or most of you this RE-OWEEK will be exactly the same as all the others. It’s a continuation of the same cycle. O-week, study, exams, Re-O, Study, exams. Throw in the occasional bit of waking up in a stranger’s room and the ten times you will say loudly “I am never drinking again!” and you have the entire student experience. The thing is though sometimes we fall into the trap of knowing what to expect and ignoring notable change that isn’t drastic or immediate. Over the course of this year each one of us has changed a little. Maybe it’s been gradual, maybe it’s not for the better, but change eventually happens to all of us and a few years from now we will look back and not recognise who we once were. Post modernists would say that the constant change would bring about a yearning for nostalgia or a golden period in our lives. The government would have us believe that radical change is necessary to correct the course we are on. Hipsters would have us believe…. Who the fuck actually knows what hipsters believe. I think the truth lies somewhere in the middle of all that noise. The most dramatic changes in our lives leave
us wanting to return to the things we know the best. The incremental changes are the ones we don’t mind. By the time you read this the interwebs will be full of a brand spanking new Nexus website. The reason for this nostalgia filled editorial is that we have been spending our time crawling back through the Nexus archives. While we don’t really know how it all works we assume some witches were burned in sacrifice, a golden calf or two were worshiped ,and all of a sudden we ended up with a near complete archive dating all the way back to 2006. For those of you out there looking for excuses not to study, take a look at those archives. All the issues we have should be viewable and they are all the product of the hours that editors and contributors have spent trying to inform and entertain but mostly trying to make sure that you have something that reflects your time on campus. Editors like Art Robinson, Joshua Drummond, Rosalind Case and Dawn Tuffery left some pretty big shoes to fill. Along with their design teams, these guys have created some of Nexus’ most iconic work and left a pretty large time stamp on what they did.
Reading back has given us a bunch of ideas about what we can do and what we want the magazine to look like and over the next few weeks and months we will play with some of those ideas. Some will be successes, some will be epic fails but at the end of it all what we really want is the same thing they did, a magazine that reflects you and your time on campus and your life here. If you think you can help then get involved. Email us and tell us what you want to see, write lettuce, or submit pics to the new busted Facebook group.
For some of you this will be your first Re O-Week. It will also be the first one without Flow Bar, which Greg Stack eulogises in this issue. The one piece of advice that we can give you, is that even with all the gradual change happening around you and to you, there are still a lot of common experiences that have been this way since the beginning of time. Don’t believe us? Wait till we get our online archives going back all the way to the 1970’s. Sean and Alix Nexus 2012
Editors Alix Higby and Sean Goulding Design Katrina McIntosh (firstname.lastname@example.org) Advertising Tony Arkell (email@example.com) Managing Editor James Raffan (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Special thanks to www.waikatoindependent.co.nz Contributors
President Sapphire Gillard, Amber the Advocate, Mr. Minty Fish, Hoory Yeldizian, Dr Richard Swainson, Kevin Pryor, Jill from CAB, HP, Penguin, Skippy, Pseudonym, Gina Broom, Courtney Q, and the glorious indestructable 8 ball. Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA). THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS MAGAZINE, THE WSU, APN, THE EDITOR, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, OR ANYONE ELSE IN PARTICULAR.
Nexus Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University of Waikato, Knighton Road, Hamilton. Phone: 07 856 9139 Email: email@example.com
What’s Inside? Features 14 18 20 20 28 37
3 5 6 8 9 10 12 13 16 17 24 26 27 30 31 32 35 36 38 42 43 45 46 47
REOWEEK Timetable Where ya gonna live y’all? Flowbituary Interview with David Bennett Clubs Review Raybon Kan
Editorial How Saph Sees It The Nexus News Desk Short News, Haiku News Left Vs. Right Lettuce Sports Thoughts Sean’s Party Review Interview with Homebrew REOWEEK nights The Mock Up Puzzles 8 Ball, Horrorscopes Mr. Minty Fish Auteur House Diary of a Hipster Off the Rack Lick That Spoon Reviews Cereal, Verbiage Advocacy, CAB WSU Election Information Top Ten Busted
EVERY SUNDAY 10AM & 5PM GALLAGHER ACADEMY OF PERFORMING ARTS GATE 2B, KNIGHTON RD, ON CAMPUS www.arisechurch.org.nz
xams and Holidays. I unfortunately had neither. Well, maybe not so unfortunate when it comes to exams, but it’s definitely unfortunate when considering holidays. But, I’ve been working away with an amazingly dedicated team to bring you re o-week and now it’s here. We have a crazy line up with everything from interesting/ controversial presentations to movies and hot drinks. Not to mention a fantastic set of night events in town. Hopefully you’re already up in the student centre checking everything out and finding a cosy warm spot for popcorn eating, movie watching marathons. I’m not sure if the guys were serious about the twilight series but I’m definitely in for the pyjama party. Make sure you look out for me in my onesy. It’s this fantastic thing with purple hippos. Totally hideous and extremely embarrassing, but for one day only I will be wearing it around campus. If you get a photo with me, and are shameless enough to tag yourself in it on our facebook page, you’ll go into the draw to win something amazing. So make sure you find me and smile for the camera. I promise the prize will be fantastic! But before you ask the answer’s no. I will not be telling you what the prize is before the draw. Take bets. Have fun trying to get it out of me. I will not crack! Also, make sure you check out some of our fantastic lecturers. We have three brave faces that will be coming down at 10am on Monday, Thursday and Friday to challenge, entertain, and generally... Well come along and have a look. You’ll definitely get something out of it.
PS: Just a heads up. It’ll be announced soon, but I wanted you to be the first to know: next week we will be taking nominations for the 2013 WSU Board. So have a think about running. Talk to one of the board during the week and make sure you’re a member. You can’t stand for election if you’re not, so sign that silly piece of paper and hand it back!
Topics as diverse as rugby and opera will feature in this year’s University of Waikato Winter Lecture Series Dame Malvina Major will open the month-long series on August 1 with a mini master class on how to improve vocal technique. Later in the month, Wales rugby coach Warren Gatland, a University of Waikato alumnis, will talk about his rugby journey. The Winter Lecture Series is an annual free public lecture series that runs every Wednesday 6-7pm in August. University of Waikato Vice-Chancellor Professor Roy Crawford says rather than having one over-arching theme for this year’s series, there are a variety of subjects. “The lectures have proved extremely popular in the past and they are an opportunity for the university to have its lecturers and key people from the community talking on subjects of topical interest so we can stimulate discussion and debate.” Tainui Group Holdings CEO Mike Pohio will talk about the inland port plans for the city and he’ll be joined by Hamilton Mayor Julie Hardaker who’ll outline her vision Hamilton and the issues and challenges the city faces. That lecture will take place at the Novotel Tainui. The rest are on campus at the Gallagher Academy of Performing Arts. Another lecture will cover sustainability in urban design – what’s important in rebuilding a city like Christchurch and what Hamilton needs to do to enhance urban design, and the series wraps up with a subject close to most people’s hearts – food, from paddock to plate. Professor of Agribusiness Jacqueline Rowarth will be joined by local chef, caterer and restaurateur David Kerr and Professor Darrin Hodgetts who researches issues around poverty and food insecurity. August 1 – An Evening with Dame Malvina August 8 - Hamilton – a City for the Future (at Novotel Tainui, Victoria St, Hamilton) August 15 – Designing Sustainable Cities August 22 – An Evening with Warren Gatland August 29 – You are What you Eat
University trials Claudelands as a graduation venue For years the university has held graduation ceremonies at Hamilton’s Founders Theatre, but with increasing numbers of graduands to cater for each year, other options are being explored. The university has decided to trial the Claudelands Events Centre for this October’s graduation ceremony, to see if the centre can better cater for the growing needs of Waikato students. Student Progression Manager Karen Blue says the October trial will be used to see if Claudelands is a more suitable venue for future university graduations. “Claudelands has a number of advantages over Founders, there’s more on-site parking, it has a large covered area so bad weather isn’t an issue, and Claudelands has the capacity to cater for far greater numbers, so students will be able to bring more family members along. “We always aim to deliver a flawless experience for our students, and Claudelands has a number of attributes that could make graduations much less stressful for students and their families. “Because of Claudelands sheer size we’ll be able to have more family members attend graduations - which is what really matters to students.” The traditional graduation parade through Hamilton city will still take place in October - from Civic Square, over the Claudelands Bridge and on to the Claudelands Events Centre.
New law and management building at University of Waikato
Energy Law as well as the Waikato Management School’s Institute for Business Research.
New law and management building set to take University of Waikato into its next half century. The University of Waikato is to mark its 50th anniversary with the construction of a flagship new building for its law and management faculties.
The new building will feature a striking rectilinear fivestorey office tower with vertical sunshade vanes referencing the tukutuku reed panels in a traditional meeting house. The tower will be linked at ground level to the existing Management building on Hillcrest Road.
Plans for a multi-million dollar building to house Te Piringa -- Faculty of Law and Waikato Management School’s Centre for Corporate and Executive Education and student services were approved by the University’s Council last week. The University will now move forward to develop a detailed design of the new building, with tendering expected to take place during 2013. It’s anticipated construction will be completed in early 2015 – the year after the University turns 50.
Head of Facilities Management John Cameron says the high-profile site will complete a string of three iconic campus facilities. “Our architects, Opus, have provided an environmentally sustainable design featuring a green roof, natural ventilation and glazed corridor walls for natural lighting. The new building will join our Student Centre, completed last year and the first five-star green building in the Waikato region, and the award-winning Gallagher Academy of Performing Arts, overlooking the campus lakes.”
“The University of Waikato is committed to delivering a world-class education and research portfolio,” says Vice-Chancellor Professor Roy Crawford.
The new building will provide teaching rooms, offices, dedicated spaces for postgraduate students, shared student services, shared computer labs, a reception area and a ceremonial space for meetings with university visitors.
“To do that, we need top-quality facilities. The new building will nurture collaboration and allow for the growth and development of our faculties of law and management, as well as enhancing our superb campus.”
It will also include a fully functional moot courtroom, and a sunken courtyard.
Professor Crawford says the new facilities will allow the Centre for Corporate and Executive Education to extend its programmes serving businesses in the region, and will also create space for new law research centres – the Māori and Indigenous Governance Centre and the Centre for Environmental Resources and
After what seems like a life time away we thought we would highlight some of the stories you have missed in the past month in a supersized short news. Professors should listen to Reggae Marine biologist Professor Paul Sikkel has named a newly discovered species after reggae legend Bob Marley. In the ultimate example of “phoning it in for cheap publicity” we present the newly christened Gnathia marleyi. When asked why he chose the name the professor said that the species was unique to the Carribbean as was Marley. Only problem… the species is a blood sucking parasitic crustation that infest certain fish found on coral reefs. We are sure the guy who sang about “one love” would be stoked with the comparison. What’s next? The Gandhi Big Mac? Stop trying to be cool science. Leave naming things after reggae icons to drug dealers. Dad offers free beer to potential employers An Aussie dad has offered free beer to any employer willing to hire his son. “I’ve had loads of calls, foreign breweries wanting to sponsor the offer and stuff, but no real job offers. I’m beginning to regret placing the ad in the first place” said the man. Sure if he offers beer to hire his son he’s a great dad but if I expect money to rent out my sister I’m a monster! A $2,000 Milkshake A Californian woman got covered in frothy white milk and it cost her two grand (insert your own joke here). The woman was walking down the street when a group of teens in an SDUV threw a milkshake at her out the window. The woman’s response? Throwing her prada purse at the car complete with wallet and jewellery. The teens stopped and retrieved the purse before driving off again. While we don’t endorse theft we do find stupidity hilarious.
robbing a gas station. When police asked the 19 year old night manager to describe the robbers face he said “She had a face?” the night manager later added that after she appears to leave the store she must have come back and stolen other stuff because the gas station was also missing one rubber gloves, a box of moist towelettes, and a small container of strawberry jam.
Nexus finds God The Higgs Boson found. Now all matter has some mass. But your mum has heaps. House prices through the roof House prices increase. REINZ? More like... R I Z E N. Tom divorces himself of Katie, divorces himself of thetans Tom and Katie split. Katie Holmes gets custody. Tom Cruise gets the couch.
Sealed with a kiss Rainfall in Auckland was so bad throughout July that one Auckland business discovered a seal in one of its offices. The seal was found in the office some 200 meters away from the harbour where it is believed to have travelled across a reserve, a parking lot and into the building. When asked why the seal had come into their office building “he probably just wanted to get out the rain” said the senior manager while his intern said nervously “Yeah, yeah it was the rain that brought him here” as he furiously wiped seal whiskers and water marks from his jeans. Gold cost cops on the lookout for ‘Buxom Bandit” Gold cost police are on the hunt for a woman nicknamed the ‘Buxom Bandit.’ The woman was caught on camera
5/4ths of people can’t do fractions.
LEFT vs RIGHT
he government has decided that people on the job seekers benefit need to be drug tested in order to remain on the benefit. If they refuse or fail they will stop receiving the benefit. Unfortunately this will not do anything to solve any of the problems associated with unemployment or illegal drugs. The people who are on drugs will remain on drugs. For a start most drug users aren’t on the benefit, it might be something to do with the cost of drugs compared to their income. Even those that are caught out by the drug tests are likely to remain on drugs, the government isn’t proposing to send them to some sort of rehabilitation program to help them give up drugs or even to educate them on the dangers of drug use. They are only intending to make it harder for these unfortunate few to pay the rent. This scheme wont create many jobs, only a few more drug testers will be needed to start this scheme going. This will only be a very small step on the way to getting New Zealand back in work. Unemployment will remain high and we will still be paying out a lot of money to unemployed people. This proposal is also unlikely to save money, drug testing is still expensive if you do it properly. The cost of drug testing beneficiaries is likely to be higher than the money saved from not giving the poor buggers the dole. Also expect the crime rate to increase, that has to be expected when you take away someone’s final legal source of income. These people already have connections to drug dealers and so are probably easily able to integrate into the criminal underworld. So expect to see a rise in drug related crime when people start being booted off the dole. The only problem that this scheme solves is the common misconception of the government being soft on beneficiaries. I’m not a fan of wasting tax payer dollars and increasing human misery while increasing crime simply to make a bunch of politicians look good.
This week we talk drug testing. Let us know who you think won at firstname.lastname@example.org
efore I start into this topic which, let’s be honest, is pretty simple, welcome back to another semester at university (or your first if this is your first time). The right loves you come join us. Anyway, this week, we’re talking about the drug testing of beneficiaries. Let’s ask ourselves some questions. Firstly, what should state assistance in the form of welfare payments be? Some of our friends on the left side of the spectrum seem to think it should be a comfortable lifestyle. They are effectively saying we should be funding a beneficiaries drug habits. Let’s be honest, that’s what it boils down to. Beneficiaries are paid by the state so they can survive. Some of them, such as those on the sickness or invalid’s benefit, are unable to work. Others, are unable to find employment at this point and are on the unemployment benefit. Those people, if they are using drugs, are unlikely to get or retain employment. It’s not about punishing people for being beneficiaries. It’s about stopping a waste of tax payer’s money. The unemployment benefit is not supposed to be a comfortable lifestyle. It’s supposed to be a way to survive while you are in trouble financially. If you can afford drugs while on the benefit, you’re receiving too much, spending your money on the wrong things, and/or have another way of earning money that you’re not telling people about. While I don’t support the result of a positive drug test being the removal of your benefit, I do believe it’s important to test these people. What I do believe should happen is firstly, you should be audited to ensure you’re not earning money the IRD/WINZ don’t know about. Second, you should stop receiving your benefit in cash and start receiving it in supermarket/petrol/other essentials vouchers. Only then should the benefit be removed.
Opinion Nexus wants your Lettuce! Write about anything you like. We’re like FOX News, in that we’ll publish anything if it’s funny. Your name won’t be attributed to your letter if you choose, and pseudonyms are fine (we still need your real name). Send them through to lettuce@nexusmag. co.nz before 5pm on Wednesday for a chance to be included in the next issue. Also, we won’t edit anything you send us, because it’s funnier that way. READ: WE DIDN’T WRITE THIS, AND IT’S THEREFORE NOT OUR FAULT. LOVE, NEXUS
Dear Nexus, I feel that the absurdity of the catchphrase of “legalize love” touted in an article at the end of nexus issue should speak for itself but alas that is not the case as nobody seems to bring up this point in any ‘marriage equality’ debates I have witnessed. So I ask: Why is love mandated by the state in the first place? If two individuals wish for their love to be publically acknowledged there needn’t be a gatekeeper standing in their way. No organization; church or state; should have the power to say whose love is legitimate and whose is not, to do so is a blatant form social control which restricts ‘true love’ to those who conform to the values of others. Trying to fix the problem from the inside is akin to nailing a few wooden boards to an old ship; it might stop the largest most visible leaks* but sooner or later the whole rotten thing is going to plunge into the abyss. Do away with this third invisible partner in every union, do away with his rules, his bureaucracy, and his threats of dragging you through his legal system should you choose divorce, just let love be
whatever love wants. True marital freedom should seize marriage from the hands of the state and put it into the hands of the people were it belongs. Don’t legalize love; decouple it from the state altogether. Don’t scribble more nonsense over the law, tear the damned thing into pieces and use it as confetti at your next stateless gay wedding. * Even within the realms of this ‘marriage equality’ homosexuals are not the only group whose love is not considered worthy of marriage, just the largest and most widely supported. I can name: polygamists, children (with each other), those who practice incest, fetishists**, zoophiles**,***, and pedophiles**,*** (in order of decreasing social acceptability) and there’s likely others. ** These are psychiatric terms referring to a sexual attraction to inanimate objects, animals, and children respectively however I use them to mean ‘love of’ as instead
of ‘sexual attraction to’ in this circumstance because one needn’t have sex to be in love (mind you; one also needn’t be in love to have sex, nor should love preclude marriage). *** I do not support child or animal sexual abuse nor do I mean these terms to describe the sexual act in the first place.
can find blasphemy so amusing. In fact agnosticism is the only thing worse than atheism. It works out the same, but at least atheists don’t live a lie about what they really believe. And the spelling error is what you bleeding hearts call a ‘Freudian Slip’. (Personally I believe in God not Freud.)
No replies please. Edmund John Ram.
Dear Sirs, I can hardly believe how insulting and unreasonable your readers are. To be ‘pleased’ to offend me is too much. I cannot be bothered with these sadists who simply cannot tolerate difference and diversity. However, this is not the point. We have wandered from the topic of Asset Sales. The problem is the GREENS - those dangerous lowlifes who are trying to murder your children and grandchildren while ruining your marriage. Even worse, IT IS THEY who are plotting to flog off our high-return assets for nothing higher than market value. Make no mistake. No one on the right would be so halfwitted. Money makes the world go round, and they are trying to lose it for us. Communists.
Nexus and fellow students, Are you sick of long waiting times with studylink? Tired of navigating the colossal mess that is the mystudlink site? Annoyed with Brooke Fraser / Dave Dobbyn / [nsert average New Zealand music here] songs that play on repeat for the 45 minutes that you’re on hold while trying to sort out some minor student loan issue?
I will now respond to some of the more foolish points addressed against me. Yes, of course I believe there is a social hierarchy, and as a husband and father I am at the top of it. Also, naturally - as any thinking man must - I support capital punishment for some crimes; perhaps not stoning but the principle is the same. And to ‘Amused Agnostic’: I’m glad you
I was. Everytime I rang studylink I got sick of waiting on hold for 45 minutes listening to crappy music. But, fellow students, I have found a solution: ring studylink on your mobile. True story: I rang them once on my landline, was on hold for 40 minutes. So I got out my mobile, rang the good ol’ 0800 88 99 00 and boom - someone answered within 5 minutes, while the landline was still on hold! So next time you’re frustrated, whip out your mobile and give it a try, A happy student
Congratulations you are this week’s winner!
Come to the Waikato Students’ Union building to claim your prize!
Sports Thoughts BY C-BALL
ONEY BILL WILLIAMS HAS FLOWN THE COOP
If Nostradamus had been a New Zealander, chances are he would’ve fortold that in 2012 every Union fan in the country would be left heartbroken in the wake of their favourite son Sonny Bill Williams, walking out on the All Blacks for stacks on stacks of cash in Japan before heading back to the NRL in 2013. Nostradamus was far too busy worrying about petty things like Hitler’s coming, but luckily I managed to call it during Nexus’ O-Week edition. Hamilton - I told you he’d be gone within the year, and lo and behold he’s leaving us simple folk behind. A bitter pill to swallow for Union fans around the country, who at first held reservations against the man when he first arrived. A few offloads and a ripped All Black shirt later, everyone ripped out a 180 degree bowl hug and started adoring. They even handed him a free New Zealand Boxing Heavyweight belt, only to have to swallow the inevitable Sonny Bill’s departure. There are a few very interesting things about Williams’ future plans, however, that I just can’t bring myself to ignore. A number of Union fans have gone as far as saying Sonny is a changed man. He has values. He isn’t chasing money anymore. Uh.. wrong, wrong, and extremely wrong. For those dumb enough to say his 2013 contract in the NRL with the Roosters is a step down, they are ignoring the obvious fact that if anything, Sonny if giving up playing for the All Blacks not just for a tidy halfa-million plus contract at the Roosters, but cashing in on over a million dollars for a few weeks of tic tac toe in Japan. On top of that, his contract at the Roosters would most likely be a significant step down in earning power from playing for the Chiefs and All Blacks, along with their associated endorsements. Adding that to the fact
that when playing for the Bulldogs he was on about five hundred grand, I’m starting to get the picture that Williams’ days in the NRL have been his least profitable. This shows that Williams, a man who would most likely stomp any of us at Monopoly through his sheer desire for more Franklins, has earned the least amount of money playing in the NRL. Does that mean Sonny’s heart truly lies with league, if he is willing to
settle for two ply toilet paper just to be a part of the 13 man code? Oh dear God, say it isn’t so. Some morons have even accepted the notion that Williams is powerless to keep from returning to the NRL all because of a ‘handshake’ he made with Roosters officials many years ago. Uh, clue train, last stop every single dumbass that buys this - the man WALKED OUT on the Bulldogs many years ago when he was one year into a five year contract. Fuck handshakes, the man didn’t give a shit about a legal document nor his teammates and fans at the time, so what power could a handshake possibly hold over his conscience? The plain and simple fact is that Sonny Bill Williams is the biggest Honey Badger to ever walk New Zealand’s sporting landscape - he takes what he wants. And he does so simply because he can. People are busy holding his All Blacks jersey for him if and when he may return, but don’t spare a thought for any other player striving to
fill that position. That position is just leased right, until the real owner decides most likely out of sheer boredom, to return and soak up our unfaltering attention and love once again. For those of you smart enough to admit Williams chases money like tragic Facebook gremlins post pictures of their food, this is the closest truth we will ever come to when being able to give Williams’ character any real credit. There is nothing wrong with wanting another fresh stack in your wallet, just look to Floyd Mayweather for an example. Some have even said if you had one job, but got offered another paying a higher salary, you’d be crazy not to take it. This analogy doesn’t even come close to the mutation that is SBW’s career. For him, it’s more like having four or five employers chasing him around begging for the sweat congealing in his gootch. He picks and chooses, gets bored, moves onto the next job, but knows the door to every other of his past jobs will remain wide open for his return. This is because sport, somewhere along the line, has lost one of those characteristics that made it truly a great spectacle - loyalty. Some people will never take the Silver Fern for granted, an All Black example being Richie McCaw. Even current Black Caps’ Martin Guptil and Jesse Ryder (who is Jesus reincarnated) have turned down stints in the IPL and Sri Lankan Premier League to hone their skills and cement places in the New Zealand team, forgoing a huge amount of potential earning power in the process. There was a time when you probably had to earn the right now wear the Silver Fern. Now you can just rip off your arms and legs trying to pay for Adidas’ extortionate pricing. Yeah - we’ll moan about it, but we will pay in the end. We always do, just like we’ll always fall on our hands and knees in the dirt for this nation’s only real God Sonny Bill.
It was the end of exams and I, like many others, was stuck with the dilemma of entertaining myself on a Friday night. After a Thursday night in town, a couple of us were in desperate need of a Friday night throwdown. Fortunately for us the stars aligned and the invite came through for the Blowout at the Blowhole. Complete with box under the arm, we dove into the thick of it and got amongst.
It was one of those chilly Hamilton nights so we were pleased to see that like all good hosts, they had the outside heating well ablaze by the time we arrived. Stationed precariously close to the house, the couch fire gave cause for concern to any newcomers to the party, such as ourselves. But the Blowhole had a plan. Forget watering the garden, just water down the side of the house, then everybody could yarn up a storm from the deck whilst enjoying the generous warmth provided by countless couches. Where they all came from, no clue, but it seemed like every half hour the fire was stoked up with yet another two or three-seater. These guys definitely knew how to take care of their guests. A brief murmur of beefing up the alcohol blanket for the arduous walk to Grey Street McDonalds meant that it was time for a few games of flippy. Although the flippy arena had always been onsite (a small garden shed), the Blowhole’s landlord had only added a means of getting in and
Quiz Night 7 PM Wednesdays
Free to enter Free jug for every team upon entry with your student ID
out of the shed a few weeks prior. So enthused by the addition of a door we christened the small shed with our wines, Billy Mavs and Ranfurlys as we necked piss and enjoyed the company of students and vikings alike. Sausage rolls were served at half time (they went down a treat), which ended up becoming full time when everyone had had enough of playing flippy cup and just wanted to sit around the fire instead.
Blowout at the Blowhole Everyone fancies themself as a bit of a party animal, but unfortunately due to the way we drink in New Zealand throwing a rager can be too much hard work sometimes. If it’s not the Police saying no couch fires or noise control saying no stereo, it’s dry people in general saying no to a good time. Thankfully at the Blowhole; an iconic student flat near Waikato University; Charlie and the gang say ���yes’ to all of the above. Couch fire check, resident DJ - yes sir, viking theme - what else!
I’m not sure how long the festivities continued as we decided to make a start on our trek to Maccas, but it was an awesome evening and many thanks must be given to the Blowhole for their generous hospitality and entertainment. You guys are true ‘work-hard, play-harder’ students of Waikato Uni and I look forward to another social occasion on the Old Farm. By Sean Goulding
Dan’s Sunday sesh Live music 4-7pm
Pizza and Beer $10 All day Breakfast $10
WWW.HOMESTEADBARANDEATERY.CO.NZ 276 CAMBRIDGE ROAD HILLCREST (BEHIND THE BK)
Clubs Day Get to know all the clubs on campus and get into it! WHEN:
Wednesday 18 July 10am â€“ 2pm
www.uowsport.org.nz 0800 WAIKATO www.budgetappliances.co.nz
whole new spin when put in front of a crowd with a live backing band. The breakdowns, intros and all other elements where the band can show its hand will twist and shift on any given night. Will the gig at Altitude in Hamilton be the same sort of concert the crew normally brings? How many dudes do you know that roll like this? Well, at least four. You can add the three lads from Homebrew to Scribe, as the only local hip hop acts to top the NZ music charts. That’s a pretty exciting time in any young musicians life I would have thought. So when I got to catch up with Homebrew’s own, Haz, I asked him what he thought of their recent success. I was not exactly surprised to get the insightful and eloquent reply a parent gets when asking their teenager how school is going. “Oh, it’s alright.” He insisted that the fans do mean so much to the band. He appeared stoked that people are getting behind the music and he wanted to make sure the band keep doing things to give back. It just appears that the group are keeping a healthy level of modesty, cynicism and humour about the hype. Front man Tom, made it very clear that although Homebrew got to number one, so did One Direction and this crew is no boy band. The debut album does deserve the hype though. What’s more, it’s really two albums. Haz explained that there is a lighter side of the record and a darker side. He went on to say that the group had so many songs and that they tended to naturally fall into the two sides of the album. The lighter songs are fantastically jazzy. The beats lumber and bump with slick vocals mixing into the flow. Again, there is a tendency for the different elements
of the songs to intertwine naturally. And then there is the dark side. Haz seemed a little less comfortable delving into this subject matter, but that seems to be because the subject matter doesn’t really need all that much delving into. The songs with a darker tone have the sophisticated story telling abilities of others in the genre. It’s hard not to think of Auckland hip hop mainstay Tourettes when listening to some of the more eerie numbers. But the important thing that Haz pointed out, is the songs speak for themselves. They’re brilliantly dark short stories but they are straight to the point. The lyrics come with an honesty that would make even a hardened hip hop head stand back. Haz explained that much of the subject matter for the crew’s lyrics is based on events in their lives, some more recent than others. But this album is not depressing. In fact it’s far from it. In a similar way that blues music appears inspiring with tales from the other side of the tracks, it’s this vein that seems to fit around Homebrew just as much as Hip hop. The sound itself is influenced by all kinds of different genres. Haz is quick to point out that he has no favourite artist and doesn’t want his sound to be reflective of someone else’s. He’s excited about being back out on tour and bringing a seven piece band with him. He discussed how important live instruments are to the overall feel of a Homebrew concert. He said the band nods their heads to different styles too and so the rich jazzy samples used on the album take on a
But it’s fairly clear that Homebrew don’t “normally” anything. Haz recounted the last gig he did in Wanaka. He wore a ski mask for the almost the entire set getting other members, Tom and Lui, to play up to the odd choice of attire. He revealed his face all in good time, but what the crowd eventually saw was what the wrong side of a fight in Wanaka really looks like. Bruised and black eyed, Haz laughed and clearly enjoyed himself. Other concerts are done entirely from a couch the crew managed to acquire at one point, but Haz didn’t want to reveal anything about Friday night’s show in too much detail. “We’re gunna have a good time. Make sure people dance. Wellington and Dunedin can get pretty rowdy, but Hamilton’s a bit more chilled out.” I suggest they might work on getting the Hamilton crowd a tad more rowdy, which Haz seemed to take to with zeal; a challenge almost. What about the next challenge? Well the crew are off to Australia to play the major cities and then who knows. Haz was clear they’ll continue making music. They’ll keep getting free music out to their fans and that no chart topping or media hype will change the kind of people they are or the music they make. And hey, if he can get to tour Japan and check out some radiation, then that’d be an exciting next step he jokes. Interview by HP
Feature So 2012 is passing away and you’ve decided the halls of residence aren’t for you or you’re simply going to move flats. So where in the hell should you live? It’s not just about living close to campus; there are other factors to consider. Which suburb or town best suits your personality, your state of mind? How can such a crucial decision be made without the right information? Fear not intrepid Nexus readers, Ted E. Pryor’s comprehensive guide puts Lonely Planet to shame with this searing expose of the Waikato and the places that matter. Hamilton East – the most popular choice for most students and it’s not hard to see why. Uninsulated 100 year old villas are the best way to combat the Waikato’s cold, damp winters. Particularly so if you’re living with a bunch of Scottish flatmates looking to cut back on the heating bill. Some critics have - perhaps justifiably pointed to a high burglary rate in the area. Pre-empt this eventuality by simply placing your laptop or other valuables out on the front porch or letterbox – thereby saving your landlord the expense of replacing smashed windows. Hamilton Central: once a thriving civic centre, aside from restaurants, it now has about as much commercial activity as Taumaranui’s CBD. If you go out frequently, living in an apartment on Victoria Street may be just the ticket. Of course the
Outback’s top forty bass rattling hits that appealed when reaching town after a bottle of vodka, may conversely have you reaching for a bottle of Prozac after living there for several sleepless months. Claudelands – a mecca for bohemians and other self-proclaimed artists attracted to the similar ramshackle dwellings that Hamilton East has, but closer to town. A great place to score pot, rumor has it because Richard O’Brien once walked down a Claudelands Street that the entire area will be designated a ‘heritage zone’ by the NZ Historic Places Trust. Fairfield – affectionately called ‘the Bronx’ or ‘Compton’ by locals, wearing clothes of one particular hue is recommended to immediately win favour with neighbourhood tribal groups. Also highly recommended is taking a late night stroll around the romantically named Poet’s Corner. This is best done while wearing expensive trainers, and carrying a large amount of cash in your pocket. Flagstaff/Rototuna – Who knows where one suburb ends and another begins in Hamilton’s ever expanding Northern regions? Overseas
architectural experts certainly don’t. This area was recently awarded the ‘world’s most homogenous housing development’ title in Norway’s prestigious ‘we’re a really boring bunch of people and recognise this trait in others’ awards. Hillcrest – consistently rated Hamilton’s best suburb by those that really count – extra-terrestrials. Paranormal activity has been documented as occurring in the area, as immortalised by local surf-rock act The Hollow Grinders in ‘the Hillcrest Incident.’ It has been speculated that at the very least there must be something unusual in the local water supply. Hillcrest men – especially long-time residents have long been regarded by women folk as ‘the best looking guys in Hamilton.’ Frankton – the ideal time to visit Frankton is when the V8 races are on, and access is impossible. Otherwise visit on a Saturday morning when the renowned Frankton Market takes place. Often compared to Sydney’s famous Paddington markets, these are a must if you’re looking to buy cheap plastic toys from China that you can find in any $2 shop – anywhere.
stars the Datsuns learned to play loud by working the local retirement village circuit. As well as the elderly, many South Africans have also chosen to make this English-like village their home, which makes Cambridge the North Shore of the Waikato. This of course has resulted in the local zebra crossings being painted over completely white, and you can’t order milk-less coffee from any of the cafes.
Dinsdale – the best thing about Dinsdale is that you pass through it on the way to Raglan, and can fuel your car up along the way. This is the sort of suburb where the best (only?) way to amuse yourself is to drive around with a baseball bat smashing up letterboxes, or if you’ve got an old teacher you used to hate living there, leave a burning bag of shit on their doorstep.
Ngaruawahia – the closest town to Hamilton has had a new lease of life since The Base opened up. This is just as well as far as parents are concerned, for there isn’t much to do there aside from swimming in the Waikato River. A popular game with local youth is to leap off the railway bridge with lead weights attached to your feet.
Raglan – a long time haven for surfers, and hippies who have grown tired of living in Claudelands. Raglan residents have a proud reputation for taking a strong stance on the environment. Notable efforts to save the world include: stopping bathing, styling their hair into dreadlocks, and smoking weed.
Morrinsville – is the kind of town where girls compete to be the youngest to lose their virginity. Those who manage single digits – win. As for the lads, you know that movie ‘Heathers’ where a bunch of jocks sneak up to sleeping cows in the night and push them over? Well that’s what people do here.
Cambridge – many old and retired people live here. World famous rock
Matamata - the Christian capital of New Zealand, Conservative candidate
Colin Craig got his highest share of the party vote here in the last general election, outside of his home electorate. As Colin Craig is someone who saw Sarah Palin on the TV and thought ‘that’s one real smart lady, I’m going to copy her agenda and see how well it goes in NZ’ - this gives Matamata people the distinction of having the lowest set of I.Q in the country. Tokoroa – referred to by all and sundry as ‘Toke’ without a hint of irony. Recommended to foreign students looking to capture an authentic ‘Once were Warriors’ experience during their stay in New Zealand. Also popular as an option for young pregnant women looking to commence a life long career on the Domestic Purposes Benefit, or for those looking for a somewhat shorter career as a P addict. As for Te Awamutu, Fairview Downs, Te Rapa, St Andrews, Chartwell and all the other suburbs and towns in the Waikato who didn’t get a mention in this article, I would say this was due to space issues, but in reality the real reason is because you’re all as boring as fuck.
Melville – why the fuck would anyone live here? Melville is home to Hamilton’s ‘golden mile’ - Bader Street. Bader Street parties have a great reputation – on the bare knuckle fighting circuit. It’s the sort of place that if you drop face first into the concrete spilling claret – ain’t nobody gonna be ringing no ambulance.
On 30th of June Flow Bar closed its doors - Greg Stack talks about his experiences at the venue which has hosted everyone from massive internationals through to big name nationals like Shapeshifter, Cornerstone Roots, Ruby Frost and everything in between. The death of a friend: A eulogy for Flow bar - by Greg Stack My relationship with Flow started the weekend after the demise of yet another nightclub, The Loft. I remember standing in the corner of the second storey red room looking down at Hood St while recreationally abusing morphine and lamenting the good times had in the small bar. I was 24. There were no tears – just laughter. It was like a wake for an old Irish alcoholic - full of bad language, good memories and spirits. There was an emptiness that took hold of me as I stumbled home a few hours later, a depression of the heart, something I had loved, enjoyed and thoroughly abused, had gone – just like that. The paint had dried. It was over.
Then just a day later on a very blue Monday I received a phone call from one of Flow’s bar staff. The club had already been around for a year but was regarded by many as a dirty rock bar. It sat midway down Victoria St, north of Bar 101, and was the only nightclub in Hamilton that had a door charge. I haven’t really talked to anyone about the club’s early days but from what I’ve experienced the owners and the bar staff have always regarded music as its highest priority. James Lawless and I had already been DJ-ing under the name Tronik DJs at The Bank and The Loft but it was still unexpected to get a phone call from a DJ called Willie G asking us to run a gig. He told me that Flow’s owners (the legendary Craig Murray and Hayden Lang) wanted to get us in on a trial – to see if DJs would work in the underground space. I said yes.
James and I created an event – with a poster that looked like it was made in MSPaint – and hired another three DJs named Sam Taylor (Staylo), Jack Atkins (Purps) and, of course, William Grant (Willie G). There was no door charge and we named the night “Uprising” to symbolise what we planned to do to Hamilton’s music scene. We prayed for the best. The turnout was better than we, and the bar, had ever expected. So just a week after that solemn, and very lonely, walk - I had found a new home. It was a place where people didn’t care about race, religion, politics, the size of your muscles, your ability to shuffle or your sexuality – it was anarchy located just a few feet underground. It was the perfect counter to the conservativeness of
the Waikato and commercialisation of Hamilton nightclubs. And it was our home. For the next three years the roster of regulars expontentially increased and genres died – electro DJs played dubstep, dubstep DJs played hip-hop and hip-hop DJs played whatever. For three perfect years a small group of diverse Hamiltonians grew into a closeknit family. But it wasn’t just the DJs and bands who became close - the crowds became just as involved as any of the acts. They named themselves Flowcals and valiantly defended the reputation of the bar, which was all to often overlooked by the mainstream. They would stumble down the stairs en masse every weekend to act like manatees, supporting whatever act had taken the stage for that one night and making each event a unique adventure. It’s three years later and I’m 27. Since those beginnings at Flow I’ve traveled New Zealand playing everywhere from Vecter Arena to back alley Wellington bars. I’ve been honoured to DJ with acts like Skrillex, Calvin Harris, Deadmau5, Afrojack, Borgore, Datsik, Caspa,
Vandalism and so many more. Along with James Lawless I created the music festival Soundscape and with new business partner Scott Tindale (Piece) we created a sister brand named Homestyle – all of which is possible because of Flow and it’s managers and staff. And it wasn’t just us who’ve done well. Many of the other regular Flow DJs and bands have gone on to do amazing things as well; Knights Of The Dub Table and Tui Soundsystem have put out amazing albums and toured New Zealand, William Munro (Willapede) and Sam Taylor (together called Reservoir Dogs) are now getting bookings in Australia, Chris Taucher (who is a resident at Agenda and plays under the name Bones) is often found supporting huge internationals around the rest of the country, Diaz Grimm is recording his debut album and all of the members of The Collective are pretty much single-handedly responsible for bringing Dubstep and DnB back to the Waikato. The death of Flow is bitter-sweet, the owners deciding not to renew their lease due not to a drop in business but because they have decided to move away and explore new opportunities.
Like many great things in the Waikato Flow has fallen victim to the transient nature of our city. With over 18,000 students Hamilton breathes people drawing and pushing away so much talent. In a single breath it pulls in so many amazing minds, creative geniuses and sporting stars, then a year later the city exhales and they are gone - to Auckland, Australia or anywhere. Flow is no different, it lasted four years – twelve months longer than a standard student life cycle. However, the impact on Hamilton is far greater than the loss of a home for a minority of talented misfits. The city is now in dire need of a liberal venue large enough to take international and the many national acts but small enough to allow a new generation of bands and DJs to use the space without having to rely on commercial music to bring in punters. What Hamilton needs now is a blank canvas – for a new generation, for the good of the whole city, for a new mural. We already have the paint. RIP Flow.
So you don’t think the budget cuts that have been introduced will have any lasting effect on public support? No I think the budget went pretty well actually, I think the tertiary changes actually have been pretty well accepted, I don’t think there was a lot of animosity there in the sense of what they were because I think people understood the rationale of what we were trying to achieve. I think people understand that financially we haven’t got a lot of room to move and so they understand that position, I think the concept of the budget that we have had an issue with that class size education issue and they have worked through it to a certain extent but it’s still an ongoing issue there.
Asset sales and radical changes to our education system that haven’t been seen before. Someone had to get to the bottom of it all and while the country’s national media seemed a little more focused on Sonny Bill Williams we decided screw it. Let’s talk to local MP David Bennett and find out what he thinks. We didn’t set out to be dicks, we tried not to inject our own opinion we thought we would let him explain things in his own words what he thinks. The rest is up to you, the smart almost completely educated reader. According to recent polls, National support has apparently fallen lately, why do you think this is? It’s supposed to be about the same level it was at the election, that’s pretty high support, 47-48% around that margin is unique in New Zealand’s history, I think there’s only been about 2 governments that have ever got over 50% so I don’t think you have seen any dramatic change in it. They will go around, as Winston
says ‘you can never believe the polls’ - unless it’s a good one for him. The first year after the election is always the toughest year and so this is where some of the hardest decisions are made. You can always expect to take a bit of conjecture at the moment. Whether that translates in three years time is another thing, there is a long way to go to there. I think that the support for the Prime Minister is still high so I think that’s very good for us, an important point to make.
And these changes National has introduced, how long-term do you think they will be? Well, first thing is we will need a structural change in the economy to get more people to produce and be more productive in the industries and economies and products they deliver for us going forward. It’s called the Tradable Sector of the economy it’s the bit we haven’t done well in for the past decade, important as that’s the part where we trade with the rest of the world and that’s your income. So what we are trying to do is re-balance the economy, more on the tradable side and see that go up rather than flat lining and less on the non-tradable side. So that’s the big change that we need to do, it’s to make sure that we get that Tradable Sector back on track and that is the real challenge. So is that the way the educational sector has been? Well within the education sector what we have been trying to do is focus on research and development. Investment in Science and Engineering have sent a signal that that’s what we want to invest our money in, we haven’t got a lot of coin that we can put in addition to
The changes to the student loan and the allowances schemes - is this because you just can’t ditch the highly popular interestfree concept? Yes pretty much, (laughs) interestfree student loans are something that you could say is the Holy Grail in the sense of student commitment. The problem of that is, though it is great for the students but for students the degree and the funding they get greatly depends on the funding of the institutions and if we take that off the institution and just give students support then that institution’s value and that degree’s value become less and those students will then make choices about whether they will come to New Zealand universities for education and whether they see their degree as relevant going forward within the world economy. What we are trying to do is even up that balance a little more, so that money is going back into education, into the tertiary sector and through research funding and also through science and engineering. we are looking at the edges of what you could also say of Student Support that is there, while maintain that interest-free Student Loans. The other issue is what about the doctor or the dentist and such like? the thing is that they also get interest-free Student Loans and they also get a very high level of government support because their core courses are very expensive for us to provide, and as the government we provide a vast majority of the expense of that course so they are getting a very good deal anyway and then they are going to be on a higher income because they have a higher degree and so the rationale is that they will have the ability to have that higher income to cover that going forward.
We can’t deliver everything, we have to make some choices but interestfree student loans is the one thing that we will keen on retaining.
course, that is what they are there for and that’s their number one issue, it was one issue that was flagged well in advance.
Do you have any plans for job creation? Science and engineering; what are you doing about that? That’s why we are going through that process where we are looking at a whole variety of things like agriculture, research, science, we have invested in a new research and technology enterprise from the government that’s really around the innovation and new products and technology field. There is not just one dimension to this attack we are trying to deliver a very robust and vibrant economy across a variety range of things, we have good strengths and the government can only do a certain amount there, it really depends on the enterprises and the individuals how much they can actually add to that as well. We are working across a variety of mechanisms to give those opportunities.
How likely is it that the assets could be bought back in future? Yeah, well would you want to buy them back? That is probably the question. The only asset that has been bought back is Kiwirail, essentially, that was the big one and I think Air NZ had some buy back in there as well. Kiwirail, they bought that back for more than they sold it for, so there wasn’t a lot of sense in it, I don’t think you can really look at that as a great economic decision by the government of the day. So the power stations, will they be bought back? What’s potentially there? I don’t see any of the other parties campaigning on buying them back. They were into buying Kiwirail back but haven’t said they would buy the others back. I don’t think it would be a particularly good look for NZ, the government, to chop and change those decisions either so I think from a commercial point-of-view that’s probably not such a realistic option either. Kiwirail was owned by one player, essentially Tongan, so it was much easier for that to happen but we don’t see the opposition saying they are going to buy it back. It’s like when Telecom got sold in the 80s and 90s and things like that and no one is talking about buying that back. I think it’s one of those things where I don’t think the opposition is that pushed on it.
Will National reconsider this position on asset sales given the protests and calls for referendums by the Greens and Labour? The referendums in New Zealand aren’t binding anyway and to get that number of signatures is a big ask. I think you will find that the sales process will be over before that petition is received. I don’t know how they are getting along with that petition, but even once it has gone through that it goes through a process around referendum and all that. I don’t think that there will be any change there, it was a policy decision and it was debated heavily at the election. All of our opposition said no to assets sales and the public was very aware of that issue at that time. It wasn’t hidden in any sense and during the election campaign a lot of those issues were promoted in a very open way. The opposition will keep pushing of
what’s available but what we have got we have focused onto those sectors and that will develop that tradable sector. Science and Engineering because that’s the sector that has trading opportunities for us to go forward.
So that’s it. David Bennett in his own words. Let us know your thoughts via Lettuce. 23
Interview Last time you sat down with Nexus you spoke to us in length about the public works, the rail system, the highway, communal rail it was all in very detail expert level. First question, since that interview has anyone invited you to a dinner party because we just don’t think people give a fuck about traffic conditions? Yes (laughs). Excellent! They say that you can’t trust a politician and that you all just actors telling people what you want to hear, you have probably had those charges leveled at you before, knowing this do you think you are slightly giving your game away by having your office right above a costume hire place? (laughs) it’s right beside a doctor’s surgery and a church as well, I think I have the good lord looking over me. Did you realize as a young child that you had the unwavering ability to stick to talking points regardless of what was happening around you? No. If you could go back in time, a Back to the Future 2 type scenario and talk to the young David Bennett would you encourage him to enjoy his hair more whilst he still had it? (laughs) I got a lot of enjoyment out of my hair, but it was such a long time ago. You almost doubled the amount your rival got in the last election, if John Key says that Nationals majority allows you the mandate and says to sell state assets do you think your personal majority in Hamilton East allows you the mandate to sell Hamilton East assets? Like for
instance, could you just go to The Cook? and say look lads we’ve had an offer I’m sorry you’re going to have to clear out? Ah well that’s the City Council they are much better at doing those sorts of things. No (laugh) I don’t think I have the mandate to tell anyone at The Cook what they should do. You got 16,000 votes, which is phenomenal compared to Sehai’s 9000ish, (I am really great at the research,) does it get really awkward when people come up to you in a café and say ‘wow, you really beat that blonde girl’? (laughs) No one has come up to me in a café and said that. Nexus: They will now, we are encouraging every reader of Nexus to do that it’s going to be one of those things that follows you for three years. DB: I did have one problem though, I was driving home one night the police did a breath test and I hadn’t been drinking so I was fine but they said ‘oh sorry Dave, we have some bad news for you’, so I said ‘what’s that?’, and they said ‘we can’t vote for you this time because she’s hotter than you’ (laughs). Nexus: You had a reputation for a while for being one of Hamilton most eligible bachelors, did you ever use the line ‘I know Simon Bridges’ and if so how did it work? I did? I definitely did not use that line at all but orientation week we have a ’Vote for your favourite MP’ they go in the draw for a BBQ. Whoever wrote Simon Bridges name down, when there were a couple, we had to rescrutinise their entries.
This year’s Durex politics poll saw a clean sweep for the National men in the Sexiest Politician with John Key and Simon Bridges being named one and two. But seriously JamiLee Ross in three? That guy is like a brick wall with eyes. What are you going to do to bring the sexy back in 2012? How can we get you to number 3? All three have hair, but sexy back into Hamilton east politics, ahh that could be a challenge. I will have to go to some dinner parties (laugh). Some of us feel the deep divide that exists in our political system and our city. With your electoral victory you are the voice of Hamilton East. Do you want to take some time to talk shit about Hamilton West? Just anything you want to abuse them for, you know their community centers, nothings off limits. I guess it’s a bit like Australia I guess, anything we want to do they take and anything they don’t like they blame us for. The key thing is we live here but we party there. In our last interview you said you support the union even during VSM, and that we would need to find new revenue streams. Do you want to show that support now by purchasing a W card for $20? Yes! Nexus You already have one don’t you? Bennett: Yes, I brought one during orientation week I do believe. Wait (produces wallet) Yep right on the top of my card pile.
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REOWEEK Word Find REOWEEK THEEDGE THEROCK ALTITUDE BSEMESTER CLUBBING EVENTS HANGOVER LECTURES ORIENTATION RAYBONKAN PARTY WSU STUDENTS DRINKING
8 Ball’s Diary of Evil: Monday 16th July – Train army of monkey’s then teach them to fly. Tuesday 17th July – Rain Sulphur down on Gisborne. Wednesday 18th July - drain the blood of animals to make soup. Thursday 19th July - create oppressive dictatorship. Friday 20th - July attend CNI Young Nats meeting. Make it quick I have a busy week…..
You told me I was going to get laid in O-week and it didn’t happen. Will it happen in Re-Oweek? My answer is no. O-Week is a mystical time where even the most disfigured of you mortals get laid on the basis that you are a “University experience”. Twelve weeks later the people who would have slept with you now know you or know people who do. That is not a good thing in your case. My boyfriend cheated on me should I take him back? It is decidedly so. If you learn nothing else this year remember this: relationships at University are like cigarettes to smokers, even the bad ones are better than not having them at all. Besides you can always throw them out when you have access to better ones. It’s the first week back. Will I have a lot of assignments? Yes Professors, lecturers, the whole of academia really are all deceptively evil in a way that even I can’t compete with. Like malevolent succubi, they lure you in with the promise of great reward, riches, and the wealth of knowledge, only to torture you with course work and dimly lit tutorials. The truth? They feed off your pain. It keeps them young. Somewhere in the campus, hidden deep down, is a hall full of portraits showing their true forms. NB: To any lecturer who took offence to that, it should be noted we referenced both Latin and Oscar Wilde. Sure it’s funny but it’s also learning. We call that EDU-tainment.
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Aries: You will spend at least a little time contemplating the fact that if they name one the “special Olympics” does that make the other one just a little less special. Yes that does make you a bad person. Taurus: Like Sonny Bill Williams you will find the grass greener on the other side. Unlike Sonny Bill Williams you will recognise that green grass means it isn’t dry enough to smoke. Gemini: If your star sign was involved in a battle royale scenario with the other star signs we predict you would come a respectable third. That’s a podium. Cancer: It’s time for confrontation. Be smart but remember those people who say “Nothing hurts more than words” have never had access to a cricket bat. Leo: Finally you understand both why there are so many songs about rainbows and what is in fact on the other side. And all it took was fucking that frog. Virgo: Venus and Mercury get all up in each others face and we have no idea what the repercussions will be. Libra: If he asks you for a drink on a Friday night alone it is a date. If he asks you what you want for breakfast on Saturday that doesn’t make him a gentleman. Scorpio: This week you will learn a valuable lesson. It’s not a drinking problem if you don’t consider it a problem. Sagittarius: Just remember if your mates have to carry you home and put you to bed then they are true friends. Also it means you won. Capricorn: You will take the phrase “paint ball” a little too literally. While it is funny at first, literal Blue Balls are a little creepy. Aquarius: One day this week it will be your time to shine. Unfortunately that time will have passed just before you read this and you will be doomed to carry on a life of relative anonymity. Now might be a good time to invest in the purchase of what you surely must know will be the first of many cats. Pisces: You wake up in the middle of the night and bang your knee on the bedroom door, you go to the bathroom only to find it’s not the bathroom. Oh my god someone has moved your bathroom. Wait, that’s not right? You don’t even live in the halls of residence.
Feature First off, let’s get one thing straight. The only extracurricular thing I have ever done at uni is this here contribution to Nexus. I have joined no club, and very rarely do I do anything for free. However, I am eternally curious about these socalled student clubs, as I am really only aware of their existence on those two Wednesdays of the year that we call “club day”. So from my particularly uninformed perspective, I will attempt to give a ‘first impression’ review of a selection of the groups on offer at this fine establishment. Turn up to clubs day on Wednesday and get some more info straight from the horse’s mouth. This is barely even a taster. Hey, at least you know I’m not operating on a bias. Spanish Club: “With the goal of gathering the Latin community at the University and to share the language and culture with people who are interested. Weekly meetings are held every Friday from 4-5pm to talk about different issues and all conversations are held in Spanish. The Club also has a Facebook page under the name SPANISH WAIKATO”.
After a geeze at their Facebook page, it’s not exactly Community (damn), but it certainly involves a lot more Spanish. Which I gather is good - If you like Spanish. I love the idea of speaking predominantly in Spanish during meetings and the like as well. Nothing better than full immersion if you want to learn about another culture or get back into your own. If you’re down to get cultural give these guys a look-see. Debating Society: “University of Waikato Debating Society is NZ’s newest University Debating Society. Re-established in 2010 DEBSOC starting with two students a jar of lollies and a sign up sheet to become New Zealand’s third largest Debating Society within 12months.Our aims are to provide a society that facilitates public speaking in a fun and sociable environment.” We have a debating society! How cool is that? I love watching civil, structured arguments. We should have more of them! If I weren’t so shit at thinking on my feet I would probably give it a go. If you’re keen, there is a debate on this Tuesday so hang around campus and check it out.
Amalgamated Gamers Club: “An inclusive club for gamers of all kinds and ability levels, including, but not limited to, Live Action Role Players, Tabletop Role Players, Boardgamers, and PC and Console Gamers.” Yep. That’s right. I know it says “all ability levels” but I can’t help but wonder if they screen the people who want in on this club. What’s the minimum killstreak required? Does monopoly count as a boardgame? Sometimes I dress up like Katy Perry and pretend I have massive boobs and lots of money, does that count as role playing? So many questions! But I’d say if you call yourself a serious gamer, you’ll probably be sweet here. You can start with the Xbox Lounge that will be set up on Level 1 of the Student Centre this week if you’re still not sure. EnviroClub: “The Environmental Awareness Club(was called Uniclycle)aims to engage students on campus to promote sustainability of resources and the environment.We plan to do this by organising events on campus that raise awareness
and educate students in order to promote sustainability of the environment. We also aim to link in with other environmentally-minded organisations and events in Hamilton.” Woo, EnviroClub. For all things eco and green! If you care about the planet, but in the kind of way where you actually want to get off your ass and do something rather than lamenting to your friends how nobody cares about anything anymore, then this is your first port of call. As far as I’m aware you don’t need to be vegetarian and you can keep your shoes. But they could be impressed if you don’t. SIFE: “SIFE Waikto develops future business leaders. Our student run orgnaisation creates worthwhile projects that harness the entrepreneurial and enterprising spirit that is reshaping communities around the world. SIFE challenges members to think and act sustainably to deliver impact solutions that benefit our communities through the positive power of business.”
I’ve been to a couple of this groups events cos I’m dating the project coordinator (whoops, is that a bias?) but this is a pretty sweet group of people. I get bored at networking events (omg, so many. WMS can’t get enough of networking.) due to my inability to enjoy small talk and/ or explain what I’m doing at an event run by a group I am not in, but they know their stuff and they got to go to Malaysia for free. That’s a win in my book. They also help with at risk kids in Melville (my original hood) so you know they’re brave too. MCSA: “Our Club aims to provide relevant public relations work experience for its members. We aim to source projects from the community, club members and organizations to improve our members skills in public relations practices.” The Management Communication Students Association is also a management school club, so you know they’ll know how to cater a function. I know that’s not actually on their list of things they want to achieve, but it’s pretty much a given. I went to two award ceremonies in
one day last semester, and I’m sorry to say but WMS will beat FASS any day of the week on that score. These guys are ALWAYS running something though, I kid you not. If you’re a Management student and you’re studying PR then I would invest my time here. Golden Key International Honour Society: “The Golden Key International Honour Society is an invitation only academic society, with over 360 chapters worldwide. In New Zealand Golden Key invites the academic top 15% of students to join.” Hear that, “invitation only”. This is Waikato’s answer to an American Greek Fraternity. In the loosest definition of that term. I highly doubt the existence of frat party initiations and so on (this society seems preeetty academic), but still guys, invite only. Says it all. You do have to pay a fee to get in, but come on. It’s invite only. How much do you want it??
efore we get too into it, I have a few honourable mentions.
If anyone meets anyone named Ranga, shake his hand because he’s lovely. Not the Ranga that ripped photo’s off our wall though. That one’s a bad luck charm and will get you arrested at the end of your driveway for holding an open Pulse on V8’s night. The bouncers at CBD, House, Bar 101, The Hood and Agenda also deserve a round of hi 5s on account of having #swag #yolo #ermergerd. Outback though... a) no I’m not younger than I was last week, b) yes it’s STILL my ID, c) when you say “Hi Jess” after seeing me during the day, it is not socially acceptable to have ‘never met me’ at night. I just don’t like females. I don’t see hot chicks and think “oh fuck you and your Bangin’ McBang genetic structure,” in fact I’m more inclined to hi 5 you for being hot and not wearing fat pants to town; but as a species, we are horrendously embarrassing. “I’m not embarrassing, those girls are stupid. Haters.” Please. Stop being basic. “Tell a girl she’s pretty everyday and she’ll love you forever.” Translation: Give us your balls. “She’s might say she’s fine, but she’s crying on the inside.” Translation: Give us your balls. “Never make a girl fall for you unless you intend to catch her.” Translation: Give us your balls, especially if you don’t want to. When did we become this desperate pile of Pinterest photos? It’s the start of a new semester so I’m going to us a chance at redemption. Every time you fuck it up, a baby dies. Ermergerd. 1) Ok so I know you like this guy. I know you’ve hooked up once or twice. You know what else I know? You
have no right; ZERO right; to get angry that he is hooking up with someone else unless he has explicitly told you that he wouldn’t. I don’t care if he looks at you with ‘those eyes’. What even are ‘those eyes’? I’ll tell you what; they’re fucking imaginary. Yes you can be hurt, you’re not a robot, but unless he has broken any promises, unless he has lied, unless he has verbally/ physically assaulted you in anyway than I’m sorry but suck your shit up and move on, he has. 2) STOP TRYING TO FIX PEOPLE. He’s basically a 12 year old and everyone hates him. Loving him isn’t going to change anything. It will simply make him a 12 year old that everyone hates who somehow roofied his way into a relationship. “Wah what do you even know. I love him and he’s changing for me.” You’re an idiot; but I’ll still be here for you when it blows up in your face. 3) You don’t have to be with someone to love them. Love isn’t a rugby match; there’s no little scoreboard at the end tallying up how much possession you had. So let him go out, let him have friends, let him be the dick you initially wanted to bang for extended periods of time. If you’re worried he’s gunna cheat, he’ll find a way whether you keep him in a cage or out roaming free range. You can deal with it when/if ever occurs. Stop torturing yourself over shit that hasn’t even happened. 4) Guys and girls can sleep around equally. It’s not sleeping with 2 people in the bathroom at Outback that defines whether you’re a slut or a legend. It’s whether you laugh about
it and had fun OR whether you cried about it afterwards and walked home holding your shoes with your genitals hanging out. 7) Don’t argue that you want equality within gender roles then cry that he didn’t open the door for you. Open your own door. Just realised that sounds like a metaphor for masturbation. Girls, I do love you. Not enough to become a lesbian, but certainly enough that if I see anymore recockulous shit on my Facebook, I will pull you aside and have words. Hope your Oweek goes swimmingly. Next week is for you lads. Love your souls, MMF.X Reference list: Me. Because right through from puberty until today, I have been one of the most severe embarrassments ever to embarrass anyone ever. Facebook. The fridge. Technically not a reference but definitely a solid support system.
was on Community Radio the other week, discussing a couple a movies then screening at the Lido. The host of the show - a gentleman hailing from the British Isles, one sensitive to issues of class - expressed a definite opinion about the actor Ewan McGregor. For Jon the only part that McGregor is acceptable in is the one that put the star on the international cinematic map: that of Mark ‘Rent Boy’ Renton in Trainspotting. When Jon sees McGregor in anything other than Trainspotting all he can see is a slightly up himself, wealthy Scotsman, a ponce who went to the best schools and perhaps looks down on those who didn’t. This is certainly not my take on McGregor. As a counter argument I listed a few of his other noteworthy performances: his small screen debut in the underrated Dennis Potter 50s musical satire Lipstick on Your Collar; one of the flatmates in the black comedy Shallow Grave; a soldier in the ensemble war film Black Hawk Down; the moody, sexually obsessive, failed writer in Young Adam and, of course, his delightful comic variation on Alec Guinness’ Obi Wan Kenobi in the Star Wars prequels. Whatever your opinion of McGregor - and he’s also very good in this year’s Salmon Fishing in the Yemen - I found Jon’s wider point to be interesting. The idea that some performers can be so excellent in an early or otherwise key film that this success overshadows the balance of their career is one that I subscribe to.
You could think of the phenomenon as the ultimate form of type-casting. Most movie stars - particularly those from the golden age of Hollywood are inherently associated with one or maybe two genres to the exclusion of others. When the names John Wayne or Randolph Scott are mentioned you immediately think of westerns, not musicals (though, ironically enough, Wayne did sing in a few B-grade 30s films and Scott co-starred in a couple of Astaire & Rogers moves about the same time). Robert De Niro would not look right in a western. Clint Eastwood would be out of place in a science fiction film. And so on.
Lindsay Anderson, an iconoclast who made him a star of sorts in If... . However, Stanley Kubrick harnessed McDowell’s dark, seductive side like no one else. Even when he got to play Caligula in the world’s most expensive porno for McDowell there was no escaping the shadow of Alex the Droog.
Other movie actors - many of whom barely qualify as stars - have the good fortune to appear in a single part of such significance that they become iconic in it. Subsequently, the public resists them in anything else. What follows is a brief list of those who fall into this category. It’s a subjective one, of course, and far from comprehensive.
4. Matthew Modine as Private Joker in Full Metal Jacket (1987) The curse of Kubrick strikes again. Modine’s sarcastic, throw away delivery style perfectly suits the tone of a war classic whose irony and black comedy masks the horror of Vietnam. Outside of a small part in the Altman ensemble Short Cuts, Modine has otherwise been invisible.
1. Julie Andrews as Mary Poppins (1964) and as Maria in The Sound of Music (1965) While Andrews had a successful stage career prior to starring in these backto-back mid-60s blockbusters and continues to act to this day, the world only really wants to know her as sweet and innocent and virginal. She even went so far as to appear topless on screen to break the curse but there is no sexing up Maria.
5. Ray Liotta as Henry Hill in Goodfellas (1990) I only want Liotta to play Henry Hill. In films directed by Martin Scorsese. Anyone who can hold his own with De Niro and Pesci - the latter at the very top of his game - is a talent for the ages. Yet nothing else in the Liotta CV is even remotely worth mentioning.
2. Malcolm McDowell as Alex in A Clockwork Orange (1971) McDowell’s prime film mentor was
3. Henry Thomas as Elliot in ET: The Extraterrestrial (1982) The brilliance of Thomas’ performance in the Steven Spielberg masterpiece is usually overlooked. The way in which the actor has failed to register in the 30 years since is equally unfortunate.
o here we are again, another semester, another Re:O Week and another edition of your faithful Nexus mag. Within these pages you have many different perspectives from different people leading different lives with varying points of view. So before I rattle off, smashing away at my keyboard, I remind you that words written within in this column are just a perspective, a point of view. The only thing I try and keep consistent within it is that it is my own point of view, I don’t write this to impress you, I don’t write it to change you and I don’t write it to make you think any less of yourself. And it’s for these reasons that I try to remain anonymous. I did think about naming myself in this issue, but then I thought it would have been hypocritical of everything I wrote last semester and go against my reasons above. Ok so here you have it, another hipster diary fresh for you to form your own opinion in whichever way you please. To kick this semester off I’m going to start with the topic of selling out. Have you heard Linkin Park’s new album? What did you think of Skirllex’s collab album with Korn? How about Britney’s attempt at dubstep? Gaga’s version for that matter, and how about Snoop spitting verses over electro house or the Black Eyed Peas’ progression through their albums? Are these artists all selling out? I hear it all the time… “Oh they used to be
cool before they were popular”, “Oh yeah but have you heard their first album”, “He’s sold out”. So what is it that deserves this title? In general terms people identify ‘selling out’ with compromising ones integrity, morality or principles in exchange for money, so does this mean being successful is selling out? Everyone hates on Skrillex because before he was a famous dubstep producer he was a member of an emo band and the hip-hop world hates on Nikki Minaj since her single Super Bass last year. Sure without a doubt both of these artists changed the direction of their music, Skrillex from heavy hardcore rock to bass heavy dubstep and Nikki from underground hip-hop to pop music. I don’t understand why people hate and say these artists have sold out. Is ‘selling out’ being successful, having hit songs played in every club all around the world as well as on the radio, touring the world playing shows and last but not least making tens of thousands of dollars. This term seems to be tagged on to people that are successful and out of jealousy more than anything else. Let’s just say genies are real; you meet one and you get granted 3 wishes, but this genie is different, he offers you three different scenarios and you get to choose one. Option number one: You get to be Matamata’s top DJ playing at the rugby club on Saturday afternoons, Option B: You get to be The Mud Bar’s DJ in Cambridge or Option C: You get to be David Guetta. It’s a no brainer right? So why do we all think Mr. Guetta’s music is cheesy and commercial and looked down the
nose of by every ‘underground’ or ‘hipster’ type in the world. Who in their right mind would turn down a multi-million dollar record deal with a world famous label to remain underground or to be able to say they were part of a non-profitable subculture where people complain about paying $5 or $10 measly dollars to get in the door to your bands gig. I know which option I would pick. I think a band or a DJ/producer that get’s labeled with the term ‘sellout’ has simply found the winning formula. They found the pieces of the puzzle that are needed to write an award winning song, create that beat that every artist wants to sing over, or found that selection of music that every person in the world can’t resist dancing to. How can we hate on these artists for being successful? How can we say someone’s music is shit if they win three Grammys? And how can we say that a band is average when they write a good song that too many people buy? How can you say a DJ is selling out if he fills a club with people that love the music he plays? I think that if everybody knew what this formula was they would use it, it’s not something you should even have to think about it. At the end of the day artists/DJ’s/and producers are entertainers. Bottom line, if a crowd shows up to a stadium to see a band, or a club to see a DJ, and that act isn’t entertaining, it’s impossible for it to successful. Stop hating and have respect for people that gain success by becoming popular. Something Hip.
$15.00 plus booking fee students tickets available from WSU office!
Re-O Week Fashion Survival Guide We’ve all seen those girls in town during O Week, toga coming unpinned at the sides, and chaos ensuing when the inevitable happens. We all want to go up to them, hand them a safety pin and some dignity and usher them into a taxi. However, this could have been avoided had they followed Alice & Anne’s great tips on superb O Week (and ReOWeek) costumes.
1. Don’t be afraid to over load on the safety pins. Nothing worse than halfway through the night popping into the bathroom and realizing your assets have been on display and might be why you’ve been getting so much attention on the dance floor. At least take a couple spare in your wallet/handbag – not in your bra, that’s just asking for trouble.
Don’t get too attached though, as the average student costume has a lifespan of one night. Having said that, you do want it to last the whole night. So investing in some extra staples, tape or a hot glue gun is a fairly intelligent idea. Also, give a good jiggle up and down before you go out, so you know what’s secure and what’s not.
2. If you are going to dress up – do it properly. You’re never going to make it to the Facebook album if you made a half-arsed attempt at your costume. A cape is great, but drawn on abs don’t exactly make you the most sophisticated Superman. Don’t set your sights too high, even if it’s just simple, do it well.
5. Nominate someone to keep an eye on your costume (especially if you plan on being slightly intoxicated that evening. Or more than slightly...) They can let you know if your undies are tucked into your skirt, of if you’re going as Superman, making sure your undies stay on the outside! Good luck! Have fun!
3. It is winter. It is going to be cold. It doesn’t matter how sexy your skimpy beach bunny outfit is, getting pneumonia is not. At least put on a pair of tights you can take off if you get too hot. 4. Be resourceful! Use that old beer box, the masking tape you’ve had lying around and some felt pens to have the best robot costume ever!
Lots of love, Alice & Anne PS – we’re a bit crafty ourselves (pun, geddit?) and have opened a store on campus selling handmade clothes and accessories. Come say hi! We’re at the bottom of L Block (by Bongo Sushi) or like us on Facebook!
LICK THAT SPOON Welcome back to another semester of LICK THAT SPOON, filled with more delicious food gawking and spoon licking. The weather still calls for something that will warm the senses. I chose to share this indulgent chocolate pear tart recipe to give the readers that desire to nom on one of these babies with a cup of hot tea while watching a movie on a lazy cold Sunday night. There is something about chocolate that can awaken you when all you want to do is shut down in bed. This easy recipe can uplift you whenever you desire. The spices in the gingernut base deepen the flavour of the chocolate and the pear cuts through the bitterness with its sweet fresh taste. It is a perfect marriage of flavours about to be demolished by your drooling mouth. Happy Licking!
1/2 cup gingernut biscuit, crushed into crumbs 1/2 cup almond meal 1 tsp. baking soda 3 tablespoon butter, melted 1x can pears, sliced thinly or 4x fresh pears (peeled, cored and sliced thinly) 150 grams dark chocolate, roughly chopped 1/3 cup cream
1. Grease 4 tartlet pans or you can alternatively use one large tart pan. 2. Using a large mixing bowl, place graham cracker crumbs, almond meal and baking soda in and stir to combine. Add in melted butter and whisk until well combined. 3. Divide dough in four. Press each one into the tartlet pan. 4. Using fingers, press each one evenly along bottom and up the sides. 5. Refrigerate for 15 minutes to harden the base. 6. Preheat oven to 180C. Place tartlets on a baking sheet and bake in centre of oven for 10 minutes, or until golden brown. Remove from oven and let cool. 7. While the shells are cooling, make the chocolate ganache. Bring the cream to a boil over medium-high heat. As soon as it begins to boil remove from heat and add in the chopped chocolate. Whisk until smooth. It will melt with the heat of the cream so donâ€™t keep it on the stove. 8. With tartlet shells now cool, place a slice or two of pear in the bottom and pour the chocolate ganache over top. Place one pear slice over top and chill.
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I’m out of sympathy. I don’t think of Katie Holmes as a brave hostage who tunneled out. I think of her as an idiot. When she married Tom Cruise, the only person on the planet with a wackier reputation was Michael Jackson. If I knew Scientology was weird -from suburban Wellington -- then surely there’d been some whispers in LA. She asked for it. And not to defend Scientology -- but it amuses me when people mock it for having outlandish beliefs. Have you seen what Christians believe? Let’s stop pretending there’s a difference between a religion and a cult. They’re all based on poorlythought-out science fantasy. Put it this way. Every hotel I stay at has two publications: the Bible and Skywatch. Only one of these contains accurate prophecies. Last week it was big news that a base jumper died. I don’t know why this was news. Isn’t it more surprising when a base jumper doesn’t die? Isn’t base jumping just adventure suicide? Clearly, some people can stomach more adrenalin than others. Some of us enjoy looking at mountains. We might even take a photo. Others need the view from atop the mountain. Fine. Still others need to peer vertically down the cliff-face, heels on the edge, leaning forward, counting down from ten, then jump off, all the while not at all wondering how terminal velocity got its name. To get the buzz the rest of us get from a long black with two sugars, they need this level of survival-instinct-
ignore-do-the-complete-opposite. Yet, even though the maximum achievement in base-jumping is not dying, base-jumping doesn’t bear the stigma of similar death-causing activities, such as heroin addiction. If you’re a base-jumper, you’re not regarded as an irresponsible addict putting your life on the roulette wheel. You’re outdoorsy. You’re into nature. (Indeed, on impact, you really are into nature.) You can hardly call it a tragedy if a base-jumper dies. It’s the likely outcome. We don’t call Newton’s Law the ‘tragedy of gravity’. What would be a base-jumping tragedy? If you were at the base of a mountain, enjoying the scenery -- perhaps having a picnic -- and a basejumper plummeted on you. Base-jumping is both addictive and fatal. Just like smoking. Yet there’s no publicity campaign in which groovy celebs tell kids to quit basejumping. There’s no helpline. (I suppose the helpline for a basejumper would be a bungy cord.) Quite the contrary: this country lionises dangerous sport. Our proudest myth is a mountain climber, the first guy to climb a deadly mountain which, previously, had done nothing but shrug dead climbers off its shoulders like dandruff.
New Zealand smoking, to find the ultimate chimney, some 103-yearold, two-pack-a-day Industrial Revolution woodburner with freakishly untumoured lungs? Why haven’t we built a monument to a record-setting drink-driver, who somehow hits only lamp-posts and never gets hurt? We’re remarkably inconsistent. On the $100 bill, we have the guy who split the atom. (What sort of country puts that guy on the $100 bill, then goes anti-nuclear?) I’m pretty sure the recent medical consensus is that atomic radiation is at least as dangerous as occasional second-hand smoke. Yet we make a hero of a backyard atom-splitter? We might as well sell RTD’s containing plutonium and dry.
So why are some addictive, fatal pursuits heroic, and others not? Why don’t we put a champion cigarette smoker on the $5 bill? Why haven’t we scoured the history of
Raybon Kan plays at Gravity Bar, Thu July 19, 8.30pm. Bookings online through Eventfinder. 37
The Amazing Spider-Man Director - Marc Webb
The question on all the lips, quality stuff, or an unnecessary too-soon repeat of an arachnid-specific manin-tights flick.
equipped, this boy rolls through the movie like a boss, changing from shy tortured soul, to witty badass in all the right places.
First off, ladies remember to take a spare change of panties because the male lead played by Andrew Garfield is has got geek-chic sex appeal down. Tight buttock and secretive smile
And as for the sumptuous Emma Stone with her thigh-high socks and a mouth that could… kill, let’s just say I hope none of you guys out there wore your skinny jeans to this movie.
Primitive urges aside, I found this movie had a lot more spunk throughout the plot compared to the movies that preceded it. The previous Spiderman movies had a similar tone the whole way through, serious tortured soul with a touch of twilight style yearning romance. This movie kept the darkness in the character, but made it either relatable, or sexy. The humorous moments allowed for a change in pace, but don’t overpower the general plot. Still easy somehow to take spandex clad web-spinning pretty-boy vs. scaly regenerating lizard man seriously. One thing I can’t understand though is why all the effort by the geniuses in the world can’t make the crossspecies genetics experiments work, but somehow just by accident a spider with a completely different purpose manages to achieve this with a simple masticate all up in Peter Parkers neck. Also the spider is created in the film for spinning webs, but this is the only Spiderman film where Peter Parker creates a device to spin his webs, because he doesn’t gain that ability himself. Super strength, but no white projectile? Just sounds like steroids to me. With the suspension of reality required for comic book based movies however, it is easy to get absorbed into this film. I would definitely recommend seeing it in the cinema. Sweet cinematography, great plot, witty dialogue, and sex appeal for Africa. Solid Effort Marc Webb. Review by Gina Broom
by Michael Cooper
During NZ cricket legend Martin Crowe’s career, rumours abounded that he played for the ‘other team.’ Apparently one of the reasons for the homosexual innuendo was that Crowe was known to prefer wine over beer. Thank God we live in more enlightened times. Not only has science conclusively proved that there is no link between the consumption of wine and one’s sexual preferences; there is now tangible research to suggest Crowe’s extraordinary cricket abilities were linked to his liking for plonk. And that’s no surprise. Wine is an infinitely superior drink to beer. It tastes better, looks better, inspires elevated conversation and thoughts, and charms the pants off the opposite sex. In short, wine is the nectar of the Gods. But not all wine. No, no, no, no. If you’re drinking cask wine now, by the time you’re in your forties you’ll be sleeping under a bridge in your own urine. So stay off the cardboard. But even by following this simple tip, it can still be hard to choose the right drop. For let’s face it, when confronted by a great wall of bottles at the supermarket,
The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
Okay, so I know what you’re thinking. This book is old news, and it’s for kids! Yea well... I take a while to catch on to what the cool kids are reading, so my apologies. Working in a bookstore I’ve been watching these
books fly off the shelves for almost a year now, and it’s not just parents buying them for their children, they’re reading them as well. So after my mum brought the trilogy, and both her and my dad read them, I finally decided to give it a read. The Hunger Games – A yearly event in which 12 boys and 12 girls between the ages of 12 and 18 are forced to fight in televised combat to the death until only one remains... While often labelled as a children’s book, it’s definitely more suitably categorized as teen fiction. With all the fighting and brutality I think one should be very careful about who reads it. Shit, I’m 20 and some of the atrocities in the book made it into my bad dreams!! Though definitely not as graphic as some books I’ve read (like the Crosstitch series, and Wilbur Smiths books) they are still intricately and vividly described. The character development gets a big thumbs up from me, and you know a series is good when it only takes two and a half days to read all three books. As it is written for teens the language used is a lot simpler than what I am used to however Collins manages to paint an elaborate and emotive picture with her words. So it’s very much a perfect read if you just want some light, distracting reading. Like something to read in dull lectures later in the week when you’ve finished the Nexus Sudoku’s. The Hunger Games is one of the few book to movie adaptations where I have had to have a serious think about whether the book or the movie was better. I saw the movie first, which probably makes me a tad biased, but honestly both of them are so very, very similar. The movie does miss out a few bits and pieces (seemingly key too when it comes to the second and third books), but a lot less than the usual book to movie conversion misses. When the movie is released I definitely recommend hiring it out to watch, but don’t forget to read the book too. Well worth it! Review by Courtney Q
100 Must Try New Zealand Wines
how many of us know shit from shinola? Thankfully, Michael Cooper is here to help. A vastly experienced wine writer, Cooper recommends 100 NZ wines worth pouring down your throat. These range in price from upwards of $100 to those affordable on a student budget. It’s a smartly designed book aimed at the casual drinker wanting to expand their range. The local industry’s traditional strengths such as Sauvignon Blanc feature, but newer varieties such as Arneis and Viognier are also introduced. There’s also a glossary that helps decipher the jargon, so if you don’t know your Pinot Noir from your film noir, you’ll be able to get by. So pick this book up if you’re looking to cultivate your drinking habits. Men in particular are endlessly targeted by moronic beer commercial stereotypes, encouraging us to drink bitter grain concoctions, but there’s really no need. Worship the cult of the grape instead. Review by Kevin Pryor
Smartglass puts the playbook on your ipad or mobile so your friend can’t see what you’re doing.
Steve Wozniack the co-founder of Apple said of the new Microsoft Surface recently “Steve Jobs came back reincarnated at Microsoft.” Looking at Microsoft lately you can’t help but think it is all starting to look a little like Apple when they were at the high point of innovation. But this is supposed to be a game review and not a tech review and while we don’t have a game to talk about today you should all go check out “Xbox Smartglass.” Youtube the shit out of it. Because smartglass is what will start to make gaming on the xbox cool again.
You’re in the middle of Modern Warfare on Xbox live and you stop to check your map or the weapons and get killed by some 11 year old girl from Australia who proceeds in relentless mockery till her father comes in and tells her to go to bed. Xbox smartglass puts all that stuff on the ipad where it belongs. The demo they showed had a guy watching Sherlock Holmes on his Microsoft Surface only to come in and switch it to his TV screen without losing his place. Then as if by magic his tablet became a background guide to the film. Similarly while watching game of thrones on his xbox the tablet was showing character movement on a map and bringing up family histories. I don’t know how any of that was happening but someone should be burnt at the stake for being a witch. Seriously it looks amazing! Like any good piece of technology though you can expect about 12 months of it being crappy before developers catch on and start making it awesome. XBOX SMARTGLASS Due for release before 2013.
The best way I can describe it is to say it’s one of those great ideas that everyone should of thought of before now and the moment someone does it you think Christ that was obvious. Smart glass takes your existing ipads, iphones, androids and windows phones and builds them into your gaming experience. It was demo’ed at E3 last month to a pretty universal thumbs up. Say for instance you’re playing Madden 2013 with your mate. The most frustrating part of the experience is that he can see the play you are going to ruin and set up his defence accordingly to dominate you.
Grace on Braid
29 Braid Road, St. Andrews It’s Saturday morning and Grace on Braid is in full rock ’n’ roll mode: joggers stopping in for a bit of liquid energy, young couples playing footsy beneath their eggs bennes and elderly patrons nostalgically checking out the collection of vintage crockery on the wall. Upon entering, you know immediately that you have walked
into the soul of a neighbourhood; it’s the kind of place where most customers are known by name and where you feel comfortable taking your shoes off at the table. I feel like I come here all the time. Only I don’t.
Nick orders the mushrooms on toast, big juicy slabs of button ‘shrooms, completely swamped in a drunken deluge of port, cream, mustard and garlic, served on five-grain toast ($13.50). The mushrooms are perfectly cooked and not too rich, but the portion is quite small. It’s lucky he got a side of eggs as well, or he might have started in on my plate. My French toast comes with banana and passion fruit “ambrosia” and a vanilla maple sauce ($13.50). I love the word “ambrosia,” it makes me think of clouds and cream and fruity heaven, which is pretty much the way this plate tastes. Again though, the portion is small. I get three pieces of toast and the equivalent of about a half a banana, sliced. It’s a good start, but the dish is so delicious I would have loved a bit more of it. Grace uses Rocket coffee, roasted in Hamilton. Not my absolute favourite brand, though the espresso here is passable. Nick has a mocha ($4.70) and it’s creamy and cocoa-ey and everything a mocha should be, but my long black ($3) doesn’t have much flavour or depth, like a cup of Earl Grey where the teabag’s been taken out too soon.
Parking is easy as the cafe is located in a small line of shops on a quiet street, and the staff are friendly. I wouldn’t drive across town to come here, but if you are in the neighbourhood it’s worth a peek. The sweet, slightly kitsch surroundings and tasty (though mildly over-priced) food make Grace on Braid a cosy spot, and their cakes looked good enough to warrant investigation. Review and photo by Mackenzie McCarty of www.waikatoindependent.co.nz
by Mark de Clive Lowe Are you ever in a situation where you’ve got some mates around at your place and you’re having a few drinks. Not pre-loading of course because you’re responsible-ish and you need to find some music to throw on. Seems pretty straight forward, right? But maybe that new CD of whale songs isn’t quite where the party is going. Then there is a discussion. Your cool friends want you to put on the new David Guetta album, which of course you don’t have. Your rock and roll friends ask about the Foo Fighters, which you lent to your dad* and the hip hop heads just want a beat. And you’re in bind. Well not any more! For just a $5 download, I present Mark de CliveLowe’s new album, Renegades. It is such a funky upbeat record it is perfect for such situations. Ok, so maybe skip the opening track where it sounds all a bit World Music to be inclusive for everyone. But the second song Get Started is exactly that. It will start any night with it’s driving bassline smooth vocals and up tempo beat. Clive-Lowe
has managed to accost Prince band member, Shelia E and British soul star, Omar to add texture and depth to this instantly likable track. The rest of the album continues in the same vein; a complex, yet ingeniously simple mix. It demonstrates CliveLowe’s meticulous production, finicky piano lead breaks and showcases the help he’s enlisted from the neo-soul friends he has picked up in London. This New Zealander has created an album that encompasses the hype and energy of living in London with a smooth kiwi laid back feel. This might have something to do with his recent move to LA, but I feel like there is something distinctly local intertwined with what becomes a masterclass in funk. Each song offers something interesting. Under Orders has such a catchy vocal line while We Renegades has backing beats akin to an Eru Dangerspiel song. Fans of Recloose will love the soaring of songs like Push, while things slow down enough for Erykah Badu fans to devour tracks like Emergency and Everything.
One of the things I really like about this album that you don’t always get with bands, but often happens with producers and instrumentalists like Clive-Lowe, is an introduction into new musicians. Ovasoul 7 supplies the silky and warm vocals on Everything and Nia Andrews does the same on a few tracks. I have found this album has led me to these new artists to check out their solo work as their showing on this album has been so impressive. I think that shows the true talent of Clive-Lowe in directing play and bringing out the sheer beauty of the vocalists and others involved. Stunning album in my books and for only $5 it has the kind of accessibility both financially and musically that can keep fans of many genres happy. A real crowd pleaser, and if it helps the wee do at your place then that’s a bonus. *Disclaimer – coolness of Dad may vary from person to person. Review by HP
“Oh, yes, I know Professor *****”, said Jane. Several fish floated to the surface of the sediment pond at the mention of the name. “He’s not that evil, really.” “Not that evil?”, countered I. “He’s totally evil”, I added. “Nastily, completely evil”, I added once more. “Utterly, totally, amazingly evil”, I added again before multiplying this by a factor of superlatives and adjectives. “Severely, scarily…” in mid-sentence I noticed that my two companions were gazing blankly at a spot just above my head…”He’s right behind me isn’t he”, I gulped. “No actually, but wouldn’t that be funny!” said Tom. “No, we were just looking at the top of your head - what’s with the zucchini?” I whipped the vegie off my head with relief. Where did these things come from and why did they always turn up on my head, I wondered. I hate zucchini! “Good afternoon gentlemen”, came a familiar, nasty utterly totally amazingly completely evil voice. Time froze for a matter of seconds, which was an impossibility seeing these seconds would be frozen as well. “And good afternoon Jane”. Jane looked up at the Professor. “Fuck off Dad”, said she. My mind told me that it didn’t want to process and comprehend this information, so started to screen a re-run of Scooby-Doo (the one where the big scary thing turns out to be someone in a costume…remember that one?) The Professor nodded and walked off. “Oh dear”, thought Tom. “And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for you meddling kids”, thought I. Tom and I tried to fully comprehend the ramifications of Jane being the daughter of Professor *****. The news hit us both hard, like a hardhitting hitter that hits a hittable hit-thing. “But…”said I. “Yes”, replied she. “How?…” asked he. “well”, said she. “And…” continued I. “Sideways”, elaborated she. “But…” fumbled he. “Well I’m sure we could continue talking like this all afternoon, but I need to get onto more important matters. Like….ah…. well actually I don’t have any important matters to get on with, I’m just sick of the company so I’m leaving. Bye”, briefly monologued she, and was off. Tom leaned over the table and asked me in the tone of a conspirator, “Why is she carrying those watermelons? And is she really his daughter?.... I’m scared”. “Don’t worry”, assured I, “watermelons can’t hurt you. Unless they’re dropped from a great height and you happen to be sitting directly under one”. He glanced up, looking even more frightened. “And in such a case, they’d only be dropped by crazy people” I managed to blurt out, before I realized that the melon carrier was probably crazy and that I had no future as a grief counselor. Tom’s face was set to a very pale shade of def-com-one fear. “I’m going somewhere inside”, squeaked he, and ran off. By Skippy
There comes a time in our lives when we must front up to our fears. Be they small ones, like the grotesque, undead creature that lives in your basement with glowing red eyes and teeth like knives; with arms that extend and latch onto you from afar, enabling its disjointed jaw to devour you piece by piece; and whose breathing – you know when it’s near – is frantic and bloodthirsty. Or big ones, like the phrases ‘should of’, ‘would of’ and ‘could of’. You know, proper fears. These foul mutations tend to appear on a daily basis - even in places I’d have thought to be the most safe. I sneak onto Facebook, and they find me; I read a text, and a moment later have to buy a new phone because, naturally, I threw it at the wall in fright. They’re everywhere, I tell you; and they’re out to get me. Or at least they were, before I became tired of constantly being broke. “Enough new phones,” I said one day, “If I can’t run, I’ll fight.” And fight I did, procuring all the courage I could to create a message of hope, a possible weapon, or, more specifically, the column you’re reading right now. The arbitrary power of language has enabled us to contract the oh-so-cumbersome ‘should have’ into the much smoother and colloquially-savvy ‘should’ve’. But people are cruel; they’ve battered and pulled at language, morphing and contorting its appearance until it became unrecognizable. Now, it’s back for revenge. Well be gone, spawn of darkness! You have no power here. Yes, I know that you have a bone to pick with people whose eyes and ears can’t tell the difference between ‘div’ and ‘dov’. And I know that ‘have’ means something entirely different to ‘of’, so that when people write ‘should of’, which is synonymous with ‘ought to of’, they sound like they’ve just seen a ghost and have a bad case of the jitters. (Funnily enough, I have seen a ghost, and yet, I don’t stutter!) Well, I have a bone to pick with you too. You, who plagues every blabbering of speech and dribble of text with your fetid presence; who, despite being the very essence of the illiterate, almost always appears next to those whose sole language is English; and who, no matter how great is the content in which you thrive, never ceases to make your host sound terribly uneducated. You disgust me. And still, I stand here on behalf of all those who share in my hatred; the others never made it. Their fear overcame them. It is no matter; I’ll fight you myself. Say your last words, you repulsive filth. On second thought, don’t…. Don’t say anything. By Pseudonym
y Landlord is ripping me off
Jian has left his flat and the landlord has not returned his bond. Jian has rung him and left messages but he has not replied. What can he do? Jian has not sighted a Bond Lodgment Advice form. A landlord must get the form filled in and signed by him/herself and the tenant. The landlord legally must lodge the form and the bond with the Department of Building and Housing within 23 working days. The tenant will get notification that the bond has been lodged. Jian can take a complaint to Tenancy Services, 533
Anglesea St.(make an appointment 0800 836 262) and he must have the landlordâ€™s name and address. The Citizens Advice Bureau Hamilton provides advice and information from four locations. They are at 55 Victoria St (Mon-Fri 8.45am-5pm), 70 Kent St Frankton (Mon-Fri 9am-4.30pm), Garden Place (Mon-Fri 11am-2pm) and the Cowshed at the University (Thurs 11-1pm). They also have legal and consumer services available where you can get more specialized help. Book an appointment at WSU. Phone the CAB on 0800 367 222 (0800 FOR CAB) or look at the CAB website www.cab.org.nz
use your W Card and go in the draw to win an
Drawn start of B Semester. The more times you use your card the more entries you receive. Ask at the counter for more details.
It’s election time again! The WSU will be holding an election for the 2013 Board of Directors on Monday 20 th, Tuesday 21st and Wednesday 22nd August. Positions include the President, the VicePresident, the Vice-President Maori, and 8 Directors. You must be a member of the WSU to stand for election, or to nominate a candidate. Information packs and nomination forms are available from the WSU office. Important dates: Nominations open – Monday 23rd July Nominations close – Friday 3rd August Campaigning period – Monday 6th August to Friday 17th August Election – Monday 20th, Tuesday 21st and Wednesday 22nd August Counting – Thursday 23rd August Preliminary results – Friday 24th August Special votes counted – by Friday 7th September Official results published in Nexus – Monday 10th September If you are thinking of standing for election it is worth asking yourself: Am I committed to the broad vision and mission of the WSU? Can I contribute the time necessary to be an effective Board member? The Directors assume office on 1st January and need to be available from that date. If you are elected you will need to plan time for: A regular Board meeting (especially during term time, normally up to 2 hrs) Preparation and reading time Campaigns and activities to highlight various issues Research, consultation and focus groups Committees Office time In addition you will also be expected to attend induction training at the WSU office in November and December. Service as a Director of the Board is voluntary, but it does have its rewards: Fun and good times at our various events and activities Satisfaction of helping other people Experience of committee meetings, research and focus groups Meeting some great new people Looks good on your CV A small financial honorarium Further information is available from the WSU office.
Come and get your free sample outside Level0 and TCOL on Monday! University of Waikato 100mm x 130mm
Opinion Commit atrocious sins during your mortal life, while disregarding basic human necessities such as bathing and clothes. In all likelihood, you won’t last the winter anyway, and you’ll spend a very long time in a place where you don’t have to worry about the cold.
Stand next to someone while they exercise.
Befriend a Tibetan monk, and incite him to protest. History shows that when monks protest, they tend to set themselves alight. While a live of abstinence and simple living will leave your monk friend bereft of fat, chances are good that they will still remain on fire for some time.
Increase the pressure of the room you are in. In accordance with the Ideal Gas Law, the product of the pressure and volume is equal to the product of the amount of gas, the temperature, and the gas constant R. If the amount of gas remains constant, as does the volume of the room (it will), then any appreciable increase in pressure will result in an increase in the room’s temperature.
While quick farts are certainly very impressive in social situations, your primary concern is maintaining a sense of warmth. Slower farts, as you may have noticed, are generally hotter, and reminiscent of Mexican food. This is due to the gas being expelled at a rate that permits you to experience the heat of the fart.
If stranded on a planet in the Hoth system, try slicing open a taun-taun, and using the fresh carcass as a cocoon. Not only will their thick fur act as insulation from the high winds across the planet surface, but residual heat from their impressive metabolism is sure to keep you warm.
While it may appear as though a pattern is emerging, the effects of sex with multiple partners is not linearly cumulative. Any more than three additional partners, and the amount of energy required to ensure everyone enjoys themselves is no longer offset by the heat gained sleeping under a pile of people.
As above, sex is a fantastic way of keeping warm in cold weather. Plus, with more than one person in the bed, you’re not stuck with cuddling the minger.
While nudity for the purposes of exchanging body heat with a person is often recommended as a fixative for sufferers of hypothermia, sex is usually discouraged, as strenuous physical activity can, in fact, rob you of precious body heat. As long as nobody is suffering from hypothermia, however, this guideline can be largely ignored.
As has been the case since the dawn of time, rubbing sticks together creates fire. It stands to reason that rubbing one stick should create, if not fire, warmth.