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WIN A CAR!

Or A Bike! It’s Up To You! Pg 5

BIG BANDS!

Dance on the Campus Green! Pg 8-9

COMEDIANS BY THE BARREL!

Aotearoa’s Funniest Hit Campus! Pg 10-11

GUARD YA GENITALS! Sexual advice from Nexus Pg 25

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/BAR101 FOR MORE DETAILS

EDITORIAL: ART

EDITORIAL: So, you’ve obviously decided to come to university and get your learn on. Actually, scratch that: I don’t know why you’ve come exactly. Maybe a girl you’ve had a crush on all of your life has come to uni and you don’t want to give up on your futile dreams yet. Maybe your parents have demanded you go to uni because they never got the chance when they were young. Or maybe, just maybe, you’re here because there are still no jobs in the outside world. There’s also the party culture and the chances of constant, amazing sex with strangers you meet in Hamilton’s many pubs that may have drawn you to university.

I’m not going to bother telling you that university is the only way to get ahead in life, because they most likely told you that every day through high school. A lot of super rich, crazy-successful people in the world never went to university. Most of the world’s population probably don’t even finish high school. University isn’t the be all and end all of life. You might get a degree in economics and end up being a high school gym teacher.

University is, however, a learning experience, whether you go to classes or not.

You’ll learn to be OK with old people. You’re going to be in classes with people who are old enough to be your parents. It might seem a little weird at first, but then you realise how brave these people are for coming back to university despite being very old. You may find yourself sitting next to a World War 2 veteran. Probably not, but you never know. University won’t discriminate against you for being young and stupid, so why should it discriminate against those people for being old and stupid? On the upside, if you’re doing history, buy one of your older classmates a few glasses of Merlot and get all the information you’ll ever need.

You’ll learn to be tolerant of foreigners. There will be accents, languages and customs which you have never heard or experienced before. Exchange students are all over the show, from the United States, South America and Europe and they are almost all keen to meet new people. Some of them will be making new friends to practice their English on and you can bet they want to learn the best swear words our language has to offer.

Start them off slowly, maybe with “son of a bitch” or “asshole”. Don’t drop the C-Bomb straight away though.

You have to work them into that one.

You’ll learn to be OK with people believing in stuff you don’t believe in. There will be religion everywhere, especially on clubs days and during O-Week, some of it quietly doing slow-motion martial arts on the lawn, some of it jumping into your face and screaming at you about Jesus. Maybe you’ll find God and maybe He’ll find you. Maybe you’ll find a nice piece of grass and do slow motion karate. Maybe God thinks you’re a dick head.

So, even if you choose to not go to any classes (and every year people totally do that), you’re going to get an education. You’ll discover out how much drinking is too much drinking and then attempt to increase that limit.

You’ll find exactly what type of people you’re attracted to, especially if you’re in the student halls, and then you’ll figure out the best way to attract their attention.

You’ll also figure out how little sleep you can survive on when you suddenly realise that you’ve got five or six assignments due at the end of the week which you haven’t started and you’ve just found the love of your life and they’re a nymphomaniac.

From the team at Nexus, enjoy your time at Waikato, whether you’re here to learn or to party, because you will miss it when it’s over.

Win a Car with the WSU!

5.

20.

Recipes which are easy for flatting!

Who are the WSU? Mystery Solved on this Page!

6.

23.

Build a fake penis with help from this page!

All you need to know about the big acts this O-Week!

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25.

A quick look at who makes Nexus and what they like!

15.

Guard Ya Genitals: Some helpful information from Nexus about your private parts

Gig Guide for O-Week on Campus!

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27.

Top Ten Challenge. Win lots of stuff just by taking a photo!

Tauranga Campus! Bet You Didn’t Know We Had One!

19. 29.

30.

Kirill’s Fun Facts About University. Some Might Be Half True!

Citizens Advice Bureau and a List of Fun Things to do in Hamilton!

WIN A CAR CAR...

No Really Its TRUE...

If you thought this was your average Orientation, you would be downright, inexplicably and absolutely incorrect. This year, the first Orientation of the decade is going to be super special. The Waikato Students Union is GIVING AWAY A CAR FOR FREE. Yeah that’s right, I said FREE. AND – we’re not only giving away a car, we’re giving away a totally amazing, completely sensual “Chopper” bicycle for the lucky winner to roll to and from Uni in eco friendly style.

“SO HOW DO I GET MY GRUBBY HANDS ON THIS FREE CAR”, YOU MIGHT SAY???? WELL, IT’S THIS SIMPLE; Step 1: Enter the WSU Endurance Challenge by emailing events@wsu. org.nz or sign up at the WSU tent on Monday the 1st of March before 10:30am Step 2: Battle it out for a mixture of points and endurance exercises every day on the village green to win either “The Bomb” – the car – or the bike!

NOTE** This comp is NOT for sissies! Whilst the average Joe Bloggs can participate in the daily challenges, the car will only be given to the spesh Waikato Stud or Studette who is dedicated to the cause.

SO WHY? WHY GIVE AWAY A CAR??

There is more method to the madness of just giving away free stuff here people. In reading this article you may be able to get yourself ahead. We are using this promo to let it be known what the Waikato Students Union does for you! There are only four main bits to remember so ill make it quick...

ADVOCACY: The student union has two absolutely amazing ladies that can help you any time you find yourself in a jam. Whether it be financial, issues with Studylink, or an academic dispute, or your landlord is giving you a bit of grief, make an appointment at the WSU reception with Shannon or Moi and you’ll be well on your way to solving your woes’.

CLUBS: WSU has over 40 different flavours of clubs to choose from. Or if you don’t like any of those and you want to make one of your own, all you have to do is ask. For new students this is an easy way to make great new friends doing the things you love.

REPRESENTATION: Basically how the WSU works is that every student is charged an automatic fee to be part of the WSU. Then Students are elected to act as the board of directors. Their directives are based on what they think is best for the Students in Waikato. These directives are carried out by staff. This is basically your student voice acting at a national and local level.

EVENTS: The WSU does some pretty big events throughout the year including Orientation, B Semester Fiesta, two End of Semester Parties and we’re down on the village green every Wednesday keeping campus culture buzzing. The events are to educate you chaps as to what the WSU does as well as to give you a forum to meet new people and network.

See you at the comp party people!

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INTRODUCING THE WAIKATO STUDENTS’ UNION

WSU CLASS OF 2010:

Welcome to the Whanau!

Congratulations on becoming a member of the BEST student union in the country!

Waikato Students’ Union is YOUR student union and we want you to get involved so that we continue to deliver everything you want and more.

The way it works: You belong to WSU, and WSU belongs to YOU! Every student pays a small fee of $95 which enables us to do the work that you set us to do.

YOU can play a role in that by coming to our board meetings, voting at our meetings (AGMs and SGMs), electing the people that you want to be involved (or running yourself), contributing to Nexus, joining a club, or just dropping into the office and helping out!

What we do: Aside from the awesomeness of O-Week, WSU brings you something fun to do every week of the study year… we feed you, we entertain you, we even go to parliament and fight for you! Most of our work is set by you guys at our annual general meeting which is held in September each year.

Our key job though, is to represent you and make sure that your voice is heard.

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WSU represents all University of Waikato students. Whether you are based on the Hamilton campus, or learning from home on a dairy farm in the middle of the Wairarapa (yes, it happens), we have a dedicated team of Directors who were elected by the class of 2009 to represent you on everything from preventing fee increases, fighting for free parking or supporting the creation of newer and better student spaces such as the new shops, and the library development (which we contributed $1million to!). Because we are independent of the University and we sit on so many different boards, we have a great perspective on what is happening in our institution and make sure that we are ready for anything that affects you and your studies!

Do you have any ideas on where you want YOUR student union to go? Drop President Deni a line at president@wsu. org.nz, rock on up and talk to one of the directors around campus (we’re the ones in the cool t-shirts) or come along to one of our board meetings!

WSU SERVICES:

What does the WSU do for YOU? So by now you’re probably wondering, what do I get for my buck (or $95 as the case may be)? Fortunately for you, the WSU provides a range of services for students:

Academic Advocacy: The WSU’s academic advocacy service is all about helping students when they have problems with the university. Whether you think your C+ grade was too low, you’ve been accused of plagiarism, you were too sick to finish an assignment or exam, or you are having difficulty with a lecturer or tutor, we can help you.

Personal Advocacy: Help for anything external to the university. If you have problems with your landlords not fixing stuff, StudyLink deciding not to pay your allowance, you find yourself in a sticky legal situation (we’re not lawyers but we can support you in finding the right advice), or your boss fires you for no reason – come see us!

Hardship: Hardship services are for students who suddenly find themselves with no money after some unforeseen event. We can provide you with interestfree loans, food vouchers or even a free cookbook! So next time you find yourself struggling because you have to attend a tangi, your flatmates have run off and left you with the rent bill, or your house burns down, come and see WSU and we’ll see what we can do to help!

Clubs: Let’s face it: everyone wants friends. That’s why WSU actively supports clubs. We have clubs for everything, including academic groups, groups that want to help you go on overseas exchanges, sporting groups, religious groups… the list goes on.

Joining or starting your very own WSU Club is a great way to meet other like-minded people while you study at Waikato. So next time you’re feeling lonely, use your WSU membership to help find a club that’s great for you!

Cheap Rec Centre: A little-known fact is that the WSU actually owns 50% of U Leisure, who in turn own the gym.

Thanks to us, you get great student deals and reasonably cheap prices instead of having to pay a fortune to play a game of squash.

Nexus: If you’re reading this, then you’re seeing yet another service that we provide for you. Nexus is YOUR weekly magazine delivered every Monday morning (that’s unless someone steals it – don’t laugh, it’s happened. Once).

So next time you’re in lecture giggling away at Art’s editorial instead of learning about indifference curves, remember that this is all because you’re a member of the WSU. 7

PROFILE: MUSIC

CONCORD DAWN consists of 2 passionate musicians, Matt Harvey (aka Matty C) and Evan Short (aka Kiljoy). The NZ born duo, have been making waves in the world of electronic music for many years now and have been tagged as “NZ’s pioneers of Drum and Bass”.

They have released their distinctive sound on legendary labels including Hospital Recordings, Timeless, Renegade Hardware, Moving Shadow, DSCI4 and Commercial Suicide, as well as up and coming labels including Freak, Heavy Rotation, Redlight, Cyanide and BSE

for music, they formed a band together and started jamming every afternoon, playing tunes from Eric Clapton and the Rolling Stones! A few years later they fell in love with the rave culture. Evan was given a jungle mix tape from friends at school that awakened his musical passion. It had classics such as Disturbance by Hyper on Experience and tunes from DJ Crystal and Kenny Ken. Around that time, Matt was checking sets and became highly influenced by DJ Aaron, one of the founders of the NZ drum and bass scene. The pair were instantly drawn

Recordings.

Concord Dawn have earned a fearsome reputation for their live performance, with extensive touring in Asia, America, Europe, Canada and Australia. In addition they have featured at almost all of the major dance festivals in New Zealand, including Big Day Out, Phat 05, the Gathering, Alpine Unity, Destination, Rippon, Splore, X air, the X games and numerous University Orientations.

The duo has been musicians and friends since they met at school at the young age of 11. Once they discovered their mutual love

to this new sound, and began experimenting with creating their own, “Jungle combined a lot of the music we were into at the time. It was a mash-up of Rock, Jazz, Hip Hop, and had the energy of dance music”.

The boys met up again at audio engineering school and began writing tunes. Almost immediately they began working on their self titled debut album for Auckland based electronic label Kog Transmissions. The album was received well by the local audience and they began their first foray into the vinyl market with two 12 inch releases taken from the

album. This was followed in quick succession by their second album Disturbance, which was both a refinement and an expansion of the energetic sound they had become well known for. This consolidated their local fan base and began to attract interest from overseas.

CORNERSTONE ROOTS Fresh off a New Zealand/Australian tour, Raglan-based reggae/roots band Cornerstone Roots are swinging by this O’Week to rock the Tron for the 2010 Universities Orientation Tour.

Waikato alumni and founding members, Naomi Tuao and Brian Ruawai, dropped by Nexus to catch up, have a chat, and reminisce about their time on campus.

What are your most vivid memories of attending Waikato University?

Brian: I studied political science will I was here, but what I remember the most was that they had a really active radio station here that used to play only local and New Zealand music. We even recorded an album in the station where Contact is.

Naomi: I studied sociology and women’s studies, but the thing I remember the most was how wicked the music scene was here. Guru’s and Wailing Bongo’s, that used to be a part of the Cowshed, just went off all the time. They

probably had gigs on campus about 4 to 5 days a week, a bar inside Guru’s and it used to just be pumping all the time no matter who was playing.

What actually constitutes “roots” music?

Brian: Ohh that’s a tough one. I guess it’s a mixture of all origins of music. Reggae is sort of our base that we build from and I guess the roots part is a mixture of jazz, blues, folk, soul.

I guess that’s a loose definition because we’ve been asked this question in Australia and over there they just call “roots” “blues”, so yeah that’s their interpretation of it. But aside from the music side of it, “roots” also refers to where we are from and our environment we live in.

What influences contribute towards your sound?

Brian: Umm Hendrix. Hendrix is definitely a major influence. So there is Hendrix, not riffs, but rhythm and chord progression influences in

there. And others just for pure inspiration would be: probably John Coltrane and Albert King.

Naomi: Bob Marley too, definitely Bob. We respect his work as songwriter, but also as a producer and advocate for reggae music around the world.

Cornerstone Roots are playing on Friday night at the Village green. Tickets are free from the Waikato Student Union with your Student ID or $5 at the gate. The Friday night show WILL sell out fast and numbers ARE limited, so get it sorted out!

PROFILE: MUSIC

KNIGHTS OF THE DUB TABLE Knights of the DUB Table combine elements of Reggae, Drum‘n’Bass, Hip-Hop and Rock into their own fusion of Dub flavoured music with powerful high-energy performances that leave the crowds wanting more.

Since their inception during 2008, they have performed with some of New Zealand’s bestknown Reggae/Dub acts Katchafire, dDub and Cornerstone Roots as well as popular Australian Dub outfit, The Versionaries.

In 2009 alone, the Knights of the DUB Table have gone from strength to strength including

by Evan Short, and remixes from Tiki Taane, Optimus Gryme, The Versionaries and their very own Mr Samy’samson.

“These guys have a great style and for me to be a part of their progression is an honor.” - Tiki Taane 2009 “…they’re a treat to watch on stage…a strong element of improvisation, with lengthy, indulgent interludes that raise energy levels among the crowd before they hit the heavy bass lines. The mish-mash of dub, reggae, drum ‘n bass and rock is a surprising one, but

supporting major acts at the hugely successful Tribal Pride Music Festival as well as Waikato University O-Week 09, playing Vilagrads Dance Parties, headlining their own gigs, and winning the 2009 York Street Band Experiments.

In November they have released their ‘Sing It To Me Remix EP’, containing the original mastered

it works well…after a high energy, tight two hour set, Knights of the Dub Table proved they can definitely hold their own.” - Gisborne Herald 2009 “Knights of the DUB Table have continued playing shows left, right and centre with some of New Zealand’s biggest reggae and dub acts…

From the outside looking in it looks as though you guys are on the brink of something epic”.

Mammoth 2009.

KINGSHIFTA Citation consists of 6 musicians who came together from different parts of Kirikiriroa to bring some smooth mellow but exciting up tempo journey filled music with the likes of the Black Seeds and Shapeshifter as influences.

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PROFILE: COMEDY

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2008 saw Ben return to New Zealand for a brief sojourn from the UK, where he’s been conquering the notoriously competitive comedy circuit, to perform his show “BOOM!” at the NZ International Comedy Festival in Auckland along with the Dunedin Fringe.

As it turns out it was well worth the long journey with a sell-out season and a well deserved nomination for, and subsequently winning the Comedy Festival’s prestigious Fred Award for Comedic Excellence. It places Ben in a Parthenon of New Zealand Comedy with previous winners Brendhan Lovegrove and Dai Henwood and is recognition of the commitment, drive and absolute hilarity that Ben

for comics where Australians, Canadians, South Africans, Americans, and every English speaking nation send their brightest and best to learn their trade with nothing less than some of the toughest audiences and critics in the world.

Ben has conquered these crowds and reviewers alike to such an extent that he was invited to co-star in a radio series with a giant of UK comedy, Andy Parsons, and at the end of 2008 was asked to tour with Irish comedic megastar Ed Byrne. This was a gruelling three month tour of Briton and Ireland which has enhanced Ben’s reputation with audiences, winning him new fans and led

possesses. This along with his 2004 Billy T Award and NZ Comedy Guild Best Male Comedian is something he is quite rightly, very proud of and we are all hoping that it will provide an impetus to ensure that Ben returns to these shores, at the very least on a regular basis.

The UK has given Ben an education in comedy that is among the best and most competitive in the world. The comedy circuit there is akin to an Ivy League education

to him touring there again during June 2009.

Thankfully local television seems to have taken notice of our latest comedy export success and Ben has become a regular guest and head writer for the hugely successful 7Days on TV3. He has appeared on AotearoHA the Tiki Tour Edition, AotearoHA Dai’s Xmas Special and will be a regular on the special project to fill in for Campbell Live over the Christmas break for 2009/2010.

Steve Wrigley is genuinely one of the nicest guys you will ever meet. It’s easy to see why he is so highly regarded by his peers and so richly deserves the massive success that he has created for himself over the last year. His 2008 Comedy Festival Show “The First Time” was a high energy, heartfelt, hilarious hit of the Festival which resulted in him winning the Billy T Award. His 2009 follow up “Of Mates and Mischief” saw him nominated for Best Comedy at the Dunedin Fringe and also the prestegious Fred Award at the Comedy Festival.

In fact 2008 saw Steve winning a whole swag of awards, as well as the coveted Billy he won Best Comedy at the Wellington Fringe Awards, Best MC at the NZ Comedy Guild Awards and was also voted Wellington Comedian of

the Year by his fellow comics. Phew, that’s how you learn to write an acceptance speech.

The latter part of 2008 saw Steve make the move from his beloved home city of Wellington to Auckland where success as a comic has come quickly. Keep an eye out on TV3 Friday nights as Steve will appears on the current events comedy show 7Days.

Steve certainly isn’t tied down however, 2009 has seen him at the World Buskers Festival in Christchurch, touring the country as part of the Notorious Comics Tour for Orientation and a seasons at the Dunedin Fringe, Auckland and Wellington Comedy Festivals. It’s little wonder that someone with as much energy as Steve will always find something to get involved with

From his beginnings in sketch comedy trio ‘GARY’ to now, Jamie has established himself as one of the mainstays of the NZ comedy circuit with nearly a decade of performing under his belt - and he’s only just getting started!

As well as numerous shows around the country, Jamie recently completed work on the upcoming TV series ‘A Night at the Classic’ - which he co-created, wrote and appears in - due to screen on TV2 in the near future. He was also one of the stars of TV3’s series ‘A Thousand

Apologies’ in 2008 and has appeared on Comedy Central as well as numerous ads both locally and abroad.

His career has seen him perform all over Australia, in London, Edinburgh and Singapore as well as having extensively toured the length of NZ several times over.

Mixing stand-up, storytelling, random banter, music and anything else that springs to mind on the night, Jamie has proved to be one of NZ’s most exciting and creative young comedians.

PROFILE: COMEDY

JAN MAREE

and her Youthful Talent Originally from the Hutt Valley’s foreshore paradise Petone, 2001 Billy T Award winning comedian Jan Maree has gone on to carve an unusual niche: with her standup/cooking hybrid, she has fondly become known as ‘the drinking man’s Nigella Lawson’.

In 2007, she regaled capacity crowds with Eat Me, earning a nomination for Best Local Show

few chick comedians end up in relationships with male comedians. It takes a fairly strong

at the NZICF Awards. An award she proudly won in 2009, when she entertained Wellington’s avid foodies and laughers alike with the sequel show Eat Me Too!

man with a personality of heavy gauge steel to handle the intimidating female comedian’s ways. Evil Rick (my boyfriend of two years, I know, two years!) is just that, steely. If I was him I probably would have ditched me long ago!

Jan Maree has also been described as a chauvinist’s nightmare and the thinking man’s wet dream as she proved most recently when seen ‘surviving’ on TV2’s Island Wars. A one-girl whirlwind looking for somewhere to happen, Jan’s quick wit and energy make her a most talented MC and live event host. A regular MC at Auckland’s Classic Comedy and Bar, Jan also tours small town NZ earning her a living as she is firmly in the premier ranks of kiwi comedy.

Residing minutes from Waikato’s beach haven Raglan, with Rick and her wonder-dogs Flash, Titch and Spark, Jan fills her days writing, opshopping for old china tea sets and looking for the next big challenge…and making cups of tea.

Some dirty questions and answers with Jan Maree, as asked by Agony Art: Do comedians get a lot of action, from your experience?

Depends on the gender... Funny blokes get laid plenty, chicks dig funny blokes. At first sight a lady in the crowd might actually think the guy is a hose beast, until the very moment the bloke opens his mouth and the funny comes out.

Funny chicks, well, we have been told we can be intimidating to menfolk in audiences. The odd time a comedian of the female persuasion gets attention ‘of that kind’ from an audience member it will likely be from the sociopath in the corner who only wants to take you out to prove to you that he is in fact funnier than you in real life (snore). That’s why I guess a fair

Which New Zealander would you most like to give a huge wedgie to, on the proviso that you would not be punished in any way for giving said wedgie?

John Key. Because he appears to be a good humoured bloke. Giving the Prime Minister a wedgie would be hilarious. He could handle a wedgie. In my view, he’d laugh it off and then buy the next round because “Janny, you got me good!” Do I think he deserves a wedgie? No. Hone Harawira DESERVES a wedgie that makes his bum crack bleed. But there is NO way he would let me get away with it. He would put an utu on me. Stink buzz.

Why is Rodney Hide always so cross?

You’d be cross too if you woke up every morning to the same wardrobe full of appallingly unfashionable blazer jackets. But the real reason I believe he is cross: Rodney Hide has no soul. His tanning bed stole it. It’s hard to be happy when you got no soul.

Best thing you’ve ever found at the dump?

Can I just start by saying that I LOVE THE DUMP SHOP!Whenever I come into town I pop in there and fossick for bargains. Man, I have found some superb stuff at the dump. Hard to name just one thing, so here are a few. My British made black leather competition boot (roller) skates were a $10 find. But so were my knee high black leather fuck-me boots, hand tooled for (kiwi style guru) Paula Ryan’s footwear

label, and they were $5 well spent. But so was my dark green wool dress...my ‘funeral frock’, it was only $3. I have MOUNTAINS of dollar-apiece Crown Lynn china that has come from the dump, and I consider it all to be some of the best things I’ve ever stumbled over. FYI: the town dump shop is good, but the Te Hutiwai dump shop in Raglan is the bombdiggity.

Do you think men should wax their pubes or leave them feral?

Waxing them is a bit harsh, I’m not sure I have ever met a man who was happy to have hot wax that close to his wanger. Feral pubes however are NOT the go. Grooming is the way forward.

As it is written in the secret scrolls, “Keep thee trim and tidy and ye shall receive a lady’s good manners”.

Jan Maree is making you laugh on Monday and Thursday during O-Week from 12.30 to 1.30, with support from Simon McKinney, Jarred Fell, GISH and Vaughn King.

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PROFILE: HYPNOTIST

GUY CATER! Hit the Village Green at 7pm on Tuesday and see Guy Cater, a world renowned hypnotist and comedian, who blew us all away last year with his hilarious hypnotism show! Get your tickets free with your student ID at the Waikato Student Union, or for $5 at the even if you don’t have a Student ID! GUY CATER is a fully trained and qualified Hypnotist and presents probably the funniest show you will ever see! After a little comedy by-play, he invites volunteers onto the stage. He then proceeds to run a small test of concentration ... which is highly amusing for the spectators ...

is a delightful little puppy and some will think they are Mr or Miss World and all will just love looking through Guy’s X-Ray glasses! Others may come to the attention of Nurse Cynthia with hilarious results! Watching the ballerinas and James Bond is so funny and then the audience may find themselves a part of the show as the Village People entertain..... and so many other hilarious situations!

THE HYPNOTISM SHOW IS A RIOT OF FUN AND LAUGHTER!! A show where the volunteers become “THE STARS OF THE SHOW”!

You just will not believe the crazy antics your friends get up to in their sleep-like state.

Guy is extremely aware of the fact, that without volunteers - he has no show - and treats his subjects with the utmost respect... no one is demeaned or belittled... in fact, they have as much fun (or more) as the audience.

During the show Guy will have his subjects riding a horse in the Melbourne Cup, meeting an Alien, playing musical instruments, laughing at a funny movie and crying at a sad one, becoming Elvis, Madonna or Michael Jackson or other performers, milking a cow, thinking they have won Lotto, watching a fast game of tennis, thinking their shoe

At the end of the show, all of Guy’s subjects awaken feeling calm, relaxed, totally refreshed and they will have total recall of all that has happened. Because of his careful attitude to his subjects - and because of the fun they have, many of Guy’s volunteers will race back to the stage the next time Guy is booked at that venue.

A LITTLE BIT OF EFFORT GOES A LONG WAY My dad always says that you always get out what you put in. While it took me a while to realise he was actually talking about effort, not baking (that’s another story), it has rung true for a few budding musicians here at Waikato Uni. Hannah Benge, Riana Douglas and Zoe Cook were all part of something really special. They all won gigs at Orientation by participating in the Momento Open Mic Night which was held every Thursday Night in the last half of the 2009 Semester.

This is not quite where the story ends though. If you are a budding musician and you would like to opportunity to get involved and try and win your spot at B Semester Fiesta (B Semester Orientation) all you need to do is pop down to Momento and see Mo or email info@momentoespresso. co.nz, and who knows you may find yourself strumming away to an appreciative audience at B Semester Fiesta. The comp starts from the second week back at uni so make sure you enter as soon as possible as the slots fill up fast. Even if you’re more of a non-musical person, it’s an awesome night out with plenty of Corona buckets around to satisfy the taste buds and chillax the soul.

13

What kind of music do you play?

I’m a chick with a guitar, I play whatever I can.

number one thing to do after school.

How long have you been playing music?

I got my first guitar when I was about ten, so ever since then.

What music influences your music the most now?

Any music that is good. I like and listen to almost anything. India Arie’s good.

Who did you listen to when you were in intermediate?

Everyone and everything. Sitting next to the radio and recording songs on my tape deck was my

If you could fight any fictional character in the world, which would it be?

Dora the Explorer. I’d surely be able to win that one.

At 21 yrs old and raised in South Auckland, Hana has spent the last 3 years living in Palmerston North and now lives in Hamilton. With a powerful and unique voice, Hana’s music is a blend of acoustic, folk and soul. Her lyrics are powerful, poetic and challenge the philosophically accepted ‘norms’ of society, provoking the listener in many ways. This year she debuts

How long have you been playing music?

I have been singing since I was 5 and playing guitar since i was 10 Who did you listen to when you were in intermediate?

The Backstreet boys (I secretly still love them) What music influences your music the most now?

Songs that tell a good story and

with her new band “Hana Benge and Friends” and has just released her first self titled EP. Find yourself caught up in the experience, don’t miss out.

Nexus managed to ask Hana a few of the big questions. Here they are.

are lyrically cleaver If you could fight any fictional character in the world, which would it be?

Batman, because he has no actual super powers.

With their fusion of Reggae, Rock, Dub and Roots, The Sons of Zion are a six piece crew hailing from various locations around Aotearoa. Their live stage presence has captivated audiences all over the country and their infectious sound is a mixture of reggae groove with melodic vocals, phat dubby base lines and metal inspired guitar riffs …there’s definitely something for every musical taste within their original set!

Since their 2007 New Zealand Music Month debut, the Sons Of Zion have continued to build momentum in the NZ music industry and have stamped their unique sound locally at festivals such as Parachute, Native Noise Waitangi Day, Maoriside Tour and the 2008 V8 Super Cars just to name a few.

Although the group are fairly new on the roots scene they’ve already been scouted out to share the stage with some of the country’s best loved roots acts including KORA, KATCHAFIRE, THE BLACKSEEDS, CORNERSTONE ROOTS, HOUSE OF SHEM, THREE HOUSES DOWN and AARDIJAH. SOZ have independently produced all of their own original music in the garage of one of the bands members, Sam Eriwata, and released their debut self titled EP in Feb 2008. Sons of Zion were the winners of the 2007 Soundsplash Band competition choosing to launch the EP at the event.

14

NEXUS: Who’s Who exus, started in the olden days, is the free student magazine provided in conjunction with the Waikato Student’s Union.

You can find it at various points around the campus every Monday, first thing in the morning. It’s Chocó-block of film and book reviews, news articles relevant to you as a student, advice columns, gripping articles and a few dirty jokes. OK, maybe more than a few, but what do you expect for a student magazine made by students and for students?

We are always looking for volunteers to write for us. If you have an opinion about something or need to vent an angry or hilarious piece of writing, then Nexus is the place for you to do it. If you don’t like what you see in the magazine you can write a letter to us and we might even publish it and change accordingly. There are always heaps of giveaways and competitions running throughout the year, so even if you don’t want to read it for the articles, you can read it for the free stuff!

You can find Nexus in the Waikato Student Union building, overlooking the UniMart dairy, or email the editor at nexus@waikato.ac.nz.

Here’s a partial list of staff up at the magazine, staff who work long hours to make sure you have something to read in your Monday lectures.

NEXUS EDITOR Agony Art...

Has been a part of Nexus for the past three years, giving out relationship advice and reviewing movies. Now he’s the editor, meaning he writes an editorial and yells at the volunteers a lot. He lives in Hamilton with his sexy, sexy wife Judy and graduated with a BA in English from Waikato. His favourite song at the moment is Show Some Heart by Antagonist and his favourite movie is Starship Troopers.

NEXUS NEWS EDITOR Grant...

Is still a student of English at Waikato and graduated Hamilton Boys High with no criminal convictions. An avid guitar-music fan, he lists the Doors, Hendrix and Led Zeppelin as some of his all-time favourite bands. He can even play guitar quite well.

He lives in a Sex Mansion with thirty dogs and a hilarious squirrel called Mortimer.

His favourite song at the moment is “Summertime” by Janis Joplin and his favourite movie is The Royal Tenenbaums, directed by Wes Anderson.

NEXUS ARTIST Talia...

Has been the graphic designer for Nexus for two years. Married to Ian for a year, she somehow manages to survive the male heavy environment of the Nexus office and still be a nice person. Talia graduated the intense Bachelor of Computer Graphic Design course with most of her hair still intact and is still a very relaxed person.

She lives in Hamilton with her husband. Her favourite song is “Boondigga” by Fat Freddy’s Drop and her favourite movie is Up.

15

16 17

Receive free T-shirt, 2 free feeds and 2 free drinks. Prizes for best dressed

FEATURING: The VIP Fire Truck DATE: Wednesday 3rd March TIME: 7pm PLACE: Starts at Momento Café on the Village Green TICKETS: $25 available at the WSU

TOGA TAVERN TOUR

SPECIAL PERFORMANCE Luke Thompson

INTERNATIONAL DAY ZM DISTRACTION EARTH BALLS (NOT SPACEBALLS HAH)

CLUBS DAY! JOIN A CLUB TODAY! LOG JOUSTING STA KICK THE BUCKET CHALLENGE CULTURAL PERFORMANCES

Tickets free from the WSU reception with student ID until 2pm Wednesday 3rd March

FEATURING: Steve Wrigley, Ben Hurley & Jamie Bowen DATE: Thursday 4th March TIME: 7pm PLACE: Fenced in Village Green RAIN VENUE: PWC

COMEDY NIGHT

JAN MARIE COMEDY SHOW TIME: 12:30-1:30

THURSDAY 4TH

MOMENTO CAFE DJ’S TIME: 10am

FREE STUFF WSU Goodie Bags, Wall Planners & Student Diaries FREE @ WSU Stall

WEDNESDAY 3RD

MC’D BY AJ! DATE: Monday 1st Marh PLACE: Bar 101 TIME: 8pm the Quiz starts Prizes for best dressed FREE EVENT: This Gig fills up quick so get in early

THE ULTIMATE QUIZ

WSU ENDURANCE CHALLENGE WIN “The Bomb” or “The Bike”

LIQOUR KING FREE BBQ LUNCH TIME: 12:30-2pm

Tickets free from the WSU reception with student ID until 2pm Thursday 4th March

DATE: Friday 5th March PLACE: At the Village green TIME: 5pm

Table, Kingshifta

FEATURING Concord Dawn, Cornerstone Roots, Knights of the Dub

THE WSU PROJECT

HELLHOLE OF A CHALLENGE Battle it out with pizza, pasta, skanks & G.Bread! YUM!

CONTACT FM BUSKING COMP TIME: 11:30am-1:30pm

HANGOVER HELL: $5 PIZZA AND BEER

FRIDAY 5TH

Tickets free from the WSU reception with student ID until 2pm Tuesday 2nd March

DATE: Tuesday 2nd March TIME: 7pm PLACE: Fenced in Village Green RAIN VENUE: PWC

HYPNOTIST: GUY CATER

SONS OF ZION (WICKED) 12:30-1:30

WSU, WHO ARE YOU? ZM DISTRACTION CAMPUS CUTZ FASHION SHOW DUNKING TANK

THE FAMOUS BAHAMA HUT FREE BREKKIE TIME: 8am-10am

SEXUAL HEALTH DAY ZM DISTRACTION DRIVEABLE LOOS

JAN MARIE COMEDY SHOW TIME: 12:30-1:30

TUESDAY 2ND:

EVERYDAY:

MONDAY 1ST:

MARCH 1ST-5TH

THE WAIKATO STUDENTS’ UNION PRESENTS

DOING GOOD SHIT FOR YOU SINCE 1979

CAMPUS MAP

18

TAURANGA CAMPUS STUDENT STREET PARADE 2010 The theme for this year is: ‘Celebrating New Beginnings’ This year we’d love to see the students show off their chosen course and path of learning through their creative parade float. New Beginnings is giving our students a chance to make changes to their future. We’d like to see each programme attempting to outshine the rest, so make it loud and proud!

The Street Parade is on 3 March 2010. It starts at 12.30 sharp. Buses will be leaving Windermere Information Centre at 11.30am and leaving town at 2.30pm for Windermere. Remember you’re vying for pride and recognition plus $250 first prize money, so please register your seats on the bus and programme at: Merle.Pompey@ boppoly.ac.nz or Rob.Herewini@boppoly.ac.nz.

O WEEK 1 - 5 MARCH ACTIVITIES MONDAY 1

TUESDAY 3

WEDNESDAY 4

THURSDAY 5

FRIDAY 6

PLACE: Promo’s around both campuses • National Bank

TIME: 12 – 1pm PLACE: Bongard Centre • Wall balloon drop • Regan Perry • Free BBQ • Banks • Blood service • Kiwi Festival • Other great services • ZM Black Thunder

TIME: 12.30 – 3pm • Student Street Parade PLACE: Downtown Tga - THEME – • ‘Celebrating New Beginnings’ • Dominos Pizza Eating Comp • Regan Perry (live music) • Tauranga Samba Dancers • Capoeira • Banks • Other great services

TIME: 12 – 1pm PLACE: Windermere Campus Jelly Wrestling • Enercia (live band) • ZM FM • Free BBQ • Concrete Man • Cake Stall • Banks • Other great services • Kiwi Festival • ZM Black Thunder

TIME: 4.30 – midnight-ish • Bus tour to Hamilton Jump on our own bus and cruise to the Waikato University to check out some wicked bands in conjunction with WSU!!!

PERFORMERS • Concord Dawn • Cornerstone Roots • Knights of the Dub Table • Citation

19

FOOD: RECIPIES

SPAGHETTI

Bolognese For Idiots!

SERVES 4 INGREDIENTS:

METHOD

500 g lean beef mince 1 tbsp oil 1 onion, peeled and chopped 1 tsp minced garlic 1 green pepper, deseeded and chopped 2 rashers bacon, chopped

1. Quickly brown the beef mince in a hot frying pan, breaking up the mince with the back of a spoon as it browns. This is best done in two batches. Set aside.

420g can Wattie’s Condensed Tomato Soup 400g can Wattie’s Pesto Style Tomatoes 400 g dried spaghetti 2 tbsp chopped fresh basil or parsley or use 1 tbsp dried

garlic, green pepper and bacon until tender, but not brown. Stir in Wattie’s Condensed Tomato Soup and Wattie’s Pesto Style Tomatoes with 1/2 cup water. Return the browned mince to the sauce, mix well, cover and simmer gently for 15 minutes.

2. Add oil to the frying pan, gently cook onion,

3. Cook spaghetti in boiling salted water for about 10 minutes or until just tender. Drain well.

4. Season the Bolognese sauce and stir through the basil. Serve with grated Parmesan cheese if wished.

Holy Crap!

IT’S BUTTER CHICKEN PIZZA! SERVES 4 INGREDIENTS:

METHOD

2 large pizza bases about 1 cup hummus 405g can Wattie’s Butter Chicken Curry Sauce 2-3 large handfuls of spinach leaves 1 Tegel chicken breast, very finely sliced 1 cup grated cheddar cheese 100g feta cheese

1. Spread the two pizza bases with the hummus and then top each with almost half the Wattie’s Butter Chicken Curry Sauce.

2. Scatter over the spinach leaves. Toss the sliced Tegel chicken in the remaining butter chicken sauce and then arrange on top.

3. Sprinkle on the cheese and feta if using.

4. Bake at 200oC for 12 minutes or until golden.

Serve with the salsa if wished.

20

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18/1/10 2:45:32 PM

ART: ORIGAMI

PENIS ORIGAMI

In order to stay safe during O-Week, we recommend the use of an artificial penis. Not only can you use it to practise correct condom protocol, but you can also use it in place of a real penis, thus saving your genitals from the dangers of using an actual penis.

23

A+ TEXTBOOKS

New & Secondhand Textbooks CONTACT DETAILS Address:141 Knighton Road Phone: 07 856 1077 Email: aplus@aplustextbooks.co.nz

24

FACTS: SEX

GUARD YA GENITALS , COS YOU ONLY GET ONE SET: SEXUAL HEALTH WITH NEXUS UNIVERSITY IS ONE OF THE BEST PLACES IN THE WORLD TO HAVE SEX. You don’t live with your parents anymore, so they can’t tell you off for taking boys or girls to bed with you. You can drink legally and get into pretty much any pub or bar you dress appropriately for, so your standards can drop as low as you want.

BUT BE WARNED!!!!!!!!!

If you have sex, you will die! Terrible things live inside of penises and vaginas and they will destroy you from the genitals upwards! Chlamydia, gonorrhoea, herpes, AIDS, Chlamydia, genital warts, syphilis and Chlamydia wait around every corner, waiting for you to walk past without a condom! Due to the fact that most of you will be drinking a little bit too much, you will also be susceptible to poor decisions, the most poor of which is NOT WEARING A CONDOM! Well, maybe it’s not as bad as all that, but it can get pretty rough out there. Here’s a list of our most/least popular sexually-transmitted diseases.

CHLAMYDIA: is one of the hardest to detect STIs. Half of all men and three quarters of all women will have no symptoms. It can cause sterility, which means no babies for you. Its symptoms, if any include weird gunk coming out of the end of your penis, vaginal bleeding, or both. Chlamydia is a bugger of an STI to catch, because not only does it hide itself away in your privates, but you can catch it through any kind of sex: oral, anal and vaginal. Not only can your privates get hurt, you can get it in your eye, and you can’t hide it by putting pants on your eye.

Everyone will know.

New Zealand has Chlamydia rates five times greater than Australia and the highest rates of Chlamydia in New Zealand are in females between the ages of fifteen and twenty-four.

Chlamydia is also called the Clap, Chlamming Up and Being An Idiot And not Wearing A Condom.

HERPES: is what causes cold sores. Imagine a cold sore on your penis or vagina. Not pretty.

Herpes never goes away, but it can be calmed down through the use of anti-herpes drugs. You can catch this STI simply through skin contact with some who is having a Herpes flair up. You don’t even have to have unprotected sex to get this one. Kissing someone in a bar that has an open “Herp” will most likely result in you having the Herpes for the rest of your life.

SYPHILIS: Syphillis is one tough son of a bitch.

It will mess you right up, damaging the brain, heart and spinal cord, as well as causing rashes

and hair loss. It can be contracted through breaks in the skin or vaginal linings. Only antibiotics can kill this bastard, but you want him dead.

GONORRHOEA: is a bacterial infection of the throat, private parts or butt. Once again, not wearing a condom will result in your day being wrecked and, once again, it can make you infertile. For some reason gonorrhoea and Chlamydia are good friends and seem to attend the same parties at the same time. Symptoms for this hard-to-spell STI include pain during sex and vaginal discharge for the ladies, while men get pain in the testes, discharge from the penis and/or the butt and pain during urination.

However, sometimes it has no symptoms.

So, students, stay alert. Watch for signs of STI around you. Be cautious with how much “partner testing” you do. And ALWAYS, ALWAYS WEAR A CONDOM! 25

Got your student discount card? If not head into Hell Rototuna or Hell Hillcrest and ask for one.

Hell Rototuna - 07 853 9666

Shop 30, Rototuna Retail Centre (next to Liquor King)

Hell Hillcrest - 07 856 1666 247 Clyde Street

www.hell.co.nz - 0800 666 111

Student discount cards redeemable at both Hell Rototuna & Hell Hillcrest.

Want to win a mix bag of awesome stuff that’s so awesome, we don’t even know what it is yet? Want to get photos of your adventures around Hamilton published in New Zealand’s best Hamilton-based student magazine? Well then get snapping some photos for us! We want the best photo of O-Week life and we want it NOW GODDAMN IT! Send us in one or more of the following pictures and win epic stuff and shit!

1.

Best photo of a passed out human person.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

Best photo of a girl wearing way too little Best photo of a man wearing way too little Best photo of a pash-pash Best photo with a lecturer Best photo of riding the No-Fuss Free Bus

Best photo of someone in the lake, trying to make it with a duck 8. Best photo at one of the Campus Green events 9. Best photo of someone smooching one of the performers. Smooching them hard.

10. Best photo with a Nexus or WSU staff member 7.

SEND all images to nexus@ waikato.ac.nz To get your brain juices flowing, here’s some (hopefully) inspiring pictures we found on the internet. They are in no way connected to the list.

Momento Lakes After Party

After party following the Friday night gig - Unplugged

LIVE PERFORMANCES BY LOCAL ACTS Official O’Week R18 Venue Breakfast at Momento Momento is open for Breakfast and coffee from 7am

Opening hours Monday & Tuesday 7am - 6pm Wednesday - Friday 7am - late Saturday 9am - 2pm

27

FACTS: HAMILTON

FUN FACTS ABOUT HAMILTON FACT 1: Two of founders of the University of Waikato were direct descendants of pilgrims from the Mayflower.

FACT 2: The original mascot for the University was a turkey.

FACT 3: The Waikato colours were changed in 1941 when the Vice-Chancellor feared a German invasion of Hamilton, and altered the colours to appease the upcoming masters.

FACT 4: A recent study has shown that a typical Hamilton nightlife patron wears at least 1.6 popped collars.

FACT 5: -The Hamilton mosquito bites only males.

FACT 6: Hamilton is a Virgo (Fussy and a worrier, overcritical and harsh, and perfectionist and conservative).

FACT 7: Hamilton enjoys long walks on the beach, movies that are “different”, rainy days, all types of music, and being “weird”.

FACT 8: If Hamilton were a female, she should consider running, and perhaps restricting her caloric intake.

FACT 9: If Hamilton were a pizza, it would be a Dominoes Mr. Potato Wedge Pizza. Confusing and strangely bland.

FACT 10: If Hamilton were a wine, it would come in a box, and be mixed with vodka in a coffee mug.

FACT 11: Hamilton has the highest number of ankle tattoos in all of New Zealand.

FACT 12: Hamilton’s first color TV was installed in 1998 FACT 13: The lakes on campus are aerated with pheromones to keep the ducks from flying away.

FACT 14: This has an aphrodisiac effect on the residing

FACT 15: Hamilton has the highest number of abortions in all of New Zealand.

FACT 16: The term Hamiltron: City of the Future, was coined by New Zealand’s Minister of Justice in a speech about Home Detention Technology.

FACT 17: In a survey, 50% of Hamilton residence admitted they had never seen the sea.

FACT 18: Once Were Warriors was originally set in Hamilton. The inspiration for the book came after the author visited the Frankton Markets.

FACT 19: Hamilton has no Catholic Churches FACT 20: Hamilton’s last crucifixion was in 1963, and the local Council of Church Elders still prosecutes anyone found committing sodomy.

FACT 21: The Waikato Chiefs Rugby team is the town’s biggest employer. The team is required to drink taniwha blood before every game.

FACT 22: Until 2004, Hamilton’s Casino had cock-fighting.

Local activist groups are still trying to ban the weekly panda vs. bear boxing matches.

FACT 23: The University of Waikato has three registered Unicorn Appreciation clubs, one Twilight reenactment club and two bear-baiting societies.

FACT 24: Hamilton’s iconic river was formed in 1993, after a powerful earthquake.

FACT 25: Huffing fly-repellant is Hamilton’s most popular recreational drug. LSD suppositories are a close second.

FACT 26: The Hamilton City Council provides fiscal incentives for the purchase of short shorts. Each inch of exposed thigh is eligible for a $2 refund credit.

eels.

29

THINGS TO DO: HAMILTON

THINGS TO DO IN HAMILTON! Once O-Week is over and the parties start to die down, you might want to look for something to do in or around Hamilton, possibly even something that doesn’t involve drinking so that you can give that battered and bruised organ you once called a liver a bit of a break. Here are some suggestions: WATERWORLD – Hamilton’s biggest pools and the only one with a bunch of sweet hydroslides.

They also have spas, saunas, a gym and a great cafÊ. Can’t swim? Well, they offer classes too.

Waterworld is on Garnett Ave, just off Te Rapa Straight. You can also ride the number 18 bus from town to there.

BOTANICAL GARDENS – Hamilton’s biggest gardens and home to heaps of ducks, rabbits

and tourists. It’s completely free to go and have a look around and has some amazing themed gardens, with themes such as American, Japanese and Chinese. Stretching from the banks of the mighty Waikato River, to the tarmac and high-speeds of mighty State Highway 1, it is entirely possible to get lost on the multiple pathways and in the various forests, especially if you dare to explore the reasonably creepy cemetery at the top of the hill. Find these gardens on Cobham Drive, a ďŹ fteen minute walk from the Waikato campus.

BE YOURSELF – Here in Hamilton, with its 200, 000 people, is a great place to be you. No matter what you’re into and who you want to be into it with, Hamilton has a place for you. Want to be super religious? Go check out Eastside

STA TRAVEL ARE YOUR CAMPUS TRAVEL EXPERTS STA TRAVEL SPECIALISE IN: “ Cheap student flights “ Accommodation from simple to stylish “ Round the world tickets “ Small group adventures Come and see the friendly STA Travel team on campus today or email waikatouni@branch.statravel.co.nz

O WEEK SPECIAL OFFER –

FREE $50 OFF VOUCHER Conditions: Credit applies to international travel only. A minimum spend of $500 must be made on travel to Australia and the Pacific. Voucher is not valid in conjunction with any other offer and is not transferable for cash. Must be presented at the start of the consultation process. Voucher is valid only at STA Travel Waikato Uni, only one voucher may be redeemed per booking.

30

Apostolic, Gateway Christian Centre or the Heaphy Terrace Mosque. Want to be super gay?

Go to Shine Bar. It’s actually pretty fun there.

I’m not gay, but that bar guy is pretty hot. They also have a pole for dancing and occasionally drag shows. One of the best things about Shine Bar is that, even if they can smell the straight on you, you can still go in. just don’t bring small town, small brain ideologies and try and start something. If religion or sex with the same sex isn’t your thing, then I recommend Mark One. With a huge range of comics (including ones that have swears and breasts in them) and great books, shirts and board games, it’s sure the place for you.

SOME REFUND! During Orientation, Douglas signed up with a tax refund ďŹ rm who said they would send his tax return in and get him a refund. When the refund came the tax ďŹ rm had taken a quarter of the refund as a commission.

Douglas was not happy.

Most tertiary students will be entitled to a tax refund because of their intermittent work during the year BUT it is very easy to do the tax return yourself – either on-line, or by calling Inland Revenue (0800 227 774). Do not be talked into signing unless you are sure you can’t do it yourself!

The Hamilton Area Citizens Advice Bureau provides advice and information from four locations. They are at 55 Victoria Street, 70 Kent Street Frankton, at Garden Place and the Cowshed at the University. They also have legal, advocacy and consumer services available where you can get more specialised help.

Phone the CAB on 0800 367 222 (O800 FOR CAB).

$6& ?7%:$

Tertiary account, Personal Banking and Prize Draw terms and conditions apply and are available, with a copy of ASB’s current Disclosure Statement, free of charge from any branch of ASB Bank Limited. A monthly overdraft fee and service charges apply. Personal loans, overdrafts and credit cards are subject to ASB’s normal lending criteria. Visa Debit Card must be linked to an eligible account and overseas transaction charges apply. There is one $20,000 O.E. package to be won, consisting of a $15,000 Flight Centre travel voucher valid for 12 months from date of issue and $5000 spending money. Flight Centre travel voucher terms and conditions apply.

$6& 7HUWLDU\ 1H[XV LQGG

31 $0