28 APRIL 2008
Were the V8s a success? It is decidedly so – They certainly were. Only about half of Hamilton’s hospitality businesses went bankrupt overstocking for the over-hyped event. The rest were fine. Also, crime was low and public-transport use was at an all time high – proving that we truly do live in Opposite World. Is it wrong to be turned on by the smell of summer rain? Yes – golden showers are for sickos. You sicko. Magic 8 Ball, will I get a part time job any time soon? Cannot predict now – not while you’re spending your time spanking it to Internet porn. Seriously, stop it. You need to get out more. Is it possible for American Gladiators to get any better? Yes – with the addition of actual weapons, instead of that foam-based pussy shit they’re using at the moment. Think. It’d be just like the Roman days, only instead of armour and tridents, you’d have Kevlar and Tasers. Would changing Hamilton’s name to Hammil-ton (to capitalise on the success of Mark Hammil who played Luke Skywalker in Star Wars) be a good idea? Signs point to yes – imagine how awesome it’d be if we did this. First the V8s, now the name of a washed-up actor who just happens to be a Jedi. City of the Future, indeed. Is Hillary Clinton’s compulsive lying a supernatural ability, and if so, should supernatural beings be allowed to run for President? Yes – She is actually possessed by the Prince of Lies, who as we all know is Satan. Considering the last President, how much worse could she be? Remember – “better the devil you know…” Plus, if any terrorists fuck with her, she’ll fry them alive with eye-beams of pure Hell.
Last week’s (well, the last month’s entries, actually) were so mindblowingly awesome that the Editor’s mind actually blew. After the mess was cleaned up, the Editor was rebuilt with bionic parts, CREATING A SUPER-EDITOR CAPABLE OF SORTING OUT BILLIONS OF CAPTION COMPETITION ENTRIES AT ONCE, AND JUDGING THE BEST TO WITHIN .29398 OF A HUMOUR,* WHO WRITES IN ALL CAPS FOR SOME REASON. ANYWAY, THIS WEEK’S WINNER IS: CONNIE MAYNARD HEY, IT MADE ME LAUGH. HA. HA. HA. CONGRATULATIONS. COME TO THE NEXUS OFFICE TO DONATE YOUR ORGANS CLAIM YOUR PRIZE.
Will there ever be a universal student allowance, with happy debt free students all discussing the beauty of Marx in a green world powered by the wind? Reply hazy, try again – after the smoke clears. Hot-boxing before asking the Magic 8 Ball questions is not a good idea. Man, I’m hungry. Are you really the King of the Quick-e-mart? Don’t count on it – the Real King of the Quick-e-mart is Jesus. Because he’s the King of everything, get it? You, however, are merely the King of Stupid Questions. And AIDS. Why? It is certain – that Magic 8 Ball questioners have been taking too many Philosophy classes. The answer is 42, incidentally. Now what was the question again?
Send in your entries to email@example.com with “caption” in the subject line. If you win, you will not only receive a Burger Fuel voucher for one entire meal, but you will also realise the gender you were born as is not your natural one. You will have a sex change, and immediately become personally successful and sexually satisfied, and your parents will accept you for who you are. Advances in medical technology will allow you to produce children, regardless of your chosen gender, and you will live to a ripe old age, surrounded by your family. *A very accurate measurement of funniness. 10 humours make a Giggle, 10 Giggles make a
Is the Student Hub finally being built? Better not tell you now – because when the shops are demolished, the portal will open and the Creature that lives under the Lake will be released. Older than sin, darker than the grave, he will devour the souls of the unholy, and those who do not bow before him he will feed to the Vice-chancellor.
Guffaw, and 10 Guffaws equal one Laugh. The funniness of a given publication can be measured in laughs. For instance, Nexus usually rates around eight laughs per issue, whereas a serious publication like the Listener will usually only get one or two. Comedy publications like Investigate magazine can have as many as 20 laughs a page.
Thinking about postgraduate study? Join us for Postgraduate Week at New Zealandâ€™s leading research university. From 12-16 May The University of Auckland is providing information sessions, displays and presentations to give you everything you need to know about postgraduate study. We look forward to welcoming you.
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Monday - Arts, Engineering, Theology Tuesday - Business, Education, Medical and Health Sciences Wednesday - Science, Medical and Health Sciences Thursday - Business, Education, Law Throughout the week - National Institute of Creative Arts and Industries showcasing special exhibitions, concerts and presentations
1.What did you do over the semester break? 2.What’s the worst thing you’ve done in a hotel/motel room? 3.How was the last date you went on? 4.Are you in a relationship right now? How long? 5.Would you go out with me? 1.V8’s, drank, tried to get some work done 2.I’ve only ever stayed with family in hotels 3.Shoot, um a disaster! 4.Yes and no and maybe so, depends how he classes it. 5.Why not!
1. Homework and drinking 2. I head butted the wall 3. Reasonably good 4. Yes, since New Years 5. Sure, you’re a stand up guy
1.Work 2.Emptied a minibar and ran out when it was under somebody else’s name 3.Fuckin’ choice 4.Nope 5.Of course I would
1.Looked after myself and spent time with my fiancé 2.I used to work in one and me and a bunch of other staff cranked up the air conditioning in one room and smoked pot and did a bit of coke too 3.It was a long time ago, it was a very drunken night 4.Yes (engaged) 3 years 5.Yeh, I’d take you out for a beer ISSUE 06
FEATURES Nexus Issue 06 28 APRIL 2008 Editor: Joshua “Love is my bitch” Drummond (firstname.lastname@example.org) Design: Talia “Girl Next Door” Kingi (email@example.com) Advertising: Tony “Stud” Arkell (firstname.lastname@example.org/ 021 176 6180) Assistant to the Editor: Andrew “Space Cowboy” Neal (email@example.com) Music Ed: Carl “Attached” Watkins (firstname.lastname@example.org) Books Ed: Kelly “Bookish” Badman (email@example.com) Film Ed: Art “I’m in Agony” Focker (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Contributors Nakita Wairepo, 8 Ball, AJ, Vitamin C, WSU, Carl Watkins, Burton C. Bogan, Fergus Hodgson, Kelly Badman, Jed Laundry, Josh, Andrew, Talia, Dr Richard Swainson, Matt, Mammoth, HCAC, Flash Medallion, Art Focker, Guy Moskonovitch, Dawn for continuing to visit me and for the thrashing at Puzzle Bobble, Blair Munro, and Chris at Mark One (cheers, man)
19 X+Y=? Solving the eligibility equation Wintec writer Nakita Wairepo asks why it’s so damn hard finding a significant other in Hamilton – and what to do about it
Check out the Rant of the Week on page 18, AJ’s Karnage-tastic Uni Games roundup (with pictures) on page 26, Gordon Dawson’s Comic Review on page 33 (and be in to win!) Also, check out our review of The Spiderwick Chronicles by all-new Film Editor Art Focker on page 35, and ace webcomic Garfield Minus Garfield appears on page 38
8 – 13 Uni games roundup, Banks being destroyed, Poo smell source Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA) Because it means other people do the work
THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, THE WSU, APN, THE EDITOR, OR
discovered, University buys late historian’s house, Karl Pilkington plastered around campus, Good gear bikes, Watch the patriarchy pay lip-service to female army contributions or something, Real estate study methodology ridiculously flawed, Student rent boys, and the Nexus Haiku News
ANYONE. I’M PRETTY SURE THIS DISCLAIMER HAS ALL THE LEGAL EFFECTIVENESS OF A KILO OF BELLY-BUTTON LINT, BUT WE’RE KEEPING IT ANYWAY.
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This one is brought to you by the contributors who went out of their way to get stuff in by Wednesday night, because the printers opted to honour Anzac day by slacking off and we had to be ready a day early. To everyone who was late: I hate you now. Jokes. But not really.
REGULARS AND RANDOMS 03 Magic 8 Ball 03 Caption Competition 04 Moskonovitch 05 Low Five 06 Contents, but we didn’t need to tell you that. Or did we? 07 Editorial 15 Lettuce 18 Rant of the Week 24 WSU guff 28 Flash Medallion’s Puzzle Page of… something 29 A River Runs Through It 29 Sarcophagus Rex 30 Boganology 101 30 The Nerdery 31 Big Picture 32 Agony Art 32 Lectern 33 Comic Review 34 Books Page 35 Moving Pictures 35 Movie Review 36 Citric 37 DVDs 38 Gig Guide 39 Busted
And the winner is… public transport? WTF? The V8s have come and gone, just like the holidays. Now that the hype machine has been switched off, people are starting to ask questions about Hamilton’s biggest day. Like: Why did no-one buy food in town, driving several hospitality businesses to the brink? Why was the Entertainment Zone dead? Why didn’t anyone kill anyone else? And why, why in the name of Irony, was there less traffic in Hamilton than usual over V8 weekend? Luckily, these are pretty easy questions to answer. No-one bought food because they were too full of/busy puking up the $8 possum-burgers from the roughly 80, 000 shit-food outlets inside the V8s area. No one went to town because the V8 crowd were mostly (from what I could tell) middle-aged men and women with kids, and because motorsport fans prefer to get pissed at the track or while reminiscing with mates and a $20 box of Lion Red in their hotel than at Overpriced Bar X. No-one got killed because the Ford fans were too depressed, the Holden fans were too happy, and the kids and munters were too busy watching the broom-brooms. The public transport question is a little trickier. Visitors to the Tron showed a startling readiness to dump their cars on the outskirts and bus into town, in buses that can charitably be described as horrible. This was, in part, because of the Hamilton City Council’s hysterical predictions of Auckland-style gridlock, but I think it goes a little deeper than that. While we held our gas-guzzling festivities, the price of petrol crept up to $1.85 a litre. In more provincial areas, where many of the V8 visitors will have driven in from, it’s already $2.
We recently “celebrated” $10 Billion Dollar Debt Day, along with other student unions around the country. The mainstream TV media took the opportunity to film a five-minute clip of around 100 slightly bohemianlooking Victoria University students “marching” on Parliament. The Otago Student Union had a horizontal bungy. Woo! Our own Waikato Students Union had a “sentenced to debt” theme, with some very good pumpkin soup dispensed by a very sad-looking “soup kitchen.” These limp efforts were co-ordinated by the New Zealand Union of Student Associations, with the point being that student debt is crippling, imprisoning, terrible, debt for life, and so on, so could we all have a universal student allowance now please. It’s too bad it was all pointless showboating, allowing the real issues to get completely lost amid the pathetic displays. There will never be a universal student allowance. Not unless there’s a genuine, Governmentoverthrowing, shooty-shooty bang-bang, cities-getting-renamed revolution, or the Alliance and Greens come into power. So, never, then. Yes, I think it’s unfair. But that doesn’t change the fact that it will not happen. Why, then, do NZUSA and our own WSU continue to demand it? There are many more problems they could be dealing with, and are not addressing adequately. For instance, there’s the staggering cynicism of the Government deciding that anyone under the age of 25 is not an “independent person” for student allowance reasons. The hypocritical parental income assessments for student allowances. The fact that, what with the price of food and petrol, the $150 “living allowance” is just not enough to live off, and students absolutely must have a part-time job or well-to-do, supportive parents to survive.
It is becoming too expensive to drive. Let that sink in, because it’s very important. It’s never happened before. Notwithstanding the possibility of shortterm price drops (come on, America, for God’s sake. Sort Iraq out already!) it will only get worse. Commuter culture will die. It will become impossibly impractical to drive. In a country with seemingly no interest in building a decent public transport network, this is a very big deal indeed. Commodity prices will continue to soar. In a world where everything – quite literally everything – is tied to the price of gas, things will only continue to get worse. And what is the Government doing? It is spending roughly $10 billion dollars on new motorways in Auckland and Wellington. This is breathtakingly stupid and shortsighted. I can’t even begin to describe how insane this is. Which reminds me of another $10 billion dollar problem: Student debt.
Now, it’s obvious that a universal student allowance would instantly fix all of these problems. But we’ve already established that’s not happening. Students know that they’ve signed up for debt, and that the loan system is here to stay (and with Labour making it all nice and interest-free, it’s practically free money.) It’s not the debt they’re worried about, it’s the day-to-day grind, struggling with a joke of a living “allowance” and the many incompetencies and absurdities of Studylink. This is what NZUSA and the student unions should be concentrating on – realistic goals that, if achieved, would make a difference to students. If they concentrated on things students cared about, (or will care about, in the very near future, like being financially able to continue being a student, or even just being fed,) the ballyhooed “student apathy” would vanish just as magically as the Hamilton fog-weather did before the V8s.
News issue 06
Waikato students took a good haul of medals at the Uni Games, but not without incident. Five gold, six silver, one bronze and two Team Spirit Awards were won by the Waikato team of around 120 students over the event, which was held from April 14 to 17 in Rotorua. Controversy has surrounded the Uni Games this year with the Victoria University students
The team spirit award was awarded to the ultimate Frisbee “B” squad and the women’s hockey team for their efforts. Tuesday night saw a get-together for the Waikato competitors that featured ‘awesome’ drinking games and a ‘munty funnel’ according to team coordinator Dan Morales. “Everyone had an awesome time,” says Neho
getting evicted for trashing their motel. “All they have done is make it hard for student’s issues to be taken seriously,” said WSU President Moira Neho of the Victoria student’s actions. The University of Waikato team, nicknamed “The Tribe” stood out in their bright red t-shirts and overalls, and are reported to have a had a good time. “Everyone came together well, they socialized and competed well,” says Phil Gilbert, Clubs Development Officer. Gold medals were achieved in women’s soccer, golf, karate and surfing (held at Raglan) and silver was taken in team orienteering, squash, touch rugby, waka ama, women’s basketball and hockey.
Ultimate Frisbee competitor Andrew James was the only injury from Waikato, taking a tackle whilst in the air and receiving a hematoma knee injury. He continued playing but later ended up in hospital. Two gold medals were won by Sarah Campbell in Karate, who is one of a number of Hillary scholarship students from Waikato. The women’s soccer team took many top competitors along including Kath Robinson from the women’s soccer team who is a competitor in the National Women’s Soccer League as well as Alex Shadbolt and Nicole Stratford who are both Hillary Scholarship recipients. . One Frisbee team, who were not from the University of Waikato, were reportedly kicked waft while they were trying to eat, and went looking for the source.
The source of the mysterious poo smell which has had students saying “what the fuck is that?! and “Oh Christ Jerry, not again,” around the Cowshed and Oranga has been discovered! Nexus has held an intrepid investigation into the poo smell over the last several years, and Joshua Drummond, Andrew Neal, and Art Focker finally got fed up a couple of weeks ago, after the wind brought a particularly foul 8
out of the tournament for bringing a keg to one of their games.
After much searching, a plastic pipe was found that leads from behind the Oranga building and down to the bank next to the seating area in front of the WSU building. This leads to a set of open drains (or possibly, sewers), covered by a wooden trapdoor. Daring Drummond opened the trapdoor to be greeted by a wave of stench. “Yep, it’s shit all right,” he said. At the bottom of the trapdoor was a concrete basin which holds what is believed to be mouldering human excrement. Focker and Neal both lit cigarettes to drown out the smell, in blatant disregard of the possibility of methane explosion.
The Waikato ‘Tribe’ was sponsored by UniPR, Student Rent, United Video and Liquor King throughout the tournament. Media coverage of the Victoria student’s actions has been widespread, with motel owners and Hamish Hopkins, president of University Sport New Zealand, appearing on Close-up on April 21. Hopkins claimed that the motel owners “overreacted” to the situation and one owner saying that they would rather host pigs than students. An undisclosed amount of money was apparently paid to one motel owner from a Victoria student representative to help with the cost of cleanup.
The device – sewer, pipe, or whatever it is – is believed to have an “issue” with its size and the ‘fall of the pipe’ according to a University grounds manager. It is believed that these pipes are connected to the toilets in the second floor of the Oranga building. It has been reported by one student that these toilets are now “inactive.” “It’s up to the University to clean out this pipe, sewer or whatever and get rid of the smell that’s been tormenting students for years,” said Drummond.
April 28 2008
Banks to be destroyed Not in a communist way, either By Andrew Neal
The Village Green shops as we know them are gone. All shops, banks and cafés have moved into temporary offices underneath L Block as the current office spaces are due to be demolished. “The whole building will be going and a new one will be built in its place,” says project manager Tony Dicks.
The renovations are part of a larger project that includes the new student ‘hub’ at the library. It is planned that the Village Green area will link up with this area also. The Vice Chancellor has apparently asked for this linkage to make the campus a vibrant place. “There will still be heaps of room down [at the village green] but all the shops will be bigger and so will the veranda,” says Dicks.
When the shopping area is rebuilt it will be made to house the original vendors including the Banks and STA Travel as well as housing the Campus Dairy, Student Job Search, the Campus Dairy and certain food outlets. The renovations will take the rest of 2008, but should be ready by A Semester 2009 and will cost over $3 million according to Dicks.
Plans are to have a single, large roof that will connect the University from the library and student hub all the way through to the WSU offices. A single ‘gull-wing’ shape has been chosen for the roof that will be guttered internally and will slope up towards the bus stop. Some shops will also face the bus stop to give the area more flow.
Relocating the businesses has not proved too troublesome with one STA Travel employee saying “The new locations are better than we envisioned.”
Coloured plans will supposedly be available for public viewing soon.
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News issue 06
Waikato University has bought the Coromandel Peninsula house belonging to late New Zealand writer and historian Michael King. King and his wife Maria Jungowska died in March 2004 when their car left the road on a notorious stretch of SH2 at Maramarua. Now, the university has bought the house that King built in Opoutere, near Whangamata, on the Coromandel Peninsula. It is intended to be used as a retreat for staff and perhaps visiting academics and is being seen as the beginning of other tributes to the writer. Vice-Chancellor Professor Roy Crawford said King had played an important part within the university. King’s long association with Waikato University began in the late 1960s and the 1970s with his Master of Arts and his PhD. He was a fellow of the Department of History in the early 1990s, and in 1994 spent the year
as writer in residence. Eight years later he returned as senior fellow in history. He was made an honorary doctor in 2002 and had been working on a history of the university when he died in 2004, although this has never been completed.
“We’ve got so much money, why not waste it?” Vice-Chancellor doesn’t say Professor Crawford said that when King’s children, who live in Wellington and Christchurch, decided to sell the house where their father did so much of his writing, the university was given the chance to continue its link with the eminent historian. The threebedroom house was built in the late 1980s/ early 1990s and sits surrounded by bush on more than 6000sq m.
“We see it as a wonderful opportunity to honour Michael King’s memory by keeping his house as a place where staff can further their research, or small groups of staff or graduate students can use it for research or writing.” The university, which took over the house early this month, paid just over $700,000 for it, well below a market valuation of $820,000. In order to maintain close links with the King family, they will continue to have the use of the house between December 18 and January 18 until 2013. Some mementos of King’s will remain in the house, as will his large writing desk, although this remains the property of the family. Professor Crawford said the house would not be a shrine to the writer, but it was hoped it would be an inspiration to those who spent some time there.
April 28 2008
Waikato students arrived at University on Thursday April 10 to find notice boards and university landmarks plastered with flyers stating “Congratulations to local boy Karl Pilkington – World’s Roundest Head,” with an image of
“I was just in at uni not so long ago and I saw a bunch of people laughing at the posters, it was a great moment.” Xtinanz continues The clever posters placed one flyer on each of the large letters of A, K, L and R Block on
a round headed man – Karl Pilkington – in the centre. The posters are part of a worldwide prank by British comedian and actor Ricky Gervais to make fun of his friend and radio co-host Karl Pilkington. Photographs of the posters were placed on both the Pilkipedia website and ‘world’s roundest head’ blog at around 6.30am Thursday. Xtinanz on one of the Pilkipedia blogs has laid claim to posting the flyers. “It really didn’t take too long, about 45 minutes between three of us. We did get up at 5 though, which was a suckfest but the fun of it all was worth it,” Xtinanz wrote online.
campus and placed photos together to spell out KARL. The poster have drawn accolade from Karl Pilkington fans online. “That is *awesome* stuff xtinanz, I’ll add them to the gallery,” says one online contributor. “WOW!!! Well done, xtinanz!! ScottHanson will be so proud!” says another. Photographs of the posters were claimed to be the favourite of the manager of ‘world’s roundest head’ blog. Karl Pilkington appears on Ricky Gervais’ podcasts and radio broadcasts alongside Steven Merchant. As a result of the poster campaign, Karl Pilkington has now refused to do another podcast with Ricky Gervais and Steve Marchant.
“Good Gear” bikes for hire Ha, “good gear.” See what they did there? With the push of a button students can now hire “good gear” bicycles on campus and in Hamilton. Good gear bikes which uses technology from Germany in which people can use their cell phones to rent a bicycle. “The concept of putting bikes for hire in public comes from Europe, there are around 21000 bikes like these in Paris,” says Ken Hulls of Good Gear. Once a customer is registered they can receive a text to unlock the bike they desire instantly – despite the message having to go to Germany and back.
All the Good Gear bikes around the world are run through the same system. The bicycles feature advertising to keep the cost to the customer down. In Europe the bicycles are considered part of the public transport system and are subsidised by local councils. In New Zealand it is completely entrepreneurial. The Good Gear stand is located by A Block on the University of Waikato Campus.
News issue 06
ANZAC wimmin honoured
This press release brought to you the ever-patronising patriarchy. When the Last Post echoed out this Anzac Day, special tribute was paid to the vital part wartime women played in the New Zealand war effort. “Our wartime women were quiet heroes,” says Hamilton Mayor Bob Simcock. “Whether knitting socks for the boys on the front, stretching rations or being ‘manpowered’ into essential industries – making do was their mantra,” Simcock continues. A large number of women were ‘manpowered’ into essential industries during World War II, one of which was ammunition production, specifically relocated to Hamilton to reduce the risk of coastal attack.
In Dey Street two new factories “Norton” and “Galloway” were purpose-built, employing 1200 local women who produced 74 million rounds a year. At peak there were two eight hour shifts, six days per week to keep up with demand. Other women helped out as recruiters on top of their home duties and efforts to raise morale for the boys overseas. Hamilton’s official 2008 Commemorative Service commenced in Memorial Park at 10am April 25. The service included an address from Hamilton Mayor Bob Simcock and musical pieces from The Rivertones.
Real estate website survey ‘criminally fucking inept’, says impartial researcher By Rory MacKinnon
A recent study claiming that student flats drag down neighbouring property values may have serious flaws in its methodology, according to investigation by the Aotearoa Student Press Association. The survey by online property directory allrealestate.co.nz found that students were “neighbours from hell”, ranking only behind squatters as the least wanted over the fence. The survey also claimed that students devalued neighbouring properties by up to 10%, costing the average homeowner $33,750 in lost profits. The survey’s findings were widely reported in the New Zealand Herald, the Christchurch Press and the Manawatu Evening Standard.
However a call to allrealestate’s publicist, Giselle Pethard, found that in some instances the survey asked the 242 respondents to simply guess the answers. The brief questionnaire asks, “who do you think make the best and worst neighbours?”, and allows respondents to select students, squatters, pet owners and others from a multiple-choice table, but does not ask respondents whether they have actually lived alongside them. In another section the survey simply asks the subject, “What percentage do you believe living next door to a student flat could devalue a property?” Again, the questionnaire does not ask whether the subject has lived alongside students or whether their own property value has been affected.
Allrealestate.co.nz’s findings do not appear to have been correlated with Statistics New Zealand data or actual property values, but were published in a press release claiming that living next door to students is “bad for your wealth”. “The financial price of living next door to a neighbour from hell could have dire consequences to not only lifestyle, but also a home’s value”, the press release said. Pethard referred all further questions to the website owner Shaun Di Gregorio, but told ASPA reporters he was away in Melbourne on business. Neither Pethard nor Di Gregorio had commented further at the time of print.
April 28 2008
Rent boys launch studentrent.co.nz
Blatant plugs for commercial enterprises can be obtained via bribe – contact firstname.lastname@example.org Andrew Neal Two Waikato University students launched a website last week to help students all over the country find somewhere to live. The website studentrent.co.nz works in conjunction with the accommodation office at Waikato and others around the country lists flats, rooms and flatmates.
is doing a Bachelor of Communications over a period of nine months. “It’s been a hard road, we’ve had to go round and talk to all the Universities, like we drove all the way from Christchurch in one day once,” Ryan explains.
“We decided to use the website in conjunction with the accommodation office so that it was free to manage and advertise for students,” said Ryan. The website is designed to carry listings from individual students and real estate companies alike.
The idea for the website came after Ryan and The website was created by Business Analysis student Mark Ryan and Simon McEwen who
By Drummond-san (with guest haiku by Neal-san) Clinton’s 10 point victory reignites race Just like Bill: From Monica to Bosnia Lying proves popular Clinton says US could ‘totally obliterate’ Iran Oh. My. God. With these kind of rants, We must ask you, Bill, Who wears the pants? Helen Clark named ‘Champion of the Earth’ Whoa, Helen
McEwen discovered that there wasn’t a site dedicated purely to student accommodation or that was free to use.
Hits on the website are estimated to reach 80,000 and 100,000 and advertising space on the site will help to keep it running.
You’ll need a new husband – Last name “Planet,” first name “Captain.”
Snake washes up on Dargaville beach Dargaville diseases mean It was likely a Mutant man’s penis.
Scientists: Alps largest glacier gone within 20 years Sad retreat of glaciers Should silence some antics Your move, “sceptics” Government should delay planned petrol tax, says forum They’re planning more taxes! To build roads, no doubt Irony knows no bounds
Guest Haiku on Zimbabwe elections Mugabe makes up result Africa dosen’t want to know He’s still a cunt Slumping car prices hit dealers hard Dealers find Petrol price a bit of a bind Advice: Invest in bikes
so too will KiwiSaver. From 1 April 2008, if you’re 18 or over and you’re a KiwiSaver member, your employer will start contributing to your KiwiSaver account too. They’ll begin by paying 1% of what you earn to your KiwiSaver scheme, increasing this by 1% each year to reach a maximum of 4% from 1 April 2011. Your employer will get a tax credit from the government to help them meet the cost of these contributions. KiwiSaver is the easy way to save for your future. It’s voluntary and easy to join. You can ask your employer for an information pack, or contact a KiwiSaver scheme provider directly. Then you just have to choose whether you’d like to save 4 or 8% of your earnings, and your employer will deduct this from your wages. Or, as long as you both agree to it, your employer can help you reach the minimum 4% contribution until 2012. Easy. Visit www.kiwisaver.govt.nz for details Call 0800 KIWISAVER (0800 549 472) Mon–Fri 8am-8pm, Sat 9am-1pm KiwiSaver. Making easy work of saving.
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LETTERS POLICY: Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page, serious or not. Letters should be kept under 250 words and be received by Wednesday 5pm on the week prior to publication. We’ll print basically any letter, but the editor reserves the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. We won’t correct your spelling and grammar either, so it’s up to you how much of an idiot you look like. Pseudonyms are okay (all correspondence must include your real name and contact details – they won’t be printed if you don’t want them to be) but if it’s a serious letter we’d prefer you to use your real name. Send letters to email@example.com
Dear Ed, Grammar Nazi, I was quietly happy when I saw a letter in the latest Nexus from a self-proclaimed Grammar Nazi. I agree with the sentiment of their letter, the overall level of writing ability demonstrated in the Lettuce section is well
SAUDI FACTS, STATISTICS, CAPS LOCK KEY STUCK Dear Taufuq (a traditional greeting of compassion, which is more than Saudi Arabia has for its female citizens) You’re a true blue moron you know? The argument that there are 260 Saudi students at Waikato doesn’t back up your argument one bit. All it says is that there are 260 students at this university who come from a country where women are not permitted to drive on public roads, where child offenders are executed (as they are in Iran and Pakistan, another two shining examples of human rights in the Muslim world) and where a woman can still be
below that of a primary school. However, I completely disagree with the first sentence “I really wish you WOULD correct the spelling and grammar of the letters you print”. The best part of Lettuce is the horrible spelling and grammar used by apparently intelligent people (well, beside the retarded opinions some letters put forward). Where else can we see such obvious proof that most people are idiots? (On
second thought, don’t answer that, the proof is everywhere). Sure, it is annoying in some aspects, and incredibly discouraging for the state of society, but if you put that aside it is also quite humorous. And finally, why should the editor waste time trying to decipher meaning out of these letters and then correcting them accordingly? Green Griffin
tried for being raped, as she has engaged in fornication and may be punished under Sharia law. Typing in caps, you ignorant pig, is not an argument. My facts and figures come from websites such as Amnesty International, the United Nations pages on human rights abuses and Human Rights Watch. Saudi Arabia had slavery until 1962, when it freed about a third of their slaves. Just because I think that Saudi Arabia is a terrible country with terrible human rights doesn’t make me a racist. It makes me a realist. Which is more than I can say for you. Quit living your life with your head inside your ass and do some research for yourself. I’m not going to be there to hold your hand when
you realise that the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia is not a bed of roses, but a terrible, oppressive oligarchy. These are real facts. And as for your comment on my tolerance, I’m not going to be tolerant of a nation where these things are going on and I’m not going to fucking accept that this kind of activity is in anyway. I’m not a racist, but now I’m confident that you’re a sexist and an idiot. You can reply if you choose to do so, but I suspect your reply will be another capslock heavy tirade calling me a racist and just generally proving yourself to be a colossal stupid-head. Sally Focker
THE NEXUS LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS A $20 BOOK VOUCHER FROM BENNETTS WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP!
PH 07 856 6813
FAX 07 856 2255
ADDRESS Gate 5 Hillcrest Road
WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP
Non-WASP kids: Not broke, definitely angsty hey Nexus. We would like to write back in regards to the pathetic letter sent in by ‘Dr.T’ First of all we would like to start off with the statement that the studylink ‘living costs’ is paid out to help students with living costs, not to accommodate students, you ignorant brat! We call you a brat because it seems to us that you are from a family that have spoilt you in the past! (like the little kids on that TV programme ‘Super Nanny’!) The ‘losers’ which you say only get 35k a year
And I will have you know that my parents don’t earn near to bugger all, my father has just stopped working! and I will let it be known that my father is a well known person within the Education sector (both Maori and Pakeha sector’s) So i don’t think that is much of a loser now is it! I am still eligible for the Allowance, but choose not to take it as I will not be able to work part time as much as I do! At the end of the Day it is all you to personal choice! If you choose not to get a part time job, that ain’t Studylink’s fault, that ain’t the rise in the cost of bread and milk’s fault, that ain’t your landlords fault, that ain’t even you parents fault! that is your personal choice!
you budget your money and controlling your spending!
All we got to say to you is harden up! - get off your mommaz titty and stop being a baby - and get a Fu*King JOB!!! (Or move in to cheaper Accom!) Next time man up and put your real name on here aye! (must be a loser! - cant spell his/her name!) yours sincerely, Joleen and T’Neal! (the two Academic Winner’s) LOL
I am a student who gets the Living costs, I use to be entitled to the Allowance when my brother and sister were at uni, and I don’t see my family struggling, and I don’t class my parents as losers, or myself!! (I would like to see you call my parents and family a bunch of losers to their face!! - I dare you to try it!)
The darn thing won’t start! Davina bought a new lawnmower, but is having trouble starting it. What are her options?
hip hop dance
are all hard working people, who are trying to make a better life for their Families, so that they can further themselves and come to uni! Everyone is deserving of being at uni, there is no economic criteria in the uni application form is there??? You say that ‘the kids who’s parents are both losers - are also losers/destined to be.’ Are you saying that people who are in bad socio-
economic status are all going to end up failing in life and become nothing more then another person for the government to worry about? However, we found your statement rather funny! Because Destiny must have caught up with you already! Seems like your parents must have been losers, Because seems like you are the loser! We also feel that you over exaggerated the amount of 100k! come on mate that is a bit steep don’t you think!! I no of people who have mean as jobs and are able to save their money and keep a good lifestyle and only get 35k a year! Their is nothing wrong with having a pay role of only 35k a year, it is all in how
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The University branch of Citizens Advice Bureau can give you information about this or other hassles you might have. They have heaps of pamphlets and a huge data base to help answer anyone’s questions. Visit them at the Cowshed from 1pm – 3pm daily during semesters or phone 838 4466 extn 6622 or 0800FORCAB. By the way the Consumer Guarantees Act states that goods must be of ‘acceptable quality’, which in this situation clearly means a new, reliable machine. Davina can ask the shop to repair the mower so it starts as it should. If they are unable to do so within a reasonable time, or refuse to do so, she can ask for a replacement new mower without the fault, or get a refund. A refund under the Act means exactly that – a full cash refund – not a credit note, and not a refund less deductions for anything related to the failure of the goods.
The other Nexus
Johnny Loves Lettuce
Hi, I have had some articles read to me from a nexus magazine but only have the details that it is from the feb/march issue. The articles are about lack of goodness in our foods and in the soil that our produce is grown in. It had a senate document in it in regards to this information also. Could you let me know how i can get hold of a copy (online or hardcopy) of this issue and wether it is an 07 or 08 issue. i see your online issues only go to August 07. Look forward to hearing from you
Hey nexus! I’ve always wanted to put a letter in the lettuce bit because its so much fun. To hear people making fun of shitty letters being sent about O’week, WSU, and comments from people who think they’re gonna insipire,outsmart or make ‘a connection’ with some bum reader makes my day nice. I have nothing to say about those things, or anyting at all to say in actual fact. So have a good day, listen to some good music (I recommend: The old Prince by a guy called Shad. mean rapper
Hey Just wondering if you were aware of the burglary that happened at the dairy up by the cowsheds/Student Union Building on Saturday night. If you talk to Brett (the dairy owner) you will get an interesting perspective on the lack of security services that are provided by the university. It seems that this is not the fault of the security services team but a lack of funding that allows them to provide sufficient protection. Having one security guard on between 12am and 6am to cover the whole
Kind regards Wallis Rose
from Canada), have fun ignoring your lecture and yelling at people from your mums ‘91 civic cos its so mean fun aye.
campus is not really good enough. So much for keeping students safe. I was wondering if Nexus would want to get in on this and use it as a chance to educate students about the security services (or lack of) that is being provided with all the fees we pay? Maybe run a small piece about what is covered by security? Something that could highlight that we need better security measures. I think that if students knew about this, they would be interested in supporting the push for improvements like CCTV.
Hi Wallis, We’re a student magazine and we’ve never run an article like that. I suspect you are thinking of the other “Nexus” magazine, which describes itself as an “alt-science” magazine and is a compendium of flim-flam, poppycock, bullshit and lies. I advise against reading it, lest it make your eyes and brain bleed. (Then again, plenty of people have described us the same way, so perhaps it is us you’re after.) If you’re after some actual information on soil/nutrition, Google or Wikipedia are probably good places to start. The Nexus website should be up again around the time of the Second Coming – Ed
shit this wont make it till after break, im gay. Johnny Segment
“World’s best free email service,” isn’t, apparently I would like to officially voice a complaint about gmail. How much more confusing can it be, I have to re-enter all my contacts from the last 3 years; it has a weird, unfamiliar layout; and you wouldn’t even believe how long it took me to find the compose mail button! Everything is spread out all over the place and hard to find. I don’t know why they didn’t, as the oldies say, “just leave well enough alone” and changed our email server in the first place, but if it was absolutely necessary why didn’t they change to something everyone is familiar with, like Hotmail. If it ain’t broke don’t fix it
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