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5 October 2009


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ISSUE 23 Credits: EDITOR: Joshua Drummond (editor@nexusmag.co.nz) DESIGN: Talia Musson (graphics@nexus-npl.co.nz) ADVERTISING: Tony Arkell (ads@nexusmag.co.nz) NEWS EDITOR: Grant Burns (news@nexusmag.co.nz) SUB-EDITOR: Louise Blackstock WEB GURU: Jed Laundry (jlaundry@gmail.com) MUSIC EDITOR: Nick Johnstone (music@nexusmag.co.nz) FILM EDITOR: Kirill Kruger (films@nexusmag.co.nz) BOOKS EDITOR: Art Focker (books@nexusmag.co.nz) GAMES EDITORS: Antony and Chris Parnell (games@nexusmag.co.nz)

Burnoutorial by Joshua Drummond

Contributors 8 Ball, WSU, Kirill, Burton C. Bogan, Dr Richard Swainson, Josh, Grant Burns, Mammoth, HCAC, Jason Sebestian, Penny Wilson, Antony Parnell, Nick

A lot of people drop out of Uni in their final year. They find themselves on a treadmill and wondering why they’re not going anywhere. The volatile mixture of coursework and exams, tedium and stress, begins to tell. What, they wonder, is their qualification actually for? What’s the point of it all? Existential angst gets the upper hand and they’re gone, with four fifths of a degree and a sneaking suspicion that they wasted three, or four, or five years of their life. I can relate. This is the 44th editorial, give or take a couple, that I’ve written for Nexus, and I find the process ridiculously difficult. Being obliged to have an opinion is an awkward position to be in. Too often I’ve caved in after four or five false starts and written something completely frivolous rather than whatever ill-thought-out thing I’ve been chewing over for the week. I don’t particularly want to go on about how difficult this job can be. But it often is. It takes over your life. Everything revolves around the supermassive black hole that is Nexus magazine. You’re never really free of it, and I suspect that long after I’m finished here I’ll be picking up occasional issues (assuming the magazine is still around) and complaining that we did things better in my day. I have tried hard to make this magazine a good read for you. I really have. I don’t know how much I’ve succeeded, but I can go out knowing that

I gave it a bloody good go. It’s a bit like the Lethal Weapon rollercoaster at Warner Brothers Movie World. Lots of twists and turns, ups and downs, nominally fun, but it also clouts you hard about the head and you step off dizzy, slightly concussed, and not entirely sure whether you’ve actually had a good time or not. So. You might be reading this and wondering where I’m going with it. I am a bit too. I suppose I’m trying to say that if you’re facing burnout, with Uni or Tech in particular, that you should take a deep breath, maybe a hot bath, and try and step back from it all. Perhaps another year of tertiary really won’t help you and you need to re-assess where you’re at in life, what you want out of it, and where you want to be. Or maybe it’s the other way around. You want to quit, but you know that if you just grip tight and stay with it you’ll be able to wear the robe and wizard hat with your colleagues on graduation day. Maybe it’s worth it for the higher pay rate you can expect, for piece of paper you get, or just for the unholy, slightly understated joy of having completed something that is really quite hard, actually. If that’s the case, do stick with it. I think you’ll find it worth it, eventually, for whatever reason, even if only to say that you were there. That you did it. Nexus wishes you the best of luck, and we’ll see you at the finish.

Johnston, Louise Blackstock, Emma Swete, Hollie Jackson, Jason Sebestian, Dawn Tuffery, Teresa Hattan, Morgon de Groot, Enisa Kartal, Gordon Dawson, the Egyptian Goddess of Irony, Kirill, and Art. TV Tropes feature on pages 20-21 designed by Rory Harnden (Salient) Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA) Because someone has to do it. THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, THE WSU, APN, THE EDITOR, OR ANYONE. NEXUS: COMPREHENSIVELY BUIRNING OUT EDTORS SINCE 1968

WANT TO ADVERSTISE WITH NEXUS? EMAIL ads@nexusmag.co.nz OR call 07 838 4653 OR 021 176 6180

NEXUS IS LOCATED AT Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University of Waikato, Knighton Road, Hamilton PHONE: 07 838 4653 FAX: 07 838 4588 EMAIL: editor@nexusmag.co.nz POSTAL: Private Bag 3059, Hamilton




Moo-gic Eight Ball By the Bovine Ball

Is capital punishment ever wrong? Reply hazy, try again – this is a difficult question, that has stumped the best legal minds in history for generations. However, the annoying guy with the shouty voice who sits up the front in LAWS 102 knows the answer. Ask him. Is Oscar Wilde’s “The Importance of Being Earnest” an obscure piece of literature? Outlook not so good – the only place this classic is obscure is the University of Waikato, where the populace are uneducated philistines. Anywhere else in the world – say, Gore they’d know what you were on about instantly. Will it be okay to say ‘nigger’ before 2012? Most likely – according to vague “prophecy” and a blockbuster movie the world will end in

With Vice-Chancellor Roy Crawford Top o’ the mornin’ to you, random people of Waikato University! I’ve decided the best way to FIDDLE DEE DEE communicate with “students” is through one of the most popular pages in this “Nexus” thing that we keep hearing about. Apparently it’s a magazine of some kind? Lol. I am a plastics engineer, did you know that? I like injection molding and polymers. Also we have too many students and we have to get rid of some of you. It’s okay, we’ll only get rid of the morons! Here is how we will tell who is smrtest :(Simpsons reference haha) through the caption completion! Best captioneers get to stay at Waikato Uni! So without further blather, this week’s winner is: “Rapunzel! Rapunzel! Let down your hair!” Congratulations, WeaponsGradeHumanity! You win free Lightwire internets, which you will 4

2012 anyway. People will be so preoccupied by the fact that they’re all dead that calling anyone nigger will cease to matter. Was the lesbian kissing scene in ‘Jennifers Body’ intentionally over-hyped? Very doubtful – how would it be possible to over-hype something that wonderful? Anyway, the movie’s doing great at the box-office, so obviously you are a queer homo fag who can’t even appreciate a lesbian kiss. Homofag. Dear Magic 8-Ball: So ur with ur honey and yur making out wen the phone rigns. U anser it n the vioce is “wut r u doing wit my daughter?” U tell ur girl n she say “my dad is ded”. THEN WHO WAS PHONE? Reply hazy, try again – it would at first appear that it was the girl’s mother calling. But on

hopefully make use of. Which shouldn’t be too hard, because let’s face it, the Uni internet is utter shit. Come in to the Nexus office and ask for your code! Here are the honourable mentions: New survey reveals opposition to people having sex with their houses – Henry Carthew Molenaar found the brothel next door was an unwelcome distraction from setting up his bunker, so he shifted operations to Napier – Jake teh Ripper Due to an ammunition shortage, the army resorted to catapulting privates at the Château – Harlief Skankhammer III That’s all for this week kids! Remember that your friends in B Block are always ready to talk to students – my door is always open, even if I’m not inside! Haha cognitive dissonance lol. Buy buy! Potato joke!

closer inspection, this explanation falls down. If you told the girl it was a female caller identifying herself as the girl’s mother, why would the girl reply “my dad is ded?” Mysterious, indeed. Should John Key stay the hell away from comedy? Outlook good – he will stick to Prime Ministering, confusing the hell out of millions of Americans who took his appearance on Letterman for a promo for a new season of Flight of the Conchords. Should John Key get rid of the treaty once and for all? My sources say no – he should get rid of racist dogwhistle-blowers who like to wind people up with stupid questions like this. KILL THE RACISTS. DESTROY THE THOUGHT-CRIMINALS!

“Rapunzel! Rapunzel! Let down your hair!”


1. If the world was going to end tomorrow, what would you do? 2. Have you ever placed a bet on a sporting event? 3. What should be made into an Olympic event? 4. Which band would you give your left nut/ fallopian tube to see? 5. If you could be leader of any country in the world, which country would it be?

1. Skydiving and time with family 2. Yes x2 3. Nude running 4. Beyonce and Chris Brown 5. Kiribati and New Zealand

1. Rob a bank 2. Yes – Tua 3. 100 metre sprint for hermaphrodites 4. Nicole from the Pussycat Dolls 5. Afghanistan

1. Listen to all my CD’s 2. No 3. Elephant polo 4. David Bowie 5. Finland

1. Eat llots 2. No 3. Talking crazy 4. No one 5. Brazil

1. Go hit the piss 2. Yep 3. Ballet 4. Kayne West 5. Cambodia




ISSUE 23

5 October 09

Day of Diversity

Free kava relaxes editor for first time in 26 years By Grant Burns Last Wednesday saw the Village Green explode into a world of international diversity during Culture Day. Students from 11 different cultures set up stalls to display traditional food and dress. Each culture on display was also a Waikato University club and they all set up tables outside the banks with free traditional food, fun activities, and performances for passing students to participate in. Each table had something unique relating to the specific culture. At the Oman table was a woman giving Henna tattoo to students, while next

Clubs Co-ordinator Shannon Cleave was very impressed with all the clubs that participated and the students who attended. “Culture Day has been an amazing success. There are 11 different cultures represented and I think they have put in a lot of effort and I congratulate all the clubs. Also, thank you to everyone who came along in the rain.”

door students were getting sedated on the Kava from the Fijian table. The Malaysian table sported a drink called “Sarsi” which is a Malaysian rip-off of Pepsi while the Hispanic Club handed out free pizza. At 1:00pm the cultural performances began. First up were the Solomon Island and Fijian Clubs who both performed traditional island dances. Next were the Pinoy club who used bamboo to perform their dance while the Hispanic club showcased a sexy, Latino dance. The Saudi Club had two performances: one was by the Saudi children, the other by the men who wore traditional dress and used real swords. The crowd attendance throughout was amazing with over 300 students staying to watch.

After the celebrations were concluded, the prizes for Best Performance and Best Stall were handed out. The Waikato Uni Fijian Students Association won the prize for Best Performance for their four man tribal dance. The Best Stall prize was picked up by the Pinoy club who had free traditional food and activities for students. The 11 cultures on display were: Hispanic Club, Solomon Islands Club, Pinoy (Philippines) Club, Red Tie (Chinese) Club, Waikato Uni Fiji Students Association, Hamilton Saudi Club, Waikato Uni Cook Island Association, Waikato Omani Club, Waikato Uni Malaysian Association, Waikato Uni Samoan Students Association and the Papua New Guinea Students Association.

“the 2009 WSU Elections lies solely in your hands” The nominations have closed. The campaigning has finished. Now, the 2009 WSU Elections lies solely in your hands – the students of Waikato University. The polls will be open for voting from 10am until 4pm daily this Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday (6th – 8th October). All students enrolled at Waikato University should take the time to vote in these elections because it will decide who runs your student union next year. Every EFTS (Equivalent Full-Time Student) pays $95 per year towards the Waikato Students Union which roughly equates to $1 million per year, so you should take the initiative to select who is most appropriate to manage your money. The polling booths will be spread out throughout the university so there is no excuse for anyone to say “I wanted to vote, I just didn’t know where to go.” Polling booths will be set up: at the WSU reception, outside the Banks, in the library, at the Management school, the School of Education, Tauranga campus, and just in case you’re on the run there will be a mobile polling booth rolling around campus.

Even though there are eight directors, two vice-presidents, and one president, it doesn’t mean you have to vote for them all. Voting enables you to choose as many or a little candidates as you wish. If you just want to help your mate become a Director, then tick his or her box, leave the rest, and submit. This year, your job is easier, as there are not many candidates. Running for WSU Director is: Lisa Anderson, Toko Baker, Charlie Gillard, Carl Halberg, Michael Hall, Steven Harvey, Samuel Luke, Kate Magazinovic, and Daniel Morales. The other three positions only have one person running for them. However, these candidates still need to be voted for either in a vote of confidence or a vote of no confidence. Now, there is no reason why you shouldn’t and can’t vote this week. If you say you are too busy, then you’re lying because voting only takes two minutes( depending on how fast you can tick a box.) Please, my little darlings of the Waikato, get off your arses, get involved, and vote like you’ve never voted before!

Safer Partying. If you are out socialising with friends, don’t leave your drinks unattended, or accept drinks from strangers, and be sure to watch the person who is pouring your beverage. For more information please visit www.waikato.ac.nz/sasd/health/CampusCop

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The University of Waikato Proud to support events in Postgraduate Research Month Thesis in Three – Final University PhD candidates present their research in three minutes in a competition to win $5,000 research funding. More than 60 candidates will battle through five heats, with eight students presenting at this stimulating and entertaining final evening of competition, hosted by Te Radar, an award winning satirist, and stand-up comedian. Candidates are judged on clarity of communication, creativity and presentation. Entry is free to this key event in the University of Waikato’s inaugural Postgraduate Research Month. (For details of the heats, please see the University on-line events calendar.) DATE: LOCATION:

28 October 2009, 7.00pm WEL Energy Trust Academy of Performing Arts

Doctoral Study Recruitment Evening The Doctoral Study Recruitment Evening is designed to provide potential candidates with information about how to apply and what is involved in studying a doctorate at Waikato. Each School/Faculty of the University of Waikato will be represented by an academic staff member and current doctoral student while staff from the Scholarships Office will also be present to provide information. The evening will include a panel discussion, then School/Faculty representatives and students will be available to consider discipline specific questions. DATE: LOCATION:

14 October 2009, 5.15pm S Block

Cultural Hour Talks PhD candidates from different Schools/Faculty of Study will discuss their research and doctoral study experiences during the University’s cultural hour on two Wednesdays in October. This is an opportunity for potential doctoral candidates to find out more about studying a doctorate at Waikato from those already engaged in doing so. PhD candidates from SMPD, CSTER, WMS and FASS will talk on 7 October, and PhD candidates from SCMS, WMS and SOE will talk on 14 October. Hear how topics as diverse as teaching Maori in secondary schools, electronic books, and the relationship between spirituality and tourism can form the basis of a doctoral thesis. For more information please visit www.waikato.ac.nz/sasd/postgraduate DATE: LOCATION:

7 and 14 October 2009, 1-2pm S.1.03 & S.1.05

Quiz Night Get a team of up to eight people together to pit your wits against the rest at Postgraduate Research Month quiz night. This is a night for aficionados of general knowledge. Come for the fun, the prizes and the good company. The Quiz master will make it a night out to be remembered. To enter, contact Renee Boyer-Willison, extension 6310 or via email - reneebw@waikato.ac.nz DATE: LOCATION:

12 October 2009, 7.00pm Momento on the Village Green

For more information about these and other events contact 0800 WAIKATO or www.waikato.ac.nz/sasd/postgraduate


Unite to Fight

For your right... to paaaarity! By Grant Burns Unite Union have created a petition demanding that the Government review the minimum wage and raise it to $15 per hour. The petition (which can be printed off from www.unite.org.nz) needs 350,000 signatures by May 1st 2010. If the petition receives enough signatures, the Government then has to ask every voter in the country whether or not the minimum wage should be raised to $15. If the petition reaches its target then the government would have to ask voters: “Should the adult minimum wage be raised in steps over the next three years, starting with an immediate rise to $ 15 per hour, until it reaches 66% of the average total hourly earnings as defined in the Quarterly Employment Survey?” Campaign Organiser Joe Carolan is keen to get student support behind his campaign and believes $15 is not too much to be asking for. “There are quite a lot of people who have to work their way throughout college with the pay being so low and the fees being so high, so I think students are more than well aware. A lot of students in the Waikato are working on minimum wage, which isn’t enough for them to survive. In Australia if you

start at any job the minimum wage is $17.50 and we think with a National Government who is promising to lift New Zealand wages to Australian standards we don’t think this is an unfair increase to ask for.” The Unite campaign is a nationwide campaign. On Halloween (Friday 31st October) a protest march is being staged in Aotea Square at 7pm to attract national media attention. If enough people agree with referendum then the issue will be bought to the government’s attention. The referendum will then have to follow the normal bill process and committee hearings until it can become law. However, even if a referendum achieves the necessary amount of voter support, the government does not have to pass a law.

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8


Band experiments heat up By Grant Burns

The second heat of the 2009 York Street Studio Band Experiments last Thursday showcased one of the most furiously contested heats ever ending with a tie for runner up. Dynamite and the Doppelgangers just managed to sc ore first place while Milk Train and Dragon Soul tied for second place and a chance to nab the Wild Card spot in the final. The line up for the night consisted of two well known Hamilton bands Milk Train and Dick Dynamite with two newcomers on the scene Noosphere and Dragon Soul (formerly known as Red Dynasty). Dragon Soul set the bar high as their Eastern/ Western metal fusion hyped up the crowd. Two of the members, the drummer and guitarist, were Western metallers offering face-melting solos and blast beats to accompany the bass, Zheng, and other traditional Chinese

instruments played by the two other Chinese members. Dragon Soul qualified for the Wild Card draw which means they can still make the final if they win the popular vote. Second up were the Hamilton veterans Dick Dynamite and the Doppelgangers. Their classic rock style with double bass and greaser style was enough to win over the judges hearts. By the time the third act started, there were women dancing all over the stage. Milk Train had all the pulling power of a rock n roll locomotive with a lady-killers touch. Their mix of toe tapping blues and rock n roll swagger had the crowd by the balls. The vocalist and guitarist were major standouts with a solid rhythm section to hold it all together. The last band to play was the prog-metallers Noosphere. Their instrumental sound was

made even more amazing by the fact that they only have three members. Noosphere may not have appealed to the mainstream audience in attendance, but they definitely had some bogans head banging in the back. Noosphere was also the only band to play only three songs during a 20 minute set; all the other bands averaged over 6 each. After a brief intermission and some drunken antics by the MC, the winners were announced. Dick Dynamite took first place, and Milk Train and Dragon Soul both tied for second which means they both qualify for the Wild Card draw if they win the popular vote.

Muse to headline BDO 2010

Also – Faith No More announce two shows in New Zealand By Grant Burns Muse have been announced as the headliners of the 2010 Big Day Out on January 15 at Mt Smart Stadium. The first announcement reads like a rock ‘n’ roll family reunion for the 16 year festival with eight of the sixteen international acts returning for their second or more appearance. Other returning international acts include UK rockers Kasabian, psychedelic prog-rockers The Mars Volta, the always-lovely Lily Allen, rapper Dizzee Rascal, controversial, sexy Canadian art-rocker Peaches, Rise Against and Australian acts Eskimo Joe and Powderfinger. New international bands joining the mix this year include wicked metal act Mastodon, UK rockers The Horrors, male band Girl Talk, The Decemberists and Aussies The Temper Trap and Karnivool.

Cooking up in the boiler room will be British dance legends Groove Armada and Scottish DJ Calvin Harris. Kiwi acts include PNC, Kora, Dimmer, Minuit, Gin Wigmore, The Checks, Ladyhawke, and James Duncan. Shihad have not yet been announced. Also, in other musical news that I’m sure many may have missed, Faith No More have announced two shows on February 16 at TSB Arena Wellington and February 18 at Vector Arena Auckland. Patton and the boys have been around since the 80’s breaking musical boundaries with their progressive rock sound and the fact that every song in their back catalogue is completely different. Faith No More spilt up in 1998 with the members saying they wanted to try new

things. Singer Mike Patton went on to create Mr Bungle, Peeping Tom, and Fantomas. Tickets for the BDO go on sale October 9 and will cost $132. Another two announcements are still to be made.

9


FREE food Sort of, kinda By Hollie Jackson

Poor? Need food? Resorted to living off Mi Goreng noodles and the occasional luxury of Watties spaghetti? Fret no more, destitute student, for there is an answer, and that answer can be found on Wellington Street. The Waimarie Hamilton East Community House offers a load of cheap, and often FREE, services to those in need. This includes a foodbank selling fruit and veges at very, very affordable prices. For $10 you can get a box full of assorted seasonal vegetables (and some fruit), a large tray of eggs costs only $7.60, 5kg

Food orders must be placed and paid for by Tuesday lunchtime and can be picked up from 11am Wednesday (see details below).

of potatoes for $4.00, and 10kg of potatoes for $6.70. You can’t beat it.

Phone: 8583453 Address: 53 Wellington St, Hamilton East

They also provide a free legal advisory service, a gardening group on Fridays and a budgeting service to help you spend your hard-earned student allowance wisely. There are also meeting rooms for hire from $10 to $35 depending on how many people and for how long.

Hey Mr Funny Guy By Bill Hicks

I bet you secretly refer to yourself as the funniest guy you know. When you watch television you consistent yell out “I could do better than that, he isn’t even funny”. Well now it’s time to go public and put your funny where your mouth should be. It’s called Mash Pit Comedy and it begins today. Mash Pit Comedy is an exciting new venture from the Gibson Group and Prime TV, with funding from NZ On Air, where New Zealanders can show off their gags, jokes, skits, and possibly cross-dressing skills. And if it’s not funny enough, or you think you can do better than others, you get the chance to remix, mash up and muck with the comedic efforts to make it funnier, better or just way more twisted. Gibson Group producer Bevin Linkhorn says New Zealand’s first comedy mash-up site is more than just a gag show. “Mash Pit Comedy will be New Zealand comedy at its most raw and that’s where the laughs are,” says Linkhorn.

10

“It’s a good opportunity for any kiwi, and grassroots comedians and actors in particular, to show us their stuff and mash up the work of others too.”

adulation you’ll get when your fantastic comedic creations are broadcast to a national audience.

Mash Pit Comedy is a video-sharing site www. mashpitcomedy.com where you can upload original comedy. You can also download any video on the site and mash it up with your own footage on your computer’s editing software and re-upload that new video. All the guidance you need to be a comedy star is at your fingertips on the website.

But the really cool thing about Mash Pit Comedy is that it gives you the tools to set free your talents. You can use your bog-standard programmes for both Mac and PC (like iMovie or Windows Movie Maker) and upload your own content or mash up existing video and music from the website. And if you’re stuck, there are tutorial videos to guide you through the editing process.

The best and most popular comedy clips on the Mash Pit Comedy website will be selected to appear on the Mash Pit Comedy TV show on Prime. There will be 4 half-hour episodes in the first series. The best clips on the TV show will be in the running for “Best Of” prizes but of course it isn’t about the prizes: it’s about the fame, glory and

Check out the website today at www. mashpitcomedy.com and see just how easy it is. A tutorial mash-up is there, plus some examples for what you can achieve on Mash Pit Comedy.


Government releases tertiary education strat…look, you’re asleep already. Michael Oliver - Salient

The Government has released its 2010-2015 tertiary education strategy that includes possible changes to the way fees and student allowances are managed. The 15 page document details New Zealand’s current tertiary education situation, and highlights the Government’s commitment to seeing more students enter tertiary education. However, questions have been raised over an apparent need to find alternative sources of revenue. ““[The] Government is committed to maintaining reasonable fees for students,

“Students faced massive fee increases in the 1990s when there was similar ‘flexibility’ on the issue of fees, as outlined in this new Tertiary Education Strategy. These significant increases, some up to 30 percent in one year, greatly increased the level of student debt that students and graduates now collectively owe,” said Sophia Blair, CoPresident of the NZUSA. “The strategy is particularly concerning given the University Council’s recent decision to increase student tuition fees and hike the student services levy by 94%,” she said.

and achievement and to build a skilled and innovative workforce. “The draft strategy sets out the direction the Government wants tertiary education to take in the next five years. With a growth in demand we need to ensure the best return on the public’s investment,” Tolley said. Mrs. Tolley also called for submissions to be made on the draft strategy.

but will explore ways of giving providers some additional flexibility to raise revenue,” the report said. The report drew criticism from the NZUSA, who were concerned the Government’s desire for flexibility would lead to further fee increases.

Regardless of the negative response, the Minister emphasised what she called the Government’s commitment to the tertiary education sector. “We need the tertiary system to deliver for our young people, to improve education outcomes

The current funding agreements that tertiary organisations have with the Tertiary Education Commission (TEC) expire at the end of next year. The new strategy will guide the TEC’s decisions about what tertiary education programmes to fund between 2011 and 2014.

Legal practice invaluable, students really need to sit up straight—Sir Geoffrey Michael Oliver - Salient

New Zealand’s law schools need to do more to

Admitting he favoured law being taught as a

on their subsequent careers, and what choices they

ease the transition from being a student to being a

three year postgraduate degree, Sir Geoffrey

do make will almost bound to be wrong […] You’ve

practitioner, according to Sir Geoffrey Palmer.

said improvements needed to be made in easing

got to use your education as a sound background

The Head of the Law Commission and former Prime

students into their careers after graduation.

for all the things you cannot predict.”

Minister made the comments during an address to

“There needs to be a system of supervision of

Inviting those in attendance to ask him questions

Victoria’s Law Students’ Society (LSS) last Tuesday.

young lawyers that insures that they are not

on “anything you like,” the former Prime Minister

Sir Geoffrey, the LSS’ first patron, said that while

unleashed on the public without safeguards.

said he was unsure whether compulsory

most law graduates finished their degrees wielding

“The time I spent in a law office firstly as a law clerk

membership of student associations was a violation

an impressive set of analytical skills, they were not

and then as a young barrister and solicitor was

of the tenets of freedom of association.

as ready as their predecessors for legal practice.

invaluable to my legal career. A few years in a law

“I don’t think that’s an absolute easy question to

“I doubt that many who come out of the

office is a wonderful piece of practical education,”

answer; it depends on the circumstances as to

professional course today will be competent to

he said.

whether it’s a violation of the right of freedom of

defend people in the district court the moment they

The former Prime Minister also warned law students

association. I don’t know what the attitude of the

finish.

against following a particular legal path because of

students is on this. I would think it’s quite possibly

“I sometimes feel that the professional legal

its supposed financial benefits.

split!”

education that we had equipped us better than

“I think a lot of students make bad choices because

Sir Geoffrey was a Professor of Law at Victoria

what is available to you now as professional legal

they want lucrative careers. Whatever you do in the

University. Since then he has served as the New

education. The way the professional education is

law, you have to have passion and enthusiasm for it,

Zealand Commissioner on the International Whaling

handled now does have an air of unreality about it,”

and then you will succeed.

Commission since 2002 and President of the Law

Sir Geoffrey said.

“Students are in the unenviable position of knowing

Commission since 2005.

little about the effects of the choices they will make

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Vault - 28 April 1998

Student Prostitutes

By Grant Burns

Codie is a 24 year old education student. She’s getting good grades, enjoys her lectures and never misses her tutorials. On Friday and Saturday nights her flatmates think she’s earning pin money babysitting while they’re out getting pissed at The Outback. However, Codie is actually having sex with strangers in a ‘Gentleman’s Club’ a few metres away from the bars where her mates are eyeing up the guys on the dance floor. Except, what they would do for free, Codie is getting eighty bucks a pop for. However, Codie isn’t the only student making $300 -$400 a night for her body. Of the estimated 300 sex workers in Hamilton, up to one third could

Nexus talked to other student sex workers to find the real reason behind this increase in student prostitutes. Polly, a post-grad student, TeriLee, Dannii, and every other girl we talked to said the same thing – it’s all about the money baby! Codie says she’s not surprised that more and more students are joining the lucrative sex industry. Prostitution is now legal in New Zealand and it sure pays more than working at McDonalds or United Video would. So, what are you waiting for girls? Go shake that money maker – who knows, you could already have some potential clients sitting next to you.

be students. Look around your lecture room – can you spot the innocent prostitute or the loner who spends his course-related costs on blowjobs? The truth is, you can’t. Codie story is typical of most student sex workers. Flat broke with no stable income; she was talked into prostitution by a mate. Codie tried it once and enjoyed the experience and the easy money so she has continued ever since.

Some technical terms: John: derisive term for male client Body Slide: non penetrative sex Hum Job: blow job with a tune. Not Celine Dion Girls: the workers. Yes, it’s sexist. Are you surprised?

The Nexus Haiku News By Drummond-san

Most Kiwis don’t want ‘h’ in Wanganui: poll Is’nt it luky The way we spel isnt a Demmocrasy

Beware, morons When strangers ask you for money They don’t give it back

Violent rampage earns thugs long jail terms Wastes of space Get their lives subsidised By taxpayers, for fourteen years

Cost cuts keep TVNZ $2 million in the black Who cares if they make money or not? I just want Decent TV!

Britney Spears’ filthy threesome tale For Christ’s sake, Herald What happened to you? Nexus wouldn’t run this shit

Alcohol misuse blasted Abuse has existed Since some Cro-Magnon First drank rotten grape juice

Roger Douglas publishes, public pays They could release Douglas’s speeches As an insomnia treatment?

Facebook yanks poll asking whether to kill Obama Should look on the bright side This time, it was just a poll Next time, what then?

Facebook warning: beware shady cashstrapped ‘friends’ 12


WSU PRESENTS

CULTURE DAY


PH 07 856 6813

PH 07 856

THE NEXUS LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS A WINS A $20 BOOK VOUCHER FROM BENNETTS E WEEK TTS TER OF THBOOKSHOP! WAIKATO UNIVERSITY S LET M BENNE THE NEXU VOUCHER FRO SHOP! OK TY BOOK $20 BO UNIVERSI WAIKATO

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Send letters to editor@nexusmag.co.nz Letter of the Week wins a $20 Bennett’s voucher! Letters may also be sent via the letters thread at forums.nexusmag.co.nz. We sometimes get too many letters to publish these days – but don’t stop

how the world works and still get hung up on racial and cultural differences? I see people shooting dirty looks at Chinese students on a regular basis, passing comment on how this one’s a “lady boy” and that one’s a “mail order”. Do these people realise that they’re talking about this loudly in public? And that other people in the café can hear them?

sending them! Letters that don’t make it into the mag can be viewed in the forum as well.

Txts to the Editor!

u@ben EMAIL wk EMAIL wku@bennetts.co.nz

Letter of the Week

Thank god, someone finally said it Dear Nexus Why is that every time I pick you up I have to experience some kind of flame war, racism and so on and so forth? Not from you or your staff, of course, but from the greater student body. How can any claim to be here for a higher education or a more in-depth understanding of

OP BOOKSH IVERSITY IKATO UN z WA WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP netts.co.n

ADDRESS Gate 5 Hillcrest ad Road Hillcrest Ro S Gate 5 ADDRES

And just because an Arabian chap is driving a flash European car does not instantly mean that he’s oil rich and driving without a license because he’s some low level royal. If he over takes you, it’s because you’re driving too slowly. If you see him getting pulled over by the police, it’s because he’s driving too fast. It has nothing to do with how rich his family is, how many terrorists supposedly come from his faith or anything like that. I can hear you talking about it in public and I’m not impressed. Please feel free to not come back to university next year and feel free to go do something else with your life, like playing on train tracks and stuff. Angry Girl

Nexus now has a non-new TXT-in service! Send Letters to the Editor - via text - to 021 235 8436. Don’t forget: You can send Busted pictures in by pxt! Send us your best snaps of you or your mates in Busted-type situations to 021 235 8436. Letters policy: Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page, serious or not. Letters should be kept under 250 words and be received by Wednesday 5pm on the week prior to publication. We’ll print basically any letter, but the editor reserves the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. We won’t correct your spelling and grammar either, so it’s up to you how much of an idiot you look like. Pseudonyms are okay (all correspondence must include your real name and contact details – they won’t be printed if you don’t want them to be) but if it’s a serious letter we’d prefer you to use your real name. Send letters to editor@ nexusmag.co.nz

Howdy Nexus, I was thinking about the simple action of waving to someone and how it makes me laugh when I think of what it involves and the message you give in doing it: Raising your hand and moving it side to side with your fingers outstretched. This is a way we humans say “hello” or “goodbye”. Fuckin’ funny as when you think of how in movies we depict aliens doing weird shit and being all “strange”… and then you have us

waving our outstretched fingers from side to side saying hello in real life… we are obviously super advanced…I bet the aliens go back to the other planets and piss themselves laughing by waving at each other trying to be humans the AlieNaTor

THE NEXUS LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS A $20 BOOK VOUCHER FROM BENNETTS WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP!

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More Agony lust No I want 2 hav Art Fokerz babies! Choose me Art, choose me! My friendz tel me I have a charming personality…even though I’ve got a f****d up face!

Death in the family

Text of the Week Yeah, it’s weird all right.

Hu died? I saw that the flag on the clock tower flyin half mast on Monday afta class Professor James Ritchie did. He was a great academic and humanitarian, and will be missed.

Maybe next year, after everyone’s forgotten about the bloody baby jokes SHAME 2 th person who cnt do th sudokus! I lyk thm!wuldve bn gud 2 get BFuel tho. Gt a new prize nexus, cs I cn do thm! (yes I actually am a 4th year asian student. Ha!)

Sure. Haha u got a copy of da nexus didn’t u? I already gotaged u 1 e-oi!

See the Puzzle Page this issue for a postmodern colouring competition!

Does any 1 find it strange that Waikato uni students have 2 pay 4 internet use, when our uni brought internet to nz!?other uni’s offer free

Damn straight

access 2 students!

religious dikheads who gve gays a hardtime! Theyre gud people

in the nexus magazine. It would make lectures so funner?!

I thought they were bloody good choices actually

WSU election voting

Whoever wrote gay old time is awesome. My best mate is a lesbian and im sick of the

Ur top albums of the 2000s lists were so disappointingly bland. It’s like your critic just read Q or Mojo for inspiration. Ugh. Musical enlightenment needed.

Hey I think u guys should put colouring pictures

I have one small query about the WSU elections – when and where to we vote? Page 27 has a great big ad telling you all about it.

Sarah Does not like him Constantly Ringing Her Sarah’s phone calls and text messages could be sexual harassment which is unwelcome or offensive sexual behaviour that is repeated or significant enough to have a harmful effect on a person. It is unlawful when it occurs in employment, education, access to public places, vehicles and facilities, provision of goods and services and provision of land, housing and accommodation. It is also unlawful to promise preferential treatment in return for sexual favours in these areas or threaten harmful treatment because of their refusal. The University branch of Citizens Advice Bureau can give you information about this or other hassles you might have. They have heaps of pamphlets and a huge database to help answer anyone’s questions. Visit them at the Cowshed from 1pm – 3pm daily during semesters or phone 8384466 extn 6622 or 0800FORCAB. Sexual harassment is wrong. It is against the law and you are entitled to be treated fairly and with respect and you don’t have to put up with it. For more information contact the Human Rights Commission Infoline on 0800 496 877 or www.hrc.co.nz

15


PRESIDENT

VICE PRESIDENT

As a BMS/LLB student present at Waikato since 2004, I have personally seen the University undergoing a strategic transformation during my tutelage. 2010 sees a number of new challenges facing the Waikato student, all of which will have some sort of influence on your progress through your

I have been a member of your WSU Board since 2007, starting with the Sport & Recreation portfolio and in 2008 taking on both the Mature and Men’s portfolios. I know – Mature Men, sounds like a Tui billboard. This year I have had the Tauranga portfolio as well as being the WSU Vice President, a role that I would like to carry on doing for you all in 2010. With Glen Delamere you know what you are getting a dedicated, enthusiastic and hard working Vice President who can hit the ground running. Who knows I may even wear shoes next year?

course. I believe that my international background has given me a valuable external viewpoint of Waikato and NZ; simultaneously my absorbing commitment to Waikato has allowed me to live and understand the needs of the Waikato student, socially and academically; and finally, my experience on the WSU Board of Directors (2008 & 2009), as well as other student organisations, will enable me to successfully lead WSU and to best represent your needs as your President in 2010. I am looking forward to that challenge.

Ngāti Porou Kia ora everyone! I am a fourth year BMS/LLB undergraduate majoring in Law and Economics respectively. He uri ahau mai i Te Whānau-aTūwhakairiora i roto i a Ngāti Porou. I have been involved with Te Ranga Ngaku (Waikato Management Students’ Assoc.)

He aha mea nui o tea o, he tangata, he tangata.

and Te Whakahiapō (Waikato Māori Law Students’ Assoc.)

Ko Carl Neil Taha Morehu toku ingoa. Born, raised and educated in

since I started studying and this year I was Co-President of Te

Whakatane, been at Tauranga Campus since beginning of Semester B 2009,

Whakahiapō. I am passionate about all things Māori. If elected I

studying FASS major in Psych and HD to work in Community Psychology /

want to work with the WSU and the Vice Chancellor Māori Office

Counselling. I am a mature student back in study after 12 years. I discovered

to re-establish a Waikato Māori Students’ Association. Kei a

after a strategic planning WSU meeting in Tauranga that the Tauranga campus

koutou te mana.

here has not had a representative on the BOD for 3 years and we needed a voice, so here I am use mine. As a director I would contribute positive energy to the vision of WSU and the portfolios I would be entrusted with. Past experiences have been in negotiation, advocacy and implementing strategic plans at various levels and lastly I wish all my fellow nominees the best in their campaigns.

Hay my names Steven Harvey. Some of you know me and most of you recognise me as the big ginger guy with a beautiful mullet. I’m in my second year of a BMS and last year I was in first year so I am getting to know student life pretty well. As a WSU director I plan to bring the fun and good times to Waikato Uni but also focus on the good academic culture this Uni has as well. So when it comes to voting time I hope you remember the big ginger guy and vote for me. GET GINGERED!!!

16

Hey I’m Michael Hall, I’m a second year student studying a Bachelor of Management. I’ve had two years pretty much living on campus and love it here. If being elected will make sure the campus continues to put on tonnes of cool stuff, to keep you entertained, and brighten the sometimes dull Hamilton. The WSU is about looking after the students and voicing your opinion. As a director I would stand up for your student rights and make sure that your concerns are represented. I’m campaigning with Steve the ginger, so make sure you get to the booths and vote for us!


Waikato taniwha rau,

I am a great candidate for director because

He piko he taniwha, He piko he taniwha.

I aim to enhance relationships and provide

Tena koutou katoa. My name is Toko Baker

effective and “real” communication channels

and I am currently studying Te Reo Maori

between Tauranga and Hamilton campuses. I

this year and will be looking at management

am a liked and respected “T’ group member

studies or education next year. I am running

and actively assist others wherever possible. I

to be one of your directors for the Board of Directors of the Waikato

strive for the best in all that I do, successfully

Students’ Union. I would like your vote because this is what I stand for:

balancing home life as a single mum and

To represent your interests at the Board, -To ensure the Board operates

studying to provide the best future for myself

in an open, accountable and efficient manner, To represent the interests

and my daughter. I possess interpersonal skills

of those students that need extra help (like myself) or students who are

and prior experience as a mediator and mentor

experiencing hardship, To ensure we have fun activities that promote

that help obtain resolutions in difficult situations.

friendship and that celebrate issues that are important to students,

I promise every effort to fulfil all that’s required of

Honesty, integrity and fairness

this position.

DON”T DIS my ABILITIES, KIA ORA!!!

Greetings! My name is Kate Magazinovic, and you should all vote for me as one of your WSU Directors for 2010. I’ve been

I am a 4th year Secondary Teaching

on the board since the beginning of B

student. I believe that being on the

Semester this year, and since then have

WSU Board of Directors means a lot

had my hands in B Semester Fiesta, the

more than just providing you with

WSU Tertiary Games, Free Feeds down

OWeek and other activities on campus (but we will

on the green every cultural hour, the end of semester

and they will be awesome!) The WSU is the voice for

shindig, NZUSA Conferences and heaps more! I am an

students of this university. We have a vested interest in

enthusiastic, creative and reliable soon-to-be second year

all matters concerning us as students, from Voluntary

(BA in Theatre and History), who has had an absolute ball

Student Membership to University Fees and the Uni

on the WSU so far, and hopes to keep you all entertained,

Games. I will help bring your voice to the table and

informed and happy for another year. Just think about it...

through consultation with you, the students of Waikato

Obama has a weird last name, and he got in!”

University, we can have our say in both local and national issues that affect us as students.

Hi everyone, I’m Charlie, and I would love to represent you as a director next year. I’ve been around a while as I’m studying My name is Sam Lake and I am in my second year of study towards

towards a conjoint law and management

a Bachelor of Management Studies (BMS). I believe in promoting a

degree (with Hons in both). I believe that

student culture of great fun, but also one of academic success. To

this, combined with my work as a tutor

achieve this I will organise and encourage exciting events, such as

for the management school, my year-long

Hermit in the Park and the infamous Hori 440, as well as some fresh

exchange at the University of Maastricht

new ideas; however I will also push for better student representation

in 2007, and my past experience writing

and support within the university academic network. If elected I will

for Nexus, means that I not only have the

represent you and commit to ensuring that everybody at Waikato

skills and knowledge to represent you on

makes the most of the awesome opportunities available to them.

the board, but also that I am a fast learner

Vote Sam Lake, because I make it happen.

and can relate to a wide range of people.

17


Studying My Arse Off How hard do students actually work?

It’s 4.30 in the morning and the birds are starting to wake up. You can hear drunks stumbling across the Uni in an effort to make it back to their beds in the halls before sunrise. You’re not drunk. You’re probably not going to see your bed for another twelve hours, and even then it’ll only be for a couple of hours. You can’t remember what the last thing you ate was, only that all the Red Bull and V you’ve been drinking has shrunk your stomach to the size of a ten cent coin. The screen in front of you keeps blurring and you have to fight to remember what it is you’re doing here at all. Oh, that’s right, you’ve paid $700 for a course that you’ve got to pass, or your life will come to a sudden end with no hope for the future.

18

It has long been trumpeted that the students in the Design School, doing the Bachelor of Computer Graphic Design, have the hardest workloads. They can often be seen late at night and late in the year, locked away in the labs at the top of S-Block, hunched over computers with bleary eyes. It has also been said that Design students are famously lazy, only requiring all-night marathons after they have messed around for the greater part of their semester, making a habit of attending every fluorescent-themed event they can find and drinking away their course-related costs in a matter of days.

The fact is, there are several schools within the university which seem to pile up the workloads on their students to such a point that they simply can’t deal with it, or so it would seem. Are these students actually being worked into the ground, or are they just lazy sods who wait until the last minute so they can complain about being overworked and hopefully get some kind of extension/sympathy/back-rub combination?

Oddly enough, when Nexus went to find Design students to interview, the labs were bare. It seemed as if the Design students were all hibernating, waiting for the darkness to come so they could return to the labs and work for 15 hours. Attempts to contact design students resulted in failure, probably due to the aforementioned hibernation. Or perhaps they were at a fluorescent party somewhere uptown. At midday. On a Tuesday.

The end of semester can be an extremely stressful time for students, but some students seem to be worse off in terms of workload than others. Whether by their own inability to manage their time and energy, or through the course actually being content-heavy, every student knows someone who struggles to keep on top of their homework, assignments and exam preparation.

One design student whom Nexus DID manage to track down (on the internet, of all places) claimed that all the hoopla surrounding design student workloads was a non-event, that the students well and truly make their own problems when it came to assignments. “It’s a lot of work,” Nexus was told by the student, who wished to remain nameless, “but graphic

The worst hours I’ve heard of is one guy who claims he did a whole week with three hours sleep. I don’t know about that, but I know that I once did six days with five hours sleep

designers are lazy and that’s why they end up doing all-nighters.”

obviously, it gets more difficult, so you do more hours. But it’s full-on all the time.”

Damo “Little Chief” Smith, on the other hand, stated fiercely that the workload is intense for design students. “The first thing they said to us… was, ‘this is the workload and say goodbye to sleep’.” Some students, he admits, were able to handle the large workloads due to prior experience with both the computers used and the programs utilized. Also, those who attempt to be too creative quite often ended up overworking themselves, Smith said, and quickly burn out and drop out of the course all together.

He estimates that during these crunch times, he’d seldom get more than three hours sleep a night. The rest of the time, it still wasn’t much better. Six hours is, apparently, a luxury.

This view was reflected in a design student from Wellington, who happens to be the Nexus editor’s brother, Leon Drummond. A third-year student, Leon could often, according to flatmates, be seen stumbling into his flat at odd hours of the night, and lurking zombie-like in the mornings, scoffing Weetbix before disappearing again. With some students, this could be put down to an active social life or P habit, but Leon says that’s not the case. Design students, he said, simply don’t have the time for that sort of thing.

“My course outline calls for 64 about hours in a given week - I’m doing four papers,” he says. “But when you add all the extra work that we need to do to pass the course, it works out to more like 80, on average. It varies. At the end,

“In first semester, I’d start lectures at 9 every day, having got up a couple hours prior so I could catch the bus. I’d work straight through until 12 midnight, when we’d have to leave uni, because it closed. I’d usually do another hour’s work or so when I got home, which would usually see me up to about 3am every weeknight. I did that every day except Wednesday, when I got to sleep in until 10am. The worst hours I’ve heard of is one guy who claims he did a whole week with three hours sleep. I don’t know about that, but I know that I once did six days with five hours sleep.” This sort of behaviour is, as you might expect, bad for you. However, you might not have suspected quite how bad it is. Sleep deprivation can be linked to any number of maladies. Common symptoms include irritability, dizziness and nausea, tremors, hallucinations, and (ahem) psychosis. It can also be a direct or indirect cause of death - people driving while sleep deprived, for example, are far more likely to crash. In fact, studies have shown that driving after being awake for 19 hours or more affected you in much the same way as being drunk.

It’s possible that tertiary institutions aren’t aware of the dangers of making their students stay up all night, over and over. Leon believes that it’s ingrained in the course culture - that the sleepless nights are embraced by both students and tutors as a measure of how hard you’re working. But, he maintains, it shouldn’t be this way. Design students are expected to detail their work in “workbooks” - comprehensive diaries of the design process. The problem with this, Leon says, is that it takes too much time, and so everyone fakes it. “The workbook system is flawed,” he says. “It consumes all your time. We had one teacher who only weighted it 10 percent of the course - the rest of it rested on the final project - and that was by far the best course we did. It’s such a waste of time when most people are faking most of the development anyway. It’s not like, when you’re in the industry, they’re going to demand you show your entire process, meticulously detailed. No-one would ever read it. It’s ridiculous.” Leon swears the late nights aren’t a result of laziness. In fact, he says that it’s impossible to pass the course if you’re lazy. Some people are, apparently, but most of them drop out before long. Having a job or social life is “out of the question,” he says. It’s a choice between working and passing the course. When you’re on a student allowance, this means you eat a lot of porridge. This lifestyle has seen its share of casualties.

19


“A bunch of people have dropped out for a bunch of reasons,” he said. “They usually cite the stress of the course. Not everyone does quite the crazy hours I do, but if you want decent marks, that’s what you’ve got to do.” As the Waikato Student Union President, Penengaru Delaney has had

I had sat down with Paul for a few hours and he had happily let me rant and rave about everything that was wrong with how the universe works. Then we smoked a cigarette and drank a coffee. Paul is one of three counselors (the other two being Mike Murphy-Scanlon and Maria Reynolds) available to students. Unfortunately, when I called, no one picked up the phone. I rang back about ten minutes later. What if I were,

the opportunity to sit on both the TQC and the APD (Academic Programs Board), which is chaired by Doug Sutton. A very thorough investigation into new papers, as well as a constant review of those papers already offered by the University of Waikato on both local and national levels, is undertaken by these two groups.

say, having an emergency breakdown and urgently needed to speak to someone about my problems with stress? If student counseling services are having their own breakdowns, where can students go to get help with their stresses, their workloads and their problems at this, the most stressful time of the year?

A university paper takes anywhere up to and over 2 years to process, from conception through to review at both the University of Waikato and at the national level.

The advocacy girls at the Waikato Student Union, Shannon Kelly and Moira Neho, say they see “heaps” of students every year, particularly toward the end of each semester. While students mostly approach Shannon and Moira in regards to issues regarding plagiarism and problems they are having on a personal level with lecturers, they do deal with students suffering from the effects of stress and over-work.

A paper which offers 0.125 EFTS for its completion will typically involve about 30 hours of taught classes a semester. A paper which offers 0.834 EFTS will require more like 120 hours in a semester. The workload does actually affect the papers academic worth. Or so it would seem. Delaney states that he has heard of several cases of university courses which are offered over summer and during the term. The only difference between the two papers is that the summer school papers are light versions of the in-term ones. What this means is that the same paper taught over summer school would earn the same credits towards your qualification, but with a lower workload, then that paper during A or B Semester. One member of the WSU Board of Directors approached by Nexus felt that her level of study (in the fields of both Science and Law) did not affect her social life. Rather, it seems, her social life affected her management of her university workload. With Science, the director said, one had to either do it or not. There is no middle ground, due to the specific nature of the answers required in assignments and exams. With law however, a student can get away with doing much less, the director continued, only needing to work hard if a deadline was hanging over her head. When Nexus went to the student counseling services, Nexus got a funny surprise. It turns out that the counselor who would have been the most useful to the Nexus article was on stress leave. “She’s a bit overworked at the moment”, I was told at reception. Is that ironic? The next day I attempted to call the Counseling Services when I realized I knew a guy on the inside: Paul Haley. During a tough time of my own, 20

“When you take an account of the amount of time spent on homework and in class, then add the hours spent on a part-time job, you can see how little time the students end up having for themselves,” Moira said. There are no laws protecting full-time students from over-work, as the university and the workplace are governed separately. The side effects of increasing workload and stress seen by Shannon included depression, lethargy, failure to attend classes and tests and the worst one of all: procrastination. These can affect a student both in and outside of uni, as the workload increase towards the end of semester results in the student being unable to work all the hours they once were at their part-time job, and then find themselves swamped with bills and rent arrears. At these times, the Union Advocacy service can provide the students with food vouchers and loans in order to support them during the stressful end of year period. “I would agree that the people who pay us to [study], such as Studylink and WINZ, could support students better by paying students more while they are studying,” Shannon said. This, she believes, would relieve a lot of the tension of study and work, allowing the student to concentrate more fully on their classes. So is it laziness, or are students being swamped by overzealous work requirements? It would seem the answer depends on the course you are doing, and when you are doing it. Certainly some courses appear to be fly-by-wire, but others, by all accounts, are truly brutal. It would seem that Universities should pay closer attention to how hard they are working some of their students, and the consequences that this could have.


*Yeah. We know.

22


23


Pres Sez By WSU President Ben Delaney Hey you read this Survivor: WSU This week the WSU has started work on its submission to the select committee hearing process for Roger Douglas’ Education (Freedom of Association) Amendment Bill. This bill, if enacted, would make student associations voluntary. It purportedly provides for students to have the “choice” of joining a student union. However we believe that current legislation already provides choice regarding an individual’s membership of a students’ association. Section 229A of the Education Act 1989 allows for students to be exempted from membership of their association due to financial hardship, and also on the grounds of conscientious objection. Should this bill be passed, the effect would be more student money being needed to be spent on recruitment rather than actual tangible outputs for you the student. The simple truth is that, should we not have the collective numbers of students in your union. Services that will be put at risk include: • Waikato Students Union • Uni games • Tertiary Challenge • Professional Advocacy • Nexus • Hardship Support • Sponsorship Student Initatives • Organised Student Representation domestic and National • Over 40 events including O-week • Support for over 40 clubs As previously stated the WSU will put in a submission opposing this bill and will be in contact with a number of groups who we work with and support to support us by making their own submission against the bill.

Now, on a more positive note WSU Activities If you were at the WSU AGM you might remember that I reported we had put on more than 40 activities for you all this year. We also supported a number of student driven initiatives. Congratulations to those of you who last week attended our Culture Day held on the Village Green. Congratulation are also extended to the Fiji group who took out best performance ka mau te wehi!. We have averaged about 250 people at each event this year – it’s good to see the numbers turning out at our major events! Student Job Search (SJS) I’m sure we’ve talked about this before but just in case, here’s my plug for what should be your job-finding organisation of preference. SJS is owned by student associations around the country and is run by students, for students. It is nearing the end of the academic year and the job market is tight so if you are starting to think about work for the summer, don’t forget to visit Jill and her friendly team at SJS in the student union building. Once again be flexible with your approach to mahi. WSU Elections Yes it’s that time of year again and you get to elect a new board of Directors. After the official AGM you got to hear from the candidates who want your votes. I was impressed by the commitment that was displayed by everyone and had a good laugh. There are several new faces who are keen to get in on some WSU action. It’s always good to have new ideas mixed in with experience, so good luck to all of those involved in this campaign. Make sure you look for the voting booths that will be around campus. All you need is your student ID and about 5 mins to tick the boxes.

VP Speaks By WSU Vice-President Maori Whetu Taukamo Elections, elections elections. Yes, it is finally time to put pen to paper and vote for the students who are standing for the WSU Board for 2010. There are many spots on campus to vote from. Remember it is one vote per person (yes, we did have some invalid votes last year by some silly sausages). Get into it! Vote for your mates, drag your other mates into the polling booths to cast that all important vote. Don’t forget your student ID card too. I’m putting money on Denis Tokunai to get in as the next big bad WSU President in 2010. Glen Delamere to get in as WSU Vice 24

President, and Luke Claasen to get in as WSU VP Māori for 2010! May I remind you that last year in the race for VP last year after over 1,000 votes that position was decided by 6 votes…so yes, every vote counts. Also, the current WSU President, President Pene only won by some 20-30ish votes. I was there at the recount and the numbers for each candidate kept changing continuously! Doesn’t say much for those counting (including myself? -and I am an economics major too! Aue, that’s what you get from cheap labour.

do it…do it right… do it right now!

The big competition is for those running for director’s positions. Nine people running and only eight vacancies…it’s gonna be a sad day for one person. So get out there and vote, do it…do it right…do it right now! That’s going to be the motto for my business when I create one.


Email Entries If you wish to enter via email, email events@wsu.org.nz

Team Name: Team Captain:

WSU End Of Semester Olympic Rules: • This is NOT a BYO event • You require at least 3 females in you team • Being dressed up will earn you more points

Contact Number: Email: 25


Farewell to Jeff By Glen Delamere

Uni Games go South

By now some of you will be aware your Waikato Students’ Union received director Jeff Hawkes resignation on the 24th September. Jeff has been involved with student politics since 2000 and has been involved with the Waikato Students’ Union for many years. Any stint in student politics is like the Hindu Goddess Kali; who encompasses all opposites; life and death, beauty and ugliness, motherliness and destruction. Jeff did a lot of great things while serving as your representative (submissions to Environment Waikato, University Environment Committee, representing GLBT issues, disability issues and much more); he also did many things over the years that some did not approve of. But hey, what would you

Vote, People, Vote!

Well the chalk wars are over, campaigning is done, and dusted now it’s all up to YOU, So have you voted yet? That’s right for the next three days you all have the opportunity to make democracy work and for our Tauranga students your vote is worth its weight in gold...well sort of... I will be coming over on Wednesday to provide you with gold in the way of a Crunchie bar or Moro Gold bar but only if you vote! Don’t worry if you have voted before I get over we will be able to confirm your vote and the gold will be yours. I will be at Durham Street Campus (by the elevator) from 12-1pm and will drop in to Windermere Campus (top of the library steps) at 2pm for half an hour. So no excuses VOTE NOW! For all of the candidates I wish you all the best of luck and know that those of you who are elected will enjoy your time as a bored/Board Member in 2010. 26

expect from someone involved with politics? You please some while disappointing others simultaneously. On behalf of the current WSU Board and the students you have served; I would like to thank you for the work you did while fulfilling your role as an Executive/Director. All the best for your future, your assessments, study and work ambitions.

The Tribe is being put on official notice: next year’s games will be on the other Island so you will need to start planning now. Bids have been put in by Christchurch, Dunedin and Invercargill (can’t get much further south than that) and from previous experience we know that it will cost a bit to get down there. There is every chance that it may cost over $500 to attend. Yep pretty steep, but hey let’s put it in perspective, for that amount of money you get registration, food, accommodation, transportation, team wear (to be confirmed), opening/closing ceremony and one week on the mainland while you get to battle for sporting supremacy. So start saving and organising your teams for 2010 because as we know by the time Uni gets back you will have about a month to get your S#%t sorted.

Event Recap: Noho Marae One of my favourite WSU events has just been: the WSU International Noho Marae. This one was my third (and second for my son Cameron who, with his sister Samantha, got to go with me on the very first International Noho Marae which was held back in 2007.) This event has seen us take students to Marae in Tokoroa, Rotorua and now Kawhia. It’s a chance for the WSU to give our International students a unique opportunity to spend a night on a marae and learn about Maori culture. From the WSU perspective it is a great opportunity for us to touch base with some of our International Students and share in their experiences; we also ask how they are enjoying their time here at Waikato University and find out what we can do to make their stay memorable. A big thanks must go to Whetu our VP Maori has done a great job this year, which has seen us holding noho in both A and B semester.

Also, thanks to his forward thinking this event has been pencilled in for 2010 so that future International students will get the opportunity to take a unique and wonderful memory back home.


28


The Nexus Noticeboard Send notices to notices@nexusmag.co.nz before Wednesday, 5 pm. Placing notices is free for students. We don’t always have much space, so get in quick! Notices cannot be any more than 75 words unless you ask us specifically and we say yes. They will roll over every two weeks, unless specified – so please, tell us how long you want us to run your notice for. We will not accept handwritten or otherwise non-electronic notices or dictation over the phone – that’s stone-age shit. If you (somehow) don’t have access to email or a computer, come into the offices and use one of our computers to type up your notice. Ta.

Flats and Mates

2 Bedroom house in whitiora, just off victoria street.

1 large bedroom available to live with 2 existing girls

Rent $125/wk + exp. $500 bond and tenancy

(fairly easily going) from the 8th Nov, by 5 cross-

agreement signed. One non-student female flatmate.

roads. Rent is $109pw, includes power, rent, wireless

txt 0272751279 with interest

internet, we do our own food. Looking for a male or female who is clean, tidy, and reliable with rent,

Flatmate Wanted: 2 double bedrooms available

someone easy to get along with. Fully furnished flat but

in a fully furnished sunny, warm house with a large

you will need to deck out you own bedroom. text or call

backyard for cricket and bbq’s. 3 easy going existing

Jodie on 0273162476

flatmates all students, 1 couple and single. Looking for easygoing and reliable flatmates to move in

Room available in a 4 bedroom house with 3 other

a.s.a.p. Rent is $100 + $50 to cover power, unlimited

flatmates. Ham East area, close to Uni, Town and Ham

broadband, phone and food. Text or call Jordan

East shops.

0274032271

92.50 per wk, really good size room, wireless broadband is set up, heatpump and awesome friendly,

FLATMATE WANTED ASAP!!! Flat mate needed for

laidback flatmates!!

big, modern house in Ham East. 10 min walk to uni.

Call or Text 027 727 9156 or email rll9@waikato.ac.nz

Bedroom is good size. Off-street parking available. Flat already has 3 great flatmates, 1 girl and 2 boys.

Really nice, 1 year old flat/apartment for rent.

Rent is $102.50 p/w and includes rent, power, phone,

4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, heat pump, 2 mins walk

internet and amentities. Food done individually.

to uni. Greensboro Street. Take over Nov sometime,

We need a flatmate ASAP so please contact Sarah on

easy going landlord. $450p/week, well worth it. Ph/txt

027-333-2628.

0272211422 Not looking for a flat, but rather, a mate. FLATMATE WANTED

22 year old, easy-going law major, studying hard and

One single bedroom available in a neat two bedroomed

looking for a nice girl aged 19-25. Dinner and a movie

flat which is about 2 min walk to Uni.

supplied, other perks negotiable.

$115 a week includes rent and all expenses.Room

Txt Nick, 0277 6688 69

sounds like, we have a Myspace page!www. myspace.com/tranquilvale Must have a high level of musicianship as the material demands it. If you think you have what it takes, post a video showcasing your talents if possible. Email us attranquilvale@windowslive.com. Influences are Nightwish, Dream Theatre etc. Social Runners Wanted for Taranaki Steelformers Around the Mountain Relay 14th November Legs between 5 and 11km. $50000 in spot prices www.mountainrelay.co.nz Entry $40 but we are looking for funding. No matter your fitness level, come along for a good time! Txt 0274755751 Come to the Marketing Tradeshow to view our product - Travel Mate. Travel mate is a compact, durable and inflatable travel pillow. It can fold up for easy storage in a bag or suitcase. Travel Mate is ideal for travelling, camping or backpackers. See you at the Tradeshow Fri 2 October @ 5.30pm PWC.

available from November onwards and they 1 easy going existing female flatmate.house is neat, clean and tidy.if keen contact Theo on 0211235923/email me

Random

on tnm11@students.waikato.ac.nz

Winner of the AIESEC phone top up draw is 0273612761. If this is you please txt 0273300767 to arrange a meeting. Applications still open for AIESEC OE+ work abroad visit www.aiesec.org.nz

Flatmates Wanted To live with 3 existing flatmates. Walking distance to uni and shops 10 to15min. $90 a week for rent only. Looking for 2 flatmates, 1 male, 1 female. Tidy, independent, easy going, quiet flatmates. 15th Nov move in.. Furnished apart from bedrooms, heatpumps, tidy flat located in Silverdale, 5 bedroom, park, offstreet parking, 2 bathrooms, single garage, lawns mowed, quiet. Interested?? Txt or call Quentin

Band members wanted We are a new metal originals band, looking for a drummer, a bassist and a pianist/keyboardist. If you are interested in hearing what our music

“LOOKING FOR BAND MEMBERS! for a metal band. looking for guitarists, bassists and a drummer as well as any other instruments (including piano/ keyboards, Bagpipes, violin or anything else you can bring to the table). Influential genres possibly include Doom Metal, Black Metal, Folk Metal, Thrash Metal, Non Gay Power Metal as well as Heavy Metal and Classical Music. Planning to do a range of covers, but mainly our own material. Mainly just for fun and the regular jam. Text 0273454458 to find out more.”

on 021451410 or 0277683557

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THE NERDARY

AGONY ART

Ahhh, security updates. Desktop organizing. Folder system scrubbing. Vacuuming. A few quiet pleasures I can enjoy in between stressing about work and assignments. Which is why I’m in the lab, whittling away my time contributing to the chainmail effort, updating the Nexus website, and writing a conclusion to season 3 of The Nerdary (or Nerdery, or static void main(), depending on what you prefer to remember). If I’ve calculated correctly, this will be the season finale. I’ve always liked reflection, so I thought that it would be worth it to go through what happened this

Dear Agony Art My flatmate is in to auto erotic asphyxiation and asked me to spot for him...... what should I do? Burt Leatherman from a Bicycle Shop

year while pumping [1] some Basshunter. So class, what did we learn in season 3? First, we learnt geeks can pwn the government when it comes to laws written by luddites. Which is good to know, because The Road User Amendment Rule 2009 (which prohibits texting while driving, which I agree with) looks like it may prohibit using phones running quality navigation software (like TomTom) while driving, despite the fact using the exact same software running on dedicated GPS devices, or even looking at paper maps while driving remains perfectly legal. I have a sneaking suspicion that this law will be corrected soon, but given the track record, I doubt it will take long. We then learnt that the iPhone is fail compared to Windows Mobile and Android, but that I will buy an iPhone once Windows Mobile pisses me off too much. It’s really like going from an old Swiss Army knife to a brand new plastic spoon; it looks pretty and won’t rust, but it’s really hard to stab people with it. But that’s ok, because people like pretty, especially when it’s pretty blue LED light illuminating something in the dark. Who cares that you can’t read/focus on something! Finally we learn that you don’t have to make money to be given money, as just last week Twitter got a pile of cash poured into it, which I highly doubt the investors will ever get back. I hope the money for nothing system marks the end of the economic sadgasm, and that we all can expect to come back next year harder, better, faster, stronger. So, what’s in store for season 4 of The Nerd[a,e]ry? Well, I have an iThing app to make millions off of, I’ve still got a busted website to implement (it’s coming, and gonna be [2] good , I swears), me and Bev still have a wedding to organise, and the usual uni/work workload. There’s a Wave coming, the masses still haven’t had a proper education on online security, and several people will whinge about Windows 7 without having used it. Business as usual I guess. I hope you’ve enjoyed your year. It’s good to have an outlet, now I’m off to go have a [3] beer.

soaked death in a Bangkok cupboard. For these reasons, I shall tread carefully, henceforth referring to the “Beat and Meet God” maneuver (or the “Poke and Choke”, if you are a lady) with the utmost respect possible, considering one is lynching themselves in an effort to gain an orgasm and hopefully not die in the process.

By Jed Laundry

[1] The Swedish version, the one techno heads and geeks prefer to remember [2] As good as a drunken photo website can be anyway [3] I’ve been dropping references to The Killers all season, might as well finish with one

by Art

Dearest Burt I can neither condone nor condemn auto erotic asphyxiation. For some, it is the only way they can reach climax. For others, it leads to a semen

The history of the Beat and Meet God should give you some clues as to whether or not spotting is an acceptable way to assist in the act. The first recorded fatality is the death of some German composer in 1791. Wikipedia told me, so don’t doubt it. Famous deaths include Michael Hutchence from INXS and David Carradine who most famously played Bill in Kill Bill. Adolf Hitler and Joseph Stalin are both believed to have died in this way. All of these guys died alone, probably not found for hours after their deaths. One can only imagine the joy they had in their solitude, then the sudden realization that they were dying and didn’t have any pants on. The best way to deal with spotting for an asphyxiationist, I have been told, is with the use of a baby monitor. Simply place the transmitter unit in the cupboard/cubicle/coffin where the unfortunate wanker is doing his deed. Go about your business elsewhere in the vicinity, paying careful attention to the sounds coming from the receiver. Don’t pay too much attention, or you risk springing an erection and really wrecking your day. Once you hear the grunting subside, go and check on your friend. You’re either going to get a chest covered in semen or a medal for saving a naked guys life. They actually have medals for saving naked guys; otherwise no one would do it. If you were a surf lifesaver and had to choose between rescuing a naked guy and a clothed one to save, I don’t think the decision would be that hard. At the end of the day Burt, I would tell you to suggest to your friend that he not beat off and hang himself at the same time. This way you can avoid seeing a guy with a read face and a leaky cock and possibly still have a living buddy. All the best washing your shirts, Art

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Kirill Investigates: THE MADNESS Communism With Morgon de Groot

Props must go out to Morgan De Groot and his communism column last week.

Christmas makes Morgon mad. I am fully aware that we have only just penetrated October, but this hasn’t stopped the department stores from reaching for their cans of pine-scented

Communism is much like the rotary engine, in my opinion. How? Well, for starters the rotary is also called the Wankel engine, and as was pointed out by Morgan, communism seems to be a shameful secret thing. Wankel sounds like Wank... so, the comparison is obvious. People are communist (and wank) in their rooms, in the dark, with pictures of dead bearded guys

snow and cracking the crates of Christmas despair, so why should it stop me

or angry southern American guys wearing barres, on their walls. Unless you have a Communist (Wankel) Party, in which you can show of how hard a Communist (wankler) you are... perhaps wave a flag with the evidence. But enough of my weekend, we are here to look at communism. I want to point out the direct comparisons between the rotary engines and communism, so - let’s investigate! Rotary engines are loud and have a distinctive sound. Does not communism behave exactly the same way? Don’t you find yourself hanging your head in sympathy shame when you hear that rumbling wankfest sound? Do you not hang your head in exactly the same way when you hear an arts student talk about the struggle of the workers class against the bourgeoisie? Do you not heave a sigh of shame when you see someone sporting an Ernesto Guevara shirt, while not knowing that face as “Che, that Cuban guy”? Next, rotary engines have the characteristic of leakage between their engine chambers, more so than a piston engine (which is analogous to capitalism, obviously). This is a perfect analogy for deserters. They escape where they are meant to be and leak away. If Tom Clancy novels have taught me anything, it’s that roughly 47% of USSR citizens deserted to the USA. Another 12% escaped to Europe. The remaining 41% are all lined up to see Lenin’s corpse...they provide the power behind the state...and that rumbling noise, which is mostly their hungry stomachs. Rotary engines are notorious for being taken out of their intended cars and dropped into unlikely bodies. The rotary engine was just as meant for Mini Cooper as it was for the power-divided China or the humorously bean-shaped Cuba. There is dispute as to the measure of capacity of a rotary engine. Mazda has their own measurement, but of course they would, they produce that engine. Communist states also have their own measures for capacity and production. Whether it be tanks, or how much food one farm worker needs. Rotary engines can produce higher percentages of carbon monoxide. China is reported to have approximately 287,000 suicides per year... coincidence? I think not. Also, Mao Zedong had one un-descended testicle, never bathed, and was impotent... I would hypothesise, and be supported by most, that the average kid who drives a RX7 is in a very similar situation.

‘secret Santa’ will bring them some form of joy without us having to go

following suit and ranting in my delicious, cinnamon flavoured column. We can only look forward with fear and contempt at the upcoming months, where the Christians wilfully claim their messiah celebrates another birthday, so we buy assorted crap for our ‘friends’ in the hope that a $2.99 through any real effort or expense. I can only assume that the approximately 40% of New Zealand which claim no religion at all still celebrate Christmas for the same reason that I do – getting blind drunk and gorging myself on the same vast and delicious meal for days on end. It’s bliss, I suppose. Though there’ll be no “White Christmas(es)”, no sleighs jingling through the snow, no unwrapping red sweaters and smoking pipes next to the fireplace, snifting brandy and huffing kittens. The best we can muster in terms of Southern Hemispherian holiday making is burning food outdoors and the cringe-worthy “Christmas on the Beach” we all sung in primary school and which still makes me want to gouge my eyes out with gasoline-powered gardening implements. And then trying to navigate town during Christmas is like trying to solve a Rubik’s cube while on fire (You’re on fire, not the cube. The cube itself is liquid nitrogen cold. Think about it). Try being aurally assaulted by the same four Christmas tunes, performed by forty-five different artists, each one surprisingly worse than the previous. Or muscling your way through disgruntled scrums of middle-aged mungheads who failed to recognise that the stores brim with equally daft people on Christmas eve but still insist on going out to pick up one or two items but staying for one or two trolleys of overpriced Christmas themed filth. ‘Tis the season of joy, after all. Many of you will argue, as you invariably do, that Christmas is a great opportunity to spend time with your loved ones, and by giving gifts you show that you care for them. But of course you fail to see the truth right in front of your face – that if you truly cared for them as much as you claim you do, then you would not need a Christmas to show it. You’d do it any day of the year. Every day of the year. This is why I hate Christmas. A hypocritical religious holiday forced upon us where the greedy, narcissistic nature of a consumerist society rears its ugly, thorny head. And now, a quote from the bible: Jeremiah 10:3-5 “For the customs of the people are vain: for one cutteth a tree out of the forest, the work of the hands of the workman, with the axe. They deck it with silver and with gold; they fasten it with nails and with hammers, that it move not. They are upright as the palm tree, but speak not: they must needs be borne, because they cannot go. Be not afraid of them; for they cannot do evil, neither also is it in them to do good.” Your move, Christianity.

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Seeing Stars With Luna Goodlove Aries (21 March – 19 April)

Scorpio (23 October – 29 October)

This is the last astrology of the year, so I’ll be brutally honest. You are a gimp. To be fair, some people enjoy this sort of thing, but I see some form of award for gimpiness in your future. Congratulations! I think it comes with beer.

Jupiter is telling me that Scorpios are extra susceptible to herpes. I think it’s because you’re all so, uh, passionate. Get tested before summer, because my crystal ball is showing me graphic details of your summer shenanigans. It’s nice that you’ll get laid, but dude, it was a bit too much for my innocent eyes.

Taurus (20 April – 20 May) I sense disturbance in your bedchambers. Something disturbing will happen there. Whether it’s a new sex move or

Ophiuchus (30 October – 21 November)

simply a cockroach, I cannot tell. The crystal ball is murky. Tell your friend Dan that I saw him at the Outback, and his shirt was ugly.

bus. Ooh, wait, I need to give you a fortune. Ummmm… you will buy a friend some transportation, and receive chocolate in return. Yes. That will do. Oh, and your summer will be nice.

Gemini (21 May – 20 June)

Sagittarius (22 November – 21 December)

The stars paint a confusing picture of your summer. I see a girl resembling Lindsay Lohan. I see you crying. I see a Church of Scientology. I see you at the White House, shooting hoops with Obama. So many mixed messages! I think the stars are fucking with me. All I can really say is that your summer will be eventful.

I hate to tell you, but you won’t be getting laid this summer. Orion refuses to remove his belt – of chastity. On the bright side, you’ll get a lot of productive work done… with Mrs Palmer. And you’ll get a nice tan… with Garnier. But if it helps, you’ll win something cool… by paying money for it.

Cancer (21 June – 22 July) Hugs are in your future. Many many hugs. Share the love, hug randoms! They might punch you in the face, but secretly they’ll appreciate it. The might even fall in love with you.

My crystal ball is showing me a vision of you studying intensely, with amazing focus and aptitude. Your exams are all A plus! And – oh, wait. This is my imagination ball. It could still come true though… maybe?

Leo (23 July – 22 August)

Aquarius (20 January – 18 February)

You’re procrastinating. Any fool pretending to read a crystal ball knows that. Sort your shit out. It’s not like checking Facebook fifteen times per hour is going to make you look cool to your friends. Top grades will, though! Use that noggin good like!

All I see is the beach. A glorious beach. It has water. And sand. Possibly a pail and spade. But you’re not there. HA! Sucker.

Virgo/Skulls (23 August – 22 September) Hi Skulls! Have you shed your virgin image yet? I sure hope not, because now you won’t survive if you’re ever in a horror movie. I foresee misfortune – but only til Wednesday. Then it’s clear sailing until your flatmate steals your piggy bank for drug money.

Libra (23 September – 22 October) Happy birthday my mystical friend! I predict money and cards in your immediate future… or maybe it’s just been. ANYWAY, joy is yours. It will last until exams, and then return after exams. Relish it. Jupiter tells me that life peaks around here, and the rest is a gradual spiral of ageing and small child-people. Yuck.

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Can you buy me a car? My gypsy wagon broke, and I hate the

Capricorn (22 December – 19 January)

Pisces (19 February – 20 March) I foresee cocktails, dancing, and a headache. You won’t have the latter if you’re careful about how much you have of the former. Your summer will bring you much happiness and love. Yes, I’m serious. Not all of my fortunes are bitchy, okay??

Fare thee well, my disciples of the stars! You must rely on yourself for wisdom now! I leave thee for the mystical climes of Libya. I will tell fortunes in a tiny tent in the Sahara, and get my sustenance from a little spot which I named the Oasis of Goodlove. Goddess, I hope there’s electricity for my hair dryer!


PHAT CONTROLLER

Need For Speed: Shift By Antony Parnell

The last NFS game I played seriously was Underground 2. I found it quite entertaining, roaming about the city in my dope ass ride, neons and hydraulics oozing out while I rose to fame in the street racing scene. It made for excellent multiplayer, with intense races through oncoming traffic, the winner usually decided by an errant bollard or taxi taking out the opposition. I have always associated the NFS

The British guy spoke with an authoritative tone, as if to say “Step aside boy racers; the real men are here, and they want to race on Laguna Seca”. The premise of the career mode is pretty typical; the idea is to work your way through lower level races until you can compete in the Need for Speed World Championship. As per usual, you start with a lower tier car and work your way up

series with this simplistic arcade style of racing, but with NFS: Shift it seems EA has traded in their Vin Diesel for some Greg Murphy. One of the first things I noticed was that the drivers were wearing helmets. I could be wrong here, but I’m pretty sure the first rule of being a badass street racer with no regard for the road rules is to NOT wear a helmet. This was the first indicator that Shift was not going to be in the same vein as previous NFS titles. The second was the voiceover from some British man. Gone was the saucy commentary of Brooke Burke.

through the ranks, unlocking new tiers of races and cars along the way. To unlock new tiers, you need to earn stars in the various races. This is done through winning races, and scoring extra points through “Precise” and “Aggressive” driving techniques. This allows for flexibility in how you race, as there in no punishment for spinning out opponents if that’s your game, but serious racers will be rewarded for taking correct lines and mastering corners. NFS: Shift strikes me as EA’s attempt to muscle in on Forza 3 and Gran Turismo’s audience

while they are off twiddling their thumbs. They have made a solid effort to do so, delivering a racer that can definitely cater to gamers looking a realistic racing experience. Whether or not it’s truly a competitive racing sim against the big boys remains to be seen, and I feel it lacks the depth a typical Gran Turismo game brings. That being said there is a lot of enjoyment to be had from this game, especially if you have been hanging out for a solid next-gen racing experience.

why other people are laughing when certain characters are on screen. Fanboys is a road trip film, crossed with a fan-film, crossed with a Kevin Smith film. There are more cameos then a season of Extras and more Star Wars jokes then a Star Trek fan site. It has a side quest undertaken to get to a town in Iowa which, according to Star Trek lore is the future birth place of Captain James T. Kirk. They succeed in destroying a statue of Kirk fighting Khan and earn the wrath of an array of Star Trek nerds. There are just the right amount of drug references and comedic fight scenes to perhaps make this film palatable for those who aren’t the extreme Star Wars fans me and fellow viewers were. The scene where Seth Rogan fights himself as two separate characters is instant comedy gold. Danny Trejo drumming away while Ewoks sexually molest the lead

characters, who are all tripping balls on peyote, is also a moment which stuck in my mind as being particularly hilarious. The end of the film is definitely informed by the fans disdain for Episode 1 and its overuse of child friendly, completely animated characters who spoke with extremely stupid Jamaican accents. I give this movie 2/5, because unless you’re a hard Star Wars fan, you’re going to miss out on a lot of jokes.

DVD: Fanboys

Directed by Kyle Newman

I saw Fanboys recently, on a DVD sent from America. It apparently will never be released to New Zealand stores for sale, but that won’t stop any of you going ‘online’ and ‘purchasing it’ from a ‘reputable online DVD store’. With that said, I have seen it and I have enjoyed it, as have Bogan Dave and News Jerk Grant. This movie is first and foremost a nerd movie. The premise is that a bunch of guys in 1998 want to sneak their terminally ill friend into the Skywalker Ranch so he can see Episode 1 before he dies. With some help from William Shatner, they gain the secret plans to George Lucas’ home and proceed to infiltrate it. Along the way they run into Carrie Fisher, Ray Park and Billy Dee Williams. If you know what I just said and could recognize two of those three people in a crowd, then this movie is made precisely for you. Otherwise you will spend the whole film asking why jokes are funny and

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By Nick Johnston The first Big Day Out announcement features: Muse, The Mars Volta, Lily Allen, Mastodon, The Decemberists, Dizzee Rascal, Peaches, Kasabian, The Horrors as well as many others. Tickets are $132 + booking fee, available from Ticketmaster outlets and online. David Bowie fans who bought into the rumours will unfortunately be disappointed, as the Big Day Out organisers stated they are rumours started by bloggers, and Bowie won’t be appearing in the second or third announcement. Portishead fans had to wait 11 years for the band to release their third album ‘Third’. It appears fans won’t have to wait so long this time for the fourth album, because it’s already in the works. The band is currently not signed to a record label, and they may be looking at an alternative method of presenting the music. Geoff Barlow told NME magazine they have “big

but it certainly won’t be a cheap package. The boxset is currently listed as roughly costing $200 US plus shipping costs. Best of 2009 (so far) 1. Mastodon – Crack the Skye 2. Manic Street Preachers – Journal for Plague Lovers 3. Neko Case – Middle Cyclone 4. Bat for Lashes – Two Suns 5. Mew – No More Stories 6. Arctic Monkeys - Humbug 7. The Dead Weather - Horehound 8. Thrice - Beggars 9. The Mars Volta - Octahedron

plans” for the new project coming “from a different angle”. The band thinks it could be out in a years time. What do Radiohead and Red Hot Chili Peppers have in common? In the bizarre musical story of the week, Flea is the new bass player for Thom Yorke’s new unnamed band. It also features Beck/REM drummer Joey Waronker and Radiohead producer Nigel Godrich. The band will be playing songs from Thom Yorke’s solo album The Eraser, as well as new material. AC/DC will be releasing an incredibly cool boxset that is stored into a real working guitar amp case. The Backtracks boxset contains 3 CDs, 2 DVDs, an LP, book and more. The exterior case is designed like vintage AC/DC amp, with an actual working amp head! Incredibly cool packaging idea,

10. Rodrigo y Gabriella – 11:11 Upcoming albums before the end of the year you might want to check out: Kiss – Sonic Boom The Flaming Lips – Embryonic Daniel Johnston – Is and Always Was The Mountain Goats – The Life of the World to Come Flight of the Conchords – I Told You I Was Freaky Kings of Convenience – Lungs Tegan and Sara – Sainthood Wolfmother – Cosmic Egg

Juliette Lewis : Terra Incognita Reviewed by Nick Johnston

Former child star turned musician Juliette Lewis has managed to round up a very impressive backing band for her latest album: The Mars Volta… well, part of the Mars Volta anyway. Terra Incognita features Omar Rodriguez Lopez on guitar and bass, brother Marcel Rodriguez Lopez on percussion, and Thomas Pridgen (arguably one of the best drummers in the world at the moment). It should come as no surprise that many of the songs have a Mars Volta sound in their instrumentation and production. The first two tracks have a strong resemblance to the overall feel of the first Mars Volta album Deloused in the Comatorium, the track ‘Noche Sin Fin’ being one of the stand out tracks on the album. Juliette Lewis’ screaming voice suits this track beautifully, although this is not the case for the whole album. If you hate ‘Courtney Love’ sounding vocals, this is not the album for you.

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Title track ‘Terra Incognita’ is not bad, but after the first few tracks, it does feel bland in comparison. It is good solid alt-rock radio material, but nothing remarkable either. ‘Hard Lovin’ Women’, a bluesy number (one of the only tracks not featuring Omar on guitar) features Juliette screaming over the top of bluesy guitar riffs. It’s not a bad song, but it really feels out of place with the rest of the album. The best songs on the album have to be the moody ‘Ghosts’ (swap Juliette with Cedric Bixler Zavala and it could be a song straight off Frances the Mute) and the atmospheric ‘Female Persecution’ featuring Omar’s trademark atonal guitar solos. Even though the arrangements will draw more attention than anything else on this record, credit needs to be given to Juliette for actually coming up with the songs themselves. She’s not a brilliant lyricist but the music itself makes

up for any pitfalls. If the album was a little bit better structured, it would flow better because it feels quite unorganised. It really is a collection of songs instead of an album as a whole. Mars Volta fans should check this out, but I wouldn’t bother with the whole album. It is a good one to get from iTunes so you can pick out the better tracks.

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Auteur House Presents

By Dr Richard Swainson

I was at the bar around 1:15am Friday morning, after the conclusion of the second heat of the Band Experiments, when I struck up a conversation with a complete stranger about the best films of the decade. As the first ten years of the 21st century draw to a close it is

has dear Jennifer Connelly do unmentionable things with her lovely bottom.

time to begin preliminary discussions about such vital and important matters.

the tone of a silent weepy, the structure of a classical musical and the aesthetics of MTV. Bjork is heart breaking as the mother with failing eye sight who sacrifices all for her child.

Any talk at this stage must remain preliminary and the conclusions reached tentative at best. It will not be until around this time next year that most of good films of 2009 will have had any distribution in this country. My work-in-progress effort to select and order the decade’s finest movies involves a short list of 20. These in turn draw on a series of ‘Top 10’ lists for each year of the new century which can be accessed at the Auteur House blog-site: http://auteurhouse.com/ blog/2007/11/09/2000-2005/ This week I’ll kick the discussion off with the bottom 10 selections, listed in reverse order of merit, from 20 through 11. The final column of the year will complete the task with numbers 10 through 1. 20. “The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring” (Dr: Peter Jackson, USA, 2001) The opening instalment in our boy Pete’s crack at Tolkien instantly reset the bar for fantasy filmmaking. 19. “Requiem for a Dream” (Dr: Darren Aronofsky, USA, 2000) A bleak, intense but at times blackly humorous take on drug addiction, both prescription medication and heroin. Aronofsky turns the refrigerator into an instrument of horror and

18. “Dancer in the Dark (Dr: Lars Von Trier, Denmark, 2000) Von Trier’s one of a kind melodrama combines

17. “The New World” (Dr: Terence Malick, USA, 2005) Perhaps the most underrated film on this list. Malick’s usual lyrical treatment of the Pocahontas and Captain Smith story has haunting visuals and restrained performances (from Colin Farrell, no less!). The kind of intelligent, humanistic take on history that’s seldom seen in epics. 16. “The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” (Dr: Michel Gondry, USA, 2004) The combination of Charlie Kaufman’s brilliant script and Gondry’s imaginative, low-tech direction gives this fantasy about the pain of relationship break-ups a solid, emotional core. Jim Carrey has never been better. 15. “Capturing the Friedmans” (Dr: Andrew Jarecki, USA, 2003) A documentary about a middle class Jewish family ripped asunder when their patriarch, a respected school teacher, is accused of sexually abusing his after-hours students. Part mystery, part character study, its main strength comes from home movies in which the Friedmans themselves catalogue their own disintegration. The antithesis of “reality television”. 14. “The Aviator” (Dr: Martin Scorsese, USA, 2004)

It is ironic that Scorsese’s best work in the 2000s was a project in which he had least personal interest. Regardless, this powerful biopic of Howard Hughes draws on the great auteur’s textbook knowledge of golden age Hollywood, particularly when it comes to the touching romance between its mad subject and Katharine Hepburn. 13. “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” (Dr: Ang Lee, Hong Kong/Taiwan, 2000) The first and best of the decade’s ‘thinking person’s martial arts movies’. Lee brings all his dramaturgical skill to a genre that too often settles for spectacle for spectacle’s sake, drawing resonant performances from Chow YunFat and Michelle Yeoh and launching the career of young beauty Zhang Ziyi. 12. “Talk to Her” (Dr: Pedro Almodovar, Spain, 2002) As with all of Almodovar’s mature work “Talk to Her” is grounded in an impeccably detailed and structured screenplay. A tale of lost love, it makes bull fighting as sexy as ballet and is highlighted by a faux silent film within the film in which a tiny man ends his life as Prince Charles once wished he could with Camilla: by walking into his lover’s vagina. 11. “The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King” (Dr: Peter Jackson, USA, 2003) The concluding episode in the trilogy attracted criticism on first release for its extreme length and series of false endings but you cannot really get too much of a good thing, can you? Equally successful as spectacular fantasy, involving drama and environmental allegory 35


MOVIE REVIEW

Manual of Love 2 Reviewed by Lucy Smith Italians are known for sensuous romance, so who better to explore all the facets of love? Manuale d’amore 2 (Capitoli successivi) – The Manual of Love 2 – is a compendium of four vignettes, each exploring a unique aspect of love and its many joys and pitfalls. In the first episode, titled Eros, we meet Nicola (Riccardo Scamarcio), who falls for his physiotherapist (Monica Belluci) after being temporarily paralysed in a car accident. Though this plot could work just as well as a B-grade porno, it sensitively portrays a forbidden lust that’s full of heavy passion. Belluci is a star of Italian cinema, and you can see why: a couple of times I had to check out the guys just to make sure I was still happily heterosexual. The second episode, Maternity, follows Franco (Fabio Volo) and Manuela (Barbora Bobulova) in their tense and often heartbreaking quest to have a child. That said, between Manuela’s hormonally induced outbursts and Franco’s choice of sperm collection porn, this is one of the funniest sections of the film. Perhaps the most poignant of the four, The Wedding is the story of gay couple Filippo (Antonio Albanese) and Fosco (Sergio Rubini) who, despite the difficulties caused by conservative Italian society and Fosco’s father, plan to marry in Spain. One of the harder sections to watch, it’s a reminder that love is essentially no different between couples, whoever they are – what makes the difference is the struggles they face together to strengthen their bond. The last story, Extreme Love, is a typical account of the bored fiftysomething Ernesto (Carlo Verdone), who succumbs to the allure of an

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affair with a vivacious younger woman, Cecilia (Elsa Pataky). This is one of the more trite and contrived stories, possibly because it’s trying to tie all the ends together, and is more syrupy than a stack of pancakes, but it fits well with the rest of the stories. The film’s predecessor, The Manual of Love (2005) followed the same format, but in some ways was more successful. While all the stories and characters in the original were loosely interwoven – think Love Actually – these were standalone tales, each bearing no relation to any of the others except for the overarching theme. This must have allowed the writers to tell each story individually, without having to find ways to link them together, but it did make the film disjointed. You expect the stories to somehow come together, but they never quite do, and this makes the film feel incomplete. There are moments of gold, however. Manuela’s restaurant explosion over her husband’s lethargic sperm was hilarious, in a schadenfreude sort of way. The couple’s making up afterwards was as good a lesson in mutual understanding as you’re likely to find anywhere. There’s a great slapstick moment involving skinny dipping and a guard dog. And one nasty, but mercifully short, scene of violence is the catalyst for resolving one couple’s issues – so it makes it worth enduring. It’s an easy film to watch, despite its minor flaws. When you put those aside, what you get is a (mostly) light film with a theme we can all relate to, and characters that you can’t help caring about. It’s meant to be one of a series of five: if that’s the case, that series is going to be the definitive account of love, that emotion that’s unique to all humans, and which we can’t live without.


BOOK: Child 44 Reviewed by Art Focker

By Tom Rob Smith

I have never read a great deal on the former USSR, finding a nation with so many secrets, rainy days and soup lines to be dreadfully unattractive. I would much rather read on the evils of Hitler and Goebbels than I would on the evils of Stalin, mostly because the evils of Stalin will never be fully revealed, while the crimes of the Nazis are exceptionally well documented. I took a chance, however, and buried my face in Child 44 for a weekend. In this, Smith’s first book, we get a look at Stalinist Russia which a purely non-fiction book would be hard pressed to provide. The inner monologues, full of repeated quotes on “the greater good’ and a good amount of character back-story (not overwhelming like in some fiction) make even the least action packed episodes more than bearable and are in fact rather edifying. A prologue which takes place in one of the collective farms of the 1930s shows the struggle for survival which the general population of rural Soviet Russia had to endure in order just to see the next day.

The ever growing sense of paranoia infecting the reader with every page was a great thrill for me. I don’t think I’ve ever been as tense reading a book as I have been this one. Suspects tortured into giving out lists of innocent names seem to be a theme early in the book, with the protagonist, KGB agent Leo Demidov, thinking nothing of them until his wife’s name appears on one. Suddenly his safe and secure place in Stalin’s Russia is turned upside down and he fights tooth and nail to stay one step ahead of men who are as ruthless and efficient as he himself is. Child 44 is the first part of a trilogy, each book dealing with a different aspect of life in Communist Russia. I was reminded of Robert Harris (author of Fatherland and Enigma) in its bleak depiction of Soviet Russia, complete with the total evaporation of human rights or even basic privacy which Stalinist Communism seems to breed. Yet, despite that similarity, I found the characterizations in Child 44 to be far stronger than in Harris’ work. It was not a

matter of whether or not the characters are likeable, but more believable is certainly what they are. I would recommend this to those who are after something slightly off the beaten path and not too squeamish when it comes to Soviet Russia’s dark, depressing and constantly snowing past. 7/9

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Send your gig listings to gigs@ nexusmag.co.nz. We will print them for you! Seriously, send them. There’s got to be SOMETHING happening in this city.

Hamilton Band Experiments York St Studios in association with ZM and Hamilton Live Music Trust presents the Hamilton Band Experiments 2009. The scheduled dates are: Heat 3 (4 acts) Thursday 1st October, Heat 4 (4 acts) Thursday 8th October, Final (5 acts) Thursday 15th October. Weekly | Thu 01 Oct 2009 - Thu 15 Oct 2009 Cost: $5.00 Time: from 9pm Where: Flow Bar, 266 Victoria Street Hamilton

Puss in Boots Puss in Boots’ - a Pocket Panto show with a cast of 5 will be running every day at 11am to entertain and amuse your children. Lots of fun for both parents and kids, so don’t miss out! Bookings are essential. Mon 28 Sep 2009 - Fri 02 Oct 2009 Cost: $5.00 General Admission Time: 11am Where: Waikato Museum, Waikato Museum 1 Grantham Street Hamilton

Art at the Waikato Home and Garden Show Catch the wonderful array of arts activities, displays and performances in the ‘Brooklyn Gardens’. Displays include: Sculpture Symposium, Lawn Sculpture Competition, Kids Art and more. Thu 01 Oct 2009 - Sun 04 Oct 2009 Cost: $14 adults, children under 14 free with an adult Time: from 9am daily Where: Claudelands Showgrounds, Hamilton

Hamilton Film Society A screening of Endless Way, Shen Wensheng, China, 2002, 88mins, Explores one youth’s attempts to reconcile familial obligations with his hopes and dreams. Best Picture, Best Director, Shanghai Film Critics Award. Mon 05 Oct 2009 Cost: $14.00 Time: 8:00 pm Where: Victoria Cinema, 690 Victoria St, Hamilton

Author talk at Central Library Celebrate NZ Book Month and Hamilton City Libraries’ 125th anniversary in October by listening to some of this countries most talented writers talk about their books, careers and life in general. Tue 06 Oct 2009 Cost: $5 Time: 7pm Where: Central Library, 9 Garden Place

NZ Songs with Love - Julia Booth (soprano) Graduate of the University’s own Music Department, a stunning soprano of youthful vibrancy, fast becoming a strong centrepiece among the next generation of New Zealand’s opera lite. Sat 03 Oct 2009 Student w ID $12, Academy e-mail list $30. Time: 7:30 PM Where: WEL Energy Trust Academy of Performing Arts, Waikato University

Last round of Open Mic Night this week! Come and support our local talent!

Now open till 6pm Monday & Tuesday And till 8pm or later Wednesday – Friday!

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EMAIL YOUR BUSTED MOMENTS TO NEXUS Step one: Party Step two: Take pictures Step three: Email them to us at busted@nexusmag.co.nz Seriously, do it! It can’t be that hard, people are (apparently) partying here all the time. Embarrass your friends! Display your ugly mug! Showcase your boobs! Do it, goddamn it!



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