Nexus Issue 11

WAIKATO’S FREE STUDENT MAGAZINE

Issue Eleven May 28th 2012

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hroughout the course of the week students encounter and debate the same issues: Who’s going to cook dinner? What should I drink tonight? How are we getting to town? Who’s buying the next bag of Illusion? But despite the answers to these questions having a significant bearing on the enjoyment of your night, student issues get much more long-term than if you should or shouldn’t have Domino’s Cheaper Tuesday tomorrow.

Last week on Kingitanga Day, Nexus was fortunate enough to interview New Zealand Labour Party leader David Shearer and hear his views on the new student loan legislation, as well as gain some insight into the life of the largely-unknown political personality. Although relative firsttimers, we Nexus editors gained some valuable experience interviewing our country’s main left-wing political voice, and it was interesting to hear his views on the issues facing the students in today’s era. Is it fair that students are entitled to a maximum of four years student allowance while they study? He doesn’t think so. A contentious issue for everyone involved and it is also one of the many changes Mr. Shearer opposes as he bids to get students on his side for the next general election in 2014.

Make sure you read the Feature on David Shearer in the middle of the magazine to find out more.

For those who have been too busy studying to keep up with the state of the nation, changes to the student loan scheme in 2013 involve the following: the repayment rate for loans will be increased from 10 per cent to 12 per cent for any annual earnings over $19,084; the parental income threshold for

student allowance eligibility will be frozen for four years; and four years will become the maximum amount of time one can receive the allowance.

These changes will impact upon the student body across the board, and many have alluded to the fact that the new rules will discourage people getting into tertiary education altogether. Should New Zealand be discouraging its people from furthering themselves at university?

Or are students in tertiary education already too reliant on the government for financial support, and has it come time to stop discriminating against students because their parents earn over the income threshold? No easy solution. Maybe students are already getting a fair deal with interest-free student loans. Possibly because Aotearoa is always compared to the bigger economic - powerhouse of Australia that we feel we are getting a raw deal. Nexus wants to hear how you guys will be affected by these changes. Send your responses to sean@nexusmag.co.nz.

One point I think all students can agree upon is that Studylink for students is like what the Blues are for Auckland - an embarrassment.

Don’t have a phone number if you are just going to play us Nature’s Best

Album and not answer! And when we log on we are trying to see the details of our student loan, not gain access to our Swiss bank account.

Isn’t the purpose of a passphrase to be a backup in case you forget your password, not to act as a complicated second password no one can recall.

Maybe Studylink should incorporate itself into Facebook so we don’t waste so much time on the Studylink website. Ironic sure, but in some crazy way it would probably work.

This brings us to another lessobvious student issue - Facebook. If you are really serious about reducing your procrastination levels during the business end of A semester, it is recommended that you deactivate your Facebook account. Facebook is kind of like a recreational drug, if you don’t have it you don’t miss it, but if it’s available you spend way too much time on it. Additionally, if you haven’t joined the IPhone/Android clique yet, stay that way. Otherwise your phone will become like your laptop another means of checking Facebook and 1-day.

Go hard or go home students!

Kind Regards, Sean

Editorial

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Editors Alix Higby and Sean Goulding Design Katrina McIntosh (design@nexusmag.co.nz) Design Interns Anna Bennett, Eva Hou, Shaun Jay Advertising Tony Arkell (ads@nexusmag.co.nz) News Mackenzie McCarty, Kathleen Payne, Jenna Lynch, Shannon Rolfe, Libby Kissick Managing Editor James Raffan (james@nexusmag.co.nz) News Wintec Photographers Kathleen Payne, Jenna Lynch, Arie Stokes Special thanks to www.waikatoindependent.co.nz Contributors President Sapphire Gillard, Amber the Advocate, Mr. Minty Fish, Something Hip, Hoory Yeldizian, Dr Richard Swainson, Mel Matthews, Courtney Quinn, Alice and Anne, Kevin Pryor, Kylie from YWRC, C-Ball, Katie Woods, Constable Nick Sickelmore, Craig Barrett, HP, Nick Marryatt, Daniel Farrell, Priscilla Ngatai, Skippy, Pseudonym and the glorious indestructable 8 ball.

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA).

THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS MAGAZINE, THE WSU, APN, THE EDITOR, OR ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS.

Nexus Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University of Waikato, Knighton Road, Hamilton.

Phone: 07 856 9139 Email: editor@nexusmag.co.nz

What’s Inside?

Features 16 18 19

David Who? Shearer on Student Issues The Mock Up

News 6 9

The Nexus News Desk Short News

Opinion 3 Editorial 5 How Saph Sees It 10 Left vs. Right 11 Sports Thoughts 12 Lettuce 15 Diary of a Hipster 24 Auteur House 25 Mr. Minty Fish 29 How To 36 Verbose Verbiage

Lifestyle 20 22 27 28 36 38 39

Lick that Spoon The Convent of Pleasure Hot Fuzz Off the Rack Cereal YWRC, Ask Amber Tangata Tumeke

Entertainment 14 23

8 Ball and Horrorscopes Puzzles

Reviews 32

Books, Game, Cafe, Film and Comic Reviews

Competitions 37

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issues … and of course, if there wasn’t a club yet for something I was interested in, I could start one myself.

This club system is one of WSU’s core services. As an organisation focussed on ensuring a great student experience, we believe that an excellent way for you to get more involved in culture on campus is to join a club.

So if you are interested in meeting new people, having fun, sharing ideas and developing skills, come to the WSU and grab a list of all the clubs that we have on offer.

Being a member of a club also looks great on your CV – heaps of job applications will ask about ‘extra-curricular involvement’ so if nothing else, being a member of a club on campus gives you something else to talk about in job interviews! ne of the things that really inspires me as WSU President is seeing students get involved in university culture.

Although the main reason that we are here is for study, it’s also important not to lose sight of universities being places of culture and vibrancy. As a result, it’s great to see more and more Waikato students getting involved in clubs, societies and associations on campus.

I still remember coming here as a first year and being amazed at all the different things going on during O-week, and all the different clubs that students could join. There were sports clubs for students of all different sporting codes, academic and skills clubs for students wanting to get involved in internships or workshops at uni, causefocussed clubs for students who cared about particular

WSU-affiliated clubs are also eligible for WSU funding, as a way of making sure that there are always events and activities happening on or around campus. Our criteria focus on accessibility to students, enhancement of student life and culture, and financial viability, and in the past we’ve funded or contributed to anything from Noho Marae to the Law Ball. So if you’re a club, make sure you’re affiliated, and keep an eye out for the next WSU Clubs funding round.

Most clubs are always on the hunt for new members and love it when new people turn up out of the blue, so don’t be afraid and think there will be an ‘in crowd’ who won’t want to talk to you – instead, next time you see a notice advertising a club meeting, if you’re interested, go along.

Hamilton home brew club to hold second competition

By Jenna Lynch, Wintec Student Writing for www.waikatoindependent.co.nz Fancy yourself a bit of a beer aficionado? Maybe even a champion home brewer? Then gear up your taste buds and head along to the second Hamilton’s home brewers competition organised by new club, Hamilton Brewers Association (HBA).

On Sunday June 10 at noon, brewers and beer enthusiasts will gather at a local hostelry to raise their jugs in an Indian Pale Ale competition, judged by some of the best craft beer makers in the country.

Photo: Jenna Lynch The competition has been organised by the recently formed HBA who meet fortnightly to sample one another’s beer, learn from their peers and, of course, enjoy a brew or two. HBA founder Brent Edwards is the main organiser of the event and says the competition is a great opportunity for members to get some expert advice. “It’s great for the guys to mix with the judges and get some feedback about their brewing.” House on Hood general manager Nathan Sweetman says it is great to get behind the craft beer community. “We are just a venue for them to showcase what these guys do in their little shed.”

Edwards says they started the club after noticing a huge demand on the Internet. “We started a home brew club in November last year and it was really out of people on a website called realbeer.co.nz, just posting questions on there like ‘Is there a home brew club in Hamilton?’ and ‘How can I learn more about home brewing?’. “We realised there were lots of home brewers in Hamilton, so we started this home brew club.” He says the last competition they held in April was “immensely successful”. Judges for the competition include brewing veterans Kelly Ryan, general manager of Epic Brewing Co., Graeme Mahy from 666 Brewing, Dave Kirth from West Coast Brewing Company and Greig McGill and Phil Murray from Brewaucracy. To enter brewers must supply a minimum of two 500ml bottles of beer and the entry fee is $10, with the winner taking all.

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For more information email hamilton-brewersassociation@googlegroups.co.nz.

Stripper takes on ‘prudish’ New Zealanders

By Shannon Rolfe, Wintec Student Writing for www.waikatoindependent.co.nz Sick of stereotypes and judgments, stripper Shard McNeill has taken on “prudish” New Zealand in a video blog explaining the stripping industry.

Watched by more than 3000 viewers on youtube, the video has been splashed across the web on facebook. The video blog, which comes out every week, shows McNeill discussing what she calls the real stripping culture.

The first instalment was about her first day on the job, her first lap dance, Photo: Arie Stokes and more. “I wanted to make the blog to show people that I take pride in what I do. It’s an interesting topic, people are so intrigued by it,” the bubbly brunette says. Starting as a bar supervisor in Tauranga, McNeill loved her job at first, getting paid $400 a week but felt there was more out there for her.

Now working in Auckland she makes about $750-$1000 a night. “In the good season”, she laughs. McNeill goes on stage for 10 minutes at a time, dancing to two songs, at least five to ten times a night. She believes she has met lifelong friends in this industry.

“I have never met more interesting and kind-hearted people. Money makers, amazing dancers, mothers, wives, travellers, party animals.” Bought up to value education and academics, McNeill found it hard to tell her mum she was a stripper. “Beauty and money were never high on our family’s priority list. Telling her was the hardest thing my job has ever brought me to do.”

McNeill believes as time went past, her mother could see she was happy in her work. “People search their entire lives for that kind of fulfilment. I’m blessed.”

“Just remember, we were born naked.” says McNeill.

Bar manager, Ella Cartwright, 21, thinks most of the stripping industry is cast in a negative light, so Shard’s video blog is a very good way to explain such a taboo subject. “A lot of people will never know a stripper or worker in the sex industry and are genuinely curious.

“If you want to do it, for the right reasons, and are comfortable, legal, happy and treated with respect, it’s fine,” says Ella.

Hamilton Quidditch league on quest for members

By Libby Kissick, Wintec Student Writing for www.waikatoindependent.co.nz

President of the Waikato Magic circuit Alista Fow explained it best as a combination of rugby, basketball and dodgeball.

Hamilton’s Quidditch league is on a membership drive after a wobbly start to the season. Following the advertising of practice times around both Waikato University and Wintec campuses, three students, two brooms and a tidy pile of leaves fronted up at Steele Park recently.

“Unlike other sports, there is no gender specific [with Quidditch]. We have to have two of each gender under the International Quidditch Association rules.”

Since last year Mr Fow, the well-known inventor of Ork Ball (another sport involving gridiron, a skull for a ball and PVC pipe sword weaponry), has dedicated his time to Quidditch.

“We had around 13-14 people last year, maybe it has something to do with the amount of work we’ve been doused in,” Mr Wood That is when he is not said. Whether the finality tutoring physics at Wintec of the Warner Brothers and the occasional maths Harry Potter movie series is class at Waikato University. to blame, or something as Hamilton’s leading Quidditch team, the Waikato Wyverns warming simple as study pressures “It is not the silly broomsticks up before training. Photo: Supplied – turnout for the second that put people off. More the training session of this season intensity of the game, we go was below the minimum. While twirling the remains of hard for 15 minutes and then have to rest because they his 48-inch regulation broom, notably missing its clean [players] are basically sprinting for the whole time. You sweep head and handle, Mr Wood said Quidditch might need at least five subs so players can go off every twosound like a silly sport, but was far from that. three minutes. “At the 2010 World champs there were 12 hospitalisations. It’s fun, I mean the worst that is going “It is very serious. This is the second broomstick I have to happen is you break a bone. It’s hard to foul each other snapped, this one I snapped in two places. I don’t know really,” Mr Fow said. my own strength. At nationals I know two players lost eye sockets,” he said. The sport, akin from the fictional “It’s a bit of fun. At best we have had enough to have a world of children’s author JK Rowling’s Harry Potter proper game with two teams but our goal at the end of the series, has been modified for muggles (non-magical folk) year is to field a team in Auckland. to take part. Waikato University science major Catherine Milson,19, admitted not being mad about Potter but a “Watch this space. Lots of people say they want to play notice for Quidditch trials last year sparked her interest. but may get put off with the intense physical activity. It “I’m not a fan but my friend is, so I thought it could be is a lot of fun though, if anyone wants to join us, we need fun. You have to be really fit though. Half of us last year members,” Mr Fow said. were soccer players and even they get knackered. I go to the gym four times a week and bike 10kms from Rototuna The current Quidditch season runs right up to the end of to Uni for classes. Those who play it know it’s a tough second semester. game,” Miss Milson said. “It takes about five minutes to get used to running with a broom between your legs”, If you want think this is a bit of you and/or want to learn she said. Mr Wood liked to point out the team were not more contact Alista Fow at ajf8@waikato.ac.nz Potter-crazy and did have other interests. (His: eating food stuff, going to music concerts; Miss Milson’s: piano, cello, percussion and music composition).

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Rose blooms after long wait

By Kathleen Payne, Wintec Student Writing for www.waikatoindependent.co.nz

New building set to revive Hamilton CBD

By Kathleen Payne, Wintec Student Writing for www.waikatoindependent.co.nz

A vulnerable native plant has flowered at the University of Waikato, after a five year wait. The flower of hades (Dactylanthus taylorii), also known as the wood rose, was planted in 2007 by PhD student Liz Overdyck and the Department of Conservation’s Dr Avibhakta Holzapfel. They had a long wait ahead of them because the plant takes at least four years to flower.

Construction of a five-storey building on a long-vacant site will be a confidence booster for central Hamilton businesses. The Citygate office and retail building on the corner of Anglesea and Ward Sts is due for completion in June next year, transforming a site that has been unoccupied for almost 17 years.

Ms Overdyck is ecstatic about the success of the project.

Photos: Kathleen Payne

Photo: Kathleen Payne

“I thought I’d peek in and have a look and there it was!

That’s the huge hurdle.” It wasn’t clear if the plant was growing, because it grows underground as a parasite.

There’s nothing more confidence building than seeing these buildings go up, she said.

“It’s a parasite in that it lives off the host tree. It doesn’t have any green parts,” said Ms Overdyck. The unique plant, which grows only in New Zealand, requires little food and doesn’t damage the host tree.

There is a lot of information for the Hamilton Botanical Society and DoC to discover about the Dactylanthus, including how the separate male and female plants are pollinated. It is believed the sweet and unusual nectar attracts native New Zealand bats which are also a rare species.

“We can learn so much more about this plant, such as what chemical properties in the nectar attract pollinators and which animals disperse seed,” said Mr Holzapfel.

The flowers emerged in a circle, so could have been from one seed. Ms Overdyck said hundreds were planted and it is possible that more of the seeds might still flower.

During the five-year wait for the wood rose to flower, Ms Overdyck planted other rare plants in the university’s threatened plant garden.

“I’d like people to be aware that there are these plants out there,” she said. “New Zealand is very lucky to have some unusual plants.”

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The empty lot on the corner of Anglesea and Ward St has been a bit of an eyesore for Hamilton Central Business Association general manager Sandy Turner.

News

“It’s great for people outside the region who may be looking to open up a business or relocate their business.”

PricewaterhouseCoopers will be the new building’s anchor tenant as the lease runs out on its current office building.

Mrs Turner said the staff employed by Pricewaterhousecoopers would help the city by bringing their shopping and dining into the central district.

The triangular shape of the new building wouldn’t take away from the historic look of the Wintec House building, she said.

Councillor Wilson voted off committee

By Mackenzie McCarty, Wintec Student Writing for www.waikatoindependent.co.nz Councillor Ewan Wilson was voted out of Hamilton City Council’s Statutory Management Committee today due to concerns regarding his handling of an alcohol licensing application.

Wilson, who was accused of sending a personal email to a licensing applicant in which he outlined his disagreement with fellow SMC members and thus interfering with the appeals process, has been accused of breaching code of conduct regulations.

While deliberations were heated, Councillor John Gower, who put forward the motion to remove Wilson, wished to stress that the issue was not a popularity contest.

“This is not about personalities. This is about council selecting a new Statutory Management Committee which is based on integrity.”

Councillor Dave Macpherson disagreed with the motion, however, saying that there had been a certain amount of “pussy footing” around the issue of getting Wilson off the committee.

“Councillor Wilson is one of the most contentious and annoying councillors here, but there are other ways of disciplining someone. We have enough problems already without adding the angst of sacking someone from a committee.”

Councilors voted eight to four in favour of the motion and Wilson, who has spent eight years on the SMC, was sacked from the committee.

Worst ever ‘Bloody Mary’ A 24 year old Singaporean maid will appear in court on charges that she laced her bosses coffee with her own menstrual blood. At first read this may seem like April Fools Day, the extreme rules edition, but the reality could be something far worse. According to author Catherine Yronwode the blood is often used in drinks to attract a sexual partner and thought it was a weird choice for the maid who had told police she wanted to get a pay rise.

This raises two questions:

1. WTF?

2. Catherine Yronwode can’t make the connection

between getting your boss to fuck you and getting a

payrise. Somebody has never worked at Farmers.

Copped a load A Police officer in Pittsburgh has been arrested for allegedly breaking into someone’s house and doing his laundry. “The door was open and I had washing to do” said the cop. Had the policeman simply left the scene it would have been a victimless crime but the antagonised family were really upset when they came home to find that he had eaten all their porridge and was sleeping in their bed. Kind of makes you wonder what a cop gets on his clothes that he can’t wait till he is home to remove though, right?

Am I hot or not? ...No A woman in Manhattan is suing the Lingerie sales company she worked for saying they fired her for being too hot. A couple of things to note here. If your client is going to use the “too hot” defence don’t post her picture on your website. Lawsuit over! The second thing is: Who gets fired from a lingerie shop for being too hot? Isn’t that the whole strategy? That would be like getting kicked out of the ACT party for ranting like a lunatic having an addiction to prescription pills or hookers and hating minorities. There are just certain things you expect when you visit a place.

Random Quote of the Week I’ve never really wanted to go to Japan, simply because I don’t like eating fish and I know that’s very popular out there in Africa.

- Britney Spears

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LEFT vs RIGHT

This week we talk superannuation. Let us know who you think won at lettuce@nexusmag.co.nz

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ack in the 1890’s New Zealand was considered one of the most progressive countries in the world, we had just been the first nation to give women the vote, we were one of the few countries to have an eight hour work day and we had a pension scheme to ensure that our elderly did not have to live off charity. Since then, the pension scheme has been expanded and contracted under various governments and recently we have found the scheme under attack again.

The problem is the baby boomers, our parents, are on the verge of retiring, there are lots of them and they are expecting to be paid a pension once they turn 65. Some, including the Labour Party and Act, have been arguing that we can’t afford to pay them the pension, that people shouldn’t be able to get it until they are at least 67.

Bringing people two years nearer to death will save the government some money but means that the elderly, particularly those who have spent their lives in hard labour will be less likely to have the good health to take advantage of their retirement. However I don’t think raising the age is necessary, at the moment Germany and other Northern European countries spend more per person on their pension schemes than we will at the worst point in our baby boomer ageing crisis.

The Germans can spend so much on pensions simply because they choose to. They recognise that there is no free lunch and that if they want to stop working at some point and spend the rest of their lives doing whatever they want to do, then they will have to pay for it while they work. It is not a matter of capacity it is only a question of priorities, do we want to work until we are too old to do anything else, or do we want to take some out at the end of our lives to enjoy being alive? If we want the latter then we are going to have to pay for it. Raising the age to 67 just shows that we value the money in our pockets more than we value the elderly enjoying their lives. It isn’t a plan for a sustainable future, it isn’t a plan for an economic recovery. It isn’t going to make us much in the way of jobs or money and it will cost our environment dearly.

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Opinion

am going to assume that given most of the readers of Nexus are at university, none of you are stupid. As such, I’m going to be fairly blunt here. The number of people on superannuation over the next decade is going to boom. And yet, that’s all good.

The current superannuation scheme is sustainable. This is one of the few times you’ll see me thanking Labour for something, but we do have Labour to thank for our Superannuation scheme being sustainable. Why? Kiwisaver - that’s why.

No longer do New Zealanders require the state to fund their entire life once they retire. People have been forced to save their money for when they need it most. It was an excellent forethought on the part of Helen Clark’s government. It pains me to say that, but it’s true.

Raising the age of eligibility for superannuation is simply unfair. People have been contributing to society for years and have been expecting to be able to retire when they reach 65. Do we not owe that to them? To be honest, I’m surprised that the left is supporting raising the age of eligibility for superannuation. If we look at superannuation like a benefit, it’s hurting their best friends the beneficiaries.

But hey, that’s what we’ve come to expect from the left - hypocrisy.

Sports Thoughts YOU CAN’T TEACH AN OLD NETBALL NEW TRICKS

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f Netball wasn’t already the lamest sport on the face of the Earth, it certainly is now, with recent developments sparked by the Northern Mystics (some gang of sorcerers I’m led to believe) being heralded as a ‘great moment in Netball’s evolution’. An evolution to what I’m not quite sure, considering the sport is still lurking at the bottom of the athletic food chain, but it would seem we are witnessing quite a defining moment.

Netballers have finally started using their brains – yay!

Here’s what you do. You open your eyes, wait, and watch to see if two defenders get into a position of one standing behind the other. If the one behind puts her hands on the hips of the player in front, pump fake like a bitch and watch the defending player get hoisted into nothing but oxygen, then proceed to drain the shot and peel off a few imaginary dollars for the defender’s effort. It’s not rocket science.

While I assume this will lead to many finally realising the game blows, resulting in a sheer drop off in participatory numbers, in the immediate present it has culminated into a trick (not much of one) some have likened to Rugby’s line out lifting being used in games.

Yes. It seems that all along Netball rules have allowed for one player to lift another, meaning that while defending the hoop, a defending player can lift another to greatly disadvantage whoever is attempting to shoot the ball. The Mystics brought this badass trick of sheer epicness out against the Melbourne Vixens, and stunned the tits off everyone in the Netball world, causing mass catty bitching, hair pulling, and even some morons likening it to the infamous underarm delivery in cricket. I’m sorry, but this is nothing like the underarm delivery. Cricket is a sport, firstly, and the technique was used at a moment when the match was poised on a knife’s edge, in turn making it IMPOSSIBLE for New Zealand to win the game. Lifting someone in Netball is not only uncreative, but it is pretty fucking simple to combat.

Getting into a position where you will be lifted into the air not only takes a small amount of time, but it makes it extremely obvious for the attackers, and also means the defenders are pretty much putting all their eggs into one basket. Anyone hating on this strategy needs to ‘evolve’ too and just start watching or playing something worthy of your time. Once again New Zealanders have jumped on a shitty, unimportant moral crusade, except this time it’s related to Netball, meaning we have possibly fallen to a new low after Happy Feet the stupid penguin and whether or not the balloon flier who was involved in those tragic deaths was high or not. Just because he had cannabis in his system isn’t an opening for morons to start raging about marijuana. It stays in your system for ages meaning he

could’ve got baked a month ago, yet the papers coincidentally failed to highlight that little point. On the other hand, the Australians react how real people should – without giving a flaming fuck.

If anything, the Australians welcomed it, with Netball Australia Chief Executive Kate Palmer going on to say she had seen it before, but never so beautifully done. Alright mate, pipe down. I enjoy knowing these people couldn’t figure out how to execute one person lifting another effectively.

I’m also losing my mind here trying to figure out how it took people this long to actually achieve this feat, considering the sport has been around since the 1890s. But to go as far as labelling the technique unsportsmanlike – you can lick it. It’ll become the new move for about a month, before players start working around it too easily, then it’ll vanish and people will forget it was even a possibility. The best thing you can do is refuse to jump on board the debate. Actually, the best thing you can do is stop watching Netball altogether.

I understand my anti Netball attitude might not be appreciated by some, but once your favourite sport sits at 9th on Stuff’s sporting categories, you know it’s no longer worth anyone’s time. Just to prove my point – it’s below Motorsport.

Now I’m aware you can drag and drop these boxes (unless you own a Mac and are still trying to figure out how to not spend double the cash on something half as useful while looking like the ultimate douche), which is why I dragged Netball into my trash can. Burn.

By C-Ball

Opinion

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Dear Nexus Coming from a South American background (Chile) and studying in New Zealand where ethnic diversity is observed at a great extent, I feel privileged to experiencing all kinds of cultures daily. Every aspect of an ethnic group, be the way they dress, speak, tattoo their bodies, etc. gives a free history lesson to the western society, all we need to do is research and we will find that there is a meaning to each one of these cultural characteristics. Ever since I came to New Zealand in 2009 I have been having trouble entering the bars in central Hamilton due to Clothe restrictions. I understand that certain private bars want to “protect” their image by having strict formal dress codes. However, what I don’t understand is when a supposedly University bar like Bar 101, has dress codes. Isn’t University supposed to be Universal? That is multi cultural right? Well apparently wrong. In Chile, and most of South America, dressing like what New Zealanders call ‘formal’ (Tight colourful shirts, with really tight jeans and pointy shoes) is seen as a homosexual dress code, if you would like to

know why, please do some research.

I am very sorry if I have offended anyone, it is not my intention at all.

I have learnt to accept this fact over the years until last weekend. At Bar 101 a Maori dude, formally dressed in New Zealand standards, wasn’t allowed in so, I took a closer look to find the reason for this. There was a Maori looking bouncer rejecting this student for having a Ta Moko on his upper arm (half of it covered by his t-shirt). I couldn’t understand the reason for this and personally got very angry. I never thought that I would experience this in New Zealand, where a very rich culture like Maori is been totally degraded even at the present time, it was even worst, by a person of the same culture (apparently). After telling the guard, that a Ta Moko represents the wearer’s genealogy, ancestors, Whanau and how he is being directly responsible for the degradation of the New Zealand culture into another European branch, I left the bar. I know some Maori’s get upset when non-Maoris try to help them out and I apologize, but I feel like this problem is getting out of hand and something has to be done about it. It is a shame,

because I feel that the Maori culture is used more as an advertisement tool for international visitors rather than incorporated into the New Zealand life style. Sometimes I also wonder if people getting a Ta Moko really understand what it represents or if they are just following the ‘no reason, but cool’ western world thinking. The main message I want to get across is that once New Zealand looses its culture (its actual traditions and actions with a defined meaning) it will just become part of another European/American copy cat. This is closer to happening than you think, the number of people listening to gangster music, acting gangster while living in a very developed country where there is no poverty and portraying the word like its something cool, clearly shows how young people this days do not think or understand culture before they express it and it is an embarrassment to the cultural education of New Zealand. I apologize again if anyone has been offended by this; my intentions are only to inform my concerns for YOUR culture’s degradation.

Raimundo Labbe

The Campus Toilets Review One of my goals in this semester, besides completing my essays, is to use and review all the toilets on campus. So far, I’m shocked at the state of some of the toilets. The main concern is ventilation, or the lack of it followed by cleanliness of the amenities. The toilets need proper ventilation. It freaking reeks. Also, can we please get better quality toilet paper? I can’t pull enough toilet paper to wipe because the damn thing keeps breaking. It is too god damn thin. If your hand is wet, you are screwed. Hand dryers- I was surprised to see that the new dyson airblade was in operation at the law block toilets. Why is this not standard in everywhere? These things are godly. 10 seconds for complete dry hands. Also another thing to mention, the law block also has a massive heater in their toilets. I feel we are left out. The bureaucratic law staffs know how to pull the strings in their favour and as a result they get the best. I pay my student loans and expect better quality toilet paper.

I recently found the holy grail in toilets. I use the staff toilets which are way cleaner and use proper toilet paper and brand name antiseptic soap.

DEMAND BETTER TOILET AMMENITIES!!! DEMAND JUSTICE!!!!

Yours truly number 2

To the constant complainers, whiners and just plain lazy people who complain about Nexus every damn week.

Get off your lazy ass. If you don’t like something – do something about it (with the emphasis on the verb there). If you don’t like what we write in Nexus, then come on down to the Student Union Building and write something yourself. Trust me – you are never going to win that $20 UniMart voucher slagging off about the magazine who is giving away the prize. You try balancing university work, a job, friends and family as well as a deadline every week. You try to write something fresh and different which is also interesting, though-provoking, relevant and witty – and you will be joining the keyboard-bashing-head-slamming club I’m in every week. “But Nexus was so amazing in first year” I hear you whine! Well that was highly likely due to the fact you were too hungover, buzzing off a V, or simply more interested in who was in the drunk and disorderly pages at the back to pay attention to your 9am lecture.

Be the change you wish to see in the world. Not the whiney-ass douche that everyone thinks should stfu already.

Yours sincerely, Angry Nexus Writer

Dear Sir(s), I think I am right to take umbrage at what I consider your readers’ very offensive takes on me and my views, views which I hasten to point out are not of my own making but based in an eternal document of truth. I don’t suppose anyone will deny the well-established truth that the Bible has more likelihood of being accurate than any other historical document.

Ask an historian, and by that I mean a real one, not the bleedingheart PC brigade that dominate loony-left institutions like this one.

Fuhrermore, the Bible is very clear on just about everything important (as you would expect from God’s instructional word). So of course I can claim to speak on behalf of actual Christians. Many people who don’t believe in hell still find it unpleasant when they get there. The only thing that can be done for the unsaved is convert them. And converting them is clearly unaligned with handing over our fiscally valuable possessions; we should be pulling the strings not them. We know shares would go to foreigners, and there is no reason to suppose they are likely to be more Christian than Kiwis, especially if the current New Age, Old-EarthTheorising government finally allows our building of Destiny City. Give God what’s Right, not what’s Left. Keep our assets, feed our children, and keep hypocrites and Moneylenders out of the Temple - by which I mean the Church, the New Israel.

Edmund John Ram.

Congratulations you are this week’s winner! Come to the Waikato Students’ Union building to claim your prize!

Nexus wants your Lettuce! Write about anything you like. Your name won’t be attributed to your letter if you choose, and pseudonyms are fine (we still need your real name). Send them through to lettuce@nexusmag.co.nz before 5pm on Wednesday for a chance to be included in the next issue. Also, we won’t edit anything you send us, because it’s funnier that way. WE DIDN’T WRITE THIS, AND IT’S THEREFORE NOT OUR FAULT. LOVE, NEXUS.

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I am the glorious and magnificent Eight Ball. Destroyer of worlds, baker of kittens and owner of the complete series of Harry Potter novels….sssh don’t tell me how they end.

A woman once came up to me and said “how can you have no empathy for the plight of the poor, cold and hungry student? I made her into a delicious soup. You students have it easy and all you do is whine and complain about loans and debts. Try living in a toy box with no arms or legs.

Now quickly ask the questions before I get depressed.

Eight Ball, are the people taking the exams going to be hotties this year? It is certain.

Your question brings up an interesting conundrum about what makes a woman hot. The ladies taking the exams will probably be in their 70s again but let’s be clear: A woman in her post cougar phase has over 50 years experience doing things you can’t imagine to keep “up” the troops. These days they have turned into shy quiet and respectable ladies but the thing that still makes them hot is the gratitude, desire to please and willingness to take their false teeth out to enhance the experience.

In my four years at Uni will I end up having sex with someone my friends already have? Yes. Hamilton is a small town with a dwindling population of banging girls and guys who are DTF. Obviously if you’re going to man or lady whore yourself around, you will eventually tap most of what your friends have. The only exception is when your friend writes a column about being a 22 year old virgin. Then outlook does not look good.

Can I be the next contestant for Nexus Blind Date? Don’t count on it.

You seem like the kind of girl that wouldn’t be afraid to tie a guy up. But I am an all knowing and powerful clairvoyant eight ball, and while tying a guy up is fun, the part where you leave him tied up while torturing his naked body with candle wax for six weeks before harvesting his organs and disposing of the body, like you did the last five guys, is a little too kinky even for the octogenarian fucking population of this campus. But if you have a friend we would consider it.

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Email your questions through to 8ball@nexusmag.co.nz

Aries: You think about studying but if the university wanted you to study now they wouldn’t give you a whole week off to do it.

Taurus: Someone will confess something to you but you weren’t really listening because you were standing at a bbq watching sports.

Gemini: This week is a great week for a house party. It is also a great week to invite Sean Goulding to a house party as he wants to start reviewing them.

Cancer: You will be drawn to get some religion in your life. But if it isn’t Scientology or snake handling you may be doing it wrong.

Leo: Time for an audacious purchase. Use that student allowance while you have it.

Virgo: Rage will overcome you again this week.

Seriously how come there are never any fucking carparks on campus.

Libra: Sometime this week you will want to go where everybody knows your name. Unfortunately you will realise that means spending time with your family because no one else is really talking to you at the moment.

Scorpio: Venus is wreaking havoc with your life again. That crazy Venus when will it ever learn.

Sagittarius: Don’t leave the house this week. You know what you did and so do they.

Capricorn: This week you will start a joke that starts the whole world ….. actually forget that none of you get that reference because the Bee Gees are like a hundred years old. Good one zodiac.

Aquarius: This week is the time to confess to that person in your life that you love them. But don’t do while there are sports or BBQ’s on because then they only half listen and you get really upset and they walk around for days not knowing what they have done and just assume it’s your time of the month and then you get angry and someone dies Pisces: For some reason whenever we try and divine your star sign all we hear is “Rack City Bitch Rack Rack City Bitch….”

O

Ok I can’t think of a topic this week so I’m just going to spin a yarn and see where it takes me.

I guess the first point of call is what I wrote for last week’s nexus which was the venue article for the N.Z music month feature. As usual there are always people that have a waaa and this week was no different. There were people that thought I should have been writing about the Outback and Bar 101. I will be honest, I’m biased! I have never stepped foot in Bar 101 and for a long time have not been to the Outback.

But I get it, I get why they are popular and I get why many of you attend these bars on a regular basis.

It’s the best place to find a single boy if you’re a girl and the best place to find a skanky little first year if you’re a guy, I get that. I also get that like most of the population you like mainstream / top40 music, the songs you know the words to and can sing along on the dance floor even though you may have played it 5 times at your house party before you left for town and probably another couple of times since you have been in either of these bars, I get it. I also get that as students it’s the place you bump into all your friends from class, the people from your dorm, and all the kids you used to go to school with, I get that. What I don’t get is how you can handle that same thing, on the same

night week in week out. I mean yeah it’s probably just a phase right, we all grow out of it eventually.

Well I say to you if you’re so keen to be a part of this mainstream “I love that new whistle song on the radio” popular culture that’s cool, because you belong at these places. Me I like to be different, I like to hang out at places where you can actually hold a conversation with the girls in the room and the guy’s aren’t stupid gym jocks with tight pink shirts on and a weird little sideways haircut with a one sided ratty. I don’t like Justin Bieber’s new song, and I don’t want to hear it played 5 times in half an hour by a DJ and I don’t believe it’s fair that I should have to pay to be put through this torture either.

I’m sorry but it’s just not me, it just doesn’t appeal to me at all, but like I say, I do see how it can appeal to you and I’m not judging you for this.

There’s something else that’s really been bothering me lately, and every day I think it’s getting worse and worse. For years now all kids ever wanted to do was fit in right. You just wanted to be normal like all the other kids, standing out or being different was never the way to be cool and it never did you any favors.

Well here’s my call… I think that it’s getting so “cool” to be different that it’s now normal to be different.

It’s at the point where I believe

it’s mainstream not to be mainstream. So what is mainstream now? I’ll give you can example, next time you are waiting outside a lecture theater or sitting at Momento having a coffee, take a look around and I want you to see what people are wearing on their feet. I would be willing to bet that you can easily spot at least 3 pairs of Chuck Taylors, and 3 pairs of skinny jeans. Go on do it, I reckon there’s a pretty high chance you are even wearing a pair of chucks or have a pair at home. These things have been around since the 80’s, I’ve even been told a story of guy being beaten up for wearing chucks and skinny jeans back in his day, now they are everywhere. Here’s another one, it was once alternative and indie to wear a side strapped bag. Go take a look around again see if you can spot someone with an old school two strap back pack, I bet you can’t even see one. Once again it’s become so mainstream not to be mainstream it’s bizarre.

So where the hell is the hipster going with this, well… If you guys try so hard to be different and alternative with your dress and style etc, why the hell don’t you broaden your horizons and try listening to some music that you’re not told that you should like by the top40.

Something Hip

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come inside memberships from $7.50 per week.

The Convent of Pleasure The University of Waikato Theatre Studies Play Production students present:

Dates and Times Wed 6 June

7:30pm

Opening night

Thurs 7 June

7:30pm

Performance

Fri 8 June

7:30pm

Performance

Sat 9 June

7:30pm

Final Night

The Convent of Pleasure by Margaret Cavendish Directed by Gaye Poole 6 - 9 June at the Playhouse, Gallagher Academy of Performing Arts, University of Waikato, Gate 2B, Knighton Road, Hamilton What do you do if you’re a rich, attractive, young woman who can clearly see that heterosexual love and marriage is nothing more than a trap, guaranteed to make you some man’s slave? If you’re Lady Happy, in Margaret Cavendish’s The Convent of Pleasure, it will involve subverting the dominant order and setting up your own self-sufficient, all female utopia, strictly no men allowed.

Only, will her convent wall really be able to keep them out and what are the ladies getting up to while left to their own devices? A chance to see a seldom performed seventeenthcentury extravaganza revolving around gender issues and the battle of the sexes, with just a little cross-dressing thrown in for good measure.

Door Sales Only Tickets $10.00 (cash only) Bookings 07 838 4922 or email hwright@waikato.ac.nz

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A

t Auteur House we have a small display section, a metallic stand a little at odds with the wood aesthetic of most of our shelving. We use this area to high light different titles, displaying DVDs for a week or more according to particular themes.

There are 20 spaces on the shelf itself and another five to seven cases can sit on top. This week at Auteur House a new tradition has begun. The occasion of my young lady’s birthday has seen the shelf entirely given over to her favourite films. It’s a great way to personalise the space whilst at the same time promoting stock that might otherwise be overlooked.

A person’s choice of movies says a lot about their character. If they find the task of naming favourites next to impossible it obviously suggests indifference to the medium itself. If they fall back on a half-remembered list of blockbusters seen inside the last six months it’s clear that movies are for them more social outlet and mindless distraction than valid art form. How many teenage punters would declare The Hunger Games or The Avengers the “best film ever”?

Cultural amnesia blights the age even as DVDs, YouTube and pay TV make the masterpieces of yesteryear more available to a wider audience than they have ever been before.

My own list of favourite films is nothing to get too excited about. My taste has been subsumed by orthodox thought on the matter. If your viewing habits are shaped by all the official - or at least respected - Top 10 Lists you invariably end up thinking

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along the same lines. I literally do rank Citizen Kane at number one and Vertigo at number two.

What makes Janine’s selection interesting is that it doesn’t reflect any of the serious debate amongst film historians or arbiters of taste.

Bias and favouritism is unabashed and unashamed. There are favourite actors and favourite actresses.

There is a preference for the light over the dark and the vintage over the contemporary. Comedy and romance predominate though there is room too for adventure movies, a smattering of sensuality and a touch of film noir. It is a list of a film buff who knows an awful lot about what she likes and is rightly scornful of the ignorant, the cynical and the unconstructively critical, those serious types too up themselves to see perfection in something like Charade.

Stanley Donen’s 1963 Hitchcockesque romantic thriller assumes the top spot if only because it brings together so magnificently Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn.

Yes, the supporting cast is unusually packed with stars-in-the-making Walter Matthau, James Coburn and George Kennedy all subsequently won the Best Supporting Oscar - but Charade’s greatness rests on the fact of its iconic leads. Donen constructs the film as a open homage to Grant’s career, finishing on a split screen of images that pay tribute to the golden era’s ultimate leading man in his penultimate romantic part. The fact that Audrey chases him makes their pairing all the more erotic.

Between them Grant and Hepburn feature in six more of Janine’s selections. From the screwball comedy of Bringing Up Baby to the high melodrama of An Affair to Remember to the robust, innocent-man-on-the-run, definitive Hitchcock thriller North

by Northwest, Cary Grant rings the Betts bell. Hepburn is seen in her Oscar winning part - an incognito princess in Roman Holiday - and in two other roles that continue to define the elegantly thin Belgian beauty: both the cockney Eliza Doolittle and her impeccably attired, made over self in My Fair Lady and the haunting, melancholy good time girl Holly Golightly in Blake Edwards’ adaptation of Breakfast at Tiffany’s.

If casting and star power are defining principles in Janine’s 27 movies a seasoned auteurist like myself cannot help noticing some behindthe-camera trends as well. Two directors have three films a piece: Donen’s work on Charade is matched by his co-authorship of the musicals On the Town and Singin’ in the Rain whilst that transplanted Austrian Billy Wilder co-wrote and directed the early noir masterpiece Double Indemnity, the scathing Hollywood satire Sunset Boulevard and Marilyn Monroe’s finest hour, the hilarious jazz age comedy Some Like it Hot. A further four directors have two films each.

I

’m sick of it. Today is going to be short and simple because I love you and I don’t want you to hate me for telling you off for too long. This isn’t good cop/ bad cop.

It’s just cop; but with like... makeup and drinking n’shit. Okay. You can’t change someone and if someone changes for you, then they can change for someone else. We don’t own people. You can’t own someone.

I can’t own someone. People are erratic and spontaneous and free and I swear I’m not high right now but you NEED TO ABSORB THIS. So your boyfriend wants to take you on a date. He wants to take you to a Chiefs game but you want to go to dinner. (“Fuck that, I’d rather go to a rugby match,” Yeah we get it. You’re ‘one of the boys.’) You’re mad and start bitching to your friends that he’s being a dick.

You’re not mad that he “wasn’t being romantic enough,” you’re freaking out because you’ve got different ideals and standards. I’m sorry, but you’re not yelling at him because he “doesn’t have a fuckin’ clue;” no matter what you tell your flatmates; he’s just not what you expected and you want to cover it up. Well, I’m sorry doll but he’s always going to be that guy.

Sure you can scream at him or drop recockulous hints and yes, maybe he’ll spring $700 for a main at Victoria Street Bistro, but all you’ve done is tell him that he’s not good enough, made him insecure, put it in his head that he can’t please you, knocked his confidence, insulted him and put the inevitable truth on temporary hold.

And guys. Get some fucking backbone. Myth: Boy’s don’t bitch.

Reality: Telling a chick you like that someone she knows is txting you.

Asking someone you don’t like to ravv because she’s the chick you like’s friend. Telling your boys every detail of something you’ve sworn not to repeat because “it’s not bitching, it’s banter.” Shit stirring. Showing people redic txts you’ve had; shit stirring. Telling girls to stop bitching and that guys “just sort shit out” before wandering home to fight your ex-best bud for fucking up your laptop; shit stirring. Yarning how this one bitch is really keen on you because she smiles at you... and everyone else she ever sees; shit stirring. Y U NO COMPREHENDS. You shouldn’t feel bad for wanting something different, but if you’re looking for cocktails and go to Starbucks, guilt tripping them into

basically dosing you with Irish Creme syrup doesn’t mean you’ve changed who Starbucks is. It just means that you’ve been such a fuck that they’ve done this one thing to get you the fuck out of their shop. Get off your ass, and go to Easy Tiger. God, you’re such slut today.

I’m keeping it short this week because you have enough length for all of us.

Stay safe, see you next week, I love that dress on you.

Yours until someone buys me on Ebay, MMF.x P.S. If your girlfriend used to go out with your mate, left him for your penis, left you to ‘be single,’ started fucking your mate again and has now crawled back into your life because it’s winter and she’s cold; don’t make her your control group on the study of women, or we just make your lack of spine our control group for the study of men. She’s a bitch bro. Your problem. Not the world’s.

Mr. .rM ytniM Minty hsiF Fish

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QUESTIONS OR CONCERNS ?

If you have any questions, please contact the University Community Constable Nick Sickelmore.

Nicholas.Sickelmore@police.govt.nz 07 858 2792

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27

Goodmorning class!

Today Miss Alice & Miss Anne have arranged a pop quiz for you all! Stop groaning - now, how many of you have spilt food on your favourite hoodie/cardigan/ batman costume? All of you?!

More importantly – how did you try to un-stain your garment?

Was it: a) wipe it on your jeans? b) try to suck it out, or c) you didn’t even notice till your flatmate pointed it out in front of your super-hot friend (curse you Dave!).

Well do we have some tips for you!

R

emoving stains.

- Don’t say “meh” and keep wearing it, foolish student!

Take it off and run some water over it.

- Got chocolate on your favourite top? Soap and cold water. Hair dye on your flatmates towels? Cotton ball and kerosene. Had an artistic moment and got paint all over your best jeans? Methylated spirits or turpentine. Had a hard night on the town and got a bit of someone’s (could be your own) up-chuck on you? Washing powder or napisan.

M

ending things.

Button fixing is super easy – most items come with a spare button either in a little bag on the tag or sewn onto the care instructions. You can use these ones or pop into Dave’s Emporium or Spotlight and pick up a new button – and while you’re there grab a needle and thread. Double up your thread when you put it through the needle so it is super strong and hopefully won’t pop off again and also helps to not weaken the fabric any more by not making more holes in it.

- If the hem of your top or skirt is slowly coming down – you can just tack it up again with a needle and thread. Use the same colour thread so your sewing is less likely to be noticed, try to keep your stitch lengths even and just stitch along where the old stitches were. Make sure you don’t just cut off the old threads either. Pull the front thread through to the back and tie the front and back threads together so it won’t fall down any further.

- Having an unpick or seam ripper is a very handy tool if you are trying to fix something and sew it back to front/the wrong way round/sideways and need to undo it (as Alice has many a time...). Once again, you can pick these up from either Dave’s Emporium or Spotlight.

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eneral care.

DO NOT, and we repeat, DO NOT, hang up knitted items!

This is the worst of all fashion sins (yes, even worse than crocs). What happens when you hang knitted items, you say? It’s the equivalent of dividing by zero! The shoulders will drop, become all saggy and your jumper will end up looking like oldlady-boobs. There is also no ctrl + z for this (you can’t undo it, once it’s ruined, it’s ruined).

- As we’re assuming you haven’t used an iron since your year 13 formal – and if you need something crease-free for that student job search interview or hot date, then putting it on the back of the shower door while you get ready is an easy solution. The steam from the shower has magical properties and will diminish any creases.

- Always read the care instructions!

Putting your favourite jumper through a hot wash will definitely ruin your day. If you just want to chuck everything into the wash – don’t buy things with sequins, silks or things that snag easily (like crochet or super fine materials).

Make sure you put your bras in a wash bag so they don’t attack your tights while you’re not looking and do up zips before you chuck them in so the teeth on the zip don’t get munched.

Good luck, Alice and Anne.

O

kay, this is something I am well versed on, people. Way back when I was studying a BSc in Auckland (I wanted to wear a lab coat and intimidate men with my knowledge) I made the mistake of trying to work full-time as a waitress while studying (Which wasn’t quite full-time in terms of paycheck, but somehow more than full-time in terms of how many hours you’re not at home…) DON’T DO IT. I now try to dial down the work bit but still it occasionally sneaks up on me and eats me alive. I understand some people are real-life wonder women and supermen, but for the average student, your priority should probably be study, not work. If, however, you want to give the “having no life outside work/study” thing a shot, or your circumstances demand that you do, here are a few tips.

Do: Drink a lot of coffee. Energy drinks are bad news. You crash so much harder; it’s definitively not worth it. If you can’t stand the taste of coffee, absolutely drown it in chocolate. And I don’t give a shit if you’re a coffee snob and you only drink espresso… when you’re so dead to the world that you’re walking into walls, instant is your savior. And a hell of a lot lighter on your bank account – who wants to spend all the money they earn trying to stay awake to earn it?? It’s beyond me.

Don’t: Complain endlessly. I do.

Like, a lot. My mouth is an almost immediate extension of my brain, somewhat more than most people’s, and I’m constantly running it. If I’m at work and my mind thinks “Gosh darn it. I am tired.” My mouth continues with “Fuck this. I’m so fuckin’ tired. I should fuckin’ be at home! Fuck.” Try to avoid this.

Nobody gives. a. shit. It also just makes you angrier and more peoplepunchier. If you know what I mean.

Be happy!

Do: Take time off to chill. Sometimes you just gotta reset, so don’t feel guilty about taking the time to watch a movie, hang with your bf or bff, or play with your cats. Unless you’re doing it every opportunity you get and ignoring assignments. Then that’s bad news and commonly referred to as “procrastination”.

Which you cannot afford if you’re working your ass off and studying.

Trust me; the proud owner of half a degree. I.e not a degree.

Don’t: Take shit from your employer.

He/she should know that you are first and foremost a student. Therefore, in employing you they should understand that you cannot work every day of the week and maintain a good average. Unfortunately, people quit (oh my lord, do they quit. Bloody hospo), or break bones, or suddenly

decide to visit another country. So you’re left picking up their shifts. As long as this is temporary, you can handle it. If it lasts long enough that your grades are suffering and you can’t see an end in sight, speak up. Sit your boss dog down and tell ‘em how it is. Nicely though, you don’t wanna get fired….Or do you??

Do: Work out a schedule for doing washing/dishes/cleaning. If you neglect these hideous household duties they will pile up and completely consume you as you sleep in on your one day off. Just make sure you’re keeping on top of the things that need immediate attention, and delegating others to when you have the time. ‘To do’ lists rock my world. And calendars.

Calendars are great.

So to sum up, you can do this! Just sit down and work out how to fit your life around everything you’ve gotta do, and bam, you’re 100% capable of juggling work/study. The main thing is to stay positive and be proactive.

Complaining and moaning bout your shit does nothin’. Peace.

By Alix Higby

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Cereal I had heard from a most unreliable source that there was coffee to be had at the library. So seeing the monstrous glass monolith in the distance, I strolled, then walked, then ambled, then finally moseyed toward it. I was considering sauntering as well, but couldn’t as I had left my thesaurus on the bus. Entering through the entrance, which would have been the exit had I went through backwards,I made my way to Momentous to buy a coffee.

A young guy sitting next to me who was approximately 60% hair leaned across the counter and said, “Man, this library is awwwsoooomee!” I formulated a profound response to match his enthusiasm. “Yes”, replied I. “It’s got EVERYTHING, man....Coffee, a view, an information desk, a waterfall, computers...”continued he.

“And books”, added I. This somewhat confused the shaggy being. “Yeah, man, electronic books – you can get them on the computers”, Said he.

“And – paper - books?” asked I. “Well” said he, looking as if he were trying to derive Pi to 100 decimal places, “You could print some sections the electronic books off....” said he. “ “, said I, nodding my head. I spun that same nodding head around and realised that I couldn’t actually see any books. Maybe they were next to the computers...

Ah, Computers! The mention of computers suddenly jolted my memory like a thing that jolts stuff; the essay! The essay that professor ***** had told us that he had put on “Poodle”. I needed to make my way to one of these so I could find the essay question and make a start on it, followed by making a completion of it. I sculled down my coffee, thanked Cousin It’s doppelganger and made my departure.

Up the stairs over the pond, past the waterfall (over the yellow brick road....no wait, still in the library) went I. I found a computer, logged in and entered Moodle. There I found three files. The first was entitled “essay question”.

The second file below that was also called “essay question”. The third was different in that it was below the first two, and it was called “essay question” as well. I opened the top file, and this is what it read.... ““ Professor ***** was not the most adept at computers. I should have worked this out when he said that he had put the question on Poodle. I opened the second “essay question” to find a strongly worded letter to Professor *****’s phone company who had apparently overcharged him, and would therefore burn in the deepest darkest recesses of hell. The third file was the actual essay question.

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Opinion

Verbose Verbiage

Saying ‘yous’, ‘totes’, ‘somethingK’ or ‘heil Hitler’ is one thingk. They’re annoying - don’t get me wrong. But they’re a result of habit, ritual, society’s imposing influence or some nonsense. I can almost handle them if I keep telling myself that - because there’s something much worse.

Something far more deadly than mere contraptions of laziness. It’s the hidden cancer lurking amid the glorious summer day. It’s very real - real as the sun itself. And it strikes silent and deadly.

I’m talking about ‘myself’, of course. A word that, like cancer, needs snuffing out from the lives of those it consumes. The entire human race. Indeed, the entire human race gets it wrong. “For more information, contact Narwhal, Alpaca or myself.” Wrong! “Aardvark, Velociraptor and myself are too chicken to ride the rollercoaster.” Wrong, wrong, wrong! Funny thing is, my hostility towards this mutation isn’t grounded on the wrongness of the word’s usage, but rather the speaker’s twisted understanding: “I’m going to sound flash by replacing every ‘I’ and ‘me’ in my speech with ‘myself’.

That will win me marks. Totes!” Which is why we hear it wrongly used in seminars and see it in formal emails.

Which is why it goes unnoticed. Cancer!

Between this paragraph and the last, I spent twenty minutes calming myself in order to add some meat to this column. See how I used ‘myself’ just then? A sentence has a subject and an object. Subjects do stuff, and objects have stuff done to them. Example A: “I offered the anaconda an ice-cream, but it ate me instead.” ‘I’ and ‘it’ are subjects, and ‘the anaconda’ and ‘me’ are objects. Rule 1: ‘Myself’ can only be used as an object. Rule 2: ‘Myself can only be used when you are both the subject and the object.

Example B: “I am looking at myself in the mirror.” ‘I’ is the subject and ‘myself’ is the object. Both refer to the same person (me). Tick!

Back to the rollercoaster. Easy way to tell if it’s wrong?

Take out the other two subjects. “Myself is too chicken to ride the rollercoaster.” Yeah, first tell me who let you into the theme park. The underlying problem is whenever ‘myself’ is used, it’s with the intention to get it right, to speak properly. This fact alone sets it apart from those other demons who’ve snuck through language’s proverbial back door. ‘Myself’ needed no rear entry; it was welcomed with open arms. Now language is on the brink of collapse.

But look, I see a nearby cave in which we can take refuge!

Wait a minute - this place looks familiar.... Who knew evolution was a circle?

T

he Minister of labour recently announced improvements to our employment law.

From my understanding of the proposed changes- some of the changes will not improve work andworking conditions for workers.

The changes include: removal of 30 day protection for new workers, employers to be able to initiate bargaining, deductions for partial strike, employers to conclude bargaining without an agreement.

The Minister says the changes will make employment “fairer for both workers and employers”.

In my opinion these changes further empower the employer in an all ready unbalanced (weight falls on the employers side) employment relationship. This can potentially reduce workers ability to bargain for better conditions and pay as well as reduce hope for any change in the future.

Collective bargaining enables employees to more effectively request relevant pay rises and conditions of work. Many of these suggested changes to our employment law will undermine the process of collectively bargaining and may result in dividing the workforce into individual agreements. Once we are on individual agreements bargaining collectively becomes much more difficult and each worker will have less power (particularly low skilled workers) than they do now.

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An example of this can be the Ports of Auckland dispute where it seemed obvious that the Ports of Auckland did not want to reach a collective agreement. Under the proposed changes the Ports of Auckland could simply choose not to conclude bargaining with an agreement and progress to contacting out the work.

Resulting in the port workers becoming ‘self employed’ but totally dictated and controlled by the ports of Auckland. Just because you are self employed doesn’t mean you can chose when to work because if you choose not to work the risk of losing that employment/contract becomes greater. When I discuss these issues with my parents they often bring up the ‘militant’ approach to unionism back in the day (pre 1980) and how unions had too much power and pulled businesses to the ground. This may have been a reality (I don’t know I wasn’t alive) then but the fact is unions have been forced to re-group and look at how they operate. Unions understand the necessity to ensure the business is profitable AS WELL as the necessity to provide their members (and workers in general) with fair and relevant pay and working conditions.

As workers, as the 99% we need to look at the long term game. If we lose our ability to effectively bargain collectively we may face a reduction in pay and working condition, (if unionised industries experience a pay loss this trend may continue throughout the workforce). As these conditions and pay reduce (or stay the same, as everything get more expensive) we will watch the working poor become the majority, we will face a growing informal economy, people may have to work 2-3 jobs, we may see reduced family units as parents are too busy earning to be with their family, and we will continue to see our loved ones moving elsewhere for fair pay.

What New Zealand do you want to see? What will it take for you to stand up?

O

ver the last few months I have seen a variety of trends reoccurring, trends such as- problems with landlords; issues with lecturers/ tutors; allegations of plagiarism and misconduct; and problems with getting through to StudyLink.

With the semester coming to an end and students getting ready for exams, any of these factors are likely to make any student feel stressed and ill prepared for what’s to come.

What students need to remember is that the Waikato Students’ Union Advocacy Service is here to help YOU! So, what is a student advocate?

The student advocate aims to help students with whatever concerns they wish to bring forward.

Advocates do this by listening to the student to help him or her sort out what they wish to do. The advocate may provide some information and guidance, but the student makes their own decision.

The Advocacy Service is free, confidential and here to help, so if you feel that you may need help with a particular situation or are simply unsure about something please phone or email us on the details below: Phone: (07) 856 9139 Email: advocacy@wsu.org.nz

O

ver a decade ago a Māori student wrote an MSc thesis: Waikato University entitled “An exploration of the social support networks of Māori graduate students” (Masters, 1997). Fifteen years later, issues raised in this paper still remain. One in particular which I will discuss in this column is the lack of Māori academic staff in our schools of study. At the end of this semester, I would have been at university for four years, and I would have taken approx. 20 undergraduate and 5 postgraduate papers. I have only ever had one Māori academic lecturer during that whole time. Luckily that staff member specialised in my area of study, sadly that staff member has been recruited by another university (maybe students aren’t the only ones who sometimes feel like they’re rowing their own waka).

As a post-graduate student you quickly realise that everything you do from now on is all about research, research and more research – once you’ve written your 1,000’s of words for your literature review that is (ugh). Being Māori, it is only logical that we have an inclination to research Māori. For me it came in the form of Wāhine Rangatira

(Māori women leadership) and so I looked at Māori leadership, Māori businesses, iwi corporations, etc.

What I discovered is that Māori research is a “niche” especially in business management as there are very few Māori studying in this area. Interviewing our people was a rich source of information, which could lead to the development of new theory. Surveying Māori about what is important to us highlights our uniqueness of being Māori. Our Māori values are prominent in all aspects of our lives, and this includes in our work, as we think differently, feel differently and act differently – and this inherently is what makes us stand out! We are amazing!

Te Whanake Ake the Māori plan for the University of Waikato also highlights a goal for the university to actively recruit Māori academic staff in schools of study. This goal is an essential need for Māori students where there is little or no support.

Having a Māori staff member to discuss your research with is vital in leading to the success of a thesis or dissertation. The School of Māori and Pacific Development have offices full of Māori academics, Te Piringa Law School have Māori lecturers, the

Faculty of Education also, and then sadly the numbers drop off from there. So where is the Māori academic support in the other schools? Why aren’t Māori academics in these areas being actively recruited? And most importantly, why are they leaving?

“Tino pai” our Māori consultants in our schools, who hold it together for the whanau, providing support for our tauira, who would otherwise be lost in the system. “Tino pai e rawa atu” senior Māori students who become sessional assistants and provide tutoring support for our tauira, or who take time to talk with them. These support networks are a wonderful resource for our Māori students, but does not lessen the issue at hand – the need for Māori academic staff in our schools of study.

So what can we do as Māori students to promote this issue? Email or make an appointment to talk with your Dean in your school of study, join a Māori student network and write a letter to the university about your concerns, complete post-graduate studies and join the academic staff. As Māori students we need to support Te Whanake Ake, our Māori plan for success! Don’t’ just sit there – stand up and be Māori!

Te Whanake Ake – Māori Plan 2012-2014 Goal 1: Make unique and significant contributions to the educational success of Māori Goal 2: Enhance the teaching and research capacity of Māori academic staff with a focus on leadership and academic excellence. 2.1 in collaboration with HRMD, ensure that the University Workforce Plan addresses the Māori academic staff recruitment, retention, promotion, academic workload and professional development Goal 3: Provide a distinctive contribution to the University of Waikato experience for both staff and students, which draws on kaupapa Māori, the heritage of our region and our relationships with Waikato Tainui and other iwi Goal 4: Provide leadership in research relevant to the needs and aspirations of iwi and Māori communities Priscilla (Davis) Ngatai Ngāpuhi, Ngātihine, Ngāti Kahungunu, Ngāti Rongomaiwāhine VP Māori 2012 Lifestyle

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