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26 May 2008


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What the hell is wrong with my Telecom phone today? Yes Definitely – first up, this isn’t a yes/no question. It’s a rhetorical question, like “why is Microsoft software successful when it’s buggy and everyone hates it?” or “why do people do Management?” What I’m trying to say is: Screw you, Telecom. I pay my bills. Now give me phone that bloody well works. Is Harrison Ford too old to make a believable Indiana Jones? Outlook good – but what it does do is make him a more credible archaeologist. Think about it: how many archaeologists ever got around with a bullwhip, revolver and fedora, fighting Nazis? Answer: None. He’s much more realistic as an arthritic 60 year old. Can anything stop National’s rampage towards election victory this year? Ask again later – once John Key gets caught in a sex scandal involving Rodney Hide , former police officers Shipton, Schollum and Rickards, several teen rent boys, and their mysterious lack of policies turns out to be hiding one mega-policy: Privatise everything. Seriously, that’s about the only thing that could stop them at the moment. Will morons continue to park on the grass verges at Uni and get clamped? As I see it yes – one definition of stupidity is continuing to do the same thing over and over while expecting a different outcome. Thus, morons will continue to get clamped, impressionable girls will continue to be tricked into loveless sexual relationships, people will continue to join the Management School, and National will be elected this year.

Does “student culture” mean “drinking until you pass out?” Ask again later – when my fucking hangover clears fuck good cunt ay bro. Fuck I fucking drank a fuckload last fucking night man cunt. Cunty cunt fuck did you fucking see that bro big ups yeah I was smashed man fucking fuckity fcuk I can drink a lot of beer fuck. Like a fucking fucking fucking case of beer. Fucking student culture rage on fuck. Oh man fuck bro mate fucking good times bro fucking good times good times fucking good cunt fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Will Cullen’s Budget spell the end of the Labour party’s rule in New Zealand? Yes definitely – when it’s noted that there’s been a billion-dollar Government investment in “supporting homosexual unions and prostitutes while tearing down traditional family support structures and arresting good parents for using reasonable force against their kids” they’ll be pretty much screwed. Did ROFLraptors ever exist? Better not tell you now – or you’ll be rolling on the floor laughing while a dinosaur rips your guts out with its razor-sharp claws and eats them hilariously in front of your eyes.




uching co

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1. Have you ever made a movie of yourself? 2. Who is your favourite movie star? 3. Which part of Nexus should be made into a movie? 4. Have you been to any local music gigs? 5. What is the best cure for the common cold? 1. Yes, of faces 2. Adam Sandler 3. The Busted page 4. No 5. Sleeping lots

1.Yes 48 Hours film festival. We won the Waikato section last year 2. Brad Pitt 3. Ninja Dookie or the puzzle page 4. Not Recently 5. Run it off

1. Yes, of me doing tequila shots 2. Jon Heder, he was Napolean Dynamite right? 3. Busted page 4. Don’t think so 5. Not going to Ed Vos’ finance class

1. Just on fiends cameras 2. Heath Ledger even though he’s dead 3. Busted page at the back 4. Yep – saw Salient the other night 5. Same as Sonja

1. No 2. I’m a Will Ferrell fan 3. Garfield minus Garfield 4. Nuh 5. Get heaps of fluids


FEATURES 18 The 48 hours Nexus gets sleep-deprived in an effort to cobble together a seven minute film in a single weekend

22 The Hamilton Circle Jerk Dr Richard Swainson reports on an iconic local music event

Editor: Joshua “New Jacket” Drummond ( Design: Talia “New Scarf” Kingi ( Advertising: Tony “New Car” Arkell ( 176 6180) Assistant to the Editor: Andrew “Same shitty hat he’s worn all year” Neal (news@nexus-npl. Music Ed: Carl “New hair” Watkins ( Books Ed: Kelly “New blanket” Badman Film Ed: Art “New Girl” Focker

Contributors 8 Ball, AJ, Annabel, Emma, Vitamin C, WSU, Kirril, Carl Watkins, Chris Parnell, Burton C. Bogan, Nick Sicklemore, Jo Thakker, Kelly Badman, Jed Laundry, Dr Richard Swainson, Josh, Andrew, Talia, Matt, Grant Burns, Mammoth, HCAC, Flash Medallion, Cyro, Art Focker, Andy Fyers, Mr Safety Bigglesworth (RIP) and Louise Blackstock

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA) Because it’s like being legitimate without all the messy ethics and stuff.


WANT TO ADVERSTISE WITH NEXUS? EMAIL OR OR call 07 838 4653 OR 021 176 6180

NEXUS IS LOCATED AT Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University of Waikato, Knighton Road, Hamilton

PHONE: 07 838 4653 FAX: 07 838 4588 EMAIL: POSTAL: Private Bag 3059, Hamilton


AJ’s own Karnage Kolumn returns on page 31, and there’s a Manga Review by Cyro on page 34. Also, check out the Sports Results on page 26 and Sports Thoughts on page 14.


8 – 13 Art Focker vs burglars, Noho Marae, Somalis studied, China, No Diet Day, Freemasons scholarships, Mammoth, Vault, and the Nexus Haiku News

REGULARS AND RANDOMS 04 Magic 8 Ball 04 Caption Competition 06 Go fish 06 Editorial 14 Sports Thoughts 15-17 Lettuce 24-27 WSU 28 Puzzle Page 29 Notices 30 Lectern 31 Agony Art 31 Karnage Kolumn 32 Boganology 101 32 Nerdary 33 Phat Controller 33 A River Runs Through It 34 Book Review 34 Manga Review 35 Movie Review 35 Moving Pictures 36 Citric 37 DVDs 38 Gigs

Guest Editorial by Mr Safety Bigglesworth! Greetings, idiot students. Here we are again, after nearly a whole year of me not writing for your magazine. If you don’t remember me, I used to grace the pages of your student magazine with my handy space-filling column about the rampant crime in the Tron. The Editor is rather over writing “controversial” editorials that everybody just agrees with anyway, so he brought be back on board to do his job. After such a long absence, I have plenty of gripes to get out of the way. Gripe #1: People who talk like this: GENERIC SHITHEAD #1: Fuckin’ gidday old son, how’s it fuckin’ going? GENERIC SHITHEAD #2: Fuckin’ orright mate, how’s shit with you, fuckin? GENERIC SHITHEAD#1: Fuckin’ not bad ay? How’s th’ missus, eh? GENERIC SHITHEAD #2: Fuckin’ good cunt mate, all good. Good times. GENERIC SHITHEAD#1: Fuckin’ good mate. Good times. Fuck yeah. Good on ya mate. Fuckin’ let’s get pissed ay? GENERIC SHITHEAD #2: Fuckin’ yeah mate good shit, good times. Fuckin’ see the rugby? GENERIC SHITHEAD #1 Fuckin’ (INSERT TEAM NAME HERE) fuckin’ sucks, you know what I mean? Fuckin’. GENERIC SHITHEAD #2: Fuckin’ true, true, old son. Good times. Good cunts. People who talk like this deserve to have their mouths raped with a nine-inch wide dildo studded with razor blades. And acid. And AIDS. You know who you are. If you have a friend or acquaintance who talks like this, do the rest of the world a favour and cut out their tongue. Alternatively, kill them. The world will be grateful, so don’t worry about consequences. Gripe #2: Gangsters I hate gangsters almost as much as people who make excuses for gangsters. “Oh, but they grow up ain a poor socio-economic bracket and they feel life has left them no other choice but to…” Shut the fuck

up. If you’re a gangster, you’re a moron, and there’s nothing else to it. What’s attractive about a culture that celebrates pointless violence? Answer: Nothing. Unless you’re stupid, that is. What, wait? Gangsters are stupid? No fucking surprises there. You know what should be done? Start a gang entirely devoted to the eradication of other gangs. When their task has been done, they gang-killing gang can commit suicide. Maybe hara-kiri, Japanese style. This is such a cool idea that someone should either make a movie about it or do it for real. Gripe #3: Theives Yeah, you know how this one goes already. Fucking thieves. Gripe #4: Creationists. “The world is 5000 years old.” No it’s bloody not. Do you think God made the world look billions of years old just to mess with you? Oh, you do? Well, you’re stupid then. Gripe #5: Rants about how much everything sucks I’ve had enough of people making a name for themselves, either in the pages of Nexus or in the wider world, with rants that do nothing but inflict the writer’s hatred of things in general on the world. Why can’t people be a little more positive? Sure, the lakes are full of evil ducks and duck-shit. But they’re pretty on an autumn day, with the leaves all reflecting in the water. And Waikato Uni’s not such a bad place! Hamilton’s not even all that bad! And we’re lucky to live in New Zealand, a beautiful, peaceful country that (At this point, there was an explosion which utterly destroyed Mr Safety Bigglesworth’s computer and Mr Safety Bigglesworth. After recovering this file, we suspect that a feedback-loop of irony may have developed as a result of his ranting. He was cremated, and as per his wishes, and his ashes were scattered over the Uni Lakes. Some ashes were saved, and were put into the water-source of gangsters and into the beer at sports bars. – Ed) 7

News issue 10

Students thwart liquor theft Rewarded with beer. Really. By Andrew Neal

A pair of Waikato University students thwarted a break in at the Hamilton East Liquor King on the early hours of Wednesday 14 May – and were rewarded with two boxes of beer. “We were like OI! Cunts! That’s our piss store!” says Arthur Robinson, one of the students who stopped the break in.

“They screamed down the street and we got their number plate which we told the lady when we called 111,” says Robinson.

The efforts of the burglars did not appear to be very well planned or thought out, according to the two students.

Shortly after the departure of the burglars police arrived on the scene and began searching for the car around the Knighton Road area, and also the area in which the car was stolen.

“The stuff they were throwing was bouncing off the windows and I though ‘Stupid crims,’” says Robinson.

The alarm in the store was activated by the thieves, alerting a security guard. Shortly after, the owner of the store arrived.

sounded like an attractive female.

The students saw two young males attempting to smash the windows of the store at around 1am and called out to them. The would-be thieves then escaped in a stolen car, according to police The would-be burglars were described as being in their late teens, wearing hooded sweatshirts and escaped towards Knighton Road in a Brown 1992 Toyota Corona.

The owner of the Liquor King store was not available for comment as he was overseas when Nexus called. Nexus did speak to Anthony Archer at the store who said “apparently there was some guys throwing shit at the windows and the students came past, then they took off in a car,”

This year’s ‘Noho Marae’ trip for International Students organised by the Waikato Student’s Union on May 16-17 was a great success according to union directors. The only complaint from the 110 people from 25 different countries that attended the over night excursion was that it was too short. “There was a really good mix of people, which was really exciting,” said WSU director and organiser Olivia Beattie. The event saw International students and WSU staff enjoy traditional Maori culture and stay over night in a Marae. Even the New Zealand directors were taught a thing or two. “I learnt how to do the Haka properly which was something really fantastic for me,” says WSU director and trip attendee Geoff Hawkes. 8

Robinson got a nice surprise when the person on the end of the line at the 111 call centre

“I told her, ‘Hey, you sound hot’ once I had stopped freakin’ out,” he says. Despite the two students being highly intoxicated after being at a quiz night in the Hamilton CBD the Police response to them was apparently quite warm and appreciative. If anyone has any information about the event they are urged to talk to Police.

Friday 14 saw the group visit Polynesian spas for a soak which Hawkes said was “incredible”. “I found this little pipe where the hot water was coming out and just stayed there the whole time, it was awesome,” he said. On Saturday the group was given a guided tour around Whakarewarewa where they received a powhare and concert. One of the students was nominated as honorary chief and accepted the gift at the Powhare. “There was this little skinny guy who had this huge voice, the concert had some really good talent,” said Hawkes. A few issues with the variety of student’s pallets and cultural traditions arose but were solved without much fuss.

May 26 2008

Somalians: studied By Andrew Neal

Quinn says that there are levels of difference between the Somali community and other populations in Hamilton and that “simply reaching out” can reduce this.

reunification programme, do not receive this support.

A study completed at the University of Waikato that looks at the wellbeing of the Hamilton Somali community has found “issues affecting integration” as well as amazing people aiding

“You’ll find they’re the warmest people, once you do something for someone in a family you become a ‘sister’,” she says.

man in New Zealand customs on his arrival, in his first six months here in New Zealand” says Quinn.

refugee communities.

Employment and a lack of skill transfer can also be a problem for the Somali community.

Quinn’s previous experience teaching at Knighton Normal School gave her an interest in the Somali community when in 1994 Somali students began learning at the school and she noticed that the teachers had no experience with refugee children.

Shardell Quinn’s directed study revealed shortfalls in the transition process such as census and employment issues. “There are gaps in the service divisions, such as a lack of accurate statistics,” Quinn says. One example she illustrates in the study is the example of a Hamilton doctor who treats refugees having a number of patients larger than the census reveals exist in the Hamilton area. The doctor applies for grants from the Government due to the extra care needed for language barriers and other refugee - specific issues, but due to the difference between Government statistics and the doctor’s number of eligible patients, he ends up not being able to claim the subsidies. The doctor also chooses to treat refugees for free. He would like the extra funds to employ a social worker for these patients so they could follow up outpatient appointments which are not being kept as they don’t understand the paper work. This kindness gives refugees a strong confidence in him says Quinn.

Quinn says the Somali community is always willing to achieve but often previous employment and qualifications don’t count in New Zealand. “Someone may have twenty years experience being a vet but because New Zealand is very paper based and in Somalia there is a very oral tradition, there’s no written proof of their skills,” she says. The work of people like Mohamed Khalif Abdi who helps a lot of Somali people into employment and training, that is realistic to previous experience, is one part of the report that expresses hope for the community. Another positive is that there is now increased access to interpreters for not for profit organisations due to recent law changes since the report was completed. Language and not having New Zealand’s social skills can be barriers to gaining employment. When refugees arrive in New Zealand on the quota system they spend six weeks in Mangere (learning about New Zealand laws and where they can get help, and start them on English classes. Others, that come over on the family

“One guy who came over had only spoken to his wife’s sister, who sponsored him and the

“A lot of students had very different needs due to the civil war, through no fault of their own we were having students who couldn’t read or write or speak English,” she says. Recent police statistics show that refugee populations listed under an ‘other’ category make up less than one percent of crime in the Hamilton area. “Yet if one person breaks the law and they happen to have black skin and drive a taxi, you will hear people make racist comments regarding the Somali community,” she says. “I get annoyed when one person commits a crime and the entire community is labelled even though the perpetrator of the crime may or may not be Somali,” she says. Quinn has recently left teaching at Knighton Normal School after 14 years to work on a post-graduate diploma in early childhood education and to develop her business as a multicultural education consultant.


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News issue 10

Chinese Earthquake affects students at Waikato By Andrew Neal

Despite the recent earthquakes in China occurring thousands of miles away the effects have definitely been felt here at the University of Waikato.

Chinese student Joy Yuan is looking to help people in the affected area by organising events. She has already spoken to the University’s Management School who said they would help with media issues.

Fraser Newman, a current student at the University of Waikato who also works at the University’s International Centre, spent some time living in the Chengdu and Sichuan provinces which were affected by the quakes and has spoken to old neighbours from the areas.

Newman has also visited the place that has now been identified as the epicentre of the earthquake which he described as “A poor-ish area but quite a nice place, a bit like New Zealand.”

“People have told me my old apartment has a big crack in it and that

Posters have also been placed around the University Campus asking for people to donate to the Red Cross.

the upstairs is a mess,” he says. Chinese students here at the University are also asking people to help out and ‘show some love’ for the victims of the quake by donating to the Red Cross. “They [friends in China] have told me that they’re sleeping outside in parks and wherever there is space,” says Newman.

According to Yuan there are a lot of horrific first-hand stories on the internet from people around the quake affected area. “There was one story where a husband had to carry his dead wife on his back to the hospital,” she says. Students from the University have posted rainbows on Chinese blogs and forums as a show of sympathy for the victims. Newman says that the people of the Chengdu province aren’t the worst affected in China and that he has strong hopes for them with the motto of the area being “First to rebound, last to surrender.”

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Partial solar eclipse motif rejected By Andrew Neal

Despite No Diet Day being on May 6 the Waikato Student’s Union is holding a fashion show to illustrate that women should not feel pressured to maintain a false image of beauty. The event will take place in SBlock on Wednesday May 28 at 1pm and will feature models ranging in a number of sizes.

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No Diet Day Fashion Show

“We really wanted to challenge people’s views on what a lot of people think women should look like,” says event organiser Jo Bisset. The sponsors for the event were very responsive, according to the WSU, and they are grateful for the support. “There will be models of all different sizes, they’re mostly just people I know, we just wanted to say that people shouldn’t go without food to be a certain size,” says Bisset.

Five University of Waikato students have been awarded Freemasons scholarships which support the academic endeavours of young New Zealanders. The programme handed out a mixture of postgraduate scholarships (worth up to $10,000) and university scholarships (worth up to $6000). They were acknowledged at a function this month at Government House in Wellington with Governor-General Hon Anand Satyanand. The scholarship winners all underwent a rigorous selection process, involving a written

adult and adolescent depression, anxiety, selfesteem, grief and trauma. Sarah Lucas of Tauranga who received a Freemasons University Scholarship, was led by a teenage and adult life associated with volunteering at all levels in Surf Life Saving and other organisations, to a career in the volunteer and not-for-profit sector. This year Sarah will complete a Master of Management Studies degree in Social Enterprise and Not-for-Profit Management at Waikato University. Her thesis will be on the professionalization of volunteers.

monitoring, research and restoration. As a mature student at Waikato University, Graeme has had to make considerable life changes to support his academic study—the excellent marks he has received show these sacrifices have not been made in vain. Toni West’s in the final year of a Bachelor of

As part of her Honours degree, Vanessa reviewed assessment tools for use with intellectually disabled sex offenders and this work has been submitted for publication in a research journal. application and an interview process. A fine academic record is just one of the factors considered by the regional selection committees; they also seek evidence of good citizenship, leadership potential, and a proven community commitment. The following students have all won Freemason’s University Scholarships; Vanessa Burrett of Hamilton is undertaking a Master of Social Sciences and Postgraduate Diploma in Clinical Psychology at the University of Waikato. As part of her Honours degree, Vanessa reviewed assessment tools for use with intellectually disabled sex offenders and this work has been submitted for publication in a research journal. Vanessa has a strong interest in areas of psychology concerning adolescents as well as

Eleanor Riddick of Whakatane is completing her Bachelor of Social Sciences at Waikato University, majoring in Psychology, with Human Development as a supporting subject and Sport and Leisure as an elective. Eleanor has included Sports and Leisure subjects in her degree to better understand the impact of physical activity on children, how to make it appealing and the part it plays in the health and well-being of the whole person. While voluntary work in third-world countries is likely to feature on Eleanor’s resume in the future, she intends to make a positive contribution to the lives of children and young people in New Zealand. Kawerau’s Graeme Weavers is now completing a Master of Science degree, specialising in the interconnection between forest areas and waterways, leading into the coastal and ocean environment. He plans a career in ecological

Science majoring in Biology and Psychology at Waikato University. Her path to tertiary study has been varied. Initially a conservation field worker she was also a circus and street performer in New Zealand and Europe. But the Cantabrian’s previous experience will provide valuable background as she intends to complete a Master of Science degree in animal behaviour and physiology, ecology and/or conservation. A career in the areas of animal welfare or biosecurity, bio-surveillance and invasive species control is likely. The Freemasons Scholarship Programme is in its 31st year and this year chose a total of 35 students from around New Zealand.


News issue 10

New Mammoth Website By Ma’am Moth

Mammoth – the pocket-sized fortnightly gig guide that has been circulating the streets of Hamilton since February this year – has recently spawned an online incarnation.

According to the Mammoth crew this “makes it easier than a drunken fry up at three in the morning to find the right places to be in the Tron.”

The stylish website - www.mammothguide. – features an extensive gig guide, exclusive interviews, news and reviews, as well as podcasts, downloadable issues and a handy Google Map-based venue finder,

Mammoth has also started a weekly ‘Top 8’ radio show on Contact 88.1 FM, every Monday night from 8pm.


By Grant Burns

Wednesday 29th March, 1972

‘Nexus goes up in flames’

Last Tuesday night, 21st March, a cult-like ceremonial burning of Nexus newspapers took place. “High Priest” Bret Bradley, organised the event. He said it was in relation to Nexus’ constant obscene writing and images, within their magazine. The content in recent Nexus issues had been so rude that the printer was censoring half of the stories and images. A large crowd gathered and were whipped into frenzy after boxes upon boxes of Nexus newspaper was used to the fuel the furious flames. The raging crowd and fire were only cooled when members of the Hamilton Fire Service and a few brave Nexus contributors showed up. The powder keg of protest boiled over with the controversial “Over the Teacups” editorial,


Listeners can cast their vote for their favourite track on the website and even download a podcast version if you miss the show. As well as the weekly countdown, the radio show, hosted by Shane Dudfield and Pete Dawson, previews new music played on the station along with giveaways and other shenanigans.

which was later censored by the printer. The article contained pictures of nude men and woman, racist jokes, and the word “fuck” repeatedly. The Nexus editor arrived just in time, and with rational words and clear thinking, calmed the crowd down to a state of open-mindedness. His explanation of the absurd content and editorial was, that since there was not enough student support, he had to write the majority of the articles himself, “…understandably my own opinions intruded occasionally”. The well-reasoned explanation soothed the crowd. Nexus board members said they would now begin accepting stories from any willing student volunteers. Then, after good humour was restored, everyone went happily off to bed.

May 26 2008

By Drummond-san ‘Two blocks of cheese’ budget too little - Key At least with Labour we Get cheese – with National We get poos and wees Look out, Miley - Disney sets sights on new teen queen Disney crowns new queen We bet she’s in a sex tape By seventeen Spike Lee takes swipes at Coens and Eastwood Lee gives directors flak: “You know your problem, honkeys? You just ain’t black.”

Nas removes N-word from album title Nas was to call album “nigger.” But changed it To make sales bigger Jackson, del Toro talk Hobbit “You know what would be fun? Ditch all common sense And film in Hamilton” 91 unleaded petrol hits $2 a litre Petrol hits two dollars: gay Now it’s too pricey to drive World saved, yay

Glitch opens Bebo users’ private details to others World knows Useless details, lame conversations Of Bebo-ers. Oh noes! iPhone a ‘total failure’, WiMax a ‘loser’ iPhone a failure? Advice like that Will make me invest in WiMax Kiwis among world’s biggest internet addicts Kiwis hooked on net A problem born, we think Of a deep love of porn



Brendon McCullum The fact that Brendon McCullum is the man becomes more clear every time he walks on to a cricket field. Within two years he will be the biggest name in cricket, a veritable superstar, worth millions of dollars every year. A little hasty, you might say. Well, probably, but I’m willing to stake my as yet un-established reputation on this one, because it’s inevitable. McCullum’s talents were identified at an early age. He demolished attacks playing for the NZ U19 team and was elevated top open in ODIs for the Black Caps as a 20-year-old. This wasn’t his finest moment. He looked out of his depth, and given he was playing against Australia in Australia, he probably was, but he still managed to show glimpses of what he could do. Five years on and he is the best wicketkeeper/batsman in the world (Sangakkara excepted because he does not keep in tests). He’s not the first player to come through the ranks of New Zealand Cricket with a bit of talent in recent times, the difference is he has become truly world class by making the most of his talent through


sheer hard work, dogged determination, a will to win and seemingly unlimited self-confidence. He’s had his share of ups and downs (don’t forget little more than a year a go public opinion would have had him batting at seven in the ODI team,) but now he is the most dangerous limited overs opener in the world. That’s how quickly things can change in international sport. McCullum will still have his share of set-backs but he has already demonstrated his ability to bounce back. Here’s hoping he remains fit, and loyal to NZ in the face of mounting monetary enticements from Bollywood stars, because who knows what he could do over the space of a decade – Adam. Who indeed. Warriors The Warriors are in serious trouble of finishing well down the NRL table this season. They are managing to scrape by at home but away from Mt Smart they have been terrible. It’s pretty hard to believe they came fourth last year. The problem is that without their two best players Steve Price and Wade McKinnon (both injured) they simply don’t have that good a team. The Warriors predicament highlights one of the biggest inequities in the salary cap system; if you lose your star players to injury you can’t replace them because their salaries are still paid under the cap. Collectively Price and McKinnon would take up somewhere in the vicinity of $700,000 or about 20 percent of the club’s salary cap, which is spread among its 25 contracted players. Given they are injured shouldn’t their salaries be exempt from the cap enabling the Warriors to find short-term replacements without breaching salary cap obligations? After all isn’t the whole point of a salary cap to keep the competition even?

Txts to the Editor! Nexus now has an all-new TXT-in service! Send Letters to the Editor - via text - to 021 235 8436. They can be about anything – but if it’s something in the magazine, so much the better. We’ll print the best ones, so get texting! There’s a prize for text of the week as well. We don’t know what it is yet, but it will be awesome. Don’t forget: You can send Busted pictures in by pxt! Send us your best snaps of you or your mates in Busted-type situations to 021 235 8436. Do it it.

LETTERS POLICY: Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page, serious or not. Letters should be kept under 250 words and be received by Wednesday 5pm on the week prior to publication. We’ll print basically any letter, but the editor reserves the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. We won’t correct your spelling and grammar either, so it’s up to you how much of an idiot you look like. Pseudonyms are okay (all correspondence must include your real name and contact details – they won’t be printed if you don’t want them to be) but if it’s a serious letter we’d prefer you to use your real name. Send letters to

ADD brings on epiphany Waste of my life, I had a profound moment this morning. Something hit me harder than an insulted ADD kid- I realised uni is a waste of fucking time. This sudden truth was like a swift uppercut to the testes as it made me sick when I realised for the 8th week in a row I was sitting in a room that smelt like a combination of stir-fry and smegma, listening to foreigners trying to tell me why Chinese films are the best because “Chi Wang Hu gives a fuck” knows how to fly. We all happily suppress this truth with phone calls home to mum to say “Hey mummy I got a B+ in Smst 101: How nice colours make me feel” “O that’s great dear. Watch out Steven Speckenberg, ET’s Phoning home! I’m so proud of you”, and drunken weekends where you get naked and shit in the back of a catering van just so you can assure yourself “this is the best time of my life man”! Why has it taken me so long to realise this? Maybe my brain has been numbed by the alcohol, the cold of Hamilton, or maybe even the insulted ADD kid that hit me. Either way it leaves me feeling hollower than a porn stars anal cavity when I realise that being here is just fucking my shit up. As Bob Dylan said “all I can do is be me, whoever that is” and that’s just it, I enrolled at uni to find who I’m going to be. Well guess what society, I’m just as likely to find myself at the bottom of a bottle, or even the bottom of a bottle-blonde Czechoslovakian prostitute. And which

fucktard made this unwritten social rule that we have to be something? Why is it that when you meet someone its “Hi I’m Paul the lawyer” or “Hi I’m Chesty Leroux the stay at home mum”? Can’t it be “Hey I’m Willie, I do what makes me feel good which is usually getting high on nail polish remover and then touching myself whilst watching a horse have sex with a girl”. Its going to be Monday when you read this, just like any other fucking Monday that you’ve spent in a lecture reading magazine articles by other irate, slightly racist, but most importantly disenchanted students. Do you think that your Monday is going to be any different in 5 years time when you’ve got a degree? Fuck off it isn’t. Well, maybe a little...Your $150 government paycheque that you use to buy Smirnoff-ice with will now be a nice salary with which you can buy 5% beer. You’ll no longer be the young dumb and full of fun teenager at the Outback with your 4 inch hard-on tucked up into your belt, instead you’ll be the Dad at home on Saturday night whilst your overweight wife sucks your dick because she knows in the morning your going to give her your credit card to go buy shoes that fit over her bunions. If this life is going to satisfy you, go hard. If not, you can either be a disenchanted moaner like me or do something about it. Magic Hands


PH 07 856 6813

FAX 07 856 2255

ADDRESS Gate 5 Hillcrest Road



Steven Segal is incapable of defending himself, so this guy took it upon himself First of all, fuck you Blair Munro. Your articles are a shit. Secondly how Dare you make fun of my hero Steven Seagal! I usually read your babblings for a laugh but this time I couldnt bring myself to do it. I once read something on “””fashion tips””” by you and I was sick in my mouth. Stop writing, specially about Seagal. Regurgetated material isn’t funny. Johnny Segment Defender of Seagal(aroth)

Mmm, delicious P. Dear Txt Hater Of course my rant sounds like I smoke P. I smoke P. That’s why my rants are so ranty. A dictionary definition of a rant is this: “An exposition written, or more often oral, where emotionality supersedes rationality. Its purpose is a call to action, often identifying a target for ire and a path to resolution. Due to the pejorative connotation of the term it is a descriptor that is often subjective, most often applied to messages disagreed with.” So you don’t like my rants? Then you mustn’t like rants.

Dear Rowan aka XXXXL Yo asswhipe, I wonder where you get your ideas from for the comic strips that you do in each Nexus magazine huh? The other weeks picture of the bomb saying “yo” in reply to the asteroid saying “sup”, gosh douche bag where did you come up with that little gem? Taking a dump on the toilet? or viewing a rather popular flash movie called “End of ze World”? I mean sure its fine to jump on the band wagon of cult successes (especially in the ever growing ‘nerd sector’) But passing off original content as your own in a student critqued magazine, really gets us ear infected nerds fucked off. Sure, a firefox attacking the world is cute and funny but its a straight rip from “Animator vs. Animation II” (though admittedly the said fox is fighting ‘The Chosen One’ but its the obvious of where you took it from. You’re basiclly Meg off Family Guy, enough said. Whats next a dramatic looking gopher? If you do it again I’ll have to write you a strongly worded letter then hang you like the Judas you are, no just kidding I won’t bother with a letter next time. Yeah, I got bored of writing this already, I think to myself sometimes why do I bother with... yeah.. Mark Dairy

Kiss my ranting ass

AJ’s Mates Can Write Love, Art

How to live, from an expert I’m particularly fond of money, and it annoys me when people whinge about not having enough of it, that being a student is so hard and so on. The government gives you 150/wk for being enrolled, and 40/wk on top if you get the student allowance, AND you have a grand at your disposal (course related costs). You don’t have to work, you just go to your three hours of class a day. Say 100 goes to rent, 20 for expenses; you still have 30 for food. So why would you have a cry about breaking even, you’re not even earning the money, they just give it to you! The only reason you have trouble is because you throw it away in town, you buy expensive food, playstations and tvs, and you insist on drinking every day of every week. If you want to live like that then do so, but don’t cry about it. My first two years at uni were spent bludging off studylink, and lo and behold I actually made money. This year I finally got a job (not for the money, just to make the cv look better) and by doing three shifts a week, I more than double my income. And because I got a job relevant to my degree, as opposed to a shitty warehouse or mcdonalds job, it doesn’t hinder my studies at all, if anything it really helps. Thats my two cents. Stop whinging like a stupid girl and wasting all your money. Nick Elliot Plagiarismo di plagiarismo


Dear Nexus, Shame on you. I am currently in my fourth year of study at the wakatoomba and I have always been a faithful reader of nexus. However I have noticed a trend in the recent publications that is fucking me off. That is the amount of crap and shitty reviews that are clogging the pages of nexus. I mean in last weeks issue there were ten different reviews on crap from comics to cafes. And don’t even get me started on how much of a fucktard that pretentious git, thunder mcloud is. All im saying is that most of the shit in there appeals to the minority of students and top quality columns like the Karnage Kolumn are put out to pasture. There is an amazing student culture out there that I feel is being neglected in the nexus. If I was from another uni flicking through the nexus id think the students of Waikato were geeks and fucken weirdos not just regular students that love to have a great time. Give the masses what they want and bring back the Karn by chucking out the krap. Booya And p.s. try not to leave this letter out like you have done for other ones with similar attitudes. Scatman I’m sure both of you will appreciate the return of the Karnage Kolumn on page 31. – Ed.

WTF of the Week Dear “Johnathan Hastings”, I am writing in response to your letter that was published in last weeks Nexus. Why do you feel the need to fill the pages of Nexus with the kind of long-winded bullshit that you offered last week? Not only was


it offensive, but it was misleading in that a lot of people must have read it thinking it to be serious co-respondance only to later encounter a shaggy-dog story of the shaggiest kind. To add insult to inanity, you were not even man enough to sign off with a real name, instead relying on a scatological and offensive pseudonym. Your letter takes attention away from more serious matters, such as fellow lettuce-submitter Nic Duncalf, whom I feel has a requirement of said attention. Perhaps without larrakins such as yourself, we might be better able to seriously adress the needs of someone who opens their letter by decrying the quality of a magazine and then making a submission that consists of eight (8) paragraphs of the same argument, presented consistently more chaotic with each double stroke of the return carriage. Even though this lettuce was clearly starved of logic and vitamin C during the foetal phase, Editor and Renshi-Haiku Drummond was able to deftly expose its many flaws much like a trained chimney sweep is able to silently and swiftly expose a sleeping child, without even mentioning the glaring fact that said contributor was quite clearly eating the proverbial Johnathan Hastings while conducting his train of thought through the island of Sodor.

the name of Tallow Hung-Suk. During infacy his feet had been bitten off by hungry snakes, a common occurance in the bitter struggle for life that is the Bangkok YMCA. I first encountered him in my hotel room, where I awoke after a 96 hour bender in an opium den, with the only signs of life being the quivering blue veins in my arm and a fresh trail of Johnathan Hastings across the floor, leading to a small boy with no feet, propping himself up with two chimneysweep brooms. I befriended the lad, and Hung-Suk and myself fast became friends. Because he had spent his life navigating on two brooms (no simple task) his biceps were well developed, and so we became a symbiote: we developed a complex communication code whereupon he would spasm his feetstumps under my armpits to direct me, while I would use my toungue to tickle the small of his back when I wanted him to use his arms on something. This relationship blossomed until one fateful day when I was the badguy in an action movie, and during a fight scene on top of a train the hero looked behind me and ducked. I instinctively turned about face, rapidly tonguing Tallow Hung-Suk in an attempt to ready him for an incoming projectile or perhaps a steaming pile of Johnathan Hastings. Instead I lost my friend to the lower bricks of a tunnel, and have never been the same since.

This brings me to my central point: While vacationing in sunny Bangkok, I was privy to the life and times of an amazing young boy who went by

Regretfully, Jack Napier

Texts to the Editor

Idiot loves company Your puzzles are still boring…But at least the texts I received are entertaining

Text of the week Mystery of the missing boxes Where did all the Nexus boxes go? It takes ages to find now cause they aren’t where I usually find them – Daniel. We got asked to paint them. They’re a pretty red with crappy grey stencils on now. By the time you read this, they should be back up – Ed. I have no idea why this topic continues to rage Wot da fuck do u mean, outlook sux shit and gues wat ur rite my mum is way betta than outlook which means gmail is a clear winner

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Read on for the weirdest curse I’ve ever seen Fuk this uni! Why is it that every tym I turn around they ask me 4 MORE muny!Fukn ten bucks 4 this, 50 dollars 4 that. Stop raping my student loan u bastards! Fuk! How bout sayin to me “here, take sum of this here cash… u obviously need it more than we do!” Wankrs. Im hungry cos of u! Hope your dogs die! More money moaning To “overworked,underpaid, malnourished average student” wat the fuck are u complaining about. $187.65 AFTER tax per week that u dnt pay bak. LUCKY 4 SOME! Ps: dick.

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The 48 Hours is a unique challenge – teams from around New Zealand compete to make a seven-minute short film in just two days, in what is New Zealand’s largest film competition. Massive prizes (the grand winner of this year’s comp will take home over $60, 000 in swag) aren’t just the only reason to enter – the prestige of a win has seen past teams include established directors, including Oscar-winner Taika Waititi, and actors like Johnny Barker, (formerly the murderous Joey on Shortland Street.) It’s a mad weekend of furious filming and sleep deprivation, and around 600 teams around New Zealand have signed up for it. The rules are pretty simple: You have 48 hours to make a film of not longer than seven minutes. Films delivered after deadline are instantly disqualified. No excuses accepted. You have to include a number of compulsory elements, to make sure no-one’s cheating. All filming, original music, editing and everything else must be completed within the 48 hours. That is all. This year, Nexus was on board for the ride. I signed up as a journalist, intending to report on key events and get a decent night’s sleep in the meantime. Unfortunately I ended up being dragged into acting and writing, and so passed one of the most mental weekends of my life. I’ll turn it over to Louise, now, who kept a journal of the proceedings. Bits in bold are by me where I’ve felt the need to add something in. See if you can spot the bit where we all go mad.

FRIDAY 6pm: The team congregates at my house, sending my poor flatmates fleeing in terror.


Good start? The nice lady on C4 announces the compulsory elements of the films: Character - Kerry Post, a perfectionist Prop - a brush Line of dialogue – “Wait a minute!” 7pm: We meet at the huge Wintec room secured for us by the fantastic Jonathan. We’ve drawn the genre ‘Crime’ which results in a lot of excitement- a great reaction compared to last year, which was more of a “WTF?” when we drew the “Based on a True Story” genre. Mad brainstorming begins as ideas start flowing from all sides. Considering there are 12 people crammed in, everyone is pretty agreeable. But it’s easy to be agreeable when you’re not sleep deprived. 10:30pm: With a story secured, courtesy of Josh and a whole lot of random suggestions (my idea was born of my Guy Ritchie and Grand Theft Auto 4 obsessions, which is probably all you need to know) the crew starts setting up for the first shots. I’m banished to the toilets to get into hooker costume. This is not the first time I’ve played a prostitute, and I’m starting to fear typecasting. It takes a surprisingly short time to get ready, and makeup artist Samantha proclaims the result “hot”, which makes me seriously doubt her sanity. 11pm: We come outside to find that Josh has bumped into a couple of cops at BP and coerced them into being in the film. Don’t ask what he promised them. The first shot takes ages to set up, because we’re still at the stage when time isn’t an issue. Well, when we think time isn’t an issue. It is, of course.

SATURDAY: 3am: The scene is almost completed. The actors are all crowded in Josh’s car to make the most of the heater as the crew sets up the next shot. I am almost glad for the cigarette they make me smoke. If my body can’t be warm, then by God, my lungs will be! 3:05am: I blow the shot by sexily inhaling wrong and choking. Smooth. 4:30am: Scene completed! Naptime is possible as everyone heads back inside to plan the day’s filming. 5:15-7.00am: Sleep. Just enough to make me want more. 8amish: We unite again for our next scene: a marijuana heist at the lake. We have to invent our own weed, because there’s none at the lakes (just in case you were wondering). Crowd control is needed to stop people walking through takes. People seem to think that if they “only take a minute” it somehow won’t show up on screen. WRONG. Our “weed” is in bags from a rather prominent supermarket. We have to hide the logos, because I don’t think that’s advertising they want to encourage. 10:30am: We start filming the getaway scene. This turns out to be lots of fun, so we decide to do several takes. Nothing like a mad backseat handheld shot in an accelerating Ford to add to the general craziness of a film. Elderly passers-by stared in disgust at these young ‘uns zooming around a parking lot, spraying gravel at unsuspecting ducks.

11:30am: With that scene wrapped, Josh, John and I set out on the Mad Balaclava Hunt, while the others film a scene at the comic store. It turns out that no one sells balaclavas in this town, and we get looked at pretty weirdly for requesting them. I guess the only demand for them in Hamilton is from thieves or rapists… or crazy film crews. Eventually tech assistant Neroli finds us some. 3pm: Inevitably, everyone’s brains crash. Lunch doesn’t really help. Editing begins back at Wintec, and Laura leads a location scouting mission to find a fruit stand to rob. An hour later, we find the perfect spot- a fruit stand with a sign informing potential thieves of camera surveillance. Heh heh. Sweet. Fortunately, some of the crew members know the farm owner, and he lets us film (and even gives us free feijoas!). 6pm: Dinner. Nandos. Free. W00t. 8pm-11pm: More scenes are filmed. Most involve pens, fake blood, and running over prostitutes. I can’t remember what’s going on. My brain is foggy. Where’s the V? It was all drunk by Lee. Bastard.

SUNDAY 12am: Inside our Wintec set, which we’ve had to rig to fake the inside of a flat because someone piked on letting us film at theirs. It looks like a Satanist’s basement. John manages to fall asleep during a take. Most of these bits are dark and blurry. The results are a bunch of sub-par scenes submitted to our hardworking editor Sophie to sort through in the morning. 4:30am: I blink. Next thing I know, co-star Lee is shaking me awake. I immediately hate everything about Lee, and want to push him out the window, but then I realise that almost 5 hours have passed and it’s time to get filming again. I briefly debate if it’s worth getting up, but then remember that I’m the producer, and should set a good example. I roll off the couch.

10am: After a hurried breakfast, John rings around to find a tow truck. We quickly find a fantastic guy and meet him on Wilson St to film the movie’s final scene. This is clocked within an hour (woohoo!) and we head back to tie up the last few shots. 12:30pm: We decide we can spare time for lunch before we record the voiceovers. This turns out to be the worst idea we have the whole time. 2pm: We arrive back to find that the dialogue equipment hates us. So while that’s being fixed, I check up on the editing. It’s going pretty well, and our crew’s brains are reasonably unfogged. I’m impressed. I fill out the boring paperwork side of things.

work. Finally. We begin recording voiceovers and ADR. 5:30pm: The dialogue is handed in for the editors to add. The rough cut looks pretty cool. The actors and tech assistants start cleaning up, as Jono, Sophie, Natalie and I stay glued to the editing screen, fixing odds and ends and clearing up music. 6:40pm: We begin copying to mini-DV. If it goes wrong, we’re screwed. 6:41pm: Was that a rendering beep on our final cut!?

2:30pm: Dialogue gear still isn’t working. 3 pm: What the fuck is wrong with the dialogue gear!? I race around frantically trying to find people who know how to fix stuff. 3:10pm: Is there any other stuff we could use? 3:30pm: What do you MEAN, that’s not working either!? We have just over 3 hours to go! This bit is a bit of a blur to me. I think a couple of people may have cried. I just ran around stupidly and yelled and banged on things. 3:40pm: We resort to a bad-quality system which reverbs like the devil. In the meantime, the editors are frantically trying to get everything in order. Tempers are flaring as people start snapping at each other. But no one takes it personally. It’s the final countdown talking. 4pm: The decent equipment decides to


And why is the sound so quiet!? NOOOOOO! Oh, great. We’ve gone and done our final cut with all the sound turned way the hell down. 6:45pm: Dear God, we forgot to put the credits on! And now it’s too late! 6:53pm: Completed transfer! Run to the Hub (the Student Hub at Wintec, where the films are being entered. Yes, we really were this late.)! Ruuuuuuuuuun! 6:55pm: We dash over the finish line, and celebrate our triumph. The last team to make the cut scrapes through at 6:59:59. Impressive. Beats the poor bastards last year who arrived 1/10th of a second too late. 7pm: We celebrate with a Stella Artois. Well done, team. Then we all go out for drinks, because we’re idiots. Then we go home and collapse.

Postscript – by Josh: Our heat has a bunch of films showing from different teams. Some are very good, quite a few are mediocre, and a couple are downright terrible. I put ours in the “mediocre,” bracket, although a couple of friends tell me, kindly, that ours is the best one there. Well, it would have been, if you could bloody hear half of it. But you can’t.

So, the following day (right now, actually, as I’m typing this up,) I’m pleasantly surprised to get a text from Louise with a review of our film, from the 48 hours website. It says: “Quite possibly the best film of the night… Well-structured humorous premise almost gets it over lighting/editing shortcomings.” Well, that’s just friggin’ amazing. I am stoked

Time travel! Love the concept, and I gotta admit, I’m a big sci-fi nerd.

out of my little mind. And I am sure of one thing: I will be entering this competition again.

a dummy over the bridge, and the camera was set up at the bottom to catch the fall. The people driving over the bridge saw what looked like someone being pushed over the edge. The cops showed up with pepper spray and I had to go there to explain and point out the camera down below. And then we had the away teams from Pukekohe. Away teams are allowed to use a Justice of the Peace to sign off on their film before it’s sent to us, and their Justice of the Peace actually died on Friday just before they began filming. The JP had to be organised before the weekend started, so they had something like 50 minutes to find a new JP.

A huge thank-you to absolutely everyone who worked on the project and whose names I’ve probably forgotten already. You’re awesome. Paul Barlow is the organiser of the Hamilton chapter of the 48 Hours competition. Nexus caught up with him the weekend after to see what it’s like from the organiser’s point of view. What made you decide to take charge of the Hamilton competition? About four years ago I saw how big it was everywhere else, and I’ve always been on record saying I wanted to do something to encourage people to make movies here, so it made sense to run something like this. It was a way to encourage other people to get on board and do stuff, and have a lot of fun with it at the same time. Did you ever enter the 48Hours before starting the Hamilton competition? No. I’d be terrible at it! Awww! Do you wish you could actually enter it now, just to join in the fun? Well, this year was probably the first year that I sat down and saw a genre that I was really keen on trying. And what was that?


Were there any bad situations during the Hamilton competition? We had a few nasty things happen. We had a police call-out on the Frankton over-bridge for one team. They were filming a scene throwing

Did they manage to? They did, actually! Both teams managed to do it. What do you think of the state of film in Hamilton and New Zealand? New Zealand, it’s fantastic, and has been for a very long time, and it’s only going to get better. However, the state of film in Hamilton leaves a lot to be desired, and most of it is down to the fact that our council is actually not very good at what it does, in terms of getting films here. What do you think would boost that, in Hamilton? A few things, actually. In terms of Hamilton film, the council needs to basically get off its ass and get it here. There was a proposal put forward to the council about a month and a half ago about what we need to do to get The Hobbit here. That’s big money- there’s more money in the two Hobbit films being made than there is in the entire seven years of the V8

races being put on. It’s huge money that we could get in this region, because realistically it’s set here. We have just about every single potential location within the Waikato region. That was put forward and the council have done nothing about it, and they have a very good chance of losing it. I don’t even think half of them realise that they’re in the running for

Johnny Barker.) A graduate of Wintec’s School of Media Arts who currently works for two video-producing companies, Matt talks about what it’s like to win the 48 hours, being sleep-deprived, and what it’s like to have Peter Jackson personally hand-pick your film.

it. That’s what I’ve been told.

Nexus: So how’d you get the gig working with Shortland Street stars on the 48 hours? Matt: My sister works at TVNZ and she is now married to Jarrod Kahi who is a mate of Johnny Barker. So through that realm of mates I sort of ended up with them, and seeing as nothing much was happening in the Waikato I went and joined their crew in Auckland.

We need to publicise this! We need to get them enthusiastic about it. Some councillors are really into it. We have one, Gordon Chesterman, who was actually a hobbit in Lord of the Rings. Some encourage film any way they can. But then you get some other councillors who don’t get it. So they just ignore it. Do you think the 48HOURS competition is a good thing to the NZ film industry? Oh definitely. Our first winner got nominated for an Academy Award. Obviously not for the film he made in the competition, but I think it’s a huge jump to be able to say ‘we’ve got filmmakers of this calibre working here’. And then there’s the new talent we find. Some people have entered the competition and then found jobs in the industry based on the work they’ve done. So it is definitely a good learning curve for people. What was the personal highlight of the weekend for you? A decent night’s sleep! As the manager, my job is to get sleep when everyone else stays awake. There was one team in particular who had a nasty habit of texting me at all hours over the weekend. The reason why I don’t do the competition is because I like sleep! (laughs) No, but my highlight probably is that the majority of the teams got stuff in on time. Nexus chatted to Matt Chappel, who was the cinematographer for last year’s winning 48 hours entry “Lease,” (which starred Shortland Street “serial killer”

How was that? Oh, mate. Well, it’s definitely a process from having completed a film to going through the regional heats and going to the screenings, seeing the crap films and the better ones. Then we find out that we made the regional finals, and then that goes into a pool of about 12 regional finalists, where the best are screened and all the little bits and pieces of awards are given out. Best cinematography, best director, best actor, and so on. From that we got best original score, but we weren’t expecting to win anything else. We were informed later after those regional finals that Peter Jackson had sat down and watched our film with a mystery director and had picked us as a wildcard entry. Then it came to the final, which screened on C4 They screened this little Peter Jackson insert and he’s like “look who’s here! It’s [Shaun of the Dead director] Edgar Wright!” That must have been pretty cool… It was a pretty amazing feeling knowing that ol’ Sir PJ sat down and watched our film, and even better, he liked it! How did you find out that your team had won?

There was an audience vote at the end of the programme, and we were all sitting around waiting for a phone call – Jackie Clark was announcing, she’d said for everyone to have their cellphones out – and we got the call, it was quite a rush, eh? To know that we’d taken it out, out of 500 teams. And that meant you’ve had a TV crew following you around on this year’s comp… Yeah, this year we had a Campbell Live crew follow us around, and we’ve got big pressure on us to produce a result that holds up to last year’s effort. But it was still a blast? Oh, absolutely. There’s always that environment that the 48 hours generates – it’s a chance to go out on a limb and come up with just anything. If you’ve had little niggling ideas of things you can do with a film during the year, the 48 hours gives you the chance to get them out of your head and on film. So what did you win for coming first last year? All up, we won $35, 000 worth of prizes. Predominantly they were grants and stuff. You could use time or money at a particular place. Like, we got a five grand grant from the New Zealand Film Commission. So what we did was amalgamating some of that and make an edit suite for our crew, and we’ve been able to make music videos and things on that throughout the year. So it’s helped you with your film-making career? There’s definitely a bit of a story to tell – it’s something to say I was in the crew who won the 48 hour. These days, I’m just getting stuck into my producing, and cinematography. I’m trying to make myself valuable by being an allrounder, being the jack of all trades.


Last week’s Nexus editorial raised a number of interesting if not downright contentious points about the state of Hamilton music. The idea that the ‘scene’ was insular, narcissistic and elitist, sparsely populated by too-cool-for-school snobs, was a challenging one. Mr Drummond sort to give us an outsider’s perspective, a ‘mainstream’ take on socalled ‘indie’ music activities and musicians in this town. He did not mince his words. My first response would be to point out that there is no monolithic ‘Hamilton Music Scene’, as such. There are, rather, multiple scenes. Josh would probably see me as one of “the same 15 people” who show up to “’Tron’s indie gigs” (perhaps this crowd’s most elderly member). It is true that there can be a certain sameness in attendees at these types of events, though there’s usually a few more present than he concedes. In any case, that is only part of the story. A few months back I was out at Ward Lane, taking in a line up that included two of the more popular local bands to emerge in the last couple of years, The Braxton Hicks and The Lookie Loos. The turn out that night was staggering: literally hundreds of people, most of whom I had never before sighted at a gig. This audience was young, enthusiastic and fiercely partial. In both composition and taste it was a completely different scene to one I normally frequent. It was something of a revelation. A true appreciation of Hamilton’s musical diversity is difficult given most of us struggle to see the wood for the trees. Prisoners of our tastes and the social networks that often flow from them, it is easy to believe that the only thing on offer is the same old cultural same old. This is where an event like Circle Jerk comes to the fore. Now in its fourth consecutive year, the Circle Jerk continues to be true to its founding principles, showcasing a wide range of local music and musicians. Deliberately drawing on different sub-cultures and eras, mixing younger performers with established veterans, its format is specifically designed to promote experimentation across genres. Fifteen Hamilton acts each 22

play a three song set, with two songs being mandatory covers of another Hamilton band’s material. At its best Circle Jerk produces strange bedfellows and fresh takes on H-town standards. Last year, for example, saw freshfaced Christian girl Kimbra rubbing shoulders with hoary filth merchants the Mobile Stud Unit. Though, regretfully, Ms Johnson ignored my special pleading to play selections from the MSU songbook, plenty of others have. “Marmite Man”, an ode to urban legends

Cairns and Fulton could not be further removed stylistically from one of the city’s newer bands, Damsels, which also features a Fulton. This is another first for the event: two generations of performers from the same family.

their craft with electronic equipment whilst would-be ‘super group’ The Steve Ray, Cream, Hendrix & Snoop Dogg Experience may well feature a guitar or two. Certainly with a name like that they will feel at home at Digger’s back bar.

The brothers Bennett feature in distinctively different outfits. Tim, the younger sibling, drums for emerging prog rockers The Sheriffs. Caleb is one half of Ministry of Hypocrisy, a noise band which will have to work hard to top their 2007 effort in which they simultaneously

The night will be book ended by musicians who have given a lot to the Hamilton scene(s) over the years. Circle Jerk founder Mark Tupuhi will launch the evening and one of the city’s most enduring and endearing covers bands, Johnny Fist, will

A true appreciation of Hamilton’s musical diversity is difficult given most of us struggle to see the wood for the trees. Prisoners of our tastes and the social networks that often flow from them, it is easy to believe that the only thing on offer is the same old cultural same old. surrounding the late television personality Pete Sinclair, has to date been covered twice: in 2006 by polished rock n rollers Johnny Fist and in 2007, getting a bit more of a contemporary thrashing, by the now defunct cult outfit Yokel Ono. An almost compulsory number at the Jerk is the town’s self-titled, unofficial anthem, a masterpiece composed by the still active singersongwriter Chris Thompson. Given that the legendary Big Muffin Serious Band are making their Circle Jerk debut in 2008, and are amongst Thompson’s most loyal and innovative interpreters, “Hamilton” is bound to crop up again. The Muffins are the senior act on this year’s bill. Their combination of ukuleles, anarchic percussion and the sweet tones of Messieurs

played every Hamilton song ever recorded. Also returning from last year are veterans Rumpus Room, albeit with a specially augmented line-up that promises much, and popsters Dynamo Go, possibly playing their last ever gig. Rumour has it that The Shrugs, fresh off their album release, will be similarly experimenting with personnel, a move that perhaps reflects matrimonial changes within the band. The biggest name being featured, in terms of national reputation, is former Sneaky Feelings lead singer and current Wintec educator, Matthew Bannister. Not that the likes of One Fat Man or Wilberforces, Thom Burton’s follow up to Yokel Ono, are unknown outside the city.

bring it to a close. Ever subtle, the Fist have added the subtitle ‘Supple Wrists’ to their moniker, just in case anyone is still in any doubt about the masturbatory metaphor implied in the event’s title. Which brings us back to alleged narcissism. The name ‘Circle Jerk’ might suggest sweatypalmed self-appreciation, and the type of insularity decried in print last week but in practice it is anything but. It even got support from the Hamilton City Community Arts Council (for which we are extremely grateful), and will be featured in specials on Contact 88.1 FM and Community Radio Hamilton 106.7 FM. It takes place on the 31st of May at Diggers back bar, Hood St, commencing at the challengingly early hour of 8:30pm.

Three acts will be playing for the first time. DJ Handbrake and Doteyes will be plying 23

Prez Sez Moira Neho

Noho Marae Last weekend 110 students from 26 different countries converged on Rotorua for the 2nd annual WSU Noho Marae. This was an opportunity for those new to Aotearoa to experience a glimpse into Maori culture, for others a chance to connect with international students they don’t already know, and for others the last chance to see more of our beautiful culture before they fly home. You may recall reading that this trip was available at the bargain price of $35 – this would not have been possible without the support of the International Centre and the Cultural Committee and on behalf of the WSU and the International Students who attended (and the ones who were on the wait list) thank you for your support.

bring your own along to this informal question and answer session. Over the course of this semester we have been able to meet with many of you but there are still a lot that we don’t know. Come along with your friends and let us know what’s on your mind and how the WSU can improve our services to you. PS: Ben said to tell you that teddy bears are optional.

University Update The latest Education Review presented a snap shot view of the highlights from the tertiary investment plans across the country. Waikato has some large but achievable goals. The most significant being the goal to increase quality assured research publications from 338 in 2007 to 800 by 2010. Going hand in hand with this, there is also a goal to increase postgraduate research EFTs to 6.3% of the total number of domestic students. What does this all mean? Basically the University wants more research published and more domestic students doing it. While this seems like a huge undertaking I personally believe that this is possible if our students are adequately supported. On the topic of support, it is becoming more obvious that many of our students are not feeling supported in their postgraduate studies. I recently received a copy of a petition for more graduate study space in the School of Education, highlighting that there is room to improve and an opportunity for greater dialogue between the University and this group of students.

What: Picnic with the Presidents When: Friday 6th June, 1-2pm Where: Student Union Building Who: Open invitation to all students

Vote! Vote! Vote! Ok.. the brochure says it’s as easy as 1,2,3 – and for a change it actually looks like it is. If you haven’t got an enrolment form all you have to do is one of the following: 1.FREE phone 0800 36 76 56 2.FREE text your name and address to 3676 3.Check out OR 4.Go to a PostShop and ask them to give you one

On this note, the Cultural Committee has a budget line specifically to support student initiatives. This is any event, performance, or anything else you can think of, put on by a student(s), that contributes to the cultural experience of students at Waikato University. It doesn’t need to be as big as the Noho Marae, it could be as simple as a lunchtime musical recital or ethnic dance performance; be creative and get in touch with me with your ideas so we can make them happen and liven up the university campus.

Picnic with the Presidents Olivia, Ben and I would like to invite you to a picnic with us at the Student Union Building. We will provide a light lunch but feel free to

If you are interested in accessing any of this money to help you with your student initiative, email me at or come up and see me at the WSU offices.


At the moment the WSU directors and over 100 international students are buzzing from the awesome weekend we spent in Rotorua. The Noho Marae trip was an outstanding success; full of fun and interesting cultural experiences, including learning the haka and poi, sleeping on a Marae, and visiting Te Puia. A big thank you to the International Centre and the Cultural Committee for their support of this amazing event. We would not have been able to provide such a fantastic experience without your help.


I know you all want an insight into your WSU committee in-action. We were graced with the presence of Sue Moroney last Monday, she was well impressed with the action taking place at one end of the table-Glen and Tracey multiskilling as condoms and lollipops were being adhered to M.A.S.H. info bits. Sue, a list M.P. has made it to junior whip in her first term of government. A long standing Union Advocate and Chair of the National Womens Caucus, this mother of 2 is married to a Food Service Workers Union rep. Power to the people! Discussion surrounding; access to universal

student allowance; and the importance of maintaining pressure on the government to see that the long term goal of free tertiary education must be maintained. I guess that’s the shoot for the stars even if the sky is the limit. National Party and the turncoat nature of their politics were raised. National espouse now in policy, support for things they have voted down with derisive speeches, the no interest on student loans for example; a party that seems to have reactive policy rather than proactive.

If you want to see what REALLY goes on in the meetings, come along on a Monday morning, rather than relying on the fictional Execution ramblings of a busy mind.

Sport Results with AJ Hey krew, this week I put up the standings in brackets after each team’s results. The oval-shaped ball sport laid the smack-down on the round-ball teams with 3 out of 3 victories. Killing it!!

He is losing control! In spite of receiving more money each month than most of us, Athol gambles it all away and has run up huge debts. He spends many hours a day gambling and it is affecting his grades as well as his pocket. He constantly returns to the pokies in order to try and recover his losses, or win more. He wants to stop and gain control over his life, but the urge to gamble is so great he knows he needs help but doesn’t know what to do. The University branch of Citizens Advice Bureau can give you information about this or other inquiries you might have. They have heaps of pamphlets and a huge data base to help answer anyone’s questions. Visit them at the Cowshed from 1pm – 3pm daily during semesters or phone 838 4466 extn 6622 or 0800FORCAB. By the way Athol could ring the free national gambling helpline 0800 654 655. They are available until 10pm daily and can provide support, information and referral to a number of specialist supported or self –help programmes. CAB could also tell him of several places in Hamilton that could help.


Rugby – Varsity (W.U.R.F.C) Premiers B’s Under 85’s

won against Matamata won against Matamata B won against Melville

33-0 24-12 35-0

(10th of 12) (7th of 12) (1st of 9)

Soccer – Unicol A.F.C Mens A’s Reserves D1 D2

lost to Morrinsville drew with Taumaranui lost to Claudelands D2 lost to Claudelands D1

0-1 2-2 2-3 1-7

(10th of 10) (8th of 10) (4th of 10) (9th of 10)

Womens B1 B2

won against Taumaranui lost to Melville B

4-1 0-2

(3rd of 13) (9th of 13)

o h No

e a r a M

May 16th-17th



Random Stuff

Be in quick, tickets are selling fast


For tickets, contact Ngaz Need help typing your assignments, I will type what you

027 2045574

I need virgins for a Satanic ritual in order to increase the length

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but will type your assignments as they are written and your writing must be legible. $7.00 per typed page neg. Text 021

Chemistry Student Wanted

205 3289

To tutor NCEA level 3 chem. One hour per week from now

SAVE $$$ on Rising Petrol Prices!!! Awesome 50cc scooter

until November. $20 an hour.

and motorbike helmet for sale - $1000 for both! Both in great

Please txt or phone Mel on 027 469 9906

condition! Email or txt/ring 027 Where Students Buy and Sell No listing fees, success fees or registration charges, its FREE.


Flatmate Wanted Ad

Perfect for finding flatmates and buying and selling text books.

$75 per week


24 years plus

Brand new 5-bedroom house only 2 years old, down a

2 mins to uni

driveway, real safe area, 5 min walk from Uni & Hillcrest

All management students now have there own bebo page!

mature student or working person

Warehouse. Big sunny room with double wardrobe. 4 (really

pick up hot chicks off it and share tutorial answers!

Outside room

friendly!) existing flatmates - all students, 2 guys 2 girls.

just go to and join the

Established flat

$150pw includes everything - food, power, wireless broadband


Contac: 856 1656

etc. Interested email

Ultimate Frisbee! Come play! On the uni fields

Car 4 Sale

LOST or STOLEN grrrr: A green camera at Bar 101 - Sat

opposite the library every Mon and Thurs at 5.30pm. Beginners

Toyota Camry Prominent 1992

19th May. Has pics from my 21st that night on it so desperately

to pros… come one, come all!

2.5L Auto. Sedan. 232thou km. Ex Condition. Well maintained

want it back. Reward offered for safe return. 0274289525

and regularly serviced – 4 new tyres and brakes just done. Where are all the Askew people at? Come join us Wed 1-2 at

$2000 O.N.O (

TWO ROOMS AVAILABLE; One inside and one

the QueerSpace in the Cowshed, next to the Student Union

cheap!!!) Scott 021 108 3151 or 07 8437215.

outside. Outside room: Double room for $90 pr wk (power

building. We’re a friendly bunch and would love to see some

incl.) with a lock on the door. Inside room: large double

new faces! :)

Wanted!!!! Female vocalist!

room for $90 pwk(power inc) with a wardrobe. House has all

Fancy yourself a singer? wanna make cool music? Get the

amenities, big lounge and backyard with a deck. Fire place

dancefloors pumping? Hit me up to talk about making tracks

and a warm home. Situated on Beaumont st, off Greesnsboro

WHAT: Fair Trade Fortnight:

and we could end up rockin the world like it’s 1983! I’m down

by Uni.

WHEN: 10 May-5 June

to make any fresh new beats from Amy Winehouse to Robyn


WHERE: Trade Aid Hamilton, 104 Alexandra

just whatever we dream up.

call or txt 0273639604

WHAT: Instore exhibition: Students from Te Wananga O

contact Sam 0212422954

call or txt 02102732336

Aotearoa Huntly Campus providing woven artworks combining

harakeke [flax] & recycled items.

Waikato Mens Netball Trials - Sunday June 8th

2 Flatmates Wanted!

and Sunday June 22nd held at Minogue Park, Hamilton from

A double storied modern apartment situated next to the rugby


1pm to 4pm. All Welcome! Mens Netball Nationals are held

stadium: 4 Bedroom, two bathroom, double garage, large

When: 6th of June, 8pm-12am

in Queenstown in September. Phone Dwayne on (021) 0221-

living and kitchen areas and outdoor padio.10 minute walk

Where: Celebrating Age Centre, 30 Victoria St

8664 or e-mail

to central business district/clubs, 20 minute bike to uni. Two

Cost: $20

existing flatmates; one female one male, both fun loving active

Theme: Haka Party

1992 Mitsubishi Libero SW

students. Rent is $103 per week which includes power and gas

Prizes: Best dressed boy and girl

Manual 2 litre Deisel

water heating. No pets unfortunately.

Bring your own vessel, dress it up. Prize for best dressed

178xxx km

vessel! Spot prizes and raffles up for grabs!

reasonable condition

Looking for like-minded students with a good work hard play

Besides the 4 hours of free beer, should you win a prize you


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can make your $20 back!!

txt 0273351774

Call/txt Kate on 0273006622


With Dr Jo Thakker.

Generally speaking, New Zealanders are not a very passionate people.

do they feel so strongly about it? And why is the use of violence equated

We are not particularly excitable or emotionally expressive. We are known for our tendency to turn our backs on organised religion and various forms of fanaticism. I imagine that few of our citizens would volunteer to be suicide bombers and give their lives to take the lives of others. For the most part, we are balanced and reasonable.

with valuing the family? As a psychologist I am very interested in the answers to these questions.

However, there are some issues that motivate us and elicit passion in even the most subdued individuals. One such issue is whether parents should be legally entitled to smack their children. This issue was enthusiastically debated by many people in relation to the socalled anti-smacking bill which was passed by Parliament 12 months ago. Essentially this bill removed the statutory defence of reasonable force from the Crimes Act so that parents could no longer refer to the Act to defend their use of physical punishment with their children. Although the bill was passed by parliament, Family First (an organisation apparently dedicated to upholding family values) is gathering signatures for a petition in the hope that the government will be forced to hold a referendum on the issue. Apparently thousands of people have signed the petition which suggests that many people are unhappy with the new law. Unfortunately New Zealand has a poor record when it comes to the abuse of children. Our children are beaten, neglected, and killed more frequently than in many other developed countries. This is obviously a sad state of affairs and the government, not surprisingly, wants to do something about it. As a nation we have made declarations of our dedication to protect the rights of children. New Zealand signed the Convention of the Rights of the Child in 1993, and the United Nations (UN) committee noted that section 59 of the Crimes Act, breaches the agreement. The UN also criticised New Zealand’s poor record in protecting the rights of children. The repeal of the “reasonable force” defence attempts to address this issue. Regardless of whether it will succeed, it aims to change the culture of violence that unfortunately permeates our society. However, it appears that many people wish to retain their right to hit their children. Furthermore, they are passionate in their defence of their right to hit. It is quite mystifying that so many people in our society feel so strongly about the preservation of their right to carry out acts of violence. Why 30

Perhaps the passion for smacking arises out of a belief that the parental bond and the familial situation are ‘sacred’ – that they should be impervious to governmental influence. And maybe there is a general belief that parents have a right to parent their children with whatever methods they choose. These notions may be associated with the belief that children are the property of their parents which is, in fact, mistaken. For example, in New Zealand and many other countries, if children are found to have been abused by their caregivers then they are typically removed from their care. Clearly, the State already plays a role in child welfare in some situations and parents do not have unmitigated rights in regards to their children. The extent of strong feeling about the issue is probably also associated with a fear that children will become increasingly unruly and out-of-control if parents are unable to subdue them with smacking. This is an unfounded fear as evidence suggests that the countries that have legislated against physical punishments tend to have more harmonious and less violent societies. Furthermore, corporal punishment was banned in New Zealand schools in 1989 and since that time schools have found other less demeaning and more effective ways of disciplining their students, with no apparent ill effects. In other words the change did not lead to wide-spread anarchy. Over the years, many laws have changed. The law is a malleable entity that ebbs and flows in response to social change. Previously, in many Western countries, a man had the right to force his wife to engage in sexual activity. And not so long ago homosexuality was a crime. No doubt when these changes occurred people were passionate in their desire to retain the status quo, however looking back it would seem that their passion was misplaced. Similarly, with this change, I imagine (and hope) that years from now people will look back and wonder what all the fuss was about. Jo Thakker has a PhD in Clinical Psychology. Her research areas include substance use and abuse, cultural psychology, sexual offending, and theoretical psychology. Her current research programme explores public attitudes to sexual offenders and how these influence clinical environments and ultimately treatment efficacy.

Karnage Kolumn BY AJ

Dear Agony Art Are there any fetishes which are too crazy to be acceptable? Barry the Peacock Lover Dear BtPL In short, no. If no one knows what you’re into, but it’s still legal, then the sky is the limit when it comes to sexual expressionism. Want to rub out some snake mustard in a girl’s hair? That’s totally fine. It’s even good for the hair, what with all the proteins in your coin purse swimmers. Want to smell shoes while you slide various marrows into your behind? That’s also fine. Got the urge to ride a horse naked while a fat lady throws yoghurt at you and a terminally ill child whispers sweet nothings in your ear? Well… ok, it’s legal so go for it. Of course there are some prudes out there who find all of these things to be revolting and believe they should be illegal, but these are most likely the people who believe Jesus visited America and immunisation is from the devil. If you have a fetish involving items which can think for themselves and don’t wish to be involved in your bed time games (off the top of my head, I’d say hamsters, children and mentally retarded people you find at the Frankton Markets), then you start getting into the illegal area. While lots of illegal things are fun (take streaking as an example here), the consequences aren’t so fun. Unless of course your fetish is getting beaten and raped daily by several nice young men from Otara, in which case break every law you can find. You’ll get your wildest dreams filled. If wildest dreams also means ass. Dear Agony Art Are the letters you answer real letters? From Gony Young Dear Gony Of course they’re real. Real like unicorns and leprechauns. Real like gay sex in the navy and the female orgasm. The letters are real like a stripper’s tears and the following statement from a prostitute “This is my first night working here”. All the letters are sent into me by real people, but I can’t speak for the content being true. I just assume it all is true, because then it makes my own life seem much less messed up. Take into account that almost everyone uses a pseudonym of some sort. The above letter came from my flat mate Kris Sligo, who didn’t want to be named in relation to the question.

No Karnage Kolumn, No Parties, BullSHIT! As you may have noticed the kolumn of karn hasn’t been published for a few weeks now and I’m pretty guttered to be honest, depressed even. However, the bitch is back and I’m throbbing to let you know what on the 3rd planet from the sun has been going on in the Waikato par-tay scene recently. First and foreskin, I was an attendee at Blairs 20th which also doubled as a flat-warming for the boys next to Gate 1. DJ Willy G was spinning his own gears all night for the rage with the disc jockey throwing down some faultless needle drops and beat matching. The 5metre funnel, ‘Andre the Giant’, was in true form along with its occupants. Dave nailed a 7-second stein (1 litre glass) which is respectful for a man that had already smashed a box and a half of beer over the night’s course. There was the emergence of a game I hadn’t played since I was pubeless, this being carpet wrestling. Competitors are of course in their underwear and continue to fight till they see either blood or break something. In this case, the wrestle ended in breaking the refrigerator, worthy finishing move if you ask me or Dan. The two hosts, Blair and Mitch didn’t meet midnight but their oral excrements did meet the laps of their girlfriends. Top party boys! Next on the social agenda was a 21st that had big expectations, it was Scotty and AJ’s combined Karn with a capital K, at the WSU building. Theme was ‘80’s TV and movie characters’ and with the invite stating ‘dress up or eat bench’ the party-goers made me proud by busting a tit to look incredible. Ron Jeremy, Captain Planet, Thunderbirds, Hulk Hogan and the SuperMario Bros were standouts, with no surprises that Rambo was the most common character. I myself thought I would twist the theme and instead of going as Robin (Batman’s sidekick) I would go as Throbbin’, a big penis costume with Robin’s mask. Speeches were dominated by a life story (actually womb to present) from my fiery-haired father and the disgust diaries from Gus. After the verbal marathon, Scotty (MadMax) destroyed me by 3seconds in the yardy race; however we both (only just) completed sub-minute times. Immediately following the challenge we spewed on each other several times and then made up with a man-love moment, how convenient. The ‘Techno Pit’ was the place for many a member of the party and even daddy raged it in the pit. Great night was had by all but there were many of the masses that couldn’t move the next day due to alcohol poisoning or pussy-ness. I really do hope you have missed me and the Karnage Kolumn, I’m reviewing a Snead St. triple flat-warming next week, is was COLOSSAL! Autobots, transform and roll out! Decepticons, eat shit!


nerdery. Jed Laundry

Pop! Now, there’s only one person (actually maybe a few.... Hi!) who actually understands why I started this week’s column with a Pop instead of a Bang, but for those not gifted with fine mouth control, lets say this article spawns from the event that recently occurred in my flat’s kitchen. A light bulb blew. Now instead of simply marching down to the local light bulb dispenser, I used this as an excuse to purchase some 12 compact fluorescent bulbs and proceeded to refit my flat. I can’t help it; everyone eventually becomes all environmentallyconscious these days for one reason or another. Its a great time to be a greenie too, what with electricity prices rising, and a prediction that there’s a 5% chance we’ll have blackouts. I’m currently pricing up new servers at work, and their electricity usage is a major factor of my decision. Unfortunately, it seems the most-efficient (not to mention the one that gets my inner geek’s freak on) solution, a blade server system, adds $15k to that of the exact same setup with rack-mount servers. Not at surprising, the same went for those bulbs; an initially higher cost that will repay itself several times over in the course of its life.

The same goes for modern laptops as well; they’re made with less material, use much less power, still provide enough grunt for most users, not to mention are much more convenient, but as they are so much more expensive most people opt for either cheaper, older laptops or big power-sucking desktops, which can use 30w while completely off. Seriously, you’re paying ~$30/year just to have your desktop plugged in while you’re not using it. Would somebody please think of the environment! On closing comments, for those of you who prefer your web-based word processor of choice to have a Adobe Lightroom-esque interface, as well as niceties such as proper fonts and a flash-animated pulsating cursor, instead of actual functionality like copy+paste (I’m just sour it doesn’t work with my mac), should check out Adobe Labs’ buzzword (lower-cased on purpose). Before you get your hopes up though, you can’t save directly to PDF. Yes, I was also very disappointed and Adobe should be ashamed with themselves. Also, I’ve decided as I can’t come up with actual content for it, I’ll be carbon-copy posting these articles on my blog, for you to enjoy a day early. Maybe I’ll throw in a couple extra words for you die-hards....



‘Heavy Metal: pimply, prole, putrid, unchic, unsophisticated, antiintellectual (but impossibly pretentious), dismal, abysmal, terrible, horrible and stupid music, barely music at all…music made by slackjawed, alpaca-haired, bulbous inseamed imbeciles in jackboots and leather and chrome for slack-jawed, alpaca-haired, downy-mustachioed imbeciles in cheap, too-large T-shirts with pictures of comic-book Armageddon ironed on the front…Heavy metal, mon amour, where do I start?’ – Rock Critic Robert Duncan The above quote really does sum up how some people in wider society view us. Although some of the descriptive words (they’re called adjectives, but I’m too much of an imbecile to know that) are pretty accurate of your average Metallica fan in the eighties. I’m referring to the alpaca-haired, downy-mustachioed part of course – I couldn’t possibly comment on the bulbous inseamed part. While this is amusing, its also a little annoying and not wanting to sound like your stereotypical Social Sciences student, but its mostly because of dominant social powers and their ability to construct what is ‘common sense’. I’m not



going to mention Marx because personally I don’t agree with him. (Somehow I managed to pass philosophy and still hold that view, how that happened I’ll never know.) But there is a cultural hierarchy going on here, held cooperatively by Classical and Pop music. Classical rules the roost because it’s viewed as more intellectually stimulating. Pop rules the roost because it makes the most money. So all New Zealand’s funding goes to these two. Heavy Metal is viewed as a form of music for drunken idiots. Now I am often drunk, and I am an idiot. But I also do other stuff. Funnily enough, so were classical music lovers in Beethoven’s time. Believe it or not, classical musical performances back then had a lot more in common with the Motorheads and the Slayers then what goes on these days at classical performances these days. People getting drunk and moving to the music - Rock me Amadeus. But there’s this assumption that classical music takes years of training to master and appreciate, whereas any old fool can twist out some distorted guitars. Oh how wrong you are. Guitar solos anyone? Eddie Van Halen anyone? Now I may sound like a conspiracy nut, but look around – just because I’m paranoid doesn’t make me wrong. Or maybe I am just a pretentious, slack-jawed yokel who cut his finger on the screen door again.

A River Runs Through it

Phat Controller

I’m just going to kick things off by highlighting the Wednesday night TV line-up: It’s pretty damned awesome, and the perfect night to roll the green dice and line up in front of the box with a manwidge (mansammidge). I’ll do it in a TV Guide format if Joshitor lets me:

The World Ends With You


6:00 pm (TV2) - The Nanny - Exactly like a shitty high-school play, performed well, but with expensive sets and the anti-Semitism is blunter (PG). 6:30 pm (TV2) - Just Shoot Me - Nostalgic look at when reasonably decent sitcoms dominated evening television, because there was nothing better to watch. Starring Big-boobs girl and the short guy that everyone hates. 7:00 pm (C4) - King Of The Hill! - I didn’t think it was funny before but now I do. A fine example of ‘adult’ humour that doesn’t have to be dirty. 7:30 pm (TV2) - Two And A Half Men - It’s funny because Charlie Sheen is awesome and he’s basically me. 8:00 pm (TV2) - Scrubs - After watching all five seasons a couple of years ago in one sitting during study week I thought I’d never laugh at Scrubs again, but it still evokes a chuckle. 8:30 pm (TV2) - Lost - I am the only person I know who still backs Lost, so if you disagree you are welcome to suck peanut butter off my dick like the dog you are. 9:30 pm (TV2) - TERMINATOR TV SHOW! AWESOME! - Actually seems watchable too, not like a piece of crap as you’d expect. 10:30 pm (TV2) - Moon TV - It’s back and its still pretty funny. 11:00 pm (TV2) - Reality Bites: When Surgical Tools Get Left Behind 2 - No comment. All that remains is to give this week’s column some relevance. Screw that. Have you noticed how nice and tranquil it is on campus? Now that there are no shops by the lake, everything is quiet and nice. The sun keeps coming out, and people sit on the grass, and we don’t have to hear the people in the cafe screaming ‘LARGE MOCHA! LARGE MOCHA!! L A R G E MOCHA!!!!!” and we don’t have to hear the beeps from the ATM. Also: the ducks and their “QUACK! QUACK!! Q U A C K!!!!!” are gone! The lake is really cold so I laugh twice as much when a large older woman walks past me on the boardwalk and I instantly get thoughts of shoulder barging her into the water and running away really quick. Flash Medallion and I will be playing Ultimate Flying Disc with the Fallout Boy concert DVDs (I realise that the choice of projectile renders the game significantly less ultimate) this Friday on the grass if you want to join in, or better yet just take it off my hands and let us save our calories for the coming winterocalypse.

Reviewed by Kirril

The World Ends with You is the best handheld game I have played on any (handheld) system. The World Ends With You is set in what is apparently a very fashionable district of Japan. Something must have got lost in translation because it seems “fashionable” means hip-hop anime, easiest to think of as Final Fantasy mixed with a krump-off. Although an interesting element, this is not what makes the game so awesome. The storyline, although good, is also nothing to write home about. It is a typical Japanese RPG type fare: Hero wakes up, has no memory, no one around him can see him…except for the female who then joins his team. Eventually this turns into the idea that everyone who the hero can talk to is dead and they are all in an alternative world where they have to complete missions, and the person who does the best returns back to the real world…See, an everyday type affair. The World Ends With You really takes of in its gameplay and its full and clever implementation of the DS’s functions and the fact that it is a portable platform. Firstly, battles are done on both the DS’s screens. The top screen receives inputs for one character through pressing the arrow keys. The bottom screen takes its inputs for the other character through stylus inputs. The might seem hectic and cumbersome at first, but a light puck system has been implemented to give it some constructive pace. When a character successfully finishes a set of moves, the other character starts glowing, making his attacks stronger (just like in real life), when the stronger character does a move he passes the puck back to the other screen. This encourages you to switch the action between the two screens. The effect which every stylus movement has in battle is determined by the “pins” you’re wearing. Apparently in Japan it is fashionable to collect and wear pins. Apparently it is even more fashionable if these pins can throw fighters when you rub your finger across your body or create black holes as you concentrate on one spot. There are a number of small features which set The World Ends With You above other similar RPG’s. The difficulty on the game is completely scalable mid game – you can lower your own level and raise the monster difficulty from the stat menu. These serve to increase your “collection coefficient” and “experience points”. Combined with the ability to choose which random encounters you face, and how many you will face in a chain (which also raises your collection coefficient), this makes the game absolutely perfectly timed to take out of your pocket and play for a minute to significantly boost your characters. The game can also be set to “mingle mode.” This means if you’re not playing and you close the DS, any passing DS’s that are set to WiFi will give you significant experience. If you don’t want to do that, the game also gives you experience for leaving the game alone for up to a week. 33

With unscrupulous money lenders baying at the doors and her husband crippled with arthritis, Dora Damage does the unthinkable in 1860s England; she takes over her husband’s book binding business. Her delicate and attractive designs soon catch the attention of the dashing Sir Jocelyn Knightley who charges Dora with the task of binding his personal books. But what starts out innocently quickly turns to indecent when the books change from medical texts

This is a gripping book full of intrigue and drama, and of course Victorian porn. The characters and descriptions of London are full and richly detailed – you can almost smell the stench of waste on the streets and hear

to pornography, shocking the demure Dora who cannot fathom the apparent enjoyment exhibited by the women and men depicted.

the rustle of layers of skirts swishing as the women hurry by. And there is action a-plenty for our heroine Dora who is feisty and strong, a woman determined to save her family from despair as they lurch from one calamity to another.

That is until she meets Din. He is a handsome Black slave freed from America who begins

Death Note

working in Damages Bookbinders - now flourishing thanks to the lucrative nature of dealing with such insalubrious materials. Dora is drawn towards this dark stranger and discovers a well of lust hidden deep within herself just bursting to be released.

Sadly this dazzling debut novel will be the only book published by Belinda Starling; she died last year - three weeks after securing a publishing deal. She was 34.

– Manga Review

Author: Tsugumi Ohba Illustrator: Takeshi Obata Review by Cryo* Interestingly enough this is the first manga review for the Nexus [I think]. I’m guessing the subject of manga has at lest been brought up once before in the vast span of Nexus’ articles. Though for those of you that don’t know; manga is unlike typical comics*. Think of manga as a Japanese style graphic novel, read from RIGHT to LEFT. A volume normally contains a hundred or so black and white drawn pages with a series usually spanning a few volumes. Popular manga is often translated into English and other languages, with this process making or breaking a series. ‘Nuff said. Go read some manga and figure out the rest.

version, however sources say the English translation is good, hence the large number of readers.

Thanks to the idea of a certain cool, cute female this manga review is all about the dark psychological thriller: Death Note. One of the other main reasons I’m reviewing Death Note is that a lot of females like to read or have read this manga, so this review caters to both girls guys [haha, I like equality]. Also please note that I have only read the original Japanese

The basic plot revolves around the male character Light Yagami, an intelligent Japanese high school student who stumbles upon a mysterious notebook named the Death Note. The notebook dropped into the human world by a Shinigami [Death God - think demon creature thingy] named Ryuk, contains a set of rules and when followed do exactly that: kill


Now, how absolutely fucking awesome would it be to have a notebook that lets you write down the names of people you wish to kill then actually kills them according to the scenario you write down? Don’t answer that, of course it’s fucking awesome! DEATH NOTE IS FUCKING AWESOME! In fact Death Note is so awesome that it has been made into an anime series, a novel and a two part live-action movie [with the Red Hot Chili Peppers rocking the theme song].

people that have their name’s written down. The story takes a dark turn when Light realizes the Death Note is real and decides to play God and cleanse the world of its evil. Officially the manga spans 12 volumes – 13 if you count the bonus one. It has also been translated into all the main languages. The artwork is clean while the text is detailed yet absorbing. Read the first volume you’ll be hooked - I was - I read the first four volumes in one sitting. Like I previously stated this is a psychological thriller, it reels you in suspense. If you’re a Naruto fan Death Note may not be your cup of tea – although it does contain action and plenty of it. A good way to classify it would be to say it’s like a detective thriller crossed between an action series with a dark theme and lots of questions. Lastly, 20 million manga sales in Japan alone can’t be bad**. *I’m talking about ‘typical’ American comics. Send in a letter if you want to debate, bietch. **

David Lean, Part Three Relatively quiet on the subject of its protagonist’s homosexuality and devoid any women characters, the only thing “Lawrence of Arabia” lacked was romance. Lean attempted to rectify this shortcoming with his following two offerings. “Doctor Zhivago”, from the Boris Pasternak novel

Omar Sharif made attractive, charismatic leads and Lean was as ever up to the aesthetic challenge of the material. “Ryan’s Daughter” continued in the romantic vein, this time from an original script from Robert Bolt set in Ireland against a backdrop of World War I and IRA rebellion. The surface parallels to “Brief Encounter” - both films being about unhappy marriages and the temptations of adultery - led to unflattering comparisons from critics who found the story thin and the style overblown. Lean’s brilliance in conveying the idealised fantasies of a young woman struck by first love, particularly in the forest sequences, when

Lean went into his shell, not making another film for fourteen years, dismayed at the lack of support for a proposed project on the Bounty mutiny. His eventual come back, an adaptation of Forster’s “A Passage to India”, was a triumph, demonstrating that at age 74 he had lost none of his visual flair or skill with performers. Its take on the British rule in India had a subtlety worthy of Forster’s prose even if there were complaints from the politically correct over the ‘brown-face’ casting of Alec Guinness as a Brahmin sage. In his final years the director’s reputation was fully restored, if not enhanced, when he tinkered afresh with “Lawrence of Arabia”,

of the same name, was far from universally liked, many of the international cast lacking credibility as Russians caught up in the Bolshevik revolution. Still, Julie Christie and

the affair is consummated, were misread or just plain underappreciated by those who wanted a grittier, more contemporary British cinema.

improving the masterpiece in his dotage. Lean died just as he was about to begin filmming a version of Joseph Conrad’s “Nostromo”, a sad loss that made his self-imposed 1970s exile seem all the more unfortunate.

Untraceable is a pretty standard crime thriller at the end of the day. A bad guy wants something from somebody, so plays a cat and mouse game with law enforcement officer, who finds a distraction by falling in love with someone from an opposing law enforcement agency. The movie ends with a shoot out and everyone lives happily ever after. Well, everyone but those people who died horrible deaths during the film. Now, when I say horrible, I don’t mean they get shot or poisoned or anything boring like that. I mean really horrible. There’s a guy who is burnt to death by heat lamps. Another guy finds the water he’s sitting in slowly turning into battery acid. Somewhere along the way a woman is lowered onto a mulcher-type device. This all sounds like pretty stock standard Saw/Hostel/Seven type events, only this time

the murders are being broadcast live on the internet via webcam. The more hits the website gets, the faster the victim dies. It’s like www., only with death instead of sex. I don’t want to give away too much about this film, but after thirty minutes you know who the murderer is and well before the end of the movie you find out what his motivation is. Sure, the motivation seems a little convoluted, but by giving the villain a good collection of mental illnesses and plausible technological knowledge, it’s easy to swallow. I don’t know much about the internet apart from how to check my email and even then I struggle, so as soon as people started throwing around words like ISP, firewall and mirror-server around, I started thinking about the last time saw the BME Pain Olympics online. I quickly

realized it’d be much more fun to watch if it was live. The big twist to this film is that it’s actually just a giant recruitment advert for the FBI CyberCrimes division. If you don’t believe me, go visit the killer’s website ( and follow the instructions. Pretty soon you’ll be fighting crime like it’s nobody’s business. Or you’ll just go back to watching the most revolting stuff you can find on the internet, which is pretty much the effect this film will have on you. At the end of the day, this is a good film. It’s nothing new if you’ve seen Along Came A Spider and The Bone Collector, but it does add an interesting new twist on murder in this, the wondrous age of the interweb.


I was taught to fight, taught to win Showing excellent initiative, the Hamilton Community Arts Council is holding a Live Music Forum tonight, Monday 26th May, 7:30PM at Ariki Gallery (situated above Mark One Comics on Victoria Street). Perhaps a more apt title for the forum might be Lack of Live Music Forum, as the subject up for discussion is the “lack of viable performance venues for the contemporary music community in Hamilton”. To continue quoting, “the forum is the first stage of a wider consultation and is specifically for the music community (whether you are a musician or not) to discuss the situation, to move forward and pro-actively seek solutions together”. If you let out a knowing sigh at reading any of the above, then you probably need to be there. For more info check out the HCAC website: or give them a call and talk to Kat. One last plug for the Hamilton Circle Jerk. It’s happening this Saturday, 31st May, at Diggers Back Bar, kicks off at 8PM, features over a dozen Hamilton acts and only costs one Kate Shepherd. All going

according to plan, with the right sleep regime, this nana should be able to make it this year. Meanwhile Hamilton City Library’s Soundz Like Hamilton 08 wraps up this week. Tuesday, May 27, features students from Hamilton Girl’s High (at 12PM) along with the Classical Guitar Society, who play at 7PM that evening. On Wednesday it’s the lad’s turn, with Hamilton Boys High’s The Gypsy Pickers. Finishing it all off in style will be WOVEN: Young Vocal Collective, performing on Thursday 29th May at 7:30PM. All shows are in the Library itself. For more info: www.hamiltonlibraries. Finally, a bit of out of town news especially for those die-hard Elemeno P fans out there. The band are playing a FREE show at Auckland’s Real Groovy (on Upper Queen Street) to celebrate the release of their 3rd album. Gig kicks off at 5PM, which is an arse time cos traffic is murder around then, but hey if you love them, you’ll do it. Let’s face it that means no one from Ham but hey, I did my job, Universal. Song of the Week: “Il Porno Star” by SHELLAC off the album At Action Park.( Heads Up: only listen to this album on vinyl.)

CD Reviews PETE MURRAY Summer at Eureka



Reviewed by Andrew Neal

With a name like Pete Murray surely I could be forgiven for thinking that I was gonna get some cowherding and beer songs from a guy from Morrinsville that everyone knows as Muzza? Well, that was a fleeting self-humouring initial thought. In fact Summer at Eureka starts with a lot of promise - a very Neil Young evoking guitar and piano line reminiscent of “Southern Man”. But the word that predominantly springs to mind with this third long player from Murray is: safe. Heavily influenced by the aforementioned (Bob Dylan deserves a notable mention, and I can hear Chris Rea too), the songs here are trademark acoustic based, folksy, and mainly ballads that never quite manage to leave the middle of the road – e.g. single “You Pick Me Up”. For all that there is a lot to like here. The guitar sounds are lush, “Chance to say Goodbye”, “Sugar” and “Miss Cold” some good examples of this, the songs are well written – you’ll be singing them despite yourself - and (self) produced, and the guy himself has a very down to earth, nice-guy-you-used-to-go-to-school-with charm. Ground breaking this isn’t, but if Jack Johnson can get away with it, so can Muzza!

This album is definitely odd. Whilst this band has been painted into an ‘emo’ corner I think this album is the back window. The single release of this album is obviously the most radio friendly but the rest of the album pulls away from this. It almost seems as if this is Panic’s attempt at a concept album. There is a lot of different instruments tinkered with and a few different genres explored throughout the music. This in the end creates an unusual sound that is at times ridiculous. The lead singer of Panic seems to end up being a drain on the album and the eclectic instruments end up being misplaced and ridiculous. Often a good melody and tune will appear in a song but it is often cast aside by a mistimed cabaret or boogie break down. The lyrics of most of these songs don’t do much to fill the holes in the music either. Most of them are nonsensical or they revert the other way and end up being very obvious, very cheesy high school love notes. Not an album for fans and not an album worth exploring.

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Suburban Mayhem Directed by Paul Goldman

**** Live In Phoenix - Fall Out Boy vitaminC

Reviewed by vitaminC Quick, Fall Out Boy! To the review page! I don’t really like you, Fall Out Boy, but I swore I’d try to do a fair and balanced review of your DVD (I refuse to apologize for abusing this gag). As soon as opened the case of Fall Out Boy’s classy DVD with a classy black and white photo and classy gold trim, a classy black letter with gold writing fell into my lap. I read it, and it started thusly: “Thinking back on this tour it feels years away and I get a strong sense of heaviness when I think of it. Not the kind of heaviness of going into a pool with your clothes on but more like gravity of earth when you’ve experienced other places and ideas.” Okay, Fall Out Boy, I gave you a really fair chance, but if you want to fuck around then just forget it. Heaviness? That comes from your man tits, lead singer guy. Who jumps into pools with their clothes on? Are you ashamed of your body when that bass player is around? The concert itself is quite classily presented, and the band do put on a good show judging by the enthusiasm of the classy people in the audience. Going by their music videos I expected some kind of theatrical element, and without going over the top they failed to disappoint (in the expectation of a theatrical element). Why Fall Out Boy, I never knew you had so many music videos. And Behind The Scenes footage. I started watching this, but it became clear that this was far from behind the scenes... it was a goddamn Behind the Arms Race. Hahahahaha. Also, despite being a fan of Black Metal I’ve always had a problem with songs that require more than one breath and a Ph.D in looking really far ahead of what your reading to say just to say them. So I was a little unenthused to discover the song ‘Our Lawyer Made Us Change The Name Of This Song So We Wouldn’t Get Sued’. I’m sorry, Fall Out Boy, but being bossed around by your lawyer just isn’t very Black Metal. Maybe try cooking him on stage. Also, Fall Out Boy, why did you cover Michael Jacksons’ Beat It (Studio Version Feat. John Mayer)? You weren’t very black, or very metal. Despite all the bitching, if you like Fall Out Boy this is actually an outstanding offering, although it falls far short of making up for the gap in your soul that you get for liking Fall Out Boy. (THNKS FR TH MMRS? Bahahahahah!)

I’d heard about this and paid attention to this film a while ago, but couldn’t remember the name of it, or that it existed when I was renting films. This made it extraordinarily difficult to get a hold if it, so I was glad I saw it on the shelf when I was picking reviews. It looks cool. And I remembered a quote from a review I’d read that said it was like Neighbours written by Satan. I was forced to take that as a good thing. The premise of the movie is that Katrina, a 19 year old single mother, needs money to retrial her beloved brothers life sentence, which he recieved for cutting of a someones head with a sword during a robbery. Their father won’t pay up, so she decides the best way to get his money is to kill him. She then embarks on a quest to set the wheels of this murder in motion, using the only two skills she has: wearing makeup and sucking dick. This movie made me feel warm because it says “maybe the perfect woman is out there somewhere”. The movie is told all out of order because that’s what makes things memorable these days. So we find out really early that her dad got the lead pancakes one morning, and then fill in the bits in between. This is also piled in with a bunch of comic-book allusions the whole way through, like little animated bits, saturated colour, and some subtle comic book angles. That works well, up until the point just after halfway were everything starts sucking. The movie just gets dumb, they take away the animated bits, and you realise it’s not even witty and then you realise it was never witty and you got sucked in. It’s nobody’s fault; the acting is great, Emily Barclay (the kiwi) plays lead pretty ferociously and the boyfriend and other guy make convincing Australian trash, I think maybe they just couldn’t keep it up for that long. Actually, maybe the writer is fault because he clearly has a boner for his main character, and eventually she becomes a little untouchable which is silly. Can’t blame him though. At the end of the day it feels like it’s trying to draw a comparison to Tarantino material so people treat it the same and overlook its flaws.

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LISTINGS COURTESY OF MAMMOTH – VISIT MAMMOTHGUIDE.NET! Live Music Forum Mon 26 May, Doors open 7:30pm @ Ariki Gallery – Free entry There is a lack of viable performance venues for the contemporary music community in Hamilton city. In response to this, the Hamilton Community Arts Council will be hosting an open forum. The forum is the first stage of a wider picture and is specifically for the music community (whether you are a musician or not) to discuss the situation, to move forward and pro-actively seek solutions together.


Uncouth, Meddle + Enercia Thu 29 May, Doors open 8pm @ Axces Bar – Free entry Uncouth (AKL) are on their ‘Wet Dream’ tour of NZ. Supporting them are Meddle (AKL) and Enercia (Waikato).

Nick’s Music Basement + Demon Skateboarding Organisation Showcase Fri 30 May, Doors open 8pm @ Ward Lane – $5 Nick’s Music Basement and Demon Skateboarding Organisation present a showcase of Waikato bands for New Zealand Music Month. Playing are Skelitor, Sumo Love Machine, Harvest and Affliktion.

Axces NZ Music Month Competition - Final Sat 31 May, Doors open 7pm @ Axces Bar – Free entry Celebrating NZ music month, heats every friday of the month of May. Final last Friday! Winner takes 5 grand!

4th Annual Circle Jerk Sat 31 May, Doors open 8pm, Starts 8:30pm @ Diggers Bar – $10 Hamilton’s 4th Annual Circle Jerk Hamilton bands celebrating Hamilton music. Over 10 bands perform each others songs and one of their own… Good Times Good Times!

Wondering why there’s 200 pics of nurses this week? That’s what happens when you let Andrew lay up the Busted page.

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