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Editorial FOMO News Easy News Horoscopes Entertainment Reviews The Crowd Goes Mild Yam & Troys the Science Boys Random Audit: ENGMP211-18A Centrefold Lonely Tarts Club

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Arts How to Hangover: Makeup Tutorial Full Exposure: Banks Arcade Pass the Aux How to Fix Everything Full Exposure: The Chicken Couple This vs. That Waikat’ Flats Blind Date Snapped Puzzles

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Issue 11, 14th - 18th May 2018 Editor: Lyam Buchanan editor@nexusmag.co.nz Design: Vincent Owen design@nexusmag.co.nz Managing Editor: James Raffan james@wsu.org.nz Deputy Editor: Grace Mitchell grace@nexusmag.co.nz News Editor: Alexander Nebesky alex@nexusmag.co.nz Sub Editor: Jennie-Louise Kendrick jen@nexusmag.co.nz Reviews Editor: Archie Porter reviews@nexusmag.co.nz

Contributors: Emily Reid, Paora Manuel, Jamie Wololo, Kim Sare, Kaitlin Stewart, Nicola Smith, Conor Maxwell, CJ Lee, Cameron McRobie, Troy Anderson, Peter Dornauf, Jordan Gowan, and the tenants of Hogwarts Cover Illustration: Vincent Owen Online: vincentowen.co.nz Centrefold: Karnn Bhullar Instagram: @karnnbhullar Online: karnnbhullar.bigcartel.com Horoscope Illustrations: Josh Nelson Instagram: @joshprobably Twitter: @joshDrawbably Design Interns: Patrick Knights, Ray Puri Video Interns: Isaac Wohlers, Madison MacInnes Podcast Editor: Caleb Bird


Cmd+Opt+P+R This will be a little more “after the fact” than typical editorials. But when print day starts oh so smoothly, only to go so terribly awry, it bears reporting. While writing this, the editorial team is currently pacing about the room making their final peace with whatever cruel deity designed for us such misfortune. An hour from print deadline, our beloved iMac completely shat the bed, taking every file Nexus has created over the past five years down with it. The very issue you’re hopefully holding being amongst those affected. When you’re a part of a world-changing, era-defining event, it sticks with you. You come out a different person to the one you were when you went in. We’ve found ourselves begging the question, has Y2K come 19 years late? As often happens with any grief process, you go through stages. At present we’re lost in the blame game, tossing up whether or not this has anything to do with our past transgressions. Could this be karma sent from the great beyond by those whom we have wronged? This year alone we’ve riled the members of Young Act to the point of abusing us on social media, fucked off the RAs enough for them to start a petition against us, and neglected far too many social commitments by being “too busy with the mag”. The important thing now is where we go from here. We considered knuckling down and doing 2000 copies of the magazine in crayon, but abandoned the idea for fear of being called out for plagiarising Salient. Instead, we racked our brains for answers like we’d just been dumped for the first time. Why’d it have to end like this? What could we have done to make it different? What if we promise to change? The thing is, sometimes things go wrong without anybody ever being able to foresee it. All we can hope for is that you’re currently holding a fresh, seemingly flawless, Issue 11. As at the point of writing this, there’s still a high chance you’ll have nothing of value to distract from your Monday morning commitments. The reality is, this magazine takes up more of our daily lives than we’d like to admit. While some of you may think we’re just a bunch of narcissists who throw a magazine together each week to boost our egos – and you’d be right – it’s still devastating when it all falls to shit so close to the finish line.

– Lyam 1


Emerging Leaders Awards | Applications close May 25th

Put simply, the awards are a chance to celebrate and nurture great student talent. The awards are based off a best-practice graduate recruitment process, so students can go through a “dry-run” of sorts, and get feedback on their application, with the winners receiving unique leadership development opportunities. Everyone will get an opportunity to try psychometric testing, with feedback. The top 150 will try a video interview. All the finalists will be flown and hosted in Auckland for a no-stress assessment centre (followed by drinks and dinner). Finalists will get feedback after the awards to help them hone their skills. Winners will gain an industry mentor, a C-Suite lunch with company execs, enrolment in our Leadership Foundations online course and a bespoke CV workshop. We’ve got seven awards, in seven study areas: Accounting, Business and Finance, Digital & Technology, Science, Engineering, Law, and Humanities. For applications and more details, visit: www.emergingleaders.co.nz

MyWaikato student system is coming soon

From June, your student details will live on MyWaikato. It’s a new, mobilefriendly system where you can manage your enrolments, timetable, account balance, final grades, academic record, and graduation in one easy place. This means you won’t need iWaikato anymore but it will still be available – just in case. As we move to MyWaikato, we’ll need to make some systems unavailable temporarily. We might also be a little slower than usual in responding to your enquiries. Thanks in advance for your patience. Find out more at waikato.ac.nz/go/MyWaikato.

UTSNZ Hockey

We’re looking for male and female hockey players interested to play for the University of Waikato at the UTSNZ National Tertiary Hockey Champs in Auckland on 4 – 6 July. You need to be enrolled in B Semester 2018 to be eligible. If you’re interested, email uowsport@waikato.ac.nz

Inter-Faculty Sport | Basketball

Are you ready for the ultimate clash of the faculties? Inter-faculty basketball will be held at UniRec on Wednesday 30 May from 10 am – 3 pm. There will be loads of free stuff up for grabs, as well as a free BBQ lunch for those who participate and support their faculty. Email uowsport@waikato.ac.nz to join your faculty’s team.

Hillary Scholars’ Bake Sale

The Hillary Scholars are holding their annual bake sale to fundraise for the Himalayan Trust this Wednesday 30 May. Come along to Level 2 of the Student Centre with some cash, grab yourself a sweet or savoury treat, and contribute to an awesome cause while you’re at it!

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NEWS

Budget 2018:

Why It’s Different, Transformative, and a Little Boring ALEXANDER NEBESKY, GRACE MITCHELL, LYAM BUCHANAN

The 2018 budget, delivered by Minister of Finance Grant Robertson at 2 pm on Thursday 17 of March was, in Trevor Mallard’s words just moments before the presentation, ‘pretty minor’. Having already dished out goodies in the ‘mini-budget’, Robertson instead took the opportunity to let us know how different this government and 4

its budget are, and Winston appeared to take the opportunity to mumble his way through 20 minutes of zings.


NEWS

“In years gone by, the budget was fondly thought of as a ‘lolly scramble’, giving New Zealanders plenty to be pleased or pissed off with.” The budget is probably the best example of why your slightly edgy friend says “I don’t do politics.” At times it can be the best of our intentions lock in battle with the worst of our civility. It is for all intents and purposes our State of the Union, with the added benefit of getting to do maths and play with figures. Annually, it serves as the yardstick with which the government will be measured for the next 12 months, highlighting its spending priorities while delivering its best advert for “being in touch with the wants and desires of the average New Zealander.” Then, the leader of the opposition stands up and delivers a 20 minute speech full of insights, congratulating the government on initiatives it felt were great while also suggesting the differences in their economic and social agenda. Just kidding, they lose their shit while refusing to acknowledge the other side are even making an honest attempt at helping New Zealanders. Instead they remember the world as rose coloured and overly simplistic when they were in power and the worst it will ever be for New Zealanders now that they are not. In years gone by, the budget was fondly thought of as a ‘lolly scramble’, with billions of dollars being injected right into areas of government interest, creating a big

bang on budget day, and giving New Zealanders plenty to be pleased or pissed off with. The proverbial lolly scramble always ended with some kids, pockets stuffed with starbursts, smiling happily while others found themselves woefully without candy. This year, we have been given something of a more focussed and realistic budget designed not to make a bang, but to spread government revenue keenly and evenly over areas the government has identified as the ‘problem children’ in need of a little candy themselves. The same basis as budgets of years passed, but distinctly lacking a big bang. The common narrative surrounding our 2018/19 budget revolves around the so-called ‘mini budget’ delivered in September, and intended by the government to start solving problems well ahead of the actual budget. This approach, while in line with the government’s policy attempting to make a fairer New Zealand, did result in a significantly more ‘lowkey’ budget day than usual for those who tune in for the spectacle of big money and big policies. Perhaps the lolly-scramble budget is a thing of the past—perhaps in the future high-priority scramblers will get their lollies as soon as the government can dole them.

Jargon and Definitions Budget: The money which the government will spend in the next year. Change/Changes/Changing: It is claimed this budget will bring change. Deficit: Negative money—what you get when expenditure exceeds revenue. Different/Differently: How both this budget and government have been described. GDP: All the money NZ makes, based on the market price of all the shit we make. Grant ‘Can’t fix 9 years of neglect’ Robertson: Minister of Finance. Lolly Scramble: What Patrick Gower calls the government giving money to people to make them feel happy :) Net debt: All the money the government owes, less the assets they have. Patrick Gower: Political editor of Newshub. Revenue: The money that the government makes. Surplus: The money in the government coffers leftover from the budget. Tax Brackets: The rate at which you are taxed based on what your income is. Transform/Transformative/ Transforming: It is claimed that this budget will be transformative. 5


NEWS

Key Points

Expert Opinions David Bennett, National Party MP

Education: $1.6bn in operating funds.

Health: $3.2bn more over next 4 years. The price of GP visits will drop by $20-30 for Community Service Card holders.

“I think today’s budget just hasn’t delivered for the best economic times. They were in surplus, they had a strong economy, we’d gone through all those difficult times and delivered a really good position for them, and yet they haven’t been able to do a budget that has delivered for ordinary New Zealanders. “The budget they’ve delivered is for NZ First—to keep them in the coalition agreement. But it doesn’t do the things… the 1800 extra police, there’s no money for

Dunedin hospital, there’s new taxes likely, petrol taxes and all those that’ve gone up, but you’ve got enough money for a billion dollars for diplomats in a new embassy in Sweden, it’s bizarre. “Also, the budget actually indicates there’s a reduction in student numbers, even though there’s all that increase in funding. That’s just another crazy thing, you’re spending all this money on student support and we’re having less students through, it just doesn’t make sense. [900 students less]. “

Jamie Strange, Labour Party MP

Housing: $1bn dedicated to housing over the next 3 years. 6,400 new houses are also planned over the next 4 years.

Refugees: 2 new accomodation blocks for Māngere Refugee Resettlement Centre, $3.8m for Refugee and Protection over 4 years.

Mental Health: $10.5m over three years for a programme to give 18-25 year-olds free support access. 6

“There wasn’t a lot for tertiary education as the two big ticket items had already come out. “From a students’ point of view, things like the first year free and raising student allowances, those things would’ve ordinarily been in the budget but we fasttracked them. “I think it’s important that they’re told as part of the story, the reason we fast tracked them

obviously is so they could be in there in time for February, but they’re obviously linked with the budget, and if you look at the budget documents that spending is in there. “Also, students are heading towards that stage where they’ll be having kids, some of them sooner rather than later, so that $60 each week for the first 12 months of a child’s life could be relevant.

Jonathan Gee, NZUSA President

“...The Government is on the right track, but they need to work with us and show us their plan to genuinely create a barrier-free education for all New Zealanders. “Let’s not forget that during the 2017 general election, this Government promised to restore postgraduate student allowances and restore student loan borrowing for those studying long courses beyond 7 years of study. We’re also eagerly awaiting free counselling for under-25 year olds, as promised

in the Labour/Greens Confidence and Supply Agreement. The least we expect is for those promises to be kept before we go to the polls again. “In the face of course cuts, staff cuts and cuts to the humanities, the tertiary education sector is in need of a long-overdue funding boost. Better still, we need to change the funding model to ensure tertiary institutions are well-equipped to deliver a tertiary education that is good for students and good for New Zealand.”


NEWS

• • • •

• • • •

• • • • •

Simon Bridges:

“Borrowing more, taxing more and spending more.” “This government is an almighty handbrake on New Zealand’s growth and economy” “An epic fail.” “...when the Prime Minister stands to give her speech, I’ve got just one question I want an answer for: will there be more serious sexual, violent, and drug offenders living next to hard-working New Zealand families? There are a few important requirements of being a Prime Minister, and keeping New Zealand families safe is one of them.”

Jacinda Ardern:

“Behind every single dollar is a story, and behind every single dollar is an unmet need.” “On that side of the House, there’s a lot of “shouty-shouty” and not a lot of “planny-planny”—on National. “We’re rebuilding a Government that thinks about people—that thinks about people and puts them at the heart of our decision making.” “I would rather be a Prime Minister that tried and missed than a Prime Minister that never tried at all.”

Winston Peters:

“This is about a Budget building foundations. It’s fact, not fiction, real not fake news.” “It’s a Budget that reflects the unique make-up of the first truly MMP Government.” “A fairer, more prosperous future for all New Zealanders.” “...once National’s flimflam had collapsed, so did their commitment.” “New Zealanders look for a Government which offers fresh direction, for a Government which offers energy and drive, and—dare I say it, Mr Smith—youth.” “We’re gonna make New Zealand great again.”

James Shaw:

“Mr Speaker, it is said that in every budget there are winners and losers. Well, in this budget the winners are our precious kiwi, kākā and kererū. The losers are the rats, stoats and possums.” “The investments being made here today are investments in a better, more resilient, more sustainable future for all New Zealanders, and for this beautiful land we call home.”

David Seymour:

“Far from being a transformational Budget, this Government is simply spending taxpayers’ money where it feels it will get the best electoral results.” “18 year olds who’re going into tertiary education are among the luckiest people that have ever lived since we climbed down from trees.” 7


NEWS

Abortion Law Reform KAITLIN STEWART

Abortion is still a controversial issue in New Zealand. In 2017, the Labour Party pledged an inquiry into New Zealand’s abortion legislation if elected. Whether this reform is a negative or positive change for New Zealand communities is still up for debate. Unsurprisingly, Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern faces opposition from the National Party over the commitment to update abortion laws, as the law commission invites public inpuit about the proposed law reform. Former Prime Minister Bill English stated during the 2017 campaign that the current law was sufficient and felt no need for change. Ardern’s response came via The AM Show later in 2017 when she said: “there will be a majority of Parliament that think, actually in 2017, women shouldn’t face being criminals for

accessing their own rights”. Earlier this year, Minister of Justice Andrew Little stated that the Labour Party see abortion as a health issue rather than a criminal one. While a medical procedure accessible to New Zealand women, it is still technically a crime as the law has remained unchanged for 40 years. The inclusion of abortion in the Crimes Act 1961 under the Contraception, Sterilisation and Abortion Act 1977 reinforces negative stigma for the patient. This is not the first time the Labour Party have proposed such

“The proposed legislation will focus on decriminalisation rather than procedural changes.” 8

a law reform. In 2010, Labour MP Steve Chadwick proposed a law change to extend the time frame in which to receive an abortion for up to 24 weeks of pregnancy. However, the bill lacked support and failed to get the required votes. The proposed legislation will focus on decriminalisation rather than procedural changes. Dr Dan Weijers, philosophy lecturer at the University of Waikato, expressed the desire for more discussion and understanding around the current law, and the implications of changing it. “More information and debate on this issue would be good. On information, I wouldn’t be surprised if most men knew little to nothing about the current law. On debate, it seems to me that abortion raises several important social and moral issues. Some of these issues are also related to potential law changes in related domains.” Weijers suggested that the


NEWS

idea that all human life matters and should, therefore, be valued—even if unborn—could flow through to many other issues currently before Parliament including euthanasia. Pro-life organisation Voice for Life has been particularly active in this debate. The organisation states that they “believe in the value of human lives being built from the moment you are conceived up until death.” A Massey University student associated with the organisation, who wished to remain anonymous, said: “The values they [Voice for Life] as an organisation want to portray is to encourage discussion surrounding abortion as opposed to passing judgement”. On their website, Voice for Life recently posted in support of the proposed law reform; however, they wish for more input to be had from those that matter, referring to local civilians within New Zealand and the population being directly affected. “We know a lot more about abortion and fetal development now, but we need to make sure the process isn’t taken lightly.” When asked about the idea of changing the procedural guidelines when referencing the new law, Dr Weijers said: “It depends on what the new law looks like and how much effort various organisations put into spreading knowledge. However, the process of taking steps to reevaluate the old law seems likely to generate more discussion and so more knowledge on the issue of abortion. “I would hope that any change to general perception of abortion is based on factual information and valid arguments about the moral and social status of abortion in a range of circumstances.”

“...it is still technically a crime.”

MINISTER OF JUSTICE ANDREW LITTLE

Abortion is technically under the Crimes Act of 1961, making it illegal if performed outside of the given rules. The rules include having two doctors certify that the mother is mentally or physically unfit to carry, deliver, or care for the child. The other grounds for abortion involve the child being the result of incest, or at risk of abnormality. With those caveats met, the procedure can be conducted inside the first 20 weeks of pregnancy. However, to guarantee as little harm to the mother as possible, 12 weeks is recommended. Equivalating to a natural miscarriage, a medical abortion is used for early pregnancies (up to nine weeks) involving the taking of a pill. But when further developed, a surgical abortion is required and is similar to inducing a very early labour. •

There is no legal age limit to receiving or seeking information about abortion. Young women under 16 years of age are able to receive the procedure under the Care of Children Act.

20-24 year-olds are the highest percentage of women to receive an abortion. This means university students are a key demographic likely to be affected by the result of this inquiry.

It is legal to have an abortion for up to and even beyond 24 weeks in Australian states such as Victoria. 9


• 92 – The age of Gloriavale’s founder, Hopeful Christian, when he died last week. • 12 – The number of Head Hunters present at Johnny Danger’s funeral, one of whom socked a man in the mouth. • 100,000 – The number of dollars won by portraitist Yvette Coppersmith after taking out first place at the Archibald portrait competition in Australia. • 14 – The number of years Dominic Monaghan, who played Meriadoc Brandybuck in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, has suffered harassment from a fan who sends death threats, poems, porn links, and nude photographs of her body regularly.

Intel NUC 8 RRP: $979 USD

Intel’s new PC is capable of cracking out the latest titles with ease, providing users with an unrivalled gaming experience without taking up as much space as a textbook. It’s kitted out with all the ports you’ll ever need and even uses significantly less power than your typical gaming system. Why should you buy this? • It’s compact, simplistic, and probably leagues ahead of the rig you’re currently running. • It’s infinitely more portable than the average system with equivalent specs. Why shouldn’t you buy this? • There’s a big LED skull on the top of the case. • It’d be shitloads easier to steal than the average gaming PC.

• After failing his practical driving test, a Timaru man refused to allow his driving instructor to leave the car. The man behaved aggressively and erratically before finally allowing the instructor to disembark the vehicle. The instructor has not pressed charges. • A dog named Max, who was having trouble being rehomed, has been officially hired by the Ruapehu District Council to round up stray stock on the roads. Max, who suffers from separation anxiety and has a penchant for escaping, will be on call 24/7 in his new role. • Bay Dreams has announced they’ll be sending it once again on January 2nd at Bay Park in Mount Maunganui. But for the first time ever, a sister event will follow in Nelson at Trafalgar Park on January 4, 2019.

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Taurus (Apr 20-May 20) A transition of light from Venus highlights social interaction. Prolonged eye contact with a stranger is no cause for concern, chances are they’ve recently gotten off to someone who looks just like you.

Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21) Subconscious motivations are brought to light as your near the cusp of your tertiary journey. You’ll soon realise just how much you hate your degree, in hindsight you probably should’ve chosen something you care about.

Gemini (May 21-June 20) The dragon’s head rises with the breach of a new moon. You’re hard to be around at the best of times, but sadly this lunar cycle causes you to become even more insufferable.

Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21) Your geocentric cosmological theories form the backdrop of contemporary worldviews. Your opinions are probably valuable, it’s just a shame nobody cares to listen.

Cancer (June 21-July 22) As the ancients once prophesied, the dawn of the 23rd day of the fifth month will bring the greatest of tidings. Revel in the glory gifted upon thee, as it’s the last time you’ll feel at peace for the next few existences. Leo (July 23-Aug 22) Jupiter’s presence leaves you with submissive tendencies. You crave to be treated as an equal; though, like all education students, you’re nothing more than a doormat for the government to do with what it pleases. Virgo (Aug 23-Sep 22) The lord of time declares a halt, though only briefly. Time seems to pass slowly, but not slowly enough. Even if you start cramming now, your GPA will still be piss-poor awful. Libra (Sep 23-Oct 22) A cosmic wind soothes the whittled soul. Once again you’ve completely worn yourself out. Take a breather, sleep in, and maybe try get through a weekend without smashing half a pack of nangs.

Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19) An intuition for planetary alignment sheds new light on meteorological talents. An uncanny fifth sense allows your predictions of imminent weather to increase in likelihood by 30%. Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18) Meditation is key to negate your deficiency in elemental life energies. Failing this, smashing back a bottle of Kristoff and railing a bunch of Raro seems to do the trick. Pisces (Feb 19-Mar 20) The passing of a great mentor leaves you in a state of disillusionment. Take it upon yourself to become who others admire. Release your inner “Hell Fuckin’ Yehawr” and become the inspiration local youth require. Aries (Mar 21-Apr 19) A celestial body takes great interest in your being this week; solar hours fill with ambition – though the lunar cycle brings restlessness and terrors of the night. This might not be a great week to sleep alone, but that doesn’t excuse sleeping with your ex. 11


Crush of the Week: the combo of What’s Ryan Reynolds and David Beckham Hot: If you’ve seen the latest Deadpool 2 sketch (in which the hottest superhero out apologises to David, the hottest footballer out, for saying his voice sounds like he ‘mouth-sexed a can of helium’), you’ll understand. In addition to the humour, the internet literally lost its shit over the excessive attractiveness of the two blokes. Never has there been so much DILF-ness in one shot.

Over-complimenting the smell of your Uber driver’s Holden Cruze

Naughty red cards

Super original pickup lines using the name of your Tinder match

Riding your bike into a fence to get to Platform 9 & ¾

Nexus contributors getting frisky after hours

Clickbait Moodboard: Theme: Why you have to wait so long in A&E.

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What’s Not: •

Saucy meatball subs while wearing a white shirt

Spending $186 on your dog to get injections and her butthole fingered

Forgetting to wish Mum a happy Mother’s Day until after you angrily ranted to her about your shitty life

Spreading illness throughout your flat


TOP 10:

Absolute Useless Cunt on Verge of Tears Prior to Mid-Season Court Session

“I know I’ve been off my game recently, I don’t need to be constantly reminded by 20 obnoxious pissheads all night.” Sam “Hot Shot” Davis, opens up about the effect emotional ridicule has had on his physical performance.

First Years Adamant They’ll Remain Friends with Everyone from the Halls

“I know we’ve only been living together for like 3 months but we’re honestly all so close!” Optimistic freshers yet to comprehend the difference between ‘School Camp’ and ‘University’. “I wonder when we’ll get our block hoodies!!!”

Strong Correlation Found Between Having Shit Opinions and Frequenting Momento

Substitutes for a Personality

Not everyone is blessed with an interesting, flowing, or even somewhat substantial personality. Fear not, we’ve got a range of stereotypes, traits, and general bullshit for you to appropriate! By utilising any of the following, not only will you begin to feel justified as a person, but there’s a chance you’ll eventually acquire a sense of being wanted. 1.

Following a few too many pages along the lines of ‘Something niche memes for descriptive term within that niche teens’. 2. Building a completely unrealistic, obscure, and moderately narcissistic taste in music. 3. Openly taking the piss out of trends to minimise your accountability when questioned about your own choices. 4. Going out of your way to sustain a Snap streak without talking about anything of substance. 5. Pumping your body full of psychoactive substances and ensuring everyone you’ve ever met knows you’re doing so. 6. Calling yourself out in a game of ‘Never Have I Ever’ to show off how cool you are. 7. Developing a comedic heavyweight drinker aesthetic; forcing yourself to disregard social cues in order to entertain everyone with your zany drunk antics. 8. Chucking a white border on each Instagram post. 9. Hooking a 50x35mm, slightly-beveled plastic tag, rendered in a gradient from tangerine to crisp yellow, onto your key ring. A UniRec membership is the clearest way to indicate there’s “more to you than meets the eye”. 10. Owning a dog and living vicariously through it.

“Honestly, why would anyone watch a TV show that doesn’t have a laugh track?” Undergraduate social scientist takes in the buzz of being at the center of campus. “I should probably tweet about this! Surely, it’ll end up trending.” 13


Reviews

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Dead Rising 4

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DEAD RISING 4 – CAPCOM VANCOUVER REVIEW: CONOR MAXWELL

7 – BEACH HOUSE REVIEW: ARCHIE PORTER

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In a world where every third video game released into the wild has something to do with zombies, the Dead Rising series has always managed to stand out. With multiple endings, crippling difficulty spikes, a menagerie of excellent villains (called psychopaths) and a time-based sandbox story mode, each game has made the concept of outlasting a zombie outbreak seem immediate and stressful. Until Dead Rising 4. The latest game in the franchise attempts to capture the fans’ attention by bringing back original protagonist Frank West, but it removes psychopaths, unique survivors and the time limit; basically, the soul of the whole series. Sure, you still get to kill a bunch of zombies in sick and sexy ways, but they’ve replaced the horror and challenge with Christmas decorations and a crossbow that shoots swordfish. I didn’t die a single time during my playthrough, and I actually suck at video games. Play Dead Rising 4 for the violence, comedy, and story mode, but don’t expect too much depth this time around; you’ll only end up getting your heart broken.

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Seven albums into their discography, Beach House continue to explore their distinctive style on their latest record, 7. Prior to this, the dream-pop duo has produced blissful albums such as the excellent Teen Dream and Bloom; two records that perfectly blended lavish soundscapes and atmosphere with memorable pop melodies and wistful songwriting. The singles preceding this new record seemed to imply a skinshedding change of direction for the band, breaking free of their self-imposed restraints and diving headfirst into a new realm of excitingly lush sounds. The album itself, however, is not such a drastic shift. Opening with the dramatic ‘Dark Spring’, the track forms an intoxicating and immediate grip on the listener with its aggressive percussion and fast tempo; two elements that seem to set 7 apart from the duo’s previous work instantly. After this, however, the album ebbs and flows between experimentalism and complacency – as though, no matter how hard they try, Beach House still find themselves somewhat locked in to their pre-established sound. Although it features some standout tracks, such as the dazzling ‘Drunk in LA’ and the hypnotic ‘Black Car’, 7 demonstrates a constant battle between restrictions and breaking free. Had the duo embraced the subversive aggressiveness of tracks such as the opener, and the sprawling single ‘Dive’, 7 could have been a bold new direction – instead, while it is admittedly very solid, it merely sounds like a hint at greater things yet to come.

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Stranger

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Album BEYONDLESS – ICEAGE Iceage deliver another impactful and mature slice of punk rock.

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Album STRANGER – YUNG LEAN REVIEW: CJ LEE e_01. eps

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Despite being a fan of Yung Lean, how I managed to miss out on Stranger is beyond me. Despite consisting of 14 songs, there are surprisingly no features on this album – not even Lean’s frequent collaborator, Bladee. In terms of production, Lean brought in the producers from the SADBOYS crew such as Yung Sherman, Yung Gud, and Whitearmor – producers that are widely recognised for their experimental, dreamy, and ambient sound. The song that stood out most to me in the album was ‘Red Bottom Sky’, a beautiful and warm track that is elegantly crafted with metaphors reflecting the life of Lean. Next, there are the colourful, lullaby-like track ‘Silver Arrows’, a song so cosy you’ll feel as if you are in a Studio Ghibli movie. ‘Metallic Intuition’ is a sinister track that I would say best defines Lean’s current style of music. Consequently, there is ‘Yellowman’; the song is, according to Genius, a reference to the book, The King in Yellow by Robert W. Chambers. The slightlydistorted, reverb-drenched vocals along with the roughed up instrumental got me falling in love with it right away. In conclusion, every aspect of Stranger shows how much the SADBOYS have grown musically. My review probably doesn’t do the album justice, so I highly recommend you check it out yourself and listen to it from start to finish. Stranger is hands down one of my favourite Yung Lean albums to date.

Film AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR – THE RUSSO BROTHERS I don’t feel so good…

Album ANTIDOTES – FOALS 10 years old, Antidotes remains an incredible debut with unique style.

Film ISLE OF DOGS – WES ANDERSON Enjoyable and masterfully realised, but somewhat incoherent.

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Old Mcdonald Had Big Arms, E-I-E-I-Throw CAMERON MCROBIE Caber toss is a traditional Scottish athletic event in which competitors hurl a sizeable tapered pole – (a tree, to put it simply) called a caber. Though there’s a fairly rich past to caber tossing, I imagine it probably began with two burly ginger blokes (both named Willy McSomething) 12 drams deep in some Glenmorangie arguing in the local pub about who gets to take wee Sally Jones to the Highland Ball. It’s a fair assumption that this would have evolved into a test of strength, and seeing as these lads were probably related in some manner – a fight wouldn’t suffice. So, one of them was like “yeah, nah... let’s throw trees instead”. Though the first recorded caber toss event was recorded in 1574 in Scotland at a “wappinschawes” (weaponshowings), the true origin sadly involves a lot less whisky consumption than I may have suggested and a lot more violence. Tossing cabers (caber, or kaber in Gaelic, means rafter or beam) was a Scottish wartime technique to allow rival clans to cross cold streams and rivers (get ya ankles wet, pussies) to royally fuck one another up. During a wee scuffle, a caber would be tossed from one side of the stream to the other to create a bridge quickly. For this reason, contrary to common belief – the caber is tossed for accuracy rather than distance. A typical modern caber is 5.94m tall and 79kg in mass, and the primary objective is to toss the caber, so it flips,

end on end, falling away from the tosser (this is the technical term; I’m sure they’re usually a top bloke and not an actual tosser) in the 12 o’clock position. The tosser balances the caber upright against his or her shoulder and neck, the caber being supported by fellow-competitors while being placed into position. The tosser then crouches, sliding their interlocked hands down the caber and under the rounded base and lifts it in their cupped hands – saucy. The tosser then runs a few paces forward to gain momentum and flips the tapered end upwards so that the hefty end hits the ground first. The straightest endover-end throw, scores highest. If the caber lands on its end but falls back towards the thrower, the score is lower than any end-over-end throw but has its score based upon the max vertical angle that the caber was at. Though I’m sure caber tossing does require a significant amount of muscle, balance and power, it has a ridiculous scoring system compared with other throwing sports. In all honesty, you’re better off just throwing eggs at neighbouring flats, and the odd brick through the windows of any fuckwits who’ll inevitably retaliate.

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Biology Do What It Do TROY ANDERSON Biology is an odd beast; it’s been doing some hectic shit for untold numbers of years. In our modern day, we have a pretty firm handle on what it’s up to a lot of the time. For the most part, it behaves itself, demonstrates patterns, does what it knows how to do. However, this week we’ll be having a look at two instances where biology has said “fuck it”, thrown it all in and just done some really out of the gate shit. Subsequently, science has had to pop its head in and say, “hold on you rascal, what have ya gotten into this time?” THE NEFARIOUS KLINEFELTER SYNDROME

I heard about a high school in the US teaching students that chromosomes exist on a continuum and I cracked up. Meanwhile, science tells us and has told us for a good old while, that they are discreet and influence biological sex in a big way. Males have an X and a Y chromosome and females two X chromosomes. But what happens when our wild beast biology decides to mix it up a bit and whack another chromosome on there? It is also a possibility as a male to have an additional X chromosome, and this is where all kinds of black magic happen. The fabled XXY chromosome makeup is estimated to affect between 1 in 500 to 1 in 1,000 infants. This is a lot more than you might expect; however, it is speculated that many of the symptoms are overlooked or overlap with other conditions. The going rate for actual diagnosis of Klinefelter syndrome is about 1 in 50,000 infants exhibiting some more extreme features. So what the fuck is it all about? The most prominent feature of this syndrome is a reduction in the size of the testes, and this produces a gang of 18

effects. This interferes with their function and lowers the amount of testosterone. Lowered testosterone often leads to very sparse body and facial hair, delayed or incomplete puberty and gynecomastia (look it up, ya dumb cunt). However, the most interesting feature that can occur is an extended urethral opening or an opening part way along the penis. In Layman’s terms, a vagina-shaped penis hole or a penis hole part way along the dick shaft. COMPLETE ANDROGEN INSENSITIVITY

Androgen is a male sex hormone responsible for a multitude of things during fetal development and puberty. This hormone exists in both males and females, but this condition, in particular, is unique to genetic males. This means that the body is unable to respond to these hormones which cause some gnarly shit to go on. The frequency of this condition is a lot rarer than the previous, lying around the 2 to 5 in 100,000 of male infants. The Belgian model Hanne Gaby Odiele has recently revealed that she has this condition, causing it to hit the mainstream a bit more. Someone who is completely androgen insensitive will have external female genitalia and female traits of appearance. They will also likely identify as a girl/ woman growing up. The key difference between them and other females, however, is that they are infertile. This is due to a complete lack of a uterus. Instead, people with this condition have undescended testes, which makes them biologically male. Mind blown. These are usually removed early on however because they have a high chance of becoming cancerous. Anyway, now ya know.


ENGMP211-18A Materials 1 I was warned not to come here. The sparse number of students who turned up compared to the sizable nature of the ELT should have been sufficient pre-warning for me to think this wasn’t a great decision, and I definitely got some blatant stares from people wondering who the fuck I was. This was my second attempt at this lecture – the first time, there was a test on, so this has taught me to stay away from engineering in general. It turns out I’d turned up to what had become a tutorial rather than the normal lecture. And then he said he was going to interrogate people. He knew everyone on a first name basis too, so I was feeling pretty scared. It didn’t help that I was super conspicuous as literally the only person on a laptop. I was googling the answers like crazy, but Google was way off. In the space of about thirty or forty minutes of Materials 1 immersion, I learnt about how to make a glass bottle, hydroplasticity and vitrification in clay processing, and crystalline structures. There was a lot of saucy talk about softening, tempering, straining, compressing, and durability. I swear all I heard was polymers, blah blah covalent bonds, blah blah ceramics, and I didn’t understand what any of it meant, of course, but I tried. I really tried. But I speak English, not engineering. The lecturer was decent; you could tell he gave a shit. He placed a lot of emphasis on checking your exam times and assuring us there wouldn’t be any obscure questions in there. I was pretty surprised to find there was actually a fairly equal female/male ratio in there too – yay for challenging gender norms. The best part of it was that the guy in front of me pulled out a Nexus magazine and began flipping through Snapped. Props to you, man, that is doing procrastination right. On another note, if anyone can recommend lectures which will not send the undercover Nexus writer into contribution-induced spasms of terror, hit me up, so I can stop venting my social anxieties here and actually review your goddamn classes. Also, the handsome fella with the fade and the strong shoulders, you keep doing you, hun.

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Foot Fetish JENNIE-LOUISE KENDRICK Feet are not an erogenous zone for most. Some find them repugnant and if given the evolutionary ability, would prefer humans became footloose and fancy-free. Podophiles, however, just wanna suck some toes, lick the occasional arch, and pay randos on the internet for exclusive foot pics. People even sell their socks online with descriptions like “my older brother’s stinky socks” and “mismatched, sweaty”. While not as prevalent a desire as touching a titty or neck smoochies, podophilia is the most common fetish involving non-sexual body parts or objects. According to Wikipedia, the most trusted peerreviewed academic source available, the earliest recorded mention of foot fetishism was in the 12th century by Bertold of Regensburg, an old ass German preacher and Franciscan monk. However, the book cited was challenging to find and published 90 years ago so probably disproven. A study conducted and published in a 1989 issue of Psychological Reports by Dr A. James Giannini theorised that an “increased interest in feet as sexual objects was observed during the great gonorrhoea epidemic of twelfth-century Europe, and the syphilis epidemics of the 16th and 19th centuries in Europe”. Therefore, feet may have been seen as a safer option for sexual contact because the lack of orifice meant a diminished risk of infection. The same study also found an exponential increase of foot fetishism in pornography over three decades coinciding with the AIDS epidemic. It is also speculated that the focus on female feet as a sexual object is a reflection of the changing power structure of womxn (clock that ‘x’- it’s the trans-inclusive term for people who identify as

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female – gender is a construct) in society as femaledominant sexual relationships become more accepted. A foot fetish could involve just touching or getting touched by a foot, the colour/state of the nails, footwear/accessories, and the smell. Many famous people have reportedly had a penchant for tootsies, including Andy Warhol, Elvis Presley, Thomas Hardy, and 18th-century adventurer/creeper Giacomo Casanova. Podophilia also touches less desireable historical figures. Serial killers Ted Bundy and Jerry Brudos shared three things in common; murdering women in Oregon, engaging in necrophilia with their victims, and foot fetishes. According to PsychologyToday, “most psychological theorising concerning both fetishes in general and foot fetishes concern early childhood imprinting and conditioning experiences (where sexual responses are typically paired with non-sexual objects)”. In his 2009 book Forensic and Medico-legal Aspects of Sexual Crimes and Unusual Sexual Practices, Dr Anil Aggrawal wrote “it has been suggested that the foot’s shape is distinctly phallic and is viewed by the fetishist to replicate the female or male genitals or the shape of a female body. Another view is that the feet and the genitals are in the same visual window, and when looking at one, the other will be in view as well; thus the two (genitals and feet) become associated in the mind”. So podophilia could be a fleeting fancy to dabble with in the sack or a lifelong obsession but either way, it’s not the sign of a psycho killer. The fact that most of the research and literature is from forensic psychological sources is most likely because most people don’t get psychoanalysed and don’t seek treatment for a propensity for feet.


Soul Gallery PETER DORNAUF When I first glanced through the window of Soul Gallery (Barton Street) the other day and saw the work of Candy Clarke, I thought I was looking at some kind of crossover between Dick Frizzell and Colin McCahon. It immediately arrested my attention because it was like opposites collide. This mashup was pop art meets severe and angsty abstraction, and it was a thrilling sight. Frizzell is well known for his vernacular comic book Kiwi culture stuff, while McCahon is all about spiritual anguish and torment, often employing the use of words (biblical text in many cases) in his dark and sombre works. What would happen if you pushed these two hard up against each other? So hard there was crosspollination? Well, you’d get Candy Clarke. Like McCahon, she limits her palette, often to just black and white, and like him, she uses words. But the words she uses are not from some sacred text or serious poem banging on about the land with too few lovers, but rather from the vernacular. Here’s a sample from one of her tondo pieces painted on Perspex where the painting is simply made up of text, ‘written’ in a cursive hand. “Oh yes, lovely, yeah, yeah, yeah right, yup, yes, yes, ok, uhuh, yeah nah, for sure, yeah, ok, Bye.” It had me smiling. Guess what she called the piece? “Good Call”. Too right she did. Good on ya,

Candy. Choice. This is what you get in the postmodern world where boundaries fray and hybrids breed. You get a fresh take, a new look, a change of perspective. It’s high meets low, and in the process, a kind of democratisation takes place where things are made more accessible while the instruments of arty form are still employed. So let’s tease this one out. “Good call”, the phrase itself, is congratulatory. It speaks optimism and affirmation in contrast to the prevailing tone of modernism which was pessimistic. The person on the phone is receiving good news. “Lovely”. The good news of postmodernism is that life need not be a nightmare straight out of Beckett or Sartre. One can drown in sorrow. The PM crowd play a little game called “irony” which comes with lashings of wit and humour. We don’t deny the dark side, but we do a little dance whereby we acknowledge the universe as absurd but mock our own anguish. We don’t despair; we go with it. Yep, we do. Mostly.

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So it’s the morning after a wild night out. You’ve rolled out of bed, taken your Panadol, and the last thing you want to do is face the mare-ish task of pulling yourself together and facing the day. Well, we can’t help you with the post-bender regret, but we can slide a few tips your way to get the dreaded hangover face under control.

Clean slate – preparation is key

I get it, removing makeup at 4 am when your bed looks so inviting (or perhaps rather the person you’ve taken home lying inside it is…) is the actual worst. However, my friends, trust me when I say the fountain of eternal youth probably has roots in actually cleaning your skin before bed. Newsflash: makeup wipes are pretty bad for your skin. Micellar water is slightly better, but still doesn’t get everything – combining either with a proper cleanse is best. I live in the real world though (and let’s face it, you can’t be arsed cleansing right now), so I simply plead you to never use waterproof makeup, and try your best to take as much of it all off before bed as possible, even if you’re somewhere ‘unexpected.’ You may be tempted to leave it all on in an effort to look good the next morning, but trust me, panda eyes and smudged lippy do not = sexy in the sober light of day.

Cleanliness is next to Godliness

So, you’ve survived the night. Congrats, but now you have to face a day of uni/work/coping with sexual regret. Firstly, all the alcohol has dehydrated the bejeezus out of your poor skin. How to tackle 24

this? Well to start with, showering should be a bit of a given, because it’s the number one thing that’s going to make you feel about 1000x better. If each eye bag is looking bigger than a Hermès Birkin, grab some ice from the freezer and dab it all over your face to scare away the eye bags, tighten blood capillaries and give yourself the sensation of an instant facelift. Sitting warm green tea bags on your eyes also helps, with the caffeine reducing the effect of puffy eyes.

Make-up tiiiiime

Priming is super important here. If you don’t, your thirsty skin will probably eat up all your foundation, so it makes a perfect barrier. The Too Faced Hangover Primer is literally made for this exact occasion (you can order cheap mini versions off Mecca), plus (unless you had too much Malibu the previous night – in which case, stay away), the coconut scent is amazing. Your skin will feel FRESH and SHINY, and you can pretend you’re @shaaanxo when applying it. A good tip is to put your eye makeup on straight after priming and before anything else so that any stuff-ups can be removed with minimal effort. Whip out an eyelash curler to open those peepers up and make you appear more awake; just make sure your hand is stable enough to avoid stabbing your own eyeball. I’d recommend forgoing the shadow since your delicate wee lids have probably been hammered, but if you insist on rebelling, a swipe of bronzer works well, or at least be low-key about the colour so you don’t overly draw attention to your tired eyes. That’s where a nude coloured eyeliner pencil applied close to


the waterline can also be a saviour, by reducing the red-eyed, three-hours-of-sleep look.

Hide that shit

Feel free to go for a lighter BB cream today, or a foundation mixed with a little moisturiser for an extra-hydrated, silky feel. Go for a foundation that’s water-based rather than an oil-based option, which will probably just clog your pores even more. Next, concealing is a crucial step when you’re dealing with dark under-eye circles, fresh blemishes, and a general grey-greenish pallor. Feel free to go fuckin’ ham with the stuff. Tap it in like an upside down triangle shape under the eyes, on problem areas, and you can branch out with streaks on the forehead and cheek area too, like radial rays of sunshine emerging from your nose (then of course, blend it silly). If you have acne tendencies, go fullcoverage (Mac Pro Longwear is awesome), otherwise I love concealer/highlighting sticks (YSL Touche Éclat is the ultimate, but you can nab cheaper options) for this because they’re super easy to transport, versatile, and compact.

Colour up

Bronzing is optional today, but the sunkissed-vibe definitely helps counteract the just-been-staggeringaround-the-streets-all-night look. Using a creamy concealer can be a great substitute here to keep the hydration alive and well; my bad shade-matching job on the NARS Radiant Creamy Concealer turned out to be a blessing because it blends out to make a mean tanned shade (plus extra concealing, bonus!).

Consider investing in a cream blush to give you a “normal human” look on days like these, while not layering up on more drying powders. I’m not a blush person, but this can be key to restoring liveliness in your cheeks, and cream blushes are surprisingly easy to apply. Add a little highlighter (subtly… unlike last night) under the brows, at the eye corners, and anywhere you else you feel the need to add to the façade of normalcy you’re doing so well to create. I’d go for a tinted lip balm or a light lip gloss today, to give the appearance of plumpness and fullness. Know your ingredients, too – so many actually dry your lips out in a bid to make you buy more (multinational corporate fuckwits)! Bonbon does the most delicious natural and vegan fudgeflavoured lip balm that I cannot get enough of (cruelty-free is always ideal, duh), or Ashley + Co does excellent natural tinted lip balms too. If you’re über organised, you could even benefit from a little lip exfoliation beforehand to start afresh. One more tip from me: consider swapping the coffee you’re craving (coffee = further skin dehydration, definitely not what you want) for loads of water throughout the day, and if that doesn’t cut it, grab something like a Powerade for a good dosage of electrolytes. I know it’ll be hard, but this can totally help justify your 3 pm nap. Now you’ve nailed the look and fooled everyone, you can rejoice in triumph. If you still feel absolutely trash, well, we tried - fuck it, just slap on a huge pair of sunnies and treat yourself with another cocktail night for the effort. 25


In the midst of Parnell, we tracked down New Zealand’s latest metal band to grace the scene. As a heat pump did its best to fight the sweltering Auckland night, the five members of Banks Arcade retained the same ease of composure they’re known for on stage, whether it’s opening for US hardcore legends Stray from the Path and Counterparts, or playing at the late Kings Arms where the crowd would scream the lyrics back at them. Releasing their debut EP Endnote independently in January 2018, their two early singles ‘Mercy’ and ‘Ambition’ saw heavy rotation on influential YouTube channel Dreambound (which features up-andcoming melodic bands), racking up well over 20,000 hits within a few months. Already being compared online to a mix between Architects and Northlane – a comparison the band couldn’t be more proud about – it’s a heady rise for a metal band from New Zealand who seemed to appear from nowhere. But for Banks Arcade, it’s just the beginning. We sat down with Joshua O’Donnell (guitars, vocals) Sam Butler (bass), Phillip Mountfort (drums), Jason Meadows (guitar), and Louis Hill (vocals), to get the lowdown on what it’s like to be moderately loud Jafas. 26

NEXUS: In your own words, how did you come together and what made you think ‘Ok, this band is something I want to be a part of’? JOSH: I came up to Auckland from Palmerston North, and [sic] me and Phil linked up for a different band. When that band broke down, we went up a hill one night and looked out over all the lights, and we said: “At some point, we’re going to do something awesome.” PHIL: After that, I actually left to Sydney thinking that I’d find a sick band over there or play drums heaps – but it ended up being the complete opposite. JOSH: Then me [sic] and Louis literally just started grinding with no-one. I made a Facebook call to Phil, and I was like “I’ve got some stuff for you”. He said “Send it through”, and he liked it. Then he said, “I should probably come back from Australia if we’re going to do this”.


I was practising under this weird train bridge trying to grind out this new stuff that Josh was sending me. I used to have to put my drums onto this trolley and walk 3km to the train station, and I’d ride the subway for ages before getting off and having to walk another 3km. Eventually, I lost my shit and was like “I hate being here, I’m going to come back to New Zealand and write with the boys.” JOSH: We were three weeks away from recording when he came over, and we had no bass player. So I video-called Sam and brought him into this cyclonic hurricane. SAM: I got given the tabs and three weeks, so I stopped studying – literally, I would wake up and play the songs until it was midnight. It was like that for two weeks, and then I put all my things in a car and drove up to Auckland. JOSH: And Jason was like this thing we wanted to obtain – I always wanted to pick the best people in New Zealand and bring them together in one area, and Jason was always on that list. NEXUS: Let’s talk about the recording and composition of Endnote. Who did you work with and what were the sessions like? JOSH: Composition for Endnote was all over the place. We always saw it as a throwaway, as a foot in the door… PHIL: It was just putting to the grave a whole bunch of bullshit. JOSH: We just had to put something out. I think it’s cool and it’s probably the best stuff I’ve ever worked on – but it isn’t Banks Arcade. Endnote was written across a long time span with a lot of different people and a lot of it was emo Josh letting out his feelings on a guitar – and that’s not what we want it to be. PHIL: But the production process with producer Zorran Mendonsa (Seas of Conflict, Skyharbour) was amazing. He’s an absolute wizard. He was really good to work with and had heaps of great ideas with the synths and spacey dynamics we have in our songs. The excitement in the studio was tangible – it was like on Lord of the Rings where you had all these wizards coming from different lands to meet in one spot and write an album when we didn’t even know how it would turn out. NEXUS: How did you feel about the reception to the EP? JOSH: Generally it was received pretty well. When we released ‘Ambition’, everyone was like “This sounds like a cross between Northlane and Architects”. Anyone who knows us knows we’ve always loved both PHIL:

of them. That’s the element of Endnote that I like. I can hear my influences of the bands that I like - and I hear a tiny tinge of what Banks could be. PHIL: Our show in Auckland was sick too. For us, it was a really special moment because we’d never played these songs live and we didn’t know we could do it. But it felt like a movie – to have people that excited over our first show did not feel real. NEXUS: Looking at the lyrics of the EP, there are themes of memory, alienation and searching for something. Were these feelings you were grappling with at the time of writing? LOUIS: Some of the songs extend from existential thoughts, but then some of them are about facevalue relationships or discussing memories – ‘Absence’ is one of those songs. JOSH: A lot of what I wrote was about identity. I had some real crazy experiences fucking out on drugs and going through these weird phases as a person, but I still had this part of me that had this vicious drive to do something cool. So many of the lyrics I wrote were about my struggle with my identity and the chase. NEXUS: Your first show at the Kings Arms was probably the first time most of that crowd would’ve seen trap and metal side-by-side. Being in the hardcore scene, have you ever experienced a ‘metal is the only good music’ mentality before? How do you think it’s changing in the present moment? PHIL: We have all been around heavy music for ages and have always known that most people in the scene also love rap and hip-hop. JOSH: I’ve been hanging out with lots of rappers lately, and I’ve been almost apologetic about showing them our heavy stuff, but so many of these guys vibe it so hard. PHIL: Well you’ve got guys like Post Malone, the guys in Volumes and Lil Peep who passed away recently – it’s becoming more of an inclusive concept I think. NEXUS: What’s next? PHIL: We’re going to keep doing a few shows, look at doing tours and get back to the grind to start fleshing out ideas for number two. JOSH: Our new shit we’re doing – that will be Banks Arcade. What everyone’s heard as Endnote isn’t us. This next one will be what we are. Our only goal is to be better – it’s like that line in ‘Ambition’: “I always wanted to make history”. SAM: And I think we’ll prove it.

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Trying to Be Cool ARCHIE PORTER In another desperate and futile attempt at seeming “cool”, I have been elected as the pilot of the prestigious Aux once more. If you read my previous entry (highly doubt it), you’ll know that I subverted expectations by listing a slew of dad-oriented punk, pop, and funk tracks. After that disastrous piece and the decidedly mediocre response it garnered from Nexus’ ever-expanding cult following, I’ve ditched the dad-aesthetic. Unpredictable, I know – that’s just who I am. Deal with it. 1. ‘LIKE EATING GLASS’ – BY BLOC PARTY: I can vividly remember the first time I heard Bloc Party. The year was 2005, I was playing the video game SSX On Tour. The song ‘Banquet’ featured on the soundtrack and I dug it. Cut to 2018 and I still adore Bloc Party’s debut album, upon which ‘Like Eating Glass’ serves as the opening track. The entire album is fantastic, but this particular song and ‘Luno’ are some of my personal favourites. My only issue is that the more I listen to this, the more it sounds like Kele Okereke is singing “Like eating ass.” 2. ‘COASTIN’ – BY CITIES AVIV: Cities Aviv is an extremely underrated rapper and producer, mixing a vast range of musical influences to form his own eccentric style. This particular hip-hop track was one of his earlier releases and, unfortunately, the musical approach was abandoned afterwards in favour of more electronic-focused work. The song features strong 28

lyricism and smooth production to form an extremely relaxing-yet-engaging listen. Also, Aviv liked one of my Instagram posts, so that was cool – @archie.porter, please follow me. Told you that I’m unpredictable. 3. ‘TIGHT SWAT’ – SHOW ME THE BODY: If you’re enticed by the thought of a hardcore punk band that amalgamates rap influences into their music and features a grimy front-man that dons a banjo, check out this band. Show Me the Body exploded onto the scene back in 2016 with their aggressive debut, Body War. This track is one of my favourites on the record, but the whole thing is excellent. Also, while you’re at it, go follow @frwaky on Instagram too. She’s pretty sick. 4. ‘SMALLTALK’ – ULTRAÍSTA: ‘Smalltalk’; something else that I’m shit at. This little gem went relatively unnoticed, as did the band in general. Consisting of Laura Bettinson, Nigel Godrich, and Joey Waronker, the trio’s self-titled 2012 debut is brimming with dark, experimental synth-pop jams, but this particular track is pretty damn catchy and upbeat, in my opinion. David Lynch also features on the remixes, so I’m all over that shit like a horny dog to an unsuspecting leg.


Dark Lullabies and Pre-Show Vomits with Halycon Birds JARED IPSEN The first time I talked to Pearl, singer/guitarist from dark-lullabyshoegaze-two-piece Halycon Birds, was just after they had just played a moving, intimate set at Scarp’s EP release. The only ‘acoustic’ band on the line-up, instead of the crowd being put off by such a switch in pace, everyone sat completely still and listened to the slow, kind wanderings of their music. I was pretty surprised when she told me how nervous she was when they played - I didn’t even notice. They were fucking awesome. Even so, stage fright can be a pretty intense and crippling feeling; I remember a few times at gigs where I’ve had to vomit, chain-smoke outside, or check if I’d shat myself on stage (that really happened). “My whole body used to shake when I first started playing live,’ she told me. “I wanted to throw up before, during, and after a set - but when I began to accept my anxiety as a part of what I have to go through to get better, I got better, and so did the anxiety. It doesn’t have the same power it used to.” So for the last few years, Pearl and Tonamu have been performing their music in bars, record stores, and youth centres, pushing through the feelings that come with baring your soul to a live audience. Their dynamic as a couple lends itself to their meditative music, weaving in between the chords and stories that they tell. “There were times I would worry that what I had to offer wasn’t enough to match my partner at his skill level. Thankfully, his constant support and belief in me destroyed any doubts I ever had about not being good enough, and really brought me into my own as a strong, confident songwriter.” When it comes to performing

music, it’s so important to push past the voice in your head. You never know how much your courage is going to inspire others to get up on the stage as well. Even the biggest artists in the world still freak out before they’re about to play - the difference is, they walk out there and play. “Don’t be too hard on yourself when you get nervous,” she said. “Be kind to yourself if you make mistakes under pressure. What you have to offer with music is really important. If you just keep playing, eventually there will be a show where it all just lifts as soon as you start playing, and you will experience a freedom that’s like nothing else. “I really wish someone had given me this advice.”

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It all started by sharing wicked wings under a twinkling night sky; now Tony and Jeana of The Chicken Couple have built a name for themselves. As connoisseurs of fried chicken, these lovebirds have decided to introduce the world to their seasoned tastes. NEXUS: When did you realise you had such a passion for fried chicken? CC: We’ve always known we had a soft spot for fried chicken but not until we bought a kitchen trailer (not knowing what we’re going to sell) is when we realised what our favourite dish was. Soon after researching different recipes and eating a whole lot of fried chicken, we validated how much we love creating new recipes and just how much chicken we can actually eat. Since the very beginning, Tony and I always bonded over food—who doesn’t, right? The night we met, we shared a box of fried chicken and chips from Wong’s Kitchen after an epic night at the WISA Ball. When we got together, we were still at uni. At every social gathering, our friends can always trust us to bring various kinds of chicken dishes. We usually bring fried chicken from our local takeaway shop at Knighton Road, KFC, or Wongs. Eventually, our friends dubbed us “The Chicken Couple”. The more chicken we brought, the more we realised that Hamilton has limited choices. Soon after, the local chicken spots became boring, and we decided to add our own flavour to the Tron. Hence The Chicken Couple was born. NEXUS: How’d you set up your own business? CC: Thanks to Waikato Uni, I’ve acquired some business knowledge from my BMS Honours degree in Marketing and SCM. Tony has 15 years of hospitality experience from his family having had owned a takeaway shop. We also had some help from Waikato University’s Business Start-Up Scholarship. We were granted this scholarship at the perfect time; it was when we just started the business and just bought our red kitchen trailer with all our uni savings without fully knowing what we’ll sell with it. The programme helped

us improve the foundation of our business model. We’ve also had mentors from the scholarship program and still currently have many other knowledgeable mentors who are supporting us throughout our business journey. We wouldn’t be where we are without their knowledge and wisdom. NEXUS: Any idea what KFC’s secret herb and/or spice is? CC: Not really but we didn’t need to as we wanted to be different. The whole point of us starting the business is to introduce an entirely new fried chicken recipe to the world. Tony’s family from China has a fried chicken recipe passed on from generations. He took that recipe and fused it with a Western flavour; this fusion created the unique flavour The Chicken Couple now offers. NEXUS: Any chance you’ll start catering to the hungover masses on a Sunday morning? CC: Pretty sure we’ve done that a few times for Bush Doof [laughs]. But to do that every Sunday morning could be a possibility since we are looking for a spot to park in more often in the week. So, yes, but not specifically targeting just the hungover masses but the general public. We’re all about that #familyfriendly environment. NEXUS: What student deals do you have available? CC: We’ve got the $10 Student Lunch Pack deals including: • Nuggets and Hot Chips with a drink • Bao Bun Couple with a drink • Chicken Gravy on Rice with side salad and a drink • Gravy Cheese Fries • Chicken Ranch Wrap

31


Back Bar I must disclose that I’m not exactly an expert on Static since I barely lasted five minutes before being creeped out by the bathroom, but I’m taking that as good enough reason as to why it’s way shitter. Back Bar has flow; you have options. You can lose your shit to some loose techno beats, chug away on a few durries outside and wave at the mates you spot in the queue, or run like a hooligan in between Outback and Back Bar and say “bro you have to come rave to this with me” to the fifty other acquaintances you haven’t seen in ten years but randomly ran into that night. Static, however? Well, you’re squished on Hood Street with a comparatively longer walk to the closest bar, and the very real possibility of being run over by a car if you were to try the suggestion mentioned above. Recognising this as a rather serious debate in the standing of Hamilton’s critically-acclaimed nightclub scene, I had to research this thoroughly. Hence, looking to portray the people’s opinion, I asked the most well-informed bar critics I know (a.k.a, my mates). The response I got was overwhelmingly Back Bar-positive. Their reasoning? “It’s not full of my brother’s friends”, “It’s bigger”, “It’s not ten bucks every weekend”, and “drinks are only $5” – which all sound pretty convincing to me. 32

Back Bar has some pretty sick acts come to play on a constant rotation, which practically carries the entire music cultural scene of Hamilton. When there isn’t something on, at least it doesn’t cost a small fortune like Static does, with free entry Saturdays. It’s hype, and it’s a decent-sized venue compared to the tin sized shitbox on Hood St. I’m all cool with people choosing to indulge in a few substances, but I’d rather be in a mosh with overly-excitable freshers than find myself in a small room with a bunch of mashed sesh pests. If you’re wholesome, are an enjoyable person to be around, have friends and any hint whatsoever of a successful future, then trust me, you’ll prefer Back Bar.


Static Static is the leading hipster hangout in Hamilton. It’s full of people too literate for Outback and too alternative for House on Hood. It’s the Waikato’s little slice of Wellington, right there on Hood St. The disaffected patrons and indoor/outdoor flow are ideal for fooling yourself into thinking you didn’t stay at home for uni. The drinks aren’t cheap, I once split a jumpsuit in the bathrooms, and this isn’t a place for those with delicate lungs or eardrums, but there’s something about this place that fosters regularity and favouritism. Torn chiffon aside, this is perhaps the only place in Hamilton that will let in a fuccboi looking to fuck to xxxtentacion with his white shoes and fanny pack. Static is perfect for town-goers who prefer the doof doofs of drum and bass than the same Friday night setlist of many a bar filled with recent divorcees and people who came into town after the rugby. This venue also hosts plenty of upcoming and wellestablished electronic arts, usually at a reasonable price, which is great because it is keeping the underground music scene alive and well. Most of the people in Static are 20-30 years of age and occasionally, you’ll see a very confused huddle of middle-aged mamas, but there’s one constant; the

Phantom of the Electro. At approximately 5’10”, 75 kilograms and 55 years old, this man always wears a suit, almost never dances and is often spotted in the moshpit of Static. He does resemble many of the lecturers at university; I can practically guarantee some drunk student has gone up to the Phantom and asked him when they’re going to get their marks back. Static is in an intriguing location too. Butted up against a strip club and a shisha place, sitting in the outside section of the bar is prime for people-watching and smoking enough darts to make you look cool enough to be there. The regular lineup of gigs is full of different acts, and the place is owned by a couple who genuinely love the music and their regulars. This intimate space is one of the best hangouts in Hamilton.

33


HOGWARTS


Tickling dragons may not be their forte, but the pungent odours of the rooms upstairs suggest a rigorous routine of basilisk tugging. This ancient institution prides itself on sporting achievement, proving to also value potion consumption over academic success. Though rumours have spread regarding the lack of manners in their curriculum, it’s fair to say their neighbours aren’t too stoked with cigarette butts being thrown over the fence.


He’s your stock standard American exchange student; a once pure soul who’s now just another rugby lad with a rippling six pack. She’s a stunner with a year-round summer bod, a rugby gal who just wants to meet a man who’s a little taller for once. HE SAID:

SHE SAID:

Having forgotten whether we were meeting at 7:00 or 7:30 I tried to split the difference and rocked up a little after 7:15; it must’ve been the latter because she didn’t show until past then. I was expecting a second or third-year cougar but ended up with a College Hall dime. We found pretty early on we shared a passion for rugby, so that was a great icebreaker. Coming from the states I haven’t really had the opportunity to buy alcohol before, so she suggested we share a fishbowl. The night wore on, we got dinner, plenty more drinks and eventually wandered over to Shenanigan’s to meet her friends, a handful of stock standard College Hall children. The live music was on point, I dragged her out of her seat for some dancing and soon remembered I’m no Hairspray. But she lent a hand, and it was all pretty fun. Once we were all sick of the collection of middle-aged year men salivating over the flock of 19-year-old girls, we carried on. She invited me back to hers, hells yes, we catch an Uber and make it up to her room. She got into a skimpy bathrobe, shut her door and turned the lights down; I totally thought I was in… But heartbreakingly after a bit more yarning, she says she was honestly about to fall asleep. All in all, great food and drink, fun night, very fun girl and a depressed pair of blue balls.

I had nothing to lose. Free drinks and food just to spend some time with an absolute stranger. My flatmates were getting on it and I, of course, joined in for that boost of confidence. My mates made no effort to calm my nerves by speaking of terrible tragedies that have come from blind dates, shout out to them. First impression was literally oh thank fuck he’s attractive, and then he opened his mouth, and all I heard was accent accent accent. The date started off well with a fishbowl to share and some good banter between the two of us. During the course of the night, he seemed to have downed more cocktails than his bladder could hold as he went to the bathroom literally every 20 minutes. He’s clearly unfamiliar with drinking rule number one: don’t break the seal. The night continued with my miserable way of explaining what custard is and when we found out we had gone over our tab, we knew it was time to leave. By this point, my flatmates were hitting the town, and I had plans to join them so why not invite him along for the ride. Shenanigans proved that his dance skills, while entertaining and adorable, needed a bit of work. He seemed to enjoy dancing with the old creepers rather than with me though so we will have to see where his loyalty lies. All in all, good fun with a great guy.

Brought to you by House on Hood Street. If you’re keen for a Blind Date, email editor@nexusmag.co.nz


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Puzzles

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41


P O O H ? S M DREA WEDnesday 30th MAY ICKETS T E I V O M IZES! R P T O P S NG IS I H T Y R E EV E! AT STAK

10 aM - 3 PM

UnirEC gYM

$100

HELLS PIZZA VOUCHER

Inter-Faculty II will settle things on the court. So if you are the next Steph, Kyrie or LeBron, or you just have game, sign up with your Faculty Sport Ambassador or your faculty admin staff, or email: uowsport@waikato.ac.nz

Crafted by Relic.

Nexus 2018 Issue 11  
Nexus 2018 Issue 11