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Making a start in the game

27 April 2009


ISSUE 07 Credits: Editor: Joshua Drummond (editor@nexusmag.co.nz)

Design: Talia Mussom (graphics@nexus-npl.co.nz)

Advertising: Tony Arkell (ads@nexusmag.co.nz/021 176 6180)

Reporter: Grant Burns (news@nexusmag.co.nz)

Film Editor: Kirill Kruger (films@nexusmag.co.nz) Games Editor: Antony Parnell (games@nexusmag.co.nz) Books Editor: Penny Wilson (books@nexusmag.co.nz) Music Editor: Nick Johnstone (music@nexusmag.co.nz) Internet Guru: Jed Laundry Contributors Vitamin C, WSU, Kirill, Chris Parnell, Burton C. Bogan, Gordon Dawson, Jed Laundry, Dr Richard Swainson, Maria Mo, Josh, Grant Burns, Mammoth, HCAC, Flash Medallion, Art Focker, Blair Munro, Jesus, Louise Blackstock, DJ Lauree, Sarah Bentley, Todd Cantley, Penny Wilson, 8 Ball, Critic, David Large, Jason Leroy, Hollie Jackson, Rachael,

02 YOU ARE HERE 03 Editorial 04 Caption Comp 05 Low Five 07 News 12 The Execution 12 The Nexus Haiku News 14 Lettuce 17 Rant of the Week 22 Magjick 8 Ball 24 WSU 28 Lord Bhfulu’s Puzzle Page 29 Notices 30 The Nerdary 30 Feminine Files

31 Your Physical Education 31 vitaminC 32 Seeing Stars 33 The Phat Controller 34 Movie Reivew 34 Auteur House Presents 35 DVD Review 35 Book Review 36 Citric 36 Album Review 37 Comic Review 38 Gig Guide 38 Garfield Minus Garfield 39 BUSTED

Features: 18 Getting into the Journalism Game

You know about student journalism – but what’s life like in the world of professional journalism when your only experience is being the reporter at Nexus? Former Nexite, Andrew Neal, tells us...

and Andrew Neal

NewSTUFF Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student

THINGS YOU SHOULD READ THIS ISSUE!!!

Press Association (ASPA) Because it provides

Well, the Execution’s back, on page 12 and Seeing Stars makes its montly return on page 32. Oh, and the Citric column finally comes back, on page 36 courtesy of new Music Editor Nick Johnstone! Cheers Nick! Not to mention the Caption Comp on page 4, or the intriguing news developments on page 7 - hell, just read the magazine already!

the booze. THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, THE EDITOR, OR ANYONE REALLY. WE DIDN’T DO IT, NOBODY SAW US DO IT, YOU CAN’T PROVE ANYTHING. YOU KNOW WHAT I DON’T LIKE? HAMILTON’S UGLY, UGLY BUILDINGS. THERE, GOT THAT OFF MY CHEST. WHAT A RELIEF.

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On Satire. I enjoy lying to people and watching them get angry. It’s often a good way to get at the truth, and it’s often very funny. I am in good company. Many people throughout history, far better writers than I’ll ever be, have gotten enjoyment out of precisely this sport. Jonathan Swift? Abject liar. Terry Pratchett lies. Douglas Adams was a famous teller of porkies. Peter Jackson lied his ass off in a film called Forgotten Silver, and made a lot of people very angry. All of them have this in common; they were satirists. Satire is what we call lying to people and laughing at them when they get angry. Mark Twain, probably my favourite liar, said this of humour. “You have a mongrel perception of humor, nothing more; a multitude of you possess that. This multitude see the comic side of a thousand low-grade and trivial things - broad incongruities, mainly; grotesqueries, absurdities, evokers of the horse-laugh. The ten thousand high-grade comicalities which exist in the world are sealed from their dull vision. Will a day come when the race will detect the funniness of these juvenilities and laugh at them - and by laughing at them destroy them? For your race, in its poverty, has unquestionably one really effective weapon - laughter. Power, money, persuasion, supplication, persecution - these can lift at a colossal humbug - push it a little - weaken it a little, century by century; but only laughter can blow it to rags and atoms at a blast. Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand. You are always fussing and fighting with your other weapons. Do you ever use that one? No; you leave it lying rusting. As a race, do you ever use it at all? No; you lack sense and the courage.” That kind of statement sets a very high bar for satire, not to mention other forms of humour. Satire, according to Twain, is meant to save the world – nothing less. The problem lies in the fact that the world these days is awash in irony and satire, to the extent where making people amusingly angry is a nearly impossible task, and often involves defending the indefensible. CS Lewis predicted it years ago, in the Screwtape Letters; being flip, always acting as if the joke were already made, would see the ruin of humour. I think he was right. Everyone who matters in this media society

is appropriately postmodern and aware and hip; the plebs who aren’t hardly matter. The joke’s been made and everyone’s in on it. That’s why I’m grateful that our recent foray into satire, the story “Collective Groan at Mature Students,”* annoyed so many people. It seems we can still posit truisms through abject lying (mature students can be a time-wasting nuisance in class. Immature students can be annoying little pricks) and still piss people off. We have other plans for satire. Big ones. We’d like to pop a few inflated heads. And hopefully, you’ll get the joke. But if you don’t – thank you. Your, letters to the editor, your spiels to concerned organisations, your righteous fury – you’re the reason we do this. You make it all worthwhile. Please don’t stop getting (mildy) angry. We love you. Really. Now that I’ve pointed out we enjoy a joke at your expense, I’d like to plead for you to take us seriously. I should hope that when a satirical story is written you can tell it’s so because of inherent ridiculousness. Pointing out specifically that a story isn’t real kind of ruins the joke. Unfortunately, the Powers that Be will insist on providing shenanigans that we’d find difficult to make up. We’ll try and disclose these foibles when and where we can, and I think we’ve done an okay job so far. Hopefully, with our dedicated crew of staff and volunteers, we’ll get much better at it. When we tell the truth, we’ll play it straight. And when we lie, it will be deliciously ridiculous. A hint; one of our star writers, one Ira Lastic, is our sole provider of satirical news. Do read her stuff. She’s hilarious. Which leads me to our lead news story this week, “University sold to Saudi Arabia.” Is it real? Could be. Is it fake? I’m not telling you. I’m going to ask that you use your intelligence to figure it out. I think I’ve given you enough clues already. But I think, somewhere out there, there’ll be one person who won’t get it (or read this editorial). One person who spits fire and fury, dashes of letters to all and sundry, and generally makes a lot of noise. If you are that person, I want to thank you, again. Please, don’t change. You’re the last of a dying breed. With your help, perhaps satire can still save the world.

*Which came to us courtesy of the Victoria University magazine Salient. I salute you, Jackson James “I’ve Got” Wood.


LAST WEEKS

THIS WEEKS

“With the new Council uniform, Auckland was finally a Super City.”

with special guest, Jesus! Hi everyone! Last week’s competition saw a veritable deluge of entries, bringing to mind

“With the new Council uniform, Auckland was finally a Super City.”

Here is this week’s picture: Remember, unlike Heaven, there are two ways to enter! Way the First is to email

the Great Flood, where Dad saw fit to destroy the earth with water. Hopefully, next time he gets pissy, he will opt to destroy the world in a deluge of caption competition entries. Right, I’ve said my piece, and I don’t want to get grounded again – last time it started all kinds of nonsense – so without further ado: Last week’s winner, who entered via the Nexus Forums!

Congratulations are due to duck! Duck into the office to collect your prize – a delicious Burgerfuel voucher!

captions@nexusmag.co.nz! Way the Second is to enter via the Nexus Forums – look for the Caption Competition Thread in General Discussion! Good luck, and keep watching the skies – I’ll BRB!

Honourable Mentions: “They might be crappy Supermen, but at least they dance better than Christopher Reeve” – Art “We’re super! Thanks for asking!” – Joseph Moon

WANT TO BE INVOLVED WITH NEXUS BUT CAN’T TEAR YOURSELF AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER?

forums.nexusmag.co.nz ..........sign up today!

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QUESTIONS 1. What are you going to do when you leave Uni? 2. What was you dream career as a kid? 3. What did you do for Kingitanga Day? 4. Do you think you get enough attention from tutors and lecturers? 5. If you could be one thing for a day, what would it be? Cameron 1. Reside in Southern France and make short films about Art 2. An All Black 3. Went to my Marae and lead the Powhiri for Tiki Taane 4. Sometimes too much in a nonprofessional way 5. The floor of a girl’s changing room

Lauri 1. Something to do with animals 2. To be a vet 3. Went to my bio labs 4. Tutors yes, lecturers no 5. Famous

Jono 1. Join the army to pay off student loan 2. A ninja 3. Slept till 12 then forgot to study 4. Yes 5. Bob Dylan

Grace 1. Go to America 2. Missionary doctor 3. Watched Sex and the City 4. No, but that’s my fault 5. Michelle Obama

Aiden 1. Going to start this business you see…and then I’ll be able to make my own band. 2. Pokemon Master 3. Slept till 12 4. Too much some of them, if you know what I mean 5. GOD


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ISSUE 7 - 27 April 2009

any question or queries email news@nexusmag.co.nz

Tolley: Don’t hold your breath on student allowance improvements By Ben Thomson – Critic

In an interview with Critic in her Beehive office last week, Tertiary Education Minister Anne Tolley said that the recession will have an impact on National’s pre-election promise to improve student allowances. In the wake of Labour’s announcement during last year’s election campaign that it would institute universal student allowances, John Key promised that his government would improve student allowances, but would not go as far as Labour’s proposal. Half a year, an election victory, and a global recession later, Tolley is downplaying expectations that any changes will be significant. Tolley says that changes to the student allowance scheme have formed part of the Budget discussions. “I think the reality is that we’re in a different economic situation than we were even 12 months ago, and so expectations shouldn’t be high. Certainly, over time, that is where we intend to go,” she says. “It might not happen this year and we’ve had to do that with all our promises – we intended to deliver on all our promises but we just may not be able to do it this year.” Tolley says she “absolutely” intends to deliver on the promise and says she “would like to think” it will happen before the next election. “It is all dependent on the economic situation.” Tolley, who is also Minister of Education, has kept a low profile and given few media interviews since she took office. She has been under fire from the Opposition for a tour she made of AUT’s three Auckland campuses in a helicopter, and by prominent left-wing blog The Standard over what they say is a lack of knowledge about the Tertiary Education Ministry. For example, they have reported, citing unnamed sources, that she did not know what a Vice Chancellor was when she started in the job.

The Tertiary Education Minister does not have a tertiary degree, but does have a diploma in computer programming. “When you’re a Minister, you have a governance role – you don’t need to have specialist knowledge of a particular area, you have specialist advisors,” Tolley says. “So I think you need to understand governance as against management – you have to have a good understanding of what that means. You also need, as a Minister, to be able to develop policy and implement policy – so you need to be quite a strategic thinker. Those are qualities that I’ve developed.” “Because you’re a politician, you always have to be good at listening to people, be prepared to take ideas from a wide range of people, and I think, particularly in Tertiary Education where you have such a diverse sector, that’s another quality that I bring to that job.” Tolley came into Parliament in 1999 as a list MP based in Hawkes Bay, and went out in the 2002 election. She then moved up to the East Coast, contested that seat, and won it in 2005. John Key asked Tolley to be the Senior Whip, which she did for fourteen months. “[It] is a bit like school teaching I think – it’s a bit like being the school matron. But a really great job to have – you get to understand the workings of Parliament. It was a really good job, I really enjoyed it.” Tolley took over the education portfolio when former Dunedin-based MP Katherine Rich decided not to stand in the last election. During the election campaign, Tolley visited Otago and has plans to return for a visit and to speak at a Sunday dinner at Knox. Tolley has already met with University of Otago Vice

Chancellor David Skegg, but is coy on saying what specific issues were discussed. While the recession has put a dampener on hopes of student allowance improvements, Tolley says other things are getting done. For example, she says that she has asked NZQA to have a look at the national qualifications framework because she believes there are “too many” local courses. “I’m getting letters from students who have … not understood that [their course] wasn’t part of the national framework – it’s a local qualification and it’s not actually leading them anywhere.” Reports that the recession is leading more people to enrol in tertiary study, putting strain on institutions, are of concern to the Minister. Under the current funding model, tertiary institutions are given funding based on what they predict enrolments will be, but the recession has skewed those predictions. “We don’t want unbridled growth, but in a managed way. So it is uppermost in our mind – it is quite clear the trend is there – more people are either attending or staying at university and polytechs,” Tolley says. “It is a two-edged sword, because at the time of recession you want to make sure that we are keeping people in skills training. Coming out of the recession, we’re going to need a skilled workforce, and so we want to make sure we don’t lose those – but that has a cost to it.” Normally, institutions are penalised if they enrol more students than they expected. Tolley says the Government will look at either lifting the cap, which has financial implications and would need to be approved in the Budget, or allowing institutions to escape penalisation.

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“University Vice-Chancellor Roy Crawford is expected to make the announcement official next week, but he said he wanted to “let the students know first”

BREAKING the NEWS: Waikato University Sold to Saudi Arabia! by special reporter Ira Lastic

In a late-breaking story, Nexus has learned that the University of Waikato has secretly been sold to Abdullah bin Abdul Aziz Al Saud, the King of Saudi Arabia. University Vice-Chancellor Roy Crawford is expected to make the announcement official next week, but he said he wanted to “let the students know first.” “It’s about having the best possible campus facilities for students,” Crawford said. “Selling the university gives us a much-needed cash injection, as well as firmly establishing our future as New Zealand’s leading university.” Nexus understands that secret negotiations to sell the University were afoot as far back as 2008, when University Council staff went on a quiet junket to the oil-rich nation. The terms have been hammered out in backroom deals ever since. Tertiary Education Minister Anne Tolley said the deal was a wonderful example of the free market delivering educational demands, and that she would have appreciated such an opportunity when she was at University. “Ever since National came to power, we’ve been exploring our tertiary privatisation avenues, to help take the debt load off the Government,” she said. “This is the first in

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what we hope will be a series of successful private-public partnerships.” Crawford said that the University’s new owners’ first priority would be axing “unproductive” courses. “Under the new regime, only the Management school can be expected to go unchanged,” he said. The first step, he said, was disbanding the Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences and having the staff employed by other departments, or made redundant. “Sadly, there will be a number of voluntary redundancies. His Highness wishes to advise that he is ‘not made of money,” Crawford said. In addition to the structural changes, Nexus has learned that the entirety of Waikato University’s two campuses will become a de facto part of the Saudi state, and that full Saudi Sharia law will apply. “Obviously, the King is a gracious King, and he doesn’t expect us to make the full change immediately,” said Crawford. “We will be given until the end of the academic year to implement full Sharia, which is quite convenient, given it’s nearly winter. They only people likely to suffer are girls who insist on wearing inappropriate clothing, and they will be dealt to quite mercifully.”

Other changes will be the immediate segregation of the campus into single-sex schools, and the punishment of thievery and the like by amputation. Additionally, “blasphemous” subjects like Psychology and Religious Studies are to be immediately purged from the curriculum. Couples will only be allowed on campus if they are married, and women will have to wear full burquas and stay five feet behind men at all times. Members of other religions have been respectfully asked to “stay away from Saudi territory,” unless they convert to Islam. Christians will have an easier deal – they will be allowed to remain operating on campus as “dhimmi” organisations, subject to the condition of not being allowed to try and convert anyone. The administration of the student newsmagazine, Nexus, has also been revamped, with the former editorial staff leaving peacefully to be replaced by those approved by the Saudi Crown. The staff have since voluntarily relocated to re-education camps. The new staff, led by Managing Editor Ira Lastic, have sworn solemnly to bring in a “new era” of honest, reporting firmly based in Islamic religious principles of truth and justice.


A day fit for a King And Jake the Muss By Grant Burns

The inaugural Kingitanga Day last Tuesday was a huge success with students and staff alike joining in on the festivities. Classes were cancelled to incorporate and embrace the Maori culture through a holiday which will now be held on the April 21st annually.

In an adjoining room, Jake the Muss, a.k.a. Temuera Morrison, gave a comical and inspirational speech about his acting career and the idea that everybody should aspire to achieve their own goals in life, no matter what it takes.

Special lectures, events, and stalls were set up all around campus while a wide-ranging audience, from school children to the elderly, soaked up the atmosphere. The Village Green was transformed into a royal carnival with a celebrity dunk tank, jousting, and stalls selling everything from “Maori Pride” t-shirts to greenstone.

At 2:30pm, the time was right to conduct the biggest haka ever on campus. Over 500 people joined in the Ka Mate haka in honour of the Maori King which shook the building’s foundations and reverberated all the way down the Te Ika a Maui.

The morning began with a champagne breakfast for King Tuheitia who had to leave early for a flight to New York where he will be leading a Powhiri for Helen Clark at the United Nations. Lectures, which included speeches from members of the Maori Party, were held all throughout campus dwelling on different concepts in different departments. To add to the ethnical atmosphere, food outlets around campus served traditional Maori dishes. During lunchtime, you could indulge in a boil up of pork bones and puha from Momento or hangi, if that’s your thing, from other outlets. One student was relishing the chance to purchase unconventional food on campus. “This is such a great idea. I love boil up and I’ve learnt so much about the Kingitanga that I never knew before. The WSU have put on a really good event,” said Hannah Beech, a firstyear student.

WSU event organiser and Vice-President Maori, Whetu Taukamo, was majorly surprised at the turn-out and overall success of the events. “Bro, Kingitanga Day went way better than I thought it ever would. My biggest fear was that no students would turn up but there was a wide range of people on campus which was choice. There was lots of enjoyment at the dunking tank – big thanks to Glen, AJ, Calib, and Huy Vu. Nice, good vibe over campus all day.” After the haka, a presentation and a toast were made to the Kingitanga in recognition of the King Movement which began in 1858. After a royal cake, the day came to a close with everyone leaving campus with a smile upon their faces. WSU President Ben Delaney was also stoked with how things went. “There has been a good selection of events for students to attend. Real positive attitude for the day and it has laid a great platform to build upon for future Kingitanga Day events.”

Over at the Academy of Performing Arts building, Knights of the Dub Table were jamming out some funky, festive beats for all in attendance. 9


ASPA conference in Wellington “Alcoholic Somalian Pirates Association” By Grant Burns ASPA, which actually stands for Aotearoa Student Press Association (no Somalians or pirates included), incorporates all the University magazines from around the country. Together we share stories, ideas, and drinks – that is why we sometimes have stories from different campuses in Nexus. We all meet up twice a year, once for a conference, the other for an awards ceremony – both ending in drunken shenanigans. My editor and I touched down in Wellington on Thursday only to realise it was a one day conference, not two like we we’d originally thought, so we scored an extra day to soak up the atmosphere. Me, well as soon as I checked into my room, I strolled directly to the backpacker bar. Here, I conversed with many foreigners who had some fascinating stories to tell – and a whole lot of spare money to buy the nice New Zealander free drinks. I shared a drink with an English soldier who fought in the Iraq war which was fascinating, but deeply sad to listen to once he told me his best mates returned in body bags. Nevertheless, I hit the town with my three English and one Canadian friends and wrote off my Friday. After getting lost on the way, I finally arrived at Victoria University at 9am to kick off the conference on Saturday morning. The day began with the 2008 ASPA President Rory Mackinnon giving a hilarious speech and basically telling us that ASPA is no longer his problem, it’s ours, ha. The next speaker gave us a run down on the implications of media law and defamation which was helpful because I have a thing for being defamatory without realising it. Ex-Craccum editor Ben Thomas gave a speech afterwards and uttered a very, very true statement which sums up the student media in a nutshell. “One, we have the sacred right and duty to speak for the whole student body. On the other hand, nobody reads or gives a shit about student media and we just piss around in our backrooms.” After lunch at a local noodle house, we retired to the roof of Salient editor Jackson Wood, conveniently located in the middle of Wellington. Here, we elected new ASPA Co-presidents, discussed issues facing our

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publications, and talked about the future of student media. About 4pm we wrapped up the talking and got a-drinking. On my walk back to the backpackers, I had a coincidental occurrence on Cuba Street. I spotted a Datsuns poster on a wall (I was gutted I couldn’t see them on Thursday in Hams) and saw they were playing Wellington that night. Carry on walking, I realise a dude in front of me who looks like the absolute man. He looks over after a while and I asked, “Are you Dolf from The Datsuns?” “Yeah man hows it going? This is Matt the drummer (handshakes all around), so what are you doing in Wellington?” “You’ll never believe this,” I said, “but I’m here for Nexus magazine.”(If you didn’t know, Dolf used to volunteer for Nexus when he was enrolled at Waikato Uni – what are the odds?) “No way, that’s awesome,” said Dolf. After a brief chat I left, overly keen to see them that night. Afterwards, ASPA provided free drinks at the Wellington student bar ‘The Big Kumara’ for all us thirsty journos. After mixing and mingling for a while, I strolled back to my room, grabbed my dictaphone, pen, notepad, and business card and went to where The Datsuns were playing. “Umm yeah I work for a student magazine called Nexus, I’m doing a story on The Datsuns, I was wondering if I could get in for free?” said I to the bouncer. “You’re not on the list, mate,” he replied. “Oh yeah, but come on, these guys come from the Waikato. Dolf worked at Nexus, blah blah blah.” “Hmmm, ok mate, I support what you’re doing (stamps my hand) just go in, don’t say anything,” said the bouncer. Sorry, I can’t remember if your name was Bad Dad or Baghdad, or whatever, but whoever that bouncer was I said I’d give him a shout out and I will because The Datsuns were spectacular and I appreciate him letting me in for free. Overall, the ASPA conference provided me with: some very useful journalistic skills, an idea of whom else writes for ASPA, a taste of how our organisation works, and some awesome adventures on the side. I always thought conferences were for boring business conglomerates. Boy was I wrong. Bring on the next one I say.


Toot toot, chugga chugga, big red cars You travelled here, but didn’t go far! By Hollie Jackson Hamilton’s biggest sporting event has drawn to a close, taking with it the swarms of middle-aged tourists and frustrating traffic. Over 121,000 fans gathered in Hamilton over the weekend to watch the Supercars and then to party it up on the city streets. Business for local nightclubs was booming – some bars even recorded their biggest night ever on the Saturday. Other business, however, was not so successful. Frankton’s fish and chip shop, the Seafood Grotto, saw less than a quarter of the business they would any other weekend. “I don’t think we will [open], I think that would be the case for a lot of others as well,” Grotto owner Bill Lee told the Waikato Times. The winners’ podium was a sea of blue at the end of the V8 weekend (reminiscent of the last election, no?), making the heads of Ford fans that one inch bigger. Jamie Whincup took away first prize, winning both 200km races over the weekend flawlessly. The other two positions were won by Ford as well, turning the tables on last year’s Holden dominated turnout. Only hours after Whincup claimed his award and drenched his colleagues in expensive wine, the Hamilton City Council started the two-week annual process of tearing down and packing up the 3.4km concrete and steel circuit.

Spectator numbers were down 50,000 from last year, but this is partly due to the reduced capacity of spectator areas; “We’re happy with all of the changes we made” declared event promoter Dean Calvert, “last year I had three books full of complaints. This year it’s less than a page”. Free-loaders and scammers alike all tried to get a piece of V8 action for free, according Calvert people even tried to get into the event with fake laminated tickets, “a few people tried it on, but that’s the beauty of [ticket] scanning. It worked really well,” Calvert said to the Waikato Times.

Waikato MP to present drinking age petition No more first years in town? By Jason Leroy The alcohol purchasing age may be raised to 20 next year, if a group of Hamilton-based petitioners have their way. A law originally proposed last year by the former Labour Government intends to curb on underage alcohol abuse through various methods and this petition may be in consideration to be added to it. On 16 April, two Hamilton residents, Kristine Hayward and Margaret Sale, offered a local petition regarding the proposed law to local list Labour MP, Sue Moroney. The petition had been signed by more than 1300 local residents and called for the sale of alcohol to be restricted to those aged 20 and above. According to Sue, the petitioners had told her that people were eager to sign the petition and more could have easily been gathered. However, the petitioners had requested that Sue present the petition to Parliament on 5 May for the submissions process.

Sue was joined by another local MP, Nanaia Mahuta, in hosting a public meeting regarding the proposed bill. The bill is now in its submissions stage and is open to public submissions. According to Sue, the bill was aimed at reducing the risk of alcohol abuse by minors. She explained that it was common knowledge minors would usually hang out with people a few years senior to them. A 14 or 15 year old would sometimes accompany 18 year olds, and when the 18 year old purchases alcohol, the younger person would also consume alcohol, despite it being illegal without having express permission from the minor’s parents or guardians. The current law before Parliament focuses on increasing the precautions in existence so that 14 and 15 year olds would not have as big a chance to consume alcohol without permission. The law would make it illegal for those above 18 to hand alcohol over to those under 18 without the consent of their parents.

When students across campus were asked of their opinions regarding the proposed petition, feedback invariably leaned to the negative. Most students interviewed expressed dismay at the news, however many also acknowledged that they could see the point of such a petition. A law student commented that though the petition, if passed would not affect her as she was already 20, the bars and clubs in the city would lose their entire first year population. Another first year management student expressed dismay at the fact that he might be affected and added that he doesn’t see how the law would work. However, there is no guarantee that the petition would be adopted into law. A similar law that was proposed several years ago was shot down by a majority in Parliament. Hamilton East MP David Bennett was one of those who had voted against the similar law. This proposed petition would be one to watch when presented to Parliament. 11


“As a silent observer, I sat and thought about how 8am meeting times maybe aren’t the best thing for member bonding or coherent thoughts. Replace those with wide yawns, red eyes, and irritating arguments”

Execution By Grant Burns Yes, it’s back. The power is switched on once again and it is time to fry some directors, presidents, and who ever else we can strap into the execution chair. For all those who are new or have short/long term memory loss, the Execution is a column which documents the goings on of the WSU Directors meeting every Tuesday morning at 8am. WSU are representing you (and your money) in campus events and issues, so if you want to know what your fees go towards, what happens behind closed doors, and what discussions are passed, I suggest you read this column weekly, if nothing else.

in his President’s report, but you probably wouldn’t be interested in it. His report was passed with an unenthusiastic collective grunt of “Aye.”

The meeting began on a cold Tuesday morning within the briny depths of the Bunker at exactly 8:08am. Due to Kingitanga Day, only eight members were present, with only half making useful contributions and suggestions and even less wanting to be there. As a silent observer, I sat and thought about how 8am meeting times maybe aren’t the best thing for member bonding or coherent thoughts. Replace those with wide yawns, red eyes, and irritating arguments. To set the mood, Jeff Hawkes got told off by President Ben for smirking while someone else was speaking. The funny thing was, he was smirking at me.

Dave the Bogan then proceeded to give his report which included the suggestion that the WSU buy another page in Nexus.

The first issue of any real importance was the current situation of Student Job Search. SJS has recorded a 30% decrease in jobs being advertised and in President Ben’s words, “it is only going to get worse.” Students are being urged to be more flexible with selecting jobs because they are also up against a lot of competition from the working sector and the recently-redundant. Ben also said other things 12

Director Deni bought up his upcoming event Culture Day which will be held on Wednesday 20th May. Culture Day will be an event on campus with all the ethnic clubs (excluding Maori) having three stalls each for arts and crafts, traditional food, and displays/ performances. The only worry came from Ben who was worried about paying the ethnic clubs.

Other issues raised were the WSU’s plans to donate $250 towards the RSA in commemoration of ANZAC Day. Also mooted was the idea of placing LCD screens around campus instead of environmentally-unfriendly notice boards. (WTF?- Ed.) Anya chose this meeting to voice her disgust at Nexus’ satirical article regarding a crazy mature student – she had to be told that it was in fact satire and not in any way real. Natalie managed to go the whole meeting without saying a word except for once flashing a smile and Jeff looked like a dying hippy in the wrong generation – but then again, so do I. And that’s all folks, tune in next week for more strange goings-on in the wet, wild, and weird world of the WSU.


East Hamilton Police Burglary & Vehicle Crime Report Last week 16 burglaries occurred and 3 vehicles were either stolen or broken into, in the Hamilton East and Rural areas. Their locations are shown on the map. Again a large number of burglaries were reported to Police. As you can see on the map, the break-ins are scattered all over Hamilton East and aren’t in one exact location. What this tells me is that there aren’t just one or two main offenders committing the crime, but several out there within the community.

X-box, PSP, plus games, DVD player, snowboard, LCD TV, Samsung phone charger, NZ passport and birth certificate.

Plus the vehicle crime that occurred close to each other, means to me that the offender(s) are targeting this area. So please be aware if your vehicle near these locations.

Question from the POLICE: Do you think that you neighbours are watching you? Are you suspicious of their activity or get the impression that you might be a victim of a crime?

Circumstances of a Burglary On the 19/04/2009 a flatmate left his house at 8:45pm and the other flatmate returned 1 hour later to find the house had been entered. The offender(s) used a wooden chair which was outside in the rear of the garden, to approach the rear toilet window. They then jemmied it open and climbed in through the small wooden frame of 400mm x 600mm. Once inside the offenders took 2x laptops,

Information on how to protect your home is available from the East Hamilton Community Policing Centre on Clyde St. If you have any information that might help Police with these burglaries please call the University Constable, Nick Sickelmore on 8582792 or email Nicholas.Sickelmore@police.govt.nz

The Nexus Haiku News by Drummond-san

Concern over Waikato mumps cases It turns out many People infecting themselves To make their balls big.

Censor slams lack of G-rated movies (seriously. Does the news media not know any other pejorative than “slammed?”) “I shall slam this lack, Slam it good – slam it until it becomes worm food.” Father tells of rescuing kids from West Coast cult “I opened that door and I took them away from that awful place, Gore.”

RMA changes could ‘create delays, increase costs’ A wise man once spoke “You should not try to fix it If it is not broke.” Kiwis pay too much for petrol, says AA In terms of purely Environmental cost We don’t pay near enough Paua poachers back in action Poachers defiant

“We just want a nice fritter – More paua to us!” Govt expands nine day fortnight plan Fortnight plan gets expansion A whole ten more people Will benefit First look at Jackson’s heaven Jackson’s heaven will be A special sort – I, for one Bet there’ll be Orcs. Editor brain-dead, unable to compose news haikus Oh man, I’m so tired Why don’t you all just go and Write your own haikus

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SEND LETTERS TO nexus@waikato.ac.nz

P

HO

- “a great, anonymous, amorphous blob of people and meta-people randomly spewing information all over”, that creates a culture of ‘information excess’ typified by “ill-formed’ and “half-baked” opinions – one of the main feature articles was a piece on the Web-based Zeitgeist ‘counter-culture’ movement, which can be taken as a prime example of exactly these sorts of issues relating to online content and culture. Isa’s article gave a rather selective and disingenuous account of the Zeitgeist films as ‘alternative media’ content in the progressive, activist sense of the term. However, a viewing of the films quickly makes clear that they are rather crude packagings of some of the dominant themes of contemporary American conspiracy culture – a culture marked by ideologically dubious politics and explicit self-referentiality between the ideas of other conspiracy theorists. A couple of examples taken from the first Zeitgeist film: - ideologically dubious politics. The third part of Zeitgeist outlines the Federal Reserve banking conspiracy – how a small group of bankers secretly manipulated markets and governments to gain control over America and, by virtue of America’s global power, the world. Alongside a highly simplistic and reductive portrait of the complex systems of finance and politics, this argument reflects the ‘international banker’ conspiracy that is a staple of American right-wing thought. The political philosophy underpinning such thought is a mixture of libertarianism (the state as affront to the ‘freedoms’ of the individual), nationalism (the mythologies of American exceptionalism) and populism (a schismatic view of society positing evil ‘elites’ against the virtuous ‘common people’). The ‘international banker’ conspiracy theory is a prime example of these themes: the Federal Reserve bank is bad because it represents ‘big government’ control of the economy against the economic liberty of the individual; because it is run by the ‘elites’ of the finance sector; and because the bankers’ international affiliations represent the ‘takeover’ of American sovereignty by ‘foreign elements’. While all this might seem relatively innocuous, it is worth remembering that the ‘international banker’ conspiracy has been a staple theme of anti-Semitic conspiracy theories since the 19th century (the banking families being identified as of Jewish heritage) – conspiracy theories that were put into practice by Adolf & co. in WW2.

BO

LETTER OF THE WEEK

Time Ghost: Insubstantial As a media studies student researching the relationships between conspiracy theories and the Internet, I found it somewhat ironic in Issue 5 of Nexus that alongside the editors commentary on the Internet

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856 H 07 5 the work of other conspiracy theorists. - proof Pof conspiracy based 6on 225 85 07 X A The ‘expert’ sources whose ideas form the basis for much of the material F 3 681 56 seem convincing within the relativistic information in Zeitgeist might 78 0 PH environment of the Web in which ‘official’ standards of truth and validity are hard to administer. Investigation of the backgrounds of such ‘experts’ usually reveals a different story. The first section of Zeitgeist presents one of the many ‘Jesus’ conspiracies doing the rounds – that Jesus never existed and was a symbol constructed out of pagan mythologies by Roman political and religious elites for purposes of social control. This theory has no archaeological or theological pedigree anywhere outside of the works of one Acharya S., one of the many online ‘amateur

experts’ whose self-aggrandising claims as to special knowledge of the ‘truth’ are something of a conspiracy trademark. The second section dealing with 9/11 conspiracies features the similarly ‘expert’ commentary of one Ted Gunderson. Mr Gunderson may have been a former FBI section head at one time but he is now one of the more egregious proponents of ultra-fringe – and ultra-paranoid - conspiracy theories involving the all evil secret society of the Illuminati (usually identified with the leading politicians, businesspeople and media figures of the moment)and the satanic child abuse rituals they regularly undertake in secret caverns built beneath suburban kindergartens and the like (this particular conspiracy theory, propagated largely by Christian fundamentalists, spread through the West in the 1980s and 1990s and led to hysteria-fuelled investigations that spawned some appalling miscarriages of justice – the Peter Ellis ‘Christchurch creche’ case being the notable New Zealand example). While it appears that the Zeitgeist folks are more hippy New Agers than right-wing extremists, I think it is important to emphasise that these online docos (and others such as Loose Change) are much more conspiracy theory than ‘progressive’ or alternative social commentary, and that their criticisms of government and global finance – which would undoubtedly appeal on a basic level to most ordinary folk, particularly in light of the current global economic crisis caused by the American finance sector – should be taken with a large shaker of ideological salt. Getting a balance of information from non-online sources – such as books written be people whose knowledge credentials may be based on more than reading stuff on different ‘amateur’ websites – would possibly be useful as well.

An indepth critique of the ideas presented in Zeitgeist can be found at: http://www.conspiracyscience.com/articles/zeitgeist/

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Sub-par city How on Earth is a super city in Auckland going to help anyone? I think it’s a stupid idea and will further drain our nations resources into one particular, poorly planned point. The cities involved aren’t even being given the choice of being subsumed by the super city, or at least it looks that way. The only mayor who seems to be happy with the decision is that blow hard John Banks, who is a cocky little thing, somewhere between Paul Henry and Paul Holmes. He appears to think he has the position of ‘super-mayor’ in the bag, simply because he is the most outspoken and smug bastard out of all the mayors in Auckland. Creating this super city will undoubtedly result in the various non-cities it comprises of being under-represented and poorly governed. Say goodbye to paved roads in Waitakere guys.

Agony

I guess it’s just that time of year.

Send letters to editor@nexusmag.co.nz Letter of the Week wins a $20 Bennett’s voucher!

Dear Nexus Last week I was amazed to read that a woman from Alabama survived with only minor injuries after being shot in the head by her husband. Not only did she survive, she also made herself

Letters may also be sent via the letters thread at forums.nexusmag.co.nz. We get too many letters to publish these

a cup of tea and offered the deputy something to drink. The bullet had entered through her forehead, passed through her brain and exited out the back of her head. “There’s no way she should be alive other than a miracle from God,” said the local Sheriff Mike Byrd. Medical miracles are not something new and not surprisingly they have been around as long as religion itself. From the unexplained curing of the blind, to people on their death bed getting another shot at life, when it comes to miracles there isn’t much God can’t do. However, something struck me later that week after I made an unexpected visit to the hospital and saw a young boy in a wheelchair with only one leg. Why doesn’t God heal amputees? This boy deserves a miracle as much as, if not more than, anyone else. Unfortunately, we all know there is no chance of this young boy’s leg magically growing back. Why do God’s miracles seem to be limited to things that could happen by chance? The question is of the simplest form, yet an answer which doesn’t remove God from the picture is hard to find. This is why I would like to pass this question on to the religious head hunters of the University. Why doesn’t God heal amputees?

days – but don’t stop sending them! Letters that don’t make it into the mag can be viewed in the forum as well.

-Stefan Dean Ballinger

Uncommon common error Dear Nexus, Lauree Cross seems to have fallen afoul of a fallacy in her logic in this weeks “Uncommon Sense.” In this case a false dilemma (or maybe trillemma) is given, by presenting her opinion that Jesus was a lunatic, a liar or the Lord as the only available logical options as to who he was. There are in fact other options available to us, such as that the gospels are not an accurate record of his life or existence, and that his claims to divinity are not to be read

in the literal approach taken by most modern Christians. As with any common apologetics, both sides of the argument can quickly be found on google. I suggest searching for “Lewis’ Trilemma” or “Lunatic Liar Lord” for in-depth discussion. May the Flying Spahetti Monster grace you with his noodly appendage,

Gareth Round.

THE NEXUS LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS A $20 BOOK VOUCHER FROM BENNETTS WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP!

PH 07 856 6813

FAX 07 856 2255

ADDRESS Gate 5 Hillcrest Road

Txts to the Editor! Nexus now has a non-new TXT-in service! Send Letters to the Editor - via text - to 021 235 8436. Don’t forget: You can send Busted pictures in by pxt! Send us your best snaps of you or your mates in Bustedtype situations to 021 235 8436. Letters policy: Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page, serious or not. Letters should be kept under 250 words and be received by Wednesday 5pm on the week prior to publication. We’ll print basically any letter, but the editor reserves the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. We won’t correct your spelling and grammar either, so it’s up to you how much of an idiot you look like. Pseudonyms are okay (all correspondence must include your real name and contact details – they won’t be printed if you don’t want them to be) but if it’s a serious letter we’d prefer you to use your real name. Send letters to editor@nexusmag.co.nz

WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP

EMAIL wku@bennetts.co.nz 15


A bone to pick In reply to the collarbone phony letter I almost feel sorry for the writer as it is clear that they are a completely pathetic loner with too much time on their hands, I mean whinging like a bitch about something they actually have no idea about? What a faggot! I am that guy with the broken collier bone. I smashed it in a bike accident so badly the bone was nearly sticking out of the skin three days before the essay you talk about was due. Every time I moved my head I did feel my bones

crunching and in fact the day you would have heard me talking to the lecturer I had just come from the doctor as my collar bone was so weak when I got out of bed it snapped right back out of place and I had just been getting it reset. You talk about me like you know me? Claiming I have no cuts or bruises how the hell would you know this? I had the mean gravel rash down my shoulders back and thighs. Next you claim I was playing dodge ball because I was in a photo..you loser I was down there

supporting the crew I was supposed to play for, you obviously weren’t their because no one would ever be in a team with someone as bullshit as you. if you have a problem with me instead of hiding behind an anonymous nexus letter come see me face to face ill happily show you my X-rays before I perform this injury on you and see how you can write…

Hamish Day

Censorship? Dear Nexus, I think it’s a great idea that the University is censoring information that may offend people. Don’t talk about the history of Mormonism, that’s offensive. Oh, it’s factual is it? I don’t care! Did you just say evolution? How dare you! Oh, it’s supported by massive amounts of evidence in many areas of science, and most of modern medicine relies on it? I don’t give a fuck; the earth is 6000 years old and there were T-rex’s in the garden of Eden. Hold on, what’s that about homosexuals having equal rights? And so on. Religion is not some magical talisman that protects you from being offended. Facts are true, and if your beliefs, religious or otherwise, don’t agree with those facts then you’re wrong. I’m not being blunt and insensitive, I’m speaking the truth. Why is it that I can say that right wing politics are are designed to widen the gap between the rich and the poor, yet when I say that Mormonism is completely fabricated, and when it began it was officially racist(they refused to let black people into the church) I’m told that I’m being offensive? It’s time to stop being so damn polite to people who believe in complete bullshit.

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Jocelyn recently ordered a pair of jeans from a mail-order catalogue. When they arrived they had diamantes embroidered down the left leg. What can she do? The University branch of Citizens Advice Bureau can give you information about this or other hassles you might have. They have heaps of pamphlets and a huge data base to help answer anyone’s questions. Visit them at the Cowshed from 1pm – 3pm daily during semesters or phone 0800FORCAB (0800 367 222). By the way Cynthia can actually return the jeans and get a refund or replacement pair. Goods must match the description or photograph shown in the catalogue. The company must also cover the cost of the return postage.


Rant of the Week is a competitive, free-form column for anyone to vent about (nearly) anything. The best one in a given week makes it in. If you have a rantworthy Rant, send it to editor@nexusmag.co.nz.

This week’s Rant is by Rachael. Today, my Vagina woke up angry. It woke up absolutely furious. If my Vagina was a mouth it would be foaming, its teeth would be gnashing and it would be screaming- at you. If my Vagina was a cat it would be hissing and spitting and clawing at your eyes. If my Vagina was a man, it would be kicking the shit out of you. But my Vagina is none of those things. It has no voice, it writhes in silent fury. My Vagina is angry at you and your apathy. It wants to talk about all the bullshit it has to put up with. Here, my Vagina finally has a way to communicate its silent frustration. Here’s to all Vaginas- this one is for you. My Vagina is angry because you boys don’t understand that my short skirt is not an invitation. Sometimes, my Vagina and I want to go into town, looking fabulous, just to get drunk and dance with our friends. Wearing a short skirt is not ‘begging for it’. Feel free to admire us, but keep your leering, your crass comments and your HANDS to yourself. Wearing a short skirt is not permission to whistle and cat call at us. It’s not permission for you to touch us. And it is definitely not permission to attack us on our way home and try and try to rape us. Most importantly, everything that is under it my short skirt is MINE. You have to talk to my Vagina, work with my Vagina, seduce my Vagina, make my Vagina feel like the goddess it is. Convince my Vagina that you think it’s worth it. Here’s a hint: This is what foreplay is all about. It’s important; some of you guys out there should try it sometime. My Vagina is tired of being lied to. My Vagina wants to go on dates; it wants to feel special, respected, and wanted. It wants to feel like it is worth more. It wants to remind you that it is attached to a woman. My Vagina is pissed off that sex has turned into a transaction, instead of something you do with people you care about. It’s angry about premature ejaculation. It can’t even begin to tell you how thankful it is

that it doesn’t have to deal with that at the moment. Boys, if this is you, sort it out, for the love of all Vaginas! My Vagina wants sex. My Vagina loves sex. It needs a lot of sex. My Vagina loves to lose control. My Vagina loves to come until I fall out of bed and hit my head on the wall. It’s angry that it doesn’t get to do this more often. Work and university and other necessary evils of everyday existence get in the way of my Vagina’s hours and hours of orgasms. But my Vagina also wants sex to mean more. My Vagina is not interested in a one night stand. Your fear gets in the way of my Vagina’s orgasms: your fear of a real woman, your fear of commitment, or your fear of yourself. My Vagina is not interested in wasting its time on frivolity. My Vagina lives like there is no tomorrow. My Vagina is angry as hell that some women have never had orgasms. As far as my Vagina is concerned, there is no excuse for that bullshit. The clitoris is the only organ in the human body with the sole purpose of pleasure. It has twice the number of nerve fibres than in the penis. That means it should be twice as easy for ladies to come than men. Make it your mission everyone- find your clitoris. It’s not that hard. Make your mission for today an orgasm. Ask for directions if you have to, share one with a friend. My Vagina wishes it wasn’t angry. My vagina likes to live a stress free life. It likes to play, relax, lie back and enjoy. My Vagina wants some respect. My Vagina wants to see you all celebrating V-day. It wants to see you all at the WSU Vagina Monologues, at the Wel Energy Academy of Performing Arts, Monday 27th- Wednesday 29th of April at 7.30pm. Tickets for Students are $10, all proceeds to charity. Ladies- come and support your sisters. Gentlemen- take a different kind of stand for Vaginas.

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Making a start in the By Andrew Neal

You know about student journalism – but what’s life like in the world of professional journalism when your only experience is being the reporter at Nexus? Andrew Neal tells us…

game

The other day someone called me a writer and I didn’t quite know how to take it. I always envisioned writers as a persona like Hemingway, hunched over a type writer, in a room overlooking a Cuban coastline, or Irene Némirovsky hiding novel pages in Nazioccupied France from prying Gestapo eyes. I felt like a fraud. As a reporter or what most would term a ‘hack’, I certainly never considered myself a writer. I mean, sure, writing is part of what I do- in fact an integral part- but I don’t feel like that is what I do for a living. The way I assess what a reporter does is more in terms of collation. I spend more time visiting people, making phone calls, organizing photo times around photographers and their impossibly busy schedules, replying to feedback, laying up the paper, inventing pun-filled headlines and trying to understand what people have to say. I collect all that is needed to create a clear image of what is going on and feed it into a 200 to 600 word bite of what the public needs to know. I am a reporter for a weekly community newspaper The Hastings Leader in Hawke’s Bay, where I am attempting to start career in journalism. I wouldn’t say I was particularly experienced in what I’ve been doing, having departed the sunny Waikato merely seven months ago, but I will say that the experience of working fulltime for a “real” publication has certainly been an eye-opening one.

18

The editor of the daily paper that owns and runs the Leader retired after I had worked there for merely two weeks. He shook my hand after his leaving drinks and told me and another young reporter to “make sure you take risks”. It was funny the way he said that, as if he was reminiscing about his early days of being gungho, ready to flesh out that big story, break that important issue, uncover the scandal, make history. One of this particular editor’s most memorable risks was in 2004 was using three-quarters of the front page for a story about a woman who breastfed her puppy. He was grilled. Never before or since has the paper lost so many subscriptions in one day. It drew incredible amounts of outrage from both the public and professional communities. Issues about the woman’s mental state were raised, and debate about good taste and what exactly is public information were bandied about for weeks, even months. Of course, I was not there to witness the event, but it still lives in infamy and becomes an injoke every few weeks. I discussed the issue with my community counterpart Rachel, making light of the issue and asking what would possess someone to make such a poor decision. Her reply was simple: “At least he wasn’t afraid to take a risk.” I was stopped in my tracks by this because as a gung-ho reporter, wanting to break all the rules and carve a name for myself, I came to a small epiphany: that story was the definition

of a risk. A conscious decision to try something which will yield two very different responses. Ultimately it boils down to glory or failure. There was a brilliant TV show named Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip which only lasted one season before being axed. It was about a producer (Bradley Whitford) and a writer (Matthew Perry) on a late night sketch show who were fired in 2001 for taking a risk on a subversive sketch which was deemed offensive because it was too soon after the events of 9/11. They are hired back five years later when network execs decide to shake things up. In one episode Mathew Perry’s character talks about his staff that have become latent and fearful of censorship, public opinion and advertising revenue. “They need to live and die on every single punch line,” he says. It’s funny that this is something that sticks in my mind, because I find it relates to what I do and reminds me I should give everything I have to every headline. In the world of journalism you have to be prepared to burn the odd bridge for the right story and mend them if the situation calls for it. It’s a difficult balance. One group I was definitely not planning on burning was the local Mongrel Mob. The opportunity came up to interview the head of the local gang about - of all things- White Ribbon Day. The day is aimed at making people aware of the effect violence has on families and the head of the Mob was speaking at a celebration in the center of Hastings. I spoke to him at his job, a

supervisor with his own office at a pack house, for around an hour and a half. We smoked and chatted and even enjoyed a coffee in the break room. The day after the article was published he gave me a call. It went something like this; “Hello, Andrew speaking.” “Hi, it’s Rex.” “Hiya mate, how are you?” “Oh, not good ay.” It’s about here that, for the first time in my life, I truly understood the term ‘sinking feeling’. “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Why is that?” With my forehead getting peculiarly warm, the rest of the conversation is somewhat blurry but the sum of it was as follows: The head of the Hastings chapter of the Mongrel Mob was pissed at me because my article included parts of his personal history that included his family and domestic violence. Apparently his partner didn’t take too kindly to the public knowing about the couple’s violent past and made him sleep on the couch. I replied by saying he never stipulated that anything was off the record, and that sending the piece to him before print jeopardized the integrity of it. He asked if we could print something to retract the article. I told him it wasn’t likely. The root of a good story is not always the one a source would like in print, and this can mean losing the contact directly or completely inadvertently. Without the personal parts of Rex’s life, the story would have held no weight, wouldn’t have been half as interesting and would basically not have been worth printing.

The reporters at the paper are all highly skilled and hardworking and I feel I am learning a lot from them. At times, however, they are often heart-broken by constraints on all certain areas of their job. I have witnessed two break-downs from reporters who have walked out on the job vowing never to come back. After time to calm down they both showed up for work the next day. However, my point is this: times are getting harder in the news room. Recently reporters have been asked to file four stories a day. If a story falls through, they are expected to produce a brief – normally churned butter from a milky press release. The world of the print media is shrinking, with fewer reporters than ever expected to do more work. In a distant but relevant example, Time magazine recently reported that the number of media outlets which had staff positioned at Capitol Hill in Washington had decreased 72 per cent since 1985. This is a case study of a wider problem. Time constraints in my workplace are a constant gripe of staff, who are made to turn up to events they have little knowledge of at short notice. Beats are a side project rather than a full time job, sub-editors have little time to work with reporters, and editorial space is constantly over-ridden by advertising. For example, the health reporter at work is also in sole charge of the weekly fashion pull out as well as being expected to cover general news. Photographers are expected to cover all areas of news including advertising, hard news, soft news and are expected to drop all 19


commitments in the case of an emergency (car crash, fire etc). There was a court case recently

come from a number of backgrounds. This time last year I was working part-time at

Despite the hardships there is plenty I like about my job and the best thing is the people.

talk to. Through this I have come into contact with a lot of useful people such as MPs and

where the paper had to buy its photographs because the photographer didn’t have time to wait for the defendant to leave the building.

Nexus, part time as a tutor and Saturdays at a video shop. It took months of applying for jobs with a BA(Hons) in Political Science and Screen and Media Studies to find a full-time position. I have found that qualifications are of limited value when compared to experience. Some people have done a degree and topped it up with a one year journalism diploma. Some spent three years learning how to be a journalist. Some, like reporter Roger Moroney, whom I consider the best journalist at the paper, learnt everything by doing. Roger Moroney has won awards a number of times for not only his news writing but also his columns. He began writing for motorcycle magazines as a young ’un and he still does not use teeline shorthand (the usual shorthand used by journalists,) yet he has had more stories on the front page than anyone else at the paper. He is the definition of a writer.

Conversations in the news room are never boring, especially when that big story breaks. I often miss out on the excitement working on the weekly paper but I have chased a few good stories myself and helped report if I happen to stumble across something news-worthy. I have grabbed myself a front page story for the daily and couple insiders so I’m doing okay.

councillors, and at one event recently I walked away with three stories in my notebook and about 15 business cards lighter.

Gone are the days of riding in radio cars waiting for the story strike – all news staff now support the work loads of what was two or three people’s jobs. Another community paper run through the same office is a monthly publication. It used to be a weekly tabloid with its own office, editor, two reporters, ad rep and sub-editor. It now survives through the efforts of three community reporters who work on it in between regular duties. I was told just the other day that community advertising reps have dropped in numbers from 14 to two. Often these cutbacks can be heartbreaking. Case in point came last week when I went about the business of placing stories on what meagre editorial space was available in the paper. Some time later I was informed by my chief reporter that half pages filled with stories I had spent the week writing were being swallowed up by late advertising placements and all there was room for in a 20 page publication was a number of short fillers. The next day an advertiser stopped me and began asking why the six reporters (two part-time) who produce four papers were not doing advertising work when there is so little space for editorial anyway. This irked me. If it were up to some advertisers, I’m sure a newspaper would be a little more than a pamphlet with a cover story. Last week they almost got their wish. Getting a start in the world of journalism is not an easy task and people in the industry 20

A different education does present some issues for me as I still have not learnt teeline shorthand which makes note taking a hell of a lot easier and limited knowledge of media law and cultural issues are somewhat limiting at times. But the best advice I could give with my limited experience would be if there is a career that you are chasing, any career - experience is the key. A lot of students have the mentality that sitting in a class and merely passing papers will earn you a decent job at the end. While this can be true for a lucky few, I have seen plenty of degree-laden graduates disappear into jobs completely irrelevant to what they have studied.

The people that you meet on jobs really make the whole thing enjoyable. Last week I talked to a group of World War Two pilots. While sharing literal war stories over a can of Speights may not be everyone’s idea of a good time, it was one of the most rewarding experiences of my short journalism career. It has always been a dream of mine to talk to a Spitfire pilot and I got to meet two of them, one of which was shot down and became a POW. 26 years after the war he met the German pilot who shot him down and they became close friends. Stories like that don’t come along every day and being the one to be able to share it with the world was something I found quite gratifying. A big part of the job is recognition and getting your name out there. Essentially, this means selling yourself. My chief reporter has just increased my visibility by putting little pictures of me on every story. It’s a great way to get known in the community but often it’s a little creepy when people start talking to you like they know you over the phone. Ah, the trials of being a celebrity. Well, not really, but the job does involve a lot of networking. Going to events, award ceremonies, school assemblies, building openings and meetings where it is imperative to find the important people to

I have been privileged enough to enjoy a few events in my time in the Hawke’s Bay which can be a major perk of the job. Every year the towns of Napier and Hastings get together to celebrate Art Deco weekend. If you have no idea about Hawke’s Bay history, I’ll explain: Napier and part of Hastings were destroyed in 1931 by an earthquake, so a lot of the architecture is of the 1930s Art Deco style and each year the entire town dresses up and pretends it’s 1939. Lots of fun. (Fun factoid: Napier is known as the Art Deco City even though it has more Spanish Mission style architecture and Hastings is called the Spanish Mission City even though it contains more Art Deco. Weird.) A lot of people get into journalism thinking it’s a great ride with plenty of perks and glamour. The truth is it takes a lot of commitment and passion to do the job. I do a lot of overtime hours and work outside the office with no overtime pay, spend my own money getting around, fight with advertisers, bosses, sources, subeditors and myself to get my stories printed, making enemies and friends, getting up early (NOT a morning person), being disappointed by paper sizes and clipped stories and I love it. It’s funny that when entering University this was not my planned vocation, but now that I am here it’s the only thing I want to do. Hell, one day someone might describe me as a writer and I’ll reply with a swift “yes, yes I am,” but for now, I’m enjoying being a reporter.

the community staff all dressed up for deco weekend

some of the world war two pilots I had the privilege of talking to

me and my best mate roge at the big day out, one of the reasons I miss the tron

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Majick Eight Ball

All questions taken from the Magic 8 Ball thread at forums.nexusmag.co.nz! You can submit questions to the forum, as well as to magic8ball@nexusmag.co.nz Is sliced bread really that great? Everyone’s always banging on about how it was the coolest thing on the planet before whatever it is they’re talking about came along. IS SLICED BREAD THE ALPHA AND THE OMEGA OF GREATNESS? Signs point to yes – clearly sliced bread actually exceeds the original Alpha and Omega, one Jesus H Christ. The role our new god-king Sliced Bread is to play in the apocalypse, is, however, undetermined. If sliced bread was invented before Jesus was invented, would kung fu movies be the greatest thing since Jesus instead? Concentrate and ask again – Clearly nothing outshines Sliced Bread’s convenient, crusty holiness. I believe the sheer majesty of Our Lord Sliced Bread has made your mind go all yeasty. Or maybe that’s just the Mad Cow Disease. (Maximum irony points if you actually have Mad Cow Disease.)

Do people exist solely to annoy me? Cannot predict now – this question will be answered at the end of your life. If it is true, chances are the entirety of the afterlife will be yelling “POINT AND LAUGH!” at you. Hope it’s not true. If people exist solely to annoy you, it follows that you exist solely to be annoyed by people. Which is a tiny bit sad. Is anyone at this sad excuse for a University capable of forming a logical argument? As I see it yes – but I haven’t a clue who it is. If I were them, I’d hide. If it’s you – well. You’re

a hypocrisy if I didn’t hate taxes so much. TEA PARTY!!! RON PAUL 2012! VOTE LIBERTARIANZ! Will Microsoft Word’s spelling and grammar check ever learn? As I see it yes – Around. The same time, AS, the internet, becomes a sentient Entity? However; it seems, to think, that, this, Is? A. Perfectly. Good, writing! Is the website at peteranswers.com actually psychic? It is certain – and it knew you were going

clearly a raging homo. See? All I got is ad hominem. Wait, you’re also a Nazi. Look, I got Godwin as well!

to write that before you wrote it. Ergo, it is psychic. Also, there are ghosts in my house, and the dead talk to me.

Is the situation with government bodies like the IRD laying people off the biggest hypocrisy ever? My sources say no – the biggest hypocrisy ever is J Edgar Hoover. It would be more of

Were the V8s a giant annoying waste of time and money? Yes definitely.

,/%% --#& ^iWZ\^chdci]jghYVn YdcÉi[dg\Zi lg^iZ^idcndjg]VcYcdl

contact 88.1 fm

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home of the nexus show.


Everything you’d expect from your favourite free weekly student magazine + much more!

FINALLY! visit nexus online for: • extended articles • features • comments & feedback • competitions • letters to the editor • up-to-the-minute news

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Some features yet to be implemented. Site is a work in progress, and is subject to change without warning.

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Pres Sez by WSU President Ben Delaney Expansions…… A lot has been going on around the office lately. We have recently hired two staff, well rather employed another person for our events team, bringing this section up to a mighty two, and making room for our new friendly receptionist. This brings us up to full strength,

boards, both university and national, being added to the portfolio of boards we represent you on. This is to increase your voice at the decision-making level. Personally, this has included representation on University Sport NZ, Student Job Search National Council and

ready to service you, the students, with more support for Directors and scheduled events, increasing our services to clubs by having a 20hour dedicated position, as well as providing more flexibility around the advocacy service with the start of the year appointment of another half time position. All of these changes are a reflection of the commitment made in our organization’s strategic plan which outlines our commitment to improve our services to you- the student. Other areas of the strategic plan being implemented include a number of

Academic Programs Committee. Another form of expansion and alignment is the quality of our events. This week we host the Vagina Monologues, and after a successful Uni Games and prior events we are conscious that upcoming activities should of the same or higher calibre. As you can see we are working hard, so please reward us with your participation. Looking forward, as backwards gives you a sore neck, Prez

Joke of the week These are the only ten times in history the “F” word has been acceptable for use...

10. “What the @#$% was that?” -Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945

9. “Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?” -Custer, 1877

8. “Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that.” -Einstein, 1938

7. “It does so @#$%ing look like her!” Picasso, 1926

6. “How the @#$% did you work that out?” -Pythagoras, 126 BC

5. “You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?” -Michelangelo,1566

4. “Where the @#$% are we?” -Amelia Earhart, 1937

Veep Speaks...

3. “Scattered @#$%ing showers.... my ass!” -Noah, 4314 BC

By WSU Vice-President Glen Delamere 2. “Aw c’mon. Who the @#$% is going to At the WSU we are supportive of all student issues, at times some of the events may be gender and even race specific but our purpose is to raise the profile of the issue (event). Often when an issue is raised you might think that it doesn’t affect me and often this may seem to be the case, however if you stand back and look at an issue from afar you will often find that indirectly most issues have some effect on us. Often it can be so small that we have difficulty linking relevance to ourselves and choose to not worry about it. I believe that by being at University you are showing that they have a hunger to learn and are open-minded. Many of the lectures that we attend talk or show theories of how things work; often we find more than one theory that can be applied for the same or a similar result. This is often the case with some of the events that the WSU Directors put on for the student body the manner in which the event is done will often not be the way in which you as an individual would do it – but isn’t it more important that the issue(event) is being put out there? 24

find out?” -Bill Clinton, 1999 And . . . drum roll . . . . . 1. “Geez, I didn’t think they’d get this @%#*^ing mad.” -Osama bin Laden, November, 2001


Event Recap: University Games Taranaki by AJ Wow! What a week! As Waikato Uni’s Team Manager for the 2009 UniGames I led the Tribe down to Taranaki on Tuesday the 14th of April. Departing on two packed buses with Kev and Doug as drivers we were set on our trip, excited to get into the swing on things with the big opening ceremony. Top 10 Holiday Park was the Tribe’s home for the next 5 days and damn was it sweet…heated pool, spa, sauna, TRAMPOLINE even! We had tv’s in each room and were welcomed with open arms. The Tribe started well on the first day of competition after a great night at the opening ceremony (looking very tribal). By the end of Uni Games we came away with 9 medals, 3 Gold, 2 Silver, and 4 Bronze. The Tribe took home 4 trophies; Cricket 20/20, Badminton, Football Women, and Overall Table Tennis plus the coveted and well deserved Team Spirit Award. It was an amazing week with many highlights and laughs making the trip one that will never be forgotten. Congratulations to all that took part and more importantly to those that helped out to make it what it was. Tribal Chief out! AJ

Jane Nuygen saying “nothing”

Upcoming WSU Events

Student Questions

WSU Board Meeting 28 April 9-11 AM in the Bunker – if you need directions ask at WSU reception

21st April 2009 Question: Has the WSU been involved in the planning process of the new student centre that is currently being built?

1. Vagina Monologues

2. International Students Noho Marae

27-29 April

22-23 May

Three days only; don’t miss out on your opportunity to see this event brought to you by your Waikato Students’ Union Tickets on sale from TicketDirect at the Academy of Performing Arts $15 for members of the public $10 for Students

The third International Students’ Noho Marae is coming. The WSU is giving International Students’ the opportunity to experience Maori culture by participating in a tradition powhiri (Welcome), learning waiata (songs) and more about Maori. The International Students’ will also stay overnight on a Marae.

Answer: Absolutely! As this student centre is being built for the students of Waikato University it was very important for the WSU and students to get involved with the planning of it. Over the last four years WSU alongside students in various forums had input in the planning and designing process of the centre. As members of the Student Campus Building Trust and U Leisure Board our directors were supportive of the two aforementioned charities giving money towards the project. The student union has secured two excellent spaces in the new building to contribute to campus culture and activities, and looks forward to using these once the building is open.

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The

Vagina

Monologues A show to make women proud to be women

Produced and directed by Anya Varezhkina and Sarah Knox

Starring Kate Magazinovic, Joy Yuan, Tia Barrett, Sarah Knox, Anya Varezhkina, Bella-Anne Wheeler, Kelsey Tills, Aasha Foster, Arianne Zilberberg, Rachael Elliott Benefiting Rape and Sexual Abuse Healing Centre Hamilton and Power to The Women and Girls of People’s Republic of Congo Bookings: TicketDirect Waikato www.ticketdirect.co.nz 0800 4 TICKET Adult - $15 Student - $10

Dates:

27 April - 7:30pm 28 April - 7:30pm 29 April - 7:30pm

Telecom Playhouse, WEL Energy Trust Academy of Performing Arts University of Waikato


SEND NOTICES TO: notices@nexusmag.co.nz before Wednesday, 5 pm. Placing notices is free for students. We don’t always have much space, so get in quick! Notices cannot be any more than 75 words. We will not accept handwritten or non-electronic notices or dictation over the phone – that’s stone-age shit. If you (somehow) don’t have access to email or a computer, come into the offices and use one of our computers to type up your notice. Ta.

Random Stuff

Big house, plenty of off st parking and single garage. Gas water and heating, wireless broadband. $90 a week excluding expenses. Call or Text 027 3197367

Hi again, Everyone. It has been brought to my attention that the location of the April 30 seminar may not have been clear to many. It is in the Eastern Lecture Theatre (ELT), which is on Hillcrest Road between the Station and the main Management buildings, more or less opposite the zebra crossing on Hillcrest Road. Hope that is of some help. David. Any riders or skiers who are keen to come to Wanaka for the Winter Uni Games this season, want to save coin and car pool to Ruapehu or interested in joining the Waikato Uni Ski and Snowboard Club email wusssa@gmail.com or ring Natalie 027 329 1713. Chur Belly Dance Classes: Great Fun and Good Exercise! Beginners Classes start Wednesday 13 May. For more info email nzbellydancer@ hotmail.com. We have a small ginger cat that keeps hanging round our house that we believe is missing. He has been around for about a month. We are located half way down Old Farm Road so if you have a missing ginger cat and live near or around our area and think it is yours give us a call on 859 3492. We feel sorry for him as he misses his owners. Fencers Wanted Waikato Swords Fencing Club looking for new members of all skill levels. at AgResearch (Farmers) Hall, on Ruakura Campus from 7-9pm on Mondays. Check out http://www. sportsground.co.nz/waikatoswords for more info or email Simon at sdw9@waikato.ac.nz FILM / CAMERA PERSON WANTED Do you love film?! Do you love working a camera?! I have a master plan for a great film and just need a lil help to film some DANCE over an afternoon....(most likely later on in the year) TEXT ME!!! 027 251 7093 :-)

FLATMATE WANTED: $120 pw includes: rent, power, phone, internet, sky. Tidy house, good size room, close to Uni - Cameron road. Existing flatmates are three female Uni students. If interested phone (07) 856 3931 or email jam51@waikato.ac.nz Nissan Skyline 1994, Metallic Green/Silver, remote lock and start up feature, immobilizer and fuel cut off switch, excellent condition. 235,002 Km BUT replaced motor and cam belt in January 2008. ABS brakes, air conditioning, alloy wheels, central locking, electric mirrors electric windows, overdrive, power steering and spoiler. Call or text 021 02238186. $5000 ono. Any body interested in getting involved in a cycling club at the Uni email me and we can try to get something going. It will be a casual club for all denominations of the cycling religion (all praise to the mighty coffee bean) and welcome 20” to 700c wheels, size should not matter! To get WSU funding we need at least 15 people, last time I tried this we got 8. email src14@ students.waikato.ac.nz Thanks, Sean.

Flats and Mates Flatmate wanted Looking for a cool, social, clean & tidy person to add to our flat of 3 flatties (2 guys and a girl). Awesome spacious 2story house on Hillcrest Rd for $90 rent wkly, parking space provided. Nice room with big wardrobe, fits queen bed fine. We cook separately and it would be a bonus if you have a lounge suite 4 our downstairs lounge. Call/text me on 0277566055 to check it out! Flatmate wanted: Peachgrove Rd, close to uni and Town. 3 current flat mates, 2girls, 1guy. Double bedroom with wardrobe.

Flatmate wanted for B Semester 2009 only. $100 rent pw plus power/gas, internet and food. Three other second-year flatmates, two guys, one girl. Would like someone fairly quiet as this is a reasonably sober flat. Current flatmate is going overseas on exchange for one semester. Large double room on sunny side, double wardrobe, off-street carpark, 4 min walk to shopping centre, short walk to uni. Locked room, one person only preferred. Room furnished neg. Text 0274955203 or 0272153531 if interested please. To rent: Outside self contained studio, small, fully furnished, own cooking facilities, independent from house. Shower, bath and toilet inside house (close to room) Suitable for one person only. In Ham East beside river. Short walk to town and university. Quiet area, suit mature student who wishes a quiet environment to complete their studies. someone who likes cats. Off street parking Price: inclusive of room, power, $115.00pw with wireless & tele $125.00pw flatmate wanted to flat with 3 guys all 19. 2 at uni and 1 at tec. flat on old farm road close to uni. about 1 minute skate. has good set up will just need your own stuff. room available is the largest, sunny during the day. 150 a week including everything, boardband, food, power all that. female or male not fussed. smokers ok, no pets. ring or txt 027 7636293 if keen. 29


THE NERDERY

THE FEMININE FILES author: Mavis and Gertrude

So over the holiday I got another nice letter from the NZTA, telling me they want another $210 for the pleasure of having a motor vehicle for another year. Oh well, another thing to go online and do. I find online transactions to be wonderful - they’re instantaneous, convenient, and incredibly secure.

People don’t date enough in Hamilton. The culture here is drink, then root. Booze, then bone. This is not classy. The way to be classy and establish a long-term relationship is through dating. If you just want a shag and an STI, then keep doing what you’re doing. Dating is tricky. If you don’t know the person that well or you don’t know how keen you are on them, it’s probably easier to have a lunch date. That way, it’s easier to escape if things are not going well (eg. saying that you have a lecture/you’re meeting a friend). But if you’ve been friends for awhile, or you’re REALLY keen, dinner dates are the way to go. But there are a few rules to follow to ensure

author: Jed Laundry

But this time round they’ve sent out a flier for their online services - which I always use anyway. Why is it that no company/government agency ever remembers that I already use their online services, and send me emails? But on this flier they included an advert for a service called POLi. I was curious, and did some digging. Turns out, POLi is an application which you download, and once installed interacts with your browser for arranging direct debit payments from your bank account. You click some buttons, select your bank, type your username and password and the application takes care of entering the receiver’s bank details and payment amount. ... Now, just in case you’ve missed the plot, lets rewind a bit, say a decade ago. Since the inception of online transactions, banks, security companies, and governments have been warning us not to disclose our passwords to anyone. They’ve been warning us not to install software that could compromise security. They’ve been warning us to only interact with trusted services; i.e., the bank providing us with a bank account. And so I have two very simple questions; WHY IS THIS SERVICE ALLOWED TO EXIST AT ALL, AND WHY IS A GOVERNMENT AGENCY PROMOTING IT?!?!?!?! This is exactly the kind of thing that all those warnings are supposed to be preventing us from doing; giving our details out to someone we can’t trust. No, you can’t trust POLi. They don’t hold your money. They don’t process the transaction. They aren’t a bank and don’t try to meet the requirements of being one. They are simply a private company which people are handing over their passwords to. It’s reckless and irresponsible, especially for a government agency. It’s insane that it’s even considered an option. Those capable of using online banking are more than capable of entering in an account number and payment amount. Also, there are reasons why credit cards are preferred for online transactions; speed, broad acceptance, and if there is any hint of fraud you can arrange to get your money back. Direct debit is popular in this country because it’s a way of avoiding the per-transaction fees of credit cards, and apart from having a bank account theres nothing required to set up. But you don’t get any of the security against fraud. I’ve heard of applications like POLi before. It’s spyware, which is often used for fraud and identity theft. It’s inconceivable that anyone would knowingly install spyware, so why is POLi being promoted?

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your night is awkwardness-free (well, as much as it can be. We don’t know how good your conversation skills are!) Table manners. Oh, god. Please remember the following: your fork is not a spoon. Don’t treat it like one. Food to mouth, not mouth to food. Use your linen napkin – it goes on your lap, or tucked into your shirt if you eat something drippy. Don’t slurp your soup, and please chew with your mouth closed. Keep your elbows off the table. Limit alcohol to a couple of glasses. I recommend milkshakes instead. Watch what you order. If you want pasta, don’t get spaghetti or fettuccini. Get penne or spirals, because they won’t splash. Ribs (or really any finger food) are a definite no on a date. Save it for when you’re with family who can’t dump you. Garlic is something to be careful with. If your date eats it too, then you’re sweet, but if you’re the only one, they’re totally going to be able to smell it when you have that end of night smoochy. Avoid curry. Make sure you like what you order, coz picking at your food makes you look dumb. Offer them a bite! Sexy. Girls, don’t order a salad and then eat all his chips. It makes you look like a tard, and they’re still bad for you. Just get your own. Don’t talk down to the waitresses. It makes you look awful. Plus she will probably spit in your food. When picking a restaurant, go with something simple, unless you both have a passion for sashimi. The last thing you want is to book at table at Gengy’s only to find they’re a vegetarian. Go somewhere with a wide range of food. Don’t go to Lone Star, because it’s such a guy restaurant. Next, payment. The guy should ALWAYS offer to pay. The girl shouldn’t take him up on it, unless he insists, in which case you should buy him drinks later. If you don’t want to see him again, you really shouldn’t let him pay. That’s just mean. He’ll end up poor and lonely. Optimally, you should split it. Girls should never ever pay on the first date, it makes the guy look stingy and makes the waitresses look down on him. Guys, don’t forget your EFTPOS cards! Sex on the first date? I’ll leave that one up to you. It’s nicer not to, and he leaves with a goodnight kiss, and then he’ll text you later to ask you out again. It’s romantic. Remember romance? I believe they’ve made some movies about it.


VITAMIN C Starring vitaminC in:

PHYSICAL EDUCATION

“Self-denial is indulgence of a propensity to forgo”

Bringing Healthy Back, back.

If I can’t catch your attention in any other way than to tell you how to aspire to wisdom, then I’ll do it. The other day a guy made a big hubbub at a U.N racism conference by having a go at the Jews. A bunch of people decided they’d heard this a thousand times before and got up and left. Can’t blame them, but the part that caught my attention was Secretary General Ban Ki-moon, who let the guy have his entire say before making his reply. I like that that happened. It seemed wise to me. Not a lot of this kind of thing happens often. Listening - even if it’s just to cover the fact that you are waiting for the other guy to finish speaking - could probably help a lot of issues at the moment. With the speaker in question, he had some things to say which a lot of people both agree and disagree with; things that aren’t going to change in a hurry, even if you perform the political equivalent of sticking your fingers in your ears.

“Listening - even if it’s just to cover the fact that you are waiting for the other guy to finish speaking - could probably help a lot of issues at the moment” Krypton Factor is repeating on one of the Freeview channels. It’s pretty cool. It’s where four people compete to see who has the Krypton Factor. There are four rounds where you are tested on mental agility, spatial reckoning, physical fitness, and general knowledge. If you’re stupid, you’ll get destroyed in the first two rounds and have a massive time disadvantage in the fitness round (the concourse at Base Trentham), but if you aren’t athletic you’ll get left for dust, with only an outside chance of getting your score back in the quick-fire general knowledge round at the end. The upshot of all of this is that the male contestants all look like Clark Kent. There are no prizes, except for the winner of the final, who gets the Krypton Factor Trophy. Do people sell poppies on campus? I haven’t seen any, and will probably drive to town tomorrow to try and buy one. I think that’s a good thing to spend money on, but it’s a shame the petrol money doesn’t also go towards the poppy salesfolk. I’m not normally a charitable person, but I always try to give change to people who collect donations on the streets. It makes me feel a little nicer, without getting caught being nice. It’s funny that inbox spam has won. It’s pretty much a fact of life now. Spam is the email version of infomercials. Which is probably a good thing; I’d rather not see infomercials about penis enlargement, colon cleansing, acai pills, and Kenyan princes. Shutting your face, not opening it; these are ways of aspiring to wisdom. Next time: Schindlers Lifts, and other things that make me giggle.

by Kirill

I am excited, kind of. Well, not excited. Jubilant? My interest is aroused? Piqued? You might be wondering why. I’ll tell you. The gym is bringing a whole new round of classes to its program, and you have time to join up. One of these classes addresses my personal desires, fears, lusts and concerns about people’s health, posture and back health. My general thinking is this: People no longer function in the way we were designed. Constant sitting has changed the load distribution in our muscles, and not in a good way. Running shoes have changed the way we walk. Some studies have even shown that low rider pants changed the position of the hips of our youth (and I don’t mean closer to other people hips…no, more like an ape). All these changes manifest themselves in countless ways around what is arguably one of the most important (and certainly most perceptible) parts of our body. The back. Think of it this way. When you see me stride down the street, with my sexy back, I know you are aroused and interested. I know that all men would turn gay for me, and woman would have my babies (but that all sounds messy and I think I will abstain). Perhaps the back isn’t as instantly noticeable in a person, but it does play a strong role in a person’s appearance. Vanity aside, it is amazing how much a healthy back plays on your general wellbeing and sense of health. Unfortunately though, I’m no expert on backs (backspert?) and can’t just give you advice that will fix it all. But I know people who do… the gym people, they do. Starting on the 5th of May and going until 9th of June, the healthy back classes will be held once a week. According to the various pieces of information I could find, the class is both practical and theoretical. You will find out about the magic biology and physics working of the back and spine. This crazy alchemy will later be applied to practical exercises which are supposedly going to teach you “the correct way to stabilize, stretch and challenge your core!”. I realize it is hard to realize that your back is not working properly or could use some fine tuning. But here is an easy indicator. If you sit at a computer a lot or a desk, you will benefit from this. I’d like to this that for the most part, that applies to most of the people at university. Also the gym is starting up ceroc dance classes, yoga, pilates matwork, kickboxing, hip hop and a fit boost class. I would definitely recommend the fit boost class for those who are already at an admirable level of fitness and need something new to kick start or even restart their training.

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With Luna Goodlove

Aries (21 March – 19 April): That random guy just

Scorpio (23 October – 29 October): Seriously, again?

got jailed. You can relax now. No more stalkers for you. Check the Adult Entertainment ads in the Waikato Times for your next romantic conquest. Good luck! It shouldn’t be too tricky. Wait, the whole thing IS a trick. Trick, get it? Heh heh. Prosty jokes.

Stop sleeping with herpes-ridden hobos! Jeez, it’s like you need to hear it from a fortune teller or something. How loud do the stars have to yell? Fuck.

Taurus (20 April – 20 May): Happy birthday! In the meantime, keep being nice to your friends and maybe they’ll invite you out more. Did you know they went to Bar 101 without you the other night? They told the bouncer to tell them if he saw you, so they could hide. Sadface. All the stars are crying for you, except Orion. He’s laughing.

Gemini (21 May – 20 June): I see misfortune in your future. Avoid a store that starts with ‘S’ and ends in ‘upre’. It will transform you (or your girlfriend) into Queen of the Generics, where she and her generic minions with identical hair will provide a background for better dressers to stand out against. This fate must be avoided! RUUUUUUUUN!

Cancer (21 June – 22 July): A vision is coming to me. It’s getting stronger. You’re on a boat. A motherfucking boat, yeah. Never thought I’d see the day you were on a boat (like Leo!). Whilst on this joyously fun boat, do a little dance. I think T-Pain is there too. Steal his hat.

Leo (23 July – 22 August): You are strong and beautiful. Trust in yourself and you can achieve anything. Wow, I’ve had too much iced tea. Long Island Iced Tea. Try to save up some of your money. I see travel in your future, to someone warmer than here. Which could really be anywhere right now.

Virgo

(23 August – 22 September): Give your loved one a hug. He might only be a teddy bear, but he will appreciate it more than you know. Tune into Contact FM, you might hear something worth remembering. Or maybe I’m just plugging it. You don’t know until you try.

Libra

(23 September – 22 October): The stars are telling me to tell you to find yourself an American boy. He will hook you up with a smoking hottie. Get him to take you on a trip, take you to his hood. He’ll take you to New York, you’d love to see L.A. Or rather you’d love to see Lindsay Lohan in L.A. when she’s drunk and easy. I look down on your morals, from my place high in the sky.

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Ophiuchus (30 October – 21 November): I love those new clothes you bought. They look really good on you. Wear them as much as you can before the winter bulge sets in and you have to pull out your oldest trackpants with the elastic waistband. It’s okay. Happens to everyone. Except that guy over there. You know the one.

Sagittarius (22 November – 21 December): Your dancing is not as cool as you think. Just sway next time. Green things will bring you good luck, so make sure you drink Midori in town and hug lots of trees. Evergreen of course, not deciduous. Orange is unlucky for you. No pumpkin, bitch!

Capricorn (22 December – 19 January): You’re broke, huh? Not surprising. But it’s okay. California Girls always needs ‘ladies’. They’ll love you. You’re open and outgoing. No puns intended. I see success in this area if you’re desperate enough. I think you could double the notches on your bedpost. Doubling zero is easy.

Aquarius (20 January – 18 February): You look really good! Bright too. The stars are liking your new style. I believe your makeover is nearly complete, you’re now acceptable to be seen in public. Some good luck is coming your way, so enter any old lady raffles you see. It’s a good deed so you’ll build up nice karma. And I think you’ll win.*

Pisces (19 February – 20 March): Your fans are swooning. You’re radiating sexiness. This is due to Venus being in Jupiter. Or something. Point is, enjoy it. It’s awesome. Really. No catch. Keep showin’ off your style. It’ll last til May 18. Avoid teapots and Dutch licorice, they will bring misfortune. *DISCLAIMER: Luna Goodlove may not actually think this. She just wants you to buy raffle tickets.


The Phat Controller

Killzone 2

“It is propaganda and the impact of martyrdom on warfare, however, that forms the central moral to the game – it’s a subtle take on the morality and consequences of war”

Guerilla Games - PS3

Reviewed by David Large – Critic

For gamers firmly entrenched in Sony’s hardware ecosystem, the Killzone series has been a blessing doled out every few years. After the initial Killzone was released in 2004 for the PS2, its first sequel Killzone: Liberation followed two years later on the PSP, trading in its FPS roots for

hold cover positions better than any NPCs I’ve seen, and put paid to any thought of traditional run-and-gun tactics. Killzone 2 outshines even its stellar campaign mode in the multiplayer arena: the 32-player matches include support for four 4-player squads

a top-down, isometric melange of genres: primarily, it resembled a sci-fi dungeon-crawler with a healthy injection of guns, upgrades, and action shooter DNA. Enter the third game in the series, Killzone 2, and the noble fight is taken to the Helghans’ planet, Helghast. There’s a fair resonance with more contemporary political warfare here, as you oversee a group of marines taking on the indoctrinated troops of a charismatic leader. There’s a stolen experimental nuclear weapon tossed in the mix for good measure, although this point feels more like a token WMD justification to invade the planet. Having missed the first instalment in the series, I suppose I didn’t buy into the game’s revenge theme – taking the fight to the initial aggressors of the interplanetary war – but strangely enough that worked to my advantage, as there suddenly appeared shades of policy I wouldn’t otherwise have considered: this wasn’t my war, one might say, and yet there I was, trying to dismantle the military power of a questionably sane foreign leader, one red-eyed enemy soldier at a time. All Killzone 2 needed for a more uncomfortable resonance would have been a fight over a resource more tangible than propaganda and more believable than a super-nuke. It is propaganda and the impact of martyrdom on warfare, however, that forms the central moral to the game – it’s a subtle take on the morality and consequences of war. Without giving away too much of the ending, it’s patently obvious that ending a battle is much more difficult than beginning one (another sequel or two should wrap things up quite nicely, though). To survive on any but the easiest difficulty setting, you’ll need to master the game’s cover system, aim accurately, and predict enemy AI – pretty much par for the FPS course, apart from the fact that Killzone 2’s enemy soldiers are damned smart. They duck quickly, weave unpredictably, and

on each team and offer seven combat classes to choose from, although the unlocking system to reach the different classes and abilities takes grinding to a new level. Multiplayer maps spread both horizontally and vertically, and offer a surfeit of cover, ambush spots and atmospheric wreckage for some of the most exciting PVP combat you’ll see this side of the console divide. There are remarkably few shortcomings in the game (though the omission of co-op play through the campaign is foremost), and even the tacked-on six-axis controls – mostly used for interacting with set-pieces in the game environment and keeping your reticle steady while sniping – don’t detract terribly much, laggy as they are. Level design is stellar, with alternate ways to approach different situations and clever use of architecture as dividers and channels for the game’s action. Where Bungie famously designed the Halo series around 30-second bites of action, Killzone 2 seems to be set up around two-minute set-pieces – enough for players to get breathless and stressed out, but not too much to deal with at any one time, despite the bullets-akimbo nature of each minor battle. The gruff stereotypical manly-men are certainly present and (for the most part) accounted for, but where Gears 2 offered glamour and glory, Killzone 2 brings the grit and the guts. If you’ll pardon the belaboured analogy, the comparison between the two games could be roughly equivalent to that between their two native consoles – Microsoft throws enough money at its target market, and some of it sticks; Sony throws enough money (and development time) at a franchise, and suddenly there’s a solid first-person follow-up to Killzone. Not that either games are the product of first-party developers, but it’s still telling to see the sorts of games that each console attracts as exclusive releases.

5/5

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Auteur House Presents: RIP Marilyn Chambers By Dr Richard Swainson

The recent passing of the legendary actress Marilyn Chambers has attracted little media attention. This is a shame as Chambers was one of the key pornographic icons of the 1970s, her reputation resting largely on her starring role in the cult film “Behind the Green Door” (1972). Chambers had neither the looks nor the talent of the likes of Traci Lords but, happily, she was less exploited than either Lords or the tragic Linda Lovelace. For a start, she was over the age of 18 when she began her hard core career. She also enjoyed an unprecedentedly advantageous contract which allowed her a percentage of “Green Door’s” considerable profits. It has been a long time since I have seen the film, which has never been released on DVD in this country. From memory it is completely unlike any other pornographic movie before or since. Chambers plays a young woman who is

kidnapped and initially forced into performing sundry sexual acts with women dressed as nuns whilst being observed by a large and varied crowd. Her resistance dissipates. As she allows herself to be serviced by a well hung black man what began as borderline rape gives way to ritual. The audience indulges in an orgy of its own and the film ends with a series of stylised split screen shots, slow motion fellatio and psychedelic colours clearly inspired by “2001: A Space Odyssey”. The climax - a literal one, of course - sees projectile semen treated with all the reverence of Kubrick’s star child.

free, unfettered and consensual sexual activity as anything in more critically acceptable recent films like “Short Bus”.

While “Behind the Green Door” cannot completely be absolved of its rape fantasy elements there is much to admire. It was the first pornographic film with interracial scenes to achieve any kind of mainstream breakthrough. Arguably its orgy sequence, which features the overweight and the aged, is at least as tolerant and celebratory toward

America being what it is Chambers also dabbled in the music industry, and even politics. She twice ran for the position of Vice President of the United States, attracting just under a thousand votes in the 2004 elections. Presumably her constituency was comprised largely of fans of pre-breast-implant pornography.

Chambers and her directors, the much troubled Mitchell brothers, could never top “Green Door”. However, on the strength of its notoriety she managed to sustain a career in adult entertainment for thirty more years. Unusually for a hard core performer, she made the occasional non-pornographic work, most significantly the lead role in the David Cronenberg horror “Rabid” (1977), where her acting limitations were sometimes exposed.

Movie review: The Reader Directed by Stephen Daldry

My life is full of problems. I choke on problems. I am hungry. I am tired. I have two Nexus articles to complete today (due two days ago), and a debate for my finance class to edit (to be held tomorrow). In the last few nights my sleep has been between 4am and 8am. I have literally no money. Also, my feet are cold. But there are people with bigger problems. Like post-Holocaust German concentration camp guards and their ex-lovers. The Reader is about those problems. From the onset it must be said that if you often answer the question “was it a good movie?” with “well, it was different,” then chances are, this movie will at least in part go over your head. So, let’s begin. The Reader is set in a post-WWII Germany and revolves around a guy named Michael Berg. As a youth he meets and begins a relationship with a woman, Hanna Schmitz (Kate Winslet). As absurd as it may sound, they begin a sexual relationship after he shovels coal for her and she makes him take a bath (all after he saw her getting changed). The relationship soon includes them having sex and 34

Reviewed by Kirill

then Michael would read a book to her. This evolves to books first, then sex (I know that’s my idea of foreplay). Somewhere along the line he falls in love with her. Perhaps in Germany this is typical and commonplace, I found it to be different and entertaining. Eventually they split up (ahhh, love). While in law school, Michael attends some Nazi war crime trials. And who should he see on trial? Yes, Hanna. This is the part where the movie begins to shine. In essence it follows four storylines. Michael in the present, dealing with his recent divorce, Michael in his youth and loving Hanna, Michael at the trials dealing with the possible truth and Michael outside of the courtroom finally letting go of Hanna. Furthermore, the movie makes no attempt to follow typical movie convention by building up to one problem and solving it in the last 30 minutes. Instead it merely follows the eventful and tragic lives of two people, who through coincidence just happened to affect each other forever.

Interestingly, for a Holocaust movie, there is very little mention of Jews. The perspective is strictly from that of the perpetrators and the people of Germany after the war. All this taken into account, I can wholeheartedly recommend this movie… to people who can appreciate movies. As sad as it may be, this is currently the only choice in cinemas for someone who wants anything resembling a smart movie. Although good news for those who just wanna sit back and watch some dumb comedy, I did also see 17 Again (the next most cerebral movie in cinemas, unfortunately). It is surprisingly not as bad as one would assume, almost verging on “not bad”. But if you pick 17 Again over The Reader, we can’t be friends anymore.


DVD: My Name Is Bruce Directed by BRUCE CAMPBELL

Reviewed by BURTON C BOGAN

Bruce Campbell is a god. Ever since the television series Brisco County Jr was on I’ve thought he was hilarious. Every interview I’ve read has always painted him as a real nice guy too. I’ve always respected anyone that can take the piss out of themselves, and this movie proves that he can. He not only stars in it but he also co-produces, directs and the story is about him – strangely the only thing he doesn’t do is write it! But again, not for the first time, I’m premature - get to the storyline first. In this movie Bruce Campbell plays a parody of himself, a down on his luck B-grade movie actor who gets enlisted to fight a bad

The Man who knew too Little spring to mind (both awesome movies too by the way). But the thing is, this movie doesn’t care that it’s full of clichés…in fact that’s the whole point. Decapitations are hilariously cheesy, the blue screen in the background as they drive is cheap and nasty, and the lines have been said many a time. This movie parodies the horror genre, various stereotypes (Goth even) and even Bruce Campbell’s career. It is also very Bubba-Ho-Tep, even down to an eerily (yes it’s a horror movie word) familiar ending. The one criticism I have is that if you’re not a fan of horror movies or Bruce Campbell it’s possible you may not get as

guy by a dimwitted small town who thinks he’s a real hero. In this case the bad guy is a Chinese Demon who is responsible for looking after the Chinese Migrants of the small gold mining town of Gold Lick…and is also the patron saint of Bean Curd (Tofu). I know what you’re thinking, the general storyline matches many a comedy – Three Amigos and

much out of it as fans will. You’ll still probably find it funny, but as you can imagine it’s full of in-jokes about horror movies and Campbell’s career (particularly the Evil Dead series and Bubba-Ho-Tep). Look out for Ted Raimi (brother of director Sam Raimi and close friend of Campbell) as multiple characters throughout the movie)

Best lines of the movie: “Forget thumbs, Ebert wouldn’t wipe his crack with this trash” and “Hey take it easy man, besides I kinda liked Bubba-Ho-Tep” “EVERYBODY LIKED BUBBA-HO-TEP”

Book Review: God’s Middle Finger Written by Richard Grant

If you’re looking for a bizarre place visit, by many accounts Mexico is hard to beat. And in Mexico some things need to be seen to be believed. Richard Grant is a journalist turned intrepid explorer with a long-cherished dream of crossing the Sierra Madre mountain range, located south of the Arizona-Mexico order. These mountains are 900 miles long, reach a height of 11000 feet, and are all but impossible for the already corrupt local police force to patrol, which makes them an haven for bandits, drug smugglers, Mormons, Tarahumara Indians, opium farmers and cowboys; a place where foreigners are not welcome and hit men go to a saint to get their bullets blessed. Unsurprisingly, few outsiders ever venture that way, especially not travel writers. On the run from a messy divorce, Grant blithely ignores all the warnings, particularly from his own gut, and sallies forth into a madcap onslaught of everything you have ever heard, read or seen in the movies about Mexico.

Reviewed by Penny Wilson

The damn fool. And lucky for us. God’s Middle Finger is a travel guide to a place only fools and drug-dealers go, and if there is one thing harder to swallow than the characters Grant encounters, it’s his own near total absence of common sense. The fact that he went into the infamous sierra Madres alone makes one question his sanity, and yet these are not the ravings of a madman, nor is it a cold documentation of the mountainside reprobates he encounters. Grant delivers a richly detailed, darkly humorous adventure story in which he digs for buried treasure, witnesses bizarre religious rituals, snorts cocaine with corrupt policemen, and manages to escape the Mexican hillbillies who hunt him through the forest one night, intent on some recreational gringo-killing. God’s Middle Finger is a vivid rendering of a place which is at once beautiful as it is brutal and where one must kill or be killed. I could almost smell the tequila, pot and gun smoke. Go and read it.

Whitcoulls $30.99

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CITRIC:The Hamilton Circle Jerk Nick Johnston

The economy is not the only thing going through a recession at present. Our own Hamilton music scene has gone into a bit of a slump in the last year as venues have closed down and gig attendance has decreased. More financial risks are being forced onto bands and promoters, and consequently less shows have been organised. Many promoters and musicians see Hamilton as a black hole on the national tour map and many bands will just drive past in favour of even smaller towns that can pull better crowds. I strongly believe that it is just a short-term lull and that the scene will find its strength once again, and one of the ways of achieving this is to reengage the student community with the talent Hamilton has to offer. Luckily there is a perfect opportunity for people to check out some of Hamilton’s finest talent, and that is the annual Hamilton Circle Jerk. It is a great way to discover local bands, as the lineup is massive this year (12-13 on the bill so far!) Each band will play a short set of three songs, one original and two covers of other Hamilton based bands.

Usually every year has a stunning lineup and this year is certainly no exception! The Shrugs Sora Shima Dynamo Go The Deadly Deaths Dick Dynamite and the Doppelgangers Rumpus Room Knights of the DUB Table Doteyes The Prime Numbers Radiator Sumo Love Machine Goulash Archipelago Dharma Junkies and more to be announced.. It doesn’t matter if you have never heard of any of these bands, there will be a band for your music taste in the lineup. Most of these bands have myspace pages where you can check out a few songs and see what they are like. Contact 88.1FM is another great way to hear more Hamilton bands. Many tracks/bands can be requested from their extensive database of local music.

ALBUM REVIEW

Mastodon - Crack the Skye Reviewed by Nick Johnston

First off, I’d like to state that I am not a huge metal fan. There will often be some element on a metal album that I find detracts from the overall listening experience, whether it is cringe-worthy lyrical blunders or clichéd riffs (for both examples, see Disturbed). I had never listened to Mastodon before I listened to this album, but the positive press it was getting enticed me into purchasing a copy of the album. Any regrets? None whatsoever. Brendan O’Brien, the producer of Crack the Skye, has a sporadic list of albums on his CV. He helped revitalise the career of Bruce Springsteen and the E Street band, but he was also the man behind the mixing desk for many of this decades most painfully boring rock albums. Thankfully my fears of butchered production quickly vanished after the first couple of minutes listening to the album. The album really hits its stride with the single Divinations, an impressive showcase of the

bands musicianship and great compositional skills, and the track Quintessence which manages to correspond perfectly to the barmy prog-rock storyline of the album, involving astral travelling, wormholes and Rasputin. No matter how bizarre the arrangements are on this album, it never seems out of the ordinary, which is a huge credit to the band and the producer. Whether it is a balalaika solo or a banjo riff, it fits perfectly within the song and does not scream out for attention. It is no often the word ‘subtle’ is associated with metal, but this album gives an impression of meticulous care to create a cohesive sound that really separates Mastodon from the majority of the metal/prog-metal pack. One of the most engaging albums of the year so far, recommended to anyone with a hard rock or metal inclination.

Rating: 4/5

The event was inspired by a farewell event for indie rock band Inchworm in the late 1990’s, where some local bands played a short set of their own songs and an Inchworm cover. The first Circle Jerk, (also named ‘Harden Up, Ow’) was held at Diggers Back Bar in May 2005 and the rest is history. An impressive lineup of local talent have featured over the years, including performances from MSU, Big Muffin Serious Band, Amy Racecar, Cosmic Ska Child, Johnny Fist, The Gills and The Weather. The only band to play at all five Circle Jerks is The Shrugs, and there have been regular performances from Rumpus Room, Dynamo Go (this Circle Jerk will be their final show) and Dick Dynamite & the Doppelgangers. Make sure you keep May 23rd free in your diary because this is one event you do not want to miss! Contact 88.1fm in association with Mammoth Gig Guide presents Hamilton Circle Jerk – May 23rd at Flow Bar


COMIC REVIEW

Free Comic Book Day Special Feature by Gordon Dawson

Salutations, True Believers! Free Comic Book day is upon us – on the 2nd of May, to be exact – and Mark One Comics have kindly hooked Nexus up with a sampler of some of the goodies on offer. Free Comic Book day is a world-wide event where comic publishers of all shades come together to flog free promo copies of their various wares. There are some weird and wonderful comics out there (one of my favourites last year was a terrible superhero story apparently sponsored by the Republican Party) but you can only pick three, so you’d better pick wisely. That’s where we come in. Must Get: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles if only because it’s a re-print of the original comic! Awesome, silly fun stuff. This one will definitely be snapped up quickly, so be in early.

Comics Festival The folks at Toronto Comics Arts Festival present a collection of wonderfully… presented stories by Canuck comickers. I was hoping for a Bryan Lee O’Malley short story here (he does cover art) but I guess he’s too busy being rich and successful. Sigh. Well worth picking up anyway! While you’re there, BUY SCOTT PILGRIM. I can’t stress it enough. Resurrection An Oni Press production with a Resurrection short as well as the real reason to pick this up: a “Stephen Colbert’s Tek Jansen” story. These are awesome. Do get. Bongo Comics Free For All Featuring both Simpsons and Futurama stories, with a wonderful set of comic-y in-jokes. I love the Simpsons, and if you do too, get this one. Marginal: Attack of the Alterna Zombies

A bulky volume – value for no money – featuring both good indie art/stories and some decidedly crap stuff, this is worth picking up on the basis of the three-page short “Jesus Hates Zombies,” in which Our Lord assails the living dead with a holy bowling ball. Hilarity. Wizard Hot Lists I’m an unabashed nerd, and if you are too, Wizard magazine is usually good reading. Contains a comic movie best-of, a funny Transformers mini-comic, and a drawing tutorial. Atomic Robo I didn’t actually read this, but based on a skim I quite liked some of the art. Looks interesting. The Avengers Superheroes aren’t my bag, not anymore, but I liked this Brian Micheal Bendis-penned oneshot introducing you to the intricate clusterfuck that is Marvel Universe continuity. Why not.

May 2nd 2009 @ MK1

What to expect • Get 3 free comics each - over 30 different titles to choose from! • Over 1500 comics will be given away by Mark One this weekend!

• Doors open 9am to 5pm Saturday and 10am to 4pm Sunday.

• Mark One - just north of Centreplace on Victoria Street - across the road from Kathmandu.

551 Victoria Street, PH: 07 839 3728 37


Listings courtesy of Mammoth (mammothguide.co.nz) and Hamilton Community Arts Council

GIG GUIDE Are you an artist? Want people to come to your show? Then send your gigs to gigs@nexusmag.co.nz! The Vagina Monologues Waikato Students Union is staging The Vagina Monologues by Eve Ensler. The Vagina Monologues is a discussion of femininity through a collection of stories and facts told from the perspective of women from diverse racial, regional, sexual, and age backgrounds. The Monologues seek to move beyond the shame, contempt, embarrassment and unfamiliar. Mon 27 Apr 2009 - Wed 29 Apr 2009 Cost: Adult - $15 Time: 7.30pm Where: The WEL Energy Trust Academy of Performing Arts, University of Waikato., Knighton Road, Gate 1 Hamilton Film Society Screening The Hamilton Film Society meets to watch Flanders (Director: Bruno Dumont, France, 2006). An austere and audacious account of two young farm workers who sign up to fight in an unspecified Middle Eastern conflict and the woman they leave behind. Tue 28 Apr 2009 Cost: Full memberships $100 / $90 students/ unwaged and three film passes ($30) available Time: 8pm

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Where: Victoria Cinema, 690 Victoria Street, Hamilton

Where: The Bank Bar & Brasserie, Cnr Victoria and Hood Streets, Hamilton

Dreamgirls of Bollywood Dreamgirls of Bollywood, the authentic musical from Mumbai, is a theatrical dance spectacular which charts the enchanting history of the world’s largest and most prolific film industry. Through a virbrant, colourful and dynamic combination of dance and music, Dreamgirls of Bollywood narrates the story of Bollywood life. Wed 29 Apr 2009 Cost: Reserved Seating (presales at Hamilton City Libraries) Time: 7:30 PM Where: Founders Theatre, Cnr Tristram St and Norton Rd Hamilton

Black Grace presents Gathering Clouds It’s unabashedly virile, dangerous and terrifically exciting. The Ottawa citizen, 2008. Fresh from a sell out tour to North America and Canada, including a season at the prestigious Kennedy Centre in Washington DC, internationally acclaimed Dance Company Black Grace presents Gathering Clouds, a brand new fulllength work. Wed 29 Apr 2009 - Sat 02 May 2009 Cost: From $25 Time: 7.30pm Where: Clarence St Theatre, 59 Clarence Street

Louise Bagshawe Book Promo GIRLS NIGHT OUT! Come and join us for an entertaining evening with international best-selling author Louise Bagshawe who is in Hamilton for one night only to promote her new book PASSION. Ticket price includes nibbles and a glass of bubbly. Wed 29 Apr 2009 Cost: $10 Time: 7pm

The Insurgents - Album Release Tour @ Flow Bar April 24, 10 PM dDub @ Flow - 266 Victoria ST, Hamilton Friday May 15th With support from ‘Knights of the Dub Table’ Door sales $20 (student discount on door) Doors open 9pm


COMPETITION WINNER!

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issue 7