Nexus 2018 Issue 02 by Nexus Magazine

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Editorial FOMO News Horoscopes Entertainment Reviews Random Audit Lecture Bingo Auteur House

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Arts Centrefold Feature: Satanic Panic This vs. That Yam & Troy the Science Boys Sporting Goods Full Exposure: ChlĂśe Swarbrick Waikatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Flats Pass the Aux Rad Rags for Ladies and Lads Blind Date Snapped Puzzles

32. Nexus Issue 2, 5th - 9th March 2018 Editor: Lyam Buchanan, editor@nexusmag.co.nz Design: Vincent Owen, design@nexusmag.co.nz Managing Editor: James Raffan, james@nexusmag.co.nz Contributors: Alexander Nebesky, Jennie-Louise Kendrick, Grace Mitchell, Maddy Pitkethley, Archie Porter, CJ Lee, Conor Maxwell, Richard Swainson, Peter Dornauf, Troy Anderson, Paora Manuel, Jacqui Swney, Kaitlin Stewart, Cameron McRobie, Jamie Wololo Pentecost, Nicola Smith, Alex Thorne, the Tenants of School.

34. Cover and Feature artwork: Joshua Hart-Vrijkotte Instagram: @vrijkotte Centrefold: Yeye Weller Instagram: @yeyeweller Online: www.behance.net/yeyeweller Horoscope Illustrations: Josh Nelson Instagram: @joshprobably Twitter: @joshDrawbably

EDITORIAL EDITORIAL

Lemme Binge In about 30 minutes I intend to choke my ring out after failing an attempt at a 90 second yardie. Being that the deadline for my 50th issue has fallen on the same day as my 21st, I’d like to think it’s somewhat ok to not have some groundbreaking opinion to base this on. If anything, it’s been the perfect opportunity to reflect on the different rites of passage through uni life. For some, these past few weeks have been their most emotional, we’ve seen countless freshers shed more than a few tears on the way home from town, breaking down over simply being homesick or witnessing their crush find someone else a little more enticing. For others it’s been their prime, second years in the thick of the culture competing to throw the filthiest night, clashing egos as everyone figures out how to balance bills, class, and the general enjoyment of life. Past there you’re either so involved in the culture you’ve forgotten there’s any other way of life, or you’re desperately scraping till the moment you’re awarded the academic recognition you initially came for. Not everyone follows these cliches, but those that do never regret their rights of passage. As someone who’s wholeheartedly bought into this lifestyle, I’d rather keep this brief. People have been doing this since campus was built, and they won’t be changing anytime soon. Let’s skip the introspection, it’s about time I got on with it.

– Lyam

Hockey Dad

Get your fitness sorted

UniRec’s popular A+B Semester Membership is back for 2018! For only $360, get a student membership that is designed specifically for your lifestyle. For more information, visit our friendly staff at reception or buy online: unirec.co.nz/ memberships/. Available until 31 March 2018, terms & conditions apply.

Stand out with MyCareer

MyCareer is our online system that allows you to manage your own career development. You can set up a personal profile, book in workshops and tutorials, access career tools such as the CV-builder, make appointments with Career Advisors, and search online for graduate and volunteer opportunities. Find out more at waikato.ac.nz/students/careers/.

Employer visits on campus

This week we have employer visits from EY, the Reserve Bank of New Zealand, Deloitte and Audit New Zealand. In addition, PwC are hosting Waikato students at their Hamilton office. Visit MyCareer for more information and to RSVP: waikato. ac.nz/students/careers/.

Library tutorials

Start Semester A on the right foot and head along to a tutorial. Tutorials run throughout the semester and include a Library 101 introduction session, Microsoft Excel, APA referencing and much more. Visit https://www.waikato.ac.nz/php/tsp/ to sign up for a tutorial.

Fuel your performance

Whether you’re a high performance athlete or keen to get started at the gym, come along to our new series of athlete development sessions, starting on campus next week. The first session, The Basics of Sports Nutrition: Fuelling Your Performance is presented by Chiefs Rugby Nutrition Assistant Alice Sharples, is this Wednesday 7 March from 1.10pm to 2pm in L.G.03.

Changes to bus route

There has been a change to the 17 Ham East/Uni bus route, which will now be a Monday-Friday service only and will no longer serve Jellicoe Drive. Don’t forget to show your student ID for a discounted fare when using a BUSIT card.

Montell2099 | Fri 23rd March | Backbar

Catch his last show before he jets off to the US on a tour with Boombox Cartel. Do not miss a legend in the making, up close and personal with a quality support line up as well. Jump on the Facebook event page for prices and more detail.

Hockey Dad | Fri 6th April | Tauranga

Laying early claim to 2018 as their year, Australian rock duo favourites Hockey Dad drop their latest single “I Wanna Be Everybody” and announce a run of international album tour dates. The boys are popping across to New Zealand for range of tours so if Tauranga doesn’t suit just have a squiz online. 3

BRIDGES TO NOWHERE Back in the heady introspective days of 2013 Nexus magazine published an article in which we chastised Kim Kardashian, suggested boy bands were the cause of moral decay in society and predicted the rise and rise of both Jacinda Ardern and newly minted National Party Leader Simon Bridges. Suffice to say we were more forgiving of Ardern back then saying that she was smart, powerful, and if she had to stay in the background while untalented people like Cunliffe got the top job then it would be an insult to feminism and a shame for the country. We weren’t so kind with Simon Bridges. Firstly, he was ranked #1 in the top 40 threats to your future beating out the likes of Kim Jong Un, John Key and the ghost of Steve Jobs. Secondly, in articles that followed we labelled him “Simon Bridges: Dolphin Slayer”, a “Hallensteins Mannequin brought to life when a little girl wished it so” a “cardboard cut out who only exists to sell hair products” and the “answer to the question what happens when you attach a foghorn to a mute duck.” It would be easy to look at a list like that and suggest that we were being unfair to Bridges. The truth is he has the support of at least 29 in the caucus and subsequently at least 29 people in the country think he will do a good job. Maybe there was something that Nexus just wasn’t seeing in 2013. At the time Bridges was actively leading the campaign to ban protests from places like offshore oil wells. He had famously had an on-air yelling match with John Campbell and, when asked about the notion of Labour and the Greens creating a nationalised power company, he said this: “What is quite clear over that side of the house is a view that says the ends justify the means right? The ends justify the means. They are so clear in their smarmy little chardonnay socialist world that they are

right that they do not care about other people’s rights. ‘ rights for our side; No rights for anyone else.’” “Well I will tell you … that business people in this country have rights too, actually, and talking about business and development is not a shameful thing. Actually, it is what makes the world go round and it is what pays for all your socialist ideas, frankly” In the five years since we published that piece the staff of Nexus have not lost a single day of sleep wondering if it was a mischaracterisation of the man. If we needed any proof his voting record certainly offered it up. On the issues of gay marriage, drug reform, and dying with dignity he has certainly dragged the party to the conservative right. Ironically he made the claim recently that he has done a lot to usher in a clean green era for New Zealand as minister of energy and yet his pro road, pro oil, anti-dolphin track record says that is not the case. Like other noted politicians including former US President Obama, Bridges has been going through a miracle transformation into a more progressive leader saying that he regrets his stance on gay marriage because it all worked out in the end. That means either there is a magic chrysalis where leaders go in as deplorable human beings and come out slightly less homophobic butterflies or we have had Bridges wrong the entire time. In the interest of scientific investigation we thought we would ask probing questions about Simon Bridges. In an effort to not show our bias too much we spoke to his former associate minister of Transport David Bennett, Political Sciences Lecturer at the University of Waikato Dr Patrick Barrett, and Labour list MP Jamie Strange. With the latter we also compared his socially conservative record with Bridges to ensure we weren’t being too harsh. 5

David Bennett NEXUS: What are your thoughts on the new National party leader? DB: Simon is great advocate for the party and for the people of New Zealand. He won the leadership contest over a strong field and will be a good friend to Waikato, and an enthusiastic advocate for the National Party. NEXUS: You were part of the Key era, what characteristics does Bridges have in common? DB: He has a lot of energy and believes strongly in the values of the National Party. Simon and John both became leader at a relatively young age, good communicators, highly intelligent and have an aspirational sense of direction for New Zealand. NEXUS: Did the caucus just vote for him because like the last guy he’s named Simon? DB: No of course not. Not many people realise Bill’s real name is Simon so good on you for knowing that. NEXUS: Can we really talk about Bridges as a Generational Change? DB: Yes, as Simon is from a younger generation and has an aspirational vision for our country. Simon has the desire to make New Zealand a much more productive and open country than it currently is. Simon will also stick to the core values and principles of the National Party. NEXUS: Is that change to the golden generation because he seems like he’s in his 60’s? DB: You probably just need to get to know him better. NEXUS: Which labour leader does he most resemble Cunliffe, Shearer or Little? DB: He’s fortunate enough to not really resemble any of them. NNEXUS: Does he have what it takes to beat Ardern? Is it even about that? DB: Definitely, he is smarter and more in touch

with New Zealand’s future aspirations than her. Simon also has the advantage that he has a talented and experienced team behind him. Ardern has three separate teams and a lack of depth so while she has been polling well as preferred PM, that doesn’t necessarily transfer into keeping the PM role. DB: Simon Bridges. NEXUS: Is this a marked return to the more socially conservative party? DB: Simon will no doubt add his own style to the way the party works but you won’t see a wholesale change in what we do and stand for as a Party. There is no real appetite for drastic changes and no need to change the policies that have been working for New Zealand. NEXUS: Bridges has voted no to Gay marriage, death with dignity, legalisation of marijuana and is seen as anti-environment, is yours still a party of youth? DB: We shouldn’t stereotype youth and believe all people under a certain age think with one collective mind. National is extremely proud to have a very large and active youth division that contributes a huge amount to the party and its values. Many young people have a variety of views on all those issues. NEXUS: You have been a favourite punching bag of Nexus from time to time but Bridges isn’t far off. We have called him the dolphin slayer and in 2013 we wrote a piece called Top 40 people who are a threat to your future and Kim Jong Un is number 2. Bridges was 1 (Jacinda was 12 and you were somewhere in the 30s) Is he still going to be bitter about that? DB: Simon knows you can’t be in politics without a sense of humour so no, I don’t think he will be either losing any sleep over your Top 40 list nor framing it to put on his wall.

Jamie Strange NEXUS: We know you haven’t had long to get to know him but what are your thoughts on new National Party Leader Simon Bridges? JS: I personally know Simon and get on well with him. He is the same age as me, and we both have young children. I wish him all the very best in this new role. NEXUS: Do you think this move represents the same generational shift as Jacinda? JS: Jacinda is certainly more progressive and forward-thinking than Simon. It must be because Jacinda was born in Hamilton and studied at the University of Waikato! NEXUS: In your opinion, was he the best of a bad bunch? JS: I admire the courage of every MP who put their name forward for the leadership. It takes courage to raise your head above the pack. NEXUS: Will he still be National Party Leader come the election? JS: There will certainly be a number of National MPs who will be after his job, so we will have to wait and see.

Dr Patrick Barrett NEXUS:

Is this a pronounced move to the right for

National? DR.PB: Judith Collins was seen as the leadership candidate who would have pulled National to the right. Bridges? He is socially conservative, but so was Bill English, and the selection of Bridges doesn’t suggest a pronounced move to the right. He did, though, vote to put the drinking age back up to 20. NEXUS: Does this mean the writing is on the wall for the likes of Collins and Joyce who Were already looking like the older faces of the party? DR.PB: If under Bridges’ leadership National loses support, and if before the next election its polling falls into the mid-30s from where it is currently at in the mid-40s, Judith Collins is waiting in the wings and I would expect her to be agitating for another leadership bid. Her supporters have been quite vocal in their disappointment about the outcome of the caucus vote. Bridges will know that he needs to keep her close, so it is likely she will have a senior role in a reshuffled shadow cabinet. I think Joyce’s seniority will also be recognised, but it remains to be seen whether he will keep the finance portfolio. NEXUS: Is he actually a generational shift or is it a false dawn? DR.PB: Does he look like he is in touch with the youth? He was the youngest leadership candidate, so technically you could say he represents a generational change, but let’s see. NEXUS: (Big call) Will he do enough to lead National into the next election or are they going to Cunliffe, Shearer, Little their way to 2020? DR.PB: I think he will lead National into the next election.

Strange(r) Danger? Finally, we wanted to test the hypothesis that our dislike of Bridges might just be an editorial choice. After all Jamie Strange is a socially conservative former minister so how would his views stack up against Bridges:

Issue

Bridges

Strange

Verdict

Redefinition of Marriage

Was one of five National MP’s not to vote for marriage reform (cites religious upbringing) but notes the country has moved on so wouldn’t change it.

What some MPs were worried about was Church Ministers still being able to choose whom they wanted to marry. However, this freedom of choice has remained, which is good.

Strange also never states a pro marriage reform view but gets sidetracked by the freedom of church ministers to refuse to perform ceremonies.

Marijuana laws

Never smoked recreational pot. Was more into alcohol which he said he tried earlier than 18. Only in favour of medicinal cannabis.

I voted for my good friend Chlöe Swarbrick’s Medicinal Cannabis Bill, however unfortunately it didn’t pass its first reading. I am a strong believer in people suffering from chronic pain being able to access pain relief in the form for medicinal marijuana.

Name drops Swarbrick because he is down with the youth. Didn’t answer about recreational cannabis.

End of life

Bridges told the New Zealand Herald “there were sanctity of life issues and he was also worried that in overseas countries which allowed it, the numbers had grown.”

I am concerned about a possible slippery slope, potentially moving to a stage where people suffering from depression ask doctors to end their lives. Also, many doctors have told me that their passion and job is to keep people alive, but this Bill will give people the option to command doctors to end their life, taking power away from doctors.

Seems to be at odds with the majority of his party.

Conclusion Both parties have big tents? God knows.

UN Envoy

Russia

ALEXANDER NEBESKY

Two years after an official UN-estimated death toll of 250,000, special envoy Staffan de Mistura has suggested unofficially that the death toll may now be as high as 400,000. The war in Syria has dragged on for 5 years, as government forces backed by Russia and Iran attempt to reassert control over the nation; separatist and anti-government forces attempt to overthrow the government, and extremist Muslim terrorist groups like ISIL attempt to bring the entirety of Syria under their control. The conflict has been defined by severe human rights abuse, rampant massacre, and wanton disregard for life and property. As recently as February, there have been reports that the Syrian government, under President Bashir al-Assad, had used chemical weapons in attacks which killed civilians. Peace talks, have stalled for the most part. Government negotiators have stated that Assad will not resign nor will his government be dissolved, but that opposition leaders would be invited to join the government and play a role in developing the nation post-war. Opposition forces have flatly rejected any proposal in which Assad is not removed from power. At the end of February, a 30-day ceasefire resolution between government forces and opposition forces was adopted by the UN in order to allow for the delivery of much-needed humanitarian aid. The UN no longer officially keeps statistics on the loss of life in Syria, owing to the incredible difficulties in accessibility to many of the hardest hit areas, and the conflicting and unverifiable death statistics released by the Syrian Government during the course of the war.

Special counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation into Russian involvement in the 2016 US elections heated up over February when 13 Russian nationals were indicted on charges of “conspiring to defraud the US.” Alongside the 13 individuals, three businesses have also been charged, including the muchmythologised “Russian Troll Factory”, a business allegedly in the market of sowing political division online through the use of fake social media accounts. Their tactics allegedly included organising rallies over divisive issue in order to bring out opposition, buying ad space to make allegations against their targeted presidential candidate, and organised massive mailing lists in order to drum up support in local grassroots organisations. The indictment claims: “By 2016, Defendants and their co-conspirators used their fictitious online personas to interfere with the 2016 U.S. presidential election. They engaged in operations primarily intended to communicate derogatory information about Hillary Clinton, to denigrate other candidates such as Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio, and to support Bernie Sanders and thencandidate Donald Trump.” President Donald Trump has repeatedly pointed out on Twitter, and in public, that there is still no evidence of collusion between his campaign and Russia. As of yet, there has been no tangible link proven. It is unlikely that any of the 13 Russian nationals indicted will ever face US courts, as the Kremlin has entirely dismissed any claims of Russian involvement in the election.

Pisces (Feb 19-Mar 20) Jupiter moves into alignment with Mars; but given the shifting climate of sexual awareness, is both respectful and ensures full consent. You could learn a thing or two. Aries (Mar 21-Apr 19) People say university is a time for great sexual experimentation. But, from the moment you met two weeks ago at halls orientation, you knew. Be the impulsive, fire sign – and if it feels right, propose. What is the worst that could happen? Taurus (Apr 20-May 20) This is a week to be inspired. Not only do we have a Prime Minister who is unmarried and about to raise a child while balancing a fulltime job, but National just elected a leader who is a functional cliché puppet with a string you pull to hear him call you a socialist. You truly can be whatever you want in this country. Gemini (May 21-June 20) Whoever said the test of our character is how we deal with adversity never had to master the flat chore roster. Cancer (June 21-July 22) If loving someone means never saying you’re sorry, then you owe the other two people from that Cameron Rd house party last week an apology. None of that could be described as love. Leo (July 23-Aug 22) SENIOR DEPUTY VICE-CHANCELLOR ALISTAIR JONES IS COMMANDEERING THIS HOROSCOPE SEEKING INFORMATION “FROM THE YOUTH” REGARDING HIS EGGING A FORTNIGHT AGO.

Virgo (Aug 23-Sep 22) A fluttering heart is no cause for concern, however a series of major cardiac palpitations definitely is. It’s time to lay off the caffeine. It doesn’t matter if it’s ‘Zero Sugar’, guarana is no substitute for natural hydration. Libra (Sep 23-Oct 22) Saturn is chilling out, so this is a week for patience and tolerance – especially toward those trainee teachers. You never know how many of them may be armed in the future if we follow America’s example. Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21) Following your ambition leads to a freedom you have never known before, but it also occasionally leads to arrest sleeping naked on a water feature in Garden Place. Like most things, make sure you have a friend to keep you away from poor decisions. Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21) If you find yourself incapable of feeling accomplished, or just generally content, it might be time to rethink your consumption of veterinary anaesthetics. Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19) Swallowing the truth isn’t always easy, though it is necessary. You may miss your pet but they’ll never miss you. To them you were never more than a replaceable, forgettable object. Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18) Your room may be a haven of privacy, but the lack of insulation causes ‘getting off’ to be more of a public affair. Greater awareness of heavy breathing is advised. 11

Crush of the Week: Medal Winners

What’s Hot:

Turns out that all it took for New Zealand to actually win something at the Winter Olympics was to send in our young’uns. An embarrassing 26 years since our last medal, all props go to to our youngest (Zoi Sadowski-Synnott) and second-youngest (Nico Porteous) ever medal winners for scoring bronze in their respective events, both at the ripe age of 16. Let that sink in for a moment, as you question what the fudge you’ve done with your life when these kids are already beloved Olympic athletes. Perhaps the best thing about this is that, for once, the country’s celebrating sports other than rugby. If there’s anything more crush-worthy than making our country proud, lemme hear it. <3

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Lecturers helping with timetable clashes

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Morph suits

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Santners match winning 6

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Sending nudes to your Snapchat story instead of to bae

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Funnels on campus

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Not getting clamped when you forget to pay for parking

Clickbait Moodboard: Theme: Simon Bridges’ recommended videos.

What’s Not: •

Getting an sti from the foam at O’Week foam party

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Turtles contracting herpes from pollution

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Waiting for your student allowance to kick in

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Posting O’Week town photos after a week

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Still having full recycling bins on Tuesday

TOP 10: Orientation Week Event Ideas for 2019 Embarrassing Facebook Quiz Automatically Shares Results on Timeline

Social media influencer, Kate 19, begins healing process after accidentally self sabotaging her online presence. “I just wanted to see what 2018 had in store for me, I never meant for it to end up like this.”

Impressionable Middle Class Male Develops Substantial Crush on Elon Musk

“Did you see Falcon Heavy my bro? I reckon we should fully chuck some shares on SpaceX, it’ll be huge in a couple years.” Undercover reporter overhears enlightening conversation between budding first year entrepreneurs.

Prime Minister Announces She’ll No Longer Need Campaign Budget for 2020

“Who the fuck would vote for that mouth breather?” Jacinda Ardern reported to be ‘f*cking stoked’ after realising she’s already won the next election. “It’s great that this time we won’t need to kill a cat for that extra publicity.”

Each year the University and WSU attempt to capture the engagement of students with a variety of prizes, activities and moderate humiliation. They’re pretty good at keeping it fresh but there’s no harm in listing a bunch of foolproof opportunities to really capture the attention of students. 1.

Studylink Roulette: Are you game enough to chuck your entire student loan on red or black with the risk of doubling it all? 2. Car Park Condo: Given the prices of student rent these days, the WSU is giving you the opportunity to live in your car on campus for a year. 3. Live Tinder ‘David Bennett Edition’: Our gracious National MP comes down and swipes right at everyone on the Village Green. 4. Tequila tasting: There’s nothing like a few shots of golden mistakes to really get you interested in everything your lecturer has to say. 5. Vape Comp: Oil your neckbeard, prep your lungs and produce the sweetest clouds for the chance to instantly move home and live with your parents. 6. Bongos Hotbox: Grab your trusty doob and light up the best of vibes in your favourite sushi spot. Free pies for the most sizable cones. 7. Lose your Fresher 5: Scull a glass of scrumptious lake water and let the E. coli, Diphtheria and Typhoid do the rest. 8. Bachelors Bypass: First to do 20 pushups on the Village green is instantly awarded a Bachelor Degree of Health, Sport and Human Performance. 9. Survivor ‘Social Outcast’: Contestants join a political club on campus and attempt to last as long as possible before they’re unable to recognise social cues. 10. Master Sizzler: Armed with a BBQ, bag of sausages and a loaf of slightly stale bread, students unknowingly feed the Village Green while attempting to not completely fuck up the precooked snags. 13

Single

Film

‘GO OUT FIGHTING’ – DR. DOG REVIEW: MADDY PITKETHLEY

‘PHANTOM THREAD’ – PAUL THOMAS ANDERSON REVIEW: ARCHIE PORTER

The doctor is in; as in, the psych indie rock band, Dr Dog’s second single from their forthcoming album Critical Equation. The lead guitarist shared a handwritten note, on social media, about the influences of the album and single, including Pat Kelly and John Holt. The constant two note riff each time the title is sung is as simple as it is addicting, along with the funky organ; the rhythm and lyrics flow together well. “When you keep secrets underneath your thumb, you can hide or be your own museum and shine when you tell lies, go out fighting” sounds like a complex Sylvia Plath poem, and just like her poems, I have no clue what they are talking about. The lead singer describes the theme of the song as “uplifting “and “to rise above his own weakness and to love.” Deep. The song itself is short and sweet, and while I would love an extended edition - they’ve promised one on the full album - I think ‘Go Out Fighting’ shows the creative side of the band, like what they displayed on their 2010 album Shame Shame. Dr Dogs’ new album Critical Equation is due out April 27th, so that’s just enough time to go through all twelve albums on their discography.

Set in 1950s London, Phantom Thread deals with the struggles of esteemed dressmaker, Reynolds Woodcock, and the implications inflicted upon his lifestyle after entering into a relationship. Woodcock is played masterfully by Daniel Day Lewis in his alleged ‘final’ film role. While Anderson’s direction typically bears a very noticeable presence, Phantom Thread feels like his most mature and sincere film to date. From a filmmaking standpoint, the picture is near flawless. Both the costume and production design are pitch perfect, entirely immersing the viewer into the 1950’s setting. Holding no credited director of photography, the camerawork is mesmerizing and dizzyingly powerful as it fluctuates between gorgeously composed static shots and urgent handheld footage, dancing through the corridors of Woodcock’s home. The film is brimming with bold ideas and unexpected plot twists; each scene beautifully unfurling into the next, never outstaying their welcome. The subtle beauty of the film’s earlier sequences slowly becomes strange, eerie and dreamlike, as Woodcock’s love life deteriorates with his latest muse. Wisely, Anderson underpins the heaviness of the film’s subjects with incredibly sharp humour. While the film may be too ‘slow’ for some, Phantom Thread is an exquisite and brilliantly constructed piece of work, gripping you from its opening scene and entrancing you until its final frame.

Video Game

Album

‘HIDDEN AGENDA’ – SUPERMASSIVE GAMES REVIEW: CONOR MAXWELL

‘THE SECOND COMING’ – ORIGINAL GOD REVIEW: CJ LEE

From the developers of Until Dawn comes another motion-captured cinematic experience; this time with far greater emphasis on the ‘cinema’. Hidden Agenda is essentially a playable crime miniseries, designed to be played with friends over a drink or twelve. Players follow the case of a serial killer known as The Trapper, and use their mobile devices (miss me with that controller shit) to make choices, find clues and clumsily fuck up quick-time events. Choices are decided on a ‘majority rules’ basis, and there are many different ways the case can unfold. What lets this game down is ironically the game’s namesake; the competitive mode. In this mode, players are given hidden agendas throughout the campaign that they must try and enforce without letting on to the other players that they have some kind of predetermined bias. While the mistrust amongst friends is an interesting concept on paper, what it really amounts to is the game deciding a story path for you, instead of letting you forge your own. If I end up chasing a witness off a building or getting stabbed then set on fire, I want it to be the result of my own actions, and not because a virtual intelligence told me to do it.

As they say these days, “if you ain’t redlining, you ain’t headlining”. Original God is probably one of the first people I have ever heard that uses distortion in their music. Funnily enough, I first heard of xxxtentacion (who is widely held as one of the daddies of distorted music) from Original God’s album, The Great American Tragedy, in a song called ‘Ochakai’ (which simply translates to “tea party”). For the diehard xxxtentacion fans out there, x’s version is called ‘#ImSippinTeaInYoHood’, but in xxx’s version, it lacks Original God and Kamiyada’s verse. Original God’s usage of autotune over his vocals is arrogant and obnoxious. Think horrorcore; a screaming Yung Lean. This, paired with beats from producers like The Virus and the Antidote and Rare Akuma, really compliments Original God’s vocals, giving the entire album a dark and emo vibe. In terms of writing, Original God’s approach is very in-yourface, aggressive and at times violent, his verses are riddled with anime references from Yu-Gi-Oh to Neon Genesis Evangelion. One of my favourite songs from The Second Coming is ‘I HATE THIS LIFE BUT I HATE YOU MORE’ featuring Kamiyada and Phantom Caine. The song samples ABBA’s Mamma Mia and flips it on its head completely. If you like your trap music dark, violent and sp00ky, Original God is definitely someone that is worth checking out. 15

MRKTG101-18A Fundamentals of Successful Marketing This was some huge-ass lecture. The PWC was literally packed, and you could just feel the palpable tension of all those freshers sitting in what was probably their first ever lecture. Oh, that sweet first year anxiety. Luckily for us all, Dr Huw was a downright chill dude. Despite his chiseled jawline and strong shoulders giving him more of a military look than that of a marketing professor, he was totally down with the kids. He compared marketing to updating your Tinder profile, discovering when Post Malone drops a new single, something about veganism and also inferenced smuggling alcohol into RnV. There were a lot of nervous giggles as we all collectively hoped he was intentionally being ironic. However, he did convince me that my definition of marketing as ‘selling shit’ was fairly inadequate, as it is in fact a knowledge system that places consumer choices as its central tenant designed to create value and satisfy customers’ needs and wants. Aside from the fact that the content is pretty basic and rather common-sense with a sprinkling of business-y words, reasons to show up include Dr Huw’s efforts to relate, and the fact that you can’t really fuck this subject up, can you?

Physical Video RICHARD SWAINSON The flickers. Motion pictures. The movies. The cinema. The Seventh Art. The labels used reflect time and place and context. First an optical experiment, then an invention which extended the parameters of photography, the cinema formally began - in basically the same way we understand it now - in December of 1895. Developed and refined in parallel on both sides of the Atlantic Ocean, it’s French inventors, the Lumiere brothers, beat out the iconic American Thomas Edison (at least in terms of the first public screening to paying customers). Its spread was rapid. By October 1896, films had been exhibited in Auckland. By February 1897 - if not earlier - there had been screenings in Cambridge. The first film exhibition in Hamilton that can be definitely confirmed happened a few months later. Almost exactly a century after those 1897 Cambridge screenings, I entered the video store industry. Twelve years earlier I had started my tertiary education, as many of you are about to, at Waikato University. It was time to get a real job. As the university’s first ever doctor of Film Studies, I was qualified for a minimum wage position, renting out and returning VHS tapes. The shop was part of a franchise but the boss didn’t like to be told what to do, and had been to prison a couple of times proving the point. Video Ezy Hillcrest still exists. Or rather, it coexists with a Post Shop and a Lotto franchise. It’s one of five remaining DVD rental stores left in Hamilton. 18

These days I co-own and operate one of the other four stores, the only independent. Auteur House celebrated its 11th birthday in mid-January. It specialises in festival films and classic cinema, and makes available for rental thousands of titles that are not easily accessible on Netflix or any other streaming or download site. Auteur House is a quaint anachronism. It must seem doubly so to the majority of you, those born well after I began my so-called “career.” Frankly, we have never made any money. It’s a labour of love. That love extends to 12 hour days, seven days a week. An achievement, considering we are staffed by volunteers. It’s a public service. If this column were little more than an advertorial, it would be a dull read. Rather than directly promote the store, my approach is to discuss and celebrate the cinema itself, its history and cultural worth.

Spoilt PETER DORNAUF Spoilt for choice. That’s what we are in Hamilton and the wider environs when it comes to the visual arts. New galleries are popping up all over the place to delight and entertain the visually sophisticated amongst us. First up is one in Frankton, simply called Frankton Gallery, at 10 High Street. Formerly a gay nightclub, it has morphed into a space that exhibits local leading lights. Check out the classical gardens out the back while you are there – a revelation. At 260 Victoria Street, next to the Mexican restaurant, a gallery dealing in local contemporary art, calling itself, “Weasel”. Maybe sly and cunning pieces are up for show. Just across the street, above where Browsers Bookshop used to be, another new entrant, called “Tacit”, has opened its doors showing the avant-garde stuff. Going more establishment, my pick currently at the Waikato Museum would be Nigel Brown’s mini retrospective. Brown is a well-known New Zealand artist. Waikato Uni has at least one in their collection. It was hanging somewhere near the History Department last time I looked. He works largely in the figurative mode with landscape thrown in, dealing with questions about New Zealand identity. He can be quite didactic, our Nigel. The works themselves are stylistically bold and striking. Across at Aesthete Gallery, (corner Rostrevor

and Victoria Street), is a wonderful showing of the works of Allen Maddox, the bad boy of New Zealand art. His signature notation is cross-out markings that came to mark him as one of our preeminent abstract expressionists back in the 70s. Apparently, he got angry with a failed painting one day and took to it with a loaded brush, crossing out the image. He’d found his loadstone and thereby was born his new motif. Local artist Helen Dowling is showing at the Framing Workshop Gallery on Silverdale Road, just down from campus. She does these slightly offbeat, spooky figures in landscapes. One never quite knows what is going on in these understated-yet-disquieting creations. Over at the Wallace Gallery in Morrinsville, you’ll find more unsettling images in the work of Wellington artist, Roger Key. He has taken Goya as his model and turned his nudes into an existential exploration of human anguish, loss and pain. All good for the soul. And finally at the Hamilton Gardens Arts Festival (which is gone now), there was the New Zealand Painting and Printmaking award with $20,000 up for grabs. My pick, which didn’t win, but should have, was a delicious abstract by Rachel Peary, called, “I Wonder About A Lot Of Things”. Don’t we all.

SATANIC PANIC

JENNIE-LOUISE KENDRICK

It may not be Halloween, but here at Nexus we endorse year-round ghoulish behaviour. Jennie-Louise Kendrick sat down (figuratively) with Frankie Vegas of The Satanic Temple of New Zealand to talk philosophy, religion and whether Brian Tamaki over-gels his toupee. 22

Scrolling through the Facebook page for The Satanic Temple New Zealand, it was surprising just how similar the content was to any liberal’s social media. There was a photo of a cute baby in a costume, a meme or two, and even a rainbow flag – albeit, in the middle of a pentagram. The ‘About’ section is straightforward: “We provide the opportunity to meet with other freethinkers, Satanists and secular activists in Aotearoa New Zealand. We share the core beliefs and mission of The Satanic Temple: to facilitate the communication and mobilisation of politically aware Satanists, secularists, and advocates for individual liberty. We are a non-theistic religion and do not believe in a literal Satan; rather to us he is a potent symbol of rebellion against religious tyranny.” Much of what we believe about ‘Satan,’ the biblical embodiment of heavenly defiance, doesn’t actually come from a biblical text – be it Hebrew, Christian or Islam. The first mentions of Satan came from the Hebrew bible (which much of the Old Testament is derived from), but it is debated whether the name comes from a Hebrew term for “adversary” or “opponent” and indicates a human figure, or if the translation suggests Satan “the accuser” was a part of a heavenly legal system. While these two

theories bank on either the supernatural nature of Satan or the lack thereof, it is clear that in the Old Testament, as Ed Grabianowski asserted, “the idea of Satan representing an outsider who opposes established values is the common thread woven through all his incarnations.” The New Testament is where Satan is portrayed in a more malevolent manner. In ‘Diabolical Data: A Critical inventory of New Testament Satanology,’ Farrar and Williams affirmed that while in the Old Testament “Satan is ‘only a marginal figure,’” the New Testament features the “emergence of a distinctive ‘Satanology’ in early Christianity” where he is a singular, supernatural being in opposition to God, often appearing to test the faith of Godfearing humans (2016). While far more prominent in the New Testament, who Satan really is remains a debate amongst theological scholars, when solely referencing the Bible. The popular image of Satan – the red man-beast with pointed horns, pitchforks and an imperishable contract – is, as Grabianowski asserts, “the result of early Christianity’s effort to surpass the popularity of earlier religions, plus some epic mythology created by a famous poem.” Our modern concept of Satan comes from the evolution of Christianity from religious zealots who burnt the

Library of Alexandria in 3rd century CE, to the religion of European Kings through the Middle Ages and into the Renaissance. This ‘marginal figure’ transformed into the vengeful, sin-celebrating fallen angel Lucifer. As televangelism became big business and Fox News influenced the scaremongering news platform of America, a 20th century witch hunt took place; the satanic panic. Americans became terrified of ritualistic satanic abuse; the investigations of people accused was likened to McCarthyism and the witch hunts. In 1983, staff members of a family-run McMartin preschool were accused of ritualistically abusing the small children in their care. What started as a case of one child alleging molestation, soon snowballed into charges being laid based on the “bizarre” allegations the kids would make of seeing witches fly, children being flushed down toilets to secret rooms, having travelled in a hot-air balloon, and famous actor Chuck Norris being involved. In popular culture, Satanists seem hella scary; hooded figures sacrificing lambs in pentagram and pale kids listening to heavy metal. However, the modern Satanist is witty, pro-choice, liberal as heck and probably having more fun than you. Death, Demons and the Devil are hot symbols in popular culture: Lucifer (2016-), True Blood (200823

2014), Supernatural (2005-). While Hollywood may propagate an ooky-spooky image of Satanism, newwave Satanists are alive and well, even in our little corner of paradise. The Satanic Temple, or TST, has chapters all around the world and encourages secularism as a mode of ensuring religious freedom for all by keeping church and state separate. They’ve erected a behemoth statue of a nine foot tall goat-headed demon called Baphomet, and given the thumbs-up to support allowing prayer in American public schools. In 2012, co-founders Malcolm Jarry and Lucien Greaves found themselves in Florida to create a “mock rally in support of Rick Scott,” the Governor of Florida, who passed a bill to allow prayer at public school functions. As Jarry put it in an interview with the New York Times, “we were coming out to say how happy we were because now our Satanic children could pray to Satan in school.” Greaves stood behind Scott on the steps of the state Capitol with a sign reading ‘Hail Satan! Hail Rick Scott!’. Satanists are closer to Saturday Night Live than American Horror Story.

In an interview for Vice in 2013, Spokesman for the Satanic Temple and Harvard graduate Lucien Greaves told Shane Bugbee: “We play upon people’s irrational fears in a way that hopefully causes them to reevaluate what they think they know, redefine arbitrary labels and judge people for their concrete actions…It is our goal to separate religion from superstition. Religion can and should be a metaphorical narrative construct by which we give meaning and direction to our lives and works. Our religions should not require of us that we submit ourselves to unreason and untenable supernatural beliefs based on literal interpretations of fanciful tales.” The Temple is using the First Amendment argument against those who have used it to promote their own particular brand of religion, particularly in the Bible Belt. If children can recite prayer in school, or city council members bow their heads before an official meeting, then why can’t a satanic benediction be shared too? Satanists aren’t prodemon or anti-Christianity but essentially the goth cousins to Pastafarians.

“In popular culture, Satanists seem hella scary; hooded figures sacrificing lambs in pentagram and pale kids listening to heavy metal. However, the modern Satanist is witty, pro-choice, liberal as heck and probably having more fun than you.”

NEXUS: What are the biggest myths about Satanism and The Satanic Temple in your opinion? FV: In my opinion, one of the biggest myths about The Satanic Temple comes from atheist groups. I’ve seen hundreds of comments where they support what we do – but they assume we are not ‘real Satanists’ and that we are just a troll group using Satan to annoy and pressure Christians. It’s not easy to be an open Satanist and these are our deeply held beliefs. As for myths about Satanism in general, it’s difficult to

speak on because there are so many different sects. Spiritual Satanists, Luciferians, Non Theistic Satanists. I’d say one of the most pervasive rumours about nontheistic Satanism is that we eat babies and other such nonsense. To me, it seems like it’s always been spelled out very clearly, even since LaVey, that you should never harm little children, and that any sexual contact should be consensual. Our own 7 tenets come back to that as well – compassion and justice. Of course, a lot of these myths come from the Satanic Panic. We

did have one woman yell at us about Pizzagate one afternoon… that was an experience! She refused to believe that we weren’t locking kids in basements in pizza joints. It’s hard to change someone’s mind once they have it made up. They don’t want to hear that they have been bamboozled. NEXUS: What attracted you personally to TST? FV: I have been a Satanist for a long time. I took parts of the Satanic Bible that I could use and then cobbled together my Satanism from other things, really. I did always feel religion and Satanism was a personal thing. Something you were and did alone. When I started seeing The Temple in the news, I followed them for a long time, and along with the 7 Tenets, I just knew that this was something I wanted to be a part of. It was a natural fit. Their message of Justice, Compassion and Wisdom drew me to them like a moth to a flame! It took a lot of thought to not only join a group and share my Satanism but also to be an ‘out’ Satanist. But it’s been more than worth it. Wonderful people and a beautiful, supportive community. Who wouldn’t want a chance to be a part of that? NEXUS: A lot of people would assume that Satanists are promoting evil and would engage in bloody sacrifices. Obviously this is all bullshit, but what do members of TST do when they meet up? FV: I can’t speak for every TST chapter’s meet-ups, but it’s not always as exciting as you would think lol! A few beers (or not), planning upcoming campaigns, a little gossip, dress-ups and fun! We do have rituals but these are more what you would call psychodrama. We use them to set our intentions. There is certainly no evil or sacrifices (if sacrificing a cold beer doesn’t count?). NEXUS: Historically, Satanism has copped a lot of negative media attention due to high-profile crimes, particularly during the ‘Satanic Panic’ era of the 80s and wrongful conviction cases like the West Memphis 3 and the McMartin Preschool trial, where people were wrongly accused of performing sadistic “satanic rituals” on small children. Is it still quite risky for Satanists to be open about their beliefs due to ignorance and misunderstanding? FV: It’s still very dangerous for Satanists to be ‘out’ in a lot of parts of the USA. I’ve seen hate mail sent to members with photos of bullets purchased to shoot them with and their home address. I’ve seen conversations about whether people should put TST stickers on their cars because Christians will damage their vehicles. Our public art has been vandalised

repeatedly. There are threatening YouTube videos. Here in New Zealand, although the risks aren’t as great, we do remind people that they might want to use an alias. Being an open Satanist can affect your work, family life and things like that. NEXUS: What are your thoughts on Gloriavale and the Brethren in NZ, and the tax exemptions afforded to them by the government? FV: I’m quite glad of the tax exempt status they have, which ultimately means they have no say in politics. Or should mean that anyway. I don’t know enough about either religion to really have an opinion. It looks like Destiny Church is using their tax exempt status to rip off their own congregation and the Government. But I can’t say I’m surprised by that. NEXUS: One of the TST’s tenets “One’s body is inviolable, subject to one’s own will alone” is pretty timely in NZ as campaigns seek to get abortion out of the Crimes Act. Do you see a relationship between satanism and intersectional feminism? FV: Oh, for sure. I think there is a great relationship between Satanism and Intersectional Feminism. Especially relating to the tenet “One’s body is inviolable…” (which is my favorite tenet). Women have not had autonomy over their bodies for so long and this tenet gives us that. One of TST NZ’s main goals for the coming year is making submissions to government select committees to get abortion legalised and better managed. The two week wait period is unnecessarily cruel. Our law is archaic. The hoop jumping and having to know what words to magically say is also wrong. Forced motherhood is not and will never be okay. NEXUS: Brian Tamaki; do you think he loves hair gel or tithing more? FV: Tithing - so he can buy more gel of course! NEXUS: Tell us, what’s the best part about being a Satanist? FV: For myself, it’s the taking of personal responsibility. Knowing being ‘other’ is more than fine. The life lessons that saved me when I needed them when I was younger. And the example John Milton’s Lucifer sets: that you should fight the good fight, be the adversary, you need to be even if you know you won’t win, you’ll know you’ve done the right thing. To always question unjust and arbitrary authority. And now, the community. It’s a community of fun and love.

Sensitive Soft-Skull Helmet Fan I could have abbreviated my argument to ‘traumatic head injury’ or ‘splattered yet unidentifiable brain matter’, but the editor wanted a fleshed out piece so here goes. I hate children in high school, and while I am well aware that I used to be a turd former, I’m almost positive I wasn’t that obnoxious. Helmets, seatbelts and lifejackets are all in the same league; so if you’re not gonna wear a polystyrene bike hat then why bother making it click or donning a full torso floatie? Why bother with vaccines or locking your doors? Insurance? How boring. The whole ‘Devil may care’ thing worked for James Dean. New Zealand and Australia are the only countries which actively enforce mandatory all-age helmet laws. While wearing a helmet obviously doesn’t eliminate the risk of major injury, it is ridiculous to assume that your own confidence and assumptive safety will protect you more than a helmet would should an accident occur. Bicycle helmets have been compulsory in New Zealand since January 1994, after Palmerston North woman Rebecca Oaten had advocated and campaigned for a law compelling cyclists to wear helmets. Her son Aaron was left permanently brain-damaged in 1986 when he was struck by a car, flying over the handlebars 26

and hitting his head on the concrete gutter. Following the incident, Oaten was in a coma for eight months and lived the rest of his life as a tetraplegic. Rebecca Oaten, dubbed “the Helmet Lady” by the press, nursed her son until his death in 2010, his body aging prematurely due to his severe brain damage. According to Oaten, a doctor at the time told her that had her son been wearing a helmet during the incident, he would “almost certainly not have suffered brain damage”. During her campaign, Oaten would visit four schools a day, often causing teenagers to faint as she graphically detailed the day to day life of her son, including how he needed to use a catheter. Today, Oaten is proud of her activism and the legacy that her son Aaron had, with 92 percent of cyclists now wearing helmets. Aaron Oaten’s story is still sadly far too common. The brain, while a fantastic piece of squishy electrical equipment, is still no match for gravel and bitumen. However unfashionable you may think a helmet, living the rest of your life with permanent brain injury, potentially unable to move or speak is far more uncool. That is, if you don’t die upon impact.

Steel-Scalp Helmet Hater The discussion surrounding bicycle helmet laws is often steeped in emotional ‘think of the children’ and ‘we’re saving lives’ rhetoric. While it is true that bicycle helmets are incredibly effective at saving heads from exploding on the pavement like an overripe watermelon, and you should definitely wear one, it is not evident that the enforcement of bike helmet laws is as good an idea as it seems. New Zealand is the only country in the world where everyone, no matter their age, must wear a bike helmet when on a bike anywhere in the entire country. Bicycle helmets aren’t enforced anywhere else in the world. Now, the first issue here is that we have legislation forcing us to do something that should rest squarely in the realm of personal responsibility. Unlike being launched from your seat and killing a fellow passengers in the car crash, not wearing a helmet just means you might die. You should wear a helmet if you don’t want to die, but it should really be up to you to take that risk. Perhaps the government should take you a little more seriously and not expect you to fall off your bike and die every time you cycle two minutes to pick up a bottle of milk. As a nation we value our “green” image. What’s more green that cycling? Walking, but cycling is just as good. Bicycle helmet laws contribute directly to the

destruction of our environment, as they have forced a downward trend in cycling numbers. Cycling throughout the city in any other country in the world is a fine way to get around, but only in New Zealand are we forced (on the threat of fine) to wear a helmet to bike from uni to Hamilton East. Enforcing the by fiat, the use of bike helmets is ravaging our environment by forcing people to use cars. It’s also probably crippling our bicycle industry, and damaging the economy as fewer people are willing to brave the absurdity of wearing a helmet to cycle into town to shop; so instead they stay home. I couldn’t possibly comment on the veracity of those claims, I’m not an economist. I’m just a man who doesn’t want helmet hair. And this is perhaps the greatest argument against the enforcement of bike helmets. They look stupid and people don’t like to wear them. Now, I don’t believe one shouldn’t wear a helmet. I believe firmly that in many cases it is more than appropriate, especially when young children are involved. Helmets save lives. Perhaps, though, it should be the case that the person on the bike makes that decision. One shouldn’t legislate the entirety of the populace for the recklessness and stupidity of a few, especially when the results of such legislation ruin a passtime once enjoyed by many in times gone by. 27

Energy Drinks are Fucked TROY ANDERSON I’m a proud ‘V’ boy and I will not be oppressed. That being said, it’s definitely not the best and I am legitimately addicted to caffeine, I just drink it now because I have to. So I’ll give you the rundown. SUGAR: These things have so much sugar in them you would not believe. On average, a 250mL can contains around 25 to 30 grams of sugar, which is about 30% of the recommended daily intake. Have two of these bad boys in a day, and you haven’t got much room left for much else aye. It rots ya teeth and it is directly metabolised into fat if not used by the body. Incidentally, Red Bull has one of the lowest sugar contents (of drinks with no reduced sugar content) of energy drinks on the market, and in many cases has a lower sugar content (by volume) than many soft drinks. The more you know. GUARANA EXTRACT: Guarana is derived from berries that some dudes in the Amazon came across heaps of ages ago and likely got addicted to. It contains caffeine, which makes me wonder why they even bothered with it in the first place - surely it would be enough to just smash the equivalent amount of caffeine into it. Speaking of caffeine; I don’t know why instead of cafes, we don’t just have little caffeine shacks around the place where you can just rail a few lines of the pure stuff on your way to class. CAFFEINE: Caffeine is loose, it’s one of the alkaloid brothers that we love so dearly (see also: nicotine). That being said, if you’re not careful it can kill you, and then you will never get to see that look 28

of pure innocence in your child’s eyes. Caffeine can aggravate anxiety, increase the risk of seizures, cause diarrhoea, increase blood pressure and as a side effect of this, aggravate or cause glaucoma, plus mess with your heart, among a bunch of other things if you’re too hectic on it. Recommended safe dosage is 400mg for healthy adults, which is about one 500mL energy drink. Any more, and all bets are off. TAURINE: Contrary to popular belief, taurine is not extracted from bull semen; but until I looked into that, I was always a bit worried about the sticky feeling in the back of my mouth after smashing a can of Red Bull. It’s okay team, it’s actually extracted from bull livers, so you can rest easy. That being said, there is minimal evidence to suggest that this amino acid ingested in conjunction with caffeine does you any good in terms of getting you on the mad up buzz, which makes me wonder why they bother putting it in in the first place. I’m not one to actually do the research so mayb’s look into it for yourself.

SPORTING GOODS Expectation vs Reality: Super Rugby 2018 for New Zealand Teams PAORA MANUEL

It’s been a hell of a summer in New Zealand. RnV, the Prime Minister getting up the duff, the Sevens, Cricket, and questionable life choices. But it doesn’t matter anymore, because Super Rugby is here. Let’s have a quick look at the New Zealand teams this year in Super Rugby. BLUES – Expectation: Like the housing prices in Auckland and the cost of rent in College Hall, very high. With a few solid All Blacks in Jerome ‘A&E’ Kaino, SBW, an exciting winger in ‘Freako’ Rieko Ioane, there is potential for the Blues to do really well this season and improve from last year. Reality: Will absolutely bottle it and not make the playoffs, due to the strength of the other teams in the rest of the conference. CHIEFS – Expectation: Similar to getting the odd A+ in that essay but can’t handle the stress, the Chiefs have lost a lot of quality players. But with Damian ‘The Grim’ Mckenzie, Anton Lienert-Brown dangerous on the counter-attack, and some crazy psychos in Brodie ‘Guzzler’ Retallick, Sam ‘Fill out your ACC form’ Cane and Liam ‘The GOAT Waterboy’ Messam, expect the Chiefs to push for a playoff spot. Reality: Will make the playoffs, but anything else after that is a bonus - which is the same as a ‘friends’ Tinder game. HURRICANES – Expectation: The word excitement has two definitions. One, getting paid from Studylink, and the Hurricanes, who had excitement and champagne rugby last year. With Beauden Barrett

giving orders to his back-line squadron, expect some entertaining rugby with tip-top precision. Reality: The Hurricanes are favourites for the title, but as history likes to remind us, they will come up short. Like drunken Snapchats, it won’t be pretty. CRUSADERS – Expectation: Like the fine University of Waikato, The Crusaders are distinguished, with eight Super Rugby titles including their most recent title won last year. Apart from injuries to Kieran Read, Joe Moody and Owen Franks, the Crusaders have all their key players as well as new captain Sam Whitelock, an exceptional lock. Considered heavy favourites, but are we really surprised? Reality: Don’t be surprised if they win their ninth Super Rugby title. HIGHLANDERS – Expectation: Pacing yourself after a few beers are something the Scarfies don’t do well (we’re not much better). The Highlanders can’t afford a slow start this year, but with the retention of Aaron Smith, the forefather of the no.9 (sex in the disabled toilets) and Ben Smith, a stereotypical Accounting student - studious yet likes to cut loose on the field. Reality: The Highlanders will make the playoffs, but don’t expect a lot. Don’t get me started on how it works, you’ll just have to wait.

Jennie-Louise Kendrick and Grace Mitchell sat down with Green MP Chlöe Swarbrick to chat medicinal cannabis and climate change over spirulina and an overheated iPhone. NEXUS: What are the main contributions of the Green Party to the coalition government? CS: Our contributions are around the 20 goals set out at our conference, from the implementation of the zero carbon act through to free mental health for under 25s to inclusive education, so kids with special needs have the same kind of access to education, through to a more open and accessible democracy. The job is now to implement them and see how they manifest; what they look like. NEXUS: Where do you think the balance lies between encouraging business and preserving the environment? CS: James talks about it in terms of a three legged stool; there’s the economy, social equality and the environment. If one of those legs isn’t there, the stool falls over. They’re all critical to maintain status quo and we don’t have a complete revolution. It’s important to realise that if we don’t have a planet, there is no business. NEXUS: In your opinion, what are the biggest issues our millennial generation will face, and what can we do about them? CS: Climate change and automation. Living in a climate change world, we are only just coming to grips with what that is starting to look like and that is more extreme weather events. We are gonna see millions, even billions, of people displaced as a result of climate change. Whole countries will go underwater; there will be fights for resources as they become more scarce. It will impact the job market, in certain places, because refugees have to go somewhere. Then there’s automation. It’s something like 40 percent of jobs, as we know them right now, will be gone in the next 40 years. We are currently training people for jobs that won’t exist. We need to tackle that, and tackling that looks like universal basic income and establishing the value of humans simply because they are humans, not because we perceive them to be good. NEXUS: You’ve spoken openly about your own struggle with depression, anxiety and problem drinking. Mental health is a huge issue in this country for our rangatahi, how do you think we, as a country, can tackle it? CS: I think it’s really critical that we aren’t just

tackling the ambulance at the bottom of the cliff. We need the front line services, they’re not there now. We are talking about the survival of people at the moment. Why are people seemingly more inclined to become depressed or anxious or have mental health issues in the modern day? There are arguments that it is simply because we are more willing to talk about it – I still think we have a massive issue where people don’t talk about it. I think it’s more to do with the stressors of modern day living – the fact that life right now is just precarious; the insecurity of housing and work – you don’t have a linear career nowadays like our parents perhaps had, where you can start at the bottom and work your way up, where life is comfortable and you can afford stuff. NEXUS: Let’s talk about your medicinal cannabis bill. It failed at the first reading, 47 to 73, despite 78 percent of Kiwis agreeing with the gist of it. We know it works but conservativism about drug legislation holds us back from legalisation. Where to from here? CS: Everyone got freaked out about the growing part of it. In my bill, people could be prescribed cannabis by their doctor; they could either choose pharmaceuticals or grow their own. The issue that we have at the moment, under the current pharmaceutical system is grossly prohibitive in terms of cost – around $1,200 per month – so that is why the grow your own provision is in there. We have seen these people, colloquially dubbed ‘the green fairies’, like Rose Renton, whose son Alex Renton was having major issues with his pain and seizures, who were arrested for producing medicinal cannabis products like sprays, oils and baked goods, and distributing it in her community to people who needed medicinal cannabis products. Why are these people, who are otherwise law-abiding, willing to risk going to jail in order to distribute these products around their community? Because people are suffering under the current law. The current law is not fit for purpose. We are trying to improve the bill as best as we can at Select Committee and also setting up a cross-party group on sensible drug law reform. It will ensure that we have consensus on base level evidence so the moral panic cannot creep in. FOR THE FULL INTERVIEW, HEAD TO NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

SCHOOL School: an institute of learning, an establishment devoted to the healthy development of all who enter its residence. These exemplary young men are self proclaimed connoisseurs of the finer things in life, displaying an unrivaled talent for cyberbullying and an effortless knack for keeping it â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;well ruckusâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;.

Authentic JACQUI SWNEY There’s nothing worse than loving a band or a musician and seeing them live for the first time, only for them to fall completely short. When the choir in the background end up being the true stars of the show or the lead singer is too drunk to be a functional musician, it feels like a small part of you has died. How can you possibly continue frothing over someone when they’re that terrible live? To combat this common issue, I have listed just a few of my favourite live albums, where the music is as good, if not better, than the overproduced versions of it. 1. CAGE THE ELEPHANT: UNPEELED: This twenty-one track masterpiece is a compilation of all four of Cage The Elephant’s studio albums in a stripped-back and vulnerable setting. Their usually energetic and highintensity sets have been simplified to add a rawness to each track that we don’t usually see. And despite these simplified versions, the tracks do not lose any of their initial energy or appeal. Half of Cage The Elephant’s appeal is lead singer Matt Shultz’s stage presence, and I can confirm that the dude is just as spastic in an acoustic setting as a festival. They will never disappoint. 2.

MTV

UNPLUGGED

NEW YORK BY NIRVANA:

Nirvana unplugged is a gift to the world of music. Again, a usually intense band has stripped everything back to give it a whole new sound and meaning. Cobain chose to decorate the stage like a funeral, and 34

there is an all around sad and eerie vibe to the set. On top of playing their own tracks, they chose to add a song by Eugene Kelly, entitled ‘Jesus Doesn’t Want Me For A Sunbeam’, which is as far from their usual genre as you could get. They also added in songs like ‘Plateau’ by the Meat Puppets (who joined them on a couple of tracks), which ended up being one of my favourite songs on the album, along with ‘Lake of Fire’. Honestly, it’s just a perfect album, no complaints. 3. BEN HOWARD SPOTIFY SESSIONS (LIVE): Ben Howard is an artist whose live and recorded albums do not sound much different from each other. When he plays live, his guitar is left a bit unrefined in comparison to his studio recordings. I personally find this more appealing than the crystal-clear and pure sounding studio album versions of his songs. You can hear every scratch and rattle of the guitar strings and every breath he takes in the mic. He plays his already-raw songs like he’s laying his soul on the line, and it’s so much more vulnerable and delicious.

Thriftin’ KAITLIN STEWART Opshops. The staple for poor Uni students on the hunt for the perfect o-week costume. But let me tell you, they have a much better use than finding an assortment of used sheets to transform into what people like to call a toga. Upon sifting through the endless racks, some real gems can jump out at you and really get the insta followers talking. I once found a pair of Nike Air Forces in mint condition for 50 cents, so I mean I’d like to think I know what I’m talking about. We all talk of self-reinvention when coming to uni, so why not ditch your tarnished reputation from the numerous failed funnel attempts and change your style? Your local dumpster diver demigod is here to give you grade A advice to finding the best pieces. 1. Go to all parts of the store. Wander into an area not designated for you; I mean if you’re a lass, go check out the lad’s section, or vice versa. The men’s section is great for t-shirts, polos and the best jeans remember that. It’s 2018 people, androgynous fashion is in and thriving! 2. The more it looks like a dungeon, the better. Trust me - the smallest, mustiest places always have the best pieces. They’re completely underrated, resulting in no people going there, leaving only the most original pieces for you to find. 3. It’s a second hand store so prices should be low, right? This is not always the case. Be careful upon approaching antique stores. By simply calling

their clothing “vintage,” they are suddenly entitled to charge ridiculous prices. The struggle for dosh is real so making sure you don’t spend top dollar on a shirt you could find in a fill-a-bag bin is important. 4. Make sure to wash before you wear. Commonly the shop will have washed the items of clothing before selling, but you can never be too sure. Let’s remember it is second hand, so the previous owner may have been less hygienic than you. That mysterious white stain might not just be ice cream. 5. Lastly the most important tip of all, remember the Instagram feed. You find a piece no one can replicate - just imagine the influx of likes and comments resulting in an instant social media boost: “omg where did you get that?” Anything for the gram amirite?

She’s a pencil pushing aristocrat who applied for a date in the search of some much needed coitus, he’s your typical apex predator who’s known for flaunting his phallic member as a distraction during beer pong. Our matchmakers were convinced this was surefire, though we get the impression our anonymous lovebirds weren’t quite as certain. SHE SAID:

HE SAID:

He stood up to greet me as I approached the table; it’s fair to say I was so stoked he was a tall lad. Sadly my vagina sealed shut as soon as he said he was 20. Wtf Nexus, I’m 25! He didn’t need to tell me his age, I could tell by the prepubescent fluff on his upper lip, along with his sneakers and basketball shorts. However, he was super friendly, nice and provided some good banter. As the tab ran out, we both realised we had nothing better to do with our night so we decided to hit town. The drinks continued to flow, jumping between vodka redbull to long island ice tea. The poor lad started to compensate for his lack of chat, though to his credit it did lead to a sneaky pash in a seedy corner of Shenanigans. No complaints on my end. We eventually catch a taxi back to his, I start showing him a few personal Spotify playlists and keeping it chill. Then some chick bangs on the door and starts hurtling abuse at him. Something about him being a slut? It was clear one of his roots was pisssssssed. Knowing I was never going to put out, I had a moment of clarity and messaged a friend to pick me up. All in all it was a fucking weirdly fun experience. High: The dancing, drinks and banter with a stranger I will probably never see again. Low: Being a hung over piece of shit calling in work sick the next morning.

I was driving to social cricket, thinking “do I need to make a huge effort? Or will shorts and a t shirt suffice?” I decided that was more than enough, though I better shave just in case there was any chance of a root. I got to House and was the first there, she arrived a tad late but the cricket was on so I didn’t really notice. The first thing said was ages and she was 25… Now I’ve been on a couple of dates, but a 25 year old... surely she could teach me a thing or two. The first 30 mins of the date consisted of a few shots, a lovely vegetarian pizza, and her coming to grips with the fact that yes, I really am 20. She was very talkative, even to the point of asking for my dick size. I know I haven’t got the biggest, or the smallest, but it’s never great to hear your date say she only roots dudes with 8 inches and above. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life. After last call at house, and some cheeky heckles from the bartenders, we decided to keep drinking. Shenanigans for a bit, then ending up in The Hood. It didn’t take long in there before I realised it definitely time to boost.

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