Vol. 3 Issue 9, "20/20"

Page 75

Flash Fiction

Uptalk and Vocal Fry MATT MCHUGH

"Oh my god, I'm, like, so over people's crap, you know!" For the love of heaven, will you shut up, you whiny little twat! On the inside. Out loud, of course, I say, "Oh, I know exactly what you mean." "People are just so selfish. I mean, Jenni was supposed to tell Sapphire about Lina's premiere, right? And then, like, the morning before Lina gets a call from her agent who's all like 'Hey, what's going on.'" Good lord, that voice! The drawn-out vowels. 'Like' peppered in every other phrase with a froggy croak. And the ascension at the end of each sentence, as if everything were a question. A twenty-fouryear-old supermodel who talks like a toddler with a two-pack-a-day habit. Does she think it's sexy? Does she think of anything but the last post she read on her phone? All I know is we've been driving for nearly three hours and if this doesn't end soon I'm going to aim the Jaguar hood ornament at a telephone pole and floor it. "And now Lina's getting all pissy and texting Mom. Like, leave Mom out of it, you know! Oh my god." It started innocently enough. Crystal had to be in Las Vegas by sundown and—her beliefs to the contrary—she's not quite worth chartering a private jet. So, I volunteered. I've been a production assistant on Model Home for three years. Not the first time I've had to play chauffeur, but first crack I've had at Crystal's custom XJ. It is a magnificent beast, I must admit. Purrs like a kitten, roars like a lion, sprints like a cheetah. It's a bit surprising she bought it, being as she hates to drive, but it's a brilliant status symbol. "I mean, seriously, if Sapphire can't be bothered then, like, why should anybody care about her stupid things, you know." I nod and say 'Oh?' and 'Uh-huh' at the proper intervals—even toss in a 'No way!' I've picked up listening to Americans—but inside I'm screaming. On set, I don't have to interact with "the talent" very Boyan Dimitrov

NEW READER MAGAZINE

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Articles inside

Tequila Open Eyes Laid Back Dance of Tears, Chief Nobody

2min
pages 118-123

To-Read List

6min
pages 124-131

Gyppos

5min
pages 115-117

THE UP AND THE DOWN COUP DEAR AMERICAN GOTHIC

2min
pages 109-114

Sasha

16min
pages 104-108

The Jogging Enthusiast

4min
pages 95-97

Nothing Falls New A Hollow Mouth After the Jungle

2min
pages 98-103

I. RAN. Sometime

2min
pages 81-83

Prudence Shadow Puppets To Write the Sky

2min
pages 88-94

The Birthday Boy

12min
pages 84-87

Uptalk and Vocal Fry

10min
pages 75-80

Butterfly Solipsism Since Everything Is All I’ve Got

3min
pages 69-74

Joey Button

9min
pages 65-68

Exposed

4min
pages 57-58

Sliver of Time Moon Lovers Blank

2min
pages 59-64

The Perfect Bouquet Breaking Girl Take a Little Time Without Worry

2min
pages 42-47

The Itsy-Bitsy Dream Catcher Wander Gee Billy

3min
pages 52-56

Wet Socks

5min
pages 48-51

Shades of Pemberley Bookstore Title Wave Books Chapter2Books

4min
pages 6-7

miss match

8min
pages 28-33

Contributor's Corner (Poetry): Bill Arnott

3min
pages 12-13

Beneath This Noise, Another

12min
pages 39-41

artPOP

6min
pages 18-27

Malaika Horne

2min
pages 10-11

Contributor's Corner (Fiction): Lauren Harkawik

8min
pages 14-17

Hand Selling and Championing Authors

3min
pages 8-9
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