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Editorial FOMO Easy News News Entertainment Reviews Calendar Girl Arts How to Fix Everything Yam & Troy the Science Boys Centrefold

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Pride of Place The Crowd Goes Mild Bevvy Breakdown Full Exposure: Randal the Jandal Bachelor of Being Broke Waikat’ Flats Blind Date Horoscopes Snapped Puzzles

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Issue 21, 17th – 21st September 2018 Editor: Lyam Buchanan editor@nexusmag.co.nz Design: Vincent Owen design@nexusmag.co.nz Managing Editor: James Raffan james@wsu.org.nz Sub Editor: Jennie-Louise Kendrick jen@nexusmag.co.nz Deputy Editor: Grace Mitchell grace@nexusmag.co.nz News Editor: Alexander Nebesky alex@nexusmag.co.nz Reviews Editor: Archie Porter reviews@nexusmag.co.nz

Contributors: Bradley Gielen, Scott Carroll, Kim Sare, Peter Dornauf, Jared Ipsen, Troy Anderson, Cameron McRobie, Randal the Jandal, Nicola Smith, and the tenants of The Penthouse. Cover and Feature Artwork: Daniela Gilbon Instagram: @pingpongilbon Online: www.behance.net/pingpongilbong Centrefold: Laurence Watts Instagram: @laurencewattsphoto Online: www.laurencewatts.com Mansfield, 2018: Part of a work in progress on Australian rodeo subculture titled Looking West. Horoscope Illustrations: Josh Nelson Instagram: @joshprobably Twitter: @joshDrawbably


A Series of Hot Takes With only a few weeks left as editor, I’ve got to maximise the potential of my final issues – taking every opportunity to share my narrow-minded, uncultured, conceited, and (according to certain philosophy students) pompous opinions. While it’d definitely be more constructive to form yet another social commentary, it’s much more cathartic to briefly list off a range of sweeping statements I definitely should’ve covered by now. Here’s an insight to the deranged ramblings you’ll be lucky enough to avoid the extended cuts of. SMALL DOGS ARE DUMB DOGS: If it’s smaller than a beagle, it’s an overgrown rat. Sadly, at some point, a group of heathens decided to selectively breed these domesticated pests, and now, we’re stuck with embarrassments like the bichon frisé. Nexus doesn’t condone animal cruelty, but maybe owners of anything in the realm of Pekingese and Pomeranians should serve compulsory community service. BURGER KING FROZEN COKES ARE SHITBOX: This isn’t groundbreaking by any means, but how do they consistently fuck this up? BK has built itself a reputation for frozen beverages that require a copious amount of straw manoeuvring to ensure even a semi-constant flow. This definitely isn’t the easiest to explain, but if I’m attempting to suck up a storm of refreshment, I expect a little more than the occasional clump. VOICEMAILS ARE SHIT, JUST FLICK A TEXT INSTEAD: Obviously, it’s slightly more hassle for the caller, but taking 30 seconds to flick through a basic rundown of whatever you wanted to say is significantly less soul-destroying for the recipient. Not only does it take an age to sit through the automated “You...have...forty... three...new...mess...ages”, but 90% of what you’re listening to is just two-second clips of muffled breathing and phone fumbling from people who struggled to hang up before the ‘beep’. A LARGE WICKED LUNCH WITH A KRUSHER FOR THE DRINK IS THE BEST KFC ORDER:

Cheap, efficient, satisfying. For under $10, you’d be hard pressed to find anything with better value for money. THE DEVELOPMENT OF A CAMPUS BAR IS A MODERN MYTH: The University and WSU are full of stellar plans for development – they always have been, and always will be. Though, after flicking through the Nexus archives, it quickly became clear how similar each year is from the last. Petitions and rumours of a new campus bar have circulated since the closure of the last one during the ‘90s, the University even seems to go through cycles of being supportive of the initiative. Yet, all we’ve got is a glorified rugby club on the far side of campus. Maybe this time they’ll get it right, but I’d advise against holding your breath.

– Lyam

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Get Involved with International Day

International Day will take place on campus September 19, with a series of cultural events to celebrate and acknowledge the valuable contribution of international students to the Waikato region. From 1 – 3 pm on the Village Green, there will be a colour run, ethnic food sampling and national dress parade. At 5 pm, the evening lantern ceremony will go down at the Oranga Lake.

International Student Zumba | Tuesdays 4:10 – 5 pm

Bring some comfy clothes and a water bottle to International Student Zumba at the UniRec – it’s FREE. Just let Reception know you are there for International Student Zumba and make your way to the Group Exercise Room.

Latin America & Spain Film Festival

Held on the Hamilton campus, the annual Latin American Film Festival runs from 18 – 29 September and features films from Argentina, Brazil, Chile, Colombia, Costa Rica, Cuba, Ecuador, Spain, Peru, and Uruguay. Movies screen at 6 pm in S.G.01. All movies have English subtitles and are FREE! Find out more at lasffnz.co.nz.

Free Japanese Film Showing

Departures (131min, rated M), the 2009 Academy Award winner for Best Foreign Language Film, shows a delightful journey into the heartland of Japan as well a beautiful look at a sacred part of Japan’s cultural heritage (with English subtitles). All welcome on September 20, 7 pm in L.G.03.

KPMG Quiz Night

Want to know what it’s like to work and play at KPMG? Join them at their free Student Quiz Night this week. September 19 from 6 pm at the Don. Register at https://bit.ly/2CKIjRN

Who You Gonna Call?

The phone number for UniSafe Campus Security is 07 838 4444 – save the number in your mobile phone now in case you need to call it in an emergency. 3


WEEKLY RECAP:

3,700

Argentinians have filed apostasy requests outlining their intention to leave the Catholic Church in response to the Church’s support for the Senate’s ban on abortion.

20%

of whales shot with the Norwegian ‘Whalegrenade 99’ are not instantly incapacitated. Instead, the device takes up to 20 minutes to kill a whale.

70 years

after the country’s founding, North Korea’s annual military parade displayed zero long-range missiles, focussing instead on conventional arms and flower-covered floats.

66%

of the 63,000 drug overdose deaths in the United States in 2016 have been attributed to opioid abuse. 1.

2.

3.

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Recent reviews have called for atheism to be included in religious education. It was stated that religious education in schools needs a major overhaul to reflect an increasingly diverse world; recommending sweeping changes with an emphasis on respect and empathy for different faiths and worldviews. The magnificent blue macaw, the inspiration behind the film character Rio, is now extinct in the wild. The blue macaw is one of four bird species to have lost its battle against extinction in Brazil alone, though there is a handful of blue macaws still alive in captive breeding programmes. Hundreds of perfectly preserved 5th-century Roman coins have been discovered in the basement of an Italian theatre. Sealed in a stone urn, the coins have been taken to a laboratory to be restored, and construction on the site of the theatre has been halted for the time being.

13,000,000

of the Turkic Muslim population in northwestern China have been subjected to political indoctrination.

>18,000

people marched in Paris to show popular support for urgent methods to combat climate change ahead of the San Francisco summit.


NEWS

Tech of the Week Fujifilm X-T3

The latest addition to the X Series lineup of mirrorless cameras, the Fujifilm X-T3 upgrades everything that matters most. It undoubtedly packs a punch, features include a 26.1-megapixel sensor capable of shooting 4K at 60fps, state-of-the-art auto-focus systems, and a new improved EVF. It even boasts both USB-C and a headphone jack (groundbreaking). Why should you buy this? • It’s an all-round workhorse and a great evolution from its predecessor. Why shouldn’t you buy this? • Would you really use it for anything more than what your phone already does?

From the Archive

Nexus Magazine – 1994 5


NEWS

Our Language is Dying Last week, and every year that has preceded it, we saw a far more overt form of racism in our media discourse. Specifically the notion that pundits and politicians use the week where we should be celebrating our diversity and the progress of a bilingual New Zealand to instead ignite the debate over whether te reo, and in larger part tikanga Māori, has any place in our society. We want to focus on the topic of compulsory te reo in schools, but before we do that, we think it’s important to understand the mechanism that is being employed here and why it is bullshit. Consider for a second if we used International Women’s dDay

not to celebrate the progress made, or recognise how far we still have to go, but instead to have a full-blown media debate over whether women should have gotten the vote in the first place. Or if we used Sign Language Week to suggest that we should just give up trying to communicate with the deaf, and they should all assimilate and learn to lip-read. The level of outrage in both those scenarios would be fierce and deserved. Yet any morning show host, retired morning show host, or politician who failed to win elections with two separate parties can be afforded space on television and radio to undermine the very concept we are celebrating.

Now that we have had time we wanted to reflect on where this conversation is. Starting off by finding out what our politicians position of learning te reo is, then debunking the stupid myth that our education system isn’t ready, having a chat with the Right Honorable Jim Bolger about when he tried to implement compulsory te reo himself, and topping it off by seeing what the students would’ve given up in their compulsory education to instead learn te reo. This is not the normal “impartial” Nexus news. This is us asking a simple and slightly angry question about why the fuck we aren’t doing enough to preserve an integral part of our culture.

but when, while Willie Jackson has said the Māori caucus are unified in wanting to see te reo implemented. GREENS: Co-Leader Marama Davidson said “the Green Party’s comprehensive te reo policy was developed in conjunction with Māori educators, Māori language experts, and the teacher unions.” A recent press release also stated their desire to see Māori as part of

the core curriculum. NZ FIRST: Is opposed to it and will not support any move to legislate it. ACT: Fuck them. ACT is just a vague conglomeration of tax cuts, racism, and de-regulation being spewed through the mouth of the man-child poster boy of white privilege. Their/his opinion is irrelevant.

Policy Positions NATIONAL: National’s first Māori leader Simon Bridges told the AM show he would “never be in favour” of compulsory te reo. Education spokesperson Nikki Kaye has stated National’s policy would be for students to learn “a second language” of which Māori would be an option LABOUR: Māori Development Minister Nanaia Mahuta has stated that it isn’t a matter of if

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NEWS

Is Our Education System Ready? We sat down with education student and WSU Vice-President Māori Nathan Rahui to find out his views on te reo in schools, whether or not he believe we have enough qualified Māori educators to implement a programme, and what he’d like to see in this space. ‘I believe that Māori should be compulsory in school up until Year 10 of high school. I don’t

think it should be compulsory the full time for two reasons. A: If you force a person to do something they may not want to do, it can turn them away from learning te reo at all and make them feel more negative. B: We currently have a lack of Māori teachers so the quality of te reo Māori being taught may not be the best if we have to stretch our teachers who are already drowning with work.’

‘However, basic te reo can easily be used by teachers throughout their classes regardless of what they teach. This means teachers making a commitment to learning basic reo and tikanga to use it in the class and for tertiary providers to make it a more prevalent area in teacher training. I think society in general needs to be a more safe place where we encourage people to give it a go.’

But What Does Bolger Think? Our very own Chancellor and former Prime Minister the Rt. Hon Jim Bolger was an avid supporter of compulsory te reo in schools throughout his time in office from 1990-1997. We managed have a chat with him regarding his current view on the matter, what stopped him from implementing compulsory te reo, and his thoughts on the argument of te reo not having as much value because it isn’t used internationally. ‘It’s still my view that NZ

should make te reo compulsory in primary school so that all New Zealanders are comfortable with, and have a basic understanding of, the language on the many occasions where te reo is spoken. Knowledge of the language is part of being a New Zealander. ‘The strong push back came from within relevant Ministries who asserted that they didn’t have the number of te reo speakers necessary to teach in all schools – but they could have started the

programme and by now, they would have the resources necessary. ‘The argument that te reo is a localised NZ language should support the teaching of the language as no other country will teach te reo. In my many travels to “developing countries” I have been amazed at the number who speak two or three languages, including English. Clearly, New Zealanders are equally able to learn more than one language and should do so with pride.’

Vox Pops Waikato Alumni Louis Davis recently shared “If it was compulsory for me to learn Pythagoras Theorem, the periodic table, and how to play Badminton in school… I am dammmmm sure confused why we are saying we shouldn’t teach te reo because it isn’t useful” – so we decided to ask current students what they would’ve given up in their compulsory education to learn te reo instead.

JACKEST – 21, BSC

HAMISH – 21, BSC

I used to love math, but I’d trade Year 13 calculus for te reo.

I’d trade food-tech for te reo, I can always read a recipe but pronunciation is a different ball game.

TALA – 22, BSOCSC/LLB

CONOR – 22, BMS/BSC

I’d give up art lessons, I’d rather learn a language – I’d never be Picasso anyways; my parents were just hopeful.

Social studies; I don’t care about that. I’d have traded anything really, I’d love to learn te reo and I think we definitely should learn it.

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NEWS

BRYCE – 29, BSC

GRACE – 24, BCS

I’d give up history, or even art and sewing. Any of those compulsory subjects I’ve never used.

I would’ve given up French. Looking back now, I much rather would’ve learned te reo, I’m part Māori and I barely know the language.

ANTONIA – 21, BCS

KAZU – 20, CUP

I gave up economics and accounting to study te reo in high school. I’d rather learn a language, especially the language of our country.

I’m an international student, but I would’ve given up sewing and drama.

MAX – 21, BCMS

SARAH – 21, MA

As much as I need math, I would’ve traded it to learn te reo. If it was compulsory, I would’ve been stoked to do it. If not, I’d rather focus on degree related studies.

Ka whiti ngā reo nō tāwahi nā te mea e toru ngā reo matua ki Aotearoa. Te Reo Pākehā , Te Reo Māori me Te Reo ā Ringa. Engari kāore tētahi o ērā he reo nō tāwāhi.

Mumbai-sexual: India Decriminalises Gay Sex The homophobic shackles of colonialism have been shaken off this month, as India’s Supreme Court has struck down one of the world’s oldest bans on consensual sex between members of the same sex. Chief Justice Dipak Misra said the law was ‘irrational, indefensible and manifestly arbitrary’. During their ruling, the justices said homosexuality was ‘natural’ and that the Constitution was not ‘a collection of mere dead letters’, and that it should evolve with time. After weeks of deliberation and decades of struggle by LGBTTQIA+ Indians, the unanimous decision to decriminalise gay sex was followed by justices ruling that gay citizens will now be accorded all 8

the protections of the Constitution of India. The South Asia director for Human Rights Watch Meenakshi Ganguly said ‘this ruling is hugely significant’ and believes that India’s ruling may encourage other nations to act, such as Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, Brunei, and Myanmar. People throughout the country have celebrated the decision, the New York Times alleging that human rights activists in Mumbai showered themselves in confetti while Bangaloreans danced, kissed and hugged on the steps of the courthouse. Despite this elation and celebration, many Indians are still extremely conservative and countless members of the rainbow community have been ostracised

by friends and family. The now-overturned law, a legacy of British colonisers during the Victoria era, banned sex considered “against the order of nature”. Thousands have been prosecuted under it and the law, known as Section 377, has been used as a cudgel to intimidate, blackmail and abuse gay Indians for 150 years. ‘History owes an apology to members of the community for the delay in ensuring their rights,’ Justice Indu Malhotra said. Menaka Guruswamy, one of the lead lawyers representing gay petitioners, said the court’s extension of nondiscrimination principles to gay people had laid a ‘very powerful foundation’.


NEWS

Hitlist: Tik Tok It is often argued that social media is less a tool of wide social interaction and more a platform of narcissistic self-broadcast. In a way, this assessment is true of sites like Instagram or Facebook, where one can shamelessly self-promote with sexy pictures of their ass or abs in exchange for likes or thumbs ups or heart-eyed emojis. Snapchat falls further to the side of vain self-promotion than Facebook or Instagram, which both have some level of genuine communicative capacity built into them. Nowhere, however, is the claim of social media’s influence as fuel for the self-obsession of the unremarkable more evident than in the music video app TikTok. Based on the painfully misguided premise that other

people want to watch me poorly lipsync to songs talented people wrote and performed, TikTok has ballooned into millions of users all utilising the platform to share videos of themselves. Not videos of themselves doing funny, extraordinary, or exciting things. Not videos of themselves creating anything meaningful. Videos of themselves filling the entire frame doing NOTHING. I don’t mean ‘nothing’ as in not doing anything, they are obviously doing something in the form of lipsyncing or pretending to sing; I mean nothing as in contributing nothing to the content they create. The song is not theirs, the words are not theirs, and it is frankly the banalest of individuals desperately attempting to jack up

their social media cred by banking on a popular song making them seem slightly more interesting. Call me old fashioned, but if I’m attention-whoring on social media, I like to use a friendly and fun light-hearted joke, a cool picture smoking a cigarette, or a video of something interesting and different that only I could bring to the table. If you have the TikTok app downloaded, if you use it at all, just remember – you’re not interesting. Your videos aren’t funny or cute, nobody gives a shit about what you think or have to say, and you don’t look as hot singing along to pop songs as you think you do. You’re doing something dumb and pointless and you should feel bad about it.

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Crush of the Week: Decent Human Beings Fun fact: you can actually become one of these yourself with a little effort!! A seemingly rare breed, key features of this species include being kind, thoughtful, conscientious, communicative, empathetic, and treating others with respect. If you find one, immediately place a collar on it and keep it forever. Sometimes, you think you’ve found one and then they quickly evolve to parallel the ‘asshole’ genus, so you best let those ones go. Decent human hunting can be tricky like that.

Clickbait Moodboard: Theme: Fighting for the Honeybadger on The Bachelor AU.

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What’s Hot: •

Duck Island halflitre tubs having a serving size recommendation for one

Tik Tok Distribution PTY LTD

The impending Laneway 2019 lineup release

Getting the lads around to watch The Bachelor over a bottle of wine or 10

What’s Not: •

The Sex Wax still hanging in the car even though it’s stopped smelling two years ago

People who wouldn’t know how to organise someone to tie their shoes hate-bashing the RnV line-up

Wine hangovers

Crying alone while you watch your ex accept a trophy as the best team in the country on national television purely hypothetical, tho


TOP 10:

Things You Constantly Do That Prove You’re Just Kind of a Cunt Academically Uninspired BMW Owner Surprisingly Falls Back on Parents’ Success

In what can only be described as a shocking twist, yet another 19-year-old Tauranga local has thrown in the towel in favour of getting involved with their parents’ business. ‘Why would I want to be poor in Hamilton when I could be riding off my parents’ success back home?’

Mouth-Breather Stoked with New ‘Ban 1080’ Profile Picture Frame After reading two and a half headlines relating to the controversial pesticide, outspoken environmental activists throughout the country made the bold decision to redecorate their Facebook profiles. ‘Your move, Government’.

BREAKING: Blind Date Attendee Decides to Pre-Drink and Show up “Fashionably” Late

‘After being convinced by a few of my mates, I decided to sign up for the Blind Date. I didn’t really know what to expect so I had a couple cheeky ones while I was getting ready lol. After a few pep talks, I turned up five minutes late, I didn’t want to be the first one there, haha :)”

While some would say it’s human nature to be a little narcissistic, selfish, and/or self-entitled, others would argue those traits are a definitive sign of a rather undesirable fellow. 1. Buying food for you and your mates, then choosing the biggest portion because your survival instincts kick in. 2. Not turning up to lectures – 10 am still feels a little early and you sort of forget that the professor dedicated most of their life to this valuable research available to a privileged tier of modern society. But, y’know—comfy bed. 3. Hearing someone approach the elevator, panicking a little inside and pressing the shutdoors button. Heartless bitch. 4. Pretending you didn’t notice the washing machine/dishwasher finished up, because you feel a little “above” folding underwear today. 5. Seeing someone in public you know, but not super well, and choosing to act like it never happened. Just can’t be fucked with awkward small-talk, really. 6. Zooming up on a hot Instagrammer’s photo and trying to find a flaw so you feel a little less crap about your own appearance. It’s not trolling if you don’t say it aloud, right? 7. Translating ‘don’t tell anyone’ in your thick ass head to mean ‘okay, you can tell one person’, so you’re all good. 8. Choosing to ignore your mate’s incoming phone calls, but getting hacked off when they ignore yours—it’s 2018, texting feels sufficient. 9. Having no intention of going to the party but getting yourself involved in the prep anyway, then flaking out at the last minute with a crappy excuse. Social anxiety xx 10. Pointing out minor mistakes that didn’t really need to be pointed out. Yes, sometimes things are misspelt in the magazine. Sue us.

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Reviews

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Suspirium

Lo La Ru

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SUSPIRIUM – THOM YORKE REVIEW: ARCHIE PORTER

LO LA RU – THE RUBENS REVIEW: BRADLEY GIELEN

Dario Argento’s 1977 horror film Suspiria is a classic. To this day, it remains a dizzyingly powerful masterwork; full of vivid, psychedelic colours and stomach-churning thrills. As well as this, the film is widely renowned for its terrific soundtrack by prog-rock band Goblin. Naturally, given the acclaim surrounding the original film, I’m sceptical about Luca Guadagnino’s upcoming remake. Radiohead’s Thom Yorke was enlisted to craft the film’s soundtrack – as a huge fan of Yorke, and judging by this new single, the film may be worth watching purely for the music alone. The song in question, ‘Suspirium’, comes as the first single from the upcoming soundtrack. Yorke wisely diverts from the original film’s musical approach in favour of a stripped back, wistful piano ballad. The track drifts along graciously, its notes remaining the same throughout much of the duration, lulling the listener into its eerie grasp. Unsurprisingly, it bears striking resemblance to some of Radiohead’s more laid-back work, sounding almost like a lost track from 2001’s Amnesiac, or a B-side from their latest record, 2016’s A Moon Shaped Pool. Yorke’s gorgeous vocals croon over the subdued instrumentation, before a haunting flute fades in, conjuring an air of beautiful darkness. ‘Suspirium’ is a breath of fresh air, and one of Yorke’s strongest solo releases yet. Hopefully, the rest of the soundtrack matches up to these heights.

Creating a new album is a lot like building a house; you begin with a foundation that defines how everything will look, build up the core supports and then add the cladding to create a finished product, all under strong direction. Perhaps I’m wrong though because it seems that in the case of Lo La Ru, The Rubens started with half a foundation, fired all the builders, forgot the scaffolding, and then nailed on a price tag and called it a finished product. Confusing metaphors aside, it’s disappointing, it really is. I’ve been a devout Rubens fan for a long while, but the Aussie band’s latest album just doesn’t hold up the way their last two have. The best description would be hollow; the soul isn’t quite there. Songwise, the major singles released beforehand are the only strength of the record; everything in between feels like bland filler. Frontman Sam Margin suffers from Alex Turner Syndrome, seeming to drown out the rest of the band with his vocals. Sure, he’s still a damn good singer and there’s a sincerity to his voice, but it’s so obvious that the band have jumped on the indie/pop/acoustic/terrible bandwagon that’s been sweeping Australia. What makes me so disappointed is that these guys are genuinely good artists. Come on lads, you can do better than this. Don’t drop your iconic sound for the sake of a trend.

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The Terror (Season 1)

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Single ‘GOING DOWN SWINGING’ – THE RADIO DEPT

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Sonically dull and lyrically laughable. Pushing political agendas doesn’t mask a shitty song.

THE TERROR (SEASON 1) – PRODUCED BY DAVID KAJGANICH & SOO HUGH REVIEW: SCOTT CARROLL

Period-piece crossovers just don’t sound right on paper—think Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter or Pride and Prejudice and Zombies—they’re tacky and distasteful. AMC’s new show, however, proves there can be exceptions. The Terror is based on the novel by Dan Simmons (of Hyperion fame), detailing a fictionalized account of Sir John Franklin’s doomed Arctic expedition that took place between 1845 – 1848. The events of that expedition were mysterious and unnerving, to say the least; an opportunity which the showrunners have made full use of. The casting is an excellent ensemble of veteran actors and refreshing newcomers alike, helping to create an atmosphere that is gripping and tense, with each episode unravelling not only the physical but mental integrity of the expedition. Similar to Legion (which I have reviewed previously), The Terror makes up for mediocre CGI with consistently inventive cinematography and editing, giving you just enough without revealing too much. There will be contention with opinions on the Tuunbaq, and I would agree it could have been portrayed in a manner more consistent with the show’s vibe, but it is also an integral part of what makes the show different from your average survival story. The Terror is a passion project, with an immense amount of research and craftsmanship put into the project; producers Kajganich and Hugh should be commended for their work.

Single ‘PARTY ON THE BLOCK’ – BLOC PARTY FT. MIXING CHILD Thirteen years on, Bloc Party continue to shit all over their brilliant debut album.

EP LETRA – LAVA LA RUE An interesting handful of lo-fi tunes.

Single ‘SUBMARINE’ – HOUSE OF PHARAOHS Wtf, I love autotuned mumble-trap now!

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Flatting KIM SARE Moving into a new flat is an experience we all remember. Usually exciting, you and your new flatmates are not quite at the stage of hating each other’s entire being and haven’t yet discovered each other’s terribly bad habits. It’s definitely the honeymoon phase, particularly for those coming out of halls. Oh, the freedom! The thrill of bringing in your newfound couches, setting up your mismatched kitchen tools, finding a place for everything, being able to party any time of any day – it’s a feeling like no other. First up on the agenda, clean the shit out of everything. Sure, you’d like to think that the people there before you would have done a reasonable job, but let’s be honest. They’re a bunch of young adults heading out of there; why the fuck would they care what state they leave the place in? Cleaning products will be your best friend and provide some peace of mind when you get into your new place. No one likes living in a house with strangers hair still in the shower drain. If you’re not the cleaning way inclined, feel free to move straight in and relax without a care in the world. Just try not to think about the habits of uni students too much and those random stains and strange smells will feel just like home. Secondly, you must learn to accept the flaws of the flatties. When moving in with friends, you may think you know one another well enough to live with each other. But there’s always something hiding in the cracks, waiting to pop its head up. After the initial 14

realisation that your flattie likes to leave week-old dishes on the bench, or that they like to bring home a different tinder match every few days, or that they sometimes mistake a shower for a toilet, you must learn to live with it. Choose a management tactic and run with it. For some of us, a pas-ag note on the fridge or under the door can work wonders. For others, perhaps a sturdy pair of headphones or a good faceto-face convo about “respecting the other people in the house” can be the way to go. Whatever mechanism you use to cope, make sure it works for you. Hunting for a new flatmate halfway through the year can be a challenge, so try to make it work where you can. No matter how strong the bond, flatting can really make or break a relo. We all go in with a plan of how things are going to work, and it flies out the window almost as soon as you walk in the door. Embrace the challenges of living with other stressed, broke, and sometimes useless uni kids and make the most of it. After all, when you’re 45 and living in a nice suburban street, your neighbours might not appreciate the loud EDM music late on a Tuesday night, let alone join you. Make the most of the chaos and accept the stereotypes around university flatting, it’ll be all over before you know it.


What’s Hot, What’s Not: Arts Edition PETER DORNAUF The visual arts, at the higher end of the spectrum, are not above the vagaries of fads and fashion. There are unspoken agendas operating out there in the rarefied arenas of the art world. What’s hot in this country at the moment is anything to do with postcolonialism “discourse”, gender and identity politics, and something that might be loosely described as “visual systems”. If any contemporary artist fails to conform or works outside these trendy parameters, they can kiss goodbye to recognition, applause and general approbation. But there are those out there who buck the trends, plough a lonely furrow and ignore the demands of what happens to be in vogue. Currently showing at the Wallace Gallery, Morrinsville, is a duo team Tim and Tracy Croucher who have mounted a show, entitled, ‘The Pull’, which traverses a subject well off the map the art cognoscenti might deem worthy of notice. This husband and wife pair have taken as their subject matter, the regional landscapes of the local area, “water holes and beaches” that are and have been of pivotal interest to the couple – Opal Hot Springs, Spa Park, Pirongia, and Te Aroha Domain. As if to re-programme viewer expectation and assumptions, they have painted these humble locations on a large heroic scale in order to reverse

and recalibrate what these otherwise self-effacing subjects might have alternatively implied in the minds of the art world. It is certainly refreshing to see such a treatment, provided with the weight and dimension they deserve. These often overlooked elements in our lives merit such attention. Likewise, weaving and tapestry is a medium— often deemed lowly “craft”—that the high art world tends to look down on. All these little hierarchies silently function with the gate-keepers keeping a firm grip of what can and cannot enter the hallowed domains. But Hamilton artist Marilyn Rea-Menzies in her exhibition ‘Extinction is Forever’ (at Wallace Gallery), has adopted the medium to explore one of the pressing issues of our time, that of the conservation of endangered species, particularly New Zealand native birds. To do this, she has used a cloak format to present her imagery to powerful effect. Kōkako, Hihi and Tīeke are represented, both alive and dead in impressive, large, cape-like mantles that raises fibre art to a new level of significance. Still-life is another art form that has gone out of fashion, but artist Negin Dastgheib, at Weasel Gallery, has revived the tradition with a series of paintings involving flower and leaf motifs that recall, in some aspects, the work of Matisse. Good to see such dissent and heterodoxy at work. 15


Six New Zealand Albums That Made Me: Give Up The Idea Of Having A Real Job, Make An Appointment at WINZ JARED IPSEN I first got into music in a weird way when I was about 12. Before then, I was pirating N*Sync songs on my tape deck and jamming out to whatever my sister was listening to (Avril Lavigne). But the first time I heard Linkin Park’s Hybrid Theory, it set me on a course that landed me where I am now: writing a column about music for a magazine of a university I don’t even go to. I’m definitely missing some of my favourites— Bic Runga’s Beautiful Collision, Blindspott’s self-titled album, Goodshirt’s Good, The Chase’s Something More—but here’s a bunch of albums that changed my life, for better or for worse. 1. THE MINT CHICKS – OCTAGON, OCTAGON, OCTAGON

As a little ginger turd in my first year of high school, I used to wag to go check out the local music stores—Upsett Records, The CD and DVD Store, Defy, Marbecks—you know when CDs were something to get excited about, and not just worthless plastic garbage. I bought a copy of The Mint Chick’s first EP based on the cover art alone; Ruban Nielson’s now-signature colourful trippy mess that captured their sound better than my words ever can. But the music inside was what really messed me up. I had never heard anything like it in my life. It was EP (2003):

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as if bouncy, hook-driven pop music was pressed on 45rpm and bashed over my head repeatedly. Before this record, I thought NZ music only meant whatever Dave Dobbyn song was playing on Classic Hits. The Mint Chicks rolled that idea over to show me our local scene’s seedy, sweaty, chainsaw-wielding underbelly. 2. AETHER – FALLING TREE EP (2006): I was obsessed with Hamilton alternative band Aether in an embarrassing way. I made a Geocities fan site. I screenprinted my own shirts with their logo. My username on the Htown music forums was ‘AetherAreMyGods’. I don’t really want to go into it. You get the idea. 3. BRICK VS FACE – IN YOUR FACE! (2006): After realising I’d never make it in the indie/pop/art scene (my Doc Martens gave me an ingrown toenail and I had to have an operation), I was drawn to hardcore through Hamilton’s seminal festival, Hamtown Smakdown. I was obsessed with the DIY ethic that came with the music. Here was a bunch of people that decided: fuck NZ On Air, fuck chasing radio airplay, fuck a record label (and also, fuck this little ginger turd that keeps coming to our shows) – let’s record our own CDs, print our own merch, book our own shows. In Your Face! captured that DIY ethic perfectly, with tracks about consumerism, skating, fish and chips, and unity in the


hardcore scene. This was punk music that wasn’t afraid to not take itself too seriously. I mean, what other album declares “I NEED A TOFU CHEESECAKE RECIPE!” 4. STRANGERS – WEIGHT (2007): I always thought hardcore was just bar chords and yelling—which it kind of is—but I never thought hardcore could be quite like this. From the very first drum fill on the opening track, Weight is the perfect soundtrack of soul-crushing hardcore to have a panic attack to. This was a sound I hadn’t come across before; equal parts heavy and melodic, confrontational and atmospheric, filled with frantically screamed lyrics that feel more like prose than the usual rhetoric that comes with the genre. Everything about this release still inspires me to this day; the massive recording, song structure, lyrical themes, even down to the actual layout of the CD. Weight showed me that hardcore could have depth, desperation, darkness, and an aesthetic I hadn’t seen before. 5. THIS CITY SUNRISE – THIS CITY SUNRISE EP (2007):

I caught This City Sunrise supporting Horse The Band at Yellow Submarine, a now defunct underground venue on Ward Street. I never actually got to see Horse The Band (Mum picked me up before they started because it was a school night) but it was worth it

just to see This City Sunrise (now called Gatherer and based in Melbourne). I still don’t really understand what’s happening on this release. All I know is that is that it fucking rules. Dual vocalists scream and sing over the top of each other, some sort of jazzy punk whatever-the-fuck music plays underneath, and you can really feel their frustration when they sing about how impossible that Sonic The Hedgehog level is. I vaguely remember reading somewhere that they’re embarrassed by this EP now or something. 6. ALDOUS HARDING – PARTY (2017): I’ve never been a fan of folk music, or acoustic music, or really any music that doesn’t scream loudly and aggressively at me. That is until I took Aldous Harding’s Party on a trip to France at the beginning of the year. I don’t know why it affected me so much, but the album feels like a sort of dark, desperate yearning for something you can’t quite place. The first few seasons of this year brought a lot of shitty times for me, and every time I went back to Party, the songs took on a new, deeper meaning when I listened to them. I think this is one of my favourite albums of all time, period. We went to see her play a few months ago and it was simultaneously the best and weirdest performance I’ve ever seen. I still can’t listen to the title track without tearing up. 17


Talk Shit w. Maddy Pit New episodes on soundcloud.com/nexusmag


Cognitive Bias TROY ANDERSON This sort of shit is far more psychology than it is science. However, it is something that holds a lot of ground in the science world and the world of intellectual honesty overall. Having the most correct version of the facts is important because although the facts don’t tell you how to interpret them, they at least give you improved tools to figure that shit out. Nothing gets me quite like fuckwits who will not let go of blatantly false/disproven ideas. This is particularly so when they parade them as bulletproof facts, and even more so still when it’s me doing it, meaning I’m far too fucked up on drugs at that moment in time. So, we’ll start with the ol’ confirmation bias. This is always hilarious and usually manifests in someone’s bedroom at midnight with a bunch of lines cut up on a full-length mirror laid out on someone’s bed. The old “I heard that [insert improbable yarn]” is thrown out, which is then contested with “fuck off, that’s bullshit”, then followed by a poor Google search. Two things can happen after this; one is a severe case of embarrassment when Google completely dismantles the argument, and the other is a heated debate as the two parties continually one-up each other with sites that support their own argument. At this point, everyone else leaves the room because intolerable idea retardation is harshing their buzz. Confirmation bias essentially comes down to rejecting new ideas in favour of holding onto old ones. You’ll catch yourself doing it when you’re deliberately filtering out information that doesn’t prove your point or disproves it. At its core, this happens because the assimilation of new facts is too difficult for whatever

reason, and requires a more in-depth look at one’s self. Let’s be real, no one has time for that/it can be a wee bit scary. The next one on the list is belief bias. This one is hysterical when used sarcastically. However, when used legitimately, it sometimes requires physical regrouping before tackling such immense bullshit. Belief bias can be explained as being more inclined to believe and assimilate an invalid conclusion that seems realistic. This is the case even if the argument is completely false. Typically, this stems from the acceptance of an invalid syllogism. A syllogism is a basic logic tree, i.e. if thing A is true, and thing B is also true, therefore thing AB is true. However, they don’t always stand up on their owvn, and these ones are hilarious. A commonly used example of a valid syllogism is: All humans are mortal Socrates is human Therefore, Socrates is mortal An example of an invalid syllogism is: Heroin gives your hair natural shine Natural shine is attractive Therefore, taking heroin makes you attractive In any case, I’ve done fucking run out of words, haven’t I? There are a bunch more cognitive biases, each with their own supporting research and criticisms, so if you’re interested in them, have a young Google, because we live in a world where that’s a thing now. More importantly, don’t be a dumb cunt, i.e. someone who is completely immovable on their ideas because there’s always more to learn.

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JENNIE-LOUISE KENDRICK

As a continuation of Nexus’ coverage on queer Waikato issues, Jennie-Louise Kendrick takes a deep delve into how rainbow our region is, and how much it could be. *Some names have been changed to protect anonymity. Waikato is hardly a bastion for queer people. The ultra-masculine, conservative image of our region has alienated diversity and allowed the remainder of the country to give us flack about being blue and backwards. Despite supplying kiwi cowboys with our yodelling versions of Ellen, the Topp Twins, our fair region is not as queer-friendly as could be. On their website, the New Zealand Tourism Guide state that Hamilton boasts a rainbow population of approximately 8,000 – the same populace of Huntly. So, what do we have? How is the Waikato catering for LGBTTQIA+ folk? Compared to bigger cities like Auckland and Wellington, the rainbow community in Hamilton is grossly underrepresented, with no “gay bars” and pride events that rely on volunteerism. The annual Big Gay Out in Auckland’s Coyle Park features sponsors like 22

Durex, AUT, ANZ, Almond Breeze, and Lush Cosmetics, while Wellington queers were treated to an Out in the Park after party featuring RuPaul’s Drag Race alum Laila McQueen. Next year, the GAG Drag Collective is boasting RPDR Season 9 and All Stars Season 3 contestant Aja. This lack of rainbow-centric events and venues contributes to the disenfranchisement of queer youths and an abstraction of community. As Buzzfeed News Reporter Shannon Keating described, “going to a gay bar at least once is a queer rite of passage”, and while it can be an overwhelming occurrence, the ability to party in a space where you know all the other participants belong to the rainbow community and share an experience of marginalisation in other venues, is liberating. Especially if you are presenting as your true gender as a trans* person, or going to town in androgynous or drag outfits, which may make you more of a target for the homophobic or transphobic slurs of drunken dickheads.


After the closure of Bralais Nightclub in 2017, there has been no centre for nightlife aimed at the rainbow community. Before that, Shine Nightclub closed in 2014 after six years on Victoria Street, hosting drag performances and a live screening of the passage of the Marriage Equality Bill in 2013. Now, there’s a big gap of queer-friendly venues between Auckland and Wellington. There are possibly a few reasons; the difficulty of facing the Lawrenson Group juggernaut, the rise of dating apps like Grindr, or even the growing acceptance of those identifying as LGBTTQIA+. Earlier this year, the country’s longest-running gay bar Urge was shut down after the club’s owner, Paul Heard, struggled with dwindling patronage. In an article about the demise of similar establishments, sociologist Michael Stevens told Stuff that he blames the rise of app-based hookups and the growing acceptance of the community in cisnormative and heteronormative spaces. “In the past, you had to go to a venue to meet other LGBT [lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender] people, today you don’t”. The same article reported that there had been nine clubs close in the previous two years. That was December 2014. Coming out in New Zealand is hard enough;

there’s the anticipation of how family members might react, the confusion and emotional turmoil of the process, and the malignant casual homophobia and toxic masculinity that still lingers in the zeitgeist. Compacted with the melting pot of cultures, religions and upbringings throughout the country, the need for community spirit, that doesn’t revolve around dating apps or operate on the basis of university entrance, is imperative. Creating an environment where rainbow folk can hang out and not feel alone may encourage kōrero about being queer and the intersects that may come with it, might make the transition into being openly queer easier. For rangatahi, ZEAL does a fantastic job providing mentorship and space for baby queers to meet and congregate—like youth group, except without the JC and the over-the-pants handjobs. They even have mentors available who identify as trans*; a fantastic resource for gender diverse Hamiltonians looking to connect with people who have been where they are. Local groups like WaQuY organise meetups and have a secret Facebook group for people to ask questions without the fear of their virtual exploration inadvertently outing them to those on their friends’ list. Thank goodness for the 23


“Creating an environment where rainbow folk can hang out and not feel alone may encourage kōrero about being queer and the intersects that may come with it, might make the transition into being openly queer easier.” Internet, connecting gays since the ‘90s. Most queer people could frequent mainstream bars and clubs but they may feel uncomfortable having to “pass” for heterosexual and cisgender to avoid the ire of fellow patrons. They may feel excluded by heteronormative assumptions or feel they can’t dance/talk/act/interact with others as they would if in a club like Family or Ivy. Straight people are welcome at rainbow venues, there’s no litmus test for queerness at the door; you just get asked for your ID like every other half-hammered person in line. However, there is allegedly a trend of straight cisgender men going to gay clubs seeking the women that attend the club. Alex*, a postgrad student, said that they’ve had straight male friends talk about how they go to Family Bar to pick up women. ‘It’s like they think that because 80 per cent of the club patrons are men who aren’t into women, they will be able to approach girls without being predatory—it’s super fucked up—people go there to hook up, sure, but don’t try to lull your prey into a fake sense of safety from being hit on or ogled. You shouldn’t need to con someone into being receptive to your advances; either they’re into it or they’re not’.

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While it may seem like a misnomer to call a nonstraight venue a “gay” bar, there is a malignant culture of spaces being touted as queer-friendly but being dominated by white, gay men which alienates trans* patrons, people of colour and those not looking to hook up. Jay*, a straight transman, told Nexus that while attending another university, he stopped going to gay clubs, and even the queer space allocated on his campus because he felt pressured by the hook-up culture in the gay scene. ‘I’m a trans dude, I’m with a woman, so I guess that makes me straight. At the start, before I had top surgery [bilateral mastectomy and male chest reconstruction] and still had my dead name on my ID, gay clubs were really the only place I felt that the bouncer wouldn’t ask me super personal questions in line, and people wouldn’t give me funny looks. ‘As it turns out, there’s loads of cisnormativity in the gay community and lots of emphasis placed on masculinity, whereas femininity is still viewed as weak and unattractive—there’s a total pecking order—then, there’s race. I have friends who are gay Asian men who feel discriminated against. Some dudes on Grindr have reduced it down to “yellow fever” and “no rice”. It’s


PICTURED: STUDENTS ATTEND PRIDE CELEBRATIONS ON CAMPUS, SEPTEMBER 2018

upsetting that most mainstream images of the queer community are white dudes with other white dudes, or drag queens, like RuPaul who has made derogatory comments about trans women performing drag’. The Waikato has some fantastic tourist attractions; there’s Hobbiton in Matamata that brings oodles of sightseers hoping to see a little Peter Jackson movie magic, Waitomo Caves and their spectacular glowworms, and the hippy commune on black sand beaches that is Raglan. Our fair region is also the gateway to other tourist hotspots like Taupō and Rotorua, so it’s no surprise that there is a decent amount of people visiting Hamilton. According to their webpage dedicated to “Gay and Lesbian Travellers”, Lonely Planet succinctly wraps up their understanding of gender and sexuality diversity, “generally speaking, Kiwis are fairly relaxed and accepting about gender fluidity, but that’s not to say that homophobia doesn’t exist. Rural communities tend to be more conservative; here public displays of affection should probably be avoided.” While Lonely Planet should be commended for even bothering to provide a section targeted towards non-heterosexual travellers, the confusion of heteronormativity being related to gender fluidity, and the specificity of just gay or lesbian people being interested in travel, is exclusive and confused when

the intention seemed noble. While New Zealand may seem to be accepting of the queer community, there’s still a lack of visibility of the assortment of complex identities. Hamilton could be a hub for gender diversity and a paradise for beyond heteronormativity – and stand to benefit from queer tourism. Adjacent to the constant smell of silage and the taste of Lemon & Paeroa, there is a distinct undertone of diversity. The dominant Pakeha image of a white farmer in Red Bands and a Swanndri doesn’t do us justice. Waikato is a pick ’n’ mix of ethnic and religious diversity; we should celebrate it and allow the queer members of society to enjoy the relative liberal environment of our progressive little island. The Waikato could be a sanctuary for queer people; Hamilton has the largest Somali community outside of Auckland, a diaspora where Islamic Sharia law holds a death penalty for same-sex sexual intercourse in their country of origin, alongside the effervescent of the unique expressions of gender from our Pasifika population. From the original drag kings and iconic power lesbians, Lynda and Jools Topp, to the Samoan fa’afafines and Māori takatāpui, rainbow mooloos are out there and a safe space could be more than an LGBTTQIA+ room at the University of Waikato; it could extend to the whole region. ROYGBIV cowbell, anyone? 25


Key Terms

(via RainbowYouth: https://www.ry.org.nz/friendswhanau/useful-words/) • Agender: Agender individuals have no gender identity and/or no gender expression. Often they identify as a person rather than a gender. • Asexual: Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to others or the lack of interest in sex. People who identify as asexual may still identify with other sexualities and be romantically attracted to other people and have fulfilling relationships. • Bisexual: Bisexuality is a romantic or sexual attraction to people of the same and different genders. • Cisgender: (Cis for short) is a term used to describe a gender identity that matches an individual’s sex. So, if your birth certificate is marked ‘Female’ and when you grow up you identify as a female woman, this means that you have a cisgender gender identity. • Cisnormativity: This is a viewpoint that is based on the assumption that being cisgender is the ‘default’ or ‘normal’ gender identity, instead of being just one of many possibilities. Cisnormativity is often expressed subtly but can be seen in advertising, print and electronic media, education, lawmakers, and a range of attitudes expressed by society in general. • Fa’afafine: Fa’afafine are Samoan biological males who behave in a range of femininegendered ways. Fa’afafine falls into a third gender, separate from male or female. They have been an integrated part of Samoan communities for centuries. • Genderqueer: Usually, an umbrella term used to describe those whose identity is non-normative (not male or female). It can also be used as a stand-alone gender identity itself, pertaining to feelings of being neither male or female, both, or somewhere in between. • Heteronormativity: This is a viewpoint that is based on the assumption that heterosexuality

is the ‘default’ or ‘normal’ sexual orientation, instead of being just one of many possibilities. Intersex: The term intersex is a general term assigned to those whose reproductive or sexual anatomy doesn’t fit the typical definitions of either male or female. Non-binary: Usually an umbrella term for those who do not proscribe to the separate definitions of male and female (for example, gender variant, gender non-conforming, genderqueer). Pansexual: Pansexuality, or omnisexuality, is the sexual, romantic or emotional attraction towards people regardless of their sex or gender identity. It differs from bisexuality, which is an attraction to people of the same and different genders, in that pansexuals can be attracted to all gender identities, not a specific gender. Queer: Queer is a reclaimed word that serves as an umbrella term encompassing diverse sexualities and those who are not sure. This word is used by many people, but it may not be the preferred term for everybody. Questioning: People who are questioning their sexuality or gender identity may not yet be sure how they identify. Takatāpui: Takatāpui is a Māori term that historically refers to a partner of the same sex. Today, it is also used by people who identify as both Māori and queer. It’s a culturally specific term – which means it does not comply with western ideas of gender identity or sexual orientation. Transgender: An umbrella term encapsulating gender identities where an individual’s selfidentification or gender identity does not match the one associated with their assigned sex at birth. A transgender individual may identify with any gender identity (not only male or female), and may or may not have undergone gender reassignment surgery or hormonal treatment.

If you are experiencing feelings of isolation or loneliness, here are some helplines, services, and groups available for support that cater to queer issues. Free call or text 1737 any time for support from a trained counsellor OUTLine NZ – 0800 688 5463 (OUTLINE) Waikato Queer Youth – facebook.com/waikatoqueeryouth/ or waikatoqueeryouth@gmail.com University of Waikato UniQ – facebook.com/UniQWaikato Waikato GLOW | LGBTTQIA+ choir based in Hamilton – facebook.com/waikatoglowsingers Lesbian Social Group | Waikato-based group for lesbians – facebook.com/lsgwaikato 26


A Different Kind of Shin Splint(er)s CAMERON MCROBIE Ever taken a Razor Scooter to the shins? If you’re some fucked up kind of masochist and get off to that shit then shin kicking might be your next big break. Originating in the early 17th century in England, the home of all the worst sports, shin kicking is a combat sport; an English martial art, if you will. It is also the only martial art native to England besides bare-knuckle boxing, another innately meathead sport. It was one of the most popular events at the Cotswold Olimpick Games (a small-town hick version of the Olympics held in Camden, England featuring somewhat primitive sports) before the games ended in the 1850s. British immigrants introduced the sport to the USA and it was also included in the 1951 revival of the COG, remaining one of its most popular events. Now run as the World Shin-Kicking Championships, the event draws in thousands of spectators annually. Known also as hacking or purring, the rules aren’t much more than the sport’s name itself. Shin kicking is a twocontestant battle in which (surprise, surprise) the athletes kick the absolute shit out of each other’s forelegs. Each round, the competitors must face each other, hold onto one another’s collars and try to strike their shins with the inside of their foot and toes. Quite simply, you’re trying to fuck up your opponent’s shins with the ferocity of a coffee table corner until they either A: hit the ground, or B: cry out “sufficient”.

No clue why “sufficient” was chosen as the mercy call, probably would’ve gone for a “fucking cut it out, you dog-cunt” myself. Obviously, having only one brain cell, nerve damage, shins of steel or a meth level pain tolerance are a big ol’ advantage in this sport. Matches are observed by a referee, or stickler, who determines the score. Modern competitions are a best-ofthree rounds format and the winner (probably) receives a healthy dose of Anti-Flamme and a precautionary x-ray. Legend has it, the toughest bastards in the sport bashed their shanks with hammers to build pain tolerance and strengthen their shins to withstand each round a lil better. Likewise, some dirty players would try to wear steel-capped boots in competition in, what one can only assume, was an attempt to confine their opponents to a wheelchair indefinitely. Now, however, the Fun Police™ have made rules like “you can only wear soft shoes” and “every combatant must have padded trousers”. Weak. Shin kicking is a sport for people whose taste in entertainment never really evolved past the age of eight; which is probably the same demographic who genuinely enjoy watching the UFC. While on the topic of folks who endure purposeless pain for fun, the question must be posed – would y’all rather walk barefoot through 50 metres of Lego or take a Razor Scooter to the shins? 27


There’s no doubting the prowess of the studentculture heavyweight ‘Critic Booze Reviews’, though following the release of articles such as ‘Wakachangi Is New Zealand’s Finest Craft Beer’ and ‘Lion Red Is New Zealand’s Most Generic Beer’ – it became apparent our southern dwelling brethren were nearing the bottom of the barrel. While we may not be gifted with the Scarfie charm, surely, this is enough inspiration to write something of substance from. 28

WAIKATO DRAUGHT

A local treasure. This drop has become the staple for out-of-towners who think consuming river water is patriotic and quickly became the go-to 24-box for anyone waiting to inherit a fair few acres. There’s no doubting the medicinal qualities of this tasteless beauty; from quenching a mahi-induced thirst, to curing the anxiety of a fresher ordering their very first jug. It may be indistinguishable from the rest of the brown-bottled brethren, but if it wasn’t simple, easy, and been through all your mates, it wouldn’t be worthy of the “Waikato” brand.


CANADIAN CLUB & DRY

PARK LANE GIN LIME SODA

Nothing screams “I grew up in a gentrified suburb and didn’t get enough attention from my parents” quite like a box of CC’s. The cuckold’s Billy Maverick is the quintessential RTD of someone who’d refer to themselves as a “hopeless romantic”, the kind of person to drunkmessage their ex a year after a breakup, and someone who believes a good night directly correlates to the number of deep and meaningfuls initiated.

This trusty six-banger is sure to revitalise the senses and provide enough drama to warrant the creation of yet another group chat – excluding a name or two, obviously. If you’re sick of Banrock rosé, these 7-percenters are sure to provide the type of night where you peak a little early, console someone having an emotional breakdown and/or be consoled in the midst of your own, all before enjoying a lacklustre fuck with someone your mate has been grafting for weeks.

ICE BREAKER

RANFURLY DRAUGHT

All the benefits of a Cruiser without the complete loss of dignity. It may not be the most palatable on the market, but at least it doesn’t taste like a broken hymen. This somewhat classy alternative to the mighty array of sugar waters may contain little more than Smirnoff and a dash of cordial, but it’s a sure fire way for insecure men with celiac to maintain their precious masculinity.

If you’ve ever fantasized about getting divorced— or regularly taking your kids to a Valentine’s buffet— this is the beverage for you. While degenerates regard these lukewarm 440s as “nectar of the gods”, those with any self-respect tend to refer to it as “fermented petrol”. From the distinct lack of taste to the overwhelming feeling of a neglectful father figure, there’s really nothing quite like a “dirty ranny” to derive a personality from. 29


RANDAL THE JANDAL Golly, Nexus sure is one lucky magazine this week! We managed to track down the University’s ubiquitous mascot for a brief chat and what can only be described as a life-changing experience. Randal the Jandal truly is an inspiration to the Waikato community and a testament to the social media prowess of our glorious institution. Where did Randal come from? Hi Nexus! Thanks for being so interested in me and my activities. I’ve never done an interview before so I’m heckin’ nervous but also freckin’ excited. So, I was found near one of the campus lakes on a Monday morning in August last year by a HumanLadyWoman NEXUS: RJ:

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gathering duck eggs for her collection. I’d been abandoned. I was all alone. It was cold. I’d lost my textbooks. I’d lost my way. I was close to tears, but I had no eyes so that was awkward and a little bit painful. Anyway, the HLW picked me up off that damp, swampy, duck-infested ground, adopted me officially


through adopt-a-jandal.com, and now, here I am. NEXUS: What is Randal’s purpose? RJ: I’ve struggled to find my purpose for the entire whole one year of my life. Some things just are for no good reason. They exist simply to exist. Or something. And that’s me. I’m just here, man. Here and trying to get a grade better than a C-. NEXUS: What have we done to deserve Randal’s presence? RJ: The jandal gods smiled down on you. NEXUS: How does Randal relate to current and prospective students? RJ: I just try to be myself. That’s all any jandal can do. NEXUS: What feedback has Randal received from staff, students, and the general public? RJ: I like to avoid feedback. It can be crushing. But I hear I’m very popular with the boot population in Student Village. NEXUS: Following Randal’s ambush by “the Sandals”, has the University implemented improvements to safety on campus? What changes have been made to ensure these acts of violence do not occur again? RJ: I’m still traumatised by the ambush incident with the Sandals. I don’t know if the University has an ambush-prevention policy. There are still heaps of bushes everywhere. When I see sandals on campus, I give it some jandal and run off in the opposite direction. I don’t want them to look at me with their scary eyes. NEXUS: Randal has also been proven to not be a positive advocate for academic pursuits. Snapchat stories have shown Randal sleeping through periods of study, and even sleeping through an entire exam. Is this the attitude the University wants current and prospective students to adopt? Is this the role model of UoW?

RJ: Oh, wow. That’s a lot of responsibility to put on my small, firm, foamy shoulders. I’m just a jandal. And I sleep a lot. Also, I’m not good with alarms. NEXUS: Randal celebrated his first birthday quite recently, though sadly, despite the announcement asking for fans, friends, and family to “send in their Happy B-Day snaps to be in tomorrow’s story!”, “tomorrow’s story” never happened. What did Randal do to celebrate? Why were the public excluded from festivities? Did nobody wish Randal a happy birthday? RJ: My birthday party was pretty full-on. There were a lot more tasty snacks than I was expecting. Between Spartacus the Campus Tuatara, Skully the Skull and my best jandal friend Bryan from Bryan’s Hall, it was all bit of a blur with the snacks and whatnot. I was fully half-derped the next morning and late into that afternoon, hence why nothing got posted. Apologies and thanks to all who snapped in their best wishes. NEXUS: Randal has also shown complete disregard for his own safety, and the safety of others. The best example of this being the image of Randal sitting on the barriers at the top of the K Block fire escape stairs. Is this a “trend” we want to encourage students to copy? RJ: K, so, the K Block incident happened before I got eyes. I had no idea where I was. The snap says I was admiring the view, but really, I was feeling it more than seeing it. And it was sweet. NEXUS: Why does Randal say “no” to the rain? Is Randal unaware of the heavy agricultural focus of the Waikato region? What reasons does Randal have to oppose the lifeblood of our primary industry? RJ: I’ve had trouble with most types of weather, not just rain. You may remember how the sun nearly killed me last summer. Thanks, Nexus. And remember: first you flip, and then you flop, said no jandal ever.

31


The Evolution of Car Boot Sales NICOLA SMITH Since the beginning of time, there has been trading, especially second-hand trade; the concept of “one man’s treasure is another man’s gold” runs true. Car boot and garage sales were once a Saturday morning ritual where the family would try to get rid of things and make somewhat of a profit. Personally, it was hard to see the monetary value with the opportunity cost of missing out on sleep as a child to get up and strap on the fanny pack to attend. Now, there are new avenues available which you may not even have to leave your bed to access or profit off. TradeMe has been known as a great channel to achieve this. There’s the ability to sell as much or as little as you want, not restricted to the size of a car boot or garage. With TradeMe, there’s a category for anything you could need, and when it does come to selling things, it’s formatted in an easy to understand way so you can understand the market value of the item you may be selling or purchasing. Facebook hosts many “buy and sell” pages, but some are better than others. Depending on which town you may be in the vicinity of. For instance, using Facebook Marketplace in Ponsonby Auckland may give you some rather expensive vintage boutique items to explore compared to Norton where someone sells leftovers from their dinner cbbheap. The items found may not be as structured, with some individuals trying to sell themselves or even items grown from their garden for recreational purposes. However, the authenticity of people is there; you can tell who looks 32

genuine through their profile and even the proficiency of their typing style. It also means a company won’t benefit from your sale or purchase if you do want to make quick cash. Second-hand shops offer the chance to sell items on behalf of oneself in exchange for a profit. Places like Recycle Boutique rely on the sourced goods from consumers to sell to consumers and take 50/50 of the profit. However, this does help to eliminate the stress of having to physically list and sell an item yourself where you may not be reaching the appropriate audience. Recycle Boutique even promotes different items on their Instagram. Or if you happen to follow the page, you may see an item that you want to purchase at a more reasonable price than buying first hand. With the addition of technological devices and social media, there are so many more medians through which to sell, exchange and buy this “glorified trash”. It’s important to have an easy understanding of what they are and how to benefit from these avenues. What once started as a school fundraiser with proceeds going towards a sports team has now evolved into something so much more.


The Penthouse

After growing sick of the decrepit flats constantly being featured in our pages, these soon-to-be-yopros wanted to show us the glamorous side to student living; a contrast to the shitty classics. There’s no doubt that these boys are living the bachelor dream. From hosting regular poker nights in their micropub, to keeping bedroom fridges fully stocked, it’s safe to say they won’t be moving home anytime soon.


Nothing gets this man going quite like a fresh box of Billy Mavs. A connoisseur of a good side fringe, he definitely knows his way around the sticky floors of Outback at 2 am. She’s a rugged queen looking for the bogan of her dreams, on the hunt for a “man that never declines” and, ideally, has a motorbike in his possession. On paper, this seems like it could be the perfect match, though maybe our cupids should’ve done a little more research. SHE SAID:

HE SAID:

What the clearance rack in Cotton On lacks in fashion, I had to make up for by being fashionably late. I stroll on in, courage in my heart and my liver, as the yet to be broken seal reassured me, it’s not even that bad oi (just like this year’s RnV lineup). The lovely waitress directs me to the very lonely boy “sitting all alone by himself in the corner”. She could not stress enough that this man was alone and in desperate need of my weak chat and awkward grin. I admired his “let’s just spend the money on drinks with a side of fries” strategy. He was easy to talk to and came with his partially drunk friend’s stamp of a approval because after all “he is such a great guy, like, seriously!” You’ve made it this far comment #uffuff if u stayed to the end and don’t forget to like, comment and subscribe to my YouTube channel @undatables. Thanks, Nexus and thanks date!

The night started off with a quiet slab of Diesels before being dropped off at the House 5 minutes early. As per, she arrived a bit late giving me enough time to put another drink back. When she arrived, we got drinks, and throughout the night the chat got better. She then said that she had came with her mates and they were actually sitting at the table next to us. Not sure why she decided to show up with her mates but you should of left them at the halls. Seeing all your R.A’s was bad enough, let alone the death stares from your friends the whole night. Either way they wanted to leave after about 2 hours, and I had no intention in stopping them. Nice girl, average as fuck date. 5/10

Brought to you by House on Hood Street. If you’re keen for a Blind Date, email editor@nexusmag.co.nz


Virgo (Aug 23-Sep 22) A dream is a wish your heart makes, but be sure to do some risk evaluation before acting on a whim. Heavy drugs may not be the right path for you at this point in your life. Libra (Sep 23-Oct 22) Your spirit will be set free this week as you begin a personal cleanse. Ignore judgement from others; everyone’s got their kinks. Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21) You may think honesty is the best policy, but perhaps consider the feelings of others. Some friends don’t appreciate your “helpful” advice. Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21) Ever the alluring figure, you may find yourself with some newfound attention. Be wary of the wisdom of older age, there are other financial steps you can take before resorting to Seeking Arrangements. Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19) Ever the enthusiast, you can find light in the darkest of tunnels. Use your positivity to wrangle the group together for a mid-week bender to distract from RnV’s arguably shocking lineup. Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18) You’ve never been one for budgeting, and your bank transaction history shows it. It’s time to learn how to manage your money and reevaluate your choices – do you really need the same shirt in four different colours?

38

Pisces (Feb 19-Mar 20) Strength in numbers runs true for you this celestial period, as wrongdoings must be acknowledged. Be sure to have a backup when you decide to call out their behaviour on your private Instagram, for there are eyes everywhere. Aries (Mar 21-Apr 19) We’re all about removing toxic energy here at Nexus, but it’s time to reevaluate your coping mechanisms. At this point, your blocked list is longer than your friends list, so maybe find a different way of dealing with your ex. Taurus (Apr 20-May 20) Our predictions show a big personal growth spurt this week. It’s finally time to leave your bad friendship skills in the past and learn to be supportive to people other than yourself. Gemini (May 21-June 20) Our crystal ball shows that happiness is what you seek, but stress less about being the only single member of your flat. Enjoy the fact that you don’t have to commit yourself to anything other than your Xbox. Cancer (June 21-July 22) Shy and reserved, it can be difficult to express your many emotions properly. Despite being unmatched, be sure to use other social media to contact them and let them know how you feel. Leo (July 23-Aug 22) We’re in the mood for romance, Leo, and now is the time to act. You need to make an effort before your lover decides they’ve had enough of your less-thanaverage sex life.


Keen for some free Burgerfuel? Simply snap us the shitfest of your student lifestyle for the chance to win. If you’ve accidentally sent us something you shouldn’t have, just email editor@nexusmag.co.nz with all the details. Prizes can be claimed from reception in the SUB (between Unimart and the gym). 39


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1. Fiasco (7) 2. Meaning (5) 3. Metallic element (4) 4. Annually (6) 5. Treachery (8) 6. Flightless bird (7) 7. Curtain (5) 12. On time (8) 14. See (7) 16. Spear with three prongs (7) 17. Attorney (6) 18. Ape (5) 20. Nimble (5) 21. Young whale (4) 41


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Nexus 2018 Issue 21  

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