREATIVE AND PERFORMING ARTS.

APPLY TODAY Proudly Sponsored by: Wallace Corporation Ltd Waikato Students’ Union Coca-Cola ESTA BLISHED IN 1971

Managed by: U Leisure

Online applications now open. Go to

7 tomatoes, large 2 leeks, washed and trimmed 3 cloves of garlic 1 tbsp brown sugar 1.5 litres of vegetable stock 1/2 cup of basil 1 1/2 cups of risoni Salt and pepper Olive oil 1. Preheat the oven to 180C. Cut the tomatoes into quarters and place into a baking tray lined with baking paper. 2. Cut the leeks into thirds and then cut each third in half and add to the baking tray. 3. Crush the garlic over the tomato and leeks. Add the brown sugar and then drizzle with olive oil, season with salt and pepper and toss to combine. 4. Place the baking tray in the oven and roast for 30 minutes, or until the tomatoes are soft. 5. Remove the tray from the oven and peel off the skins of the tomatoes and discard. This step is optional, but I find if you remove the skins the soup is much smoother. 6. Place a soup pot on the stove at a medium – low heat and pour in the stock. After 5 minutes, add the roasted tomatoes and leeks. Add the basil and blend with a stick blender until you reach your desired consistency. If the soup is too thick add more stock. 7. Add the risoni and cook until tender for a further 8-10minutes. 8. Serve with crusty bread. Enjoy!

There is nothing to do in Hamilton, said no one ever. We have you sorted! Wednesday August 22 2 more days to go and you know what that means, right? Hump day! Skint 7pm onwards at House Bar Weekly student night brought to you by Fevah FM and Nexus Magazine. A decent dinner that won’t break the bank with $5 pizzas and special drink deals like $5 sauvs from 6-9pm and $6 doubles 9pm-midnight with student ID plus guest DJs spinning fresh tunes every week! 2 for 1 Wednesdays 5-10 pm at Grand Central Hotel Nothing like a good cocktail (or two) to wash down your mid-week blues.

Thursday August 23 Justin Sane Agenda Nightclub Free entry (!!!) Thursday nights have just gotten bigger with Justin Sane rocking Agenda on the 23rd. Word on the street is, is that there is a massive bar tab 11:30-12:30. Isn’t that “just insane”?

Friday August 24 Katchafire Back to the Roots Hamilton Tour Altitude Bar & Nightclub

Tickets for $30 available at Fresh from their tour overseas, Katchafire returns to Htown with a rare live set along with some local support from NRG Rising and Tasty Brown.

Saturday August 25 Electro Static ft Piece and Phil Collins Static Second “official” week of Electro Static has DJs Piece and Phil Collins spinning some tunes. Stuck at home on a Saturday night and wishing you were out? Fevah FM has got you covered with a live stream from 11pm-3 am over at Now you can rage at home. We’re not judging you, we promise. Alley Oop Grand Central Hotel $5 door entry with free cocktail jar With a name as intriguing as that, who wouldn’t want to check it out? Rising band Chatchy and DJs Kaon, Rohan, Willie G, and Wiggles are in the line-up. A good variety of music plus cocktails and quality drinks. What more can you want on a Saturday night? For the latest gossip, news, and whatever else that’s hip and happening, tune in to the Fevah Drive with Jess and Mandy. Weekdays from 4-6pm at 88.3 Fevah FM or stream it live at We will get you home, in one way or another.

THE GIG REV IEW Zeal Acoustic Show Gig Review by Jess Molina of With The Cool Kids Last weekend, I took a break from hard raging and instead opted for a quiet night. Just because it was a quiet weekend doesn’t mean it has to be uneventful too. Lucky for me, the Zeal Acoustic Show was happening last Friday night. What I liked about the all-ages acoustic show is that they give new talents, some who has never performed in front of an audience before, a chance to showcase their work. It was refreshing to hear new voices giving their own rendition to a popular song. The event was held at the Arts Post, which added to the overall vibe of the night. Set against a black backdrop with some décor hanging, the acts performed with various works of art around them. Yummy treats and hot chocolate was also being sold that night.

First performance of the night was by Rachel who did an original song at the start of her set. Her set was easy-going and she even had an introduction to the songs she was performing. When she did “Hero” by The Foo Fighters as her last song, I couldn’t help but want to hear more. Hamish and Caitlin were the next act for the night. Caitlin, who is also known as Alice from Alice & Anne, had a distinct quality in her voice. When they finished off with the crowd pleaser “Valerie”, I found myself semi-dancing in my seat. 15-year-old Leah was up after a short break and I looked forward to hearing her after she informed us of the songs she was going to do. I thoroughly enjoyed her raspy vocals in her version of “Pumped Up Kicks”.

Another standout for the night was Justin Swartz who, although was sick on the night, still managed to do justice to some Ed Sheeran songs that he covered. The first thing that came to mind as soon as soon as Van Der Wal took their place was that they reminded me of Angus and Julia Stone minus the sibling factor. They even had the beard and vintage dress down to a pat. Phil and Talia Van Der Wal nailed it and had everyone engrossed in their music. I wish their EP was out already because I would’ve bought it there and then. Not bad for a quiet night, huh? Photography by Robbie Gilmore

I sat on a bench outside and flicked back to the last page of my smoky essay which contained the final mark. There it was. I stared at it for some time. It didn’t make any sense. It made about as much sense as a Def-Leppard tee-shirted lad leading a horse out of an elevator. This mark was parked tangentially in a parallel universe surrounded by a high electrified barbed-wire fence with a sign on it saying “Trespassers will be totally confused because it makes no sense at all”. I needed to go the see someone in the linguistics department to explain it. Armed with a fully-loaded toothpick and the knowledge that the Linguistics department was in the sub-subbasement, I made my way inside to find an elevator or a shovel. As I walked into the elevator (due to the university’s lack of digging implements), an elderly woman in a Metal-Head tee-shirt walked out with a goat on a leash. I made no enquiries. The floor of the elevator dropped, and took me with it to the sub-sub-basement. The elevator stopped and the sub-sub-basement light inside the door of the elevator lit up. The elevator in its usual kindly tone said “Sub-sub-basement”, and as the doors slid aside I could see a sign hanging from the ceiling that said: Sub-sub-basement. If I had GPS on my phone I would have wanted to confirm it. In my most cautious edging, I edged my way down the dim hallway that was dark due to the lack of lighting. I came across another sign suspended from the ceiling that read; LINGUISTICS. CAUTION: This department uses language. Parental discretion is advised. I was on the right track. In the dim dimness of the dim hall appeared another sign; CAUTION: Watch your head - Please be aware of suspended ceiling signs. Ducking below this surprisingly low sign, I continued. The end of the hallway came into sight. There, at the door was a very large, very sharp, very angry set of teeth that belonged to a dog that was wearing them at the time. Upon seeing me, the beast snarled. Then, it’s expression softened to a smile as if it recognized me. The dog started to wag his tail happily. I walked up to the dog and reached out to pat it. That’s when it happened. WHAM! A door at my right swung open and I was grabbed by the collar and yanked into the room. The door slammed behind me. By Skippy

I hear you. It’s the end of term; you’re sick of learning new things; all you want to do is relax. Well, bummer, because there’s still another half semester to go. I can’t speak for the lecturers, but I for one am certainly not through with you yet. That’s not to say I’m without a heart, mind you. I know a strained brain when I see one; so I take the term quite literally when I say, “Let’s recap!” 1. The non-word ‘totes’ shouldn’t be used unless you’re being sarcastic. We want to deter totes usage, not encourage it. 2. ‘Yous’, on the other hand, you should never, ever say. Ever. 3. ‘Myself’ and ‘yourself’ are reflexive pronouns. Replace ‘self’ with ‘body’. When someone asks, “How are you?” you don’t say, “Good, how about your body?” so don’t say, “Good, how about yourself?” either. Hint: ‘you’ works just fine. 4. Common courtesy dictates that we put ourselves last, but that doesn’t always mean we put ‘I’ last. You might say, “Would you like to come to the zoo with me?” So, likewise, if Harold and Bonnie are tagging along too, say, “Would you like to come to the zoo with Harold, Bonnie and me?” NOT “Harold, Bonnie and I.” Take away the tag-alongs and you’ll instantly know which of ‘I’ or ‘me’ is correct. 5. It’s “should have”, not “should of.” I don’t care that your Kiwi accent says otherwise. The same accent also says to spell ‘butter’ with an ‘a’ (which you should also not do). 6. You describe ‘how something looks’ or ‘what something looks like’. Never do you describe ‘HOW something looks LIKE’. 7. ‘Effect’ is a noun and ‘affect’ is a verb. 8. Don’t slot in an ellipsis whenever you feel like it. Only use one if you’re trailing off into deep thought, you don’t know how to finish your sentence, or you’re using part of a quote. Though I think the hidden theme behind that column was this: Don’t Facebook your problems. That’s probably more important. Honestly, no one cares. 9. Only use an apostrophe when doing one of two things: 1) indicating ownership or 2) joining two words into one. And when in doubt, don’t use an apostrophe. For most of these things, it takes five minutes on Google to become a master. So stop taking the Internet for granted and go hone those newly capped brains. You have two weeks. By Pseudonym

What does an advocate do?

Employment Myths


The advocacy service at the Waikato Students’ Union (WSU) is a free and confidential service to help you get through the tougher times as a student. If you feel that you have an issue or concern then talk to a Student Advocate; no situation is too small or big.

There are tonnes of mis-conceptions about the 90 day trial period:

Joshua is in a flat where one of the flat mates has taken off leaving phone and other bills of about $400. He has left all his stuff behind. Can Joshua sell it to recover the $400? No, unfortunately not until the following has been done.

What can the WSU offer support with? • Making sure that the university follows the processes and that you are treated fairly • Act as a liaison between you and the university, Studylink and any organisation or place that you might need help with. How do I know that the student advocate actually knows what they’re doing? The advocates have all been, or are still, students themselves. They have received indepth training and have contact networks within both the University and surrounding organisations that mean they can genuinely help you. And even if your issue is outside what they normally deal with, they will direct you on to whoever else you might need to get it sorted. If you have an enquiry or think that we may be able to help you then give as an email through our online form on:

Misconceptions: - Your employer has to hire you on a trial period and it has to be for 90 days - You can be paid under the minimum wage while on a trial period - You are not actually employed until the trial period is complete - Trial periods and probationary periods are the same thing The above are INCORRECT - The trial period has to be in writing - A trial period of up to 90 days can be written into your employment agreement but this is optional. Your employer does not have to use it and it can be shorter than 90 days but no more than 90 days. - All other work rights still apply when you are on a trial period (call 0800 AT YWRC for more information on your rights) - The minimum wage still applies when on a trial period - If you have worked for the employer in the past you cannot be re-employed on a trial period because they already know how you work - Trial periods cannot be extended If you are fired under the trial period provision you are still entitled to your holiday pay to be included in your final pay

He must contact the flat mate in writing by registered mail stating that unless the goods are collected by a certain time and the money owing paid, then the goods will be sold to defray expenses (note before selling the goods it is recommended that Joshua get legal advice). If he can’t contact the flat mate he also needs to get legal advice. CAB can provide a free legal appointment (0800 367 222) The Citizen’s Advice Bureau Hamilton provides advice and information from four locations. They are at 55 Victoria St (Mon-Fri 8.45am-5pm), 70 Kent St Frankton (Mon-Fri 9am-4.30pm), Garden Place (Mon-Fri 11am-2pm) and the Cowshed at the University (Thurs 11-1pm).† They also have legal and consumer services available where you can get more specialized help. Book an appointment at WSU. Phone the CAB on 0800 367 222 (0800 FOR CAB) or look at the CAB website

If you have any questions about trial periods, work obligations and entitlements the Young Workers’ Resource Centre can help you- just check out our website,, give us a call or facebook us.

St Vincents in Frankton runs a van Mon-Fri to the poorer suburbs of Hamilton. We offer free food and milo. The van takes 3-4 volunteers to drive and serve. Times: 5pm – 7:30 pm on a once a fortnight or on call basis. We’d love your help. Contact us now on 0212329128 /


Expect the unexpected.


o for one reason or another, to this hipster’s great disgust, I was dragged to the outback last week, probably the least hipster or alternative bar in Hamilton. And man do I have to say, it really was as bad as I had remembered it. The bar itself I must say was quite nice, I enjoy what they have done in the entry area and a many of my friends are playing in the Backbar and although to me it still makes me feel queasy, I cannot deny that the music that is played in there is much more to my liking. So the thing then that got me most about the place I guess can only be one other thing right, it was the people! I walked in with a group of friends and instantly we were faced with a group of guys, outback goers, you know the types. Slim white boys that look like they push weights, baggy shirts, the Beiber swish hair cut, skinny jeans and a baggy t-shirt. You know what this screams to me… wannabie hipsters! They made me sick, as they all stood there, half of them looking at themselves at their reflection in the glass, checking their hair while the other half of them glared around the room; that dirty stare at women in that lasts 3 seconds too long, and becomes creepy for the poor girls. Then you look at what they’re drinking. This for me had to be the tipping point. I kid you not, they were drinking Smirnoff reds. Pfffft I mean come on. I guess what I’m getting at here is, if you are one of these retards, you are not cool and you are definitely not a hipster! Stop fooling yourselves and dressing like something you’re not. Dressing like something doesn’t mean you are that something. You can’t just pull on a your chucks, flick your raybans on and become Tim Ranchodbhai. And for god sakes if you are at The Outback of all places then you are quite simply as far from hipster or alternative as you could ever possibly be. It is the most mainstream bar in town, designed for the mainstream kids, and if you go there you are a mainstreamer, full stop, end of story, no argument. Being alternative, hipster, indie, whatever you want to call it, isn’t just about the way you dress, it’s a lifestyle. Something Hip

For the most of us, expectations are almost always sorely let down. When I was a child, I wanted to be a ballerina. After my first class I hated it and decided to be a scientist. I had a microscope and a mini-lab in my room complete with petri dishes. From there I watched Sabrina the teenage witch, the movie where she can talk to fish, and became adamant that I wanted to be a marine biologist. By the time I got to uni, my bachelor of Arts degree was not exactly what I had, well, planned. These high-hopes are not just a girl-wants-to-ride-pony neeeeooooowww....but a cold reality for everyone. The photos taken in bars in town after a few drinks are a harsh awakening the next morning. Rosy cheeks, damp hair, red tongues stained from lolly-water, mascara smudges and awkward mid-expression shots are the result of the expectation of one’s appearance, horribly contrasted with the truth. Maybe all that jumping, fist-pumping and sugar sucking wore off in all the wrong places? I suppose the expectation of the first-year at university is different for everyone. However, I know we all create a pre-conceived mental image of what our first experiences will be like. I am glad to know that for some, these expectations are exceeded. But, I bet the cold mash, vegetable stack and community service was not in the stars for most of us. Personally, when I flicked through the pages of the prospectus, and saw each halls of residence persuading me to join, I never intended to spend my summer afternoons peeling feijoas. Nor did I expect to be put on the alcohol-free floor. I do not ever remember signing up to that luxury. My parents must have got one over me when I wasn’t looking. Throughout life in general, we set the bar high. Whether it is the simple expectations of a Whopper Jr. or the results of our final exam; as students we have already made the first right choice and it hurts deeply when our plans do not go as desired. Take my friend for example, she is third year and already has a five year plan! Why is it that we have this uncontrollable need to create plans and expectations. When life does not go to plan the shit hits the fan in the most dramatic and unnecessary way possible. One crap grade, one ugly fight, one rejection, one fall, one moment of total loss of control and the entire world is upturned. Expect nothing but the unexpected, and you will never be left disappointed. Accept all the ups and downs, hangovers, break-ups and 8 balls life throws in your face, and choose to have no regrets. By Julia Gabel


HP talks to Hamish Amidst the Olympics, the floods and the European Debt Crisis, Australian comedic pair, Hamish and Andy, are in London doing their Gap Year show. It’s effectively a longer timeslot than their sketches on Rove or a more visual version of their radio show, which we now get via ZM here in NZ but in a more exotic location. The show is recorded live-ish and has the pair traveling about Europe. So you can imagine my surprise to be called from the other side of the world for a friendly chat with Hamish (that’s the one with the shorter hair for those keeping score). Both feeling out of our depth discussing the stock market, although both trying to continue on share prices for no real reason, we quickly moved to the new movie Hamish is staring in. The movie, X is an adaptation of a book of the same name that follows the tragically funny story of two friends and their reliance on each other following a murder. Flight of the Concords star and general hero of New Zealand comedy, Brett Mackenzie, stars as an Invercargill lad stuck in dire friendship with a less than ideal confidante played by Hamish. Hamish explains that the story surrounds his character’s relationship with Brett’s and the difficulties of having to rely on the most unreliable of friends. Hamish said he relished the opportunity to play across from Mackenzie as this unspoken of issue of one friend trying to effectively “break up” with another friend plays out around some cynically dark plot twists. Hamish offers that the film has a “dark heart” and anyone expecting


to see a mash up of Flight of the Concords vs. Hamish and Andy are likely to be disappointed. He furthers that the film is more serious than a lot of the work he has done and it really pushed him to have to approach the project from a new direction. He tells me this is the first film he’s worked on and it’s a wildly different from a lot of the comedy and predominantly radio type roles he has worked with in the past. So, how are his acting chops? Well, he is quick to tell me this is not the first staring acting role he has had. Cleaning up as one of the top actors in a previous and well renowned play, he believed he was always stepping to a role as a serious actor. The only issue was the play was in kindergarten and, by well renowned, he means his mum came to see him. And that was the last time Hamish claims to have been on stage in a more formal setting. But he thinks he manages to hold his own. On his side, he say, was an extremely supportive director, a fantastic cast and crew and plenty of direction saw him through. “I can’t do a New Zealand accent” Hamish reports, so those in charge altered things so he could be from Australia. He believes he has learnt an enormous amount, not all of it in the ways of acting. He shared a quick anecdote about a scene where he and Brett are trying to handle a dead body. He notes, that often in films and TV the mannequin is one someone had managed to grab and dress up for the occasion. Well not on this film. The director wanted to make sure the body was an equivalent dead weight to a real corpse and so during filming when Hamish and Brett are trying to manoeuvre the body, Hamish said

the physical strain was incredible. He jokingly advises readers, “Don’t get involved in murder, it’s too much work. Just think of the anaerobic pain.” These lessons, he continues, are things that you just don’t get at a normal job. The new film opens in September with the world premiere occurring in Invercargill. Hamish believes it will be taken on by New Zealanders and Australians alike because of the brilliant story, stunning scenery and the comic twists. And as for acting, Hamish would love to be involved on other projects. He was unsure what the next one may be though. He said no matter how many letters his mother writes to Hollywood, he still hasn’t got offers pouring through the door. That doesn’t seem to be slowing him down though as he gets ready to turn in for the night and I look at starting my day, he reminds me of the filming for TV, travel and radio work he’s still involved with all while doing this movie. I realise this interview could have been just that for Hamish, more work, but he’s so full of fun and cheeky ideas, it was far more likely to turn out exactly like it did and probably not too dissimilar from the movie: a few twists and turns, some black humour, some moments of true epiphany and far more of pure confusion. I go to thank Hamish, but he’s already thanking me for getting up so early to talk to him. I tell him no worries and don’t remind him it’s nearly 10:00 am here. By HP

Nexus issue 18 2012  
Nexus issue 18 2012  

Coolness and other university myths.