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15 September 2008

THE MUSIC ISSUE:

The Band Experiments + The Society of Heavy Metal and Hard Rock, Inc


FEATURES 18-19 The Society of Heavy Metal and Hard Rock, Inc

REGULARS AND RANDOMS 02 < 03 Editorial 04 Magic 8 Ball 04 Karnage Kolumn 05 Low Five 06 Meet the Candidates 14-16 Lettuce 17 Religion 24-27 WSU 28 Puzzle Page 29 Notices 30 Sports Thoughts 30 Procrastinatio di Procrastinatio 31 Agony Art 31 Sarcophagus Rex 32 Boganology 32 The Nerdary 33 Phat Controller 33 A River Runs Through it 34 Moving Pictures 34 Movie Review 35 Book Reviews 35 Comic Review 36 Citric 37 38 Snow Games Pics 39 BUSTED

Courtney Mellor explores the society that’s making metal and rock more respectable while remaining entirely disrespectable. Probably.

20-21 The Band Experiments: It’s Aliiiiiiive! …and back for 2008! Carl Watkins checks out the history of this, ahem, historic events, as well as who’s lined up for Heat One in the first part of an ongoing series

22-23 Rain of the Children Award-winning auteur director Vincent Ward calls Nexus to talk about his new film, Rain of the Children

NEWS WSU votes for fee rise, Monoxide poisoning warning, International enrolments up, Something, Something Else, Press Release of Week, Vault, and the Nexus Haiku News

Editor: Joshua Drummond (nexus@waikato.ac.nz)

THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS

Design: Talia Kingi (graphics@nexus-npl.co.nz)

PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, THE WSU, APN, THE EDITOR, OR

Advertising: Tony Arkell (admanager@nexus-npl.co.nz/021 176 6180)

ANYONE. SERIOUSLY I HAD BETTER NOT HAVE ANOTHER BLOODY VIRUS OR THERE WILL BE

Assistant to the Editor: Grant Burns (news@nexus-npl.co.nz)

BLOOD. OH MAN I’M REPEATING MYSELF I MUST BE SICK. CRAP.

Music Ed: Carl Watkins (toezee@gmail.com) Books Ed: Kelly Badman

WANT TO ADVERSTISE WITH NEXUS?

Film Ed: Art Focker

EMAIL nexus@waikato.ac.nz OR admanager@nexus-npl.co.nz OR call 07 838 4653 OR 021 176

Games Editor: Antony Parnell

6180

Interns: Courtney Mellor and Esta Coker NEXUS IS LOCATED AT Contributors

Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University of Waikato, Knighton Road,

8 Ball, AJ, Vitamin C, WSU, Kirill, Carl Watkins, Chris Parnell, Burton C. Bogan, Nick Sicklemore,

Hamilton

Simon Houlton, Dawn Tuffery, Kelly Badman, Jed Laundry, Dr Richard Swainson, Josh, Andrew, Talia, Matt, Grant Burns, Mammoth, HCAC, Flash Medallion, Art Focker, Taufiq Boldy, Kirril, Blair

PHONE: 07 838 4653

Munro, Esta C, Courtney Mellor, Gordon Dawson, Vincent Ward

FAX: 07 838 4588 EMAIL: nexus@waikato.ac.nz

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA) Because it saves our asses at the last minute

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POSTAL: Private Bag 3059, Hamilton


Writing these editorials is a funny thing. You have an audience which is almost entirely invisible, made up of discrete individuals about whom you know nearly nothing. Common sense and the lingering remains of a few surveys tell you a few “facts” about the audience, and when you’re writing to them, it’s

explain the situation. I can’t. I don’t have the slightest idea what is going on. Not a clue. Neither, I wager, do you (unless you’re a Pols or Law student with an in-depth knowledge of how the convoluted electoral donations system does/doesn’t work.) So much of politics is like this: out of a terribly complex

all you’ve got to go on. Among these facts are the following: You tend to be students, studying at either Waikato University or Wintec, you tend to be undergraduates, and you tend to be uninterested in a certain magic word. I hesitate to say (write) it, in case half the audience flees. Oh well, I’ll do it anyway.

and misunderstood system, the news media portrays something simple, much like scum floating to the surface of the Uni Lakes, and it is on the basis of these platitudes we cast our votes. Like, with the Peters thing, here’s my understanding of it. “Winston Peters/NZ First did something he/they shouldn’t have with Owen Glenn’s donation money and then tried to wriggle out of it. He had a sign that said “NO” but we don’t see much of that any more. He looks tired. Oh, look, the Simpsons is on.” And the result of this understanding? “I am even less likely to vote for New Zealand First than I was before. He used to have a very important job but I don’t think he should have that any more, because we shouldn’t give Foreign Minister positions to weasel-eels. Oh, look, Wipeout is on.”

Politics. Still there? I bet you are. You’re smart, you are. I knew you wouldn’t leave. Clever people never do. All those people that stopped reading? Morons. Hate them. Didn’t want them in the first place. But I like you. Hang around. I’m not surprised people don’t like politics. It’s because of all the bloody politicians. I had the opportunity of meeting Nicky Hager* once, and I asked him why you lot – you, the reader, David** – aren’t interested in politics, because to me it’s one of the most interesting things in the world. Wisely, Nicky responded: “It’s not the politics they’re sick of – they just think they are. Everyone cares about the issues. It’s the politicians and all their bullshit that people get tired of.” And I thought, well, that’s a good point. This business with Winston Peters and the donations and Owen Glen and what-not is a prime example of the sort of bullshit that simultaneously intrigues and repels people. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not going to

The news media, as it nearly always does, is missing the bigger picture. The relentless attention focused on Winston means other parties can happily sling mud, safe in the knowledge that their own financial practices are well out of the spotlight. It also practically ensures that someone who’s been a thorn in a lot of sides will be made a non-factor in the upcoming elections. Does anyone really think that Winston’s accusers are squeakyclean? Of course they aren’t. There are a lot of people with vested interests who would

(will?) absolutely love to see New Zealand First removed from Parliament. But we don’t really get the real picture from the news media: all we can do is try and unravel the puzzle for our uneducated selves by wading through a stinking morass of of soundbites and prearranged interviews. Then there’s the American election campaign, which has seen both sides spouting endless amounts of the most unmitigated bullshit. As if this wasn’t enough to contend with, this is the time of year Waikato students now have to contend with student politicians, who are quite as bullshit-happy as “real” politicians but have yet to smooth their rough edges. No wonder students are sick of politics. But you’re still here and reading,*** so that word must retain some power beyond what the bullshitters have imbued it with. If that’s the case: The WSU elections are upon us. The WSU is you, and now is when you get to decide what Directorial candidates you trust with millions of dollars in student money. Nexus has coverage of all the candidates – some this week, some next – and we urge you: consider your decision before you vote. Some of the people running for elections have been in student politics for years. Look at track records. See beyond the personalities and the stunts to what the candidates are really like. By voting, you ensure the candidates know that this is a democracy; they’re accountable to you, and you can remove them if they fuck up. You might think that student politics aren’t that important, but they are. Student unions control millions of (your) dollars and are a direct influence on how Universities interact with their students, and how the Government interacts with you. Make them remember that they’re not in charge – you are.

*Nicky Hager wrote a book called The Hollow Men that was widely credited with helping National lose the last election, as it contained damaging revelations – mostly in the form of leaked emails – about how National were conducting their election campaign ** If your name’s David - PSYCHE! *** I love you. You’re so very smart.

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Is Owen Glenn cool? My reply is no – no-one knows who the hell this guy is, yet he’s apparently bankrolling our major political parties and then kicking up a fuss when they don’t use his money in ways he likes. Why hasn’t the news media told us who this guy actually is? Him and his billions, and he can’t even buy an opinion from a Magic 8 Ball. Will the WSU elections see another record turnout? Cannot predict now – seeing as only about 1/2086 of students actually know about it at this stage. Ask me next week. Will having a Society of Heavy Metal and Hard Rock make the genre more respectable? Most likely – which is a bit disappointing, because the whole idea of the genre(s) is to be disrespectable. Is the disease I’ve got contagious? Yes definitely – but only in the sense that when it comes to the virus getting defeated, it will take the contagious. Has Britney finally come right? (Caution: the following joke will probably only be understood by science students or the very nerdy) Better not tell you now – Britney is the quantum physics of celebrity. She is a waveform that alternates between “okay” and “incredibly screwed

up” and must be regarded as both and neither until measured by the paparazzi. So if I told you, she would be poisoned by a vial of cyanide. Confused? So is she. Will the toilet paper in the pub toilet be pissed on the next time I’m forced to use it? Outlook good – normally this would only apply to men’s toilets, where the men have the necessary outlook and equipment to mark their territory on a substance explicity intended to make contact with someone else’s anus. Unfortunately, due to Murphy’s Law, I predict that the next girl who uses a pub toilet will also find her paper has been pissed on, probably because the previous inhabitant of her cubicle was a drunk contortionist. Are the contstruction guys down by the Banks on P? They seem to be moving unnaturally fast for construction guys. Signs point to yes – and by “signs” we mean the signs put up all around the building site that say something like “Murphy’s Construction. Proudly powered by P (sponsored by the methamphetamine dealers and chemist’s association of Hamilton”) Okay, so that’s a lie. But when the Libertarianz win the election and all drugs are legalised, you will actually see signs that read just like that. Will the mega-antibiotics the doctor gave me cure my Chlamydia? My reply is no – the “Outback” strain of Chlamydia is now immune to all forms of antibiotics and even nuclear radiation. It will, however, make you pee profusely. Out of your bottom. Send questions for the all-knowing 8 Ball to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

In which we celebrate binge drinking with AJ Back on form and into the last term of the year. Things get pretty intense at these tough and stress-filled times and there is nothing like a good ol’ booze session with the lads or lasses to relieve the spirit. I hope to be the remedy this week for all those that are struggling with creative thought about how and when they want to ease the pain and pressure of being a hardworking student. On Thursday evening there will be a gathering of youths meeting at the St. Johns Field right next to Gate 1 car park. The occasion is the 4th annual ‘Hermit in the Park’. What is required of yourself is some colourful spandex or anything that cuts off genital blood flow or shows off the cellulite in your rear end. That’s the way they say! You are also required to bring a dozen standard drinks, preferably beer but this requirement is lenient and if you want to bring half a cask of dirty red, that will be your poison. Large cardboard boxes will be provided as this is the integral ingredient of the park-style Hermit. One 4

hour of silence will be cast upon the participants who will sit, stand or lie in their respective boxes of card for a full hour. A referee will be present and he will blow a whistle at 10minute intervals. The man in charge also has the ability to punish participants for talking via the shooting of fireworks into the culprit’s box. Below are the details of this fine event, be sure to contact me (AJ) if you are going to be in attendance for the ‘Hermit in the Park’ challenge so I know how many boxes I need to round up. For the record, you must stay in your box for the entire hour, even for toilet time. When: Thursday 18th of September at 5.30pm Where: St. Johns Field opposite the Gate 1 car park You Need: 12 standard drinks and tight clothing Mission: To complete a box IN a box in complete silence within an hour Can’t wait to indulge in this physically and mentally demanding test, see you all there at 5.30pm. Just for good measure…Autobots, transform and roll out!


1. What do you think is going on with Winston Peters? 2. Ever kissed a girl and liked it? 3. What is Heavy Metal? (Name a heavy metal band) 4. What position were you conceived in? 5. Are you going to vote in the elections? (WSU/NZ)

1.He’s definitely lying. But he’ll be ok 2.Defiantly yes 3.Heavy metal is like Rammstein 4.My sister was conceived on the couch in the lounge 5.In both

1.Winston is correct. He’s true. 2.I’m a boy. So yes. 3.Real heavy metal is Slayer/ Sepultura and of course Metallica and Pearl Jam 4.No comment 5.Yes I am going to vote. I’m a swing voter.

1.He is in trouble 2.No 3.Disturbed, Slipknot 4.Missionary 5.Sure am

1.H’s a Hershey’s bar 2.Yeah? I think she did 3.Hershey’s International 4.Anal 5.Yup. Pene for Prez

1.He’s Winnie the Shit (tm) 2.Yeah 3.Metallica 4.Don’t know I wasn’t there 5.Yeah for the Greens


By Grant Burns As you probably know by now, the WSU elections are closing in fast with just over two weeks left before votes are to be cast. While the action heats up, we thought that it would be a great idea if you were actually able to find out who you’re actually voting for. So, up until the elections, we will be bringing you information on all the candidates and their policies.

We will be asking all the candidates five quick questions so you have more of an idea on who’s who to make that informed decision. 1. Why are you running for President/Vice-President/director? 2. Why would you make a great President/Vice-President/ director? 3. What are your policies? 4. What do you aim to achieve if you are elected? 5. Tell us something about yourself.

Ben (Penegaru) Delaney is currently Vice-President Maori, and is running for President. 1. Because I believe in the organisation and would like lead it into the future. I have been apart of the WSU for two years and I reckon I am capable on continuing its proud history. 2. Experience. Since I began in 2006, I have been able to observe exactly how everything works within the university, so I know what it takes to be President. I also know what it is like to be an undergraduate and a graduate student. 3. My main policy is that I ensure every dollar spent should have a positive outcome for the students. Making sure every student is catered for equally and that every year we increase are services to the students. 4. Help shift the momentum within the organisation, create more opportunities for students to engage in the university, and increase awareness and the student voice within the local and national community. 5. I am currently studying a PHD in strategic management. I am easy going, friendly, determined, righteous, and sociable. Whetu Taukamo is currently Vice-President Maori and he is looking to retain his title for 2009. 1. To represent the Maori voice on campus, for Maori students, and the Maori people as a whole. 2. I already have Maori support networks and good relationships with Maori students. I’ve been working at the WSU for two and half years. 3. To ensure the Treaty of Waitangi partnership is there and that the WSU and the university live up to that partnership. 4. Represent Maori-based activities and introduce international students to the Maori culture. 5. I am studying a BMS and LLB double degree which I finish next year. I am married (sorry ladies) with one son. I love rugby and sport and I’m just a fun-loving guy.

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First up is Glen Delamere who is running for Vice-President as well as a director. 1. Because I have already worked at WSU for the past years, so I know how it all works. I’m also dedicated to helping students out. 2. Firstly, I have two years of previous experience on the board. I have been actively involved with the Uni Games over the past years and I have built up a long list of contacts. Also, I am apart of the Mature Men’s and Associate Board of Recreation. 3. I want to continue making the Waikato campus a fun and exciting place where students can feel apart of. 4.To be a down-to-earth and realistic Vice-President who deals with students worries and cares without judging. 5. Well, I’m currently a BMS student who is easy going, gives anything a go, never gives up, is always willing to help, and isn’t afraid of a little dirty work.


The always buoyant Andrew James (aj) is currently a Director and is looking to do the same again next year. 1. I enjoyed doing it this year and I’d love to carry on doing it again in 2009. I’m also determined to putting the fun into the campus. 2. I am motivated and driven to putting on events that are fun and interesting. I am willing to put in a lot of time to benefit students. 3. Everyone should have fun and making sure we provide a fun alternative so it’s not all just boring study. 4. Making Waikato an enjoyable and exciting campus for all students. 5. I am currently in my third year of my BMS degree in marketing and economics. I love to dress-up, party, and I’m not afraid to do both. I love sport and I’m also going for team manger of the Uni Games.

Jeffery Hawkes is competing to retain his position as a Director at the WSU. 1. I’m running because I like to be involved in the organisation; it’s a great way to help and serve the community. 2. I won’t be afraid to speak up and speak my mind in defence of the students. But, also I am open to different opinions and ideas. 3. Making the student union a high profile amongst students. Also, standing tall for student media. 4. A stronger presence of student media on campus, both print and performance. 5. I am currently studying resource and environmental planning. I love music; I play the bass and saxophone. Really passionate for the arts and getting recognised in the community. David Snell (who is known as Burton C. Bogan to Nexus readers) is running as a Director 1. I’m keen on the new experiences and challenges that the job offers. 2. I am reliable, understanding, and always respond quickly to any questions or jobs where I’m needed. 3. Helping in issues for people with disabilities is main priority to establish at the WSU, also social events. 4. Build on what the WSU has already been doing and have some great experiences. 5. I am currently studying a PHD in Psychology and a post-graduate diploma in Community Psychology. I passionately enjoy music and I’m a fun-loving guy who is easily approachable.

Matt Gatchell is running (for the first time) as a Director. 1. Since there is no voice in the WSU by the School of Education, I want to a representative of that. 2. Because I’m honest, straight forward, and I care for other students. 3. Mainly to be the voice for the School of Education. 4. Make sure every student feels welcome and apart of university, and deal with any problems students may have. 5. I am currently studying a Bachelor of Primary Teaching. I’m also a qualified chef and I love music, art, and tattoos. 7


NEWS ISSUE 19

September 15 2008

news@nexus-npl.co.nz

WSU votes to increase student fees Wait, what?

By Grant Burns On Wendesday 10th September, the WSU President voted along with the University Council to raise student fees by up to 2.6% before the start of 2009 academic year. The decision was not made lightly by the WSU, but WSU President Moira Neho said the increase was “inevitable” as the rest of Council had all agreed upon it. “We voted in favour because the institute is not being funded enough by the government alone. The decision was made in the best interest of the students. We’ve made the best choice and the University is happy with WSU’s decision.” Waikato is, apparently, the first student union to vote for an increase in student fees and the question is whether other New Zealand student unions would follow suit. “Waikato is very vocal. The message we’re sending is that free, quality education is important and the way to achieve that starts with this decision,” Neho said. “If we could get all the student unions around the country working together, we could change the way the government runs the Tertiary Education Commission and the way funding is distributed.” NZUSA Co-president Paul Falloon said the increase was unfortunate but that he had “no problem” with WSU voting for it. “NZ university fees are collectively the fifth highest in the OECD, so any percentage increase on already high fees is big,” Falloon said.

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“It’s just unsustainable to have long-term fee increases, but 2.6 percent is better than five. I think it’s the fault of the whole system. The whole fee situation stems back to the fact that government funding has increased, this year by around 2-3 percent.” The WSU has been highly praised by the Council “for their mature decision and their willingness to co-operate.” Neho says helps contribute to a stronger partnership between the university, the University Council, and the WSU. Although this decision may look like another burden for students, in reality it is only a small increase that will benefit students through better resources and more financial security within the university, WSU says. Falloon agrees, saying students needed to be “pragmatic” in the absence of adequate government funding. “I think some students feel they need to be pragmatic about it. If we do want good quality education our institutions do need to be well funded – perhaps we do need to increase a modest increase in fees,” he said. The WSU are still determined in achieving a universal student allowance, but agree there is no one trick solution. Neho says the relationship between the university and the WSU has been strengthened and could help to achieving the goal of a universal student allowance in the long term.


Be Wise or You Could Spell Your Own Demise It’s because of CARBON MONOXIDE By Grant Burns

Hearing about the carbon monoxide poisoning tragedy at Raglan, an exWintec engineering student, Garston Smith felt he should share his own terrifying ordeal, which claimed his friends life – and, nearly, his own. In a typical student flat, Garston’s friend, Andre, took his portable gas cooker into his room, feel asleep, and never woke up. Two days later, as the room was being cleaned out, Garston took the gas cooker into his own flat. While the barbeque was still burning in the lounge, Garston went to his room and fell asleep, “I didn’t know how Andre had died, so I wasn’t cautious about turning off the barbeque.”

not to get themselves into this situation because the outcome can be fatal.” Hamilton Senior Fire Safety Officer, David Jenkins, spoke to Nexus about what carbon monoxide is, how it affects you, and what you can do to prevent it from happening to you. “Carbon monoxide is colourless, odourless gas which makes you drowsy, causes migraines, and puts you to sleep. If you fall asleep in a room full of carbon monoxide the chances of you waking up are very slim,” he said. “You should never under any circumstance bring or have a barbeque

When Garston awoke the next morning he had all the symptoms of monoxide poisoning. “My head felt like it was going to explode, my vision was blurry. I could still think but I knew something was definitely wrong.”

within your flat, tent, car, or any confined space.”

Garston said he was lucky that he hadn’t left the barbeque in his room, or he would have died like his friend. “I just want people and students to know how easy it is for this to happen. Students need to be careful

• Never use or cook on a barbeque inside. • Always turn off the gas bottle and barbeque after using it. • If you feel light-headed or drowsy after being around a barbeque, get some fresh air and a glass of water. • Never drink and fry.

The University branch of Citizens Advice Bureau can give you information about this or other hassles you might have. They have heaps of pamphlets and a huge database to help answer anyone’s questions. Visit them at the Cowshed from 1pm – 3pm daily during semesters or phone 8384466 extn 6622 or 0800FORCAB. By the way the retailer has the option to repair, refund or replace the bed. It Maude wants a different bed, she will have to talk to the retailer.

www.reccentre.co.nz

Maude bought a bed 3 months age. The springs were faulty and when she returned to the retailer they said they would repair or replace it. Maude thought she could get a refund.

hip hop dance

THE BED SPRINGS BROKE!

Some cautionary tips to prevent this from happening to you or a friend are:

Six week courses starting:

Tuesday 16 September 6.30pm - 7.25pm (Intro Course)

Thursday 18 September 6.30pm - 7.30pm

We also offer 6 week Pilates matwork, Yoga and Kickboxing courses. Visit our website or come see us for more info.

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Rise in international students helps boost Waikato Uni’s reputation And bank account By Grant Burns

Within the last year, the number of enrolments by new international students for Waikato University has risen by 11 percent – a major turnaround from the declining trend of recent years.

continues. Waikato University and the International Centre have been working really hard at forecasting and creating strong relationships with overseas students and universities.”

The growth is a result of increasing enrolment by students from countries such as India, United States of America, Saudi Arabia, Chile, Taiwan, and the Solomon Islands.

“Waikato students should help in making International students feel welcome and safe on campus. Help foreign students to have an enjoyable stay and create a genuine New Zealand domestic experience for them.”

WSU President, Moira Neho said the rise in new enrolments is due to Waikato’s increasing popularity overseas. “Yes, international students in general believe that Waikato is a good, safe place to study. When international students come here and have an enjoyable stay, they go back home and spread the news which leads to more new enrolments.” Neho said that the increase is good news for the University. “We hope the increase

The areas of study by International students have been widespread throughout all of the University departments, but with keen interest in Information Technology and Management by Chinese and Indian students. However, with the news of this increase in new enrolments, returning enrolments of International students have been slowly declining.

Speechless: Candidate Kelly ducks the question

Ask a politician a straight question and be prepared for a crooked answer Courtesy InUnison

The following exchange occurred during a political forum hosted by the Unitec student union. It is a verbatim response by Labour candidate Dr. Brian Kelly to the question, “What is your party’s policy on student allowances?” I didn’t realise that some of the other speakers have a crystal ball for predicting elections. One of the reasons for the changes in the polls are that people are beginning to see through the policies and are actually wondering what some of them are of the other parties. There’s confusion out there, and some of them are asking big questions. Some of the questions are about Kiwibank, a bank which now has seven hundred thousand-odd customers, and one of the reasons that we’re going to Kiwibank apart from the fact that they look after their customers and their interest rates, is the profits are going to New Zealand. So the National party [unintelligible, interruptions]

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The second one is that they’re not sure whether to sell the rail [unintelligible] and it’s only in recent years, very recent months, that they’ve come out and said that they agree climate change exists and the MP Maurice Williamson – he won’t confirm or deny whether he believes climate change exists. Host: “Dr. Kelly, you have thirty seconds. Could we please return to the subject of student allowances?” Well the student allowance, as I was saying, students are about to go into the workforce, and the other reason people are worried about National is that every year they… want to grow the economy by siphoning the wages from people on the bottom. It was Labour who offered to raise [the minimum wage] to twelve dollars an hour, and it will continue to rise under a Labour government, and that rise was voted against by a lot of the parties here. [ends]


Hamilton Community Arts Council Spring Activities Nothing to do with coiled pieces of metal, sadly. By Courtney Mellor

Throughout the month of September there are events happening around Hamilton to tantalise the creative writer within all of us. Formally known as the Winter Writers Series, the Hamilton Community Arts Council this year has decided to make it Spring Writers Series. This year will see travel writer Joe Bennett, an English born writer and columnist who currently lives in New Zealand, making a visit. He is the author of A Land of Two Halves, the story of a journey around New Zealand and Mustn’t Grumble, the story of a journey around England in the footsteps of H.V. Morton. Bennett’s latest novel Where Underpants Come From, is a story where he traces a pair of Warehouse underpants from store shelf in New Zealand through all the stages of their manufacture and eventually to the Chinese cotton fields near Afghanistan. Bennett will be opening the spring events with a workshop which will explore tips and ideas on becoming a travel novelist; this will be held on 13 September 1pm at Seddon Park in the Oaks Lounge and entry is $10. Afterwards Bennett will be speaking more informally about his book Where Underpants Come From at The Deck Bar, Sky City Casino starting around 5pm. Organiser of the event Kym Plaisted said “This should be a really amusing talk; he’s a great entertainer”. Next on the calendar is Poetry and the Imagination workshop hosted by Associate Editor of Poetry NZ, Owen Bullock, the workshop will offer exercises to encourage poets to write through the use if their imagination, this will cost $10 and will be held on 20 September at St Peters Cathedral Community Hall.

The big event of the Spring Writers series is a new addition called The Plot Thickens, a one-day short story writing marathon for all budding authors. Writers will be given a line of dialogue and a character name to be included in the story at the morning registration before setting out to explore the city in search of inspiration and stories are to be submitted no later than 4pm. “It will be a great experience for writers to explore the city and get inspired by it and its open to anyone,” said Plaisted. Hamilton Community Arts Council has booked the museum to host the evening events and writer Michelle Holman will kick off with what promises to be an entertaining talk on her first book Bonkers. Judges will then announce the winner of The Plot Thickens and the top three story writers will have an opportunity to read to the audience. So this is kind of like the 48 hour Film Festival, the first prize is a goody too; the winner will have the spend a day in Auckland for a 1 on 1 session with Lorain Day, Publishing Manager for Harper Collins Publishing. She will share hints on how to present a proposal to a publisher, what the publisher is looking for, a walk through the publishing process and a tour of their premises and includes a $50 petrol voucher to get you there and lunch provided. “As writers would know it’s hard to get your foot in the door with publishing companies so this is a great opportunity for anybody,” Plaisted says.

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University of Technology bill ‘dead in the water’ By Rory MacKinnon – InUnison

After nearly a decade of campaigning and legal action, Unitec’s quest for ‘university of technology’ status may have finally ended in defeat. Late last month Parliament’s Select Committee formally recommended that NZ First MP Dail Jones’ Education Amendment Bill – which calls for the establishment of ‘universities of technology’ alongside universities and polytechnics – should not pass its second reading in Parliament. The fourteen-member panel concluded that “the primary impetus for the bill relates to the perceived status of the word ‘university’”, and that the associated costs, distraction and confusion “would be likely to outweigh any potential benefits”. However NZ First members on the committee expressed disappointment with their colleagues’ findings, insisting that the legislation is “long overdue in New Zealand”. The private member’s bill will now remain on Parliament’s Order Paper until after the general election in November, but insiders say the proposal is now “dead in the water”. The Committee’s recommendation could prove the final nail in the coffin for Unitec’s aspirations, with nearly ten years of petitioning and legal

battles behind them. The institution’s woes began in 1998 when Unitec’s application for university status was quashed by a moratorium on new universities led by then-Tertiary Education Minister Steve Maharey. Unitec fought back with a controversial advertising campaign (“Unitec: tomorrow’s university”) and took Maharey and his associate minister to court for $3.5 million on the grounds that the government’s suspension of its application was unlawful and a breach of the Bill of Rights Acts. The High Court ruled in Unitec’s favour, but staff criticised the institution for spending up large on legal fees while cutting staff to meet a $4 million dollar shortfall. The New Zealand Qualifications Authority rejected a renewed application in 2006, but Unitec continued to lobby the Government and pursue the creation of a ‘university of technology’ category and funding programme. Unitec Chief Executive Rick Ede says he shares NZ First’s disappointment, and that “in the end, the upcoming election became too much of a preoccupation”. Ede added that the institution may now rejoin the Institutes of Technology and Polytechnics of New Zealand, a body it controversially split from in 2003 at the height of the university bid.

Terrorist Attack: Long Overdue?

Vault

By Grant Burns

18th September 2001, Issue 20, Volume 38

World Trade Center Terrorist Attacks 11th September 2001

At 8:45am USEST, the first hijacked plane smashed into the North Tower of the World Trade Center, 9:03am a second terrorist seized plane crashes into the South Tower, by 10:27am both buildings have collapsed and the worst terrorist attack of all time is complete.

passed the US Patriot Act (which overrides rights in the Human Rights Act), and sent troops over to Afghanistan and Iraq. No one knows yet why troops have been deployed to Iraq, but it must be something positive to do with America’s grand plan in the Middle East.

The number of casualties has been estimated at over 3,000, mostly civilians, passengers, and emergency personnel. Al-Qaeda has claimed responsibility for the attacks and their leader, Osama Bin-Laden, is now wanted for capture.

No students from Waikato University were in the affected areas during the attacks, but opinions have been wide spread about the incident. Many students believe that this attack on America is long overdue and was just waiting to happen because of the terror that America has instilled all over the world.

Also, on the same day, two other hijacked planes crashed on American soil. One plane ploughed into the Pentagon, while the other plane crashed in a field outside of Pennsylvania, after passengers tried to take back control of the aircraft as it was heading for the White House. At the time of the attacks, President George W. Bush was reading ‘My Pet Goat’ to a classroom of children in Florida. After the second plane hit, Mr Bush was told that “America was under attack”. Instead of immediately doing anything about it, he continued to read on with the rest of the elementary school pupils. The aftermath of 9/11 has been as messy as the rubble and dust at Ground Zero. George Bush has administered a ‘War on Terrorism’, 12

Many students believe that this attack was inevitably going to occur due to the oppression and terror America has been instilling all around the world: from Vietnam to Somalia, Iraq to Sudan. Also, the evil economic policies of the World Bank, World Trade Organisation, and the International Monetary Fund and how they take advantage of Third World countries weak economic systems for American benefit. September 11th 2001, will always be remembered as a dark day in history, but also the day the real terrorists were terrorized by a people who are fed up with having their freedoms crushed, citizens slaughtered, and cities bombed by the United States of America: land of the free…


Press Release of the Week

This time: Waikato River full of shit! Who knew? Courtesy the Green Party The Government can’t ignore a report on Waikato water quality out today that shows 70 percent of 78 rivers and streams tested were unsafe for swimming and more than 75 percent were unsafe for stock to drink from, Greens Co-Leader Russel Norman says. “This report is the most damning condemnation of the Government’s hands-off policies on freshwater yet. Environment Minister Trevor Mallard should be ashamed he has succumbed to lobbying by big industrial dairy polluters rather than keep Labour’s promise to make rivers safe to swim in within a generation,” he says.

It says the tourism industry ‘cannot deliver on New Zealand’s 100% Pure brand promise on its own’. “It also comes at the same time as some of our farming and regional media are condemning the Government’s freshwater policies. Compared to city media, these newspapers and radio stations are closest to increasingly-polluted waterways, one of New Zealand’s biggest environmental concerns of the moment.

The Environment Waikato report, the result of two years’ work overseen by the regional council’s soil scientist Peter Singleton, warned the full

“Luckily the Government’s Proposed National Policy Statement for Freshwater Management released in July is still open for change and the Minister could decide to make streams safe for stock to drink from and even keep Labour’s promise to make all water bodies safe for swimming

effects of intensive farming may not be evident for decades from now.

within a generation.

“Coincidentally this comes on the same day as a Tourism Industry Election Manifesto which lists “Improving New Zealand’s Environmental Performance” as one of six government priorities.

“He could add specific dates and defined water quality standards to the document so all regional councils have a clear mandate to clamp down hard against effluent pollution. Not all councils are doing so now. But will he listen to those with ‘100% Pure’ branding interests, or only to Fonterra?”

Australian minister resigns over seminaked dance If we fired MPs When they dance stupid Pete Hodgson would be long gone

Police flooded with calls after Sensing Murder show Police called after Psychics “sense murders” – huh The scam has a purpose

Millie Elder faces serious drug charge Dear, poor sweet Millie E She just won’t stop smoking Tonnes and tonnes of P

Screaming workman trapped in crane He cried: “I’m trapped In a crane – I’m ever so high And in so much pain!”

Particle collider passes first major test First major test passed: Planet is unharmed Now let’s get on with the rest

Glenn: I’m just the worm that turned Glenn’s role in machinations? Labour bites the hand That feeds donations

PM not ruling out sacking Peters “Not ruling out,” that’s true What else she’s “not ruling out:” Sky being blue

Apple unveils new iPods, Jobs not dead Of course Steve Jobs isn’t dead Apple computers Are keeping him fed

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Txts to the Editor! Nexus now has a non-new TXT-in service! Send Letters to the Editor - via text - to 021 235 8436. They can be about anything – but if it’s something in the magazine, so much the better. We’ll print the best ones, so get texting! Texts should include a name to attribute them to. Text of the week wins a mystery prize!

Bikes 4eva!

Don’t forget: You can send Busted pictures in by pxt! Send us your best snaps of you or your mates in Busted-type situations to 021 235 8436. Can you do it? Yes you can!

Cycling is more a common sense thing than a hippy thing (I have a leg in each camp), and in 10 years Hamilton is going to be kicking itself if it doesn’t put more effort in now to become

Dear Nexus, Does it make any difference writing to you about how people should be nicer to cyclists? Probably not. I’ve tried it before. By the way, to all the smug little council cars that inform me ‘Soft tyres use 5% less petrol’ while puffing exhaust in my face at the lights, why not get some pimped council bikes in action more regularly, complete with little flags: ‘Bikes use 100% less petrol’.

a savvy bike-friendly city. This means more than just occasional events and nice talk (although events with free bagels are good too). It means actually putting bike lanes back on all the bridges, and preferably everywhere else in the city, and thinking about things like how bikes can navigate roundabouts more easily without being bowled over. It means campaigns aimed towards drivers as well as bike riders - having bike lights is important, but so is automatically

Agony art anger

looking before opening a car door (ridiculously and dangerously common). It means having more bike racks (that actually hold up a bike) not fewer. It’s very obvious stuff, but these are the things that make a place somewhere people want to live and it’s going to become more of an issue, not less. Love, Elsie Maynard

The other other white meat

Dear Nexus

Dear Nexus

Could you please remove Agony Art from the Nexus? He’s a foul mouthed child with no true writing ability. I think your magazine would be far superior if he was stricken from your pages like an unwanted child is stricken from the womb of an unloving, liberal mother. And, while you’re at it, whoever writes those filthy movie reviews should just go away. I’ve never heard anything positive come out of his mouth about any film. I think that The Happening by M. Night Shyamalamanam was one of the greatest films of the year! Why didn’t it win an Oscar! That grubby little man who writes your reviews probably only goes to the movies to look at children and get the popcorn from the bottom of the tub, if you get my drift. When I see him next, I’m going to kick himself in the nuts!

On Monday morning I got to uni and grabbed a copy of nexus to flick through while in my 9am lecture. I enjoy reading nexus and always have a good chuckle to myself at the articles that are scattered through it. I also enjoy doing the activities on the games page. However, this week when I got to the games page I found something utterly revolting and distasteful. It was a ‘baby joke’. I am not sure who found that funny enough to put in there in the first place but it was definitely not what I wanted to be reading on a Monday morning or any time for that matter. I am sure that most people would agree with me on this one that the joke was sick and inappropriate. Like anyone I’m always keen for a laugh at an inappropriate joke, but baby jokes are never good. Gross. Gemma

Art

THE NEXUS LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS A $20 BOOK VOUCHER FROM BENNETTS WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP!

PH 07 856 6813 14

FAX 07 856 2255

ADDRESS Gate 5 Hillcrest Road

WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP

EMAIL wku@bennetts.co.nz


Monster: created Damn Straight

LETTERS POLICY: Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page, serious or not. Letters should be kept under 250 words and be received by Wednesday 5pm on the week prior to publication. We’ll print basically any letter, but the editor reserves the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. We won’t correct your spelling and grammar either, so it’s up to you how much of an idiot you look like. Pseudonyms are okay (all correspondence must include your real name and contact details – they won’t be printed if you don’t want them to be) but if it’s a serious letter we’d prefer you to use your real name. Send letters to nexus@ waikato.ac.nz

I think the whole discussion is rather ridiculous. WSU should - instead of negotiating an ongoing free car park policy with the VC – encourage students to consider other options when it comes to commuting to Uni. Let me tell you a little story: I come from a city in Germany of 250.000 residents (40.000 of those are students) and guess how many free car parks there are for students: z-e-r-o! That’s why – amongst other reasons – everyone rides their bike (or walks) to Uni. All the time, I hear students, staff, and WSU complaining about rising petrol costs. At the same time, I’d say most students (and staff) live within a 15 minute bike ride from Uni. Sell your car, cycle (or walk!) to Uni and save $$ (I’d say you’d easily save 30-50$ a week in petrol, insurance and other car-related costs such as WOF and Registration). 30$ extra a week would come in handy, wouldn’t they? I know, public transport is pretty bad here, but I think there are many options available once you’ve stepped out of your comfort zone. And why should the government improve public transport if no one really cares anyways! Think about your “clean and green” image and at least try to be a little more “sustainable” (whatever that means precisely). I’d say car parks should cost at least 5$ a day and the income from that should be used to lower overall fees and for initiatives that promote environmentally friendly behavior (subsidized bicycles, for example). Cheers, The Germanic cyclefreak

Page 23 of the September 8th issue of Nexus (entitled “Christianity”) contained so much spurious Christian garbage I don’t know where to begin. Its advocacy of religion as the only path to a meaningful life is patently absurd; nobody needs to believe outdated philosophy in order to live a happy life. Contemporary problems are best solved with contemporary answers, not by 2,000 year old desert dogmas. No one would even think (unless they were particularly deluded) of consulting Ptolemy for our best account of cosmology, they’d instead consult modern cosmological theory. No one who seriously wanted to know about the workings of biological systems would consult Aristotle as a useful source, rather modern biology. In the same way, if somebody is having psychological issues, the best place to try would be modern psychology, psychiatry and perhaps philosophy. Our understanding of ourselves and what makes us flourish has progressed immensely in the last millennia, and to throw all of this away as inferior to scripture and to beliefs that are so stupid even children can (and do) see through their lies is an affront to the achievements and dignity of the best parts of human culture. Finally, if (as the author mentions of himself) it takes the belief that no less than the ENTIRE UNIVERSE was made with you in mind as well as total submission to a (fictional) outside controller for you to stop being an asshole, then what does that say about you as a person? Scottie

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I think this is spam email of some kind, but I’m printing it anyway Hi, my gentleman

Oops, somebody noticed Dear Nexus You guys sure put off a pretty mocking vibe when it comes to Christianity? What are you finding so funny in this faith? Calling is fastwaning when it’s surely not a declining religion is just stupid. So is calling God a zombie. Jesus is the zombie, not God. And he’s not even a

I’m pretty sure Jesus is actually also God according to the Trinity doctrine. Or, at least, 1/3rd. He (allegedly) rose from the dead, so zombie might be an accurate (if unkind) description. Christianity is also, incontrovertibly, partially based on the idea that a talking snake

zombie! He doesn’t eat motherfucking brains! How come, when Taufiq Boldy wrote his Islam column in Issue 15, you didn’t flame him on a religious level, the same way you did with Ryan’s column?

convinced a rib-woman to eat a fruit, which damned us all. Christianity is declining – at least, in New Zealand, it is, according to Census figures. And it was the religion I was brought up in, and know most about, so I feel more or less comfortable having a dig at it – not that I don’t find other religions, including Islam, equally absurd. – Ed.

So hey, lets all hop on the pacifist religion and mock them eh? Angry Pants McFlyburg

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If there could be a chance for me to build a strong and friendly family, I wouldn’t have any shadow of doubt of doing that. Life is just, I believe in that, so I kept my love and my heart untouched for a real gentleman. Now I would be very happy to find out that this gentleman is You. I hope for honesty, I can’t demand this, but I at least hope that you will be honest with me and that I can trust you fully. I am eager to read you at http://lovefemale.net/myideallove/ If you will not answer me soon, I certainly will be disappointed… Bye Alyna L (It all ended in tears when she tried to infect me with spyware – Ed.)


Atheism By Burton C Bogan

Burton’s story

How does this relate to me?

At 15 I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease, a disability that affects a person’s digestive system. For two years I was in extreme pain, throwing up after every meal, and despite multiple surgeries, nothing worked. Finally, after two years I collapsed and was taken to hospital where I briefly died, and woke up with a colostomy bag that I would have for the next year. When I awoke in intensive care, where I was to spend the next month, I found my mother in tears, yet I was too weak to say anything. Now prior to these Emo moments, I was born into an Anglican family. While my parents awesomely never pressured me at all, I went to church semi-regularly, believed in God and amazingly even knew and lived by the Ten Commandments verbatim.

Many Atheists are similar to me. Most are actually smarter than me, because it didn’t take life-threatening experiences. The biggest thing about my hospital experiences were that I had opportunities to experience a soul defining experience. I was dead briefly, a room mate died of bowel cancer and in intensive care a baby also died. Think a baby crying is terrible? Try the sound of a baby who stops crying. But I saw no ghosts, there was no “run towards the light, there’s a good boy”. While I respect other people’s views, and I fully recognize the function of religion in society in terms of cultural well-being – it’s not something that I use for myself. Also “We are all born sinners” makes no sense to me. You look at a baby’s face, sure it looks like a bulldog’s, but there’s no way that they are born sinners. An accusation at Atheism is that it’s a very negative and pessimistic view of the world. To be honest I find that accusation strange given the above. I hate to bring up old arguments, but also think about the amount of pain that has been caused in Jesus’ name. The poor bastard has had so many horrible things done in his name: people killed for him, atrocities and some really shit bands. All he wanted was everyone to get along, like an archaic Lennon. Religion is a nice idea gone wrong. The Anglican religion for instance was originally formed because the king wanted a divorce but the church wouldn’t let him – how fucked up is that?

What happened next After I came out of hospital I decided that organized religion, particularly Christianity, was not for me. I became what I like to call a Born-Again-Atheist, as I believe that religion is socially constructed, that we are born without religion. I had ‘found’ religion and then ‘rediscovered’ my atheism. I am sorry to focus on Christianity in my arguments against religion, but sadly a lot of Christians, no matter how open-minded they claim to be, seem to want to convert me given my Boganism, experiences with disability and my reasonably alternative appearance (Team Satan hoodies seem to encourage it). But if anyone were to tell me they were Christian but still actually respect my views I would be fine with it.

What’s the good news?

The good news is you can be yourself. I’m not promoting anarchism; I don’t believe you should hurt others. To be honest for the most part I live my life according to the Ten Commandments, I just don’t believe in God. I don’t murder, I don’t steal, and I love my parents. I just choose to do this because that’s me – not because I think I’m going to be rewarded with immortality. What happens after death? I have no idea. In terms of consciousness, it’s probably the same as what happened pre-birth. I’ll find out when I get there. What should I do? Be who you are. If you get drunk and have one night stands, that’s fine, as long as it’s an the understanding between consenting people. If you think your neighbour’s wife is hot, don’t feel guilty as you can’t help that, just don’t go jumping the fence and causing someone pain. If you did well in exams, feel proud, pride does not come before a fall. Who knows who’s right when it comes to spiritual matters, but I’d rather have fun now. If God really does exist, and I’ve been as good a person as I can be but just haven’t had faith, then I’m sure he and I can discuss it. If God exists and he’s what they say, he couldn’t send a good person to hell because they did their best under difficult circumstances. So have a beer, party hard, and crank Deicide because who knows what’s on the other side. If I’m wrong I can always recant on my deathbed! If you’ve got any questions or comments, feel free to email burtoncbogan@hotmail. com – I’d appreciate it. 17


By Courtney Mellor

A movement has begun in the Bogan world, sifting under the feet of mainstream top 40 listeners. A group of movers and shakers have started up the Society of Heavy Metal and Hard Rock.

Joel Thompson has started what’s becoming known as the Heavy Metal Society in around New Zealand. There are currently seven chapters around the country with Auckland and Christchurch raking in over 200 members. Auckland saw their first meeting on 3 August, held at the popular metal venue Oblivion Bar and Axces bar held the first Waikato meeting on …… The main focuses of the society are: 1) to raise awareness about Metal and Rock in the eyes of the wider public, 2) to create national and regional infrastructures that will aid in promoting Metal and Rock, 3) to attain public and private funding for our initiatives.

“It is the underdog factor again, if no one is going to give us anything we’ve just got to stand up and band together and support ourselves”

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In the last month the society has held meetings all around the country, which saw metallers and musicians turn out in great numbers to support the course. The society has eight chapters in New Zealand, with Auckland and Christchurch pulling in over 200 members - Hamilton about 50 members so far. So, you may be asking yourself here, what the hell? Who cares about bogans getting pissed at so-called ‘meetings’. Well, I’m not one to deny that half of the beauty (don’t know if that’s the right word to use here) in the metal scene is that there is a bit of drinking.

Snell is well known as an avid bogan within the metal network and is writing his PhD psychology thesis on “The everyday life of Bogans; Identity and community among heavy metal fans”. Then there is Joel Thompson, who, among other projects, is the National Secretary for the society, which means pushing papers, pushing important people and dealing with the logistical side of things. Now I bet you’re thinking this Bogan group is sounding a tad swanky, eh? Indeed. Joel Thompson currently owns and runs a recording and production studio space in Auckland and has been involved with getting international acts such as Carcass over to our country. He describes that the society has essentially been created to support New Zealand heavy metal and hard rock musicians. But it goes a bit deeper than that.

But this time round things are looking professional and organized. The president of the society is, of course, the Axeman himself. Paul Martin has run the only nation-wide metal radio show, the “Axe Attack,” on The Rock since 1992. A Hamiltonian himself, Paul Martin has long been regarded as one of the most dedicated and recognised radio jocks in the metal scene. Next on the list is Waikato University student David Snell, who we all know as Burton C Bogan, who is contributing to the local organisation of the group.

The establishment is being run on as professional a basis as possible. Among the local presidents of the society there have been votes taken on who should represent youth, women and Maori within each chapter. At the first Auckland meeting held at Oblivion Bar, the organisers took a democratic approach and signed up interested people, then nominated and voted on who they believed should take on key roles. They then moved on to strategic plans that the society will organise to on a local level to raise awareness of metal.


“Metal has a very cool and loyal crowd and body of talented musicians out there but they’ve just been floating under the radar” But creating awareness simply throughout friends and family isn’t the scale the society is looking at. “Metal has a very cool and loyal crowd and body of talented musicians out there but they’ve just been floating under the radar” explained Paul Martin on his radio show. Joel Thompson spoke to Nexus and explained their plan of attack is that there’s power in numbers. “If we can gain a lot of members and support nationally then metal bands will be eligible for funding from organisations such as NZ on Air. Bogans don’t really fit into the categories of New Zealand on Air funding requirements – for a band to get funding they have to have a single played on a mainstream network but that’s hard for many metal bands out there So if we get big enough numbers in the society, start up petitions, get radio play for some hard rock bands, hopefully we will see some become successful in the industry.” One future goal for the society is to start up an open-air festival in the summer months like the New Year dub and reggae festivals that happen up and down the coast, except the fact that it’s metal may minus the amount of jocks and hussies,” Thompson says. Another big player in the scheme of things is RW Entertainment, whose slogan – displayed prominently on their MySpace page – is ‘bringing the global underground down under.’ Joel Thompson is also involved in getting bands recoded and produced, in another musical business venture he runs with a business partner called Creative Industries NZ. The idea to give local talent the chance to rehearse, record, master their music or rent a space to escape the infectious Auckland city and let their creative juices flow. The Creative House has seen many established artists (not just metallers) pass through its doors, such as Nathan Haines, Dawn of Azazel, House of Shem and Goodnight Nurse, just to name a few. All aspects combined, this definitely looks like another step in the right direction for getting more independent and underground talent out in the big wide world and moving away from mainstream, mediocre labels. “It is the underdog factor again, if no one is going to give us anything we’ve just got to stand up and band together and support ourselves,” Thompson says. “Originally it was difficult to gauge how well something like this would pull off but everyone’s got behind it and basically created a network of people who are coming together for a common cause.”

But it looks like this may be the year metal begins to ascend the slippery slopes of the collective conscious, with this year’s winner of the Smokefree Rockquest being hard rock band Beneath the Silence.

The Canterbury high school group are said to be reminiscent of Kiwi metal band Blindspott and Los Angeles rap-metal legends Rage Against The Machine. Beneath The Silence won over five other high school bands and received musical equipment from NZ Rock Shops to the value of $10,000, the recording of a single at York Street Studios in Auckland, NZ On Air funding to the value of $10,000, and guaranteed support from the Edge music network for the band’s first single. Perhaps New Zealanders are starting to like hairy Bogans after all? In the past winners have ranged from one pop artist to another with the likes of Evermore, Nesian Mystik and Brook Fraser all winning in the past, but this is the first time a dedicated metal band have taken the coveted first prize. In other awards heavy metal doesn’t even have a toehold. The Tui Awards coming up on 8 October and the nominees for the best rock album of the year category don’t really have a hint of rock in them. The three finalists are, Shihad who haven’t released a genuine rock song since they changed their name to Pacifier. Secondly there is the Phoenix Foundation – who I’m not too sure about but last time I checked electronic pop songs weren’t rock – and finally there’s Flight of The Conchords whom I have nothing against, as they’re very hilarious, but again – it’s not really rock. This is why the society is trying to challenge the conventional music industry to see some of their own local bands performing and getting recognition on a national level. This month will be kicking fundraising events off for the society with HellraiserFest on 27 September at Auckland’s Oblivion Bar. The gig kicks off at 7pm with the Oblivion bar staff giving mixology lessons, showing punters how to mix a cocktail from easily accessible spirits. And believe it or not the society of metalers are running a responsible drinking campaign so bar staff will be teaching all the non-drinkers how to make ‘mocktails’ and nothing goes better with bands and beers than a BBQ which will kick at 8pm. And of course the main ingredient is the bands. Hellraiser is featuring metal acts Subtract, Never Repent, Slipping Tongue, Bloodletting, Reverence, Initial and Kulus and they will kick off around 9pm and entry is only $10. Waikato University is also hosting Metal Mondays at the Uni bar and these will be on the first Monday of every month, featuring local acts and other stuff… So keep an eye out. It looks like the Society of Heavy Metal and Hard Rock has slowly started to take action and are moving towards seeing a larger range of acts being recognised in the media – as well as giving a hand to the underdogs and minorities out there. So if this sounds like a bit of you, go forth and head along to the gigs and meetings in support for metal and all its glory.

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From Conception…

In 1999 two stalwarts of the Hamilton music scene sat down over a couple of cups of coffee and had a conversation. They were Tom Dalton, manager of the Datsuns (and, incidentally, a former Activities Co-ordinator for Waikato University), and Dan Howard, former studio owner, music equipment hirer, soundman, and general local music supporter (and the man behind the latest incarnation of Contact FM, which resumed transmission in late 2003). The topic of conversation for the two men was how to create a premium local band competition that would promote the crème de la crème of the local original music scene and help provide them with a foundational boost to future success. The result was the Band Experiments. The Band Experiments had its own competition for potential entrants with the National Battle of the Bands and made its point of difference on quality over quantity and being run by locals for locals. Band Ex organisers screened entrants, ensuring only top quality local acts were involved, offered prize packages that bettered those in the national competition, and had a hands on approach in dealing with all acts involved in the competition, from making sure that each band had a great experience at the heats to helping the winners make the most of their prizes.

2000

The inaugural event took place at the Hillcrest Tavern (in 2000 it was still a dedicated student bar that held live concerts!). After 6 weeks of heats the final was held on Thursday, July 20. The finalists were The Crimson Scene, 20

an heavy-folk acoustic trio recently arrived from Wellington; Sequester, a post-grunge rock outfit; Slit, dark metallers who balanced live instruments with sequenced sounds; MSU, legendary local punk band famous for irreverent tunes and musical piss takes; Tweeter, a reasonably popular local pop-rock band of the day; and Dead Pan Rangers, classic “shoe-gazer”, soundscape rockers who ran out the eventual winners of four days; receiving as their prize recording at Click Sounds and the pressing and packaging of 500 CDs.

2001

The venue was the same and so were two of the finalists in the second ever Band Experiments. Self-described pus-rockers MSU returned to the head of the class along with two thirds of the Crimson Scene, reconstituted with new drummer into a slightly heavier acoustic rock group called Daisy Chain Halo. Also contesting the final at the Hillcrest Tavern that Thursday night on the 23rd of August were nu-rockers Stardrunk, catchy acoustic duo Jahna, skanky reggae rhythm meisters Cornerstone Roots and psycho art rockers Dogs on Prozac. The eventual winners of a tightly judged final were Daisy Chain Halo, who won flights to Melbourne with a guaranteed two shows in Australia’s arts capital, including one at the legendary Espy Bar.

2002

The last Band Experiments was held in the CBD at Altitude Bar, which was a relatively new bar at that time and keen on staging live shows

despite the nasty acoustics of the place due to the huge and horribly hard, shiny surfaces and its overall aurally challenging shape. In any case Altitude hosted 5 heats over 5 weeks and on Thursday, October 17, 2002, staged the final. This time three finalists from the previous Band Ex finals contested for the bulging prize pack against two newcomers. Stardrunk, Cornerstone Roots and Dogs on Prozac pitted their experience against the relatively nubile talents of pop rock outfit Dusky Sound and experimental 4-piece Nimbus. At the end of the night the deserved winners were Nimbus, who were playing only their third ever show. Their achievement continued the trend of Band Experiment winners being the most original, experimental and/or innovative contestants in the competition.

To Reinception…

2008 sees the welcome return of the Band Experiments. The founding principles remain the same: promote and reward originality and diversity in local music. So for the next five weeks local bands, trios, duos and soloists will be on show every Thursday night at Flow Bar - in the heart of the city on Victoria Street. At the end of it all, the winner/s of this reincarnation of what must be Hamtown’s most prestigious musical event will walk away with the biggest first prize package ever. Worth over $5000, this includes a DB Technologies PA, 500 CD pressings from Amstore, a single recorded at Dudley Studios and a paid gig during O-Week 09. Second place getter receives pressing of 200 CD’s from Amstore plus a distribution deal from Border/Mole Music. Long live the Band Experiments!


The Band Experiments 2008 Welcome to Heat One of the Band Experiments 08. While the competition rages on each week in the pages of Nexus we will give you the rundown of the bands in each heat, thanks to Shane for the band blurbs, and once the competition is underway I will review each previous week’s heat alongside the preview of the next, and so on into the finals. And awaaay we go…

(A dog on) Heat One Dick Dynamite and the Doppelgangers:

Dick Dynamite and the Doppelgängers describe themselves as a “psychobilly band from the far side of the sun”. Translation: they play a combination of 50s rockabilly music and punk rock with hints of jazz and country and live in Hamilton. Comprising of “Dick Dynamite”, who sings and plays the upright bass, “Sammy Featherbelly” on guitars, and “Chubby Chip” on drums the 3-piece is based in the Tron and have been together since early 2006. The Doppelgangers have played with notable acts such as Stray Cats drummer Slim Jim Phantom, and Limp Wrist. They have recently released their debut EP ‘Be My Abductee’. http://www.myspace.com/dickdynamiteandthedoppelgangers

The Prime Numbers:

Marion is a grunge-inspired songwriter from Avignon, France. Ray is an exWellingtonian guitarist who loves metal. Petra’s musical experience is mainly in altcountry and heckling. Paul T has done time behind the kit in countless local bands. The Prime Numbers have just one common denominator: they all want to make good music with good people, mixing up indie-rock, grunge, metal, surf and French pop into a sound that is sometimes dark, a little twisted, and always a lot of fun. http://www.myspace.com/primenumbersmusic

Gawj:

Formed in early 2005 originally called Upsett, Gawj changed their name after they opened Upsett Records in Hamilton. The band has gone through numerous line up changes and now features various members from their fellow hardcore homies Congaline. http://www.myspace.com/gawj

Yum Yuck:

Yum Yuck is the solo project of prominent visual artist Natalie Good. Natalie has been writing songs since she was 17. She is the dark horse in this heat, go you dark thing, go! 21


Maverick auteur filmmaker Vincent Ward is returning to cinemas this year with a new film Rain of the Children, a film over 27 years in the making – and he rang us specifically to tell you about it. Ward called Nexus unexpectedly on a Tuesday morning last week, and was greeted sleepily by me. “Hello? Vincent Ward here,” said the acclaimed director of the arthouse pieces Vigil and Navigator as well as the more mainstream (but no less visionary) What Dreams May Come

“Excuse me,” I said, “but are you the director Vincent Ward, who did …” and I got hit with a mind wipe. “Um, er,” I said frantically, stalling while Ward waited patiently, possibly wondering what kind of moron he’d called, “You did the film with the kid, in the Middle Ages, and they tunnel through to New Zealand in the modern day. And the one with Robin Williams, where he dies. What Dreams May Come” I finished, stupidly. Ward chuckled. For someone who I’ve just insulted by not remembering the titles of any

The new movie is a docu-drama called Rain of the Children, and it stems from one of Ward’s first movies, called In Spring One Plants Alone. “In 1978/79 I made a doco about a woman called Puhi and her man-child schizophrenic son – and for 27 years the story haunted me. So I went back and tried to find out why she had become who she was, and to do that I interviewed 50 people, mainly Tuhoi elders, and dramatised their stories, using their children and grandchildren as actors. That must have been interesting, I venture.

and River Queen. Of course, I didn’t realise it was the same guy – I assumed it was someone else who happened to share the name Vincent Ward. It wasn’t until he started talking about his new movie that I realised an internationally acclaimed director was on the phone. At Nexus, this doesn’t happen every day, and I kind of muffed the next bit.

of his films, he’s a hell of a nice chap. “That was Navigator. Yes, that was one of mine,” he said. “Yes, I saw it in Screen and Media,” I babbled. “So. Um. What’s up?” “I’m wearing my promoter’s hat today,” Ward said. “I’d like to talk about my new movie.” And he did. “It just won at a film festival in Poland – out of 250 features it was voted best film,” he said. “It struck me that there’s probably an audience amongst Waikato students.”

“It was a very organic way of working,” Ward says, speaking slowly so I can type. “I did 14 shoots over 2 years, and you become totally part of the community. So you’re doing it one little bit at a time, and slowly piecing it together, working closely with the community to help you tell a story.” Ward has been working on this movie, I realise, for nearly thirty years, longer than I have been alive.

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“It’s filmed entirely in Tuhoi,” Ward says. “It’s a full feature film, a mixture of drama and documentary. A mystery story/folktale/ballad, I’ve been describing it as. True life.” He adds


that it was participated in by University of Waikato lecturers, as well as Temuera Morrison. “The story begins in the 1800s, but the thread of it is that not only was she involved in some of the most dramatic events of the 20th century in NZ, and she was married to Rua the Prophet’s son, and Toko, but her life fascinated me. She had come to believe that she was vulnerable to a curse, that seemed to go down on different family lines – but I don’t want to say too much about the story, that’ll spoil it,” he says. He directs me to the film’s website (rainofthechildrenmovie.com) and advises that the movie will be playing at Rialto Hamilton from 18th September before the conversation finishes. Once he’s gone, I have a look at the trailer. The movie looks beautiful, hauntingly shot and scored, but it’s the usually-moronic YouTube comments that have me fascinated. Many are from the Tuhoi people who were involved – either in the movie’s production, or the real life events the movie depicts, or both. “Kia ora. Ae tika taau. Kua kite koe? Tino pouri ne? I was very young when nanny Puhi was alive. Niki I remembered the most.

The movie/doco made me tangi abit. To see Matahi and her whare just made me cry. You’ll see nan’s neighbours too. Henare, Maria and Dawson. Nga mokopuna....lol. So moving and yet so tragic with what this kuia went through. One thing she had was what some of us struggle to hold on to....and that’s the mana to get back up on her feet and fight another day,” says one. Rain of the Children may have flown under the radar, but it looks to be an expressive and heartfelt film. It’s screening at Rialto Hamilton from 18 September, and I hope that everyone who reads this goes and sees it – after all, it’s not every day a director calls up and invites the readers of Nexus personally. Look out for the review in Nexus next week.

In 1978/79 I made a doco about a woman called Puhi and her man-child schizophrenic son – and for 27 years the story haunted me. So I went back and tried to find out why she had become who she was, and to do that I interviewed 50 people, mainly Tuhoi elders, and dramatised their stories, using their children and grandchildren as actors.

What: RAIN OF THE CHILDREN Where: Rialto Hamilton, Releases 18th Sept Rating: M: Contains violence & offensive language

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Prez Says By Moira Neho

Last week at University Council (the governing body of the university) domestic student fees were a hot topic on the agenda. As your President, I also am a member of Council, and therefore was expected to have a say on this matter. The proposed increases average to approximately 2.6% for undergraduate papers and $250 for post graduate taught papers*. The WSU Board discussed the fee increases in great detail and decided to vote in support of them. Below is a copy of the statement which I read to Council in response to the proposed increases. If you have any questions about this, come and see me, I’m happy to answer them.

WSU President *more detailed information will be available at www.wsu.org.nz

It is that dreaded time of year that all student leaders approach with nervousness and inevitably conflict. The fee setting discussion is never comfortable for the students or Council as the students don’t want fees to increase and Council don’t want the university to be in financial hardship. Conflict for the student leader exists as they are in the unenviable position of needing to represent their constituent views as per their elected role, but also being obligated as a member of council to ensure the “safety and sustainability” of the institution. Every year this discussion is had, and every year the fees are raised. I have no doubt that this year will be the same. The proposed increases for 2009 are modest and less than inflation, however we are under no illusion that if government regulations allowed it, that these would be higher. Free education is the under pinning philosophy of all student unions across the country and a message that this council has regularly heard. Last year WSU challenged this Council to use their influence within their networks, to position our students as valuable investments for our community and nation. Education alone will not produce a sustainable community and the University has an opportunity to lead the way. As you may be aware, this year, our very public focus has been on lobbying the government for a Universal Living allowance for all students. As the President of the Student Union I support this message 100%. As a member of council, I am conflicted as a Universal allowance will inevitably reduce the amount of government funding to the 24

institution - especially in light of the way government funds tertiary education. It is well rumoured that the students will have some success in our fight for universal allowance. What form that success will take is yet to be known. Our success in these campaigns exists because of the emotion we are able to generate across the nation. The University does not evoke these same feelings and yet its needs are just as great. These proposed fee increases are necessary because government funding to tertiary institutions is inadequate, despite the consistent lobbying efforts of NZVCC. It is with the support of the WSU Board that I will vote for the fee increase. We believe that we have a world class institution and in order for management to continue delivering these services to our students, this is a necessity. My message to this Council and Senior Management is to look beyond these walls and realise that there is a resource of 10,000 students who are on your doorstep and can do what the institution can’t when it comes to tugging on the heart strings of the community. The university has a goal of distinctiveness. Be brave and do what no other institution has done. Work with your students and engage them for this purpose. We have the same goals. WSU is distinctive and influential in national student politics and we welcome the opportunity to support our institution for the future benefit of our students.


Lots to do, so little time Pene Delaney (Vice President Maori)

Well it’s that time of year again with more chalk than ever encouraging you to vote. So I would like this opportunity to say, whatever the outcome, thank you to the current executive for the hard work that has been put in over the past year. Of course the year is not over with Talk Like a Pirate Day, Huinga Tauira, Hakinakina and of course the inaugural Hori 440 at the end of semester all still to go. To do these activities each year we need to pass a budget. The AGM to pass the budget for 2009 is happening this Wednesday at 1.00pm in L1 so please attend. We a have been able to set a budget that increases service to you without increasing the annual levy. Key improvements for next year include extra allocation towards services and activities.

Now you’re enrolled - vote Tracey Firemonger

Last term the WSU hosted an ‘enrol to vote’ party. This was our idea to encourage people to enrol to vote in the New Zealand elections and put a fun spin on things. It was a successful night and I’d like to put a big cheesy THANK YOU out there to all the students that turned up to make it a great event. If you did miss out and haven’t enrolled to vote come on up to the WSU reception and fill in a form. The New Zealand elections are coming up soon so we are currently trying to get some of the politicians to come onto our Hamilton campus so you can find out what policies they are proposing and also so you come chuck any thoughts or questions their way. So keep an eye out for it. Make an informed vote this election!

On Tuesday 9th September the WSU Recycling day was held. It was a great success with all the recycling bins being given out as well as 150 burgers. We had a great turnout with over 150 people. The event was aimed at raising awareness of what, when and where you can recycle. The event also had a rubbish sorting race that saw two people taking home a great recycling hamper which included eco products and a recycle bin for their house. Recycling on campus is still not sufficient, as we discovered today while cleaning up after the recycling day event. The main worry is that there is no plastic recycling bin attached to the only recycling station on campus. This is something that I will be following up on.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR! By Jeff Haaaarwks

Talk Like A Pirate Day – come celebrate achievement despite those who dis our abilities. Sora Shima, Sumo Love Machine and The Prime Numbers in the Student Union Building, September 19. ATTENTION: ALL WITH A DESIRE TO SEE MORE PUBLIC ART The development of a Landscape Mitigation Plan was a specific condition of the Resource Consent granted for the Hamilton 400 V8 Supercars streetrace. The Plan suggests the introduction of some form of relocatable art for the location. The city is increasingly recognising the value of these works as cultural assets which add to our heritage, our identity and our sense of place. The call for Expressions of Interest is the first stage of the process to select a final design, deadline, September 30.

Student Q&A Why should I vote in the upcoming WSU elections? The chalking has begun! You may have noticed that candidates for next years WSU board have begun plastering their names all over campus. It is important to have your say in the upcoming WSU elections because the people that you vote for will be responsible for making sure you have the best time possible while you are at University. The WSU holds many important roles, particularly to advocate for you as students and to ensure that there is a sweet culture on campus. This years board have organised lots of fun events like the Dodgeball tournament, Fashion Show and Ping-Pong drop just to name a few as well as organising campaigns that are relevant to students. Make sure that next years board are going to be putting on events that you would like to take part in and putting on campaigns that you feel strongly about by having your say. Elections will be held from the 23rd to 25th of September.

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Wednesday 17th September

Where: L1

time:1pm

Come along to pass the 2009 budget, hear the speeches from those who want to represent you next year, and of course, to enjoy FREE PIZZA AND

BEER

For the agenda and proposed budget go to

www.wsu.org.nz


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ADVERTISING Freeloader.co.nz Where Students Buy and Sell No listing fees, success fees or registration charges, its FREE. Perfect for finding flatmates and buying and selling text books. www.freeloader.co.nz DID YOU KNOW ???? There’s a professional hairdressing salon on your campus !! Rock on up to Campus Cuts located, corner of the cowshed by the WSU building, to make your appointment Open tues 11-4 Wed-fri 10-4 Call us now on 07 8569154 See you there for professional hair ... $3 hour absolute freakin pro at mixing baked beans into mince! Will work for beer also. Jethro 0276942879

WANTED SCOOTER WANTED!!! I need a scooter. In really good condition, petrol powered, not electric, and preferably in the 2000’s years. Willing to pay around $200400, dependant. Phone or txt Michele on 027 216 0216

Wanted: ok laptop for my brother’s 13th birthday. Help me get my special, very intelligent little brother a cool present for his 13th. He’s starting secondary school soon, and this will help him with his education. If anyone out there has spare laptops, unwanted laptops or unused laptops... I’ll pay cash $$$ Please please please email me ASAP. If anyone including the University can donate to a good cause, that would be good too! (Hey, maybe he’ll be coming here in 5 years)! Thank you =) lb51@ waikato.ac.nz 078583367

FLATS & MATES Flatmate Wanted- Preferably a girl that is living the dream to fill our room and bring countless good times to our flat! All fun loving uni students 19-20 years, looking for a girl/lady/ genuwine good bitch to flat with 3 guys, 2 girls. Flat located on Snead Place, 5 min walk to uni and Hillcrest shops. Come flock to our humble abode and kick it with the best. Contact 859 3067 027 3046742 Flat mate wanted over summer! CHEAP RENT!!! FULLY FURNISHED ROOM! Will leave brand new queen bed, draws and desk in room, nice brand new house, broadband, good size room, two bathrooms, gas water, heating, dishwasher, friendly/ neighbours/all students, two minute walk to uni. Will be living with two other girls. Call or text 0273351967 or 8568547.

$280p/w Small house 77 Galloway, Hillcrest Available straight away Only one weeks bond 027 243 7788 Ulive has taken the idea of amateur videos from sites such as YouTube to create a venue for those looking to explore the world of flatting by posting free online videos to market flatmates or rental properties. Flatting can be daunting at times in search for an ideal or ‘decent’ flatmate. Ulive showcases videos so you can view what’s out there before committing to numerous house visits! Ulive is simple, fun to use and eases the stress of hunting for property, and best of all Ulive is a FREE venue for ANYONE with a property need.” Please check out Ulive’s About Us video or contact them on info@ulive.co.nz for more information. NEED A ROOM FOR THE SEMESTER OR FOR THE YEAR? Well look no further we have rooms available from $110 p/w includes Sky, Internet, phone and power. www.brookfieldaccom.co.nz

Send notices to nexus@waikato.ac.nz before Wednesday, 5 pm. Placing notices is free for students. We don’t always have much space, so get in quick! Notices cannot be any more than 75 words. We will not accept handwritten or non-electronic notices or dictation over the phone – that’s stone-age shit. If you (somehow) don’t have access to email or a computer, come into the offices and use one of our computers to type up your notice. Ta. Oh, and we hear that personals ads work terrifyingly well, so give that a go as well – fun for everyone involved. 29


Some weeks ago this column boldly, if reservedly, predicted that 2008/09 could be the season of the Wellington Phoenix. Since then they have lost the pre-season final, albeit in a penalty shootout, and played like well, like the Kingz and the Knights in the first three rounds of the A-League. There has been one shining light. Shane Smeltz has further proved his class by continuing to score goals with little support from the rest of the team. It was no surprise that the Phoenix looked particularly poor when they were forced to play without him against Adelaide, losing 3-0. In fact, they played so badly in that game captain Andrew Durante was moved to call the performance ``garbage’’ in a post-match interview. Three games do not make a season, but if things don’t improve the Phoenix will quickly head the way of their predecessors. In other, more positive news, Warriors have managed to scrape into the playoffs, which constitutes a reasonable season given the injury problems they have had. Of course a reasonable season could become a whole better if they manage to advance in the playoffs. But to do this they first have to beat the Melbourne Storm (in Melbourne) which is the toughest assignment in rugby league.Their chances were in no way helped last week by an dodgy verdict from the NRL judiciary, who found McKinnon guilty of spitting at touch judge

Brett Suttor during the Warriors last home game against Penrith and banned him for three weeks. The Warriors would need to advance to the third weekend of the playoffs for Mckinnon to play again this season.On the night McKinnon was found guilty, another player, Matt Hilder of the Newcastle Knights – the only team capable of denying Warriors a spot in the playoffs – was up for the same charge. Judicial hearings for spitting are rare in the NRL and having both these cases on the same night clearly illustrated the bias that exists towards New Zealand rugby league and the Warriors. In the first case Hilder was cleared of all charges by the judiciary despite clear video evidence that shows Hilder spitting in the direction of Anthony Quinn’s face. For his part Quinn said he ``felt a liquid substance hit my face,’’ and was so convinced Hilder deliberately spat at him he confronted him about it after the game. Despite all this Hilder was found not guilty on the basis that an intent to spit could not be proved. Next up was McKinnon. The video evidence showed McKinnon spitting, but the touch judge, Suttor, was nowhere to be seen. This meant little to the panel who found him guilty on the word of the touch judge and banned him for three games. The leniency of the ban (spitting at an official can earn you an 11-match ban) further illustrates the doubt surrounding the case.

On Failure So, I learnt something over the holidays. Did you? Don’t even answer, I already know you spent your days in a drunken haze, wondering how you’re going to cover up the evidence of what you done and how much lime you need to decompose a human body. I, on the other hand, learnt something completely different. I learnt about failure. I learnt that no matter how hard you try, you’re still going to fail. I think I also learnt how to deal with it. There are three things you need to know about dealing with failure, you’re going to fail, that you need to figure out how you will deal with it and then something about not putting all your chickens in one basket of eggs (probably because the chickens will get angry with the way you treat their eggs). First. Failure is to the path to success as ejaculation is to sex. It can be said that for the most part, if you have sex, ejaculation will be involved, somehow. Equally, if you’re trying to achieve something you will fail. You will go through all the ups and downs, ins and outs towards success, and then failure will hit you straight in the face, and leave a big sticky mess. I’m not trying to discourage you, but warn you of the inevitable. Second. I learnt that you really need a backup plan. In my case I was talking to a firm in Seattle about a job, all seemed well. I was sure I’d get the job, I already had a house there, and I had everything sorted. Second 30

day of holidays it all fell through. I now had no job opportunity, no visas for anywhere, no real amount of money. Not for the first time in my life, an awesome job in an awesome city fell through and I was left without any options in Hamilton. Needless to say I felt a little bit down about this. If I could do it all again, I know that having a Plan-B would have been the best idea. Thirdly. I know that I like to bottle my feelings until they begin to leak out like a shaken bottle of Coke, and make my hand all sticky. What do I mean by this? Not sure. But I do know this, if you are really going to invest yourself in achieving something, you really need to know yourself. If you bottle things up and are a pessimist, you need to know what will snap you out of it. I wish I knew this before, because I let the shit boil up inside me and I said some really stupid things to some people. Fortunately they are cool and helped me out. Had I known this earlier perhaps I would have got my act together earlier and began to clean my chickens of their egg mess and then started looking for a new job Note: At the time of writing this, I got an email from the firm in Seattle asking to talk to me again. Which is good, probably. I’ll tell you what happens.


Blair Munro should have been born back when they knew what to do with smartasses. I’ve come to the realisation that I was born in the wrong century. Couple reasons, I mean, I’m not the kind to make rash generalisations without some sort of proof, right?

and all other races have been somehow forbidden to breed, thereby sentencing them all to a slow, painful genocide at the hands of their own blue balls.

First of all, I think I should have been around in Feudal Japan. That’s would have been cool. No obesity, because you had to walk around the place. You could make a living as a sword-for-hire, philosophy was big, and there wasn’t much organised religion. Honour was important, unlike today. You couldn’t just shoot somebody in the face, you had to challenge them, and beat them in a fight or duel. None of this bollocks of today, where we sit on our computers, type away to people we never see, even though they only live down the road. Google, and Wikipedia, and MySpace, and the porn, have made us all soft. Wait, scratch that last part.

Probably not. There’s also another reason I’d like to live in either of

Or China during the Xia Dynasty? Back when they just starting out with the whole dynasty thing? Living in a time where a culture was being formed, possibly (unknowingly of course) having some effect on the future, assassinating the Emperor, and paving the way for a brutal dictator to seize the sword of power, whose descendants are as malevolent and dangerous as he, who continue to rule for centuries, to modern times, where China is the predominant global superpower,

those times, but I don’t think it’s my place to say. See, look at that! Selfcensorship. Fucking disgraceful… Or medieval Europe? Yeah, that’d be the life, swinging swords, getting knighted, killing people for no real reason, taking a Chemistry degree back in time, and pretending to be a wizard, it’s all good. Plus, the women back in medieval times dressed appropriately. You don’t have to flash a leg or midriff to be attractive! If I had a dollar for every time I’ve gone out to town, and seen a girl shivering because it’s cold outside, when she’s wearing a fucking miniskirt, you can bet your ass I wouldn’t be wasting time with a degree, I’d become a professional pub-crawler, collecting coin off the bartenders. If it’s cold out, wear a fucking jacket. It’s that simple.

Dear Agony Art Our flatmate Brock has shunned us. He only hangs out with his girlfriend now and we never get to see him anymore! What can we do to break her hold over our friend and gain our pal back? Tamati the Maori who pashes his Twin Sister Dear Tamati the Maori who pashes his Twin Sister What has happened to you is called girlfriending. As in: “You have been girlfriended by Brock”. He has taken his entire life, pruned back all the parts which don’t get him laid and thrown the rest to the flames of fading memory. You’re not alone in being girlfriended. I myself have been girlfriended by no less than three mates in the past five years. All of these so called friends have ended up marrying the hideous demons they’ve found themselves entrapped with. The Beatles were girlfriended as well, when John Lennon started sitting around in bed all day with that ghastly Yoko Ono creature. The longer your buddy Brock is girlfriended, the more likely it is that he’ll slip away into the night, never to be seen again.

After a few months of girlfriendment however, you may have to resort to desperate measures. You may find yourself pretending someone has died as an excuse to get your friend away from his girl. You may then find yourself getting him very drunk. You may even find yourself paying a lady of the night to start riding him while you take photos of him, balls deep in a prepaid prostitute. You may finally find yourself showing his girlfriend the pictures via pxt. Result? Your friend comes back to you. There is no sure fire way to get Brock out of the situation he is in. There is a chance that you will never be able to break them up. Cover his body in hickeys and dip in him eau de skanque and that woman will still hold him back from his position in your friends circle. Good luck in your quest Tamati.

There is a plethora of ways you can break a friend out of girlfriendment. The earlier in the relationship you try to break them up, the more likely you are of succeeding. If, after a week, you tell the guy that you saw his girl in town, grinding on everything with a pants weasel at the Outback, it might get them off to a shaky enough start to stop any chance of girlfriending.

Agony Art

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An Origin of this Bogan Where the hell did I come from? I mean beyond the physical and anatomical stuff. How did I go from the chess club geek at the age of 11 to the drunken buffoon that most of you saw at Axces the other weekend? (apologies to the people I drunkenly babbled too, I remember talking to you but not what was “ACDC was the only tape said! A crate of Castlepoint and my Dad and I could agree 5 CC Drys will do that!) Yes, I was a chess club geek. I only on in the car, which then ever tried playing Dungeon & moved on to a Judas Priest Dragons once, and I got kicked tape I found at my grandma’s out of the trailer for mocking which belonged to my everyone else and trying to fireball anyone that moved. cousin (who was a hip hop Yes, I am that white trash. nut…apparently we all have My story is nothing new, and guilty pleasures), then to Iron is shared by many a Bogan, Maiden and Metallica through cause my introduction to Heavy Metal started with my family my friends at school” and then my mates at school. ACDC was the only tape my Dad and I could agree on in the car, which then moved on to a Judas Priest tape I found at my grandma’s which belonged to my cousin (who was a hip hop nut…apparently we all have guilty pleasures), then to Iron Maiden and Metallica through my

friends at school. Something about a band like ACDC singing about the most important things in life: women, booze and having a good time with your mates, really appealed (especially when you’re twelve!). I also remember listening to White Zombie in my parents’ car on the way to school too. My mate Mole bought Astrocreep and leant it to me. My mum asked if it was all one song or different songs and could I tell the difference. I told her that each of the songs did sound the same and that it was one song…but luckily that one song was fucken awesome! My first Metallica shirt was the Master of Puppets album art one. I used to win “first in class” prizes at school prizegivings and spend the gift

As many nerds may know, waiKato has had more than a fair share of it’s nerdiness. There’s something about the fine farmland air that produces the best nerds in the country*, and probably the best in the world. From the warm routers** of WAND, to the students SSHed into the labs, to the first-years mocking the management students who are trying to learn how to code, to the end of year pub-crawl, we’re a proud bunch.

column talked about online dating, and just how little had really changed. There was even a mention for those who couldn’t get an online date to revert to a site with free pr0n passwords. Unfortunately, I don’t know of such a site to give you, but I’m sure if you google hard enough you could find it before the ITS people find you.

Nexus has been here for us nerds. Back in 1996 was the first glimpse into mainstream nerdery, with an article about the internet written by my cousin Malcolm (hmmm... I wonder if you still read Nexus/my blog...). Thats right, a 7 page long feature on the internet. Let’s see a modern contributor rant and rave on that long! Then a few months later a column called “Computers” began, which was renamed to The Nerdery a few issues later. Each column started with 42. I had the intention of analysing the columns, how things have changed between then and now, but got distracted by how the first Nerdery

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vouchers on Metal CDs and sometimes a T-shirt, and so that was one of the purchases. It’s a weird scenario, being one of five Bogans at a largely hip hop school, winning top of the class and then using it to buy more Bogan stuff. Never really thought of that before. Now it’s the story of my life. Okay I’ll stop going all philosophical, I’m going cross eyed. Anyway my point…what was it…Tokey the Bear says…wait what was I saying? Takes a long time to recover from a Crate Day!

And there’s been the advertising revenue to go with our long-running nerdy column as well. If you ever get a chance (/hopefully you’ll be able to just look to your left/), have a look for the raunchy Microsoft ads in Nexus issues that were. They launched a campaign back in ‘2k (and then again 2k3) promoting their student-friendly priced Office editions. I gotta say, not only do they really get the message across, but it’s amazing they were published in the first place. * I’m not just talking about our PBRF ranking **if you’re a kiwi bloke out for giggles, get Donald Neal or someone with an equivlently awesome accent to pronounce routers ***http:// www.cs.waikato.ac.nz/department/history.html


Top Spin 3

Reviewed by Antony Parnell Being caught up in the US Open as I write this, it was hard to pass up the chance to review Top Spin 3 this week. Seeing the CG Roger Federer on the cover brought back fond memories of Virtua Tennis 3, a game that gave me a surprisingly great time. It even won the favour of Vitamin C, who would normally avoid sports games like the plague. I figure a lot of people would ignore a sports game due to lack of interest in the sport itself, and you can be denying yourself a winner by doing this. My first order of business on Top Spin 3 was to create a character. I was really impressed with the detail available here, with enough modifiable areas to make a RPG jealous. There was even a feature in which you could edit the points of the face map for a completely unique face, but I steered clear of that as I could see it ending in skewed face tragedy. I decided to take virtual me for a spin on the practice court to get a grip on the basics. A good tennis game hinges on smooth and fluid hitting and rallying, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that the Top Spin hinge needs some oiling. Simple returns at times seemed awkward, where getting to the ball and trying to hit it ended in stumbling past it. I chalked it up to inexperience at first, but just as I seemed to be getting some flow in the game a seemingly easy practice ball would float right by. I decided to take it to the actual court, and take a stab at the Australian open with Federer. First up I was against a German guy whose name

Hey guys? What’s up? Are you answering my questions out loud? Good. I hope everyone enjoyed the bonanza of sunshine over the break; truly spring had sprung for us, at least for two weeks. I guess we really should have expected to be shat on for the first Monday back. Speaking of shat on, how about this Winston Peters chap. It seems pretty funny that of all the people to show us that politics just comes down to how much people like you, it was Winnie the Pooh. Now I like Winston Peters. I’ve met him a few times, and he’s even given me a few trophies and medals. He seems pretty cool. Really, I like the fact that he’s built a political career on the foundation of openly being a guy who says and does whatever he wants, as it suits him, changes with the wind, and spends all his time telling everybody that he’s the only honest person in a profession that demands less integrity than a carnie who sells used cars to the blind people he stole them from. There’s no special vitaminC-brand sarcasm there, I’ve voted for him every chance I’ve had, and I justify it by saying that Parliament needs someone like that (I still think it does), but really it’s because I like

I can’t remember. Expecting some world class tennis action, I was left wanting. On normal difficulty I struggled to keep up. I couldn’t get a decent rally going, and was stumbling past all kinds of shots. Thinking it was my fault; I lowered the difficulty and subsequently blew my opponent off the court. This struck me as a large problem with the game. I couldn’t get a fast exciting rally happening, as difficulty was reduced by making the AI miss easy shots. Top Spin 3 seems to have so much focus on realism, exciting gameplay has had to take a back seat. The players seem more interested in taking realistic steps towards the ball than actually hitting it. I loved Virtua Tennis 3 because it made for fast, fluid rallies and it never took itself too seriously. Top Spin 3 seems to have been made for a Wimbledon Umpire, who just wants the crowd to calm down and be quiet. If you are looking for the most accurate recreation of Tennis on a console, then Top Spin 3 will suit you. But I couldn’t honestly recommend this game when I am convinced Virtua Tennis 3 will give you so much more satisfaction.

him. I’m not surprised he was doing dodgy things, but he’s a sharp guy and I’m truly surprised he got caught. So catch you later Winston, we’ve had some good times. Good times. Does anyone think Rodney Hide looks evil now that he’s lost weight? He used to look so jolly, but now he looks kind of like Picard’s evil, less adventurous, twin (I don’t mean mirror-Picard, or Borg-Picard, I just mean Rodney Hide laughs like a b-grade space-villain, and now that he’s not as jolly-looking it’s unsettling). It probably seems like I’m railing on Rodney because he put Winnie away, but the point (YUS!) I’m trying to make is that even though ACT are going after NZ Firsts’ niche in Parliament, the fact is that different people like Rodney than who like Winnie, and the demographic could be completely different accordingly. That’s my theory on people. This is relevant (YUS!) because WSU elections are coming up, so if you read my column and don’t hate it, you’ll be able to read about who I like and vote accordingly. Don’t let anyone tell you that life isn’t one huge popularity contest. 33


Auteur House stocks four films by the cult Japanese director Nagisa Oshima. A key figure in his country’s equivalent of the 1960s French New Wave, Oshima is best known in the west for his sexual themes and images. Ground breaking in his serious, non-prurient treatment of the carnal and the erotic, Oshima’s characters are often obsessed with sex to the point of irrationality. His most infamous film is “In the Realm of the Senses” (1976), the first major, nonpornographic instance of a cast performing penetrative acts on screen. It is based on a true, disturbing story: in Japan in 1936 a mentally unstable woman was found wandering the streets in a daze, clutching the severed member of her (thankfully dead) partner. Oshima’s treatment of the material is surprisingly humourous and touching, a love story which gives an emotional context for the shocking conclusion. What starts as a

characteristics with both “MacBeth” and the “Ugetsu Monogatari”.

conventional affair between a wealthy middle class hotel owner and one of his servants, a sometime prostitute, slowly escalates into increasingly sordid, though always recognisable human, acts. Sada Abe, the woman, is a pathologically jealous nymphomaniac. Kichizo Ishida, the man, needs some convincing to confine his attentions to her alone, but has no major complaints about the frequency of their coupling. Sadomasochism eventually takes over. Although in his youth Oshima railed against what he saw as the overly homogeneous aesthetic of Japanese culture both “In the Realm of the Senses” and his decidedly less graphic follow-up “Empire of the Passions” (1978) are beautifully shot period pieces. The latter draws on ghost story traditions, its tale of lovers who murder an inconvenient husband only to be bothered by his spirit, sharing

Mainstream western success came to Oshima courtesy of an early 80s collaboration with David Bowie. “Merry Christmas, Mr Lawrence” (1983) is a POW film like no other, one more interested in the clash of the English and Japanese cultures than in the standard clichés of the genre. Its portrayal of post-war forgiveness and understanding between former enemies is truly moving. The now famous face of Beat Takeshi is the last image of “Lawrence”. He also takes the lead in Oshima’s most recent feature, “Gohatto” (1999), the “Brokeback Mountain” of samurai films. Oshima explores the practice of homosexuality in the ranks, looking at the impact of a pretty, effeminate recruit on seasoned veterans more interested in bottom sex than one might think. Minimalist, witty, and finally enigmatic, if it proves to be the master’s last work it is an appropriately haunting way to go out.

Hellboy 2: The Golden Army Directed by Guillermo Del Toro Starring Ron Perlman, Selma Blair.

Reviewed by Art Robinson

I’m going to preface this assault on Guillermo Del Toro’s bag of crap by saying that I like the man. Pan’s Labyrinth was cool. The first Hellboy was rad. Mimic and the Devil’s Backbone were superb. Then he had to go and make Hellboy 2 and start wearing a hat that says “I suck”. OK, he wears no such hat, but he does really suck now. Even with all the great films he’s made in the past, he’s actually convinced me to avoid going to see any films he makes in the future. I don’t think anything could have saved this movie from itself. It had beautiful special effects and that’s about it. The whole storyline of a bunch of subway dwelling elves and kitten eating trolls going to war with the human race was easily digested. There’s a magic crown that the evil elf prince needs in order to awaken a Golden Army of sweet looking steam-powered 34

robots. It’s up to Hellboy and his band of Lovecraft wannabes to stop the effeminate warlord from achieving his aims of wiping out the human race with a final apocalyptic war. But it was a war without strategy, much like this was a movie without form. It simply jumped from one special effects heavy fight scene to another like a monkey jumping between trees. The strategy seems to be throwing tens of thousands of dollars worth of CGI at Ron Perlman and hoping he gives up. I almost gave up, so it was a reasonably effective strategy. After the first chunk of killing and blowing stuff up, Hellboy gets exposed to the public as a real person, rather than just an urban legend. He spends ten minutes being loved and

respected by the people of New York, and then suddenly they hate him. It was like Spiderman in ten minutes. Only with more special effects! My biggest problem with Hellboy 2 was that for every twenty minutes of fighting and killing stuff, there was half an hour of talking. I happen to like talking in movies. Some of my favourite movies have talking in them. This talking was about the love Hellboy and his girlfriend feels for each other. Or about how the fish guy loves the evil guys twin sister. Or how Hellboy doesn’t understand what his girlfriend wants from him. Wah. Boo hoo. You’re the son of the Devil. I don’t think women should be at the top of your concerns. This movie was plain awful and in no way a decent sequel to Hellboy.


Still Missing – more unsolved missing persons cases in New Zealand Author: Scott Bainbridge Publisher: Penguin

Price: $37.00 Reviewed by Kelly Badman It’s grim to read in the introduction of “Still Missing” by Scott Bainbridge that New Zealand national police statistics show that 14,000 kiwis go missing every year, whether run aways, misadventure or by foul play. And grimmer still to learn that around 70 of those missing 14,000 are still unaccounted for one year later. “Still Missing” is investigator, freelance journalist and PR advisor Bainbridge’s follow up to his successful 2005 book “Without Trace.”

It covers 16 cases of missing persons in New Zealand, from modern day mysteries like the disappearance of Iraene Asher in Piha in 2004 which brought about radical changes to the police 111 system to long forgotten whodunits such as the 83 year old case of Nellie Mouat. Contradictory evidence suggests the missing Neliie was either killed at the hands of her husband or disappeared voluntarily after discovering he was writing bad cheques all over Christchurch. Some of the cases will be familiar and readers will remember the publicity surrounding them, but this book goes deeper, giving insider information into the case’s background, the searches, suspicions, police theories, photos and other evidence not made public before. It’s a fascinating read into the saddest of situations which leaves those left behind with the agony of not having a body to bury and grieve over and forever asking questions: where is the missing person? Are they dead? How did they die? Could that person on the street with the same eyes be your missing loved one?

The release of Still Missing ties in nicely not only with New Zealand book month, but also the hugely popular and controversial telly series Sensing Murder which has covered some of the cases in Still Missing. And hopefully it will jog people’s memories to come forward with any information, no matter how long ago the cases were, to help end the questioning of the grieving families.

Transmetropolitan By Warren Ellis and Darick Robertson

Reviewed by Gordon Dawson Nexus has reviewed Transmetropolitan before, possibly several times, but now’s a good time to do it again. Transmetropolitan is quite possibly the best – portrayal is the wrong word. Let’s say “evisceration” – of the US elections outside of Hunter Thompson’s own Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail ’72, on which Transmet is very loosely based. Transmet is the story of an “outlaw journalist;” one Spider Jerusalem, who is basically Hunter Thompson in a 2Xth century madhouse version of what is hinted to be New York. He gets flushed out of a remote mountain lair and into a series of unfortunate and grotesque events, the worst of which is the election battle between incumbent President “The Beast” and wannabe Gary “The Smiler” Callahan. The story is presented in a series of trade paperbacks, and they are very rapidly going out of print. Mark One comics still has a few left, and they’re worth picking up, but the series is

being reprinted soon so it might pay to wait up. Watch this space. The plot is involved and very cool and I absolutely won’t spoil any of it here. Suffice it to say there are stripper bodyguard/assistants, dolphin steaks, a two-headed smoking cat (everyone smokes: in the future, cancer is cured – if you can afford “anti-cancer trait”) Mafia nanotech machines, who manufacture horses heads to stick in your bed if you insult them, and a half-alien church leader called Fred Christ. Transmet doesn’t shy away from taboos – it embraces them. It all tends to wash over you after a while and the initially shocking outrageousness just gets outrageously funny. It is probably the only book where you’ll see a Presidential campaign adviser call a journalist a “shitforbrains junkie dogfucker” and by the time you get to that bit you’ll be well inured. Ellis can do more than just shock and filth, though – this book has brains as well as balls. Big ones both. Read it and find out.

The art is part and parcel with the writing and is necessary to mention. Darick Robertson’s pencils are heavily influenced by the likes of Tank Girl-era Jamie Hewlett and are spectacular, busy and detailed, throughout. He has the best grasp of facial expressions of possibly any comic artist working in the medium in this day. Transmetropolitan is a modern comics masterpiece, worthy of inclusion among such wonders as Watchmen and Sandman. You must read it whether you’re “in” to comics or not. Beg, buy, or borrow (preferably buy the redone series at Mark One when it comes out) but make sure you read it. 35


In case you haven’t read the whole magazine yet, the Band Experiments begins this week. First heat, Flow Bar on Victoria Street, this Thursday 18th September. Hamtown’s premier music event is back. If you like it hardcore then you’ll probably wanna check out the Thrash Palace on Te Aroha Street next Friday for a night of irrepressible intense sounds. Locals Bad Medicine and Masada combine forces with Whitianga’s finest Roll With the Punches and Christchurch’s Sixlip in a concerted attempt to rock yer face off. The NZ Music Commission has announced its latest Outward Sound recipients. Outward Sound is an initiative set up by the NZMC to provide support for NZ musicians trying to make it into international markets. In this the third round grants were awarded to Little Bushman, for touring and showcasing in Australia, Battle Circus, to assist in their undertaking of a four week US tour revolving around showcase performances. Pitch Black received a grant for a showcase tour of the US, Bang! Bang! Eche! Are being assisted to undertake a four week US tour revolving around showcase performances at CMJ, and Coco Solid have been given funds to help promote themselves

through a showcase tour of London, Berlin and New York and to meet with labels, promoters and potential collaborators. The Naked and Famous and Kolab also received grants. Applications for the next round of Outward Sound grants close on October 28th at 5pm. For more info you can go to: www.nzmusic.org. nz, send an e-mail to: international@nzmusic.org.nz, or discuss options with Gary Fortune (International Manager) or Alan Holt (International Co-ordinator) by calling them on: (09) 376 0115.

Song of the week: “Piano in the Dark”, by Brenda Russell, from the album Get Here

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Listings courtesy of Mammoth and the Hamilton Community Arts Council Formally known as the Winter Writers Series, the SPRING Writers Series is gearing up for its makeover and September showing by introducing some exciting new events. Including a Travel Writing Workshop and evening function with well known columnist and writer Joe Bennett, Poetry and the Imagination – a contemporary poetry writing workshop, and The Plot Thickens – a short story writing competition. See our website for full programme. Starts 13th September Cost: $10 Where: Hamilton City Further details: Hamilton Community Arts Council (07) 8386424 Kym Plaisted info@ hcac.org.nz Band Experiments - HEAT 1 Who is Hamilton’s $5000 band? Heat one of the Mammoth Band Experiments with: Dick Dynamite and The Doppelgangers, Yum Yuck, The Prime Numbers and Gawj. Head along and support original local music. Drink specials on the night.

Thu 18 Sep 2008 Cost: $5 Time: 9pm start Where: Flow Bar, Victoria Street, Hamilton Further details: Mammoth shane@ mammothmedia.co.nz www.mammothguide. net/bandexperiments/ Forest Lake School Art Auction To raise funds for the school we are auctioning off unique pieces of children’s artwork. Wed 17 Sep 2008 Cost: Free Time: 6pm nibbles, 7pm auction Where: Forest Lake School, Storey Avenue, Hamilton Laughing Samoans These sold out the last time they were in Hamilton, so book early and avoid disappointment. All your favourite characters like Aunty Tala and Uncle Sam are back with more hilarious pranks. Sat 20 Sep 2008 Cost: Reserved Seating Time: 8pm Where: Clarence St Theatre, 59 Clarence St

Hamilton Film Society Screening The Hamilton Film Society meets to watch Six New Zealand Shorts: The Lounge Bar (Don McGlashan and Harry Sinclair, 1988); Lemming Aid (Grant Lahood, 1994); Playing Possum (Peter Salmon, 1998); Valley of the Stereos (George Port, 1992); Signing Off (Robert Sarkies, 1996); Permanent Wave (Jonathan Brough, 1996). Tue 16 Sep 2008 Cost: Full Year Membership $100. One-off screenings $12. Time: 8pm Where: Victoria Cinema, 690 Victoria Street, Hamilton Coasting – Calling all Artists Coasting 08 is a collaborative project by Heather Bramwell. This project has run for four years with great success. The project aims to involve up to 100 artists (first in first served). Wall mounted sets of original coasters in a style/media suited to your practice. Wed 10 Sep 2008 - Fri 17 Oct 2008 Cost: $10 for one set of coasters, and $5 for extra sets

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issue 19  

The Band Experiments + The Society of Heavy Metal and Hard Rock, Inc 15 September 2008