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MARCH 14TH 2011




We’ve read your letters, privately joked about your grammar and selected the best for printing


Nexus did the hard yards, drinking our way across town, and it was all for you


Tales From Tinseltown returns with bi-winning, Charlie Sheen style


Our reviewers hit the computer games, DVDs, books and movies



*excluding tui blonde and during quiz only

TEAMS OF 4 - 8 Thursday


EDITORIAL WITH ART SLACKTIVISM We are all apathetic. If that statement has angered you, then obviously you are not included and that is good. It is good for the university, it is good for the future of our nation and it is good for the Lettuce page. One doesn’t need to have a doctorate in history to know that students in this day and age are well used dish rags in comparison to our parent’s generation. Find a fifty year old lecturer after class and ask them what university was like and they’ll probably come out with something along the lines of: “A hell of lot more active than what it is now”. They are right.

and make some noises. Don’t let your university experience be squashed down into a shithouse routine of “home to class to the pub to home”. The big question, however, isn’t “How apathetic is our generation”, but “how did we come to this and how can we be less apathetic”. Can we blame Facebook? A friend of mine blames Facebook and convinced me of the merits of that argument. We don’t go out on the streets waving placards. Instead we left click a bloody button and sit there feeling good about ourselves. You might “like” a page on Facebook, but how effective do you think that really is?

We all suck. The student movements which came close to plunging Germany into class war in the 1960s, the student movements which gave Prague its spring in 1968, the student movement which got behind the anti-nuclear and anti-apartheid movements in the 1970s and 1980s – they’ve all grown up, got ties and shirts and sent their children to university. If you look even further back, the students of Paris lead the charge on the Bastille, helped educate the unwashed hordes of Parisian slums about freedom and democracy and changed the course of history. You can’t deny that student action has shaped the world we live in.

I don’t even know. There is no end to the mystery of why a generation does what it does. We can’t give you the answer, short of a pint of tiger-blood and whatever else Charlie Sheen is on. The reality is that we have lived in the shadow of our parent’s generation as they did theirs and the impossible burden of expectation may have simply given us an easy out. The one thing we can promise is that we aren’t giving up; as long as there is a Nexus and as long as we are on campus, we will keep asking the question and hoping you can come up with the answers for yourself.

The children of these revolutions are us, the “stay-at-home, politics-is-for-pricks” type who care more about our next beer than the bigger picture. We’ve fallen into a trap laid for us by decades of MPs, media tycoons and student body leaders. When the Waikato Students’ Union expects us to make a big noise to oppose the deceptively named Freedom of Association Act (which we should oppose), they shouldn’t be shocked when only a small number of students actually show up to a rally. The running street battles in the Hamilton of 1981 are now replaced by bloodless tea parties for disinterested youths. Now, despite this historically-flavoured and bloody-minded rhetoric, we’re not expecting anyone to start circling the Beehive in a busted up Cessna, or sending letter bombs to MPs. That stuff is for retards that can’t use their words. All we want is for you to give a damn. The Young Nats on campus are giving a damn. The ACT on Campus guys, who got kicked out of Clubs Day (because, oddly enough, they’re not a WSU affiliated club), give a damn. We’re a powerful body of people, both physically and politically. It is time to stretch some muscles 3

EDITOR: Art Robinson ( DESIGN: David Nixon ( ADVERTISING: Tony Arkell (







NEWS EDITOR: James Manning ( FILM EDITOR: Richard Swainson ( BOOKS EDITOR: Kevin Pryor ( GAMES EDITORS: To be decided by virtue of content submission (

Contributors Dirty Old Blair Munro, Dirty Hipster Kevin Pryor, Sash With

The Goatee Nixon, Loud American Mackenzie McCarty, those babes from College Hall, James “Towlie” Manning”, Judy’s Sweet Legs, Dr Richard Swainson, Owen “Beef” Hinton”

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA). Or at least, we think we are.



NEXUS IS LOCATED AT: Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University of Waikato, Knighton Road, Hamilton PHONE: 07 838 4653 FAX: 07 838 4588 EMAIL: POSTAL: Private Bag 3059, Hamilton



















MAGIC 8-BALL Swallow thy own tongue and choke on the stench of despair! Clamber upon the highest peak, smite thy foes, and shake thy 8-Balls! It’s time for some answers and you ain’t gunna like them. Remember, foolish mortals, you can send your questions for the obsidian orb of justice to! Are the ASKEW kids on campus actually more awesome than I could possibly comprehend? Answer unclear I will answer this in the form of a meme: I think ASKEW is a pretty cool guy, eh isn’t heterosexual and doesn’t afraid of anything. Will Daniel Farrell date me, even though I vote Labour? Signs point to no Start drinking now, he is beyond your kin, you’re not worthy, go back to your box. Will the university ever give us a good deal on internet access? Yes You’ve been given a free gig of internet a month, that’s enough to do everything aside from torrenting music and porn. Free internet is good internet. How many boards would the Mongols horde if the Mongol horde got bored? No None, they’d stop playing risk and resume gold farming in World of Warcraft. Will Brett the dairy guy ever sell his shop and run away with me? Very Doubtful Brett is loyal: like the captain of a ship, he would go down with his store, which means he won’t go down on you, a strange silly person If my girlfriend stops the contraceptive pill regime she’s on, will our sex life improve? Very very doubtful Let me explain to you how the pill works, When you pop your rocks into your girlfriend you send little baby making tadpoles inside her into her baby making factory, the pill turns her baby factory into a snarling three headed dragon that incinerates your tadpoles out of existence. The problem is the pill sometimes turns women into horrifying dragon ladies that don’t want anything near their baby factories. So if she gets off the pill then she may stop being a dragon lady (however she may just be a bitch) but let’s think positive. Pretend it does work, you’ll have a few months of awesome sex but then her baby factory will make a baby and then you’re fucked, fucked like your girlfriend and you think your sex life is bad now? It’ll be a billion times worse when she has a stinky screaming baby to take care of. Consider your options and if she ends up with child always remember unlike a light bulb you can’t unscrew a woman.

Is my landlord legal? Ethan has signed a tenancy agreement with his landlord on the landlord’s form. He has seen no sign of a bond form or had any communication that the bond has been forwarded to the Department of Building and Housing (DBH). The landlord is required to fill in a bond form and forward the bond to the DBH within 23 working days. The DBH will send you and the landlord a receipt. For more information, visit the following websites: • • • The Hamilton Area Citizens Advice Bureau provides advice and information from four locations. They are at 55 Victoria St (Mon-Fri 9am-5pm), 70 Kent St Frankton (Mon-Fri 9am-4.30pm), Garden Place (Mon-Fri 11am-2pm) and the Cowshed at the University (Tues-Thurs 1-3pm). They also have legal, advocacy and consumer services available where you can get more specialised help. Phone the CAB on 0800 367 222 (0800 FOR CAB) or look at the CAB website




The rain that pelted the Hypnotist show on Wednesday night cleared off in time for the last day of O-Week on the Village Green to commence. The crowds of students seemed unnaturally thin, as three nights worth of drinking kept many in bed, while numerous dirty and wet togas were sighted at various spots around campus. The students who did brave the hangovers to make it slowly to the Green were treated with the spectacle of the WSU Super Olympics! For those who had no clue it was an Olympic Special, never fear; the games involving giant pick-up sticks, snakes & ladders and jenga was enough to fool even Nexus into believing it was actually an After-School Playhouse Special. When everyone’s having a good time though, who the flip cares! Controversial NZ First leader Winston Peters made an appearance later in the afternoon, bringing with him the lavish quotes and opinions he built his reputation on. This time it was the banks on campus copping the flack, as he managed to take the piss out of each and every one of them. Greens speaker Nandor was the more entertaining speaker, as he swore his mouth off like a drunken pirate about e-waste. If you got past the vulgar language however, you’d realise just how strong a spokesman for the environment he is. He argued convincingly that we should recycle our e-waste (computers, hard drives, phones and other dead technologies), instead of forking it off to China, as the Chinese can apparently make a great profit of it. Thursday night marked the first voyage of the WSU No Fuss Free Bus, where from 10am to 5pm it made countless trips, dropping drunken students to and from town for their nightly shenanigans. Reports of the behaviour of bus users hint that students are, for the most part, respectable drunks. There were, however, reports of lusty couples showing extreme public displays of affection, and a group chant which singled out and mocked the sole BA student. With no pad and pen at hand, he was voiceless, and the entire

The best event of the 2011 O-Week was saved for last, and after months of hard working preparation and jaw-clenching anticipation, Soundscape finally arrived on the Saturday, with more than 4000 music lovers descending upon the blocked off street party for a night to remember. There was plenty on offer to satisfy all tastes, as seven zones of selected dance genres boomed around the CBD. Australia’s Trumpdisco and Distrakt were the major draw cards of the event. Both of their sets, played back to back at the Dirty Electric Tent, brought a hammering onslaught of relentless dance music the likes of which Hamilton had never seen before. The lights were epileptic, the sound quality top-notch, and the crowd manic. So that’s your 2011 O-Week in a nutshell, we’ll be doing it all again at re O-Week in B Semester!

ordeal was akin to dropping a wounded salmon in a pool of hungry sharks. WSU Board Member Daniel Morales worked on the bus all three nights (Thursday, Friday, Saturday), and said approximately 1800 students made use of its service. He had this to say of the experience: “It was three epically long nights for the dedicated WSU staff and directors so that our students got home safe during O-Week, and we’ll be doing it all again re O-Week!” By Friday morning the rain once again poured down, but for the Coffee Crawl it was a blessing in disguise, as students were forced inside and handed free caffeine left, right and centre. Starting at Momento Management, the Crawl moved onto The Station before ending at the Momento by the lake. 350 coffees were given out free of charge.


Photos by Shannon Rolfe. See more from Soundscape on our new look Busted page at the back of the magazine!

NEWS FASS CRITCISED AGAIN. BAD NEWS FOR BA AND BSOCSCI STUDENTS! Waikato University is again being criticised over the Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences staff-cuts. Late last year the university said it was considering slashing 13.25 fulltime equivalent roles in the faculty and outraged staff said they were the victims of “institutional bullying” and a lack of leadership. The university has since removed 8.7 fulltime positions through voluntary redundancy and retirement, and is considering another 2.5 (two senior lecturers and one part-timer). University spokeswoman Lisa Finucane said five positions originally proposed for redundancy had been taken off the table after “extensive consultation” with the faculty and showed how “genuine the consultation process with staff has been”. But the Tertiary Education Union (TEU) says withdrawal of the five positions shows the university plans, by implication, went too far. “It should admit to this and apologise to staff for the mistake,” TEU vice president and Waikato University senior lecturer Professor Dov Bing said.

Other staff said the “voluntary” redundancies were not as clear-cut as the university was making out. The TEU says the university would be acting unlawfully if it scraps the further 2.5 positions.

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ALCOHOL REMOVED FROM SUPERMARKETS BY JAMES MANNING Do you enjoy the cheap alcohol specials Countdown has to offer, and look forward to those intoxicated nights on the streets doing hilariously intelligent things that aren’t so intelligent in the morning? If you answered yes to either of those questions, your weekends of fun could well be challenged if the Hospitality Association has their way. In a submission on the Alcohol Reform Bill, the association recently said that supermarkets should increase the price of alcohol or be banned entirely from selling it, and called that treatment should be given to repeat offenders of public drunkenness. The association claims that the low priced alcohol sold in supermarkets has led to our binge drinking culture, and should be to blame for the availability of alcohol to youths. “There is a strong case for removing all alcohol from supermarkets and grocery stores,” the association said in its submission to Parliament’s justice and electoral select committee. “Unless Parliament addresses the issue of the sale of alcohol from supermarkets ... then the worst features of New Zealand’s alcohol consumption will continue unabated.” It also called for a minimum price for alcohol, though it doesn’t necessarily mean a box of Double Brown’s or bottle of Sauvignon Blanc will be cheaper. If the price was set at $1.50 per standard drink, a dozen 330ml stubbies of beer could not be sold for less than $18, while a bottle of wine could not be sold for less than $11.25. The association said repeat offences of public intoxication should result in referrals for “behavioural correction”, as they believe it would send “a very clear and powerful message to all New Zealanders that intoxication, wherever it occurs, is unacceptable”.

It also recommended making 18 the legal drinking age, rather than the age of purchase, to tackle youth drinking, with the exception of youths being supervised by a parent or guardian. Comments about the proposal posted on the Nexus Magazine Facebook page were strongly against it, summed up best by one student calling it a joke. “I’m pretty sure if you looked at the original title for the submission it would be called ‘Our plan to get more people into bars and keep them there’.” Perhaps speaking on behalf of all concerned students, marketing student Dianne Spaans brushed the proposal aside in favour of her struggling wallet. “Screw that, [supermarkets are] where I get my cheap booze from.”

WOMAN SEXUALLY ASSAULTED BY NATALIA SUTHERLAND Police have put out a warning to students and the general public to remember to keep safe while out in town, after a serious sexual assault took place a few weeks ago. While walking near the municipal pools in Victoria Street at 11pm on March 1st, a 40 year-old woman was approached by three men in a grey car. The men forced the woman into their car, where she was then taken to Ruakiwi Road and sexually assaulted. The three men later abandoned the victim. Detective Senior Sergeant Karl Thornton says at this stage of the investigation they can only reveal that the alleged offenders were, “three men in a grey coloured, square-shaped, four door vehicle.” Mr. Thornton asks the public that were in the vicinity at the time the incident occurred to get in contact with the police. The Police are hoping to speak to a young couple who talked to the victim after the attack around Seddon Road, Hill Street and Tristram Street area. Mr. Thornton also has some sound advice for anyone wanting to enjoy a safe night out in town. “Leave no-one behind, if you go as a group leave as a group, take a taxi or have a safe driver and know where everyone in your party is going and who they are going with.” “Save enough for a taxi fare, that last $20 dollars may be better spent arranging to get home safely than being spent over the bar, keep an eye on your drinks and maintain your situational awareness.” If you do have any info on this incident please contact Sergeant Thornton at Hamilton Central Police Station ph 07 858 6200, or 0800 555-111 for the Crime Stoppers line.



ACT ON CAMPUS BOOTED OFF CAMPUS BY JAMES MANNING Political club Act on Campus was forced off University grounds during the O-Week Clubs Day, as they are not an affiliated Club with the Waikato Students’ Union. In an incident which sparked strong words and a stubborn refusal to leave, the club was finally required to remove their stand in front of fellow political clubs Young Nats and Greens, and leave the University after going against WSU codes of conduct.

GET INKED FOR CHRISTCHURCH BY STABBY CORNISH Tattoo company Skink’s have been doing their part for earthquake relief in Canterbury. Part of a nationwide fundraising move, tattoo companies across New Zealand have been donating the proceeds from tattoos to help our less fortunate countrymen and women down south.

The club was told via email prior to Clubs Day that they were not allowed on campus as they are not in hands with the WSU.

Sunday the 6th of March saw close to one hundred people ‘Get Inked’, with all proceeds going to the Red Cross, and distributed among members of the Canterbury tattoo family who have lost loved ones and businesses in last month’s devastating earthquake.

“Act can apply to affiliate with the WSU, they just have to get

One Waikato student said “If me getting tattooed helps someone in

enough members and go to the board. It’s up to the board to approve their affiliation or not”, says WSU Clubs Coordinator Shannon Cleave.

Christchurch, then ink me up!”

“One of the rules of affiliation is that the objectives of the club enhance or reflect the WSU’s objectives.”

QUIRKY ART FESTIVAL ON ITS WAY BY JAMES MANNING Registrations are now open for the 2011 Hamilton Fringe Festival. And so the search is now on for things new and exhilarating, daring, fun, clever, mad, dreadful, intense, outrageous, revolting, strange, hilarious, quirky, or just jolly different.

T-shirts and bandanas are still being sold through Skink’s Tattoo Studio on Heaphy Terrace, with that money being sent, via the Red Cross, to Christchurch. The t-shirt and bandana designs include one by Slim, a prominent Hamilton tattooist. Anyone wishing to help fight the good fight can join the “Get Inked for Christchurch” page on facebook and request a shirt or bandana online. T shirts are $30, while you can pick up an ace bandana for just $10!

Participation is open to all, whatever your creative bent or level of experience and offers a unique platform for experimentation and expression within a supported and friendly environment. Expansive and illuminated thought allows the area between any four walls (or trees, or.....) in the central city to become a potential Fringe venue although the highly configurable Meteor Theatre provides the main performance space. This year the Fringe Festival is taking place from September 24 – October 2 to coincide with daylight savings and the seasonal urge to stay up late. Therefore you have plenty of time to work on your performance/ creation/ spectacle over the coming months, bearing in mind that registrations close April 30.



THE IRISH: SMASHING BEERS, BOX, AND NOW THE BRITISH TOO When it comes to the famous Irish culture, if you are anything like me you probably end up thinking about manly shit like soapy beer and hitting the pub frequently, Liam Neeson, the Boondock Saints and leprechauns that have since relocated to Mobile, Alabama (according to eye witnesses). Let’s hope that reference is a little easier to understand than last week’s Back to the Future one. I realise that with the aforementioned the Irish already sound pretty dope, but imagine how badass it would be if they then did what the IRA never could, and busted England’s nuts into the ground. You don’t have to because on March the 2nd they did it, in a cricket game (I swear it still counts). They didn’t need guns or explosives; just a massive ginger behemoth called Kevin O’Brien and a few of his teammates, the fastest century a World Cup has ever bared witness to, and some absolutely piss poor pathetic work in the field from England. As one of the more recent additions to international cricket, Ireland’s position in the sport is still under some scrutiny. They aren’t a test playing nation, and fixtures against top quality opposition are few and far between. In a country where the sport has never held a firm grasp upon the public, Ireland has struggled to maintain hold of talented youth against the more plentiful opportunities on offer from the England country cricket scene. Case in point is the Irish player Ed Joyce, who after several years





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playing for his home nation in small time associate competitions, gained English residency and then ironically made his one day international debut for England against Ireland soon after. What followed next was almost poetic, as he was dropped from the English side, severed all ties with his former county team, regained form and returned to play for Ireland again, in turn playing in the team that only a week ago defeated England in the world cup. All that story needs is some inbreeding and you’ve got a fucking kickass addition to Sophocles’ Oedipus trilogy. Greek tragedy aside, Ireland has made the journey from an associate nation with little or no place on the international cricket scene, to a team that has managed to beat two traditional cricketing nations. In the 2007 World Cup they provided the ’bitch slap to the face’ of the year; beating Pakistan on the back of a gutsy 72 from Niall O’Brien. This was the first World Cup they had attended! Most cricketing fans including myself sat around laughing at Pakistan’s humiliation, however, Ireland’s recent heroics against England in the 2011 World Cup suggest they may be bringing it back with the ill behaviour. I’m not sure what it is exactly that the Irish are bringing back, but who cares, because chasing England’s 327 successfully was, to put it shortly, fucking sweet. Don’t think it’s all that great? Ireland lacks the financial power, support, public interest and resources that England has, and to top it off England invented the game, and it’s deeply ingrained within the English culture. If an Irish kid shows any talent, you can bet an English county side is waiting with open arms to take the player from their home that has no ability to retain its youth that show potential. And I’m not even going to go into the historical context surrounding England and Ireland’s relationship. So when Ireland gets boomed for 327, and then a massive ginge called Kevin O’Brien comes out with his team precariously placed on 106 for 4, most people would’ve assumed they were going to witness some form of cricketing rape. And they did, just, surprisingly at the expense of the English. O’Brien watched Ireland sink further into the abyss as they fell to 111 for 5, only to then launch one of the biggest comebacks in cricketing history, slaughtering his way to 113 off 63, the fastest century in World Cup history. His striking was so clean he probably could’ve clubbed sixes with his boner. As he was run out in the final minutes of the game the damage done was already irreversible, as his innings had left every English fan feeling molested, and Ireland managed to sneak home with 5 balls remaining. Kevin O’Brien; make him captain, coach and Prime Minister.

NEXUS HAS A FACEBOOK! With over a thousand fans and growing fast, the Nexus Magazine facebook page is fast becoming our most useful tool to keep you guys informed and up to the minute with news. The Nexus facebook also has frequent prizes and competitions, as well as giveaways and information about upcoming events of interest to you, the students of the University of Waikato. It’s also a great way to meet people, analyse their beliefs and call them an asshole.





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Lettuce Write to Win! SEND LETTERS TO: Send your letters to

WEEKLY PRIZE: This week there is a prize! Brett from UniMart is kindly offering a $20 voucher to the writter of our letter of the week. Come to the Nexus office in the Student Union Building to collect your prize!

LETTERS POLICY: Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page, serious or not. Letters should be received by Wednesday 5pm on the week prior to publication. We’ll print basically any letter, but the editor reserves the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. Word count is limited to 250 words and we will enforce this as we please. We won’t correct your spelling and grammar either, so it’s up to you how much of an idiot you look like. Pseudonyms are okay (all correspondence must include your real name and contact details – they won’t be printed if you don’t want them to be). Send letters to

An Anti-racist racist?

Student Needs Must Be Met! Dear Nexus, My friends and I, thinking we would dress nicely for once during O-week, put the jeans and collared shirt on and set off to town. Not being one to name names, but when we arrived at a certain large Western themed bar we have been frequenting for years, we were refused entry. We were refused entry as our shoes had laces. This was the first time I had been refused from any bar since St. Patrick’s Day 2009; you can probably guess why (wasn’t the footwear). To add to my confusion, some first year champions were getting let in with bare feet, jandals and so forth, but this was fine according to the doorman as they were in theme. As theme apparently can mean shorts, jandals, a t-shirt and a mask and you’re fucking Iron Man. What is town coming to? A collar isn’t enough for this place on Friday of O-week, but they need the shinny-lace less shoes to match. Of course, unless you’re wearing a shit attempt at a superhero get up. Now don’t get me wrong, I love theme and I love first years, that’s not the point I’m making here. I know Nexus can’t do anything, I’m simply writing to express my disappointment with this bar for not letting us in for such a ridiculous reason, and give the rest of the student body a heads up in case they get caught up in this madness. I like the trashy ways of this bar, most do and if they don’t you will generally find them up the road somewhere with more class. So why does this bar need a dress code that doesn’t cater to their clientele? Also, I know how it works, so if you work for this place or you just really enjoy writing letters, you don’t need to write in and explain the many so called benefits of a dress code, because no one wants to read that. From Too many rules for one bar Come pick up your $20 UniMart voucher at the Nexus office in the WSU Building.

Dear Nexus, You know people always think us white people are the racist ones but I have one key example of racism from the little visitors we get bombarded with every year. I play basketball in the gym and also watch a few games and more often than not when we ask to play a pick up game with a group of Asians they say no. But yeah that’s fine we thought they just didn’t want to play. But when they say no they are warming up and then go ahead and start a game up with 2 other Asians now that is just racist! This happens most days so there is usually beef when Asians end up playing Non Asians, although there is a handful of Asians that are nice and don’t mind mingling with us Natives ☺. Also I think they need to learn to shut their mouths in lectures I think I speak for 95% of Waikato uni students and probably teachers as well. Why don’t Asians just stop talking in lectures, they don’t know how to whisper and still keep talking when the lecturer tells them to zip it. Ron Artest

A Cutting Retort Dear Stella Drynob, I know a few of you have your own ideas about this and I would love to hear them. Every Student is different with their financial situations. Just a few things to add to your well written rant about the Government’s unfairness of students wanting to get ahead. This year, I am receiving the smallest amount I have ever received from Studylink allowance. I have had to top this up using the living costs option (which for those of you who don’t know, you have to pay the living cost back, unlike the allowance). I have a job, earning me extra money a week. Now on this money that I earn from my job I have to pay SECONDARY tax at 29.54%. Now because I am earning just over $19,000 a year (I actually earn around the

$21,000 mark) this includes 10% of my pay to my student loan. So almost a third of what I earn goes to the Government. This means I have to work extra hours and work extra hard, risking my studying so I can basically live while attempting to study, WHILE they are giving me money to live, WHILE paying back my loan to the government. I know of a friend on the Dole who gets 3 times the amount I do from studylink a week and they don’t have to pay it back (however the ONE bonus to this is i get a nice sized tax refund at the end of the financial year).

be forced to ask your mothers to limit your internet access or possibly cut the power to her basement myself. I really enjoy most of ACT’s policy, however, it would appear that ACT on campus is a metaphorical magnet drawing in the sleaziest basement dwellers possible, not to mention trolls.

justify that. Just do the rest of the world a favor and keep them to yourself.

Also, i noticed you were giving away condoms during O’week. I find this humorous because you will probably never get the chance to use one.

Get Over it!

Kind regards, The result? A student having 14 hours of classes, 25 hours of work Monday to Friday (and every second Saturday) while attempting to attend those wonderful group meetings and side bits to University that are not listed on your

The majority of Waikato’s students

Modern Student Redux

That’s all I have to say on that. Sincerely your favorite Modern Student

Dear Nexus, In reply to the rant about student loan threshold changing, pretty much would just like to say get over it. The fact of the matter is that if you did not intend to make enough money to pay your student loan back then you would not pay it back. And better yet- find other finiancial means to support your study.

timetables. It is almost like they enjoy handing out a reward for those people who want to live a semi-normal life, who actually go out and get a job to boost our economy, and actually like living off foods that are not based around “how many meals can you make with 2-minute noodles”...however the reward is you paying the government... Anyone as confused and annoyed as I am? So yes Stella, the changes seem pretty shit, but so is the current system. It’s just easier (and less tax consuming) to work fulltime. - Shar.

ACT on What Now? To all members of our non-existent ACT on campus faction at Waikato. Why are you such trolls? It would appear to me that the VSM debate is long dead. Its happening. We know. Stop bringing it up because its the only issue you can score any political points on. If you continue to troll i may

Dear Nexus, Why are people such assholes? Shoving their ideas, their morals, their guiding values down the throats of others! Let me tell you a little story... I live my life by a pretty solid set of morals, and I can justify everything I do. Yeah, a lot of these have been passed to me through my family and community, but I believe 100% that the things I choose to do in my life are right. However, I have a huge problem with other people trying to tell me I’m wrong in what I do. Just this morning I was subjected to a rant about how I should not have sex before marriage, and how I shouldn’t consume the flesh of an animal. Now, I have a huge level of respect for the person who goes by what they believe, and who lives that way, but why should I do the same? We are all individuals, we have the power of free thought, why should some acquaintance tell me that I need to change the way I live? Just because one person thinks something is wrong, doesn’t make it so.

Not saying that student do not struggle to support themselves but then again alot of student like myself have managed to almost finish my degree and make enough money to pay back almost half of my loan I took out. Not to rub it in but the government have deemed that if you earn at least $19084.00 then you are in a stable financial position to pay back some of your loan and thats the beauty of it. You are not expected to pay back the whole thing while you study, it is interest free as long as you live in NZ and it lessens the burden of ‘Having a student loan’ when you finish your study. I think students need to be grateful for the education and support the Government give us when we are wanting to study full time and some student choose not work at all. Being old enough to take out a loan with studylink means you are old enough to take responsibility for your money and pay it back. Enough said !

To have morals is to be a winner, to know why you do the things you do, and to be able to






PREZ SEZ Kia Ora! I hope that you all had a fantastic O-week and that things are starting to settle down for you all as the uni work well and truly begins. That said, don’t settle down too much, as WSU is currently running Wicked Wednesdays: a series of events held each week at 1pm Wednesday. Each week we’ll be down on the Village Green giving away free food, running awesome competitions, and organising epic events. Come down and say hello! Charlie has asked me to write a little bit in this column about what I do as President, and how my job is all about making life easier for us all as students. A big part of my job is representing us all as students on the top university committees and boards. As you read in the WSU Pages last week, I sit on the University Council (which decides the university’s strategic direction), on the Finance Committee (which decides, among other things, the fees that we pay), and on


the Academic Board (which is responsible for academic matters).These are just three of the university committees that I sit on; if you want to know more about where I represent student interests on university committees, then please email me at nz I also represent you on a number of external boards. I am the Chair of the U-Leisure board (U-Leisure own the rec centre on campus), and am also the Chair of the national Student Job Search board (Student Job Search is collectively owned by the different students’ associations throughout the country). I also represent Waikato Students by sitting on the Federation Executive of NZUSA: the national association for tertiary students, who lobby the government for more-friendly student policies.

“Deni’s life in a nutshell”, or my job in an easy to read form. If you are interested in learning more about what I do, then please come and see me in the WSU Building, or email Deni Tokunai President Waikato Students’ Union

Of course, it is hard to confine my job down to just 300 words, but what you have above is

027 5734241

VP SPEAK WITH CHARLIE By the time you read this, O-week will be well and truly over, but at the time of writing (Monday March 7) it has only just finished. I hope you all had a fantastic time and enjoyed the WSU No Fuss Free Bus to and from town on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night. For those of you who I got to meet on Friday and Saturday, it was great to meet you! I hope you all had a fantastic O-week, and for

also am in charge of making sure that student issues get brought to the board’s attention; so if you have an idea, request, complaint or sponsorship proposal that you think the board needs to hear, then let me know! Send me an email to, or pop into the WSU Office and see me in person!

those of you who went to Soundscape, I hope you had an excellent time. I’m sure being on the No Fuss Free Bus from 10pm to 4:30am on Saturday/Sunday night was just as epic though!

university committees; namely the Student Admissions Committee (for students who have been declined admission by the university a few times in the past) and the University Cultural Committee (which hears requests for funding for cultural events on campus). In addition to all that, I also coordinate the WSU pages in Nexus (and write about half of them), which you are reading right now.

As you may have realised, last week, these pages overviewed the five major services that the WSU provides for students: Representation, Advocacy, Clubs, Nexus and Events. This week the focus is on what the Board (and the board members) do for you. So, what do I do as Vice-President? In effect, my main job is to organise the Board itself. This involves a lot of administration work. I am principally responsible for organising the material for the board meeting agendas. I

As Vice-President I also sit on a couple of

Charlie Gillard Vice-President Waikato Students’ Union 027 4670276

I’m really keen to get ‘stuck in’ and get students more involved in the WSU this year so please, if you want to have chat, then do email me, call me, or simply start up a conversation if you see me on campus. Hope you all have a good semester!




As you know, the Waikato Students’ Union is run by the students for the students. This means we don’t care about the money or the business or the politics associated with running a university; we care about the students. This is great news for you guys and girls as it means we can stand up for you against the university should you need it. We call this Academic Advocacy. We provide information, support and representation on all areas of concern within your university campus. Even better, it’s all for free! There are several situations where students need our help regarding academic matters: (1) Lecturer concerns: Are the lecturers asking too much of you? Are all of the assignments due in one week? Are there ridiculous expectations of you? Does the work you do not make a difference, yet the girl in the mini skirt at the front gets As? All of these issues we can help with and many more. (2) Assignments/Plagiarism: Being accused of plagiarism can be quite a scary scenario to be in. The process is daunting and often faced alone; we can help you understand the processes and the rights you have regarding plagiarism. Often plagiarism cases are a result of misunderstanding or accidents and sometimes they are intentional. We can help you understand and prepare what you need to face these accusations. The advocacy service also deals with personal problems. Epically, this is also free! This is when stuff happens that is external to the university but is where individual student rights are being mistreated or abused. This is a huge area of


advocacy so perhaps a few examples might help: (3) Studylink is a government department so is by definition therefore endlessly frustrating. They often say things in ways that are hard to understand; they also do stupid things like over pay you then demand it back as a lump sum. Things like this are not fair on students who can barely live off the money let alone pay it back instantly. We can help! We provide information about systems used by study link to help with understanding, and can help to rectify things to a manageable level for you. (4) Tenancy: We have all had bad landlords that refuse to fix things, or demand money where you feel it’s not owed. We can help you out. We have a wide range of knowledge on tenancy issues. If there is anything you think that isn’t fair or not quite the way it should be then you don’t have to take it lying down, sometimes all it takes to get it fixed is the landlord being reminded you have rights.


Employment: Students are

normally hired based on cheap labour. This doesn’t mean that you don’t have rights. We can help you understand the fine print in the contract, help with workplace discrimination, and help with complaints procedures should you be unfairly laid off. Next week we will go further into how Advocacy can help you with hardships. The main thing to remember is even if we haven’t mentioned a way we can help you, we will always try our hardest to help you with any problem. In the rear cases that we don’t know how to help we know how to find the people that do know how. Any questions or concerns feel free to email or phone 078569139.Shannon Kelly is an amazing advocate for students and goes out of her way to help. Or you can come up to the WSU reception to book a time for a chat.



Following the theme of “What does the WSU Executive Do”, this article sets out to outline the main function of your elected representatives: the WSU Board of Directors. There are 11 WSU Board Members: the President (Deni), the Vice-President (Charlie), the Vice-President Maori (Toko), and 8 Directors (Tammy, Kate, Sarah, Dan, Holly, Melissa, Priscilla, and Ryan). The WSU Board’s main purpose is to provide strategic decision for the organisation. The Board makes decision on the governance of the organisation: where the WSU should go into the future. This includes things like proposing a budget to the AGM (held in September), dealing with WSU Assets (such as the WSU Trust), and developing a strategic plan for the organisation. In addition to this, the Board also hears requests from individual students; these often include sponsorship requests asking for the WSU to fund students or student-run events. This can include anything, from conference attendance, to travel costs for international sporting events, to subsidising competitions. If you have a sponsorship request for the board then email today! You can also be more involved by coming along to a WSU Board Meeting. All students are allowed to attend, and whilst you can’t vote, you can apply for speaking rights so that you can have your say. Because we are a student-focussed organisation, we are usually more than willing to give you speaking rights, especially on any student-created proposal! If you are keen to come along to a board meeting, ask at the WSU reception for when the next one is, or email Charlie at vp@wsu. to make sure you get a copy of the next agenda.

The WSU has portfolios as a means of ensuring that major student groups and issues can easily be brought to the board’s attention, and to ensure that differing student views are accounted for in the decisionmaking process of the Board. Many of the portfolios set out to represent specific groups on campus who you have told us need some means of representation or voice at board level, whilst other portfolios set out to be responsible for particular areas or issues on campus, which you have told us are key areas that the WSU needs to focus on. If you missed the first Nexus of the year, with all the WSU Portfolios outlined, then email vp@ or have a look at the Director Introductions in these pages each week. Remember, however, that these portfolios are not set in stone: if you think there is a specific group or issue that warrants specific

Director. If you have an issue then approach whomever you wish: each of the WSU directors is here to represent you in 2011.

representation on the board, then please bring it to our attention. Similarly, don’t feel confined to deal with just one specific WSU

payment and benefits) then email Charlie at

Directors are generally expected to run and help out at WSU Events, so come down and meet them all each Wednesday at 1pm on the Village Green for the WSU Wicked Wednesday events. Directors are part-time positions (about 10 hours per week) and are currently paid $3000 per annum. They are expected to attend all WSU Board Meetings( generally held once per fortnight on average), and are expected to come down and help at all WSU Events on the Village Green. Directors also have to attend committees relevant to their portfolios, and have the option of attending any NZUSA Conferences held throughout the year. If you want to know more about Directors’ duties (and their

Directors are concerned with representing students and governing the WSU. Their key job is to put forward the interests of any student who approaches them. WSU Directors are each assigned a portfolio based on their interests: a mature student, for instance, might take the adult learners’ portfolio (such as Priscilla has this year), whilst someone interested in sustainability might take on the sustainability portfolio (as Sarah has done this year). The WSU Board of Directors probably doesn’t look like this. Probably... 17

CLUB CORNER: MCSA Do you want YOUR club featured in Nexus? If so, then email Charlie at today. The service is available to all WSU-affiliated clubs, and is basically an opportunity to highlight how awesome your club is to everyone else at uni. Experience tells us that highlighting your club in Nexus definitely gets you members, so email Charlie today: he’ll even write the article for you if you ask nicely!



Interested in public relations and communications internships? Excited at the chance to network with current practitioners? Want to attend job hunting workshops? Then join MCSA!

events, conferences and job opportunities) at almost a 50% discount: only $35 for 2011 instead of $69. We think that this is a pretty sweet saving, and is a major reason why many members join MCSA.

The Management Communication Students Association (MCSA) is a studentrun organisation that serves students of Management Communication, Public

But that’s not the only reason members join, of course! MCSA provides a full events calendar for the year. We facilitate a volunteer placement programme, and last

Relations and Marketing at the Waikato Management School, the University of Waikato, New Zealand.

year organised several events for students, including a presentation by an Olympic Media Officer (Penny Dain) and a Panel Evening with recent graduates. On March 16th (this Wednesday) at 1pm we will also be hosting Kate Shirtcliff (PR and Media Executive for the Waikato Rugby Union and for the Rugby World Cup games in Hamilton) in MSB.1.01. Feel free to come along and hear Kate and learn a bit more about what MCSA does!

MCSA was established in August 2008 as a voluntary membership association aiming to open doors to the practice, and to increase its members’ opportunities for developing a career in the public relations and management communication industry. MCSA is also affiliated with the Public Relations institute of New Zealand (PRiNZ). This means that you can join PRiNZ as a student member (with full access to PRiNZ

MCSA is free to join, and works on a ‘do what you are comfortable doing’ basis. This means that whilst MCSA offers a wealth of events, volunteer opportunities and trips, members are under no obligation to make use of these fantastic opportunities. If you are keen to join MCSA, then check us out online at or email Olivia Caldwell Lo at Olivia@olivia. You can also check us out on facebook (search for MCSA) or come along to our first MCSA Meeting on Wednesday March 16 at 1pm in MSB.1.01. We hope to see you there!




What a blast last week’s Wicked Wednesday was! If you weren’t down on the green, then you missed out on an awesome cultural hour, filled with free food, crazy competitions (win a moonhopper, anyone?) and an excellent event: dodgeball! Students lined up in droves to get their yummy BBQ sausages as their free feed of the week, and then moved around the dodgeball field to cheer on the valiant players. We had four teams competing, but only one could come away as the winner: well done to those of you who did win!

If all of this sounds awesome to you, make sure you’re down on the Village Green THIS Wednesday during Cultural Hour (1-2pm) for the second Wicked Wednesday of the year. This week we’ll again be providing free sausages to hungry students, and will also have awesome competitions for you to win stuff in. Even more awesome is our game for the week: Giant Games (think Giant Snakes &Ladders, and Giant Ludo) down on the Village Green! So come down; we hope to see you there!




Email: Portfolio: Campaigns Officer Studying: BA in Theater; History

Hey everyone, my name is Kate, and I am the Campaigns Officer for the WSU in 2011. This is my third year at Waikato, which means I’m almost finished my BA in Theatre and History... Yay! This is my third year on the board of directors, which seems a little excessive to me sometimes, but having weeks like O Week make it all worth it! In the aftermath of a week like that I’m getting a lot of sleep, and I hope you are all making up the sleep, lecture notes, and piles of recycling accordingly! My portfolio is based around student related and run campaigns and issues we might have on campus. My role is to keep students aware of the many issues on campus, in the wider community, and on a national scale, as well as helping facilitate and run campaigns on campus.

This year is of course a huge one for student unions, with the VSM bill sneaking over the horizon, as well as changes on the way (or already here) surrounding student loans, funding cuts and caps on student numbers. It’s also election year, which means many of us will be voting for the first time (myself included!), and voting in the referendum at the same time. We all love seeing politicians in compromising positions, so look out for a campaign late A Semester/early B Semester that will include those standing for the Hamilton East electorate getting involved in some student goodness! This will also be an opportunity for those students who are unsure as to where their votes should go to see the different policies and directions that the main parties head in, and meet some of their representatives. Any other campaigns run this year depend on YOU. If you have an issue you feel should be brought up in a public forum, tell me! If your house is damp and cold, if you think Studylink should seriously update their automated answer service, or if you think students should get behind any issues in the community or occurring nationally, tell me all about it, and we can make a difference. Feel free to email me at , and have an awesome semester.

OPEN: 8.30am-4.30pm PHONE: 07 856 9139 WEB:


Charlie Sheen says

“Writing for Nexus is totally bi-winning, bro!” Nexus has a proud history of righting wrongs and singing songs! Come join us in the Halls of Valhalla, where we do lines of Charlie Sheen and smash ourselves in the face with fistfuls of GREAT SUCCESS! We want people to do bar reviews! To write political columns! To worship forgotten gods in the bowels of L-Block! Help Jimmy write news! Write us letters telling us your darkest desires! We want gig reviewers, movie viewers and CD listeners!




PART 1 Drinking is a part of student life. Despite what politicians, religious types and the media tell us about our drinking and how we’re wrecking our futures, people in our age bracket are going to drink. We’re away from under Mum and Dad’s disapproving glances and we are old enough to buy alcohol whether it’s from the supermarket, the bottle shop or the bar. We at Nexus definitely don’t approve of people getting smashed and going in to town to start fights and generally be shitheads. Those pricks make us all look bad. We want you guys out having a good time, not being too afraid to go near the central city because some dickhead sank an entire box of goon and is too drunk to get into anywhere, so spends his time whistling at girls and rough housing with guys. Anyways, enough about the drinking and on to the places to drink. Drinking at home is all fine and well. There’s nothing wrong with sitting in the long, wild grass out the back of your flat and having a beer or two in the sun. If you want a party, some sweet dancing and something other than bugs and shit to look at, then town is where it’s at.

Most of you have already been out on the town. O-Week has been and gone. You’ve been to Soundscape, you’ve been to Bar101, and you have most certainly been to the Outback Inn, our biggest central city venue. Now you may be thinking about expanding your horizons. Maybe you don’t always want to hear loud music. Maybe you want somewhere to go on dates. Maybe you’re after a solid quiz night. This is the first of what will eventually be three features. In these feature we will give you a rough idea of what each bar can offer you in terms of affordability, dress code and location. Are you going to go here for a dance? You’ll find that out. Do they have mid-week events like beer pong and quiz nights? That’ll be in here too. Do they have Simon Hirst wearing a funny hat and singing like a bloody angel? That’s also in here. Keep in mind that this list here is nowhere near the complete set of Hamilton bars. As mentioned, earlier, this is just one in a series.


FEATURE FLOW BAR Beyond the Riff-Raff statue (the giant, metal figure on Victoria Street) sits Flow Bar. Flow Bar has marked out its place in the market as a premier venue for big gigs with big artists. Ladi6 is playing there next week, for example. Despite having crazily steep stairs, Flow rarely fails to draw the punters. The Hamilton City DnB and Dubstep crew hold fortnightly gigs, all for a small price. Flow is not a ‘sit down and have a deep and meaningful conversation’ venue. It’s all about excellent live music, local DJ talent and cutting some shapes on the dance floor. The drinks are well priced, with the classics all well stocked in a highly visible display fridge. Drinks sit around the $7 mark for beers or RTDs.

DIGGERS Ten years ago the mention of “Diggers” may have conjured images of the place your mother held her work drinks at, or the place your older neighbours and their rugby mates had a few drinks to avoid loud music and glo-sticks. The truth is Diggers has steadily crafted a niche market and a loyal and passionate clientele. The owners also make intelligent use of the space by hiring out a large section of the venue for regular events, receptions and live music and at the same time creating a more intimate environment in the small front bar. At some point during your student experience you will come to crave the charms of the “small bar where the bar staff get to know what you drink,” diggers knows that, they plan for it and they have become fantastic at providing it. It may not be the first stop on any pub crawl but it’s no longer your mum’s bar of choice either. T en years from now at least 30% of you will have met a fiancé, a long time boyfriend or a three day stand there while you’re busy pretending that you are past the appeal of going into town. For that reason alone, Diggers is worth a look.


NITRO Nitro is a relatively new bar on the scene, taking over the location of (Nexus favourite) Go Vino. Nitro has kept the tapas feel which Go Vino brought to Hamilton. This is not a place to go and have a dance, despite there being an excellent live set on a regular basis. This place is all about high quality drinks and high quality food. But we’re not talking about food here. Mrs Matthews takes care of that over in the columns section. Nitro has seven different varieties of Sangria, a Spanish drink involving a crazy mix of fruit and liquor, ranging from ones with a wine base to ones with a gin base. A jug of Sangria sits around the $40 dollar mark, but it’s made to be shared. Nitro can be found opposite Le Grand, just north of Bar101.

3204 A comparatively new addition to Hamilton life, 3204 occupies a space once filled by Charmers. Catering to the hip-hop and ‘urban’ (whatever the hell that means these days) scene, 3204 sits well on Alexandra Street, to the left of the entry to Soundscape a few weeks back. DJ Sir-Vere played to a packed house during Soundscape and the good times keep on going there every weekend.

SHINE Despite being a gay bar, full of super awesome gay people, Shine doesn’t discriminate about who you want to put your genitals near. Located right next to Subway, Shine has a good outdoor smoking area and a sweet dance floor. The dance floor feature a stripper pole, which is surprisingly fun for homosexuals, heterosexuals, male and female alike. Themed nights keep it all fresh, with live drag queen performances, glam rock events and all sorts. Exceptionally friendly bar and door staff keep us going back. Shine is a great place for a quick drink and a long dance. We’ve been informed that the skittles shot is just $5. We would be more excited about that if we knew

FEATURE what one was. Don’t go looking for trouble in Shine. It won’t end well for you. Drag queens are actually men in skirts and they will knock your shit out when push comes to shove.

EASY TIGER Easy Tiger is the perfect location for drinks and romance. With a classy interior and classy staff, this joint has a strict dress code which has often been the target of abuse from students. Nexus says: tough. Get some real shoes and a haircut. An excellent cocktail selection comes at a price, but sweet Jesus! Those are some mighty fine drinks. A cocktail can go for $12 anywhere up to near the $20 mark, but you’re definitely getting what you paid for.

RODEO RODEO If you like cowboy hats and good times, Rodeo Rodeo is the place for you. With music ranging from the 1960s to now, it is a good place to have a boogie without being crushed between a thousand other people with suspect hygiene. A quick call to Rodeo Rodeo, which we didn’t manage to make it to during the course of this article, leads us to believe that the staff there is serious about their bar and knowledgeable. We at Nexus probably wouldn’t recommend this to a first year student, as there are plenty of bars designed specifically for them, but it’s still worth a look. Cowboy hats are free, but drinks cost money. A pint of tap beer will sit around the $8.50 mark. This would be a great place for a third year couple to go on a date, or for uni staff wanting to cut loose



AXCESS Axcess is Hamilton’s best rock bar. Obviously thats just, like, our opinion man, but you can’t deny the primal urge that a tough metal band unleashes deep within your soul, pulling you headfirst into a mosh pit. Axcess is a great place to go for a smoke and a drink, as they have an outdoor bar that opens out to the smoking section. Early in the night, it’s a top spot for a couple of quiets, before evolving into a pumping location as the regular crowd shuffles in. SHENANIGANS The place to be on Saint Patrick’s Day (the 17th of March), Shenanigans is one of two Irish themed bars on Victoria Street, but the only one close enough to the action for us to write about. Found right next to the alleyway entrance (where you’ll inevitably line up for the awesomeness that is THE MIGHTY OUTBACK), Shenanigans has Murphy (an Irish stout) on tap and Magners cider in the fridge. It also has the only central city TAB, so get there on big race days and have a little play. A pint of Murphy sits at $9.20, which may seem a little steep, but come on: Murphy’s is a quality drop. Magners, a cider, costs $13.70 a pint, but again, you’re paying for quality. Shenanigans have live music most nights of the week. On Tuesdays and Wednesdays see Simon Hirst wearing a funny hat and singing like a bloody angel. For those of you unsure who that is, you probably saw him during O-Week down near Momento at the lakes.


THE OUTBACK No look at bars in Hamilton would be complete with the Outback. Truly a student bar, it is designed and run with you, the students, in mind. Drinks are competitively priced, in keeping with its “student bar” status, the dance floor is incredibly spacious and there are enough toilets to empty an army. The Outback hosts a huge variety of events outside of their prestigious O-Week line up, with Beerfest in October, weekly beer pong and quiz nights (although the quiz has been moved to Bar101), as well as sweet drink deals. On Thursdays, $5 will get you a handle of the good stuff, a can of Vault, a bottle of Diesel or a double. Students have and do respond very well to the tactics employed by the Outback. The Outback has a large outdoor smoking area (perfect for dry nights and good times) with picnic tables. In the past, BBQs have been free for customers, so the happiness and safety of their customers is obviously first on their list of priorities. The Outback has long been a student favourite and long may it continue to be so. You really can’t call yourself a Waikato student unless you have been there at least once.

So there it is. A brief look at just some of the many bars on offer to you in your awesome new home. We’ll have another fifteen bars in our next one, including the fierce Bar 101, the glorious House Bar and the cheeky Monkey Feather. We’re also looking for writers to help us put together the next one, so if you’re passionate about your local, give us an e-mail: Happy drinking guys and stay safe. NEXUS BLOODY SAYS SO!



Puzzle Page

Brought to you by Mighty Strong Friends of Nexus; Event Cinemas and Frozen Coke Smugglers

So, the third week of University. You’ve got yourself so drunk you can’t remember the last decade of your life, you’ve (hopefully) got over the hangover. Now, it’s time to study. I know, right? None of us signed up for some of that! But, you really need to work harder this year. You barely passed last year, didn’t ya. Or didn’t quite? So, let’s get some study techniques... You know you should probably use them. So, this week, let’s start with the basics...


QUIZ TIME: What magnitude was the Earthquake in Canterbury on the 22nd of February, 2011?

WHAT TO DO The Furious Puzzle Page

(seriously, it’s pretty darn cross) Brought to you by the strong mind of Event Cinemas, in both Chartwell and Centreplace flavours! Mmmmm, delicious frozen coke! As usual, the first person to complete all the puzzles will win not one, but two free movie passes!

How many time has John Key been to Christchurch since that date?

When does Ken Ring predict the next earthquake will hit Christchurch?

Who is the events coordinater for the Waikato Student’s Union?

Be warned, this is the most difficult puzzle page ever!

Who is Vice President Maori for the same organisation?

What colour was Carmen Sandiegos outfit?

Where, on Earth, is Carmen Sandiego?



Fancy yourself as an artist? Got some sweet comics you want to share? Let us know! Contact us at

FAT BASTARDS FOOD PAGE! WHITE CHOCOLATE MUD CAKE Ingredients: 300g White Chocolate 200g Butter 1 Cup milk 3/4 Cup Sugar 2 teaspoons Vanilla 2 eggs 1 2/3 Cups flour 1 teaspoon baking powder

Melt the chocolate, butter, milk and sugar together until smooth. Cool the liquid for about half an hour in the fridge then add vanilla and eggs. Add the flour and baking powder in about 1/2 a cup at a time beating between each addition. Bake at 160 for about an hour and fifteen minutes. The best icing to put on this cake is none. Melt some white chocolate and smother it on top.

FUDGE RECIPE Ingredients: 2 Cups of White Sugar 1 Tablespoon of butter ½ Cup of milk 1 Tablespoon of cocoa

Put all of the ingredients into a pot and stir it until everything is all melted and combined. Then turn the heat down so it’s only just boiling and leave it alone for ten minutes. Once the ten minutes is up move it off the element and beat it until thick (the stick mixer blender things are awesome for this). To make super tasty fudge add a couple of drops of vanilla or peppermint essence or a splash of baileys or some other tasty boozy thing once you’ve taken it off the heat.





Hello Friends,


Hope you’ve been enjoying your first couple of weeks at uni and your all settled in. Right here’s Honest Matt’s tips this week for

PART ONE: What you need to know when starting a job with the 90 day trial period clause

Making Living Cheaper. Tip Number 1 Don’t fall asleep drunk in front of the television when you get back from Bar 101/ The Outback at 4 o’clock in the morning. You’re simply upping your flat power bill and also damaging the environment (you bastard). Tip Number 2 Write a list before you go shopping and stick to it (I sound like someone’s mum here) and never go to the supermarket hungry. On that note don’t go to the supermarket drunk either. Tackling your other pissed mate into the frozen food section is a good way to rack up a damages bill while at the same time acquiring a $200 diversion payment. Being banned from a Pak N Save is horrible, horrible burden I wouldn’t wish on anyone (just one year to go Matt, one year)

On April the 1st 2011 all employers will be able to employ new employees on a trial period. I thought it would be fitting to give a brief explanation about the employment Relations Amendments Act (2010) and in part two provide some examples of the consequences of the legislation. First and foremost a trial period has to be written into your employment agreement, and only removes your right to file a personal grievance on the grounds of unjustifiable dismissal. The 90 day trial period legislation (or fire at will bill) allows for a trial period of UP TO 90 days to be written into your employment agreement. This trial period gives the employee a chance to prove themselves to the employer, if the employee fails to do so the employer can terminate the employment without having to give a reason. Nonetheless, some protections for workers are available as follows:

Tip Number 3 This is probably the most important tip for this week. Scab off you rich mate’s parents. A clever way to save money is to befriend

•The good faith provisions of the Employment Relations Act 2000 apply to the negotiation of trial periods.

people who are flatting at home with their rich parents.

•Remedies are available for personal grievances other than those based on unjustified dismissal. For example, if employers act in a discriminatory manner or in the case of sexual or racial harassment, employees will be able to take a personal grievance under the Employment Relations Act through the Employment Relations Authority or Employment Court.

Anyway here are the latest discounts on the H Card: Get $1 off ALL DRINKS at Bar101 and The Outback Inn. Get 1 FREE Chips and Aioli when you buy a gourmet burger from Burgerfuel, Victoria Street. Get 5% off all stock at Liqour King Hillcrest. Go to Event Cinemas (Chartwell and Centre Place) to get cheap $12 films (and $16 3D films) Get $5 tenpin bowling games or Megazone Laser Tag at the Bowlevard, Sky City. Receive 10% off your costume hire at Tops N Tales Costume Hire. Get $6 off your hair cut on a Tuesday at Campus Cuts (next to the Student Union Building) Cheers people. Get your H Card today at If you don’t I will fight you.

•Protections regarding pay, conditions, leave, and health and safety are unaffected by employment in a trial period. •The new law also ensures that an employer and an employee may only agree to a trial period if the employee has not previously been employed by the employer. So, if the employment relationship ends and the employee is subsequently re-employed, the option of a trial period will not be available. •If employees believe they were dismissed unfairly they can seek mediation assistance from the Department of Labour. “(DOL) 29



Dora’s 105 Collingwood st, Hamilton. I’ve come to Dora’s for coffee on several occasions, but not often for food, on this occasion we were aimlessly wandering the lower end of town on one of those empty days of what seemed like the neverending holidays, which i now wish hadn’t ended (no! I kid, I kid, I love Uni!) and thought we would try them out for breakfast. I ordered an Eggs Bene and my friend ordered a BLAT bap from the cabinet. My Bene came smothered in a delicious hollandaise on a toasted ciabatta, with set eggs... wait... wtf??! Who the f*** serves set eggs on an Eggs Bene? If I can make perfect runny poached eggs at home without trying, then why the hell cant you? My lovely friend said her BLAT was nice, but was strangely soggy in the middle as it seems it is microwaved and then given a half-assed toasting on their silly little grill.



It’s interesting, I suppose. Once you graduate, and start thinking of a whole host of topics you could theoretically research, you quickly realise that you could easily publish a thesis in the arts. I don’t know whether they take any old crap, or whether two hundred pages of deconstructing subtext counts as academic achievement. Seriously folks, I have read an essay outlining the character development of Bill Watterson’s Calvin & Hobbes, and how Calvin’s various exploits are the result of undiagnosed schizophrenia. Additionally, this essay proposes that the narrator of Fight Club is simply an adult Calvin, complete with a confident and capable alter-ego that nobody else can see. That’s right. Fight Club, in all of its dark glory is little more than a Watterson comic taken a little too far. So, it stands to reason that if some muppet can get published with that, I should be able to publish the Gifford-Munro Theory of Conservation of Talent.

My flat white comes a little too soppy for my liking, spilling onto the saucer when I try to stir it, and tasting somewhat burnt... but hey, that’s always been my biggest issue with Dora’s, their lack of consistency, sometimes the coffee is good, and sometimes they ignore the normal standard of what can be considered coffee and give you whatever crap they feel like serving.

You see, there are some talented people out there. Take Brian May, for example. Not only is he best known as the guitarist for Queen, but he is also the Chancellor at Liverpool John Moores University. With a PhD. In Astrophysics research.

The guy serving customers jostles the customers in a way that seems like he is trying for familiar, but just comes off as arrogant, although a quick chat with the barista shows he’s pretty good value. Dora’s is a small cafe, and maybe they are trying to make the best of a small space, but to me it feels a little awkward and squished, and I’m often unsure how I feel about the sometimes strange array of arts that frequent its white walls, should I feel inadequate because sometimes I just don’t get it?

will ever be.

Sometimes Dora’s does nice enough food and coffee, and its not so expensive, but sometimes I just walk away thinking ‘meh’.

Every time you trip over nothing, a riff is written with your name on it. Every time you fumble a catch, someone out there is unlocking the mysteries of the Universe. Every time you screw up something as simple as a high-five, someone else is getting laid.

Side note: I did indeed return to Furnace for the ‘central Otago tart’ (last week’s review) and it was like freaking happiness in my mouth –just sayin’*


Yes, you read that correctly. Not only can he melt your face off with a solo, but he can also laugh at you, because he is smarter than you

The Gifford-Munro Theory states that talent cannot be created or destroyed. So, in order to have someone as awesome as Brian May exist, there have to be an abundance of talentless space-wasters to compensate. By virtue of his breathing, he takes a few hundred ordinary people, and makes them suck. Not by comparison either. Just plain ol’ suck.




Welcome to the second issue of Sex on Campus 2011. We hope that your O-week was super sex-o-licious, and are looking forward to hearing your stories about sex on campus, in your showers at Student Village, or in the Outback Toilets. This week though, we

First of all I just want to say it is possible to pick up someone anywhere. Bongo for example apparently is a great place to pick up stray, hungry people. Down to feed is not what DTF translates as; nice try though. I personally witnessed two people getting pretty

have a story sent to us in late 2010. It’s so saucy that we thought that you needed to see it in full: here it is below.

cosy, there were wandering hands and flirty laughs. I was lucky enough to walk past right as the guy asked “Sorry what’s your name?” whatever line he used is the legend of all pickup lines that other lines want to be when they grow up.

Dear Sex on Campus, Reading your column sparked a memory of mine from last year. I was in my second year and in a very boring, fairly empty lecture with a certain hot female lecturer taking the session. It had been a long day and I found myself slightly aroused for some reason. As I contemplated a danger wank (being one of only a few up the back of the room), I felt myself undo the top button of my pants and slip my hand in. I started to stroke. I started off slowly but soon got into a nice rhythm. Unknown to me, a reasonably pretty girl one row down and a few seats along from me had noticed my activities and, being as she had an aisle seat, slipped out, relocated up to my row, and started approaching me. As I noticed, I quickly removed my hand and pretended to pay attention to Dr Milf. The girl, however, smiled as she sat down next to me, reached across and headed for my pants. I couldn’t believe what was happening as she slipped down my jeans and grasped my throbbing member. As you can imagine, it didn’t take long before she had me silently squirming as I came. She continued smiling as she simply got up and left, leaving me there in my own mess. I sometimes pass her around uni and it’s always funny as we look at each other and smile, remembering what was, and still is, one of the coolest days of my uni life. DangerWanker69

Back to the real world; a world where you should learn someone’s name before they will touch your happy places. Oh wait I said this was about meeting people in town, who learns names there either. That is my advice for this week learn names straight away nothing is more awkward than having to ask names later, or guessing and saying the wrong name when it comes to the crunch. Due to my initial sidetrack I’m a bit too close to my word limit this week so in short, we considered the use of sporting pick up lines, and tried them out at Soundscape. Some lessons: 1) Saying anything about your balls does not work. Eg: saying “You look like a tennis player; how about we go and whack my balls about” will not get you very far. 2)

Horse pick up lines do not work either: saying “I want to

jump you like my horse jumps the equestrian barricades” makes you sound gay. Seriously. Only gay guys own horses. 3) Sports that are easily penis related may work: “I’m an elite fencing champ, I know how to wield a long hard sabre” was surprisingly effective. Then again, the chick we tried this on was pretty fucked, so who knows? She was the real translation of DTF. Down to Fence! Still not so sure what all the fuss is about. If anyone has any ideas of lines to test, or stories to tell let us know at

So there you have it. Make sure that next time you are bored in lecture (perhaps right now?) you have good look round to see who else is having a danger wank? No doubt they would appreciate your help! We want you help too though; email givemetheclap@gmail. com with your sexual stories so that we can share them with the world! 31





It’s now officially been two weeks since I moved into College Hall, to start my first year of a Sport and Leisure Degree with a second major in English, and I can honestly say I am pleasantly surprised how it’s all turned out. With the endless meetings, activities, the

Those of you from last year will recall how I wrote of my job experiences. The one I have to share with you today is my worst job ever: Working on 100% commission, as a door to door salesman.

occasional social drink and late night sessions to clubs and bars the University has kept everyone pretty busy so people aren’t dwelling on feeling homesick. As a first timer of boarding I can truthfully say I have never been away from my parents for more than a week, even when playing hockey in Australia my mum and sister accompanied me. So this past week is definitely an eye opener on what it is like to live away from home and what it’s like having no parents to tell you what to do all the time, because for me, who has had everything done for them the past 20 years it’s very different.

Cold selling is hard enough when you have a physical product, something of use. Encyclopaedias, vacuum cleaner parts, Amway; they have value. I was selling sign-ups to charities. Basically my job was to persuade people to set up monthly payments to an organisation they may never have heard of. In return for their money, they (presumably) got a warm fuzzy feeling to carry around with them. They also got a wristband. I imagine the warm fuzzies lasted about as long as their desire to wear an uncomfortable piece of rubber. I quickly decided that the job was scam artistry, (it was a pyramid scheme too), but that didn’t put me off. I mean, who doesn’t romanticise the idea of being charming and charismatic? To hell with the morality of it I thought. I was going to become bad in order to gain this power!

No one tells you to get up in the morning because you’re going to be late for class, no one to tell you to go to bed on time, no one to tell you make sure you take this, don’t forget that. Here no one is your mother, if you choose to miss breakfast because you went out the night before and only got in at 4am then no one will care. At school you are told what to wear, when to study, and a roll is taken. Here no roll is taken except in tutorials, you can wear anything you want and you have free range of when you want to study, and no one cares if you do the work or not everything is up to you. I feel this quote accurately portrays MY SITUATION at Waikato University “A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in the students”. John Ciardi Stay tuned for next week for more …..


The only problem was that I wasn’t good at it. I guess I did feel bad sometimes and I wouldn’t push sales that hard, I even got told off for letting a sale go due to feeling sorry for that person after they told me about credit card debt. I found it odd being told off for feeling for someone, considering we were selling charity. Maybe that person was lying, but then most of us find it OK to lie to door to door sales people. I lie to them now. I was using techniques on people that were manipulative so I don’t know where you would draw the line. Despite being average at sales and not managing to ignore my conscience, I can’t deny the satisfaction of selling someone something when they originally acted uninterested. I walked into one business, and the only person there was this meek guy. Sadly, as soon as I saw him I knew he was a sale. When I realised that I was looking at people as sales/ non-sales, I quit. But I still fantasise about being better at it.





Betty Garrett is not a name likely to loom large in Bar 101 drinking games or Outback quiz nights. Even if she had made it big in her 40s and 50s heyday it’s unlikely she would anyway, I guess, but it says something about Garrett’s compromised career that we at Auteur

Charlie Sheen is back in the spotlight again and the scandal, if possible, is even crazier than last time. Sheen has been back in the media limelight for a few weeks now because of his crazy antics, but it seems he has gone too far. Warner Bros. Announced on Monday

House only stock three of her movies, two made before her political blacklist and the other a partial comeback after the McCarthyist hysteria had subsided.

last week that Charlie Sheen is officially fired. The company issued this statement saying that “after careful consideration, Warner Bros. Television has terminated Charlie Sheen’s services on ‘Two and a Half Men’, effective immediately.” Fox news reported that Warner Bros. have had to suspend work on the current season because of Sheens erratic personal life. Sheen has also been waging an angry campaign against the show’s producers.

As a movie star Garrett’s finest hour was her supporting part in “On the Town” (1949), the first musical ever shot on location. Playing a sexually aggressive taxi driver who corners and eventually conquers the then weedy wall flower Frank Sinatra, Garrett is very funny, easily holding her own with the 20th century’s finest voice. It was Garrett’s second film with Sinatra that year, the first being the relatively minor Busby Berkeley effort “Take Me Out to the Ball Game”. In between the two she also found time to co-star with swimming beauty Esther Williams in the fun “Neptune’s Daughter”. Garrett did not make another film for six years. Married to one-time communist Larry Parks - amongst the highest profile blacklisted stars, best known for impersonating Al Jolson in two successful biopics Garrett was guilty by association. Parks’ principled decision not to name names before the House of Un-American Activities Committee had employment consequences. Ironically, Garrett’s part in her comeback movie is amongst her best. The closest she ever came to a leading role, she plays an aspiring writer sharing a low rent New York apartment with sibling Janet Leigh in “My Sister Eileen” (1955). A tuneful, good rather than great musical comedy, Garrett is well paired with the young Jack Lemmon, more than compensating for his thin voice. Thereafter Garrett worked in television, sometimes on prestigious shows like “All in the Family”. Happily she was still working at age 90, making her last film, “Dark and Stormy Night”, in 2009.

A letter from Warner Bros. to Sheens lawyers cites various events that led to his termination. These events include the alleged trashing of the Plaza Hotel, many reported cocaine benders and on-set failures. He has also allegedly been verbally harassing the creator of the show Chuck Lorre. Sheen has commented that this (his termination) is good news as he now plans to sue the studio for breach of contract as he was contracted to do another season in 2012. He will now be at a loss of about $50 million for the remaining episodes of this season as well as those of next years. Warner Bros. say they have the right to fire Sheen as in his contract there is a stipulation that says they can terminate any performer who commits a “felony offence involving moral turpitude.” What then, you might ask, is next for ‘Two and a Half Men.’ Well it appears as if there are a couple of options. The show could be cancelled completely, which sources say doesn’t seem very likely as the show is one of the most highly watched comedy shows around the world. Even without Sheen the show will continue to be a top comedy hit. Other options include replacing Sheen with another actor or dropping his character all together and continuing the show without him. So it isn’t all bad news for fans of the show, although I’m not sure it will ever be the same without Charlie.





So… you’re bored… no one cares about you and facebook just isn’t cutting it. Last week I was sitting at my computer clicking my life away before I remembered a game a friend of mine was telling me about. “Robot Unicorn Attack” another acid trip gone wrong by adultswim to waste time like a loveless marriage and leave you cold and alone after hours – again like a loveless marriage. The best way of understanding this game is: Watch a few ours of Transformers/Gundam/Metroid followed by an hour of my little pony and then take a tab of acid, some angel dust and a few pills of ecstasy and play some Erasure and you’ll have effectively have played this game. The plus to doing it this way you’re filled with less self hatred and a much less painful hangover. Your motivation is simple, you are a robotic unicorn, you jump, you dash and the world speeds up faster and faster into perpetual chaos until you die, and the carrot on the end of this pink rainbow stick is: I MUST BEAT MY HIGHSCORE. The game music is the most mind numbingly addictive tune in the world that is guaranteed to bore holes in your brain faster than most management lectures. The same verse

over and when you finally put the game down at 4 a.m you wake up in a cold sweat at 5 a.m singing “always I wanna be with you”… “Catchy” does not do this song justice. This game is for everyone… aside from the fact when your unicorn smashes into a wall or giant star it violently explodes – very excessively - as if it was made by Joss Wheden. This game is a total mind rape and you will not recover from it. I predict in 10 years I will be suffering from PTSD… It shouldn’t be played by anyone, for any length of time. This game is also mindlessly addictive, I’m going to just have a quick game and I’ll be back to writing this review. Alright so I’m back... 4 hours on this game feels like 10 minutes. If you want a time waster – this is the one. If you want a casual version of World of Warcraft – this is the one. If you want a game that will make you fail university and your partner leave you THIS IS THE ONE. Overall this game is fun and really quite twisted. It also leaves me with a pleasant little buzz. My girlfriend has left me and I haven’t eaten in days. Oh well, I beat my last highscore. It’s defiantly worth playing if you’re bored and desperate – best thing is: It’s free! What’ve you got to lose? Except your soul…





Right, let’s get right into it, I am a fan of the Doctor and the guy in charge of writing stuff now is the man behind some of my favourite episodes in the past - as well as a few other projects like Sir Peter Jackson’s Dam Busters remake, Spielberg’s Tintin film and the brilliant modern interpretation of Sherlock starring soon to be Hobbit Martin Freeman as Watson. So trust me when I say he’s good, and what he’s done to the show is also good (just ask fans like Spielberg, Jackson and Steve Martin) and what he brings to the show that is almost 50 years old is a youthful vitality mixed with some very dark scenarios - all bought to life with the very young Matt Smith as the very old Doctor.

fiancé Rory Williams. Through them you’ll learn about the universe and discover that perhaps time can be rewritten. They’re clever everypeople who tag along for a ride, as well as the enigmatic River Song who meets the Doctor in the wrong order (He first meets her when she sees him for the last time). She knows stuff and she’s not telling spoilers after all but then he knows how she will die and can‘t stop it from happening for the same reason. Then littered through the series are great characters like Winston Churchill, Vincent Van Gogh, Queen Elizabeth the 10th and young Amy Pond and together they fight lizards from the centre of the earth, Daleks in Technicolor, an invisible giant chicken, an alliance of the Doctors enemies and even time itself.

This series sees the first adventures of a newly regenerated Doctor (Number 11 for anyone keeping count) and throughout this season you will fall in love with quirks like Fish Custard, bow ties and fez’s being cool, jammy dodger self destructs, and using museums to keep score. The light frothy fun is just that, fun and quirky but the interpersonal relationships here work amazingly well too. The companions of this season, the character we the audience identify with (cause when you’re 900 years old and the last of your species it is kind of hard to relate to others) is the very Scottish Amy Pond and her

While this is all standard Whovian fare what makes this series stand out is the fact that Moffat sat down and created story threads that straddle a few series, seeds are planted now for something we won’t see until maybe October 2011 if we’re lucky but at the same time we’re seeing a Doctor Who series firmly rooted in the classic show from the 60’s - an alien with a human companion travelling all of time and space, anywhere, and any when - the only real limits from here on in is the imagination of the writers…and possibly Daleks cause those bastards are worse than cockroaches.





Rhys Darby is a funny man. He’s perhaps got the best comic timing of any New Zealander since John Clarke. Whether he can act is another matter. In “Love Birds”, his first romantic comedy leading role, Darby makes a lot of thin material and marginal lines. His Doug “Flash” Gordon is an everyman, a sympathetic loser

As a true Jeff Bridges fan I couldn’t wait to see Tron Legacy, the sequel to the 1982 film “Tron” which I haven’t seen but while doing a bit of searching on IMDB I found a trailer and Tron Legacy clearly looks like the better film.

figure, the unambitious nice guy with the heart of gold that might be played by Will Farrell or a Wilson brother if “Love Birds” were a Hollywood film.

Tron starts with a young Kevin Flynn telling the story of Tron to his son Sam Flynn. After the story his father promises him he will show him the Grid. After seeing his dad ride off into the night he doesn’t see him again for 20 years. The film then returns to a now 27 year old Sam Flynn investigating his father’s death when he is transported onto the Grid. The Grid is where Kevin Flynn has been trapped for the last 20 years and is much similar to a computer game with gladiator like fights, but instead of swords and amour they have a flashy Power Ranger suit and a near indestructible disc. Sam is then reunited with his father and the story starts there.

Doug’s crime is contentment and complacency and, depending on your musical tastes, an enthusiasm for the old British glam rockers Queen. He’s happy enough leading the most genial band of road workers ever to pour asphalt, an ethnic cross section of New Zealand who never swear or curse and only go to the pub to play quiz games. Darby’s inflection and body language consistently amuse but as a character Doug has as about much depth as the guy who fronts the 2 Degrees telly advertisements. His pairing with the rather stern English character actress Sally Hawkins is an odd one that doesn’t come off, generating little screen heat or chemistry. Whatever sex appeal Hawkins has demonstrated in the past - and she was certainly fetching in Mike Leigh’s “Happy-Go-Lucky” - is neutered by the writing and direction. A solo mum zoo worker is not the stuff of cinematic wet dreams.

Bringing back the original actors Jeff Bridges and Bruce Boxleitner brings a lot to the film. I haven’t seen the original, so I can’t say if it worked well by building on the first movie. Joseph Kosinski chose the right movie to make his directing debut on, and didn’t disappoint, with the majority of the film filmed in 3D.

As much as patriotism dictates that one should give “Love Birds” a break too much of it feels contrived and appropriated from better, overseas rom-coms. It might wear its ‘Aucklandness’ on its sleeve, with shots of the city’s skyline bookending proceedings and much dwelling on the iconic sights in between, but the relentless musical recycling of Freddy Mercury and co and the use of Hawkins and Aussie veteran Bryan Brown in an underwritten supporting part suggest director Paul Murphy and writer Nick Ward have an eye of the international market.

well because most of their video clips feature similar characters this film.

The best New Zealand films are like the best films from anywhere else: they’re true to their own culture first. “Boy” might be full of references to Michael Jackson and “ET” but they’re used ironically, as a point of difference. Murphy gets Darby and cast to sing Queen over the end credits, just like the conclusion of “There’s Something About Mary”. It’s not good enough. - Reviewed by Richard Swainson 36

The costume design in this film is really something. In some places it reminds me of a cross between Star Trek and Hell Boy. The music in this film was composed by Daft Punk which fits the movie perfectly especially when Sam enters the grid: their music fits in

Tron Legacy defiantly lived up to my expectations. It isn’t Oscar worthy Best Picture material, because of its story line, but it did get nominated for best sound editing which is no surprise when you have Daft Punk to play with. This movie is defiantly something to watch with a group of mates. I’ not sure it’s the type of film you sit down and watch with your girlfriend but on a lazy, hung-over Sunday it defiantly fits the bill. - Reviewed by Josh Cooper

KEVIN PRYOR GOES DOWN ON BOOKS PYONGYANG - GUY DELISLE North Korea is number one on my list of countries I’d like to visit. There’s something fascinating about a state in the 21st century, still living George Orwell’s 1984 dream. Or to put it more accurately, nightmare. The only trouble about taking a trip there myself, is that I’m not very good at following rules, so I’d probably end up staying longer than intended via a slave labour camp. So a safer option is to experience it vicariously, and Guy Delisle’s graphic novel allows me to do that. Delisle lived in the capital Pyongyang for several months while working as an animator. Animation is largely done in Asia now, especially in low wage countries like North Korea. Delisle himself points out the irony that has brought him to his place of work; communists drawing cartoons to entertain capitalist children while their parents decadently sleep in on Saturday mornings. He also has a wry take on his whole experience, and it’s an absorbing read. Living in a society

where the populace is brainwashed, and constantly exposed to propaganda, provides plenty of rich source material. Delisle brilliantly captures the many humorous and bizarre moments you’d expect. One such example was the regime’s attempt to build the largest hotel in the world. The project runs out of money in 1992, one hundred and five stories high. It now stands as an empty, spectacular monument to the failure of communism in the heart of Pyongyang. My only complaint is that the artwork is a little basic for my taste, especially as Delisle is a professional animator. But it’s easy to imagine he drew events as they unfolded, like a travel diary, so I suppose I shouldn’t be too critical. Regardless, the narrative is strong enough to overcome any illustrative weakness. Ultimately in reading Pyongyang I was reminded of the George Orwell quote that concludes 1984. ‘You want a vision of the future? Imagine a boot stamping on a human face... forever.’


A IS FOR ALIBI - SUE GRAFTON Because it’s been the holidays, I’ve been reading some books that are anything but thought provoking. A is for Alibi is from an old series written by Sue Grafton about private investigator Kinsey Millhone. This one is from

being pretty formulaic the books are well written and thought out. And the mystery is actually the focus of the book instead of appearing to be an annoyance to the main character, something that has bugged me

1982 and the most recent one was published in 2009, so she’s been writing these for ages. A is for Alibi comes from the alphabet series with great novel titles like B is for Burglar and D is for Deadbeat. A is for Alibi, and the others I have read, have been very easy to read.

about “mystery” books I’ve picked up in the past.

In their own way these books a great; you can pick up any from the series and read it as a stand alone, but you get a little more depth if you’ve read more than one. The stories are pretty simple – there’s some mystery that needs to be solved and someone has asked for Kinsey’s help. She investigates, follows the clues, has realisations, usually has some kind of romantic involvement, and gets around to solving the mystery towards the end of the story. Despite

Thankfully there are variations between the stories, so even though you know the basic structure by the end of your first book the next one will have a couple of twists you didn’t expect to be there. It’s kind of like watching a TV series which isn’t that awesome, but you still enjoy in a guilty kind of way. You just follow the story and switch your brain off; it doesn’t matter if you’ve missed a week (or a book or two) because you don’t need it to follow what’s happening now. I think I’m a little bit hooked and these are going to become one of my series of guilty pleasure books.








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17.MARCH.2010 FROM 9PM


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St Paddy’s shots all night

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FREE BBQ Live music from 9 - 12pm 40

issue 03 2011  

TINSELTOWN THE BAR GUIDE LETTUCE Tales From Tinseltown returns with bi-winning, Charlie Sheen style Nexus did the hard yards, drinking our w...

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