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THE PRIDE OF YOUR FACULTY IS AT STAKE IN THE FIRST 2018 INTER-FACULTY CHALLENGE • A free BBQ • Spot prizes • The chance to make fun of other faculties’ limited frisbee powers Inter-Faculty Sport #1: Ultimate Frisbee Wednesday 11 April,10am - 2pm, University of Waikato fields Contact your Faculty Sport ambassador or your admin staff


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Editorial FOMO News Easy News Horoscopes Entertainment Reviews Random Audit: LEGAL203 Auteur House

32. Page 28 Page 30 Page 32 Page 34 Page 35 Page 37 Page 39 Page 40

Yam & Troy the Science Boys The Crowd Goes Mild Centrefold Feature: Women in Sports Nexus Gets You Fit Full Exposure: [tacit] Gallery This vs That Waikat’ Flats Sporting Goods How to Fix Everything Blind Date Snapped Puzzles

26. Nexus Issue 6 3rd - 6th April 2018 Editor: Lyam Buchanan, editor@nexusmag.co.nz Design: Vincent Owen, design@nexusmag.co.nz Managing Editor: James Raffan, james@wsu.org.nz Contributors: Alexander Nebesky, Grace Mitchell, Jennie-Louise Kendrick, Emily Gallagher, Joshua Pyne, Nicola Smith, Emily Reid, Conor Maxwell, CJ Lee, Archie Porter, Kim Sare, Richard Swainson, Troy Anderson, Cameron McRobie, Francesca Kurghan, Paora Manuel, Jared Ipsen, and the lovely tenants of Hoetel.

18. Cover design: Vincent Owen Instagram: @vincentowwen Centrefold: Yeye Weller Instagram: @yeyeweller Horoscope Illustrations: Josh Nelson Instagram: @joshprobably Twitter: @joshDrawbably Design Interns: Patrick Knights, Ray Puri Video Interns: Isaac Wohlers, Madison MacInnes


EDITORIAL EDITORIAL

Passing Lanes, Passing Out, and a Touch of Sheeran By the time this reaches stands, it will have been just more than a fortnight since I joined the hordes of trendy mums to bask in the melodies of Lord Sheeran. It was a day of learning for all involved. For instance, I learned: 1. Drinking enough to ensure you end up in a ditch seems like a great idea at the time, but spending upwards of $160 on a ticket just to effectively blackout before the first song finishes isn’t the greatest outcome. 2. There is a direct correlation between the level of intoxication on a phone or bus, the sincerity of an apology, and the tolerance level of those around you. 3. The roadworks between here and Auckland are simply a social experiment to see how loud people can yell before shattering their own windscreen. I can’t remember the first and can’t talk about the second; but let me say this about the third—drivers who attempt to jump the queue in passing lanes, when traffic is already at a standstill, can choke on their own shit. You’d think by spreading congestion, you’d also lessen delay. In theory, this probably works a dream. Though in reality, people are tedious sociopaths who will take any opportunity to surpass others. Envision yourself driving; you’ve been sitting in the left lane for about eight minutes at a standstill. As you peacefully pass the time, something in your rearview mirror catches your eye and before you know it, a generic vehicle rips down the passing lane, overtaking anywhere from 40 to 50 other motorists in mere seconds. Suddenly, a few more decide that looks like an excellent idea and follow suit— within minutes, the passing lane is packed with opportunistic motorists trying to shave a few minutes off their journey. Eventually, you near the end of the queue; the passing lane to your right awkwardly crawls along as they attempt to merge back into the flow of traffic. Though you’ve just sat patiently with the traffic for the past 15 minutes, and now someone who’s obviously too important to wait with the “left lane peasants” is trying to merge in front of you. Since you’re a decent human, your first response is to let them in as they’re obviously in a rush—however much traffic may bring out your inner sociopath and you’d far rather ram the cunt into oncoming traffic than merge like a zip. To no surprise, it turns out the majority of New Zealand drivers also turn into moderate sociopaths when facing the proposition of merging, hence why attempting to spread congestion across a temporary lane not only makes traffic a fuckload worse, but also causes disgruntled Ed Sheeran fans to hurl abuse at each and every cunt who attempts to cut them off.

– Lyam 1


Photography by Javi Wilde @binx.film


Save a Life in Between Classes

The NZ Blood Service will be on the Hamilton campus on Tuesday 10 April and Tuesday 17 April in the UniRec gym from 10am to 2.30pm. Regular or first-time donors are encouraged to book a time on the NZ Blood website, making sure to select the University as the Mobile Blood Drive location. Make sure to bring ID with you and have something to eat first.

Have a Cheeky Sleep In

Next week is the last week of class for this half of the semester. Once you’ve cracked that out, you’ll have a whole two weeks to catch up on everything you haven’t—but should’ve—done for the past couple months. The next half of Semester A kicks off on the 30th of April.

Salmonella Dub with LAB and Soulware | The Factory NZ | 8pm-12.30am

As pioneers of Aotearoa’s Dub ‘n’ Bass scene, Salmonella Dub have always pushed musical boundaries—taking a reggae foundation and fusing it with multiple genres to create a sound entirely their own. Don’t miss out on what promises to be a truly phenomenal live eight-piece band executed dance floor experience. Early bird tickets start at $45.

Employer Visit This Evening

Are you interested in working in the rural banking sector? Tonight’s employer visit is the perfect opportunity to explore your options. Come along to learn about ASB’s Future Me Graduate Programme Rural Banking stream. Visit MyCareer for more information and to RSVP: waikato.ac.nz/students/careers/

Earn Some Extra Cash

The University’s Experimental Economics Lab (WEEL) is looking for people to take part in behavioural research. You can earn between $18 and $20 an hour, depending on results. Register online to receive invitations to participate in specific experiment sessions—you don’t need an economics background and you can always say no if the timing doesn’t suit. For more information, visit wms-stage.mngt.waikato.ac.nz/orsee/public/

Career Services Available Now

Need help with your CV, interviewing skills, or general questions about your career after uni? Make the most of our careers workshops and daily drop-in sessions to help prepare for your future. Visit MyCareer for more information: waikato.ac.nz/students/careers/

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FACEBOOK

OF

THIEVES:

HOW EVERYONE GOT ZUCCOLDED

ALEXANDER NEBESKY, JOSHUA PYNE Thousands of outraged Facebook users have started the #DeleteFacebook campaign after it was revealed that private data was being mined in order to influence political elections. Beneath the palpable anger of thirty-something-year-old computer nerds, lies a much darker truth about the company behind the data grab, the uses for stolen private data, and what the impact will be for the social media generation. Cambridge Analytica, the British political consultancy firm, is alleged to have used the personal Facebook data of over 50 million Americans to influence the outcome of the US Election in 2016, and allegedly turned the result of Brexit. Trump’s former campaign manager Steve Bannon used Cambridge Analytica as a “psychological warfare mindfuck tool” according to data scientist and whistleblower Christopher Wylie. Wylie was employed at Cambridge Analytica and worked as a data scientist harvesting data. “The company has created psychological profiles of 230 million Americans... It’s like Nixon on steroids,” Wylie told The Guardian last week. Facebook has collected the personal data of the over two billion users currently on the platform to use for personalising ads on timelines. However, it has only recently come to light the sheer scale to which this data can and has been collected through allowing third party apps to access your profile and your friends’ profiles. Cambridge Analytica CEO Alexander Nix has been accused of influencing the outcomes of elections in Africa through the company. He was recorded by UK media outlet Channel 4 stating, among other things, that he would be able to bribe election opposition with sexy Ukrainian babes. Nix said that his company could send “some girls around to the candidate’s house” and adding that the women “are very beautiful, I find that works very well”.

Nix was subsequently suspended from the Cambridge Analytica board. “In the view of the board, Mr Nix’s recent comments, secretly recorded by Channel 4, and other allegations do not represent the values or operations of the firm and his suspension reflects the seriousness with which we view this violation.” It has taken three years for an investigation to begin after the data was collected back in 2015. It is also entirely possible that other apps have harvested data like Cambridge Analytica. Facebook made changes to the way third party apps collect data and the access profiles in 2016. The Trump Presidential campaign hired the consultancy firm and paid over USD $5 million for their services. Using the personal data from these profiles, gathered through third-party apps Facebook users agreed to share data with, Cambridge Analytica created personalised advertisements for individual voters. These advertisements relied on data including—but not exclusive to—like and share history, pictures, and information on pages and groups followed, in order to help sway Facebook users towards particular political outcomes. Public response to these revelations has been predictable as companies continue pulling ads from the platform until data and privacy rules change. Although this outcome seems unlikely as Facebook has taken no responsibility for the data breach. Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg has refused to testify before British MPs. Regardless of the fact they’re currently investigating the allegations after having received three separate invitations to do so. Head of the British Parliamentary inquiry Damian Collins stated, with regards to Zuckerberg’s refusal to testify, “I would certainly urge him to think again if he has any care for people that use his company’s services”. Zuckerberg has, however, agreed to testify before the United States Congress some time later in April, though a date is yet to be set. 5


We asked “Friend of Nexus” and University of Waikato Lecturer Emmanuel King-Turner to explain all the really geeky stuff to us. How common is this with social media? I have no data specifically on social media sites. You can assume that there are people harvesting public information from social media sites to build profiles about you. Individual social media sites are routinely hacked— if you’ve ever had a acquaintance sending your offers to buy something or something pornographic and such behaviour is out of character for them—then they’ve probably been hacked. There’s a few high profile mass leaks of information every year. NEXUS: Do you think the discovery of data targeting will impact social media? ET: Some people will lose confidence in the platform and go elsewhere. Facebook usage was already spiralling downwards before this news broke. The biggest change is probably that people will realise that these sites never forget and anything you said on them at any time could be made public in a data breach. NEXUS: Are there ways we can protect the data we put online? ET: There’s always some measure of convenience, utility, and privacy that goes into what people want to do online. The only almost-foolproof way to protect your data is to not put it online in the first place. Push back again companies that dragnet information out of you that is not required for them to deliver a service to you. This is only almost foolproof because you can’t control what your friends share about you. Most people will just limit the info they share, bolt down their privacy settings in Facebook, and be more selective with their groups of online “friends”. ET: Is the cure just going to be to stop using social media and the internet in general and live like hermits? ANON: Each of us will need to choose the measure of utility versus privacy that we want. Some people don’t mind having some of their data public. There is some work being done in projects that aim to provide both; that you only risk your privacy when you choose. Pillar, a blockchain project, aims to do this. So do anonymous messaging platforms—but these have the problem of how to avoid the extremes of free speech that such platforms allow. Ask some of the old-timers about YikYak and its spiral into irrelevance as they gradually removed the anonymous features. NEXUS: ET:

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Letting Fees Go Housing Minister Phil Twyford introduced a bill this month that would prohibit the charging of letting fees under the Residential Tenancies Act 1986. As it currently stands, letting fees are charged to cover the use of a letting agent—a property manager for instance—who is hired by a landlord to fill a tenancy. Those costs are then passed onto the new tenants. “I don’t know of any other area of the law where two parties can contract for a provision of services but then charge a third party” said Twyford. According to the Minister, this bill could “put up to $47 million into the pockets of Kiwi families each year”. Letting fees cover the cost of establishing tenancy, along with the time taken by letting agents for administrative purposes. This includes reviewing applications from prospective tenants, holding property viewings, preparing tenancy agreements, and conducting initial property inspections. Real Estate Institute of New Zealand (REINZ) have recently expressed concern as to who will now be covering these costs. Speaking to Stuff, Chief Executive of REINZ Bindi Norwell stated, “There’s concern around who is actually going to pay for the letting fee now to cover the cost of the property management industry, given that they do provide a service”. The hope is that landlords will not pass on these costs to tenants, though there is concern that minor rent increases will be used to cover costs. However, Minister Twyford remains adamant that he does not expect rental prices to rise. This amendment to tenancy laws is part of a wider attempt on the part of the Minister to “modernise” tenancy in New Zealand—along with 4000 new houses to be build in Mt. Albert, Auckland

in the hopes of addressing a growing housing crisis concentrated in Auckland. The move has been welcomed by the Green Party, whose Housing Spokesperson Marama Davidson campaigned on fixing slum-like conditions in rental properties. “The lack of affordable housing has forced renters in brutal competition against each other, with viewings creating ‘quasi-auctions’ which push up prices and force poorer tenants into competition for unsuitable, unhealthy housing “With nearly half of New Zealanders renting, the grim findings of the review are a wakeup call about the true state of rentals in this country. Too many renters are festering in slum-like conditions under the thumb of landlords who have largely unchecked powers and ignore tenants’ complaints when it suits them, “Letting fee changes were one of a number of recommendations made in the 2017 People’s Review of Renting by Renters United and Action Station. “The Green Party is proud to support many of the recommendations in the report. We will implement a mandatory rental warrant of fitness, improve security of tenure for renters, support rent fairness and strengthen tenancy tribunal powers. “It is simply unacceptable that 70 percent of those surveyed did not have ceiling or underfloor insulation and over half of the homes are not weathertight. “We know that over 1600 deaths are year are attributed to cold, damp homes. Poor quality housing is a national emergency which is killing New Zealanders.” With the rate of homeownership at the lowest it has been since 1951, there is a better than even chance that this generation will largely be renters for life… or move back in with our parents. So rental standards are an increasingly important issue. 7


• 0 - The number of undeclared Russian Intelligence Officers in New Zealand, according to Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern. • 130,000 - The number of dollars United States President Donald allegedly paid pornstar Stormy Daniels to keep hush about their tryst in 2006. • 11 - The number of stories on the frontpage of Stuff related to cricket—particularly balltampering. • 2 - The number of miracles Sister Suzanne Aubert has to have performed before her death in 1926 for the Vatican to accept her as New Zealand’s first saint. • 3 - The number of illegally imported moss balls capable of causing a didymo-style environmental catastrophe still unaccounted for by MPI after having been sold in Christchurch markets.

Omnicharge RRP $1600

“The ultimate power bank for your most expensive mobile gadgets”. If you’re spending over $1000 on a smartphone, why would you trust a knockoff $50 powerbank to charge it? The Omnicharge adapts to optimal levels for each of your devices; providing diagnostic information so you can track charge cycles and charge time remaining. It also holds 20,100mAh so you could even charge your laptop without worry. Why should you buy this? • You’ve probably spent a fair bit on your device, you might as well pamper it. Why shouldn’t you buy this? • You’ve probably spent a fair bit on your device, why would you spend any more?

• Russian diplomats have been expelled from embassies and consulates in the United Kingdom, United States, and Europe in response to the March nerve agent attack on a former spy in the United Kingdom. Prime Minister Ardern has stated that those diplomats ejected were undeclared intelligence officers and that there are none in New Zealand. If there were, she would boot them out. • Count Dankula, a youtuber in the United Kingdom has been convicted of a hate crime for a Youtube video he published in 2016 of his girlfriend’s pug performing the Nazi salute. Debate has ensued surrounding the implications for free speech and satire in the United Kingdom. Dankula is awaiting sentencing, slated for April 23.

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Aries (Mar 21-Apr 19) As realisation sets in, the presence of cold sweats become ever more apparent. You’ve made mistakes and that’s ok— just remember that you’ll be disowned if you drop out after coming this far.

Libra (Sep 23-Oct 22) The waning moon leaves a desolate glow on the twilight hours. Abandonment is hard to swallow. Luckily, that emptiness is easily replaced by a moderate concoction of narcotics and meaningless sex.

Taurus (Apr 20-May 20) The seismic pulses of Mars signify your inner desire for challenge. Consuming medium-rare chicken is always a good place to start, but maybe step it up to some yet-to-be-slaughtered lamb chops.

Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21) As the autumn mists of Venus begin to subside, it becomes clear that you’re achieving a little too much too easily. Fear not, for the Zodiac will restore balance. Prepare for copious shit to enter your metaphorical fan.

Gemini (May 21-June 20) Retrograde brings strife to your electronic devices. Battery life may decrease along with the frequency at which apps work as intended. Take caution while stalking ex-lovers; the last thing you need is to send them an accidental ego boost. Cancer (June 21-July 22) You’re beautiful, truly stunning, and without a doubt, gorgeous. The thought of you causes flushed cheeks; your presence leaving knees weak. Please unblock me, I swear I can explain. I will always love you. Leo (July 23-Aug 22) With broken promises; comes unyielding regret. You know you could’ve done better but at the time, you did nothing but fail yourself and those around you. Be better. Virgo (Aug 23-Sep 22) SISTAH! It’s time you spilled your own tea, hun—we all know there’s a little crush stirring in those loins. Don’t worry sis, just be new; be bold. There’s nothing a naughty confession won’t fix. Okurr.

Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21) Everyone is aware that your physical prowess is far from at its peak. Though if we hear you crack one more joke about how hard it is to make it up the Library stairs, we’ll push you right back down. Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19) Childhood possessions prove increasingly intimate with the marching of time. Nothing will ever hold the same joy it once did. It’s a shame you completely wasted your adolescence. . Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18) It would be harsh of us to say you were dropped completely as a child; your siblings may not have been quite as lucky though. Let’s just say there’s a reason your parents don’t expect as much from the rest of their kids. Pisces (Feb 19-Mar 20) Take a moment, close your eyes, breathe. There’s no valid excuse to leave your washing in the washing machine. All of your flatmates despise you.

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Crush of the Week: Black Caps

What’s Hot:

In light of the recent ball-tampering atrocity performed by the Aussies— from a country originating from convicts, did you really expect any different?—we’re taking a moment to appreciate the general goodcuntedness of our own national cricket team. Their representation of our country displays an inspirational standard in good sportsmanship, honesty, and lack of corruption compared to other big-name teams. Fuck yeah, New Zealand; further proving our superiority over those dodgy neighbours.

Barking when you see the boys

Short weeks

Cross buns

Reusing your rain poncho to save waste

Air balloons

Clickbait Moodboard:

What’s Not: •

Getting “food poisoning” after a heavy night on the vodka

Breaking your trusty pair of roman sandals

When your parents don’t answer the phone ASAP, but you’re their only purpose??? Hello??? Mum?

Being refused admittance to Bar101 due to your “unsuitable” footwear

Theme: When your paycheck doesn’t come through on time.

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TOP 10: Nexus-Run Uni Comms Policies

Report: Plethora of Fish in Sea Prove No Match for the Potential Presence of Ex

Recent studies show romantic emotional baggage causes individuals to completely disregard the endless possibilities for happiness in favour of whinging and desperate cries for attention.

Local Influencer Gives Back to Community by Starting Fresh Fitness Gram

“I’m not doing this for me, this is for everyone who wants to live their best life!” Generic waste of space utilises new activewear to validate existence and further feed their over-inflated ego.

Conversation Deemed Shit Enough to Bring up Mutual Acquaintance’s Child on the Way

“It’s crazy huh? Wowee, we sure are getting old. I couldn’t even imagine having a child at this age, I’m pretty much still a child myself lol!”

Last week, members of the Nexus leadership team met with the Vice-Chancellor at an undisclosed location that rhymes with “Smillcrest Tavern” to discuss co-running the majority of aspects of the University’s communication department. Here is the actual list of ten solutions they presented. 1.

Buy the Warriors: It’s their season, let’s give Waikato students something to be proud of for once. 2. Remove any reference to an anthropomorphic jandal from all parts your communications strategy: This is a University, not a Wintec. 3. When you try to hire people who are in touch with the youth, don’t let them start the interview by saying “I have Savage on my speed-dial”. 4. Chuck some bars on campus: why would you go to the gym after class when you could pop into Backbar for a quick sauna session. 5. Instate some RAs who are just as hardworking as all the others, but can take the occasional joke. 6. A recruitment team comprised of former grid girls and retired Hallensteins models. Fairly self-explanatory. 7. If Jacinda wants swimmable lakes and rivers, so do we. How good would our very own Flochella O-Week be? 8. Celebrity lecturers: Let’s be honest... we would attend every one of Samantha Hayes’ engineering lectures. 9. The Cowshed Bar and Grill: This place only exists because of bovines and now you can get your own...medium-rare while you listen to someone who isn’t Savage play some music. 10. How about we try an engaging curriculum; slow down on all the re-structures; treat students less like a commodity and more like a client; fund services that bring the best out of people; get the best people to do the best job and pay them to do it; and if all that fails—astroturf the green—because for three weeks, it’s fun and pretty, and for the other 11 months, it’s the cunt responsible for my wet socks in lectures. 11


Album

Album

‘CALIFORNIA EP’ – DIPLO REVIEW: CJ LEE

‘DEAR ANNIE’ – REJJIE SNOW REVIEW: ARCHIE PORTER

The Mad Decent label superstar DJ/producer, Diplo released this little six track gem on March 23. Ya boi has been very excited for this project ever since Diplo disclosed that he has been working on rap music last year. This would be the first time Diplo released a project that features rappers and vocalists rather than other EDM producers on the majority of the songs. Instead of twerk-inducing dancehall or trap, which is typically what Diplo is known for, this EP is mellow and vibey in comparison to his previous tunes, perfect for when you are having a quiet one with the homies on a weekend. The collaboration with Lil Xan on the song, ‘Color Blind’, caught me by surprise - in a good way. Somehow Diplo got Mr Xanarchy here to jump on a future bass track. Lil Xan’s sleepy vocals coupled with the atmospheric future bass synths work amazingly well together. Besides that, Trippie Redd also joins the party with his punk-ish vocals and emo songwriting over this smooth rap beat, reminiscent of a dusty old jazz bar. The EP also features other guest artists such as D.R.A.M., Desiigner, Goldlink, MØ, Lil Yachty and Santigold. All in all, the California EP is Diplo’s experimental take on hip-hop/rap music. Despite sounding a tad too similar to every other song on the Top40 at times, it is not too bad. Definitely check it out if you have been long time follower of Diplo’s.

After six long years, a plethora of EPs and singles, a mixtape, and a gargantuan wave of hype, Dublinborn rapper Rejjie Snow has finally released his first full-length album, Dear Annie. Difficult to explicitly categorise, the record fluctuates between rap, hiphop, funk, R&B, and even jazz at times. The result is a blissful odyssey through the strangely eccentric psyche of an exceptionally talented musician who, judging by his work thus far, has a bright future ahead of him. At a whopping 20 tracks, Dear Annie is a large, sprawling record – both dazzlingly grand and compellingly intimate. The lyricism of the record matches the excellence of its production, at times veering into melodrama but never feeling forced or ingenuine – every twist and turn feels like a natural expression from Snow. ‘23’, the fourth track, discusses an ex-lover that said “mean things” about him; on the flipside ‘Room 27’, the eleventh track on the record, gives insight into Snow’s suicidal thoughts and tendencies. These kinds of emotional contrasts emanate throughout the entire album, providing a deeply personal and refreshing journey as opposed to the usual egotistical attitude prominent on many contemporary hip-hop albums. The album is occasionally interrupted by small interludes that somewhat break the momentum, and the 16th track, ‘LMFAO’, feels very out of place tonally and lyrically. However, these are very minor issues on an otherwise excellent record. As far as debuts go, Rejjie Snow’s hit the ground running.

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Video Game

Clothing Range

‘ORWELL- IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH’ – OSMOTIC STUDIOS REVIEW: CONOR MAXWELL

P.E NATION REVIEW: GRACE MITCHELL

Osmotic Studios have doubled down on their already on-the-nose 1984 homage Orwell (2016) with their 2018 sequel Orwell: Ignorance is Strength. I’ll keep this brief: it’s not a good sequel. Gameplay is almost identical (read private communications, find incriminating evidence, send it to the government), aside from the addition of the Influencer device, that allows you to combat social media backlash as a result of your actions by spreading fake news about your suspects and their families. Ignorance is Strength is shorter than the original, costs more and (its biggest blunder) doesn’t follow on from the events of the previous game. Instead, the game is set before and during some of the key events of Orwell, with just enough crossover to remind you that the characters in the first game were far more interesting. Where Osmotic Studios could’ve taken the chance to show players the branching consequences of their incessant meddling, they instead try and make us forget that spying on people is a bad idea, just so they can bring about a ‘twist’ ending that is actually the same twist from the previous game. If this review has confused the fuck out of you, then you definitely need to check out Orwell on Steam, but give this one a miss. Let George Orwell finally rest in peace.

If there’s one way to soften the horrific memories of high school P.E classes, emblazoning the name of the dreaded subject across your belly in a retro, tomboyish, and somewhat ironic fashion is most definitely the way to do it. The aesthetic is instantly distinguishable: bright stripes of colour, bagginess, and details you’d expect to see on the outfit of an ‘80s boxer. This new range is the brainchild of ultimate cool girl Pip Edwards (who has also designed for General Pants Co., sass & bide, and Ksubi) and Claire Tregoning (also sass & bide alum). Any piece from this activewear-cum-lifestyle collection brings the utmost in effortless cool in a way that practically begs for a ‘gram. With even leggings calling for around $150, I’m not entirely sure how much use you’ll get if you’re anything like me and are terrified of your excessive gym sweat somehow dissolving the fabric, but it’s worth saving your pennies for the street cred alone. It’s extortionate, but also only the price of one StudyLink payment - if you think of it that way. I could only afford one piece from the collection (okay, it was a gift) so I am, without a doubt, unqualified to actually review it. If you wanted to know useful things, like whether the sports bras are supportive or if the male shorts are breezy, I wouldn’t have a clue. I do have a baggy sweater though, which feels like walking around in a big cushy hug, and also makes me feel like an extra from Flashdance. If you’re for that vibe, this is the range for you. 13


KIM SA RE

te possibly the best thing to Ah, Married at First Sight. Qui ut rtland Street started up abo cross our TV screens since Sho ma know about you, but the dra six million years ago. I don’t ks. wee uni g lon through these is the only thing that gets me s live ic ant people put their rom It is truly inspiring how these TV al and then go on internation in the hands of “experts” s #goals. and talk about their sex live only thing that NZ Herald and the ly ical This show is bas for the last few weeks, despite Stuff have been reporting on

our governmen t announcing that they’ve ru child poverty n out of mon reduction (wha ey for t the fuck?), so watch it, I’m su even if you do re you’re awar n’t e of the basics asshole, Tracey . But if not, Dea has no idea w n’ s an ha t she’s doing, to be famous, Davina just wan Carly really w ted ants a man in the biggest fa he r life, Nasser’s ll from grace ha d I’ve ever seen basically just a in my life, an season of Wife d it’s Swap. Now, because I have nothing better to do w keep up with ith my life than MAFS and all it’s scandal, I each of our fa fig ur ed why not give vourite Aussie singles-no-mor e a review?

T h e B oys :

e now, ½ of th MAFS twice on en a be s, rt as okes da John: H • hole show, sm w e th of le cutest coup ugh – 10/10. ole, wholesome la and an assh n a dickhead ea D d ner le in al D C e Telv: multipl • ore a tux to w , at a ch of ap ine off loves Sn sniffing coca ht ug ca t Parties, go . yahtzee – 8/10 blamed stripper’s ass, ith Davina, w on Tracey ed at he C n: Dea to “get with • m permission hi ng vi lfgi r Ryan fo sibility, a se takes respon r ve ne ” s, nz, has no his missu named Visio er pp ra big toe – proclaimed looks like a l, al at s ie it al redeeming qu r 0/10. s older brothe e like Alycia’ or m lt fe e, he m his na Mat: Said • has one T in sband, only hu r he an th . is Mat? – 3/10 out of honestly who ared the shit tly, he just sc es on H : D Sean • ld Dean to me – 2/10. by Davina, to on d te ea ch d to see his Ryan: Got • , more excite rm fa a on fuck off, lives tradie – 9/10. his wife, is a an th gs do cute 14

Patrick: Has too many feelings according to Charlene, his mum hates his wife, got called a Big Friendly Giant by the experts, too good for MAFS – 7/10. Troy: Ate tuna on his wedding day, can’t brush his teeth, doesn’t know the difference between butter and cheese, delayed breakfast to do pushups, his entire life is just a joke – 10/10. Justin: He’s a millionaire, only cares about ice cream, obsessed with boats, probably a sociopath, only wanted Ash, only one on the show to expand his ice cream business – 6/10. Nasser: Went from loving Gabrielle to being 100% uninterested, called out Dean, talks about himself in third person, twisted his back, doesn’t like to wear pants, OCD cleaner, hero to zero and a bit of a dick – 3/10. Sean T: Very high voluminous hair, got called out for sleeping with “over 200 women, probably,” straight up said no when asked if he had any feelings for Blair, dating Tracey – 4/10.


The Girls:

Melissa: Got really excited at the wedding when she recognised John from last season of MAFS, asked permission to sit next to him on the couch, pretty much the whole reason John’s back on the show, literally just the cutest thing – 10/10. Sarah: Loves a good gossip, curves for bloody days, a fan of giving the silent treatment, the only one on the show that says sex instead of intimacy – 10/10. Tracey: Stayed with Dean despite him cheating on her with her “BFF,” reciprocated Dean’s rapping with her hip-hop dancing, keeps trying to make “hit it and quit it” a thing, literally what is she doing? – 4/10. Alycia: 29 years old and still at Uni, left the experiment because her husband said he felt like her brother, honestly I don’t even know who she is – 5/10. Jo: Her feelings for Sean were unrequited the entire experiment, was “blindsided” when he wrote leave at the Commitment Ceremony even though they spoke to each other, a bit misguided – 3/10. Davina: Literally only on the show to be famous, hooked up with her “BFF’s” husband and didn’t understand what she’d done wrong, really liked Ryan until he started talking, her cloud of

scandal was probably the only reason people watched MAFS – 9/10. Charlene: Told her husband to stop talking about his feelings, very loud, likes bright colours and big hair, “as a woman” she called out Dean – 6/10. Ashley: Looks like a Barbie doll, kept saying stay at the Commitment Ceremonies but complained all week, said “the Troy show” about a million times, wanted to get hot and heavy at the wedding, always misses a spot while straightening her hair – 4/10. Carly: Got matched with the millionaire, cried when Justin tried to hold her hand, just wants love and affection, has to put up with ice cream, invisible yachts, and business deals coming before her – 6/10. Gabrielle: Has alopecia, had the best husband at the beginning before everyone realised he’s actually awful, rented a haunted apartment for her homestay, uses the phrase “bad luck Donald Duck” – 7/10. Blair: Had great taste in hats, probably the only woman on the show who hasn’t had work done, very open about her love of sex, just wanted her husband to like her, only left the show because Sean refused to go to her house – 9/10.

r yet, ou finished y ll r a u u o t d rum ’t ac r us, an w hasn fo o h it s d ip e e h nsh poil While t e relatio h have s the ditc t all th r a e h that v t o s it rs u has it seem ) , s t o neighbo n t e o h m p o ter parazzi At the m ether af (and pa revised. yed tog a n t e s o e y b ll s a e hav actu ouple t statuses was 11 c les have p re u e o c h t h e t that ion, e of th sidering my opin n only one o In C . e .” t t er off ss ra erimen be bett it succe ll h s a the “exp y ’d d y o e lo th at’s a b m, and start, th of a sha it b a ’s hing e. whole t lind Dat Nexus B e h t n o going

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LEGAL203 – Jurisprudence I attended this lecture for a grand total of 12 minutes, so there was probably only so much new information I could absorb on “jurisprudence,” – whatever that means. As an attentive, shrewd, and conscientious audience of future lawmakers, everybody listened and stared down those slides as keenly as a senior Russell McVeagh staff member does a hot new employee (sorry guys). Law students are creepily interested in their studies, it appears. There were also many mature students who like to question things—like a lot. I did learn a cool new word, however: “grundnorm,” which I will most certainly “whip out at parties” as the professor suggested. It describes the traceable validity of the fundamental norm from which all legal norms are derived. I am still unsure what most of the words in that sentence mean, but it sounded impressive. They used a lot of big phrases like “constitutional conventions”, “traceable validity”, and “separating morality and law” which make you appear very professional and lawyer-ish when you use them in a sentence. Law people are really smart. The best bits included the lecturer describing law as being pure (haha, pure), and the lady in front of me offering me Caramello chocolate. Shout out to you, kind human—how good. Has the experience made me regret dropping the idea of studying law after taking one paper during first year? Yeah nah, not really. I probably would have a bigger vocab of fancy words, though.

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AUTEUR HOUSE Academy Awards RICHARD SWAINSON The Academy Awards have always provoked debate over the type of talent that fails to be recognised. These debates have lately become politicised, with sensitivity to omissions around gender and race. The need for “diversity” in the composition of the Academy itself has resulted in direct action and a degree of tangible change. Whilst all this is laudable, a wider problem remains. There continues to be certain filmmakers that the Academy is blind to, more from cultural bias than of racial or gender prejudice. In the words of Jodie Foster, some artists “exclude themselves from the mediocrity”. Here’s a list of outstanding English language directors who have never even been nominated for an Academy Award. I’ve confined my selection to those active in the 21st century and have subdivided into rough categories. THE HORROR ICONS:

George A. Romero: inventor of the modern zombie genre, Romero, who died in July of last year, would have been a prime candidate for at least an honorary award. Oscar-worthy films: Night of the Living Dead (1968); Martin (1978); Dawn of the Dead (1979). David Cronenberg: though his early work can be both crude and pretentious, this Canadian is the master of cerebral horror. Oscar-worthy films: Dead Ringers (1988); Crash (1996); A History of Violence (2005); Maps to the Stars (2014).

BRITISH AUTEURS:

Terence Davies: Britain’s finest contemporary filmmaker. Oscar-worthy films: Distant Voices, Still Lives (1988); The Long Day Closes (1992); The House of Mirth (2000); The Deep Blue Sea (2011); A Quiet Passion (2016). Ken Loach: no doubt politicised far beyond the capacity of even “liberal” Hollywood to comprehend, the socialist enfant terrible has been challenging the establishment for over half a century. Amongst the many Oscar-worthy films: Kes (1969); My Name is Joe (1998); The Navigators (2001); The Angels’ Share (2012); I, Daniel Blake (2016). Ben Wheatley: a maestro of genre mash-up, combing horror, melodrama, and gangster tropes in fresh and challenging ways. Oscar-worthy: Kill List (2011); Sightseers (2012); A Field in England (2013). Clio Barnard: a feminist academic, mistress of bleak realism and formal experimentation. Oscarworthy: The Arbor (2010); The Selfish Giant (2013); Dark River (2017). THE AMERICAN CUTTING EDGE:

Todd Solondz: uncompromising exponent of black comedies. Oscar-worthy: Welcome to the Dollhouse (1995); Happiness (1998); Wiener-Dog (2016). Kelly Reichardt: the best female director working today. Oscar-worthy: Wendy and Lucy (2008); Meek’s Cutoff (2010); Certain Women (2016).

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Psychosurgery is, and Always Has Been, Roses Mate TROY ANDERSON Over 60% of lobotomies performed in the United States of America were performed on women. These happened during the ‘40s and ‘50s. By this time, over 12,000 women and 20,000 people overall had had their brains irreparably fucked up. In 1935, António Egas Moniz oversaw the very first use of this procedure. A hole was bored into each side of the skull and ethanol was injected into the cranial cavity to destroy the connections to the frontal lobe. It was theorised that this area was responsible for mental illness, as well as some other useless shit like, decision making, reasoning, personal expression, and creativity. After some “successful” procedures, ethanol was retired and replaced with the leucotome. The leucotome was a tool that was pushed in through the freshly-drilled speed holes. It used a wire loop to sever the white matter connections between the frontal lobe and the rest of the brain. Once a “successful” procedure was implemented, some patients would be miraculously cured, others would be seemingly unaffected, and others still would be completely and quite literally, retarded. As you can imagine by the consistency of these results, they kept cracking on with it. Ten years later, a bloke by the name of Walter Freeman (he was a doctor, but one could definitely question those credentials) came up with a new method. Enter the prefrontal lobotomy, otherwise known as the ‘ice pick lobotomy’. After a few goes on some dead bodies, Freeman realised he could just 18

whack an ice pick through the eye socket straight into the frontal lobe. Give her a few swishes and flicks, and wingardium leviosa, successful lobotomy performed. The greatest thing about this new technique was that you no longer needed any level of skill or an operating room to do the procedure. After applying a general anaesthetic, any random fellow could chuck an ice pick into any other random fellow’s head and irreversibly fuck them up... Sorry, “cure” them of their ailments. That’s right, folks, most psychiatric hospitals at the time couldn’t afford to have neurosurgeons on their payroll. But now, they didn’t need to! Why would they? Now those unruly patients, or anyone showing any level of abnormal behaviour whatsoever, could be miraculously cured at any time in no more than ten minutes! What a breakthrough. In 1949, António Egas Moniz was awarded the Nobel Prize for his medical breakthrough. Those of you that read any 2017 era Yam and Troy the Science Boys and/or know about the history of dynamite, know that this is not the first time that the Nobel Prize was awarded for some of the most shady and negative breakthroughs ever to come from the minds of humanity. The human race is all kinds of fucked up dear readers. Don’t ever forget it. Love you, bye.


Bloons TD - Waikato Edition CAMERON MCROBIE Hot air balloons have long since been adopted as one of the official Hamilton snapchat filters. However, they aren’t simply a goofy floating work of art used by parents to both terrify and wow young children. Hot air ballooning has been around for bloody yonks, and given it’s rather tame in nature—it’s no wonder some bright spark who probably wasn’t too flash at footy decided to turn it into an official competitive sport. On the 19th September 1783, a scientist named Pilatre De Rozier launched the first hot air balloon called ‘Aerostat Reveillon’. The passengers on this revolutionary flight were a sheep, a duck, and a rooster—and instead of walking into a bar, they plummeted back to the ground after the balloon failed 15 minutes following take-off. Fortunately, subsequent ballooning attempts didn’t end in what could loosely be described as the foundations of a hearty Christmas dinner. Since then, flying has ballooned in popularity and even become a competition sport. For y’all who want the stripped back science: warm air rises. Most people know this. Hot air balloons rise because they have warm air trapped inside them. Yeah. Given that the only competitions I’d associate with balloons typically involve music, cream chargers, and holding your breath, I was surprised to find that

there’s a balloon community larger than Facebook’s “Nangs in Unusual Places” page. The worldwide competitions in Hot air ballooning attract competitors from all ends of the earth. They typically involve kooky disciplines like “Hare and Hounds”, in which competitors chase a hare balloon and attempt to drop a marker close to a target displayed by the hare, no more than two meters upwind of the basket after landing. The winning result is the smallest distance from the mark to the target. Another cheekily named event in the ballooning world is “Minimum Distance Double Drop”; with contenders attempting to drop two markers close together in different scoring areas with the result being the distance between marks. Last Sunday on the typically bare uni field, we saw tens of thousands of people cram in for the Zuru Night Glow. This event is part of the Waikato – proud Balloons over Waikato festival which has happened every March for the last 18 years; refer to the Hamilton snapchat filter again if you don’t get how big a deal this is for us. As a born and bred H-Town street cat, I can confirm that the balloon festival gains popularity in leaps and bounds each year.

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JENNIE-LOUISE KENDRICK


On the eve of International Women’s Day, Minister for Sport Grant Robertson announced that the Labour Government would inject $300,000 over four years into women’s sports. While an effort to even the playing field is important and necessary, this amount pales in comparison to the alleged $1 million NZRU contract All Blacks Captain Kieran Read enjoys. Imagine sitting down with your middle-aged parents to watch the evening news. The female anchor is talking about something terrible happening somewhere else to someone else, then she hands over to another female to talk about sports. The sports segment takes about ten minutes, it is often presented by a woman, and yet, would have a worse Bechdel test score than an Expendables movie. Men throwing balls. Men catching balls. Men hitting balls. Men’s balls - it’s all that differentiates the paid from the paid less. Many people would cite a sports personality when asked to think of a famous Kiwi. Notable figures like Richie McCaw, Jonah Lomu, Dan Carter, Joseph Parker— they are people recognised for their perseverance, dedication and personal strength, all admirable qualities. In the last five to ten years, many fantastic female athletes have emerged out of obscurity to become household names; women like Eliza McCartney, Gemma Flynn, Lydia Ko, Portia Woodman, and Kayla Cullen. Young women that have joined the same league as Valerie Adams, Irene Van Dyk, Caroline and Georgina Evers-Swindell, Barbara Kendall, and Susan Devoy. Despite sportygurls being just as inspirational and integral to national morale as sportyblokes, the sad reality is that no matter how talented the individual, their gender still determines their worth—that is if we measure such by comparing salary, sponsorship or endorsements, publicity, recognition, and the availability of resources and funding. During Robertson’s announcement on March 8, he was adamant that this issue would be his “number one priority” as minister. “Sport is at the heart of our country’s identity and if something is at the heart of our country’s identity and we allow blatant sexism and underrepresentation of women to continue then that will be at the heart of our identity as a country and none of us want that. “So we need to step up and make sport the area where we express our identity as an inclusive, as a diverse country.”

The inequality of women in sports also includes the presentation of women as complementary figures to the main event; the girls whose biggest opportunity to perform their skills is to dance at the halftime of a Chiefs game, having to dedicate years of practice and talent covered in the colours of a male sports team. Their performance is an afterthought—an auxiliary spectacle to entertain the crowds, the athleticism of their carefully rehearsed dance number overshadowed by the sexualised moves and weather-inappropriate outfits. They are akin to the person who dresses up as the Chiefs mascot, Little Chief. Consider the female pundits that present sportsbased media like Hayley Holt, former professional ballroom dancer and snowboarder, who is more famous for her role as a reporter on The Crowd Goes Wild. Her eight year stint on the show has eclipsed her wobbly political career and own sporting successes, and Holt, who has replaced Hilary Barry on TVNZ’s Breakfast, reflected on her time in sports reporting in a recent Stuff article: “We do always come second really to the men around us and we often have sort of good looking women on a panel who are really there for entertainment value and they expect you to say something cute, kind of like ‘oh that’s cute the lady’s talking’. “Totally if you want to succeed in sport you have to be good looking, smiley because a good looking girl can sell a product. “I feel like it is up to us to take the reins, we need to go out and do it ourselves. We need to support our fellow chickies in sport. I feel honoured to be a part of it.” Former Black Fern Melodie Robinson, now a successful sports journalist and presenter for Sky TV NZ, set up The Wonderful Group to help mentor and celebrate young female journalists trying to break into the largely male-dominated realm of sports reporting. The group was founded when Robinson realised just how huge the problem was. “We’re looking to network and celebrate women in sports media, and support each other,” she says. 23


“And by sports media, I mean everyone producers, camera operators, talent, writers, sports communications, lecturers, athletes who want careers in the industry, and of course, executives.” “Just look at the websites, newspapers, and television coverage. Not only is women’s sport not covered as much as men’s it’s covered differently.” Despite being an incredibly successful and revered sportswomen-cum-journalist, the only link in her Wikipedia is to a Sunday News article from 2009 called “Sexy sports presenter splits with ref”. In 2016, New Zealand Rugby appointed former Black Fern Farah Palmer as a board member. Established in 1892, Palmer was the first female elected to the board in its 124-year history. She has a Bachelor of Physical Education (Honours) and PhD in Philosophy from University of Otago, and is an officer of the New Zealand Order of Merit. She is both the only female member of the board, and the only Māori representing two token minority spots amongst eight other balding white dudes. Palmer is aware of her important but limited role on the board: “I can’t help myself [push for women’s rugby], everyone is very passionate about rugby, our vision is to have everyone playing the game.” Palmer admitted to feeling as if she must practice extra diligence to over-perform in order to prove her worth. “It is important [to have a woman on the board] and I don’t want to stuff it up for the next woman who comes on board, so I go in very prepared and well researched.” “Women’s rugby is part and parcel of NZ Rugby, it is part of the growth and part of our duty.” Palmer also acknowledged the difficulty for the Black Ferns to go pro. “It puts them on the back foot. A team like England have got a full-time contract so they can commit to the game. Our players grew up with rugby around them, but it makes it challenging. “In an ideal world, I think we could have our female game fully professional but it is a very long way off.” Going professional is an inevitability in women’s sports, with many Kiwi women dominating their respective sports without the guarantee of remuneration. It may be very much a case of our biggest female sports stars being left in the dust as other nations’ equality efforts allow their players to dedicate their lives to sport full-time. Robinson was adamant that the reluctance to fund professionalism 24

for female sports will result in our overachieving females burning themselves out. “Many other female athletes struggle to get funding. For instance, you can find rich businessmen who love golf, who personally sponsor male golfers, but those networks seem to be closed to female athletes who are not in the same networks, or contacts. “It’s a mixed bag. Women’s sport isn’t funded as well as men’s. And that doesn’t seem right. In the USA, they have laws that make universities fund female and male sport the same and that seems to be a brilliant way to make sure everyone has a chance to succeed as both genders get the same facilities and scholarships.” Nexus interviewed a couple of Black Ferns to get their take on the issue; they will be the first national team to go pro after they smashed England 41-32 in the 2017 Women’s Rugby World Cup in Ireland, a team of professional players. This year, 30 Black Ferns are set to sign their contracts as New Zealand Rugby finally fronts up with some equality. Players will be contracted for 50 days, standing to earn between $40,000-$45,000. Centre Chelsea Alley admitted that many people are shocked when they learn the pay difference between the genders. “We are lucky to have some amazing women role models in New Zealand. A lot of them make it to the top level with limited funding and support; this makes them even more incredible and inspiring. It is difficult. It just makes life harder. When you are doing everything you can to achieve your goal and be the best you can be in your sport, you have to put in the hours with training—there’s no other way. I think every female athlete dreams of being able to focus on this and have it as a career but unfortunately, throwing a full time job or study into the mix does make it harder to give as much energy as you would like to your dreams.” Utility Back Stacey Waaka had a simple message for the people who believe women’s sports not to be as entertaining as the same game played by men. “Just like men, we have two arms, two legs, strong athletic builds, and can play the game just as good. Sometimes, it’s more entertaining when a player makes a big hit on the opposition or can have amazing footwork and speed because it’s not the “norm” for a girl to do that on the rugby pitch. Unless you have actually sat down and watched a few women’s sporting games, there’s no reason to judge.”


At Home Full Body HIIT Blast FRANCESCA KURGHAN As stated in the title, this workout can be completed at home with no equipment, so you really have no excuses for this one. If you want a quick, effective, cheeky workout to fit in between lectures then this is the workout for you. For those who don’t know, HIIT stands for High Intensity Interval Training. It’s a type of training where you complete intense exercise in a short period then rest for an even shorter period after each exercise. Repeat the circuit again and again until you’re basically a piece of jelly. It’s great fun, challenging and you’ll be burning a shit ton of calories in a short space of time. WHAT YOU’LL NEED:

• •

Phone timer Skipping rope (or just pretend to skip)

WARM-UP:

Remember what I said last time about a warm up? Super important, super easy to do. Five minutes of walking, running, skipping, etc. Get it done.

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THE WORKOUT:

There will be two circuits for this workout—each need to be repeated twice. You will work for 30 seconds and rest for 15 seconds after each exercise before hopping straight into the next one. Once you’ve completed all exercises in Circuit One, rest for 1 minute and then repeat Circuit One again. Same goes for Circuit Two. CIRCUIT ONE:

• •

• • •

30 seconds skipping (if you don’t have a skipping rope, just pretend and move your arms and jump as if you are using a rope). 30 seconds mountain climbers: getting into a push-up position, bend your right knee in towards your right elbow, then straighten it back out to push-up position. Alternate legs and repeat, going at a fast pace if you can. 30 seconds multi-directional lunge: lunge to the front, return to standing, lunge on the same leg out to one side, return to standing, lunge out behind you on the same leg, return to standing. Repeat the sequence. 30 seconds multi-directional lunge on other leg. 30 seconds plank rotations: get into a plank position and slowly dip from side to side.

REST FOR 1 MIN AND REPEAT CIRCUIT ONE

CIRCUIT TWO:

• •

• • •

30 seconds burpees: sorry, not sorry. 30 seconds straight-leg jackknifes: lie flat on your back with your legs extended out in front of you and your arms extended behind your head. As you exhale, bend at the waist, raising your arms and legs off the floor to curl up into a jackknife shape—your ass should be the only part of your touching the ground. Make sure you engage your core and use your abs to control your incline and decline. 30 seconds push-ups: knees or toes are fine. Make sure you engage your core and try to focus on good form over quantity. 30 seconds jump squats: normal squat— just drive up at the bottom into a small jump. Land with your knees slightly bent. 30 seconds plank jacks: get into plank position. Jump your legs out so they’re just about shoulder width, then jump them back in so they’re back to a normal plank position. Repeat and keep core tight the whole time.

REST FOR 1 MINUTE AND REPEAT CIRCUIT TWO

COOL-DOWN:

Five minutes is all you need here; a quick walk, some stretching and foam rolling. TOTAL WORKOUT TIME:

Workout should take about 30 minutes.

Don’t forget to give your fave fitness gal a cheeky follow on Insta: @francescakurghan for more health and fitness tips and tricks!

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Ellie Lee-Duncan and Nicole Fairey are two kickass graduates that have opened their own art gallery. After getting a little too lit on champers at the opening of their exhibit ‘Renegotiating the Feminine Ideal’, Jennie-Louise Kendrick quizzed them on all things [tacit]. How did [tacit] come into being? Both of us studied Art History as part of our degrees at Victoria University. Ellie grew up in Wellington, and Nicole grew up in Hamilton (growing up here—she hated it!) But separately, we both ended up finishing our studies in some degree at Vic and moving up to Hamilton. It was then we made contact with each other and became good friends. We both missed the thriving independent art scene of Wellington and loved brainstorming ideas together of ways we could push the art scene in Hamilton further. When Ellie spotted the vacant room within The Creators building, we jumped at them with a proposal, and just over a month later, our first show opened! NEXUS: Hamilton is not a town in New Zealand well-known for culture; how did you find opening a gallery in the ‘Tron? TG: We’ve actually loved it! The small art community already working away doing its thing here is a very close knit, supportive one. We have had nothing but great advice, praise, connection, and aroha from Hamilton - particularly those interested in arts and culture. Of course, there are many thousands of more residents to convince that art and art galleries are valuable to a community and a city, but we will get there. And as always, bigger galleries in bigger cities attract bigger crowds, but on a practical note - two young dreamers were able to rent an incredibly beautiful space in an historical building on the mainstreet of Hamilton (a feat not so easy to achieve in Auckland or Wellington). NEXUS: ‘ Renegotiating the Feminine Ideal’ was obviously focused on examining feminism and gender norms, what were you guys hoping to cultivate or agitate locally? TG: The last day of ‘Renegotiating the Feminine Ideal’ was Saturday 24 March. Essentially when planning this exhibition, we took a look at upcoming events and saw that International Women’s Day was on the 8th March - two days before we intended to open our exhibition. Gender has always been a particular topic of interest for Ellie throughout their academic life, and so it seemed like a good time to explore it a little. We think locally we weren’t particularly NEXUS: TG:

expecting to be sparking any dramatic levels of interest or conversation, no ripple effects, through this exhibition. But we always hope that the exhibitions we curate at [tacit] represent our kaupapa, and we strongly felt that just providing a space for discussion around feminism and gender was important to us. NEXUS: As a gallery, what kind of overarching themes or attitudes does [tacit] hope to continue on with? TG: It was important to both of us that from day one, we agreed and established a very strong kaupapa; a foundation for the direction of the space - and also a set of ideals we can be held accountable to. We refer to these core values as often as possible, we have connected with more established members of the Waikato art scene to mentor us and hold us accountable, and we strive to keep our kaupapa at the centre of every show we curate. On day one, this is what we wrote out for [tacit]: KAUPAPA

Our desire is to run an art gallery to serve and strengthen the community, without being a community gallery. Our values are a strong curatorial stance, a high quality of technical finish, a focus on emerging artists in the Waikato and established Aotearoa artists based in other cities. Our vision will extend to a level of professional presentation from curation, to wall texts and social media presence. By selecting a different stance to other Hamilton galleries, we will allow for interest from within the community, but also by academics, creative professionals, and dealer galleries. As we are both involved in the Hamilton art scene, we have heard constant expression of a desire for more gallery spaces in this city, and particularly for a more academic, critical approach to exhibition making. Our intent will be also be intentionally inclusive of those we know the Western art gallery model often omits; women artists, tangata whenua and people of colour, LGBTQI artists. CHECK

OUT

[TACIT]’S

CURRENT

EXHIBITION

‘CHEKOV’S MOON’; A CURATORIAL EXPLORATION OF THE REPRESENTATION OF LIGHT AND VISUAL CHANGES. 31ST MARCH - 14TH APRIL TUES-SAT 12-6PM. 223 VICTORIA STREET.


Long-Locked Lad It’s just all about personal expression, fully though, like why are we even arguing? If you’re all about that crew cut lifestyle, that’s sweet, more power to you, my brother; if you’re lackin’ with some beautiful locks, that’s also hella sweet—let it flow. Be at one with yourself as you aspire with others. When you really let this all sink in, you start to realise there’s truly no difference— at any given point, we have both long locks and crisp scalps, for what separates the two but a few lengths of keratin. Negativity flourishes in the uneasy mind; in this world, we’re subject to countless judgement, forced to live in such a rigid state of conformity. Compliance isn’t the answer, it’s important that we move beyond the constraints of what’s considered to be ‘better’ by our society. This argument isn’t between long and short hair— it’s bigger than that. It’s about our rights; about our collective being. Who are we to judge the choice of others? The point of consciousness is the freedom to make of ourselves what we wish. Let’s take a moment and delve a little deeper; to become at peace with what conflicts us, we must view such issue holistically. A crew cut is clearly reflective of a utilitarian lifestyle; an aesthetic 30

claimed by those who care for the experience of life rather than how their experience of life is perceived. These fellows have nothing to hide, they are one with themselves as they are with others. Luscious locks are characteristic of the free spirit; they care for letting what happens occur as it shall. They are one with ebbs and flows of natural being. Their hair is as much an extension of personal consciousness as the transcendence of true realisation itself. Those with elongated keratin tend to ignore the limits imposed by trend—they allow what must happen to be as it should. They dare not stand in the way of imminence; let alone remove their being from what must happen for something as unnecessary as grooming of the scalp. Slight differences aside, there is no qualms between these brethren. Regardless of length, may your keratin flow freely. Neither long nor short, we shan’t discriminate—we must enjoy what we have till the imminent onset of male pattern baldness.


Crewcut Purist Perhaps it’s leftover heteronormativity from my time at high school; perhaps it’s my subconscious aversion to people that resemble my idiot brother, but I really dislike long hair on men. I believe it falls into three categories. There’s the Sergio—alternatively, this category could also be named after any latin lover in a Mills and Boon novel—he’s the kind of man that thinks himself a real Romeo (also a good alternative name); laying out cheesy lines to get those old lady loins lubricated. His hair is either pushed back off the forehead, blowing in the air like a Mariah Carey music video, or parted down the middle and occasionally tied up with a piece of leather—because hair ties aren’t sexy. Throw in a widow’s peak or tight leather pants and you’re in business, baby. The second category in my long hair association is the older creep. He may or may not drive a van with blacked-out windows and shag carpet—one thing is certain, this man has plaque build-up and regularly misses certain patches of facial hair. While I can’t cast aspersations as to whether this man is nefarious, he would likely embody many characteristics that are typically creepy; unkempt, longer hair, generally poor hygiene, a propensity to stand too close to strangers,

and making inappropriate sexual jokes. The final category is reserved for the lads—of which I believe my competitor in this tête-à-tête to fall into. Once I left high school, I noticed a definite increase in the dudebros around me growing out their hair. Whether a Sk8rboi or footy fiend, it struck me as a conscious delineation from the strict grooming school implicated by most Kiwi schools. At my school, boys were admonished for hair that touched their collar and still, to this very day, that’s where I draw the line. Individual expression is hella important; I would has it a guess that many people would find things I wear or things I do unattractive, but I’m not doing it for most people, I do it for me. If long hair is something you find empowering as an external expression of your personality or your preference for ‘80s hair metal—then power to you! I know many people find a man bun or dreadlocks attractive—I’m just not one of them. In my personal experience, most men with longer hair don’t groom it as much as they should. Perhaps it’s hypermasculinity precluding brushing and conditioning hair from your daily routine on the basis of them being “girly” things, but caring for long hair is seriously important. 31


HOETEL

At first glance, it’s painfully mundane; though these spotless walls and dustless sills hold more secrets than they care to share. Nobody keeps their flat this clean, not unless they’ve got something to hide. Let’s not delve into it too much though; what they do behind the closed curtains of their ‘Hoetel’ is none of our concern. We’ve got a feeling there’s been more than a few trains pull into this station; maybe their stringent hygiene isn’t so bad after all.


SPORTING GOODS The Commonwealth Games Pre-Match Report PAORA MANUEL

In these dark times of Brexit, Trump and, god forbid, giving Studylink a call regarding Student Allowance payments, an event arises every four years to unite this country. It’s not the Rugby World Cup, the America’s Cup or the Summer Olympics. It is the Commonwealth Games. But to understand the uniting of this country for the Commonwealth Games from the Cape to the Bluff, we must understand our part in the Commonwealth Games. BTW the Commonwealth Games start the Wednesday after Easter, and finish before the start of the teaching recess. 1. THE HISTORY: The Commonwealth Games started out as the British Empire Games in 1930, then it became the British and Commonwealth Games in 1954, then the British Commonwealth Games in 1970, then the Commonwealth Games from 1978. Due to the everchanging nature of the English language, it is now cool to refer to the Commonwealth Games as the Comm Games. Yes, that’s what the cool kids call it these days (or I could just be a senile old man who’ll tell you to get off the bloody lawn, who knows with those bloody millennials and their avocado toast). New Zealand has hosted three Commonwealth Games. Auckland hosted the then British Empire Games in 1950, and the Commonwealth Games in 1990. Christchurch famously hosted the Games in 1974. 2. NEW ZEALAND’S INVOLVEMENT: New Zealand has participated in every Commonwealth Games since 1930. In the years since then, New Zealand has won a lot of medals, 610 in fact, including 144 gold medals. 34

Iconic New Zealand moments in the Commonwealth Games include Dick Tayler’s gold in the 10,000m in 1974, John Walker’s famous battle with Tanzanian Filbert Bayi (who still holds the Comm Games 1500m record with 3:32.16) and Graham May’s faceplant in the weightlifting in the same Commonwealth Games (May still won gold despite the faceplant). Safe to say, we’re quite good at the Commonwealth Games. 3. WATCHING IT: If you can’t afford Sky, have no fear - the pain is over, for TVNZ have the exclusive rights to the 2018 Commonwealth Games. The coverage will be spread over four channels: TV1, Duke, Games Extra (a popup channel on Freeview Channel 14 and Sky Channel 59) and Games Online (online, obviously). For serious, in-depth coverage, TV1 is the channel to turn to. For not-so-serious coverage, the Duke team will be led by Matt Heath, Jeremy Wells and Mike Lane from Radio Hauraki’s Alternative Commentary Collective. Every day for the next 12 days, flick the TV back and forth between TV1 and Duke. In simple terms, that’s a lot of coverage. 4. SUPPORTING A COUNTRY/COMPETITOR: To decide who to support at the Commonwealth Games, let’s put it into a mathematical equation. If NZ is competing (there are 240 competitors across 16 events), support New Zealand. If NZ is not competing, pick the most attractive looking person or the funniest name. That should solve your issues with support (or just life in general). Good luck New Zealand, do us proud, and #BeatStraya.


Will Devilskin Save New Zealand Music? JARED IPSEN The first time I saw Devilskin play was at Altitude in Hamilton punctuated by the smell of bourbon and cigarettes, and accompanied by the sight of hundreds of people wearing shirts they had bought at the merch desk on the way in. Despite the best efforts of metal elitists and the cultural shit-hole of a site known as Stuff, I enjoyed them a lot. They were pretty fucking good. Say what you will about them, but for an independent New Zealand band, their success has been kind of monumental. Their #1 charting debut album, 2014’s We Rise, rode the NZ music charts for 47 weeks and was certified platinum - which, in New Zealand – equates to 15,000 album sales. 2017’s Be Like The River also debuted at #1 on the album charts, and even went on to win a VNZMA. Still, they seem to cop a fair amount of criticism. Mainly hiding in the corners of internet message boards or a drunken conversation at a show, but it’s there. It’s something I’ve never really understood - the more that their level of success grows (especially for an independent Hamilton band with no label backing), the louder the mutterings of those with the classic Kiwi ‘tall poppy syndrome’ become. I’ll be the first to admit they’re not one of the most top played artists in my library, but it’s hard to deny the sheer hustle that Devilskin put in every day. So why the hate? From my weeks of extensive research, most of the criticism they get is centred around two things. Firstly, their music, which has been described as “generic”; and secondly, that their singer said “AUUUCKLAAAAND” at the

start of a show they played. In Auckland. To a crowd of Aucklanders. “To me, it’s kind of just bottom-ofthe-barrel, YouTube comment section bollocks that I truly don’t care for,” says Nic, Devilskin’s drummer — “not over Devilskin’s stuff, not over any other artist or song. I can’t help what people think about the band I’m in or music we write. I genuinely don’t have the time or energy to dwell on [criticism], it only serves to slow me down or upset my mental state. I’ve learned that I get to decide to not acknowledge it, so I don’t - except for right now, lol.” Still, the response seems, to me, largely positive — and they certainly have a lot to be proud of. “We’ve had two #1 records that have exceeded Gold certification, knowing how rare of a feat that is for any artist in this country’s market, let alone for an independent, self-funded hard rock band,” says Nic. But still, you might be thinking, “why should I give a shit?” Well, local bands putting effort in to our music scene is vital to the survival of the industry. NZ On Air may fund the odd music video or single, but for artists that aren’t already established, it’s almost impossible to gain access to the money. Without independent bands pushing on the ground level, showing new bands what they can achieve with a bit of hard work, blazing the trail for those who come after them, we may not get the diversity and passion of young, new bands in our scenes. Some people may think they’re “ghastly”, but others say Devilskin are the “best NZ band of all time sore them in tokoroa live best birthday ever.” And someone having the best birthday ever can’t be a bad thing, can it? 35


She’s a crazy cat lady in the making, the kinda girl who probably used Tumblr a little too much in her formative years. He described himself as “a confident guy”, someone who’s confident enough to tell others his greatest trait is being able to name the capital city of any country. If this isn’t the perfect match, we don’t know what is. SHE SAID:

HE SAID:

The night started off quite shaky on my behalf – the nerves were flowing. Few drinks down and the non-stop conversation broke out. Apparently I have some of the best fun facts; broke a few of those out every once in a while. With all the conversation and great banter going on, there was never a dull moment, even better when I found out he has pretty decent taste in music. Some amazing pizza and shots down, it turned into a great night. Getting carried away in the conversation, we were the last ones left in the building. We hung out after we left, talked for hours, and listened to some great throwbacks. 10/10 would recommend. He was great company. The night went so much better than I had thought—I thank my flatties for pushing me into this.

When I first walked into House and went to the bar, I was sweating like a pig on the spit and definitely needed something to ease me up. A couple of drinks later I was good to go, and my date arrived. She was definitely not the worst thing I’d seen and she studied early childhood care, so I knew if I became a bit of a mess, I was in safe hands. After a couple of tequila shots, conversation really started to flow. Fun facts became the centrepiece for the night with the standouts being the nickname of their flat, “The Pussy Palace,” which she was quick to reassure me was named after the cats which they foster (I’m not convinced), and a bizarre story about how their microwave was stolen. The food arrived, and fair to say, House make a extremely safe pizza. I started flexing my nerdy knowledge of capital cities which seemed to go down a treat, and could only sympathise with my date not knowing the 7 continents. As the night rolled on further, neither of us really knew what was gonna happen, until out of nowhere her flatmate comes and picks us up and takes us back to hers. What followed afterwards was a mix of jamming some Tool and scrolling through Netflix—until one thing led to another and boom goes the dynamite—I didn’t even have to go home afterwards, how good. Big shout-out to my date for being a good sport and having good chat, and huge shout out to the flatmate who picked us up. You’re the real MVP.

Brought to you by House on Hood Street. If you’re keen for a Blind Date, email editor@nexusmag.co.nz


Keen for some free Burgerfuel? Simply snap us the shitfest of your student lifestyle for the chance to win. If you’ve accidentally sent us something you shouldn’t have, just email editor@nexusmag.co.nz with all the details. Prizes can be claimed from reception in the SUB (between Unimart and the gym). 39


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ACROSS:

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1. Danger (5) 4. Percussion instrument (7) 8. Deliberated (7) 9. Molten rock (5) 10. Marine mollusks (7) 12. Similar (5) 13. Martial art (4,2) 15. Rigorous (6) 18. Assumed name (5) 19. Accumulated (7) 21. Similar to a giraffe (5) 22. Dizziness (7) 24. Perpetual (7) 25. Book of maps (5)

1. Security device (7) 2. Bone (3) 3. Supple (5) 4. Plain (6) 5. Fortification (7) 6. Enlarges (9) 7. Astound (5) 11. Consortium (9) 14. Mode (7) 16. Irksome (7) 17. Wonder (6) 18. Repent (5) 20. Artery (5) 23. Unwell (3) 41


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Nexus 2018 Issue 06  

Nexus 2018 Issue 06  

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