Do people get lazier over winter? Don’t count on it – there’s a good scientific reason for people’s reticence to do stuff over the gloomy months, and that reason is: Hibernation. Chances are humanity’s ancestors took a winter-long kip. In fact, there’s nothing stopping you from spending three months in bed, just like a bear. Three letters: ACC. Simply feign an “injury” like RSI, or a “disease” like Chronic Fatigue Syndrome – easy, these days – and you’re sorted. Socialism wins, again! Are the politicians “living like students” this week really living like students? Reply hazy, try again – the politicians are outside of Magic 8 Ball’s psychic reach. The Labour ones are too arrogant, and the National ones are too slippery, and the Maori party one is absolutely choking with mana. With the advent of robot musicians, can an apocalyptic future ruled by sentient metal overlords be far away? Cannot predict now – but if I could, it’d go like this: The humans will be dead. The humans will be dead. They’ll use poisonous gases. And poison our asses. (Actually our lungs.) BINARY SOLO. And so on. Does David Bennett’s scooter make him any cooler? Yes definitely – but you’d be hard pressed to get cooler when you’re already a politician who shows up to O’Week rocking a Federation shirt, sports a Vin Diesel haircut, adds students to his Facebook page, and
Last week’s entries for the Caption Competition were of such stellar quality that they roused the great beasts from the Uni Lakes, who stole to the home of the Vicechancellor, deep in the night, and from his great throbbing mind extracted terrible secrets. Armed with this knowledge, they took the forms of Roy Crawford and University Council members, and now the University is run by them. Now it is up to you, the students of Waikato, to thwart this evil. For some reason, this involves sending in more captions. Yes, this
dodges policy questions with all the adroitness of a greased eel on ice. When National does get around to announcing policies that aren’t “moar internets” or “less govermentz0r” you can bet they’ll do it from Facebook. Will eight consecutive listenings to the Donnie Darko soundtrack make me see demon rabbits and travel through time and narrative ambiguity? Most likely – just make sure you bring back the lotto numbers. And don’t get smooshed by a jet engine from the future. Or something. Does the (de)construction at the Banks mean the Student Hub will be finished sometime before 2020? As I see it yes – and it will be so futuristic it’ll look like it’s from a 70s sci-fi movie, specifically the wobbly balsawood set which houses the evil robot omni-mind. It will also, hopefully, feature several zeppelins and robot butlers. Will Labour bribe students again this election, this time with a Universal Student Allowance? Reply hazy, try again – I don’t think even Labour knows this yet. It’ll go like this: If they think that a universal student allowance would get them in government for another term, then yes. Wait and see.
Send questions for the all-knowing 8 Ball to nexus@waikato.ac.nz!
caused all the trouble in the first place. Shut up. Just do it anyway. Here’s last week’s winner: Mickey learnt the hard way that no means NO! Congratulations, Kurt Kirby! Come up to the Nexus office to receive your voucher of Burger Fuel goodness! Mickey learnt the hard way that no means NO!
Here’s this week’s picture. Send entries to nexus@waikato.ac.nz or txt to 021 235 8436! Include the word “caption” in the subject line. Keep entering, keep eating, thwart the malevolent forces of pure evil.
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