19 October 2009
Something just occurred to me. I think it’s Nexus’ birthday. Nexus got started in the late 60s, around the same time as the University. It was probably around 1969, or close enough to it, for me to announce this as Nexus’ 50th anniversary. 50th-ish, anyway. I suppose a 50 year anniversary is a good note to go out on. After two years as editor and around five tooling about as a volunteer/part time employee, I’m going to have to get another job of some kind. I don’t know what this will be like, but I’m sure that whatever it is, it could be nothing like Nexus. It’s a cliché, but I’ve had the time of my life. There’s no other job quite like it. But the editor is only a small part of what makes the magazine go, and I want to recognise those other people. So, without further blather, thank-yous. These will be unashamedly cheesy: Carl, Dawn, Roz, Art: I’ve worked with all of you as editors and you were all fantastic in different ways. You set the stage and helped made Nexus what it is. You all inspired me. I hope the magazine is as good now as it was when you were editors. Talia: When she started, she was a quiet, hard worker who got stuck in and got stuff done. Now, two years later, she’s married, and she’s still a quiet, hard worker who gets stuck in and gets stuff done. Calm under pressure doesn’t even begin to describe Talia. Couldn’t work with a better person. Andrew Neal: Dude, how could I forget you? That asinine hat you used to wear is burned into my memory. Also, you did a really good job. Grant: Despite your effeminate hair that all those girls who come into the office quietly coo over (I’ve seen them) you’re the man, man. If you decide to go on in journalism you’ll do a great job. But that applies to whatever you end up doing. Grant’s News Minions Jason, Hollie, and the others: You guys are great. It’s because of volunteers like you that we have Nexus at all. Chris: You’ve been hanging around nearly as long as me, which is worrying. You’ve done more behind the scenes for this magazine in recent
years than maybe anyone, and that’s saying something. Burton/Dave: You’ve been here longer than me. You should be ashamed. And proud. Kirill: You never got anything in on time ever as far as I can remember. But it was always worth waiting for. Emma: Thanks for all the random stuff you’ve done, and for graciously putting up with all our male contributors. Jed: you nerd. That’s a compliment. Antony: Best Games Reviewer Evar. Morgon: Keep writing. Nexus needs you. Dr Richard Swainson: Despite me arsing up every article you ever submitted, you were always gracious and got your stuff (which was excellent) in on time. This makes you a king among men. Nick: you were a stellar music editor. I hope you can keep it up. Art: we’ve had all kinds of crazy shit happen, but you’re still hanging around and we’re still friends, which is awesome. Teresa, Penny, Jessica Z and Jessica R, Mo, and all you other doers-of-stuff and hangers-outers. Thanks. You’re awesome. Ryan and Jamie: You both get a mention. Tess: Thanks for the crash-pad when I needed one. Wintec Journalism tutors (you know who you are): Look, I made the front page of the Waikato Times! Told you I would. Mum, Dad: I should thank you for the genetics, and the love, and the other stuff. Also: Geoff, who gave me the idea in the first place. The WSU Board, with several notable exceptions over the years: you’ve been great to work with, and I’ve enjoyed your company. Sehai, Moira and Pene: You were all fantastic Presidents. The WSU is better because of you. Dave West: Same applies. Thank you all. Lastly, but always first in my thoughts, Louise. I love you. I wouldn’t have met you if it wasn’t for Nexus, and even if the job had been as bad as working at Digipoll (as in, the worst job in the world) it would have been worth it for you. So, to everyone above and everyone I’ve missed, thanks. But, most of all, I want to thank you. The readers. I hope you enjoy our Yearbook Issue, and that Nexus will be around to inform and entertain you for another 50 years.
Credits: EDITOR: Joshua Drummond (email@example.com) DESIGN: Talia Musson (firstname.lastname@example.org) ADVERTISING: Tony Arkell (email@example.com) NEWS EDITOR: Grant Burns (firstname.lastname@example.org) SUB-EDITOR: Louise Blackstock WEB GURU: Jed Laundry (email@example.com) MUSIC EDITOR: Nick Johnstone (firstname.lastname@example.org) FILM EDITOR: Kirill Kruger (email@example.com) BOOKS EDITOR: Art Focker (firstname.lastname@example.org) GAMES EDITORS: Antony Parnell, Chris Parnell (email@example.com)
Contributors 8 Ball, WSU, Kirill, Burton C. Bogan, Dr Richard Swainson, Josh, Grant Burns, Mammoth, HCAC, Jason Sebestian, Penny Wilson, Antony Parnell, Nick Johnston, Louise Blackstock, Emma Swete, Hollie Jackson, Jason Sebestian, Dawn Tuffery, Teresa Hattan, Morgon de Groot, you Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA) Because whoever takes over next year will need it, too.
THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, THE WSU, APN, THE EDITOR, OR ANYONE. NEXUS: BEST JOB EVER SINCE THE 60s.
WANT TO ADVERSTISE WITH NEXUS? EMAIL firstname.lastname@example.org OR call 07 838 4653 OR 021 176 6180
NEXUS IS LOCATED AT Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University of Waikato, Knighton Road, Hamilton PHONE: 07 838 4653 FAX: 07 838 4588 EMAIL: email@example.com POSTAL: Private Bag 3059, Hamilton
Magic 8 Dodecahedron By the Bucky Ball
Will Clayton Weatherston succeed in his appeal? Outlook good – “Oh, of course,” the judges will say. “It’s so obvious he was provoked. Here, we’ll downgrade your conviction to manslaughter, Clayton, and don’t hesistate to get stabby with anyone who dares to break up with you in future.” Yes, Magic 8 Balls can be sarcastic. Who knew? Does the Waikato Time’s use of the headline “Waikato University magazine in kid-sex blunder” imply that Nexus was caught in some kind of blunderous sex situation with a kid? Cannot predict now – waves of pure inanity assault my all-seeing eye. It must be the way that the Times confused “printing bad taste jokes” with “kid-sex blunder.” Easy mistake to make. We’ve all done it. Will Maori TV end up broadcasting the Rugby World Cup? And if so, will it be awesome? Yes and without a doubt – in answer to your two questions. Of course it will be awesome. The fact is, no-one can tell what the hell
commentators are on about anyway, and when they are legible, they don’t actually say anything worth the time taken to listen to it. Having commentary in Te Reo would be a massive improvement. Will Nexus be more awesomer next year? It is certain – the new editor will take the magazine out of the kid-sex-blundering glut in which it currently resides. It will never blunder into kid-sex ever again. In fact, it will become more respected and revered than even the New Zealand Herald. Its success will grow, and it will eventually take over the Listener as the most respected current affairs magazine in the country. Sadly, by this stage students will have lost interest, as everyone knows all they like is poo and sex jokes. Has Winter returned with a vengeance to punish us all? Very doubtful – it’s more that Summer is just really depressed this year. Are Fat Freddys Drop getting just a bit too mellow? Their last jam took about five hours
and had me stoned without even going near a bucket bong. You may rely on it – in fact, their next album will contain a jam so mellow and slow, it will warp the fabric of space and time, ushering New Zealand into a parallel, backwards dimension where Michael Laws is not a complete arsehole. Will New Years be overrated this year, like it is every year? Reply hazy, try again – it would appear that the haze over the future comes from the mind-fog of regrettable drinking and bad sex. This year, try something different? Take some barbiturates on the morning of December 31 and sleep through to January. It will be the best New Years you will ever have. Who writes the Magic 8 Ball? Concentrate and ask again – you fool! You’ll never find out that it’s Josh Drummond! Ahaha! …. Oh, balls. I’ve got to stop writing down things as I think them. So long, and thanks for all the fish. I left them rotting under your fridge. That’s where the smell is coming from.
Ha, you thought we were just lying to get you to
4. Alicia Wright
3. Elle Nilsson
fill the thing out, didn’t you! Well, as it turns out,
5. Rose Crawford-White
4. Kit Lawrence
we weren’t! The actual survey results will have to
6. Kent Abbot
be published online, thanks to a combination of
7. Laura Cosgrove
1-month Rec Centre Memberships
factors (cough goddamn volunteer labour /cough)
8. Daniel Tait
1. Seth Heynes
but do look out for them, at nexusmag.co.nz. In the
9. Karen Sluter
2. Brooke Honiss
meantime, here are our winners! All prizes can be
10. Kaleb Tutua
picked up from WSU Reception from Monday 19
12-packs of Steinlager Pure
October – simply bring ID to prove who you are and
Burger and Beer deals from Momento
1. Ariana Corbett
they will be given to you. Prizes not claimed after
1. Daid Sing Szutu
2. Nathan Brown
two weeks will be divvied up amongst those who
2. Ana Ngamoki
deserve it most (Nexus volunteers.)
3. Sohail Farhad, 1021962
WSU Goody Bag Winner
4. Jimmie (no last name: student ID 0302300)
1. Hollie Jackson
$20 Bennetts Books vouchers
That’s it! Survey results will be out shortly – keep an
2. Karina Lonergan
1. Jill Krawczewicz
eye out for them at nexusmag.co.nz. If you’re lucky,
3. Shannon Turnbull, 1109780
2. Skinner Outram
they’ll also be printed in next year’s magazine.
Momento Free Coffee Vouchers:
1. Where will the next earthquake strike? 2. Would you pay $95 for student union fees if it was voluntary? 3. Are all the writers at Nexus just a bunch of paedophiles disguised as journalists? 4. Would you rather become rich and die young or live to be old and wise? 5. Who would you love to see play at the 2010 O’Week?
1. Hawaii 2. Absolutely –but how does an organisation advertise to opt in if they’ve got no money to start with because they’re voluntary? 3. Na 4. Old and wise 5. Shapeshifter
1. Tonga 2. Na 3. I’ll smash whoever said that 4. Die young and rich 5. WWE
1. Tonga 2. Hell yeah 3. Hell yeah 4. Die young 5. Linkin Park
1. Wellington 2. No 3. According to the Waikato Times the editor is 4. Old and wise 5. AC/DC
1. Taranaki 2. Yip 3. Um one is 4. Old and wise 5. Substax
ISSUE 24 12 October 09
WSU election results are in!
There are few surprises. Actually, make that “no surprises.” By Grant Burns Over three days of voting, students participated in an election where only one nominee missed out. 1350 students voted last week in the WSU elections, which is a record number for the past four years. The positions for President, Vice-President, and Vice-President Maori were only contested by one candidate which meant all three were voted in. Deni Tokunai received 818 votes, more than any other candidate, to take the position of WSU President for 2010.
The 2010 Director nominees had a hard-fought battle with nine hopefuls trying to ﬁll eight positions with one nominee missing out by only eight votes. The nominee who received the most votes was Charlie Gillard with 602 followed by Kate Magazinovic with 546. The other Directors that were successful were: Lisa Anderson (509,) Samuel Luke (489,) Michael Hall (483,) Toko Baker (482,) Carl Halberg (478,) and Daniel Morales (408.) Steven Harvey missed out with a total of
“I’m really happy about the result and student turnout for the election. I can’t wait to get started in 2010 and represent and help student issues,” said Tokunai. Incumbent Vice-President Glen Delamere was able to retain his position for next year with a total of 808 votes. Delamere was happy with the result and says he is keen to continue working hard for students in 2010. New runner Luke Claasen racked up 776 votes to take Vice-President Maori for 2010. Claasen will be stepping into the big, smiling shoes of incumbent Vice-President Maori Whetu Taukamo.
400 votes. Overall, the 2009 WSU Election was a success with more votes being cast than recent years. Still, from the approximate 10,000 students enrolled at Waikato, only 10% actually took the time to take the initiative. All the successful candidates will be sworn in at the beginning of next year and start spending roughly one million dollars from O’Week until this time next year. So, on behalf of Nexus and the WSU, thank you to all those who took the time to vote. To those who didn’t: shut up or put up (your name) for next year’s nominations.
I THINK I’VE BEEN SCAMMED! Mabel lost a lot of money through a scam which, according to Wickipedia, is a confidence trick or confidence game (also known as a bunko, con, flim flam, gaffle, grift, hustle, scam, scheme, or swindle) and is an attempt to defraud a person or group by gaining their confidence. It is so common these days that everyone should be able to recognize a scam and save some embarrassing and expensive incidents. The University branch of Citizens Advice Bureau can give you information about this or other hassles you might have. They have heaps of pamphlets and a huge data base to help answer anyone’s questions. Visit them at the Cowshed from 1pm – 3pm daily during semesters or phone 0800FORCAB (0800 367 222). There are many good ‘scam’ sites on the internet to help you avoid being scammed. eg the information service provided by the Ministry of Consumer Affairs, SCAMwatch.
“It’s given me an immense range of skills and networks I can take with me into the future,”
Out with the old, in with the new By Grant Burns
Since the results of the WSU Elections, the bloody reign of President Delaney has come to an end and the start of yet another iron-ﬁsted
Now, Ben will leave you with a quote for all students and future student politicians. “Student politics should always be more about the student
monarch has begun with President Tokunai. So, I bravely undertook to spend time with both these ruthless dictators to ask them what gives them warm fuzzies. Outgoing: incumbent Ben (Pene) Delaney As you ﬁrst glance into Ben’s ofﬁce, many mistake him for not being there. But, he is there – he’s just a lot lower to the ﬂoor than most of us. However, the pint-sized Prez has punched well above his weight on the regional and national stage. During his year in ofﬁce, Ben has been working overtime (literally – he’s often in the ofﬁce late at night) to help raise the proﬁle of the WSU, advocate for Waikato students, and ﬁght the powers above for less in the way of fee increases. “Assisting to increase the service given to our students,” said Ben when asked about his greatest achievement as President 2009. Another notable achievement also included Ben’s crusade to get student fee increases down from 80% to 40%. “It’s given me an immense range of skills and networks I can take with me into the future,” Ben said about his time as WSU President. Outside the ofﬁce, Ben likes to travel and meet interesting people all around the world. Ben also likes participating and interacting with other cultures while experiencing a wide range of ethnic food. He also likes long walks down Spanish beaches (not really, but probably) and ladies – he is single, and gloriously heterosexual! Ben was instrumental in bringing the Northern Tertiary Challenge to the Waikato – an event which Waikato University ended up winning. Also, Ben helped set up the WSU Trust account, to ensure assets are kept in trust for students, and started the anti-campaign towards the Government’s proposed Voluntary Student Members Bill. Leader of the Midget Revolution, Ben has contributed an enormous amount of time and energy into his job and helping students with issues. Always last to leave and ﬁrst to arrive, Ben’s Presidency has been one which shall be modelled on for future incumbents.
and less about the politics.” Incoming: President Deni Tokunai You can smell Deni before you see him. No, he doesn’t have bad B.O or clothing bin clothes, he smells of sexy man cologne and an earnestness to get things done. Well presented in his top buttoned dress shirt, Deni comes across as a very forward-thinking, determined individual who is adamant to make a change in the world. As I sat down, Deni began talking about his home country and number one passion – Papa New Guinea. Both a Papa New Guinea and New Zealand citizen, Deni moved to New Zealand to study management and law at Waikato University. In the three short years since he started, Deni has already racked up a number of accolades including Chairman of the Paciﬁc Students Association and President of the Papa New Guinea Students Club. Outside the ofﬁce, Deni is a keen philatelist. Don’t worry, it’s legal! Collecting stamps since his childhood, he now has over $2000 dollars worth of stamps. This goes alongside his other academic past times which include reading, sport, and writing. “I’d really love to write my own book which is what I’m working towards. I’ve been talking with publishers in Melbourne about writing a nonﬁctional history of Papa New Guinea,” says Deni. “Believe it or not, I have the third most read blog about Papa New Guinea in the world.” The twenty four year old has a lot of proactive initiatives to bring to the President’s table in 2010. A current BMS and LLB student, Deni says he loves putting his entrepreneurial skills into real life situations. Deni says he’s keen to carry on the anti-VSM Bill campaign that Ben started and to ﬁght for Waikato students rights all year. “I’m humbled to represent all students here at Waikato University. I will do my best with every issue I face and always put student concerns ﬁrst. I have an open door policy, so anyone at anytime during the year can feel free to talk to me in my ofﬁce. Have a safe holidays and I will see you all next year.”
0800 WAIKATO www.waikato.ac.nz
Congratulations University of Waikato Graduates.
With summer fast approaching, get a Summer Job Student Job Search has hundreds of jobs listed on their website from all over the country, so jump online and check out their full-time, parttime, casual and one-off jobs. Being a not-forprofit service, they offer students a free, fast and easy way to find work, relieving student poverty and putting cash in your back pocket for the silly season.
Ballot draws a chance for a New Zealand Republic
Last week, Keith Locke’s ‘Head of State Referenda Bill’ was drawn from the ballot. This means a two-step referendum process will be set up asking registered voters if New Zealand should change to a Republic form of government. The ﬁrst referendum will ask if New Zealand wants a republic with a President elected by supermajority and the second the one will ask for republic with a President elected by the people using Single Transferable Votes. Whatever version receives the most support will then be accepted into New Zealand law.
Not convinced yet? We spoke to Jess Picket about her experience with SJS and here’s what she had to say: What jobs you have gotten through SJS?
Heaps of different ones such as bar tending, promo, retail, reception, cleaning, and office work. All were really cool jobs that are great for my work experience.
Is the flexibility offered by SJS jobs valuable to you as a student?
Yes definitely. I need to be able to earn money without it affecting my grades/studies.
How have you found the website and SJS Staff?
Friendly staff make SJS so easy to use. Its great to have a person to talk to for a change. Website is just as easy and straight forward to use.
Our vision is to help students get skills and experience, and improve their CV and interview techniques, what do you think of this? It’s great; I’ve gained many skills that will be useful, particularly when I go on my OE.
How does the service that SJS provides help/add value to you?
It provides me with a way to pay off
my fees without getting a student loan, so it’s extremely valuable. I don’t know where I would be without SJS to tell you the truth.
What is the one thing that you think makes SJS stand out from other employment agencies that you could have used?
Waikato University’s summer papers start on 5 Janurary and if you happen to be stuck in Hamilton, I would strongly advise you to try one. All summer papers are worth the same amount of points/credits as normal semester papers just in a shorter time of six weeks. You can do papers which relate to your degree to get ahead or you can try something completely foreign to you such as a creative writing class. See the university website for more details or otherwise pick up a pamphlet from FIC at the bottom of J Block. Also the 2010 paper catalogue comes out this week, so if you’re planning to come back next year you better take a look.
It is geared toward students and offers more jobs to students than other employment agencies.
Are there any other comments that you would like to add? SJS has been great, and I would recommend it to any student looking for a job.
I’d just like to say a big thank you to our regular readers out there who have stuck with us throughout the year. Your support and interaction is our payment and we are happy to cater for you each week. Hopefully you didn’t miss too much information from all the Monday lectures you never listened to. See you next year, Peace!
Thanks for all your support over the year!
Lets finish the year on a high with these cracker deals! Fiesta Cask
Smirnoff & Red Bull
Having an end of year PARTY? See us for ALL your PARTY needs: Glassware
Wait till you see what we’ve got instore for O-week next year! only available at: LIQUOR KING HILLCREST Cnr Clyde & York Sts, Hamilton.
Mon – Wed open till 9pm, Thurs till 10pm & Fri – Sat until 11pm
Valid until 25th Oct 2009. While stocks last. We reserve the right to limit quantities. Trade not supplied. All major credit cards accepted. Excludes all other promotions & discounts.
Mr Safety Bigglesworth and the Fight against Crime Hello, ﬁlth. You thought I was dead, didn’t you? Well, I’m not! Ha! Take that,
it ever be recovered, will be returned to you, as opposed to it having its hard
Erich von Stalhein! Dramatic improvements in cryogenic technology ensure
drive wiped and being featured as Item #21325829 in a police auction.
that I’m around to harangue crime well into the future. So, scum of the earth, I
Advice Part the Second: Get deadlocks. Install them. Your landlord should pay
continue to protect you, even though you scarcely deserve it. Time for a cookie.
for this, because it enhances the property value. Did you know that a common
Munch, munch. Right. Here is advice:
method of housebreaking is to slide a paint scraper in between your door and
the knob? This, often, opens them. Bad news. Deadlocks will prevent this. But
That’s right, it’s very simple. Here is a truth: burglaries happen and offenders
they won’t prevent someone breaking a window or kicking a door in, which
are often quite hard to catch, especially by Johnny Q Plod who would rather
leads me to my next point:
give tickets to slightly speeding drivers. Ha, ha, just kidding, Johnny! You do a
Be A Snoopy Motherfucker. Watch your neighbourhood for anyone wandering
great job! But, seriously, if your stuff is nicked (and if you live in the Bermuda
around aimlessly, poking about or otherwise acting suspiciously. See someone
Triangle, it will be, eventually) you’ll be up Poopy Creek without a rotting corpse
breaking into a house? Once you have ruled out Agony Art coming home from
for a food source if you don’t have insurance. If it helps, think of it as a form of
a drunken adventure or anything similar, you might want to consider calling
gambling. You pay a bookie (the insurer) on the very good bet that your stuff
the Blue Boys. Plod should be round shortly. Time him. Complain to reputable
will eventually be lifted by sub-humans. If your possessions are taken, then you
newspapers like the Waikato Times if he takes too long. Thieves often do
win! and the bookie will pay out with scarcely a grumble. I got robbed once. I
things like ringing your doorbell and bailing if someone answers, calling your
had insurance, and so within a week or so I had a spanking-new Mactop that
phone, or just knocking at the door and claiming to be looking for mates
was actually an improvement on my last one. Also, with regard to computers:
with oddly generic names. Report this shit. It’s what the police are for. Get
Did you know that there are programmes out there that (if your computer
maximum beneﬁt for your taxes!
is nicked and the thief decides to browse for a little interweb porn or just
That’s all for this year – I’m returning to my cyro-chamber for a lovely ice-nap.
check their Hotmail for a letter from Mum) will automatically broadcast the
Stay safe, but above all, stay classy, Waikato.
IP address they are being broadcast from? Another method is to register the
Yours, Mr Safety Biggleworth
serial numbers of your cool toys with police. This ensures your laptop, should
WANT TO BE INVOLVED WITH NEXUS BUT CAN’T TEAR YOURSELF AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER?
forums.nexusmag.co.nz ..........sign up today!
The Nexus Haiku News By Drummond-san Kiwi voted New Zealand’s favourite bird Kiwi is NZ’s favourite bird A useless, ﬂightless Feathered turd
Severe weather brews in the north Memo to New Zealand You pissed Winter off So Summer is cancelled.
Tourists assaulted in Bay of Islands When will the tourists learn? There’s a law in Northland It says “Hit Germans.”
Inﬂation stays low Money keeps value Happy: importers Disappointed: Balloonists
Earthquake hits Samoa
Children swapped for exotic bird
With all these quakes, We must assume God really hates the Paciﬁc Plate
“Hey, this parrot Does it make less noise than kids? It does? You’ve got a deal!”
Sacked woman awarded $32,000 Accused of stealing meat, Wins court case, says to employer “Where’s the beef?”
Millionaire ﬁned for knocking boy off bike Rich man ﬁnds he can’t avoid bike, Or his life resembling The Simpsons
PH 07 856 6813
Letter of the Week
6 6813 PH 07 85
THE NEXUS LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS A WINS A $20 BOOK VOUCHER FROM BENNETTS OP E WEEK BOOKSH ETTS TER OF THBOOKSHOP! WAIKATO UNIVERSITY IVERSITY S LET M BENN IKATO UN THE NEXU VOUCHER FRO OP! WA WAIKATO UNIVERSITY nn s.co.nz BOOKSHOP OK BOOKSH ITY u@be ett RS $20 BO UNIVE EMAIL wk WAIKATO ADDRESS Gate 5 HillcreststRoad FAX 07 856 2255 ad EMAIL firstname.lastname@example.org lcre Ro
S Gate 5
Prostitution: non-awesome Last week an article appeared in Nexus, talking about the awesomeness
he knew he had this dark side, and didn’t want to take it home to the wife
of prostitution, which ended with a few words of encouragement for female
and kids. Fair enough perhaps, but, how long is it going to be before fake
students to join the industry, just like some other students, who claim
screams aren’t enough to get him off? What if he’s just working his way up
to love it. While the topic of student prostitution had its potential, this
to something far more, sinister? Wouldn’t he be better visiting a therapist
encouragement should never have made it onto the page.
than a sex worker?
You can’t really listen to girls who are currently working when they tell you
This job affects your current relationships. Honestly, what kind of a man is
what it’s like, at least not without the consideration that they are telling you
happy sharing his partner with others? The kind who places no value on
what they are telling themselves; which might just be what they need to
monogamy? The kind who visits with your colleagues while you’re at work?
hear to get though another weekend on their backs.
The kind who thinks of sex as a meaningless transaction? Oh, goody.
While you might ﬁnd a few sex workers talking about how great it is, it is
While you are letting some random fuck you in whichever oriﬁce he pays
very hard to ﬁnd an older or retired sex worker who says the same thing;
for, you are fucking yourself in the head. Girls quit this line of work, but
because they have learned that if you stay in this industry long enough, the
are never really the same. It has an effect on everything, how they see the
shit you have invited into your life hits the fan.
world, how the raise their kids, and how they view political issues.
I don’t want to talk morals, I’m not shouting from the top of a religious high
I have one friend who truly believes that sexual education in high schools
horse. But, I am going share the experiences of some of my friends, who
should have a practical component... “Okay, class grab a condom and a
are, or have been, prostitutes. The other side of the argument I suppose
partner...oh Sally, you couldn’t ﬁnd someone? That’s okay you can come
you could call it.
up the front and help me demonstrate.... yes that’s right Sally, put it in
It doesn’t matter how safe you think you are being, no matter what the
your mouth...” No, I am not joking. She thinks learning how to please the
circumstances, do you really think it is a good idea to make yourself
opposite sex is a vital life skill that should be part of the curriculum. I don’t
vulnerable to a person who is, presumably, stronger than you, and who has
apologize for blaming the inﬂuence of her occupation.
just paid for the “right” to do whatever he likes to you? It’s only a matter of
As for future relationships, even after they quit the game, these girls don’t
time before a client doesn’t listen to you say “no” or “stop”, after all, the
place the same emotive value on sex that others do, so they just have
customers always right, right?
sex with whoever they feel like, whenever they feel like. And then they get
The fact that nothing has happened to you before is not a guarantee that
confused when the guy gets the wrong idea. They also seem to be genuinely
nothing bad will ever happen. A few years back, I dropped a girl off at a
attracted to men who are useful, like a mechanic. And then when the car is
client’s house. He was a regular, had been for two years, she actually really
ﬁxed they suddenly don’t ﬁnd him attractive anymore, and break it off. They
liked him, considered him her favourite. A little later, I got a call; I only knew
don’t even realize that they are trading sex for other services, even if it is
it was her because of caller ID, she was sobbing too much to speak clearly.
obvious to the most casually of observers. It’s like their wires get crossed
When I burst into the room the client was calmly watching TV. My friend had
and they are no longer attracted to nice looking, smart or funny. They are
managed to lock herself in the bathroom. It was a few minutes before she
attracted to ‘useful’ and when the usefulness expires, so too does the
was able to unlock the door and come out.
So... to any one who read last week’s issue and did not think that this Grant
I had to help her walk, while also keeping my body between her and her
Burns person should take his encouragements and cram them up his
“favourite client”. Before I could get her out of the house he told her, that
cram-hole, but instead thought that he had a good idea.... don’t just focus
he wouldn’t apologize, ‘cause her not liking what he did was her own fault.
on the promise of riches, but consider the long term consequences, even
Sadly this was not a once off among my sex worker friends. I have mates
those you may not have been aware of. And, if you are already in this line of
who have had teeth knocked out. One girl had her jaw broken (also by a
work...I hope nothing bad happens, and that you’ll choose to change paths
“safe, familiar regular”); her face is a slightly different shape now.
before your path changes you.
Some girls talk about what they are doing like it’s a public service. One girl I know used to have a regular who wanted it rough, really rough. Said
THE NEXUS LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS A $20 BOOK VOUCHER FROM BENNETTS WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP!
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Bromidic content of prosaic lexis Send letters to editor@nexusmag. co.nz Letter of the Week wins a $20 Bennett’s voucher! Letters may also be sent via the letters thread at forums.nexusmag. co.nz. We sometimes get too many letters to publish these days – but don’t stop sending them! Letters that don’t make it into the mag can be viewed in the forum as well.
Txts to the Editor! Nexus now has a non-new TXT-in service! Send Letters to the Editor - via text - to 021 235 8436. Don’t forget: You can send Busted pictures in by pxt! Send us your best snaps of you or your mates in Busted-type situations to 021 235 8436.
We hope so too Art, I jst read your article. Thanks for sharing. My friend (R.I.P) went through this. I hope your article will give those in a similar situation hope.
Dear Nexus This letter is a response to Mrs. Craig Shepherd’s trite reply in nexus #24 concerning the bromidic content of my own prosaic lexis. See, I own a thesaurus too. Firstly, I agree with you entirely my handsome friend (Didn’t see that coming did you?) about how Angry Girl made a very good point concerning the way in which some people seem to be so full of self-loathing, that the only way they can validate the person they are is by dragging minorities through the mud. Where I disagree with Craig
hate crime in print. It seriously states that gay men, disobedient children, masturbators and people who do it during ‘that time of the month’ among others must be put to death. Which of us would be left standing? I’ve been guilty of three of the four aforementioned crimes (won’t say which) and I’ll tell you for free that if serious theology whishes to survive into the next century then it will need to become culturally relevant again by hiring a good editor (Josh?). Oh, and I am not a troll (I regenerate poorly) I am a gelatinous cube which grew the pseudo-
is his statement regarding the fallacious nature of both mine and Angry’s reasoning. Angry made a very good point about the contradiction of narrow minded people seeking higher knowledge and which of my own statements do you believe were based on unsound reasoning? That discrimination based on dogma needs to end or that lesbians are genuinely arousing? Neither of these to my knowledge conforms to any of the 42 major fallacies. You must understand sir that I respect faith but I’ve also read the bible and the book of Leviticus is a
pods with which I now type. Peace. Here is some BOC to go out on; All our times have come Here but now they’re gone Seasons don’t fear the reaper Nor do the wind, the sun or the rain (we can be like they are) Come on baby (don’t fear the reaper) Baby take my hand (don’t fear the reaper) We’ll be able to ﬂy (don’t fear the reaper) Baby I’m your man... Still whimsical, Still insolent.
Will he say yes?
Another Art lover
Jase Williams will you marry me? Love Kim Mod xox (MWAH)
Thanks for all the laughs Art. You will be greatly missed.
They were ALL the pic of the week U forgot da pic ov da week? Omg wat a rip! Wat is this?
Wot tha fuck man. Maori tv broadcasting tha world cup? Wot a joke sharples has key in hiz back pocket. Grow some balls john.
Don’t we all!
Politically correct felines
I love nexus. Especially the last page of all the stupid guys drunk az hell lol
Read the baby jkz made it on the frnt cvr of the Waikato times. Although the jkz were sick, they were postd in a jokez section of the mag designed to make lectures entertaining. Liten up you pc pussys.
He loves Art. In a gay way. Cheers Art. Yeah, cheers. Lots of love 2 u 2 (without being gay about it). Alan.
Oh I see what you did there
This is either sarcasm or the best compliment ever
Sitn in algebra lecture, lecturer’s voice fades to…”mwom wom womp womp wom mwom” (Charlie browns teacher) thanx 4 relevin the boredom this year nexus! Cu in 2010!
Josh, thanks for teaching some brilliant student philosophies this year. An enlightenment of the unwashed masses. Some great no bullshit policies. I salute you.
Cool Hi guys im in my 4th n ﬁnal year and am only jst startin to appreciate the Nexus n the awesome job u guys do! Keep it up next year for the newbies.
E U More people want to enrol at Waikato University. Places for students may be restricted. This makes it very
important for you to pass in 2009 to ensure your place for 2010.
0800 WAIKATO waikato.ac.nz
By Dr Richard Swainson
I have ambiguous feelings about patriotism. When ANZAC day rolls around I might shed a tear over the sacriﬁces of my long dead grandfather and his heroic elder brothers, when the national anthem kicks in before a rugby test match the chest might swell with pride in contemplation of the myth of All Black invincibility, when I hear tales of Peter Jackson being accepted as the peer of Spielberg and Lucas and achieving feats of funding denied all other ﬁlmmakers in the world, effectively bringing Hollywood to his home town, and on his own terms, I think I can honestly confess to being proud to be a New Zealander. On the other hand whenever some misty eyed loon starts prattling on about things like “kiwi ingenuity” or our “clean, green image”, getting sentimental about nuclear free legislation or making embarrassing declarations about “God’s own country” or how we are “the best country in world”, I cringe. Though I have never left these shores I think I can say with some conﬁdence that we are not the best country in the world. Despite the concerted efforts of the Yankee propaganda machine, with its schmaltzy notions of “only in America” or the echoing delusions across the Tasman from a nation that is so far up the States’ backside that it gets into American wars before they do, there is no such thing as “the best country in the world”. The idea that there is one, and, more to the point, that its questionable virtues and values should be exported far and wide, is probably the greatest threat the planet faces. Pride cometh before the fall. I’m quite happy with the fact that New Zealand is inconsequential, relatively underpopulated, and occasionally punches above its weight in the sporting and cultural arena. I had these feelings conﬁrmed last week when the crickinfo.com website concluded its exhaustive study of our ﬁnest ever exponents of bat and ball. While the history of our national cricket team is a chequered one 16
experiencing its nadir in 1955 with the lowest test innings total in history, 26; peaking in the 1980s thanks to the brilliance of Hadlee and Crowe - the all time New Zealand First XI that was the end result of two months of debate could, arguably, take on all comers. Individuals such as Stewie Dempster and Jack Cowie were competitive in the era of Bradman and Hutton; John R. Reid was thought of sufﬁcient class in his day to captain a World XI; Glenn Turner scored over a century of tons; Ian Smith was more agile than his current, heart-attack-waiting-to-happen frame now suggests, and so on. Giving me as much satisfaction as the team’s competitiveness is the fact that this country is so small, and its history so short, that I almost feel a connection to it. Looking over the names, I can lay claim to having had conversations with three of the eleven, have beaten one at pool and eaten a hot dog with another, and have been in close physical proximity to three more. I’ve got one friend who did unmentionable things at primary school with Hamilton’s sole player on the list, and other mates who aren’t short of a story or two where he’s concerned. Casting the net back a generation or three, to incorporate Auteur House’s most senior and valued customers, reveals an association with the great Bert Sutcliffe. One gentleman saw him score 250 in a day, recalling the technique in some detail. Another, even more impressively, was in ﬁfth form when Bert imposed himself on their secondary school First XI. The point of all this is not mere bragging or name dropping. It’s this: New Zealand’s strength is its size, its freshness and its conviviality. Everyone might not quite know everyone else but the degrees of separation are far fewer than six. Moreover, the egalitarian spirit that still informs the national character means that even the high achievers acknowledge their arm chair critics. Martin Crowe might not have enjoyed being beaten on the pool table, he might have sulked and been an unwilling subject for my appalling photography, but at least he talked to me.
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30/09/2009 12:45:24 p.m.
By Art and Burton C Bogan
A year in non-chronological review
This has been a year of ups and downs for Nexus, the University of Waikato and the world in general. There have been deaths, births and Nazi-hunts, victories and losses, successes and failures. Let’s turn back the clock and gaze upon all those things we have seen this year, and then gotten drunk and forgotten. O-Week: What would Waikato be without an O-Week. Victoria University, that’s what. With creepy ponytail hypnotist, Guy Carter, and hilariously unfunny funny-man Dai Henwood entertaining the crowds of students, people quickly started going to other universities or getting lost on the sexually charged arenas of Bar 101 or the Outback. Cunt on Campus: 27th-29th of April saw more vagina on campus than at a drunken night at Student Village. The WSU’s production of the Vagina Monologues was enjoyed by those who went. Ten actresses bared all for the crowd (at least verbally) as issues such as orgasms, gender equality and rape were investigated through dramatic representations of true life stories. At the end of the production the crowd all chanted “that word” which had N for Nexus in it. We always knew we were a key part of any vaginal experience. The production was very well received and raised money for victims of rape. Michael Jackson died, which most of you will remember. Most of you are the right age to have been scared that he would turn up at your house in the 90s and made sweet, sweet love to you. Most of you won’t, however, go and see 20
his movie, This Is It. A movie featuring the final days of a dead celebrity only works when there are capes and face paint. Also, in the last few days, it has been confirmed that Paul Anka actually wrote the soon to be released Michael Jackson single. Boo! Hiss! Farraw Fawcett and Patrick Swayze both passed away from the cancers. One was the object of my fantasies for years. The other was a Charlie’s Angel. Patrick Swayze was the star of such films as Dirty Dancing, Ghost and Road House and featured as a paedophile in Donnie Darko. Farrah Fawcett had massive hair and spent a lot of time in togs. Guess who we are mourning the most. That’s right: boobies win out everytime. The Samoan Tsunami turned out to be a horrific event for the island paradise and a good reason for every dick head in coastal New Zealand to go stand on the beach. If there had been a proper tidal wave hitting New Zealand, our average IQ would’ve jumped a whole lot. The WSU sprang into action and collected a whole lot of canned food and clothing to send over to our Pacific cousins. Good work WSU. Bad work Mother Nature. You’re a bitch. Also, a few days later another part of the world was shaken by
earthquakes. Go and see 2012 when it comes out and tell me you’re not afraid. Professor James Ritchie, of the University of Waikato Psychology Department, passed away on the 24th of September. With him we lost a link between Maori and Pakeha in this country and a great mind. He promoted the raising of children without physical force and was an allround stand up guy. He will be missed. Ben Gilby-Todd, another stand-up guy, passed away after a motorcycle accident in Croatia earlier this month. A popular man taken before his time, one his friends recalls him as “the kind of guy you want to have around. He had this kind of energy that was always there”. A keen hockey player (playing for Waikato and Midlands) and a management student, he too will be missed. I never had the pleasure of meeting him, but a lot of people I think are awesome think he is awesome and that’s enough for me. John Hughes died. No one, according to Doctor Richard Swainson, should really give a toss. Considering he wrote Beethoven (the movie about the giant, down-syndrome dog), Nexus would have to concur. He also wrote Pretty in
Pink, The Breakfast Club and Sixteen Candles. Big whoop. I once wrote a rude poem about dicks and farts. Where’s my goddamn award?! Murdering bastard Clayton Weatherston was sent away for a good long time after murdering to death his ex-girlfriend and former student Sophie Elliot. It turns out that cheating on your boyfriend is not actually grounds for him to stab you a few hundred times. Weatherston will be away for close to twenty years and probably won’t be too popular with the ladies when he gets out. With his cheeky grin and pretty hair, I’m sure he’s real popular in prison though. Editor Josh Drummond hunted a Nazi. He went all Simon Wiesenthal on some punk Kraut and came out with ONE HUNDRED NAZI SCALPS. A student at Waikato wrote a Masters paper about Neo-Nazi stuff and satanic stuff. A NeoNazi complained about it. Waikato University took it off the shelves. Nexus sprang into action and roundhouse kicked Waikato in the face. Nazis: 0. Nexus: 1. The story was later re-run in the New Zealand Jewish Chronicle, virtually guaranteeing Drummond a high-paying position with the Illuminati-Zionist elite who secretly run the world. Hint, hint. The End of Agony and Bogan: Long running columns Agony Art And Boganology have come to a close after three and four years respectively. This has nothing to do with either Bogan getting a girlfriend or with Agony getting engaged. Honest. Dead Baby Jokes accidentally featured on the puzzle page in August. This offended plenty of
readers. Nexus promptly apologised. Somehow, local news/toilet paper Waikato Times took two months to hear about it. Once they did, they took the logical next step of running a story with a headline that made it look like Nexus not only abused children, but harvested their organs and sold them to Jews for blood libel rituals. Also, it was revealed that when you apologise to Parentline, you actually make it worse. Nexus would like to reiterate that it is very sorry for the baby jokes, but that making jokes about a terrible thing is not the same thing as doing or condoning it, as some apparently believe. By way of example, we recommend the movie The Aristocrats (R18) starring noted non-childabusers Robin Williams, Sarah Silverman, Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Penn Jillette, Teller, Jason Alexander, Hank Azaria, Bob Saget, (of Full House fame) and many, many more. Fun for all the family. Jeff Hawkes steps down from the Waikato Student Union after being told to account for accusations of bullying other board members via text and email. A newspaper article soon appears in the Waikato Times in which Jeff Hawkes complains that he was bullied. This article is followed by another article about Jeff Hawkes, in which it is revealed he is actually amazing. Gee whizz Jeff, you actually are awesome! Parachute Festival 2009 was visited by Agony Art and Dangerous Dave and somehow they managed to ﬁnd the only guy on LSD. After following him round for a few hours and leaving cigarette butts all over Mystery Creek, Dangerous and Agony got bored and left to
smoke more cigarettes at home. Parachute will not be inviting them back in the foreseeable future. Obamanation! Last year Barack Obama was elected president of the United States and hippies everywhere waved their lighters at the prospect of not only the ﬁrst African American president but also someone who wasn’t George Bush. In fact his campaign of “time for a change” was so powerful that for once there was a trickledown effect and New Zealanders got caught up in it and voted for a National government because of the change motif. People feared for Obama’s personal safety and wondered about what kind of dog his family would buy. Regardless of people’s political leanings, no one can deny that he captured people’s attentions. He also captured the attention of the Norwegian Nobel Committee and on October the 9th they awarded him the Nobel Peace Prize for “…his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples”. Supporters signalled the importance of Obama as a symbol for peace, a better world and his very real dedication to a world free of nuclear arms. They also pointed to Obama’s vision as being attuned to the committee’s hopes and attitudes. Critics pointed to the fact that very little had changed since Obama was inaugurated other than talks of visions, a line of T-shirts for lefties and less ammunition for Jon Stewart. They also pointed to other laureates such as Nelson Mandela, Koﬁ Annan and the 14th Dalai Lama as being people who have accomplished things as opposed to somebody who is symbolically important. Regardless of your position on 21
whether Obama deserved the award or not, no one can deny that Obama has a huge weight on his shoulders and a lot to live up to. Student Election Turns Ugly: Student politics are normally an ugly business, but this year it went off the hook, with ﬁlthy mud-slinging being directed at long term WSU director Glen Delamere. Previous elections have seen Nexus editors threatened, magazines stolen and claims of biased journalism. (Kiss our arse, Diablos.) This year, however, a website (now defunct) and a series of posters accusing freshly re-elected VP Glen Delemere of being a child abuser were put up on campus during election week. An investigation is still underway (involving both police and university staff) to ﬁgure out the perpetrators of these heinous crimes. The net grows closer on you, scum-bags, and there is no escape this time around. Also, Waikato Times? How about you do a front-page story on something relevant, like, um, this? Or will you wait two months, presumably to allow the issue to ripen? Bungle of the Rumble: On October 3rd the ﬁght of the century happened right here in Hamilton, no it wasn’t another rugby player outside the casino, but the much touted Tua v Cameron ﬁght. A skinhead in Axcess seemed to view it as a race war; some other dude from Manawatu seemed to agree when asked
who he was backing. Well if that’s the case, the Paciﬁc Island people won – cause in the words of “The Crowd goes Wild”…SMASHED EM BRO! Tua ripped Cameron a new one. News programmes everywhere played the “highlights” of the night…which was the entire ﬁght, given it only lasted around four minutes. Pub patrons paid $40 to watch which equates to $10 a minute per person. The Waikato Times reported that the trickle down effects may have been overestimated…no shit, Sherlock. The real highlight of the night was Tua saying that his next move was to go to Burger King and have a sleep. Cameron’s boxing gloves were sold on
Vizier Roger Douglas has summoned the beast from the depths, and looks set to unleash it early 2010. This will deprive students of many things and make rich old men chuckle that they made students run around like headless chickens, rather than banding together to ﬁght space Nazis from Wellington.
Trademe for $170 – we don’t care how much Cameron’s trying to pay us…we ain’t buying.
Burton, Focker and Burns horriﬁed anyone unfortunate enough to sit next to them in the game “I have never”. Other student journalists schmoozed and had photos taken. It seems that many other journalists had never…but Nexus had. Hunter S Thompson smiled down on us because no-one else, other than CANTA, seemed to. CANTA was even polite enough to wrestle Focker on the ﬂoor (Focker’s toe is still busted and he wants revenge, Jon!). Political reporter Barry Soper made what seemed like several appearances as guest speaker. In reality it was just one really long (winded) one as he paraded a list of people he’d made hold on the phone in front of a heckling crowd. He also touched Burns in the toilet…but only a friendly pat on the back as Burns made a particularly insightful comment about other toilet patrons. Nexus came away with a ﬁrst place for Best Education Series (thanks to the aforementioned Nazi-hunt,) a second for games reviewer Antony Parnell and possibly a second for something else but Nexus’s memory is a bit hazy. (It was a second equal for Best Feature, you gimp. I wrote it – Ed) Nexus was also unimpressed at the backpackers it stayed at due to largely unfriendly staff, a $10 fee for an hour late check-out, and Focker’s repeated nakedness.
Library Chaos Continues: University students have been hard pressed to ﬁnd a quiet place to work at the University library, with workmen laying waste to vast chunks of our learning hub. Supposedly it’s making it better, but when I get a migraine every time I go to write an essay, I fail to see the point. Next year’s renovations are rumoured to be even more extreme, when whole book sections will be moved, study areas closed and demons unleashed from the ancient Indian burial ground beneath the campus. VSM: the ancient bane of every student union has reared its ugly head, thanks to National’s victory in the election. This time around, Grand
ASS-PAS - On the 12th of September Nexus travelled to Wellington for the annual Aoteaora Student Press Association (ASPA) awards. A long van trip resulted in the usual chaos that is expected at these kinds of events. The chaos became concentrated at one table as
United Video Hates Child Porn: Only thing is, they weren’t ﬁghting child porn. Some serious
investigative journalism by Nexus staff found that United Video stores throughout the Waikato were using emotional blackmail to get people to sign an anti-video piracy petition. They did this by claiming that people who didn’t sign it were allowing child porn to be legal. One very grumpy manager got a telling off, but nothing really came of it. Video store staff soon stopped asking people to sign the petition, possibly out of shame. Slopes on Campus: 13th August saw snow on campus. WSU had a truckload of snow trucked up from some mountain to set up its ﬁrst Snow Dodgeball tournament. Many big guys came dressed in spandex and former WSU Director Rachel Wark came sporting a fetching handle bar moustache. Grrrrowl. Hot air on campus not from law school: 25th March – 29th March saw the return of the very popular Balloons over Waikato return to Hamilton as various inﬂatables (other than
the ones in Focker’s and Burton’s cupboards) returned to University. Balloons featured included Lucy the Ladybug, Mr Bup the Turtle and The Cake. Food and drink was enjoyed by all – particularly Pie Nui which included pie, peas and a severely burned tongue.
V8 Naming: In September owners of the V8 Supercars decided to pull the carpet out from underneath the Waikato region and change the name of the Hamilton 400 to the ITM 400 apparently due to new sponsorship deals. Mass yawning ensued.
Not just a wank: 23rd May saw the ﬁfth return of the Hamilton Circle Jerk which saw the likes of Dynamo Go, The Shrugs, Knights of the Dub table and Sora Shima (and many others) play at Flow Bar. This event has proved to be the only good reason to have a New Zealand music month and many a happy ending was had by all.
They’re super, thanks for asking: Pride week in September heralded the celebration of GLBT students on campus. It also saw the invention and coining of the term “Gay Burgers”. Urban dictionary enthusiasts everywhere rejoiced as people eagerly awaited Tana Umaga’s participation in the hand bag toss event.
Trust WSU: 23rd September saw the students of the University of Waikato vote in favour of changing the Waikato Student Union’s constitution to form a trust in order to better look after and manage its assets. Rumour has it that Roger Douglas is even now grumbling at the prospect of not being able to sell other people’s property once again.
In short, this year has been one of ups and downs. We’ve fought long and hard to bring you the stories you want to read, even if it got us or you in the shit. Here’s to 2010: may it be as interesting a time (if not more so) than 2009!
The Phat Controller
A Retrospective By Vitamin C, Antony and Flash Medallion
For the last issue this year we thought we’d have a look back over the gaming highlights for the year as well as a forecast for the summer, especially since nearly every summer blockbuster has been delayed ‘til early 2010 to avoid having to compete with the summer blockbusters. We thought we’d go for the humorous achievements angle, because that’s always humorous. Black Hole achievement – Fallout 3 This is for the game that sucks in hours and hours of your life and compresses them to what seems like a few minutes. You can sit down for a quick mission of digging around some ruins in Fallout 3 and ﬁnd yourself, eight hours later, irreversibly immersed in some obscure goal like ﬁnding Abe Lincoln’s hat or enslaving children. “I say it’s safe to surf this beach” achievement – Battleﬁeld 1943 Only Lt. Col. Kilgore would have the balls to stand still on a beach in Battleﬁeld 1943. The pure havoc of this slick online shooter is unrivalled, and makes it one of the few games that successfully rewards strategy and teamwork over lone wolf Counterstrike-style erratic jumping and pure skillz.
Large Hadron Colliders and Dinosaurs achievement – Scibblenauts One title this year managed to incorporate both these things into its gameplay, and thus makes it the deserving winner. Scribblenauts makes for a truly unique experience, a puzzle solving game where the solutions are literally endless. What faults it has can be ignored for the colossal effort from the developers to let your mind run wild. “Let’s see that again” achievement – Fight Night Round Four Never has the phrase ‘real-time deformation’ held so much potential as when applied to the human face. The ﬂawless collision engine and beautiful sweaty details on the character models combine to bring us gloriously painful slow-motion close-ups of unfortunate pugilists faces being rocked off by freight-train uppercuts. “Only from the mind of the Japanese” award – Noby Noby Boy Noby Noby boy is something one must experience, as common words do it no justice. From the creator of the Katamari series, Noby Noby boy involves stretching, consuming and
growing for your girl. This game straddles the line of genius and madness. Then eats it and shoots it out its ass.
be a welcome addition. While I’m extremely late to the party, Killzone 2 will also make an appearance during the summer. “
In terms of a forecast, things are really looking
FlashMedallion: “The Fallout 3 DLC is ﬁnally
strong. As per usual, franchise extension make up the bulk of this but we really don’t see the problem here; if a great game is being improved by iteration then what’s not to love? Gran Turismo 5 and Final Fantasy XIII will be subject to intense scrutiny, as the ﬁrst of each franchise for the new generation. Better graphics and greater volume are not going to be enough anymore; we need to see some serious innovation in the way all the extra power is used. MAG and Modern Warfare 2 are leading the charge for the “realistic” online shooters; early reports from the MAG beta indicate that there’s more to it than just a 256 player gimmick, but going head to head with the sequel to COD4 requires seriously heavy ﬁrepower. Bioshock 2 and Assassins Creed 2 are continuing on with the most popular plots, and while AC2 is ﬂying the ﬂag for single-player games, Bioshock 2 is using its multiplayer to expand the story which is a clever touch. Achron, the RTS that lets you time-travel with the same freedom that you can use the mini-map, is nearly on its way. Grandfather paradoxes and mind-bending erase-the-past strategies galore.
out in NZ, so I’ll be getting my ﬁx in postapocalyptia again once I wind up a second playthrough of Oblivion; those two are as close to gaming crack as it gets. The Brutal Legend demo was the ﬁnal convincing I needed to pick that up, which should satiate my need for killer soundtrack, mindless bloodshed, and a splash of RTS. As for online I don’t see much changing, MGO and Battleﬁeld 1943 are still going strong but there’s always room for a couple more; looking forward to Bioshock 2 and GT5 whenever they’re due. Hopefully there are a few more of the little titles like ﬂ0wer and Braid to come, the alternative stuff makes great a break from getting absorbed into the action-adventurers. As Devil May Cry junkie I’m hanging out for Bayonetta as well, and as an MGS disciple I’m seriously considering getting a PSPgo for Peace Walker.”
So what will we be playing this summer? Antony: “NHL 10 and Brutal Legend are expected to be mainstays in my console throughout summer, and at some point I will pick up episode 2 of Penny Arcade: On the Rain-Slick Precipice of Darkness. The holidays are known to be a time with a lot of moving around, so my DS will no doubt get a workout here. Zelda titles are notorious for having releases constantly delayed, but if Spirit Tracks is out for DS early December that will
vitaminC: “To me, gaming in general is still waiting for its big breakthrough as a medium; while the fanbase is rabidly protesting that games are no longer for kids, it’s only really matured to the level of spoilt teenagers. We’re going to have to wait on Microsofts Natal and Sonys magic wands to really see where things are heading in terms of evolution, but this is entirely dependent on how the developers go about using the tech. The fundamentals of game control will have to be rebuilt from scratch to make it work (this is a good thing), and meanwhile Nintendo are off in another own world with their new innovation which involves making their games bloody difﬁcult (for the ‘hardcore’ crowd) with the option of having the game do the bits for you that you can’t (for the much-maligned ‘casual’ – read lucrative – crowd). Interesting times are ahead. 25
The Nexus Noticeboard Well, the Nexus Noticeboard is gone for another year. We’ll be back in 2010, and you can send any notices that might still be relevant around then to notices@ nexusmag.co.nz. Buy now! Ta.
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Summer rent reduced to $75 plus expenses. NO BOND
Call or Text 027 727 9156 or email email@example.com
0273658815 or 859 3097
Room Available Medium-sized room in fully furnished, modern house in Rototuna North. 2 minutes from the Rototuna Shopping Centre (where the Orbiter leaves from). 12 minutes drive to uni.
Random Wanted: Experienced Mandarin tutor or Chinese student wanting language swap with a Kiwi student to meet up once or twice a week. Email Scott at firstname.lastname@example.org or text on 0273094445.
$95.00 plus expenses. Would suit male or female over 25. No smokers or pets please. Available now. 021 071 6658. Flatmate Wanted: 2 double bedrooms available in a fully furnished sunny, warm house with a large backyard for cricket and bbq’s. 3 easy going existing flatmates all students, 1 couple and single. Looking
Voices Wanted: Do you have a British home counties or American accent? Then we may want to record your voice for an English language project. It’s lots of fun, and if selected, you’ll have the opportunity to earn some cash. Sound like you? Call Debbie now on 021 525 433
for easygoing and reliable flatmates to move in a.s.a.p. Rent is $100 + $50 to cover food, power, unlimited broadband, phone. Text or call Jordan 0274032271
If your looking for a place to stay to stay this summer, Why not one with a pool? Located on Knighton Road, rent is $130. This covers rent, power, phone, and Broadband Internet as well. Nice, friendly, quiet flatties. Two girls and One guy. Room Available Nowish. Urgently need to fill room. Phone or text me for more details on 021-102-3383.
AIESEC will be holding an Innovative & creative thinking workshop at the 7th of October in MSB.1.01 from 6:00 - 8:00 PM. Food and drinks will be provided. Editor – Full time. A word-smith who as well as writing their own material and checking everyone else’s, can coordinate and motivate a rag-tag bunch of volunteer writers and contributors to make up a student magazine each week.
Activities Assistant – Part time. Someone to assist our Events Manager in all aspects of organising and facilitating the various and diverse WSU activities held around campus. Some heavy lifting involved. Reception – Part-time. To relieve on reception and undertake a variety of administration duties. Advocate – Part-time. An understanding attitude and a willingness to go the extra mile to help our members with the many problems they come to us with. Job descriptions available from David West Manager email@example.com Expressions of interest by Friday 23rd October 2009. Loo- Paper Funding Event! I’m selling my artworks through TradeMe to pay for loo paper and coffee, check them out underunusualart and if they don’t cramp your style get bidding! The cheapest one is starting at $3.50 so get in quick! They’re A4 drawings (colour or B/W) so they make hassle-free last minute Christmas presents so get your hands on them! New ones will be up every Saturday night so be sure to bookmark me! 27
Fame Reviewed by “the guy who is every girl’s friend” Being a child of the 80’s with the kungfu shoes and the eighties dialect of radical new words like “awesome” and “bogus” I was also subjected to 80’s classic Fame. Which pretty much deﬁned the decade. The 2009 version replicates the story of young students who come together all in the name of seeking – you guessed it – Fame. Based on the concept of a prestigious performing highschool in New York, the ﬁlm cuts in and out of the students lives as they go through the trials and tribulations of growing up with all this pressure attributed with going for glory. One is a classical pianist who yearns to sing hip-hop. Another is a ballet lover who can’t quite make the grade. A long-legged dancer, angry actor and budding music producer help ﬁll out the ranks all funnily enough from various backgrounds rich poor black white you know the drill. Unfortunately the theme is all too inﬂuenced by the likes of High School Musical and Step It Up for my liking (I should have known by the child to adult ratio there would be no blood, sex, or even a little foul language).
The movie serves as a warning to those who want to have talented friends – basically, they will screw you over to get on top. The cast didn’t seem to be chosen on their acting abilities and their actual performances in their so called talent are very much on par with reality TV contestants.The lack of true star power made me keep thinking that such a movie was made more fot the “stick my kid in a movie while I go shopping these holidays” market than those looking for a decent storyline. A big thank-you to the kids in the theatre who giggled and shrieked, thus reminding me why I was not trying to make a move on the girl who dragged me there (as sometime actions could have wider effects on society). Watching this ﬁlm reminded me why glee club was not an option and prompted the thought that ratings of movies should also work in reverse. This one should have been rated R16 AND UNDER. Watch the original with a pre-reality tv perspective – it’s better. 2/10
Movies to watch out for and avoid! By Art Every year amazing ﬁlms come out, but they’re being smuggled with increasing frequency between huge waves of total shit. Think about some of the recent blockbusters which have completely failed to deliver: Wolverine, G.I. Joe, Terminator Salvation and Transformers 2. They’re all shit and they all have something in common: they’re all remakes of our childhood fetishes. With that in mind, I’ve got a list of ﬁlms for you to steer clear of in the next little while. The Book of Eli: Milf-pleaser and all-round angry guy Denzel Washington attempts to act his way across the set of Fallout 3, generally being angry and wishing he was Mel Gibson in Mad Max. If you’ve played Fallout 3 or seen a Mad Max ﬁlm, don’t see this movie. It looks like it was written in an afternoon by a grounded teenager.
Red Dawn: Another remake and this one isn’t even thirty years old yet. The original was great because it featured Russian paratroopers at the height of the Cold War pouring from the sky and shooting up a high school. The result of this is that the local cool kids and their nerdy friend go bush, using hide and seek tactics to completely destroy Russian tank armies. It was fun in the 1980’s, but if they’re doing it now then it means no Charlie Sheen, no Patrick Swayze and a whole lot of former Home and Away cast members trying to be badass. Robin Hood: I’m pretty sure this ﬁlm has been done to death over the last hundred years of cinema, but Russell Crowe is ready to breathe new, whiskey-smelling breath into it. It won’t be as good as Gladiator, mainly because we all know how much of a dick Russell Crowe is now.
Death at a Funeral: “But Cynthia”, you say, “that movie came out a couple of years ago!” And you’re right. What you DON’T know is that the American’s are remaking it with an American cast and keeping the storyline pretty much the same. Do they realise that they’re total douche-bags? Do they realise that the people in the original Death at a Funeral were speaking the same language? Please avoid this ﬁlm, for the sake of future ﬁlm watchers the world over. Maybe America will ﬁnally start making original ﬁlms again and we can all go to the cinema with a creepy déjà vu feeling haunting us all the time.
An Improvised Interview with some Maungatautari Thespian Ensemble improvisers Nexus: Hi. Dave: Hello. Nexus: So, you guys are improvisers, huh? Say something funny! Dave: Um, well, you see, improv doesn’t always work like that. Normally we ask the audience for a suggestion or theme. These are called “ask fors…” (At this point, Nexus hits Dave hard in the eye.) Dave: Ow! My eye! Nexus: Use the pain. Make up a story about a man who is in pain. Dave: There… was a man… who was hit unexpectedly in the eye and suffered greatly… and lost vision. He called the doctor and a lawyer and sued the assailant successfully. Nexus: Is that likely to happen? Dave: No. I don’t have much money. I don’t think I can even afford the doctor. Nexus: Oh. Sorry. I thought… Dave: Oh, no. Don’t let it worry you. (He rubs the eye thoughtfully, wiping away occasional blood. There is silence. Then a door opens and Scot walks in) Scot: Hey, guys. Jesus, Dave! What happened to your eye? Dave: Josh hit me.
Josh: Don’t blow my cover! My name’s Nexus for interview purposes! Dave: Don’t be silly. You’re in the MTE as well. No point in hiding it. (Josh hangs his head in shame.) Scot: Why’d you hit him? That looks very painful! Josh: I thought it would make the interview more dramatic! Scot: Dramatic! I tell you what would make the interview more dramatic! (Scot launches into a the soliloquy from Hamlet) Scot: To be, or not to be? That is the question… Dave: Yes, that would have drama’d things up nicely. Or you could have brought on a pterodactyl. Josh: But there’s no audience to ask for a pterodactyl. Scot: That’s the magic of improv, Josh. You can create your own flying reptiles. (Suddenly, a Pterodactyl is in the interview. It swoops on Dave, pecking at him viciously) Dave: Ow! My other eye! I use that all the time! Scot: Impressive, no? Josh: Yes? No? Um, I think it’s cool. Scot: Indeed.
(Scot and Josh embrace, bow, and exit the interview room, leaving Dave with the Pterodactyl.) Pterodactyl: Hello! Join Hamilton’s premier improvisation company in a fierce battle of wits, egos and braggadocio fabricated weekly at the Riverlea Theatre for your pleasure. Three teams will duke it out in the challenge for the title of “Improv Champions”. Can the creepy Cannibal Collective outdraw the Velcro Cowboys? Find out, only at MTE Improv combat! Here are the competition details: Weekly | Sun 11 Oct 2009 - Sun 01 Nov 2009 Cost: $12 / $10 Time: 7:30 - 9:30 Where: Riverlea Theatre, Riverlea Road, Hillcrest, Hamilton Further details: MTE firstname.lastname@example.org Dave: Goodness, aren’t you a talkative pterodactyl! Pterodactyl: Hush, Dave. I need to eat your toungue, and you keep moving it about. Dave: Very well, good sir! (Dave dies. The Pterodactyl pecks at his corpse. Applause.)
This is the very last Gig Guide for the year! Nexus will return next year, so gig-people – be ready for us. In the meantime, your gig-ﬁnding and even giglisting needs can be sated by the wonderful folks at HCAC.org.nz – do check them out. They know things.
Your special attention please: Contact (88.1) FM 30th Anniversary Gig!
Where: Riverlea Theatre, Riverlea Road, Hillcrest, Hamilton
New Zealand made work.Contact us for details. Artists of all disciplines invited!
Contact FM plans to celebrate its 30th birthday on Saturday, 24th of October with a special gig featuring bands that have had a historic relationship with the station. The bill will feature Hand of Glory and Trucker, who will both be reforming for the occasion, as well as ex-Hamiltonian Pumice, The Shrugs, Matthew Bannister, and Auckland band Pie Warmer. The venue is the back bar of Diggers; the cost $10, with all proceeds going to sustaining Contact for another three decades.
Further details: MTE email@example.com
Cost: $30 - $35 a stall Time: 9 am - 3pm Where: Garden Place, Garden Place,Hamilton City
Improv Theatre Championship Join Hamilton’s premier improvisation company, MTE, in a ﬁerce battle of wits, egos and braggadocio fabricated weekly at the Riverlea Theatre for your pleasure. Three teams will duke it out in the challenge for the title of “Improv Champions”. Can the creepy “Cannibal Collective” outdraw the “Velcro Cowboys?” Find out! Weekly | Sun 11 Oct 2009 - Sun 01 Nov 2009 Cost: $12 / $10 Time: 7:30 - 9:30
Hamilton Film Society New Zealand Shorts, 2007-2008. Six recent New Zealand short ﬁlms: Clean Linen; Coffee and Allah; Fog; Run; Take 3; The Grafﬁti of Mr Tupaia. Mon 19 Oct 2009 Cost: Full membership $100./$90 students/ unwaged and three ﬁlm passes ($30) available Time: 8pm Where: Victoria Cinema, 690 Victoria street north Further details: hamilton ﬁlm society 07 8395932 firstname.lastname@example.org Left Bank Arts Festival - Coming to Garden Place Artists from various practises are invited to join us in bringing the Left Bank Arts Festival back to our city centre. Take advantage of pre-Christmas trade and display your original
Summer Trading Hours: 8am-5pm We will stay open late for groups so ring and let us know.. ext: 6723 Coffee Cart open during Exams: 9am–2pm
MS2 Summer Trading Hours: 8am-3pm
The Paradise Effect Oils on canvas inspired by the Hamilton Gardens by Adrienne Ranson. Fri 02 Oct 2009 - Mon 02 Nov 2009 Cost: FREE Time: 10 am until 4.30 pm daily. Where: ArtsPost, 120 Victoria Street ‘Waiprint 2009’ the 20th annual WSA exhibition of printmaking Guest Artist Kate Hill with 14 artworks plus 38 prints by other printmakers in all techniques including wood cut, etching, monoprint and mixed mediums Fri 02 Oct 2009 - Mon 02 Nov 2009 Cost: FREE Time: Daily 10 - 4 pm Where: ArtsPost Galleries, 120 Victoria Street, Hamilton
Nexus Sez: Goodbye for now! We want to see you back in the Busted pages next year, so party hearty â€“ but party safe. Send your summer snaps to, as always, email@example.com. Stay classy!
19 October 2009 Something just occurred to me. I think it’s Nexus’ birthday. Nexus got started in the late 60s, around the same time as the...