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NEXUS IS THE MODEL STUDENT

ISSUE 3 VOL 52

11.3.19


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Fitspo Girl

The Grunter

Head to toe Lululemon Posts to instagram about their training sessions Obsessed with growing their butt

Skinny White Boy

Loud exertion grunts that sound sexual Everyone else feels awkward Completely oblivious

Built like a toothpick Reckons he can do heavy weights but is struggling AF At least he tries

Super Buff Boy

CONTENTS

Obbsessed with their guns Flexes in the mirror Probably on steroids

THE MODEL

The Socialiser

SAYING GOODBYE TO A FRIEND

The Couple

Chats to people instead of training Knows everyone by name Gyms social butterfly

STUDENT

Personal Trainer Hot Ripped Intimidating

Sweat Tsunami

Absolutely drenched after warm-up Human tomato About to pass out

12

Middle Aged

Trying to get their life back together Always looks tired Doesn’t want to go deal with their children

24

Yogi

Always in patterned tights Barefoot May or may not be high

Editorial

5

A Model Student

26

FOMO

6

Reviews

29

Taking Pills + Papers

8

Flat Fiesta

30 33

Grow the Fuck Up

11

Random Audit

Easy News

12

Nexus Brews: Bottle Cap Quiz 34

whelmed.

13

Sports

37

Reo Tauira

14

A Message for Nexus

38

Town VS House Party

15

Horoscopes

41

Entertainment

16

Procrastination Station

42

Valid

18

Snapped

44

UnderEmployed

20

Blind date

45

Nexus Health

22

Gym Stereotypes

24

Grace Mitchell Nexus Editor editor@nexusmag.co.nz

Kim Sare Deputy Editor kim@nexusmag.co.nz

Ashlea Curran Designer design@nexusmag.co.nz

“Couples who train together stay together” Super annoying Low key perv on other hotties

Todd Harper News Editor todd@nexusmag.co.nz

James Raffan Managing Editor james@nexusmag.co.nz Josh Nelson Centrefold Illustration joshprobably@icloud.com

Advertising Kendrah Worsley + Tara Overwater comms@wsu.org.nz

26

PRIME

MINISTER

JACINDA ARDERN

38

Contributors Jared Ipsen jared@nexusmag.co.nz Ella Morgan ella@nexusmag.co.nz Makayla Wallace - Tidd makayla@nexusmag.co.nz Nelson Cooper

@twolabcoats twolabcoats@gmail.com Marnie Hunter

marnie@nexusmag.co.nz Mayyah Gordon

sumayyah@nexusmag.co.nz

Nathan Rahui president@wsu.org.nz

Oliver Dunn oliver@nexusmag.co.nz

Kyla Campbell-Kamariera vpmaori@wsu.org.nz

Luka Love luka@nexusmag.co.nz


NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 3

EDITORIAL Grace Mitchell Nexus Editor editor@nexusmag.co.nz

It’s not every day that the Prime Minister’s office offers us a column from Jacinda herself, but that’s exactly what you’ll find located in the prime real estate right before horoscopes at the end of this issue. I’m not one to get too political (except maybe after a few drinks) but the whole ‘image’ thing when it comes to politics is an interesting one. Cindy’s message is lovely and she has the PR skills of a political unicorn; however, when it comes to any politician in power, it’s important we judge them by their actions rather than their words. Judge a policy by its long term, economy-wide impacts rather than what benefits that policy brings you in the short term. Look between the lines to the information that the politicians carefully omit and hold them accountable for what they *don’t* rave on about. Employ that critical thinking you learned in a paper you paid $800 odd bucks for. Nothing and nobody is perfect, but when it comes to our government, democracy states we have the right to change things that aren’t meeting standards. That’s all the deep, generalised, vague advice I have to say. In other news, if you want to hop on board the ‘fuck this’ train, flick over to our flat fiesta spread. Tequila pong will serve a great distraction from anything life throws at you - that’s to say, you’ll literally forget whatever stress is on your plate, because smashing back tequila shots feels kind of like throwing your brain out of a three storey window. 5


Omg that hot guy from the club is here

the sevens are going offf

FOMO!!!

girl you are missing out

wish u were here!!

just won $50 on the pokies

FOMO


Meet you future Employer! Come along to learn about recruitment processes and graduate programmes. For all employer visits, register through MyCareer.

11 MAR

12 MAR

13 MAR

KPMG: Monday 11 March, 5:30-8:30pm in MSB.1.05

Deloitte: Tuesday 12 March 5-7:30pm in MSB.1.05

BNZ: Wednesday 13 March 5-7pm in MSB.1.36

13 MAR Inter-faculty Touch Rugby University of Waikato touch fields. Loads of free stuff up for grabs, and a free BBQ lunch for those who participate. Top three teams will go away with a Hells Pizza voucher! To sign up, visit: waikato.ac.nz/sport 10am - 2pm UNIVERSITY OF WAIKATO FIELDS If raining, we will head inside to the UniRec gym and play futsal instead

Sign up with your Faculty Sports Ambassodor or on our website : waikato.ac.nz/sport

FREE

Sports drinks + BBQ lunch for players

PRIZES TO BE WON

+ 1st place gets $100 Hells Pizza Voucher

14 MAR Zone Comedy Night Zone Sports Bar. Only $25 for a night of laughs. Also an option of adding on a meal deal for $20 extra to keep you content. Tickets available at TicketMaster.

17 MAR

I Hit Like a Girl - FoE gym All women and gender diverse folks are invited to a selfdefence course. There’s a suggested donation of $10 (but no one will be turned away for lack of funds). Email kelly.redman@waikato.ac.nz.

13 MAR Purplr Walk for Endometriosis Innes Common, 5.30 - 7.30pm Dress in Purple and get ready to strut it around Hamilton Lake to raise awareness. $5 admission and prize draw entries for $10, so bring cash. Register at eventbrite.co.nz.


that are taking them. With OUSA hosting their own concerts, they saw a strong need to implement this initiative. We have so many different support services here at Waikato, so if this is something that adds an extra element of safety for our students, then it could be something we look at.

TAKING PILLS + PAPERS Todd Harper News Editor todd@nexusmag.co.nz

Drugs and students have gone together since the pairing of Marmite and $1 loaves of bread. With a recent controversial move from the Otago University Students’ Association (OUSA), Otago students were able to check any substance that they intended to take for harmful poisons, as part of their 2019 O-Week plans last week. The drug testing during the four days of O Week in Otago was set up in conjunction with KnowYourStuffNZ and the New Zealand Drug Foundation. Would a move like this at the University of Waikato actually work? Or would it just be seen as a box tick, and be rejected by the student body?

The WSU always have our safety zone each year that looks after hundreds of students enjoying O-Week festivities in town, so we also want to make sure we continue what we are already doing well.” The University of Otago has said in a statement released to media that they did not endorse the illegal use of drugs, or the drug testing initiative. “The university made areas of its campus available to OUSA for its welfare work during Orientation Week.” OUSA offered drug testing from a car park on Albany St, in the heart of Dunedin's student quarter from Wednesday until Saturday during O Week Anyone who wanted to test a substance they intend to take could do so by providing a small sample. The OUSA Chief Executive Debbie Downs said OUSA does not condone drug use in any way but it’s important that we realise consistent drug can't harm prevention is needed.

" If we stop the intent to use, step two is to educate and Waikato Students’ Union President Nathan Rahui says if the WSU was going to inform..." implement a similar initiative it needs to be done properly and safely for all involved. “Drug testing is something that is becoming more common at different events and gigs these days, with the ultimate reason being safety for those 8

"If we can't stop the intent to use, step two is to educate and inform to reach the same objective. We would like to see this available at all events in future.” With the rise in reported ‘drug-lacing’ cases across the country, is it time to look at a similar initiative here at Waikato? Rahui said he could personally support a move towards a similar initiative in the future, but would want to ensure that there is an equal level of support and information to help those that may have problems with addiction.


NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 3

“I think that regardless of what we may think, people are going to take drugs. Simple. With the number of chemicals going into drugs and the stories we hear of another life being lost to substances that have been laced, it's important that those that are using know what they are taking. I've seen the effects of unsafe drugs and the impact they have on those around them, so I support safe drug use. Some things that we may need to consider if this initiative was ever implemented are: 1. Making sure the systems in place to test drugs are carried out professionally. 2. People wanting to test feel that it is a safe place to do so, free of judgment. 3. That there are also solid support systems in place to inform and help those that may want help if their drug use is becoming too frequent.” The central champion of this initiative is the New Zealand Drug Foundation. Drug Foundation director Ross Bell said people aged between 18-25 have the highest rate of illicit drug use. “The reputation of Otago made it the ideal place to start drug checking. People aged between 18-25 had the highest rate of illicit drug use, with ‘not a lot of discerning about what it is they are putting in their mouths’. That risk factor, coupled with more potent drugs meant drug testing was a simple solution to prevent potential health issues. The best way to find out what was being sold in Otago was to test.”

VOXED Do our students support drug testing on campus? Kane (DipSci) Yes, because it could be dodgy. You never know what could be in them. Ben (BSctech) Yes, because it’ll be more safe and anonymous. Matt (DipArts) Students know exactly what they’re getting into. Keeps students safe. Te Maire (BSocSc) Cool. Students will always do want they want to do. If it’s safe and has perimeters, it will be a positive thing. Olivia (BSC) 50/50. On one hand, it’s promoting safe drug use. But is it promoting drug use in general? Prag (BMS) It’s positive. It keeps people safe. They’re gonna do it regardless. Srishtika (BMS hons). Positive move. But I question whether it would be a successful thing. I think it is worth trying out.

Future implementation of any similar initiatives could be stalled, as it currently can’t be publicly stated that drug-testing kits are available at venues, due to the Misuse of Drugs Act making it illegal to knowingly permit drug use at any premises.

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NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 3

GROW THE FUCK UP Kim Sare Deputy Editor kim@nexusmag.co.nz

Violence Prevention Kelly Redman is the Violence Prevention Coordinator for the University of Waikato. Part of her role here is to support students who have been harassed, bullied, or abused in any way, or who have concerns about their mates. She can provide students with information and advice, and help them access the appropriate support services. Whether you want to make a formal complaint or not, Kelly can help you decide on the best process forward for you. All conversations held with students are confidential, so please do not hesitate to contact her and let her know what's going on kelly.redman@waikato.ac.nz, or phone (07) 837 9497.

Asking for help As humans, we like to think we’re tough, strong, and able to handle everything life throws at us; but sometimes, that’s just not the case. Part of growing up is learning to take responsibility for things in your life, but knowing when to seek some guidance is just as important. In last week’s issue, we gave you the lowdown on the WSU Advocacy and Support Service and International Student Services available on campus. This week we’ve got three more to tell you about, just to reiterate that it’s okay to ask for help. Disability Support Services

The team at Accessibility Services strives to make the University of Waikato more inclusive by working to increase the success of students with impairments. They support long-term, short-term and temporary impairment including, but not limited to: . Sensory impairment . Physical impairment . Specific Learning Disability . Mental Health and, . Temporary impairment - Injuries, broken bones, sprains and so on. You can find them on Level One of the Student Centre, online at www.accessibiltyservices. ac.nz, or by emailing accessibilityservices@waikato.ac.nz

Mental Health Services Courtney Bromwich is part of the team that provide a mental health service for students here at the University of Waikato. She supports students regarding all aspects of mental health, no matter what that looks like. It could be anything (but is not limited to) anxiety, depression, eating disorder, self-harm, or thoughts of suicide. It’s all good to talk about mental health and to get support. You can make an appointment by calling 07 838 4037, or by dropping by Student Health, room G.19, between 1-3pm for a chat, some information, resources, or just what to do if you’re worried about a mate.

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107

daily earnings of New Zealand’s tourism industry.

100,000

million

1

75,000

0

10

sexual assault charges currently facing musician R. Kelly.

amount to be donated by KiwiBank to the Gumboot Up NZ fund after the I Am Hope fundraiser.

number of Jetstar domestic flights slashed to just $25.

80,000

offered by United States government for information on Osama bin Laden’s son.

million

EASY NEWS

NEWS IN NUMBERS

number of tonnes of oil split into the Pacific Ocean off the coast of the Solomon Islands.

waste level of online site Etsy, after they reached their goal of offsetting all their carbon emissions. million

75

number of photos on instagram tagged with #vegan.

60

number in years that Girl Guide biscuits will have been sold in New Zealand, before coming to an end on the 31st of March.

SAYING GOODBYE TO A FRIEND James Raffan WSU Communications and Experience Manager It has been a tough few days for Nexus Magazine and the Waikato Students’ Union as we mourn the loss of Max Christofferson, who passed away last week as the result of a heart attack. Max served as the WSU Communications and Marketing Manager and a Nexus columnist for a significant period of the 90s, having prior established Contact FM and co-created the now iconic Axe Attack, which would eventually migrate to the Rock. To label Max as one thing or another at this stage however seems reductive and does a disservice to a man whose legacy will stretch far beyond labels or a few communities he touched. Max Christoffersen was my lecturer, my mentor and most significantly my friend. Max had a personality that was infectious, an enthusiasm for mayhem, and an unwavering, if sometimes misplaced, sense of black and white without 12

the burden of grey areas the rest of us are forced to operate in. Max’s ideologies were rooted in a deep and sometimes unrequited love for student culture and Hamilton as a whole. It made him a brilliant columnist for the Waikato Times, and a fantastic mentor. He was the first person I called when I took over the role at Nexus and the WSU eight years ago, and he drove from Tauranga to discuss the position with me and all the ways he felt I was going to screw it up. In the nearly 20 years I was blessed to have Max on the periphery of my life, he taught me lessons that will stay with me forever. Lessons like “If people have a problem with me wearing the tie of one of the greatest Rock Bands of all time (it was a Gene Simmons tie) then there is nothing I will ever be able to do to help them.” He also told me “Never quit a job quietly” and that the words “Fuck them” were a complete sentence. During his time with the WSU, Max fought against the destruction of student culture, fought to preserve Nexus and student radio, and fought almost anything else he could find. He taught me how to do things with integrity, how to fight against compromise, and why Eddie Vedder is one of the most underrated lyricists of all time. Ironically, the last column I read from him about legacy, student culture, and the fight against the “petrol station culture” was the day I learned of his passing. Reading it again seems bittersweet now. When I think about his legacy and how he would want to be remembered outside of his most important roles as husband, father, and grandfather, I don’t really know how else he would want to be remembered. A guy with opinions, a modern day Don Quixote, a Real Madrid fan? Max Christoffersen was a complex, principled, and razor sharp man who fought hard for what he believed to be right. I first met Max Christofferson when I was 19 years old in an intro to PR class, with the aforementioned Gene Simmons tie. So great was my adoration for him that I followed him into student radio, into the WSU, and will continue to second guess myself with the refrain “what would Max do?” endlessly looped inside my head for many years to come. I am 37 years old now, and the best way I can think to describe Max’s legacy is that he is still the man I want to be when I grow up.


over

whelmed. under

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 3

Jared Ipsen jared@nexusmag.co.nz

Self Image

I find it super hard to trust my judgement about myself. I can’t tell if what I’m worried about is a legit cause for concern, or I’m just making shit up in my head again. I find it very easy to lie to myself, and even easier to tear myself down. Even success feels like failure if you’ve got an active imagination. So I always have these phrases running through my head - nice little pick-me-ups I like to tell myself to get through the day. “Everyone knows you have no idea how to do your job, Jared. You know you’re the weird one in the friend group, right? People don’t really want to invite out to things because you say dumb shit and never shut up. Also, when are you gonna do something about that weird little ginger face of yours?” From a young age, I’ve been telling myself these stories. And as I kept repeating them in my head, eventually they become true. I used to always get picked last for every team in primary school (because I was weird, not because I was shit at sports), and the narrative of “I’m shit at sports” led me to never want to join in, and with no practice, I quickly became shit at sports. We don’t shift the lie to represent ourselves more accurately - we shift ourselves to fit in to the lie. It’s easier that way. Anxiety feels like a lot of things for a lot of people, but for me, it feels like I’m constantly listening to a podcast filled with conspiracy theories about how shit I am, with a few mid-roll ads from ‘no-one-likes-me-incorporated’. Conspiracy theories are fun, and usually just plausible enough to believe, but when you start to believe enough of the dark ones, the world becomes a very dark place. It’s up to us to break the cycle of negative self talk, to develop a healthier self-image. And it needs to come from inside ourselves, cos if we rely too much on other people to tell us how great we are, one day if they die or something we’re gonna be pretty fucked. If we don’t believe in ourselves, then no one will. After all, we’re the generation that needs to save our dying planet somehow - and if we’re too worried about how we can’t do it, then we probably won’t be able to.

The way I’ve started to see it, is that there’s probably a 50 / 50 chance that my theories about my self-image are true. It’s just as likely that nobody likes me as it is that some people like me. So why buy in the the negative side? How much better would life be if we just started to focus on the positive stories? What if people do like me? What if I’m actually pretty decent at my job? What if some people like my weird little ginger face? How is believing all of this not better? So, try and give yourself a break every once in a while. You’re doing fine. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone fucks up from time to time. Everyone drops the ball. Our mission is to pick it back up - not begrudgingly, not muttering under our breath about how we failed. You are not your thoughts. And you’re doing a lot better than you think you are.

feel good news . 4,855 people queue for

hours to find a stem cell match for 5 year old

. Giant Galapagos Tortoise

found after the species was thought to be extinct

. Texan principal uses

Facebook to read school children a bedtime story

. New water-free dye system that uses CO2 could save trillions of gallons of water per year

. Research shows how sleep can help the body fight germs

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REO TAUIRA Kyla Campbell-Kamariera vpmaori@wsu.org.nz

Māori student roopū + associations: So you’ve made it to Week 3 and still have no friends. Or rather, you’ve been here for years and still don’t know roopū Māori exist. Well, they do. Whether you’ve seen Te Waiora busting out the “hei runga, hei raro’s”, or TRN with the matchy white tee’s, and Te Whakahiapō servin’ up kaupapa Māori kōrero on tap; you’re bound to find the right roopū for you. Getting involved in a roopū is not just something to do here at UoW; it becomes a way of life. You’re bound to end up on some board and go flatting with the other members. You’re probably even going to name your future kids after your roopū to commemorate this monumental stage of your life tbh. The best part is that you’ll never have to look for a party cos it’s either at your whare, or you’re getting the 411 cos you’re that cool. Nah, in all seriousness, joining a roopū could be one of your best life decisions while you’re here. If it’s a faculty roopū, the connections you make and opportunities (if you take them) are bound to set you up for life, as does social roopū. Some of Māoridoms present and up and coming changemakers have come or are coming through the ranks of our roopū Māori. Get with it!

Tūmata Kōkiri FoE/FoHSHP roopū Co-Presidents: Ria Nathu & Grace Rihari Email: tumatakokiriwaikato@gmail.com

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STEM Pacifika + Māori Science, Technology, Engineering + Mathematics Club Co-President Pasifika: Achatz Young Vice-President Māori: Tairongo Tuhiwai Email: stem.pm18@gmail.com Facebook: STEM Pacifika and Māori

Te Ranga Ngaku Māori Management Students’ Association Co-Presidents: Sidney Stoneham & Lotima Vaioleti Email: terangangaku@gmail.com Facebook: Te Ranga Ngaku Incorporated Instagram: @terangangaku

Te Waiora Cross-faculty roopū Co-Presidents: Mahara Hepi & Truely Harding Email: tewaiora.waikato@gmail.com Facebook: Te Waiora Waikato Instagram: @tewaiora.waikato

Te Whakahiapō Māori Law Students’ Association Co-Presidents: Liana Kaiwai & Te Maiora Rurehe Email: wmlsa@waikato.ac.nz Facebook: Te Whakahiapō, University of Waikato Māori Law Students’ Association Instagram: @te_whakahiapo


HOUSE PARTY

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 3

We have a clear winner here folks, and that’s hitting Victoria Street each and every weekend. She’ll never fail to disappoint and will provide enough new faces to make some new mates. Noise control? Never fear, for town does not have to comply with the same regulations as some shithole flat on Hogan. You can destroy your eardrums to your heart's content and never have to worry about that next knock on the door telling you to shut it down - how good. Running out of alcohol? Doesn’t exist when you’re in town. The moment you start feeling a tad too sober, you just pop over to the bar and order your favourite cruiser. It’s not like when you reach into your box just after 11pm and find it empty, shattering your plans of succumbing to New Zealand’s binge drinking culture. Fancy a bite to eat? Choices for all tastes! No need to go home and attempt to make some toast when you can just head to Sal’s or Subway and get your food prepared for you! Town, complete with its strobe lights and lingering scent of durries, is the epitome of student culture, and cannot be defeated by a flat with couches pushed against the wall and a sub-par speaker. Case closed.

TOWN

Nine times out of ten, a house party will guarantee you a good night, so why leave it to chance? House parties allow you to take back a bit of the power. You’ve got the freedom to choose the vibe for the night, the music, and who you actually want to be there. Whether you’re wanting a night of throwback tunes, a themed dress-up, or a rave - the world is your oyster! Also, you can actually talk to people! There’s nothing worse than small talk on the Outback dance floor, most of which consisting of “I CAN’T HEAR YOU” a few too many times, with the conversation ending in awkward laughter and a little side shuffle away from each other. House parties give you the opportunity to get in deep DMCs in the kitchen, regardless of who it is you’re talking to. However, I do get it, sometimes you just want to rave as you do in town, but why don’t you bring town to you? I can almost guarantee you know at least one person who has tried their hand at DJing who would jump at the opportunity to play. Once you factor in some beer goggles and a decent enough strobe light, you’ll hardly notice a difference. House parties really are everything you could ask for.

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TOP 10 contributions NZ has made to modelling worldwide. Much like any reality television show, have we actually produced anyone somewhat worthwhile? Point #1 begs yes.

DIMINUTIVE POST

Dan Carter in Jocks - 16 metre high billboards of Carter’s bulge is the clear winner. Togs, togs, togs, undies dude He’s off a Tip Top commercial and not really a model but he has a better strut than Miranda Kerr, so we’ll claim it. Rachel Hunter - Rachel is fucking awesome. Rod Stewart was definitely punching. Stella Maxwell - On the theme of models made famous by their love lifes, this particular gal dated Miley Cyrus and Kirsten Stewart. Technically she wasn’t born in New Zealand but Maxim rated her the World’s Hottest Woman in 2016, so we’ll take her. Georgia Fowler - Yeah, she’s a huge model internationally and all, but is being scouted at age 12 cool or is it creepy? KJ Apa - He’s already modelled for Hallensteins, surely Jockey is next? Maia Cotton - She’s a Victoria’s Secret Angel and, most notably, the Daily Mail posted about her complaining about people assuming she’s Australian, so she makes the cut. Colin Mathura-Jeffree - Perhaps best known for his exquisite dress sense and for hosting the shitty version New Zealand tried to make of America’s Next Top Model. Oliver Dunn - One of very our own writers graced the cover of Nexus last year and that’s close enough for us.

16

Cheeky Charlie, the Four Square Man We just can’t ignore the slick do, clear complexion, and classic choice of attire. Charlie’s out here influencing the presentation of aprons worldwide.

Campus Cafe-goers at War After Latest Nexus This VS That Reports of tension between Momento and Kahurangi regulars after Nexus pits the two against one another in the latest segment. Sources say both hotspots are putting their best service forward but the real winner still remains to be seen as student class attendance dwindles.

Downward Spiral Continues for Ambitious Third-Years Who Promised This Year Would Be Different After two lacklustre years at uni, record numbers of students entering their final year of study have claimed 2019 to be their best yet. “Yeah nah hahah, really gotta knuckle down this year aye,” says Matt, 21. However, updated reports have shown significant drops in follow through, while “graduating in 2020 won’t be that bad bro!” becomes most overheard sentence on campus.

CRUSH OF THE WEEK Steve Irwin With his would-be 57th birthday last month, and the backlash faced by PETA after calling him an “animal harasser,” the ray of light that was Steve Irwin has won our hearts all over again. Teaching love and respect of all animals and nature, The Crocodile Hunter influenced us all when we were all just little tots, and preached an appreciation of the world that stuck with many. With all the vids and photos doing the rounds on social media and making us nostalgic, old Stevo earned our Crush status this week - what a bloody legend.


MULLET OF THE WEEK: Lachlan (half pissed)

WHAT'S HOT

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 3

. When you were younger and you’d fall asleep on the couch and wake up in your bed

đ&#x;˜Šđ&#x;˜´đ&#x;˜?

. Nexus models . Being a lightweight and saving money on drinks

đ&#x;˜œ

. Nearing the end of white girls posting bikini pics with lame captions

. Growing a beard to substitute for your NEXUS: So, can you explain your relationship with your mullet? L: It’s a pretty tight connection (Nexus: Borderline romantic?). I mean, If it had a vagina I would fuck it. No, no, I’m just kidding. But yeah, I love it, it’s a part of me, you wouldn’t guess but it’s a actually a literal part of me. NEXUS: Have there been any exceedingly positive reactions to your mullet thus far? L: Not going to lie, I’ve never had a positive reaction to my mullet. NEXUS: That’s ok, we wouldn’t want you to lie. When it comes to interactions with females have things gotten better, gotten worse? L: Well, actually, I was at a flat party recently and I probably had two girls come up to me and say “wow, that’s a cool haircut,� but that’s about the full extent of it.

PASS THE

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WHAT'S NOT

manhood

. Talking shit about your classmates so

loudly that it gets recorded on Panopto

đ&#x;‘€

. When Bongo runs out of forks đ&#x;?´ . Leaving your used pregnancy test kit in campus bathrooms

. The number of people who drive to uni and the subsequent lack of parks

đ&#x;˜’

. The Student Centre lift being too full so you have to take the stairs

Spotify: nexusmag

1.

Glamorous Fergie, Ludacris

4.

Don't Cha The PussyCat Dolls

2.

Go Fuck Yourself Two Feet

5.

F**k You Ceelo Green

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Pretty Little Devil Ocean Alley

6.

Love Myself Hailee Steinfeld

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D I L A V Best value gyms in Hamilton Mayyah Gordon sumayyah@nexusmag.co.nz

As the sizzling ‘beach-bod’ season draws to its inevitable close and the first few weeks of semester begin to take over, there may be no better time to beat the university blues with a new motivational drive. We've compiled the crème de la crème of noteworthy gyms in Hamilton that offer competitive student rates in a bid to compare the standard of these facilities, the equipment, and the programs that may tailor to a broad range of fitness interests. So without further ado, here’s what you need to know about Hamilton’s gym market in order to make an enlightened decision on where to forge and maintain those gains in these cooler months.

UniRec

$9.20 pw for tertiary students Beginning with an obvious fan favourite here on campus, this facility is optimal in terms of its on-campus location for one. The facility offers one of the cheapest all round membership rates in Hamilton for tertiary students, and in many respects, that's pretty hard to beat for overall value. You can enjoy the cardio equipment, activity rooms, squash courts, weights room, and the endless indoor pools to name a few. Catering to its own students as well as the wider community, the UniRec also offers great group-based exercise classes, and exercise/nutrition consultants to help you beat the vicious cycle that is the recurring internal monologue of “it’s just bulking season, baby”. Whether you’re a high-performance athlete or a casual gym-goer, the UniRec has the facilities, the friendly staff, the rates, and the location to meet everyone’s needs. In comparison to most newer gyms though, I must say the upstairs weights room could do with a little decorative revamp.

Flex Fitness CBD

$16 pw for tertiary students As a 24/7 gym this place really offers no excuse to its members not to fit in their workout. You’re eligible to use of all of the equipment and have full access to the bootcamp-inspired fitness classes run by a small group of great, motivational trainers. If you’re into hygiene, individual changing rooms, and tradie lads, chances are you’d like it here. As well as all of that, if you just happen to be in the market for a pre-workout trim, there’s a barber shop just upstairs. Another bonus? Flex Fitness members employ one of the best plate re-racking policies around in my personal opinion, but hey. However, in the spirit of ending such a praising paragraph with a negative just to leave you secondguessing yourself, I’ll put this out there. The only downside to this gym seems to be the nipple-baring, tank top-wearing grunters. My advice is to simply monitor their visitation hours and pick your workout times accordingly, especially if listening to Hercules over there summon the underworld with 20kg dumbbells puts you off too.

Les Mills

$19.95 pw for tertiary students Ah, yes. As the pinnacle of your fitness dreams and expectations, Les Mills pretty much stacks up to its name. With the most popular array of group fitness classes to suit anyone and any fitness level, and facilities that provide a quality experience for its members - such as the sauna, an outdoor functional training area, and a beauty of a weights gym - it’s no surprise that this gym has always been in such high demand. But with high demand comes a rather high occupancy rate, and therefore a pretty constant peak time; expect your quietest visit to be between 2pm-3pm unless you want to fall privy to working in your bench sets with two other gym-bros.


NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 3

Core MMA

$20 pw for tertiary students Like a setting from the MMA series Kingdom (if you know, you know), this place is as tough as what you can imagine any hard-core mixed martial arts gym to be. From memory, the classes are intense, from knowledge, the trainers are passionate, and from my pop in on Friday, the equipment and protective gear within their newly based facility inside the CBD is state of the fucking art. With one Olympic sized boxing ring, an intimidating octagon fighting cage and boxing bags galore, Core MMA practically invites your raging study angst through their doors. With a great student rate, you’re welcome to all classes during the week and use of modern cardio equipment in between rounds, such as airmill rowers and assault bikes. The vast gym area is filled with functional training spaces for all your strength and callisthenics needs, as well as cushy crash mats for all-important take-down practice. And if that still doesn’t tickle your fancy, there’s a freaking foam pit in the back! If you’re in need of diversifying your exercise regime or are simply keen on learning some new skills, then the discipline of MMA and the facility that Core offers is pretty unmatched for beginners and experts alike.

City Fitness/Snap Fitness

$6.99- $9.95 pw on basic memberships Let’s not act like these two gyms need their own analysis paragraphs, alright. If you’re seeking affordable, local, and pretty much conventional then either of these gyms will offer just that. With membership prices for general equipment usage being so cheap, it’s no wonder that these are popular student gyms. Unfortunately, those rates don’t include any group classes or the flexibility to cancel anytime. Thus, the potential to keep em’ coming back for that endorphin hit is more or less subject to the terms and conditions of your own negligence.

Fastlane Fitness

$22.90 pw If swimming is more your physical activity forte, then Fastlane Fitness is where it’s at. The gym offers a great combination deal to all members for the use of all regular equipment, and the 10 lane swimming pool, as well as six weeks worth of assessments and programs with qualified personal trainers. The facility is sleek, modern, and well equipped with an impressive range of classes to help you meet your personal fitness goals. With no joining fee, an easy 10 day membership cancellation policy, and casual swim visits from $5.50 a dunk, there really is few cons to mention here! To round this week’s Valid section off, I’ll leave you with a few words from none-the-wiser. We’re all adults here, and by that I mean you must have at least some semblance of financial responsibility so this shouldn’t need to be said, but make sure to heed that fixed term contract. Additionally, free gym trials exist for a reason. Take it from a serial gym-hopper - giving those free trials a go before you completely sign up will save you a lot of hassle in the long run. Lastly, whether you’re a sporting veteran, or are new to the realm fitness looking for a little change within your everyday study-eat-sleep-repeat pattern, then keep in mind the benefits of maintaining your health and physical wellbeing this year. It’s all well and good to have a brilliant mind, but it takes a little more than copious amounts of reading to keep that mind sharp. Whatever your particular goals or fitness interests (if any), that sexy mind and body are deserving of a little TLC - all in the name of mild, exercise-based self-affliction. However, if all other means of self-love fail to act as a driving force in this area, then an external bonus would be keeping that bod bangin’ for the boudoir.

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UNDER EMPLOYED

actually been able to stop drinking coffee altogether – which has only reduced stress even further. Sounds perfect, right? Unfortunately, a big part of this stressreduction has been an extreme decline in passion for my job. Agency designers hardly ever get pride of authorship, and there is zero wiggle room with client requests. It’s meant that I have to keep pushing myself to do work I actually care about, outside of work hours. Nexus: How is the pay? Not particularly flash. One thing to keep in mind (if you’re seeking a creative career) is that a company’s dependence on you to have unique expertise affects your pay immensely. Since I’m not the only kid in the room who knows how to wrangle InDesign, I’m far more disposable. My friends who work in-house at companies, in small design teams, are far further up the pay scale.

Post grad stories

Vincent Owen - Graphic Designer

Nexus: If you had to do it all again what would you change? Negotiate your salary at the start, and do it confidently. Some job offers feel like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Mine certainly did – to the point where that I sacrificed realistic pay so that I could move cities to my “dream job”. If you’ve got the offer, you’ve got the talent. Make them budge.

Nexus: When did you graduate? At the end of 2016, after three years of sweat and tears in the design studios. Not only did I pick up a degree, but also a sumptuous 10cm reduction to my hairline, and a disturbing caffeine addiction.

NEXUS NOTES - Get Paid!

Nexus: Where are you working now? Somehow, I managed to use a two-year stint at Nexus as a stepping stone to working in one of Wellington’s top design agencies. We work with a mix of government and private sector clients, which means I can go from working on social media for a beer company one day to public park signage templates the next.

Animator/Digital Artist New Animators $17-20/hur (($35.4 -41.6K)

Nexus: What surprised you or was different from your expectation? In stark contrast to my last job, I walk out the door every day and completely switch off. I’m hardly ever stressed about the work I create. My once insomniac-like sleeping patterns have been altered to the point where I’ve 20

Average income for Art/Design $47,800 (not just out of university overall). Graphic Designer with 1-5 years experience $40-65K

Spatial Design (Interior Design etc) with 2-5 years experience $45 - 70K Industrial/Product design. New Graduates $40-50K Overall entry salaries are low. Visit www,careers. govt.nz to check out details.


NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 3

Business Careers Expo (Business, Economics, Accounting) Date: 19 March 2019 Time: 11am-2pm

The Hamilton Careers Expo: 9–10 June, Claudelands Event Centre Sunday 9 June 10.00 - 3.00pm Monday 10 June 10.00 -3.00pm https://www.careersexpo.org.nz/expos/hamilton-2019

Maori + Indigenous Studies Careers Expo Date: 21 March 2019 Time: 5pm-7pm STEM Careers Expo Computer/Science/Maths + Engineering Date: 10 April 2019 Time: 11am-2pm Education, Health, Sport & Human Performance, Arts + Social Sciences Careers Expo Date: 25 July 2019 Time: 3pm-6pm Law Careers Expo Date: 7 August 2019 Time: 5pm-7pm

Nexus does a favour for a mate Friend of Nexus and deliverer of our free’ist Pizza, Sal's are looking for a couple of special individuals to work their Victoria St nightshift. Ideally, someone keen to work 10.30pm - 4.30am Fri and/or Sat. Hospo experience preferred. Full training provided. Contact: marcus@sals.co.nz with CV.

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NEXUS HEALTH @twolabcoats Following

“Two lab coats are better than one” • BSc degrees • Let’s start asking ‘why’ about our health and well-being

On a date with an STI Sexually transmitted infections

Heading to the clubs for a drink, a dance, and a date to bring back to the flat, but oh no! You forgot protection. Or maybe you and the love of your life decided to use no rubber in the bedroom; well, do you know what the difference between love and herpes is? Love doesn’t last forever! Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) are scary and should always be talked about before heading to pleasure town with a sexual partner. STIs are infections that are passed between individuals through sexual contact that includes vaginal sex, anal sex and oral sex. Here at Two Lab Coats, we are not afraid to talk about the icky, the awkward, and the strange things concerning science and our bodies. So today we will be talking about the most common STIs in New Zealand and why we love condoms (the only contraceptive that protects you against STIs). Chlamydia - Chlamydia trachomatis is the most common STI in New Zealand, and in the world! Chlamydia causes tissue damage in infected areas including the cervix (tube between vagina and uterus), urethra (pee hole), rectum (poo tube) and throat (eating tube). Chlamydia is curable with prescribed antibiotics; however, what makes chlamydia so bad is that for most people there are no symptoms (also known as an asymptomatic infection). Why is this so bad? Like any untreated wound, untreated tissue 22

damage leads to a greater risk to other infections such as HIV, but also inflammatory conditions such as pelvic inflammatory diseases (PID), epididymitis (pain and swelling in the balls) and infertility. Even worse, this often means unknowing chlamydia-infected individuals can continue to pass the infection on. Gonorrhea - What’s green and eats nuts? Gonorrhoeae! Only a few infected with Neisseria gonorrhoeae will express symptoms and, like chlamydia, gonorrhoeae primarily results in inflammatory conditions such as urethritis in men (inflammation in the pee hole) and cervicitis in women (inflammation in the cervix). If gonorrhea remains undetected or untreated, this can lead to PID, HIV infection, and infertility, just to name a few. Symptoms are more common in males, and include burning when peeing, discharge from the penis, and fever, that sounds fantastic! (Sarcasm by the way). Antibiotic resistance is present in a number of gonorrhea strains this means drugs like penicillin and ceftriaxone will not be as effective in stopping the infection. Genital herpes - Herpes Simplex Virus (HSV) affects 60 -95% of adults worldwide. There are two common strains which infect humans; HSV1 causes oral herpes, also known as cold sores, and HSV2 which causes genital herpes. Yes, that is right, cold sores and genital herpes are cousins! Symptoms of herpes includes painful lesions and small blisters on or around genitals, rectum, or mouth. Herpes is transmitted through contact with the lesions, mucosal surfaces (moist body surfaces) and genital/oral secretions, AND receiving oral sex from a person with an oral HSV-1 infection can result in getting a genital HSV-1 infection! Herpes is incurable and remains in the body once infected. However, the severity and frequency of symptoms occurring decreases with age. All of this may seem a little daunting, and yes STIs are scary, but talking with your sexual partners and using condoms is a lot less scary.


NEXUS HEALTH NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 3

Stressed Out Skin If you’re anything like some of us in the Nexus office a.k.a, just me - you may find that your skin sh*ts itself as soon as the uni work begins flowing in. Acne doesn’t do wonders for anybody’s self-esteem, so we thought we’d look at some possible culprits causing that nasty skin.

Pore-clogging products Go for non-comedogenic makeup and skincare options. Make sure you’re actually taking your makeup off before bed and wash your pillowcases every now and then; it’ll help.

Stress Acclimatising to a bigger workload and other pressures can trigger hormonal changes that lead to increased oil production. Make more of an effort to chill the fuck out. Take some deep breaths, go for a walk, pick up your dirty clothes off the floor, clear out your email inbox, break out the essential oils...dedicate some time to getting your shit together, basically. If your stress is over something that won’t bug you a year from now, don’t let it get to you too much.

Food and drink Refined sugars, dairy, and high starch foods are all linked with acne. The evidence isn’t solid but you’ll probably notice flare-ups after eating shit and boozing hard. Chug some water and chomp down on some fruit and veg. Bacteria Acne can be caused by trapped little skin nasties on the skin. If it gets bad enough, you can see your doctor to get some oral antibiotics to kill the buggers off.

Hormones High levels of hormones called androgens can increase the size of oil glands under the skin, causing production of excessive sebum, which breaks down the pore cell walls and allow bacterial growth. In non-science terms, you get to enjoy the pussy, oily skin of a 16 year old pubescent boy. There’s not too much you can do to preempt those hormonal fluctuations, I’m afraid; menstrual cycles truly do suck. Being touchy feely No doubt it’s tempting but don’t touch your face, and for goodness sake don’t pop your pimples. You’ll just encourage scarring and push bacteria deeper underneath the skin. Use a spot treatment overnight instead. 23


The Grunter

Loud exertion grunts that sound sexual Everyone else feels awkward Completely oblivious

R

The Socialiser

Chats to people instead of training Knows everyone by name Gyms social butterfly

Sweat Tsunami

Absolutely drenched after warm-up Human tomato About to pass out

Middle Aged

Trying to get their life back together Always looks tired Doesn’t want to go deal with their children


Fitspo Girl

Head to toe Lululemon Posts to instagram about their training sessions Obsessed with growing their butt

Skinny White Boy

Built like a toothpick Reckons he can do heavy weights but is struggling AF At least he tries

Super Buff Boy

Obbsessed with their guns Flexes in the mirror Probably on steroids

The Couple “Couples who train together stay together� Super annoying Low key perv on other hotties

Personal Trainer Hot Ripped Intimidating

Yogi

Always in patterned tights Barefoot May or may not be high


THE MODEL the model nex-

usSTUDENT student

Ella Morgan ellamorgan4@gmail.com

The Exploitation and Experience of Student Workers in the Modelling Industry


NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 3

*The name has been changed to protect the confidentiality of individual interviewed. When you think of the modelling industry, images come to mind of beautiful people living glamorous lifestyles. Most people would not automatically think of a third year student living in a three bedroom flat in Hamilton East. However, for Sarah*, both of these situations are reality. Sarah is a full time student at the University of Waikato, and also works part time as a model. She does a range of work, but mainly fashion photography. “It’s been great being able to keep modelling at uni, but definitely a challenge,” Sarah says. “I have to be in Auckland a lot, be back here for classes, and still manage to pay all my bills and finish my assignments. Of course modelling doesn’t pay all my bills; I work in retail too.” Sarah estimates that at least a third of the models she has worked with are also university students, and commonly turn to modelling to make a bit of extra money while they’re studying. According to data supplied by Careers New Zealand, most photographic models make between $30-$300 an hour. Sarah usually makes about $150 an hour on average, however can sometimes be paid more for bigger jobs. “It does sound like a lot of money when you’re thinking about getting over a hundred dollars for an hours work, but I have to cover all of my travel costs not only to shoots but also to castings, and there is so much competition for every job,” Sarah says. She highlights a key challenge for many aspiring models; the industry is currently over-saturated with models and in comparison to the rest of the world, opportunities to work professionally as a model in New Zealand are slim. As a result, new models who aren’t aligned with an agency are often expected to work for free. “When people try to get you to model without paying you, it makes me really angry,” says Sarah. “People will be making money off of the photos with you in them, and not compensating you at all in return. Would you expect someone to work for free in a supermarket? No, because the supermarket owners are making money because of your work. Modelling should be treated in the same way.” In a country this small, Sarah believes it’s important to keep a good working reputation so that she can continue to book paying jobs. Doing so can require “putting up with a lot of shit,” Sarah reveals. While the #MeToo movement has made huge strides for womens’ capacity to feel comfortable speaking up about sexual harassment, Sarah believes that the modelling

industry in New Zealand hasn’t yet followed suit. “I wish I could afford to be a part of the ‘Me Too’ movement but if I spoke out I’d lose work,” Sarah says. “I’ve seen girls who have spoken out about certain photographers or brands and now no one will work with them because they’re labelled ‘difficult’. There have been times where I haven’t felt comfortable with what I had to do on a shoot or the way people treat me like they’re in control of my body, but it’s something you have to put up with, because the people who do those things are the people who pay your bills.” Sarah’s sentiment echoes a broader trend in the global modelling industry. The late Karl Lagerfeld famously said that “If you don’t want your pants pulled about, don’t become a model,” suggesting that models who objected to this treatment should join a nunnery. Despite this, there are some more hopeful signs that indicate change is on the way. The RESPECT Initiative, organised by advocacy group Model Alliance, allows models to report sexual abuse without revealing their identity, and enforces a code of conduct aimed at preventing the mistreatment of models. While companies and photographers must still elect to be a part of this program, it nonetheless represents a step forward. Unfortunately, Sarah’s recent experience has not reflected this positivity.

“Most of the time I have really good experiences but sometimes people are just downright creepy. At the end of 2018, a photographer tried to make me pose topless, without ever telling me that this was his intention before I turned up. I remember one time during a swimwear shoot a couple of older men came and watched me and the other models, and kept trying to talk to us and get our phone numbers while we were working. Stuff like that just gives you a generally creepy vibe, but there isn’t much you can do. People treat us like they own our bodies.” 27


The modelling industry is ultimately a tough and sometimes even cruel way to make a living, and to aspiring models Sarah recommends thinking in depth about whether you think you can handle the harshness of life as a model. “People look up to Victoria’s Secret Models and want to live what they think is the model lifestyle. The reality is a lot of hard work, and it’s a very lonely job. You don’t get to see the same coworkers everyday like you would with a normal job and you have to travel all the time if you live in Hamilton. It’s hard for people who aren’t models to understand why you can’t hang out on the weekends because you are having to travel to jobs and it makes it tricky to make friends, especially if you’ve only just started at uni.” While modelling has its ups and downs, there’s no other job Sarah would rather do. “Even though I have to make sacrifices and put up with some terrible experiences I really do love the work, and I will keep modelling. Even if I have to put up with a few assholes along the way.”

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PEOPLE TREAT US LIKE THEY OWN OUR BODIES

Other than sexual harassment, Sarah believes the biggest issue currently facing the modelling industry is body diversity and positivity. “I feel like the industry is definitely moving forward in the sense that there are more opportunities for plus size models. But still if you want to get into catwalk there is only one body type they want and for 99% of people it’s unrealistic.” Sarah considers herself to be part of that 99%; wearing size six clothing and weighing only 56kg, she has been unable to secure any catwalk experience despite a successful photographic career. “I try to eat clean 90% of the time, and then spend an hour doing cardio 6 days a week as well as some resistance training 4 days a week,” says Sarah. “I do think I am just naturally skinny like most other models I know, and use exercise and healthy eating to stay that way. But a lot of models do eventually restrict their eating too much or over exercise. We work in an industry where you are constantly being judged and rejected based entirely on your looks so it’s hard not to take it to heart.”


NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 3

RuPaul's Drag Race

Season 11 Premiere - Tv Show Back for its eleventh season, RuPaul’s Drag Race never fails to provide your weekly comedy, fashion, and entertainment fix. This season showcases one of the most diverse casts the show has ever seen, and from first impressions we can tell this season is going to be filled with drama and controversy. While the show still supplies jaw-dropping displays of talent and reality television gold, long-time Drag Race fans can’t help but feel the show is becoming increasingly scripted and over-produced. Certain queens can be seen scrambling for screen time and attention, while other queens are hardly featured in the episode, which leaves viewers feeling somewhat disappointed. Regardless, we still can’t wait to see where this season takes us, and who will become our next Drag Superstar.

Isn't It Romantic Movie Super easy watch with some hilarious content - definitely one to add to the list.

Sucker The Jonas Brothers - Single

ll - Lucky Daye

The JoBro’s return from hiatus added value to our lives, and we can’t wait for more.

EP

Lucky Daye’s first introduction into music came at the age of eight after his escape from a secular cult deep in the jazzy heart of Southern Louisiana. On the back of his original EP, a successive, four-track EP has just recently been released prior to the birth of his debut album, Painted, set to strike airwaves later this year. This second EP, II, covers the basics of funky, soulfused R&B- with the track, Karma, being the obvious standout. Amidst the industry whisperings that Daye’s sound is merely reminiscent of a 2012 Channel Orange version of Frank Ocean, alongside other R&B greats such as Lauryn Hill and Ginuwine, the singer/rapper/songwriter seems set on discovering his own lyrical repertoire through experimentation. Whether it’s the unmistakable Southern soul element so effortlessly laced throughout his up-and-coming sound, or the old-school 80’s funk influence, the kid has talent.. the vibrancy of this newly released EP is as catchy as it is almost tangible in its vivaciousness. Looped with undulating bass drum action- as featured in the track Real Games - it’s clear to see that Daye doesn’t miss a beat on incorporating new sound with old. One could argue that perhaps Daye is still searching for his own individual voice; however, I would say that his take on a classic, old school sound seems to exceed expectations of today’s ambitious R&B genre.

Keto Diet No carbs? No thanks.

Luke Perry Actor The world has lost a bit of a star, rest in peace Luke. 29


Flat Fiesta 30


NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 3

If you’re still actually amigos with your flatmates by this stage and you lot feel like splashing out, why not host a flat fiesta party? Call it Fiesta Friday, Taco Tuesday...whatever occasion you want, you surely deserve to treat yourselves. We questioned whether this would count as cultural appropriation but decided that Mexican food = fine, blackfacing while wearing a moustache and poncho = not fine. Ironically blasting Pitbull music, however, is highly recommended.

CRISPY CHICKEN TACOS

GUACAMOLE

The store bought stuff will do the trick but, when avocados aren’t the price of your weekly rent, making your own can be a great way to flex some serious domestic skills. Serve with some tortilla chips (Salsa Doritos also come recommended). Ingredients: Flesh of 2 ripe avocados 1 tbsp fresh lemon/lime juice Salt and pepper Optional: coriander (fresh or ground), diced tomatoes, diced onion, cayenne. Simply mash the avocados using a fork and mix in a bowl with the combination of ingredients you fancy.

(Makes 10)

Ingredients: Old El Paso Taco Soft Crispy Chicken Dinner Kit ($6.50) 500g chicken fillets, thinly sliced 2 tbsp olive oil Suggested fillings: Coleslaw Lettuce and tomato Pineapple, spinach and coriander Optional: sour cream Method: Preheat the oven to 220°C. Mix the chicken, oil and spice mix (from the packet) in a bowl. Line an oven tray with baking paper. Place the spicecoated chicken in a single layer on the tray and bake for 15-20 minutes or until golden (or you can cook the chicken in a frying pan until golden. Whichever you choose, just cook it through; food poisoning doesn’t bring fiesta vibes). Chop up whatever fillings you want. We aren’t going to tell you what to include, you picky fuck. Microwave the tortillas for 35 seconds. Build your tacos and top with sweet chilli salsa (also from the packet). If in doubt, it’s literally a pre-packaged box meal. We’re sure you can figure it out.

FROZEN MARGARITAS (Makes 4)

Ingredients 1 cup tequila ½ cup triple sec Juice from 4 limes 2 tbsp sugar syrup* or agave nectar 6 cups of ice Optional: salt and lime, for garnishing the glasses with salt rims Optional: run a lime wedge around the rim of 4 glasses. Dip the glasses in salt. Add the ice followed by tequila, triple sec, lime juice and sugar syrup to a blender. Blend until a desired slushy consistency is reached (add more or less ice and sweetener according to taste). Pour the mixture into the 4 glasses and serve. Note: if you want to change things up, feel free to add frozen strawberries, mango, fresh pineapple or just make it really strong on the tequila to troll your mates. *A sugar syrup can be made by combining equal volumes of water and sugar in a saucepan then heating through until the sugar has dissolved. 31


Piñata

Are we seriously going to tell you how to make a piñata? Fuck it, yes, we’re seriously telling you how to make a piñata. You could take the easy way out and buy a $12 jobbie from Kmart, but then again, where’s the fun in that (a.k.a. the option of customising your ex’s face on the side)? You’ll need: 2 cups water 2 cups flour 1 tbsp salt Scissors Newspaper Glue Balloon Twine/string Paint, crepe paper, photos of ex partners and any other decorative materials you like Fillings (lollies, condoms, chocolate, whatever) Baseball bat or other weapon of choice

Method: Make paper maché paste (naw, we’re 7 again) by mixing flour, water and salt in a huge ol’ bowl until smooth. Cut the newspaper into strips. Blow up your balloon (hey, or the condoms - it’s up to you). Put a few layers of glue-dipped newspaper strips all around the balloon, except for the knotted bit at the end. Let it dry*. Blast early 2000s music to really embrace the nature of the paper maché. Time to get artsy. Paint your pinata, add strips of tissue paper, cut some fringey paper, add googly eyes, or a massive photo of whoever f*cked you over. If the balloon hasn’t already popped, pop it now. Fill the hole in the bottom of this spherical ~thing~ with whatever goodies your heart desires. Make two small holes around the opening, thread your twine through so the thing can hang, then cover the opening with masking tape or more decorative paper shit. Hang it up, and smack the crap out of it.

* NEXUS NOTES -

Oh, er, you should probably leave it for a solid day. Bit of a hass but it means you can split the pure joy of crafts up over two days.

TEQUILA SHOTS?!

If you’re embarrassed to admit you don’t actually know the correct procedure for downing tequila shots, fear no more. The Standard - Lip, Sick, Suck: Lick the back of your hand (beneath your index finger) and pour on some salt. Lick the salt off your hand. Down the tequila shot. Bite and suck a lemon/lime wedge. Easy peasy. Now repeat ten times… 32

Level Up - Tequila Pong:

Just like beer pong but much deadlier. Two sets of cups arranged in a triangle (6-10 cups max, we recommend), two teams. Either use small shot glasses or fill the cups to about 1/3rd capacity with tequila. Aim to land the ball in the other team’s cups. If they sink your cup, down the tequila shot. Good fucking luck.


NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 3

RANDOM AUDIT

Luka Love luka@nexusmag.co.nz

LEGAL103: Legal Method It was a simple assignment. Go undercover into a random lecture and report back on what I find there. I had been pouring over the Papers section of the university website for days trying to find an interesting lecture that didn’t clash with one of the interesting lectures I am actually enrolled in. Moral and Political Philosophy? Democracy, Justice and Equality? That’s not exactly random, I realise, but what can I say? I’m already sneaking into lectures I’m not supposed to be in, I am hardly going to be a stickler for the rules. It turned out to be moot. I had clashes up the wazoo. So I turn up on campus with an hour to spare and set my sights on one of the big lecture halls instead. Somewhere I figure I can blend in seamlessly to the milling crowds of students. I choose a seat up the back and in a corner, less chance of being spotted by anyone who might recognise me. The lecture starts and I am none the wiser about where I am. Class representatives need to appointed. Three students have nominated themselves. They’re up the front making the case for why they should be elected. Political science? The election goes to the crowd and the lecture gets into full swing; acts and statutes, legislative amendments and policy tinkering, common vs civil law systems, the differences between New Zealand and foreign governance structures, separation of powers, the independent judiciary. There was talk about a Beehive and something about a constitution. My constitution

isn’t built for this but I persist, scribbling notes through gritted teeth and resisting the urge to answer questions posed by the matronly authority holding the crowd in the powerful grip of her subject matter expertise. From somewhere near the front I hear a voice call out that I recognise. I’m scrabbling, trying to place this dame. I know her, but from where? From when? Some hazy memory from a half-lit dorm hallway, was it weeks ago? Days? A girl in front of me, dark hair, painted nails, goes onto her laptop and into Moodle. I catch a glimpse over her shoulder. The mystery unravels. LEGAL103: Legal Method. A law paper, first year, and an auspicious start to my clandestine learning career. At the end of the lecture I slip out quick before the eager legal eagle from that shadowy hallway spots me trying to make a run for it. Probably best I didn’t get into the class on moral philosophy.

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NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 3

Bottle cap quiz

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Q. Name the mountain range that divides the South Island

Q. Who became Prime Minister in 2016

A. Southern Alps

A. Bill English Q. What is Te Papa?

Q. What year did Henry VIII become King of England?

Q. A Crystal Wedding Anniversary celebrates how many years?

A. a museum

A. 1509

A. 15

A. Grapes

Q. What is the name of the green pigment in plants?

Q. Which planet is closest to the sun?

Q. If you are born on August 24th, what is your star sign?

A. 32 degrees

A. Chlorophyll

A. Mercury

A. Virgo

Q. Who was the US President during WW1?

Q. Who is the Goddess of the Underworld?

Q. Name the green Teletubby

Q. What is the softest mineral in the world?

Q. What is the largest type of deer?

Q. Peter Andre used to be married to which supermodel?

A. The moose

A. Katie Price

A. Woodrow Wilson

A. Persephone Q. What is the only muscle in the human body that is only connected at one end?

A. Dipsy

Q. Which song did Bruce Springsteen win an Oscar for?

A. Talc

A. The tongue

A. Streets of Philadelphia

36

A. Christchurch

Q. At what Fahrenheit temperature does water freeze?

Q. What is the longest road bridge in New Zealand? A. Rakia, in mid-Canterbury

Q. Summers in Marlborough mean that it has become the largest area in New Zealand for growing what?

Q. Where is Cathedral Square?


NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 3

Oliver Dunn oliver@nexusmag.co.nz

FAKE IT

Giannis and his backup dancers in Milwaukee spearhead the entire L, with the Greek native an MVP favourite in only his sixth season. The Raptors finally look poised to dish out decent damage in the playoffs, with sexy new additions Kawhi Leonard and Marc Gasol. Philly picked up some tasty Jimmy Butler insurance in Tobias Harris and boasts one of the most potent starting line-ups across the board. And if the Celtics can ever figure out how to please Kyrie, they seem likely to return to the semis. Ferocious powerhouses in the East, all ready to go to war to find out who gets teabagged by Golden State in five.

Don't know how to sport? Pickup Basketball at the Rec:

. Forget everything you know about teamwork, the baby blue court is your stage - you pass, you lose.

. Scoring is good but scoring with style is so much better.

NEXUS SPORTS FACT Social netball is in fact not social in any sense of the word - prepare to make enemies for life.

HIGH FIVE!

This past offseason, LeBron James, the undisputed heavyweight king of the East, decided it was time for a little vacation. He left the gutted out remains of a Cleveland hyper drive burnt out from one last Finals push, and arrived in Los Angeles to become a Laker. Now, in his Hollywood safe house, he waits out the Warriors dynasty in style, hoping for a pair of stud free agents and more workplace drama in San Fran. Now, for the first time in eight years, the East is wide open. The upper echelon of the conference is littered with monster line-ups, all salivating at the prospect of a Finals appearance.

Top Dunkers in 2019 5. Joel Embiid - What the Cameroon native might lack in creativity he makes up for in post-dunk trash talking. Pray he doesn’t catch you slipping or you’ll hear about as soon as the ball bounces off your head. 4. LeBron James - Old boy is 34 and still the undisputed king of the tomahawk. Long live the ageless LBJ, KFC krusher on the fast break. 3. Russell Westbrook This guy fucking hates the rim.

. Try pantsing your opponent before hitting a jump shot square in his face.

. Contrary to popular belief screaming ‘AND ONE!!’ actually increases your chance of making a basket by 6.9%. Go on, express yo self.

. Not only is shooting for teams a fantastic icebreaker, it also ensures all the sharpshooting geezers are stacked on one team (It’s worth mentioning if you refuse to shoot in an attempt to stick with your mates, you’re a piece of shit).

. If at any point you get yourself crossed up to where your ankles are pulverised into actual spaghetti you must promptly exit the court, cancel your membership and move to Siberia.

2. Zach Lavine - A second hand ACL has done nothing to slow down the former dunk champ, who combines real time slow-mo grace with catastrophic, how the bloody hell are ya, pulverising power. 1. Giannis Antetokounmpo - With limbs as long as his last name, there’s few scenarios where the Greek Freak doesn’t take a dribble or two and absolutely YAM it on the poor soul attempting defence. 37


A Message for Nexus Welcome back! If you’re returning for another year, I hope summer, summer work, or summer school was kind to you. And for those of you starting uni for the first time, I hope you literally have the time of your life.

PRIME MINISTER

JACINDA ARDERN

Whatever point you are at in your university career, please take a moment at the start of the academic year to reflect on what it means to be here, and to feel proud. You may be far away from home, and looking for a place to live. You may be coming back to study later in life. You may be struggling to find textbooks, or sign up to tutorials. Regardless, your decision to invest in yourself is incredibly important. I remember many years ago angsting over the seemingly simple decision to study. I worried about whether I was good enough for tertiary education. I wasn’t sure where to study, or what to study. In the end, I made the 25km journey from Morrinsville to Waikato University. At the time, that 25kms felt like a big distance. But taking that decision ultimately put me on a pathway I’ve never looked back on. I know many of you care as much as I do about those same issues. So here’s a quick update on what we have planned this year – and how those plans will help you during your study and beyond. I’ve said that climate change is my generation’s nuclear free moment. I’m always inspired to see students making their voices heard on this all-important challenge. We’ve been doing a lot of work on environmental issues since coming into office. I’m proud that we’ve ended new offshore oil and gas exploration permits, banned microbeads, phased out single use plastic bags, and started the Green Investment Fund. There’s more to do, and we’re working hard towards having a net-zero carbon emissions economy by 2050. We know it can be a struggle to cover your living costs while studying. That’s why we’ve boosted student allowance and student loan living cost support by $50 a week. We’re also lifting the minimum wage to $17.70 from 1 April, to help you make your part-time jobs pay.

38


NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 3

Many of you will also be having your first year fees free, and I’m really happy we’re helping to make your student debt a little more manageable. Housing is another area that really affects students. Student flats have long had a reputation for being cold and damp. That low quality housing has a huge, negative impact on students’ health and wellbeing. That isn’t good enough.

Studying can be stressful, so remember to look after yourself and be kind to each other. We fundamentally believe that everyone has a right to a warm, dry home. That’s why we’ve made changes to require landlords to ensure all rentals are warm and dry. We’ve also banned unfair letting fees, and we’re updating outdated tenancy

laws to make sure renters are getting a fair deal. I hope you see the benefit of these changes in the homes you rent this year. Another important issue that students care about is mental wellbeing. This year’s government budget has made the mental health of under 25s a priority and reflects our determination to improve the mental wellbeing of all our young people by providing better access to services and support. I hope you use these opportunities to advance the issues that you care about most. Studying can be stressful, so remember to look after yourself and be kind to each other. I’d love to hear your thoughts and suggestions about our plans for this year. You can email me at jacinda.ardern@parliament.govt.nz, or drop me a message on Facebook or Instagram. Till then, good luck for 2019!

39


A PUNCH IN THE FACE WITH A FISTFUL OF FLAVOUR

UNIVERSITY OF WAIKATO STAFF AND STUDENTS PAY

JUST $1.70 ONE WAY ON BUSES IN HAMILTON WITH A BUSIT CARD.

JUST SHOW THE BUS DRIVER YOUR UNI ID TO RECEIVE THE DISCOUNT.


NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 3

PISCES

FEB 19 - MAR 20 Progress is key, Pisces, so be sure to keep moving forward. Unemployment may be on the cards, but at least now you can get hammered with the lads every night without feeling guilty.

ARIES

MAR 21 - APR 19 You’re all about appearances, and that’s not a bad thing. However, perhaps reign in the loud decibels when discussing flat drama - you’ll likely just paint yourself as the annoyingly loud villain to everyone on campus.

TAURUS

APR 20 - MAY 20 As your new love cycle begins, keep your mind and your options open. Everyone loves to have a full hand at the table, but beware that this can often come with a visit or two to the local docs.

GEMINI

MAY 21 - JUN 20 You have a strong sense of self, and you love to establish pride of place. However, this does not mean correcting every single thing someone else might muck up you’re not fucking spell check.

CANCER

JUN 21 - JUL 22 The moon is fully charged and you’re feeling a little more vulnerable than usual. Don’t stress though, everyone knows you’re a mood-swinging piece of shit, so you can suffer through your extensive emotions in relative peace

LEO

VIRGO

LIBRA

SCORPIO

SAGITTARIUS

JUL 23 - AUG 22 As we progress through March, you may be feeling a bit dazed. It may seem as though life is passing you by, but your continued belief that things will eventually go your way is sure to grant you all your wishes.

CAPRICORN

AQUARIUS

AUG 23 - SEP 22 Hardship may be coming your way, for past regrets will be catching up with you. Accept that, with the end of your casual drug habit, you will be forced to acknowledge that none of your friends actually like you. SEP 23 - OCT 22 Preparation is your strong suit, and this week is no exception. All the hurdles standing in your way will be overcome, but that doesn’t mean that you won’t get stabbed in the back. We suggest culling your private Instagram followers. OCT 23 - NOV 21 Give and you shall receive, young Scorpio! This week, what you have been handing out for so long will be returned to you - let’s call it karma for all those years of avoiding Family Planning. NOV 22 - DEC 21 Relaxation is in your waters, so make the most of it. Take some time for yourself and optimise your lunch break - who cares if you miss your first test of the semester?

DEC 22 - JAN 19 The stars are aligned for some outspokenness from you this week, so make the most of your platform. Our crystal ball says to use both Instagram and Snapchat stories to give your latest post a boost. JAN 20 - FEB 18 Enthusiasm is contagious, and you’re the one spreading it this week. Your 11th house is ruling your aura, and you’re set for success. Reconnect with your inner fire and take it all in, you’ve earned it. 41


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AOTEAROA HĪKOI KARAKIA MAHI PĀKEHĀ Words we should all know: TAONGA Aotearoa – New Zealand – literally – WHĀNAU Long white cloud

AROHA HUI Iwi – Tribe KŌHANGA Karakia – Prayer MANA Kiwi – Native flightless bird POUNAMU Kōhanga Reo – Language nest, Māori TEREOMĀORI Immersion pre-school TAMARIKI Mahi – Work or activity

Aroha – Love

Mana – Prestige, reputation

Hangi – Traditional feast prepared in

Pā – Traditional Māori hill fort

earth oven

Pākehā – New Zealander of non-Maori

Hīkoi – Walk

descent, usually European

Hui – Gathering, meeting

Pounamu – Greenstone

WORD LOCATOR

A

HANGI IWI Puku – Stomach REO Taonga – Treasured possessions or PĀ cultural items, anything precious PUKU Te Reo Māori – The Māori language WAKA Waka – Canoe, vehicle Whānau – Family Tamariki – Children

43


SNAPPED

WINNER

44

Keen for some free BurgerFuel? Simply snap us the shitfest of your student lifestyle for the chance to win. Prizes can be claimed from the SUB


NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 3

BLIND DATE

Heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a long-locked and laid back lad from Northland, with a passion for motorbikes, a night on the piss, and the study of photography. Sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a pretty young blonde studying teaching from the land of the free, just looking to find some love down under. Will it be a match made in Hamilton?

SHE SAID: This date was honestly terrible, my worst nightmare. Just kidding, it went way better than expected! I got there first, there was no way in hell that I was getting there second! When I saw him I felt a bit overdressed for the occasion, but it turned out pretty ok. He was a super handsome blonde surfer boy (definitely my type ). After reading the previous two weeks worth of Blind Date I was absolutely scared to death! Very quickly I come to find that we both are super into photography, he studies it at Wintec and I do it as a hobby, so it was a perfect conversation starter. We both agreed on a purple fish bowl and we both ordered burgers, and cracked jokes about what we were going to write about each other. It was going pretty well. It also turned out he never signed up for this, the deputy editor asked him to do this about a week ago! Throughout some points there were some silences, but it wasn't too awkward and we always seemed to get back to interesting and deep conversation! My dumbass forgot my wallet and had to get my mum to bring me it for pool afterwards, then my parents ended up eating dinner at House on Hood as well and I was a bit embarrassed about it, but he took it like a champ! Hopefully lol. After we ate and drank a bit we walked on over to the pool hall and played a few games which was pretty neat. He was really nice and definitely was not what I was expecting (in a good way) and I had a really good time! I even got a nice little message from him after the date thanking me which was a nice way to end the night. I would definitely recommend someone to do this if they want to meet someone new or try something different!

đ&#x;&#x2DC;&#x2030;

HE SAID: Fresh as a daisy, cool as a cucumber, I managed to surprise myself and turn up somewhat on time, only then to forget my dates name immediately. Shit. I can proudly confirm that neither of us admitted to being a serial killer, which boosted my optimism of a good night ahead. Conversation going swimmingly, dignity still intact, we headed off to find a pool table. However some points were lost as we were leaving, reacting to her height in the immortal words of Ron Weasley â&#x20AC;&#x153;bloody hellâ&#x20AC;?. Refraining from searching up how tall hobbits are I did find solace in the fact that we are in middle earth and that living in the shire is pretty cool. On the trek to hunting out this pool table an impossible fuck, kill, marry question was asked of her. To my dismay Johnny Depp was sentenced to death, but to be fair he was up against Jennifer Lawrence and Ryan Gosling. At arriving to the pool table I turned around to find myself walking in with Bilbo Baggins covering her face saying that she knows one of the guys inside. Classic. After a few games and realising that neither of us held remote prospects of going pro we made like a couple of 9 month old foetuses and headed on out. Cheers Nexus for a mint night and kudos for finding someone that personally knows Gandalf.

Brought to you by House on Hood. If you're keen for a Blind Date, email editor@nexusmag.co.nz

45


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