"The Book of Mountains and Seas" script

The Book of Mountains and Seas By Yilong Liu

Yilong Liu 808.629.9892 yilonghawaii@gmail.com

Draft March 2020

CHARACTERS ARCHIE: Chinese, 20s, kind of dead, lives in a digital world; the kind of person everybody would remember talking to after a party but no one would actually know his name RAYMOND: college professor in California, Chinese, 50s, Archie’s father; the kind of dad who would watch at least two episodes of RuPaul's Drag Race before a party so he could talk to his son's gay friends ANDREW: photographer in New York, American, late 20s / early 30s, Archie’s old boyfriend; in a party he's most likely seen in a corner talking to the house cat * Andrew should be played by a non-Asian actor. * Archie is not a ghost character. When he's interacting with Raymond, he's more like the devil on Raymond's shoulder.

SETTING New York / Present / Somewhere in the second or third week of August

Notes on Punctuation: 1. Right Alignment: CHARACTER This happens when someone is speaking from another dimension, i.e., a digital world, internal thoughts inside someone else's head, Or within a phone App. 2. / : indicates where one character may cut in

SYNOPSIS Two years after losing his son, a California dad teams up with his son’s last boyfriend in New York on an impossible mission to visit all the restaurants reviewed on his son’s Yelp page. The Book of Mountains and Seas is a comic drama about two people dealing with loss, cultural differences, and their unlikely friendship in a digital and global age.

#1 A mysterious light comes up on ARCHIE. ARCHIE Years and years ago, in the vast and untouched land of China, lived many mysterious creatures. Precious. Legendary. Mythic! But, also horrifying, if you ask me. There was this bird with nine heads, this turtle that could fly, and some fish with giant walking legs like it went to the gym seven times a week and never skipped a leg day or something.

Creepy.

Some of them lived in the mountains. Some of them hid in the sea. Together they were recorded in this epic ancient book called The Classic of Mountains and Seas. Then years and years passed. Mankind entered history. Mountains were exploited, seas were travelled, and no one knew where the monsters had gone. We can only read about them now.

Unfortunately.

Where did the monsters go? I’m no mythologist and shit, but I’ve got quite a theory. I think... well, I think people ate them. I think our ancestors hunted them down and feasted on their flesh. Bastards! But you gotta admit, those things got lots of wings and legs and throw in a bucket of barbecue sauce you got yourself a fourth of July party. And that fish, with the legs? Come on, that’s just surf-and-turf right there.

That’s the dream.

In the darkness, another light slowly comes up, illuminating RAYMOND looking at ARCHIE. So if you think about it carefully, this book, this greatest classic ever, might actually be... a cookbook. A guide detailing everything one needed to know about where to find those rare delicacies: maps and locations, pictures and illustrations, information and descriptions, notes and comments... basically, Yelp, for cave people. Mind-blowing, right?!

I guess what I’m trying to say is, in addition to the Four Great Inventions of China, you know, the compass and gunpowder and shit, we might’ve also accidentally invented... well, yelping. And we’ve got thousands of years of experience doing it! So, get ready, bitches, cuz Archie’s in the game now. I’m gonna play. I’m gonna yelp the shit out of you. I’m gonna yelp you so good that you’re gonna beg me for more of my formidable, glorious, and juicy... reviews. Damn, this must be the coolest Yelp profile / ever.

2.

Suddenly, lights shift. We see ANDREW talking to RAYMOND in a restaurant. ARCHIE sits with ANDREW. ANDREW is unaware of ARCHIE’s presence.

ANDREW Don’t you think that’s a little too much?

RAYMOND Come on, Andrew, live a little.

ANDREW I mean, you practically ordered half of the items on the / menu.

RAYMOND So I’m ambitious. And a little hungry. What’s wrong with that?

ARCHIE Maybe he hates Chinese food.

ANDREW I just don’t think we can finish everything. It’s just gonna be a huge waste of -RAYMOND We talked about this. It’s on me.

ANDREW It’s not about money.

RAYMOND That’s right.

This is about us finally getting the chance to catch up.

You just sit back and enjoy.

ARCHIE You could at least find a nicer / restaurant.

RAYMOND I’ve been wanting to try this place for so long.

When I found out about this conference in town, I just knew I had to come.

And you know Archie’s mother, all she can talk about is food food food.

And she was like, take Andrew, you have to take him, you have to!

And get him everything on the menu or else I’m divorcing you!

3.

ARCHIE That sounds nothing like her.

ANDREW Okay.

Wow...

Tell her / thanks.

RAYMOND I was joking.

That was a joke.

The divorcing part, not the taking-you-here part.

She’s not gonna divorce me even if I -Was I not clear?

Was it not funny?

ANDREW Can I get you some water?

ARCHIE Dude, you’ve got to chill.

RAYMOND Sure, yes. Thanks.

I’m just... psyched about being here, you know?

His first review ever!

4 and half years 179 reviews 204 tips 3,971 people found them “useful” ARCHIE 4,045 “funny” 5,771 “cool” RAYMOND 97,810 total views in the past 90 days!!

ANDREW He’s got talent.

ARCHIE Or too much free time on my hands.

RAYMOND And it all started from here. What a magical place.

4.

ANDREW Really? This hole in the wall Chinese take-out joint?

RAYMOND It may look a little rough around the / edges...

ANDREW They literally got a hole in the wall. I can see wires and stuff...

ARCHIE Look at that, didn’t even notice.

RAYMOND ... but the food is supposed to be incredible! (beat) I wanna try everything.

ANDREW (sarcastically) Halfway there.

RAYMOND Seriously. I mean, everything in the 179 reviews I wanna try them all.

Every single store he talked about on the, um...

ARCHIE Yelp.

RAYMOND Yelp! funny name, huh?

Sounds like “yo” and “help”, like back in the day, you know?

When people couldn’t find a place And they just hit up some random stranger on the sidewalk And be like, yo, sup, dude, can you help?

ARCHIE OMG please stop.

ANDREW Wait, all of them?!

5.

RAYMOND That’s the plan.

ANDREW Wow...

RAYMOND Exciting, isn’t it?

ARCHIE Please say yes.

ANDREW I’m just thinking about...

All the leftovers going down the drain.

There’re thousands of homeless starving in the streets of / New York City.

ARCHIE Ugh, typical.

RAYMOND So maybe you could come with me.

ANDREW What?

RAYMOND Tag along. Why not?

I’ve still got a couple of days until my conference.

We’re gonna have so much fun!

What do you say?

ANDREW Oh... I don’t know.

ARCHIE Uh oh.

ANDREW I mean... this is just too sudden.

RAYMOND But on the phone you said you got some time --

6.

ANDREW To show you around. Yes. Empire State Building.

Central Park.

Statue / of Liberty.

ARCHIE I don’t wanna see the liberty bitch.

ANDREW But going around town in this weather?

For 179 spots without some sort of plan?!

I don’t know which one’s gonna die first, my phone / or me.

RAYMOND To be clear, I did take a stab at planning.

RAYMOND takes out a stack of paper.

ARCHIE Ta-da!

ANDREW What’s that?

RAYMOND The review book.

ANDREW The what now?

RAYMOND We printed them out.

His reviews.

His mother isn’t quite up to date with, you know, technology and women, blah blah.

This way, easier for her to read.

Everything is organized into categories, cross referenced... hours, the times he visited, and neighborhoods...

ARCHIE So proud of it.

7.

ANDREW Wow. It’s like a... book.

Saddle stitch and wire bound and everything.

Professional, huh?

RAYMOND Didn’t spend all those years teaching in college for nothing.

ANDREW Impressive. So you pretty much have things all figured out...

RAYMOND Just the mechanics.

ANDREW ... don’t really need me then.

RAYMOND Would very much appreciate some local / expertise.

ANDREW It’s not that difficult at all.

Finding your way through Manhattan.

Stay away from the West Village and streets and avenues are just... math.

And Chinese are supposed to be good / at math.

ARCHIE Whoa...

RAYMOND It’s not just about... navigating.

I’m thinking this could be something nice and cool we can do together.

Like, bonding...

Clearly this particular app means so much to Archie.

And you’re his boyfriend, so -ANDREW I was his boyfriend.

RAYMOND For two and half years.

ANDREW Yes...

8.

RAYMOND And that’s a long time in this day / and age.

ARCHIE Especially in gay years.

ANDREW True...

RAYMOND So we think you might be down for this.

ANDREW It’s not that I’m not interested... but I’m sorry, Mr. G -RAYMOND Raymond.

ANDREW Raymond... I just don’t think you and Mrs. G understand that -I know Archie and I were together for two and half years...

But he’s also been gone for almost the same amount of time...

RAYMOND looks at ARCHIE. Painful realization -- it’s his own voice in his head.

RAYMOND Yes...

ANDREW I don’t wanna sound ungrateful or something...

ARCHIE Too late for that.

ANDREW I appreciated everything you guys have done, ever since he passed...

The holiday cards.The birthday gifts. The care packs...

The mini fridge magnet that says I love San Diego...

I loved all of them.

Really helped during a tough time.

I understand how I must be some source of comfort for you too...

But... you gotta understand I need to move on too.

9.

RAYMOND Of course...

We have never imposed -I mean, I don’t think we’ve ever expressed any negative feelings about you moving on.

ANDREW It’s harder than you think.

Especially with all the stuff you sent lying around.

The care packs...

“This is his favorite beef jerky thought you might wanna try it.”

“Amazing ginseng! He was a night owl so you must be one too! ” My life is filled with his favorite stuff that...

Like I still feel he lives there sometimes.

Like I could still see him sometimes.

You have no idea what that’s like.

ARCHIE Yeah, right.

RAYMOND (simultaneously) Yeah right.

ANDREW I started to feel crazy, then sad, then incredibly... hungry.

I put on 16 pounds in the past two years.

And that just makes it even harder to date.

RAYMOND You look great.

ARCHIE And looks like you’re going bald, too.

ANDREW So I hope you could understand...

It’s probably not a good idea for me to do this with you.

RAYMOND Sure, don’t want to get you all emotional again.

And hungry.

Although having a big appetite does help...

10.

ANDREW I’m sure the reviews can’t all be about restaurants.

And you don’t really have to get every single item he yelped about.

It’s more about the experience -RAYMOND How are things at the studio?

ANDREW My... photography business?

RAYMOND Going well?

ANDREW It’s turning around...

ARCHIE Liar alert.

RAYMOND Haven’t seen you post pictures of your shoots with clients lately.

ANDREW Just bad season is all...

RAYMOND I thought summer was a popular time to get married.

ANDREW But it’s right in the middle of August.

The humidity.

Who in their right minds would want to get into a tight suit or wedding gown?

RAYMOND (kinda happy about this) Oh that’s too bad...

ARCHIE Stop smiling.

11.

ANDREW It’ll pick up.

Got a couple of booking inquiries this morning.

May turn into something.

RAYMOND Hang in / there.

ANDREW I’m fine... used to it, just another starving artist in the city. Big deal.

RAYMOND takes a deep breath, as if he’s trying to be nice and resisting the urge to say something, while -ARCHIE You take pictures for couples who get married at City Hall.

City Hall!!

RAYMOND Sure, yeah, artist.

ANDREW But look on the bright side, I get really good reviews.

RAYMOND Yeah?

ANDREW I’m not just their photographer.

Most of the time I also serve as the witness at the weddings, you know.

They need a third person in order to -It’s required by law.

So I came up with the City Hall Wedding Package, basically -RAYMOND Buy one get one free.

ARCHIE That might be the saddest thing I’ve / ever heard.

ANDREW Ended up being friends with some of them.

Good word of mouth is everything.

I’ll get there.

12.

RAYMOND Hell yeah! I’m sure you didn’t spend all that money to go to Pratt just to work for people who can’t have real weddings and hire real photographers.

ARCHIE Ouch.

ANDREW It’s not really -I mean, it’s more about developing my own process.

And having fun -RAYMOND What I mean is -ANDREW It’s a whole other world.

Different rules and everything.

Not like what you do, not like teaching -RAYMOND None of Archie’s reviews have pictures, Andrew.

ANDREW That’s -RAYMOND 97,810 total views in the past 90 days and still rolling.

ANDREW So...

RAYMOND Pictures get far more clicks than just written reviews. I did research.

ANDREW On where, / Google?

RAYMOND If we can get something up there.

ANDREW But anyone can just -RAYMOND Easily over 10,000 views.

13.

ANDREW Huh. RAYMOND And that’s just the shitty cell phone pics.

Can you imagine if it’s done by a pro?

The lighting, the equipment and shit.

Someone with a professional taste?

ANDREW I see where this is going...

ARCHIE Should’ve just led with that.

RAYMOND Picture this -Someone on his phone randomly swiping.

Swipe swipe swipe.

Ugly photo, ugly photo, ugly photo.

Then this amazing shot of... a box of Dunkin’ Donuts catches his eye.

And he’s like, wow, fabulous, who’s the talented motherfucker that took this?

And at the bottom it says, photo by Andrew Brooks Photography -ANDREW ... You talk funny.

RAYMOND I’m just saying, if you come with me...

This doesn’t have to be personal.

It could be a work thing.

I could compensate you for your time and you could -ANDREW Self-promote.

RAYMOND Free marketing! Way better than good word of mouth.

ANDREW I’ll think about -RAYMOND I’ve only got a few days left, Andrew.

14.

ANDREW How long are you -RAYMOND Then there’s this conference.

And I’m the keynote speaker.

Kind of a big deal.

Can’t mess it up.

ANDREW So... maybe you should focus on that if the conference is more important than -RAYMOND Not what I’m saying.

This is just something I really want to do.

And if we can finish it before my thing starts -ANDREW Got it.

RAYMOND Help me out. Will you?

The counter bell rings.

Someone yells “#15”, then again in Mandarin, then Cantonese.

ANDREW (a long beat) I’m really sorry.

The bell rings three times in a row.

Lights shift.

15. #2 The City Hall. ANDREW is in a photo session with his clients. He carries an overstuffed bag, with his equipment, hospitality supplies, and probably the clients’ belongings in there as well: camera lenses, plastic bouquet, water bottles, a teddy bear, and a tiny rainbow flag...

ANDREW (clicks, checks) Nice one more (clicks) good (clicks) real good (clicks) no no stay there but, um, look into each other’s eyes (clicks) sweetie, look, not stare better much better just, more um flirty (clicks) (clicks) (clicks, clicks, clicks) good, looking good try turn your head this way (clicks) towards me not you Jon (clicks, clicks) okay let’s see you have a phone? okay take it out take a selfie no, honey, pretend you’re taking a selfie (clicks) a regular selfie

16. not the duck face like an everyday post-lunch kinda thing? just look normal hold there (clicks clicks clicks clicks) nice (clicks) grab her from behind hands, um, lower? (clicks) whisper something into her ear (clicks) something funny (clicks) huh alright well, try something dirty (clicks) um, Kyle, can you, like, be more um feminine?? no, I mean girly no I mean, shy, yes, shy like he just told you about his weirdest craziest kinkiest fantasy, and you’re like totally like um the classy part of you is like dude I can’t believe you just said that but the slut in you is like (beat) yeah, of course I’m a professional okay, I hear ya, I understand um, this is... just to get you camera-ready loosen up a little it’s a process

17. my signature approach cuz you seem a little bit tense yeah, I mean, they seemed to love it... my other clients are usually I mean, they’re wild don’t subscribe to traditional, heteronormative -(turns off the camera; waves the rainbow flag) I thought this was going to be a gay wedding cuz your name is kinda gay?

I mean, gender-neutral Kyle like, Jon & Kyle I mean my bad I usually check your Facebook and stuff but this is so last minute and oh trust me, I know what I’m doing what??? that’s impossible!

I have five-star stellar reviews on Yelp for -ANDREW checks on his phone.

RAYMOND wrote a review on his photography page using ARCHIE’s account.

Lights up on ARCHIE and RAYMOND. ARCHIE Yo, sup, suckers, long time no yelp.

ANDREW Oh / shit.

ARCHIE I personally had a bad experience here. Don’t get me wrong I think Andrew --

18.

RAYMOND He’s great at casual engagement photos and minimalistic low key city hall shit but when it comes to other stuff, he’s not quite pleasing, I mean -ARCHIE He turned down my initial inquiry.

RAYMOND Said no to my customized shooting needs.

ARCHIE When his schedule is in fact, wide open. Imagine this -RAYMOND What sucks more than a photographer who chickens out at the last minute?

ARCHIE Probably a groom that leaves you at the altar!

They disappear.

ANDREW Holy... fuck! ... no no, all good why don’t we take a short break, huh?

I’ll snap some photos while you aren’t looking more natural more um, realistic cool? terrific coffee’s on me you guys are the best!! (beat) I’m getting like, zero stars for this shoot, aren’t I? ANDREW makes a phone call.

Lights shift.

19. #3 RAYMOND is wandering the streets of New York City, holding the review book in his hands. Maybe a series of pantomime: He curses the taxi drivers. He awkwardly avoids the bikers. He goes against the flow of tourists. He gets confused by the subway transfers. He looks for information on the book. He eats. He writes down notes on the book etc. Maybe when he opens the book, ARCHIE appears behind him, and when he shuts the book, ARCHIE disappears.

And then -ANDREW Hellooo???

Not. Cool.

I would never have expected this from / you!

RAYMOND Andrew -ANDREW Do you know how many people are gonna see that?

RAYMOND About the review -ANDREW I clicked on his profile and now that’s the first thing there!

RAYMOND Now calm / down.

ANDREW And the worst part is -Clearly you can tell he’s gay, and Asian.

And I just “said no for no reason??”

That makes me look like some raging homophobic racist -RAYMOND That’s ridiculous --

20.

ANDREW Welcome to New York!

RAYMOND Because you’re so gay.

ANDREW Ex-friggin’-scuse me?

RAYMOND Your work, I mean.

You got a picture of one of the grooms in a white dress up there.

That’s some pretty obvious homo-friendly message -ANDREW I don’t care! You have to take it down.

RAYMOND Do you want to go somewhere? Sit down, order a drink, / and talk?

ANDREW No! I don’t wanna go anywhere.

I don’t want a drink.

I don’t wanna talk.

I want you to delete what you wrote. Gosh. Now! You know I really thought we had a connection.

That we were like family or whatever.

I get how you might be upset and acting out.

But this? And to use his account??

That was so over the line!

RAYMOND So which part, specifically, don’t you like?

ANDREW All of them!! What do you mean which -RAYMOND Did you not turn me down?

Was your schedule not wide open?

Did you not say no to my special photo needs?

Am I making this up?

21.

ANDREW No... but you’re making me look unprofessional when I'm trying to make a name for myself out there.

RAYMOND Say if I had approached you, not as your ex-boyfriend’s dad, but just some random Chinese guy that you see getting in line for who-knows-what on fifth avenue. Would you take my offer and go with me?

ANDREW No...

RAYMOND 97,810 views, Andrew.

ANDREW I don’t know... maybe?

RAYMOND Looks to me you’ve still got things to work on, in terms of professionalism.

And it’s not like I was bashing your studio.

I told them you’re good at engagement and “wedding” / stuff.

ANDREW Could you cut the air quotes?

RAYMOND All I’m saying is -I’m an honest and responsible man.

It’s an honest and responsible review.

ANDREW Taken out of context -RAYMOND How do you think Archie would’ve written it?

ANDREW ... huh?

RAYMOND Come on. Give me something.

22.

ANDREW I don’t think this is what I -RAYMOND Just an example.

ANDREW ... Something sassy?

RAYMOND Okay.

ANDREW Sarcastic.

RAYMOND Done.

ANDREW The world’s worst puns and totally inappropriate jokes...

Okay...

But -So what you’re spot-on?

That doesn’t make it OK. Pretending to be him and talking me down?

RAYMOND Wonderful, isn’t it?

ANDREW What the -RAYMOND Back in the day, only writers got to leave a mark.

Politicians. Millionaires. Movie stars.

But now, everybody can.

No one’s ever really gone.

The internet won’t let them.

ANDREW That doesn’t give us the right to mess with what they left behind.

I mean, hijacking his Yelp account like some -RAYMOND He left it to me.

23.

ANDREW You found it on his phone!

RAYMOND Which was the only thing left.

He deleted everything else.

Not even a single picture left in the camera roll.

Not even one...

ANDREW So... apparently he didn’t want anyone to get their hands on anything in / his phone.

RAYMOND Or maybe he wanted to tip us off by singling out what’s really important in -ANDREW I know I would want my friends and family to respect my shit if one day I...

RAYMOND Respect, and then make it better! Clearly he poured too much of himself into this thing -ANDREW You know, some people just value privacy more than / anything else.

RAYMOND But there must be a reason he chose to only leave Yelp on his phone, right?

ANDREW I think it was just random -RAYMOND I think he wanted us to continue what he started / off!

ANDREW Or maybe he just bled out before he had a chance to finish getting rid of it.

Beat.

ANDREW I’m sorry. ...

I didn’t mean that. don’t know what I was thinking.

24.

Silence.

RAYMOND For eight months, all Archie’s mother could do was clean his room, Andrew.

Just like what she used to do before he came home, from college.

Curtains had to be rolled up a certain way.

Stuffed animals had to line up in groups.

Not by size. Nor color. But habitat.

“You can’t put Nemo next to Stitch. Nemo lives in the sea.”

Duh. Ridiculous, right?

She never let me help. Kept cleaning even when the room was...

Dustless.

Until one day I found out about the reviews.

So many of them... Like a mysteriously hidden land suddenly revealed itself.

And guess what?

ANDREW She stopped cleaning...?

RAYMOND No, but she would finally let me help.

ANDREW (tenderly) ... yeah?

RAYMOND Which wasn’t very fun.

Because, well, fuck Stitch.

Is it an animal? Is it an alien? I mean, what if the kids have OCD??

Look... I know it might just be some stupid app you only open during lunch time.

Some random words no one cares to read unless they’re bored or hungry.

But they meant something to us.

ANDREW I’m sure...

RAYMOND And they still have an impact out there.

People are still reading them.

Making decisions, based on what he thought.

Maybe not life-changing decisions.

25.

Maybe never gonna lead to anything great.

Maybe only useful during debates like whether to get curry or pho.

But for 10 seconds in someone else’s life -I mean, come on, 97,810 reads in the past 90 days!

That’s 1,086 views per day.

And for all the 10 seconds they spent.

Do you know how long that is in total??

ANDREW Well -RAYMOND 3 hours and 12 minutes.

ANDREW That’s quick math...

RAYMOND For 3 hours and 12 minutes each day.

People in New York can see him and hear him.

That’s... dope.

That’s... legit.

That’s... whatever you kids like to call things that’re kinda cool.

But I’m gonna go ahead and call it a miracle.

A cyber marvel.

Every time I open this book, or step into one of those stores... it’s like I can see him and hear him too.

What else could I ask for?

All I want is to keep it going.

To wake up in the morning and see the numbers changing.

A small beat.

ANDREW 3 hours, 12 minutes, and 10 seconds.

RAYMOND What?

ANDREW I think... I can do this with you...

26.

RAYMOND You mean it...?

ANDREW The year is only half gone.

But I already got three care packs from you two.

I haven’t even got three calls from my own dad...

I think I can put in my10 seconds.

RAYMOND You know that’s just metaphorically -ANDREW Or just put 10 drinks in me. Now. A tender beat.

RAYMOND I know just the thing you need.

ANDREW Really, how?

RAYMOND opens the book and turns to a certain page, then suddenly -ARCHIE They have the best strawberry guava frozen Margarita.

With the little pink paper umbrella?

No matter how much my boyfriend can deadlift.

One glass of that?

Turns him right into the princess he is.

They laugh.

RAYMOND looks at ARCHIE. ARCHIE looks at ANDREW. ANDREW looks at the book.

Lights shift.

27. #4 A camera shutter sound.

A picture of food.

Another shutter sound.

Another picture of food.

Again. Then more and more. Steak, burgers, ramen, pizza, dumplings, pho, tacos, chicken-over-rice, cocktails, menus, logos... an explosion of food porn.

ARCHIE They say everyone in New York is an artist, of... some sort. I’m starting to think maybe it’s true. After all, it’s like every person here is a goddamn writer! Can anybody talk about food without sharing a crapload of their life story first?

“The mahi mahi is so good it reminds me of the honeymoon trip we took to Maui ten years ago. We were in this cute restaurant on north shore. The sun was setting, warm wind blowing, torch flaring, her hair still wet from our afternoon swimming... best time of my life.” Wow. Dude. If some 3-for-$10 food truck fish taco can somehow make the best part of your life flash right in front of you, I seriously feel bad for your wife.

“The ice cream I really want is the fancy one you know, with swirls of caramel and dipped in chocolate and everything, but my boyfriend is like this gym rat and super into fitness so we ended up getting just a vanilla cone. Still pretty amazing you know. I’ll definitely come back by myself for the other flavors, with sprinkles and everything.” Oh. Girl. We get it. You’re still too early in your relationship to show your true colors. And your boyfriend has abs.

See? That’s the problem with almost all you guys here. Don’t be so extra, people. Just tell us what you ate, how it was, what happened, and why.

Alright. Dear waitress girl, please stop asking me if I want to add avocado to everything.

No, I don’t want avocado in my tuna melt. I don’t want avocado in my pineapple smoothie. I hate them. Avocado sounds like a stupid spell from a Harry Potter movie.

“Avo Cado!!” And it probably turns people into Equinox going, farmers market shopping, and kale drinking vegans, and that’s just worse than a death spell... Oh, by the way, the honey avocado toast on the brunch menu? Tastes like a sweet hot piece of shit, fresh from a diabetic angel.

28.

Lights shift.

ANDREW is taking pictures of the avocado toast.

ANDREW (clicks) We don’t really have to eat this, right?

RAYMOND It looks so cute. Take another.

ANDREW (clicks) I just don’t wanna know what a sweet hot piece of shit tastes like.

RAYMOND I’m sure it doesn’t taste like shit.

I’m sure it’s better than shit.

Not that I know what a piece of -ANDREW Okay I get it.

RAYMOND He really painted a disturbingly vivid picture in your mind, didn’t he?

ANDREW That’s why people dig his stuff.

Weird. Wild. Uninhibited.

That whole monster story in his profile, That Classic of Mountains and... something Is that even a real book??

RAYMOND Only the most bad-ass collection of myths there is!

A fabulous geographical and cultural account of prehistoric China.

With a taste of fantasy, of course.

How the world was created. Who walked the earth before the humans -ANDREW Sounds epic --

29.

RAYMOND Epic doesn’t even begin to describe it!

ANDREW Okay...

RAYMOND There’s nothing like it in the entire world ANDREW ...the Bible?

RAYMOND (a beat, then laughing hysterically) The, Bible.

The Bible!

The Biiible.

Good one.

ANDREW ...history and myth...

RAYMOND (gestures with both hands) 5000 years of inspiration and wisdom 500 years of conditional love and racism Yeah, that’s the same thing ANDREW I just never read it...

RAYMOND The Bible?

ANDREW Yours...

RAYMOND You would love it.

Archie did...

When he was really little, I used to tell them as bedtime stories Only got him more excited, and he would sit up sometimes even jump on the bed, and yell -“but where did the monsters go?”

30.

ANDREW Cute...

RAYMOND Did he ever talk about that?

ANDREW Um... he didn’t really talk much about his time in China maybe he was too young to remember -RAYMOND He was a big boy already when we moved here.

ANDREW Oh... then... maybe he did...?

I’m sure he did...

I probably just wasn’t paying attention.

A small beat. RAYMOND knows it’s not true.

RAYMOND (tenderly) You know, his favorite story was this one about a bird that used to be the heavenly God’s youngest daughter.

ANDREW Like a Disney princess movie!

RAYMOND Not in the least. She drowned when she was playing in the Eastern Sea. There was no redhaired mermaid men or Prince Charming “casually” swinging by to save the day. She died, and her spirit turned into a bird. The bird just hated the merman-less sea that drowned her, so she carried a little pebble in her mouth and dropped it into the ocean day after day, so determined to fill it up eventually, even if it’d take a million years.

ANDREW I see, it teaches kids about perseverance -RAYMOND No, it tells them to stay the fuck away from the water if they can’t swim.

ANDREW Oh...

31.

RAYMOND And always always come up with effective ways to solve your problems!

Or else you’re just wasting your time throwing pebbles into the ocean.

Don’t be like the bird.

The bird was stupid.

A small beat. ANDREW sees a bit of ARCHIE in RAYMOND. ANDREW Suddenly understanding a little more of why he’s so... special.

ANDREW takes another photo.

RAYMOND reaches for the book and writes down some notes. As he opens the book, a gentle light comes up on ARCHIE, who sits quietly next to him.

RAYMOND He was just being dramatic in his reviews.

ANDREW He was being mean.

RAYMOND Or just, you know, super gay.

ANDREW Which one? Being dramatic, or being mean?

RAYMOND Both.

ANDREW I’m a non-dramatic nice gay man.

RAYMOND Which is why you’re still single.

ANDREW ... I knew I shouldn’t have agreed on morning mimosas.

RAYMOND Just kidding.

Relax, Geez.

I’m sure you’re popular...

32.

ARCHIE ...Once you lose that 16 pounds gained in the past / two years.

RAYMOND laughs.

ANDREW Who am I kidding?

Introversion is like gay cancer I barely go out.

RAYMOND Why not?

ANDREW I just don’t like going out alone.

Ever since...

I guess I’m just trying to focus on my work right now.

ANDREW shows RAYMOND the pictures he just took.

RAYMOND Huh, you’re really good.

ANDREW If you really mean it, you would’ve taken down your revenge review by now.

RAYMOND How come you don’t wanna shoot other stuff?

ANDREW I’ve thought about it...

RAYMOND Yeah? Like what, fashion shows?

ARCHIE Shirtless fashion shows.

RAYMOND Sports?

ARCHIE Shirtless sports.

RAYMOND Homo-erotic arts?

33.

ANDREW Never mind.

RAYMOND Tell me.

ANDREW I’ve always wanted to do... nature stuff.

RAYMOND Like National Geographic and shit?

ANDREW Like mountains... and stars.

In the deepest and oldest parts of the world.

Tibet.

Mauna Kea. Just me alone with myself.

Listening to the pulse and heart beat of this planet.

RAYMOND So... National Geographic and shit. Why don’t you go?

ANDREW Getting comfortable here, more or less.

RAYMOND But your passion -ANDREW How many people really get to do what they truly want?

RAYMOND And why would you want to be one of those people?

ANDREW Cuz it’s safe... won’t fail if you don’t take risks.

RAYMOND Like I used to tell Archie “A ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships are built for.”

Tell you what, you’re going!

When this is over, I’m getting you a ticket to Mauna Kea. ANDREW Really?

34.

RAYMOND Watch out, Honolulu!

ANDREW Mauna Kea is on The Big Island -and...

I don’t really have much experience with -RAYMOND So what?

Go! Why not?!

Experiment!

Give it a whirl!

Adventures!

Get wild!

Island boys are cute.

ANDREW (removes the wine glass) Okay I’m cutting you off.

ARCHIE About damn time.

RAYMOND (getting it back) This is nothing, okay?

I’d never teach a class without having a drink or two.

And this isn’t even real alcohol.

What is this? Orange juice?

This is just some gay drink.

All cute and shit.

ANDREW You drink in school??

RAYMOND It’s just like warming up at the gym, dude.

Stretching my academic muscles.

Getting ready to give some bomb lectures.

ANDREW God --

35.

RAYMOND True story.

It gets me better at my job.

How do you think I got to be the keynote speaker?

ANDREW What’s it about?

RAYMOND What?

ANDREW Your speech.

RAYMOND You know, just my research -ARCHIE Keep it short, he’s just being nice.

RAYMOND Basically, there’s this special program in China for a group of student teachers everyone gets free tuition, housing, and stipends for college -ANDREW What’s the catch?

RAYMOND They have to teach for 10 years back in their local educational system once they graduate.

ANDREW Free labor?

RAYMOND No, this was designed to help them underprivileged kids from small towns most of them wouldn’t be able to afford college / otherwise ANDREW doesn’t make it okay to take advantage / of them.

RAYMOND Take advantage?

Nuh-uh.

Do you realize how difficult it could be to get a stable job when they --

36.

ANDREW But not being able to choose or do anything else for 10 years...

That’s like...

Just imagine being stuck with a bad haircut forever.

ARCHIE Oh come on. Even your metaphor is gay.

RAYMOND it’s a good thing. they usually end up working where they’re from close to their hometown.

ANDREW What about those who don’t want to go back?

What about those who go to colleges to get away from home?

College changes people.

RAYMOND It certainly does... makes kids think they are better than their parents.

ANDREW I mean, I just can’t imagine if I had to be sent back to work in Virginia just because the state paid my tuition / for Pratt.

RAYMOND Yeah, who the fuck wants to live in Virginia?

ANDREW Is there a way out for them?

RAYMOND Just pay off the tuition and / everything.

ANDREW And walk away free?

RAYMOND Well, in that case, they’d break the contract.

ANDREW So? RAYMOND There would be a record in their... credit history or permanent / records.

37.

ANDREW Don’t you think that’s a little unfair?

RAYMOND Unfair how?

They are adults.

They knew what they were getting into when they signed up.

ANDREW (playfully; gestures with both hands) Aha! 500 years of freedom and democracy 5000 years of... “they knew they were adults” so let’s watch’em fuck themselves Yeah, that’s the same thing ANDREW mimes something like a mic drop, or any other “in your face” gesture for triumph.

RAYMOND chuckles.

ARCHIE / You. Dick.

RAYMOND (simultaneously) You. Dick. You’ve been setting me up!

ANDREW You started / it!

RAYMOND So you went all “New-York-Times-liberal” on me?

ANDREW What the heck is that?!

RAYMOND You know liberal but... basic liberal woke but baby woke just sitting at home sipping coffee judging the rest of the world ANDREW that’s not me --

38.

RAYMOND But how much do you really know about what China needs?

ANDREW I was just asking -RAYMOND Every country is fucked up in its own way -ANDREW One more so than the other ARCHIE You’re on fire!

RAYMOND (a small beat) I think you should come to my talk learn the full scope of the story then decide if you still want to point your finger ANDREW You want me there?

RAYMOND wouldn’t kick you out of the / room ANDREW Are you like low key super nervous or something? Is that what the drinking / is about?

RAYMOND I can’t wait. Conferences are like Olympics for academics.

ANDREW I hope you score then.

RAYMOND Thank you.

RAYMOND drinks again. ANDREW cuts him off.

ANDREW And I hope you pass the anti-doping test.

RAYMOND Please.

39.

ANDREW Truth be told... I envy that though.

RAYMOND What?

ANDREW Speaking, in front of that many people. I know for a fact I can’t do that.

RAYMOND looks at ANDREW. RAYMOND How you got my son to go out with you for two years, I’ll never know.

ANDREW I can’t function like a normal human being in front of...

A group of more than four people.

Like there’s this mute button on me.

Once there’s one more person in the group, I’ll just automatically shut up.

RAYMOND touches ANDREW as if there’s a button on him.

RAYMOND “Beep.”

ANDREW (chuckles) Why do you think I want to be a photographer for lonely couples who don’t have anyone else?

RAYMOND Sounds like you could use some help...

ANDREW In what?

RAYMOND Public speech.

ANDREW Speech therapy is for kiddies --

40.

RAYMOND No, no, no, no. I got my own secret approach.

ANDREW What?

RAYMOND (gestures to him to come closer) Three shots of vodka, neat.

A mischievous look.

Lights shift.

41. #5 A bar.

A gay bar.

Is it RAYMOND’s first time in a gay bar? Probably.

It’s obvious they’ve been drinking for a while.

ANDREW But... why?

RAYMOND Just good manners... you know holding the door for... someone ANDREW ...yeah, but RAYMOND can’t help it like if you see some bug mid-air and it’s coming right at ya, you just (he swats the air, frantically) or a cat compulsively knocking everything off the table... (pushes his drink towards the edge) pushing (a moment) I’m pushing ANDREW Okay I get it -RAYMOND Still pushing ANDREW Stop it, shoo bad kitty don’t make a scene

42.

RAYMOND It’s an instinct, really being nice lending a helping hand -ANDREW In the bathroom??

RAYMOND Well -ANDREW At the bank, yes Gym lockers, maybe But you do NOT hold the door open for someone going into the stall after you not in a gay bar RAYMOND He just looked at me like, you know and he was like “Thanks, daddy.”

ANDREW Thanks, daddy?

RAYMOND Thanks, daddy...

ANDREW Somebody thinks you’re steamy.

RAYMOND Please No way ...

Really?

ANDREW Look it up, it’s a thing ANDREW gets on his phone, taps, taps, taps.

43.

RAYMOND (casually, but not really) Do you have a thing, too?

ANDREW Everybody has a thing.

RAYMOND Everybody...

ANDREW That’s right.

RAYMOND Even Archie?

ANDREW ...um (quickly hands him the phone) here, see?

RAYMOND (swipes swipes swipes) Huh Oh Whoa ANDREW Impressive, huh?

RAYMOND unfair I have a mortgage and arthritis he has abs ANDREW Come on, they’re professionals #DILF dad I like to f... friend RAYMOND ... really!

ANDREW like, I friended someone on Facebook

44.

RAYMOND I don’t need you to censor stuff for me, Andrew, do you know how old I am?

ANDREW Exactly... you freaked out when some 20-year-old called you daddy -RAYMOND I wasn’t freaking out! I was... flattered, now that I know.

ANDREW If you say so -RAYMOND But... wait did he think so, too?

ANDREW Huh? RAYMOND ...

God Was that why he did it?

ANDREW What are you talking about -RAYMOND Is that the reason Archie got rid of ... everything?

Thinking I’m too old Censoring, for me?

ANDREW I’m sure he had his reasons...

RAYMOND Did you know anything about it?

ANDREW No... he was... no RAYMOND Did he have a thing?

45.

ANDREW What??

RAYMOND What was his thing he didn’t want me to know?

ANDREW I don’t know...

RAYMOND You were fucking for two years for God’s sake -ANDREW Okay I’m taking a bathroom break And you -You just... chill RAYMOND slowly pushes his glass towards the edge as ANDREW walks away.

RAYMOND Pushing I’m pushing Still pushing ANDREW (catches the glass) Raymond!

RAYMOND Just tell me, I can handle it!

ANDREW There’s nothing to handle -RAYMOND Try me. I’m cool! I’m hip! I can keep up...

Tell me what was so terrible so wrong in his phone That he absolutely had to destroy it before he Before he just

46.

ANDREW I... I really don’t know (beat) Maybe he did it by mistake Maybe he was just terrified don’t you think it’s a little scary, too? you can just make out someone’s entire life from his cellphone like no one gets to rest in peace just trapped in this little wireless black metal box and let these digits bytes numbers define us then become us Maybe he didn’t want that Maybe he just wanted to be... him RAYMOND There wasn’t even a single picture left, Andrew, not even one...

ANDREW I know...

I know...

I’m sorry RAYMOND Do you think -ANDREW No, no No more thinking You don’t think in a night club You dance in a night club RAYMOND (laughs) I’m sorry, there’s laughing in my head ANDREW Probably just your arthritis telling you you’re a loser y’know RAYMOND (well that hurts) ...

47.

ANDREW I thought you wanted to keep up RAYMOND I do...

ANDREW Then act like it (he slides the drink back to RAYMOND) What do you say... daddy?

RAYMOND drinks. He finishes his drink in one swig.

Club lights and music!

A sequence of ANDREW and RAYMOND drinking and bar hopping.

Maybe there are also several pools of lights, and they are chasing one light after the other.

They are wasted.

ANDREW To the keynote speaker!

They drink. Music changes.

RAYMOND To the future National Geographic cover girl!

They drink. Music changes.

They laugh.

They drink again.

Then lights shift. RAYMOND disappears.

An alcohol induced dream.

ANDREW is so drunk.

48.

ANDREW I’m telling you, I totally slayed it!

Everybody was laughing at my joke.

And it wasn’t even funny!

Raymond?

Hellooo?

Dr. G? ANDREW stumbles into the light.

He is in a conference room.

Everybody applauds!

ANDREW Wow. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you for your warmest welcome.

Ladies and gentlemen, it is such an honor for me to be here.

On behalf of the, um... global photographers’ association.

To deliver a keynote speech.

At the, um... global photographers’ conference.

And to win this opportunity for my original work, The City Hall Wedding Collection?

Just so unexpected.

Such a wonderful recognition!

I have so much to say, about the, um... global photography issues.

I think the most important thing to do right now is to ensure equality.

For all photographers.

Those who shoot cats should be treated the same way as those who shoot celebrities! (quiet the crowds) Those who work down City Hall should be paid equally as those in The Plaza! (again) Those who showcase on Instagram should get as much publicity as those in galleries!

Everybody cheers!

ANDREW Thank you. Thank you.

For all your love and support.

I’m floored!

I’m proud of you!

I’m also proud to announce that I’ve lost 16 pounds!

And I’m so single!

And I just got a teaching position at the, um... global photographer’s college!

And I’m looking for my partner in crime!

I’ll treat him real good!

I’ll take him to Mauna Kea for our honey moon!

49.

What?

Of course not!

Because who the fuck wants to get married at City Hall?

Everybody boos!

ANDREW Oh no no no no no.

I mean...

No no no no no.

He can’t speak.

There’s a huge red button on him.

Beep.

He can’t escape. The light narrows and traps him.

Worst nightmare ever!

Then, the light shines away to another part of the stage.

Another alcohol induced dream.

RAYMOND is even drunker.

He has a camera. He takes photos.

RAYMOND (clicks) See, I can totally do this! (clicks) Piece of cake. (clicks) Now go left. (clicks) Go right. (clicks) Forward. (clicks) Back. (clicks) Up. (clicks)

50.

Down. (maybe dance music comes up, he sings and dances) Down.

To the right, to the right, to the right, to the right To the left, to the left, to the left, to the left Now kick, now kick, now... (back to speaking, clicks) Now walk it by yourself...

Come on, Archie, you’re a big boy now!

Let go of your mother.

You can walk by yourself.

So daddy can get a picture of you! (clicks) (clicks) (sings) Happy birthday, to you.

Happy birthday, to you.

12, huh?

Your first birthday in the United States.

Excited?

Make a wish and blow out your candles! (clicks) (clicks) Come back. Hey, you look fine.

Just pimples. Big deal!

I was breaking out like crazy when I was 15 too.

You’re handsome.

I swear. (clicks) (clicks) Just one more picture before you head out!

I know it’s your graduation party.

But don’t drink! Promise me.

Alcohol is bad. bad bad bad. (obviously lying) me?... I don’t... drink (clicks) (clicks) 20, wow.

That was your grandpa’s age when he had me.

Well, I know, yeah, but... there’re other ways to have kids. (winks)

51.

I’m not winking. What are you talking about? (winks) (clicks) (clicks) (fake enthusiasm) Sure, New York is nice...

Who doesn’t like rats and dollar-pizza breath?

You know, I still think California is better though.

Why don’t you wanna come back?

Okay okay I’ll shut up.

Yes yes I’m done taking pictures. (clicks; lights start to shift) Wait, where are you going?

But... what about me?

I don’t get pictures??

I have no memories???

No. No no no no no.

Where are the pictures?

Where did the pictures go?

Where did all your pictures go?? (beat; lost) Where did you go...?

Another worst nightmare.

52. #6 ANDREW’s apartment.

ANDREW wakes up RAYMOND from the bad dream.

ANDREW I’m never letting you talk me into anything again.

RAYMOND Ugh...

ANDREW Headache?

RAYMOND Just a tad...

ANDREW That’s what you get for falling asleep on my couch!

RAYMOND Why are you shouting?

ANDREW I’m talking like a normal person.

RAYMOND Well you sound like the incredible hulk.

ANDREW Water?

RAYMOND Tea would be nice...

ANDREW Now you’re trying to be healthy!

RAYMOND This is the world’s loudest conversation.

ANDREW No, this is the world’s worst hangover.

53.

ANDREW offers RAYMOND some tea.

RAYMOND Chrysanthemum?!

ANDREW What, too gay for you? “All flowery and shit?”

RAYMOND No, just... nice.

ANDREW Oh. RAYMOND My favorite.

ANDREW Of course, you sent this to me.

RAYMOND I did?

ANDREW In the care pack.

RAYMOND The care pack...

ANDREW gets down to look for one of the packages on the ground. When he gets back while holding the care pack, he transforms into ARCHIE in RAYMOND’s eyes.

ANDREW/ARCHIE Tropical fruits from Thailand.

Teas from China.

Even cup noodles from, what, Korea? Japan?

It’s like Asia in a box.

RAYMOND Well, you’re... busy.

Always on the go...

54.

ANDREW/ARCHIE But this is the greatest city ever.

RAYMOND So? ANDREW/ARCHIE Everything I need is just around the block.

RAYMOND With prices jacked up...

ANDREW/ARCHIE Can’t put a price on convenience, Dr. G. RAYMOND Huh? ANDREW drops the care pack and transforms back.

ANDREW Plus, we don’t pay for gas and cars and all that.

RAYMOND Right...

ANDREW Comes out about the same.

RAYMOND Oh...?

ANDREW Maybe even cheaper. Insurance is such a pain in the ass.

RAYMOND Yeah... right, and then you New Yorkers just take the savings and piss them into the wind by going to three different bars / in one night.

ANDREW Come on. You had fun.

RAYMOND I don’t know about that.

55.

ANDREW Admit it!

RAYMOND Oh shut up...

ANDREW (shows him a picture) I think this picture agrees with me.

RAYMOND What’s that?

ANDREW Come closer.

RAYMOND Holy-- is that...?

ANDREW Yes. That was you.

Dancing -RAYMOND I remember a dance floor -ANDREW With a group of 20-year-olds.

RAYMOND (correcting him) In front of a group of 20-year-olds.

ANDREW You’re fun when you can’t handle your gin.

RAYMOND God. I thought it was just a bad dream.

ANDREW Why?

56.

RAYMOND Archie was in it.

I was... sort of taking pictures of him?

But he grew up so fast.

I couldn’t keep up.

ANDREW Miss him, huh?

RAYMOND You have no idea.

Beat.

ANDREW Tell you what... that was where I first met him.

RAYMOND The bar?

ANDREW It was a dead night.

I left early...

He followed me outside.

Told me he liked my handwriting.

RAYMOND Handwriting...?

ANDREW He saw me signing my tab.

Said he was behind me at the bar.

Then he handed me this piece of receipt. asked me to write down my number.

And I did.

Can you imagine that?

Hitting on someone like that, in an age of dating apps.

Not “you’re cute.”

Not “hot stuff.”

I bet if we had met online instead, we’d already be -Anyway, you know how people always describe the feeling of love at first sight?

How their Cupid shoots them with little heart-shaped arrows?

RAYMOND Yeah?

57.

ANDREW Well, I felt as if mine was firing at me with a fucking assault rifle.

They laugh.

RAYMOND Thank you...

ANDREW For what?

RAYMOND For telling me that.

ANDREW Yeah... it’s not like I was saving the story for something...

He was.

RAYMOND Can I ask you something?

ANDREW Shoot.

RAYMOND When you said -The other day, when you were mad...

And you said you thought we had a connection.

That we’re like family or whatever...

Do you really think that?

ANDREW Yeah.

I do.

Very much so.

Sometimes I feel... like you’re treating me like your... son.

Probably because you used to send care packs to Archie.

And now they come to me.

Snacks. Good snacks. The kind that makes you fat.

And you just know if Asian people want to get you fat, they must really love you.

It was a little weird for me, at first, but also felt kinda nice.

58.

Especially yesterday... when you talked to me about my career stuff... that felt...

I know Archie was your only kid...

RAYMOND We thought about having another...

Maybe a little sister for him.

After we left China.

But...

ANDREW Too old?

I mean, late -Busy, too busy?

RAYMOND He didn’t want any siblings... threw a tantrum and everything...

ANDREW Why? RAYMOND You got me.

ANDREW What did he know? He was probably just acting like an insecure spoiled brat.

RAYMOND But we wanted the best for him.

ANDREW Of course.

RAYMOND We moved here because...

We wanted him to be somewhere where he could be free to be him We did everything we could so he could have the life he wanted... so he didn’t have to hide from us ANDREW I’m sure you did...

RAYMOND Sometimes I wonder if that was a mistake.

59.

ANDREW Huh...? What, not having another kid, or giving him the best you could afford?

A beat.

RAYMOND If we had freaked out...

When he started to play with dolls instead of Ninja Turtles.

When we dropped him off at soccer practice asked him why he chose soccer over ping-pong and he said soccer players have nicer calves...

If we had said, well screw it, we’re staying in China.

And sent him to therapy -ANDREW What?!

RAYMOND Instead of trying to make him feel accepted and normal -ANDREW You can’t be serious. That is a terrible terrible thing even to just / think about.

RAYMOND Then he might still be alive!

ANDREW He did the right thing -RAYMOND He was a damn fool -ANDREW For stopping those homophobic assholes from harassing a bunch of teenagers?

He saved them.

He was a hero -RAYMOND And look where being a hero got him!

What he should’ve done was... stay the fuck away from the water if he couldn’t swim! ... I should have done a better job ... We shouldn’t have moved here in the first place All we ever gave him is love love love and he forgot it’s not really that friendly out there.

60.

ANDREW Do you really believe that??

RAYMOND To give him the false idea?

That everyone’s friendly as fuck in America?

That rainbow is everywhere?

There is rainbow because there is fucking rain and storm in the / first place.

ANDREW If everybody thinks like that -RAYMOND Then everybody would be a whole lot safer!

ANDREW You think it would’ve been better to stay?

In a place where there isn’t even a fight to fight about?

Seriously, China?

RAYMOND At least in China deep down no one really gives a fuck.

ANDREW But I’d rather people... give a fuck.

I’d rather they have an opinion.

Whether it’s love or hate or -I’d rather they feel something...

Than pretend we don’t exist.

That we don’t matter or we’re not even here -RAYMOND Feeling invisible? It’s not that hard -- try being an Asian in this country!

ANDREW If you know what that feels like...

You still would’ve wanted him to live like that?

To have no voice?

To have no rights?

At least here, when something bad happens, the law is out there to protect --

61.

RAYMOND Who the fuck needs protection when nobody ever wants to physically hurt you? Wake up, Andrew, the law here only protects you because there’s a freaking ton of American psycho out there wanting to cut you just because you happen to like someone who’s also a dude!

Beat.

ANDREW massages his head.

ANDREW Ugh...

Great.

Now I have a bitchin’ headache, too.

RAYMOND hands ANDREW his tea.

They both take a moment.

A long silence.

RAYMOND It’s no use talking about this now... isn’t it? ... My bad.

Better focus on what we can do. ...

What time is it?

ANDREW Half past 9.

RAYMOND Better hurry then.

ANDREW About that...

RAYMOND Got a few more places to cross off.

ANDREW I think maybe we should take a break.

RAYMOND Why?!

62.

ANDREW You’re clearly emotionally unstable.

RAYMOND Me? No...

ANDREW And I saw your list.

Do we really have to go to this....

Adult toy store?

What do you wanna do there anyway?

RAYMOND Pictures...

ANDREW Of what? You trying on a jockstrap?

RAYMOND Or just walking around -ANDREW We actually got enough photos to keep his account going for a while.

RAYMOND But I need to visit them all before my -ANDREW Yes, I know, before your conference starts.

But... say even if you don’t, we can still do it next time.

It’s only, what, a 5-hour flight away?

RAYMOND I just want to finish them this time.

ANDREW Why? RAYMOND I just need to.

ANDREW Why does it have to be this time?

RAYMOND I need to know what message he left me.

63.

ANDREW What message?!

RAYMOND He left me a message. His mother said he left us a message in the reviews.

ANDREW There’s no message -RAYMOND I’m already putting them together.

ANDREW What kind of messages are you trying to find in dumb food reviews?!

RAYMOND Here, look at this.

ARCHIE appears, reading the texts in the book RAYMOND is pointing at.

ARCHIE What an abomination.

Might as well just add McDonald’s to the menu.

The only thing worth ordering at both places is a cup of diet coke.

Will. Not. Return.

RAYMOND Yet he went back and checked in again the following week, and another couple of times after that.

ANDREW Maybe he really needed a diet coke.

RAYMOND No no no no no. It was the same place we got a side of waffle fries to go, remember?

Turned out quite well.

ANDREW So? RAYMOND So, hypothetically, he gave this place an ugly comment because he didn’t want other people to find out how good / it really is.

64.

ANDREW What?!

RAYMOND Don’t you just hate it when your go-to lunch spot gets popular and over-crowded?

ANDREW To lie to stop people from going there? That’s... that’s just so -RAYMOND I know it seems over the top -ANDREW It’s brilliant!

RAYMOND Oh. ANDREW I mean, it’s a manipulative dick move, but it’s brilliant.

RAYMOND You actually agree with me...?

ANDREW No, the concept, not your hypothesis. Personally, I think you’re crazy.

RAYMOND Agree to disagree?

ANDREW I’m telling you, he would never do something like that! He was a people person -RAYMOND But let’s say if he did... that would make so much sense.

Basically he was telling us he didn’t like to share... and the reason he bad-mouthed something was because he loved it too much!

ANDREW Huh?!

RAYMOND Maybe that was why he reacted so bad when we were talking about a little sister for him...

65.

ANDREW That’s / bogus...

RAYMOND And check this out.

ARCHIE Hands down the best sliders in the East Village.

Why are sliders called sliders anyway?

Funny story. They weren’t such a big deal back in San Diego.

I had trouble with the name when I first moved to the East Coast.

I just called them burgers.

Scared off a couple of potential dates online.

Some of them were like, whoa you could eat three burgers??

I was like, yeah.

And they were like, you’re kidding, right?

I was like, no.

Then they were like, okay.

And I was like, hello? Hello? Hellooo?!

Then those motherfuckers blocked me.

ANDREW That’s the slider story.

Oh boy did I hate it.

He told that same old story over and over at different parties.

RAYMOND See? Maybe he was... trying to make a point in front of you.

If he had called them by the correct name, his dates could’ve turned out very differently.

You guys might not even know each other.

ANDREW What are you saying?

RAYMOND How was your relationship when this was written?

ANDREW Whoa, what are you -It’s none of your -Look, he wasn’t passive-aggresive at all.

If he wanted us to work on something, he would’ve told / me directly.

66.

RAYMOND Not judging. Just giving an example -ANDREW An assumption.

RAYMOND And on November 21st...

ARCHIE Perfect place to eat Tonkatsu ramen and drink sake after the boy you’ve been kind of going out with invited you to a Eugene-freaking-O’Neill play in the theatre around the corner although you’re kind of mad as the whole thing was 4 damn hour long but he’s also kind of cute so you decided to let this go and since he felt kind of bad and wanted to buy you dinner but you’ve been kind of stalking him on Twitter and you know he’s broke as fuck so you pointed at the questionable Japanese slash Thai slash Chinese place that looks kind of cheap and now here you are.

RAYMOND November 21st, two days after my birthday.

ANDREW He said he loved that play...

RAYMOND We always have noodles at our birthdays. They symbolize longevity and good health.

ANDREW It was a good play.

RAYMOND He forgot to call on my birthday...

ANDREW I stood in line for hours to get those damn rush tickets.

RAYMOND And two days later, of all the restaurants on Broadway, he walked into a noodle shop.

Coincidence? I don’t think so.

ANDREW We just wanted a quick bite!

RAYMOND But subconsciously, he was making up for --

67.

ANDREW Enough with the subconsciousness!

RAYMOND Okay, on another level -ANDREW You know what, just give me the damn book.

RAYMOND But it’s all coming together.

ANDREW The book.

RAYMOND won’t give in. Instead, he flips the book and searches for more contents.

ARCHIE keeps showing up. He is lit up in different parts of the stage.

ARCHIE A barista should be able to do math, not just give up and dump my change into her tip jar RAYMOND flips the book.

ARCHIE I really like their minimalistic concept, but -Flips.

ARCHIE Wait staff sucked. The only nice person might be their Filipino take-out delivery guy -Flips.

ARCHIE Meh -Flips ARCHIE This place is killin’, yo.

ANDREW grabs the book from Raymond.

68.

ARCHIE is gone.

ANDREW Raymond!

RAYMOND It’s in there somewhere. I know it’s in there somewhere!

ANDREW You’re reading way too much into things.

RAYMOND If I can see the stores in person, if we dig deeper -ANDREW What are you, a detective?

RAYMOND It has to mean / something.

ANDREW It means you’re out of your mind.

RAYMOND Something that I’m not seeing yet.

ANDREW I’m telling you -RAYMOND It has to.

ANDREW Trust me -- it means absolutely nothing!

RAYMOND Then why?? Huh??

Why did he delete everything else but Yelp?!

Why?? WHY?!

ANDREW He didn’t delete anything, okay?

I did!

I deleted them from his phone.

69.

RAYMOND ... what?

ANDREW He asked me to.

He told me to erase his phone...

If he didn’t make it.

I only did it because it was what he wanted.

I spared Yelp because... it’s a stupid harmless app.

Didn’t think it would even matter.

RAYMOND ... ... ...

ANDREW It wasn’t his intention to leave it to you.

I’m sorry...

It doesn’t have a message.

It doesn’t have meanings.

Beat.

ANDREW I’m sorry I waited till now to tell you.

I wanted to do it earlier...

But it was hard for me too.

I thought I was helping...

Seeing you getting comfort from his writings...

But this is going too far.

You have to stop.

Beat. RAYMOND takes the book back.

ANDREW Raymond, please...

RAYMOND leaves.

Lights slowly fade and narrow around him.

He can’t escape.

He is trapped in the book.

70.

#7 RAYMOND wonders the streets of New York City in distress.

A light comes up on ARCHIE, as RAYMOND opens the book one last time.

ARCHIE Hey Yelpers.

What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done for food?

When I first moved to New York Whenever I missed home Whenever I was feeling lonely I would hop on the 7 train and ride all the way to Flushing Just for this bowl of Chungking beef noodle soup.

Something I grew up eating.

Spicy. Very spicy. Asshole-burning spicy.

And I loved it!

It was the cheapest way to cure my homesickness.

Even though it’d take me three freaking hours on the train.

It was worth it.

And then...

I met someone.

I have someone to ride that train with.

I have someone to share that bowl of noodles with.

And those noodles told him so much more about me than I could possibly have imagined And all of a sudden...

I didn’t need to travel those three hours to not to feel alone anymore...

Because home seems to have always been... right there with me Isn’t that crazy?

The food we like The restaurants we go to Are like these encrypted personalized maps into our lives... our childhood our parents our love stories They remind us who we are

71. where we come from and where we want to be.

Maybe that’s why we like to post about them so much.

Because maybe one day, we’re gonna travel far far away.

Cross mountains and seas.

Easy to forget what we are here for.

But as long as we still have that memory We will not be lost.

RAYMOND tears off the page.

RAYMOND (scoffs, bitterly, lost) What do we even cross mountains and seas for?

RAYMOND sets the book on fire.

The lights on ARCHIE are slowly disappearing.

Then, the world is on fire.

Sirens remotely heard.

In the darkness, lights of a police car begin to flash. We hear him getting pinned down to the ground, struggling.

72. #8 ANDREW is in a photo session with clients.

Clicks clicks clicks...

As the shutter sounds build, a mysterious light shines on him.

The shutter sounds take ANDREW to a mysterious place.

Time slows down.

ANDREW Years and years ago, in the remote and forbidden land of China, lived many mysterious creatures. Precious. Legendary. Mighty! But... also heroic, if you ask me. With great power comes great responsibility. With their skills to run to fly to dive, they were probably out there all the time, fighting off crimes or something.

Way ahead of their time.

Some of them came from the mountains. Some of them from the sea. Together they were recorded in this book called The Classic of Mountains and Seas. Then years and years passed, all traces of their existence had vanished, and no one knew where the monsters had gone.

Where did the monsters go???

Well, who cares?! Let them be gone. Let them stay where they want. Let them be in the best version of where they could’ve gone. And we can still read about them in... stories.

Look at them in... pictures. And believe that they must be in a better place now. That’s all we need to know.

The rest? ...

ANDREW’s cell phone rings, taking him back to the present. Time resumes.

ANDREW looks at his phone, confused.

Lights shift.

73.

#9 RAYMOND’s hotel. He has bruises on his body.

ANDREW is looking for something in RAYMOND’s suitcase.

ANDREW And then?

RAYMOND Then I wanted to put it out, of course.

Whole thing was getting out of control.

Saw this homeless guy drinking from a large soda cup from Wendy’s.

I was like “hey, give that to me.”

He was like “no fucking way.”

But I took it and poured the whole thing on the fire anyway.

ANDREW Didn’t work?

RAYMOND That son of a bitch filled it with vodka.

ANDREW Damn.

RAYMOND Next thing I knew I was pinned down to the ground by the NYPD. ANDREW Lucky they didn’t treat it as an arson.

RAYMOND Nobody got hurt!

Ow...

That cop sure did a number on my back.

ANDREW Do you know how crazy that was?

Setting a fire in the middle of the street.

74.

Two blocks away from Times Square.

It’s a miracle you don’t have a bullet in your head right now.

RAYMOND Found it?

ANDREW What exactly am I looking for?

RAYMOND A tiny brown bottle that says “for injuries and bruises” ... in Chinese.

ANDREW I don’t read Mandarin.

RAYMOND After two and half years dating Archie.

ANDREW It’s not the / same thing.

RAYMOND Might as well.

When I was interviewing students back in China.

Some of them came to me and they were like, “what’s the best way to improve my English?”

I’d take a good look at them.

If it was a girl, I’d tell her, get an American boyfriend.

It it was a boy, I’d take another look at him, and I’d tell him, very seriously...

ANDREW What?

RAYMOND Get an American boyfriend!

ANDREW Yeah, because last I checked homosexuals have a much better command of the English language!

RAYMOND You know what they all say.

If you really wanna learn something.

You gotta start from the bottom.

And you can’t be afraid to get your hands a little dirty.

75.

ANDREW Professor Raymond!

RAYMOND I’m on lots of painkillers.

ANDREW (finds something in the suitcase) Is this the thing?

RAYMOND Nope.

ANDREW Why did you bring bruise relief for a conference?

RAYMOND Because you never know what awaits in the international hub of violence and STDs! ANDREW Still trashing the city there, are we?

RAYMOND I ended up needing the medicine, didn’t I? ANDREW For behaving like an irresponsible criminal.

RAYMOND Yeah last time I checked Asian men in their fifties were just added to your travel ban on Muslims.

ANDREW (pause) You really are on lots of painkillers.

RAYMOND Why else would I be talking to you?

Beat.

ANDREW Look, if you wanna talk about it --

76.

RAYMOND I don’t wanna talk about it.

I don’t wanna think about it.

I just wanna have my conference and get it over with.

ANDREW Okay...

Beat.

RAYMOND But thanks, for coming to get me.

ANDREW Yeah...

A silence.

ANDREW keeps looking until he finds another bottle.

RAYMOND Right there. That’s it.

ANDREW Here you go.

RAYMOND tries to apply the medicine but is having trouble raising his arm.

An awkward beat.

ANDREW isn’t sure if he should help or not.

RAYMOND Do I look like I can get my back?

ANDREW ... Sure. (helps) (some silence) What is this stuff?

Smells funny.

RAYMOND It’s made of tiger bones.

77.

ANDREW Like tiger tiger?

RAYMOND No, like kitty tiger, you know, it looks like regular tigers but it goes meow.

ANDREW Just wondering.

You don’t have to be -So...

What happened to the other guy?

RAYMOND Who? ANDREW The homeless man.

You took his vodka.

Just think about how many pennies he needed to beg for to fill a large soda cup.

RAYMOND Inspirational huh?

ANDREW That’s what you’re getting out of this?!

RAYMOND Cut me some slack, will you? Almost got thrown in jail here.

ANDREW They were not really / going to.

RAYMOND They could have.

ANDREW I told them who you are and that there must be some sort of / misunderstanding.

RAYMOND Wait, what did you tell them?

ANDREW That you’re a world renowned educator / from UCSD. RAYMOND Why would you tell them that?!

78.

ANDREW What else was I supposed to say?!

RAYMOND I was pulling the me-no-speak-much-English card.

ANDREW Geez -RAYMOND You didn’t mention the conference, did you?

ANDREW Well...

RAYMOND I gave them your contact for a reason! What if they call up the school?

ANDREW How was I supposed to know what you had in mind?

RAYMOND It’s like, great, let’s call Andrew and see what else he’s capable / of screwing up.

ANDREW I was just trying to get you out of trouble.

RAYMOND What if the school calls off my talk?!

ANDREW Then you probably should think twice next time you want to start a fire in the street!

RAYMOND I can’t believe this.

My grant.

My research.

My reputation -ANDREW It’s just a / speech...

RAYMOND Just a speech??

Do you know when the last time a Chinese researcher was invited to speak?

79.

Of course you don’t.

Because like everything else, our education is a joke to you!

Finally we got a chance to -ANDREW I know! And I think -RAYMOND A new theory, a new model.

ANDREW It’s great they wanna hear about it -RAYMOND To tell the world about our successful innovation in -ANDREW Successful?

Um...

The “slavery” program...?

RAYMOND This is exactly what I was talking / about!

ANDREW Four years of tuition.

Ten years of labor-RAYMOND That’s not even what the program is about!

Gosh.

We identify individuals who don’t have the resources but aspire to teach.

Give them the opportunity to study and live in the big cities.

Take financial worries off their plates so they get to focus.

And when they graduate, boom, guaranteed teaching positions in their hometowns!!

All we ask is in exchange they promise to go back and stay in their jobs for -ANDREW For the best years of their life!

RAYMOND What do you think would be a more appropriate amount of time?

80.

ANDREW I don’t know!

I don’t think you can measure it like that I can’t give you a number -RAYMOND Then quit telling me how to do my job -ANDREW How much are they paying you to do this?

RAYMOND What? ...

Are you insulting me now?

ANDREW just trying to get the big picture here.

And if you’re going to present something like this you’d better get used to people disagreeing with you.

RAYMOND You think this is you disagreeing with me? Please.

Disagreement is an art.

It’s communicating while trying to see things as others might.

You don’t even know the facts and deets -ANDREW It’s common sense!

RAYMOND No. It’s complex statistics and data analysis.

It’s endless trips back and forth for meetings and interviews.

It’s everyone knowing it was gonna be a bumpy ride but still getting on board because it was the good thing the win-win thing the noble thing.

Your “common sense” is you being lazy and buying into the evil china narrative your papers feed you because it’s easy it never challenges you and it tricks you into thinking you’re being critical so you get to feel good about yourself for five seconds and move on with your shitty life without feeling guilty about turning a blind eye to what’s really happening to millions and millions of people living the life you call a shitshow.

At the end of the day it’s us who actually care that follow through and do the work which has been made ten times fucking harder because of people like you!

81.

ANDREW If you’re so fucking proud of your country then why did you even move here?!

A loaded beat.

RAYMOND Fuck you.

ANDREW I’m sorry. (beat) I know how far parents are willing to go to give their children a better life -RAYMOND Whatever you think you understand, you don’t.

ANDREW But I know he was capable of great things and I know how much you cared about him...

A silence.

RAYMOND Do you know I was among the first few groups of students to get higher education in the U.S., after the Cultural Revolution?

ANDREW Yeah... he mentioned it a couple / of times.

RAYMOND What he didn’t know is... my major was Botany, but when I went back, they asked me to teach English. (beat) Some of my classmates?

They didn’t even go back.

There were... ways.

But I did, I said yes, because I had a responsibility.

An unspoken contract.

I returned because my country needed it.

And I left, because my son needed me.

A silence.

82.

ANDREW Why did you burn the book?

RAYMOND (scoffs) He clearly didn’t care.

You clearly didn’t care.

Nobody fucking gives a damn.

So why should I hold on to it?

Something that’s not even real?

ANDREW You’re wrong.

RAYMOND You’re / gross. And fat and bald...

ANDREW Of course he cared!

He cared too much.

He just wanted to protect your feelings.

RAYMOND I sure felt like a failure. Even in death not allowed to be part of / his life.

ANDREW Do you really want to?

To know his... kinks?

To know everything?

To see what’s underneath the tip of the / iceberg?

RAYMOND Good to know that I could still -ANDREW What pictures he took in the gym locker rooms?

What comments he made on Tumblr?

What kind of porn he liked to watch?

Yes, he watched porn too, and not even the regular kind, the real messed-up kind!

RAYMOND Would you shut the --

83.

ANDREW You wanna see those??

Huh? Browser history??

Screenshots of all the men he had -RAYMOND I would like the option, okay?!

I may not ever want to look at them.

But I would like to know they’re still there.

ANDREW No. We always tell ourselves we’re not gonna wanna see them.

But we always end up breaking our own words.

I’ve been there.

Do you think I hadn’t tried to get into his phone a couple of times during the years?

But when he was gone...

All I could think about was how that was his remaining dignity.

How his final wish needed to be honored.

If he didn’t want the rest of the world to see them.

Then we should respect that!

He just wanted to stay the perfect son he always had been -RAYMOND Then why did you leave Yelp?

ANDREW It was... hard for me too.

Wiping out his life.

I wanted to at least save... something.

I thought Yelp should be safe.

He was an elite member in the app.

There was no chance of him coming off as a creep when -RAYMOND Was that respecting what he wanted??

ANDREW Yeah -RAYMOND You know damn well that’s a lie.

Who gave you the right to decide what we could see and what we couldn’t?

Who were you to play God?!

84.

ANDREW He trusted me with his phone in the first place to -RAYMOND Who were you to decide what should be left for me to see?

ANDREW I was his life partner. I loved him and just wanted the best -RAYMOND I’m the man he fucking loved and respected for 20 years before you came along -ANDREW Yeah but a new chapter of everyone’s life is just as important as -RAYMOND Just as important? Funny because I didn’t see you changing his diapers sending him to school working your ass off just so that he could -ANDREW We took care of each other. We shared dreams and values -RAYMOND That’s so noble, yeah, I heard it was dreams and values that paid his rent / and school.

ANDREW We built a life together -RAYMOND You snatched him when -ANDREW You think he was your property, don’t you?

That I just swooped in and stole him.

I mean, what are you even really sad about?

The money you wasted investing in him?

RAYMOND Fuck you.

ANDREW Because all I’m hearing is this crazy talk.

Kids are supposed to leave.

It means the parents did a great job.

Having a life of his own was part of growing up --

85.

RAYMOND Don’t give me your American individualism crap.

You can’t have it both ways.

You can’t get the money and attention that every Chinese parent would happily give.

Then demand that they not be part of your life like some American college frat.

That’s not even double standards.

That’s just plainly selfish.

ANDREW Maybe if you had let go and given him a chance, you could have seen that he was capable of taking care / of himself.

RAYMOND Don’t you dare tell me how I should’ve raised my only kid -ANDREW That’s what the problem is.

Way too much love.

It’s suffocating.

All eyes on him.

RAYMOND What are you insinuating??

No one’s ever expected Archie to do anything great with his life.

We just wanted him to be healthy and happy and -ANDREW Really?

RAYMOND Yes. ANDREW Really??

RAYMOND Yes! ANDREW You uprooted your entire life moved all the way across the Pacific live in a completely different continent for him, Raymond.

You call that no pressure?

86.

RAYMOND The fuck you know.

ANDREW I know he wanted to be perfect so bad that he kept all his imperfections to himself.

He never even shared bad news when he was FaceTiming you.

You don’t even know the real him!

And that -- that was why you got nothing, why he left nothing to you.

RAYMOND That’s... that’s not true.

ANDREW And you want to know what I really think? How he got himself into that bloody fight?

RAYMOND I / don’t.

ANDREW He could’ve stood by when he saw those boys in danger.

Could’ve kept his eyes down and walked away before those thugs ganged up on him.

He didn’t. He stayed. He fought. And he died.

They said he was brave. They called him a hero.

But I think he probably just wanted to impress you.

RAYMOND Stop!

You...

Turning it around on me?

Sugar-coating the fact that you deprived me of memories that never belonged to -ANDREW I didn’t deprive you of anything. I helped keep what he wanted you / to remember.

RAYMOND Leaving me with fucking stupid Yelp. (almost tearfully) Looking for an answer that was that was never even there to... to... ...

87.

ANDREW Raymond...?

Raymond composes himself.

RAYMOND His mother is divorcing me.

ANDREW Oh... I’m -RAYMOND Wants to go back to China.

ANDREW That’s very... I mean RAYMOND signing the papers after I get back ANDREW You / okay?

RAYMOND Leaving me here... All alone...

ANDREW Raymond?

RAYMOND Asked her why.

Said nothing.

Just gave me the damn book.

Told me to figure it out by myself.

Thought maybe if I could she’d stay ANDREW But you burnt it...

RAYMOND And I burnt it.

Not because I gave up.

But because I was so fucking mad it was a damn lie. ...

We don’t burn stuff to get rid of them in China.

88.

We burn them because they’ll go to the ones that are passed.

Light them on fire so they can get to the other world.

Instant. Fast. Fedex for the dead.

ANDREW So...

RAYMOND I want him to see the book.

I want him to see what you did.

What he put us through.

I want him to tell me why...

I want my answer!

ANDREW There was no answer -RAYMOND You think you know everything.

ANDREW I think it’s better if you just let / this go.

RAYMOND Watching me going all over town, trying to make out what was there.

When you already knew there was never anything there in the first place!

ANDREW That wasn’t my intention -RAYMOND Meanwhile laughing at me.

ANDREW What?!

RAYMOND Taking pictures of me acting like a fool.

ANDREW You asked me to take those -RAYMOND snatches ANDREW’s camera.

RAYMOND I wonder how you would feel --

89.

ANDREW Wait!

RAYMOND If I just take this camera...

ANDREW Raymond -RAYMOND Delete everything -ANDREW You don’t wanna do that.

RAYMOND Smash it to the ground -ANDREW No, because I know you, and you’re not that kind of -RAYMOND Or go through pictures in here.

Mark what I think looks good.

Destroy the rest...?

ANDREW That’s unfair.

RAYMOND How would you feel...?

ANDREW You’re upset, I get it -RAYMOND If that last app wasn’t in the phone in the first place.

ANDREW You’d rather I left you nothing?

RAYMOND As you promised him you would.

ANDREW You found comfort in his writings --

90.

RAYMOND There wouldn’t even be a book for her to read too much into...

ANDREW Give me the camera, please...

RAYMOND Don’t move.

ANDREW Raymond, you’re illegally seizing my -RAYMOND I said don’t move.

ANDREW Okay! Okay!

RAYMOND I’m serious.

ANDREW What do you want me to do?!

RAYMOND I don’t want you to do anything. You’ve done enough.

ANDREW That camera is my life -RAYMOND And you’re gonna watch me take it away from you.

ANDREW Please don’t -RAYMOND Just like how you did mine.

ANDREW I never wanted to hurt you.

RAYMOND (re: photos) Cute couple.

91.

ANDREW Please!

RAYMOND (deletes) Oops.

ANDREW I left in the middle of that shoot to get you.

RAYMOND Nice dress. Must be expensive.

ANDREW I went around town and slaved for you.

RAYMOND (deletes) Gone.

ANDREW goes for RAYMOND’s bag and searches for valuable items inside.

ANDREW (threatens) Two can play at that game.

RAYMOND Look all you want. Nothing matters / anymore.

ANDREW Put down my camera, or your... (takes out a half-eaten sandwich) Half-eaten sandwich gets it...

Shit...

ANDREW throws it on the ground. He keeps looking and pulls out more crap, maybe a small comb, a bottle of water, napkins from some coffee shop, to-go hot sauce packets, and maybe even a playbill... when suddenly, he stops, and slowly takes out the review book which now looks burnt and destroyed.

RAYMOND Told you. All crap.

92.

ANDREW looks at the burnt review book, lost.

RAYMOND Bugging, huh?

Don’t worry.

Not for long.

RAYMOND keeps deleting pictures.

ANDREW Please...

There are still pictures...

Pictures Archie and I took before Pictures I haven’t let myself look at for...

If you keep deleting...

If you aren’t careful -RAYMOND Funny -You’re scared of losing your past but you had no problem giving mine up ANDREW I was asked to do what I did.

No one asked you to do anything.

I made a promise.

RAYMOND And your promise broke my world.

ANDREW Please, if you delete everything -RAYMOND Then you should know just how I feel.

A beat.

RAYMOND deletes some more.

ANDREW shows RAYMOND the burnt review book.

93.

ANDREW Fine. Go ahead. Delete everything if you want.

But when you erase them -Hear that crackling flame sound the camera makes when you delete the pictures?

When you erase them...

You’re basically burning them off the memory card.

RAYMOND pauses.

ANDREW If you’re burning them, where do you think they’re going?

RAYMOND ...

ANDREW Who do you think they’re going to?

RAYMOND ...

ANDREW Is this really what you want him to see...? ...us deleting pictures of him?

Do you really want him to think... that we are trying to forget him?

RAYMOND No...

ANDREW You have to stop...

RAYMOND But But there’re just so many...

So many other things...

I wish I could just... delete.

ANDREW If only it worked like that.

94.

RAYMOND Just press this damn button. And... gone.

Fresh. Clean. New. Like the morning after the first snow...

ANDREW What about the second day?

The third day?

The whole week of disgusting mess revealing itself as the snow melts?

RAYMOND Just... don’t go out...

Don’t look at them.

Don’t think about them.

Leave them behind -ANDREW You can’t do that.

You can’t outrun grief, Raymond.

You just can’t...

You think it was easy for me at first?

No...

It was -I couldn’t sleep... couldn’t eat couldn’t even touch my camera scared of looking at the selfies our selfies...

I wanted to quit everything and just leave But... I knew I shouldn’t.

We shouldn’t.

So Mrs. G cleaned his old room day after day.

What did you do?

RAYMOND I was... looking for ways to make her feel better...

ANDREW She was probably fine dealing with things on her own.

She was probably already feeling better.

While you escaped to school, chugging down a drink or two...

Counting on some reviews to magically heal you...

RAYMOND I wasn’t... trying to escape anything. I just wanted it to go away faster...

*

95.

ANDREW But there’s no fast lane.

You can’t just speed through the pain you have to go through.

If you have to think about him, then think about him.

If you have to clean his room, then clean his room.

Don’t expect some words some numbers some pictures to distract you.

You can’t cheat on this.

You just... can’t.

Beat.

RAYMOND So what’s it like...?

ANDREW ...what?

RAYMOND Once you pass this... did the work... spent the time...

What’s it like?

Still think about it all the time?

Beat.

ANDREW For me?

RAYMOND Yes. ANDREW It’s...

It’s very much like taking pictures, down at The City Hall.

You know, young couples... love birds...

Every click, every shutter sound was harsh.

Scarring.

Watching someone celebrating their love, starting a life of their own.

Constant reminders of what I had just lost.

Then somehow, one morning...

Maybe it was Spring time, the city was flowering...

I was late, biked down there, and I actually felt... extremely happy... for the couple, posing in front of this blossoming tree.

And I heard the shutter sound again.

And I thought about him again.

96.

And I was like, hey, this time, it didn’t kill me.

And I knew, oh, it’s all gonna be okay.

So... I don’t think I’ll ever... not think about it.

I don’t think there’s a cutoff or expiration date.

Cuz I still take pictures.

I still hear the shutter sound all the time.

And when I hear it I think about him.

But that’s okay...

Because I also think about that morning.

I think about how I should live even harder.

So I deserve a morning like that.

And all the mornings, without him.

RAYMOND But isn’t that... ... overwhelming?

ANDREW Yeah... but... you don’t want it to be... not overwhelming.

Because you still want it to matter.

You still want it to burn a little, when you think about him...

You just need to know...

RAYMOND What...?

ANDREW That you’re also capable of... letting it go.

That every shutter sound is also a reminder of... you know, the fact that you’re capable of shooting something new...

Raymond...

Let go.

RAYMOND lets go of the camera.

RAYMOND Sorry.

I’m sorry...

I’m so... sorry.

A long silence. Lights shift.

* *

97. # 10 RAYMOND is getting ready for his conference. He takes out a suit from his suitcase and slowly puts it on. As he changes, a mysterious light shines upon him.

RAYMOND Once upon a time, in the old and rich land of China, lived many mysterious creatures.

Precious. Legendary. Talented, if you ask me. Not your average Joe kind of animals. A fish was never just a fish. A bird was never just a bird. And there was this turtle that flied so high so good like it had a flying degree from Hogwarts or something.

Magical!

Some of them were found in the mountains. Some of them in the sea. Together they were recorded in this epic ancient book called The Classic of Mountains and Seas. Then years and years passed. Myths faded. Civilization took over. Mountains were exploited, seas were travelled, and no one knew where the monsters had gone.

Poof.

Where did the monsters go? I’m no anthropologist, but I’ve got quite a theory. I think... well, I think they moved abroad. I think mama monsters and papa monsters worried about their baby monsters in muggle schools. Muggles can’t fly. They didn’t know what it was like to be able to swim and fly at the same time. So they laughed at baby monsters -You’re a weirdo! Baby monsters went home and cried. So mama monsters and papa monsters called emergency family meetings, and they moved, to where their babies could be themselves.

Aww...

But they didn’t know monsters in the west were different. Violent. Fierce. Thugs. So mama monsters said to baby monsters, stay home, it’s dangerous outside. But baby monsters didn’t care. They went outside. They wanted to fly. And there was nothing left for mama monsters and papa monsters to do, except to say, goodbye.

Bye-Bye, little guy.

Lights shift. A conference hall.

RAYMOND is dressed up, about to give a speech. He has note cards in his hand.

98.

He takes a moment, then decides to put the cards down.

RAYMOND Ladies and gentlemen, it is a great honor for me to deliver a keynote speech at this very important forum.

I hate to disappoint you folks, but this address... will not be about “the future and changing landscapes of global education.” (beat) In fact, I want to talk about the past. (beat) Funny story, almost 40 years ago, I came to the United States for college, as one of the selected lucky few. My major was Botany, but when I went back, I didn’t do anything even remotely related to plants. I was asked to teach English. (some laughter) Still, it was possibly one of the best things that had happened to me.

I was given an opportunity to see the world.

Things I could never have imagined.

Full of possibilities.

It was in that spirit we started this program and I couldn't be prouder (beat, he thinks) Some of you know I... had a son He was handsome different brave... and gay sometimes very gay (he chuckles a little, tenderly) we moved here when he was a young man because... I cared didn’t want him to start hiding from me start lying to me start distancing himself from me...

I gave him time, space, and possibilities in exchange, I wanted him to come back and stay closer to me (beat) but he didn’t in a way he broke our “contract” (beat) and... maybe that was okay

99. can’t give him hopes and dreams then take them away (beat) the students in this program... they’re the same how can we show them what they’re capable of then take their possibilities away...? friends I’d like to take this opportunity not only to present my study to you, but also carefully review it with you. because we care ... ...

Lights switch to ANDREW. He is taking photos for his clients.

ANDREW (clicks) (clicks) What a beautiful day. (clicks) (clicks) (clicks) To celebrate your love for each other. (clicks) (clicks) At City Hall. (clicks) (clicks) Starting an amazing journey. (clicks) No seating chart. (clicks) No band.

No fighting over whether you should serve beef or chicken. (clicks) But...

The whole city is your guest.

Just listen.

100.

The taxis in the streets are honking for you.

The pigeons in the park are cooing for you.

Everyday in New York is a celebration. (clicks) Smile. (clicks) Always smile. (clicks) You never know who’s watching. (clicks) (clicks) Who’s also holding a camera. (clicks) Maybe that smile may end up in someone else’s photos.

More clicks.

Lights shift.

101.

#11 A restaurant.

RAYMOND is waiting. He has his suitcase with him.

ANDREW is late. RAYMOND is getting uncertain if he would show up. A moment later, he rushes in.

ANDREW I’m so sorry.

A last minute thing...

I swear.

RAYMOND It’s okay.

ANDREW They liked it so much they decided to add an extra hour of shooting.

We went down to Brooklyn Bridge.

Skyline...

Carousel...

Lovely place.

RAYMOND That sounds wonderful.

A short silence.

ANDREW How was the conference?

RAYMOND Boring as usual.

ANDREW (laughs) Gonna stay for a few more days?

RAYMOND Nah, it’s been too long. I miss feeding Kaikai.

102.

ANDREW Who’s -You have a cat?

We’ve been spending the whole week together.

And it just occurred to you to mention you have a cat?

RAYMOND I didn’t know you’re a cat person.

ANDREW What do you think?!

Dogs?

Yeah, cuz introverts just love pets that can get them out of the house.

RAYMOND chuckles.

RAYMOND Kaikai’s not easy either.

ANDREW Stop spoiling him. What color is -RAYMOND Orange.

ANDREW Big? RAYMOND Fat. He’s a Maine Coon.

ANDREW Aww...

RAYMOND Purrs a lot.

ANDREW Now you’re just trying to make me jealous.

RAYMOND I’ll send pictures.

103.

ANDREW Word.

A short silence.

RAYMOND Maybe slip in one or two in the next care pack.

ANDREW I still get...?

RAYMOND What silly question is that?

ANDREW Thanks.

That’s -That means the world to me.

RAYMOND Yeah, yeah.

A short silence.

ANDREW Oh, before I forget... I made something for you.

ANDREW takes out a photo album.

RAYMOND That’s a...

ANDREW So I printed out some of the photos we took. Turned out great.

RAYMOND You really didn’t have to do this.

ANDREW Thought Mrs. G might like it.

A short silence.

RAYMOND (re: the album) Heavy.

104.

ANDREW Heavy...

RAYMOND Thank you, Andrew.

A small beat.

ANDREW Look, I know you and Mrs. G are working through some stuff.

But when you see her, could you please...

Do you think you can apologize for me?

For, um, you know.

RAYMOND We talked on the phone.

ANDREW Yeah...?

RAYMOND I didn’t tell her.

And...

I don’t think I will.

ANDREW Huh? But... why?

RAYMOND I came here, looking for my answer, but she’s already found hers.

ANDREW Well, moms...

A short silence.

RAYMOND So... what’s gonna happen to the plan with Mauna Kea? ANDREW Oh that... I don’t know, I was buzzed.

RAYMOND I think you should do it... whenever you’re ready. I owe you a ticket.

105.

ANDREW I’ll think / about it.

RAYMOND And stop by San Diego. Lovely place. All year round.

ANDREW I would love to say hi to Kaikai.

RAYMOND You can stay in his room if you want to.

ANDREW He gets his own room?

RAYMOND Yeah.

ANDREW Damn you, California.

They laugh.

Then a short silence.

RAYMOND Well this is awkward...

ANDREW What is?

RAYMOND How do kids say goodbye nowadays?

ANDREW Really? You sounded younger and cooler than me pretty much this whole time.

RAYMOND Well, I was trying to impress you.

And What can I say?

You pick up one thing or two, when you work with college kids.

ANDREW (eyes RAYMOND) So this is you being serious and professor-y?

106.

RAYMOND No, this is me being sober-y.

ANDREW Oh...

RAYMOND I’m kidding!

That was a joke.

Was I not clear?

Was it not funny?

ANDREW chuckles.

ANDREW I’m so gonna miss this.

RAYMOND So, how the hell do they do it?

ANDREW Probably take a selfie, put it on Instagram, and hashtag #untilwemeetagain.

RAYMOND Shall we do it?

A small beat.

ANDREW Totally.

RAYMOND sits close to ANDREW. They take a bunch of selfies with RAYMOND’s phone.

Clicks clicks clicks.

ANDREW seems a bit uneasy at first, but as they slowly get really close to each other, faces almost touching, like how two best friends, or... boyfriends, would take selfies, he somehow sees RAYMOND transforming into...

ARCHIE. RAYMOND/ARCHIE Smile. (clicks)

107.

Now a funny one. (they make funny face) (clicks) You call that funny? Come on, dude. (clicks) They finish taking photos.

RAYMOND moves away and transforms back.

ANDREW seems lost. He looks at RAYMOND, but he doesn’t know who he is really looking at.

RAYMOND (checks photos) This is a good one.

ANDREW Yeah...

RAYMOND (swipes) I look goofy here.

ANDREW Yeah... funny, Archie looked just like you when he made that face.

RAYMOND No way.

Come on.

I’m way cooler.

ANDREW (chuckles) Sure.

A tender silence.

RAYMOND Hashtag what now?

ANDREW Until we meet again...

108.

RAYMOND (typing) Until we -ANDREW Unless...! Unless you’re still hungry?

RAYMOND Huh? ANDREW Cuz... well... only because nobody just does a single picture anymore.

Yeah...!

Gotta do a whole photo collage...

Gotta throw in a bunch of them!

Gotta get creative and invent your own hashtags. #LastBiteBeforeMyFlight...! #ILoooveMeSomeSanDi-Taco...! #FoodMountainsFoodSeas...

Huh? Huh? What do you say?

This a good time?

RAYMOND Yeah... I’m game.

This is a good time.

This is... the best time.

Lights fade.

End of Play.