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Editorial FOMO News Horoscopes Entertainment This vs That Reviews Pass the AUX The Crowd Goes Mild

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Centrefold 5 Steps to Tricking the University into Giving You Your Qualification Full Exposure: Generation Zero Yam & Troy the Science Boys Bachelor of Being Broke What Degree is Right for You? Waikat’ Flats Ori18 Timetable Blind Date Snapped Puzzles

32. Nexus Issue 1, 26th February - 2nd March 2018 Editor: Lyam Buchanan, editor@nexusmag.co.nz Design: Vincent Owen, design@nexusmag.co.nz Managing Editor: James Raffan, james@nexusmag.co.nz Contributors: Alexander Nebesky, Grace Mitchell, Jennie-Louise Kendrick, Onyx Lily, Jacqui Swney, Cameron McRobie, Brittany Rose, Sam Dyson, Lenka Craft, Emily Wilson, Ellie Craft, James Young-Drew, Troy Anderson, Nicola Smith, James Raffan, Jamie Pentecost, Paora Manuel, Candra Pullon, the Tenants of the Mavy Mansion.

18. Cover artwork: Ben Bartels of Never You Mind Studio Instagram: @bennyblunder @neveryoumind.studio Online: neveryoumind.studio Centrefold: Nelson Nokela Instagram: @nelsonnokela Online: www.nelsonnokela.com Horoscope Illustrations: Josh Nelson Instagram: @joshprobably Twitter: @joshDrawbably


EDITORIAL EDITORIAL

Lack of Anti Congrats! You might have just picked up your very first Nexus. Just to be clear, if you have come looking for us to be the voice of wisdom in your fledgling university career, you’re in the wrong place. We don’t have the answers and most of the time, we don’t pretend to. This isn’t another prospectus about choosing the right degree, or making sure you’re all set for class. Your degree might be important, but so is the experience, that’s where we come in. We pride ourselves on being the unfiltered voice of the student body. Each week, we’ll be providing you with relevant news, investigations into issues which either directly affect or interest you, and highlights of the student culture from which Nexus was built. You’d think after a few years we’d have covered it all, and to some extent we have. Every year you’ll read a fresh iteration of how feral Hogan St is, or how the government is squabbling over issues such as mental health. These things never seem to change. What is exciting is that we’re about to see the entire premise of student culture redefined. Fees free will change the way people view, interact and involve themselves with this lifestyle. For one, this obviously allows for tertiary education to be more accessible for a lot of people. Beyond that, it removes the ‘anti’ this culture has come to thrive off. The majority of us use our loans as a reason to go to lectures; as a reason to finish assignments. You could say we’re anti-waste, in the sense that we’ve found a way to utilise the emotional baggage of debt as motivation to eventually graduate. Without this anti-debt mindset, you’d hope more people would be here for the love of it; here because they’re passionate about their degree rather than forcing themselves through something which might pay more, because if they’re “gonna spend all that money, it might as well be something worthwhile”. Perhaps without that perspective, people won’t pick this up in the search for answers as they stress about enrollment, maybe. In the meantime, our promise to you is that we will be as involved in your student experience as you’ll let us. We are also a pretty decent way to create an experience so if you are keen to get involved in videos, writing or podcasts then check out nexusmag.co.nz or email editor@nexusmag.co.nz

– Lyam 1


New year, new Moodle!

Moodle is kicking off 2018 in style with a fresh new look and improved usability. Moodle is now the main online learning tool across all Faculties at UoW. Find out more at waikato.ac.nz/go/new-moodle/.

Touch Bass: Thurs 29th March, Spark Arena Auckland

Coming to New Zealand for the first time, Touch Bass welcomes all things low-end with a booming launch at Spark Arena. Bringing with it a delicious surprise basket lineup of bass house, dubstep, trap hop & break beat flavours. Jump on Ticketmaster for more info.

Cider Fest at Little George: Fri 2nd March, Hamilton

Pop into 15 Hood St as the Good George crew round out their Summer Caravan tour with a Cider Session at Little George. If you’re new to Hamilton this is definitely the perfect opportunity to test some of the Waikato’s finest brews. They’ll start pouring from 3pm, heading right through till at least 9pm.

Clubs Day: Wed 28th Feb, Village Green

Head on down to the Village Green this Wednesday and get involved with the all clubs available on campus. This is where you can get to know the full network of clubs and societies, learn more about what you’re interested in and sign up to what suits your interests.

Lovegrove Lane Autumn Fest: Sat 24th March

Hidden away off off Grey St, Lovegrove Lane is bringing an evening of food stalls, live music, crafts and whole bunch of Good George to top it off. Get in quick and pop in, this event kicks off at around 4pm and runs till 8pm.

Bassment | Mt Maunganui: Sat 24th March

This is your monthly Trap, Future Bass and Rap party featuring local bass artists and producers. This time they’re getting filthy in the Mount with t1r, Luca, Mc Crafty, Sturling and Siktvp. It’s a stellar set of locals you won’t want to miss. Door sales are only $15, just jump online for more info. 3


It’s fair to say there’s been a lot of news between now and our last magazine. It’s also fair to say there’s a strong chance you’ve spent your summer either working a little too hard, or getting a little too ruckus, to notice the latest breaking headlines. In order to get you readjusted to the real world, we’ve compiled what we consider to be some of the more notable stories of the summer, in no particular order.


Glitter Tits This New Year’s Eve celebrations at Gisborne’s Rhythm and Vines festival were undoubtedly underscored by an event being called “Glitter Tits”. A video released following the event shows a topless woman, with glitter body paint concealing her nipples, being groped by a man. The woman and her friend, who were walking past the group of men including the attacker, return to throw their drinks at the man and punch him repeatedly. The woman was later identified as 20-year-old American Madeline Anello-Kitzmiller. In a vlog post on Facebook, Anello-Kitzmiller says ““The glitter t**s will be coming back”. “The problem is not the clothing, stop victim blaming. Comments stating that I was asking for it... are promoting rape culture. “My lack of clothing is not the problem, the problem is people thinking they have the right to touch my body without consent.” After the video went viral on sites like The Sun and The Daily Mail, the larger issue of consent and r*pe culture has been jumped on by both sides of the argument. Gable Tostee, the man accused and (somehow) acquitted of the murder of Warriena Tagpuno Wright, gained attention after commenting on Facebook that Anello-Kitzmiller was “looking for a fight”. Tostee was accused of Wright’s murder after the Kiwi woman fell to her death from the balcony of his Surfers Paradise apartment, following a Tinder date.

The #MeToo Movement The #MeToo movement has shaken the film industry and wider society by documenting the scale of sexual violence in the workplace. The hashtag went viral after actor Alyssa Milano tweeted, “If all the women who have been sexually harassed or assaulted wrote ‘Me too’ as a status, we might give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem”, an allusion to activist Tarana Burke’s coining of the phrase in 2006. The tweet was a response to The New York Times article written Jodi Kantor and Megan Twohey on October 5, 2017. The exposé detailed substantive claims against Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein, who has been accused of sexual assault and harassment over the last 30 years by over 80 women in the industry, including Gwyneth Paltrow, Cara Delevingne, Lupita Nyong’o, and Angelina Jolie. More serious accusations of r*pe were reported by thirteen women, including actor Rose McGowan. The hashtag has encouraged victims of other powerful men to come forward, with subsequent allegations coming forward about Kevin Spacey, George Takei, Louis C.K., as well as stories of ordinary people’s experiences of harassment in the workplace.

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Trump’s Military Parade and Other Bedtime Stories United States President Donald Trump has done a bunch of shit over the break. Some of it was probably bad, some of it was probably not. The latest and most attention-grabbing story about Trump (at the time of publication) has proven to be his requested military parade in Washington, D.C. The President stated that something along the lines of France’s Bastille Day celebration parade was what he had in mind, an event held every year in which a bunch of sweet military tech and soldiers parade down the Avenue des Champs-Elysees to commemorate an integral moment in the history of France. President Trump’s parade would be the first military parade in the U.S. since 1991 after the U.S. victory in the Persian Gulf War. President Trump’s request for a parade has outraged some Americans, as has everything he has done; been reported on daily by every news outlet in America, as has everything he’s done; and been lauded by ardent Trump supporters, as has everything he’s done. Should the parade go ahead, Pentagon estimates put the cost somewhere in the region of USD $3-50 million. A number of options have been suggested, each of varying scale, and able to be tweaked as per the President’s requests.

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Roger Makes History Much beloved Swiss tennis legend Roger Federer became a true world champion at the Aussie Open this summer, as the first man to ever gain 20 Grand Slam singles titles with this latest win – a five-set victory over Marin Čilić. He’s shot up to No. 1 again in the world ATP rankings, and also holds the record of the most weeks in total spent in the top spot (303 weeks and counting). Despite being an oldie by sporting standards at the ripe age of 36, Roger’s well and truly shown the young guys who’s the boss by winning three slam titles in the past 12 months; a feat which would make any player world famous during the entirety of their career, let alone only in one year. Not only that, but Roger is forever placed among one of the most wellloved sportsman of all time. The charm is all summed up by one of his tweets: “Apparently I’m the oldest tennis player with a #1 ranking. Somebody might have mentioned that to me already but I had a hard time hearing” – with an old man face emoji.


Auckland Pride If the measure of an event’s success is how quickly an ideology can be over-commercialised and mildy corrupted in order to hock products or show a fleeting corporate consciousness then the 2018 Auckland Pride Parade was a smashing and unqualified success. Held February 17, everyone from Tower Insurance to various internet and service providers had meticulously manicured floats and marchers. Each group being careful to ensure the correct speaker was ushered over to the presenters at the right time to say exactly the right thing. It was a carefully coordinated corporate retreat with Air New Zealand and ZM being the standouts at patting themselves on the back. Even National was there. On the other hand, it was a massive step forward for a parade that has grown in strength annually. The fact that it was opened and led by our Prime Minister is surely a sign that we are moving forward, but as we look back on the summer lets not mistake progress for success. A good parade but a long way to go.

Woman Pregnant, Keeps Working Of course the biggest news of summer is that our Prime Minister, (Waikato alum) Jacinda Ardern has had the temerity to become pregnant. She has betrayed the voters/delighted us all/proven that women can have it all/personally offended Mike Hosking, Mark Richardson and other rich white men who voted for the Nats and Blenglish. Jacinda will take 6 weeks off after her baby is born, and her not-husband Clarke Gayford will be a part-time stay at home dad. She has stated that her pregnancy does not in any way demonstrate that it is now possible for women to have it all, therefore equality is done and feminists should put their bras back on, as she is very aware of her privileged situation. And while New Zealand and many other parts of the world may be gripped by #jacindababymania, the mama-to-be herself says “I’m just pregnant, not incapacitated. Like everyone else who has found themselves pregnant before, I’m just keeping on going.”

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Apparently Now Free fees! Fees Free! Is the Time to Talk Frees for Freshers! About Gun Control Sadly now when we do a round up of Nexus news stories you missed over the summer we seldom talk about gun death in America. It almost lacks every element that would make it a news story. We have become so de-sensitised to the cycle of mass shootings. Someone shoots up a school, someone says do something and a bunch of Republicans yell don’t touch my gun, before going to a secret NRA meeting, slaughtering a teenager and giving each other handjobs for campaign donations (We assume). Although that might not be the case this time. Weirdly, the students themselves stood up and said you can’t silence us. It started with a woman named Sarah who responded to Trump’s “condolences tweet” by reminding him that they “don’t want your fucking condolences you fucking price of shit” [sic]. This was followed by Emma Gonzales, a senior at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School leading a crowd in a BS chant protest and several schools organising student walkouts for gun safety. Trump’s response to all this was to tweet that the FBI may have stopped this shooting if they weren’t so busy trying to indict him for collusion with Russia. Which of course, helped nothing and no one.

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Labour bounced through its election campaign with some outlandish sounding promises, including the introduction of fees-free tertiary education. When Winnie boosted them up the government ladder, the vaguely worded promise suddenly had to become a very quick reality, setting the civil servants a-scramble in the Tertiary Education Commission as they ironed out the details. To be fair, they did a pretty good job in the time they had, considering how long it generally takes the public sector to implement anything. The first cohort of fees-free freshers are through the university’s doors, and rumour has it that it’s all gone suspiciously smoothly from a Uni admin point of view. While the news definitely sucks if you’re in year 2 or 3 of your studies, thereby missing out on the freebies, the good news is you now have the perfect excuse to befriend a few first-years and bludge free drinks off them all year. (Deets of the fees-free policy are on the Uni website).


Eels Eviscerated in Egregious Environmental Emergency Off the back of a series of new reports, it appears a great many native eels have found themselves mashed into paste by council pumping stations. Commissioned by the Waikato Regional Council, the reports reveal that eels traveling through pumping stations during the course of their slippery, slidey travels are ending up mulched to pulp by the the pumps’ impellers. In many cases, deaths involve complete decapitation, or if that’s not to your taste, the liquefaction of every internal organ you might find in an eel. In any case, often so little of any given eel or group of eel is left in a recognizable state that the deaths go unreported out of ignorance. In an effort to curb catastrophic eel losses, Waikato Regional Council has begun implementing fish-friendly pumping stations and exploring options to lower their kill rate. Advocacy group Forest & Bird has claimed that these efforts have not been done urgently enough. Longfin eels are endangered, and are amongst those frequently killed by pumping stations.

Summer Was Hot A heatwave, the effects of global warming and a couple tropical cyclones all chucked together resulted in a summer that was, to describe it aptly, really fucking hot. Summer of ’18 broke the records as the hottest month ever documented, and Clyde down in Otago topped it off with a 37.6°C degree record high across the country. At the same time as all this hot nonsense, there was a nationwide fan shortage, which really helped the situation. In fact, national complaining about the weather over the past few months was up by 71.3% (a fact which may or may not be made up). Being an island in the middle of bloody nowhere, New Zealand’s weather is largely determined by whatever the seas are serving up. With coastal sea temperatures getting pretty tropical, it was bound to be a scorcher. NIWA reports that the winters are getting shorter, tropical cyclones are getting more intense, and New Zealand’s climate has warmed with above-average temperatures of this summer providing evidence of distinct meteorological change.

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Pisces (Feb 19-Mar 20) With Venus descending into your orbit, the only way to escape the melancholy is to love. Unconditionally, freely and truly. Love is universal, unless your name is Sarah, then you might die alone. Aries (Mar 21-Apr 19) Mars is moving across your sign at a rapid pace, leaving you prone to rage and emotional instability. However, no one has ever ripped a bong at breakfast and said “god I feel prone to rage.”

Virgo (Aug 23-Sep 22) Fortuna, the goddess of luck, is insisting on hanging around. Maybe this is a sign to use your course related costs at a poker game? Textbooks are for losers. Libra (Sep 23-Oct 22) Bacchus, the god of wine and parties aligns with your sign this week - and we all know what happens after wine and parties. Loneliness, and moderate regret. Don’t lose your cool, stay in school.

Taurus (Apr 20-May 20) Athena the god of Wisdom is with you on your challenging educational journey. If at times it feels like it is too tough, just remember there are only 6000 hours OR 360,000 till B semester ends.

Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21) A mini war is occuring in your celestial grill this week. Take care, ensure the difference between lust and love, home and away, sex and marriage. If not, you might wake up next to fourth year who fell in love with the first flatmate they ever had.

Gemini (May 21-June 20) The Virgin God Minerva falls within your sign this week, preaching piety and virtue. Though this horoscope was written before the foam party, so if you are no longer Minerva adjacent it may be worth getting a checkup.

Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21) Anxiety can be blamed on the presence of Diana, goddess of the moon. Though we may have no idea what this means. Live a litte, skip class.

Cancer (June 21-July 22) Vulcan may be the god of fire but he is not the god of social smokers, it’s time you made a choice. Either buy a pack and commit, or don’t. Either way, stop asking us if you can have a smoke.

Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19) Just because you feel a connection to Terra, goddess of the earth, it’s not a good enough reason to fall asleep on the village green. Excessive alcohol is usually enough reason, but it’s week one. Pace yourself.

Leo (July 23-Aug 22) Remember the god of messaging is also the god of theft, so don’t send pictures to that special someone when you wouldn’t want a parent, or lecturer, to see it either. The cloud may be secure but your right to privacy sometimes isn’t.

Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18) We’ve done your charts over and over but unfortunately it keeps coming back with Janus, the god of gates and doors. It’s hard to write stupid jokes about student culture that are linked to gates and doors. All we suggest is to go get double glazed.

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Crush of the Week: The Lovely O’Week Van Drivers

What’s Hot:

These gracious, selfless people sacrificed the opportunity to get completely shitfaced during one of the best weeks of the year. They did it all for one reason - you. Each night, these exemplary humans ensured your broke ass didn’t have to walk home from town, not only keeping you safe but providing some form of entertainment while they did so. Not only were they forced to listen to your drunken ramblings, but they were even sworn to secrecy (most of the time) for all the juicy goss you let slip. Though we have heard multiple rumours that a certain someone on C3 at College Hall should really tell their own special someone about a certain something.

Mandeep at the local Bottle-O for hustling specials

Simon Bridges’ tone of voice

Jacinda’s Vogue photoshoot

Necklaces with your name on them, in case you forget

Flexitarianism

Grabbing your mates face when they catch a ball worth $50K

Clickbait Moodboard: Theme: Spending up large because you cashed out your course-related costs.

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What’s Not: •

Salmonella

Plastic straws harming the turtles

Being puffed after a single flight of stairs

Realising your degree might not be right for you

The nationwide fan shortage


TOP 10: Replacements for Lawrenson’s Themed Nights in Town “Pretty Dusty Ay” Confirmed to Be the Only Suitable Way to Describe How You Feel.

“Yeah last week was pretty filthy, still recovering a bit”. Greensboro socialite gives us an inside scoop to the physical and emotional burdens of going out 6 nights in a row.

Second Years Forget Everything Their Parents Taught Them Moments After Entering First Flat

Rumors have spread that a group of flatmates have completely lost the ability to carry out basic hygiene, general social interactions, and any form of effective budgeting.

Naive Young Man Convinced Wearing Branded Clothing Is the Only Way to Entice a Mate

“How could anyone expect to get laid if they’re not rolling with that ‘Thrasher’ x ‘Huffer’ x ‘RPM’ x ‘Patagonia’ combo with a bitta ‘Stussy’ to really top it off?”.

It seems that those in charge of organising the themes for O’Week nightlife have been lacking in creativity, to the point where they’ve barely been able to change a single theme for the last 183 years. We thought we’d give them hand and speed up this process for them. 1.

Keystone’s Milfs and Dilfs: Dress fresh and try not to hook up with someone the same age as your parents. 2. ‘Please don’t shut us down’ at The Hood: Join us on Tuesday night for tea, coffee and our first ever book club night. 3. The Outback Inn ‘Wholesome Edition’: A normal night at Outback, except this time there’s no seedy lads. 4. Antisocial Shisha Night at Static: Get comfy of the pavement of Hood St as you judge others for enjoying themselves. Spot prizes for the biggest clouds and most obnoxious cars! 5. Sweaty and Sober at Bar 101: Get in early, get your photos, and head straight home. We’ve pumped up the heaters and stopped serving alcohol so you’re even less likely to enjoy yourself. 6. Meet and Greet with the Chiefs in The Bank’s disabled toilets: Pretty self explanatory, just remember a full media blackout is enforced. 7. Outback Excel: Finally, a chance for accountants, economists and finance extraordinaries to let their hair down and find some meaning for their otherwise dull existence. 8. Beauty and the all men are beasts party at House on Hood: Enjoy the tranquility of a testosterone-free environment before you get lonely and head to Static. 9. Jehovah Witness DJ Set: Bask in the glory of the lord as you get jiggy to a pleasant set of soft rock ballads. 10. Wong’s Big Sing Song: While you wait for your greasy goodness, enjoy the sweet musings of a drunken punter who’ll definitely be sleeping alone tonight. 13


Filthy Liberals In some ways, the Liberal vs the Conservative is the ultimate “This vs That”. Conversely, it is also the easiest to win. My side has Bernie Sanders, their side has Trump. Mine has Jacinda, they’re stuck with Bridges. We have Justin Trudeau - checkmate. Let’s do a more substantive dive though. Under nine years of a conservative government, the gap between the poor and the wealthy has never been higher; we are in the middle of a housing crisis while our entire GDP growth rests on the back of immigration, without strategies to disperse workforce to the provinces. Not to mention that child poverty is also higher than ever before. What the former National government will tell you is their economic management saw us through the global financial crisis and two earthquakes. What they won’t tell you is most of that economic management happened under Clarke and Cullen, who delivered 9 straight surpluses for New Zealand and made a “trickle down-proof economy for the first six years”. It’s like Donald Trump taking credit for high employment now. But if you dispel the “National is better for the economy” argument, you’re left with two parties with differing social outlooks. One wanted the Treaty gone, 14

opposed gay marriage and trans* rights - all since Y2K - voted for charter schools so religious groups can teach the facts they want and made it easier for landlords to leave you living in a broken house. All this while poisoning water sources and giving the wealthy tax breaks. Even in lowly old Hamilton, one MP said on two separate occasions that God had spoken to him personally and told him to send troops to the middle east and to vote against gay marriage. The Left also has its challenges. Some idiots don’t believe in immunisation, and Siggi Henry believes that having a fat person fall on you is a health and safety risk. But we are also the people that believe in a clean, green New Zealand, in future industries like solar. We believe in the preservation of Te Reo, and that better paid and resourced teachers deliver better results. We believe in unions to ensure workers rights, in comprehensive mental and physical health and free education. We believe that everyone should be able to work hard, get paid well and own their own home if they choose. But first, we have to work on the children in poverty, the eight hour lines at hospitals and the people sleeping rough without decent meals.


Right Wing Scum The New Zealand left-wing is a mess. They throw money at problems without evaluating the backlash, claim to be solving national poverty while nothing substantial really happens, and blame all the world’s problems on the National government. Everyone will be paying for those rosy-sounding tertiary study policies eventually. Donald Trump’s a fuckwit. I’ll keep this to modern conservatism, which focuses on empowering people to lift themselves out of poverty, steady economic growth, investing in infrastructure, public healthcare, and creating jobs. We’ve pushed for preserving our unique biota without claims of introducing ridiculous water taxes to farmers, which would cause a harsh blow to our biggest industry. Immigration increased, but the number of people getting residency is lower, houses proved more affordable, and average household incomes higher under National than under the Clark government. In times of serious global economic crises, National did a better job at keeping New Zealand strong than they’re credited for – I wonder how well Labour’s ‘spendiness’ would have carried us through the hellish last decade. Despite noble-sounding intentions, left-wing politics focuses on a culture of handouts and legups, penalising the middle/upper class to provide for

the lower class. Among the truly disadvantaged (who deserve, and are, assisted) are many people with an attitude of laziness. Left-wingers want to take from our producers, our leaders, our everyday middle-class workers with a ‘fuck you’ attitude. Ironically, their policies rely on high taxation of these same highearners they detest. Hand-outs don’t work – they’re never ‘enough.’ Right-wingers want to break the welfare cycle via social investment like education, contraception, and tackling unemployment. Where’s the need for motivation to work hard, and the pride of paying off your debts, if things are given too easily by living off the government? Since when did New Zealand become a place where self-entitled pricks got the mentality that the government owes them everything, they shouldn’t have to work for it, and they’re the ultimate victim? This right-wing argument always receives a backlash of emotional protest, contributing to a cotton-wool, preachy and naïve society. We have systems in place for when you’re really up shit creek, but people need personal responsibility. Compare our situation to other nations, and you’ll realise how absolutely lucky - and spoilt - we are.

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Single

Film

‘IF THE CAR BESIDE YOU MOVES AHEAD’ – JAMES BLAKE REVIEW: ARCHIE PORTER

‘THE SHAPE OF WATER’ – GUILLERMO DEL TORO REVIEW: ALEXANDER NEBESKY

James Blake returns with his first solo release in two years, and it seems to have divided opinions on his new direction. Harking back to his earlier work, the track is far more electronic-heavy than some of his previous releases. Rather than relying on harmonious vocals, the vocals in the song have been deliberately chopped up and spliced together, looping over and over to create a kind of disembodied, alien tone. The track bears similarity to Blake’s earlier works such as his EPs CMYK and Klavierwerke, both of which garnered critical acclaim and attention from experimental electronic musicians. However, ‘If the Car Beside You Moves Ahead’ doesn’t feel like a retread of old ground – rather, it feels like a sleek and adventurous new direction as opposed to the somewhat whimsical nature of his later music. While many fans of Blakes’ vocals have disregarded the song as ‘annoying’ and a misstep, the song is a much-needed change of pace in his discography. The track is both eerily menacing and starkly beautiful, nestling itself nicely between the realms of pop and experimentalism without losing the emotion of Blakes more recognized works. The track doesn’t need clear lyrics to work; it functions primarily through its tone and feeling – an effect that seems rare nowadays in the face of mainstream music, and should be embraced rather than disregarded.

The Shape of Water is a bizarrely sweet film about a woman who fucks an axolotl. This film chugs along fairly predictably and follows a fairly standard formula of cardboard cut-out characters and a plot that doesn’t hold up to scrutiny. It’s also kind of long and boring. Arguably the film’s greatest draw is the blue man-alien-amphibian guy, and like any del Toro film, the creature effects are marvellous. The blue dude looks magnificent, especially in the gloom of the film’s military installation setting, and all throughout the film, it remains the visual highlight. Interspersed with creative camerawork and mood-lighting, the film looks great. It’s just kind of a dumb film. Too many ideas detract from the interesting romance angle the film should have spent its entire run time exploring. Story is not the strong suit of the film. Characters make terrible, unlikely decisions that serve only to advance the plot to the next scene, but play against the little character motivation set up earlier in the film. A lot of people love this film and I’m not sure why. It is a perfect case study of the overrated film. It is not del Toro’s best work, and we will all forget about it fairly soon. That said, it is worth watching for the glimmers of genius that shine through, and the generally sweet nature of what, at its heart, should have been a streamlined romance film.

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Video Game

Album

‘PERSONA 5’ – ATLUS REVIEW: CONOR MAXWELL

‘LITTLE DARK AGE’ – MGMT REVIEW: MADDY PITKETHLEY

Persona 5 is the latest entry in a fantastic video game series that combines Japan’s three greatest exports (RPGs, anime and dating Sims) into one tasty package. As a typical unnamed, silent protagonist, you must form the Phantom Thieves, a vigilante group of high schoolers, and work together to change the hearts of a series of evil people by entering their subconscious minds and beating up their twisted, mutated secret selves. The plot is like Inception if it was the lovechild of Sigmund Freud and H. R. Giger. Saying there is a lot to do in this game would be a colossal understatement. Persona 5 is close to one hundred hours long, and still likely not long enough for you to meet everyone, do everything and strengthen all your relationship bonds by the time game ends. The game provides a variety of different game modes and play styles, switching between a dungeon crawler, a dating simulator, a cinematic experience and a minigame fest depending on what the narrative calls for. It is an open-ended game with a straight narrative path yet countless activities to do in your spare time; including playing baseball, trying to seduce your teacher and donating your body as a guinea pig to Science. Couple the diverse and exciting gameplay with a very aesthetic cartoon art style, and you’ve got yourself my 2017 Game of the Year.

MGMT have just realised their fourth album since the release of their self-titled album five years ago, and eleven years since Oracular Spectacular gave us hits like ‘Kids’ and ‘Electric Feel’. Little Dark Age has stumbled on a different approach of synth/ psychedelic pop. Their opening song, ‘She Works Out Too Much’, is the most upbeat song on the album with a running commentary from what sounds like the Zumba instructor that came to my high school back in year 11. I quit PE after that. Their second hit of the album, ‘Me and Michael’ is one of the denser songs on the album, it’s catchy purely because the only lyrics sung seem to just be the title. The feedback from MGMT fans is overwhelmingly positive, with Pitchfork giving it a 7/10, noting the experimental development of the band’s work. It was not what I expected from the group especially with the nostalgia vibe of ‘Electric Feel’. They say that good things take time, and in this case, over a decade, but don’t make an absolute banger like ‘Kids’ then make me wait eleven years just to hear a keyboard on loop and a monotone voice*. Sorry boys, but it’s no from me. *If you do want to listen to a monotone voice and aren’t interested in MGMT like me, check out my Nexus podcast Talk Shit with Maddy Pit instead of listening to one of the worse albums of 2018.

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Mingle with the Alty Folk JACQUI SWNEY Welcome back to another year of Pass the Aux, where we attempt to make your probably average taste progressively more broad. That’s not to say it won’t remain average, but at least you’ll be a more diverse version of yourself. Hopefully at the end of it you’ll be able to hold conversations with the alternative kids that spend too much time drinking herbal teas, the trap fiends that take too many pingas, or the uncle you always end up talking to at family reunions who hasn’t really grown out of the 80’s. We’re all about making friends here. 1. GO FUCK YOURSELF BY TWO FEET: My only complaint about this song is that it’s far too short. Two Feet manages to sound similar to Alt-J’s earlier music, with its layered harmonies and electronic sounds mixed with a prominent guitar riff to bring it all together. It’s punchy, dynamic, and a little sexual all in one, and it basically does everything it needs to do in a short 2 minutes and 10 seconds. STRONGLY recommend tossing this banger into your next mix. 2. CHEETAH TONGUE BY THE WOMBATS: Well I haven’t listened to the Wombats since they released ‘A Guide to Love, Loss, and Desperation’ (a brilliantly named album) ,and pissed off every Joy Division fan with the sarcastic and ironic lyrics of ‘Let’s Dance to Joy Division.’ I was personally a fan, and when this song popped up on my weekly mix I was quick to hit play. While it sounds like any variation of an indie/rock 18

song that I’ve already heard, and by no means original (but honestly what is these days?), I enjoyed it. It’s catchy, an easy listen, and it sounds like The Wombats have grown and evolved form the band that I used to listen to. 3. MISTAKES BY BASENJI, TKAY MAIDZA: I found this song on Spotify’s Indie Mixtape playlist, although I feel like it’s been wrongly labeled as indie, probably due to how completely impossible it seems to pronounce the artist’s name. Basenji has created a successful pop song, catchy and upbeat with some general and vague allusions to failed romance in the lyrics, plus an attempt at keeping it slightly more emotional with the soft piano opening the song. Overall a good listen. 4. HEY MAMI (BIG WILD REMIX) BY SYLVAN ESSO: As a huge fan of Sylvan Esso and their original version of ‘Hey Mami’, I was excited to see they’d posted a remix of it on their Spotify. I’m a sucker for a good remix, especially an artist approved and endorsed remix. Big Wild manages to stay true to the original happy and upbeat vibe of Sylvan Esso’s song, adding an insanely chipper whistle in the drop, and it’s just the epitome of a feel good tune. There’s not much else to say about this one.


70.3: a Whole Lotta Nope CAMERON MCROBIE

Three weeks rent. That’s how big a hole will burn through your pocket as you prepare to put yourself through what may as well be a ritualistic sacrifice to the triathlon gods. Don’t expect an easy ride while training for your first half Ironman. Colloquially dubbed 70.3 because of 70.3 miles raced, a half Ironman combines the three classic triathlon disciplines into a race that could end up taking an individual longer than watching the entire Star Wars original trilogy (which is without a doubt better than any of this recent Disney trash, FYI). This is definitely because each race leg alone is something your dad would give you a pat on the back for completing – that is a 1.9km swim, a 90km bike and a 21km run. Having taken all summer to tackle this column, I guess the evidence is there that my own personal ordeal with a 70.3 has fucked me. I’m ruined beyond repair – sorry Nexus. However, I’m not sure what hurt more; the crippling pain of anything life related (walking, working, sinking piss) or the embarrassment of having a very permanent tri-suit burn, complete with race-number tattoo baked into my ginger-esque skin. Runner’s high - the elated feeling one will likely experience following a good hard run or other exercise because of a healthy hit of serotonin - is not one

that I can say is often felt post 70.3. The race is just too damned long for it. Right now, I’d rather cut off my left hand than attempt a second. Fortunately for me, I don’t have anything left to prove. Digging deeper into the midst of professionals and serious Ironman competitors (yes, there’s psychopaths who do this multiple times each year, simply because it’s their livelihood) we find Braden Currie. Braden is New Zealand’s most recent Ironman champion. He actually won it on debut last year, which is pretty bloody impressive if you ask me! Unfortunately, at the world champs in Kona, he didn’t quite get an ideal result, and at Taupo 70.3, he suffered a bike mechanical failure, meaning he couldn’t quite snag a three-peat in the NZ 70.3 competition. If any of this has inspired you to attempt your own Ironman or 70.3 then you clearly haven’t been reading in depth – or you’re crazy. The latter suggests you’re the right type of person to give it a good crack. Good luck.

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Brittany Rose


Are you a brand new student, lost in I/J/K Block, with legs aching from the flights of stairs, perspiration forming on your upper lip, salt dripping to the corner of your worried mouth, paranoid you’re not cut out for tertiary education? Are you a more seasoned scholar, staring resentfully across the lake, yearning for the freedom and tranquility of life enjoyed by the ducks, and resenting your compulsory methodology paper? Either way, calm down. Brittany Rose, Real Life Person who made it through 4 years of Faculty of Education condescension, is here to help. Since she bullshitted her way to an A average in English essays on Shakespeare plays she never bothered to read properly, she’s the perfect person to teach you how to fool lecturers that you understand anything about the stuff they’re tryna lecture you on.

Step one is the most basic step you could possibly take in creating the illusion that you are, in fact, a university student. Students go to class. Go to class. You’re paying to be there, if not with your own money (‘grats fee free first years!), with your own time, which, if ya wanna get deep, is your very life. You’ve got one shot, one opportunity, and being present means being present, so turn up on time, put your phone on flight mode and use the clock on the wall. Honestly, you can go an hour or three without the internet, it’s good for your colon, which will stay full of bullshit if you don’t actually listen in class. It’s good for your health. You know what else is good for your health? Spirulina - it cleanses your colon. That, and interacting with humans around you. Pro tip: In tutorials, for the love of discussion, participate and contribute your insight and wisdom, thus enlightening all around you, including the tutor, and endear yourself to all. Just jokes. Your contributions ain’t worth shit. 23


That was harsh, we all have freedom of expression. You are entitled to hold offensive beliefs about The Importance of Being Earnest, but the fact remains - Wilde is a master of wit. Hearing the same students have the same conversations every tutorial is boring for everyone else, so bite your tongue and stfu. But, how do you know when you should stfu? If you feel the need to ‘play devil’s advocate’, blame ALL problems on one group of people, or argue for argument’s sake. If you’re especially disagreeable, you may find yourself loudly advocating for revolution, or an atheistic anarchy - or whichever option lets you escape the “Nanny State” and choose to drive without a seatbelt (on roads that wouldn’t exist without tax, capitalism and democracy). If you’re a conspiracist. Given you’re at uni I sincerely hope you wouldn’t argue flat earth theories, state 9/11 was an inside job or question the moon landing, but if you do, then zip your big mouth with a really big zip. No one outside of infowars.com wants to hear it. If you find yourself getting heated with the uncontrollable rage of difference-in-opinion then a) bite your tongue, b) listen - let me repeat that LISTEN, then, c) mill that idea over - you may find you’re being contrary just for the sake of it, or reacting to the person, not the message, or spouting rhetoric you don’t necessarily abide by. Consider their idea/s before you reject them and at the very least you’ll learn more about how others see the world. *For some people “Bite your tongue” is the worst piece of advice ever, so if you are a naturally quiet person, or a little nervous around new people, or an eager listener, please ignore this part. Speak up, when you want to :)

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Even at 8am in T Block for karakia and waiata before Te Tirohanga Maori. People only care that you’re tone deaf and embarrassed by your voice if you scowl - smile, and they’ll at least be laughing with you. The same goes for all papers because sometimes, at uni, you feel out of your depth. In some instances,it’s an insecurity about your vocal chords’ inadequacies revealing a deep-seated fear of vulnerability, in others the vocabulary in a 200 level paper feels like it’s a different language from the paper you took in B semester last year. Been there, done that, crying doesn’t help. Your lecturer may be so dull his voice sounds like a distant foghorn; or she may be technologically illiterate, but they’re only up the front because they’ve earnt that spot. Lecturers are incredibly intelligent people, and if you treat them kindly, a genuine smile, eye contact or body language that shows you’re listening, you may gain the benefit of a one-to-one conversation about their specialty. If not, someone else will surely notice your winning smile, and if you use eye-contact sparingly (don’t be a creep), you can even make new friends in class - perfect for studying with, or “studying” with. If it’s impossible not to screw your nose up because your lecturer reeks of BO, then drop engineering. Better yet, drop STEM all together and come to FASS where we’re all clean (if you don’t count 19 year olds with long, greasy hair and a penchant for spotting biblical allusions).


This isn’t high school, no lecturer will send home a stationery list, or lend you a pen if a bully snaps your only ballpoint. Grow up, get organised and go shopping. Back to School sales are still your best friend - stock up on refill, notebooks, 1B5s, black pens, multi colour pens, whatever works for you. It might be that you need to ensure you have a spare charger for days where you have more lectures than battery life. Make sure you have what you need within the first week of Semester- including course readers and/or textbooks. Buy more highlighters than you think you’ll need, because colour coding is an organiser’s salvation. Colour code your timetable (eg. ENGL314 = purple, ENGL390 = orange…), notes and stationery. This helps with logistical organisation in grabbing the right gear for the right class, and gives you visual anchor points for revision and study later on. Planning is important in creating the illusion (or reality) that you deserve to pass. Score a 2018 wall planner and use it! As soon as you get your course outline, transfer colour-coded deadlines onto it, and set targets for task/assessment completion. One useful habit is to create weekly priority lists, and commit to organisational rituals and routines. A HUGE part of making it look like you’re a student who knows what they’re doing is to actually keep a track of your papers and submit your work prior to relevant deadlines (see also: 1. Attend). All-nighters and last minute assignments generally suck. Even if you manage an A+, that that typo where you double up up a word will irk you when you you collect your essay for feedback... and the lecturers always know.

In order to trick lecturers into passing you, you need to fine tune your ability to bullshit and paraphrase, making them think you know what you’re talking about. By this point, you’re probably thinking so hard you might as well figure out what you are actually talking about, and get your noggin’ goin’. Qualifications are about education, which comes from learning, which is grounded in thinking. If you want that bit of paper you’re paying gazillions for, turn your brain on. The physical rush of an “Aha!” moment is second only to orgasm. Most importantly, think positive and think confidently - never berate yourself for not being smart enough. Come up with a mantra, such as “you’ve got this, you’re a pro bitch” and think them til’ you believe them. When it gets confusing, don’t give up, accept it as a challenge and focus harder, listen more. If you still don’t get it, take a breath and ask yourself questions to try to find an answer, any answer. Ask a classmate if you’re on the right track, and if they don’t know ask someone else. Like your tutor. It’s better to ask a dumb question and find out the answer, than not ask a question and give a dumb answer. By now you’ve probably noticed that this 5 Step Guide is devoid of quick and easy life hacks, but nothing worthwhile comes easy. A huge amount of tolerating uni, enduring assessment, and scraping through a compulsory paper you detest is eased when you do your best to do your part and actively engage yourself in your own learning. At high school, your teachers designed lessons to fit their cohort, they adapted content to suit the learning needs of their students, and were responsible for your safety while in loco parentis. That was their job. Your lecturers aren’t teachers, and you’re not a kid anymore. Do your part: attend, bite your tongue, smile, organise, think and fool the world into thinking you’re a competent alumnus (alumnae, if you wanna get specific about gender) who just happens to like writing Nexus features in her Mr Grumpy tee and listening to Disney soundtracks. And in my educated opinion, that’s totally fine.

25


Generation Zero is a nationwide youth-led organisation with a vision to see New Zealand on the path to a thriving, zero carbon future. They’re currently on tour, biking from Auckland to Wellington in order to raise awareness for the ‘Zero Carbon Act’ they’re currently pushing to be introduced. We sat down with Sam, Lenka and Emily for a cheeky chinwag while the rest of their team headed for a more serious conversation with the local HCC.

What is Generation Zero? What do you stand for and what are you hoping to achieve? GZ: We’re a youth climate advocacy organisation with chapters across the country; covering Hamilton, Auckland, Wellington, Christchurch and Dunedin. It all started in 2010 as a push for climate action in New Zealand, advocating for good climate policy. Our organisation is active on a national level, getting involved with national policy issues, as well as at a regional level where we’re with councils advocating for better cycleways, less urban sprawl, better public transport and more options for walking and cycling. NEXUS: What are the conversations you’re looking to start on this tour? What’s the message you’re looking to get across? GZ: The main point of this bike tour is for the Zero Carbon Act, a piece of legislation that we want to get written into New Zealand law. One of our main goals is to get more members of the public behind it, showing that there’s a whole lot of support. We’re also pushing for each member of parliament across every parties to get behind it as well, we want to ensure that as a country we’re working towards net zero emissions by 2050. I guess the main point of this tour is to really say ‘Hey, this piece of legislation has come up, let’s get the most support that we can so that the law is as strong as it possibly can be”. Hopefully we’ll get all the NEXUS:

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parties on board so if the government changes there won’t be any repeal. NEXUS: We constantly hear from people ‘walking to raise awareness/biking to raise awareness’ What is biking from Auckland to Wellington going to accomplish? GZ: As a group of five who’re dressed bright and colourful, members of the public seem immediately interested in who we are and what we’re up to. This is only our third day biking and we’ve already had lots of constructive conversations with people, we’ve featured on Newstalk ZB, and this morning we’re also talking to the Hamilton City Council as well as having this interview. We’ve got a social media and a media team working in Wellington behind the scenes really to push the message out there. When we arrive in Wellington we’re going to have a bigger cohort of people actually delivering the act to parliament, hopefully it’s going to be an effective visual and communication piece for politicians to really grasp what were doing, and see it as an issue that New Zealanders are really behind. NEXUS: How can people get involved? GZ: You can check us out at zerocarbonact.nz where we’ve got a petition you can sign and way more information. There’s also a givealittle page if you’re interested in that. Sharing and retweeting our social media is always great to raise awareness as well.


The Fabled Just Juice Pill TROY ANDERSON A great many human females have been taking the contraceptive pill since the dawn of the 13th century. Wait, fuck, hold on a minute, it was invented in the 60’s. That being said, this is a science column, so I won’t be speculating on whether gender roles played a part in the pill (spoiler alert: they probably did), but from a scientific and statistical standpoint, at the time it seemed far easier to prevent a single, and mostly immobile, egg from reaching the womb than it did to stop several million little frantic swimmers from reaching the womb. Once this idea popped into existence, the contraceptive pill was born. It wasn’t until recently that the idea of a male contraceptive pill was thought about seriously. Research conducted by the Monash University and the University of Leicester (funded by the National Health and Medical Research Council) has concluded that blocking certain proteins can prevent sperm from being present in semen upon ejaculation... in mice. This always cracks me up; there’s a pretty significant difference between mice and humans, but I guess it’s useful information in any case. So, long story short, we could be a way off of sussing a contraceptive pill for the dudes. These mice were bred in a particular way so as to have certain genes not functioning among the population. For those interested, these were coding for the α1A-adrenergic G protein-coupled receptors and P2X1-purinoceptor ligand ion channels. Long story short, these genes are important in producing 28

proteins that are required for successful release of sperm. Upon deactivating them, it was found that the contraceptive success rate was 100%. It is believed that with this knowledge, a contraceptive pill could be manufactured to have these same proteins suppressed in human males. It was observed that the sexual behaviour and sperm production was not negatively affected by the hindering of these genes in mice. However, it is unclear what is meant by the term “negative,” and how these results would compare to humans. The research concluded that sexual behaviour was normal for mice, and the sperm function itself was unaffected upon deleting these two genes. A contraceptive pill would need to naturally suppress these proteins as it is hardly ethical, practical or functional to genetically engineer male babies. This is because we’d pretty much be relying on sperm banks and would be dictating who could and couldn’t have children, which is an ethical debate I won’t be getting into, because fuck that noise. Currently, alpha blockers perform half of this job, but one significant side effect is erectile dysfunction so PSYCH! Back to square one motherfuckers. Although this seems like a difficult problem to surpass, it’s likely to be a far better alternative to the current contraceptive pill, which as is, fucks up all kinds of shit in the female body. So keep cracking on with it mates, I’m sure you’ll get there, after all I am just some fuck wit with a computer.


Free Fitness? NICOLA SMITH Have you joined that gym yet to support your ‘new year, new me’ resolution? Dealing with bills is never easy, and as a student it’s hard to justify adding to the never ending cycle of responsibilities by getting a gym membership. At the end of the week, that’s just another constant payment you need to make, something which isn’t ideal on top of every other bill currently draining your account. I, for one, am in the boat where I want a new gym membership, but can’t afford a joining fee, swipe card and membership until Studylink comes in. However, with all the promotions that different gyms have to find new members, I’m sure you could gym for free for quite a while. The trusty old UniRec has a pretty good mates rates deal, where each member can bring a friend separately twelve times per year to the gym. However, the catch is a) you need a friend and b) they need a membership. These two things may not be mutually exclusive, but if you have multiple friends at this gym then why would you need to buy your own membership? Therefore, to be able to go to UniRec everyday of 2018 you would only need 31 friends and I’m sure if you just stood outside someone would take pity on you.

Other Hamilton gyms have a free trial basis of: Anytime Fitness

7 day trial

Physiques Fitness

7 day trial

Jetts Fitness

3 day trial

Snap Fitness

3 day trial

Flex Fitness

1 day trial

LesMills

1 day trial

FYI: with day trials, if you go to another branch, they will already have your information loaded on the system. Sorry hun, you won’t be able to get cheeky and sneak a few extra days in. Also, Fastlane Fitness does provide a Free Assessment which could ideally give you the knowhow for a home workout (no gym fee required for that!) Therefore, if you want to branch off from the campus UniRec, all up you could have 22 days of free gym use. That’s almost a month of payments saved before you finally decide if you would actually utilise any gym membership. I don’t think this is a legitimate long term solution. If you really can’t afford it, maybe just go for a run around the block - but it’s definitely worth giving a go!

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START: Do you wish to one day make a positive difference in others’ lives?

BSc

Bachelor of Science. Take something you once enjoyed in high school and develop a deep passionate hatred for it. Not only will nobody remember what you study, no one will care either.

Y

Were you subject to bullying throughout your childhood?

N

N

Y

Do you occasionally feel as if you’re the star of your own movie?

Y

Would you consider yourself someone who lacks basic social skills?

N

Did you come to uni purely to get a job with a high salary?

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N Are you constantly stressed about menial bullshit?

Y

BDes N

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Bachelor of Design. We’ve heard rumours that this is actually offered here, you’re just probably better off go to AUT though.

BCS

Bachelor of Communication Studies. You may never get a job in your field but at least you’ll eventually have a degree in making people think you’re still enjoying yourself.


MOVE HOME

CONTIKI

You’ll enjoy yourself more when you’re able to form an opinion, carry out basic life skills and develop some form of ego.

BA

You’re young and fearless. Why the fuck are you wasting your time here? Take out your course related costs, drop out of uni and go explore the wonders of intrepid genitalia.

Bachelor of Arts. You’re a dreamer, a creative soul which knows no bounds. One day reality will come and knock out your two front teeth, but until then just do what you love.

N Do you have any dreams or aspirations?

BTchg

Bachelor of Teaching. You may not be the most numerically minded but your heart is pure, full of patience and good intentions. However, do you really want to spend your entire life in educational institutes?

Y

N Have you realised that this movie really isn’t going as you’d planned?

Y

Are numbers and basic calculations your idea of fun?

N

BBA Y

Do you fantasise about a miserable and mundane adulthood?

Do you enjoy reading painful amounts of boring literature?

N

N Y

BE(Hons)

Bachelor of Engineering with Honours. Social skills may not be your forte but at least one day you’ll be financially stable.

LLB

Bachelor of Laws. Chances are you’ll never end up with a lifestyle quite like the American legal drama TV series that you’ve always dreamed of, you’ll probably never sleep with a colleague either. At least you’ll have money right?

Y

Bachelor of Business Analysis. You crave nothing more than a lifestyle akin to the high energy, drug fuelled rampage known as Wall Street. It’s a shame you’ll never amount to much more than a salesman, at least commission is kind of exciting right?

BEP

Bachelor of Environmental Planning. Hopefully you’re a fan of regional councils and arguing with people at least 40 years older than you.

BsocSc

Bachelor of Social Sciences. Your passion for people is admirable, it’s just a shame that you’ll never make enough of an impact on others to truly feel fufilled. 31


MAVY MANSION There’s nothing these boys love more than getting wholeheartedly ’on the rark’, combating the mundane nature of their abode by “kinda just getting on the piss every night”. As the tenants describe their humble May St residence as “generally bleak, unclean and pretty fucking grim”, we believe it’s fair to say that the quality of flatting in Hamilton is better than ever before.


Each week, we’ll be highlighting the filthiest, scummiest, and occasionally some of the loveliest student flats. At the end of each semester we’ll be providing one of the featured households with $200 to spend on whatever they need most. It could be a keg party, a shitload of food or just a chunk off their rent, either way if you’re keen to be featured flick an email to editor@nexusmag.co.nz.


He’s a frat boy through and through, the type who only feels truly alive in the presence of his boys; an accountant lost in the body of jock. She craves excitement - the adventurous type with a calling for The Hood, an academic working towards her second degree, and a hopeless romantic with a burning desire for Chris Brown. Hopefully these lonely lovebirds can ignite a little more than friendship. SHE SAID:

HE SAID:

If you know me then you know that I hate being single, so I leaped at the opportunity to spend Valentine’s Day on a date, even if that meant meeting someone I knew absolutely nothing about! I started with a couple of cheeky drinks to calm the nerves. I arrived right on time hoping he would have been early, but to my horror, I was the first one there! The waiting game was tense as I prepared myself for the worst date of my life, but to my surprise, the guy who walked up with two glasses of wine in hand was actually pretty cute. It seems Cupid’s only mistake that night was sending someone younger than me; I definitely had to swallow my pride when I realized I wasn’t getting the 5 years older Ryan Gosling lookalike I secretly hoped for. Aside from that though we managed to keep the conversation flowing, basing most of it on the music we enjoy and getting excited over our shared love for Bon Iver. I was super impressed when he happily shared a vegetarian pizza with me so I let him choose the dessert we shared, making sure we had more than our fair share of drinks too. We exchanged numbers and both agreed we’d be keen on meeting up again so all in all it was a pretty great night! Well played Nexus, well played.

The idea of a blind date on Valentine’s brought a range of opportunities. Not only is it the ideal excuse to get rinsed midweek, but I could finally make Mum proud by telling her I’m doing more than just jacking it on the most romantic evening of all. I had decided that the occasion called for some proper charm, but I didn’t have the guts to bring a rose, so I went with the next best thing, surely buy her a Rosé. I was pleasantly surprised that conversation flowed easily and any pauses in conversation were easily covered by the Winter Olympics. After feeling out of touch with the music industry and not knowing much of the music she listened to, I was stoked when we found some common taste in an unexpected artist. We had some good yarns and burnt through those first date questions over a few drinks, but we seemed to be talking more than drinking as we had a nice chunk of the tab left to use. As the evening came to a close, we realised we had continued later into the night than most, as the other Valentine’s couples had left. Readers will have to be left without juicy gossip as we did not leave together, but the staff at the House gave me fair roasting for that. Cheers Nexus and House on Hood for matching me with a great girl.

Brought to you by House on Hood Street. If you’re keen for a Blind Date, email editor@nexusmag.co.nz


Keen for some free Burgerfuel? Simply snap us the shitfest of your student lifestyle for the chance to win. If you’ve accidentally sent us something you shouldn’t have, just email editor@nexusmag.co.nz with all the details. Prizes can be claimed from reception in the SUB (between Unimart and the gym). 39


Puzzles

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Items we might find in the WSU Ori18 bags, and items we'll definitely NOT find in the WSU Ori18 bags. THEME:

Flyer Dead Pet Keyring Condom Used Condom

EASY SUDOKU

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16

13

20

20

20

14

8

15

23

20

19

13

23

15 8

15

25

10

3

6

20

20

26

7

23 12

12

17

1

4 15

13

20

19

19

20

24 26

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

11

12

13

14

15

16

17

18

19

20

21

22

23

24

25

26

F

Z

N

O

ALGE-BRUH

(

+

)+

= 12

(

+

)–

=0

(

×

)+

= 16

DIFFICULT SUDOKU

5

7

8

6

4

6

1 1

2 4

4

5

3

8

6

7

9

5

4

6

9

3

8

5

3

4 6

1

6

1

8

8

3

3

5 6

4 9

23

26

3

6

24

7

8

9

5

15

20

24

8 3

12

26

15

1

7 8

15

6

A B C D E F G H I J KL M N O P Q R STUVWXYZ

1

8

5

4

9

6

6

18

21

9

24

20

8

13

26

3

26

3

24

24

13

9

5 2

3

8

23

MEDIUM SUDOKU

9

2

10

14

22

E

Your Nudes Sunnies Vodka Stress Ball Satisfaction

12

23

WORDFIND

Pen Gun Headphones Narcotics Magnet

6

5

8

5 7

7

1

2


SIMPLE PUZZLES FOR SIMPLE PEOPLE

ALGE-BRUH ANSWERS:

CROSSWORD 1

=

2

3

8

4

5

12

7

9

10

=

6

11

13

14

15

16

17 18

=

19

20

22

21

23

WORD TWIST

M

N

I

N

G

A

N

U

T

F

G

I

C

S

A

T

S

A

T

N

I

C

B

U

S

24

25

ACROSS:

DOWN:

1. Large house (7) 5. Pieces of information (5) 8. Profits (5) 9. Gruesome (7) 10. Retaliated (7) 11. Form of transport (5) 12. Hostility (6) 14. Stick (6) 18. Permit (5) 20. SIncere (7) 22. Creatures (7) 23. Doctrine (5) 24. Ledge (5) 25. Sweet (7)

1. Tycoon (7) 2. Dissonance (5) 3. Perceptiveness (7) 4. Wanderers (6) 5. Aspect (5) 6. Vegetable (7) 7. Austere (5) 13. Discomfort (7) 15. Mocks (7) 16. Pull out (7) 17. Stopped (6) 18. Accumulate (5) 19. Dock (5) 21. Bird of prey (5) 41


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Nexus 2018 Issue 01  

Nexus 2018 Issue 01  

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